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#okay I think I'm done bitching
bylertruther 10 months
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moodboard for when you lose the idgaf war. or something. again
#when i started this post there was no one online so like. can u guys turn around or smth -_-#anyway. feeling like a chump like a weenie like a marshmallow that's dissolving in someone's hot chocolate feeling very um . Feely#and tht isn't said in a self-deprecating way bc there's nothing wrong with being a sensitive person i'm jus. yk. saying tht it's not always#very fun. like i would very much rather feel like a toasty marshmallow being smushed in a delicious s'more rn but instead i'm trying to#express in the least vulnerable way possible tht i've felt a series of human emotions in quick succession tht make my heart beat funny#bc i think if i were to be any more open abt tht then i would likely disintegrate and i mean tht in the most normal I'm Okay way ever 馃憤#and i jus think tht it Sucks tht u can be earnest n true n it won't matter bc if someone doesn't engage with u in good faith then there is#simply literally nothing that you can do but go ''Okay 馃憤''#like. goes taut n keels over dead like a cartoon character. then reanimates bc i'm not done#that is just The Worst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wdym!!!!!!#it should be enough. it should be but it isn't and i'm a little marshmallow melting in someone's drink they're stirring me and#i'm turning into foam like . There Has Got To Be Another Way Out Other Than Through Bro someone grab my collar and drag me out#this bitch like a cat on a leash someone hold their hands out or smth i just . *)%*^76)*%$^)%*43^rty)*%6$)6578^$%(*8796gk@$)*%$#it will be ok . it will 馃憤
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llycaons 23 days
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I've never heard anyone say 'prommy' outside of that one tumblr text posts and jokes deriving from it but I think if I heard it irl I'd think it was cute. if I hear someone say doggo irl though I WILL need to restrain my urge to maul them
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running-in-the-dark 3 months
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I just had to see this comment on that 'how anxious are you while driving' poll:
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and tbh... haha shut your mouth :)
#thanks for the advice! guess I'll not leave the house ever again then :)#bitch I have anxiety. everything makes me a bit anxious sometimes. so yeah driving IS a bit scary sometimes.#but guess what? I can judge if I'm safe to drive or not! and I fucking am!#I've never even put the tiniest scratch in the car.#I drive better than plenty of people that I know and it's *because* it makes me a bit anxious sometimes#I pay attention to everything. I don't drive too fast I don't do stupid shit I'm a good driver#not perfect. definitely not.#but I know what I feel comfortable with and if I don't I don't fucking drive (like yeah when there's lots of snow I won't drive!)#sorry but I hate shit like this#if this is your opinion uuh don't talk to me I guess? because it's shitty as fuck#like?? why do you think you can judge that shit better than. I don't know. my driving instructor for example? that man saw me have a panic#attack in my second lesson and he was still the one who convinced me I could do it.#even the examiner thought I did great even though I was very anxious (because it's a fucking TEST. and it's expensive as fuck.)#so please fuck off :)#sorry I don't usually care about stupid shit like this but I had to see that on my dash and. nope it's too fucking stupid to ignore#they probably meant well. and I don't care! :) because I've heard shit like this my whole life and if I didn't do everything that makes me#anxious I couldn't do ANYTHING. yes. driving is serious. making sure everyone on the road isn't in danger is serious. and guess what? I'm#completely sure I take that into consideration more than 99% of drivers before they get into their cars :)#okay rant over I'm done I just. ugh it makes me mad.#personal
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seventh-district 4 months
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wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!
