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favoniuscodex · 3 years

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voice lines!!!

ok !!! here are nell’s voice lines (a lot are utc bc this got long)

▶ Hello - Pleasure to meet you! I’m Nell and I’m a reporter for the Teyvat Times. I heard you have a story for me? Are you willing to share? C’mon, please?

▶ Chat: Sidekick - Want to join me? I’ve always wanted a little sidekick on my adventures! All the cool heroes and stuff always have one! Granted, I don’t really have a secret identity that requires one...

▶ Chat: Truth - The world will reveal its secrets to those who are willing to find them. As for everyone else, well… they’ll just read the newest expose I post in the Teyvat Times!

▶ Chat: Leads - We can’t sniff out a new lead and answers if we’re just standing around. Just… give me a second to fix my Kamera.

▶ When It Rains - Rain or shine, the news must carry on! Just… Can you hold the umbrella while I take pictures? If the lens gets wet, it blurs the photographs.

▶ When Thunder Strikes - Haha, spooky! Hopefully we don’t get electrocuted… that would be rather inconvenient.

▶ When It Snows - It doesn’t often snow back in Fontaine, but I always enjoyed when the rivers would freeze over as a kid. I just wonder what happens to the fish. Do they freeze too?

▶ When the Sun Is Out - Beautiful weather makes the job easier! I’m usually stuck inside interviewing people all day, so I’ll gladly take this moment to soak up some sun… maybe even close my eyes for a few minutes… sit under a tree… sleep… *yawn* Oh? Was I dozing off? I can’t doze off now! There’s a festival today downtown. I should report on that instead!

▶ Good Morning - Rise and shine, darling! Evil lurks in the night and while you and I might not vanquish it, we can at least report on the aftermath! Oh..? I’m a bit too eager to find out what atrocities happened in the night..? Hm. Maybe...

▶ Good Night - Night time already? If you really insist, I suppose I can wind down. But, uh, wake me up if you hear any weird noises! If it’s any bugs though, you’re on your own.

▶ About Nell: Persistence - Growing up, my mother always told me that persistence is key to achieving your dreams! Therefore, if someone says “no” to an interview, you can ask them approximately 11.852 more times on average before they start threatening you with a restraining order! Never give up… except when the law requires it!

▶ About Nell: Reporting - Some say reporters are opportunistic fiends who only seek to further their own careers and line their pockets with Mora. Me? Do I lie? Well… my name isn’t actually Nell, it’s Eleonora… so I guess I lie sometimes, but I promise to only tell the truth and help others in my reporting! I swear!

▶ About Us: Interview - Wow, you can fight really well! Wait… you’re the Outlander? The one who defeated Tartaglia? The one who stopped Stormterror? The one who helped the Qixing fight against Osial? Oh my archons, Nell, contain your excitement! Sorry, sorry, I was getting carried away… could I interview you? Pretty please?

▶ About Us: Compatibility - Ah, you’re so cool, Traveler! With you, drama always seems to follow. I think that makes us a great pair! So, what do you want me to report on next..? Your missing sibling..? Oh. Of course! Who doesn’t love a good reunion story? I’ll gladly help!

▶ About the Vision - I bet you probably weren’t expecting me to have a Vision! Well… neither was I. A lot of people tend to have powerful reasons as to why they have their Visions and why they use them but I kinda just found mine in the way I find any other new story… by accident. Nonetheless, a great reporter uses every tool at their disposal and if a Vision was granted to me, then I’ll be sure to wield it with pride!

▶ Something to Share: Lineage - My family name is not one of great prestige, nor are my family members anything worth writing home about. I believe that the life of someone should not be dictated by who they are related to, but rather how they choose to make a name for themselves. People who hide behind the prestige of their names are often cowards and yet they often have the best sources for my news. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

▶ Something to Share: Fontaine - Want to know a secret? Don’t tell anyone this, okay? I’m not a very strong swimmer. I’m kind of scared of water, despite my Vision!

▶ Interesting Things - I break my Kamera a lot, but mechanics are expensive. If you ever break yours, I can probably fix it for you! You won’t have to pay me for anything. Just... please don’t charge me if I accidentally break it even further, haha.

▶ About Albedo - Albedo? Haha… He’s rather cute. Plus, he always listens when I talk to him! ... I think. I can never tell if I’m actually holding his attention or not… But, he thinks reporters are dumb, therefore he is dumb. I don’t care how many alchemic achievements he finds. Someone who cannot understand how important news is is someone that I cannot respect.

▶ About Amber - Outrider Amber is lovely! She’s one of the few people in the town who actually listens to all I have to say. It’s amazing, really. Everyone loves her, even standoffish Eula! If you ever need help from the Knights, Amber is probably your best bet!

▶ About Rosaria - Y’know, at first, I wasn’t quite sure if Sister Rosaria liked me. Now? … Well, I’m still not very certain. I’m nervous to talk about her. She seems like the type to have a weird sixth sense for this type of thing. She does save me when I get into trouble, though! For a while I thought she was the Darknight Hero, but I realized that Rosaria is… Ah, forget it! Let’s just say I owe her one.

▶ About Diluc: Darknight Hero - The Darknight Hero is one of the most interesting stories I’ve covered in a long time! It’s taken me down a long path of getting to know people, especially Master Diluc of Dawn Winery. Kaeya was helpful enough to point him out as a potential source on the topic. No, Diluc isn’t the Darknight Hero, silly. He just knows a guy who knows a guy, that’s all.

▶ About Diluc: Comradery -At first, I could have sworn Diluc hated me! But apparently, he’s just like that with everyone. Now, I’d say we’re pretty good friends… I think? I’m never quite sure where I stand with him. He’s both open yet awkward around me at the same time… But, he ultimately has been helpful with some of my reporting. If it was up to me, I’d say we’re the best of friends! Please don’t tell him I said that though, he’d probably say I’ve had too much to drink and cut me off for the night.

▶ About Diluc: Love - Love? Why are you asking me about Diluc and love? Gods, both you and Kaeya are insufferable about this. Wait, what? You think Diluc has a crush on me? There’s no possible way a guy like him would give me a second glance! You and Kaeya are awful about this… stop teasing me. Diluc is the type to have whole newspapers dedicated to him and me..? Well, I’m just a reporter, that’s all. Oh? You’re asking if I like him? Well, um… that’s classified information!

▶ About Lisa - Lisa makes me wish I ran a gossip column instead! Conversation with her is never dull and somehow she knows everything about everyone. Afternoon tea consists of tea in more ways than one!

▶ About Jean - The Acting Grand Master of Mondstadt is far more gracious to me than most political figures are. However, I can’t help but feel as if I’m intruding whenever I speak to her. She’s sweet, but she just seems like she has a lot on her plate and even I don’t want to add any more to that.

▶ About Keqing - The Yuheng is a very respectable figure, but if she’s at any Qixing press conference, you’re almost guaranteed to get no exciting news. She brushes off any pressing questions by saying they’re “off topic” and “irrelevant”. It’s frustrating, especially when she uses it to evade the things that really matter!

▶ About Xiao - Hey! That’s that dude that lives in Wangshu Inn! Well, I suppose he’s not a dude but rather an immortal adeptus. He’s hellbent on avoiding me. He hates my guts. I just want to interview him about his thousands of years of life! It’ll only take a few days! Why does he keep teleporting away from me? Ugh. Immortals are so haughty.

▶ About Kaeya: Trust - Oh? Captain Kaeya? He’s rather funny and is my closest drinking buddy in Mondstadt. However, don’t try to get any info out of him. He’s full of shi- haha, pardon me, I mean… Um… Kaeya likes to lie. He won’t even tell me the truth in truth or dare! You picked truth, buddy, now fess up! Sorry… I like him, I swear I do! But I guess I shouldn’t expect the truth when I ask him why he has an eyepatch. After all, even I don’t have a wild enough imagination to truly believe he was raised by pirates… although I could cross-reference this with Beidou and see if she has any information...

▶ About Venti - The bard that’s always in Dil- Master Diluc’s tavern? He’s a bit strange and, while his songs are informative, music of that style is a bit noisy and overwhelming to me. However, I do find it incredibly interesting that he looks exactly like the Barbatos statue in front of the cathedral, yet nobody discusses it. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?

▶ About Nell: I - I’m a reporter first and human second! Or… am I a human first and reporter second? I can’t remember what the boss said sounded less creepy… Well, at least I know I’m a reporter and a human!

▶ About Nell: II - Freedom of the press ensures that people always have a voice. Being a reporter can be dangerous, especially if you’re assigned to tempestuous regions like Inazuma, but it’s a job I take pride in. Information must be spread to all so the public can make informed decisions.

▶ About Nell: III - Home? Home is wherever my job takes me! Sometimes its Mondstadt, sometimes its Liyue, sometimes its Snezhnaya… oh. Fontaine? Even though that’s where the Teyvat Times headquarters are and it’s where I grew up, I wouldn’t necessarily call it home. At one point, I would have, but… things change. If I have to settle down anywhere, I would choose the wintry tundra of Snezhnaya before I even think about living in Fontaine again.

▶ About Nell: IV - Growing up, everyone always said I was a free spirit. I’m kind of like the seelies you see around Mondstadt… Yes, I wander, but ultimately I always return to the same path. Am I guarding a treasure? Haha, maybe… if you consider knowledge to be a treasure, that is. Ah, this doesn’t make very much sense, does it? I’ve never been the type to be good at poetry. I’m better off sticking to just facts.

