#like star wars was just the 'i am your father' through memes; my friends arguing about the best watching order; watching one of the movies

[isanyonetoknow]

the only experiences i’ve had with pokemon growing up are when, in elementary school, i and a couple of other kids were trying to trade the cards but we had no idea what standards to trade them by so we were sort of just shuffling them around and one vivid scene in which ash(?) and pikachu are in a canyon and it sort of pans to show team rocket and they’re maybe going to have a stand off.

#vt.talk #oh i watched detective pikachu a while ago so does that count? #and ive seen some stuff on the internet though not muc #anyways i just kinda find it funny how much i know about some popular franchises #like star wars was just the 'i am your father' through memes; my friends arguing about the best watching order; watching one of the movies #i think tfa on a bus ride and honestly that's where i learned the most. like the fact that darth vader was dead and luke and co were old now #and then at disneyworld someone dressed as someone from star wars was talking about padawans or something; oh and obv i knew what #lightsabers were. #naruto i learned about cause the naruto run and i was a bit of an obsessive middle schooler so i had to learn the context of the naruto run #i know nothing about star trek except data's great spock's great and there's a kirk in there? #marvel i used to know nothing about except through my friends but then i watched some movies #and there were various anime i learned about because i used to listen to nightcore and people in the comments would be like #'poor [character whose image was used as the image for the video]' and id be like who tf is character #and figure it out #then usually be like 'damn that was fucked up' before forgetting about it until something triggered the memory #like once i was shelving books in the library and some of them were black butler and i was like 'wait i know this.' #oh and atla i knew nothing about except that i thought it was the same as the avatar movie and i remember seeing the comics around #then there were how to write a good villain/redemption arc posts with azula and zuko respectively #lets see what else. #see if it's a popular book series i will have read at least the first book so those don't count #ig i learned a bit more about some animes through listening to their osts though i don't really care as much about learning then #and then i know the basic gists of a lot of movies. like indiana jones deals with artifacts and adventure #james bond i read the first few books of but wasn't impressed at all #hp i unfortunately read and then decided 'ok' and moved on #and now i can't look back without distaste #oh and i do know a bit about like bleach op and another i think? #oh and i also remember seeing arabic sub of hxh episodes but idk arabic so i didn't click on them #unrelated to everything in this post but i would not survive star wars #i'd see darth vader and just start LAUGHING #i won't be able to run and he'd just kill me

[timeisacephalopod]

Bug

Just a lil Tony/Rhodey thing based around my completely evidenceless headcanon that Rhodey is terrified of bugs :) Bonus points for a dash of superfamily (without the super).

Tony drags his ass home from a long meeting only to have Rhodey immediately run behind him and grab his hips, forcing Tony in front of him. “Do you husband duties and kill the bug!” he yells. 

Sam appears from around the corner with his cell phone out obviously filming. “Rhodey, you’re fine I’m sure the bug isn’t that big,” he says, familiar with how this game goes.

“That thing is the size of me and Miles abandoned me with it! We need a new son!” he yells.

He lets out a long sigh as Sam starts laughing, presumably again. “Rhodey we’re not disowning our kid because you don’t like that he tried to make you kill your own bug. We’ve talked about this- you’re a grown man, and you’ve fought in actual wars. Bugs are not scarier than people with guns and bombs,” he says calmly.

Rhodey looks at him like he’s nuts. “You wanna know what happens when you shoot people? They go down, same if you blow ‘em up. Wanna know what happens if you smack a bug off the ceiling? Fucking nothing because those little bastards don’t even take fall damage and they’re faster than me. Get the bug! This suburban shit is not for me, Tony, we are moving back to the city there were no bugs in your penthouse.”

Sam has doubled over, taking the phone with him and he’s laughing so hard he’s silent. “Rhodey, there are bugs everywhere- you have to deal with this.”

“I will file for divorce if you do not march your beautiful mayonnaise ass into that kitchen to kill that bug right now, Tony.”