#/sarcastic btw. i am. Not happy about this recent development#Seven.txt#writing stuff#ao3#like. don't get me wrong i do understand why and i can't fault anyone and i'm not like.. Mad. but it does hurt a lil#but alas. tis the nature of creating and posting things. not everything's gonna be received well and that's fine#it does suck to see a fic i put so much time and effort and love and part of myself into flopping so hard#not because i wrote it for anyone's sake other than my own#but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want people to enjoy the things i create. that's like. a normal and common desire#and i think i maybe killed it before it could get going with how i tagged it and the bigass disclaimer at the beginning#i think those turn a lot of ppl off that might otherwise read and maybe even find that they enjoy it??#but i would rather over-warn ppl for the triggering and non-canon aspects than under-warn them and potentially trigger or upset someone#and i can't blame ppl that subscribed for some Other thing when they open their email and see a notif that i posted smthn#and it's a mile of upsetting/negative sounding tags for a fic abt a guy they either don't know or don't wanna see mischaracterized#and so of course they unsub and that's okay. it's okay.#anyways. enough bitching abt my fic not doing well. i don't have much room to complain!#most of my stuff is fairly well received imo. so i can stand to have a flop fic every once in a while. gotta balance things out lmao#the good thing is it's already fully written so the lack of engagement can't stop me!! there's no motivation to kill! it's done already!#anyways. i'll post a chapter a day as planned and then it'll be out of my system in a week and i can post other stuff again finally#next up will be an [N]MbD oneshot. then i'll finally post the Dew Ghost Band OCD fic. then another [N]MbD oneshot ehehe#and thennn ES Ch.5! fucking finally. i can't wait to continue that story#the Dew fic is a oneshot too btw. once AEIWNF is fully posted then the only multi-chapter project i'll have is ES. and that's Enough
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lookedlikethebins 7 months
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SUPRISE!
I didn't do the work i needed to do yet tonight BUT
I did just finish a draft of an angsty ~5k mostly-internal-george-narrative gatty-centric fic WHICH MEANS
i'm going to do some actual work and then (after like, maybe a nap?) revise, edit, and then post her!!
(also, new rule, per that lovely anon from this past weekend: i'm not going to think too hard about this; i wanted to write this so i did!! and i always end up writing a really prosey/emo/basically committing every single one of my self-indulgent writing habits in a fic--and they get mixed reviews but man, y'all have been so nice and encouraging and forgiving i'm just going to do it!! and if you like it, that's very sick and awesome thank you ily and if it's not your cup of tea thank you for even glancing at it. i'll be back with regularly scheduled programming soon.)
anyway... now i'm going to go uhhh, edit an entire manuscript of a book that so far is not my cup of tea... wish me luck. ty and gn x
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savage-rhi 7 months
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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elytrafemme 9 months
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okay i will actually stop the public breakdown sort of now because it's kind of embarrassing but i do need to point out that my girlfriend sent me a video which i do not find funny and like i'm already splitting right now and i really do not need this energy in my life where are the funny men like what are we doing here
#public meltdowns are good to use in reserves bc people really care initially but after a while it's like#yeah okay here's mare again not handling her emotions which w/e that's my whole fucking thing but like#it is no longer fun so use it well when you have it that's just my advice#anyway. oh i forgot what i was going to say oh fucking whatever#now i'm just cold why is my room fucking freezing this time of year. i'm so fucked in college like actually#i'm genuinely going to snap in half in college it's going to be such a thing . i'm going to actually throw up i think#post canceled i got sad about going to college fucking sue me. okay? i'm going to go fucking crazy#do you know what it's like to watch yourself go crazy do you know what it's like to always be the crazy one#because i'm ALWAYS the crazy one like for years that's why i keep breaking down publicly#cause like everyone knows i'm THAT one you know.#and no i cannot talk about this one on one individually who the fuck do you think i am! who am i putting this on!#my friends are all like you should tell me your emotions No actually bc here's the thing#if people do not want to see me vent here they block tags and they unfollow and they block me#and like it's over. who cares. we're done bitches#but in text like there's no escape honey there is nothing#so like. even if i want that i don't do that i don't fuck with that. what am i even talking about#OH MY GOD THE UNFUNNY VIDEO WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOO#i'm going to listen to the recs alek just sent me because alek is the best. you all follow him right#i'll just leave her on read who fucking cares#she's not gonna notice
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highwaydiamonds 1 year
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As someone who hates the sisyphean task of cleaning, how dare my mental health prefer a clean room.
