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phanfictioncatalogue · 5 months

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Smut (7) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six

a night’s interlude (ao3) - symmetricdnp

Summary: The tour is taking its toll on Phil, and he doesn’t want to admit it.

A Nun and A Priest: You Get Me Closer to God (ao3) - Spring_Haze

Summary: When Dan dresses up as a sexy nun for Halloween in America, he finds himself longing for a sexy priest.

Appreciation (ao3) - epsilonfive

Summary: "Shut up," Phil says, not looking away from the screen. "I have an actual week of stuff to sort through, and unless you want to take over, I'll just--" Phil stops short as he comes to a point in the footage where his ass is center view.

"Uhhh," Dan begins, wetting his lips as his cheeks heat up a little. "I can explain that, actually,"

"Mmhm,"

Beetles Bath And Beyond (ao3) - Lizzyboo

Summary: Phil just wanted a relaxing bath. Just wanted to soak in the warm water for an hour, listen to some music and read some Buffy comics. What he didn’t want, however, was to have his bath with a million beetles surrounding him from all sides, turning his relaxing time into an actual nightmare.

Lucky for him, he had a boyfriend who just knew how to make everything better.

Black Nails and Thick Thighs (ao3) - phandomsub

Summary: When Dan grows his nails out to paint them it sparks a chain-reaction of fantasies in Phil’s head.

Business and Pleasure (ao3) - Do_it_with_the_Howell_Lesters

Summary: Dan and Phil are both extremely popular porn actors. They’ve worked on almost every scene out there, but never with each other. Until now.

But Tonight, We're Something (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: In which Dan and Phil are nothing. If anything, they can’t stand each other. But they’re nothing. Even if every time they see each other, they end up having sex.

Caught (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Just because they weren’t together anymore didn’t mean that Dan couldn’t read phanfiction while he got off, right? Or at least that’s what he thought before Phil walked into the room.

Come Light Me Up (ao3) - JudeAraya

Summary: The clothes sharing, Dan being a teasing little shit, Phil might be slightly narcissistic or just horny with feelings fic you didn't know you needed.

Danisnotadom (ao3) - Sinninghowlter

Summary: Dan's not a dom. Everyone swears up and down that he is, insists he is domming his boyfriend and is too good to take it in the ass.

Phil's not a sub. Everyone thinks he is, everyone thinks his baby is in charge. What they don't know is his hardcore boyfriend is actually a princess.

fade to black (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: That’s the thing about Phil. He’s a tease.

films, flirting, and other things that start with f.

familiar faces (ao3) - watergator

Summary: there's a handsome tesco delivery man standing in phil's doorway and he can't figure out where he recognises him from. until he does

First (ao3) - iihappydaysii

Summary: Phil is a little nervous about his first time with Dan. Dan is too, but it's hard not to be nervous when they care this much.

Fuck Away The Pain (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Phil’s boyfriend cheats on him leaving him a mix of sad, angry, and a million other unidentified emotions.Luckily Dan was always there for him.

He Toss My Salad Like His Name Romaine (ao3) - Emejig16

Summary: Dan is very curious about rimjobs, but won’t tell Phil that he wants one, until Phil finally suggests that they try it out.

Her / Awakening (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: Dan feels drunk on a feeling of awakening; sexual, but also something else, something unnamed.

How To Be A Sexy Nerd (ao3) - adorkablephil (kimberly_a)

Summary: “If you want something, just do it, Phil.”

Just Say Yes (ao3) - intoapuddle, jestbee

Summary: Before Phil turned thirty, he'd thought that he'd spend his milestone birthday somewhere upscale, classy, perhaps by spending way too much money on food that wasn't nearly as nice as just ordering in pizza. But one friend in particular, had other plans.

Maybe (ao3) - dvp_95, intoapuddle

Summary: They’re only friends but when Dan wants more, Phil gives it to him.

nun as good (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: It’s so stupid and silly, and it’s just them in their messy kitchen, but Phil has been on edge ever since Dan first came into the kitchen in that outfit.

oh you got me shaking (ao3) - chickenfree

Summary: Usually if the models talk to him, it’s just – them asking questions, Phil joking about how he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, even as he directs them.

They don’t try to argue with him, usually.

Pastel Shirts and Otis Redding (ao3) - Colourful Shakespeare (blue_popolo)

Summary: Dan isn’t gay, he isn’t straight either, and there’s a cute boy with glasses and a fringe coming over to talk to him. His names Phil and he smiles and laughs and is clumsy, he makes Dans insides twist and curl into butterflies. Suddenly Dan isn’t interested in the sport involved in the Sports Camp.

Post-Tour Agenda (ao3) - blissedoutphil

Summary: They had lots of important things to do after the tour. Like sleep, for one. And sex. Also five months' worth of laundry. And what better way to decide who had to do laundry other than a sexy dan vs phil!

Potroast (ao3) - dickiegreenleaf

Summary: In which Dan is very serious about his pottery studio, pinch pots are vaguely made, and Phil just wants to ogle his boyfriend.

ring my bells (ao3) - schnaf

Summary: You try to hide it

I know you do

When all you really want is me to come and get you

Safe (ao3) - TearDrop1234

Summary: Phil is in a mood and works his way through it with a naked Dan.

saturday (ao3) - werebothstubborn

Summary: the 100 percent accurate account of how phil's fwiff came to be

(i was there)

show you my appreciation (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: Dan makes a surprise purchase after he notices a certain something catches Phil's eye in the costume store

sister daniela (ao3) - idkspookystuff

Summary: the aftermath of the baking video

Something New (ao3) - benotafraidofwriting

Summary: Dan wants Phil's help when trying something new, but can Phil keep his feelings for his best friend at bay?

Sunshine (ao3) - thewakeless

Summary: Summer sex (with consequences)

The Boy And The Builder (ao3) - intoapuddle, jestbee

Summary: Dan is stuck in a house full of builders feeling sorry for himself. Until he meets Phil, that is...

The Great Unexpected Daddy Kink (ao3) - idkspookystuff

Summary: Dan, Phil’s wonderful, amazing partner of 10 years and change, sometimes suggests things he wants in jest.

the one with self discovery, insta comments, and three thousand words of feelings dump and smut

The Locker Room (ao3) - thewakeless

Summary: Dan and Phil meet and fuck in the University showers.

Tumblr's recommended Debauchery (ao3) - Septic84

Summary: A weekend away to explore each other.

This is all sex. Check tags, please.

Under My Skin (ao3) - americanphancakes

Summary: Dan gets a tattoo. He really, really enjoys the experience. A lot.

with the lights out (ao3) - irrationalqueer

Summary: Dan’s been purposely brazen and provocative since basically the beginning, comfortable in the knowledge that his body and his whispered words can make Phil hot, keep him interested. But Phil’s been kind and sweet and thoughtful and when he flirts it just feels like honesty.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #sex tw #smut #smut masterlist #masterlists

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spagh3ttis0up · 6 months

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forced my friend to watch the Dan and Phil crafts videos the other day, this was his reaction:

*spends a solid 5 minutes mocking Phil’s outfit*

“why are the sleeves so short”

“he looks like such a nerd. like the combination of the shirt and glasses—“

“how did people not know they were gay?”

me: “we kinda knew, they didn’t”

“how did they not know that they were gay?”

