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#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression

survivorredemptionislands · 3 years

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Ep 4 Confessionals Pt 1 | "Time to Get Friendly" - Jabari

so. i did not want to be on a team w jinx before merge bc i worry about us being targets. i didnt want to be on a team w jabari At All bc i figured she will target me. the only good thing about this swap is i have zoe and mj still but. im dead inside

i was fine again for like 5 minutes but now my dms are full and i am going to combust pls send help except dont bc i dont want to TALK TO ANYBODY

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God damn the last 24 hours have been wild so here I am finally ready to write about it. The 5th Season Team: Okay I absolutely ADORE this twist. 16 people felt like a really small cast so I'm glad we get to play with even more people! It makes it feel like a new game almost, like we're starting over. I'm not sure how much past teams will impact things, especially since we have so many of the ghost team on our new team. At least they're all awesome! The Swap: Loving it. Love everyone. But not Isaiah- where even are they?? Like please at least say hi, it's been over 12 hours since the swap? Can we trade Timmy back into the game. Maybe Isaiah will show up and be super active, but I doubt that based off of what was said at pirate council last night. I really love getting to talk with everyone else though, I hope we can all work together and be a pretty decided group!

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Swap thots. On the surface, this looks not great. A solo ghoster with everyone else together? No bueno. BUT... I don't think it's as bad as it looks, really. This is an opportunity for me to forge connections that other ghosters won't have. It's also an opportunity for me to offer that bridge to other players in the game if they'll work with me. And, without even having gone down that road yet, I don't seem to be hurting for people who want to work with me on the surface (though, granted, it's easy to see what you want to see in these.) I think Matt and Shane would work with me fairly easily. I think Asya and MJ could work with me. I think Zoe would work with me if the situation arose. I think I need to put some work into Jabari and Adam to get a better read. And losing Jinx sucked... I hope she's doing okay with whatever in life's got her struggling to juggle it all. This challenge is... well, challenging. Coming in as a fresh face, I'm not looking to give people a reason to look at me sideways. And that means continuing the 'lay low' vibes I've been working with, which means letting someone else take reins on this video. But... nobody is taking them. And now we've spent a whole day not working on it, and most of us work tomorrow. So we're likely going to run out of time and not do well, but y'know what? We're probably going to deserve it. Besides, I wouldn't hate going to Council. I think I've done enough to show myself to be helpful, friendly and willing to chip in wherever needed. If they're gunning for me specifically to weaken Ghost Team, there's not much I can do about that and I'd rather they take me out sooner than later so I'm not giving my all to a team that doesn't want me. On the other hand, if I'm reading this right and I am in a few people's plans... then this is a great opportunity to build those bonds before a merge. Anyway, for now I've added to the soundtrack and I've provided input where asked. Piracy is kind of my domain — I've been obsessed with them since the Monkey Island games came out when I was a kid — so I've got ideas. Once we lock in a concept for the video and/or the graphics I'll absolutely be chiming in with more ideas. But I'm going to be the person passing the ball back, not the one making the first throw.

Well these results were the most depressing I have ever seen. I guess the other judges didn't get it but honestly I think I spent all my time doing it by myself without MJ lending a hand on it. For the most part I think I should be in good hands since I was the only one in the Album cover. As for what others might think thats up to discussion now, time to get friendly

I had not a single clue what was happening this challenge

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We won the creative challenge Exclamation point ! No pirate council for me ! Insert more exclamation points . I also offered a final two deal to Linden. Linden is such an icon such good vibes and energy Also I wanna slap someone with the random fish we got because that sounds fun . But I shall wait . That’s it that’s my confessional . No strikes for me :) Xoxo Jessie

#MutinyOnTheSeaOfRedemption #confessionals

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itsjustaphase-mom · 5 years

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Queer Eye: Umbrella Academy Edition

so the phrase “Luther on Queer Eye” came to me and I freaked out and uh yeah this happened... i basically wrote up how the Fab Five would help the Hargreeves siblings (its under the cut cuz it’s l o n g) (also Karamo signs them all up for therapy i didnt write that for each one because they all need it so bad) (oh also warning i dont know shit about anything these men are experts in so constructive criticism is appreciated thx xo)

Luther

Tan- surprisingly, Luther doesn’t seem to have any issue finding well fitted clothes, so Tan would probably just work on style- add some colour and prints, teach him how to make his torso look a bit smaller with the cut of his clothes and stuff like that

Antoni- big man need big food...find recipes that satisfy the monkey body??

Jonathan- Help that man deal with his monkey body!! shaving is an option buddy

Karamo- help him get over his leader complex and ALSO i was thinking about the fact that he doesnt realize how bad his siblings (namely klaus and vanya) were abused?? and that’s why he’s always brushing them off like that because he thinks his experience matches theirs even though he had superstrength and was their dad’s favourite...he just never stopped to consider that they had it so much worse so fill him in karamo plz

Bobby-He needs space, he’s a big man. Bobby’d be able to hook him up with stuff that was big enough to help him feel normal sized again (and also they’d hopefully help him find an apartment because he doesn’t need to live in that house)

Diego

Tan-he needs some colour in his life... also imagine Tan finding outfits that can hide his knives better that just sounds hilarious

Antoni-please antoni this man ate a raw egg....help him

Jonathan- He has some scars on his face but they make him look cool (and I think he feels that way too) so Jonny could give him tips to cover em but i dont really think he’d want em...he’d probably just tell him to moisturize

Karamo-help him grieve Patch, he barely got a chance to with all the apocalypse nonsense

Bobby- he’d make Diego’s place look cool and edgy but also be hella functional it would look so cool

Allison

Tan-she’s absolutely gorgeous and all of her outfits are stunning and honestly he has his work cut out for him with the next one so it’s his day off

Antoni- he’d teach her how to make some real good stuff that she can teach Claire how to make!! it’d be so cute!!! Maybe Claire would join em!!!! guys!!!!!!

Jonathan-give her the haircut that Emmy has please for the sake of the gays i am begging you

Karamo-he’d help her get her daughter back (i know that’s out of his paygrade but shhh) and teach her parenting techniques to use instead of her powers

Bobby- he’d make her a chic, childproof home and it’d be the best

Klaus

Tan-fashion is a spectrum that ranges from Klaus to that guy in season one (?) that said his style icon was Frasier... Tan would be simultaniously LIVING for Klaus’ outfits from a proud gay dad perspective and appalled by the things he wore...he’d find a balance that was very gay but more befitting a 30 year old man (would Klaus actually wear it? probably not. he’d diy that shit and the look on tan’s face would be priceless oh my gosh im crying at the concept yknow the end when they all sit down and watch their routine? Klaus would go through his closet and look directly into the camera, holding up the “new and improved” clothes while tan just loses his mind)

Antoni- teach him how to make easy, good food. He needs some quick, simple, healthy recipes for when he’s not feeling it okay wait now im thinking about klaus getting addicted to cooking as a way to occupy himself when he gets too close to relapsing and guys guys guys we have a CONCEPT here oh boy i might have to do smth with that

Jonathan- honestly he’s pretty good? Probably a haircut and also GIVE HIM ROB’S NATURAL CURLY HAIR

Karamo-help him get sober. and help him learn that he can be more vulnerable, he doesnt have to laugh off everything. He doesnt have to hide everything. he needs to get help sometimes. also get him to do yoga because i feel like he’d love that for some reason??? idk the idea just popped into my head and i think he’d be a big fan

Bobby-give him a place that’s functional and neat, but with his sense of style. Quirky and artsy. Very easy to clean and keep organised, because his stuff is in such a state of disarray.

Five

Tan-just like.... go buy clothes that aren’t your old school uniform? Something that is befitting of a 58 year old man but doesn’t look too off on a 13 year old’s body... I feel like Tan and Five would be bros

Antoni-teach him that he cant survive off coffee...also teach him how to make his own damn coffee instead of whining about it all the time

Jonathan- Teach him how to shave and just generally take care of himself properly because he didnt have anyone to do that the first time around im not crying youre crying

Karamo- Make him less of a dick. It’s okay to hurt, and it’s okay to be confident but you dont gotta be an asshole about it. also maybe discuss delores.

Bobby-he needs a study with lots of space to write lmao ooh imagine the style is inspired by all his favourite time periods, whatever those may be that would be so cool plenty of antiques in that place

Ben - ok i know no-one but karamo could really do anything cuz he’s a ghost but pretend they could

Tan- he needs that colour boy he’s too emo (for Tan, i fully support emo rights)

Antoni- uhhhh he hasnt eaten in like 10 years feed him smth good

Jonathan- He’s perfect so nothing to change tbh

Karamo- honestly Ben is the most well-adjusted??? and he’s dead?? idk what karamo would really do besides getting him therapy

Bobby- He needs a place for himself!! There’s theories that he doesnt exist without Klaus which tbh I kinda believe so even then Bobby could incorporate a little space for him in Klaus’ place... get him some bookshelves!!

Vanya

Tan-absolutely nothing, her style is impeccable... ok fine tan would maybe make it more gay and fit better, accentuating what she wants instead of hiding everything under the baggiest shirts she can find

Antoni- comfort food that’s healthy (what? do i hear vanya and klaus bonding over using cooking to cope???)

Jonathan-GAY HAIRCUT UNDERCUT OR SMTH (but also her hair is adorable so i kinda dont want him to cut it......)

