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#or some of the worst Adam Sandler production

kylesvariouslistsandstuff · 4 months

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EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS is such a confounding movie.

I recently watched a batch of deleted scenes, of which I wasn't aware of until rather recently. I had once listened to its director, Seth Kearsley, talk about the picture on a podcast as well. Fascinating stuff all around about its production, and all the ins and outs, how they went about their decision-making, etc. Seemed like it was a fun movie for many of its crew to work on, and they seemed to be treated well too. RARE for an animated movie of this caliber, it seems.

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It has gone down, almost notoriously, as being considered one of the "worst" animated movies ever...

Weirdly, when I was 11 years old, I was lowkey OBSESSED with this movie. I didn't even know it existed until it was out on DVD, and when I watched the whole thing through, I was hooked for some reason. Maybe it was because it was, at the time, a good-sized 2D animated feature that wasn't set in the past, a fantasy world, a sci-fi setting, or anything like that. EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS wasn't IRON GIANT nor EL DORADO nor SPIRIT nor TITAN A.E. nor TREASURE PLANET... It wasn't like LILO & STITCH from the same year either, which is also a contemporary story, but that has aliens in it! And was family-friendly. This was set in the present, it was more for adults, it was just people being people with *some* cartoony elements (such as cute anthropomorphic deer and some of the exaggerated, if not demeaning character designs), it was even really semi-realistically gross in some parts (and not in the sort of, say, exaggerated REN & STIMPY way), it could've easily been a live-action Happy Madison production. But it wasn't. Many of the movie's detractors feel it should've just been done in live-action.

The movie is inspired by the Whitey character from one of Adam Sandler's comedy albums, and sometimes I feel the movie could've worked better with him as the main character and Davey a complex deuteragonist. Going through the deleted scenes, you could tell the crew went through a few ideas of just how far they wanted to push the exaggerated, cartoony stuff. What kind of jokes they thought could work or that they could get away with, etc. Certainly a cartoonish decapitation of a kid, and a monkey that explodes into a gory mess would've easily landed this thing an R rating, but they weren't going for that ultimately. You have this weird mix of a very dark and often mean movie, but it's also PG-13 and it doesn't go too far so it's more accessible to kids and still fits the bill of being a "warm holiday special" kind of movie. I do gotta give props to the filmmakers for wanting to make a big, mainstream Hanukkah movie in a sea of gazillions of Christmas movies, no matter the end result.

And yet... It worked on this fellow when they were 11 years old, so Sandler, Kearsley and his crew must've done something right! I can quote most of this, that's how obsessed I was with this movie circa December 2003-January 2004. With holiday money or something, I literally bought the VHS of it. We had it on DVD as well, but I bought a VHS for myself because back then, I did not have a DVD player in my room... So, a tape it was. It came with the live-action short A DAY WITH THE MEATBALL, starring Adam Sandler's bulldog at the time, much like the DVD.

So yeah, I find it a fascinating movie to this day, not because of its battlefield of tones (life itself is tonally uneven, too) or some of its truly strange sequences such as the one where the product placement all comes to life in the mall, but because of its history and also... The visuals are quite nice. IRON GIANT animation team involved (the boy Benjamin kinda reminded me of Hogarth anyways, of course I made the connection at a young age), and even the songs I find amusing. They got Alison Krauss to sing on at least one of them, so that's a plus. Some of the eleventh hour rushed stuff, such as the declining animation quality on the townspeople during the Bum Biddy bit, is fun to spot too. And I do overall like the premise of this movie; a relentlessly kind man who is overlooked by his community Odd Couple-ing with a total asshole who had a tragic childhood, in a sort of blah and miserable blue-collar town setting, some heavy stuff that this movie that - with more tact and less poopy jokes - could've really handled well.

I hate the term "guilty pleasure", but this could possibly be that for me. That's what I like about "bad" animated movies of the '90s and early '00s, there's usually something very interesting going on in it, whether it's through the seemingly-confused storytelling or the idiosyncratic choices in the visuals. I think with a slew of cheap live-action movies, those are indeed efforts at the end of the day, but with an animated movie... There's a lot more to it, and that it's a miracle one of these things even gets finished, let alone released. In live-action, it's just they shot a bit and did some post... With an animated film like this, a lot happens along the way, no matter the end product. It's easy to say "it's all negated by the script", but I think it's more complex than that... And that's part of what I find appealing about EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS to this day.

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justinmoviereviews · 1 year

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The class of 2022 cont.

Hustle - Jeremiah Zagar

So Michael Bay has a recognizable authorial style, and turns out so does the Happy Madison team. Here are some qualities of a basic Adam Sandler movie--the main character at the center is beloved, the jokes are aimed at someone else’s expense but are mostly harmless, the villain gets punished in a silly way, and the hero wins. Hustle is essentially an Adam Sandler movie, but the heat is turned down to a cool temp suitable for adults, and it largely works. Even more than the basketball, which made me want to sign up for League Pass, the best part is the man himself. In a lot of his worst movies the Sandman is playing the pinnacle of his version of cool and living in a universe in which everyone agrees. Here he’s traded that for a world weariness and a self deprecation that fits his age and stage of life. I credit this to the Safdies.

