#my queer ass could NEVER

[fullsunsunoo]

KB & Yoojung | OnlyOneOf 'Instinct.' era

To all those lovers who couldn't be blessed.

#OnlyOneOf #the gift that keep on giving #i will never shut up about them #not even sorry about it 🤷 #anyway these two are ✨icons✨ of our age #my queer ass could NEVER #yoojung #kb #kyubin #shin kyubin #taeyeob #lee taeyeob #rie #junji #mill #nine #love #sungho #lee sungho #kim junhyung #lee yongsoo #jung wookjin #my gifs #lyOn #instinct part. 1 #instinct part. 2

[rabble-dabble]

and by the way i fucking deserved better. you came back with your hand held out and asked me to love you again like i was a fool, like you knew i wanted you to do but you forgot friendship is a two way street and i loved you deeper than you loved yourself. i heard myself in your words and i knew the answer before you asked the question because i spent a year grieving and a year growing and another two years healing and three more years forgetting and you sent me a message asking me to forgive you as if i already hadn't done so. you asked to try again and i almost became the fool that did it because once upon a time we were best friends then we weren't and i cried at night wishing you'd come crawling back to say those words to me again. and i thought of all the ways i could tear you apart with my teeth before carefully mending you back together with my sparkly glue and my shaky sowing needle.

but in reality i knew if i let you in again that i could forgive you but i'd never be able to forgive myself. i'd be looking into the past and spitting into the face of the kid who gave up everything he felt about you to become me and i needed to let you go like the sand between my cupped hands. the ocean cleans away the grit and leaves seashells in them. its a reminder that there are still things to find and cherish. i deserve to love the world and you will not be a part of it. i am not sorry for that.

#text post #rabble poem #friendship #vent #the audacity of ex best friends to message you like 'hayyyyy' #begone bitche #and also imagine my face when i find out my message to her was in the echo of the vent letter i wrote in a vent book #i could forgive her but i'd never forgive myself <- fav line btw. no i am not being normal about it #also yeah i blocked her ass she was like 'i miss youuuuuu i miss our friendshiiiip' #girl. 6 years too late what. we homoerotically broke up /queer platonically in MIDDLE SCHOOL move ON #me as i say the most fucked up writing possible. listen i deserve it i was normal about it for like a MONTH #imagine my surprise when i open my facebook messanger at work and i see her name like i almost threw away the whole damn phone #she said she couldnt stop thinking about me tho like LMAO i live rent free in ur head?? have fun with that bye <3

[snixx]

got queerbaited into reading a book by chatgpt. is this rock bottom

#girlblogging.pdf #apparently coding isn't the only thing that thing is ass at. fetching basic information is too #i mean i Wanted to read it anyway and i knew it wasnt queer before. idk why i let chatgpt gaslight me into believing i was making it up #whatever. neither the main character nor her best friend are textually queer or in love with each other. they're both pretty boy crazy tbh #but the mc is giving big aro vibes. like she's so done with her best friend every time she starts talking about men or crushes #also her crush on this guy is giving extremely platonic im not biased i swear #she just throws herself at him because she thinks itd be cool to date her besties crushs bff #so she could feel normal like her #they do have a cute friendship though. mc and the guy. also they start dating like 2 seconds after her bff dies so it's not really romantic #also theres a very cool lesbian who gets more pagetime than the guy and whos friendship with mc is super angsty so #w #its a really good book ok i just went in with really wrong expectations #like a sapphic hiaylm #but every day i grow closer to the great truth of my life that sapphic hiaylm will never exist #and i should stop looking for it and find the beauty in things for their originality and what they are #anyway in this case the lack of sapphicness did not detract from the book at all dont get me wrong #i just found it funny

[moongothic]

Honestly what kind of changed the way I view One Piece was when I realized that Oda's transphobia isn't just a side-effect of him having an "outdated" view of trans people, but also like

One Piece is very much about Letting People Live How They Want To

And that includes not just queer people in general, but every single transfem person who either doesn't pass or doesn't want to pass, it includes not just the "acceptable, normal trans people" but also the kinda weird and/or horny ones.