*spends another five minutes mocking their accents*

“they look like they’re in a boy band”

“that one (Phil) looks like Justin Bieber” (he really had beef with Phil for some reason)

“this is actually really funny”

*Dan makes the pentagram glitter face* “oh god—“

*Dan starts carving his potato stamp* “oh i know where this is going”

*Dan starts stamping* “oh that is not where i thought that was going—“

*Dan starts drawing a pentagram* “wait never mind—“

*once we finished watching everything*

me: “was that what you were expecting?”

him: “it was better to be honest”

despite his beef with Phil i think he really liked it 💀

@danielhowell @amazingphil

#dnp #dan and phil #danandphil #dan howell #phil lester

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goldenpinof · 7 months

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why? bc i was thinking about what i watch and what i'd like to see from dan, basically what you said to the previous anon. in late 2018 (at the end of the dan and phil era coincidentally) my taste shifted a lot from mostly comedy and vloggers to video essays and comentary so personally i'd love to see something like that from dan, but i have no idea what dan wants to do. what do you think he wants to do? what's something he'll find fulfilling and sustainable?

i'm going insane reading all these asks about what's next for dan's career. i lobe him i want him to succeed, i want him to get attention and i want to be entertained by him <3

me 🤝 you

sustainable? this is UNSUSTAINABLE!! (sorry, the last promo got in the eyes).

i think he wants (or wanted before wad) to get into stand-up comedy. at some point he proclaimed himself a comedian and started acting like one. unsuccessfully, in my opinion. he is a bad actor, but he is good at exaggerating his feelings. and this is why wad show worked for those who were familiar with Dan, his content, his internet personality and the phandom. i think he loves attention from real life audience, and he loves connecting to the audience while being on stage, so audience participation is an important part of what he wants. (let's count how many times i say "audience"). a not-so-strict script that allows to ask questions, react to answers, comment on people's reactions, make faces, laugh randomly, adjust the show to what is happening on stage – that's a stand-up show that hundreds of people are doing. and i think Dan would be very fucking good at it. the problem is the theme of said stand-up. and i think Dan would love for it to not rely on youtube as heavily as it did during wad (which wasn't an actual stand-up comedy).

remember the last vidcon he attended and the panel that felt like a Ted Talk? it was a fail, i'd say. partly because the audience was too diverse in a sense that phannies weren't the majority. and i'm glad he didn't push this type of career path. wad was so much better, but it was also targeted at the people who already knew him. even if in the beginning i think he was trying to get a wider audience, the lack of funding or enthusiasm promo-wise made it impossible for the "outsiders" to make the experience strange for everyone, Dan including. wad happened to be for us. but was it successful or fulfilling, or sustainable? no. not in a money / audience growth / similar future tours ways. there should be done a lot of changes. and i guess completely changing his management was the 1st and very important step. it was fulfilling in a way that he met us, he saw what his coming out did and what an incredible impact he had on us (not to mention that ii was almost the same. a bunch of gays gathered together).

he clearly wants something bigger than we aka phandom can give him. and for that he must change the theme or/and concept of his shows. i do think that he will try to do a performance again. and i hope it's gonna be less acting and more improvisation.

i'm not sure about a filmed show. he sucks as an actor, and i don't want him to fail :( but if Joey Graceffa successfully put out Escape the Night and Liza Koshy had a series that didn't require more acting than her own skits, maybe something similar could be alright?! "danisnotokay" is an outdated title though. we need to change it, he is not 25 anymore, come on.

basically, he loves attention, complaining about his life, trauma dumping, edgy jokes, screaming, laughing, sex jokes, feeling liked, loved and wanted. he fucking beams when people applaud him. and for that he needs audience. he could get all of it minus an applause with a podcast or livestreams, but he is a stubborn asshole, so i do hope to see him on stage again. preferably a smaller one and with new topics to discuss.

#you didn't ask so it's here #i would love to see commentary from him on topics that he cares about and knows #even if i don't care are the topic #like swell entertainment does. she talks about things i don't know or care. but it's done so good. informative. fun and well.. entertaining #that i just click on the video anyway. even if it's about a brand that makes square food. i don't give a fuck about the brand but i watch.#and dan's liveshows makes me think that he would be very good at presenting what he is interested in in a commentary way #don't touch things you don't know (football for example 🔪) and talk about things you actually familiar with #dan #wad #phandom #answered #imagine phil makes him return to regular joint content when we already collectively buried it 💀#i would laugh for a week

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ferallester · 5 months

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hoo boy good morning everybody!

I saw the video title a few hours ago when I first woke up, and immediately went back to sleep bc I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it at that hour LMAO

I just saw the thumbnail properly too

this is… this is gonna be an absolute trip huh

live reaction under the cut bc I’m Terrified!

first of all: THOSE ARE THE SAME FUCKING SHIRTS

second of all: ‘nostalgia cannon to the face’

correction: that is in fact a different shirt that Phil is wearing, but it is ridiculously similar, what the hell

‘quintessential emo’ ‘I was serving twink Karen’

‘it’s just… us’ ‘it’s just us being stupid’

‘you’re giving us full sphincter on YouTube’

‘ass and foot baiting’

‘quite restrained’ it’s 2012 of course you’re being restrained

HEART EYES HOWELL COMING IN FULL FORCE WHILE PHIL ATTEMPTS TO TOUCH HIS NECK

I think I found their favourite part of pinof 4 (the cursed Justin Bieber and HMS QEII masks) (lmao imagine if they made actual masks of the boat)

wow those are some really ugly glasses phil

why DO you boys have bugspray in here

‘unless they pressed their noses TOGETHER’ *a sound that normal humans make*

why aren’t they reacting to the blooper videos you guys do know you have bloopers available right

official rating: mid

THE CURSED DAN FACE WAS ON THE SUNDAY TIMES—

oh that is so incredibly unfortunate, why did they use that particular video as a photo reference LMAOOOOO

also who scanned this particular copy what the hell happened to that page

thank you Dan for a recreation

either they don’t want to talk about it or they forgot about 2012

ah. ah that explains a lot about why pinof 5 Looks Like That

PHIL— DAN—

THEY HAD TO REFILM PINOF 5–

the wrecking ball

Dan is fucking relentless with his past self

‘tit tackle’

oh that’s mildly horrifying how low they can go, I think I found an ick

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS— NOT THE REAL VOICES—

I hate them

weirdly the vibes of pinof 5, at least with these idiots reacting to themselves, have gotten. so much worse

Dan able to predict what his past self would do next…

‘crack protected’

oh Phil

a gingerphobic goose…

‘I feel like you’ve recovered from that’ ‘:|’ ‘no?’ ‘A—’

I really hope someone makes a gif of them arguing over the old handshake from pinof 6 and this video

‘assigned mother’ y’know that makes sense actually

successful monkfish backwards!

Phil looks at the camera and Dan just looks at Phil at the end, STOP

they literally JUST used fireside.caf for the shoulder thing actually

the sexy end screen dance also like… horrifically iconic

I always forget about their weird noises they make at the end AND THE BOYS ARE AMUSED

Phil… Phil there’s 8 billion people… on earth… XD

this is the pinof that came out just before I got into them :0

Dan’s hair is. Awful

MOTHERFUCKER DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SHOW US FESTIVE DITL

shoutout to the vyous tho

love that Phil actively remembers that Dan complained about the thickness of the whiskers

‘I AM BECOME YOU’ also cheese umbrella is still awful (affectionate) to this day

THEY BOTH USED THE SUNGLASSES EMOJI MOST RECENTLY

also hello lobster emoji I know exactly why you’re here

pæch

THEY MOSTLY REMEMBERED THE LIZARD SONG—

rip that peace lily

the anaconda scene…

the game does indeed still work

‘TIMMY LIKES IT’

WHAT THE FUCK DID DAN SAY— also I think I found the most iconic moment of this video so far, they’re just DYING—

TATINOF reference

shut the FUCK UP boys we KNOW you’re touching

as someone who once ate a lemon near-whole bc fruit and who regularly eats lemon and lime slices, their flinching is a fail

existential crisis :(

boys isn’t the time for the merch outdated???? anyway moving on

SLUTTY CATBOY

my calendar and sweater are FINALLY shipping btw and I’m so excited!!!!

THEY’RE GONNA DO A TIERLIST :D

PINOF 7!!!! NEXT EPISODE IS PINOF 7, FINALLY I’LL BE ABLE TO RELATE AGAIN

THEY FINISHED RECORDING POPPY PLAYTIME CHAPTER 2 AT FOUR????

‘danisshowinghole’ ‘amazingtimmy’ thanks!

oh my god I can’t wait for part three actually

#the feral speaketh #dan and phil #phan #mass-reblog time!

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ameliawarnerr · 2 years

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Evanescent

(She was the evanescent of his life– there and gone.)

Part 1

You were already on your way to Duskwood when a notification popped in your phone. Without wasting as much as a second, you unlocked the phone. It was Lilly.

Lilly

Dan and I went to the site. To find Jake.

You forgot how to breathe.

Lilly

He is fine.

You exhale. You didn't know how long you had been holding it in. But finally a sigh of relief left your lips. You tried so hard not to think of the last text he sent you but it was all you thought about. And now finally you could think about it, dream about him without feeling uneasy or sad.

Amelia

I am so thankful. So so deeply

Lilly

It's okay. You don't need to thank me.

Amelia

So that means he's with you right now?

How's he?

Is he hurt?

Lilly

Yes, despite his reluctance to come with us, Dan somehow convinced him to come. I don't know what Dan said to him but it worked and he's at my place right now. So is Hannah.

