#like i have seen SO many people saying they’re voting from austria and they love their song

[qqueenofhades]

Modern AU Heartrender Husbands gives me the vibes of like they'll watch eurovision bc Fedyor wanted to and Ivan only begrudgingly agreed but in the end it's him who's standing really close to the TV with a bottle of beer loudly criticising the jury vote

Anon, your Mind. As 100% ever, I am so very easy to enable. As before, this is set in Phantom!Verse, and serves as a sequel of sorts to this (and as a further prequel to PEL).

Brighton Beach, 2014

It’s their first spring in their new home – they arrived in America in August 2013 and got this place, fittingly, right around Orthodox Christmas in January 2014 – and that means many things to them. Their apartment is in a formerly rent-controlled brownstone tenement right off the boardwalk, but prior to their arrival, it was occupied for fifty years by an old bat from Krasnodar Krai who apparently never, ever, threw anything away. (Fedyor is too scared to ask if she actually died in this apartment and her mummified corpse is lurking at the bottom of all the junk.) That is why he and Ivan were able to afford it, at least, but now that the weather is warmer, they have been spending all day cleaning, hauling boxes of crap to the dumpster, and trying in vain to get the smell of pickled cabbage out of the kitchen. It looks exactly like your Great Aunt Masha’s house, the one that traumatized you as a child and has never left your nightmares since. Home sweet home.

The upside is that the location is great, the apartment is surprisingly spacious and lovely – a big bedroom, a bathroom with two sinks and a deep claw-footed tub, a living room with high windows that let in lots of light, original crown molding and hardwood floors – and if it was located in the really chic parts of Brooklyn and inhabited by a tech-startup hipster rather than a Russian émigré spinster with definite hoarding tendencies, it would rent for some astronomical monthly sum. Fedyor has a three-ring binder full of paint swatches, sketches, furniture samples, and other plans to give it a total overhaul (he’s thinking a nice pale green for the living room?) But the one thing that spring definitely means is Eurovision, and it is just the ticket to relax from their grueling schedule of throwing boxes of junk away and hoping they don’t stumble upon a withered hand in a glass jar. He likes America and he’s excited for their new life, for all that they had no choice but to leave Russia in a hurry, but Eurovision is Eurovision.

Actually watching it, of course, is easier said than done. For one thing, Fedyor can’t find a blasted station that is airing it, when he could have just switched on the TV and found it right away back home. For another, Ivan is deeply dubious of the whole endeavor, having watched five minutes of it once when he was eighteen and turning it off in disgust, never to return. Fedyor spends a lot of time wheedling him to give it another chance. “Come on, Vanya. It’s fun!”

“It is a lot of homosexuals gyrating in leather to very bad music,” Ivan snaps. “They look ridiculous. And sound even worse.”

Fedyor glances at them – the fact that they’re sitting on the couch, he’s on Ivan’s lap with his legs draped over Ivan’s thigh, and Ivan’s arms wrapped around his waist – and coughs. “I’m not sure how to break this to you, darling,” he says, “but you are also a homosexual.”

“Maybe, but you would never catch me dead up there.”

“Of course not.” Fedyor rolls his eyes. “You might actually have to smile.”

Ivan makes a scoffing noise. Then he notices the full-on puppy-dog face that Fedyor is now giving him, and says, “Oh no. Oh no, Fedya. Do not look at me like that.”

“Why not?” Fedyor shamelessly snuggles closer. “Is it working?”

The predictable outcome is that Ivan grudgingly agrees to watch it with him, though they’re on American time now and Eurovision Song Contest 2014, held in Copenhagen, Denmark, is six hours ahead of them. Ivan thinks that it’s stupid to sit down and watch a lot of gyrating homosexuals in the middle of the day, when there’s still so much work to do, and tries to demand that they just watch the recording later. Fedyor says this is nonsense, you simply cannot watch a recording of Eurovision, and after a lot of investigation, finds the online streaming channel on his laptop and hooks it up to the TV so they can watch it there. Then he prepares his popcorn, his alcoholic beverages, and his glitter glasses, corrals his recalcitrant husband, and readies himself to experience pure joy. No wonder Ivan doesn’t get it.

However, the effect is both swift and remarkable. By the end of the first semi-final, Ivan is put out about the fact that Russia came seventh in the popular vote but was knocked down to eleven by the jury (this is evidence of an anti-Russian conspiracy, according to him) and when only Moldova, a tiny no-name non-EU former Soviet state, deigns to award them the full twelve points, he is openly incredulous. “Moldova?! That is all we get?! MOLDOVA?!”

“Well,” Fedyor says delicately. “There is that little situation in Ukraine, so I’m afraid we are not that popular right now.”

“That is bullshit,” Ivan grouses. “This is a song contest. The Tolmachevy Sisters are not Vladimir Putin. I am sure they have worked very hard to be here.”

Fedyor glances at him and wisely decides not to say anything. He is likewise a little peeved when the Russian contestants get booed by the Danish audience, but Ivan looks like he’s about to leap through the screen and throttle every single one of them. He thrusts out a hand. “Give me a drink, Fedya. I need it to suffer this indignity.”

Fedyor cracks the lid off a cold one and hands it over – there is the Brighton Bazaar just a few blocks away, stocked with Russian goods, so they are spared the ordeal of drinking Yankee beer – and Ivan takes a long slug. He thinks they can skip watching the second semi-final two nights later, since Russia isn’t in it, but Fedyor puts it on anyway. They both like Austria and “Rise Like a Phoenix,” sung by the bearded drag queen Conchita Wurst (there have been a few dumb comments about her from the usual suspects), but Ivan hits a fist on the arm of the sofa. “She was not better than the Russian girls,” he says loyally. “I still think that they should be the ones to win.”

“Right, well,” Fedyor says. “I think the only ones less likely to win are the Brits, and they never win, so we might be waiting a while.”

The grand finale, on May tenth, is an inadvertently hysterical exercise. They get up early and put on the pregame show, like the Americans do with their bewildering fixation on the Super Bowl, and Ivan gets even more furious when the Tolmachevy Sisters are booed again. “Are they not supposed to love everyone at this glitter bacchanalia? So much for the Scandinavians being tolerant and accepting people! The song is nice! They are nice girls! What is wrong with them?!”

“Come over here and give me a cuddle, Vanya,” Fedyor suggests. “Otherwise you will blow a blood vessel long before the show starts.”

Ivan growls like an escaped tiger from the zoo, but consents to sit down next to Fedyor. They both drink copiously once the festivities get underway, singing along loudly (and not that melodiously) to the various entries, Fedyor’s arm draped around Ivan’s neck as he sits on his lap and critically judges the acts before the official results pop up. Once again, the only twelve-point awards Russia gets are from former Soviet countries (Azerbaijan and Belarus) and Ivan looks like he’s going to have a conniption before Fedyor kisses him and he gets distracted for the next three minutes. “This is disgraceful,” he mutters, when they break away. “Not you, Fedya. Just the horrible way they have clearly rigged this show against us.”

“You know,” Fedyor says. “That’s Eurovision. You declare war on your neighbors when they don’t give you twelve points. Now they have the EU, they’re not supposed to fight anymore, this is the only way they can get all those old rivalries out. Just be glad that Australia isn’t in this year. You might have really blown a gasket.”

“Australia?!” Ivan shifts Fedyor to a more comfortable position on his lap and grabs for his third bottle of beer. “AUSTRALIA IS NOT IN EUROPE! It is not even anywhere NEAR Europe! WHY DOES AUSTRALIA GET TO BE IN EUROVISION!?!”

Fedyor laughs out loud. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Ivan says. “But this is still the stupidest thing I have ever seen.”

“Shh.” Fedyor nuzzles him. “Just give in, Vanya. Just give in.”

Ivan consents to turn his grumbling down to a simmer, and is somewhat mollified that Russia comes in sixth overall, which is better than even Fedyor thought they were going to do. Austria takes the champion’s crown, they can both agree that Conchita Wurst deserves it, and get up and dance around their still-junk-cluttered living room as she gives her bravissima performance. A few things have been thrown during the judging, but they can’t add much to the existing mess, and in Brighton Beach, “damage caused to the apartment because Russia got shafted during Eurovision finals” might actually be a legitimate excuse. As he leans against Ivan’s chest and grins into his neck, Fedyor has to admit that this place may just feel like home yet.

#ivan x fedyor #heartrender husbands #fivan #pel asks #henchmen deserve happiness too okay #anonymous #ask #fivan ff

[eurovision-del]

I’m feeling a lot happier with tonight’s results than I did on Tuesday. Admittedly I only got 6 of my top 10 based entirely on songs, but based on performances this seems like a fair set of qualifiers!

Qualifiers:

Albania: Albania might be sending the same song over and over but it’s a decent song, and Anxhela gave one of, if not the strongest vocal performance tonight. I was very happy to see her qualify!

Serbia: Not entirely my thing, but Hurricane did exactly what the song needed, so I’m happy to see them qualify. Though I will say it did feel at points like the Sanja show rather than them always being a cohesive group.

Bulgaria: The staging was admittedly very good but it did nothing to change my feelings about the song, I just found the whole thing tedious. It’s still absolutely a deserved qualifier though!

Moldova: Of the ten qualifiers this is the one I’m least happy with despite the song landing in my top ten of the semi. I found the staging a little dull, and even if she managed to hold that final note, I was not convinced by Natalia’s vocal performance for most of the song. If I could, I would swap this one out for Denmark.

Portugal: Portugal so often get underrated at this contest (I don’t think I’ll ever be over 2019) but I’m so glad to see them qualify! I like the song itself but that performance took it to a whole other level, everything about the staging was perfect, and the vocals were on point.

Iceland: Even if they can’t perform it live, Iceland have one of the best overall packages in this contest, and I’m so glad they were able to use their rehearsal performance, it was brilliant! I’m so pleased to see them reach the final, where they’ll hopefully get a great result!

San Marino: I’ve said from the start that even if the song isn’t 100% my thing it fully deserves to qualify, and I adored the performance tonight, it was trashy in all the right ways. I’m very glad that Flo Rida did actually make it, not that this wouldn’t have qualified without him, but because after all the hype it would have been awful if he didn’t.

Switzerland: I was one of the people who was skeptical about this performance based on the second rehearsal snippet, and I was so glad to be proven wrong, I fell in love with this song all over again! I’m really lucky this year that I like just about all the songs that have a shot at winning!

Greece: I wasn’t impressed with the greenscreen effect, it was very shabby with shadows showing through, and I’m still not keen on the song, I just can’t get into it for some reason. I can understand why people like this, and I was expecting it to qualify based on general fandom opinion going in, but it’s still not for me.

