#or at least a real bad cold

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

honestly, looking at izaya's life from a third person pov, it's just... sad? like.

here's this guy who touts himself as something akin to a god and a master manipulator and someone to be feared, and he IS very good at what he does, except... when you take a look at the rest of his life, you see a mid-20s man who has no friends, nobody who really likes him- his clients fear him, his secretary isn't fond of him, and the one friend he DOES have is honestly kind of a garbage friend. and when people draw attention to this, izaya goes on this spiel about how this friendship is so intricrate it can't possibly be understood by an outsider, but what's REALLY happening is that shinra routinely doesn't care for izaya on a personal level via ignoring and ostracizing him, and izaya kind of just. takes it up the ass

he sees everyone around him as an object and the sad thing is everyone, in turn, sees HIM as an object- less an actual living being and more an abstract concept, or at least something that only exists for others to gain something from. it's this vicious cycle of izaya keeping everyone at arm's length and denying his own humanity, which in turn leads to people also denying his humanity, unknowingly feeding into this fucked up cycle of self depracation that most likely started when he was a child- his parents didnt see him as a person, just a mouth to feed and later, a way to have the life they wanted while still appearing respectable- they had kids, just like society said they should, but theyre not obligated to care for them.

and the one person who DOES notice there is something unhealthy going on can't be assed to do anything about it- in volume 9, shinra explicitly says that he doubts izaya expects to live long enough to die of old age- celty actually agrees with him! celty not being assed about it i'd expect, she already hates izaya and doesn't actually know all that much about him, but shinra at least should realize that there's something off about the whole situation. wether thats out of apathy or he just genuinley doesnt believe izaya is being unhealthy, i don't know.

but as it stands, here's a man who insists he can't be manipulated and that he's in control, who's... routinely mistreated by his only friend whom he still talks to and expects some sort of closeness from, and who ultimatley not only loses control, but loses it so spectacularly that he ends up disabled, possibly permanently. i KNOW the spinoff novels said he couldve walked if he went to physical therapy, but "ability to walk" does NOT equal "not disabled anymore."

like... it's just. a sad life! it's a horribly sad existence of a perpetual misery cycle that izaya not only doesn't pull himself out from but actively perpetuates via constantly giving in to his worst impulses and keeping everyone away from him via said impulses, ensuring nobody will notice anything wrong, and that people who DO notice and DO realize its unhealthy, won't give enough of a shit about him to help

#durarara #orihara izaya #izaya orihara #sowwy if this is like. bad. im sick with the ffflllu i think #or at least a real bad cold #waposts #and this isnt me painting izaya as like. a victim whos done nothing wrong btw #its EXPLICITLY his shit behavior that ostracizes anyone that could break the cycle #its a hell of his own making and its really sad #esp if u headcanon hes got aspd because then the reason hes like this is bc of untreated mental illness #which gives him even LESS control over The Situation than he thinks #wa-kun go one post without mentioning aspd challenge (FAILED)(NOT CLICKBAIT)(I ALMOST DIED)

[todayisafridaynight]

it is the middle of summer

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza 7 #yakuza like a dragon #arasawa #masumi arakawa #jo sawashiro #snap sketches #spoilers he is doing it on purpose. //slaps my dome// this bad boy can think of SO many ways to make jo smile and be a lil silly #GOOFY BEHAVIOR #it might be summer for the north but i know it winter in australia and like Close Enough right. this is still valid #i have a regular drawing of jo with arakawas scarf but i didnt like it. so i mad a whole comic instead ☠️ #ALSO THREE CHEERS FOR BOANFIDE OLD MAN YURI THIS TIME !!!! I FOUND A WAY TO DO IT WITHOUT IT BEING DEPRESSING #this is a warning for things to come #anywy <3 aoki eased the leash on jo long nuff for him to have a day with arakawa aint that special aint that sweet #Real Talk Time. growing up i hated bundling for winter that shit was just so excessive #and my dad would aLWAYYS be like 'son what is this youre going to get SICK' and he'd bully me about wearing a scarf #or at the very least bully zipping/buttoning my coat. i think of it every time it starts to get cold out #i stil hate wearing scarves and i still hate zipping all my stuff up but still... lol..... #for my birthday my dad actually gave me an old scarf cause i was still refusing to bundle up despite how freezing it was ☠️ #its not like i like the cold i always complain about it dont i i just dont like my neck being touched ENOUGH #ok thats all bye bye im gona watch One Missed Call #i told my twitter friend i was gonna make her a master list of all the tsutsumi and nakai stuff ive watched #and i wanted to watch that before i did #while im on this tangent tho im going insane over the fact i cant find the third We Sell Antiques movie online and im MAD #i KNOW the movie just came out this january but LEMME WATCH #ok bye i have movie watching to do LMAO #please enjoy the rare True And Honest old man yuri. before i make everyone sad this weekend

