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bamiiib · 5 years

Text

Ethereal | Jung Jaehyun

Masterlist

One | Two | Three

He burns the back of your mind every night, mistaking the stars for his eyes, your heart is spiraling in confusion and emotion, and despite you trying to ignore it, he offers you adventure and endless joy, leaving you thinking back on everything, wondering if you truly are ready for the adventure that is him.

Words: 5.8K

Category: Modern!AU, Angst, Fluff

Song Rec: Feels Like We Only Go Backwards — Tame Impala

Warnings: Explicit Language, Mentions of Alcoholism

A/N: First off, Happy Holidays and New Year everyone! I’m so sorry this update is late, finals week really had me stressing along with the holidays, but now that all that is over, I can finally rest and write! This chapter was originally much longer, but while editing decided to cut it short, but I hope you all still enjoy! The song dedicated to this chapter is one of my favs, and I hope you will like it too! Happy reading! P.S. Now that Tumblr is fixed, the rest of this series can be found in the masterlist! —bambi

You stared down at the white mug that sat in front of you. Your fingers fumbled with the handle, feeling the polished glass under your fingertips.

You watched caramels and whites swirl around your cup, eyes darting everywhere and anywhere, desperate to look at everything—but him.

“You didn’t have to come, when I asked if I can talk to you.” His voice echoed in your ears amongst the crowds that talked amongst each other.

Already with his deep voice you could sense the guilt buried deep in the kindness that dripped from his lips.

You nodded your head, yet kept your eyes glued to your cup, for if you even spared him a single glance, you knew the guilt buried in your heart would eat you up.

“I know…” You whispered in response, and even with that, you were unsure as to why you did agree to meet up with him.

Perhaps it was your conscious screaming at you, telling you to give him a reason after what happened the night of Johnny’s party.

Or perhaps it was that Johnny had been guilt-tripping you ever since his visit last night. Just the sole thought of Johnny seeming to be the entire reason as to why you found yourself stuck in this situation infuriated you.

True, he had every reason to be right when he said you should give him closure.

To give Jaehyun a reason why you ran so abrupt, but now as you continued to rewind the scene over and over in your head—you continued to wallow in embarrassment and humiliation.

“Am I making you uncomfortable? I’m sorry if I am, y’know I can just leave if you want me to—” His sentence alone set you on edge, anxious as you could hear his chair screech against the wooden floor of the coffee shop.

Your eyes darted up to look at him, in which he had responded with the same, surprised glance.

You cleared your throat as Jaehyun sat back down after seeing your moment of panic. Your cheeks becoming flushed, you scratched the nape of your neck.

Your lips quivered ever so slightly. Words ready to breathe out from your chapped lips, yet each time you tried to speak, found a knot in your throat, silencing you each time before you could even mutter a word.

“If it’s alright for me to ask,” Jaehyun started, as you looked up at him in confusion, brows furrowing.

“Why did you run? D-Did I hit you too hard? I swear I only meant for it to be harmless!” He stated in a rush of panic, his eyes widening and cold sweat dripping down his temples.

From what you could see, you even noticed how his ears seemed to have blushed a bright, cherry red. Still, you had laughed quietly, and you couldn’t help compare Jaehyun to a child that had just been scolded.

“No, that’s not it! If I have to be honest…” Your voice trailed off, as you had lost yourself in thought. You took yourself back to that night.

How the stars littered the dark sky, the moon that rose in its beauty, shining on Jaehyun’s face as each time he’d smile, you’d notice how his dimples seemed deeper.

His laugh that echoed in your ears, and his voice that sounded as smooth as honey.

His eyes that sparked when he talked about his likes and dislikes.

It was a night where you allowed yourself to open up more than you normally did.

You talked about everything and anything with Jaehyun. From normal, polite conversation, to the wildest debates. It was the first time you talked about everything.

That night hadn’t left your mind, each minute you spent by yourself taking you back.

Your train of thought had soon ended when you heard Jaehyun mumble silently, bringing you back as you looked at him. You shook your head, scolding yourself for thinking back, and thinking it was okay to feel this way.

You despised the tiny skip in your heartbeat each time you thought of Jaehyun under the moonlit sky, and how you could easily feel so comfortable, so fast.

You felt like a hypocrite.

Preaching how much you feared love, you despised it, thinking it as something unnecessary, yet with one look into his eyes, your mind would draw into a blank.

“Nothing… forget about it.” You whispered, a heavy weight placed against your chest, you had let fear win.

