Distance
He had been standing at the window for some time, hands clasped behind his back, lost in thought as he stared down at the Earth. It felt wrong to be looking down. There was too much distance between Heaven and Earth, and it was truly unnecessary.
Why did Heaven have so many windows when no one bothered to look out from them? The Earth remained largely ignored, the cries of pain and suffering were unheard and therefore unacknowledged. Heaven was supposed to care, yet the angels around him were apathetic to the ongoing struggles that continued to plague humanity.
And he knew, after sitting through countless meetings with several other high-ranking angels, that they seemed encouraged by the destruction the humans were leading themselves towards.
It wasn't Hell's doing. He knew as much from all the times he'd listened to Crowley complain about the humans managing to come up with evils far worse than anything anyone in Hell could come up with. Crowley was far more creative than all the angels in Heaven and all the demons in Hell, yet he still couldn't outdo humanity.
He'd seen humans use their creativity for good. Their ingenuity allowed them to find cures for plagues that once wiped-out entire populations and invent things to help them adapt to an ever-changing environment.
He'd seen humans use their creativity for terrible things, and World War II would always stand out to him. He remembered the first time a man-made weapon capable of such utter annihilation was used against an enemy. The horror he'd felt and the look of devastation and anger that had been clear as day on Crowley's face.
And in that time, the humans had only worked to build stronger, more devastating weapons without caring about the fallout and the damage it would do not only to other humans and all other living creatures, but the Earth itself.
All the while, Heaven remained impassive. Heaven looked forward to the destruction of all life on Earth, and it made Aziraphale sick to his stomach.
He finally turned away from the window and looked around the too bright, too empty, too quiet corridor.
He had put his plan into motion when he'd walked into Heaven with the Metatron, but he knew it would take time. He was tired in a way he'd never felt before.
He found himself standing in front of the globe of the Earth as it spun, and he wondered how Crowley was doing. He missed the demon terribly, and often thought about returning to find him. Walking away from Heaven sounded wonderful, but he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he didn't at least try to make things better. He wouldn't be free if he left, and odds are he would be punished and destroyed if he tried.
The Earth continued to spin, and he allowed his hand to hover over it. Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath and simply waited to feel.
The love was there, and it was strong. It was everywhere, but it was intermingled with fear and anger and hatred and pain and suffering and loss. All of it woven together so tightly. And even in the midst of all that pain, he could still feel the hope and empathy and the acts of bravery and those who used their last breath to fight for love and peace. Despite the imbalance of power, humanity still chose to fight for itself no matter how bad things got or how hopeless it all seemed.
And it was too much. When he exhaled, he realized he'd been holding his breath and he shuddered, opening his eyes and taking a step back as he tried to regain control of his rapidly beating heart, wiping at the tears that he hadn't realized he'd been crying.
Humanity no longer had a need for gods or angels or demons. They'd become all of those things on their own. Humanity could be a formidable opponent against the likes of Heaven and Hell.
He took a moment to pull himself together, and he found himself thinking of Crowley once more. He replayed their last conversation in his head over and over again. It hurt every single time.
Aziraphale needed to fix a lot of things. He just hoped that Crowley would allow him to repair what had been broken when they had gone their separate ways.
One thing at a time though. He had to remind himself to be patient. There were bigger issues to deal with, and he was going to deal with them one way or another.
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{ A bit about how, and why, Grim is on the source. This is important to understand Grim's character arc, but if you play an Elidibus who doesn't jive with this headcanon, I'm always open to figuring out something that works better. For reference, Elidibus has been visiting Grim's dreams for some time now...
TW: Mention of death, toxic friendship
Tagging @seatedsacrifice and @grumpyascianteddybear for donating their Elidibuddies to the cause! }
"I'm done." Grim sat, shaking, staring at the screen. "I am done. That's it. I'm done." He stood, earbuds ripped out as the urge to move shivered through him. Everything had gone wrong these past few weeks. From his best friend succumbing to her illness - and that call had hurt - to their supposed friends beginning to claim it was fake, for attention, even that she’d been a sockpuppet account of his.