▶ About Nell: V - My end goal..? I’m not quite sure what it is yet. I prefer to live in the moment and inspire others to achieve their dreams. News stories might not always be happy, but interconnectedness with the world allows people to discover what their true calling is. The feeling of the Kamera and notepad in my hands are comfortable enough. If I can help others understand this hectic world, then that’s good enough for me! I’m having a blast doing it, too.

▶ Nell’s Hobbies - Oh, would you like to look at my favorite articles? I have a book filled with articles and photographs of my own creation, including my very first headline article! Isn’t that exciting? It wasn’t too long ago, yet somehow it feels like it's been decades since then.

▶ Nell’s Troubles - I ran out of film again. You wouldn’t happen to have any on you, would you? Otherwise, I’ll have to go see if the gift shop has any in stock...

▶ Favorite Food - I really like spinach salads! It makes me feel like I’m a wild animal foraging for a nice summery meal. What? That’s weird? Sometimes it’s fun to imagine things, no matter how absurd they are.

▶ Least Favorite Food - Soup! I want to eat my food, not drink my food. If I wanted to drink my calories, I would just chug beer all the time like those drunkards who live in the taverns!

#//mail #axia.ocs

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starryseo · 5 years

Text

phone number. | yang jeongin

pairing ↠ jeongin x gender neutral!reader

genre ↠ just a fluffy barista au!!

wc ↠ 3229

summary ↠ jeongin likes you a latte.

warnings ↠ just jeongin being cute and in loooove. its cringey.

a/n ↠ barista!jeongin bc who doesn’t love cafe aus?

cafe glow is well-known around these parts of town bc it has such!! great!! food and drinks!

it has a real homely feel so a lot of student from the nearby schools/ unis come here

and it’s a pretty big cafe so there’s a lot of space for ppl to come in and chill, whether that be large study groups or just individuals trying to cram for upcoming tests

that homely feel?? it’s bc of all the youngsters that basically run the cafe

it’s officially owned by mr and mrs bang, but their son, chan, manages this cafe a lot since they’ve got a few other places in town to run

chan loves recruiting teens to work bc, despite their hyperactivity (esp the lot that are currently there), they’re a lot less work to deal with than grumpy adults complaining abt wages

so!!

just a few months ago, jeongin started looking around for places to work at

let’s get that bread bro

he spoke to a lot of the nearby businesses like the florist, library and pizzeria but as soon as he entered glow and saw a blond guy downing shots of black coffee as he made different drinks, he Knew he wanted to work here

he headed straight to the counter (ok ofc he waited in line first but who cares abt that)

“welcome to glow, what can i get ya?”

“hi, i was wondering if you were hiring?”

“so,” the guy - nametag reading Felix - began, leaning forwards on the counter, “you wanna join the glow gang, huh? have you got what it takes??”

maybe he should’ve thought more clearly abt this-

“felix are u creeping out kids again?? i swear this is the last time i leave you on counter duty” the black-coffee-drinking blond huffed, wiping his hands on his apron as he left the coffee machines. he nudged felix out of the way, pushing him to the machines before he turned to jeongin. “i’m sorry abt him, i don’t know why i still keep him around”

“i heard that!”

“anyway,” the blond - nametag with Chan printed on it - grinned, “what can i get for you?”

“a job here would be great”

“you really wanna work here,,,, with that?” he pointed over to felix who looked back with a frown

“yeah, it seems pretty fun!”

“you got a cv on you?”

jeongin is a Prepared Boi. before his job hunting run he printed off multiple copies of his cv so he handed it over to chan who briefly looked over it

“when can you start working?”

“when do you need me to?”

chan let out a chuckle at that, pocketing jeongin’s cv, “swing by tomorrow at 4 and we’ll work that out, yeah?”

jeongin went home a Happy Boy and the next day at exactly 4:37 he had landed himself a sweet job at cafe glow

ever since that day a few months ago, jeongin had been learning the ins and outs of the cafe

he’s learnt all about where felix hides his ‘secret’ stash of sweets, where to kick if the machines ever go down and jisung’s ability to not stop talking

jisung’s the guy in charge of training jeongin bc chan doesn’t trust felix with another human’s life and minho, an older uni student that works here part time, is way too busy flirting with customers to get more tips those uni fees won’t pay themselves u go bby

and chan himself already has a lot to deal with since he mainly works in the kitchens

so jisung has taken jeongin under his wing and taught him how to make all drinks (despite there being a manual for this) and how to deal with the customers

and even tho jisung is only 5 months older than jeongin, he n e v e r misses an opportunity to baby the hecc out of him

“what are the different cup sizes we have?”

“uh,, small,, medium and large??”

“goSH jeonGIN you’re so smART!!!! ily!!! what cAN’T you do???”

jisung’s overdramatic as hell but he means well

and it’s always funny when jeongin teams up with felix (still a pretty rare occassion) to prank jisung

one day jeongin had a test after school so he couldn’t come by

and ofc he let chan know this in advance but he and felix decided not to tell jisung

jisung was waiting around for jeongin to come and he literally almost started crying when felix told him an hour later that jeongin wasn’t gonna come

“,,m,y bab y ? jeonginnie??? wh at do u me an,, he won’t com,e??? felix you a s s don’t l i e to m,e,, :((((”

they even got minho to record the whole thing not for free ofc, and minho’s services are n o t cheap, but it was totally worth it

felix screenshot jisung’s crying face and it’s now the display picture of their glow gang group chat

which btw never shuts up bc: during the day (and work hours) felix, jisung and jeongin will be spamming it, during the evening minho will complain abt all the uni work he’s got to do, after dinner time the youngsters are back on it sending memes until like 2am, and then by 4am chan finally gets on and complains abt the boys killing his storage with their dumb memes & he gives any updates abt the next day’s schedule if need be

it’s a great system, hella wild and random, but jeongin loves it nonetheless

now for the part where u, dear reader, come in!!

it’s just an ordinary day, a bit quieter than usual but jeongin’s not complaining bc it gives him time to finish off some of his hw while he’s at the till

he looks up when the door chime rings and

(°ロ°) !

he’s vvv obviously staring at u as u walk in, his pen drops on the counter and his mouth is :0

damn yn you’ve broken jeongin

but does he care???

yes

is he stopping?????

also yes but you’ve already seen his dumbstruck face and he realises he was caught just staring at u when u walk up to him with a shy smile on your face

he doesn’t know what’s come over him

and he doesn’t mean to be some typical teenage boi straight out of a high school drama

but u just look so pretty he couldn’t help but?? go heart eyes??

he’s trying not to lose his cool when u finally reach the counter

“hi!” he grins, “welcome to cafe glow, what can i get for you?”

you order your drink and watch as jeongin types away at the computer

he’s rlly hoping the screen blocks his blush bc he’s still (´♡‿♡`)’ing and he’s pretty sure he can feel his blush at this point

“is there anything else i can get you?”

your number

he finds your thinking face so cute!! the way u bite ur lip a little as your eyes glaze over the sweet treats they have on display

he d i e s when u look back up at him and ask, “anything you’d recommend?”

he keeps his cool as he says some of his fave desserts, and you choose the cheesecake

“alright! will you be eating in or is that to-glow go”

his heart swells when u laugh at his pun but he’s highkey dYinG inside bc he wants u to stay for just a little longer

he almost cries when u say you’re eating in bc !!! yes!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!! maybe he could try talking to you!!!!!

“sweet! take a seat anywhere, your food will be made shortly!”

when u go to pay for ur food he’s internally hating felix bc he swears all these mushy feelings he’s experiencing are bc felix made him watch back-to-back romance films

he’s taken money from a lot of customers but he’s never, n e v e r, wanted to just hold their hand and he’s honestly so close to just never letting go of yours rn but he mentally slaps himself

pull it together jeongin u dumbass

when u tell him to keep the change he’s just

s i g h can u get any more perfect

he yeets felix out of the way from the coffee machines and towards the till

“role change, i’m bored!”

“but chan banned me from the tills, he’s gonna kill me!”

“i’ll get jisung on you”

“uGHhgHGHghhhhh”

he’s halfway thru making ur drink when minho sliiiides next to him and slings an arm around his shoulders

“so, innie, who’s the cutie you’re serving?” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

from his short time working here he knows that minho is in love with any kind of gossip and there’s no point in lying to him

esp not with this massive blush on jeongin’s face that’S STILL thERe bc jeongin peeked over and saw you taking out textbooks which means you’re gonna stay here for lo n g er than he thought

and he’s got this huge grin on his face :D

and no one’s ever that happy making coffee

esp not when felix is right next to them singing along to the twice song playing in the cafe

god knows who put felix in charge of the cafe playlist

an y w ay

“does our baby innie have a,,, crushhh on a certain someone???”

“noooooookay maybe? idk i just met them!!”

“:0!!!! our baby’s iN LOVE!!!”

minho said that so loudly!!! jeongin peered over minho’s shoulder and saw that y o u had looked up at the exclamation and he let out a sheepish laugh to try and make the scene look normal

u just grinned at him and he almost swooned

minho’s shouting alerted jisung who deadass ran from the other side of the cafe

jisung, out of breath: wh-what do u mean,, in love,,,??? you’re too young for that ://

even chan popped out from the kitchen. “jeongin loves someone?? how cute, who is it- felix, what the hell are u doing there, didn’t i ban u from the tills??”

“blame loverboy!”

“gUYsss :((( let me wORk!!”