His gaze dropped, staring down at your fumbling hands, and a sigh echoed past his lips.

“Y/N, I don’t know what I did, but if it’s alright to be selfish for a second…” He took a deep breath, a smile soon following as he looked deep into your eyes, a stare strong enough to where it seemed as if he was studying every feature of you.

Fearing to forget what you look like, even for a second.

“That night was one of the best nights I ever had. I-I like you, Y/N, and I know we just met, but if you’d let me, I’d like to get to know you more.” There it was.

Something in his words had risen something you had tried so hard to keep buried.

The passion in his words, the care and remorse that dripped from his lips, you wanted a reason not to be so scared, and as much as you wished for Jaehyun to be this reason—you felt terrified.

You felt pathetic, remembering back to your days in highschool.

A boy would take you to the empty football field in which a beautiful hibiscus syriacus tree blossomed.

They’d confess their love to you, a proud look in their eyes, only to be crushed entirely when you’d reject them with an empty expression.

Sometimes you had wondered if you even had a heart.

How cold and cruel you could be to those who tried so hard to appreciate you.

The hurtful rumors that sprouted because of your fears.

Everyone called you a player, manipulative even.

You didn’t deserve all the admiration you got from the boys.

You were just some stuck-up bitch that took everything for granted.

If only they knew, maybe those kids wouldn’t have been so hurtful to you, and maybe you wouldn’t have had such a small group of friends throughout your years.

Your jaw clenched tightly at the pain-filled memories, your hands that held onto your mug growing tighter till your knuckles glowed white, and you could feel your nails dig into your skin.

You shut your eyes, taking a deep breath, counting with each exhale you took.

One. Two. Three. Four. Breathe in.

One. Two. Three. Four. Breathe out.

You swallowed the lump that threatened to form inside your throat when you met eyes.

How you could easily read the amount of curiosity that held in that stare of his.

You felt guilty. He deserved none of this.

You knew it, and everyone knew it.

“Jaehyun, I-I can’t.” You whispered, feeling that heavy weight push you down even farther, as your stomach churned. You watched the tiny smile that had formed onto his lips soon falter. That spark you had found so intriguing in his eye quickly dying at your words.

“I see.” He responded, and immediately, you felt your entire being tremble.

You placed your hands against your legs, fingers playing with the ends of your skirt, you wanted nothing more than to leave.

You wanted to go home, lie down in bed, and forget that all of this had happened.

Since your childhood, you were quick to fall into a pit of darkness, and found comfort in the shadows each time you had become too scared to handle the real world.

This, had felt like one of those moments.

The weight was unbearable, your head throbbed, and your heart felt as if it were ready to break all over again, just like how you felt when you watched your parents leave each other before your eyes.

You didn’t want to deal with this.

Not again.

You didn’t want Jaehyun to be one of those guys, because even you knew, he was nothing like one of those guys.

Far from it.

You didn’t want to become so attached, just for him to fall for the girl impossible to love.

“Can we be friends then?” He snapped you out of your trance. You looked up at him with wide eyes, not realizing the tears that were threatening to spill as you watched him in pure surprise.

His lips curved into a thin smile, and with that, it felt as if that crushing weight that was pushing you down, had been lifted… ever so slightly.

You were speechless. You looked at him and instantly looked at the determination that sparked in his eye. Something in that look, reminded you of something, from another time.

It made you feel… happy, yet nothing could remove the hesitation buried in your heart.

“Jaehyun, I… I don’t—I mean I can’t, I-” You rambled, unsure of what to even say, staring down at the hands you had been fumbling with your skirt, you swallowed the large lump that formed in your throat.

You hadn’t realized how quick your heart had been beating as your palms grew clammy and cold from anxiety. He was just asking to be friends, yet you were already more than aware of his intentions, and with that, you went back into the familiar shadows, ready to hide yourself in the comforting darkness.

A darkness no one can be able to reach for you.

A darkness that made you feel so alone, yet so welcoming, because you knew no one can hurt you there.

No one…

“I will not hide how I feel, and I hope I’m not asking for much…” You sighed at his words, and soon laughed ever so slightly.

“You don’t even know me, and yet you say you like me? It was just one night, Jaehyun. One night we spent together, and you let your feelings get the best of you so quick?” Your heart ached as the words spilled from your mouth, leaving a bitter taste in your tongue.

You knew you shouldn’t be saying such things to Jaehyun.

You didn’t want to fill up your head with false hope. You didn’t want to give Jaehyun the harsh reality when it came to your fears and feelings.