He has a little wound around his neck but it's not something to worry about.

Amelia

I understand. What's he doing now?

Lilly

He is resting. He's exhausted. I mean, really exhausted.

Amelia

Can I tell you something and hope you wouldn't tell Jake?

Lilly

A secret? Of course

Amelia

I’m on my way to Duskwood

Lilly

OH SHIT

Amelia

Yeah, shit.

Lilly

You need to come STRAIGHT TO MY HOUSE

Wait

I'll share my location

Amelia

Yeah, that would help, thank you

Lilly shares the location of her house and you are surprised that you are only fifteen minutes away from her house. From Jake. And you intend to cover that distance as soon as possible. So you start walking faster. The streets start getting narrower with almost no light. Five minutes away. And you are practically running now.

Not a single thing could stop you. Unless someone bumps into you and throws you off balance. The man who bumped into you cursed and instantly whispered an apology. Something clicked. That voice. You recognise it.

And almost unintentionally you say, “Phil?”

His long hair, the tattoo and his sharp features. No doubt, it's him.

“That’s right. Sorry— I— do I know—”

“I am Amelia.”

His eyes widened. “Wait, for real?”

You cringe. “Yes. I mean, how many people do you bump into on a daily basis who tell you that they are Amelia?” Your sarcasm makes him laugh. You don't have time to waste, you remind yourself.

“Well, it's wonderful—”

“I’m so sorry. But I really need to get somewhere right now. I’ll try to see you soon.” You emphasise on the try and hope he gets your level of interest.

“Sure. You know my number and place, so, anytime.” he smiles. The type of smile that would seduce any girl in this town but too bad, you are not from here.

You nod and run away. After four minutes that seemed like eternity, you are finally standing in front of Lilly’s house. You waste no time ringing the bell. Again and again. And again. Until the door opens and the first person you see is Lilly.

She has a knowing smile on her face. It's a smile that could light up the whole room but you know better. You know the sadness in that smile. She's clearly in denial but well, so are you. You can't think of Richy. You assume she told everyone else than Jake. You can't wait to see his reaction. Damn, you can't wait to see his face. Hear his voice.

Lilly wraps her hands around you and you mimic her movements. “God, I can't believe it's really you.” The hug reminds you how long it has been since the last time you hugged someone. Lilly lets go of you and you step inside the house. Your eyes instantly search for one particular person. But he is not here.

Instead, Dan appears from the kitchen. “Hey, princess.” and you can't help but to laugh and hug him.

“Loverboy is in the room upstairs. And he doesn't know shit about you being here.” He says while stepping back.

“Loverboy? Wasn't it you Hackerboy?” you say. Lilly laughs beside you.

“Well, I remember the look on his face when we brought you up a couple of minutes ago. He is hacked, for real.” He says with confidence.

Well, you were hacked first. But instead you say, “Why are you coming from the kitchen? Wait— were you cooking?”

“Trying.” Lilly comments.

Dan glares at her. “Don’t make fun of my incompetence. At least I am trying.”

You laugh.

“Anyway—” you begin but Dan cuts you off.

“Yeah, yeah, you gotta make out with Loverboy, we get it, go ahead.” He shakes his hand. “But try to be less loud.”

“Oh shut up.” you say. You start making your way up the stairs, blushing hard on Dan’s comment. And in a few steps, you are in front of the room. Jake is inside that room. Your heart beats unevenly. This is it. You didn't prepare what you will say to him, didn't predict what words would leave his mouth. You are undone.

Still, you open the door.

The bed is empty. The couch is empty. The chair is empty.

Your eyes dart to the window. And there he is. Sitting by the window. Lost in his thoughts. You stand there admiring his face. His hair is black, the darkest shade at that. His body is lean, and he definitely is tall as hell. Even his side profile makes you swoon.

And slowly as you close the door, the door makes a sound which brings Jake out of his thoughts. Without completely turning away, he starts, “I am totally fine, Lilly. You can—”

But then his eyes land on you and he looks at you. His eyes are green and his face— his face is the most beautiful thing. And he is standing now, looking at you as if he doesn't believe what's happening right now.

Then, finally, he says, “Amelia.” His voice is smooth, soft and a little rough on the edges. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you. I was worried.” You say almost quickly.

His mouth opens and you realise he did not expect you to say that. You don't understand why.

“I came here to save you from trouble. And we had a promise, didn't we? You promised me you wouldn't come here.” His voice turns serious. And your smile is gone. You may have lied about not having any predictions about what he’ll say to you, because you had a million and this was not one of them.

“What do you mean? Jake,” You are lacking words but you know he is not making any sense right now. “Trouble is gone.” you simply say. “And you never send any message after our last conversation. How was I to know that you are fine? And our promise was for me to be safe. It didn’t ultimately mean you could sacrifice yourself for me.”

“Amelia, you don't understand. I didn't send you a message because I wasn't intending to.” He says and he sounds so so so far away. Out of your reach.

“What do you mean? What do you mean by that?” Your voice was rising with the speed of your heart. “What the hell, Jake? You tell me you love me with the intention of not talking to me ever again?”

His eyes become dark. You see his throat working. “Answer me. Answer me so that I can walk out of this room with some dignity.” You don't realise that you are moving closer to him. And soon you are close enough to the point that he has to look down to meet your gaze.

He looks away. “I told you that I love you because I intended to never see you again. Even if I had died in the mine or walked out completely fine, I had it decided.” then he meets your eyes again. “Because it is the best for both of us. And despite all arguments, you know it is.”

“No, I don't know shit, Jake. Because, honestly,” You take a step back, gesture to him, “I can't recognise you. You are not the Jake who talked about how our first meeting would be like. And now that it really is happening, you are pulling this shit?”

“We are never going to work.” His words pierce through your heart. “You know it somewhere but you can't accept it. It’ll hurt more in the future so—”

You cut him off because you couldn't listen to what he was saying. “So, let's just pretend to be strangers, right? Why did you even come here if you had it all planned out? What did Dan say so convincingly?”

He looks somewhere to your left. “I told him that I was ready to walk away from you and he told me that he would let me without telling you if I agreed to come here tonight. For Lilly. And he lied and I could punch the shit out of him right.”

“No, you are not going to punch the shit out of him. Because he is my friend. And a far more caring one than you.”

At that, he looks at you. The intensity of his eyes could swallow you whole. He takes a step closer. His feet brushing against yours. “Don’t say that.” His voice is low.

“Say what?”

His eyes don't move away from yours. “Don’t say that I don't care about you. I care, that's why I am walking away.”

This time, you move closer. You face inches away from him and he doesn't move back. He looks at you with the same sincerity and intensity. “You are walking away because you are a coward.”

His eyes snap to your lips and again to your eyes. So fast as if it didn't even happen. He stares at you and takes a step back. He turns around and walks away.

“You are a coward, Jake. Admit it. You don't love me enough. Not enough to stay, not enough to give us a chance.” He stops. “Everything you said was a lie. You are a liar. And I loved you, Jake. I dreamt of us.”

“Don’t say that.” He says without turning away. His right hand turned into fist.

“Why, truth hurts you? I thought—”

You must be hallucinating. Your mind might be playing games on you. Or you might have completely lost your mind.

Because he closes the distance between you two at an inhuman speed. His hand is around your waist and the other is on your cheek. And he kisses you. So softly. Lightly. As if you might break. It took you a moment but you responded back, wrapping your hand around his neck, pulling him closer to you.

He lets go to look at you. He whispers, “Why do you always make me do the things I only dream about?”

He wasn't expecting you to answer because he kisses you again, passionately this time, hungrily, as if some countdown had started. You can't control your hands when they wrap around his neck. His grip tightens around your waist as he pulls you even closer. Your body flashed against his. His hand moves at the back of your neck, turning your head in desirable angles. When he stops, he doesn't step away.

His forehead is pressed against yours. “This is why I never wanted to meet you because I know how much I want you,” You can't look anywhere but his eyes. “Because I know you’ll never let me walk away. Because you shut my mind down and make my heart do crazy, crazy shit.”

(Part 2 : here)

#duskwod #jake_duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #writing #fanfiction #funny #duskwood #lilly duskwood #richy duskwood #jake x mc #dan duskwood #phil duskwood #jessy duskwood #cleo duskwood #duskwood fandom #duskwood fanfic

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unorthodoxsavvy · 8 months

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The Philver Scream

Thank God It's Friday

Chapter 1

Word Count: 75k

Rating: R

Genre: Horror

Philip (Phil) stood between fellow counselors Daniel (Dan) and Suzan (Suzie) as the seven of them waved off the buses full of the kids they’d had all summer.