“u do u, innie, go get ‘em tiger!” minho said, smirking as he took a step back

the other boys stayed quiet as well, chan filling up the front display with the baked goods he freshly made

jeongin quietly got to finishing off ur drink and grabbed a cheesecake slice to carry over to you

“h-hey,” he started, placing the plate and drink beside your textbook, “sorry it took so long,,,”

“that’s alright,” you smiled and all his worries literally washed away, “was everything okay back there?”

“yeah,” he rubbed the back of his neck, smiling shyly, “minho’s just easily excited and nosy, a terrible combination really”

u laughed at that and he grinned, his nerves easing away

“u guys seem really close,” when he saw u quickly look over to the counters he turned as well, just in time to see all four of them rush to try and act natural (altho jisung just dropped to the ground so he’s really a lost cause)

“they’re really crazy, but they do mean well,” he grinned, “except felix, avoid him at all costs”

“i’ll keep that in mind,” you chuckled when jeongin pointed out who felix was and felix just glared back at him, as tho he knew jeongin was talking shit abt him

“well,” he started, realising he should go bc a big group of customers had just entered, “i’ll leave u to it, i hope u enjoy ur food. let me know if u need anything else!”

he headed back to the counter, a HUGE grin on his face, he’s so glad his back is to u bc he’d be so embarassed if u saw

it’s bad enough minho saw and is non-stop teasing him abt it now

throughout his shift minho was just taunting him, cooing “innie’s in love~”

as he was dealing with other customers and running around the cafe, he’d make quick eye contact with u and each time he did, u let out the softest smiles, he’s pretty sure he’s never smiled this much

abt an hour later when the rush had died down, jeongin looked over to see that!!! u were still there!!!!!

he fixed up a quick mango smoothie, smth he always found super refreshing, and headed over to your table

“h-hey?” he tapped your shoulder when he noticed u had your headphones in

“oh, hey! i, uh, i didn’t order this?”

“yeah, it’s,, it’s on the house, thought you might need a pick-me-up, you’ve been working rly hard”

“ahh thank you!!!” u grinned at him so cutely, “would u like to sit down?”

he nodded too enthusiastically but he hopes u didn’t pick up on that ((u did)) as he sat down opposite you

for the next 30 mins? hour?? neither of u know

u guys just talked

he’s thanking god that there was no rush in customers bc he enjoyed spending time just talking to u

the conversation seemed to flow so?? naturally???

he found out ur name and that u go to a nearby school sadly not the same one as him

and u were taking the scenic route home instead of ur normal walking path or using the bus which is why he’d never seen u before

he’s so glad that fate brought u here today tho!!!! eternally grateful that u made that wise choice!!!

when ur phone buzzed with a message from ur family he finally realised that it was getting late

he watched almost in tears as u packed ur stuff up, thanking him for the drinks and snacks that he definitely didn’t steal from felix’s hidden stash

he went back to the counter, stars in his eyes as he leaned against the counter, opposite minho who was chilling by the till

“so, how’d it go? did u get their number??”

jeongin: (❤ω❤)

jeongin, 0.02 secs later: ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

felix, jumping in: “pls don’t tell me u spent all that time,,,,, and u didn’t get their number-”

minho: “loverboi was too busy making moves, eh?”

jeongin’s mood instantly dropped and he was so close to just headbutting the counter then and there

what if u never come back????

what if u came back when he wasn’t there?????

what if you’re on ur way here but then u see another cafe and u go there instead and fall in love with a barista there???????

jeongin’s 2 seconds away from pouting for all eternity when chan comes over and pats him on the back, “i’m sure they’ll come back!”

jeongin’s praying the old man’s right

and he is!!!!!!! cliche ik

u didn’t come back the next day which broke jeongin’s heart and he was honestly so close to losing all hope bc he’s incredibly dramatic like that

but u come back the day after!!!

jeongin’s wiping down a table when u enter and u spot him instantly and wave

he waves back but the cloth he’s holding slips from his hand onto the ground

and he rushes to pick it up but hits his head on the table when he tries standing up again

and he’s in so much pain but he just nervously laughs it away esp when he sees ur half worried, half trying-not-to-laugh-aloud face

when he sees u walking to him -- not the counter -- he’s counting to 100 in 3 seconds to try and calm himself down to not look like even more of a fool

“is the table okay?”

“yeah, i’m alri- hey, rude!” he pouts, faking a sniffle and rubbing his head

“i’m kidding, jeongin” (he had to bite his lip to not squEAL when u said his name) “are you okay? that looked painful :((”

“i’ll live,” he fake sobbed, rubbing away imaginary tears with the cloth in his hand before he realised what he’d just done and dropped it on the table in disgust (he highkey dieddd when u laughed at him again) “ew, i’m sorry you had to see all this”

“it’s fine,” you grinned, scrunching ur nose when u saw the wet smears on his face, “but u got a lil smth there” u pointed to ur own cheek

jeongin wanted to CRY

he knows he’s a cute boi (he uses this to his advantage whenever he can)

but rn??

he knows he looks like the epitome of a grade A DumbassTM

he just let out the longest s i g h

“i’ll be right back!”

he rushed off to the back and sorted himself out (and quickly iced his head)

he came back out to see u sitting down at the same table as last time

as soon as he came thru the doors u looked up and held out thumb, an eyebrow raised

and he reciprocated the gesture, telling u he’s all okay now!

he found it so cute that u cared!!! his heart: on fire!!

felix walked right to him, pulling him along to the coffee machines as he told him ur order

“u owe me one now loverboi!”

jeongin prepped ur food and took it to u like last time

but this time u initiated the conversation

“felix isn’t all that bad, y’know?” you said, holding onto your hot drink as it warmed ur hands up

“for now,” jeongin started, “trust me, if u ever have the misfortune of seeing him act cute, you’ll regret ever saying that.”

your nose scrunched as you imagined that -- jeongin gasped when he saw and then prayed you didn’t see that -- before you let out the cutest laugh he’s ever heard, “yeah, i can’t imagine that looking nice”

you two talked for a bit more until jeongin had to get back to the counter and take orders

he popped up at your table when he could, offering felix’s sweets and a refill

“do you treat all your customers like this? free drinks isn’t good for business, y’know?”

he went bright red at your teasing bc “nope, you’re special!” -- his eyes went w i d e when he said that and, if it was possible, his cheeks went redder -- but god, was it worth it bc your eyes sparkled and your blooming blush was so pretty he was starstruck

he cleared his throat, let out the most nervous chuckle ever, put the lemonade on your table before diving behind the counter

he could practically hear minho’s smirk from all the way over here

great.

it took a little while longer for him to psych himself up to go over to you again after that disaster

but seeing you pack up your bag made him forget everything and run up to you

“hey, you’re done already?” he asked, pouting as you put your last book away

“yeah, i’ve gotta help make dinner soon,” you replied, fixing your bag over your shoulder, “thanks for the drink, it was great!”

“y-yeah, no problem!” you loved his drink!! score!!!! “come again soon, yeah?”

“definitely,” you winked -- you winked, god his heart was weak -- before waving and taking your leave

felix slid up next to him, throwing his arm around jeongin’s shoulders

“pls tell me you got their number this time”

shit.

the top gif is jeongin’s face right now

#stray kids #yang jeongin #straykidznet #sk-writersnet #yang jeongin scenarios #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #jeongin scenarios #stray kids fluff #yang jeongin fluff #jeongin fluff #skz fluff #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #yang jeongin imagines #jeongin imagines #jgn

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mandivsman-blog · 3 years

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So, I came to the end of a situationship about a month ago with a man I realized I didn’t know at all. We were seeing each other for about 3 months and I would consider it long distance. Now, he did the classic “love bomb” (telling me he loved me right away, selling me all type of extravagant dreams, calling and leaving messages multiple times a day) a love avoidant technique and towards the end I found out he was deeply troubled, didn’t think he was, and was probably not going to change. He actually turned me OFF at first. I found him clingy but was simultaneously intrigued because I thought he was successful, well traveled, and thought we were looking for the same things word for word. Now, I’m not excusing my part in this. He was not my usual type and at the first sign of trouble I should have left. He was 40 years old, hundreds of sexual partners, never lived with someone, moved all over the country, single for multiple years, never had a long term relationship (2+), never stayed in one place for very long, had no sense of normalcy or routine, was very emotional but lacked empathy for others, and I got a sense he thought people were disposable. And, through all of those things, he was still just being who he was. Not good, not bad. Just him.

Why did I hang around? Well, what is the #1 thing that makes us attracted to another person?

Whether THEY’RE attracted to US. Yes, that’s right, if they like you, that’s half the attraction right there. He was a Casanova right away. Spoke beautifully, like a poem. He supposedly noticed and loved things in about me that I love about myself. He was externally successful, intellegent, funny, clever. We connected deeply on a sexual level as well. It was easy to open up about things I wanted and rarely shared. We had similar goals about the future.

See, it’s easy for a man to give me attention. I glamour/alternative model, sex positive, and extremely open but they don’t know me. They don’t know my past or my fears. Men tell me things all day, everyday. It’s easy for me to simply overlook because it’s the same words over and over. A man can look 10/10, be wealthy and fit and I will feel no sense of attraction. I have to hear the right words.

Words are meaningful but they lose their value if the actions aren’t parallel. This is where it sticky because the words vs. actions is a perception and thus subjective. One person may feel like their words match their actions perfectly yet the other person feels like they are doing they exact opposite. Is there really any objective truth?

