#listen i know i say i want to fight him

[autisticandroids]

FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.

[youtube with closed captions]

dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.

(via @closetoyou1970)

#spn #vid #mind the warnings on this one for real #woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye. #pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl. #also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise #anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator #is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else #and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters #that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's #not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under #alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does #because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it #so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way #i am using them to make my argument. #oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to. #i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through #into everything in his life #that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.

[olasketches]

sukuna did not tell kenjaku about his plan to change vessels, which makes me wonder… what makes us and maybe even sukuna think that kenjaku told him everything. another yapping session incoming cause I need to get this out of me. we don’t know the terms of their agreement but sukuna is certain that yuuji’s only purpose was to seal his fingers and mind you that says the man who throughout the whole manga kept underestimating him and saying how boring he is, which creates a perfect blind spot. sukuna is so uninterested in yuuji, probably as a way to keep some sort of distance between himself and yuuji, that it is very much likely that he’s not aware of the actual plans kenjaku had towards yuuji. why was it important for them to keep sukuna caged? wa yuuji always supposed to have an engraved curse technique(s)?? why is he slowly turning into another sukuna?? and I’m not saying it to take away yuuji’s agency as a character but to point to the fact that the lines between the curse known as ryomen sukuna and yuuji are beginning to become more and more blurry with each new chapter. sukuna referred to himself as the fallen angel/disgraced one, but who was he BEFORE that?? and what’s the actual reason behind angel wanting to kill him? there’s so much we don’t know and honestly… as intelligent as he is I don’t think sukuna truly knows what is going on either… but I might be totally reaching and I still don’t why I keep brainstorming all of it cause gege is just too damn unpredictable so I really don’t know what’s relevant here or what’s not but there are just so many unknowns in this story that I just can’t help but wonder… (more in the tags)

#I’m yapping #I might have overlooked some information if so pls correct me!! #I know everyone is hyped for yuuji and I'm happy he's finally getting some long overdue recognition #but this boy is like a killing machine at this point… a weapon even #I remember how everyone kept saying how it sucked to be gojo cause he was essentially used as a weapon #well… the same thing is happening to yuuji rn and no one is talking about it #at least gojo enjoyed fighting… but yuuji doesn’t #for yuuji it’s like a job #and I’m not saying yuuji is another sukuna cause he’s nothing like sukuna #but it almost seems like they want to turn him into another sukuna... but this time he'd be a better #sukuna cause this time he will do as he is told.. a perfect cog #maybe is someone actually stopped for a moment to listen to kenjaku’s plans we wouldn’t be in this situation #itadori yuuji #ryomen sukuna #kenjaku

[cometrose]

sometimes i don’t like family hcs cause i think the relationship between the two characters is a little more fucked up that and i don’t think you’re giving it enough credit

“look they’re just like father and son!” and then i look and it’s two immortals with a messed up master servant dynamic where they would do anything for each other and slowly trying to overcome a relationship dynamic that is 1000s of years in the making

#LISTEN #xiao would do anything for zhongli and they both know this but zhongli would never ask him too and they both know THIS! #also i saw a post critizing zhongli for how he treated xiao like with the whole karma thing but that’s not his child #why are you mad at zhongli for being a bad dad to xiao when he’s not his father??? #or i see posts where it’s implied zhongli pushed or forced xiao into fighting for him #but that’s not true either?? #zhongli never forced xiao to do anything xiao does all of this because of his dedication to morax #zhongli let xiao suffer? WHEN??? WHERE #i’m not saying he’s perfect but damn did he fucking try #or that xiao states the yaksha’s were proud people who regardless of how their stories ended never wanted pity #newsflash idiot it was war they all fucking suffered look at all the adepti and you can still see they’re still fucked up a bit #anyway whatever i guess #zhongli #xiao #genshin impact #woman yells at wall more at 8 #i think looking at their relationship through a familial lens undermines all my favorite things about their relationship #like their wonky power imbalance and loyalty issues #or scara and nahida like people try to make her his new mom and i don’t like it lol #i think them as two oddballs in life becoming close companions and associates feels much better than making nahida his mom #people nowadays only know romantic or familial dynamics and often ignore a secret third thing which is literally every other type of bond #i don’t even hate the hc i just hate when you criticize or analyze these characters WITH A HEADCANON