The Invitation - Jessica M. Thompson

Just easily the dumbest movie of the year, which honestly is heartwarming in an era when most movies feel like competently made assembly-line product. Naming the type of movie this is would be a spoiler, but suffice to say the twist actually makes this bad flick even worse. The dialogue is harder to sit through than any of the scary stuff. Watch it with six beers and have a great time.

The Eternal Daughter - Joanna Hogg

First off, this film looks like it was made in the 1970s. It’s not just the granular camera, its the way the soundtrack presents itself and the way its shot, with closeups and zoom ins on characters to emphasize certain moments. There are, I think, five actors in this movie, playing six characters, and two are only in it for a couple minutes. It’s very quiet and not much happens. The director lets the eerie and genuinely anachronistic tone she’s come up with linger for minutes at a time on scenes of Tilda Swinton staring at a mirror or typing on a laptop or talking on the phone or walking her dog, which is probably the main reason to cast Tilda Swinton. Nobody in Hollywood has a more interesting face or can hold the camera while doing nothing quite like her. There are ideas about memory and daughterhood sprinkled throughout, and the house-turned-hotel is at least a little bit haunted, but the main idea doesn’t come through until the end, and that’s when everything you just watched clicks into place. I’m so happy I’ve been keyed into Joanna Hogg. This is better than most movies I’ve seen lately.

Crimes of the Future - David Cronenberg

How in the hell did he get $27 million dollars to make this? I don’t know how much love Neon thinks David Cronenberg conjures, but I read it made about $4.5 million globally and that actually sounds like a win. I really like the way Cronenberg makes movies. The stakes in this are low, there’s not much by way of inciting incident or plot. He sets up a weird world and has people interact with each other in a way that feels surprisingly safe and warm, like they’re all from the same tribe, and then creates a behind-the-scenes menace that keeps the story on edge. This movie looks decrepit and colorless in a way that suggests a fallen society, and the overt body horror stuff is, I guess a high point for people who like that kind of thing. The characters know more about the world than the viewer ever does. All that said, I was slightly disappointed in this. I think the idea is that some time in the near future humans are evolving into the next stage of development in what is otherwise a static and decayed society, but I never found this particularly clear or got into it enough to roll with it. Its a great three-quarters of a genuinely new piece of world building, but, in my opinion, it never gets all the way there.

The Wonder - Sebastian Lelio

A weirdly grody, unpretty movie. It’s shot in houses that look molded out of blobby green clay and Irish countryside that looks like arid purple coral. This has to be a choice, and I think a better movie could have brought out the inner mechanics of a small Irish town decimated by famine in the 1860s and coping with it in ways that are overtly harmful and seeded in a hermetic and impenetrable culture. Instead its more of an outsider’s takedown of a small, sad community given over to Catholic beliefs the movie outright states are false superstitions. The voice of reason is a British character, which feels particularly mean given how present the Potato Famine is to the story. Oh wow, I think I just talked myself into hating this.

Blonde - Andrew Dominik

Once upon a time a director took a giant shit on the floor and then looked you in the eye and said “I bet you can’t deal with this!” The main character has no agency or personality or history, is dragged through sequence after sequence of gratuitous torture that is simpleminded beyond any plausible biography of Marylin Monroe, while the film congratulates itself for its own truth-telling like it just solved 21st century artistic mediocrity and also world hunger. It’s as factually unreliable as Elvis and a hundred times more proud of itself. This might be the worst movie I’ve ever seen.

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story - Eric Appel

A couple of jokes I really like here: Young Al Yankovic sneaking out of his parents’ house to a polka party, Dr. Demento hosting a Jack Horner-style poolside hangout where the vice of choice seems to be PG-rated jokes, the third act veering into a completely different movie just because it would be fun to do and because Walk Hard didn’t think of it. Here we have the Weird Al aesthetic converted quite naturally to film; it’s basically a Funny or Die sketch spread to movie length, but the tone--knowingly silly, not really mocking anyone, a little violent, earnestly weird in the way a child could love--is the type of Al shit you’ll recognize immediately if you grew up a fan. Another thing I thought is that I can’t even name the last time a big broad comedy like this came out. This movie is stuffed to capacity full of non-Apatow troupe comic actors--Patton Oswalt, Conan O’Brien, Jack Black, Will Forte, Rainn Wilson, Demetri Martin, I could keep going--and I realized those people have been showing up a lot less lately because no one is making movies for them anymore.

The Cathedral - Ricky D’Ambrose

A very impressionistic, sort of fascinating movie about a family of mediocrities with a certain amount of and relationship to money. The camera and by the extension the story lingers on the most ordinary parts of life--a 40+ second scene of a guy removing painter’s tape from a wall is a representative sample shot--to make the whole business of life seem boring and mundane, like the story of a single family as told by a blurb in a history textbook. Essentially this is a movie about a failure and the son he raised, who will turn out in some way that hasn’t been written yet (presumably he goes on to make this movie). There’s a chilling inter-family feud somewhere in here, but mostly these people are regular, and small, and ultimately unlovable. It’s one of the more interesting films I’ve watched from this year, and the only reason I don’t rate it higher is because I’m not sure how much of the static impressionism was dictated by its budget, which couldn’t have been higher than mid-six figures. I can’t tell if some of the ideas are choices or limitations.