Finland: So glad to see them through, unlike in semi 1 where I relaxed before the final qualifier was announced, I got very stressed that Blind Channel might just miss out! AWS only qualified in 10th place back in 2018 (though they’re very different songs, anything under the broad rock umbrella gets lumped together at Eurovision). I shouldn’t have worried, they were brilliant tonight, and even if I won’t be voting for them on Saturday (probably) I’m excited to see them again!

Non-Qualifiers:

Austria: Vincent gave a performance he can be proud of, but I never understood why the bookies had this qualifying, there were stronger ballads in this semi.

Czech Republic: I love the song, but I didn’t enjoy Benny’s performance, he just seemed off. Apparently he’s been like that throughout rehearsals, so this doesn’t come as a surprise, and I think it’s right that this didn’t qualify.

Denmark: My biggest grower of 2021, and currently my biggest heartbreak. Honestly if you’d told me back when the dmgp songs were released I would vote for Denmark in the semi final I would have laughed! But their performance was so genuine and full of joy, I’m really going to miss this one. Maybe it was just too dated for Europe.

Estonia: Another song I really like. I thought Uku gave a decent performance, but I appreciate I’m pretty unique in liking it as much as I do, and it got lost performing so early on. I fully understand this not making it.

Georgia: This song ranks just inside my top 10 of the semi, but I don’t quite consider it a personal qualifier because I always wanted San Marino to make it, even if I’m slightly less keen on the song. I enjoyed the deep atmosphere of the performance, and I’m sure I’ll come back to it in the future, but non-qualification was fully expected for this one.

Latvia: It’s nice to finally see Samanta Tina on the Eurovision stage after all these years. Her song was always borderline, and I don’t mind it missing out. Her performance was solid but not enough to blow everyone away the way it needed to if it were to have any chance of qualifying.

Poland: I described this as an enjoyable trainwreck when liveblogging. Every other song in this semi I could make a case for a shock qualification, but not this one. I enjoyed watching the show, but this non-qualification was deserved.

Quality-wise, this semi was a bit rougher than semi 1, but I enjoyed it. When you consider that I was fully expecting Bulgaria and Greece to qualify, there was only one result I wasn’t too happy about - a big improvement from the three to four of semi 1! The final is shaping up to be really exciting, there’s so many good songs! I have absolutely no idea who will win, based on the performances we’ve seen I think victory for any of Italy, France, Malta, or Switzerland would be deserved, and while I’m really hoping for Italy, I’ll be happy enough with any of the other three.

#eurovision #esc2021 #I'll also be super happy if any of Ukraine Iceland or Lithuania somehow grab a shock victory #Bulgaria is the one song I also think has an outside chance that I wouldn't be happy if won #the three results I was unhappy about in semi 1 are Norway Azerbaijan and Israel #the fourth is Sweden which I didn't want to fully count as I was expecting them to qualify #but I still wasn't too happy with it especially when I lost so many songs I liked in that semi

[unibrowzz]

Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part VII (FINALE)- The 2010s

And we’re on the home stretch! Just 10 songs left now.

The 2010s stands as the only decade I watched live and the only decade I haven’t yet rewatched, mainly because I have no interest to. I’ve already seen the contest anyway, if a song didn’t stick with me then, it probably won’t now.

Also prepare for some hotter than usual takes, mostly down to the 10s contests being the most well known due to recency bias. I can say whatever the Hell I want about older contests and what songs I despise from there, but one non-positive comment about Euphoria and suddenly about five butthurt anons appear in my inbox telling me why I’m wrong.

But without further ado, let’s finish these off!

2010: Satellite

Country: Germany

Artist: Lena Meyer-Landrut

Language: English

Thoughts: I used to defend this song a lot, for some reason. I used to get super defensive when people dismissed it as a cheap lazy pop song that shouldn’t have won over (insert song here, but let’s be real here, 99% of the time it’s Turkey's equally cheap lazy emo rock song) and that it robbed so many better entries, blah blah, you know the drill. And I think it’s because it was the first winner I saw as I started properly watching in 2010, so I didn’t want to shit all over the winner that introduced me to the contest. Or maybe it’s that it makes me really nostalgic, or something to that effect. But, dear God, why did I? It’s so… not worth it. I appreciate it for being a much less instrumental-heavy winner, with its skippy, snappy beat and bouncing vocals which sound closer to plain talking than actual singing, but… How many times were the lyrics ran through GoogleTranslate before they were finalised? What’s with the janky, overexaggerated fake-English accent? Why does the singer look embarrassed to be a part of this? Why was this written?  And how the FUCK did it win? It’s so weird and awkward to listen to. It’s the song equivalent of trying to make small talk with that one classmate you never talk to because they’re shy and boring. It’s like listening to an old person laugh half-heartedly at their not-that-funny old person joke. It’s canned laughter in a mediocre sitcom. It’s just an awkward, painful to listen to song that’s made all the more painful by the fact that Germany has sent much better songs that easily could have replaced this as their one post-reunification winner.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Spain- Daniel Diges- “Algo Pequeñito”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 60th

2011: Running Scared 

Country: Azerbaijan

Artist: Ell and Niki 

Language: English

Thoughts: Look, this one isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. Doesn’t mean it’s good, or that I find it particularly good, but the worst winner of all time? Goodness no, it doesn't even come remotely close. What we have here is a mildly pleasant ballad duet song with a distinctive sad-boyband vibe. Like you can definitely hear the “X-Factor winner’s first cover song” energy just radiating off it from the first few lines. I suppose you could argue that that does make it feel a bit clinical and like it’s trying too hard to be a big hit, but come on, it’s not like this is the first winner like that. The singing is alright; better than half the singing that won in the 2000s anyway, and the male singer especially has a nice voice. The lyrics aren’t exactly poetry, sure, but again, other winners have terrible lyrics as well and don’t receive nearly as much hate as this one does. And… that’s it. Why all the hate? No idea, but I can only assume the people who declare this song to be the worst winner ever haven’t heard anything that won before 2010.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Denmark- A Friend in London- “New Tomorrow”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 42nd

2012: Euphoria

Country: Sweden

Artist: Loreen

Language: English

Thoughts: Ugh. Listen. This is not a bad song. It’s decent, middle of the table, listenable, marketable, well sung, well performed, well shot. I must stress, this is not a bad song. But the best Eurovision song of all time? Absolutely not. Euphoria is one of the few winners I would describe as “overrated”, and that isn’t a term I use lightly (since it’s overused as Hell), because frankly, I don’t see what people see in this song. Hell, I forgot it completely until the 2012 voting, and further still until mid 2013 when a friend said he liked it. This song left that little of an impression on me that I completely forgot everything about it for a solid year.  And considering how many fans regard this to be one of the best, if not the best song to ever come out of the contest... that baffles me, I just can’t wrap my head around why so many people hold this song up on a pedestal and worship it like it was dropped from the hands of God himself. And I'm not sure if it's because this just isn't a genre I care about, or if it's because this was WAY back when I was a casual fan who didn't follow any of the songs or artists so didn't know who'd be the favourite going in like I do now, and therefore didn’t know to keep an ear out for this one. Or maybe you have to be piss drunk and at a nightclub to really feel the impact of this song. This song triggers absolutely no response from me other than “Oh, a Eurovision song”. I feel no emotion towards it aside from complete indifference. I can’t deny that this song made an impact, it just… didn’t make an impact on me.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Spain- Pastora Soler- “Quedate Conmigo”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 40th

2013: Only Teardrops

Country: Denmark

Artist: Emmelie de Forest

Language: English

Thoughts: Let me ask you a question: What do you get when you sandwich an otherwise decent pop song between two of the most iconic and recognizable winners of the decade? You get this. Only Teardrops is a weird, weird winner to me. On one hand, the fandom acts like it might as well not exist, you go straight from Euphoria to Rise Like a Phoenix, who cares about that filler song which came between them. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who really like it, yet all of them are either very casual fans or not fans at all. So this makes me feel like this song’s main weakness is that it’s too mainstream, at least for Eurovision fans. What are my thoughts? It depends. For one, I enjoy this song a LOT more than Euphoria; I always have done and I’m not ashamed or afraid to admit that. I find this song has a lot more personal appeal, particularly a much bigger finale in my opinion, and being surrounded by people who like this song has admittedly kept me fond of it. BUT, I still wouldn’t necessarily call it a favourite of mine. Maybe a favourite of the 2010s, but not overall. At the end of the day, it’s a little too generic, a little too normal, a little too like every other song you’d hear on the radio. It’s not really a song I find myself coming back to again and again and loving every time, it’s the song I stick on to shut my family up when they want to listen to Eurovision music and I’m too shy to show them the songs I actually really like. It's just a decent song that's unfortunate enough to be stuck in between two more iconic winners, doomed to be little more than the answer in a pub quiz question.  And even though I do prefer this one to some of those icons, and don’t really have anything else to say about it, it’s just enjoyable yet kind of bland.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Iceland

If no, what is? Iceland- Eyþór Gunnlaugsson- “Ég á Líf”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 16th

2014: Rise Like a Phoenix

Country: Austria

Artist: Conchita Wurst

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the man who made the entire continent of Europe collectively forget what a drag queen is. What a shitshow that night was. But I'm not here to talk about that, I'm here to rate/say some things about the song, and honestly? This is arguably the most vocally impressive winner from the 2010s. Seriously, there’s nothing I can fault here; this guy’s got some serious pipes. Every time I go back to it I just end up blown away by how powerful and raw this song is. And obviously good vocals alone can’t carry a song forever, otherwise I would’ve had nicer things to say about the early 70s and mid 90s, but with this song the vocals go hand-in-hand with the gimmick. Without the powerful vocals this would just be a knockoff Bond theme sung by a drag queen with a beard, like it’d just be another sensationalist gimmick song to throw onto the pile with all the other gimmick songs. But with the good singing, this has the distinction that it’s a gimmick entry that still had every right to win because the singer was actually competent. Also unlike the 70s winners this one actually has strong emotions tied to it rather than it just being a bunch of pretty French words, so there’s that.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or the Netherlands tbh

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 17th

2015: Heroes

Country: Sweden

Artist: Måns Zelmerlöw 

Language: English 

Thoughts: Fun fact: I was so bitter this won that I stormed off before the voting was done and cried in my room over it. I hated everything about this song: I hated how Sweden won just three years after their last win, I hated how the staging was just BEGGING people to vote for it, and I ESPECIALLY hated how it beat out the televote favourite because the juries were too busy wanking off to this one to care about anything else. I just despised everything about this song, and it turned me into an obnoxious jury-hater for a solid year.  And yes, I'm extremely embarrassed of all that because honestly this song is fantastic. I would go as far to say it's my favourite Swedish winner, maybe not one of my favourite Swedish entries but definitely my favourite winner of theirs. Everything about this is just so appealing to me, from the brooding intro and vocals, to the lyrics, to the staging, my GOD the staging! It’s one of the best performances of the contest to date; It's impressive without being tacky or try-hard, he interacts with his background, and that little doodle boy character he’s created is adorable. I just love this performance, it’s so mesmerising.