[six-of-ravens]

coworker was like "it's so cold today :(" had to break it to him that it's only the beginning

#hello real winter #not too bad except friday and hopefully I won't have to leave the house fri/sat #debatable whether we'll go into the office thurs cause the boss who likes the office is on vacay #the boss who likes staying home might give us a pass to also stay home #at least the roads aren't terribly icy anymore. finally cold enough for snow and not rain

[videoaux-a]

@jizzlords *  ﹕  /  /   ⟳ in the spirit of chewsday, ozzie's holding vox's legs and biting his inner thigh. then around the hip bones. a purr.

Splayed across a large desk with a view of Lust in the background / Vox found himself bracing a hand on Ozzie's wide shoulders. A look of surprise was present as the sin had caught him off guard : the poor TV let out several groans as his thighs and waist were bitten over and over again, before his lover finally pulled away with a satisfied grin.

This is why you don't wear pajama shorts and nothing else around your lover . . .

#YALL ARE SO DOWN BAD TODAY #* ⌁﹕📺 ↯ NO REAL ME‚ ONLY AN ENTITY — SOMETHING ILLUSORY ╱ 𝐢𝐜. #* ⌁﹕📺 ↯ AND THOUGH I CAN HIDE MY COLD GAZE‚ I SIMPLY AM NOT THERE ╱ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧. #* ⌁﹕📺 ↯ FILMED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE ! ╱ 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝. #* ⌁﹕📺 ↯ AT LEAST AS DEEP AS THE PACIFIC OCEAN / I JUST WANNA BE YOURS ╱ 𝐣𝐢𝐳𝐳𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬. #jizzlords

[lightdancer1]

See the further irony is:

That in using 'Mall Goth Sauron' as the take on Dark Willow over 'misogynist has character randomly killed for LULZ' it also allows for greater accountability on the one hand and for Season 7 to thematically focus on repairing all this damage in the midst of facing an enemy of shadows reliant on lies to further itself. The only way to break the Druj is the absolute Truth in a very Zoroastrian sense. Characters don't get to neatly skip past accountability for their actions, and this would spiral over into further later seasons with the essential reality that in an otherwise lower-level setting this one random girl from California is a Dark Phoenix-tier reality warper and the most powerful person on the planet, or the universe.

And the questions of how that power could and should be employed on the one hand and that Willow is essentially a Doctor Strange type who beats up Gods and Eldritch Abominations for her regular line of work where her counterparts deal with the more 'street level' crises would in turn be the logical conclusion of where the show ends. She doesn't do as much physical fighting for the same reason that Stephen Strange never uses magic to go punch the Hulk in the face, her narrative role is ultimately that of Sorceress Supreme of Earth, with literally nobody in an ancient established war anticipating that this one random ginger from California was and is the new Sorceress Supreme and that if they had had such awareness the realities are that this power would and could have taken worse forms.

Unfortunately for the world, the reality too is that it is a shy computer geek who has a not at all subtle dark side and the usual teenage anxieties and insecurities given the equivalent of being able to reliably actually do things other people might dream of but can never do.

But again as long as Dawn Summers being a good thing is a narrative convention that's established memory magic is a poor choice to show the corrupting effects of reality-warping. It's a case of 'yes as established in canon all of this is true for that one season but then they decided to retcon it, so the fans are not obligated to care about it any more than the canon does about this itself.'