Patterns. If it weren’t for recognizing patterns in science we wouldn’t have centuries of information that’s saved millions of lives and responsible for almost every innovation we have. There’s truth in patterns. He told me multiple stories and I noticed patterns. But, what is the truth? Was it my history of being scared of men and not trusting him that made me notice these patterns? Did they matter? And who should I ask for answers?

I choose not to be in a relationship for a long time. I was in a multiple year, live-in, serious relationship for most of my twenties with the only person I ever loved. The split was, in laymen’s terms, because I didn’t want to move forward and take our relationship seriously enough. This still haunts me some days, some days I think it was a blessing. I felt like a kid most of that relationship but I still remember how freeing and how fufilling full trust and endless love and affection was.

He loves me. He would never hurt me. He cares if I have a headache or a bad day. He makes me a priority. He wants to make me happy. He protects me.

And, In turn, I did the same plus more.

That relationship had been outgrown, unfortunately, and there was nothing him or I could do to stop it. He was air headed and light. Surface level. I am intense, quirky, horny, intense, highly-intelligent, inquisitive, complex. I take up space. I crave learning, doing, seeing, questioning. He liked watching TV.

After our split, I had a rough several years. I needed time to heal and figure things out. This time was the first time I truly spent time alone instead of jumping back in a relationship or dating. This is the best thing that I have ever done.

When a person goes from relationship to relationship, fuck to fuck, person to person, they just wind up mirroring their current partners personality instead of cultivating their own. Chamaeleon like. You need consist, heart wrenching, gut churning time alone. A person needs time to let their heartbreak, disappointed heal to change the essence of their character. This is growth. Jumping from one person to another is a distraction. It chips away. Now, I’m not talking about taking interest in your partners interests. I actually love that part of relationships because I love learning from my partners. I’m talking about melding your life with theirs and basically becoming your partner.

Anyway, I kept on trying to break it off with this person. He was saying beautiful words but I could never feel comfortable with him. He was had no schedule and his stories didn’t match up. I would bring up inconsistencies but he would shrug them off.

Doubt began to built.

When we began seeing each other he did tell me there was some overlapping but about a month in I decided I didn’t want to see someone with that kind of baggage and tried to break it off. He told me, “I have no one else.” Now, it was just “I have no one else.” It was paragraph after paragraph. Phone call after phone call cementing the fact that there was no one else and he wanted me, was pursuing me, and saw a future with me.

But, that wasn’t the case.

He was still boo loving and fucking that girl. I asked him again and he finally told me the truth. A 24 year old girl (he’s 40), with severe co-dependent issues. He told me her current boyfriend (they’re in an open relationship)was older than him and basically controlled her whole life and didn’t treat her well. I felt for that, no one deserves that but hearing that he was OK with entering the life of that person who was extremely sick, and fucking her changed the way I looked at him. If he wanted to help her without the benefit of sex, that would be one thing. I was devastated. I couldn’t understand how someone could tell me the things he had said to me and blantantly lie to me.

Still I tried to make things work because I felt like we could have a great future together...and I just couldn’t fucking let that go...

He told me he would break it off. I asked “in person?” And he said “My therapist and I will decide.” This puzzled me and hurt me. After this situation caused so much drama between us, why add more strife? Remember how he thought she deserved a break up person when I tell you how he disrespectfully ended things with me...

And, I just want to add, if things hadn’t moved lightening fast between us, I would not have felt this way. I’ve been through similar situations with men I’ve cared for and have never been in as much pain as that betrayal made me feel. When clearing out my phone of anything regarding him, I deleted over 20 voicemails from him.

He told me “I don’t want to lose you. I’ve never met anybody like you and I’m scared I won’t again.”

Sounds like bullshit, I know, but everybody secretly wants to hear that from their partner. It felt so good. It felt like I found a friend and lover who had plenty of experience but out of all those women he picked me. We all want to believe that. We all play the fool sometimes.

Anyway, I was in rare form. Since the quarantine I had stopped taking my ADHD med bc of insurance issues which I really need for multiple things including mood, and focus, my mental health was declining, I was drinking a lot, I had little direction, and here this man comes along to swipe me off my feet. He had some extravagant baggage which, when I first heard, I was like “this is not my guy but fun for now”, but I grew to want to walk with him through his problems, grow with him, and nurture him. That’s who i am. The problem was, I couldn’t trust or forgive him. So, he wasn’t doing the actions needed to help restore trust. The second he hurt me and I started reacting, I could feel him start pulling away. He had multiple, heavy things going on and whether he wanted to build trust but couldn’t bc he was busy or he didn’t care to, I will never know.

I also was trying to connect with my absent father at the time which did not go well. I should have known better. Every time my father tries to reconnect with me, my life and psych gets flipped on it’s head because, he’s still the same man who abandoned my mother and I when I was a child. See, it would be different if he had done therapy or actually attempted to be a better human but he hasn’t. He just shows up periodically and says “forgive me.” And I’m not, “no, you selfish mother fucker, show me you’ve changed.” He can’t. He’s 50 years old and is who he is. He disturbs my life subconsciously and consciously. He is to me. I was having a this battle with my father and trying to make things work with my love interest...

But I couldn’t stop being angry with him. I couldn’t stop feeling stupid for trying to believe what he was trying me. I kept trying to break off the relationship like once a week. At the time, I really didn’t want to be with him. I felt disgusted with his character but breaking down the root of that action, I just wanted to manipulate him into comforting me.

How pathetic is that?

Such a hard pill to swallow for me. I didn’t have the tools to regulate my emotions and communicate what I needed. I didn’t have the balls to firmly let go of the relationship. I was miserable running in circles.

Now, this was the absolute wrong thing to do and definitely is emotional blackmail. I hated that I was doing it. It hurt me and weighed me down. The person I cared for was walking on eggshells. I was hurting the person I cared for and he was also hurting me.

When I would drink, I would have meltdowns. They weren’t funny or cute. They were hurtful and designed to cause pain. If we’re talking in self-help terms..every time I would feel triggered, my “pain body” or “shadow” would be stimulated and their main function is the cause damage and posing as a faux coping mechanism.

Painbody-“It is an accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it arose. It leaves behind an energy form of emotional pain. It comes together with other energy forms from other instances, and so after some years you have a “painbody,” an energy entity consisting of old emotion.”

I remember painbody being described in Eckort Tolle’s “The Power of Now” as “A lizard eating it’s own tail.” A pain that causes you to hurt people and that also hurts you to hurt people. I hadn’t been triggered like this is years. My mind forgot how to protect itself in a healthy way. I was just doing the best I could.

I met his parents and brother in Denver. This meant a lot to me because, for me, I would never introduce my mother to someone I wasn’t sure about. To me, that’s unfair to my mother to constantly bring man after man over for him to meet.

At this point, communication is declining, he’s trying to do the books for several businesses, meet up with friends, travel, and work...yet is trying to build a connection with me? It wasn’t the right time. I needed to feel like the person who supposedly “loved” me actually cared about integrating me into their life. We had nothing planned to see each other, he always made plans last minute. This was another big reason I couldn’t feel comfortable with him. He expected me to be completely on his schedule. Every time he would tell me, 5-7 ahead of the time he was free and I’d have to completely change my schedule for him. I would have to change plans with friends, family. I’d have to move shifts around at work and lose money. Also, he used to call me in the middle of the night and I would wake up and answer. During his all night shifts sometimes he would sometimes call me multiple times. I was so discombobulated. I was trying to be there for him. I wanted to be with him.

Last time I saw him I flew to Seattle. It was going fine until i asked whether he was still talking to that young girl. He said he had. He also acted like she had a family emergency and I was some monster for being upset about him talking to her. At that moment, I knew it wasn’t over between them. He was also showing me something on his phone and I held it a little closer to my face and he snatched the phone out of my hand. Both situations he convinced me I was wrong and should believe him despite his sneaky, withdrawn behavior. I had so much anxiety. I drank the rest of the weekend to try and calm down which had the opposite affect.

After I came home, We barely spoke. I tried to break it off with him twice. He send me a picture of him crying. I was sick. I couldn’t feel better. It had been so long since a man made me feel so small, so insignificant. Everything he said and did contradicted each other. What was the truth?

I began to not tell me friends anything because I was so embarrassed that I still stuck around. I don’t know why but I believed he was good. I believe he cared for me. I believed we could make it.

I went to a therapy appointment and laid everything out in a brutal 2 hour session. I was transparent because I knew I couldn’t figure this out without complete honesty. I called him crying, telling him I missed him and wanted to make this work. At this point, he seemed nonchalant. I think he probably was already seeing the girl again at this point bc he was completely different. That week he was working and barely spoke to me. He answered me hours later. He cared nothing for me. He was tired of my reactions and thought he was absent of responsibility for my behavior.

This made me feel desperate. Desperate for an answer, desperate for a reason. Desperate for the truth. I felt the pull of abandonment on my chest. I called him, he wouldn’t answer. I called again, he wouldn’t answer. This bothered him. When I would speak to him he would act annoyed with me like I was bothering him. Remember though, this man would call me 5-7 times a day, leave multiple messages, send pictures and videos all day long, and a week before this, send a picture of his ass crying. I have NEVER had such a piece of emotional manipulation sent to me IN MY LIFE. And just like that, he snatched all that back. It meant nothing.