#like come on brain - you could have made this one easier on the rest of me but ( as usual) NO You didn't#did i think about this as i sit in my tidy bedroom where everything just looks a lot cheerier and cozy and happy now that it's clean? yes#did it literally take me DAYS to get it this clean - and by this clean i still have laundry and stuff to do - so it's not perfect#but it looks like it p much is#and while my skin has not been cleared no my depression cured - it certainly is a boost to feel like this is a refuge#i actually want to spend time in her and feel like it's a nice room to be in - awaaaaaaaay from the other people i live with#and lbr - i need a plce to get awaaaaaaaay from them (and ok fine vice versa most likely)#but still - it would be a lot simpler if my brain liked a messy room more- my lazy parts would prefer that- but no#depression brain says -BITCH CLEAN UP - you will be happier and capable of doing some of the things if it's clean#also - you will feel LESS OF THE BAD HORRORS if it is clean#so UGH - FINE i will have to work to keep it clean - I GUESS.#i should reread camus's myth of sisyphus because iirc he didn't talk about dishes or laundry or room cleaning in that#he probably talked about death - been too many years since i read it - i don't remember - probs death and suicide#but not cleaning - he should have talked about cleaning. or wanting to die when you realized living means more cleaning#that would have been way relatable - but anyway - here we are- i'm not dead - and not planning on being so any time soon hopefully#partly because there is shit i still wanna do - but also partly because this room looks p decent and i'm not gonna make it messy#especially not by dying in here when it takes forever to get it clean#moral of the story: cleaning makes you feel like you wanna die but when it's done for the moment you'll be like i'll do that another day#because now the room is clean and dying in there would be a waste of the efforts of cleaning. just appreciate the space - vibe w/ it#and then you realize - ok life is maybe okay - and there's art and books and flowers and sex and chocolate and cute animals#so even if there are sisyphean tasks - and there are many - well do em anyway - brain will like it and then get back to the good stuff#thus endeth the tag saga after a short text post#welcome to how shit is around here sometimes
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monsterslament 2 years
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I don't wanna start school because of the stress of school yk. but also I got a look at the place today bc I'm a new student and its chill. just hope my teachers aren't rude . oh shit wait what backpack should I get. I'm thinking an among us bag bc the funny but. I want some sort of kids backpack for the bit.
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faerociousbeast 2 years
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i wouldnt mind getting ayaka
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boxwinebaddie 3 months
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IM OKAY W SPOILERS I WANNA KNOW WHO THE GUITARIST WAS
EHEHEHEHE!!!
major rm!spoiler under the cut bc i <3 Professor Chaos.
it is indeed, my friends who guessed correctly,...
scott malkinson with a lisp and diabetes ;)
aaaaAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE WE SCREAMIIIIIN!!!!
SCOTTTYYY!!!
like!!! okay perhaps, again, this is not Groundbreaking because i had some people guess it ( i will say my comments section was Divided ) but i did also say that it wasn't groundbreaking that stan knew who kyle was and every1 was like *ravenstan vc* NO ME DIGAAAS NINA!!!
but yes, yes, yes, the old cd guitarist was Scott <3 and tbh, at first, i was like...hm, is this a bad idea? is this too much sensitive info? but i rationalized this Dubious choice by thinking like...if i were Uphating my Actual Fanfic rn, you would all have access to this info already. like this would be common knowledge to you and because i am using this blog as my way to share my story with you and i'm not really writing rn...this feels right to me. ( definitely earned it, ily 4 waiting )
with that in mind, you are welcome to ask me anything you like about scott and the cd boys...within reason. if i can't answer a certain part of a question or an ask because of a major spoiler involving a character that we don't know yet or if it deals with some part of 1 or 2 and the raven past that i shouldn't share yet, i'll let you know.
but fire away my friends! all i ask is that in your qs you call my son something that Isn't His Name or The Ex CD Guitarist at least for today/24 hrs so people who don't want that spoiler can avoid it.
god, tho...that was so freeing for me THAT WAS KILLING ME. when i tell you that this fanfiction is my Baby and i love it so much, but its not compatible w/ me as a writer because i am super detail oriented and i am really bad at keeping secrets? lmaoooooooo I'M SORRY!!!
if i spoil the whole fic on here eventually...Soz Besties!!!