Aftersun - Charlotte Wells

Wow. What a sad, beautiful movie. A dad and his preteen daughter take a resort vacation in Turkey that neither of them want to end. Paul Mescal--unknown to me before this--is sad and soulful without ever really explaining anything about himself. I don’t have much more to say. This isn’t one I want to dig into. I just loved it.

Causeway - Lila Neugebauer

A perfectly nice movie about two people treading water above something dark and difficult under the surface who find each other and help each other, maybe forever. Brian Tyree Henry really is a good actor and sort of steals this from the one time world conquering star. More movies should take place in New Orleans, a photogenic and objectively amazing city.

Sick - John Hyams

I choose to believe this is a movie about how the mask scolds were the biggest monsters of all.

Decision to Leave - Park Chan-wook

Headless voice recordings, images and language looping around and over each other, shots that serve as wordless exposition, visual and audio ideas that expand the story and explore its ideas. This is the best directed movie of the year. Imagine how good Bardo would be if Inarritu had Chan-wook’s facility with cinematic storytelling. Plenty of movies are competently made. Some even expertly so. But it’s a rare thing to see something so creatively inspired. Every decision he makes is not only interesting in its own right, but serves the final product. It doesn’t even really matter what the story is. I don’t know who else you could really say that about. Add another director to the canon.

The Batman - Matt Reeves

The only thing the young left hates more than grievous white men is conservative cops, so how many more reboots before they make Batman the villain? Why do we keep rebooting this movie? You had a good idea last time, man.

Happening - Audrey Diwan

I hate to compare the two most overtly feminist films of the year, but I see a lot of overlap between this and Women Talking. Both focus on dealing with the immediate issue in front of them rather than getting polemic about how shitty everything is (Blonde, easily the worst movie of 2022, prostrates on the ground to show you how much it hates the sins of men, while these two movies just solve their problems.) Happening doesn’t lose sight for one second about what its about--the main character never stops to reconsider her options, doesn’t waiver from her mission for even a single minute. It kind of diminishes the movie’s effect as a movie, but it’s a strong and effective way to make its own political point, which is, I think: The system was not built for us, let’s deal with that the way we have to.

Living - Oliver Hermanus

Bill Nighy taps into the high class you assume comes as naturally to him as charm does to Matt Damon, but he’s more reserved and sublimated here than you’d expect. The same is true of the movie, which is smaller and grimmer than its title or plot description suggests it will be. Rather than go on a quest for the meaning of happiness, a lifelong bureaucrat who’s life’s ambition was to be a part of the genteel British background takes a look at life and decides the best thing he can do with his short time left on earth is his job, because the ship has sailed on everything else. The camerawork and score are a little fussy--it is mid-century England--but its a surprisingly good looking film.

Smile - Parker Finn

This could have and should have been better, but plotwise he sticks to a script--this is basically the Ring--the thematic stuff is Horror Movie plug-in shit, and its not that scary. There’s a scene where the demon that’s haunting the lead appears in her house and physically corners her against the wall, and then the movie cuts away to the next day. What the fuck is that?! We paid to see the goods!

Stars at Noon - Clair Denis

There’s a richness here most movies don’t possess. This was an interesting one, and I’m not sure I got everything, but I have some takes. Like a lot of 2022 movies, Covid is a presence here, but the way characters take on and off their masks feels methodical. The movie has a breezy cool that reminded me of Soderbergh. The soundtrack is loose and jazzy, its naturalistic and unmannered, and it finds details and stories everywhere. A scene where a group of boaters is casually murdered and robbed by bandits is shot and then forgotten--just one of the hundreds of bizarre little things she comes across. The setting is Nicaragua’s turbulent political situation, which is responsible for the overriding sense of danger and is the locus at the center that dictates every decision the characters make. My only problem with this movie is that the love story at its center is the least interesting thing about it. The two leads never really seem to find any reason to care about each other, and while Margaret Qualley of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood fame is doing something genuinely interesting--she flits and floats around in rock bottom without any inhibition at all--their scenes together never really cohere. Except one. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention there is one scene between them that works quite well.

Petit Maman - Celine Sciamma

Double bill this with Aftersun. Where that movie was about the impossibility of connecting with your parents at their level, this one is a fantasy about what would happen if you actually could. At a cool 73 minutes it’s so slight it threatens to blow away in the wind, but it’s sweet and tender. I was going to call it delicate, but it’s actually pretty hardy, the way most kids actually are.

Benediction - Terence Davies

The positives: the screenplay. Some of the best dialogue of the year. One thing I’m a very big fan of is directors using the tools of their medium to try to reflect the abstract brilliance of great work in other mediums. This doesn’t exactly do this--cinematically it tops out at Sassoon reciting his poems over photos of WWI battles--but its a movie about a writer trying to hunt out language’s absolute truth told using absolutely some of the sharpest and most direct dialogue you’ll find in a film. Jack Lowden is phenomenal as the lead--serious and direct and intelligent and sincere. This movie should have gotten no brainer Best Actor and Best Screenplay nominations that my mom rooted for except this type of Cradle to Grave Great Difficult Man biopic seems to be a few years past its prime in an Oscar era when the runaway favorite is the racoon in the chef’s hat movie. This is clearer and more direct than all but the very best of its kind. When the main character is curdled and vicious at the end of his life, you know exactly why, rather than it looking like the blurred strains of a movie filling in it’s subject’s final Wikipedia section, like most of these do. The negative is that the second half is slow as hell. This is a good movie, maybe a great movie, but it’s not for me at all.