“I’m going to miss them,” Jessica (Jessy) teared up, waving goodbye.

“Good riddance if you ask me.” The smile on Rebecca (Becky)’s face was plastered on.

Phil turned to see Dan’s reaction, but Dan just turned to face him and shrugged, smiling.

Once the buses were out of sight they all turned to make their way back to the main cabin.

It was a Friday, August 13th, and they had the rest of the afternoon to make sure that the camp was closed down for the season: everything put back where it belonged, no perishable food in the pantry, cabins cleaned, outdoor equipment stored for the winter, things of that nature. It was a lot to do, so in the spirit of comradery and for one last night of summer fun before school started next week for everyone respectfully, they had decided together to spend one last night at camp before packing up their own things in the morning and heading back home.

The other boy, Tyler, was the first up the stairs to the porch of the main house. Rocking chairs were spread out across the deck and he dramatically plopped himself down in one while he waited for the rest of them.

Bringing up the rear was a girl with blonde curls named Louise. Together, they all sat on rocking chairs on the porch like a bunch of old folks, rocking and staring out at the glistening lake between the tall pine trees. Phil could see why the camp was named as it was.

“Alright, what’s on the agenda?” Tyler asked, leaning his head back and closing his eyes as he rocked, as if he was enjoying a vacation in paradise.

Suzie pulled a lined sheet of pocket-sized notebook paper out of her pocket.

“Alright, here’s what needs to get done: the cabins and bathrooms need to be inspected, the main building has to be cleaned, someone needs to check the tool and equipment sheds to make sure everything is put away, and while that’s going on, someone should start making dinner and start a fire.”

They all looked at each other.

“Jessy and I will check the cabins and the bathrooms,” Becky offered loudly. Jessy tried to look enthusiastic, but she just looked pained instead. Becky had taken to ordering Jessy around for the summer, and Jessy was too timid of a girl to stand up for herself. Any interference by any of the other counselors had been met with resistance on Becky’s part.

“Louise and I can check the equipment and tool sheds and walk the grounds,” Tyler offered. It’d been clear to all the other campers that Tyler and Louise had their eyes on each other.

“Alright,” Suzie agreed. “Dan, can you and Phil work on cleaning up here while I cook dinner and start a fire?”

Phil shared another look between him and Dan.

“Sure thing,” Dan smiled. “Thanks for offering to cook dinner for all of us.”

Suzie smiled in return.

“All right, I’m sure we’ll find more things to do along the way so let’s get started now.”

Tyler groaned dramatically but stood up and made his way down one of the sets of stairs followed by Louise.

Right behind her was Jessy and Becky.

Suzie, Dan, and Phil all headed inside the main cabin.

“You could start by sweeping,” Suzie offered before making her way into the kitchen.

Phil walked over towards the closet with Dan trailing at his heels.

“Heading back into the closet?” Dan joked as Phil opened the squeaky door. He wrapped a hand around the push broom handle to pull it out. The wide bottom ended up pulling out much more than Phil had bargained for, and as he moved out of the way, Dan swooped in to put everything that had fallen out back inside.

The two of them had shared an almost instant sense of something shared between them. Fielding questions from curious kids about girlfriends far away as well as incessant shipping of the both of them with the other girls would have been alienating on their own, but together the two of them plotted to make up fake girlfriends of the most outlandish proportions. Of course, the other counselors knew that these were tall tales, if not necessarily why, but the campers ate it up. Instead of awkward it became an amusing game between them, almost competing to see whose fake girlfriend was better. So far Phil’s fake girlfriend was on track to become an Olympic rock climber, and Dan’s fake girlfriend was already being scouted by Hollywood producers.

“You know it,” Phil joked back over his shoulder. He carried the broom towards a corner of the room.

“I’ll take the smaller broom and head into the other rooms,” Dan offered, reaching back into the closet.

As Phil swept he heard Suzie call “Not while I’m cooking! You’re going to get dust and hair in our food!” followed by Dan reappearing from the kitchen.

“I guess we’ll save that for later,” he decided, making his way across the large main room towards the office.

There was, of course, adult staff during the summer hours, but all had gone home for the night, including the nurse, whose office was located in the back of the main cabin, the regular cook, and the camp director, whose office was located just off to Phil’s side. It was here Dan was heading now to sweep around the desk and filing cabinets.

In the main room was a grand stone fireplace on which an entire stuffed black bear reared up surrounded by old couches that sank when you sat in them. The bear watched with his glass eyes Phil as he swept. “Hope you don’t have allergies,” he joked towards it.

When the sweeping and general cleaning was finished in the main building both boys reported to Suzie, who was still in the kitchen making dinner. A deep pan was searing ground beef on the induction stove while Suzie prepared traditional taco toppings.

“Why don’t you two head out and see if anyone else needs help?” she suggested, and they followed her suggestion, heading out the front door onto the porch. They crossed the deck and leaned over the railing.

“Are you going to miss this?” Dan asked, gazing out over the treeline.

Phil nodded. “Yeah, I think I am. Anything is better than dealing with school work and social pressures, isn’t it?”

“Even kids?”

Phil paused for a moment and tilted his head. “It will be nice to have a break from the constant chaos,” he finally conceited.

“I never want to leave,” Dan sighed. Unbeknownst to either of them, none of them would be leaving- at least not alive.

*-*-*-*-*

Unsurprisingly, cleaning the main building and cooking dinner had taken the least time of all the chores, leaving Dan, Suzie, and Phil to make the campfire for the night. Dan and Phil didn’t mind this: Suzie was the least insufferable of all of their fellow counselors. She’d left the taco meat simmering low on the stove to keep it warm. When all the chores were done, the three of them headed back up to the main cabin and brought down everything they needed back to the fire.

The group sat in silence as they ate, finally enjoying a moment of peace between the seven of them without any adults or kids. They were eating out of bowls, as they’d run out of taco shells during camp.

In keeping with the camp theme, each of them were sat either on logs in pairs or tree stumps. Dan and Phil had ended up sharing a shorter log and were pressed shoulder to shoulder.

“I’m so thankful we don’t have to sing camp songs anymore,” Becky sighed, pulling out a portable speaker from her pocket and hooking it up to her phone via bluetooth. She turned on some pop music just a bit too loud, but no one said anything.

Suzie reached her arms up in a stretch. “I should take these bowls back up to the kitchen and get them cleaned so I don’t have to do it in the morning. There’s a few bars of chocolate and marshmallows left, and one more unopened box of graham crackers that’s definitely not going to make it to next year. Are we tired of s’mores yet, or can I bring them out so we don’t have to throw them away?”

“I’m fine with one more night of s’mores. Lord knows we probably won’t be having any until next year,” Jessy said.

Louise let out a hearty chuckle. “You’re crazy if you think I’m coming back next year,” she grinned. “Besides, I’m hoping to be out of here by then.”

Jessy nodded, as if remembering something. “Senior year. Are you excited? Are you nervous?”

Louise shook her head, golden curls bouncing. “I’m excited to get the fuck out of here.”

Jessy smiled wistfully.

“I’ll help you carry the bowls up,” Tyler offered, standing up from his stump. Almost undetectable he shot a glance at Louise before looking away, as if to say “look at what a gentleman I’m being.” Suzie didn’t seem to notice but it wasn’t lost on either of the other boys and they shared a knowing look between them.

“Thanks Tyler. We’ll be back in a bit.”

“I’m going to go take a walk,” Louise announced, standing up. “Anyone want to come?”

Becky also stood up. “Jessy and I will come.”

Jessy stood up obligatorily.

“How about you guys?” Louise asked, doe eyes staring at them behind big lashes.

“I’m good,” Phil responded, leaning back a bit.

“Same here, but thanks,” Dan agreed.

“Suit yourselves. See you soon!”

“Be safe!” Dan called after them.

Jessy waved a flashlight in the air to show them she had one and flicked it on.

The two then watched the circle of light until it disappeared into the wilderness.

“I wonder what my girlfriend is doing right now,” Dan joked.

“Climbing rocks in Japan?” Phil suggested.

“No, that’s your girlfriend,” Dan reminded him.

“Oh right. I’m sure she’s staring in some sort of new teen movie.”

“Oh yeah? What kind?”