[shorlinesorrows]

just got the time to start the sunshine court and I'm Vibrating out of my skin

#i did not think it was possible for me to like a character this much three chapters into a book #i might actually end up liking Jean better than Neil which is saying a Lot #something about a character whose route to survival had to be giving in and staying small instead of fighting back or running away #something about a character who has been taught to lock up their emotions for years or suffer the consequences #something about a character who is resigned to what happens to them because that's the only way they can survive in their environment #I am desperately hoping that Jean learns how to be ANGRY outwardly without permission. #I need that boy to be able to Rage out loud and do it MESSY #because I'm not convinced he's going to be able to really smile until he does #Also I'm really appreciating both the Renee and Thea content we've desperately needed more of both of them and they showed up so quick #privately hoping both stay present for a while but tbh i'm just excited for where this is headed #Anyways I also just fixated on Jean Moreau then discovered that (SPOILERS) he's 19???? Almost the same age as me??? hate riko hate riko HAT #anyway sorry riko enjoyers i know he's Complicated but I never liked him in the first place #and this book is making me look forward to his death even more than I did when I first read aftg. So. #listen i know he has Issues. I know Ichirou killing him without a second thought is probably the cruelest way that he personally can die #I also want him dead and gone. Those statements can and should coexist imho. #the sunshine court #jean moreau #really looking forward to finding out more about Jeremy too #this is gonna be a wild ride #jeremy knox #all for the game #love how nora's writing and characters can grab me in a chokehold and refuse to let me go thank you nora for the food

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

So you know this party banter between Aveline and Carver?

Aveline: I don't like some of the people you've been associating with, Carver. Carver: Talk to my brother/sister. He/She's the one in charge.

If you're on the rivalry path with Aveline, she says:

Aveline: Who says I don't mean him/her too? This city's full of people who are dead set on ending badly. I don't want to see you end up the same way.

I just- Aveline, you- you're so- hhhhnnnngggggg

I always rival Aveline when I play a mage, and if you think Edgar Aristide Hawke, who practically raised Carver and Bethany after Malcolm died and Leandra became a distant mother in her grief, wouldn't stop dead in his tracks at Aveline heavily implying he's a bad influence on his brother and Carver shouldn't hang around him so much since apparently Ed's someone set on ending badly...? Absolutely not.

This is another case of me wishing Hawke had the option to jump in during party banter with different options, because Ed would've chewed Aveline out for that.

Oh, and then there's:

Carver: Would asking you to stop spying on me help in the least? Aveline: No.

Aveline...................stop it.

#da2 #dragon age 2 #carver hawke #aveline vallen #da2 hawke #edgar hawke #listen all of aveline and carver's party banter and their relationship and the fact that they're pretty much foils DRIVES ME CRAZY #in a good way but then i get party banter like this and i stop everything i'm doing just to scream #like ed and aveline are on fairly good terms in act 1 i mean the rivalry is there but it's not too bad it's more like they just butt heads #but after leandra's death the friendship just rots and deteriorates like by the end of act 3 ed is genuinely surprised aveline #didn't turn on him and side with the templars but i guess even aveline knows what's actually right #or maybe she just doesn't want to face ed in a fight sksksks hell ed AND carver in a fight so it's easier to side with him and the mages #but anyway aveline saying that when ed's in earshot is bold but also the fact that carver doesn't actually acknowledge it #like he doesn't agree or disagree he just changes the subject to be like 'can you stop spying on me PLEASE' #like he already has no privacy while living with gamlen and now he has no privacy when he's by himself because apparently aveline's spying #also i always max out carver's friendship so he and ed are on good terms they're the brothers hawke and carver loves him #even if he doesn't outright say it you know that's what he's really saying in the last straw #when he says that he's proud to call hawke brother/sister and that's gone unsaid for too long like............ screaming sobbing throwing u #like the carver and hawke dynamic on his friendship path is sooo good that i hear aveline say that and i'm immediately ready to throw hands #btw if you're on aveline's friendship path she says 'maybe but i know you get around' instead which...........gets around where aveline??? #aveline my list of beef with you grows with every playthrough i hate you but also i love you but also i want to throw you in the ocean #until you get your head out of your ass like this is a case of her being a FASCINATING character but as a person? while i'm playing ed? ugh #my lady warrior hawke adored aveline but ed is ready to fight her 24/7 sksksk