“Can we be friends then?” He snapped you out of your trance. You looked up at him with wide eyes, not realizing the tears that were threatening to spill as you watched him in pure surprise.

His lips curved into a thin smile, and with that, it felt as if that crushing weight that was pushing you down, had been lifted… ever so slightly.

You were speechless. You looked at him and instantly looked at the determination that sparked in his eye. Something in that look, reminded you of something, from another time.

It made you feel… happy, yet nothing could remove the hesitation buried in your heart.

A darkness no one can be able to reach for you.

A darkness that made you feel so alone, yet so welcomed, because you knew no one can hurt you there.

No one…

“I’m not going to hide how I feel, and I hope I’m not asking for much…” You sighed at his words, and soon laughed ever so slightly.

You knew you shouldn’t be saying such things to Jaehyun.

How hypocritical of you, to judge him for something you have also felt, yet he is the only one who is more confident. He is someone who easily follows his heart. He is not like you, in which you ignore your heart, and ignore every ache and need it craves, because deep down, you’re afraid of listening to it.

You’re afraid of not being as fortunate, or as confident as most people.

As Jaehyun.

You watched that familiar gleam in his eye fade away, and although every inch of you wished to be guilty, shouted at yourself not to.

This was for your own good.

You must protect yourself.

You—

“I know, it must sound stupid, right? But I did, and I think nothing will change that. All I am asking is to be friends. I want to get to know you more. I want you to trust me. I want to talk about everything we did that night. I want what we had that night. You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything either.” He explained with a pleading tone, looking deep into your eyes, begging you not to go. Begging for you to stay, and to feel the same thing he had felt for you.

Your brows slanted, your heart heavy, your stomach churning. It was as if he knew how you were feeling. How that night differed from the rest. How a stranger, can turn into a friend in only seconds.

“I won’t let you go that easy.” His voice rung in your ears, causing your eyes to go wide at his sentence, shocked by the smile that decorated onto his thin lips the second he saw your reaction.

“Just how persistent can you be?” You asked, awed by the sudden spark that was brought back to life, after watching it die down recently.

“Give me a chance, and maybe you’ll find out.” With that, Jaehyun extended his hand towards you, the sleeves of his white sweatshirt pulling down, “I’m not one to back down easily. I will gain your trust, and hopefully, change your mind. So what do you say, friends?” You looked down at his hand, caution spreading throughout your body.

You knew if you shook his hand, a brand new world will be introduced to you, because that’s just the kind of person Jaehyun was.

Each second spent with him, you experience something new.

Every hour, and every day with him by your side, is a new journey just waiting to be discovered. You can hide in the shadows all you want, bury yourself in the comfort of your warm blankets, but you knew, with him in your life, you’d never have a chance to even lie your head against that pillow.

Your throat went dry, yet your adrenaline was pumping, and your heart was racing.

Were you ready for the adventure that belonged to Jung Jaehyun?

With that, you stared back into his eyes, not finding a single tinge of hesitation, but pure confidence and determination.

One you envied, and one you wished you could carry.

He was just asking for friendship, so what’s the harm in that?

Well… perhaps having more nights like the one you had shared with him, and possibly the fact that those feelings that bloomed might become whole.

You weren’t certain of anything when you looked at him, and each thought crept upon your brain, suddenly all drawn in a blank.

You knew you had to take risks, and after years of hiding away because you were too scared for just about anything, out of all days, today was the day you had found a newborn confidence. You inhaled sharply, your posture straightening as you cleared your throat. Staring back down at his hand, you could only think of one thing.

Fuck it.

You smiled, grabbing his hand with a firm grip as you shook it firmly. “Alright.” You nodded your head, meeting eyes with Jaehyun to meet the same ambition and mischief that filled his own.

“Friends.”

Hours turned to days, and days turned to months. Immediately, as if the connection that sprouted that night during Johnny’s party, reignited all over again, you were quick to become comfortable around Jaehyun.

You led to believe you knew everything about him that night, unaware to the many secrets he was ready to spill out to you with each day you spent with him.

Three months after your whole “agreement” happened, Jaehyun had moved out of his parent’s house and got a tiny apartment with Taeyong.

You still live with your father, afraid that one day he’ll drink himself to his death, so you stay and take care of him. Unfortunately, his state has worsened. From every Friday night spent drinking, turned to weekends, and soon, it was every day after work.

You haven’t told Jaehyun about it yet, but you trusted him enough to tell him about the divorce of your parents. You decided not to go any deeper than that.

