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jessadilla · 4 years

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My situation

Hello friends and followers!

I need your help. I will be opening commissions but leaving links to both paypal and ko-fi for anything anyone can spare.

I understand it is very hard to help right now, it is possibly one of the toughest times some of us have faced. It certainly is for me. I work in retail during a global pandemic like so many others right now. Unfortunately this fact has taken a seriously toll on both my mental and physical health. While I have not (yet) caught covid, my depression and anxiety is at its peak and it is causing undue stress on my body to be in a constant state of panic attacks.

Stores say they’re prepared for the holidays, but as far as I have witnessed, my store has taken zero extra precautions while also promoting holiday sales, and the store hours have gone back to normal while the store has been crowded every day for the past couple of weeks. Cases are rising, the cold weather will make it easier to spread...and I have an at risk family member at home that I am terrified of giving this thing to. I am at the end of my rope mentally. I am exhausted physically. (I would like to add when I brought up my concerns to my HR rep while he was understanding, he literally lied to my face about the measures and steps my company was taking because no one in our store enforces a Single Measure, so even if it's company wide policy, it's ineffective if it's not being followed literally at all.)

I have opted to take a leave of absence from work to at least cut off my chances temporarily from getting anything right after Thanksgiving, but ideally I’d like to be able to quit my job and find something that doesn’t involve exposing myself to an inconsiderate public and an uncaring corporate workplace.

So, I am asking for donations for the time being. If you can spare anything, I’d be extremely grateful. Donations under $21 will not have a reward in place, but donations $21 can be payments for sketch head shot commissions.

You can donate through my ko-fi, or through paypal.

Email me directly (jessie.islas at gmail) to give me information on your request (with the name you donated with and “commission” in the subject header). All I require from you will be a visual reference of your character. You can also choose a background color, otherwise I will go with white, or some color that seems to complement your character. Points 1, 5, and 7 of my TOS apply to these commissions. TOS is agreed upon at time of payment.

If you’re having a problem viewing the TOS link, please let me know in your email and I’ll send you a copy.

Please keep in mind these are SKETCH commissions. They will not be fully rendered, but painted in a more loose style. You will still receive the full file size once the image is completed. Turn around can be anywhere from 3 days to a week, depending on my current work schedule.

I cannot currently offer anything more complicated than these because on top of everything else, my computer is reaching its final destination. Part of the money I make/that gets donated would help to upgrade my current laptop so that it runs like new again and extends its life for at least 1-2 more years. If you are interested in a more detailed commission, the best I can do is accept payment and put you on a waitlist for when my computer is in better working condition.

If you cannot afford a commission, any amount helps, truly. Please consider donating to the links above.

If that is also not possible for you, please consider sharing this post. It really means a lot to me.

My ultimate goal is around $3000. I realize that is a lot of money (at least it is to me?) but it would help me to be financially stable for the next month or so (not much more than that because I live in CA and living costs are, as always, astronomical) and also help me fix my computer so I can put more work into my art. I have more plans, regarding patreon as well as comics/zines I have been wanting to make for years now.

If I can make enough to help me last a month without working retail, I can start giving you guys more updates on what plans I have for my art, and ways in which you can help me sustain some kind of (partial) living off of it.

Also, to be clear, I will never be a pay-only artist. I know some artists do move in that direction and they have their reasons, but I’ve been on the side of things where I cannot afford it, so I understand the distress of not being able to access art all of a sudden because you have no money. That is not my intention at all. I just want to be able to live with peace of mind and also make art while doing it.

Thank you so much for reading this, thank you in advance for any help you can offer. I’ll be updating this soon with a link that will help explain what my plans are moving forward if I am able to get the help I need. Thank you all again.

#not art #commissions #please read #long post #donation post

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gigmusicdscvr · 6 years

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CHALLENGE ACCEPTED: THIS IS HOW GEN-Z RESPONSE YOUR CRITICISM CREATIVELY

Sometime ago, Instagram recommended us to a magazine called Aspirants Magazine. Their instagram account is heaven for visual enthusiasts, with alluring color grading and beautiful portraits. Let alone, their commitment to pick interesting individuals to be featured. We contacted the editorial team and that was totally surprising to know that they are juggling this promising magazine with high school and managing the task mostly through computers and internet connection.

We ended up talk to Danielle (D), Ndemazea (N), and Ry (R). So, prepare yourself to erase pessimistic ideas about millennials, specifically gen-Z, as they definitely do things and make changes too. This is #GIGCHAT, please enjoy!

Tell us brief history about Aspirants Magazine? Also how do you manage the task among you three?

D: Aspirants is an idea I had bouncing around in my head for a couple years before it was realized. One day, I was waiting in line in a grocery store and took note of the magazines and tabloids on the rack in the checkout line. I started thinking about how celebrities we’ve all seen hundreds of times before repeatedly get the spotlight. What about that person—that musician, artist, model, actor, filmmaker, photographer, athlete, what-have-you—who works just as hard but just hasn’t been given the same opportunities? Doesn’t every hardworking creative deserve a chance to be on the front cover of a magazine? I think they do. Hence, Aspirants Magazine.