[tazmiilly]

which line was it again? there are so many moments in the journal I don't really like because of what it makes Ford out to be man.

it's the one where they had him call fiddleford a hayseed. like, really? it just sounds like they wanted to use his lashing out to make him pick on his BEST FRIEND that he has ENDLESSLY COMPLIMENTED FOR HIS BRILLIANCE to make ford seem like he is deep down the kind of guy to poke at someone's upbringing and call them stupid. he's not a bully????

#like. come on. i know alex had a bias against ford but thats ridiculous #sorry ive never heard anyone else talk about it so i have no idea if its just me that got frusterated about it #like listen. i know ford can say things that come across as hurtful sometimes #but this just felt like an excuse to make him seem like he was a piece of shit. hes not like that...? he would NOT say that? #sorry i might delete this in like . an hour or something bc i dont really want to cause a fight about it

[yuwuta]

hello yuwuta! i just read yuuta okkotsu's declassified jujutsu tech survival guide and i wanted to tell you that you are an incredible writer. you understand all of the characters so well and bring them to life in your aus so well. i am in awe of you. one of my favorite parts of the fic was that reader has a domain expansion, if you don't mind, expanding (heh) on that? what are the details of her technique other than healing and healing shikigami?

vibrating at intense frequencies trying to be normal about this ask bc omgeee. first of all, thank you for the sweet words, i’m so happy you enjoyed the fic 🫶 when i first started writing, i just knew i wanted reader to have rct as the kind of antithesis to all of yuuta’s cursed energy in a kinda opposites attract way, but the more i wrote the more i wanted them to be complements—so i wanted yuuta to learn rct and reader to be able to fight/take missions unlike shoko (queen) and in the end, if you couldn’t tell, i pulled inspiration from naruto… LOL 

as for domain expansion, it’s supposed to be like a twist/play on words of the phrase “sterile field” like you would have in an operating room/medical setting, but for reader it’s a literal field or meadow like situation, and instead of having various medical assistance staff and/or tools, she has her shikigami. idk if in jjk you can technically get new shikigami but in naruto you sort of can lololol. it’s supposed to be a place for (guaranteed) healing those who are severely injured with little to no interruption or infection which is kind of the opposite of a domain expansion, but then i realized it could also allow for a guaranteed critical hit, it would just be… malpractice LOL but hey if the double glove fits… so, while everything in the domain can/should be used for healing, it can also be used to harm (like i imagine the individual blades of grass can be turned into surgical blades in her hand, i think in the fic reader mentions being able to make the bees sting/cause anaphylaxis and not just use their honey for healing, things like that)

for everything reader knows how to heal/fix, she also knows about 10 ways or things that could break or kill someone, so even tho rct/medicine is mainly used defensively or for aiding others, i imagine it could be pretty damaging in the wrong (or right?) hands, and then reader was born ❤️

i also subconsciously assc yuuta w medicine for this reason... do no harm but only for those he cares about… otherwise harm will occur xoxo