Saint Omer - Alice Diop

Add my name to the ring of people who took issue with the framing device. The story here is true crime event where a detached and isolated African immigrant in France has an affair with an older white man and then murders the child they conceive. It’s a stranger than fiction tale that would warrant its own New Yorker issue, with the moral that people are weird and life is murky and huge. But I guess the powers that be didn’t think this was enough of a film, or maybe it just wasn’t the story Alice Diop wanted to tell, so the movie hangs its central plot around another story about a pregnant African journalist who’s observing the trial and scared of how much she finds herself relating to the defendant. The movie does as well as it can merging these two stories, and comes up with some pretty interesting ideas, but it never fully feels like it isn’t something tacked on--it never feels organic. Even so, I liked this a lot. Its simple to the point of feeling like docufiction, but in doing so lets the story and its characters get deep. It doesn’t judge or make statements at all, and it’s got great colors--yellows and tans and blues.

Armageddon Time - James Gray

This seems, to me, to be James Gray using facts of his biography to tell a story about how different tribes in America play the various hands they’re dealt to try to achieve whatever their version of survival or success is. If plenty of other movies have looked at the same theme, only Widows, a personal favorite, comes to mind as doing it as well. They say the more personal you make something the more universal it becomes, and while I’m not sure how specific this movie is to its creator’s life, it gets at so many sociological truths without ever feeling like more than a personal memory. The family at the center has achieved enough comfort to begin to look outside of itself, but lives, or at least thinks it lives, in a precarious peace that can be taken away at any moment, which colors every decision it makes. A scene at the end where Jeremy Strong’s tough loving father tells his son the ugly truth about what the point of it all is is one of the better scenes of the year. I was not prepared for this movie to be as good as it was.

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hardterri · 2 years

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Lights out with david spade

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#LIGHTS OUT WITH DAVID SPADE OFFLINE#

#LIGHTS OUT WITH DAVID SPADE SERIES#

#LIGHTS OUT WITH DAVID SPADE TV#

#LIGHTS OUT WITH DAVID SPADE SERIES#

The ever-prolific comedian is next set to appear in an untitled comedy series for HBO, with the Diablo Cody created show focusing on Spade's Calvin Walsh, a recovering addict and grunge rocker.

#LIGHTS OUT WITH DAVID SPADE MOVIE#

The most recent David Spade Netflix movie outing was The Wrong Missy, which was a huge success on the platform despite receiving some harsh reviews. There haven't been any recent updates on Lights Out With David Spade being picked up for another season, however. Following news of the cancelation, there was hope Lights Out With David Spade could live on elsewhere, as Comedy Central shopped it around and other platforms expressed interest in picking it up. The news soon came in April that Lights Out wouldn't be coming back into production, which may have been down to the show only managing to retain about half of The Daily Show's viewers. Every episode of Lights Out with David Spade ever, ranked from best to worst by thousands of votes from fans of the show.

#LIGHTS OUT WITH DAVID SPADE TV#

Lights Out With David Spade received good reviews during its run, but like most late-night TV shows, Comedy Central paused production in March 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Both David Spade and Comedy Central wanted to focus to place much less of a focus on political discussions and create a lighter comedy series. Lights Out debuted in July 2019, with the format seeing Spade talk with a revolving trio of celebrity guests and comedians, including the likes of Bill Hader, Chelsea Peretti and Whitney Cummings. Comedy Central placed the series after The Daily Show, which has historically been a tricky spot for other shows to thrive in. It was probably inevitable he would end up with his own chat show, which finally arrived in the form of Lights Out With David Spade in 2019. Related: The Wrong Missy Cast Guide: Every Cameo In The Netflix Movie He's also a regular fixture on TV, with David Spade sitcoms including Just Shoot Me and Rules Of Engagement, which both lasted for seven seasons. David Spade interviews Deadmau5 for the coveted position of Lights Out Houseband. Kings arena a block of cocaine floating near the beach in South Carolina, the perks of bringing your phone to bed and Brad and Angelinas divorce. Subjects include: the Taylor Swift banner at the L.A. Spade regularly appears alongside fellow SNL alum Adam Sandler too, including Grown-Ups and 2016's The Do-Over. On the panel are Elanor Kerrigan, Adam Ray and Brad Williams. so far, no word back.Other David Spade movies include Joe Dirt, The Emperor's New Groove and the Grown-Ups movies. The suit claims by providing valet service the company was encouraging employees to drive to and from the party. David Spade interviews Deadmau5 for the coveted position of Lights Out Houseband. Lights Out With David Spade, which halted production last month due to the coronavirus pandemic, will not return to Comedy Central, Variety has learned. King's arena a block of cocaine floating near the beach in South Carolina, the perks of bringing your phone to bed and Brad and Angelina's divorce. September 10, 2019, 4:57 PM The production company behind 'Lights Out With David' is being sued after they wee accused of providing alcohol to an employee, who left the shows premiere and killed. Gralitzer was arrested and booked for gross vehicular manslaughter while driving under the influence.Īccording to the lawsuit filed by Benardout's estate, Viacom is responsible because it had authority over Gralitzer and could have stopped him from excessively drinking and driving. On the panel are Elanor Kerrigan, Adam Ray and Brad Williams. The suit claims Gralitzer was driving on Melrose at excessive speeds and ran into another car which careened onto the sidewalk, striking and killing 24-year-old Noah Benardout. Spades comedic style, in both his stand-up material and acting roles, relies heavily on sarcasm and self-deprecation. The suit characterizes Gralitzer as "severely intoxicated." It says he got drunk "with the permission and knowledge of one or more of his supervisors at Viacom."Īccording to the lawsuit, Gralitzer went to the valet, provided by Viacom, and the valet gave him the keys and he drove away. Spade hosted a late-night talk show Lights Out with David Spade, which premiered on July 29, 2019. The suit claims Jacob Gralitzer, who worked on the show, got drunk at the party and no one stopped him from driving.