Was this my personal winner for this year? Not then, is now

If no, what was? Then? Serbia- Bojana Stamenov- “Beauty Never Lies”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 11th

2016: 1944

Country: Ukraine

Artist: Jamala

Language: English, some Crimean words

Thoughts: I mean… it’s good until she starts singing. Now I am by all means not an advocate for bringing back the old language rule, but songs like this sure as Hell make me one. This should have been left entirely in Crimean. Simple as that. The English lyrics are bloody awful, no way to sugarcoat it, and absolutely annihilate the potential this song is otherwise seething with, because the instrumental to this song is fantastic and the chorus and climax give me goosebumps. The performance at the contest was chilling as well; a perfect blend of both simple yet flashy staging to set up a really uneasy atmosphere that compliments the song perfectly but, God, the lyrics are bad, man, especially for such a serious song about a personal topic.  That said, it's still the only song in the 2016 top 3 that seemed winner-worthy, unlike Australia's obvious Jurybait and Russia's obvious Telebait. So… it has that. 

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? France- Amir Haddad- “J’ai Cherché”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 57th

2017: Amar Pelos Dois 

Country: Portugal 

Artist: Salvador Sobral 

Language: Portuguese (Translation: “Both of us”)

Thoughts: I still question why it took Portugal until 20-fucking-17 to even reach the top five, but that's a rant for another day.  Not that this is a rant, far from it. Anybody who knows me knows that I love this song after all, and that it’s one of the few winners I remain rather defensive of, though that’s mostly down to the amount of hate this song and its singer receive.  I will defend Sal and his hot takes on pop music until I die. Now I’ll admit, this song surprised me in more ways than one. Namely by actually winning the televote; given how this song has split opinions clean down the board as to whether it’s spine-tinglingly beautiful or soul-crushingly boring, I was expecting it to come mid-table in the televote whilst some other country swiped first. Yet somehow it managed to stomp the televote just as hard as it stomped the jury vote. I guess I wasn’t the only person this struck a chord with after all. Also, I can’t be the only one who thinks this is a perfect dance song? Like it’s great for ballroom, or contemporary. It’s so dreamy and flowy, and I usually HATE dreamy flowy songs, yet this one just resonates with me for some reason and I’m not sure why.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 4th

2018: Toy

Country: Israel

Artist: Netta Barzilai

Language: English, some chicken noises, cringe

Thoughts: And here we have another case for bringing back the language rule, because if this song had a Hebrew version I would 100% listen to it more often. When I heard Israel was sending an, ahem, "feminist anthem" about the #MeToo trend on twitter, my first reaction was "ew". When I heard it was the favourite to win, my reaction was also "ew". And when I heard the song for the first time? "Hm, not as bad as I thought."  And also "ew". This song is just embarrassing. I’m embarrassed listening to it, I’m embarrassed watching it, and I’m embarrassed when someone mentions it when I’m trying to convince them Eurovision actually has good music. You can just tell from the first few lines that it was written by middle aged men trying to shill themselves out to gullible young women who think listening to a song by some Israeli DJ “empowers” them.  And let’s be honest here: “empowering” is just media speak for “shit”. The only thing stopping me from putting it at the VERY bottom is the instrumental and performance because without the cringy lyrics you’re left with a pretty good club song, and I swear to God Netta Barzilai could sell herself sneezing for 3 minutes. If “Toy” had been entirely in Hebrew I would’ve given it a pass, and maybe a cheeky vote or two.  But, alas, that was not to be.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Italy- Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro- “Non mi Avete fatto Niente”

Personal ranking (out of 67):  64th

2019: Arcade

Country: The Netherlands

Artist: Duncan Laurence

Language: English

Thoughts: You know, in my 9 or so years watching the contest, I don’t think I’ve ever felt genuinely ecstatic watching a song win. Most of the time I either feel neutral (most of them) or a more general, content kind of happy (2014 and 2017). Like I’ve never let out a shout of joy and slid on my knees across my living room floor in sheer, blind happiness. But that’s what I did with “Arcade”. I’m not really sure why that is because, I must confess, it wasn’t my personal winner of the night, and, looking back, I preferred other songs, but… God, I just can’t explain how overwhelmingly happy I was when this song won. I’m not sure if it’s because I was alone or if I was rooting for this deep down (or if it’s because it was between this song or fuckin’ Sweden again). But that’s by the by. How’s the song? Honestly? Really good. One of my favourites of this decade, if I’m honest. It’s the kind of song that’s grown on me a lot since the night of the contest; even though it wasn’t my favourite song from 2019, I’m not mad at all at it winning.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Honestly I had about 10

If no, what is? I could list them if you want

Personal ranking (out of 67):  6th

#AND IT IS DONE #eurovision #mod's winner reviews #esc winners #finally glad to get these done lmao these were so tedious to format

[eurosong]

Undo my ESC - Semi-final 1

Hey there, folks – with this year having so many ESC national finals with results that I personally found lamentable, I thought I’d do a little write-up, Undo my ESC, where I take this year’s entrants and make a feasible change, anything as small as tinkering with a few minor touches or as big as another person winning the national final completely.  Obviously, just my opinion and a light-hearted review, but I hope the people that always unfollow this page because they disagree with something I say on the few occasions I go into personal opinions stop reading here. Let’s take a look, first, at Semi-Final 1. Azerbaijan: she’s a jazz and soul singer. Get her singing a song in one of these styles that is comfortable to her! If the Azeris really think they wouldn’t have a chance with these genres, then they haven’t been paying attention to the last few winners of the contest. Even if she didn’t emulate them, she’d surely get to the final with their qualification rate, and would have more of a chance of standing out than with this generic “bop” (my most hated overused word of this season.) Iceland: Iceland this year may have sent the song with the most excruciatingly hackneyed lyrics in several years. Take a Hallmark card poem, drown it in treacle and you have an idea of how syrupy and twee the song is, almost as if they were some pretty bad satirists trying to write an over-the-top “humankind is one” pastiche song. I didn’t really pay much heed to Söngvakkepnin this year – finding their offerings a tame lot compared to recent years, like the excellent showdown between Svala and Daði Freyr last year – so I don’t have a horse to back, but since Í stormi was winning the contest televote before the superfinal, in this alternate timeline, I will have it win instead. Albania: This song is as close to perfection almost as you can get to me. Some people don’t like the revamped version, but – after what feels like an entire era of bad revamping – I like it and think it makes the song melodically tighter. I guess my change would be that Eugent would get the visa needed to attend the pre-parties, as he really needs all the exposure he can get to get out of this semi-final of death. Belgium: A really nice effort from Belgium, with Flanders stepping it up a gear to match the Walloons’ quality over the past years. Not sure how to change it, except to perhaps incorporate some Dutch in there? The separation of broadcasters made sense when Wallonia was sending songs in French and Flanders in Vlaams, not so much now when they’re both sending English songs. It’d be nice to hear the first bit of Dutch from Belgium since 1996 in, for example, one of the reprises of the choruses. Czechia: The Czechs surprised a lot of onlookers by joining the wave away from internal selections and towards national finals, but there was only ever going to be one winner here, Mikolas Jozef, whose song soared above an otherwise weak crowd melodically – but not lyrically! Even his new “family friendly” version for the ESC feels sleazy, misogynistic, and raises a bunch of questions that I definitely wouldn’t want to have to explain to my students. My change would be that he take the opportunity of writing a new set of lyrics to write something to go much better with the admittedly catchy score. Lithuania: This is gorgeous on every level and is soaring up my personal chart. Ieva’s vocals, powerful in their delicacy, are really moving and add to the poignancy of the lyrics. I originally found the English version sorely lacking compared to Kai myliu, but they have a certain understated simplicity and naïveté that I find lovely. She’s letting the words speak for themselves and I love that. My one change? Make it bilingual and add some Lithuanian to the mix, something she did in the final but is unclear whether she’ll replicate on the big stage.