#i also subconsciously assc yuuta w medicine for this reason... do no harm but only for those he cares about…otherwise harm will occur xoxo #there’s a whole au in my head that follows this yuuta and reader through shibuya and the not so pretty side of her technique is shown #also aren’t curses are like… allergic to rct LOL but like someone like choso wouldn’t be completely subject to it so he’d be a good opponen #wait i think this is past anime spoilers for the next few tags teehee #also it would just drive yuuta insane to know that reader is in shibuya/guarding yuuji and he’s not… and then him coming back to assassinat #the drama i could dream of with these two… yuuta not letting reader heal yuuji’s heart bc he only wants you to touch his… anyway… #but also... he would follow reader wherever she goes he would be completely ineffectual fighting by her bc he just fights for her #like he's got rose colored goggles on... not listening to a word anybody else says LOL #but i have no way to ever fully articulate it/fight scenes so i just let it live in my head LOL #i also imagine that like… above the meadow situation there’s a gallery like there would be for an OR in a teaching hospital #anyway thank u for asking i have much to say about the things i make up for fics LOL #yuuta.fic

[franeridan]

focusing on that one panel of apoo being downright shocked and offended about the fact that law would help luffy since law's known for being ruthless and luffy's gonna be trouble for all supernovas in the future anyway to avoid thinking about the horrors

#listen to me #this is based on absolutely nothing but delusions but listen to me #law saw luffy do what he did and he knew luffy was gonna spearhead a new age #he was gonna be the instigator the main event #he saw him and saw someone who could turn the tides #you know how mihawk says luffy's got the most dangerous power #which is the power to make everyone he meets want to be on his side? #that's what happened with law #he saw luffy punch a celestial dragon for a friend and fight the world government for a brother and he Knew #luffy is his hope #i know i always say the same things but law doesn't care about being pirate king his interests don't conflict with luffy #his arc started the moment he met luffy on sabaody he saw luffy and he thought he might just be the one #to save me to help me to make my dream come true #he says so in dressrosa law sees luffy as a miracle worker he trusts in him the way the crew does #out of all supernovas law is the only one that decides to wait before entering the new world and he KNEW luffy was waiting too #he was waiting for him!!! Of Course he couldn't just let him die!!!!! #oh I'm insane about them i really am

[miabrown007]

a minute of silence to my skills to estimate how long a project is ever going to take

#my google calendar and Carl bot (and my friends) have been kind enough to inform me today was the estimated posting date of heist au #suffice to say that is not happening #it would have been rad to make a habit out of the co-occurrence of starting a new job and starting to post a finished WIP but alas #that will not be happening for a while longer #I have no idea when will I find the time for writing between two jobs and the big bang but. we'll work something out. #but hey it's good to give your projects breathing space so your brain can do the work in the background and solve the problems for you #I'll probably need to go back and revamp the whole last chapter I've been working on #but I'm still too sick and jet lagged and sick to be thinking about that so I'll consume some more media in the meantime #and complain about how bad the fic I'm listening to is. like god it's supposed to be so romantic and cute and he's literally #depriving her bodily autonomy and her friends support him I want to leave a strongly worded comment so bad #I will not be doing that but god it's so awful I should have stopped listening to this fic long ago. so that's a lesson learned. #put the fucking fic down there's plenty of stuff that's going to be better #hot take I sure no one saw coming sometimes things that are popular are actually bad #anyway have some stream of fucking consciousness /ref to another fic I'm fighting hard to keep discontinued #I know I won't like it why is this so hard #heist au should have been posted today based on maths btw. maths I did wrong for the first time which means it should have been posted #a year ago really #not like I have the proper structure to do a heist au daily #but it would have been fun to post the first chapter on the exact day it takes place. idk just for flavour #does all this make any sense? hardly. this is a diary entry and my two braincells are firing random thoughts at each other #that's fine though. it's all fine. here have some popcorn to go with all this nonsense 🍿🍿🍿 <3 #(and also all the drama in the new shadow and bone season. ugh it's so good I love Wesper SO. MUCH. or just Waylan. and Nikolai. #he's my blorbo assigned at first relevant information. relavant information: he's my friend's blorbo #but gods he's so my type it's scary. of course I'll have him as my blorbo. of course of course! #*puts him on a shelf next to Adrien Draco and Hunter* #*steps back to think before putting Waylan there too and sitting Zuko on the far end* #war crimes look so good on them :3 #miaing #heist au