Karamo-help her realize she’s gay, just look at her karamo... but also work on her self esteem because shit dawg that could use some work

Bobby-fix up her apartment!! make it sleek and cool with hints of violins everywhere and also make it brighter because that colour scheme cannot be helping her depression

uh so yeah this was just me ranting for no reason lemme know what you think lmao

#tua #umbrella academy #queer eye #klaus hargreeves #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #casey talks

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swayinghummingbirds · 5 years

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feeling a way because yesterday i found out my brother and his wife are having a baby. and idk. i didnt think that would be happening for a few years. nowim beside myself in a dark seasonal depression, this time last year we almost moved back to fl because i missed my mom and brother and hated living with treys family. instead we moved to knoxville a week before we werent to move back to fl. i had to move from pa to fl away from all of my family at the age of 11 and it was really really hard. and i hate that i just watched my little cousins grow up over the internet. and i still am. i hate the fact that everyone is getting older. one day they wont be here even to give a phone call to. i think about my grandparents. my parents. i watched my mom do exactly what i did and i hated her for it for years because she took me away from my family and everything i knew. and then i did it to myself. i wanted so badly to get out the town i was in because there were too many ghosts. i was stoned 24/7 and just full of disappointment. i do have to admit moving away helped me be able to get off of my antidepressants and now ive been very sober and am progressing at my job and making myself more vabluable and kind of making stronger relationships. sometimes i feel like ill never make a friend like kaylee again. it was just such a wholesome friendship that i miss so so dearly. i still dont have an actual friend here. i have one girl that i go to church with sometimes, shes my coworker. i feel like i dont want to make a friend because it just hurts. when i moved i didnt talk to anyone for like three months. and when i finally called my mom i just cried because i told her i felt like a disappointment. of course, i was still going through medication withdrawals but still. ive made so much progress with my mental health and spirituality. so much spirituality. its been so nice to not have someone else tell me what i should or shouldnt do. all my life id have someone in my ear whether it be family or a friend. just making my own decisions. being able to go to the store and just absolutely know i wont see anyone i know, its been a dream. but when i told my manager about becoming an aunt he said i was going to have such a great time being an aunt and went on to tell me how great it is to be an uncle and i just felt in the pits of my stomach how it felt to watch my family grow up with out me . and now if i stay here ill be doing it again. and i dont even know if ill have kids myself. sometimes i want to and other times i dont. today after work one of my favorite coworkers- id go as far to say shes probably my favorite person there and id call her my friend- was sitting in the cafe and she was crying so i sat down to talk to her and she just went on about the book she was listening to about pets and reincarnation and how they live their life and learn more and come again but she was upset because one of her cats is very old and she knows shes going to pass soon. and she tells me about how her roommates sister moved in with them and is just making her life hell. the sisters roommate doesnt like her dog, her plants, the way the furniture is. my coworker is probably over 60 years old and i just feel for her. at one point she had a house paid for had so much in the company but ended up quitting so she lost it all , she sold her house, doesnt really have any decent family she could be with. my other coworker who’s 72, is moving back to florida to be with his son. another one is thinking about moving to missouri to be his mom whos in her 70′s. my mom is going to be old one day and i dont think i want to wait that long to be able to see her often. i dont want to end up like her and her brother where they dont talk and when she does call he thinks somethings wrong. today my yogi tea tag read “life is a flow of love, your participation is requested” and i just am not sure i want this anymore. im going to be 25 in less than a month and life just keeps going and going and going. to be honest january and february are so hard for me. ive been having a hard time taking care of myself. i have no motivation to do anything. i havent had a full yoga session in over a month. i cant bring myself to cook for myself so ive been eating like shit. i take my vitamins but i know thats not sufficient. everyone i talk to are going to the gym and feeling better. i tried doing yoga today and i did a few thigns and had a little meditation which was nice, but then my neighbors started yelling at each other so i gave up and just came to my room and here i am typing this. which is very theraputic i needed to get it out somehwere but now i feel like im just wasting my life away sometimes. depression has crept back in and the sun is gone and i have no friends and no family here and my fiance and i are on opposite schedules for half the week so im just going to go to sleep maybe. if you actually read this- thanks and also sorry it wasnt meant to be read it was meant for typing it out of my mind. o rmore so so i could read it and give myself conversations and other thoughts about it all.

#blogging #long

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maggotmouth · 5 years

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rises from the dead like mushu hullo it’s nora ( gmt, she/her) n i’m sorry didnt do my intro yesterday, i woke up in a bath, happy new year. anyway bridget is a mess, the angsty socialist leftie liberal who gets fucked at the pub and goes off on one about immigration or the welfare state or the pay gap. very talkative n bubbly, carefree but also.... cares too much. always in docs but only the vegan ones. usually in a beret with an anarchist symbol painted on it. wears a long green trench coat covered in badges for alt punk rock bands or a red denim jacket that she hacked into a crop jacket with a pair of kitchen scissors. film nerd. got in on a partially subsidised scholarship and works in a bar and a fast food place to pay for her accomodation.

heres a pinboard. everythin else is below this cut, like this post n i’ll smash that im button for plots x

it might be HER SOPHOMORE year but I still think BRIDGET MATUSIAK looks exactly like MARGARET QUALLEY and sometimes I think the FEMALE is actually them. Of course I’m wrong, as they’re TWENTY and studying FILM while living in FIDELIS here at Lockwood. The ARIES can be rather CANDID and GARRULOUS, but also kind of FICKLE and ERRATIC. Their most played song on Spotify was NOBODY REALLY CARES IF YOU DON’T GO TO THE PARTY by COURTNEY BARNETT, so I think that says a lot.

bridget n her mum alice were more like sisters growing up, probably because of the closeness in age. alice should’ve known that you couldn’t have a thirteen-year-old-daughter at 27 without everyone knowing you’d been one of those girls who gave it away fast as a hot potato, and maybe bridget should have known that she’d inherit more than her mother’s wide eyes, that things had a way of circling back, that at fourteen she too would lose it on the floor of a swimming pool changing room, soggy back, poka-dot nylon pulled down to her ankles.

her parents met in high school. her mother alice was a roman catholic – uneducated in matters of safe sex, mother mary around her neck, bras hanging over wooden crucifixes – and willing to give it to the first boy who seemed interested enough, gift-wrapped or not.

i say they met in high school, bridget’s dad wasn’t actually in school, they met at the high school. he was the father to a girl down the road. alice knew nothing of the girl besides her name and the few encounters in the corridors facing a stoney stare that screamed homewrecker. it only happened once, but once was enough. soon the pitter patter of tiny feet sounded along the hall of the home for wayward women, alice’s parents having thrown her out as soon as they knew a child was growing in her womb.

gilly (referred to as junior) was born two years later, the son of a mechanic and handyman named gilbert “gilly” senior, who - while a slow-witted man – was likable enough. alice, gilly bridget & junior lived in a colorado trailer park and whenever she wasn’t at school bridget would be in gilly’s workshop doin her homework surrounded by parts of exhausts. was raised in a workshop basically.

like her mother, bridget fell pregnant barely out of her gingham print dresses, hair in two plaits down her back, teddies still lining her bed. unlike her mum, she was not box-shipped out to a home for fallen women but rather booked into a clinic, given a pill, just like taking your vitamins.

her mother flaked out when bridget was around fifteen and junior was twelve, leaving gil to adopt the two as legal guardian and raise them in the forge. she’s lived with gilly ever since. they’re not sure where their mother went. some say she rededicated herself as a virgin and joined the convent in penance for her sins. some say she works in a las vegas strip club and sells pills to minors.

used to do sponsored silences and hunger strikes for kids in third world countries. was that kid in school who was always raising money something. i mean its kinda cute but also she just wanted the acclaim and attention so.... and most of the time it didn’t even make it to the disadvantaged kids she was raising it for cos her mom needed rent money or to buy the kids new shoes n they could barely afford much themselves

she’s a strident feminist, an activist for human rights and animal rights, a vocal vegetarian and an all-round soapbox sadie. catch her in the quad shouting about human rights through a megaphone.

aesthetic: cuffed jeans, thrifted or stolen. white converse, more grey tbh through years of wear. crop tops and plaid shirts tied round her waist. a long green trench coat with loads of badge pins for alt-rock bands and independent films. red denim jacket, also covered in badges n pins. smudged mascara. glitter smeared over cheekbones from the previous night. cigarette smoke shrouding you like a veil, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, roller blades, cut knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you, kate moss posters lining the walls of a teenage bedroom, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

an aspiring screenwriter. she has a very image-based view of memory and experience. always doing a screenplay or shooting film. her style has a lot of catholic iconography (think virgin suicides styler or baz luhrmann’s romeo + juliet if it was done on a super 8 camera) bcos catholicism is one of the few things she remembers about her mother. she’s never actually tried to find her mum / find out about her, jst…. occasionally channels that energy into her work.

hypersexual and kinda manic-depressive (though not diagnosed) probs bcos her upbringing was a bit unstable, she started life in a house that was literally designed to rehabilitate “fallen women” and she was a looked after child for a while when the adoption papers were still going through… struggles a lot with feeling unwanted, especially since her grandparesnts refuse to acknowledge her existence cos she was born outside of marriage….. so she craves feeling wanted,, like despite being a real women’s rights activist ad hating objectification, at the same time to bridge there’s nothing better than someone sizing you up with hunger in their eyes

she’s queer, but i guess she favours women, and is incredibly vocal in her support of the lgbt+ movement. often at ralleys. has done a face-sitting protest. really is that bitch

there’s a degree of anger for anger’s sake in bridget. she likes passionate, angry music – particularly garage rock, punk and riot grrrl. she loves the slits and skinny girl diet. viv albertine inspired her to take up bass guitar.

working two jobs to pay for uni currently !! works at the bowling alley polishing the shpes and fixing the bowling lanes, and also is a burger flipper at mcdonalds. a lot of her time is spent in the record store, plugged into a set of headphones, head-banging in the corner to a scratched record. music, for birdie, is a form of escapism. that and dropping acid in parking lots lmao.

massive film buff. is majoring in film at uni also spends a lot of time at the movie theatre n probably has like a season ticket. is one of those pretentious film nerds who’s like “what do u think of goddard’s work?” but also just really into shitty horror movies

she spends her evenings in downtown bars willing away her boredom, trying to find something that’ll jerk her out of apathetic lethargy. she toys with the idea of becoming a stripper — it certainly pays better than fixing bowling lanes — but she lacks the energy to dance for several hours a night.

she loves b movies and slasher flicks. at parties, she’ll occasionally try to make a horror of her own, on a super 8 camera in someone’s basement, very paranormal activity, but she’ll inevitably get bored, or too drunk and give up, like she does with most things in her life. she lacks drive and motivation. she’s bright but there’s no hunger in her.

writes shitty poems on the back of napkins and quotes dead philosophers she’s never read. romanticises herself a lot. like will be standing there in a ripped t-shirt and her undies smoking a cig like “hmmm… i bet someone is falling in love with me right now”

is vegetarian for environmental reasons but snorts coke at parties ?? sis, it don’t add up

loves dirt. ate a worm once because someone dared her too. shamelessly disgusting.

she’s slightly obsessed with true crime, up late watching documentaries on the manson family murders.

she’s fickle and enigmatic. one moment she could be your best friend, the next, she’ll behave like a total stranger. bridget’s unpredictable because she’s still unsure of her own identity, frequently flitting between different characters, like snake skins, before she grows bored of being bubbly and eager and becomes spiteful again. her core personality traits are probably forthright, impulsive, restless, thrill-seeking, selfish, melancholic.

an awful person, really

feel free to im me if u wanna plot, here are some plot ideas i stole, or, like this post and i’ll hit u with a message!