#willow rosenberg #tara maclay #dawn summers #you will never convince me as long as Dawn Summers is a plot device that 'memory magic unforgivable' is anything but bad writing #it was the choice used but there are other equally toxic things that could have been done instead #the basic theme of 'very powerful person decides things for another in an abusive fashion' works just as well without it #Tara's growth arc in refusing to tolerate abuse even from the person who brought her out of her shell can stand perfectly fine #it works even better with a budding Sauron than abruptly deciding 'wholesale memory rewrites good retail unforgivable.' #killing Tara off also denies her any sense of closure or ability to get that closure with the person who does this #the entire element here with the way things went down is bad writing from Point A to point Z #and it's also easily forgotten but Tara wasn't in fact intended to be Willow's love interest #she was replacement Willow for sympathy points #her entire arc as such became Willow X Tara but it was a choice from actor chemistry #So in giving Tara a role besides 'Willow's Girlfriend' it arguably does better by her character #tara x willow #btvs #and yes yes the 'scale changes things' argument is true but only to a point #it's really no different to introduce Dawn than what Willow did #if the retail is wrong so is the wholesale and the decisions to make this that point of no return is an avoidable mistake #plus honestly imagine a Season 7 Tara going 'sweetie no' and a Season 7 Willow dealing with those consequences in real time #equally one can have Tara's cold turkey approach stick exactly as it was #and serve as her role in the time bomb because she's a product of an abusive family and not an infallible moral guide #she rightly sees the problem and at least tries to address it when nobody else did #but unfortunately her solution was pouring gasoline on the fire and then vacating the range where the fire would burn #still further between that and Willow being human enough to resent being told to take that pain and do it going it alone #there'd be plenty of reasons for a surviving Tara and Willow to spend season 7 broken up as is #Tara would not at all be wrong to be wary and not want to touch reformed Sauron with a 400 foot pole #Willow equally would resent someone whose bad advice helped create the problem and who evades any recognition thereof #good old fashioned drama with entirely human motives

[elliebartlets]

so much shit is going on with all sides of my family and I’m feeling very overwhelmed

#my grandfather is probably going to die within the year #and I walked in on my mom crying the other day about it #which made me sad and made it more real #cause it feels like it was a long time coming but also feels like it happened too fast #my great aunt has really bad problems with her hip and can’t get it replaced because she’s so old and had a stroke #so there’s a risk of putting her under anesthesia #and not only is she in so much pain and can barely move to eat or go to the bathroom #but she lives alone and her daughters who live near her won’t visit her!!! #she has a granddaughter who visits her the most but she’s also busy with work and her kid and stuff #I truly don’t know all the details but they’ve always been weird like the one daughter always accused her husband (her stepdad) of #“playing favorites” with the other daughter. and it’s like? get over yourself #I’d understand if my great aunt was a horrible mother or something but she doesn’t seem to be #plus she raised her granddaughter (one of her daughters kids) so the least that daughter could do is fucking visit her #idk I just feel so bad for her and hope she’s ok #plus there’s stuff going on with my brother which I’m not getting into on here #it’s just like all of this was slowly building up and it all crashed down at once #oh and my uncles mom died (not my grandmother or blood related to me at all) and my aunt will not go to the funeral cause my one uncles #sister is a total c u next Tuesday #like I met my uncles 2 sisters once 20+ years ago when I was in my aunts wedding #so I don’t remember them but everything I hear about them reminds me of the sopranos family #stereotypical new jersey Italian family that hates each other #like down to the siblings too. one sister who is insane and starts fights (Janice) and the other who is more “normal” who I don’t #hear about as much (baraba) #then you have my uncle who is very hot and cold like Tony soprano. plus possibly involved in the mafia or mob or something #I’m not overwhelmed by my uncles family/mom dying btw #it’s just some family drama that’s adding fuel to the fire of stuff happening #ANYWAY #breakdown/vent over! back to my assignments! #personal