Out of all things you were willing to share with him, there was still a tiny piece of your life you had kept under lock and key.

Only this time, you were determined to throw that key away.

Jaehyun was a good person—as you predicted back when you first met him.

He volunteers to random events now and then, and one time he invited you to one.

You remember going to a rather low-funded high school with him, how he also brought in other boys. That was when you met Mark, a rather talented person in music, Doyoung who seemed to carry mother-like traits (which you two seemed to have very much in common with), and Winwin, Yuta, and Taeil, who somehow is always clinging onto Winwin like a piece of gum alongside Yuta.

You had also invited Johnny, who then brought Ten.

It was an eventful evening. You bought snacks and drinks for the kids, played fun games with them when it was time for P.E., and even prepared their lunches for them!

After your volunteer work was over, you and the boys headed over to a random park nearby, playing around like elementary school children and laughed until you felt as if you could nearly suffocate from the lack of air you were getting.

When all the boys left, it was just you and Jaehyun. You sat on the swing sets and continue to ramble about the strangest of topics.

It was nice to have conversations like those.

One in which carried from one topic to another. Not a single conversation was finished, as you had always found something new to talk about each second. How words could escape your lips with ease, how you can tell him one snarky remark, and how he’d snap with one right back.

You were content with how things were. You were more than happy to let Jaehyun into your life.

“This is nice.” Jaehyun said as he breathed out a laugh, swinging lazily on the swing set. You sat next to him and hummed in response as you looked over your right where he was.

“What is?” You asked before turning your head to face in front of you, basking in the cool air that breathed through your skin, watching the autumn leaves fall as they’d crunch under your feet.

Despite the chilly weather, it had always felt like a soft summer evening whenever you were with Jaehyun.

“This. Being outside, enjoying life. Being here… with you. With me.” His voice fell soft, barely above a whisper, and if you weren’t sitting close enough, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to hear.

You didn’t have to look at him to know his eyes were staring straight at you, already feeling his sweet smile with his famous dimples popping out of his cheeks.

You giggled lightly, a warm feeling radiating in your heart, for a second, and only just a second, you had seemed to have forgotten about everything.

“You’re doing that thing again.” You said with a snort, in which Jaehyun’s eyes widened slightly, shaking his head and clearing his throat as he looked ahead of himself.

“D-Doing what?” He asked, keeping his eyes glued to the park in front of him. You turned your head, this time being the one to face him as you poked his cheek, then pointing at the bright red that flushed his ears.

“Staring. Being all ‘lovey-dovey' You better stop.” You said, and although your words felt heavy, you tried your best to present a smile.

Jaehyun pouted, staring down at his lap as his lips curled into a tight line.

“Is that bad?” He mumbled, and although it sounded more to himself, you still answered. “Yes, because that’s not what friends do.” You said, almost absent-mindedly, completely and entirely unaware of the effects it held against Jaehyun’s heart.

“Right.” He said, disappointment radiating in the tone of his words.

“Friends.” He sighed out with a frown.

You looked at Jaehyun, stuttering under your breath, but before you could dare utter out a sentence, Jaehyun was quick to intrude, as he stood up and buried his hands in his pockets.

“I think today’s been a long day. We should probably head home. I’ll drive you.” He said as he turned to face you, and behind the smile he was trying so hard to fake, you knew hurt was found deep within.

You felt guilty, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to apologize. You didn’t want to think about it. To think about how his feelings for you hasn’t changed one bit since that day.

Everything was going so good, you had finally made a friend, and because of his feelings for the girl afraid of love, you didn’t want to ruin all of that, because of that one sole reason.

You ignored his feelings as selfish as that sounded. You had your reasons, and slowly as the days went by, Jaehyun had realize how you kept yourself reserved.

“I-I can always walk, o-or hail a cab! You don’t have to drive me…” You said as you looked up at him, staying seated onto the swing. “Don’t be a dummy, dummy. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go home alone. Now let’s go.” Before you could protest, Jaehyun was already walking.

You groaned, eventually getting up and running after him, slapping his arm in agitation, he chuckled and shoved you to the side in which you lost your balance. You growled at him, but let him win. This time.

You climbed in the car, buckling yourself as Jaehyun adjusted himself into the driver’s seat, then adjusting his mirrors and soon drove.

At first it was quiet, you stared out of the window for a while, but when you looked back to Jaehyun, saw his eyes fixated on the street, a tiny, sad glint in his eye.