[maskyartist]

*grips my pen violently trying to do lineart* dont make another brozone au dont do it dont make it based off persona shadows DONT-

(more ranting about it in the tags cause if i did it here we'd be lookin at paragraphs of text and that aint the vibe today)

#masky says #trolls dreamworks #i am plagued by visions umu tragic i know #think p4 rather then like p5 or smth #only instead of some secret dimension maybe its like a mirror they find somewhere?? #brings out their truest selves??? #either way i love the mental image of shadow JD grabbing himself and just screaming 'YOU WISH YOU WERE DEAD! ADMIT IT!' #or shadow Clay laughing at himself and telling him so easily that 'you WISH you were me! everyone LOVES the fun boy no one wanted YOU!' #bruce staring at a reflection of his insecurities just such a sad shadow constantly beating himself up for being too big and too dramatic #too 'himself' you could say #floyd having to handle his shadow parroting all those nasty thoughts hes had about his solo career #about his career in and out of the band. if hes useful. if hes worth any trouble after all his bros had to do for him. #and then theres branch...who is ABSOLUTELY like a final boss here he is TROUBLED #hes got ISSUES i cant even put it all in the tags here we'd be here all day #but listen. listen its the way he'd switch between being the lil kid everyone left behind feeling pathetic and sad for himself- #-and his grey self from way back when who still holds resentment for no one ever believing him #and then himself NOW who just feels so...lost now that he has 'everything' he wanted. #what does he do now? #maybe later....another day another day >3> #just love the idea of the bros havin some sorta fight about it around the mirror-gem-things (im thinkin that cave from pkmn X) #(yknow the one that had the reflecting walls???? thats the vibe here mystic and a lil spooky) #anyways t hey get back to the village around dark and people are NOT happy with them >3> #apparently the brothers have been causing trouble or being nuisances all day #and thats when they eventually stumble across the Shadows just dickin around as their 'truest selves' :) #sorry im done now but yall are gonna be plagued if im plagued

[reikunrei]

sleepy bc I accidentally stayed up late monologuing to myself about how free! really should have ended for the nth time 🥴

#imagine haru saying what he said to rin at the end of fs1 right. the ‘you always run away’ or w/e #and he’s angry but also upset w himself for saying it when he doesn’t REALLY mean it #and now he’s afraid he’s going to hurt his other friends so he secluded himself and throws himself into swimming #but his body is still shutting down! and albert is the one to say something #he says how he admired haru’s swimming. how the water favored him. but now something’s different. something’s wrong #and he says something that gets haru to listen. maybe haru’s a little stubborn and is like ‘stay out of this’ but it still gets #under his skin. so either he just goes to iwatobi or azuma tells him to #and he wanders around reliving memories. but they’re sort of staled now. he feels like he has no emotions. it’s like the start of s1 again #then he goes to their time capsule. and he digs it up. and inside are all their letters and the footage we saw of all his friends at the #beginning of fs1 on a dvd or thumb drive or smthn #he takes it home to his empty iwatobi house and plays it #at this point he is thinking about quitting. but then HE would be the one running away. and that fight with rin stings even more #and he doesn’t want to let his friends down. not when almost all of them are swimming Because of him #he’s so scared they’ll hate him or br angry. he wants to quit but he feels like he can’t bc who is he without swimming? #but then he watches the videos. and it mentions swimming sure. but he realizes all of his friends love him for HIM #and he can go back to tokyo and tell them everything he’s been thinking. about how he’s gonna quit. bc he just can’t do it #and of course they all support it. makoto does right out the gate. as does nagisa. rei cries a little bit he’d rather haru be happy #very similar to his choice in s1. he’s sad he can’t swim with haru. but he understood that the friendship comes first #and rin is maybe pissed. but you know he can’t be pissed for long. and he apologizes for putting haru on a pedestal #and then haru’s like well… I have to swim one final relay. so they sneak in and explain to the teammates at the last second and swap places #(none of that talking to the coach shit. I want them to commit crimes like they did in s1) #and they don’t care about winning they don’t care what the results are. they just want to see one final sight. share one final swim together #and it makes haru strong. but he’s accepted that competitive swimming isn’t for him. and he quits happily #maybe becomes a coach of sorts alongside makoto #anyway. stayed up late thinking abt it and now I’m in bed late writing it out #I did Not mean to do it it just Possesses me #i say things