#LIGHTS OUT WITH DAVID SPADE OFFLINE#

Download to watch offline and even view it on a big screen using Chromecast. Viacom was hosting the party at Nightingale Plaza nightclub in WeHo back in August, celebrating the premiere of "Lights out with David Spade." Buy Lights Out with David Spade: Season 1 on Google Play, then watch on your PC, Android, or iOS devices. Here's what happened, according to a new lawsuit. The company that owns Comedy Central, which produces David Spade's new late-night show, is being sued after one of the staffers allegedly left the launch party drunk, and killed a pedestrian.

#Lights out with david spade

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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years

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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Ampersand

I remember hearing whispers of an Andy Samberg feature that was supposed to drop this year sometime. It wasn’t a proper Lonely Island production but i was still pretty interested. I like Samberg’s sense of humor and the concept of this particular movie seemed very interesting to me. It was called Palm Springs and was getting a ton of buzz on the festival circuit but hadn’t secured a distributor yet. And then the Wuha got us all in check and theater going in 2020 flew right out of the window. All of the tent pole blockbusters keep getting moved back so i was wildly concerned for my smaller, smarter, fair for sure. Films like The Green Knight have all but disappeared with no real word on where or when they’ll get released. I was afraid Palm Springs met the same fate but, to my surprised, Hulu came through with the bag and dropped it a few days ago. After much debate, i opted to re-up with Disney- and check this thing out for myself.

The Great

Andy Samberg is excellent as Nyles. He reminds me a lot of Adam Sandler’s Barry Egan from Punch Drunk Love, but far more subdued, less overtly angry, and way more passive aggressive. There is a nuance to this character that Samberg rarely gets to display and it was joy watching him perform.

Cristin Milioti is actually one of my favorite actresses and i rarely get to see her in stuff that allows her to do more but her Sarah is great. I was a little surprised when she popped up in Mother, i kind of hate that show, but she was still excellent, even if the material was the worst. Sarah gave Milioti a chance to really flex her range and, like Samberg’s performance, i was absolutely enthralled.

The chemistry between Samberg and Milioti is palpable. These two are captured in a quiet tragedy and their bonding through coping is wonderful to see. If the two leads didn’t nail that aspect, this movie would flounder like a fish out of water. That does not happen. These Samberg and Milioti are exquisite together.

J.K. Simmons comes through and blesses us with another ridiculous, scene stealing performance as Roy. Holy sh*t, this guy is awesome. I don’t want to get too much into the character but, suffice it to say, he’s exceptional and Simmons plays him exceptionally.

The Better

I love the direction in this film. To get so much out of these actors and construct such a legitimately petty film, is a real feat. Max Barbakow did an amazing job, which is surprising, because he’s more a writer than an actual director. Dude has a few credits under his name for

The writing in this thing is some of the best I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. Time loop films are hard to get right but this one nails it. I’ve only ever seen it so deftly executed in, like Groundhog Day or Primer. More than that, the dialogue in this movie is outstanding. The sh*t that comes out of people’s mouths feels real and it’s all wildly hilarious.

This film is gorgeous. Not in the sense of, say, Blade Runner 2049 or Samsara, but the shot composition is beautiful. The way scenes are framed give this story a weirdly aggressive yet subtle energy and i love it. Quyen Tran did a wonderful job, weaving all of these gorgeous, desert vistas and hilariously quaint retiree architecture of Palm Springs, into the film.

The Good

This cast is kind of amazing. I already spoke out on the exceptional awesome of Samberg, Milioti, and Simmons but there are a ton of dope performances in this thing. I love seeing Camila Mendes and Tyler Hoechlin in other stuff that’s not CW fodder. Meredith Hagner outside of Search Party is a delight. They’re not large roles but its enough to see them outside of their fodder shows. Actually, Search Party is dope. You should watch more of that.

The Verdict

I love this movie. It’s so f*cking charming and adorable. It’s like watching Hot Rod but, like, if it was a thirty-year-old instead of the early Twenty-something that it really is. That doesn’t make sense unless you’ve seen Hot Rod, which you totally should, but there’s this ridiculous, hilarious, chaotic energy that just saturates everything about that movie. Palm Springs has that same energy, but mature. This is a Millennial captured on film and, as a Millennial, i appreciate all of that. It’s briskly paced, deftly performed, expertly directed, and shot beautifully. This thin is an hour and a half of pure delight and i absolutely understand why everyone loves this film. Highly recommend a watch.