aNYWAYS!!! i hope this thrills you <3
-uncle nina, serial fanfic spoiler
#rm spoiler#SPEAKING OF DUBIOUS CHOICES THO#my head hurts so fucking bad oh my god#please don't be like me and drink water during ur hot girl weekend SHEnanigans bc i am in so much pain#but yeah you are allowed to ask me questions abt him#you can get moderately specific but again if i cant answer something i will tell you but ur welcome to be v unhinged#literally fire away#also if the lore is inconsistent...i am still working on a lot of the side characters...lo siento#okay i'm done; i need an ibuprofen or like 10#*stas vc* Now Should Thou Come And Lookest For Me...#Look No Further Than Thy Feet#For I Will Be Lying...In The Street :/#Pray Me Well Boys!#*craig vc* No <3 Shan't :)#rp that was just for u bc u asked me abt the medieval tkak insults i am unhinged in that fanfic i think i'm so funny HEELP#stas oh my godddd my sister in christ pls stop threatening to Lie In The Street every time u fumble a bad bitch smh#the language is lowkey gonna be inconsistent like as far as thy and thou and you/i go so its readable but we can laugh at least#butters like oh gods craig stas threatened to lie in the street again!!! :( should we try and Reunite Her With Her Reason?!?!#*craig vc* u cannot return was what was never lost & fear not:#for stas' chest is so Flat#that the carriages will roll over her without hitch :)#a Pebble should cause more disturbance than our dear friend#so be still and breathe easy butters <3 the girl is fine#SHDLKHDLKHSD LIKE MAAAAN THE BRUTALITYYY#BRO PLS STOP THE VIOLENCE#WORLD OF STARS#sorry i didnt mean to hijack this post for that but also this post is for updates so actually it is lowkey relevant
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bbibbico 2 years
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馃ぎ
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running-in-the-dark 2 months
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#had more to say about that last post#like. they (my in-laws) haven't once mentioned the fact that I finally finally finally had my last exam and passed and will be getting my#degree now#we told them. they were just like 'oh okay what profession does that make you now?' I have a bachelor's degree in business administration..#it's not like. oh you're an electrician now. or something. they know this. we have told them many times#they didn't congratulate me. they weren't understanding about how hard the last couple months have been (with my thesis and the exam WHILE#finding an apartment and then preparing to move out and then actually doing that)#no all I got was judgmental comments because I didn't have everything ready and packed when we were moving out#look! I know I'm awful! I know I'm probably just a lazy bitch! but I couldn't fucking do any more!#I'm tired all day every day. I can't move around much before I feel so exhausted and dizzy that I have to stop.#I feel like absolute shit for not getting everything done!#but yes sure just keep telling me that. maybe that'll make my body get better just because it makes me feel bad :)#literally their view on everything is basically 'just do it. and do it correctly. the exact same way we would do it.'#like. oh yeah everything is just that easy! and if you don't do it all perfectly you're trash. you're disgusting. you're LAZY and that's#awful#the only thing that matters in life is your job. it has to be your whole life and your entire personality and the only thing you are proud#of. you are alive to work. the only thing that matters is how your employer feels about you.#it's fucking exhausting.#I know what they think about me. I know they think I'm bad. like these people have known me for ten years. they have seen that I've#struggled with a bunch of different physical health issues. and it just does not matter! I'm just supposed to do everything anyway!#literally every time it comes up they're like 'why can't you do this thing that requires a lot of hand strength?' hello? my hands have been#fucked up for like 12 years. you know this.#so have my feet. no I'm not going for a fucking one hour walk with you guys. yes obviously I can walk that long. no I'm not gonna do it!#it HURTS. I have to carefully weigh it up and decide if it's worth being in pain for at least the next day!#but no there's absolutely no compassion or understanding. just contempt. they don't hide it at all#I'm so tired of this family#honestly? if my husband had a different (nice. warm. kind) family I would probably feel differently about him. though he'd also be#completely different then. his parents are the opposite of mine but they still fucked him up so bad.#anyway I'm done complaining for now. because I'm tired & I'll probably fall asleep again soon.#I really really hate my life tbh
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severepink 3 months
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Observing Adam
Where I go way too deep into something that probably isn't that deep. It's long, it's long as hell.
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Okay, so you'd think with how Adam talks he's just a typical misogynist, right?
This man worships pussy. So much so, he's named a whole ass angel, one of his best, Vagina. You'd say that he objectifies them and thinks of them as being lesser, but I don't think that's the whole story. In fact, I think he might be the original simp.
All of these exorcists so far have been women. All of them. He refers to them as ladies or bitches interchangeably, he sees them as being completely capable of absolutely decimating leagues of some of the most vile beings who have ever existed, and they have, to the point it was only after thousands of years that there's been a risk to this hierarchy.
He's a self-centered, egotistical, loud-mouthed, arrogant asshole, no doubt about it, but I'm beginning to suspect something now.
If Adam and Lilith were created from the same dust, if they were created as equals, I am more than willing to bet... Lilith is also a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant asshole. But, she's likely far more intelligent, composed, and duplicitous.
Lilith was allowed to refuse Adam and leave of her own free will and garnered her own independence. A new wife was created for Adam, she was replaced. My guess, is she thought Adam wouldn't be able to live without her, to come back and find herself replaced entirely, she was enraged.