He’s serious too, this has also happened before and Tony doesn’t want to explain to a divorce lawyer why ‘he didn’t kill the bug’ is the reason for a divorce. “This is why Miles abandoned you,” he mumbles.

“Well that’s fine, I abandoned him too, he’s cancelled. I have no time for ungrateful children who do not realize that they need to repay my love and support with bug killing duties,” Rhodey says. “Go get the bug.” He prods Tony forward a little and he lets out another sigh.

“Baby, what makes you think the bug is still where you left it?”

Rhodey freezes in terror for a moment before frantically looking around. “Why you say something like that you know how I feel about bugs!”

Sam continues wheezing away but he’s repointed the camera at him and Rhodey. Tony rubs his temples. “Honey, you need therapy to deal with bugs we can’t keep killing them for you. Hey, wait a second why the fucking haven’t you killed the bug?” he asks Sam.

“And miss this comedy? Hell no, this is way too funny to watch,” he says.

Rhodey gives him an offended look and turns to Tony, “you see what kind of rude ass friends you keep? That’s disrespectful!”

“Baby. Sam is your friend,” Tony reminds him. Its not like he’s the one who found Sam through the military that’s Rhodey’s deal.

“He sure shit isn’t now,” Rhodey mumbles. “Now kill. That. Bug.”

Sure, he could argue but what’s the point of that? So he goes into the kitchen and Rhodey leaves him at the doorway, apparently no longer willing to risk the bug while Sam follows him inside. “Its on the counter,” Rhodey tells him, half hiding behind the kitchen doorway.

“I don’t need you to be a back seat bug killer, honey. This is not the first bug I’ve killed for you,” he points out.

“Well you have a thirty nine percent fail rate and the bug reappearance rate is eleven percent so you need to kill that shit!” Rhodey tells him.

Sam lets out another loud wheeze, “he did the fucking math!”

“Damn right I did, I need to know who is the most efficient bug killer in this household. Miles has a seventy percent fail rate, that kid can’t kill bugs for shit. We should have another one- maybe that one will know how to kill bugs. Or could get a cat, they kill bugs, right?”

For a moment Tony allows himself to imagine a life where Rhodey is not a crazy person who does the actual math on who has the best bug killing success. Things are blissful, Miles does not have to abandon his father, a grown ass man, to kill his own bugs and Tony does not have to come home to a whole ass husband screaming about bugs. But then that wouldn’t be Rhodey and as much as this fear is ridiculous he does love his husband very much.

“Honey, you’re allergic to cats so we’re not getting a cat and we aren’t having another kid because Miles isn’t good at killing bugs. Now take a breath because I am going to kill this bug,” he tells Rhodey.

Rhodey lets out a small little gasp and hides behind the doorway further and honest to god the spider isn’t even that big and mostly seems to be minding its own business even if its on the counter. Tony looks around but Miles must have run off with the room’s Designated Fly Swatter so he grabs a plate and smashes it over the spider. Rhodey lets out a loud yelp, “why would you smash it with a plate, Tony!”

“There was no fly swatter,” he says as Sam starts wheezing again.

Rhodey looks at him like he’s nuts. “That’s not a logical solution, baby.” He’s looking at the counter with more concern than Tony thinks is strictly necessary and Sam is trying his best to point the camera while laughing. “That spider is dead, right?” Rhodey asks.

Tony looks over to the spider amongst the plate chunks. “Yeah, honey, its dead.”

Rhodey lets out a loud sigh of relief and leans into the doorway. “Oh my god, that was stressful I thought I was going to die today, damn. Get that plate out of here, I want nothing to do with that. And get rid of that counter too, that thing is deleted, send it to Guatemala I don’t give a shit just get it out of the country. We are moving from the suburbs, I don’t care if we have to send Miles to a different school I cannot handle these suburban bugs. White people are brave, a little too brave, you guys got cocky after colonization.”

Tony lets out a long sigh, “Rhodey, no one is going to eat off a broken plate. We already had to throw it out and the counter stays.”