N: As cliche as it sounds, my involvement in Aspirants can be pinpointed into one specific instance: a text. I had received a message from Ry and Danielle talking about an idea they had been working on for a while, and from the moment I heard about it, I knew that Aspirants was something different and special. Naturally, with that in mind, I sent my response. The rest is history.

R: Aspirants works to spotlight creatives who never really have gotten their time in the light before. By doing so we are also acknowledging differences such as class or race that lend themselves to differences in perception and experience. In terms of managing tasks, we have delegated roles among the three of us and team members that work with us on each issue. Ultimately though, everyone on the board is sort of a renaissance person in the sense that we’re all able to help each other outside of our delegated roles if needed.

Do you consider/refer Aspirants to be called as magazine or zine?

D: In terms of the publication, we prefer to call it a magazine. However, in November we are expanding our brand from just Aspirants Magazine to Aspirants Co, so you may refer to us as Aspirants Co!

N: We prefer to call the publication a magazine!

R: Publication is a magazine!

How do you choose or pick artists to be your feature story?

D: We keep a log of artists we collectively update. Usually, we’ll stumble across someone on social media or across the internet and recognize their good intentions and good work. Additionally, submissions are open for every issue!

N: It’s probably the easiest part of the job. The internet has made it easier to share our talents, and with so many talented people in the world, we don’t have to throw the stone very far to find leagues of people to feature. And of course, sometimes those people come to us.

Other than musicians/artists, do you also bring up socio-political activists in your magazine?

D: Aspirants in itself tries its best to be nonpartisan, but we aim to amplify the voices of those who are fighting for what they believe.

Among artist/musicians/figures that you feature and interview, what you could learn from them?

D: So, so much! I’m so inspired by all of them. For example, I interviewed Maunder, a musician featured in Issue Three, and what he had to say about his music really inspired me. His music emphasizes honesty. To me, also patience. He wasn’t in a rush to release music just because he could; he took his time until he felt comfortable to do so and is now making awesome jams. I think I need a reminder that sometimes it’s okay for me to take my time.

N: I’ve learned so much from each and every feature we’ve done, but as a whole, I have seen that there’s nothing conventional about being an artist. Each issue will show you multiple ways to express yourself and there’s no wrong way to do it. Our features have taught me that being genuine is key to success.

R: Each of the creators featured here are inspirational. At their core, many of our creators emphasize other people. They emphasize community. I think that we—as a publication—are incredibly privileged to be able to work with creators who so closely share our vision.

You also make a printed version of your magazine, how do you distribute it and how do you perceived the printed version ones in this digital era? Anyway, for me myself, printed magazine might be bulky and spacy, but it really feels nostalgic and real, we love it.

N: We distribute and publish our magazine with the self-publishing company Lulu. For us, the difference between looking at something online and holding something in your hands is immense, and everything feels much more real when you can touch something that you’ve created or see your face on the page.

Do you guys do this magazine as a side project and looking at the development, do you consider to make it your full time focus?

D: We’re juggling the high school grind alongside this company, so I suppose it could be considered a side project for now, but I think all three of us want to be able to make it a full-time focus of some kind.

N: Aspirants is a full-time job that, because of the aforementioned high school grind, is our “side project”. But it’s our passion and as soon as we can, Aspirants will become a full-time gig.

R: Right now, Aspirants is a side project in the sense that I’m currently in high school. However, Aspirants is honestly something I always have my mind on, and it will always be one of my top priorities.

How do you create and manage this team, as for some reasons finding and having people with the same amount of passion and sacrifice for something like magazine or blog or certain projects with almost zero profit (in the beginning) is quite hard?

D: Google Drive, ClickUp, and Discord. Without those three applications, we’d probably be significantly more scatterbrained than we already are. But to delve deeper, the passion thing is a great question. I have a lot of struggles with mental illness so finding that passion is often difficult. However, I just try to keep in mind that I have people counting on me and people that have been positively impacted because of what I do. It allows me take a deep breath and move forward, even if it’s slowly. Profit was never the ultimate goal to us. We agreed on that when we started. It’d be a great benefit and it is an aim, but it’s not endgame. I don’t rely on Aspirants for income, and I hope one day I will, but in the meantime I am okay with where things are now.

Now, what advice you would like to give to anyone/readers who wants to create change and inspirations through media or magazine specifically?

D: Find some people you trust and can bounce ideas off of and go for it. Get feedback, work hard, and take advantage of your resources. We live in an amazing transitional age of technology where each and every one of us has an opportunity to create something unprecedented through the internet. Use it.