You knew what you said had bothered him greatly, but it wasn’t like there was much you could do. You felt bad, but you didn’t want to apologize. You wish you could tell him. You wish you could tell him everything.

You never wanted to become so close to someone, yet you did, and with Jaehyun. He had a welcoming presence, and a soft smile you could easily trust.

He was perfect, and you appreciate him for everything he has given you.

From fun, late night drives in the middle of the night, to deep conversations whenever the two of you were found in difficult situations.

You didn’t think you’d become so close to someone like you are with Johnny—maybe even closer, but you did, and you were more than glad for that.

Maybe you should let him.

Maybe you should tell him everything.

He won’t back away if you do…

Will he?

You shook your head, pushing the thought away from you to think about later. You then saw the aux cord that extended inside the empty cup holders. You reached for it without a second thought, plugging your phone in as you played some soft music.

You smiled in content, falling back into your seat with a warm sigh, hugging yourself tightly and stared out of the window. You hummed lowly to yourself, and soon after, heard tiny taps next to you.

A smile itched at your lips, looking from the corner of your eye to see Jaehyun tapping his fingers against the steering wheel in the same rhythm to the music.

You decided not to say anything and continued to look out of the window as you let the music do all the talking.

The rest of the ride seemed a little easier, watching the tension in Jaehyun’s shoulders soon disappear, as the two of you would then hum the melodies together, laughing each time one of the two messed up, or forgotten how the tune had gone.

You reached to your house, staring at the dull setting, how the clouds seemed to have hovered over the block, yet making your house seem the most depressing. You sighed, because even in your own home it seemed just as sad as the reality that hid behind those walls.

“Well, I should get going… my dad is probably waiting for me already. Thanks.” You whispered, unbuckling your seatbelt, fingers wrapped around the car door handle, until Jaehyun quickly spoke up.

“Y/N…” He whispered, regret already filling his deep voice, you turned to him, sensing the tension return all over again as it filled the car.

“Yes?” You asked, tilting your head and tried to force a tiny, warm-like smile in attempts to calm him down. Yet, it was no use, as Jaehyun turned to look at you, and was instantly met with the familiar sad look in his eye.

“I know you’re no stranger with my feelings. Especially towards you… I know we agreed on just being friends, but you need to know, with each day that goes by, that little agreement we had, it gets—harder. For me.” He whispered, a sigh breathing through his lips after.

“Would you say that... even now—your feelings still haven‘t changed? Even a little?” He asked. Pleaded.

You watched him, at first studying his expressions, sensing the anxiety that rushed through his skin, how his ears had quickly ignited a bright red. You then looked towards his hand that gripped onto the steering wheel, watching as his knuckles turned white, and hand even tremble with a strong grip.

You curled your lip in a tight line, that familiar crushing weight returning all over again, only this time, it seemed heavier.

“Jaehyun, I can’t—” This all felt too familiar. The pleading look in his eye, how one look can tell a thousand words. How his eyes were begging you, pleading for you to reciprocate and to feel the same. Each time you had thought of it, goosebumps would rise to your skin, and that weight became suffocating.

You couldn’t breathe, and so you panic, because that’s what you were best known for doing. You panic, and you hide, because you’re too terrified to face the reality in front of you.

“Why can’t you?” Jaehyun asked, voice slightly below a shout, but still enough for you to flinch. “There’s just some things I can’t tell you.” You whispered, your glance dropping to look at your lap, hands resting against your legs as they then balled up into tight fists.

You just wanted to jump out of the car, run inside the house, you didn’t want to do this. You hated this. Every second of it. You hated thinking about this, and you hated it every time he’d bring it up.

Given, Jaehyun had rarely ever did bring it up, after eventually taking the hint that you weren’t looking for anything at the moment, but just like the first day you met him, he was still as persistent as ever.

“Why not? Do you not trust me, is that it?! I thought we told each other everything, Y/N! I tell you everything about my life, so why can’t you just let me in, and tell me?” His voice impatient, anger beginning to seep through his sentences.

You tried your best to choke down the same amount of anger that filled your veins. It was still no use, and it didn’t take much longer for you to snap.

“Is that all you care about?! Is that why you wanted to be friends?! Because you want me to trust you so much, I tell you everything and suddenly fall head over heels for you?! Is that it, Jaehyun!” You shouted, your heart pounding against your chest to where it ached, your voice shrill and full of pain, when you looked back up at Jaehyun, you watched as he grew entirely speechless.