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

#now my aunt is in remission... #a lot is happening and i feel the loneliest I've felt since high school #I've only been getting worse since my family denied what i went through and sat there and told me i wasn't probably remembering it correctly #i know what it was like growing up even if it comes back to me in spurts.. #but they really have started to make me doubt myself and its the worse cause they never apologized for the neglect and abuse #and they all took their side and acted like i was mistaken and said “ i never saw it happened do it didn't happen #and now i dont even talk to the only two friends i had cause i dont feel the same #if i don't text them first they never ever message me first or even check on me #and im always the one being there for them and listening to them and im just tired lf it all #i dont want a future anymore and im slowly losing my grip ive held on do tight even at my loneliest and now i feel like im losing #i was never anyone's best friend and everyone of the people ive called friends were always closer to someone else #ive only always had myself but im losing hope for the future and i just feel so extremely empty again #i just want to end this feeling and the weed isnt working anymore and working out doesnt work... i need God ive been so far away from him.. #Im just slowly losing it more and more im tired of being the friend everyone goes to for advice and laughs or enjoyment #im tired of it so much #the only time i feel joy is the bliss i feel when i sleep and even that joy is never truly felt cause i constantly fight my sleep #i only sleep when my body forced it self to cause i can't naturally just go to sleep st s set time anymore.. #im so tired of being people's escape or advice person I'm probably only saying this for the overwhelming feeling #of being a colossal failure and disappointment even so i still try snd try and fail some more #why don't i quit I just dont know why its just something in me that has some glimmer of self hope ive only tried to kms once and failed #maybe ima bit glad i failed but apart of me laughs cause i even failed at kms and find it ironic cause i fail at so many things #im so incapable of salvaging some semblance of normality or consistency #Mr.inconsistent that i am and have been but i refuse to let myself end that way i have to fight for something even in this haze of mine.. #i just want to be better why cant i get better and stay good.. maybe it hurts more than i let on finally speaking of what happened #and for them to deny it may have really affected me a lot snd i am just now seeing it manifest it self now ... #i just gotta live with it and just TRY to do better every single day snd in every single situation snd action i take...

[devil-changmin]

Putting it in the tags cuz it’s long, also Dec 18 tw

#bro every single time I listen to I will fight #especially on this day #I cannot BELIEVE it is a real song #I’m sure I’ve said it before but when u have the depression like I do it is so cathartic to hear songs that express the feeling of #being sad in spite of everything and wanting to die etc #but I will fight…..like…dude…. #saying maybe I want to die too but I’m choosing not to - I’m going to keep living because I want to honor your life #I’m going to survive to ensure that your memory doesn’t hold any pain #to say my entire life is for you because I will love you and miss you for the rest of it #to take desperation in the face of tragedy and turn it into that vibrant will to live #it’s insanity #and I know it was like therapeutic for him to create that song because the feelings are so genuine #but sometimes I can’t believe that he wrote and released it #like u tear your heart open for who? your fans? just so hell hear you? if enough people listen to it #will he hear our hearts cfying out that we want to live for him #that we don’t mind growing older as he lingers in the past #because we are all keeping him alive with the beat of our hearts #to say that every night and every darkness you look for the shining remnants of his life?!?!?!? #and he just let us share it #it’s so #you know