#lw:intro #alma's will be coming in jst a sec

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clonerightsagenda · 7 years

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Posting Gill’s bday fic over here with permission. It’s Rosemary-related and TLC compliant (with a couple of minor spoilers) but should be understandable even with no knowledge of the AU.

This is what you have learned from dating Rose Lalonde. Expect any room to fill up with clutter in her presence. Your attempts to keep things tidy are as effective as holding back the tide. Expect everything to take on the feel of an epic, like you might be summoned onto a world-altering quest at a moment’s notice. It’s like a human fairy tale, but the old kind, not remakes that are all glitter and talking animals. The stories with teeth.

Don’t expect her to say that she loves you.

Don’t take it personally either. That’s what you remind yourself. Rose resists sincerity. When you presented her with the first flowers you’d grown in the new greenhouse (roses; you’d been delighted to learn she’d been named for a flower), she’d laughed uncertainly like you’d unlocked an event she didn’t have a script for. Over the next week, as the blooms withered, they moved around. First you spotted them on the windowsill, then on her bedside table, in this vase or that one, like she couldn’t figure out what place they had in her life.

On the Land of Rays and Frogs, you encountered a puzzle path made of colored lily pads. If you stepped on the wrong one, it would buckle and deposit you in a mini-boss chamber before you returned to the start, weary and wiser. Navigating this relationship feels much the same. Some of your missteps now are the inevitable outcome of two species still learning about each other, but not all of them. After reading Rose’s walkthrough, you’d daydreamed of meeting its author. Now you think you need a walkthrough for her too.

The day after your tumultuous first date, Rose dumped her concoctions down the drain, saying she could embarrass herself perfectly well without the aid of depressants. Not even a week later, she set the equipment up again.

“It might come in handy for medicinal purposes,” she said when you asked her why she’d changed her mind. “Besides, it wasn’t all bad.” She winked. “We got some mileage out of it.”

You blushed, and your rainbow drinker glow briefly flared before you wrestled it under control again. In the first few weeks you hadn’t known how the rules changed when you moved from unofficial to official. Where did you put your eyes, or your hands? What were you allowed to say? “It did make you more forward.”

She laughed, and from the sharpness on her breath you realized she’d already been sampling her experiments. “I can be so fucking uptight sometimes. Maybe we all need to lighten up. Lighten up. Get it?”

“I get it,” you said. But you didn’t.

So you sought clarification from Dave. After you quested through the meteor, lipstick at the ready in case of clown sightings, you found him topside staring back the way you’d come. At the beginning of your journey, you’d taken turns stationing yourselves there, afraid Jack would catch up and resume his rampage when you least expected it. When he didn’t make an appearance, you’d all let your guards down, reducing sentry duty to a quick backward glance now and then. Was he keeping watch for Lord English now?

“Are you watching for Jack?” you asked.

He jumped and tried to cover it with a miniscule adjustment to his cape. “Nah. Watching Skeletor blast everyone to bits.”

“You and Rose have been up here a lot recently.”

“We both came up after the first killing, you know? It was so loud.” He rubbed at his eyes underneath his shades. His skin is a few shades lighter than his sibling’s, and you could see shadows there. “It’s been hard to sleep since then. At least she’s found a way to conk out.”

“About her newfound use of soporifics.” You hesitated, staring up at the flashing lights that were already becoming familiar. It’s amazing how fast you accustom yourselves to the unthinkable. “Is that normal for humans?”

He frowned. (Later, he’d tell you he hadn’t been sure how to respond. “I didn’t want to fuck it up for you two,” he said. “I didn’t think it’d get that bad.”) “Hard to say what’s normal in our situation. Guess a lot of people would pull out a bottle after everything we’ve gone through. Better than sticking a forty-five in your mouth. She’s always been extreme about reacting to things. It’s hard to believe we’re the same damn species sometimes, let alone siblings.”

“I didn’t think an outing with me is so terrible you have to be out of your wits to enjoy it.” You didn’t mean to sound petulant, but his eyebrows rose.

“She doesn’t mean it like that.”

“I thought you didn’t understand her.”

“It would take an institutional thinktank to really figure her out, but I do a little.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. He does that when he’s being serious sometimes. “I think the whole thing freaked her out. Freaks her out, present tense, if you’re officially an item now. Congrats, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

Another spiderweb of cracks blossomed above your heads. You could see them reflected in Dave’s shades as he said, “I don’t think she trusts anyone being nice to her 100%, that’s all. Not even me.”

Rose has been clean for months now in human terms. You both have. The first few weeks of your victory were spent dealing with the effects of abandoning your substances of choice. You stumbled around feeling as if you’d been dipped in concrete, your movements and thoughts slow and ponderous. Rose went days without sleep and flinched away from things the rest of you couldn’t see. Roxy warned you of what to expect, since she’d gone through the process before. She’s also the one who told you to remind Rose to eat. “She’s not gonna want to,” she said. “You feel gross all over and the last thing you want to do is stick more shit in your body, but if you don’t eat you’ll just feel crummier.”

You’d noticed her drinking her meals before, but you’d never brought it up beyond meaningful glances or the pointed placement of foodstuffs in her respiteblock. Rose has always been good at dodging questions. “Do you have any suggestions for a strategic approach? She’ll try to deflect me with witticisms. Her barbs are floppy at the edges right now, but my defenses are equally compromised.”

“That’s a cute way of saying you’re both fucked up.” Roxy shrugged. “I can’t beat her in a war of words, and I wouldn’t try. My advice? Sit on her and force feed her Saltines while telling her it’s for her own good.”

You had been skipping meals yourself. Even after eating normal food, you still felt hungry. Your system wanted something else to satisfy it, so what was the point? Rose latched on to that hypocrisy when you tried to nag her, so you’d end up sitting across the table from each other with plates of leftovers cold from the fridge, matching each other mouthful for mouthful. Whatever worked.

