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tomriddles-wh0re · 2 years

Text

‘Letting Go’ // r.a.b

pairing : regulus black x female!reader(she/they pronouns)

summary : one night you’re awoken to the wards shifting, thinking there’s an intruder in your flat only to find Regulus Black, your longtime bestfriend a mess on your couch.

tw : a few curse words (ex. “fuck” or “shit”), and brief mention of death/murder once(not graphic).

a/n : ahhh am I back? not sure yet honestly. Here’s a Regulus one shot that’s been in my drafts, honestly I’m not completely satisfied with this so apologies(also it’s around midnight so I’m sure there are plenty of spelling errors but ignore those por favor)

“maybe if i’d forced him to stay…this all wouldn’t have happened”

A single shift snuck up behind them, slowly invading the senses as wards began to shift, followed by the distinct roar of the floo network interrupted her sleep.

Reaching under the pillows to grasp the familiar piece of wood, the magic let a pull as it pulses through their veins. who else is in the flat. their roommate was still in London for the holidays; due next Sunday. Tipping out of bed the quietest she could before casting a quick lumos to light up the dark room. how tf did they get it…fear resided in her as she crept up to the door, silently pulling it open. Breathe steadily increasing only to be met with the bare hallway, silence rang through the house. Unnervingly so, they had felt the shift and there was no doubt someone else in this house. Bristles of the leaves scrapping against the window, a single breeze was heard coming from an open window. one that’s wasnt open when they went to bed, one that’s wasn’t open when they went to bed.

Quietly sneaking towards the living room, setting out the light with a small murmur. oh shit, oh shit. All that could be seen from the hall was the light of a newly lit fire, whoever it was had certainly made themselves at home. Along with illuminated candles, those were the only indications of another person being here inside the apartment. Hoping the wooded floorboards wouldn’t squeak, they inched the last few steps toward the doorway. Attempting to still their body while looking in, spotting a figure on the couch hunched over holding their head in their palms. the figure looked oddly familiar; with pale skin, sleaked dark black hair, and a recognizable set of robes.

“Regulus?”

Rushing over towards him, the closer they got the more it the realization hit of how odd his visit was. He looked up hesitantly, his eyes were sunken and held a red hue from crying. His robes were obnoxiously unbuttoned at the top, tie hung loose around his shoulders, hair spewn in every direction, arms shaking lightly and eyes clouded over. Lost in another world of his own, even as those glazed over eyes stared back hardly focused.

The only indication he heard them was the light nod he gave before slouching his body back into the cushion. Entirely lifeless besides the small jitters of his figure, and the sharp intakes. Moving to take a seat beside the boy without speaking a word as they stared off into the fireplace. Burning holes into the embers, oh fuck what did you get yourself into this time reggie. How bad had it been to sneak into my house in the death of night, let alone mess with the wards. I know he must’ve tried to soothe or silence his entry, he hadn’t been good at charms for nothing. They tried not to acknowledge another as they both sat, attempting a silent conversations that failed long before Regulus broke. I should have been worried, he had always managed to save his sorry ass in the nick of time. but now, the boy sat a shell of his once composed self. seconds had turned to long drawn out minutes. Had it been 20? or 30? minutes that would pass that night before either spoke again. it was Black’s turn to break the void.

“I'm so tired of it all” he pursed his lips. Three simple words were spoken,

“talk to me” passed through my lips unceremoniously, itching to know what happened.

“I think- no, I know..” he looked around the room, glancing around to find something to stare at. anything to not to meet their prying eyes.

“I’m wrong, about it all.” he said softly, “About it all, the whole Sirius thing and all of it….” I’d only realized Black actually admitted it.

course, as if I hadn’t said the same thing millions of times.

“and I really know I messed it up, with him and everyone. and you, I cant act like I haven’t been a complete dunce-” “obviously” and the boy looked over, leaning in to elbow me.

“I’m seriously trying to say something” his grays eyes finally turned towards me, taking in the way the flames dances along his face. dragging out every new cut and each arch of an eyebrow in the shadows.

“Yes. Yes I’m a dunce- but I was wrong, and now I know something I shouldn’t” voice growing serious, hands waving with his speech.