“T-That’s not what I—” He whispered, yet you couldn’t hold back any longer, and everything came hurling at you all at once.

“There are reasons why I don’t tell you everything. If I could, I would, but it isn’t that easy. Stop trying to rush me; what kind of friend are you?! I know you want to be with me, but you can’t! Okay, Jaehyun?! You can’t!” You shouted once more, hand gripping onto the handle, staring straight into Jaehyun’s eyes.

You didn’t realize you were crying until he brought a hand towards your cheek, swiping a tear away with a brush of his thumb.

You gasped silently, and slapped his hand away.

“Stop doing that! Stop giving me this stupid “special treatment”, stop acting like I’m some priceless jewel, and stop treating me like I’m your fucking girlfriend! I’m not, so stop giving me all this “lovey-dovey” nonsense, and for God’s sake, stop making my mind drive insane!” Your tears grew stronger, you were ready to fall into a fit of sobs, but you tried your best to choke it down as much as you could, yet the tears had continued to trickle down your cheeks.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I—” Jaehyun whispered, but you wouldn’t let him finish.

“W-Why… why are you such a good person. I hate it… I hate that I can’t be mad at you, and I hate that you make me feel certain things I’m not sure what they even are. I hate…” Your shouts soon subsided to hushed whispers, and sounds of your sniffling soon echoed around the car.

Jaehyun tried bringing his hand towards you again, ready to cup your face and wipe away your tears, like how he always would do whenever you cried for whatever the reason.

This time, it was different.

You shook your head, moving backwards, away from his touch, you finally opened the car door and crawled out, reaching for your bag as you were fast to shut the door.

“Y/N, wait, please, I—”

“Thanks for the car ride, and for the moment just… just stay away from me. Please. Goodbye, Jaehyun.” You wiped your tears away, and listened to Jaehyun’s constant shouts for you echo the closer you got to your house, and shut the door behind you.

Silence engulfed your ears, the living room dimly lit, it was hard to make anything out if it weren’t for the tiny lamp that was turned on right next to you.

You pressed your back against the door, staring up at the ceiling, you then shut your eyes tightly. Whispering over and over to yourself. “Stop crying, stop crying, stop…” It wasn’t long till you fell apart.

You fell on your knees, hugging yourself tightly as you cried.

Crying, crying, and crying, you cried until you felt as if you’d drown in your tears, until your stomach cramped from each sharp gasp you’d take, choking from the lack of air you were getting.

Eventually, you had calmed down, walking towards the couch close to where you were, and just sat there in silence, staring at the blank TV with an empty glare.

Why were you like this? Why were you crying? When did you become to emotional, and so attached to Jung Jaehyun? When did all of this even happen? What would’ve happened if you never met him?

If you never agreed to become his friend, knowing all too well of his intentions, yet still letting him easily into your life.

You hated feeling this way.

You hated being able to laugh freely with him, talk about almost anything and everything, to let out every emotion you were feeling, and for him to do the same. You did things you weren’t sure friends should even do together.

It didn’t take long for you to realize the special treatment Jaehyun had been giving you compared to his other friends. How he had always treated you more different from the others.

He carried a different smile, a different laugh whenever he was with you. His ears would flush a deep red so easily with you with just the tiniest thing you’d taunt him for.

How you were always the first person he’d say hello to, in a sea full of friends and family.

You were always the first person Jaehyun went to, and you to him.

Everything was different with him, and you knew it. You knew it the second you felt your heart flutter whenever he’d open the door for you, take you out when you were sad to late, midnight drives, buy you your most favorite snacks when it was that time of the month.

You knew he treated you differently than most friends, and you still let him. God, you felt so selfish. Your heart ached whenever you were away from him and soared each time you were side by side.

You took advantage of his kindness and obvious affection for you.

You knew how his heart yearned for you, how he’d bathe you in all this care and affection, and how did you repay him?

Surely not returning the feelings, but taking them, and continued to call him a “friend”.

He was nothing like your friends.

Jaehyun was different.

Everything was different when you were with him.

You continued to watch the black screen of the TV, and it didn’t take long until you heard the creak of a door, you hadn’t noticed the tears that rolled down your cheeks again.

“Dad?” You watched as your dad opened the door and easily had fallen into sorrow at the sight of your tears.

Your dad, the person who drinks until he can’t even stand upright.

Your dad, the person you cherished the most.

The person who you never, in a million years would go to for your own troubles, because his mattered more to you, coming to you with open arms and a sober mind, for a boy you weren’t sure how to feel around anymore.

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