[silverselfshippingchaos]

sleepy... (totally didn't stay up playing f.f8 because I have a crush)

#that's exactly what i did. #ash rambles 💚 #i uh. may or may not have a massive crush on s.eifer a.lmasy #okay listen i know he's an asshole but #👉👈 what if we kissed? #i dont think he and ash get together until post-canon though. ash is one of the party members and is absolutely not interested in dating the #man she's fighting #... even if they used to be classmates and she secretly thought he was soooo handsome #post-canon though methinks they're a very loving couple. im not done with the game yet but i do think he'd try to be better #he may do questionable things but i know he's not a horrible guy. ash is very supportive of him! #... also she has secretly always wanted to get close to him so she can hold his gunblade. #f.f8 ash fights with two guns and is a massive weapon nerd so!! gunblade!!!! she thinks the concept is all ?? since it doesn't actually fire #but... whenever he wields it... she thinks it's the coolest thing ever #UGH I HATE HIM #(that is a lie. i have been talking about kissing him every single say since i caught feelings) #my humble apologies to my pals since i know i havent talked about anything else but 😳😳😳 he's handsome or whatever #stupid idiot s.eifer... i wanna kiss him sooo bad

[what-aboutno]

Diluc fell first but Childe fell harder. In this essay I will-

#zara rambles #LISTEN #youre telling me diluc his heart is his greatest foe wouldn't fall for a harbinger despite everything #his heart betrays him another time making him feel conflicted about that man hmm?? #they honestly could be both but i like this version better sjdjd #childe whos just trying to fight the pretty bartender no feelings attached vrs diluc who fell in love with him after knowing him #sjsnhjdj but like childe has that like i am a weapon mindset and he definitely knows /who/ diluc is #and he seems quite lonely after you remove his family yk... along with the things saying he works alone #im just saying i like the idea of him not falling first and just having all these emotions hit him at once #if you follow me on twt and see i dont post there its because i don't like them 🫡 /lh sjdjd i like writing in tags to just ramble #cant do that on twt 😔😔 it also feels too public to share any thoughts that are just for rambling #idk if this made sense but i wanted to write it down somewhere thats not my notes sjdjd

[yuribalisms]

And like !!!! The thing is with the gender stuff…. If I’m this wary about ever medically transitioning, even if I did come to the conclusion I’m a guy, I’m not sure I’d ever do it. It makes life hard, and if I’m not a hundred percent like “yes I want this it will make me happy” then I’m probably not gonna do it. It would also mean cutting off my mom’s side of the family for good (and while I don’t rlly mind never talking to my mom specifically again, there are quite a few ppl it would upset me to lose that way, all things considered). So Like…. What would be the point in “being out” as a trans guy? Sure my friends would listen but like the world in general? No!!! I might as well just keep saying I’m a lesbian and like ugh. Ugh. I like being a lesbian and I just don’t understand any of this but also am I just clinging so hard to lesbianism because it’s “safer” to me? Like what is the point in any of this my thoughts are just going in circles

#and like the thing is I don’t think it should really matter #I think I SHOULD just be able to say “’I’m a lesbian with a fucked up and complicated relationship with gender’ #but so many ppl don’t like that and I don’t wanna fight to be taken seriously #and maybe I am just gender-fluid but then I have to accept there are ALWAYS gonna be times I am viscerally uncomfortable with my gender no #matter what I do which also just fucking sucks #and I just…. ugh. I don’t know what to do. #and like ik a lot of the ppl would not care if every few days I was like hey they/them pls #and then ‘oh he/him today pls :)’ #or ‘hey feminine stuff today pls but also they/them’ #like they would listen and they would not care but *I* care I want to *know* #and I just…. don’t…. and I’m so tired of it…. and just saying I’m a lesbian is the easiest option so why don’t I just keep doing that….. #kaz rambles