Rhodey gives him a look, “are you suggesting that we’d keep that plate if it didn’t break? What is wrong with you! And we’re not keeping that counter either, I know what happened on it- I can’t eat from that anymore.” He gives the counter a distressed look and Tony sighs.

“You wouldn’t even know the difference.” He knows this because this is not the first time he’s used an unconventional weapon to kill bugs and Rhodey never notices after he forgets a bug was killed with it. Or if Tony fake buys a new umbrella so Rhodey won’t keep getting soaked in the rain because he killed a bug with the last umbrella. Not that he’ll fill Rhodey in on that detail because if he did then Rhodey would probably buy all new everything in an attempt to avoid bug taint.

“Would so- I’d be able to feel its evil energies,” he says and Tony lets out a long sigh.

“What does that even mean?”

“It means bugs give off evil energies and I can sense it,” Rhodey says, way too serious about such a stupid statement. Sam lets out another round of laughter at that.

*

Miles looks unimpressed, which isn’t unusual for a fourteen year old boy, but when he walks over with purpose Tony suspects something’s up. “Dad, why are a meme?” he asks Rhodey. Rhodey looks up from the tablet he’s reading the news from- also something Tony has killed a bug with not that Rhodey knows that’s the same tablet- and frowns.

“What?”

Miles holds out his phone and sure enough there’s a picture of Rhodey’s face when he’d told Tony that killing bugs with plates isn’t a logical solution. The caption on it is ‘when something isn’t a logical solution’ and Tony largely suspects its being used as a reaction image. “Huh, I didn’t think people would find that as funny as Sam,” he says. He’d posted the video to YouTube and said people thought it was hilarious but frankly Sam is as prone to exaggeration as Rhodey. He’s married to Bucky and he still complains that he’s the worst human to exist ever in the history of humanity. To be fair Bucky seems to share that sentiment.

“People love this video. Also you’re a meme too,” he tells Tony, taking his phone back for a moment and extending it again. Tony looks exceptionally done in the picture, clearly exhausted with Rhodey’s freaking out over bugs and people seem to find it funny.

“Why is your face looking like that? I was in danger and you’re out there looking like I was inconveniencing you? What kind of husband are you?” Rhodey asks, offended.

“Yeah, I think the reason people find this so funny is because you aren’t the typical Mulder vs Scully kind of opposites. Like the straight shooting guy smashed a bug with a plate and like... even the people watching this for the first time know that’s not the first time you’ve done something like that. So now you guys are weird vs weirder,” Miles says and Tony is genuinely impressed and also confused by the amount of time Miles has spent analyzing this. But then he’s spent a strange amount of time directing every piece of every Star Wars movie too. They came out when Tony was a kid but shit he has nothing on Miles’ love for the Star Wars universe.

“I don’t care why I’m a meme, how do I stop that?” Rhodey asks.

Of all the years of dealing with Tony’s fame he seriously asks that? “Memes go by fast, relax,” he tells Rhodey.

“If you don’t want to be a meme get therapy for the bugs. You got one measly ass bug in your ear as a kid and now you’re trying to convince us all to send the counter to Guatemala,” Mile says, shaking his head.

Rhodey gives him an offended look. “Excuse you, that was a traumatic event!”

“We know that, we’re living with the fallout and I do not have a seventy percent fail rate!”

“You do so, and those bugs have a seventeen percent reappearance rate. And you know what, this is all your fault,” he tells Tony and he frowns.

“What? How the hell is this my fault?” he asks.

“If you had’ve listened to me when I told you about the bug in my ear none of this would have happened!”

Oh yeah it would have but Tony isn’t going to argue about that. “Rhodey you didn’t tell me anything about the bug, you were screaming about helicopters in your ear.”

“That was me telling you about the bug! It was so loud in there flapping around!” He shudders and makes a face.

“Helicopters don’t fit in ears, Rhodey! How the hell was I supposed to know?”

He rolls his eyes, “oh what the hell else could it have been?” he asks.

Tony rolls his eyes, “I don’t know, I thought you dropped acid or something.”