“and with the dark lord..” he looked down nearly biting his tongue and only with my nod he kept going.

“At first I joined out of obligation…”

“Ever since he been in power, it’s all I’ve known”

“maybe, I don’t want to admit this but what if there was some sick twisted part of me that wanted to prove myself.” taking a deep breath. An becoming quite all of a sudden, almost at an inner turmoil choosing his next words. “I wanted so, so badly to be that ‘noble’ Black heir mother wanted Sirius to be. I thought maybe her turning on him now would let me prove myself. I was stuck in the shadows for so long. And I couldn’t clean the mess he made,” pupils wide, frantically rushing out the words “but what if there was a time I wanted to spite him. Prove for once that I’m not some younger brother, dead spare. what if for once I could make my own choices..” breaking off as his voice had cracked.

Regulus was shattering before my eyes,

Not long had his voice cracked did wet tears begin to fall, drooping out of his round eyes. Desperately streaking down his cheeks, rushing out as sobs tore from the back of his throat.

“You know whats even sicker of it all, that time back in the summer before fourth year he knew I wasn’t going to leave. I was set on staying and no matter how badly we ignored each other at home and at Hogwarts, when he left he still offered to let me go. He wanted to save me from that awful household. I didn’t even say anything, I just gave him this pathetic smile like I kicked a puppy. and he left.”

Another round of tears fell as he collapsed falling forward, only to be met by my cradling arms. Softly running my fingers through his hair as I his cries echoed through the room “it’s alright. let it out.”

“I know you think you’ve messed this all up, but you don’t have to be a hero to save it all. You have every right to feel this way, and you’ve only got to heal from here. We can figure this all out in the morning for now, it’s okay to cry Reggie. I know Sirius will understand. We can deal with the him later."

“i’ll be here until you’re okay, c’mon i’ve got you”

It's so dark outside that night, as he curled into my chest. Anxiety slowly leaving his body as the wet tear stains began to dry as the time drifted away. Breath evening, as his once tense body layed soundly before his eyelids began to droop.

maybe a minute passed before he mumbled a last confession “I don’t want to kill anymore.”

Knowing he must’ve been well asleep, i still whispered back “no more life’s reg I promise you”

tossing, turning as you slept.

Little could be done after that night. The time with Regulus had been few, as the months slowly ticked away. Wishing for more time with him was never an option…those moments during the war were exactly what they were. stolen.

I hadn’t expected much, but one day we have been wrapped together in a warm embrace cuddling under the blankets. The next he was gone, too soon. I knew his choice was made but I tried to make him stay, begging and tears wouldn’t have stopped him. None of it had. He had left the second my eyelids grew too heavy, shutting in the late hours of the night.

Maybe if I had screamed at him to stay, it would have changed his mind. but I knew it wouldn’t. I should be mad, angry that he left me to get murdered. But I knew why he had done it, and admittedly I knew he’d succeeded. I still missed him in the morning, it hurt to much to even fathom my r.a.b was gone.

And sometimes I can not power through, I needed some help from you. When I couldn’t, I found someone else coming into my life at just the right time. Little did we -or anyone else- know those barren days full of gray would turn to days filled with blue jumper crawling down the hall.

(13 years later)

Sinking down into the soft mattress, my mind was muddled full of thoughts of worry.

Spurred on since this morning, an owl was had been circling around the house to deliver a letter specifically for me. Addressed from Remus Lupin, was a long message to convince and side that Sirius was indeed innocent. like i hadn’t known, what a shocker. After 12 long years in Azkaban he was coming home, or at least he would be headed back to Grimmauld place soon. The gryffindor left a little note on the corner of the paper asking me to ‘talk with him about regulus and the kids, he needs to know’. How was I suppose to? I can’t ask him to just forgive his brother after all he’s had to endure in the past decade. How would I even introduce the boys? Without a doubt, he was trying to help fix the last of remnants of the Blacks, looking out for his friend and I could only admit to myself that I wanted him in their life.

Tucked under his signature was a specific time and date, no doubt when Black would be over.