#Smokey brand Movie Reviews #Palm Springs

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jo2uke-himboshikata · 3 years

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Five of the worst movies I've seen

5. Ratatoing

Ratatoing is a well-known one but it really deserves a place in this list. People think of it as a so-bad-it's-good thing but it's really not. There's no story. It looks like a shitty ps2 game, at best. There's a gearing-up montage sequence, but they're in an empty white void and they're all t-posing. It's the laziest thing I've ever seen and it is so so so boring and annoying.

4. The Thinning (and sequel)

The Thinning starring Logan Paul featuring very special guest Stacey Dash. I got the youtube red free trial to watch this. I wasn't aware of this at first, but turns out that the analogy being made is anti-abortion. Overall it is very very fascist. There is actually a sequel called 'the thinning: new world order" which moves away from the pro life thing a bit, and towards making some vague hamfisted statement about political campaigns and corruption. It was insulting to watch.

3. In-app-propriate comedy

Ben mentioned this one to me recently as I had forgotten about it. Truly a spectacle to behold. A comedy sketch anthology created by Vince Offer, the shamwow guy, after he got arrested for beating up an escort. He wrote and directed along with his friend Ari Schaffir, who plays his character "the amazing racist" who does "on the street" bits where he does incredibly racist shit, offering black people "boat trips back to africa" as they walk by, accosting jewish people in the supermarket asking them to sign a petition to apologize for killing jesus, stuff like that. He almost got his ass beat for the boat trips thing. The crazy thing is that Vince Offer is israeli american and Ari Schaffir's dad is a holocaust survivor. But they're both Joe Rogan orbiters. Also, oscar winning actor adrian brodey is in it. Funnily enough, the movie he won best actor for, the pianist, was also about a holocaust survivor. Life works in mysterious ways huh.

2. Adam Sandler (non-specific)

I'm trying really hard to pick an adam sandler movie for this list because I've seen a lot of them, but they aren't really all as bad as you'd expect. Some are funny-bad and some are boring, lazy, shameless, and pathetic bad. The latter are what we're talking about here. Some have actual plots and redeeming qualities, and some are just totally soulless. Jack and Jill, Blended, and Grown Ups spring to mind. Grown ups is probably the worst of those for me because it's just him and the frat pack on vacation with their families with some KFC product placement. There is NOTHING going on in that movie, just some fat shaming, racist asian stereotypes (there's a lot of that specifically in sandler movies, dunno why)

Conversely, I now pronounce you chuck and larry was pretty bad but in a much more fun way. It was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. In between the horrible racist and homophobic shit, the whole movie I was thinking "if they just make them kiss at the end this would be a pretty good movie actually" but of course they can't force themselves to kiss their bro on the lips so their cover gets blown, but then for some reason everyone loves them anyway because they had become media darlings for pretending to be openly gay firefighters, and they did so much to stand up for gay rights. Absolutely insulting, but if you pretend they're actually closet bi and slowly falling in love and using the tax break thing as an excuse to sleep together then it's pretty entertaining so I'd have to say that grown ups is worse because the whole time I was watching grown ups I was just wishing I was dead.

1. Last ounce of freedom

This is the angriest I've ever been watching anything. It is by far the most fascist piece of film masquerading as simple family values that I've ever seen. It's about an old retired army general whose son gets killed in duty and he's fraught with conflict because he always encouraged his son to join the army and now his son is dead. He's also a total dick to everyone in his family. To deal with the conflict, he fights against the war on Christmas. Oh yeah he's also the mayor of the town they live in, that's important. He decides he isn't going to let the libs oppress him anymore so he puts up a cross or whatever on city hall and doesn't CARE if everyone attacks him for it. The villain is the ACLU lawyer who comes in and threatens legal action because christmas has to be secular now and good honest christians aren't allowed to speak out. But it isn't like he's just a lowly hardware store owner or something, he's literally THE MAYOR. He's the person in the position of power in the movie and he's whining the whole time about how christians are oppressed. I forget how it ends but I know it made me real angry so I assume he came to terms with getting his son killed and accepted that dying for your country is good actually and his son was brave to do it. And obviously he puts the christ back in Christmas because that was never actually in jeopardy in the first place. This was too real to be funny to me. Makes me think about all the shitheads who watch this and love it and how the things they do and the way they live their lives brings so much harm to those around them and this movie just affirms all of that. It disgusts me. I can't think of anything I'd rather watch less than this movie short of two hours of footage of actual violence.

#film #my stuff

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marredbyoverlength · 4 years

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Year-End Awards 2019

2019 was very good for movies. Or, rather, November and December of 2019 were very good for movies. I could speculate about why that is (Awards season? Disney? Moloch?), but I don’t really know. What I do know is that the Oscars are tomorrow, so I better get this post up today.

Honorable mentions in no particular order. Strap in, chumps.

Best Lead Performance: Adam Sandler, Uncut Gems

Sometimes it feels like Adam Sandler is cheating, lowering our expectations with awful performances in even-more-awful films so that his dramatic turns look better by comparison. But whether or not we grade him on a curve, this performance is the best of the year.