Phil thought for a moment, before clawing his hands and raising them in front of him.

“A slasher. Very bloody, very gorey.”

“And where does it take place?”

“At a camp,” Phil said in a spooky voice, “on a night just like this one.”

“Oh yeah?” Dan asked again. “All you’re missing is a flashlight to shine in your face.”

Phil pulled out his phone and turned on it’s flashlight.

“At a camp, on a night just like this,” Phil repeated.

The two laughed, but soon their smiled fell.

“I wish I had a boyfriend,” Phil said, suddenly very demur.

“Me too,” Dan agreed.

They stared into the fire, flickering flames illuminating all the caresses of their young faces. The fire popped and crackled and the sound mixed with that of the forest at night. Phil really was going to miss this.

Just then, the night air was pierced by a scream.

On instinct both of them rose to their feet, stumbling a little as they bumped into each other from their close proximity.

“Where did that come from?” Dan asked in a hushed whisper.

“I don’t know,” Phil replied.

“Fuck,” Dan swore. “Quick, you go find the girls and I’ll check the main cabin. Meet back here when we have everyone.”

Without looking back he headed off in the direction he’d last seen Jessy’s flashlight.

The girls had followed Louise on the trail that led out towards the road. Phil walked quickly, waving his phone’s flashlight back and forth into the trees as he listened hard. He hardly kept his eyes on his feet even though it was dark: he’d come to know these trails and every root and upturned rock.

Phil’s breathing was heavy with anxiety and for some reason he worried that his breathing was too loud. He didn’t understand why he felt that way, but it was almost as if… he was being watched. Yes, that was it. He felt watched. He hadn’t been able to place the feeling until now. The hairs on his arm stood on end and he felt beads of sweat dripping down his neck from the Texas heat, even when the sun was down and the moon conquered her domain.

Phil heard a rustle off to the right in front of him and he whipped his flashlight in that direction. He didn’t see anything. He gulped and held his phone in that direction for a moment until he spotted a movement. He flicked the beam of light up a tree. He saw a flash of gray fur. It had just been a squirrel, spooked by his presence. Phil sighed and forced his body to relax while he was stopped. He swept the light around him one more time before taking another step, but-

Something had only just registered in his brain. He thought he’d seen something again.

He took another few deliberate steps forward and swept his light over the area again, and oh my god-

Becky was laying facedown just off the trail.

“Becky?” Phil called, rushing over to kneel by her side.

He shone the light down on her back and saw the blood oozing from underneath the tear in her shirt.

“Oh my god,” he muttered under his breath. Instinctively he dropped his phone and pressed down on the wound, which caused to blood to come out even faster.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Phil recoiled, heart racing in his chest so fast it hurt.

Becky still wasn’t moving.

“Becky? Becky?”

Phil reached towards her outstretched wrist, checking for a pulse. He didn’t find any. “Oh my god,” he said one more time before standing back up. He wiped his bloody hands down his tee and grabbed his phone from next to Becky’s body.

“LOUISE! JESSY!” Phil was running down the trail now as fast as his legs could carry him. He was in much better shape now from all the hiking than he had been over the past school year, and yet he was still gasping for air in between every yell.

“JESSY? LOUISE?”

Phil’s feet carried him all the way around the trail, which was one of the shorter ones, back to the campfire. Dan, Tyler, and Suzie weren’t there so he took back off along the trail that led up the hill to the main building. There he found them huddled together on one couch in front of the unlit fireplace under the watchful eyes of the bear.

Dan stood up to meet him.

“Phil, I’m so sorry, Suzie suggested that we-”

“Becky’s dead,” Phil interrupted. “We need to go find the others.”

Tyler, Suzie, and Dan shared looks of horror.

“Oh my god,” Suzie muttered. Then her face hardened.

“Okay. Two of us should stay here and two of us should head out and look for Jessy and Louise.”

“Wait!” Tyler interjected. “Dead how?! What the fuck happened?!”

“She was murdered,” Phil explained.

“Murdered?” Dan asked, aghast. “By who?”

“I don’t know, but we have to find the others,” Phil begged.

Suzie was quickly loosing her composure, tears sliding down her face. “This is a joke, right?” she asked, trying to convince herself more than anything. They all knew Phil wouldn’t joke about something like this, and they’d all heard that scream. It wasn’t the kind of scream you could fake for anything.

“It’s not a joke, and we should all be out looking for them together.”

“What if they come back here? We all know to come back here. We should wait here for them.”

“We need to go out and find them,” Tyler argued.

“I agree.”

The three of them looked at Dan. He gazed up at Phil brokenheartedly.

“If they come back here and no one’s here they’ll be scared and confused,” he thought aloud.

Phil gazed back at him and nodded his head, a gesture of a lack of animosity between them.

“Then Tyler and I will go look for them and you guys stay here.”

“Here, take this.” Suzie hurried over to a table by the door that had a large, highly powered flashlight sat atop. She turned it and handed it to Tyler.

“Be safe out there.”

Phil glanced at the phone still in his hand, wishing there was cell service so they could keep in contact with each other over text. “We’ll be back,” he assured, slipping it in his back pocket.

He and Tyler went back outside and stood on the porch.

“Weren’t not splitting up,” Phil ordered.

Tyler gave him a look like he was crazy. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

Phil hoped Tyler couldn’t see his shoulders sink in relief in the dark.

“Alright, where would you go if you were running from a crazy killer?” Tyler asked.

“Here,” Phil answered truthfully.

“Agreed, but they didn’t come back here. What’s your next move?”

Phil gritted his teeth. “Hide, I guess, in one of the kid’s cabins. I would hope there’s a lot of them and the killer would tire of searching them all verses a solitary building like the bathrooms or the arts and crafts building.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Well my first thought would have been to grab the shotgun out of the tool shed,” Tyler replied.

Phil blinked in surprise. “There’s a shotgun in the tool shed?”

“Have you not been in the tool shed?”

“No, I have, I just-”

“Okay well, yeah, there’s a shotgun. So now what do we do?”

Phil sighed.

“Let’s check the cabins first. They’re closer”

Tyler nodded and they turned to the left running off down the porch steps.

The flashlight’s beam bounced as they ran.

“LOUISE?” Phil called and Tyler skidded to a halt.

“Phil! Shut up!”

“What?”

“There’s a killer on the loose! Do you want him to find us?!”

Phil gulped and shook his head and they continued off running.

After a few minutes they made it to the first cabin. The doors were a wooden frame with two sections of screen separated with a two-by-four. Tyler grabbed the rusty door handle with the hand that wasn’t holding the flashlight and yanked it open. Phil pulled his phone back out of his back jeans pocket and turned on it’s light once more as they searched the cabin.

“Nothing,” Tyler sighed, and they jogged to the next cabin in line.

There was nothing their either.

Phil wasn’t really expecting to find anything, so when they stumbled upon Louise’s body in the third cabin underneath a bunk bed in a pool of blood, he still wasn’t any more prepared than he had been to see Becky’s dead body.

“Louise,” Tyler let out a choked sob and knelt down in the blood.

He gently grabbed her hand and brushed her blond curls from her face.

Phil, himself crying, placed a hand on Tyler’s shoulder and picked up the flashlight Tyler had dropped.

“Come on, we need to search the other cabins for Jessy.”

Tyler, now soaked in blood from the knees down, stood back up, sliding a little in the still-warm pool, which only made him cry even harder.

Phil grabbed his arm.

“Come on, we need to go.”

“Hold on just one second.”

Tyler bent down again and used two fingers to drag her eyelids shut. Phil appreciated the gesture, both symbolically, and as someone who’d been subjected to her haunted, glassy-eyed gaze. It was the same cool gaze as the bear above the fireplace had. Dead.

Phil and Tyler searched the rest of the cabins, now expecting to find Jessy also dead, either huddled up under one of the beds like Louise or sprawled out in death on one of the matresses like Becky had been in the forest, but they didn’t.

“We have to check the tool shed next,” Tyler remarked, and so once again they headed down the trail that wrapped around Crystal Lake.

The tool shed’s outer light was on.

Tyler and Phil shared a glance, trying their best to steel their nerves against their trembling bodies as Tyler pulled open the door and Phil shone the light inside. There was no need to, though. The shed’s single light bulb that hung from a cord from the rafters was on, still swinging from the force of someone yanking the cord to turn it on. The light swung back and forth, and in the middle of the floor Jessy lay with the shotgun tossed to the side near her. It was clear she’d put up a fight but she was still dead.