I believe both Adam and Lilith were both incredibly dominant individuals who fought over ideas, thoughts, and ultimately in the bedroom as well, if we take into account the creationist stories.
I'm willing to bet she likely manipulated Lucifer into twisting humanity against its original concept. What if Lucifer's intention truly was to just spark something within Eve, like independence and thought and creation, but it was Lilith's poison within the fruit that tainted her, then subsequently Adam, with sin.
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Lilith thrived in hell, while Lucifer's dreams of creation were dashed. She didn't suffer as he did, instead the power of her voice grew with hell. Her voice grew so powerful that heaven found it to be a threat, her actions instigated the beginning of exterminations.
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Charlie said that when she was a little girl, she didn't know Lucifer at all. I don't think this was because of Lucifer, he's seen here, picking her up, inviting her to share in his thoughts and dreams, showing her something wonderful. Something she could see within herself.
Charlie says that it's this moment that sparked her will to fight for her dreams. Which is strange, because at the very beginning of the story, Charlie says it was her mother's dream that was passed down to her.
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Lilith took Charlie away. In this scene, Lucifer wasn't done showing Charlie his thoughts and dreams, he's still yearning to show his daughter these things at this point.
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Lucifer loves his daughter. He loves Charlie so, so, so much. So why wasn't he allowed to build a relationship with his daughter for the longest time? He was waiting for the opportunity to get to know her, but with how much he adores her why didn't he do it sooner? He didn't comment on 'It took you a while-' he just said he missed her smile. They don't want to be pulled apart, again.
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Now, we know Vivziepop has said that Lucifer and Lilith love each other, but Lilith 'wears the pants' in the relationship. We see all of the pictures all over the walls of a supposedly happy family. I don't think the relationship was as loving as originally portrayed and Lilith is a woman who desires control above all else. She likely tried to mitigate what influence Lucifer had over their daughter when she thought his angelic thoughts and behaviors became more than what she approved of.
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Lets take it back to Adam and Lute for a moment. Again, Adam is a loud mouthed idiot, he's a jerk. The moment he realizes there are demons in heaven, he's ready to go on the attack. It's only because of Lute that he didn't end up doing something absolutely idiotic.
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I gotta say, Lute and Adam's relationship is an absolutely fascinating one. He's a disrespectful dick head in how he talks, but how he acts is a different story. He allows Lute to man-handle him. He does listen to her, even if he's a whiny bitch about it.
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Look at him, this is the face of a man listening, a dumb one, but a dude listening all the same. He doesn't manhandle her back, he doesn't even pull away until she lets go of his collar. Of all the shit he complained about, between being grabbed and being told what to do, his biggest complaint is that she's telling him to shush.
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We know that Adam is the one who suggested the exterminations to begin with, so Sera says, and this was because of the power that Lilith was amassing. To him, Lilith is a threat. Even when he was willing to move on, to go to another wife when Lilith didn't want him or want to submit to him (fair babe, he's a bit of an idiot), she came back with an angel and proceeded to manipulate his new wife Eve. This is the supposed progenitor of man-kind, the original dick (hilariously enough), the reason civilization even exists at all. He and Eve had to fight for their lives after being tempted with the fruit. They had immortality, they had no ideas of shame, they were supposedly 'innocent' creatures before Lilith and Lucifer came along. He and Eve had to fight tooth and nail to survive after being cast from Eden. I think it shows in how willing and ready he is to take lead and do what he believes needs to be done, now out of a need for entertainment rather than a need to defend or protect. But, he still stopped to listen to Lute's advice. In the mythological story of Adam and Eve, Adam is the one who has to tell Eve that god said don't eat the fruit. Eve never heard god speak to her, so she was vulnerable to the snake's manipulations. She will now die because she ate it, and because she did not want Adam to take another wife, convinced him to eat it unknowingly. Funnily enough, Adam tried to explain to god that 'she lied to me and gave me the fruit' and in this actual mythology, Adam was punished for listening to his wife. Even without mentioning Lilith in the original mythology, Eve didn't want Adam to take another wife, so when we consider it within the context of Hazbin Hotel, it may be likely that's how it went down. Eve knew of Lilith, knew that she could be replaced, and decided that she would take Adam with her.