Because Queer Liberation is for everyone

Like don't get me wrong, Oda may not fully understand the difference between GNC and trans people, and most of his transfem/GNC men (only lumping them together because Oda does that) look identical to how gender crits would draw "a trans person infiltrating women's spaces!!!!11!!!". And he does seem to have some actual gender essentialist beliefs (Luffy being "a vegan if he was a girl"........... Bro) with a healthy dose of misogyny thrown on top Generally speaking, it would be nice if his queer rep was more like 50/50 with the """"normal"""" (this is One Piece you know exactly what I mean) and weird queer characters instead of like 95% weird. Not just because it'd give queer people more characters we might actually want to relate to and see ourselves in, but also because it would maybe help drive home to queerphobic readers that One Piece is in-fact for Queer Liberation instead of supporting their beliefs that queer people are just "kinky men who like to wear women's underwear because they're delulu".

All this to say; no, the queer rep in One Piece is still kinda Not It. It could definitely be better*. Like I said at the begining though, realizing OP specifically has the belief that everyone should be allowed to live how they choose to and be free (something Luffy dreams of becoming, the most free person in the world aka Pirate King)... IDK it just changed how I view Oda's transphobia. Because it truly does not come from any sort of malice, it's just... misguided support

(*In fact, One Piece has/had the potential to be so extremely pro-Queer. Like we know trans people play a HUGE role in the Revolutionary Army and helping take down the Government already. We saw a FUCK TON of Queer people being held in Impel fucking Down, the giant prison facility that's meant for "the worst criminal's the world had to offer" that the government had to put away somewhere. I know the implication with the imprisoned queer people in Impel Down was that some/a lot of them were already imprisoned there for some other reasons (probably) and simply transed themselves because being a funny little queer in Newkama Land was a billion times better than being tortured by guards in the jail. Which is understandable. But like, my question is... How many of these people were imprisoned in Impel Down because of some crimes they commited, and how many were imprisoned for being queer? One Piece never exploring queer rights within its world is an absolute fucking shame. It is such a missed opportunity. Like all Oda needed to do was say "it's illegal to be gay on Island XYZ, these people were imprisoned in Impel Down for being queer". Just that, just one island could completely reframe how being queer is seen in this world. It would completely reframe the Revolutionary Army's queer participants, and it would not just remind the readers about why the World Government is Bad, but also drive in for those queerphobic readers that One Piece is, in fact, pro-queer. Like really rub it like salt into their wounds.)

#It's also good to remember that One Piece has never portrayed a Queer character as evil or malicious #(Bon-chan's being a frenemy for a brief time aside since they became a Turbo Friend right after) #Moon posting #Mind you I'm not saying that if OP had just one homophobic island it'd fix the transmisogyny because obviously it wouldn't #I'm just saying that it would make OP's Queer Liberation Message so much CLEARER #The amount of queerphobic OP fans is absolutely obscene and it's THEM who need it more than anyone else #Shit it took my queer ass like 15 years to actually get the message fully #Like I said. It's not good. It could be so much better. But IDK I think I just realized OP is weirdly more progressive than I thought?? #CW Discussions of transphobia #Sorry I just needed to get this out of my system

[golvio]

Every once in a while I remember the “hand clasp” shots in “Rose’s Scabbard,” both the setup with Pearl holding her own hand as she reminisces to herself, them the payoff when she clasps hands with the ghost-hologram of Rose, and I go absolutely feral.