Israël: Netta was rightfully the breakout star of the Israëli preselection, and having seen interviews of her, she seems genuinely lovely. I wouldn’t change her as the representative picked, but I wóúld go for a different song. Listening to or watching “Toy”, for me, feels like sensory overstimulation, like entering a room with a blur of a thousand noises and flashing lights. It feels too try-hard for me, like they want to be the memetic entry of the year, which some people will vote for just because of the chicken memes rather than the musical value of the piece. I also think that trying to posture it as a #!MeToo anthem is the biggest reach since Brisa Fenoy’s acclamation of Lo Malo. Belarus: As much as I’ve come to ironically appreciate the song and Alekseev’s bizarre accentuation, Farevvahh doesn’t hold a candle to Chmarki for me, which would have been a second unusual and unique pick for Belarus. Estonia: Eesti Laul was a bit of a dud for me this year, unlike the previous year where I loved Spirit Animal and Slingshot liked almost every song in the final -except for the eventual winner (my luck in a nutshell, there.) My pick would have been the sweeping and otherworldly Külm, which would have brought about an overdue return to the exceedingly musical Estonian language at Eurovision. If we have to keep Elina, give her a song (rather than a vocal exhibition) in Estonian, a language whose vocalic richness is perfectly suited for operatics. Bulgaria: The thing letting this darkly atmospheric piece down the most is the female vocalist, Žana Bergendorff, who doesn’t add much to the five-piece combo and has done very little except for gawp distractingly at the crowd in live performances. Bulgaria’s broadcasters teased much bigger names… I would have had them follow through on them. Macedonia: I’ve really grown to like this song from Macedonia, though on first listen – and those first impressions are crucial for folk who haven’t been listening to the songs for months in advance – it seemed a bit messy rather than the musical odyssey I currently consider it to be. It’s a risk, but I’d leave the composition as it is – except for inserting some of the supposed Macedonian we might have got. Croatia: Go back in time and tell Franka not to make a version of Sam Brown’s “Stop” with trap beats? Austria: Another composition that I can barely find fault with and really like. I love the light and shade of this – the dark and despairing verses offset by the build of the bridge and the upbeat, gospel-twinged verses. Only a special voice could pull that off, but Cesár’s husky and soulful timbre is perfect for both. The only part of the song where my attention flags is between the 2nd and 3rd choruses, where I think a fully-fledged third verse would be more interesting. Greece:  Actually have a national final. Don’t eliminate all but one song in the shadiest way possible. And have the winner be Don’t forget the sun/ Μην ξεχνασ τον ηλιο, which I feel brought a truly Greek atmosphere and combined English and Greek effortlessly, avoiding the clunkiness that bilingual songs often have. Finland: I would rather have had a proper UMK with more than one candidate, rather than what we got, 3 songs from Saara Aalto, which doesn’t represent that much choice. If that were impossible – as it seemed YLE was dead set on that path – then I’d probably have gone with Domino instead. Monsters is, musically, a more interesting piece and doesn’t have the atrocious rhyming of “falling, oh” with “domino” (troolee jeenyus riming), but her performance of Domino was considerably less shaky, and I find the chorus a bit gratingly shrill. Armenia: I love that Armenia are sending a song in their beautiful native language, and Qami is a grower with mystical and poetic lyrics. But I can’t lie – I much preferred If you don’t walk me home and would have it win Depi Evratesil instead. Switzerland: I’m going to be honest: in the last few years, I haven’t expected much out of Switzerland except for “non-qualifier” fodder, having brought us only 3 songs I like (Cool vibes, Unbreakable and especially the verbosely charming Hunter of Stars. Come back, Sebalter!) … since their last victory in 1988! I don’t mind Stones, even if I think it’s pop that’s rolled around in the mud a bit to present itself as grungey. However, there was something truly beautiful and stirring in the selection, Chiara Dubey’s “Secrets and Lies”, which seemed elegantly pared back despite also having something of an orchestral flourish. And her voice, as smooth as velvet, crowning the composition. Unfortunately, it had no chance… but I would make it my personal winner of the Swiss selection. Ireland: Ireland’s song this year is not daring or likely to make a splash, but quite lovely, with beautiful harmonies. I find the representative this year to be very unctuous and shifty though, especially his fake news about his video – whence I imagine most of the hype comes from, representing his song about a boy and girl breaking up with a romantic interpretive dance between two fellas falling in love, naturally – that he propagated against Russia.  Cyprus: Just no on every level to the current package, one of my absolute least favourites this year. I’d have a national selection with some Greek language songs. Whilst I begrudge how ERT handled their “national final” fiasco, at least they made a few steps in the right direction. This is the equivalent of flying half way around the world in the wrong direction. And the direct finalists voting in this semi-final:  Portugal: Whilst I have grown to find Isaura’s meditative song about the loss of her gran quite an extraordinary and emotive listen, I found this year’s Festival da canção of great quality and diversity and would have preferred Beatriz’ Eu te amo, Diogo Piçarra’s Canção do fim, or even better, Janeiro’s “(sem título)” as the host nation’s entry. Spain: This is one of my huge favourites this year, so I can pick little fault with it at all, though I think I prefer their pre-revamp version, which was a little more subtle in its lack of additional adornments. United Kingdom: The only thing I was happy about when it came to the result of You Decide, (which should be renamed You decide 50%, a jury decides the rest and we never tell you who réálly was decisive!) was that this prevented the more hideous hymn of unwarranted self-aggrandisement that was “Legends” from getting the ticket. But the eventual winning song, and especially the revamp, which sounds like the producers got bored and let their six year old kid go wild on a Casio, is such a wet weekend for me, especially when it was up against a soaring voice and poignant set of lyrics in Jaz Ellington’s “You”. 

So, that’s my summary of what I consider to be by far the stronger semi-final of this year’s Eurovision, and where only a few of my changes needed to be drastic. Join me soon to go through SF2, as I navigate a nearly wall-to-wall litany of horrors and share how I would like to try to right them!

#eurovision #esc 2018 #eurovision song contest #review #opinion #eurovision 2018

[pilferingapples]

FINAL EUROVISION LIVEBLOG

--There's a whoooole lot of Intro and News Commentary from SVT; most of it I'm skipping because I don't understand it, but fans are singing adorably now, awwww. 

--OMG DANIEL DIGES IN THE PREVIEW SEGMENT I AM WELL REWARDED FOR MY MINOR AMOUNT OF PATIENCE wow he's beautiful 

--...now the channel's like...gone to cut screen but they don't have their wiring worked out?

--NOW

--..okay the bead thing sort of explains the Artistic Theme happening, to the extent I think anything about Eurovision can or should be explained

-this host looks like he should be in a Marvel movie and should be named Chris

-I genuinely love the Walk of Glory intro of all the main performers!

-...Oh here come the people who are too cool to have to compete in the semifinals! I don't know them.

-EXCEPT MANEL HI MANEL 

-Buglaria is a precious child and I hope he has fun

-..literally I am old enough to be his mother it's terrible ANYWAY

-The Host Dudes are Very Sparkly now , and again I am grateful for the SVT commenters talking over them in a language I cannot understand , save me from the Bantr(tm)

-omg awkward junior high pics 

-Gonna say at the start here,  DISCO RAP YODELING TEAM has my heart, but there are a LOT of acts here I love.

-....and a lot of ballads. Why did so many ballads get in. Who voted for the ballads. 

-...how does voting for this work?

-GOOD FOR YOU ISRAEL THAT WAS FUN 

- omg audience member has the star hat cosplay 

- ...oh gad was this a ballad one 

-oh gad it was  -Poland I love and support you as a nation but WHY A BALLAD

-...doves are flying out of her armpits though so points for that

-SHE'S A GOOD SINGER I just cannot muster up caring about this song

-SPACE DOLPHIN for REASONS 

-...Freedom?

- BELARUS I LOVE YOU BOTH 

-THEY'RE ON A BOAT -I want this song as MP3, it's just so happy!

-WOAH  GET A ROOM 

(no I'm happy for them)

-OMG ADORABLE CHILD INTRO SEGMENT  -Austria! Is like the theme to an 80s/early 90s slice of life show 

- Plus: happy song, not really a ballad , Cons: nothing is on fire,minimal discoing

-ARMENIAAAA  continues to be dressed like a TOS Klingon and I love it  -the Netherlands trio reminds me hardcore of Wilson Phillips, because I am Old. That's fine! I liked WP. But it's very a Thing  It doesn't help that W-P had an album called Light and Shadow either, I mean it'-s not a Super Unique name but >_<

-THEIR FANS HAVE SHIRTS <3

-HI MAXIMILIEN, FAN FROM AUSTRIA 

-...Volare was a Eurovision song? 

-OMG IMPROMPTU KICKITY DANCE  - I am briefly overwhelmed by Emotion about all these people from all these countries coming together for Music and Fun?? TEAR BREAK -OKAY I'M OKAY AND IT'S TIME FOR MOLDOVA WHICH HAS A  GREAT ACT 

-SUNSTROKE PROJECT:D 

-I like this stage act much more than the video for this , really 

HMMM I think the Army Of Thems works okay here, though it's not my favorite visuals 

- THE DRESSES THOUGH :D 

-XYLOPHONE JACKET HUNGARY 

-I don't know how to describe what he's doing with his voice but I love it 

DISCO MILKJUG CONTINUES  and I Approve ,

- in any other setting I would question the dancing girl, but it's Eurovision, so I only question why she's not wearing more glitter

-I really love the folk art motifs in the background, and also the JETS OF FIRE

-ITALY  ...have we seen Italy? Did I forget Italy or is this a "we weren't in the semifinals"thing?

-GORILLA I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT GORILLA

-..okay the song is slightly boring pop but AT LEAST IT'S NOT A BALLAD and I like the background visuals

- And I am again wondering how the backgrounds are chosen! Who gets to decide? Do the singers get a say? 

-...did the Italy fans have a cow

-BLONDE WOMAN SINGLE SINGER  SIGNS OF THE BALLADOCALYPSE 

DENMARRRRK ...is exactly what I thought, yeah okay 

-drinks time

-PORTUGAL HI

- it's a sweet sounding song and he does the Awkward Cute very very well but there is a tragic lack of general fabness 

-oh god host banter nooooo

-AZERBAIJAN YESSSS

-HORSEHEAD LADDER BOYFRIEND -BADBOY  -EXTREME SKELETON  - this isn't really my Kind of song but I admire the Extraness of the performance and setup , like there  is no need for this horsehead guy at ALL but also he is ESSENTIAL THANK YOU

-Croatia! I never thought I'd actually hear someone do Agnes Nitt's trick of singing duets with herself, but here we are. 

- AUSTRALIA is a Child! I am very uncomfortable about this. 

-Wait is this the first for Belarus?  

- THE FIRST ROMA FOR HUNGARY YAAAY

-GREECE oh no it's a Single Singing Woman this Bodes Ballads  - GREECE I TAKE IT BACK AND I LOVE YOU ​​​​​​​

-OH RIGHT THIS IS HER  WITH THE WATER FEATURE AND THE NAKED GUYS DANCING AT HER FEET  - SHIRTLESS BUT WHATEVER 

-...are the guys the couple the song is about?? if so AWESOME 

- HI MANEL , YOU'RE A FACECAST FOR A WEIRD FANDOM 

-good grief he's pretty , I have Hair Envy

-OOOF voice crack 

-okay not the most amazing song but AT LEAST IT WASN'T  A FRIGGING BALLAD

-NORWAY ! With the..mask..thing!

-KILL THAT VOICE IN MY HEAD ! I REMEMBER YOU. 

-...oh god there's more Bantr. An extended Host Bantr segment, noooo

-LUCY JONES I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING  DON'T BE A BALLAD UK 

-...damn it, UK. 

-...will you dance through this storm to this song? Because I don't see how. 

DRINK BREAK 

-CYPRUS  SAVE ME FROM THE BALLADS 

-...threatening to be Gravity at me is the worst come on possible though

-RO  -MA

-NIA !!!

ROMANIA ROMANIA ROMANIA 

YODEL PARTY  I LOVE YOU BOTH  OWN THIS JOINT 

LOOK AT THE WOODEN SOLDIER MARCH  SING IT HE SAYS  AND THEY LEAD THE CROWD IN A YODEL 

DISCO LIGHT CANNON THIS IS THE BEST THING 

-Germany!

..oh no it's a blonde woman alone DOES A BALLAD LOOM

- why do people show up to Eurovision in Nice Neutral Clothing , why would anyone waste this opportunity to be more glam than otherwise humanly possible

-...pop ballad. SIGH. 