I believe that Adam does and did rely on the women in his life to help him with direction. I think Adam knows he can be an idiot and is willing to listen, even if he doesn't agree with what he's hearing. He did listen to Charlie in the beginning, he just didn't believe in her, like everyone else and he, out of anyone there, probably had the most reason not to. Cain and Abel were his and Eve's sons, his own child became the first murderer. Out of jealousy, the same kind of jealousy that no doubt has caused Lilith to act how she did. Adam isn't going to have empathy for sinners. His family, his legacy, were filled with the original sinners. He probably had to kill his son Cain in hell during the first exterminations. What do you think he would have had to feel, if it came to be a fact that sinners could be redeemed? That maybe his son, could've been redeemed? Or any of his progeny for that matter? How did it feel when his sons, his progeny, weren't given the same mercy as the Hellborn that Lucifer managed to keep protected through some deal with the angels or god? Not to mention that Charlie could've been his daughter. Charlie is the product of the people who completely and totally destroyed the paradise he'd been born into. She's the daughter who is protected and immune from the slaughter while all of his sons and daughters are judged and killed. I believe, even though he was a dickish prankster to Charlie, he was surprisingly patient and even somewhat amicable, willing to even ask her how her weekend was like he was just trying to get to know her.
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Adam could just see all of the angels under his employ as being disposable. He doesn't have to name them, or think about them in any individual fashion. But, he knows Vaggie, recognized her instantly. Thought she was badass. Lute's the one who saw her, tore her wings off, and walked away. I'm surprised they even let her live, because this just goes against everything they're doing. They're an army and they saw one of their own showing empathy to the enemy.
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Look at this dumb ass. He's being a shit-head, a dick, a bastard. But, he admires Vaggie's ability to pull Charlie, congratulates her, this dude isn't even judging her for being a lesbian. I don't think it's because he objectifies women, this dude loves women, he just does. He respects fellow vagina lovers. I don't think he respects liars in the slightest though. He's being underhanded, he's trying to be manipulative (he's not very good at it). I think he's brutally open and honest about everything and that's probably one of the reasons he's such a bastard anyways, because sometimes you just need to shut-up and he's not good at that.
I don't think he respects Sera for that either, he's more than willing to let others know what the hell he's doing, but under Sera's lead, he can't be open about it. I don't think it's his jam to act this way, it's why he sucks so bad at it and I think that's why Lilith is so antithetical to him. I also think that's why he's possibly even being manipulated.
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It's kind of crazy that Adam is the only one who tries to come up with what allows someone to get into heaven. So here's his list: 1. Act Selfless: Maybe at one point he was! He had to have been, to be one of the progenitors of mankind, he would have had to work, sacrifice, and give to his wife and children for them all to survive. Eve would have had to do the same, no doubt. He may not seem selfless, due to his raunchy behavior, but he's served heaven since he's been there. He's served humanity in some kind of facet. 2. Don't Steal: Considering the only other humans are his spawn, he likely had to try and get them to not steal from one another for them all to have an equal opportunity of survival. He and Eve likely both knew they would need to work together to survive.
3. Stick it to the man: This, however, is interesting. Who is 'The Man' he speaks of? God? The only other people over him or were equal to him were women. He speaks like a rocker, and I think in this case he's using the term 'The Man' in a gender neutral way. I think he allowed some amount of Authority to Lilith when they were supposed to be seen as equals, it comes so naturally to him as a character when it comes to the other women he's been interacting with. I think she is the 'man' that he's been sticking it to- Pun somewhat intended. ((This third one may also simply be a tongue in cheek reference to when Alex Brightman played Dewey in School of Rock on Broadway! Thank you to the user who brought this to my attention!))
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Adam is a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? He likes to fuck, he's made that abundantly clear. Full of lust you could say. It was his original purpose after all, and he is judging Angel Dust for something he probably would've done himself at one point or has considered doing (maybe not the having sex with men part). Angel Dust does all of these things, Adam doesn't even deny it. He even looks nervous. He's angry, but doesn't deny that Angel has done those things. He doesn't explain it away or try to lie or move the goal posts, he's just asking what is an actually very valid question.
Why isn't Angel Dust there if he can do things equal to what Adam himself hasn't done? Serenity continues that line of thought. It isn't until Charlie is realizing no one knows what it takes to get into heaven.
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Adam is more than willing to let Lute take the lead here, he's willing to give her the stage to clap back, he's giving her back-up antics. By all means, they could be pushing and fighting one another, there could easily be body language expressing something other than their general comfort around one another. They aren't fighting for a spotlight like you'd expect Adam to try and do considering his egotistical attitude.