#gif #steven universe #steven universe thoughts #this episode was where i started officially getting into SU instead of casually following it secondhand #and the beginning of pearl being one of my favorite characters of all time #when i first saw this in college I couldn’t stop thinking about these shots #it was the first time i could see myself being in love…how i would be in love if i loved somebody if that makes sense #because i am the most sentimental-ass motherfucker you will ever meet #but i never saw that reflected in a way i could recognize in circa 90s-2000s cishet depictions of romance #meanwhile this episode hit me like a mack truck #it was the first thing that helped me figure out i was queer #(the other thing was finding Jasper attractive lmaoooooooo)

[daddy-ul]

Me trying to triangulate distances, biking and public transportation to manage to see the 72 Seasons première in the nearest town.

#I WILL MANAGE. WATCH ME. #(d)jinn all'opera #no. my queer ass doesnt have a driver license. nope i also dont have friends with cars who would like to listen for 2h to tallica #this has never stopped me before but i was hoping that they would reach my town as they did with sm2 #thankfully there is a place where they have a screening at 7 pm so i should have no prob catching the train home. the only problem #is walking back at night alone in a city that i don't know much. but i could take my bike #anyway!!!!! PSYCHED!!! CANT WAIT! #72 seasons

[coloursofaparadox]

i ✨️cannot sleep✨️ and vaguing about shit on the internet feels more cathartic than writing it out somewhere else. suffer.

#im having. thoughts. on one hand. VERY badly want woods and chicken farm. #on the other hand. i do actually like friends? #and the likelihood of making friends as a queer person in a small town is uh. yknow. not as good. #but idk if its important enough to me to put my life on hold indefinitely to create more ties to an area that ill eventually have to leave #if i ever want a chance at supporting myself financially or buying a tiny lil starter house? #ideal situation is i start a gay commune with like minded friends. but uh. people have not been good to me #on the whole 'trust em with your plans' front #sigh. idk. id love to be able to afford a place thats still in the general area but that is never going to happen #unless i can spontaneously manifest /literally/ a million dollars #i am done with romantic relationships i think. if one happens at some point? cool. but i am not basing my life plans around it. #and will not sacrifice my own peace and wellbeing just for the sake of one #god. looking for queer friends who want to live on a farm with me platnically and we all have our own space but #also raise animals together and hang out sometimes. and dogs are a requirement. #i just! want! queer commune! where i can go back to my own little bubble and have my own space too! #aaaaahhhhh!!!! albertas real estate is starting to look real good right about now! #ugh. u g h. i fluctuate wildly between 'im very VERY content not speaking to a human for a week at a time' and 'platonic life partner. pls. #maybe i just....take a page out of 18 yr old me's ballsy ass handbook. and uproot my entire life to move somewhere completely new #where i know no one have no connections and in a completely different climate 😎 it worked out last time #i could so just fuck off somewhere. oh my god it is so tempting.

[strohller27]

.

#i need to be honest with myself too #it is damn scary leaving the security of my job and the house I’m in right now to try to make it living in Canada #but I have all of the credits I need for my master’s degree #so not only do I feel like I’ve worn out my welcome in the linguistics department here #I’ve started feeling kind of isolated from literally everything #i don’t know who to turn to for help because everybody’s already so busy #i don’t know what to do while I’m waiting around to apply to study at McGill university #i want to write an article and get it published because maybe that will set me apart from all the other people who are going to apply #but I don’t know what to write about. i don’t feel like anyone gives a flying fuck about Canadian dialects of English except me #what could I say about them that would get people to care?? #i want to talk about the construction of Canadian national identity; about Canadian Multiculturism and how it’s still quite hegemonic #why is so much of a national identity tied up to place? is that really what gives a group its identity? #I feel like places help to anchor shared experiences across time but do they really give a group their identity? #but why is that important? i don’t know!? why do I have to justify my entire existence?? #if I want funding for my research I have to prove to someone that what I have to say matters. what if it’s not that deep? #what if doing this research helps me to follow a dream I have? a dream that the american dream could never promise me? #what if I dream of living in a place where I don’t have to worry about giant medical bills? #what if I dream of living in a place where I don’t have to drive for 40 minutes to get to an ice rink? #what if I dream of being able to go to the beach and eat seafood that doesn’t cost 10000 dollars?? #what if I want to listen to bagpipes without being reminded of the redneck-ass piper who threatened to kill me because I’m queer? #or the old guys in the pipe band who basically sexually assaulted me? #what if I want to live in a place where I have room to spread out and not in someone’s storage room?? #what if I’m tired of being stuck in the same ‘safe’ place for as long as I have been?? ​what if I want my life to begin already????? #why should I have to justify that? just please let me out of here. let me see the world. let me live. #let me move on