Another round of tears started up for both of them as they exited the shed.

“We have to tell the others back up at the main cabin.”

“I know.”

Phil felt drained but he ran back down the trail they way they’d come, following behind Tyler who was running ahead of the flashlight’s beam.

When they reached the main cabin again all the lights were shut off.

“Oh no.”

They made their way to the staircase on their left before sliding to a halt again.

Facedown on the stairs lay Dan, dead trying to run out of the building.

Phil felt his whole world shatter. It’d been hard enough seeing the friends he’d spent the summer with, but… somehow he’d never thought that Dan wouldn’t make it out alive… and for the first time, he was wondering if he and Tyler were going to make it out alive either.

Tyler’d thrown up an arm to stop Phil from running towards Dan’s body.

“He might still be alive,” Phil whispered hoarsely.

“He’s not alive,” Tyler said and he grabbed Phil’s arm and dragged him around the porch to the other stair case.

Quietly they searched the house, finding Suzie dead in the pantry. By this time Phil was expecting she hadn’t made it out alive.

They stood shoulder to shoulder staring down at their dead friend’s body.

“We need to get out of here,” Tyler decided, and they crept their way quickly back through the kitchen out to the main room in the dark, path lit only by the powerful flashlight in Phil’s hand.

Phil raised the flashlight towards the main entrance, the door to which they’d left open in their hurry to find Suzie. In the doorway stood a large man with an even larger machete. His balding head was covered in a mask with holes. Tyler, an avid sports fan, instantly recognized it as an old hockey mask. Phil didn’t. Either way, the man was an immediate threat to both of them, and they took off running towards the nurses station in the back.

Tyler yanked open the back door and ran outside followed closely by Phil. Phil ran as fast as his feet could carry him, but his shoe caught in a root and Phil felt the breath leave his chest after his body slammed to the forest floor, flashlight dancing off the path.

“Phil!”

Tyler turned to look behind him and Phil watched the masked man melt out of the forest between them.

“Tyler! Go! Run!”

Tyler hesitated but turned back around and continued to run towards the parking lot.

Phil scrambled back up to his feet and turned around back the way he’d come and ran back through the door to the nurse’s office. He dove under the nurse’s desk and tried to catch his breath after his fall.

Think, he told himself. Think.

He played out a mental map of the camp. There was the trail to the road that Becky had died near. There was the parking lot with Tyler and Louise’s cars. They were the only counselors who had driven to camp. If Tyler was able to get his car out and escape that only left Louise’s car, and Phil didn’t know where she’d left her keys. If Tyler had died his car was still an option.

That, or he could try and hide somewhere at the camp. That hadn’t worked for anyone else, though. He racked his brain to come up with a plan. Then it came to him: the lake. If he could take a boat out into the lake the killer would either have to swim out to get him or take another boat out. If the killer swam out Phil would be able to hear him coming, and if he watched the beach to see if the killer took another canoe out Phil would have plenty of time to paddle to the other side of the lake before the killer made it. When his fellow counselor's families realized they were missing tomorrow they would send the police to come looking for them and the police would find Phil and get him out of here alive. There was no place to run or hide out in the open on a lake. No one could sneak up on him.

Phil crawled out on all fours from underneath the nurse’s desk and slipped through the open front door of the main building and crossed to the staircase that Dan’s body wasn’t draped over. He was so tired, but after this he could rest.

Phil ran down the hill trail past the campfire that was still burning and towards the beach.

The canoes, of course, were all put away, stored upside-down on racks in the boat shed. They were aluminum canoes, though, light and easy, with the anticipation of kids handling them. They were heavy enough still though that it usually took two people at least to flip them off the racks and set them down, and even though Phil was exhausted, his adrenaline gave him one last burst of strength and he was able to flip the canoe off the lowest rack by himself and managed not to drop it on his feet.

Traditionally they weren’t supposed to drag the canoes to make sure they didn’t damage the bottom of the hull but Phil figured a moment of life or death made an acceptable exception to the rule.

Phil grabbed the rope at the front of the boat and dragged the boat across the grass and into the beach’s sand. Then he ran back into the boat shed and grabbed a paddle, throwing it in the boat with a loud clatter before resuming dragging it across the sand to the water’s edge. The water lapped at his sneakers, illuminated by the light atop the tall wooden pole next to the boathouse.

When the boat was afloat, Phil tipped himself into the middle, sitting up and grabbing the paddle. He started pushing his way out towards the center of the lake. He hadn’t grabbed a life vest, nor did he have a safety buddy, as everyone else was dead, but he figured these rules could also be overlooked at this moment.

Tiny lake waves lapped at his boat as he continued to paddle until he drifted on momentum to the approximate center of the lake. He looked around everywhere, scanning the forest’s edge for any sign of movement. He tried his best to relax his body while keeping his eyes peeled. There was nothing, though. No sounds out of place. No movements. Just the lapping of the waves that gently rocked him.

Phil kept his hands wrapped around the paddle but shifted his position to a more comfortable one. He was still exhausted, and his adrenaline was slowly heading back to a more normal level. He tried to keep his eyes open but he found himself blinking slowly, eyes growing heavy and tired. He could feel the ache of his body and the mental fatigue in his head threatening to swallow him up in a blanket of false security. Then again, though, was it false? I mean would someone want to kill him so badly they would paddle or swim all the way out to try and kill him? What would they do, try and tip him out and drown him? He would hear them coming even if he was asleep, right? He didn’t know, but did it really matter if he couldn’t stop himself from just falling asleep-

Suddenly something rocked the boat and jolted Phil into an upright position. A large hand reached out of the water and grabbed the boat. Phil raised his paddle and slammed it down on the fingers but the hand didn’t budge. Another hand wielding a machete reached up out of the murky depths and came down on the paddle, splitting the wood into two halves. Thinking quickly, Phil used the broken and splintered edge to stab down again. The jagged wood bounced right off the hand as if it was nothing.

This can’t be happening, Phil thought to himself.

The hand wielding the machete came down again and Phil felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and felt warmth. He looked down. There was blood all over his clothes. He dropped the halves of his paddle and reached down to his stomach.

The last thing Phil was conscious of was an arm reaching around his forehead covering his eyes and the feeling of his neck sliding open, his head tilting back at an unnatural angle. He watched the stars twinkling in the night sky, tears in his eyes, until they faded to black. Faded to black.

#horror #whump writing #whump #80s horror #dan and phil #savvy's fics #ospbb #old school phandom big bang #ospbb 2023 #dnp #dan howell #daniel howell #phil lester

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lesbiandanhowell · 4 months

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Sam reacts to: Reading Dan and Phil's Minds

- The couple energy of this video is off the charts. PJ and Sophie one side and Dan and Phil on the other and just, they exude matching couples energy.

- Giggling at then being SO quiet because it's ooc for three of them at least (I don't know Sophie enough to judge but the other three are not quiet people).

- Phils "just wanted to say hi" was so wholesome he is so cute.

- PJ explaining the game: no gesticulating- also: everyone making lots of gestures and faces

- PJ cutting away from any extended eyecontact between Dan and Phil is hilarious to me. He knows how that would he all people focus on so he just prevents it by not showing us.

- Sophie and Phil feel like the partner of the relationship to have a chat while their partner causes chaos somewhere.

- This video has SUCH comfort, domestic friends on new years vibes. I can see this becoming a video I put on while having dinner by myself.

- "We've lubed up our lobotomies" PHIL WHAT ARE YOU SAYING

- "I should have been more confident. Story of my life." SAME SOPHIE SAME

- Guys this is so funny. I got stranded on train for a good 20 minutes in-between watching this and had to run to change trains to get home at like 11:30pm still.

- I want to play this game now! It looked like a lot of fun and chaotic but in a funny way.

This reaction is late af but my god the things I went through while watching this is CHAOS, like multiple train delays and changing and running.

Thanks for keeping me sane PJ (honestly)!

#dan and phil #kickthepj #amazingphil #daniel howell #sam reacts #reading dan and phil's minds

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tiny-sassy-aggressive · 2 months

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DAN AND PHIL REACT TO PHAN TWITTER REACTIONS w/ timestamps

.03 sir please don’t crack your hands in my ears.

.11 way to early in the video for a phude Jumpscare

.16 DIP AND PIP ?!!!??