N: Never stop creating. There will be days when you feel like it’s not worth it and there will be days when you want to quit and there will be days you will lie down on the ground, staring at the ceiling, wondering why you ever decided to start. But it’s worth it. Because there will be days where you’ll get a comment from someone giving you a compliment on your work or you’ll sell your first piece or you’ll have a larger turnout than expected at your event, and you’ll realize why you do it. And you’ll keep going.

R: As cliche as it sounds, I would tell people to just start doing. It’s different for each person depending on our access to certain things but ultimately, get started in whatever way you can, as soon as possible.

We really love your social media and website layout also art works, they're really cool and we fancy the color grading.

D: Credits to Ry, the one and only.

R: Thank you so much!

Last, share your favorite songs/musicians/music with us!

D: Dude, that’s like the hardest question for me to answer. Right now I’m digging the music of Disclosure, The Internet, MANON, and Twenty One Pilots’ new album. You can keep up with my favorite new music on this Spotify playlist.

N: “Favorite” is a hard word, but if I have to choose, it would be any song made by Noname ever. She’s a beautiful artist that has done nothing but be true to herself, and her newest album Room 25 is a work of art.

R: I honestly can’t tell you what my favorite songs are—this is an incredibly hard question to answer. At the time being though, my favorite song is Generation Why by Conan Gray.

Aspirants Magazine is online and printed magazine. Order here if you’re interested to purchase their publications.

#gigchat #interview #magazine #publicist #music magazine #artists #musicians #journalism #journalist #gen z #millennials #young people #youth #music blog

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swampgallows · 6 years

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i need to practice driving but i always feel so FUCKING tired. this whole week ive just been exhausted to all fuck. my jaw hurts today. all my teeth hurt. everything hurts. i hurt emotionally and spiritually and i need to overcome being paralyzed with shame about the dentist. im scared she will yell at me (she never would) or do a bad job (she hasnt so far) that will leave me in more pain, like my first dentist. i have to save my teeth while i can but im also terrified of how much it will cost. but i know i cant live like this. and i know it’s not entirely my fault because my dad’s teeth are the same, as were his dad’s teeth, and i’m just stuck with their genetics. ive been brushing my teeth and using my waterpik and wearign my mouthguard every night and i deep disinfect it every sunday in mouthwash and im unfortunately not able to adjust my diet much, but ive been drinking more water, and if i drink soda or juice i have a glass of water with me to chase every sip. even when i drink milk i follow up with water. the problem is i think most of the damage is already done. i can barely eat without being scared i’ll shatter my teeth, and theyre so sharp and pitted it makes it hard to chew anything.

my dad always says one of his regrets was that he didnt take better care of his teeth, and i feel the same way, but we’re also fucked by our genetics. i mean, his dad had dentures by 17 and soda n shit barely even existed in fucking uhhhh 1930?

i just feel like a fuckign failure. my body is shit, my brain is shit, my spirit is shit, my heart is shit, my mind is shit. it’s just all fucking shit.

i just feel like i’m stuck at a dead end. i looked up my code school subscription today to make sure it wasn’t going to charge me for another year and i just thought wow, another thing i fucking failed at. sure i could learn python. but why? what for? still had no idea what i’d even use it for. i had no practical application for it. i dont know what kind of programs id write. i dont want to write programs. i dont want to make video games or work in software. i dont give a shit about computers. i dont care about anything. i dont want to do anything. i dont want to live any more.

im still awaiting the last few people for the zine to write me back. i’m still researching what im gonna do in terms of pre-orders, but i think im gonna have to just host on my own marketplace like tictail or bigcartel or something and then distribute them on my own. once i finish my initial layout for the zine i can finalize a version for the other publisher, then depending on the number of preorders ill send it off to whichever publisher can fulfill the order. lulu has an option to sell through their marketplace but i think i’ll just do it myself either way (since printninja will have to ship to me first, and then i ship out individually).

im having a lot of anxiety about it because my parents were psyched about the project and then just like... id ont know how to explain it, they dont fucking listen to me when i talk and get a wrong idea in their head about what it is that im doing and then act really disappointed when i remind them of the actual reality of my project. my dad thought i was illustrating a medical journal.

im just sick of being a failure. im sick of never being good enough.

im sick of writing and im sick of complaining and im sick of being in pain.

maybe i want a beauty and the beast fantasy because i want someone to just take me away from here. i want to end up in a situation where no, i cant come home, no, i dont know when im going to be home, it’s out of my control, just as an excuse to not have to answer to anybody about where i am, and whoever takes me will be tall and strong and powerful, and they can take me to a place where i can ride my bike freely, where i can run through a field of flowers, where i can get access to resources and environments to maintain my health. i need to be uprooted from this blight so i can stop inhaling black mold, but i have nowhere to go and no one to go with. if i were whisked away then i wouldnt have to make the choice.

the ancient magus bride is a female fantasy for a reason.

#blathering

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