[linddzz]

I have a topic I've been told could easily be a Masters thesis or even a good phd project but I probably do not have the current time/resources to pursue it to the degree it would need and iM

#yelling #if i was able to do better in academia in some other world id be getting a post doc #but also if i hadnt gone into aquarium work instead of further education i wouldn't have gotten into corals and their husbandry/diagnostics #but because i dont have more than an undergrad i dont have the knowledge background to really know. what to do or even the language #also the places i could go that WOULD be able to give me the resources are all in Florida #which i. am not moving to florida with my queer ass marriage and putting my trans husband in that stress/danger!!! #also its hot!!!! i dont like hot! #there isnt a solution here im just gesturing in some frustration #I ALSO HAVE NO DAMN IDEA UH. HOW ONE JUST. WRITES A MASTERS THESIS IF ONE IS NOT IN A MASTERS SCHOOL PROGRAM???????? #i never looked into getting a masters because im bad at academics! bc adhd!!!

[giuggiulu]

Anyway next time y'all want to make fun of lesbians for how fast they move in a relationship take a sec to think about former-lesbians-maybe-they-were-bi-all-along and their wet rat boyfriends

#we've been together for: less than two months #tonight he is: moving into my apartment #we started talking about this within a week of getting together #am i kind of freaking out? maybe #is this gonna end horribly? it's a possibility #am I so extremely tired of over rationalizing everything and never letting myself just go with how i feel? god i am. #I'm SO tired of doing things logically #also he was basically at this house 24/7 months before we even got together it's not like it's gonna be this big change #AND we could use one more person to split rent and bills with #see now I'm over rationalizing this other side of things #anyway point is!! welcome new Giulia that lets herself feel emotions fully and makes choices with their heart #and has never been happier in her life! #i did just have an incredibly shitty 7 to 10 days actually but it was family+university+covid related lmao #and even counting that this past two months have still been the happiest of my life that i can remember #a toast to making dumb life decisions and somehow still ending up where I've always hoped I would! #except the whole. he's a man thing #that i was not hoping nor expecting #10 years being absolutely 100% sure I'm a whole ass lesbian #(just in case someone is actually reading i don't know if i think that bisexual is actually the right term for me #I've been going by queer for like 5 years now I'll still stick to that thank u bye) #shut up Giulia

[mxbungle]

fuck. just heard my next door neighbor OD’d the other day.

#this has me so fucked up #haven’t cried like this since my grandfather died last year #i didn’t even know this guy all that well #he was gay. only in his 40s. he’d invite over to smoke weed and chat for a few minutes but that was it. #he was the only other queer person i knew irl and he immediately recognized i was too. didn’t even have to tell him #he was a good guy. always told me if i needed anything at all to let him know. but he was the one who needed help all along #probably naive to think my 21 yr old ass could have prevented it but then again i’ll never know #deleting later sorry just have to get this out somehow