I reached out one more time. I spilled my heart out. I said we could start over again. I had meant what I said. He sounded reluctant the whole time but eventually agreed. I promised that I was working daily on forgiving him and working to feel safe in my own body as to not project on him. It didn’t feel right. After this conversation I felt uneasy. I really thought “this is my person and I’m gonna have cute little, smart babies with him”, but at this point he made it seem like it was a competition. I knew there was other women, possibly multiple, I would knew I would never be happy not being the queen. I wouldn’t be able to respect him or look up to him. I knew he had no sense of loyalty and yet I still wanted to make it work. Him not having loyalty perplexed me because his parents are good people his and been together for years and years.

My phone rings at 2:30, I thought he was attempting to make more contact with me (bc that was one of the things I had said would make me feel comfortable) but he sounded weird. I asked “Why did you call me?” And, I don’t really remember what he said but, it was along the lines of “this is the way it is and I don’t wanna deal with it. This is not for me.” He broke things off with me. Then, to add insult to injury, he added “The man you end up with is going to be the happiest man in the world.” Man, stfu. If you’re a man and you’re reading this, never fucking do that. It’s just so shitty and pretentious. This is a pattern of his. He did it to someone else with me. But he felt the other woman deserved in person and I deserved a 2 minute fuck you phone call at 2:30 am. That being said, my guess is he tried to break it off with her but a. It was never completely broke off bc he’s not capable of making a firm decision and B. She’s young and naive so it’s easier not to be held accountable and she’ll be less likely to enforce her needs c. She’ll let him fuck who he wants bc she’s nonmonagomous. D. It’s a trauma bond. E. They lived in the same state. It was just so fucking obvious and I tried to force myself to ignore it.

Anyway, I said goodbye.....and went right the fuck back to sleep. I am not kidding when I say, the weight had been lifted right then and there. Sure, I was mad I was disrespected, lied to, and maltreated but the limbo and that weird feeling in my tummy was torturing me. I spent a week boohooing. I liked him, I missed him but, all in all it wasn’t that deep. I didn’t love him, I was ATTACHED to him. I wouldn’t have been attached to him if he didn’t sell me a dream.

I had screenshots of some of grandiose things he’s said to me and honestly, I just had to laugh. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe what people are capable of.

But, I’m giving myself a break. Since quarantine I’ve been through some changes. After the quarantine started, my yoga studio closed which I went to 5 days a week. I was also meditating at least 5 days a week.I feel like I was really happy and grounded. The difference between my psych then and now is profound. When I lost my job I couldn’t afford my ADHD med this summer so I had to abruptly stop it (Stratera) which definitely left me kind of out of sorts. I wasn’t working, I was alone, I was worried about money, I moved, my (absent) father was trying to come back into my life all while trying to take care of anyone and everyone I could because that’s just what I do. Also, I have a pattern of Rocky starts in relationships. I try to be who I am from the beginning, work things out, and then have a great rest of the relationship without waiting until 2 years in for you to find out that I’m awful. I’ve had good and bads experiences with this. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was stupid. I can’t even say I wont act stupid in another relationship again. I probably will because sometimes I suck and that’s okay.

To be continued and edited...

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threemoonsareshining · 6 years

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i think you're such a cool person can you do as many as you'd like of the get to know you asks? i couldn't choose! i'm just desperate to know you lol

Hi anon! There are a lot of asks and I’m not that cool but I’m sad and bored again so I’ll do as many as I can.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? I don’t think I’ve ever really held hands for real with anyone but I’m pretty sure the last time was about a week ago with one of my best friends bc we were in a place with lots of people and we didn’t want to get lost 2. Are you outgoing or shy? I’m the shyest person I know (actually no, I know a girl who is even shyer than me but I’m pretty close)3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Not to sound cheesy or anything but I really want to see this guy I had something weird going on with not because of any special reason I just want to know where things are going4. Are you easy to get along with? I’d like to say I am but actually it’s really really hard to keep in touch with me and I’m not good at making conversation at all6. What kind of people are you attracted to? First of all, I’m not usually attracted to people at all, I don’t know why and when I am I always ask myself “girl why this one exactly?” and honestly, I don’t know. There are just some persons I feel comfortable with in a specific way and then attraction grows from there idk I’m really not used to being attracted to anyone9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Extremely10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? A friend of mine when I was really drunk at his house waiting for my parents to pick me up. I don’t really remember what we talked about but it felt very nice.11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? it says “no da miedo hihihi” which translates to “it’s not scary hihihi”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? right now I can’t stop listening to Fiji Water by Owl City (i’m so excited he’s releasing new music!), Your Mother’s Eyes, Rythm and Blues and Take a Walk by The head and the heart and It’s only life by The Shins.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? I like it because it feels so so relaxing but at the same time it makes me anxious because I think that the more people touch it the dirtier and more damaged it gets and as a person who spends a considerable amount of time on my hair, that is not so nice15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to a festival in the town next to mine and I got to see all my friends after a long time and I had such a good time my heart hurts every time I think about it16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yess (idk if it’s bc I really like him or I just want to kiss someone)18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No! Actually I saw him a few months ago after… 6 years and we looked at each other like “are you who I think you are?”. I never really talked to him, he treated me like shit and he’s responsible for many of my insecurities so I believe it’s better this way hah21. What are you bad habits? I don’t sleep, I don’t pay as much attention as I should to my loved ones, I forget to eat and shower and I scratch my face like there’s no tomorrow my friend23. Do you have trust issues? Hell yeah I do. Literally everyone I knew left me when I was like 15 or so which is, you know, a crucial stage of your emotional development and stuff so since then I’ve never got close to anyone because what better strategy than not to be invested enough in a relationship so if it ends you don’t feel so bad about it!25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My ears for sure. They stick out so that’s why I never wear my hair up in public. I thought about getting surgery but I want to stay true to myself and stuff.28. Who are you most comfortable around? I’m not 100% comfortable with anyone but I guess my best friend is a strong candidate.30. Do you ever want to get married? I never think about that because my brain always tells me “first find someone who is actually willing to marry you and then we’ll think about it”31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? It’s long enough for 6 ponytails if you put your mind into it34. Do you play sports? What sports? Sports are bad and I hate them36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? I liked this guy for like 6 years and I literally never spoke a word to him but I think the way I looked at him made it pretty obvious (I guess that’s why he avoided me all the time)37. What do you say during awkward silences? I’m the Queen of awkward silences and I’ve learnt that it’s ok to not say anything. Or I’ll just sigh a lot.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Don’t make me think about shops rn bc I spent the whole afternoon trying to find something to wear to the 5 million Christmas dinners I have and everything was either too expensive, too ugly or just looked terrible on me so yeah I’m pretty mad40. What do you want to do after high school? I wanted to study something arts-related like filmmaking, music or dance, you know, the only things I actually used to enjoy but instead of that I decided to study economics because I hate myself41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I think this depends on the circumstances but in my opinion and taking into account my own experience I’ll always give a second chance, maybe not immediately but eventually, I will.42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? It means I’m being me haha43. Do you smile at strangers? I try to but it’s scary45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning besides the fact that if I stop doing the things I should do I’ll never be able to catch up and everyone will go on with their lives while I stay the same and become mediocre and that’s just inconceivable to me. So basically I don’t live for myself but for the expectations people have of me.48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes and I wish I was rn honestly49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Yes and since I don’t want to tell anyone I won’t say what it is52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I wasn’t worried about literally everything because it’s so tiring and it keeps me from thinking about more important stuff64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? About a month ago I was at this party and everyone was telling me one of my friends I had been talking to for a while wanted to hook up with me and I kinda wanted to too but I’m too shy and anxious to make any moves so I got drunk, and after avoiding him like 6546 times (bc I was really worried I would look stupid not bc I didn’t want to) I finally kissed him in front of an entire crowd of strangers and all my friends found out about it right afterwards so it was like a public event and I felt really exposed so yeah it wan’t ideal~ but also not the worst (I cringed so much while writing this, it was so awkward my god)69. Are you watching tv right now? Not right now but I’m about to watch the new episode of Crazy ex-girlfriend 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2, one for my head and other by my side to keep me some company (I’m so lonely oh my god)73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? A shar-pei puppy dog I have since I was born (it’s so so cute I love it his name is wrinkles)75. Favourite animal? Cats are not only my favourite animals but one of my favourite things on earth78. Favourite ice cream flavour? since ice cream is my favourite food I can’t really choose one flavour (anything but banana flavour tho)81. Favourite tv show? GoT and Mr Robot I can’t choose but there are so many82. Favourite movie? Billy Elliot86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Bruce the shark, he deserves more recognition94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? I own lots of sweaters because you can never own enough sweaters (until you run out of space in your closet which is what’s happening to me)95. Last movie you watched? Tulip Fever. Not one of my favourites but last night I felt like watching some historic drama and romance shit (love it every once in a while). Alicia Vikander and Dane Dehaan tho98. Do you tan a lot? I used to but since I rarely leave my room during the summer I’ve become The Pale Friend™ 99. Have any pets? Two cats and I used to have fish but they weren’t my thing and I decided that no more fish would die because of me (I really tried but they just didn’t survive idk why)100. How are you feeling? I’m feeling really anxious right now and I can’t sleep. Partly it’s because I’ve got a lot of papers to write and a presentation on Monday and none of them are going especially well tbh, but there’s something else that is making me feel extremely uneasy and bad about myself and idk what it is but I’d like it to stop thank you very much102. Do you regret anything from your past? I regret not being able to enjoy these last 3 or 4 years of my life because they could’ve been some of the best years of my life but I was so full of sadness and hatred I just couldn’t pay attention to anything else108. What should you be doing? sleeping since 1 am but it’s 4 am and here we are115. Do you play the Wii? Who would I be without Just dance and Animal Crossing 116. Are you listening to music right now? yes, Rainbow Veins by Owl City (how unexpected)117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I had that for dinner and it was beautiful118. Do you like Chinese food? The other day I cried tears of happiness because my mom ordered Chinese food for lunch119. Favourite book? Memorias the Idhún120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not so much now but not so long ago I would get what now I can consider almost panic attacks because the dark made me feel so anxious. I’d stay paralysed in my bed, feeling my arms numb and I can swear I heard stuff in my head and I got the feeling that I was literally dying.126. Are you currently bored? A little (these are a lot of questions but I want to finish them now)129. What your zodiac sign? Taurus131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? This is happening right now and I don’t like him that way so I just try to keep everything the same but also I try to keep the distances so he doesn’t misinterpret things (this makes me feel so bad for him sometimes but I’m trying to make him see that not liking him romantically doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being with him). Let’s hope it works.133. Favourite lyrics right now? “I’ve been down the very road you’re walking now / It doesn’t have to be so dark and lonesome / It takes a while but we can figure this thing out / And turn it back around” from It’s only life by The Shins.137. How tall are you? 164cm which I think is 5,3 feet138. Curly or Straight hair? My hair is curly af and it’s very inconvenient for… life you know140. Summer or Winter? Summer because of the holidays winter because of the feeling141. Night or Day? Night145. Tea or Coffee? Tea but coffee has been saving my life these past weeks146. Was today a good day? Today was a wasted and disappointing day.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Con Elodin nunca se sabe —dije—. Si no está loco, es el mejor actor que he conocido jamás” from The Wise Man’s Fear. It translates to something like “’Who can say with Elodin?’ I said. ‘If he isn’t crazy, he’s the best actor I’ve ever met.’”

