#me going to the bathroom at 2 am

[insolent-ram]

“Hello, dear…”

#ghost #the band ghost #cardinal copia #papa 4 #papa iv #papa emeritus iv #popia #me going to the bathroom at 2 am #my art hehe #I hate studying lighting #I used an encanto screenshot as a ref lmao #i’m desperate

[strawberrybyers]

lesson learned this week: if your teenage niece asks to throw a party at your house, say no because you might end up feeling trapped in your bedroom due to not wanting to encounter a group of teens in your own home so now you’re thirsty, and being thirsty triggers anxiety and anxiety triggers nausea and nausea triggers more anxiety which triggers stomach cramps which triggers more anxiety which triggers more nausea and i’m still thirsty on top of that. i am fighting for my life in here 😭😭 i think i could start crying i’m having so much anxiety 😭😭

#i am so tired of the cycle of anxiety 😭😭😭 like bro my body is TIRED #it’s tired of being in an anxious state and hurting and feeling nauseous and throwing up and i am constantly dying #i’m also wearing makeup and i need to take it off but i can’t bc that requires going to the bathroom! #and going to the bathroom means encountering people! #i need a xanax #maybe 2 or 3 actually #i also need a hair tie my hair is starting to drive me crazy #i’m getting a headache #i’m also congested bc my allergies are bothering me #i’m also shaking i cannot with this rn #i am overstimulated #and i have to pee #we are just not doing well team 😭😭 #strawberrybyers text post

[bulkhummus]

i slept really good last night :o)

#i conked before 1 am which is such a rarity these days #i wish i felt good today i would be unstoppable #my tummy hurts so bad and idk what i did to it to treat me this way #i woke up at 6 am in pain and then forced myself back asleep hoping itd go away and then woke up 2 hours later with the same pain :o( #im thinking i might actually be allergic to red dye < so im gonna keep a look out but #o7 < me looking out #bc idk what else it could have been i didnt reallt eay much yesterday bc my tummy hurt too #i unno but i hope i can do some drawing today i had to play life catch up yesterday and battle the depression #im gonna list the good stuff from yesterday for myself now while im sitting on my bathroom floor lol #i bought kimchi my supermarket hasnt had in a while which wahoo! #i out clean sheets on my bed #i finished a commission #i cleaned my room #finished a dndads episode #took a nice shower #spoke on the phone with some friends and made plans with coworkers/friends #missing everyone who is far from me terribly which is part of the depression im sure #anyways those are ally my updates i did sleep really good even though i woke up early and thats the good thing #and if u made it this far #i love u an hope u have a good day :3 #personal

[soldez]

.

#i have to say this somewhere or im gonna go crazy #so at a preschool. you HAVE to have one adult sitting at every table when kids are eating. and you also need a person in the hall #for kids getting their lunchboxes and going to the bathroom and shit ok. are you with me here. this makes sense #so today. my 2 coworkers had already taken the chairs bc i got caught up in the hall but i was so fucking hungry that i just ate standing u #which was fine. like i could just put my lunch down if someone needed my help and i Did that ok it was fine. no one was left alone #but later at SNACKTIME. it took me forever to get these 2 kids in the room and seated ready to eat & by the time i got in some kids were #already finished and ready to go to the playroom. so i was like ok i guess I'm not eating for the latter half of the day because they cant #be left alone. and my 2 coworkers at this point were sitting with the snackers and they looked fine so i looked after the Players #intermittently glancing to the snack tables to make sure everyone was fine mind you #So what happened here was. #There was a 20 second interval between the time i glanced up to see 2 adults at the snack table. And the time i glanced up to see #a completely unsupervised snack table. one kid STANDING UP ON THE TABLE blowing raspberries and pointing at the other kids #could not have been more than 20 or 30 seconds that i wasn't looking and NO ONE TOLD ME they were leaving the room #if i had been WARNED that they were leaving i would have prioritized the snackers and sat with them so no one choked and no one fucking #stood on the table #but they both just left for whatever reason without saying anything #and when i brought it up after school they were just like. well marty you were eating too much during lunch #next time you should eat before coming in to work so you can give the kids your full attention #??????? i already skipped a meal today for that exact reason?? how is it my fault that i don't want to starve? #am i actually in the wrong here because it's driving me FUCKING nuts. that was NOT a safe situation and it obviously can NOT happen again #but the issue was a lapse in communication not me wanting to eat food so i don't actually die #and those were two different times of day so they're not even relevant #obviously there are bigger issues in the world than this but i feel like throwing up over it. this was not my fault #I'm sorry that you guys can survive off of like 1 spoonful of granola and a single acai berry for the entire day but im not built like that