The worst of that is past now. But sometimes she still behaves in ways that make you wonder if after all these sweeps she really trusts you.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- GA: Jade GA: Shes Doing It Again GG: whos doing what? :o GA: You Know Who GA: Who Else Do I Come To You In Search Of Explanations For Their Inexplicable Habits GA: Show Some Space Player Solidarity Here GA: There Are So Few Of Us Who View Common Sense As Part Of A Complete Breakfast GG: for everyone else its an optional granola to sprinkle on top GA: The Recipe Said Season To Taste And Im Afraid Theres A Serious Lack Of That In The Premises GA: Ok Can We Cut The Extended Cooking Metaphor Out GG: yeah, it was getting a little meanspirited GA: That Too I Guess Mostly I Didnt Want To Get Stuck Exchanging Culinary Puns GG: ok, what terrible thing is rose doing now GA: She Has Locked Herself In Her Room And Has Been Listening To Her Playlist Designated For Angst For Three Hours GG: lol GG: that behavior cannot stand! GG: except it sort of can, since we all have a right to privacy GG: even if we exercise that right by listening to sad music all day GG: these things cannot be revoked for bad taste GA: Actually Most Of It Has Been Pretty Good GA: Filtering Through The Door Gives It Nice Acoustics GG: maybe you need to give her some... space :D :D :D GA: I Just Want To Know What Upset Her GA: She Says It Wasnt Me But I Dont Know If That Means It Wasnt Me Or It Was Me And I Am Expected To Work That Out On My Own GA: A Reassessment Of The Past Few Days Activities Hasnt Turned Up Anything Suspicious GG: i cant think of anything that might have upset her... GG: ohhhhhhhhhh GG: i think its her moms birthday GG: that might be it GA: How Did You Know GA: Is That Supposed To Be Common Knowledge GG: she complained one time about having to go to a fancy dinner GG: something thrown by her moms colleagues i think??? GG: her mom made her dress up in something frilly, she said she felt like an american girl doll GG: to be honest she sent a picture and i thought it was a cute dress!! GG: definitely not her style though GA: Im Impressed You Remember GG: i try to keep track of these things GG: it was nice hearing about everyones lives, i always wished I could do things like that GG: tell me your lususes birthday, i will put it in my calendar GA: I Never Knew It GA: I Wish Shed Told Me GA: Rose I Mean I Dont Think Wriggling Days Are Important For Virgin Mothergrubs GG: dont take it personally GG: she does it to all of us, and youre her girlfriend so she has to be EXTRA secretive about terrible and compromising things like emotions GA: That Logic Sounds Backward GG: the human mind is a complicated maze of mystery kanaya GA: Sounds Mysterious GG: it is GG: she probably doesnt realize its stressing you out, i know shes trying to be better about that kind of thing GG: you know, COMMUNICATION!! D: GA: No Please Anything But That GG: the achilles heel of our entire household GG: i can bug her if you want GA: No Thats Ok GA: Mostly I Wanted To Make Sure I Hadnt Caused This And Needed To Resolve It GA: If She Wants To Grieve By Herself I Understand GG: if shes still in there by dinner well root her out! GG: there is a limit to how many sad songs are good for your soul GA: Ok GA: In The Meantime Do You Have Any Work That Needs Doing In The Greenhouse GA: Id Like To Keep My Hands Busy GG: theres some stuff that needs deadheading on table three GG: do you want company? GA: No Thats Fine GA: Ill Talk To You Later GG: sure thing! -- ¬¬grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] -- GA: Im Sorry About Your Mother TT: Who told you about that? GA: Jade TT: Figures. TT: Lousy goddamn supportive friends. GA: She Has Said She Will Flush You Out If You Dont Come Down To Dinner GA: Do You Feel Up To It GA: Otherwise I Can Convince Her To Leave You Be GA: She Is Easily Distracted From Her Resolutions If You Know How To Play Your Gaming Rectangles Right TT: No, I'll be there. TT: What time is it? GA: Half Past Five So No Rush GA: Im Still Gardening And Havent Washed Up TT: It might take me that long to get presentable. GA: Was Her Wriggling Day Important To You GA: I Admit The Concept Is New To Me GA: What With Our Ancestors Being So Far Removed From Our Lives And Our Guardians Being Literal Fauna Who Did Not Celebrate Notable Dates TT: It’s probably not even her real birthday. TT: We were all created on the same day, and I doubt anyone was on hand to record when her meteor touched down. TT: She must have picked a day she liked. TT: We used to give each other over-the-top gifts every year. TT: I thought she was being passive aggressive, so I reciprocated in turn. TT: The last year, I thought about getting her a bedazzled martini glass, but I didn’t get around to it. TT: Thank god. TT: I can only hope she interpreted my gestures as sincere as readily as I interpreted hers as sarcastic. TT: Otherwise she must have thought I was the worst daughter imaginable. GA: Im Sure She Didnt Think That TT: I wish I’d given her something better. TT: Something genuine. GA: I Was Working On A New Hat For Nepeta During The Game GA: I Got Some Monster Slime On Her Old One With A Sloppy Chainsaw Maneuver And Even Though She Said It Wasnt The First Time I Wanted To Make It Up To Her GA: And Help At Least One Of My Teammates Diversify Their Wardrobe TT: There’s always an ulterior motive, isn’t there? GA: You Tell Me GA: You Are The Expert In Decoding The Nefarious Meaning Hidden Within Every Exchange Of Pleasantries TT: It’s a secret code, Kanaya. TT: The sixth grader who tossed the newspaper into our yard this morning is working with the KGB. That’s what "Good morning" meant. This is well established in spy manuals. GA: My Knowledge Of Human Subterfuge Is Always Expanding GA: The Hat Was Supposed To Be A Surprise GA: Then I Found It In A Treasure Chest Not Long Into Our Journey GA: Theyre Gone And You Know That But Then You Find Something That Reminds You GA: Oh GA: Ill Never Give Her That Will I TT: I don’t know what I would’ve done if we’d lost anyone from our session. TT: Well, I do know. I have memories from a timeline where we lost half. TT: It wasn’t pretty. TT: I know in a lot of ways we got lucky. GA: Its Not A Contest GA: You Dont Have To Have Had It Worst To Feel Bad TT: I know. TT: But it’s hard. GA: See Look At Us Talking About Our Emotions Isnt That Nice GA: A Horrible Kind Of Nice TT: Or a nice kind of horrible. TT: Either or. GA: The Juxtaposition Is Key TT: I didn't mean to shut you out. GA: I Know You Need Privacy Sometimes GA: I Would Just Prefer To Know Whats Going On So I Dont Have To Worry About Whats Wrong GA: And You Know You Can Talk To Me TT: I know. Intellectually. TT: Is it weird I can trust you all with my life but not always with my feelings? GA: Kind Of GA: But I Get It GA: Were All Weird About Some Things TT: I'm trying to do better. And I'll let you know next time I need to indulge in a three-hour sad jams session so you won't worry. TT: Maybe after I've run through my playlist, we can even talk about it. GA: We Can Sit Awkwardly At A Table Waiting For The Other One To Break The Silence First TT: A tradition. GA: Also I Should Let You Know Its Stir Fry Night TT: Really? TT: You should have led with that. TT: Save me a seat.

As time passes, you all improve with hesitant steps that sometimes send you sliding back, sometimes not. Rose throws herself into her walkthrough, which she plans to distribute to anyone else caught up in SGRUB’s gears. Everyone is on consultant duty to flesh out areas of personal expertise. You, however, are her co-editor, a position of special privilege.

Rose views the work as one more way to help whatever players come after you. Your motivation is less selfless. Once, several sweeps and universes ago, an alien’s words found you and gave you something to hang on to. Somewhere, in a distant galaxy, someone else is being forced to play this game. Maybe your words can reach them, like Rose’s reached you. Working on the walkthrough now lets you build something together in a way that she won’t dismiss as sappy and overdone, a love letter for the universe.

That doesn’t mean you don’t run into difficulties, of course.

TT: Have you had a chance to look over the Prospit chapter? GA: Oh Uh GA: Ive Seen It TT: Did you have any feedback? TT: I'm going to ask Jade too, but I thought I'd give you the first shot. GA: Um GA: I Dont Know TT: Was it that off-base? TT: I know I'm a Derse dreamer, but I tried to be thorough. GA: Its More The Tone GA: You Wrote That Prospit May Look Friendlier But Should Still Be Viewed As An Antagonist Because It Has Ulterior Motives GA: And Maybe Thats True Especially About The Clouds GA: But My Time On The Moon Was The Brighter Portion Of My Childhood GA: And The People Of Prospit Were Always Kind To Me GA: So I Guess The Framing Made Those Memories Feel Kind Of GA: Threatened TT: Oh. GA: It Isnt A Logical Reaction TT: What do you think I should change? GA: I Dont Know GA: Maybe Nothing GA: Youre The Expert Here I Know Im Biased Toward My Moon Whatever Systems It Might Be Part Of GA: We All Take That View About Some Parts Of Our Youth Dont We GA: Even If It Was Part Of Something Bad We Remember The Good Moments GA: We Hold On To The Small Kindnesses TT: …Yeah. GA: You Can Disregard That Feedback GA: Youre The One With Writing Expertise And A Clear Goal In Mind GA: I Dont Really Know What Im Doing GA: Youre Better At This TT: I’m really not. TT: I just put on a more convincing show. TT: Don’t dismiss yourself. You have expertise in areas I don’t. GA: I Guess Im Not As Used To Putting Myself Out There TT: You can come up with a clever pen name. TT: There’s a tradition of vampires spelling their names backward. GA: Im Reformed TT: An anagram then, maybe. TT: Jokes aside, this is a collaborative project. We’ve got a Google doc and everything. TT: I don't want to intergalactically publish anything you're not comfortable with. TT: How about a revision session this evening? I'll bring Lofthouse cookies. GA: The Ones That Are Just Discs Of Sugar And Flour TT: With nary a redeeming nutritional quality in sight. TT: Keep that quiet, though. Jane would kill me if she knew I was smuggling them into the house. GA: Sounds Great Ill Be There

Rose’s typical drafting position is on her stomach with her laptop propped up on the pillow. You prefer to stretch your legs out with your back up against the wall. Thermoses of tea balance precariously between the two of you on the mattress.

“There’s been a lot of activity on the kernelsprite document,” Rose says, flicking through the pages. “Apparently Hal listed “100 advantages of being prototyped” and Dirk replaced it with “Most of this list is either illegal or immoral.” I’m turning track changes on to see what they were.”

You tap your fingers idly on the keys while your own husktop buffers. “Anything good?”

“Get away with murder,” she reads. “That’s cliché, you don’t even have to be a sprite for that. I think he just put it in there to be edgy. He’s trying so hard; you have to respect that. It’s like when I started buying black makeup to try to spite my mother.” She scrolls down further. “Oh, here’s a good one. Clip through the floor.”

“I’ve seen John do it. He’s not as original as he thinks he is.” You peer at her screen. “Eat your enemy’s phone. I’ll give him points for one. It’s not feasible for most mortals.”

Rose reaches across your legs for another cookie. “Sure, if you’re a coward.”

“I’ll accept that designation if it means avoiding a mouthful of circuitry.”

She chews thoughtfully and then flicks a sprinkle off onto the carpet. At least you’re in her room. Still, you feel a compulsion to pick it up. “About what you were saying earlier. I don’t want to contribute to any lingering insecurities.”

The change of topics catches you off guard. “They’re milling around in the lobby, but I’m not letting them upstairs.” You shrug, your shoulders sliding up the wall. “As we’ve been reminding each other, we can’t fix everything about ourselves immediately. I’m more confident than I used to be. I didn’t let Jake talk me into that routine with the glitter.”

“Shame.” She frowns at you, an expression diluted somewhat by a rim of frosting on her upper lip. “I’m not commandeering this project too much, am I? It’s nice to have something to be enthusiastic about again, but maybe I’m getting carried away.”

“No, you’re being very accommodating.” You squirm, smoothing out inconsequential creases in your skirt. Sometimes feelings don’t make sense. But once Rose decides she wants to talk about them, she tries to pin them to the page and dissect them. She does it because she wants to understand and help, the same way she wants to reverse engineer SBURB with words to assist players who come after. That doesn’t make the process any more pleasant when you’re the one on the operating table. “The problem is on my end, in the concern lobby. The lurking insecurities have been taking numbers for a while, and the counter is only up to twelve.”

“Like Inside Out crossed with a DMV? Hellish.” Rose picks up a pen and rolls it between her fingers. She likes to draft things longhand first sometimes. “I remember back on the last day of the game, you said you thought everyone burned brighter than you. You must’ve realized by now that my “burning brighter” is mostly because I have a habit of setting myself on fire.”

You’ll admit you’d been starstruck by the walkthrough’s mysterious author. It had been nice to harbor a new secret crush once Vriska was a lost cause. And you’d first met Rose face to face as a newly risen goddess bathed in the luminescence of the Green Sun. She’d seemed ethereal and beyond you.

Then, after the first few hours of sorting out living arrangements and watching Karkat roam around yelling for Gamzee to give the bodies back, she’d announced she was going to “sleep for a fucking week” and faceplanted into the nearest rug. Dave didn’t help beyond alchemizing some safety cones and setting them up around her. That had helped a little. So had seeing what her hair looks like in the mornings. “If you’re worried I have some unattainable vision of you set on a mental altar, rest easy. But you did restructure the multiverse with nothing but nerve, so I might still want your autograph a little.”

