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locktobre · 4 years

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I finished 3M and I actually didn’t mind it that much this time, maybe I’m mellowing out or maybe I just know there are worse Barbie movies out there.

Anyway, my full thoughts under the cut.

What I like about the movie:

Corinne’s red outfit at the beginning, I’ve ALWAYS loved this outfit. It’s fashionable AND practical. I really enjoy that.

I enjoy the costuming in this movie in general. Louis, Philippe, Bertram, the musketeers and guards, the backgrounders, they all look pretty good.

I like set design a lot. Paris makes me turn my head a bit trying to make sense of it, but it still looks very nice.

I like that Corinne’s mother says, “Being a musketeer is a serious job. And it can be very dangerous.” She’s very right about that.

I love that Aramina insists that Corinne stay with them.

I also love that Renée immediately asks Corinne for rent money. That’s hilarious, and also appropriate considering she doesn’t even like Corinne yet.

The girls’ fake names at the masquerade ball: Lady Barb E. Cue, Duchess Ivana Partee, Abbie Birthday, and Countess Hedda Lettuce. Especially since Louis calls Corinne “Lady Barb E. Cue” on the roof later on, during the fight.

Louis as an inventor is an intriguing concept. Perhaps not well executed, but still interesting.

What I don’t like (some things more nitpicky than others):

While I like the costuming, ironically I don’t care much for the girls’ main dresses, or masquerade dresses. They’re very bright and gaudy, and while it’s normal for the protagonists to stand out, it just feels a little weird. Especially since the other costumes feel much more historical. (Whether they’re accurate isn’t for me to say, I’m not a historian.)

Corinne never wears pants again, not even at the end. I know the point of the movie is to sell dolls, but they couldn’t do dolls with pants? (I think they did, as store exclusives... but those should have been the main, canon dolls.) And as a consequence, at the end it doesn’t really feel like she and the other girls are really a part of the musketeers, it feels like they’re in their own separate Girl Unit which doesn’t even have a matching uniform, since they wear their shorter masquerade dresses. It’s just a shame.

Miette. She really doesn’t add anything to the movie, and I hate hearing her say “mus-CAT-eer” every other word. In a movie that’s otherwise pretty grounded, she’s an odd addition. I guess she’s supposed to be comic relief, to keep things from getting too serious, but the movie is already pretty light, all considered. She could have been written better (DROP the “mus-CAT-eer” thing!) and I wouldn’t have minded her so much.

Other people have said it, but the songs are very modern and don’t really fit the feel of the rest of the movie. I wish they’d kept it to just the score, and one song for the credits.

Speaking of things that don’t fit, this feels like such an odd choice for Barbie adaptation to begin with. It reminds me of Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame in that way, although I like HOND better. Like, what made someone look at this and say, “Yes, this should be a children’s movie.” (I know other 3M adaptations exist, many aimed at kids, but I always wonder that, not just at this one.)

Following that, I think “The 3 Musketeers, but girls” is a weird choice for a girl power theme. I don’t think I would have minded it as much if it was in a fantasy kingdom, but since it’s semi-historical France, I get caught up in the real-life aspect of it. That’s my issue but I mean, these are my opinions.

That all being said, watching Corinne’s mother let her 17-year-old daughter go off to join the army is ROUGH. That’s literally what’s happening here, and this is supposed to be a good thing.

Not once, but multiple times they say “Don't mess with the dress!” and it just makes me roll my eyes. It’s just silly and means exactly nothing.

The other girls’ reasons for wanting to be musketeers, particularly Viveca and Aramina. Viveca says “musketeers are so very chic,” so she’s in it for the fashion? Aramina talks about “rescuing the prince,” so she’s in it for the romance? This isn’t to say they don’t seem competent later on, but I wish they had characterized them better, because it seems like they’re in it for the wrong reasons. Renée only says “musketeers rock” so it’s harder to gauge what she’s thinking (they’re cool, and she wants in on that?), but it almost feels like Corinne is the only one to take it seriously--and like her mother said, it’s a serious job.

Speaking of Renée, she’s HELLA whitewashed lmao. Viveca may be, too, but Renée DEFINITELY is. Talk about unbelievable.

The fact that apparently there are only 6 of them on the castle staff. I know the main characters of any given media tend to do everything the plot calls for, but they couldn’t have had some others in the background? Make it feel a little more alive? No wonder Mme de Bossé can’t afford to lose anyone else, they’re trying to do the work of 200 people!

Louis’ character in general is just... not great. I didn’t feel any spark between him and Corinne, not at all. I can also easily see why Philippe would want to kill him and be king instead, since Louis doesn’t even seem to want to do it. Why not abdicate, man? Go off to be an inventor, and let Philippe be king like he wants? Idk.

Speaking of, why did Philippe try to kill Louis now, just a week from his coronation? Why wait, if you’ve already been regent for 13 years? Surely there was a better time to do this!

Corinne telling Philippe to his FACE that she knows he’s plotting against Louis was not smart move, especially since before that, Hélène had said that they can’t trust anybody until they know who’s behind the plot--and they KNOW that musketeers are in on it, so why wouldn’t they suspect Treville? I know he knew Corinne’s father, but he just seems way too close to the situation to just point fingers at the REGENT with no concrete evidence, RIGHT in front of him, to someone who very well may be involved anyway. And it backfires on them spectacularly, so I mean, at least they realize that.

The fact that their training with Hélène takes less than a week, because of the time limit set by the masquerade ball. I wish they’d left it more ambiguous, or made it at least a month. Corinne I might believe, but how would the others have trained? Especially without each other knowing? It’s just hard to swallow, especially with them being so young (at least, Corinne is only 17, the others could be older) and then besting adult men who have trained for YEARS at the end.

Finally, weapon choices. Yes, they fence, Corinne in particular, but Renée getting a slingshot (not even her bow!), Aramina getting fans, and Viveca getting... ribbons? Oof. Again, this has to do with this being a Barbie movie with not too much violence allowed, but that just goes back to why make the movie in the first place? And if you’re going to do it, why don’t they ALL keep their swords, why give them different weapons? All the dolls came with swords! Very... weird looking swords that look more like wands, but still! I just don’t understand that choice, since Corinne managed to conceal her sword just fine at the ball, so why couldn’t the others? I just don’t understand it.

I have some other questions and speculation, but I’ll save that for a different post. Overall, though, I’m surprisingly... neutral. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it, either. I think I used to dislike it more, but as of now I just don’t care much. It doesn’t really spark my interest, and I don’t feel like it has too many questions that I’m burning to answer (although, like I said, I do have a few).

#mel irl #barbie babbles

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