[yuichi-ro]

i knowww, i wanted to see california, but we have family there so it cut a loooot of costs, it was on 2015 so thats a long time ago, it was the trip to Disney, or a quinceañera party, and i hate those parties, i dont see the point of throwing a very expensive party for people who you havent seen in YEARS or the assholes in school, plus i hate being the center of so much attention

actually i am really bad at games that arent genshin, osu, or the sims, i have terrible luck at the gacha system and i cant remember the last time i touched a game console, everything i know about games is through seeing playthroughs/streams

im not even gonna watch the jjk movie, to be honest i read the volume 0 just to have the context of yuuta and getou pre forehead scar, if i have to see/hear gojos annoying ass one more time ill go berserk

i've never doubted about me liking girls, idk i've always thought that girl is so pretty and took it at face value, later in adolescence realized that not everyone looked at girls and thought about how pretty and captivating they are, then i entered a phase where i had a huge ick for boys, not even anime ones i could look at, around that time i was starstruck with fmab's lust and riza

never got the allure of disney. Never really wanted to go even once or see it or anything like that. See and that's the one thing I'm gonna make sure I do as a mom if my son doesn't want to see the weird asshole part of the family then fuck it we don't either why waste time with family members you see once every five years just to save face like what is the point no one likes it 😩

you're one up on me bc the idea of watching someone enrages my impatient Aires side sooo much. Like I can't sit there and watch someone do anything. I have to be doing it myself. Gaming videos, cooking videos, DIY videos, can't do it. Attention spans snaps in half like my weak will. But I can watch hair cutting and coloring videos. I do sit well for them but videogames are a no go I die a little every time when my brother wants to show me something on in his games 😂

see that's me. Everyone was ranting and raving about it and I'm like....vol 0 is ok? I didn't hate reading it but it wasn't ground breaking? Getou's hot but like I'm sorry there's better fights. Mahito vs Nanami? That's a good fight. But I'm not realizing maybe I just tolerate Mahito more than anyone else 🤔

team Riza now that's a perfect woman <3 Probably should have known I was gay when I watched FMA and didn't hate Winery but instead liked her way more than Ed. I never had a fun coming out moment bc I just thought everyone only loved/liked people bc they valued them as an individual and not bc of their junk in their trunks 😂

#my young gay surprise when i found out even THAT is a sexuality #really thought people all had emotional investment in people they cared about #BOY DID I FIND OUT THAT WAS WRONG #ok not so much hook up culture bc like i knew you could have casual sex if you wanted #but finding out that some people would turn away their husband or wife bc they weren't the gender they were #that is weird to me #though to be fair im not attracted to a lot of people and im real picky #never had a coming out moment just brought rae home repeatedly until we were dating and no one cared v.v #my 90 something yr old great grandma didn't even care #though....we do have a handful of very forward gay family members.... #so thats probably why i never thought it was weird or anything XD #woot to the old gay aunts who made kick ass baked goods and wore their rings in weird queer ways in the 1900s #🍋.♡ #three.talks

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

realized ricky is not only canonically polyam, but rep for polyam survivors who are abused for being poly, and i am having a lot of feelings about that which i plan to write up a post about but also wow in hindsight it put some shit from an abusive ex-friend into perspective.