UKRAINE I HAVE HOPES FOR YOU  QUARTET?? QUARTET  ...oh. It's the giant head band!  -this is so hilariously different from the other acts, good for you, Germany! 

-Young Jotunheim invades Asgard's Got Talent 

- Belgium, I'm sure you're lovely , but I KNOW this is a ballad, so it's another Drink Break 

-SWEDEN who is...I guess? someone famous?  I DO remember this song at least, it's not Yet Another Ballad 

-BULGARIA CHILD

-FRANCE  -I am sure I haven't seen France! 

-oh no not another ballad  -...yes another ballad THERE'S STILL HOPE IT COULD ENERGIZE IN THE CHORUS??

-YES THANK YOU

-...is the background High Speed Paris Cityscape??

-...wait that was the last one?? wow 

-VERKA OMG   - I feel Honored to see this 

LIGHT IT UP, EUROPE 

I still love Romania and Belarus acts most I think but man I seriously love Hungary's voice and act and everything too 

aagh there are too many I actually like a lot! 

GET TO THE VOTES DARN IT 

THIS ACT IS GREAT BUT AAAH 

PRECIOUS BABY EUROVISION GIRL

HER DRESS IS A FLOWER I LOVE HER PLEASE PROTECT HER

oh god another ballad  

...WAIT WAS THAT AN ILLICIT MOON  IS THAT TRADITIONAL FOR THIS I DON'T EVEN KNOW NOW

OKAY VOTING 

...oh this is gonna take a while isn't it

...wow Portugal is cleaning up??

...I don't understand this voting? There are two many countermanding numbers on this display 

ALSO I HATE THIS TENSION I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHO WON I HATE COMPETITIONS 

..Okay so Portugal's gonna crush it, right? I'm told it's not about the music, but Very Complicated Politics, but I think Portugal was  pretty good though

...Wait MORE points? WHAT IS HAPPENING HOW MANY LAYERS OF VOTING ARE THERE Eurovision I'm sorry but this is baffling and thus boring 

...GEEZUS HOW LONG DOES THIS GO ON THIS IS MINDNUMBING 

...has it been an HOUR?

SORRY EUROVISION I FAST FORWARDED THROUGH A LOT OF THE VOTING 

WHOOO PORTUGAL GOOD FOR YOU  ANYWAY THAT WAS CERTAINLY GLITTERY 

Needs More Yodelrap and Fewer Ballads 

GOOD FOR YOU PORTUGAL  I'm glad I saw it but next time I'll just let Tumblr tell me who won !

THANK YOU SVT 

#Romania wins IN MY HEART #anyway #Eurovision Party #long post

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 2 - Twinyards!

In which we reveal Exy’s origin story, my namesake appears, Andrew has some Serious Issues™ and the Twinyards pull off the oldest twin trick in the book of twin tricks, however their punny name totally redeems them.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

Not gonna lie – I’ve been dying to read on since the last chapter. God, I just wanna sit down and burn through the entire book in two days. No. Patience, Nicki.

We start off the second chapter with yet another new character – Aaron Minyard, who is an all-black unfriendly fucker like his twin, minus the murder tendencies.

              “Neil,” Aaron said in lieu of hello, and he pointed. “Baggage claim.”

            “Just this.” Neil tapped the strap of the duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. The bag was small enough to be a carry-on and large enough to carry everything Neil owned.

What the fuck, this is the saddest thing I’ve read all day.

Aaron proves to be exactly the same shade of Extra and Dramatic as everyone else so far as he doesn’t give a flying hoot about lung cancer, polite conversation, or basic traffic regulations.

            “It’s too nice of a car to wreck,” [Neil] said pointedly.

            “Don’t be so afraid to die,” Aaron said as the car kept gliding across the four-lane road to an exit ramp. “If you are, you have no place on our court.”

Literally chill out, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.

Neil, unbothered by the waves of Extra currently rolling around, takes this car ride as an opportunity to talk about his favourite subject: Kevin.

            “Kevin stays on campus?” he asked.

            “Where the court is, Kevin is. He can’t exist without it,” Aaron said derisively.

What a nerd. I love it.

However, Kevin’s immense nerd-love for Exy is actually explained shortly after and answers my most burning question from last chapter: WHAT THE FUCK IS EXY IT MAKES NO SENSE SPORTS DON’T GET FAMOUS THAT FAST BLA BLA BLA.

Shut up, past!me. Nora Sakavic is gonna learn you a thing.

            Kevin’s mother Kayleigh Day and Riko’s uncle Tetsuji Moriyama created the sport roughly thirty years ago while Kayleigh was studying abroad in Fukui, Japan. What started as an experiment spread from their campus to local street teams, then across the ocean to the rest of the world. Kayleigh brought it home with her to Ireland after completing her degree and the United Stated picked it up soon after.

OKAY. First of all, thirty years is a long time and it’s fully plausible for a sport to develop this kind of following and news’ coverage in that time. For example, snowboarding was only developed in the late 70s/early 80s, yet today it’s even a Olympic discipline.

(Also, my comparison with competitive cheerleading from last chapter might have been unfair. Cheer counts as a minority sport in the US as well, yet fangirl/boy-level stalking is fully possible with American teams. Soz.)

Second of all, KEVIN AND RIKO’S PARENTS INVENTED EXY??? WHAT?!?!?

I’d be an arrogant son of a bitch too if that had happened to me. Holy fucking what.

            Riko and Kevin were the face of the Ravens. To many, they were considered the future of Exy. (…) Except Kevin Day signed with the Foxes in March – not as a coach, but as a striker.

[fergie’s ‘london bridge’ voice] OH SHIT.

            His fans went from feeling heartbroken to feeling betrayed. Palmetto State hat borne the brunt of that rage since. The university and stadium had been vandalized upwards of a dozen times and there’d been numerous fights on campus. It would only get worse when the season started and people saw Kevin wearing the Foxes’ colours.

Fictional Sports World gets Actual Sports World’s obsessive fan violence spot on.

Also, I feel sorry for the students going to Palmetto State Uni who don’t give a fuck about Exy. Like, can y’all crazy sportsballheads stop vandalizing our campus like some people are trying to get an education here thank you. It’s like going to Hogwarts and just trying to live a chill regular life. Not happening.

As they arrive at Wymack’s house, a much-needed ray of sunshine appears: Nicky Hemmick.

            Nicholas Hemmick was the only one who looked genuinely happy to see Neil. (…) “I’m Nicky.” Nicky gave Neil’s hand another hard squeeze before letting go. “Andrew and Aaron’s cousin, backliner extraordinaire.”

            (…) “By blood?”

            Nicky laughed. “Don’t look it, right?”

I would like to point out that this is the first time a character genuinely laughs in this entire book. And we’re on page 22.

What a guy. I’m honoured to be his namesake (with minor spelling differences). Please don’t turn out to be an aggressive fuckwit as well please.

Some predictions on Nicky’s character:

- his kink is bein’ friendly and havin’ a good time

- drama kid

- g l i t t e r

- super open abt his sexuality, just loves love, essentially pansexual

- can fuck u up but does it nicely because he wants to support you and help you grow as a person

- would die for his friends (and dogs)

- essentially my headcanon courfeyrac from les mis okay shut up

Ahem. Moving on.

            “You have a nice car for someone who thinks he’s poor,” Neil said. (…)

            “Aaron’s mother bought it for us with her life insurance money,” Andrew explained.

Okay but - Aaron’s mother? What? Surely Aaron’s mother is Andrew’s mother as well if they’re twins?

I don’t believe this is lazy writing. What is going on there.

            “It’s not the world that’s cruel,” Neil said. “It’s the people in it.”

I don’t even want to know how many fangirls use this as their blog headline/Facebook status/moodboard caption/wrist tattoo.

            [Neil] was too busy staring at Aaron’s pants pockets. They were much too flat to be hiding a pack of cigarettes, but Neil had seen Aaron put the pack away before crossing the street at the airport.

Are you telling me Neil is too busy staring at Aaron’s ass (which is actually Andrew’s ass, spoiler alert) to notice when to walk into Wymack’s apartment because that might be the best thing that’s happened so far.

(Unless we’re talking about front pockets, in which case, nevermind).

And then this happens:

            “What was that all about?“

            Neil’s blood turned to slush. It wasn’t the words that got him but the language Nicky used. German was Neil’s second language thanks to three years spent living in Austria, Germany, and Switzerland.

GERMANY! The mothercountry! Land of beer, sausage, and superfluously-stocked hardware stores!

Now the only thing I can imagine is Aaron and Andrew as coldmirror’s Torsten und Torben. I’m not even sorry.

            “Team’s still split fifty-fifty on whether or not [Coach Wymack and Abby] are boning. Andrew refuses to vote, which means you’re the tiebreaker. Let us know ASAP. I’ve got money riding on it.”

To no one’s surprise, Nicky is Ultimate Shipping King. I love him more by the minute.

However, these short moments of glee are immediately overridden because this happens:

          Too late, Neil remembered Nicky’s exasperated accusion in the living room: “What the hell did you say to him, Andrew?” Neil had assumed Nicky was referring to their first meeting in Millport, but Nicky had been talking about the car ride from the airport. It wasn’t Aaron who picked Neil up from the airport after all.

WHAAAAAT.

I mean… this is the oldest twin trick in the book, really. What is this, the Parent Trap?

No kidding, I’d pay to see the Twinyards with ginger pigtails dressed in early 20s fashion.

Also, Twinyards!! How did I not see that before!! Thank you, fandom, for finding the punniest names for everything ever.

(If you’re wondering whether I’m still laughing over this name as I type this: I am.)

Apparently, Andrew has some serious anger management issues and enough court-regulated drugs in his system to kill a small child, effectively making him a hardcore drug addict against his will.

WHAAAAAAAAAAT. No, seriously, WHAT.

The angst just does not stop, you guys.

Also, Wymack is back!

#dicksoutforwymack

          Neil looked down at the key in his palm, at the security Wymack so easily and unquestioningly gave him. Maybe Neil wouldn’t get any sleep tonight, and amybe he’d spend the next couple weeks waking up every time Wymack snored a little too loud, but maybe Neil really was okay here for now.

Oh don’t mind me I’m just crying in the corner whilst stabbing myself with my own materialized emotions.

What. A. Dude.

On a last note: How sexual was the elevator scene. I can’t even quote anything or I’d need to just slap the entire thing here because dear god, the gay is not even subtle at all.