[figs-oliomedley]

JESTRO WAS GONNA BE A KNIGHT IN SEASON 5

LANCE WAS THE ONE WHO MADE FUN OF HIM FOR BEING A BAD KNIGHT WHEN THEY WERE KIDS

@knightly-bastard SAID SEASON 5 WAS GONNA BE MORE LANCE-CENTRIC

THERE WAS GONNA BE D R A M A-

#the bathroom is my new thinking chamber #the instant I went to use the bathroom I shower-thought that realization into existence #''WE WERE ROBBED!!'' me. a 2023 Nexo Knights fan #the potential character development oh GOG #it's 12 AM on the dot here #my mom washed the dishes for me but I was prepared to turn my computer back on as late as 2 AM to make this post if I had to #slot this in right next to my other brainrots yep just another totally normal interaction with a lego show #my brother is going to dread conversation with me for YEARS #nexo knights #lego nexo knights #lance richmond #jestro

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Oh my god. You know it’s getting bad when you start doing things you don’t even want to do to procrastinate on something you really do want to do.

It would be one thing if it were something like a hobby; but the thing I want to do is also extremely necessary to my life.

#Hhhhhhngh #for three weeks I’ve been doing this #I’ve had all the time in the world #and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m doing this out of a subconscious desire to prove to myself that I’m actually fucked up in the head #Which is already proof enough that I have that desire in the first place; but I keep going because it’s not enough #I only ever feel like I need care when I’m at my absolute worst #And suddenly after being so exhausted that I fell asleep at 7:00 some days; I’m staying up until 2:30 AM and waking up at 8:00??? #and I feel fine and perfectly awake; but still can’t manage to get myself out of bed until 10:00 because Comfy #I sit and I read for an hour; then I go on my phone and emerge at 5:00 PM #If I go in the bathroom it takes forever to get back out because I end up talking to myself in the mirror about god knows what #I feel like I need some kind of… idk… very strong stimulant in me so I can actually care about things #not that stimulants work like that; but I need to have some kind of catastrophic life event… to get beaten up or something #something to put pure fear and concern in my veins #It is summer and there is almost no chance of me getting kicked or catching a football in the wrong place #and I don’t have to run right now either #I could do something #I know how #But even that is a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation; because that ALSO makes me not want to do things #At least then I’d have a palpable (literally) excuse but uh…. I’m still kind of getting over the last time #I am on my phone all day and I recognize that’s bad; but the thing I need to do is to send an email… which is on my phone; so there’s that #hypocritical #idk there’s something about using limited supplies to deal with a problem that needs more and hoping for the best #it excites me #Makes me feel like a big boy who can handle serious situations #But if I create the problem then it means nothing except that I cannot handle problems at all #I should not have all the responsibilities I do because I am not entirely in my right mind #I am thinking about it though #It’s tempting #get behind me satan

[eternal-brainrot]

literally how does a-yao not go apeshit constantly. how does he put up with shit treatment for so long i am one bad customer service sunday away from committing atrocities

#i hate sundays!!!!!!!! :D so!!!!! :D so!!!!!!! :D much!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D #i hate shitty middle class people in this stupid city wjth its huge class divide who treat me like i am fucking stupid all day!!!!! #and then dont fucking leave the building even when i have told them THREE TIMES that we are CLOSED qnd no your child cant go take a shit in #the bathroom as 1. i have judt cleaned it and let you know beforehand that i will be closing rhem soon and 2. WE CLOSED 5 FUCKING MINUTES #AGO #but noooooo i am evil for being reluctant to open the toilets back up again #and also apparently evil for not wanting to be open for another 10 minutes and do more unpaid labour when we are meant to be CLOSED just #because you want to sit here on yhe phone longer #can you tell i have a lot of pent up anger lol. i love minimum wage customer service jobs ^-^ #uts been a long day. week.