Congrats if you’ve managed to read all this without unfollowing me 🍃🍃🍃⛄️⛄️⛄️

#ask #long post #bless u anon #sorry for the grammar mistakes #i'm just tired

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crushsuggestions · 7 years

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crush the asks

below the cut i answered a bunch of crush related asks! i’m sorry if i didn’t get around to you, hopefully i can do these more often!

ask: i miss his voice and i miss holding his hand. i miss how his laugh made everything feel okay and how his smile warmed my heart. all i seem to want these days is his affection but i don't think I'll ever achieve that again. and it's utterly heartbreaking.

i’m so sorry! just remember that even if you feel bad now, it will pass, no matter how impossible that seems.

ask: my crush is like hella embarrassing but he's so nice to me. he always calls me babes and i tell him to not but like i don't really mean it. and he's got gREaT leGS, and this stupid fringe that's definitely too long and he makes me laugh. i still feel like nothing will ever happen between us, and next year we're not gonna have any classes together and i worry we'll just kinda stop talking :/:///

set up some sort of connection! you could jokingly ask for their number/skype/whatsapp, whatever you feel like, so you can talk more! whatever happens, good luck!

ask: hey! i have a real crussshh but the person is quite wild, and it's hard to see him regularly... what can i do? have a good day xx

similar to the other anon there! ask for another method of contact that they’d feel okay talking to you on, whether that’s texting or something online! you have a good day too! <3

ask: he likes someone else.. :/

aah, i’m really sorry, that sucks. i really hope you’ll feel better soon, just remember that it’s not really either of your faults, in you for liking them in the first place or you for liking them. best wishes to you anon, i hope you feel better soon <3

ask: Is it wrong for me to have a crush on someone while I'm in a relationship? Like, I'm not going to cheat on my gf for this person or flirt with them, its more of a crush where I stare and fawn over them. I would never hurt my gf like that but, I feel wrong.... am I?

i’d say that feelings are just feelings sometimes. you’re not consciously wanting to go out and have a relationship with this other person and you clearly love your gf. it’s about recognising that as a crush and not acting with it like you’re doing right now. feelings happen! but i’m glad you’re being a good person about it <3 <3

ask: do you have any advice on how to get over someone you see almost every day?

i’d say one of your best bets is to clear the air. if you can talk it out with them, phrasing it as a ‘crush you used to have’ or ‘something you’re getting over’, you might be able to clear some of the tension, whether that’s all in your head or in real life. if you can, try and stop looking at them as a crush (or ex crush) and just as a person or friend. i know that’s a bunch easier said than done though, so i wish you lots of luck <3

ask: sososo,, there's this kid and hes super cute and sweet and im rlly gay for him. buttt im also super awkward and afraid to talk to him about bc i dont know what he'll say or if he feels the same. any advice for overcoming that fear to give things a shot? xx

start up communication before actually asking them out, proposing those kind of feelings! whether that’s walking over to them and talking about something they did/said or just plain saying you think they’re sweet! it’s a good idea to get to a place where you feel comfortable talking! when it comes to the actual introduction, you could even ask a mutual friend to introduce the two of you? also, slow deep breaths, lots of hyping yourself up :D good luck!!

ask: not to sound annoying but did my ask not get answered because it was about having multiple crushes? is that not allowed on this blog. sorry

no, it’s totally okay!! there’s a lot of asks in my box at the minute and i’m really slow at getting around to them because i don’t want to spam people with asks. it’s almost never about the actual content of the ask (unless the ask is intentionally malicious in the situation or towards me i guess ‘:D)

ask: My more than crush is in the philipines. She i told her about how i felt towards her a week or two ago. We talk every everynight usually until 2am about all types of things and i usually just gush to her about how perfect i think she is.I feel really strong feelings for her and every time i tell her she says i don't feel this way and that i'm lying in a wierd voice and it sounds like she's getting flustered. What do i do now?

i’d say you should probably talk honestly about your feelings! if you’ve put forward that you like them and they don’t return your feelings, that’s totally okay on both sides and you can continue the friendship. if she doesn’t feel that way, i think it’s best to leave off on the subject, even if you’re unsure how valid that is, you have to respect her feelings!

ask: I met my crush online over a year ago and I've had a crush on him for 10 months. I think he might like me back but I'm not sure because I don't know if he's actually flirting with me or if he's treating me the same as his other friends since he's generally an affectionate person. He often tells me he wants to hold my hand, hug me, and he loves me, but I'm still not sure that he has romantic feelings for me. I asked him out in August and he said no but that was a while ago, so should I try again?

often with people, you can’t really tell their feelings by their actions, one of the main things you can do is talk it out. instead of asking them out this time and making your feelings clear, you could pull them aside and ask what their feelings are to you. if you can, keep the tone light and friendly, so it doesn’t get too odd for either of you, but i think that might be the best course of action. good luck!!

ask: god i am in love with two diff friends but im also in a relationship w a v cute gal (i love her but its not rlly working idk???) and shit aaaaaaaa i am dying of frustration bc itd be so shit to break up w her bc shes absolutely smitten and i have no idea how to deal???? idk im not making any sense sorry

i really think that if you don’t think it’s working with your current partner, that’s something you really need to address. while you might feel like you don’t want to hurt her, it might not be too nice to not talk about the fact that you don’t think it’s working with her! that’s something very important to talk out and be respectful before considering pursuing another relationship!

ask: so I've had a crush on my best friend for a while and she seems like she could like me back now...how do I hint that I like her???? i have no clue how to flirt, what should i do? thanks so much, i love your blog btw

you don’t have to hint at all! if anything, to avoid getting feelings confused, it might be more clear to have an honest, friendly conversation about it! that’s a little harder than flirting, but it might be worth it in the long run.

ask: I told my bf I loved him when he was really upset about something but I'm not sure if I meant it in the same way I loved him when we were just friends and now I'm thinking I said it too soon? I'm kinda freaking out a bit any idea what I should do?

it’s totally okay, i promise. it might not have been the right time to say it, in terms of them being upset, but it’s okay to be honest with how you’re feeling. if you wanted to clarify with them and speak about that, it might help clear your head a little!

ask: Ok so I have this one friend who I call my son bc apparently I Am The Mom Friend and ANYWAY he's in my drama class and the other day he asked if I had any feelings for anyone in drama but in the 'do you have a crush' voice and I Do in fact have a crush on someone in the drama class but I panicked and was just like 'well there's that girl we all hate and I freaking hate her' and he was like wow that's the worst thing I've ever heard you say about anyone and dropped it but WHAT IF HE KNOWS????????

i don’t know in the slightest gosh!! i think it’s probably best to clarify what you want to say when you talk to him again or if it’s not brought up again, i suppose assume that they didn’t take it that way?? absolutely your choice! <3

ask: There is this girl I really like. We hung out on Monday and we went to a park. I really like her, she's beautiful, funny, has an awesome taste in music and I just really like her. But I think she only like me as a friend. I don't know what to do 😭

the best thing you can do for your benefit is respect her feelings and understand that she doesn’t want a relationship! don’t stress yourself out over it, deep breath, do your best to let it go. there will be lots of awesome people who like you right back, this just isn’t one of them!! aah gosh, wishing you the best though anon <3 <3

P.S.

i’m sorry it’s not too much. i love all of these asks and i’m really glad that people are interested and enthusiastic about my blog but i do have 1,248 asks right now! i’m desperately trying to get around to them, please don’t get mad at me if i don’t get around to yours fast enough/at all! i’ve had a lot of not too nice anons recently and while i understand how bad it feels to be ignored, you also have to respect i’m a person too here!

aah that’s negative. i wish all the anons the best up there, let me know if posting in a chunk like this works for you!

#about a crush #all advice is my opinion only!#if you want to give yours you can totally reply or reblog the post #i'm sure that would help these anons a lot!