          Neil couldn’t anticipate Kevin. (…) But Andrew was just a psychotic midget, and Neil had grown up around violence. Handling him would be easy.

Two things:

1. 20 bucks says it’s not gonna be fucking easy ho boy

2. Maybe chill on the m word, my dude.

Ughhhh. Is it Sunday already?

#the foxhole court #tfc #the raven king #the kings men #nora sakavic #nicki reads tfc #dicksoutforwymack #edit: edited the parts where I used the m word as I realized it was Not Fucking Okay

[wooksbazooks]

Hey hello good morning it's torture time. Can you Please answer all 100 questions because except for paying you back because you made me answer all of them, I'm also kinda curious about my Favourite Weeg. Thanks. Have fun.

Hello hi good evening thanks for the torture (no it’s fine I’m sure I’ll have fun)

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?Spotify! I didn’t even know a music service called Pandora existed.2. Is your room messy or clean?Clean?? Kinda clean. Halfway between messy and clean.3. What color are your eyes?I’m gonna say greyish green.4. Do you like your name? Why?Yes, I like that it’s short and?? A little unusual maybe?? Also a few restaurants and other businesses share my name so I can make the dumb ‘haha that’s mine’-joke.5. What is your relationship status? Single.6. Describe your personality in 3 words or less.Buncha question marks7. What color hair do you have?It’s brown!8. What kind of car do you drive? Color?The non-existing, colorless kind

9. Where do you shop?Once every 49583 months you can see a cryptid (me) sneaking through the city, leaving with only H&M clothes probably10. How would you describe your style?As in clothes? Basic with like some things that are a little different and colorful I guess??11. Favorite social media accountThis account here on Tumblr is the only one I have left, I think.12. What size bed do you have?Just a regular-sized bed for one person.13. Any siblings?No!14. If you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? Why?I like living in Europe but?? In a country with a little more nature would be cool?? That would be Austria or Sweden or something right. That sounds pretty good.15. Favorite snapchat filter?From those I’ve seen, I like the ones that put little flower things and such around people’s heads. Those look nice.16. Favorite makeup brand(s)I don’t know any oops17. How many times a week do you shower?Three or four times probably18. Favorite tv show?Wie is de Mol? is a favorite!19. Shoe size?39 or 4020. How tall are you?I’m about?? 1,78 metres I think??21. Sandals or sneakers?Sneakers, though I’ve worn sandals a lot too when I was younger.22. Do you go to the gym?No, though I applaud the people who do.23. Describe your dream dateWachting movies?? Watching movies probably24. How much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?Ten euros, I think.25. What color socks are you wearing?They’re grey!26. How many pillows do you sleep with?Just one.27. Do you have a job? What do you do?No, I’m focussing on studying right now.28. How many friends do you have? I don’t know dude. I think about six Friends?? Of the Good ones, that is.29. Whats the worst thing you have ever done?I once kicked the leg of someone I was angry at for no real reason and I have Regrets30. Whats your favorite candle scent?I like the smell of citrus so maybe that?? Or like. the orange with the little thingies stuck in it, that scent.31. 3 favorite boy namesI never thought about this help uh.. Benjamin sounds nice?? Jax and Alex too.32. 3 favorite girl namesAlex again?? Luna?? And all those like. Long but graceful-sounding names those are Real Good too.33. Favorite actor?No idea, Chris Pratt maybe?? He seems like a cool guy.34. Favorite actress? I don’t know enough famous people for these things. Ellen Page seems cool as well??35. Who is your celebrity crush?I don’t have one.36. Favorite movie?Not ag a i n why I can’t choose or list all of them nowSome of them are the Guardians of the Gaxly movies, the Back to the Future movies, the first Captain America,  Star Wars and Star Trek, The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared, The (Second) Best Marigold Hotel and I could probably could go on but this is a Decent list right37. Do you read a lot? Whats your favorite book? I used to read A Lot more than I do now which is?? A shame really?? Because I like reading quite a lot. Some of my favorite books are The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, The Martian and The Rest Of Us Just Live Here!!38. Money or brains?Brains probably?? Though it would depend on how much money and how much brains you’d have to trade for it.39. Do you have a nickname? What is it?Yes! Luku in text-based things and Lucie (Lookee) in spoken things.

40. How many times have you been to the hospital?Not a lot for myself, actually. Maybe?? Once or twice??41. Top 10 favorite songsI can’t dude I can’t but the songs I have on repeat a lot lately are Charger by Gorillaz, Girls by The 1975 and Short Skirt / Jong Jacket by Cake.42. Do you take any medications daily?No.43. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Oily, my dude.44. What is your biggest fear? The death45. How many kids do you want? None, as of now. I honestly don’t know if that’ll change in the future but who knows.46. Whats your go to hair style?It used to be a really tight ponytail that looked Bad in hindsight so now it’s loose with maybe the irritating, fall-in-front-of-my-face part of my hair tucked behind an ear.47. What type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) I think it’s somewhere between medium and big??48. Who is your role model? I’m not sure if I have one. There’s not really someone that comes to mind.49. What was the last compliment you received?I got a text today from someone saying that I was good in reading German articles and answering questions about them because they wanted to know my Secret™ (which I don’t. have, sorry bud)50. What was the last text you sent?‘I’m on the bus’

51. How old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?I never believed in Santa Claus because he isn’t really?? A Thing here?? Or at least in my family. Sinterklaar though, I found out he didn’t exist durig my last year in kindergarden, I think. I must’ve been?? Nine or ten??52. What is your dream car? Those cars that are modified to have a bed in the back for travelling.53. Opinion on smoking?A bad habit that I don’t want to take up but?? Yeah. There are worse things, I guess??54. Do you go to college?Soon™55. What is your dream job? I have no idea. If I can enjoy doing it for as long as I have to or maybe even longer, I’m good.56. Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?Both are fine, but the suburbs would be a nice change of pace for a while, I think??57. Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? I haven’t, but I recently learned that it’s expected and okay, and now I might if I stay at a hotel again.58. Do you have freckles? Maybe a few yeah.59. Do you smile for pictures?Yes, when I’m aware a picture is taken.60. How many pictures do you have on your phone?2290, apparently. That’s.. A lot more than I remember being there.61. Have you ever peed in the woods?Probably yeah62. Do you still watch cartoons? Not really, but that’s because I don’t really watch television-things anymore besides movies and some television series and not because I don’t like them.63. Do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?I’ve never had chicken nuggets from Wendy’s, so I can’t really give a preference.64. Favorite dipping sauce? Is mayonnaise a dipping sauce65. What do you wear to bed? PJ pants and a big T-shirt, most of the time.66. Have you ever won a spelling bee?No, and I don’t think those are a Thing here. 67. What are your hobbies?Staring at various things on my computer screen, writing a little, watching movies, reading?? Photography when I’m at a Special Place™ or on vacation is nice too.68. Can you draw? To some extent, yes! It’s pretty fun.69. Do you play an instrument?My beautiful voice of course those sweet sweet vocal cords. No, I can’t play any instruments, but I do sing along to songs badly when I’m feeling it.70. What was the last concert you saw? Some free concert my parents wanted to go to, I can’t remember the name.71. Tea or coffee?Tea!72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?I’ve never tasted coffee before and never had anything from Dunkin Donuts but. the white chocolate milk from Starbucks is Pretty Good so my vote would go to them.73. Do you want to get married?No, not really.74. What is your crush’s first and last initial?Blank spaces, my dude75. Are you going to change your last name when you get married? If I’ll ever get married, I would like to keep my last name, actually.76. What color looks best on you?I don’t know, cold colors I think??77. Do you miss anyone right now? Yeah, I miss some friends.78. Do you sleep with your door open or closed?My door is closed when I’m sleeping or pretending to sleep when I’m in fact listening to music in bed or something.79. Do you believe in ghosts?No, not really.80. What is your biggest pet peeve? When people keep asking question and you Know they’re trying to get you to say a specific thing so they think is true.81. Last person you called?My mom!82. Favorite ice cream flavor? Cookie, yoghurt and the?? Reddish?? Berry flavor are All good.83. Regular oreos or golden oreos? Okay so golden oreos look like?? Normal cookies with the oreo filling?? They look pretty tasty, but I’d have to go with the regular oreos.84. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Chocolate!85. What shirt are you wearing? A white shirt that says ‘I love cupcakes ;)’. I can’t remember when I got it and why that text is on it.86. What is your phone background?It’s a picture of my dog being a goof. I love him87. Are you outgoing or shy?Shy, out of those two. I’m kinda?? Silent around people I don’t know that well??88. Do you like it when people play with your hair?I don’t?? I don’t know. Maybe??89. Do you like your neighbors? There’s a house on each side of mine and the people on the right are nice and I like them, but the person on the left is an ass.90. Do you wash your face? At night? In the morning?I should wash it in the morning and evening, but I forget about it A Lot, so it’s mostly just whenever I remember or feel that my face is oily.91. Have you ever been high? No.92. Have you ever been drunk? No.93. Last thing you ate? Some potato chips.94. Favorite lyrics right nowWe got the power to be loving each other/ No matter what happens, we’ve got the power to do that/ On a le pouvoir de s'aimer, okay? Is surprisingly fun to sing along while sleepily making summaries, I’ve found.95. Summer or winter? Winter, for sure. I love snow and cold it’s Great.96. Day or night? That depends on my mood and what I want to do, I think?? I can’t really choose here.97. Dark, milk, or white chocolate? White chocolate please98. Favorite month? The spring and winter months.99. What is your zodiac signI’m a virgo!

100. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I almost-cried in front of a classmate some time ago, and I for-real-cried in front of my mother a while before that.

Thanks for asking Wari you’re the best!!

#i forgot what tag i used for these #mine #tis i #just to be sure #Life of Luku

[kingunderthemountain]

ESC Songs: 2016 vs. 2017

it’s the most wooooonderful tiiiiiime of the yeeeeeear

I’m making this post as I go down the line, so I have no idea what the results will be yet, but I get the feeling 2016 is going to trounce 2017 because most of this year’s songs are painfully average and “ok” at best.

Portugal didn’t participate in 2016, Bosnia & Herzegovina aren’t participating in 2017, so those aren’t getting included, but I am including Romania and Russia because they had picked their songs before being removed from the contest. The content behind the cut is mostly my own opinions, but I probably pay more attention to this contest than a lot of people, so it’s colored by the opinions of others. Especially my best friend, who is even deeper in the ESC hole than I am.

Albania: Fairytale vs. World

Fairytale was kind of tragic as it was presented on stage and forgettable enough off it that I had to go and look it up to remember what it was like. World is performed by one of the strongest vocalists in the 2017 contest and is a favorite of many fans. I don’t find it super strong, although I do like the lyrics a lot, but it comfortably trumps Fairytale.