[astrxealis]

there were so many pretty flowers !!!!! <3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #today wahh okay we're leaving na bcs we're headed someplace else for our vacation #so it is. cold weather -> hot weather LMFAO #GOING TO THE BEACH IN DECEMBER IS KINDA SILLY TBH #woa. the cold weather is so nice #tbh i felt like almost fainting a while ago bcs god it was so. hot and cold and it was kinda so ... bad #tbf we were walking around a lot and in a hurry :') #also im SO CUTE literally obsessed w myself even if its just morning and i'm already exhausted #SORRY BTW im posting a lot about Real Life. i know i can literally post about wtvr i want but yk <3 #tbh so far our little trip has been pretty wild uhm. some bad stuff happening #I WON'T SAY WHAT bcs it's a little tmi. oops! but yeah it's a mix of good w some bad stuff happening #but i won't let any of it ruin our trip !!!!! <3 i'll just enjoy myself w/o worrying #very fun trying to guess which flowers are which hehe. i at least know that we saw sunflowers. and asters i think! #rlly wna go back to That place sometime again. this whole #this whole place in general tbh bcs we're only here for a short while sobbing

[blorbosexterminator]

"In the day time, I'm Andres, just a normal guy with a normal life, but there's something there is something that nobody knows, that I have a secret"

"It's Berlin-"

Perfect, anon! As long as we're watching Disney anyway.

#the whole berlin thing is so annoying #but what's more annoying to me personally is the gradual watering down of Pina's writing (at least regarding lcdp) #I know he's not writing prestige tv and I'm not saying only 'violent' writing is good #and it's not even particularly about Violence or the lack of it. vol 1 was the most violent and the worst writing of his I've seen lmfao #it got insanely stereotypical with his main characters losing their edge #Martín becoming a big no revenge softie in the span of one season #Bogotá becoming a twitter ally #whatever the fuck is happening to Berlin now lol #like compare all of this to the first part of lcdp which had this cold sharpness to it. genuinely uncomfortable scenes that left a bad taste #in your mouth even with no violence #and it was pretty balanced! it did have its fair share of heart and laughter and love and nice vibes #but it was sharp and the characters seemed very real and multidimensional and people seriously capable of harm #they were actual hardened criminals. which is the only thing that makes sense lol. ' #naive characters like Rio who were in for the fun of it got the biggest reality slaps because doing crime on that level wasn’t a joke lol #and that's what gave the show actual tension #and made it fun to watch #now it has this disney element where I just can't believe any of them lmfao. sure we don’t know much but on the very least I don’t believe #Andrés. He's barely a character here. he's like the criminal version of ted lasso #which sure. a show like that could work fine on its own #but remember when the original network was negotiating with Pina on whether a character like Berlin was even appropriate for tv and #swallowable by audiences because how paradoxical and perverse he was? #now he's ladybug

[pebblezone]

I need more haters I need violence and fighting

#talkingcore #fun fact! ​the horse was the first horse webkinz! #this is false I don’t have the confrontational skills for haters or maybe they just don’t have enough swag to be confronted by me #dude I figured out how to do animations and sounds in PowerPoint and I think it’s increased my swag by like at least 2. #finished one but fuck it man I’m making more I had more thoughts I need to solidify more thoughts #I’ll scoop back to The Beach Boys eventually (probably not) #In The Meantime Though trying to decide if seras would’ve been an animal jam kid or club penguin kid (real answer is none she’s be idk 26? #also Kenny chesney let me down man was doing so well and Bam suddenly I’m faced with wannabe Jimmy buffet cowboy Christmas album #GIRL STOP SCREAMING IN THE HALL IT’S TUESDAY YOURE SOBER GOD DAMN anyway I just wanted the sad alcoholic tunes #thinking about that dude who was like I made this drink that smells like sunscreen it’s bad But like I want it. I want to consume sunscreen #oh yeah dining hall had matzo ball soup. would I ever seek her out? no but she doesn’t taste like dog water! #happy passover! I’m not missing out on the At Home family experience because my grandpa got Covid. thought it was a cold. #refused to wear a mask. got my mom and grandma sick. and they (grandparents) haven’t tested since so I guess they aren’t hosting! #dude I want to experience a corn pit so bad they’re like the pinacle of sensory good times Fuck it people other than babies deserve corn pit

[peapod20001]