"I-- I, I, I can't, you, how fucking dare you--" His last bit of comfort, toxic as it was, had finally crumbled in his hands. He couldn't hold on any longer, not to them. Gods, he should have left months ago.
"Fuck you! Gods dammit, how could you!" Hands clenched painfully into fists, curling into the loose sleeves of his hoodie. Trembling steps brought him back to the desk, shaking harder while slinking under it. Soon his back was pressed hard against the familiar wall, hood pulled over his head as he tried to breathe. He let himself scream in his head, hunching over as fury and grief broke through his composure.
An inch of calm over a volcano of angry, he remembered. That's all it had ever been. And yet, even through the tense, shaking rage, he could feel sleep beginning to claim him. That didn't normally happen. Usually letting himself feel anger kept him awake for days, only short naps keeping him moving until he could calm. Someone heard me, then. He didn't fight it, slumping to the floor and letting hot, angry tears lull him to sleep.
"I heard your scream from the fucking moon, Grim." Elidibus' hand rested against his back, coaxing him from the creaking, unsteady building around them. The other covered his ear, trying to convince it to stop ringing. "You are hurt."
"I'm pissed the fucking hells off, is what I am!" Grim continued to clutch at his sleeves even in the dream, stumbling as he let the Ascian direct them. The rot hadn't yet seeped out into the garden, and it was there they found a table already set for tea. "Those fucking bastards, they-- it's so stupid, I can't believe they would--" His voice caught in his chest as he sank into one of the seats, pushing the place setting aside so his head could rest on it.
Elidibus watched him, face impassive for a moment, before he carefully set aside his mask, and picked up the teapot to pour. "So, the very events you've been concerned over have come to pass."
"I wish it was just 'oh, turns out they really didn't like me, I wasn't just dealing with imposter syndrome and low self-confidence’.” His voice took on an acidic sing-song tone as he mocked his prior concerns. “No, no, couldn't be that fuckin simple. It's..." Grim shook his head abruptly. "It's all so painfully fucking stupid. All of it. I should have left months ago."
The Ascian smiled wanly, gently pressing one of the teacups into Grim's hand until he gave up and took it. "It is causing you great distress. That is not at all stupid."
"... Thanks." Grim all but spat the word out, not because he wasn't grateful, but because self-deprecation wanted to follow after it, and he knew that would... Distress Elidibus. The fact still gave him pause every so often, realizing Elidibus seemed genuinely concerned. He stuttered, trying to coax the words of what happened out.
Elidibus raised a hand to forestall the attempt. “You need not tell me aught but this: who caused this heartache?”
Grim took a deep breath, finally sitting up, if only to peer into the cup in his hands. He was more than half-convinced this was real, by now. He should really talk to a doctor about it. Did he want to take the risk that it was real? Could he stomach handing over these people, even with the disgusting things they were saying? He tried to think past the anger, but past the anger was only grief and an overwhelming exhaustion. “... I just... I just want to go home.” Even knowing he was home, they both knew what he meant.
The Ascian shifted slightly, pressing the cup upwards until Grim lifted it to his lips, sipping listlessly. “And home, we will go.” The promise fell from Elidibus’ lips easily. “You could even forget them, never have to think of them again.”
Grim closed his eyes. “I was going to do that anyways.” He said softly, but slowly he opened his eyes again and held his hand out to Elidibus, palm up. “If you’re going to, to take the memories anyways. Then I can just show you, yeah?”
“Yes.” Elidibus took his hand, lacing their fingers together as, at last, he gained access to the hidden depths of memory and unyielding rage that Grim had hidden away behind layers upon layers of misdirection, false smiles, and icy politeness. “You will forget, and we will remember. And soon, you will come home.”
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"My biggest regret is not being able to do everything with them."
(@reindeer-dad)
Asgore cupped the side of Rudy's cheek. How long had it been since he'd seen Rudolph say something like that? And he'd almost never seen him so... downcast.
"Rudy," His eyes were filled with intent, and seriousness, but did not lack his warmth. "You have done all you could do. I... I know just how you feel. But you've shown them, given them, taught them, loved them.
And every ounce of love you've shown, and all the love you have left to give, they'll see that, and they'll pass down that love to their own, too. You don't have to worry about a thing.
I promise."
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