Sandler’s character, Howard Ratner, is ridiculous. In fact, much of the movie is ridiculous. But Sandler makes this absurd person human, and in doing so, makes the whole movie work. He commits hard to the role, and even though every scene is a little more unbelievable than the last, I never for a moment stopped believing in Howard. Superb work.

Honorable Mentions: Willem Dafoe, The Lighthouse; Saoirse Ronan, Little Women; Scarlett Johansson, Marriage Story; Adam Driver, Marriage Story; Ana de Armas, Knives Out; Kang-ho Song, Parasite; Jonathan Pryce, The Two Popes.

Best Supporting Performance: The rest of the cast of Uncut Gems

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that Uncut Gems is a movie that survives entirely on its acting. The Safdie brothers themselves have said that the movie wouldn’t work without Kevin Garnett nailing the scene where he first holds the black opal. I’d extend that credit to all the other supporting roles: Idina Menzel as Howard’s wife who no longer even bats an eye at the insanity he brings on himself, Marshall Greenberg (a non-actor) as the fellow jeweler who expresses genuine concern for Howard but still gives him unfavorable terms on a pawn deal, deranged Garment District legend Wayne Diamond as a character just named “High Roller”—every one of these people is essential to the success of the film. When it comes down to it, Uncut Gems doesn’t make any sense. It takes a suite of perfect performances to make it feel as real as it does.

Honorable Mentions: Timothée Chalamet, Little Women; Laura Dern, Little Women; Florence Pugh, Little Women; Takayuki Hamatsu, One Cut of the Dead; Daniel Craig, Knives Out; Al Pacino, The Irishman.

The Costner Award for Worst Actor: Rebel Wilson, Cats

When we meet Rebel Wilson (as her fursona “Jennyanydots,” a name I will never utter again), she is showing her butthole to the camera. The character never gets more likable than that, because they let Rebel Wilson ad-lib numerous “comedic” lines to punch up the script. They’re awful.

Honorable Mention: James Corden, Cats.

Nicest Surprise: Cold Pursuit

I watch the Liam Neeson stupid action flick with my brother Rob every year. Sometimes we get something legitimately great, like A Walk Among the Tombstones. Other times we get a movie like The Commuter, which is dumb as rocks. But this is the first time we got a comedy. I went in expecting a second-rate Neeson-kills-people thriller, and instead got a solid black comedy. Apparently it’s nearly a shot-for-shot remake of the Norwegian film In Order of Disappearance, so maybe I should have known better. But I didn’t, so I was pleasantly surprised.

Hiddenest Gem: One Cut of the Dead

One Cut of the Dead is the best movie of the year that my friends haven’t seen, and it’s a tough movie to talk about because of how fun it is to watch knowing nothing about it. So I’ll keep it short. One Cut is a Japanese schlock horror movie with a fun twist that manages to be creepy at first, then funny, then heartwarming. Two things elevate this above the usual fun-twist movie. The first is that the surprise unfolds in little pieces over the entire second half of the movie, rather than hitting all at once. The second is that there’s real substance there: under the goofy exterior there’s a charming family story that’s worth coming back for.

Most Insulting Moment: We Hate Sensory Deprivation, Angel Has Fallen

I haven’t seen the other films in the Blank Has Fallen franchise, nor did I need to do so to understand its third installment. It’s exactly the kind of institution-worshipping great-men-of-history support-our-troops action bullshit you’d expect. But after the credits, there’s a totally inexplicable scene where Gerard Butler and his dad Nick Nolte agree to get treatment for their (implied) PTSD. Instead of leaving it as just a nice moment of healing, it cuts to a comedy scene where they go to a two-person sensory-deprivation tank and float around in the dark complaining about it. The general gist of the scene is “sensory deprivation is dumb and gay.” I’m not a sense-dep guy, but it’s used here as a stand-in for all the forms of “modernity” that reactionary filmmakers hate: you know, like mental health treatment, or trying new things, or expressing any sincere vulnerability even for a moment. Why not just show them affectionately kissing guns and save some production cost?

Honorable Mentions: The trailer for A Dog’s Way Home; The narration in Ad Astra.

Winter’s Tale Memorial “What the Hell Am I Watching” Award: Cats

At long last, a film that unites the unholy trinity of ambition, incompetence, and derangement to form a true “What the Hell Am I Watching” award-winner. The premise of Cats, in short, is that the cats of London meet every year to perform a ritual sacrifice of one of their number, believing that the chosen cat will, after their death, be reincarnated…as another London cat. And they determine the sacrifice by holding a talent show. And one of the cats is a warlock. So we’re off to a good start.

I was fortunate enough to see the original version. You see, the film is almost entirely CGI, so much so that viewing it feels like living inside a haunted kaleidoscope. Even the actors, through “digital fur technology,” are turned into cats which are anthropomorphized to greater or lesser degrees. The warlock cat, for example, has cat abs. But shortly after theatrical release, director Tom Hooper realized that the film contained major visual effects oversights, including failing to CGI several of the actors’ hands, meaning that Judi Dench and Ian McKellen appeared to have human arms on cat bodies. These are only some of the crimes of the film Cats. A full reading of the litany would take all day.

Honorable Mentions: A Dog’s Journey; Gemini Man.