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survivormuxloe · 5 years

Text

Episode #10: "This is why people hate the gays” - Michael

Oh my fucking god did y’all see that tribal I was like butch it’s me I’m going like bye bye omg but NO it was simply a vote reveal and the idol WILL be mine

So a few things to go over...

One, the plan to get rid of Felix was successful and bought me and Michael another day...HOWEVER, it would appear that I was not the first person to make it to the end of the bridge, which is a shame cuz I REALLY needed this idol, but it's okay.

Because Michael is still gonna be considered a bigger threat than me, and the most likely to go home if we both don't win immunity. That being said, I'm REALLY hoping I can pull this immunity off cuz it'd just be nice to not have to worry about it being me at tribal.

i'm on highkey alert starting now.... this round (and honestly for the rest of the game) is prime time for blindsides and the waters are ripe for it... i really wouldn't be shocked if i'm targeted and have to play my idol hmph. i really really really just want to be able to use it successfully and i will feel content af with my game no matter what happens...

my plan to take out jones is slowly unfolding, i worked on ryan earlier, and got him to see jones as a ringleader.. and he wants her out soon.. which is perfect for me hehe.. i just dropped some hints here and there that she has a lot of connections.. and now he's paranoid that she's gonna bring together a group of michael/david/mo/ahrre... which is perfect for me since i can use him to take her out... funny enough im not sure when i should take out ryan, he's definitely a threat going forward... but if i play my cards right i can take both of them out because i'm also painting ryan as a big target to some of the others hehe.. im trying not to overplay rn bc my ass is not on the line for votes currently, one misstep and I'm gone

im so mad.. rn LMAOAOAOAO like. jones is overplaying as hell n i want michael gone SOOOOOO BAD but i gotta be fake af.. almsldndg

me n ryan r the best duo tho like.. i think ive convinced everyone thet we arent as together as they think umu

So Felix went home. Which I knew about despite voting for Michael. I thought it was gonna be like 5-5 and tobi was considering to flip to avoid rocks. I didnt want Felix gone personally so I sent in a vote for Michael knowing it wouldnt change the outcome.

Jones is really overplaying wanting this next vote to be a split vote. Like no its 3-3-3 that way. THATS NOT SAFE. ITS ASKING for someone to flip. NO. Jones is going home this round or next round. Thats the T.

extra shit.. me tobi rhys ryan are all mad susp of miss jones and i think im tryna convince all of them to stick wth her plans until f7 and us 4 can cut her ass out of the equation :) yayayaya im excited. girl deserves it after her overplaying last week as much as i love her

Wiggling my way out of danger was a huge success, now i'm just hoping to lay low and not cause much drama and basically let the larger players; David, Rhys, Jones take one another out which will allow me to hopefully slip through the cracks and make it far.

nvm idk how to feel ab my position anymore ignore all previous confessionals that i praise myself LMAOAOAOAOA

It’s critical that I try my best to win immunities since my name and David’s is on the line and I’d rather he’d go than me. My best plan is to use Jones to my advantage she has a lot of sway with the other side and by playing off her need to be the leader and to have power to keep me in this game. Everybody wants power and everyone wants control and if Jones thinks that she has control over both sides of the tribe then she’s not gonna get suspicious and take me out.

So I’m a little disheartened by the touchy subjects results. I won “the biggest goat” and “who doesn’t deserve to be here” and it sucks because these people are my friends and I guess most of them think this. But water off a ducks back, I’m going to smile and keep moving forward. I wanna win.

Another day another update. So from were we left off Felix did end up going home good shit he didn't have an idol. He did play the vote reveal thing but I doubt that changed anything in the slightlest lel. That attempt from Scott to save face by also voting Felix is cute tho hehe.

Anyhow so after that we went to touchy subjects which tbh I was waiting because that would be an opening in my game. So Ryan and Rhys think I'm a goat which it's not suprising considering they're the ones I talk to the least. However most importantly Mo was picked as the goat by the most people.

Now this is a tough game and everyone is putting a lot of effort into it so imo it's not easy to point out a goat and Mo is understandably feeling down because he's as much into this game as everyone else. So I knew this was my opportunity to make a move because Mo will be wanting to prove himself to others so if I'm gonna try something this is my best oportunity to get his vote.

Now I grab Michael and David as well who are in a desperate spot and BAM we have the underground boys. So now the plan is simple. Tobi told me they want to split the votes between Mo and Michael in case Michael has an idol, so we get them to split then Mo and me flip and hopefully get someone.

That someone should be Ryan IMO because he's def a duo with rhys and even a stronger duo with Scott. So birds one stone. Plus he called me a goat so hey thre's that :)

lmfao i'm getting dead silence from half the tribe and totally awkward conversation from Jones... definitely getting the vibe that i'm the target. I know Scott got tea from Tobi that Jones has concocted some scheme to split the vote on me and/or rhys or something to that extent? idek i need the full picture tomorrow but lol. should be a fun show no matter what happens

Ok so Michael, David, Fabricio and I formed an alliance because were kind of on the outs. I know this is weird because I had rough pasts with all of them but I really like this alliance. Now, do I trust Michael? Absolutely fucking not, he already lowkey threw me under the bus after the alliance was made. By telling Jones I told him. So I want him gone soon.

bih.. i aint in the mood today at all..

first of all last night touchy subjects. david wins lol x. i get most trusted n least trusted bc thats a thing ig. werk mama.

then to make matters worse... miss jones wants to split on either me or ryan incase michael idols ...

n now ive told tobi abou t my idol n idk why im just feelin quirky n cool lol

I have to laugh... this game gets wilder by the minute... my position right now is really fragile but its good if i play it right... right now i have a lot of influence over what happens hehe... like i swear to god i feel cocky but lets review some things. 1. Jones is wrapped around my finger... i've been playing this whole super supportive ally and she even gave us the name "kermit and miss piggy" for our duo (me being miss piggy obv) and i've been working hard on her.. i got her to realize michael was actually super manipulating and was using her for a lot of things.. which is funny because that's exactly what im doing to her... she even showed me some stuff he wrote to her and i was consistently telling her that im trying to protect her from being manipulated by him... i swear to god im evil HAHA and like i love her and all but she's a huge social threat and if i see a clear shot im gonna take her out 2. scott scott scott... we were sharing idol guesses a few days ago and he went ghost on me on the guesses... i had suspicions that he was close to getting/had the idol... AND HE LITERALLY TOLD ME HE HAD IT I WAS LIKE OMGGG like this made me SO relieved because that means that i don't have to worry about the merge idol popping up without me knowing, but after i leaked his idol in Saint Vincent i have NO idea why he told me again... like this obv makes me wanna take him out and do stuff but im not gonna leak it again... i think. But like im not here to play fiddle to him... im here to win and if i have to take him out later i will... but the thing is that i don't know when a good time to take him out is, if im in f6 with a bunch of goats, the target is gonna be on me... so i have to think more about what im gonna do about him 3. ryan... i haven't been working hard on him, but he did come up to me with a plan to get me, him, rhys, and scott to the f4 like omg thats pretty iconic but going to f4 with a challenge beast like ryan? i have to laugh... im not stupid... challenge beasts have been the bane of my org career and im not about to let it happen again here... i have a lot on my plate right now, and im playing hard, but what's lovely is that i dont think im a threat to anyone? at least in comparison to the scott/ryan/jones clusterfuck that im gonna try to orchestrate, im lowkey... i swear to god if i actually pull this shit off.... my mind... but then again i might just flop again like usual so who knows hehe

now that ik my name has been thrown out im so nerv ALMFNHFg like i dnt wanna be blindsided 5-4 o.o but uhm i hope for the best n hopefully im smart enuff to play idol ?

i just want jones gone is that so much to ask

idk How to make confessionals apparently Bc I KEEP FORGETTING AHHH Michael comes to me right after the Felix vote and says “hey David crossed the bridge the idol’s gone” and I’m like MOTHERFUCKER. I WAS THIS FUCKING CLOSE. And it obviously scared me because either of them could be lying and one of them could have the idol. And I OF COURSE PANICKED. The next day I went to try and cross the bridge (Bc I was on 90) and I ACTUALLY DID IT!!! but guess what,,,,, THERE WAS NOTHING!!!!! HORRAY!! Idk what I’d do with myself if I got an idol tbh,, that shits scary. But yeah knowing that the idol is gone AND THAT I heard it from Michael first is hella scary and that could mean 3 things - A) theyre felling the truth and it’s gone, B) Michael’s a liar and Has it, or C) David lied to Michael and David has the idol. So right now this information is fucking with my head. And it’s deeeefinitely going to in the next vote.

So David wins immunity and I’m not THAT bothered by it? Of course it just makes things harder for everyone else Bc the original plan was to split between Michael and David, BUT NOW WE CANT. Either way Michael has to go home. He has a really terrible way of getting into everyone’s head and it’s not good for anyone. Plus if he makes it to the end he has such a good chance at winning with an underdog story it’s not even funny ajddjkf. BUT Theres still the possibility that one of those two has an idol, and we really have to think wisely on who would go in case that happens. Tobi thinks Mo is the safer move, but I really don’t think there’s a point in getting rid of someone that everyone thinks of as a sheep. Plus I’d like to sit with him in the end soooooo yeah. My personal preference on who the “blindside target” would be is Ryan. I love him to DEATH and Sweyn to the end, but he’s a challenge threat, and we have to pick off Sweyn eventually if the Muppet alliance wants to be victorious. Michael and david are already on board with getting him out anyway Bc they think he and Rhys are “tight” lol. But right now the vote split should be 7-2 on Michael as far as I know, there’s a solid chance that Mo will get a vote and if he does I’ll actually DIE. Also /according to Michael/, he said that Mo came to him and told him was voting for Michael. AND LIKE THATS THE THING MICHAEL IS PLANTING SEEDS IN MY HEAD THAT MO ISnt some I can trust and that /scares me/ which is why he has to go. If the tribal goes right, Michael goes, if Michael plays an idol, Ryan goes. If it’s a tie between Ryan and Mo, Ryan goes.,,, hopefully.