.26 tbh shoutout to Phil for acknowledging that even tho we have fan accounts, not everything we say, create, post is something we would want them to see. Love the self awareness. Appreciate the space he provides

.35 rip Dan memes and tumblr tags

.56 I actually needed to be told I am gorgeous and intelligent, I knows it’s fake but it’s nice to hear even if fake

1.37 WHY IS HE **** ********* THE MIC N O NO NO NO NO WHAT??????

2.08 chill Phil we weren’t gonna fight about it. You’re Edward… OKAY

2.25 how many times are they going to watch pinof 1 ! Babes you can do that anytime you want not just on camera

2.37 Phil is in FULL CRISIS realizing how messy he is as if they haven’t already talked about this before

3.09 TUMBLR NEVER LEFT. YOU LEFT.

3.29 the synced lean in as they discovered the dan has something in his teeth bit was a video

3.40 SO SO SO GLAD THE SOCK VIDEO MADE IT. AND HES ACKNOWLEDGING

3.46 SHOES SOCK VIDEO JUMPS ARE😭😭😭

4.24 “keep reading” oh goodness that. Sir. Okay.

4.44 hi just realized is Dan wearing a muscle tank under the see through shirt????? Side note. Want the see through shirt

5.03 FANTASTIC FOURSOME JUMPDVARE

6.14 NO DAN NOT KATE THEY ARE LISTENINF. DONT BECOME INVOLVED IN ANOTHER ROYAL CONSPIRACY

7.41 absolutely fire meme. I laughed so loud I actually had to pause the video. Worst part? I had already reposted on twt yet still reacted to it

8.05 he is staring into my soul. Hell how is he staring THROUGH my soul

9.17 no words. “It’s not a bad look” alakakakak???

9.22 So suddenly it’s not “we” anymore, huh?

9.53 rip Phil’s slit😫

10.08 I just through Dan making a joke then immediately hitting Phil to let him know he was joking was really funny. Stuff I do with my friends I am tactile

11.46 I ALWAYS thought that image was edited to have all of them. I didn’t realize it was a real photos

12.38 OH MY FOS????? JUMPSVARE WHAT THE HELL

12:45 those pounds weee so aggressive. It sounded like they really hurt. I’m hurt listening

12:46 Phil is watching that monitor like a HAWK he is NOT losing monetization bc Dan wants to wap

13.00 Phil saw and saved this and nobody knew. He lurks. Nobody is safe.

13:36 about nine “what can I say”s in. Dan has a genuine look of terror and confusion. He looks like he’s playing up his reaction a bit in the beginning, laughing and stuff and acting annoyed but this point is genuine horror and realization. This is so gold. Will be giffing later. Also precious Phil

14.50 okay the editing kinda memes his monologue a bit but i was high key inspired. He’s so wrote. Everything is a story that must be concluded. I love that thought process. Clearly bc I am also a grade a yapper but still

15:50 oh the immediate IMMEDIATE regret in Phil’s face

16:35 we love a self aware king. The poster was a tad rough

16:56 THUS CIDEO AND COMMENTARY JS SO SO SO GOOD

17:38 YES THANK YOU THE WADVERT WAS RVEFHONE. We couldn’t eat sleep or think without seeing it

18:11 please wash your blanket? Guys? Like? You can clean, wash, or dry clean anything. Please?

19:00 tbh saw under the robbing blanks and it wasn’t even that bad? Compared to every horrific demon phannie thing that has been seen? Not bad! Could have been worse

19:45 2021 period???? Hello??? You were gone since 2018? At least from dapg??

20:44 yet???? Capitolestor strikes again

20:50 did they not have a keep calm and something on poster in their apt at one point??? Some people?? You mean you???

21:16 I SAW THIS WHEN IT DROPPED. love dami sm. This video was so good

22:24 JUMPSCARE

22:55 “1992” “Daniel” calm down

23:25 “you also let me” guys??? How is this forced situation? Who decided??

24:20 he needs to back away from the mic I can feel him breathing in my ears my goood ess??

24:34 I’m screaming bc they used a clip from the section before we all thought they got high. This section they posted was just a cute section

24:54 literally speechless. Also jumpscare?

26:30 the entire dan induced conclusion is beautiful I love them and their banter

26:54 nvm can you lean into the mic closer and tell us you’re proud again??? Needed that???

#dan and phil #amazingphil #dnp #phil lester #daniel howell #philip lester #dan howell #danisnotonfire #dan and phil renaissance #dnpgames

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japhan2024 · 10 months

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@phandomgiftexchange for Phoebebatchelor on Twitter!

Note: I noticed that you had the same reaction to that video of Dan and Louise as I had, so I tied that into the fic. I hope you like it!!!

Derailed Comedy

The awkwardness still reverberated through Dan's mind as he sat in his beautiful living room. He couldn't shake off the feeling that his latest video had crossed a line, particularly the jokes about a hypothetical baby. Louise, his dear friend for so many years, had not found it amusing, and Dan felt absolutely horrible. They had always clicked so well, him and Louise, and their awkwardness had always been a giddy and hilarious one. Not that day though. He'd gone all out with his dark humour and she had been visibly distressed, something Dan only noticed later when looking back on it. "I'm such an asshole," he thought, but beneath the surface, there was something deeper gnawing at him. It was driving him into an existential crisis, the likes of which he had not felt for quite some time now. He'd been able to fight it off, but this video and the realization he had hurt his friend, had broken down his defenses. Dan's fingers trembled as he ran them through his hair, his eyes fixed somewhere in the distance. Comedy had always been his armor, his shield against the complexities of life. But this time, it felt like he had just been mean. That confirmation of Dan's deepest fears - of being bad, being a nuisance, being alone, truly alone...

Phil walked in with a cup of coffee, which immediately distracted Dan from his spiraling. Everything Phil did was a safety hazard, and him walking with a hot coffee was not a good idea. Luckily, this time there was no spillage, and Phil sat down at the table. Phil was Dan's rock, his confidant, and yet, Dan felt a looming lump in his throat just thinking about bringing up the topic of children. As a gay couple, their journey to parenthood would require different means than a straight couple, and Dan couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all. But right now he had no choice but to talk about his feelings, or he'd be laying on the ground for weeks again, unable to move.

"Phil," he began, his voice quivering, "I... I keep thinking about what I said in that video, you know? It's not just about Louise... it's about... everything."

Phil peered up from his phone, concern etched across his face. He sat up, giving Dan his full attention. "What do you mean, Dan? What's everything?"

Tears welled up in Dan's eyes as he struggled to find the right words, his voice trembling with raw honesty. "I'm terrified, Phil. Terrified that I can't be the father I want to be. That I'm too dysfunctional, too messed up, to bring a child into this world. I don't know how to handle it all."

Dan's vulnerability touched Phil. Dan so rarely showed this side of him. Phil's eyes softened, his heart aching for his soulmate. He sat down next to Dan and reached out, his hand hovering uncertainly before finding its way to Dan's shoulder. "Dan," he said gently in his deep, warm voice, "you're not alone in this. We're a team, remember? We can face this together."

Dan's composure crumbled, and tears streamed down his face. The weight of his anxiety and doubts spilled forth as he let out choked sobs. Phil, torn between his own lack of desire for children and his love for Dan, sat there, his heart breaking at the sight of his best friend in such anguish.

"I don't want to lose you, Phil," Dan sobbed. "But sometimes I can't help but wonder... if I'm asking too much. If I'm asking for something we can't have."

Phil did not know how to feel. The love they shared was undeniable, and yet he understood the weight of Dan's fears. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before responding.

"Dan," Phil's voice was soft but resolute, "I love you with all my heart. And I understand your doubts and fears. But know this: our love is not defined by whether or not we have children. Our happiness lies in the life we've built together, in the moments we've shared and the adventures we've had and are planning for the future."

He went to sit closer to Dan and wrapped his arms around him. "We have the power to define our own path, to create a life that fulfills us both. And if that means not having children, then I'm perfectly content with that."

Dan's sobs began to subside as he clung to Phil, finding solace in his comforting words. "I just... I don't want to miss out on something so beautiful," he whispered, desperation sounding through his words.

Phil pulled back slightly and traced Dan's face, his beautiful face with his hand. His piercing eyes searched Dan's gaze, making Dan blush. "Our life is beautiful, Dan. The love we share, the joy we find in each other - it's a rarity. And if we ever change our minds, if we decide that parenthood is something we want to explore, we'll face it together. But for now, let's focus on cherishing what we have, on nurturing our own happiness."

Dan nodded. He leaned into Phil's touch and reveled in the warmth and scent of his best friend. Coffee and flowers.