Armenia: LoveWave vs. Fly With Me Second country and we’re already in tough ones. LoveWave was so cool and Iveta Mukuchyan is a pretty incredible lady in several ways, but Fly With Me is an interesting song and it’ll probably have a cool stage show. I’m going to go with LoveWave because even though Fly With Me has an interesting structure, it makes it feel a bit like it wants to be at least four and a half minutes long and gets cut off just as it gets going. The last chorus does make for a nice sound bite for the recap reel, though, so it might do better than expected.

Australia: Sound of Silence vs. Don’t Come Easy Ah, Australia, the EBU’s pet project. Sound of Silence did ridiculously well last year and I fully expect Don’t Come Easy to pull through into the final from probably the worst position in the first semi-final. Still, I’m going with Sound of Silence because it’s so simple and so bombastically ridiculous at the same time.

Austria: Loin d’ici vs. Running On Air I make no effort to hide how much I loved Loin d’ici despite it being cheesy and fluffy and hilariously easy to misspell and mispronounce. Running On Air is a nice little song but it’s not as memorable.

Azerbaijan: Miracle vs. Skeletons I wasn’t big on Miracle because it was so generic. Well, Skeletons is also kind of generic, but only if you followed national ESC selections all over Europe and noticed there sure was a lot of electropop in them. Points go to Skeletons just because I’d rather listen to it again than Miracle.

Belarus: Help You Fly vs. Historyja majho žyccia I have a huge soft spot for Help You Fly and not just because my best friend has an adorable celebrity crush on Ivan. I do like Historyja as well, but it’s kind of... paint-by-numbers “cute vaguely ethnic folk” to me. The performers are enthusiastic and cute and that helps it, but Ivan was enthusiastic and cute too. Plus he gave us Måns Zelmerlöw naked on a hoverboard with a plush wolf. Point goes to Help You Fly.

Belgium: What’s the Pressure vs. City Lights What’s the Pressure and City Lights are both kind of... in weird genres for Eurovision? What’s the Pressure is one of the most successful funk songs ever in the contest and City Lights is already pretty high in predictions for this year. I’ve heard a lot about Blanche’s lack of stage charisma, though, so it might qualify but likely will tank in the final unless something really interesting is done with the show. What’s the Pressure is retro, City Lights is extremely modern, and it’s really hard for me to pick between them because I don’t feel very strongly about either. I’m gonna go with What’s the Pressure because it was such a lovely opening to the 2016 final.

Bulgaria: If Love Was a Crime vs. Beautiful Mess I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Kristian took the contest to Sofia for 2018. I still like If Love Was a Crime better.

Croatia: Lighthouse vs. My Friend Lighthouse and My Friend are, at the moment, pretty hilarious in their own ways, what with Lighthouse having that stage show and My Friend being essentially a duet but it’s sung by one dude because it’d be too gay to have two dudes singing or something. It remains to be seen if the rumors are true and Jacques will go all Two-Face on stage and grab Croatia the Barbara Dex Award for the second year running. Anyways, back to the actual songs! Lighthouse is great and I love it. I don’t have much good to say about the gimmicky song structuring exercise that is My Friend. It’s still totally going to the final.

Cyprus: Alter Ego vs. Gravity Cyprus used to send some of the more vapid and boring songs in the contest (I can say this because I unironically love La La Love). Now they’re sending something pretty decent for the second year in a row and it feels weird and unnatural. Gravity is finalist stuff, but I like Alter Ego more and it deserved to do better last year. (Also Minus One is my headcanon for a Dragon Age: Inquisition rock band AU. No points for guessing who the head vocalist is.)

Czech Republic: I Stand vs. My Turn I reeeeeeally didn’t like I Stand last year, although even I didn’t wish that nul points from the televote on poor Gabriela. I’m also not big on My Turn because even though I really enjoy Martina’s voice, her pronunciation of English combined with the rapid tempo of the verses makes the song kind of incomprehensible (though nowhere near as badly as Romania manages this year, woof) and the song doesn’t really grab me. Still, I’m gonna go with My Turn because I Stand was so dull, so by the numbers, so straightforward and bare-bones, had the worst lyric of the year (”you are my air / I’ll always care”) and had that “ho don’t do it” hair bun pull climax moment that was framed so badly it turned into a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it.

Denmark: Where I Am vs. Soldiers of Love Denmark hasn’t done as hot in the contest these last few years as they did the few years before that. Soldiers of Love was, I guess, trying to be New Tomorrow all over again? Unfortunately they weren’t great live and their looks kind of clashed with how incredibly poppy the song was. Where I Am is... a ballad sung by a beautiful woman, which should make me yammer on about how it’s boring and formulaic, but somehow Anja actually... pulls... it... off? It’s popular with the fans and I’m kind of dreading it might go the way of Icebreaker (my opinion on which you will find later in the alphabet). I like it better than Soldiers of Love and that’s kind of all there is to say at this point.

Estonia: Play vs. Verona I would say Estonia has been high these past two years but Leto Svet is a thing that exists. And we Finns voted for it! So it actually makes perfect sense to me that they send crazy shit in and this year oh boy are we in for the 90′s coming back. Still, I liked Play a lot and was super saddened by the bizarre live and how Jüri was so nervous that the whole performance tanked. Points to Play.

Finland: Sing It Away vs. Blackbird When Sing It Away was starting the whole ESC shebang last year, the Swedish commentator went “and here’s Finland, we know they won’t win but anyway”. And really, Sing It Away was great - on the UMK stage. The camera work was tight, the performance was energetic, the whole setup was great, and it was easy to accept Sandhja as the winner even though she was up against No Fear and On It Goes (which is freaking amazing so I am including a link, love you Mikael). On the ESC stage the performance was too small and too haphazard to make an impact. Blackbird was similarly stunning on the UMK stage, but Norma John have a strong vision about how they want their performance to look and I have faith that it will be the best possible version of their song, barring something like Leena getting sick before the semi. I really hope Finland makes it into the final this time, because in the sea of ballads with female vocalists, we have something really haunting and special this year. Points to Blackbird. Please make it to the final.

France: J’ai cherché vs. Requiem Let’s get one thing out of the way: I took French in school for eight years, and I almost always enjoy France’s ESC entries. Not sure if these two things are related, but they’re things. And I love J’ai cherché, and I really like Requiem too. But that sentence already shows my stance here. Alma seems like a sweetheart and apparently her live performances constantly improve, but Amir did such a solid job last year (and was one of my faves to win the whole shebang) that I have to give it to J’ai cherché.

Georgia: Midnight Gold vs. Keep the Faith Midnight Gold was kind of bizarre. It was a seriously weird post-punk indie rock song with an unsettling music video and seizure-inducing live show. And I loved it. Meanwhile, Keep the Faith is a shouty female-led ballad with an, um, shall we say suspect backdrop in the national final performance. Tako, you’re a great vocalist, but there are like a dozen female ballads this year and Keep the Faith isn’t one of the stronger ones. And definitely not as strong as Midnight Gold.

Germany: Ghost vs. Perfect Life ...I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I prefer Ghost to Perfect Life. Ghost was, at least, somewhat interesting - it was a good song with the wrong singer in the wrong backdrop with the wrong clothes. Perfect Life is just... really bland.

Greece: Utopian Land vs. This Is Love Utopian Land was an unusual genre (rap) in an unusual language (a Greek dialect) with an inscrutable theme. This Is Love is a generic electropop... thing... in English about love. You see my dilemma here. I’m... gonna go with This Is Love because, well, it’s inoffensive. Utopian Land is interesting, but not good enough.

Hungary: Pioneer vs. Origo Oh man, this is a matchup I really don’t want to call. I loved Pioneer last year, even with that one hilarious backup singer and the random drum dude, and I also love Origo with its just-ethnic-enough sound and its rap sections bound to make the juries hate themselves for trying to figure out which to rate it on. I... am leaning towards Pioneer. But this is the tightest matchup this time around.

Iceland: Hear Them Calling vs. Paper My best friend and I are ESC nerds and we’ve been running a lot of ESC 2017 simulations using this website (don’t use the diaspora tag if you try it out - it does weird things, best combo is odds + no diaspora) and we’ve noticed two tendencies it has. The other one we’ll get to later, but the first is that somehow, Iceland qualifies almost every time. Maybe it’s because Hear Them Calling was such a darling last year and then didn’t qualify. Anyway, I was one of those people who loved Hear Them Calling. I still do.

Ireland: Sunlight vs. Dying to Try Sunlight was... let’s say one of the weaker songs last year and leave it at that. Dying to Try is a cheesy ballad sung with gusto by a young man with a beautiful voice... that I cannot stop laughing at because my best friend pointed out it can be sung as “trying to die” and now you can’t unhear it either. You’re welcome. Also, it gets the point.

Israel: Made of Stars vs. I Feel Alive I would have found it beyond appropriate if last year Finland had selected Love Is Blind (although I will admit the lead vocals aren’t strong enough to have facilitated that) to go along with Made of Stars. Plus I feel like gay guys using the artist names Cristal Snow and Hovi Star would have gotten along smashingly. Anyhoo, back to the actual topic. I Feel Alive is a nice change of pace in 2017 - it’s an uptempo song with choreography and some ethnopop vibes tossed in there. Made of Stars is a bombastic crooning ballad that I like otherwise but am a bit sad that Hovi couldn’t pull off the best notes from the album version live. Both of these are solid contenders for above-the-middle-of-the-pack positions, in their own years and in any given year. I’m gonna give it to I Feel Alive because 2017 needs the perk-up.

Italy: No Degree of Separation vs. Occidentali’s Karma I didn’t care much for No Degree of Separation at first but it’s grown on me after the contest. I hope the reverse does not happen for Occidentali’s Karma because sweet jesus how I love this song. I would love to see it win. It probably won’t because the juries hate fun. Comunque vada panta rhei. Also point to Karma.

Latvia: Heartbeat vs. Line I wasn’t super into the Baltic Boys last year but in retrospect 2/3 served really strong performances so good for them. Point goes to Heartbeat because Justs performed the hell out of that song and Line is one of those songs I should love on a theoretical level but something in the execution falls flat and I don’t.