Rose brandishes the pen. “Only on the condition I get to sign your bra.” When you wave her away, she drops it on the pillow. “Spearheading the multiverse operation is one of my prouder accomplishments, I’ll admit, but my violet-tinged authorial prowess is entirely due to thinking I was hot shit as a pre-teen on the Internet. Besides, if we’re talking bragging rights, you fixed reality. Not to mention put up with us idiots for three years.”

“That was a struggle.” At times you’d wondered if you were the only one on the meteor keeping ahold of your wits. “Remember when the ceiling panels gave way and Gamzee fell onto the table?”

“Not our best group dinner. But you see, I’m a mess. You’re the one who has her act together.”

You frown. Being praised for your stability is a sore spot of yours. Yes, you’d been the one to bear everyone else’s struggles. That doesn’t mean you liked it. “I had to. Someone did. It got tiring after a while, though.”

Rose winces. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. You shouldn’t have had to. But it is impressive that you did.”

“You were sick,” you say, in response to her apology.

You see her shoulder blades rise and fall in a muted shrug. “I know. But that doesn’t mean you should have had to deal with it.”

“I guess…” Maybe you’re the one who’s prompted her to speak up, but you struggle with your words too. Troll culture teaches you that open exchanges of feelings are for moirails. Palemates are the only people you can trust the depths of your soul to, if you can truly trust anyone at all. Humans don’t compartmentalize in the same way. You can see the benefits of that system, but you still fear saying the wrong thing will push her away. “You undercut yourself to tell me I’m better than I think I am. But if I’m already worried about measuring up to some standard, that just pushes us both lower. Do you see what I mean?”

“The self-deprecation’s not cute. Got it.” She twists around in what is probably some kind of advanced yoga pose to look you in the eye. “But you shouldn’t undersell yourself either, ok?”

When she doesn’t break eye contact, you nod reluctantly. “This is a very affirming argument we’re having.”

She reaches over and prods you with the pen. “I’m channeling Jake. Believe in yourself.”

You smile. “It’s hard to resist, these days.”

When you’re done for the evening, Rose captchalogues her laptop and you troop out. Everyone has their own room, but all of you tend to spend more of your nights in the common area curled up in armchairs or slumped over each other on sofas, within easy sight of each other when you wake from bad dreams. After a few weeks of intentionally lingering there until you fell asleep, you made it official and filled the whole room with soft materials like a huge communal pile. Terezi even taped up democratically-determined regulations. Rose spends some nights curled up next to you with her face shoved so close against your neck you wonder how she can breathe. Sometimes, though, she retreats to a corner with a pillow at her back like a wall. You know not to approach her then.

Tonight, she finds an empty patch of floor and drops down on it. You lower yourself next to her.

“Are you happy with the chapter now?” she asks.

“I’d like to give it another pass tomorrow, but it’s much better.”

“And everything else?”

“That’s better too.”

“Good.” She gives you a peck on the lips and, when Terezi wolfwhistles, flips her the bird and kisses you for real. You kiss her back, until… You pull away.

“Are you wearing my lip balm?”

“Maybe.” She purses the lips in question. “It’s got a good flavor.”

“I was wondering where that went. You know, you could have just asked to borrow it.” Grudgingly, anyway. She has a terrible habit of licking the stuff off and then reapplying it to start the cycle anew.

Rose raises an eyebrow. “You offered to do my laundry so you could steal my favorite shirt.”

You think, with only a modicum of guilt, of the shirt you have stashed behind the laundry basket in your closet. “It’s very soft.”

“I’m never getting that back, am I?”

“Probably not.”

She sticks her tongue out at you and pulls a blanket over her shoulders. “Night.”

“Good night,” you say. That’s the only endearment you exchange.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] -- GA: Karkat GA: Karkat Answer Your Phone I Know You Can See This GA: Youre Looking At It Right Now CG: YEAH I SURE AM. CG: I'M STARING AT THIS MARVELOUS HUNK OF PLASTIC AND ELECTRICITY IN MY HANDS AND REFLECTING ON HOW IT GRANTS US THE ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER FROM ANY DISTANCE. CG: SUCH AS, FOR EXAMPLE, EIGHT FUCKING FEET AWAY. GA: This Is Private CG: I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD A CONCEPT OF PRIVACY ANYMORE. CG: COLOR ME SURPRISED, SO SOME THINGS ABOUT OUR LIVES *AREN’T* SUPPOSED TO BE COMMON KNOWLEDGE? GA: It Might Help If You Spoke With Any Kind Of Discretion Or Volume Control CG: NOT AN OPTION. CG: CARRY ON. GA: Youve Watched A Lot Of Human Romances GA: What Is The Appropriate Interval Before Affirmations Of Matespritship Are Exchanged GA: You Know Like GA: Uh CG: "I LOVE YOU"? GA: Yes That CG: THE FIRST STEP IS BEING ABLE TO TYPE IT INTO A PRIVATE CHAT SESSION WITHOUT BLUSHING. CG: I CAN SEE YOU OVER THERE. GA: Dammit GA: What Is The Waiting Period Here Like Three Sweeps CG: SO I GUESS SHE HASN'T DONE IT YET? GA: Well GA: Not Sober GA: She Was Quite Eager To Confess Admiration While On Soporifics GA: To Everyone And Everything Including Inanimate Objects GA: Im Not Sure Such Exchanges No Matter How Heartfelt Can Be Considered Fully Genuine CG: YOU'RE IN LUCK, A LOT OF HUMAN FILMS COVER THIS IN DEPTH. CG: IF YOU WANT I CAN ARRANGE A VIEWING SESSION WITH SOME MORE INFORMATIVE SELECTIONS. GA: That Might Be Fun GA: But Mostly I Would Appreciate Some Friendly Advice GA: As Educational As Im Sure The Latest Work Starring Anne Hathaway Would Be CG: AN EXECUTIVE SUMMARY IS: CG: IT USUALLY DOESN’T TAKE THIS LONG. CG: BUT THE CHARACTERS INVOLVED ARE OLDER, THE SAME SPECIES, AND HAVEN’T BEEN THROUGH A WAR, SO IT’S NOT A REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLE. CG: ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT IT? GA: Not Exactly GA: I Know The Sentiment Is There GA: If Anything I Just Hope She Feels Comfortable Enough She Knows She Can Be Open With Me GA: Shes Trying But I Can Tell Its Still Difficult For Her CG: DAVE SAYS "its obvious shes crazy about you" SO NO WORRIES THERE. GA: Why Is Dave Part Of This Conversation CG: HE WALKED OVER AND LOOKED AT MY PHONE OVER THE BACK OF THE SOFA. CG: LIKE I SAID. PRIVACY = ZERO GA: Hi Dave CG: HE SAYS HI. GA: I Saw Him Wave GA: Now Tell Him To Go Away CG: AND HE’S GONE. CG: THE CHAT IS CLEAR OF FUTURE BROTHERS-IN-LAW. GA: Future What CG: THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL BE IF YOU AND ROSE GET "HUMAN MARRIED". CG: THE RITUAL MAKES YOU FAMILY WITH THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY. CG: I’M PRETTY SURE IT WAS HISTORICALLY DESIGNED TO ACQUIRE ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL ADVANTAGES. CG: YOU KNOW, KIND OF LIKE HOW INTERCASTE MOIRALLEGIANCES CAN AFFORD LOWER CASTES PROTECTION. CG: BUT IN MODERN TIMES MOSTLY IT MEANS YOU’RE STUCK WITH THOSE CHUCKLEFUCKS FOR LIFE AS A PACKAGE DEAL. GA: Oh No CG: OH YES. GA: Karkat I May Be Rethinking This Whole Venture CG: TOO LATE, I’M GOING TO BE YOUR BEST MAN. IT’S ALREADY DECIDED. GA: What Is A Best Man GA: Is It Whoever I Have Designated If I Were For Some Reason Obligated To Wed Someone Of That Gender CG: NO. CG: THE MOVIES AREN’T ENTIRELY CLEAR ABOUT THEIR ROLE, BUT IN GENERAL THEY GIVE HEARTFELT SPEECHES AND PROVIDE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. GA: Maybe I Want Jake To Be My Best Man GA: He Can Recite Touching Monologues Ripped From The Silver Screen CG: YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS WHATSOEVER. CG: (YOU KNOW I’M JOKING, RIGHT?) GA: I Figured GA: Although I Wouldn’t Put It Past You To Try To Plan That Kind Of Thing Out For Me CG: HEY IF YOU EVER WANT IDEAS, I CAN THROW SOME OUT THERE. CG: YOU’RE WAY TOO YOUNG FOR THAT KIND OF THING THOUGH. CG: AND WE STILL HAVE TO GET YOU FROM POINT A TO POINT B, WHICH INVOLVES TRAVERSING THE ROCKY TERRAIN OF EMOTIONAL HONESTY, WITH WHICH I HAVE HAD NO PAST PROBLEMS AT ALL. CG: YOU COULD ALWAYS SAY IT FIRST YOURSELF I GUESS. CG: UNLESS YOU THINK THAT’LL MAKE HER EVEN MORE NERVOUS? GA: It Might GA: Outright Displays Of Emotion Embarrass Her She Relates It Too Much To Her Drunken Excesses And Those Of Her Mother GA: If I Can Be Permitted To Psychoanalyze Here GA: Shes Admitted As Much CG: THEN… LET HER KNOW SHE CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE? CG: THAT DOESN’T SOUND VERY EXCITING, BUT MAYBE IT DOESN’T HAVE TO. CG: THEY MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT IN THE MOVIES BUT I THINK AS LONG AS YOU’RE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE WHETHER THOSE THREE EXACT WORDS HAVE ESCAPED YOUR QUIVERING CHUTE FLAPS DOESN’T MATTER ALL THAT MUCH. CG: THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO SHOW YOU CARE. I’M PRETTY SURE YOU’VE GOT THAT COVERED. CG: MOVIES AREN’T ALWAYS THAT REALISTIC ABOUT WHICH PARTS OF A RELATIONSHIP ARE A FEDERAL FUCKING ISSUE VERSUS WHICH PARTS ARE NEGOTIABLE. GA: !! CG: YEAH YEAH RUB IT IN. CG: SO I RELIED ON THEM A LOT, IT’S NOT LIKE I HAD MUCH PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. GA: I Shouldnt Criticize This Was Helpful GA: Thanks For Listening GA: And I Would Like To Watch Movies With You Sometime If That Offer Is Still On The Table CG: DEFINITELY. CG: I’LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I’VE GOT A GOOD LINEUP PULLED TOGETHER.