Haha don’t pay me any mind oho

#vent #ok. so #I was! fine for the most part today! but then! idk what happened! #I’m like sad now! depressed? like. I kinda don’t feel real #I think I was giving myself anxiety over thoughts. got really clammy. literally shoveled goldfish crackers into my face #now don’t judge me but #I’ve been looking at things that make me feel bad for like. at least 4 hours now haha.. #I dunno man it’s the adhd I got one thought about thing that made me upset and now I’m hours in and my emotions are fried #and. shh don’t tell anyone I feel things but I know have a fantasy of someone I can cry around #whehe how pathetic is that. scraping the bottom of the barrel here looking for another human just let me cry @ you #hmm. how did I go from thinking up poems for valentines only to. feel so cold and alone #I’m not crying. but. I definitely need to later haha maybe this all kickstarted from my two whole hours of sleep last night 😎 #mhm so uh. if your reading this with the most cold unfeeling monotone voice then you are exceptionally accurate!i am currently not all here #can’t sleep now tho gotta. do other shit I guess #I’m laying in bed for a second though. my legs were very cold to the touch. unfeeling unhuman #oh and I might be balding potentially but that’s still just a theory. my dad noticed and pointed it out #haha what would I be withought my hair? another germ just populating this Earth? #oho ahh. hm. I’m just a trying to say I don’t fell right now if that makes sense. anyways

[goldensunset]

today was such a massive screwup i got thrown off so badly i can’t mentally process that it is a Tuesday and i have Work I Need To Do for the week

#couldn’t sleep well last night (not sure why but i also think i had a nightmare of sorts? yeah i got one sleep cycle at least but not two) #dressed in full ugly depression mode cuz i couldn’t gather my sanity #prof was late to class that was weird #had to listen to some really really bad opinions in my early morning class i got so much mental damage from it i wanted to gag #that alone kinda ruined the whole day #at some point i was like ok i have to go actually eat something maybe i’m just hangry maybe real good will help #it only helped like 20% i’m still bitter today #took a very long nap bc i was so so tired and so so sick my eyes were watering and aching i couldn’t do it anymore #bc i’m sick all this dry cold air in here is hard to breathe i went full coughing fit and had to take a shower early #just to get some warmth and humidity #now it’s past 11pm and i’m trying to start homework but i just. can’t #i just can’t get it to happen man. idk what day of the week it is #but you wouldn’t guess any of this based on the funny things i’ve been posting on here today #peach rambles #ah whatever #tomorrow is a new day (to suffer)

[shadowsandstarlight]

Fuck Alberta it sucks here

#however: the other options tend to suck Worse #i doubt i could manage living abroad because a) anxiety and b) no good at new languages because adhd #I will never live in England for moral reasons #the USA is. nuh uh. #and the rest of Canada is either Empty or Bad #haven’t really got anything specific against the maritimes but I don’t like eating seafood and the ocean makes me anxious #quebec is literally the Worst #Ontario is either Toronto or Empty. I enjoy neither concept. #i don’t believe that Manitoba actually exists. nothing against it it just doesn’t seem real. I have never met someone from Manitoba. #Saskatchewan is Alberta 2: electric boogaloo but it’s even flatter and emptier and worse. #i believe it exists but only because I have met people from there and it’s right beside AB. it’s on thin fuckin ice though. #the territories are cold and quite empty #and BC is ridiculously expensive to live in and also too disaster prone for me. #so godforsaken Alberta it is. at least we have cool palaeontological stuff and some solid universities I guess.

[bitseventimes]

btw my stigmata r back but it's no big deal this time

#who would've guessed working between scalding hot and ice cold objects‚ washing your hands every 5 mins and being in constant contact with- #abrasive detergent‚ alcohol and lemons would be detrimental for my skin condition #at least this is a seasonal job and i havent taken up a passion for it that will make me choose it as my full time career right? right?? #stigmataposting #for real it's not bad this time it's healing already

[arolesbianism]

Also in my current main oni playthrough I'm at 22 duplicants and my goal for the playthrough is to get all of them so I'm abt halfway there but god damn do I not have enough space for more of these fuckers I'm going to be able to shove some more into my two newest colonies on the two planetoids I've traveled to so far but one of them like Just got started so it's going to be a while before I'm confident in upscaling it, and the other one is mostly made up of radioactive biomes and salt water biomes with the only more livable biomes being at the very edges and the very bottom of the map, so while I do have a pretty stable base getting set up over there it's going to be pretty obnoxious getting the living space set up due to how little space I have in my current main base area and how far away the other forest biomes are from that. On the bright side I found the mysterious hermit home on the brand new planetoid so I at least don't have to worry abt him as much, although I'm gonna be real idk how I'm going to get food production up and running since there's like No dirt, and I don't rly want to have to send someone back up through the surface magma biome to pick up any dropped off supplies.