So, Touchy Subjects, Im almost irrelevant, atleast im honest.

Anyway, The vote plan is Michael. However Jones is scared of an idol. I dont really want to split a vote but Jones is persistant on it. Ive been talking with people and apprently the split vote is on Mo.

However I talk to Ahrre and he knows this information too? Im on the bottom of whatever this is. Like I NEVER hear stuff first. I NEVER feel like I acctually know whats going on.

So to be honest. I dont feel like im going to win. Atleast not on this path. So I need to take a peck at the leader. Jones. Mo and Ahrre are said to be in her pocket. This is bad for 2 reasons. Jones has more power, and they arent doing much thus will be dragged to the end. So removing power, and increasing my odds of getting to the end will be great.

So the split vote is set to be 5-2-2. However, I can safely tell Michael that its 2 on Mo. So Michael & David both vote Mo. This is 5-4. We just need 1 flip to make this happen. So that could either be me, changing my vote to Mo. Perhaps someone else could flip beside me. Fingers crossed.

So it seems like once again I am getting voted and with the amount of idols and such out there it’s getting more and more scary being this bitch who’s constantly getting voted because at any point I’m either getting the majority or I’m getting idolled out. I’m just hoping and praying that everything goes well and I need to start winning immunity

i like don't know what's happening fahsdfhas. i kinda snapped and messaged michael for some reason, i think to see if he was gonna vote me.. and i kinda told him/he asked and i confirmed that there's a split plan in motion and he told me him/david are voting Mo and i was like well if you don't want me out i don't want you out... and Scott tells me he heard throuoght the grapevine (from tobi who heard from ahrre who was told by michael fjasld) that Michael said it was RHYS that let him know??? i'm. so idk faksdjf but i'm floundering a bit tbh. there's like less than 3 hrs until tribal so i hope i figure out concretely whats gonna happen

Alright so let's go through a couple of things.

I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Omg, it felt so good to get redemption after losing this same challenge in my first org. (I got the tiebreaker there too and was WAY off, LOL fuck me) And anyways, it feels good to not have to worry about it being me tonight and to have a spot in the final 8. Hopefully this shows people that I've BEEN here to friggin play.

So now as it stands for tribal tonight...myself, Michael, Mo and Ahrre are gonna vote Ryan out. The other side are planning to split their votes 3 for Michael and 2 for Mo cuz they think Ahrre and Mo are voting for Michael. If all goes well and no idols get played, then we're in for the biggest power shift this season has seen and I cannot wait to be a part of that shift, cuz it's FUCKING GO TIME BABY

ugh the idol paranoia i'm having rn........ i can't if i go home w the idol im gonna hate myself n if i misplay the idol im gonna hate myself jlskhfd like this vote is so uncertain to me.. i could be overthinking but i just dk... so like i almost want to just be messy and get the other 5's votes on me and idol myself…

ok so messy ryan jumped out and acted on his idolinpocket paranoia flaksdhf. i talked to both mo and michael and threw jones under the bus pretty bluntly.. mo seemed to already knoow that jones created the split plan w him as the vote, and is just acting like he thinks he's going home so idk if thats genuine or not. michael on the other hand, seems genuinely thinking it was between him or mo and now wants to get ahrre and me to vote mo with him and david and rhys who already voted mo. fladfjas so i've realized i was highkey overthinking but. this is interesting

Right so idek where I left off but I think it was right after the underground boys were formed. Anyhow so Jones was weary of ryan so she thought about voting him, thing is he only wanted him as a backup plan in case Michael played an idol because everyone and their mums want him dead at the end of the day I guess.

So I'm like ok let's get michael and david to vote ryan with us and then while one of us still votes michael to make it a 4-3-2, (without letting her know Mo was with us and that I would vote ryan anyways lel) but then she freaked out and so did everyone really and they suddenly didn't want to split anymore and everyone was voting Michael.

However I managed to convince Tobi (and by proxy the rest of sweyn cause let's face it tobi is on top of this game that's another guy I've got to get rid of) to split the vote anyways, so as it stands Tobi and Rhys are voting Mo and Ryan Scott and Jones are voting Michael. But the thing is that they think Mo and me are also voting Michael but in reality we're gonna vote Ryan so it SHOULD be 4 votes Ryan 3 Michael and 2 Mo.

Now my worry is that if Ryan plays an idol it all goes to shit but I'm trying my hardest to make sure he doesn't know. Anyhow let's see how this plays out.

It doesn’t feel good to be facing elimination especially now that jones is voting me. Any slight deviation from the plan for anyone could lead to my elimination but I hope that now ryan is voting mo that I might just scrape by once again and with jones’ Transparent game she shouldn’t be Long behind Ryan.

lmao so they (michael, david, ahrre, mo) tried to pull off a rly good move flipping their votes onto me. and if only rhys hadn't had to sleep early and didnt vote Mo, I'd be sitting pretty but they did that.... unfortunately for them, apparently Jones fucked up heavily and immediately voted Michael in the revote? did i hear that correctly? KLFSJLDFHS WIG. i kinda feel bad bc... i really should be leaving here but.... wig. I had done some campaigning to Mo before I found this out and think i was making some good groundwork to get him to keep me and he was at least oon the fence, so i might have had a shot even if jones were gonna vote me. but wig.. if she really did that, then that means me and scott have made the final 8 and we still have 2 idols in our pockets WHEW. big moves is coming ladies

This is why people hate the gays smh. Please be ryan please be ryan please be ryan go home Ry ry

ugh can't believe my best friend michael is leaving tonight ): LMSHNBG am i fuck..

legit im sooooo happy ryan is staying altho a little peeved as well tbh.. i coulda had 2 idols :flushed: but i wont complain.............

anyway. i still think jones is crazy n her idea of trying to get me to flip on ryan is absolutely absurd ALMJFNFG like bitch.. i know im on the bottom if i flip im not dumb why do u think i didnt vote mo like u told me to lAMNFHBFG IJS!!

i just gotta win immunity next week n im confirmed at least f5? hopefully? LAMNHFBFG like. i dont wanna. be tied on. and i wanna keep this idol for the l0ong haul. which is why i told ryan and tobi. oooop. LAMNJHBFG.

PROB NOT A GOOD IDEA TELLING TOBI but i rly do trust him this time around... he gives me legit all the tea n i do the same back :flushed:

lolll i lvoe having the worst jury management :))) love sticking to sides :)))) like i aint gunna clear that perception up by voting ryan suck my dick he trusts me and thats all i care about..

like. im gunna be hounded on for not flipping to a side who wants me out n thats so annoying!! i rly cant win aLMFHFG. these cunts can fuck off idc ill argue with every single one of them

michael... he's a cockroach... he wont just DIE like there have been so many times where there was something stopping him from leaving... last round jones wanted felix so we obliged and now its this stupid tie revote kjflkjdf like this is exactly why i wanted him out earlier... getting numbers against him is gonna be hard and i really hope his ass leaves in the revote... he should anyway hehe.. i have a few options going forward and i feel like i could possibly do a lot but the question is do i want to be doing a lot??? if people start thinking that im a threat then shit LMAO but the thing is there are so many goats and pawns (mo, ahrre, david) that if you do anything significant, your threat level is obvious and like i want to take out some of the threats but im worried if i take out too many,,, the goats will become sentient and take my ass out... i just need to take this one vote at a time while planning for the future its simple :^)

ITS BEEN A MESSY 24 HOURS AND HERES THE FUCKING TEA so the vote ended up being a tie. NOT THE ONE I PREDICTED. It ended up being a Michael/Ryan tie. AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER AJ EXPLAINS THE RULES MICHAEL BLOWS UP MY WHOLE FUCKING GAME (almost.) he says “Jones you orchestrated this vote follow through with it” AND IM???? LITERALLY??? Ryan was never a target of mine,,, never the main target I mean BUT NEVER A TARGET. David Mo and Michael all told me that Ryan was gunning for me though,, but that was AFTEr I revoted for Michael sooooooooo that’s the tea. But like,, Michael is,, kind of being an asshole. Very much so. I feel like he’s taking advantage of my emotions to try and manipulate me into Saving him, but I really wouldn’t mind if either him or Ryan went?? Preferably Michael obviously lol. He was never someone I wanted to take to the end anyway, so it’s better to get rid of him while we can lol. Also!!? That dumbass shit that Michael said on hangouts??? Rhys and Ryan made a whole ass 180 in our relationship Bc THEY THOUGHT I VOTED FOR RYAN BC OF WHAT MICHAEL SAID AKDJKDFNJF. Thank god I was actually able to work it out with them, but like,,, fuck that scared me. This is why Michael needs to go Bc he’s a loose cannon and will DESTROY MY GAME. OFF WITH HIS FUCKING HEAD

i finally understand why no one respects Mo as a player lol, he really has no back bone of his own at all..

The vote ties 4-4-1, and Michael is sent home 4-3 after a revote.

#episode #royallyyours

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