Not a father

Phil found himself lost in contemplation, his thoughts drifting back to his own childhood memories. Growing up in the picturesque landscapes of Northern England, he recalled the loving embrace of his parents, the laughter that echoed through their home, and the admiration he held for his cool and charismatic older brother. They'd had countless amazing adventures together, being dumb kids and doing absolutely dumb and dangerous stuff, but always knowing they had a warm home to return to.

As he reminisced, Phil couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to provide a similar upbringing for a child of his own. The idea tugged at his heartstrings, filling him with a sense of awe and wonder. The thought of passing on love, creating cherished memories, and watching a tiny life flourish—it held a profound allure.

Yet, despite the enchantment, Phil knew deep down that fatherhood was not a role he felt destined for. The mere thought of being responsible for another human being, of guiding them through the complexities of life, sent waves of apprehension through his being.

He observed his own reactions when faced with infants or young children. The nervousness that tingled at his fingertips, the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, made him question his own suitability for the role. Phil admired those like Louise, Marzia, and his own brother who had gracefully embraced the journey of parenthood, showering their children with boundless love and devotion. Their commitment and dedication were awe-inspiring, but it only further accentuated his own reservations.

Phil cherished the stability and routine of the life he lived with Dan. Their cozy evenings spent wrapped under inappropriately printed blankets, the absolutely bonkers adventures they just stumbled into so often, and the laughter that filled the air—it was a beautiful rhythm they had found. The idea of introducing a tiny being into their world felt like an upheaval, a disruption to the delicate balance they had crafted. It pained him to see Dan grappling with so much doubt and anguish. Phil's heart ached with the weight of his own limitations, of his inability to fulfill the dreams that begged for such a future, within Dan's heart.

As he stared into the quiet corners of their home, a melancholic sigh escaped his lips. Phil realized that his love for Dan was boundless, and he would support him in any endeavor, even if it meant confronting the uncertainties that lay ahead. But he also understood the importance of acknowledging his own truth, of honoring the limits of his own desires and capabilities.

Unconditional Love

The next day, Dan was still engulfed in his cloud of sadness, and sat on the couch once more, clad in a ridiculously expensive yet visually unappealing sweater. Phil watched him, both amused and mesmerized by Dan's ability to see beauty in the most unconventional things.

Determined to lift the spirits of his beloved best friend, Phil had been plotting something special. He discreetly tapped away on his phone, a mischievous smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"What are you plotting?" Dan said accusingly. He knew Phil way too well.

Phil made his way to the front door, excitement bubbling within him. Returning moments later, he cradled a rather large box in his hands, the anticipation visible in his eyes.

"What's this?" Dan said. Handing the box to Dan, Phil couldn't help but chuckle at his partner's skeptical expression. "Go on, open it and be very careful," he encouraged, his voice laced with an air of mystery. Dan's curiosity won the battle against his annoyance with Phil, so he cautiously unwrapped the box, his eyes widening as he caught sight of what sat inside. Nestled within the confines of the box was a tiny ball of fur, a puppy with soulful eyes and a wagging tail.

Dan gasped, a mixture of disbelief and delight crossing his face. "Phil... you got me a puppy?" he exclaimed softly, his voice trembling with a mix of emotions.

A myriad of thoughts raced through Dan's mind as he held the precious bundle of joy in his arms. A surge of warmth and affection washed over him, momentarily pushing aside the weight of his earlier worries. He looked up at Phil, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"We talked about this, we wouldn't get a dog," Dan stammered, but he could not help but smile. Phil's voice was filled with tenderness as he spoke, his gaze unwavering. "Dan, I know that having a child might not be in the cards for us, but I wanted to show you that love can come in many forms. This little fellow will bring joy and unconditional love into both our lives, and we will love him like he was our own child. I mean he is, just look at that face!"

"I can't believe you did this for me," Dan now cried as he petted the puppy. Right there, Dan and Phil's love bloomed like never before, echoed in the laughter that rang through their home, the warmth of their embrace, and the pawprints imprinted on their hearts.

Pawprints of Joy

In the early morning sun, the trio found themselves in the park, determined to conquer the art of dog training. Dan held a bag of treats tightly in his hand, his eyes filled with determination. "Okay, puppy, it's time for some training," he declared, his voice loud but calm.

Phil stood by his side, a playful smile dancing on his lips. "Remember, Dan, patience is key. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will our puppy's obedience skills." "I wish I would have trained your obedience skills," Dan joked.

They began with the basics, attempting to teach their furry friend the command "sit." As they uttered the word, the puppy's attention drifted, causing a mischievous glimmer in its eyes. Before they knew it, their well-intentioned training session turned into a hilarious display of puppy zoomies, their puppy dashing around, tail wagging furiously.

Dan and Phil couldn't help but dissolve into fits of laughter. As they watched the little pupper bound around the park, Dan felt a weight lift from his chest, his earlier concerns about fatherhood fading somewhat to the background. The presence of this new chaos factor that rivalled Phil had a soothing effect on his restless mind, oddly bringing him a sense of peace and contentment.

The following weekend, Dan and Phil organized a puppy playdate with their friends and their furry companions. Laughter filled the air as dogs of all shapes and sizes romped and played, their playful energy contagious.

Louise showed up with one of her cats on a leash, and even though Dan had laughed at the sight at first, it quickly became fast friends with Dan and Phil's puppy. The sight of the animals chasing each other in joyful abandon warmed Dan's heart. It was a reminder of the beautiful connections that can be forged through shared experiences and the unconditional love that animals bring into our lives.

As they sat on a blanket, exchanging stories and training tips, Dan couldn't help but notice the sparkle in Phil's eyes as he watched the dogs play. It was a silent acknowledgment of the joy and happiness their puppy had brought into their lives—a testament to the deep love and connection they shared.

Their days now revolved around the needs of their little furry companion. Mornings began with gentle wake-up calls, its excited tail thumping against the bedroom door. They would groggily stumble out of bed, ready to take on the day.

Phil chuckled as he watched Dan's disheveled appearance one morning. "You know, Dan, I think our puppy has affected your fashion," he teased, gesturing to Dan's stained t-shirt and rumpled hair.

Dan huffed playfully, his beautiful brown eyes shining with love - for the dog and for Phil. "Well, at least I know how to make our puppy happy," he retorted, scooping up their four-legged friend and showering it with kisses. The puppy responded with a tail wag and wet kisses, its presence filling the room with warmth.

The three of them soon settled into a new rhythm, balancing walks, playtime, and training sessions. As Dan immersed himself in the world of the dog, he discovered a sense of purpose and a newfound calmness that had eluded him before. The puppy had become an anchor—a source of comfort, healing, and unconditional love.

One evening, as they all sat on the couch, contemplating names for the puppy, Dan blurted out a random suggestion, "How about Peanut?"

Phil raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Peanut? Really, Dan?" Dan shrugged playfully. "Hey, I thought it was cute. It's a nutty name for our nutty little friend."

"Oh my god, who are you and what have you done to Dan," Phil joked. "Alright, Peanut it is. Welcome to the family, little one."

Eager to explore the world with Peanut by their side, Dan and Phil embarked on a series of adventures, each outing bringing them closer as a family. "We finally go outside" Dan laughed, his face actually beaming at Phil. It made Phil emotional. Dan had been so lost such a short while ago, and now they ventured into local parks, relishing in the beauty of nature and the simple joy of watching Peanut chase after squirrels.

One sunny day, they decided to take a spontaneous road trip to the seaside. The wind tousled their hair as they strolled along the beach, Peanut's paws leaving little pawprints in the sand. Dan's scream-laughter filled the air as Peanut gleefully chased seagulls, their wings soaring high above.

Sitting on a blanket, Phil looked at Dan. "This is what life's all about, isn't it? These moments of pure joy and freedom."

Dan nodded, a smile spreading across his face. "Absolutely. I can't imagine a better life than this—exploring new places with Peanut right beside us. You know, Phil, Peanut has taught me so much about being patient and accepting, not just with them but with myself as well. It's a lesson I'll cherish forever."

Phil nodded. "Peanut has a way of bringing out the best in us, doesn't he? As they sat down at the beach together, Peanut nestled comfortably between them, and they marveled at how their lives had been transformed. Peanut had become their guiding light, reminding them of the importance of love, connection, and the beauty of embracing the unexpected.

#phan #phandomgiftexchange #phan fic

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