#rat rambles #the good news is that theres sleet weat on the newest one so once I get a lil more established thats smth I can start farming #theres also grub fruit and sweetles so Ill probably we farming those for a bit too #I say for a bit because while there is a sulfur gyser there its in the magma and I dont wanna fuck with that right now at least #if I was better at this game Id totally go for it but Im not so Ill take the cowards route #hopefully I can print some other seeds into that colony although Im not rly sure which plants Id want #I guess bristle blossoms wouldnt be bad? most of the planet is quite warm tho so idk #its mostly wasteland and chilly biomes Im pretty sure so not the best but could be worse #the main big big issue is going to be oxygen production and water #for now Im probably going to start moving ice to a warmer part of the map to melt it but after that idk #I guess I could just get the hermit and then bounce #honestly thats probably what Ill do since I really dont want to have to deal with the limited water #all my other colonies have infinite water sources already so I might as well focus living quarters there #my first colony is gonna stay limited tho since its the rly cold starting planetoid #Ive gotten my main base warm enough but I dont rly want to expand too much from there #mostly because the left of it is my sleet wheat farm and the right is where my cold slush guyser is #which I rly Should warm up more but Im going to be real I dont want to go too heavy on the forced warming #I want to leave myself with room to build more machinery without burning my base up basically #my other main planetoid is basically paradise for the dupes living there tho theyre doing great my chef even gets his own personal bedroom #I have a great farm set up and have way way more food than even ten more dupes could ever eat #I have been considering bringing in more dupes there but I wanna up my oxygen production more first #I finally ran out of algae and while I could theoretically produce more Ive slowly transferring to the water eating oxygen producer instead #I say slowly cause the process of getting the steam guiser on that plannet to be a decent water supply has been rough #its still not done since Im trying to get a steam turbine cooling loop set up on the other planet to utalize both the water and steam #but its been real hard given the lack of usable space in that colonu #my main problem is that I cant get the temperature to stay at a consistent level due to using heavy wiring #which is really frustrating since these things have so much power flowing through them I absolutely cannot afford to use normal wiring #like I could try to implement power tranformers into the design but Id really rather not since thatd mean taking up even more space #I might just get a insulated heavy wire connector mod or smth I rly cant be bothered after putting this much time into this project #oni posting

[milo-is-rambling]

I have zero patience and keep accidentally getting too high bc I just did this in rapid succession with no time in between for anything to kick in and now I’m high as fuck : I drank an edible (liquid hits me faster than normal edibles) -> took two dabs -> smoked a bowl

#like woooo #I need to take my hoodie off it is warm in here hot flash moment #drinking cold water and I ate real food before I smoked so at least I’m not in empty stomach sick mode #and it’s not even like bad it’s just that I get a little heart racey and hot but that could be bc the edible I had was that I put my weed #honey into my tea and drank it quickly but I forgot the tea has caffeine and I’m not used to drinking any amount of caffeine really (I’ve #had one can of Mountain Dew on my bedside table that I’m still taking sips of it’s been there for like a week and a half)

[allalrightagain]

my common sense: today would be a great day to rest your eyes and regain some spoons!

adhd: gotcha, let's watch a youtube video...

common sense: :D

adhd: that walks you through the steps to do Super Secret Project, but also the text is super blurry

common sense: oh. oh no.

adhd: and we'll do that until we physically can't anymore! it'll be fun!

#the good news is I'm making real progress! #the bad news is this headache will be unpleasant #LT talks #i just-- what else am I supposed to do besides look at a screen? #go *outside*?? #it's raining and cold and there are bugs #at least I can fix the bugs in my code