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Adam fucking sucks at keeping his mouth shut and he sucks at lying. He nearly blew the secret out of the bag once, this time, Sera is the only one who tries to stop him and to be honest? Lute looks a bit too thrilled at it. He knows he fucked up, but he doesn't think it's a big deal that anyone would know. For fucks sake, they've already condemned souls, his progeny, to suffer. What's the big deal if he kills them?
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I have to re-iterate what's happening here. Charlie is proud she caused this chaos, that she caused these angels to fight amongst themselves, even if in this case it's a good thing. But, this is like history repeating itself to Adam, the reflection of his ex-wife, entering his domain, causing strife among his people, being happy about it.
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And the venom he expresses when it comes to the 'liar' portion, god Alex Brightman destroyed when he got to this portion specifically. There is some vehement disgust in his tone when he says liar.
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Adam isn't a good person now. But, I think he used to be a good person. By all means, Adam himself could've been the first murderer when his wife made her mistake. He, at one point in time, had to have been good enough to foster civilization itself with Eve. Both good and bad. Adam's original purpose was to be fruitful and multiply. Ordained by god (or maybe just angels) himself, divine power directed and created him to fuck. He didn't chase his ex-wife down, he was given a new one, Lilith was allowed to leave. When he left things alone, when he tried to move on, his ex-wife and a scorned angel destroyed the paradise he was in with Eve. He had to struggle and toil, he had to feel shame in his own body. He had to find out his first born son was the first murderer. His second son killed. We don't know if this is going to be canon in the story, a lot has changed, and if Adam is the first soul who reached heaven, then what did happen to Abel? Was Abel considered a sinner? Or did Cain kill Abel after Adam had passed? Either way, he had to witness his children kill, he had to watch his descendants behave in a range from saints and monsters. He's seen genocides, he's seen famine, war. Adam is desensitized to the plights of his descendants. Maybe he even saw it as a duty to cleanse the universe of their existence at one point, because they were his responsibility.
At the end of this episode, he is properly scolded by Sera and does seem ashamed of himself. He isn't huffy, he is reminded that he should be ashamed of acting that way.
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I love Lute's enthusiasm, she's absolutely brutal when talking about Vaggie and with how she handled Vaggie. I think it's funny that Lute is so brutal she's even made Adam uncomfortable. It's cute that he's made uncomfortable by the excitement and all he does is tell Lute, the premier hype woman over here, to chill. She's so proud of herself too, look at her.
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He fully expects these exorcist bad bitches to go in there and fuck shit up. But, you know it's hilarious that he's throwing horns? This dude, this angel. First human soul in heaven, loving rock n' roll, the devil's music, and throwing motherfucking horns. It's poetic really. I think we can probably assume where things are going.
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Now, this is the first point we've seen Adam being a real piece of shit to Lute. I don't think Adam likes it when people think he's too dumb to notice something, especially something so damn obvious. This is such a drastic moment of vitriolic, uncontrolled anger directed towards Lute. Adam knows he isn't the brightest tool in the shed. He likely knows he's obtuse and misses shit. It's why he sucks at lying, he knows he's not smart. That is why I think he's afforded women opportunities to direct him without fighting back against their advice and their choices. I'm sure Lilith made it obvious how dumb she thinks Adam is. I'm wondering if this might be where their ground breaking fight might've come from. Who's to say he didn't allow Lilith to take the lead, or listen to her like he's done with Lute here and now? Perhaps to an even greater point? He listened to Eve and ate from the fruit of knowledge and he was punished for it. Being seen as so dumb he can't formulate a simple fact is a sore spot for him.
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Adam is incredibly powerful. It took a bit out of him to exercise that power, probably because he's out of practice just like Lucifer said. At one point, he probably wasn't so sloppy and weak willed. He's gotten lazy. Sloth like.
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I think it got real personal here. How viscerally and personally he attacked Charlie. No one but Charlie truly thought sinners could be redeemed, or that they were even worth it. Not even one of the original sinners. Maybe he never considered the possibility, maybe what happened really did make him see the world as black and white to cope with that happened to him, his wife, his children. Charlie's desire to fight this idea would destroy the foundation for all of his coping through the years. He stopped seeing them as family, even though he's grandiose about his founding role in humanity. Does that itch the guilt that may lurk under the surface?