#whosebaby talks #SDMItag #abuse cw #polyphobia cw #there is just. still a lot that i am unpacking about how deeply abusive her muses were in ~healthy relationships~ with mine #which was really fucked up to put me through by itself but was also *deeply* telling about our friendship in general #a major aspect being how she constantly went back and forth between being very clear that she was repulsed and disgusted by my queerness #and pretending she never said that; while playing olympic-level gymnastics for any possible bullshit alternate explanation she could find #and i'm just like. in hindsight it has become deeply cathartic to write/engage with stories where the polyphobic abuser #is openly and intentionally and maliciously abusive; and framed as such #after the relentless gaslighting and queerphobia of ~healthy OTP relationship~ where a poly muse i had put a lot of myself into #brought up the subject of whether his partner would be alright with him pursuing a relationship over feelings he was Just Starting to Have #and wanted to get ahead of things and ask the moment it became relevant; specifically because he knew the partner had jealousy issues #and the poly person Absolutely Fucking Daring to Have Even the Beginnings of a Crush at All Without His Permission #sent the partner into a massive wailing nauseous spiraling self-harming world-ending inconsolable breakdown #and going practically catatonic with jealousy and ~pain and betrayal~ #and the ~healthy resolution~ was the poly muse apologizing profusely for it; comforting him; and promising it would never ever happen again #'he has BPD and jealousy issues and it hurts him sooooo so bad 🥺' i hope otto cheats on him with ten people and then dumps his ass #BPD doesn't make you abusive or polyphobic even if you're mono #and it's so fucking gross that her non-BPD-having ass used pwBPD as an excuse for passionately hating poly people #but yeah there was just. so so much more horrible shit along those lines just In General with those characters alone #and it was constantly dressed up in a veneer of ~healthy relationships uwu~ and in hindsight that's another reason #i have such an extremely strong reaction to 'no see this dynamic is good and home-grown organic wholesome and healthy uwu' #'[most abusive/bigoted/etc shit you have ever seen in your life]' #and why it is honestly such a fucking relief to be able to engage with a dynamic where the abuse is mask-off and openly Intended to Harm #just call me a slur and get it over with etc #anyway it's just. a Lot. #that person was a fucking nightmare and writing with them was a fucking nightmare #last i heard they were part of that fandom's resident anti crowd and mocking/harassing disabled people for dietary limitations lol #and i'm glad they're out of my life and that apparently i've got enough distance from them to be comfortable processing it through fiction

[m0thkiller]

i saw a cute video of a child having fun and just started crying for no reason. Im sure this isnt a sign of something.

#ive always been weirdly uncomfortable about kids for reasons i could never entirely pinpoint #always chalked it up to the fact that im queer and if one got within fifty meters of me id be shot dead #but now i think it might just be cuz im miserable #my childhood memories consist of losing three houses #getting my ass beat by the neighbors #being made fun of in school #and coming home to parents fighting #cw ////

[snekdood]

why does it feel like...

ppl: believe victims!!

me: im a victim

ppl: actually u should be able to forgive and understand ur abuser and stop blaming them for being shitty bc they had a sad upbringing, actually, did u know,

as well as

ppl: yeah, fuck snake

someone else: yknow hes accused of being abusive too

ppl: omg yeah its probably 100% true and im not gonna question it further bc I hate him so much and i'm gonna act like its fine he was abused and my hatred and possible attempts to sabotage him is always justified in spite of doing abuser apologia earlier against him

#hmm... kinda seeing a pattern... #smells like to me that... you just wanna make excuses for my abuser #and hate me for making you ever have to consider the idea they're abusive #bc things were so much easier for you when you consumed their content without having to think about it #nostalgia makes a bitch defensive i see i see #when its some shitty comedian guy you dont feel attachment to its whatever. but oh no this person is queer and you like them!!1 #how could anybody that YOU like be problematic?? its only the ppl you dont care as much about that are :/ #not defending the comedians just showing you how you're being a selective ass hypocrite #at this point this applies to at least 2 abusers of mine. #wait no. make that three. im horrible and irredeemable for the crime of. calling someone out on their behavior. #they're all forgivable and their actions can be excused because... you dont want to believe me? #or you for some reason decided it didn't effect me that badly bc you hate me? #fuck off #just be honest. you don't believe me and even if you did you dont care what happens to me bc i dared call out your fave #thats really it. #you dont *like* thinking about the morality of it all. you for some reason thought it would be safe amongst queer ppl #i hate to tell you but theres shitty abusive people everywhere. unfortunately you wont be able to escape them just bc you hide in queer #spaces. trust me! i learned that the hard traumatizing way! #so no you do actually have to think about it still. never are you gonna find a space where you can toss away critical thinking. #i've always been paranoid about being raped and always hid inside bc of it. one of the first times i come out of my shell i do it bc i thin #i might actually be able to trust ppl since they weren't like the other ppl who abused me. low and behold #for one my abuser is just like the other ppl who abused me and just hid it #two i did totally get sexually abused! and whether you wanna acknowledge that or not based on how inconvenient you find that truth #doesnt stop it from being true mother fucker.