[gunkbaby]

never showed u guys my guinea pigs (had to give the ferrets back - in tags)

this is jarvis

#i have 3 of them will show the others l8r #So abt the ferrets #i was told they had: 1) no history of abuse 2) no behavioural issues 3) had only been rehomed twice #All of this was not true #idk how to explain how bad it got. #i was prepared for the ferrets bein difficult right #Like i expected 2 toddlerz #but they had issues 4 sure #We found out that they have been rehomed 7 times already #they’re at a special behavioural ferret place now #it rly devastated me #I hate rehoming/giving animals back #thatswhy i ended up in hospital after they were gone i decided to overdose #i am a failure. I failed them #so i was like ‘fuck it’ #and i did it #it was dumb huh #the ferrets weren’t evil #i dont hate them #But i was scared of them #It got to a point where i locked myself in the bathroom 24/7 bc they had my flat to themselves #I couldn’t leave the room to play with them or sit and do my work bc they would always bite me #For no reason #like i thought they were scared or upset or bored and i did everything to try and help that #but they would bite and drag into my skin #i was bleeding constantly and one of them kept going for like arteries #i knew they bite so at first i was like ‘whatever’ but they got worse #I couldnt interact w them anymore #I loved them a lot #I love ferrets

[wutheringmights]

.

#my digestive issues are literally under the most control they have ever been in my life and they are still ruining my life #woke up fine today. went to a coffee shop. had to leave after an hour #i had so many plans for today and now i'm stuck at home because i can't be too far away from a bathroom #i didn't eat anything that would trigger this. my gut just hates me i guess #earlier this month i have a risk food but i thought i took enough precautions to be safe and it fucked me up for like #2 weeks straight #i wonder what its like for people to not have to wonder about bathroom access every time they leave the house #i wonder what its like to eat normal foods without calculating how sick its going to make you #i wonder what its like to not have entire plans tossed out the window for reasons beyond your control #fucking sucks man #i hate ibs #in exchange for my terrible gut i do have a fantastic immune system somehow but weirdly that means i never take time off work? #ok so i am so good at just managing my issues that i just power through whenever im sick. #it's not like i can afford to take time off whenever i feel sick anyway and besides once you have to take multiple AP tests in high school #while in the middle of an episode you grow a lot of tolerance for being functional while sick #but then. i just i could have excuses to take days off because i have a cold or something. get a rest every now and then #but what illnesses i get beyond digestion issues are so slight that i can just. power through. i am never ill enough to take time off #and i get so worried that one day I will need that PTO that I can't convince myself to use it for like mental health days and ugh #this is more of a personal problem than anything but still. i wish i got sick like a normal person

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

BODY BACK 2 month birthday tomorrow heheheehehehehehehehe

#NEED TO FINISH 24K HARRISON LIKE NOW #was going to draft in the library but then remembered that I revised the shit out of the bathroom scene in ch 2 #for class & now I NEED TO GO READ IT TO SEE IF I LIKE THAT VERSION #and if I do (which I should) then I have to go piece together 3 versions back together LORRRRDDD SAVE MEEE #this was supposed to be fun LMAO #also for a moment let me just indulge in how terrified I am that time has been passing and my life seems to be #jolting ahead of me & I thought i'd be done this project by now but not everything is about finishing things fast and it's fine #to take my time but like i'm scared i'm gonna be locked into this for years but also what's the harm in sitting in something I love #for a little while longer #<<< lonan ghostwrote lmao #lord have mercy I'M HIM AGAIN #ok but also the way my tag broke at /for a little while longer #EXCUSE ME I'M PUTTING THAT IN A POEM

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now. #the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS. #all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much. #i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat. #im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

[selfconsumerofmywoes]

i got my period and now the whole world smells sooo fucking bad

#why do i get a like super hypersensitive sense of smell #every time #everything fucking stinks even if it doesn’t #i have to walk around with a bottle of fabreeze #can’t go near the kitchen sink because to me it reaks even though i deep cleaned the kitchen yesterday and it’s fine #had to scrub the bathroom as soon as a woke up even though that too is spotless #just put something in the bin which i’ve only been using 2 days and i can still smell it from the other side of the room 5 minutes later #am i just making up these smells??? because i’ve asked people before and they can never smell anything #meanwhile i’m trying not to chuck my guts up from the stench #i talk and its probably something weird

[velociraptoraddict]