Rhodey squints at him. “We were eleven, Tony. What kind of eleven year old drops acid?”

Miles lets out an annoyed noise, “who cares about the circumstances of the bug. You have been in war zones but its a bug that did you in? That’s not logical, dad. Get therapy so you can kill your own bugs.”

Rhodey stands, “I will sooner die in hell fire than kill my own bugs.”

Tony sighs and resolves to tell JARVIS to post this to YouTube too and Miles can deal with being the next ‘that’s not logical’ meme.

#tony x rhodey #ironhusbands #fanfiction #alternate universe #crack fic

[azems-familiar]

WIP Meme

i was tagged by @gingergallifreyan. oh boy. i’ll only talk about the two that i’m actively working on atm since i’m still struggling with writer’s block on my 2 main doctor who ones.

of all the truths i could not tell

this is a Rogue One fic that explores the premise of “what if Lyra Erso hadn’t died?” Lyra isn’t a super-prominent character, as i’m focusing on Jyn and how her character is different with this change in her life; i’m currently 38k words in and the fic has just begun the rewrite of A New Hope. i hope to finish up around 60k words total.

(she thinks someone says her name, but everything is warped and sharp as shattered glass, and she is burning, and drowning, and she cannot breathe )

(and she stares, stares ahead, at his face, his mouth moving without words, and dimly she wonders how she got so short, and maybe she’s a little girl again, his little stardust, and the thought is so absurd she laughs, strangled and tight, and then it turns into a sob)

And, quite suddenly, Jyn is on her knees sobbing like a broken thing, and the holo is gone, and she curls one hand desperately around the kyber crystal until the edges cut deep into her, and then there’s a familiar voice.

“Jyn! We’ve got to go !” Cassian bursts into the room, running from the sound of his footsteps, and skids to a stop behind her. “I know where your father is,” he adds, sliding a hand beneath her arm and pulling her to her feet.

“What?” she chokes out, dazed, staring, unsteady and trembling and slow, and then she understands.

The sound was her comm, and the voice calling her name was her mother.

“Go with him, Jyn,” Saw says, painfully ragged. “You must go!”

“Saw?” Lyra’s voice echoes, tinny and small, from Cassian’s comm.

“Come with us,” Jyn whispers, thin and torn and desperate.

Saw shakes his head. “I will run no longer.”

“You must come with us!” she cries, fighting against Cassian, trying to wrench her arm away from him.

He doesn’t yield. “Come on , Jyn.”

Outside, through the window, the world is exploding, a wave of dust and light, and if she squints she can see the tiny black dot that is their ship, just barely outrunning the wave’s base, and Saw--

“You have to save yourself,” she says, one last line of bloody desperation.

Saw rips off his oxygen, stands proud and tall in front of his window as it shatters, and smiles. “Go, there’s no time. Save the Rebellion, child! Save the dream!”

(he turns to embrace the oncoming destruction, and she cannot save him)

souls made of flames

i am super proud of this fic so far. this is another Rogue One au--a reverse au, where the rebellion finds Jyn on Lah’mu and the Partisans pick up Cassian. there are a lot of unique elements to this fic, which is part of what makes it so fun to write--it hasn’t been done before. i’m 10k words in and a little over halfway through the Rogue One plot probably, with no idea exactly when/where the story will end.

Draven is going to murder her.

Two blaster bolts sear out of nowhere, take out the two lead stormtroopers; a familiar metal voice shouts from behind, and brute force takes out the rest. Jyn turns, slowly, and levels a glare at Kay.

“I thought,” she starts, enunciating very clearly, “that I told you to stay with the ship?”

“Well,” Kay says, snapping the binders in half, “ I thought it was boring. There are a lot of explosions for one person blending in. ”

“I had absolutely nothing to do with the explosions. I don’t even have any explosives on me!” Jyn exclaims, annoyed, and draws her blaster as she spins around, taking aim at the young man standing in the center of the square, his own (silenced) blaster pointing at her.