A few days later, Rose wanders into your room unannounced and flops onto the bed. This isn’t uncommon behavior, so you keep sorting through your clean laundry. Her cat behaves similarly, insinuating himself into a room as if he belongs there. It’s a lazy confidence you envy. “We should go out,” she says, directing her words at the ceiling.

“We should?” you ask, holding two socks up to see if they match. They don’t, exactly, but they are a pair. Rose knitted them for you herself. They’re lumpy and awkwardly shaped, and you treasure them.

“We were going to do something fun after the game, remember? That was the plan. But we've both been sick, and outside is...” Rose waves toward the window and the world it serves as a barrier against. “Outside, so we haven't gotten around to it. But we should. You’ve been in your room a lot. It’ll do us both good.”

Drat. Your downturns aren’t as explosive as the others’. Sometimes you simply withdraw, spending more time on your own while a mental screen descends between you and the world, distorting it like a blur filter. There’s nothing wrong with you, exactly; it’s just that you don’t have the energy. That’s not bad, right? There are worse things than numbness. “What were you thinking we could do?”

She sits up halfway and then flops back down again. The pillows bounce. “I was hoping you'd have some ideas.”

You twist the socks together and toss them into the appropriate drawer. “The only thing I remember suggesting was outfits without sleeves.”

“Compelling, but not really something to make a date out of.” Rose frowns. “Have we ever... had a normal date? By regular people's standards?”

“Troll or human?” You shake your head. “I don't think any species would give us a passing grade.”

“Earthworms might be impressed.”

You pout. “You've never taken me to any good plots of soil.”

“We'll do that next time. For now, Jane said someone needs to do the shopping.”

“You know how to sweep me off my feet.”

Rose, still prone, waves a list in your direction. “It'll be fun. We get to pick which flavor of potato chips we want, and everyone else has to live with it.”

If Alternia had anything like supermarkets, they hadn’t spread near your oasis. For all that your caste can stand the sun, the electric lights hurt your eyes. They’re too bright – a harsh white that makes all the bright colors look flat and artificial. You reach for Rose’s hand, and she squeezes it. “I appreciate the support,” you say, “but I wanted to see the list.”

“Oh. Right.” She brings it up for both of you to consult. “Does Jade know how expensive beef is? She’s really running us through it.”

“She’s been talking about growing vegetables for the household. It’s too bad she can’t raise her own cows.”

“Don’t give her ideas. She wouldn’t be able to bring herself to butcher them, not after we’d named them all.” Rose leads you to the back of the store and scoops up slabs of meat packed into tidy foam and plastic containers. The setup is so clinical your residual rainbow drinker instincts don’t even twitch. It’s a far cry from the Alternian pastime of slicing your dinner up while it’s still wriggling. “We need milk,” she begins, and trails off after she pivots to the left. “It was that way in my old store. But they must not follow a common plan.”

Rose looks unmoored now that her navigational confidence has been broken. A lot of the humans are like this, wavering when their world doesn’t behave the way they think it should. It’s almost easier for those of you who expect foreign ways and customs. It’s harder to be a stranger in your own home. “We’ll wander,” you say, and steer her firmly by the shoulder.

By a combination of trial and error and studying signage like relics of a lost civilization, you manage to gather everything on the list. The only problem comes when you pass a series of shelves stacked with bottles, and Rose stiffens. It takes a moment for the pieces to fall into place – you’ve never seen wine packaged in its original containers before.

”Come on,” you say, linking your arm with hers. “Help me test which limes are ripest.”

You have to tug for a moment before she comes with you. You don’t think she’s planning to make a running leap for the vintage. If anything, she looks like she does when there’s an enemy sighted, wary and ready to spring. If she destroys several wine racks with a blast of divine light, that’ll probably go on your bill.

”Sorry,” she says, once you’ve made it to the produce section. “At my old store, it was in a separate room. Not out in the open.”

You lean toward her a little, so your shoulders press together. “It took you by surprise.”

She leans back. “Like pulling down your sheets and seeing a spider in your bed.” You see a dot of blood on her lower lip. She must have bitten it. “It must be harder for you. There’s no getting away from all that blood walking around on two legs.”

”It’s easier not to slip up, though.” You reach over with your free hand and dab at her cut, wiping the smear on the side of your shirt. “They’d make a fuss if I tried to sample it.”

”That’s what recovering alcoholics need.” She swipes at her mouth herself, but the wound is already closing. “Wine bottles that scream when you open them.”

”You’ve uncovered a new industry.”

”I need to patent it immediately.”

You squeeze her arm before letting go. If she’s making jokes, that’s a good sign.

Rose perks up when you’re heading toward the checkout. “Hang on. We have to stop by the natural foods section.”

”We do?” You check the list again. There’s nothing left on it.

”You never know,” she says. Now it’s her turn to drag you along. “The cure to all our life’s problems might be hiding next to the apricot kernels.”

Her tone is mocking. “Is there something wrong with natural products?”

”Not on their own. Jade says a lot of processed food upsets her stomach after growing up without it. But some people will pitch organic to you as the cure for cancer, and if you’re telling me you feed your four-year-old Goji berries instead of getting him vaccinated, I think you’ve opened yourself up to public disdain.” Rose plucks a box of tea off the shelf. “Look at this one. It says it’ll revitalize your body and restore harmony to your thoughts. All for twelve dollars, too.”

”Sounds like a deal.”

”It would have its work cut out for it with us. Hey, if I drink Sleepy Time and Stay Alert blends at the same time, what do you think will happen?”

”You’ll shed your corporeal form and ascend to a being of pure consciousness, and that would be a shame, because I like your face.” You retrieve the boxes and put them back before she decides to do product testing. “Apparently these exotic grains cure depression with their wholesome vitamins and minerals.”

”Buy the whole shelf.”

She’s right; some of these products are ridiculous. The two of you are giggling over asparagus water when a middle-aged woman pushes past you with her shopping cart. A highblood couldn’t look down their nose better. “Are you girls done with that?” she asks.

”Definitely,” Rose says, straight-faced. “I’d recommend it. It made us gay.”

Rose did the talking there, and you were too busy laughing to think of how to react. But when you get to the cashier, your tongue twists in your mouth. You stammer through pleasantries until Rose rescues you and completes the transaction. You drift away while she's collecting the bags, pretending to peruse the week's advertisement flier.

“She was pretty,” Rose says when she joins you, groceries in tow. “Is that why you were stuttering?”

You take half the bags from her. It would have been polite to help her carry them from the conveyor belt, but you needed to escape. “Was she? I didn't notice.”

She nudges you with a conspiratorial grin. “You don't have to play coy. I won't get jealous.”

“I'm not playing coy.” You shift one of the bags over your wrist, and something inside crinkles. Hopefully you didn’t break anything. “Her face was a blur. I panicked.”

Rose’s smile fades. “I’d forgotten you could be shy.”

The automatic doors whoosh open as the two of you approach. You sidestep a mother and her offspring going the other direction. “When you grow up on an oasis where your nearest neighbors are the shambling undead, you're a little cautious of strangers.”

“But willing to send them messages on Pesterchum questioning their intelligence and morals.”

She printed your first conversation logs off and stuck them to her wall, which you find equally endearing and annoying. Every time you see them, you itch to pull out a pen and make edits. “That's different. We weren't face to face. And... this is all new, here. I worry they'll be able to tell.”

“That they'll scream “Space invader!” and cart you off to a top secret facility?

”I’m sure it’s funny to you,” you say with a sniff, starting across the parking lot. “They won’t dissect you.”

She smiles again – you meant her to; the dissection at least was a joke. “I get nervous too. Not as much now after everything we’ve been through, but I’ve always been hyperaware of social situations. But I tend to take the ‘don't get scared; get angry’ approach.”

You recall how she marched up to the conveyor belt and slammed down her purchases. “I did wonder if you were going to challenge the salesperson to a strife.”

“Chalk it up to the childhood narcissism. I always felt like everyone was passing judgment.”

You accidentally make eye contact with a man stepping out of his vehicle and redirect your gaze at Rose’s collarbone. “Like everyone's watching.”

She nods. “And that's not true. They have their own problems and couldn't care less what we do. We're not important to them. In this case, that's reassuring.”

You’re surprised she finds it comforting. You’re happy to fade into the background; Rose likes to be noticed. You’d never realized it frightened her too. “What a pair we make,” you say.

“Between us, we add up to one functional person.”

You pull open the car door for her with a flourish. “I'd be generous and say at least 1.5.”

A few of the humans have been working to get their licenses so Jane’s father doesn’t have to drive them everywhere. Rose only has a permit, but that doesn’t stop her from using the car. Seer powers let her know if there’s likely to be trouble, but otherwise she drives like she’s got a grudge against the pavement. She peels out of the parking spot and then slams on the brakes. You hug a carton of eggs to your chest so they don’t splatter against the windshield. “What is it?”

”We have cold bags for everything, right?”

”Yes.” It was overkill for a short trip, but you prefer to be prepared.

She pulls into the store’s partner gas station while you wave apologetically at the elderly woman she just cut off. “This is a date. We’re going to get coffee.”

The coffee machine is broken, so you both get 99 cent slushies and sit on the curb next to the free air pump. The parking spot is empty save for a mulch of cigarette butts and ripped up Lotto tickets. Rose slurps some of her concoction out of a straw. It’s a murky mess, and you spotted her squirting a few shots of energy drink in for good measure. You spent several minutes painstakingly creating a rainbow pattern and are now trying to drink evenly to keep the layers intact. A bag of chips slumps half-empty between you. They’ll complain about that back home, but it’s their fault for not coming along to supervise.

Rose sucks on her straw with a noise like a drain unclogging. “How’s this for romance and adventure?”