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I don't think Adam thought much of Charlie at all. I don't think he had any intention of coming to kill her in the beginning, despite seeing her, despite who her parents were. But, I think with the constant push, with how eager she was to disrupt the pre-conceived idea of order, it reminded Adam and reflected her parents so much, he was eager to kill her for revenge against them. I think this electrical interference on the mask is a direct reflection of sin. Namely, wrath, in this moment.
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Now, this. THIS. Is something that made me want to write this whole fucking essay. Is Lucifer implying that he not only gave Eve the Fruit from the tree of knowledge, but FUCKED HER TOO? Homies, I'm sorry but holy shit. That is some hydrating tea. I'd be pretty pissed too, fucked over twice by women who were supposed to be literal soul mates, who you were made for, who were made for you?
I knew he would have a goatee, I could almost hear it. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for how he looks. I think he's hot. He is a bastard, but so are a lot of the hot dudes in this show. It's just a theme.
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This exact series of lines prompted so many of the thoughts that I had about Adam and why he thinks or acts the way he does. At one point, Adam did have to work himself to the bone and learn to survive from scratch alongside Eve. He isn't entirely without cause to not think that he deserves some respect or recognition from his descendants.
But, that doesn't give him the right to act like god himself. It's... well... Blasphemous. Isn't it? One of the worst sins is to think yourself to be worthy of worship, as if you're a god.
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This is the moment that gave me empathy for them both. You could probably see the kind of loving person Adam could have been at one point with how he looks at Lute, even as he's laying there, dying. He's not crying like a bitch, just looking at Lute softly. Lute screaming for him, screaming his name. They cared for each other deeply.
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And this... and this.... and this. WHAT DEAL DID YOU MAKE, LILITH? Did you make it with Sera? Did you make it with Adam? Did you make it with Lute? Did you really just want a little 'vacay' away from the hell you helped create? Left her husband, depressed and lonely. Left her daughter without any care or guidance. Maybe Alastor was sent in her place, perhaps? Seven years since he was seen after all, but why wouldn't he show up sooner if Lilith did care? Did she make a deal with Lute and Adam? Did she let Adam smash it so she could stay in heaven? Did Lute let her stay in exchange for getting Adam out of a position of power? Or was it maybe Sera who commissioned Lilith with a deal? Either way, I'm in full belief that it wasn't Adam's idea to move the extermination day up. I think he's a patsy, a scapegoat. I think Lute may have been manipulated, potentially, into manipulating Adam into this position. Was it even really Adam who came up with the idea to do the exterminations? Or was he the one who simply decided to fight originally because he was told heaven was at risk due to Lilith's rising power? The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions. I think it could be any number of these. Either way, Lute certainly does think she had authority over Lilith. Is it Lute just having hubris? Or is Lilith truly bound, just like Alastor, Husk, and Angel Dust?
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Of course, now that we know a soul can be redeemed... and we certainly know that angels can fall. I don't think this will be the last we see of Adam.
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wow i have not been doing anything but playing o.ctopath traveler 2
#ash rambles 馃挌#it's so good omg#not selfship related or anything! i dont have a thing for any of the travelers (although that may be subject to change)#my current party is o.svald/t.hrone/t.emenos/o.chette and theyre all so neat#that aside. it's kinda nuts that christmas is in less than a week! times flies!!!#i hope everybody a great holiday :D!#bit of a vent coming up btw#i can't say i've always been a shining beacon of self-love since i'm far from that but. ngl i've been feeling like my f/os wouldn't love me#as of late. especially my husband k.yohei and wife a.qua#and i feel bad since there hasnt really been anything that prompted this. i just feel unlovable and i worry that they would hate me or think#that i'm ugly or annoying or whatever#... or maybe it's just midnight and i'm depressed. but still!!#anyhow. that aside#more updates:#i have such a huge thing for t.ibarn from f.ire e.mblem that it's honestly embarrassing. bitches (me) really see a huge buff guy with facial#scars and start giggling and kicking their legs huh? i truly am so predictable#hmmm going back to the holidays! i like christmas a lot but i've never really done a huge celebration. really only getting something for my#sister + a few cousins. but hm... it always makes me think about fun holiday hangouts with my f/os#eh i'm sleepy and rambling#okay gamers! goodnight!#i hope i feel better in the morning. been feeling so so down about myself and my relationships with my f/os these past few days#vent#negative#will probably delete later
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