“You do not need explosives,” Kay grumbles. “You are an explosive, Jyn Erso.”

The man’s eyes widen a fraction at the name, and the muzzle of his blaster shifts a little to the right--aiming at Kay, she realizes.

“You’re a handsome one, aren’t you,” she mutters, casually adjusting her stance; the man raises an eyebrow, but says nothing in response.

Kay, however, makes some strangled noise (how he does it is beyond her, when he doesn’t even have vocal cords). “You are attracted to him? ” he exclaims.

“Oh, shut up,” she says with a sigh. “Don’t mind him,” she adds, calling out to the man. “He’s a reprogrammed Imperial droid. I don’t even know why he’s here.”

Kay, of course, is furious .

“Imperial?” the man says, his voice smooth and rolling with an accent she can’t place. “Thought so.”

“He’s reprogrammed, I said,” Jyn corrects hurriedly. “Hence the personality.”

“I do not have a personality!” Kay is supremely affronted. “Stop making small talk, Jyn. This man clearly cannot be trusted. He is going to shoot me.”

“So am I if you don’t shut up, ” she snaps.

“The probability that he will shoot me is high. It is very, very high. Would you like to know how high it is?”

“No, I would not.” Jyn rolls her eyes, but doesn’t look away from the man.

“Are you sure? ” Kay asks.

“One more word out of you, and I will turn you into scrap metal and leave you in a junkyard somewhere.”

“The probability of that is quite low,” the droid answers, sounding very satisfied. “Besides, I would not make good scrap metal.”

“Can you just get back to the kriffing ship and run the decryption program like I asked?” she says, tired of arguing. “Comm me if you see the slightest evidence that the Death Star is coming. You’ll need to be ready to pick me up.”

To Tame A Nightmare

this is an original novel i’m going to be starting during Camp NaNoWriMo in July, synopsis as follows: 

In Victorian-era times, a group of humans who wanted powers made these blood pacts with Nightmares (think sentient shadow horses). These people who made the pacts began to withdraw from society, until they were completely isolated, living in nests in remote areas of the world with absolutely no contact with the rest of humanity. Over time, the nests developed a culture pretty alien, including their own language. Now fast forward a couple hundred years to the near future (think like, Tony Stark level tech, etc). The government of the newly centralized League of Democratic Nations (LoDN) has been sending soldiers into these nests to exterminate the 'corrupted' humans (those bound to a Nightmare) and 'rescue' the 'pure' humans. Jaxon Hayes is one of these soldiers. He has no idea what his unit is really up against--none of them do--but when he sees the warrior caste of this particular nest slaughter his comrades with only minor casualties themselves, he does the sensible thing: he surrenders. Jaxon soon finds himself drawn into life in the nest, and even makes friends with one of the Sworn (Nightmare-bonded), a girl named Syr. He's slowly becoming a part of the nest--that is, until they start losing contact with other nests, with no reason given as to why. Suspicion immediately falls on Jaxon, and rumor has it that some of the Nightmares are seeking his blood. Desperate to prove his innocence, and wanting to protect the world he's fallen in love with, Jaxon pleads with the matriarch of the nest. She gives him a quest: go into the world, discover why the nests are going dark, and stop it. If he succeeds, Jaxon will earn a permanent place within the nest. If he fails, the Nightmares get his blood. Jaxon agrees to the terms and sets out on his quest, with Syr accompanying him. It's not long before the two find out that the 'reintegration camps' the government sends the recovered 'pure' humans to are in actuality psuedo-nests, the humans within no more than the bait in the trap. Because LoDN isn't happy with only having the Western world under its thumb, and it's preparing to start a new world war on a scale that's never been seen before. And it intends to win that war by using a weapon that will give the enemy nations Nightmares...

Tagging @moonprincess92nz, @mltrefry, @prowlingthunder, @chocolatequeennk, and anyone else who wants to do it!

#wip meme #meme #this got really long #really fast #sorry not sorry #rogue one #original fiction #my fic #my writing