It was around half past 2 am, when I shifted awake on the coach. Atleast that’s what I made out to be from the hanging clock that had been installed, and it seemed about on time from the letter. As a wave of magic engulfed the walls, the house started to respond by awakening, magic weaving through the air, twisting as the wards shifted. Working to open itself up to another heir, though nothing physically changed but the house felt renewed in a way I couldn’t do. Neither could the twins, as the house was back in the rightful hands of the closest heir.

I knew he was back but as I approached the foyer, finding a ghostly image of the man I once went to school with. Sirius Black in the flesh. Looking up from hanging up the remnants of his coat, he gave me was he could muster for a smile. One that had been through hell, strained but as genuine as he could. The man who was on the daily prophet for ‘aiding to kill the Potters’ was standing a few yards in front of me. Even though he was newly innocent, it was strange seeing the pale man who looked frail. Time had worn him through to the point his skin was sunken and dull. “The time away” had done a number on his soul.

“Long time no see, Burkely” he flashed a grin and threw a wink over to me.

“Hello Sirius”

Awkwardly standing apart, almost unsure of what to say, and even then I pulled him into my arms. When he stilled at the contact, it broke something in me. I wondered how much Azkaban had done to him, to the old Sirius I knew. The one I had spoken to on a few occasion, at formal events when we were kids or sometimes when we were paired together in class. Or the times he would check up on his brother through me, he just knew we were good friends.

“Come on, lets get some food in you. Hopefully Kreature is still asleep so we don't have to put up with his attitude” I smiled up to the older man. Staring for a second too long I saw the same gray eyes Reggie had, dulled but not gone. Trying to turn around as fast as they could, he replied with a small ‘hmm’ trialing behind me peering around the house.

Taking a seat down at the table, waiting as the kettle began to boil on the stove. Going over to grab some crackers from the cupboard, I offered them to him “you must be tired and hungry.”

“definitely”

Opening the fridge before grabbing the tray of leftover casserole from last night, before casting a spell to heat it up entirely. Grabbing some silverware to place it at his table area. I turned back to the kettle waiting for it to heat up, taking the tea bags out and moving to stir in honey lightly. I kept looking away from him, what could’ve been said to lessen how awkward this all was. “You’ve really changed after all this time” Siri said, snorting “no I mean you act so grown up and its quite scary not seeing you and-” instantly getting chocked up. “my brother being as thick as thieves” immediately steeling my hands onto the counter to try stay calm. Turning around to hide my face “yeah time really changes people.”

silence; as he dug into his food while I got the tea together. Hoping that my mediocre cooking skills helped make up for the lack of home cooked meals he had in the last decade. Only so much could be said at the table, both ran from many topics. reggie, azkaban, and anything to do with the war. And the lack of words was oddly comforting, it was confusing but he was the calmer than he had been in a long time. Especially since he felt comforted in his family home, it was a new surprise to him.

“Well talk more about it all and some things you need to know later today, get some rest. Your room has been made up, I will be staying in his room” she said. Making sure to bid him goodnight, and tell him where all his new clothes and items would be.

That night as she curled into those familiar ivory sheets, she cried. Loud painstaking sobs racked through her body, wishing to Regulus if he could hear her she hoped he knew that she missed him and loved him. How could she move on when everyday life would remind them of him? “I don’t know how long you’ll be my world, I can’t go far without you. I miss you so much reg”

How was she supposed to admit everything to Sirius..? they would figure it out. Tell Sirius in the morning, all of it. That’s what Regulus would’ve wanted. Explain his death, what he died for, his want for them to be on better terms, how he loved his brother, how he wanted to apologize to him, and how they’d support him in any efforts during the second war, it would only be right.

They would tell Sirius everything in the morning.

____

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a/n : comments and criticism help!! I’m trying to improve as a writer and I just feel like this is below par yk? or atleast it could’ve been better and I want to know ways I can improve :)

#regulus black x reader #regulus black one shot #regulus black x you #regulus black needs a hug #regulus black angst #regulus black fluff #i mean i am back kinda #kinda inspired by the song talk to me by cavetown but also not rlly?#also it’s 12:38 am on christmas and i’m posting this 💪💪#WHY DDI I POST AT THE WORST TIME #regulus black

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