“I could do it again,” you say. And you could. The encounter with the cashier still leaves you shaken, but the haze has peeled off the world. It’s funny how after everything you’ve been through, something as simple like this can be energizing. There are groceries in the car that need to get back and a household worth of responsibilities to keep up with, but right now it could just be the two of you setting off on some new adventure. Rose has always made you feel that way. Light players make the world narrow around them, drawing in attention, compressing possibility. They’re a lantern you bump against, entranced. With Rose, you’ve found one that doesn’t burn.

”Well shit, these were ninety-nine cents.” She smirks in the way that means you’ve missed a joke. “I think our budget can afford it.”

”Thank you for dragging me out here.” Lurking in your room seems silly now. “It helps, borrowing your confidence.”

”It’s a show,” she says. “I don’t know how you manage to seem so centered all the time.”

”Amateur theatrics,” you say. “One functional person, here we are.” She raises her drink in a toast, and you knock them together. ”I mean it, though,” you continue. “It’s nice, the way you turn things into adventures. Even if it’s a shopping trip, I don’t know where we’re going to end up. It’s unpredictable, but I like it. I like spending time with you.”

She smiles and looks away. Whenever you’ve successfully induced emotions, she never wants to look you in the eye. “That slushy must have made an impression.”

”It was good.” You flick the straw, sending drops of condensation scattering across the asphalt. “We didn’t have anything like this at home, at least not where I grew up. That might explain part of the rapturous response. But mostly I think it’s because I love you.”

Rose stills. That might be a bad sign, but you’ve gotten yourself into this situation, so you might as well keep going. “I’m not trying to corner you,” you say, looking down at your knees. “I know you have difficulty expressing some things. But I wanted to express that. Right now.”

When you sneak a look over, her shoulders are shaking. The ice from your drink solidifies in your stomach until you realize she’s laughing.

”Do you know how long I’ve been agonizing over this?” she asks.

”I knew why,” you begin. “Your mother…” That’s not a complete sentence, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes you want to ask John to transport you into Rose’s past so you can grab the woman by her shoulders and shake her. “How could you be so careless?” you want to demand. “Didn’t you realize what you were doing?” You are all the results of what has been done to you, combined with your attempts to overcome it. Even with your universes gone, their impressions remain as indelible parts of you. You wouldn’t want Rose to be anything other than who she is, but that doesn’t stop you from wishing she could have gotten something better growing up.

“That was what started it.” Rose takes a gulp of her drink. The humor drains from her voice. Now she’ll look you in the eye. “She’d vanish into her laboratory or a drunken stupor and leave me to fend for myself. The first time I tried cooking spaghetti I set off the fire alarm. I couldn’t get it to stop until I climbed up on a chair and took the batteries out. She slept through the whole thing. So when she turned up with a new present, how could I believe it was sincere? And even if it was, it didn’t make up for anything. If all you can give is the trappings of love, like you’ve bought out a Valentines’ clearance sale but can’t be damned to raise your own child, it doesn’t count.” She sloshes the remains of her drink around with one hand and watches it like she’s reading tea leaves. “So I guess I distrusted all of it. The glitz, the performance, anything. Even the words. Because if you do it right, they should know. But… in the past I’ve been guilty of overcorrecting.”

“Really?” You try to keep your tone teasing. Anything else might alarm her.

She elbows you in the ribs, but not hard. “Sometimes I’ve turned the wheel a bit and drifted over the dividing line between reasonable responses and terrible decisions by a few millimeters.”

“I think a driving instructor might say you sailed over the median, engaged with oncoming traffic, and left the highway entirely for parts unknown. What?” you add. “I’ve read the manual you’re all practicing from.”

“Five dollars says you pass the test before I do. After the timeline John made unhappen, I realized I’d never told you. For all the wrong, stupid reasons. I shouldn’t have let any of that stop me. I would’ve died with that as one of my greatest regrets. So I wanted it to be perfect, since I made you wait so long.” She covers her mouth with one hand and smiles through her fingers. “God, you should see my search history. I watched promposal videos, although I wiped all that data and I’ll deny it if you tell anyone. And here we are –” she pauses and shakes her head - “in a gas station parking lot. But you know what? I think it fits.” She slings an arm around your shoulders and plants a sticky kiss on your cheek. “I love you. Let’s make it count.”

This is what you have learned from dating Rose Lalonde. Expect your lives to accumulate the clutter of experiences together – receipts and stolen shirts and empty packages still streaked with frosting. Expect to make missteps, because the two of you are walking an uncharted path one step after another. Sometimes you fall, fight your demons, and climb back up again. You are all doing this for the first time.

Expect her to say she loves you in unexpected ways. A new package of lip gloss left on your pillow. A flower pressed between the pages of a heavy book to make it delicate and perfect. Occasionally, the words.

Make it count.

#trying this one last time #kat writes fic #dare i put it in the tags....#nah #homestuck/

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robinalilninja · 7 years

Text

I wanna be lost with the water (Klangst)

warning: Suicide/ spoilers for season 4

took this from my one shot book from wattpad @ failingpill

klance; lance X kieth

"Hey have you guys seen Kieth?" I peek into the huge living room where Pidge and Matt were playing the board game. "No haven't seen him, sorry Lance" Pidge replies not even bothering turning her head away from the intense monopoly game. I silently nob while I turned my head to start walking away.

I needed to talk to him, he's the only support I have in this galaxy. The closest thing to a therapist I could receive since they didn't have anti-depressants in space.

I started walking towards the exit of the castle so I could set foot on this look-alike earth planet. Which just made me more miserable because the cold breeze I am feeling or the smell of the ocean I'm tasting is not from the land I come from. It had small street lights that were made from a species called Zorog. They said they copied the earth we lived on.

I should feel happy, about this look alike world, but the people I love, my family... they aren't on it. It makes my heart break that my family is just so far, far, far away.

I walked along sidewalks of the town after I was down walking away from the castle, which only took 10 minutes. Without even realizing it tears were splattering off my cheek. Aliens were having fun from every corner of my eye, they had friends. Well me? I have no one.

I think me trying to be happy just to make others smile took a turn for me, and I never realized it. But with Kieth I didn't have to try to make him smile, he was already smiling at me, and just me. And I smiled at him. I kept walking and walking on the road which was empty because they did not have cars but spaceships.

I looked at my surroundings and realized I was right beside a bridge. I placed my hands into my fist just so my fingernails can crawl skin deep. Deep down... I wanted Kieth to show up, just to stop me.

I took a deep breath and placed one foot then the other foot onto the railing. "Lance? What are you doing!" Kieth yelled at me from the other side of the bridge. He looked like he was having a good time before I showed up, he probably regrets it. Seeing me.

He ran right to my side as quickly as he could, and I waited for him. Just for him to say something clever for me to get down, something I can live for. "I'm sorry I wrecked your night" I tried to place on a smile while tears were still falling. Kieth gave me a confusing look of panic.

"No, NO! you didn't wreck it okay? just step down okay?" I forwarded my eyebrows together as I got mad. He really doesn't get it... does he?

"You think I cant just step down, Kieth? It's that easy... it isn't. I just want- I JUST! I want to go home, but home is horrible! the people are horrible! and out in space, No, it does not get any better! just more stress, oh very more stressful. Because you have to- to m-make sure everyone is happier and healthier than you" I sounded like a lunatic at the begging which frightened Kieth in a way. But I just broke down at the end, my sobs were taking over my voice.

"I care about your health Lance, every day I think about your mental/physical health"

"Why did you leave me then"

Kieth stood there in silence as he hesitated with his answer.

"I- I" That was all he managed to get out. I turned my face towards the ocean, I missed it so much. The ocean. So much that I just want to dive into the water.

"YOU LEFT ME! Just like everyone else! You went to join some other stupid group. WOULD YOU EVEN BE HERE STOPING ME IF THEY DIDNT GIVE YOU ORDERS TO COME WITH VOLTRON!" Still no reply but he kept opening his mouth trying to say something, he knew his time was almost out, the time he needed to talk me down.

"Did that kiss mean nothing to you, Kieth? Because the next day you left. Was it not good enough for you? Am I not good enough?" I started to cry more and more.

"It was too good Lance... I have some walls up, you were about to tear them down and I knew you didn't deserve me so I did what... What I do the best, leave people"

"why did you even bother with me t-then" I turn my whole body around as my back heads towards the water. I didn't even have to hesitate to do it, I just knew. Kieth rushed towards the railing watching me fall.

I closed my eyes and my tears floated with the air. Kieth started preparing to jump in my removing his shoes and shirt. No way he was going to let Lance fall... Not now, not ever.

#klance #kieth #kieth kogane #kieth voltron #Lance #voltron lance #lance x keith #voltron #sad voltron #voltron squad #klangst #langst #kangst

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groundramon · 7 years

Text

It’s really interesting to look back on the old chapters of Oneiromon when I’m not going through a depressive/self-loathing spell

It’s only been a year, but I feel like so much about how I want my writing to read, what I want Oneiromon to be, where I plan to take the story, what I’m doing with certain characters, what I prioritize in the story, ect has changed.

I always intended Oneiromon to be a “scarier” and “more realistic” version of Digimon or Narnia, in a way. There are plenty of stories where regular human kids get transported to a magical lang and forced into some magical destiny, but there are so few that actually show those kids dealing with the stress of said magical destiny. Narnia explores it a little, Digimon explores it pretty extensively in its first and fourth seasons (I feel like other seasons didnt do it as well as the first season, including the fourth season but it still tried), but I still feel like the characters accepted their magical destinies too easily (besides maybe Edmund, but even though he had an arc leading up to his acceptance, he was still too quick to accept the White Witch as a normal and good thing). You can only scream about weird monsters for so long, but suddenly becoming a superhero is just...unrealistic. Sure they might get used to the world in the first few episodes (although they’re probably learning new stuff all the time unless whoever they meet is a walking encyclopedia and exposition disposer) but taking it upon yourself to save an entire world, especially one that you dont even know and possibly has been hostile to you? You have to be an awfully selfless yet prideful person to do that - you’d have to have the selflessness to put your life on hold for people you dont even know, selfless enough to risk your own life over and over, and yet prideful enough to think you have a chance at winning. That is...not a common combination, especially in minors. One of the big things in Oneiromon for me was making the transition between “I didnt sign up for this shit” and “okay I’ll help” gradual; to show the humans only acting out of self-preservation (and by that I mean helping each other) until they start making friends with other Oneiromon. And to show which human characters are quicker to agree to it than others. As for the scary part, well, lets just say that there are a lot of oneoff character deaths and they tend to be pretty violent.