Lithuania: I’ve Been Waiting for This Night vs. Rain of Revolution I’ve Been Waiting for This Night is probably the best song Lithuania has ever managed to send to the competition. Rain of Revolution is in line with Lithuania’s usual level of competence in that it’s the worst song in the contest this year - on a theoretical level it’s super cool and interesting, but literally everything in the execution is messed up. (Also my best friend bought me a CD in Lithuania that apparently contains Lithuanian hits and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard, it’s mostly international hit songs like La Bamba and Meredith Brooks’s Bitch translated into Lithuanian sandwiched between shit like this. Literally every song sounds like it would play at a bar in a really cheap beachside bar in a Southern European tourist trap. Can any Lithuanian who sees this explain?)

Macedonia: Dona vs. Dance Alone Here’s Macedonia with two songs I want to like but... don’t? I’m gonna go with Dance Alone because Dona, as old-fashionedly adorable and elegant as it was, felt a bit too much like Kaliopi trying to cash off of her incredible money note.

Malta: Walk on Water vs. Breathlessly Breathlessly is Maltan power ballad by the numbers. Walk on Water was a modernized version of that. Except not really a ballad. Eh whatever point goes to Walk on Water.

Moldova: Falling Stars vs. Hey Mamma! Falling Stars was my pick for the weakest song of last year. Hey Mamma! is a ruthless ripoff of Sunstroke Project’s last effort, which turned into the most memetic ESC moment ever, but at least it’s a fucking breath of fresh air in a year of dreary downtempo and ballads.

Montenegro: The Real Thing vs. Space The Real Thing was overshadowed last year by Midnight Gold (and for good reason). Also HOLY CRAP I LOVE SPACE. And I am so sad preemptively that it’s not going to have a chance to get into the final. Slavko you precious diamond thank you for making the gayest song in ESC history.

The Netherlands: Slow Down vs. Lights and Shadows And here’s the Netherlands with two songs that are massively popular but I’m not super into either. Giving it to Slow Down because to be honest I know Lights and Shadows is really well performed but I can’t remember shit about it.

Norway: Icebreaker vs. Grab the Moment I almost always like Norway’s ESC entries in the 10′s. Icebreaker was an exception - that jarring slowdown into the chorus wasn’t pleasing to me at all. Grab the Moment has lyrics I enjoy and I’m confident it will also fail to make the final because the juries won’t vote for speak-singing. Still, I vastly prefer it to Icebreaker.

Poland: Color of Your Life vs. Flashlight Uuuuuuuuggghhhhh Color of Your Life UUUUUGGGGHHHH I mean Flashlight is boring and when it’s not boring it’s kind of creepy but it’s not that.

Romania: Moment of Silence vs. Yodel It! Ah, poor Romania last year. Still, they made up for their musical operatic rock song not making it to the final by sending us motherfucking yodeling. Yodel It! is absolutely going to be in the top 10 in the final even though I can’t understand a fucking word of it.

Russia: You Are the Only One vs. Flame Is Burning You Are the Only One is one of the best things ESC has seen this decade. Flame Is Burning is... vaguely creepy on a lyrical level (Russia seems to do this a lot) and I might get hate for this but Julia’s voice is so thin I could barely hear her over her backing vocalists. I don’t feel like it’s a big loss musically that Russia is out, but it’s going to do... interesting things to ESC.

San Marino: I Didn’t Know vs. Spirit of the Night And here’s San Marino sending shitty disco two years in a row! Seriously though I know Serhat was memetic and all but even though it’s boring and formulaic Spirit of the Night is at least listenable. Once or twice. As background music.

Serbia: Goodbye (Shelter) vs. In Too Deep I kind of like In Too Deep. But it’s not super memorable and I don’t see it hitting the final. Goodbye (Shelter) was my pick for “most improved from national final” last year because holy hell that national final video is impossible to listen to because Sanja will not stop making faces. It ended up being super impressive live after they toned her performance down a bit. So in the end, point goes to Goodbye (Shelter).

Slovenia: Blue and Red vs. On My Way And here’s Slovenia with songs I don’t like... Neither of these songs have the greatest lyrics and the performances, although technically good-esque, feel sort of bland and emotionless. I’ll give it to On My Way just because it’s better on a technical level. Even though it has my least favorite lyrics this year.

Spain: Say Yay! vs. Do It for Your Lover And here’s Spain with songs that tanked! I can say this preemptively because I can’t see Spain getting any other position in the 2017 final than last. This is corroborated by the fact the ESC simulator I mentioned earlier never fails to leave Spain in last place, usually with like 4 points total. Also poor Barei. Say Yay! was good fun but the choreography, the stage setup, and the camera work really let her down. Still a banger that’s going to play at Eurovision parties everywhere for years to come.

Sweden: If I Were Sorry vs. I Can’t Go On If I Were Sorry was another song that grew on me after the contest. Meanwhile, I can’t stop listening to I Can’t Go On. “So freaking *chef hand emoji* buttehål” is a meme with me and one of my housemates. I’m so afraid Sweden will win again with this thing.

Switzerland: The Last of Our Kind vs. Apollo Ohhhh boy Rykka’s choreography and outfit sure were things. Go watch the national final performance of The Last of Our Kind and then go watch the ESC semi performance and wonder where it all went wrong. Meanwhile, Apollo was the first song this year I started singing along to. I like it. I like the lyrics a lot.

Ukraine: 1944 vs. Time Obviously, the Ukraine isn’t trying to win ESC twice in a row, but Time is still a pretty decent song and it’ll get votes in the final just on being the only rock song this year. Meanwhile, 1944 still makes me fucking tear up.

United Kingdom: You’re Not Alone vs. Never Give Up on You You’re Not Alone was... kind of fun I guess? Never Give Up on You has slowly been growing on me but it is another female-fronted ballad, which isn’t exactly in low supply this year. Eh whatever I’ll give it to You’re Not Alone because it was kind of fun.

End result: 2016 (24) vs. 2017 (18). Mhm, I figured.

#esc #eurovision song contest

[harpreetsinghfan-blog]

I’m a big fan of the rule of law. James Comey.

On Wednesday, Russia’s Deputy Foreign Minister, Sergey Ryabkov, said during Parliament hearings that “28 percent of all attacks on Russian cyber infrastructure were carried out from US territory,” while the amount of hacking attempts from Russian territory against the US reaches only 2 or 3 percent. Moscow registers daily cyberattacks emanating from the territory of the United States, but does not make ludicrous accusations that it is orchestrated by the White House or US intelligence agencies, Kremlin press-secretary Dmitry Peskov has said.

But on other hand The BfV said the “cyber-attacks carried out by Russian secret services are part of multi-year international operations that are aimed at obtaining strategic information. Some of these operations can be traced back as far as seven to 11 years.”

Group of hackers name Sandworm  who deploy the malware known as Black Energy and KillDisk through phishing emails. They also aimed at telecommunications companies, energy providers as well as higher education facilities”.

Cyberattacks in Ukraine, Bulgaria, Estonia, Germany, France and Austria that investigators attributed to suspected Russian hackers appeared aimed at influencing election results, sowing discord and undermining faith in public institutions that included government agencies, the media and elected officials. A declassified intelligence report on the Russian hacking released  accused Russian President Vladimir Putin of ordering the effort to help elect Trump. It warned that Russia would use lessons learned from the effort to disrupt elections of U.S. allies. Sources USA today .

But discord or undermine public faith in democracy of US is not only aim of Russia.

Point is why RUSSIAN thinks if DONALD TRUMP becomes president it would be in best interest of RUSSIA. BURR: Do you have any doubt that Russia attempted to interfere in the 2016 elections?

COMEY: None.

BURR: Do you have any doubt that the Russian government was behind the intrusions in the D triple C systems and the subsequent leaks of that information?

COMEY: No, no doubt.

BURR: Do you have any doubt the Russian government was behind the cyber intrusion in the state voter files?

COMEY: No.

BURR: Okay. When did you become aware of the cyber intrusion?

COMEY: The first cyber — there was all kinds of cyber intrusions going on all the time. The first Russian-connected cyber intrusion I became aware of in the late summer of 2015.

BURR: And in that time frame, there were more than the DNC and the D triple C that were targets?

COMEY: Correct, a massive effort to target government and nongovernmental, near governmental agencies like nonprofits.

BURR: What would be the estimate of how many entities out there the Russians specifically targeted in that time frame?

COMEY: It’s hundreds. I suppose it could be more than 1,000, but it’s at least hundreds.

BURR: When did you become aware that data had been exfiltrated?

COMEY: I’m not sure exactly. I think either late ’15 or early ’16.

BURR: And did you, the director of the FBI, have conversations with the last administration about the risk that this posed?

COMEY: Yes.

BURR: And share with us, if you will, what actions they took.

COMEY: Well, the FBI had already undertaken an effort to notify all the victims, and that’s what we consider the entities attacked as part of this massive spear-phishing campaign so we notified them in an effort to disrupt what might be ongoing, and then there was a series of continuing interactions with entities through the rest of ’15 into ’16, and then throughout ’16, the administration was trying to decide how to respond to the intrusion activity that it saw.

FEINSTEIN: Do you believe the Russia investigation played a role?

COMEY: In why I was fired?

FEINSTEIN: Yes.

COMEY: Yes. I’ve seen the president say so.

HEINRICH: That is a hostile act by the Russian government against this country?

COMEY: Yes, sir.

MANCHIN: Did he ever ask you any questions concerning this?

COMEY: Well, there was an initial briefing of our findings. And I think there was conversation there I don’t remember exactly where he asked what I found and what our sources were and what our confidence level was. The reason this is such a big deal. We have this big messy wonderful country where we fight with each other all the time. But nobody tells us what to think, what to fight about, what to vote for except other Americans. And that’s wonderful and often painful. But we’re talking about a foreign government that using technical intrusion, lots of other methods tried to shape the way we think, we vote, we act. That is a big deal. And people need to recognize it. It’s not about Republicans or Democrats. They’re coming after America, which I hope we all love equally. They want to undermine our credibility in the face the world. They think that this great experiment of ours is a threat to them. So they’re going to try to run it down and dirty it up as much as possible. That’s what this is about and they will be back. Because we remain — as difficult as we can be with each other, we remain that shining city on the hill. And they don’t like it. HARRIS: Did he shrug?

COMEY: I don’t remember clearly. I think the reason I have that impression is I have some recollection of almost imperceptible like what am I going to do. But I don’t have a clear recollection of that of that. He didn’t say anything.

James Comey though about America’s cyber security, about Russia –

We face cyber threats from state-sponsored hackers, hackers for hire, global cyber syndicates, and terrorists. They seek our state secrets, our trade secrets, our technology, and our ideas – things of incredible value to all of us. They seek to strike our critical infrastructure and to harm our economy.

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