Help me pick a Bath Bomb

#poll #my polls #tumblr poll #lush bath bomb #Hoping to have everything set and ready to go by tomorrow night #Let me know if you want the full year long journey with this bathroom curse #some highlights include: going through 6 different remodel companies #my car needing a new engine. #A 3 day project now taking 2 weeks to complete #And much more! #The bathroom curse is real. But I am so ready to take a bath

[heyitslapis]

vent

#haha now im fucking sobbing im my bathroom bc i was texting one of my only 2 friends (not including my ex) about how nervous i am #then i started in about how i actually dont really want to go out & meet people & go on dates but at the same time #im so extremely tired of being lonely/alone & having absolutely no one to consistently hang out with & im so starved for love & gentleness #and tbqh all i want rn is someone to hold me. i want someone to actively want me/pursue me. i want someone to choose me & care about me #it really fucking hurts & sucks being on everyones backburner. im such a loving person. i have such a big heart & so much love to give #ive always been like that. ive always loved people with my whole being. always been happy & happy to make others happy #ive always prioritized peoples happiness & comfort & well-being FAR above my own #ive always heard the universe gives back what it receives from you......so whens it my turn to be wanted fully & loved in an unwavering way #my love has always been give give give...... i just want to receive the affection. the devotion. the loving tasks. for once. please..... #im not even looking for my forever or for my life partner or w/e. i just want someone who's excited to see me & wants to be in my presence #someone who; even if only for 1 day or 1 week or even 1 month; chooses me. chooses to stay. #i think......im tired. im gonna go play fallout nv until i pass out from exhaustion. im tired #emma vents #vent tag #sad boi hours #sad bitch hours #2023 tag

[toastingpencils37]

Bruh, the ninja's aim with the cannon is fucking ass.

Every damn time.

Lowkey also going to vent in the tags for a minute

#ninjago #tw vent #so of course I'm on day 1 of my period (which started yesterday afternoon) (right now I'm on day 2) #but anyways. At 7:40 am I get cramps in my thighs. And they're bad (though maybe not that bad. But I'm a bitch about cramps) #these fuckers stay until 9:26!!! And it was obvious I wasn't feeling great during Periods 1 & 2. #Because I was constantly fidgeting and in Period 2 I was messing around with my hoodie & constantly putting my head down #So anyways Period 2 and my cramps end. Time for break. My FUCKING BRACELETS are missing #Still don't know where they are at time of posting this except that they're at school #And I like these bracelets. to the point where if I find someone wearing them I WILL argue for them #And yeah my mom got them as a free gift from a company she buys from #But I like those bracelets. I'm so fucking willing to full on call someone out for wearing my bracelets #And bring to attention every feature that shows that it's mine. Like the fade marks or whatnot #So anyways. 3rd Period comes and goes. I get up to go and part of my jeans feel wet while I'm walking #like blood just leaked off the side of my pad wet. So I'm fucking walking like I pissed myself trying to get to the bathroom #and lo and behold.... Blood is on my fucking jeans. And it's not the hugest spot but I can fucking FEEL it #So I dry it the best I can (and swap my pad because it was FULL) then head to 4th #Trying to figure out whether I should ask my mom to bring me a pair or jeans. But indecisive because she's also working #So I text my brother. Bro just tells me to fucking decide for myself #So. Not wanting to impose on my mom (especially since I asked her to take pictures of my Stats textbook yesterday since I forgot to) #I just decide to deal with it #Anyways that's all just wanted to get that out there. #Everything's fine now. Except the bracelets. Hopefully I lost them in my 1st Period because apparently they aren't in my 2nd

[lupismaris]

I am not strong enough to raise a kitten who needs to learn socialization someone help me

#this child is going to be so fuckin attached to me ill never be able to leave the house. im gonna have to back pack and harness train him. #he was human tolerant in an hour and now cries when i leave the bathroom. i had to put him back after enrichment swaddle so I could eat #and hes been crying for ten minutes. just pitiful wailing. Marlowe is sitting in the kitchen with me looking at me with disdain #like he thinks this is my fault. and hes unimpressed. #Marlowe is already v attached to me but can manage on his own cause hes about to turn 6 he was 2 when we got him yknow #he was somewhat self sufficient but had since become very attached and doesn't like it when im gone too long. likes to know where i am #benny? oh Benny is gonna be a whole other ordeal