But when I started off, I wanted to make people feel things. Sure I wanted to go into it gradually since going into angsty shit off the bat is just bad writing by anyone’s standards (unless your point is to show how cruel the world is, not to make them feel things), but still. Now I’m trying desperately to find a balance between the two. Because things got wayyy too heavy in Arc 1 and I feel like that dulled the ending of the arc and could dull the experiences in Arc 2. Arc 2 is all about me trying to get that back on track, trying to redeem all the fuckups I had in Arc 1 and balance the story out a little bit so I can have a fresh start with Arc 3. I’m super excited for Arc 3 because either it or Arc 4 is my favorite arc in the story, and the ending of Arc 2 was a solid ending to work off of. Now I want to make a more light-hearted story that frequently gets dark, despite coming upon the darkest part in the story in the next arc or two. And I really wish I was better at writing humor because that would help lighten the mood a LOT but. I’m not. So oops. (”But Stormy...you’re...you’re Stormy...how could you be bad at writing comedy” haha have you read Oneiromon, that story is more angsty and fun-less than Shiro)

For ages I’ve been trying to dissect what themes I often include in my writing, to see what I prioritize in my stories. The best I had came up with is either that I prioritize friendship since so many of my stories revolve around a group of people who become friends/are friends, or I just dont have any themes/messages I include in my stories. Which, while those are still pretty accurate, there are some things I want to get across in my stories. Unless I’m specifically writing a kid’s show that focuses on morals, I will never force morals into my stories, or revolve my stories around a moral. My stories are meant to be fun entertainment at their lightest and exploration of psychology and other “fun” shit at their darkest. First and foremost they’re meant to be enjoyable experiments for me and for others, where you love the characters and enjoy the story. Not saying I achieve that buuut I’m trying, and hey at least I love my characters (except Sarah she sucks...jk i love her too she’s just fun to hate) so I think that’s pretty good. But for the few themes I do include...I want to preach acceptance and self-love. I want to include good coping skills that my mentally ill characters learn and start using, I want to walk the diversity talk by including people from all kinds of different walks of life, I want to teach kids (when I’m writing for them) that its okay to love themselves and be proud of their accomplishments as long as you arent mean about it. Because I dont want another generation of kids to grow up being told that pride is a vice and if you value yourself at all, you’re doing it wrong. I dont want kids to be conditioned to think low self esteem is a virtue anymore. That pride, self-love, and arrogance are three different things. And these things are woven into the narrative, not just explored out of nowhere, in case you’re wondering. Like I said, I dont do morals. I just try to teach people through example, either through my example or my characters’ examples.

And the characters...whoo boy, the characters. Sarah and Mich have completely swapped “roles” in the story, so to speak; Mich was supposed to be the brash, brave one, while Sarah was more cautious and intelligent. Mich is still the ditzier of the two, but Sarah rules with her heart instead of her brain despite being a smart girl and lets her stress over the whole thing rule her entire demeanor. They feel almost like completely different characters, or Sarah does anyways, but...hopefully I can just excuse it as “Sarah was on her best behavior before because social pressure, but now she’s out of steam and can’t put on a nice, calm facade anymore”. And Devin? I never knew what I was doing with Devin. But then I found an amazing angle for him and honestly...I think I relate to him the most out of any of the characters now, although he might be tied with Mich.

I dunno, its just interesting. I hate that it’s so inconsistent but oh well, I’m still learning. Maybe some day I can rewrite it into something much better.

#stormy speaks #can you tell im trying desperately throughout this to reassure myself that my writing isnt bad lmao #im trying 2 love myself leav me alone...

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omnishamblegreg · 7 years

Text

Hey @loveofmylonglife !!

92 truths

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end choose however many people you want to tag!

LAST …

[1] drink: water

[2] phone call: my auntie

[3] text message: my best friend

[4] song you listened to: It’s Like That by RUN DMC

[5] time you cried: maybe.. 3 weeks ago, if we’re not talking laughter-crying

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no

[7] been cheated on: no

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: yes

[9] lost someone special: no

[10] been depressed: yes

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

[12] jade green

[13] mint green

[14] lilac

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: yes

[16] fallen out of love: no

[17] laughed until you cried: hooo yes

[18] found out someone was talking about you: yes, good and bad

[19] met someone who changed you: yes

[20] found out who your true friends are: i dont know, maybe i knew that before now

[21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: heh yes

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: 6 i think

[23] do you have any pets: yes, kitten of the name Mika

[24] do you want to change your name: noo

|25] what did you do for your last birthday: visited my dad in qatar, swam, played board games!

[26] what time did you wake up: like 10.30am

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: probably watching narcos or being attacked by my cat

[28] name something you cannot wait for: for summer, camping and swimming, passing my driving test and driving cousins about like rebels

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: like an hour ago

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my family dynamics- hooo boi i agree with you there. and how i’d handled certain situations. where i decided to do 6th form, being brave enough to confess love. having the brain capacity and energy to think thoroughly for myself about my spiritual beliefs. sometimes i think it’d be easier if i’d grown up not questioning stuff so much

[31] what are you listening to right now: the end credits of narcos. my love.

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ah my old basketball coach

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: my inability to revise for shit

[34] elementary: What about it? if you mean the *cough* sherlock piracy, the actor played alongside cumberbum in frankenstein, then went off and did elementary. felt a bit like he nicked his acting pointers to go imitate him. but im not bitter! oh this means primary school: ledge. i was a loving teacher’s pet

[35] high school: same mostly girl’s schools, year 8 was peak :(, but year 9 was PEAK and best fricking thing ever. i moved a lot but made some great friends. then got stressed at alevels but v funny friends. school is stress i dont need to go back to that

[36] college: uni is TBA. i will enjoy my own space

[37] hair colour: brown

[38] long or short hair: short

[39] do you have a crush on someone: not really

[40] what do you like about yourself: that people trust me a lot, that i make my sisters laugh so much they look like gargoyles, that i have little things im good at.

[41] piercings: Ears

[42] nickname: depending with who: karimmer/rimmer, kima, karma, gary

[43] relationship status: single and ready to spread my legs. in bed to sleep because thats the most comfy sleeping position

[44] zodiac sign: im a goat

[45] pronouns: she/her

[46] favourite tv show: this is fluid. right now i am addicted to narcos. (not like that)

[47] tattoos: none

[48] right or left handed: right

FIRST…

[49] surgery: just sewing up my chin?

[50] piercing: ears

[51] best friend: maysa my cousin, since i was 3, who i knows near everything about me (every time we meet i just catch her up on the new shit). we fuckin tight

[52] sport: this is FUNNY. but i guess swimming, in a leisurely, non-competitive floating way

[53] vacation: tunisia, like what else besides visit family every summer obv

[54] pair of trainers: MINE DIDNT LIGHT UP ! they were PINK tho

RIGHT NOW…

[55] eating: nothing

[56] drinking: nothing. sad days

[57] I’m about to: watch pedro pascal in game of thrones

[58] listening to: nada

[59] waiting for: nada

[60] want: this is a lot. want to feel energy coursing through me. want to be physically able to sleep for a day. to kiss. to have photographic memory. to actually have a spec of an imprint, a positive, a help, on the world. to meet up with all my old friends. to understand myself. to write something and make someone think with it.

[61] get married: some day. i forget im 19 and family members are suddenly going ‘hey karima wanna get me to find u someone heh?’

[62] career: during and after uni, i’d like to write stories. and do art. academia would be cool, researching and writing kickass linguistics papers about memes. but i do not want to dwell on this

WHICH IS BETTER…

[63] hugs or kisses: both, but hugs only if they’re proper gourmet ones

[64] lips or eyes: eyes

[65] shorter or taller: taller

[66] older or younger: older

[67] romantic or spontaneous: I AGREE WITH WHAT U SAID BOTH BOTH IS GOOD. spontaneity is madly romantic

[68] nice arms or nice stomach: oooh. stomach i think

[69] sensitive or loud: yep i agree again ^^ someone who’s both is brilliant, we just both gotta be in the same hyper mood then BAM whole house telling us to shut tf up. overall tho.. someone who’s sensitive and understanding is more important. someone who cant switch to being sensitive is so closed off

[70] hook up or relationship: relationship

[71] trouble maker or hesitant: trouble maker if they’re not like. pablo escobar level trouble maker.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[72] kissed a stranger: yeah stupid

[73] drank hard liquor: no

[74] lost glasses/contact lenses: yes

[75] turned someone down: yes poor unfortunate souls

[76] sex on first date: no

[77] broken someone’s heart: i dont Think so

[78] had your own heart broken: yes

[79] been arrested: no

[80] cried when somebody died: yes

[81] fallen for a friend: yes rip me

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[82] yourself: at times. i always believe it’ll kinda be alright in the end, that i’ll get to where i want to be, but i dont always believe i have what it takes Right Now. this is hard to explain.

[83] miracles: kind of. depends. i believe it was a miracle i got As and A*s in my gcses when i barely revised. and that my sister causes rain and thunderstorms when she prays for them. some miracles. i feel like a lot more used to happen

[84] love at first sight: no, thats romanticising someone as a concept and i am all too guilty of it

[85] santa claus: no and i dont think i ever did?! i discovered who he was simultaneously with ‘he’s fiction’. but thats okay with me

[86] kiss on the first date: whatever man i know nothing

[87] angels: yes

OTHER…

[88] current best friend’s name: Kathryn, steph, maysa, rabeeya

[89] eye colour: brown

[90] favourite movie: shaun of the dead or How I Live Now

[91] favourite flower: honeysuckle, def jasmine.

[92] favourite season: summer whosoever should like to also do this, tag me and go for it!! im a curious bastard

#ah time flies filling this in #me #ask meme #a little shy of posting this but ehh #also forgive my lack of eloquency its too late for epiphany-level opinions on things #this is a lazy ask meme

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