Prettiest Movie: 1917

I’d be remiss not to talk about the cinematic achievement of 1917. The all-in-one-take thing, or the appearance thereof, is kind of a used gimmick at this point. (Birdman, after all, used it and won Best Picture.) I went into 1917 expecting a cheap knockoff. Instead I was blown away. Every detail was perfect, down to the mud stains on the extras’ overcoats, the stacking of sandbags in the real dug-out trenches, the bloating of the bodies clogging the waterways. One especially memorable scene follows our hero (George MacKay) sprinting through a ruined city by night, intermittently lit by mortar fire, dodging gunfire all the way. Maybe “pretty” isn’t the right word, but no film this year used the visual medium as well as 1917.

Honorable Mentions: Parasite, Once Upon A Time…in Hollywood.

Best Picture: Under the Silver Lake

Yes, I know it’s weird to give Best Picture to a movie that didn’t even get an honorable mention anywhere else. But this is my blog, dammit, I stand by it. Under the Silver Lake is a movie about capitalist-media-technology-complex-inspired brain poisoning. It stayed on my mind for weeks after seeing it, and I eventually gave it a second watch. It held up.

Criticisms of the film abound, like how male-gazey a lot of the portrayals of women are, but I think the parts that some reviewers identify as flaws are intentional and important features of the movie. We see the film through the eyes of our main character (Andrew Garfield), who is a scumbag, but the film is very clearly not endorsing being a scumbag. It’s about the interplay of personal neuroses and moral failings with the broader perverse clown-reality we all occupy, and the inescapable tinge our perspectives bring to the world we see. The film is, after all, a sort of noir film, and our hero’s attitudes are reflective in some ways of the noir mindset: find the clues, unravel the plot, get the girl. The incongruity between the stories and attitudes of our past and the demented reality of our future define the film.

I could go on about this for much longer, which is why I’m choosing Silver Lake as the best film of the year. It’s not notable for its acting or cinematography (though both are solid), but in terms of content, nothing else this year encapsulated my internal and external world quite so well as this.

Honorable mentions: Parasite; 1917; Little Women; The Irishman; One Cut of the Dead; Marriage Story; Uncut Gems.

That’s it, that’s the post. I think I’m moving to Letterboxd next year.

#2019 #oscars #awards #fervent gushing #one post of the year

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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633

If you had a parrot, what would be the first word you would teach it? I’d probably teach it something polite because I’ve noticed all parrot owners almost always teach their birds bad words lmao and it’s not that funny anymore. I wouldn’t be opposed to teaching them some lame slang too, like ‘it’s lit’ haha.

What food have you eaten the most lately? Instant noodles because my mom finally gave in to our requests and started buying packs of our favorite brand again. Some context: it was almost all we ever ate as kids, so she stopped buying it for a while (and rightfully so) because of all the unhealthy stuff that’s in it.

Where you ever a Pokemon fan? I was a huge fan from the ages of 8-10. It started when my cousin got Pokemon games on his Gameboy Advance, and then it spilled over to us watching the anime every night and eventually, I collected the cards and pogs as well. We also bought one of two volumes of the Pokemon Omnibus books that they released.

How would you describe the taste of water? It’s just tasteless to me, but then it tastes so refreshing. I know water isn’t good enough if there’s a certain taste that comes along with it, because it’s supposed to just be tasteless and crisp.

Do you think books are going out of fashion? Not at all. All my friends are into reading, and they never grew out of their bookworminess. Which is honestly great, because I wouldn’t want them to end up like me, who was a big bibliophile as a kid but eventually stopped reading.

One thing you miss about being a kid: Being able to make friends with anybody, whether it be a day-long bond or a friendship for the long run. I know it’s not applicable to all kids, but I’d say I was one of those who was able to blend in at birthday parties or daytrips to water resorts and all that stuff.

What is the best product made from milk? Meh, I’m not the best person to ask about this given that I’m lactose intolerant lololol, but I doooooo love mozzarella and ricotta cheese.

How would you feel if your husband didn’t want to wear a wedding ring? I’d be pretty puzzled if my future spouse wouldn’t want to wear theirs. I’d understand if they removed it for work, but I’d raise eyebrows if they didn’t want to wear it, period.

Do you say Autumn or Fall? My Southeast Asian ass can’t relate to either.

What is your biggest “what if”? I don’t have any, because I make it a point to avoid thinking about them. I’ve heard so many of my friends mull over their what ifs and how miserable they are about them, so I know better than to dwell on mine.

What is the worst movie you have ever seen? I had a go-to answer for this many years ago, but I forgot the name of the movie by now and I’m honestly glad that’s the case. But other than that, one of the all-time worsts is the Jack & Jill movie with Adam Sandler, and a recent bad one (for me) would be Knives Out. Of course, I never liked whodunits and I generally dislike dialogue-y and fast-paced movies, so I’m pretty biased in citing that.

Have you ever spelled your own name wrong? I don’t think so. Mine was the less popular spelling of Robin, so I definitely remembered to spell it properly because everyone else was already misspelling it.

What do you want your wedding song to be? I’ve never given much thought about this. Sparks by Coldplay was one of our og songs, but the most that it is right now is just a mere option.

What is your favorite fairytale? I never liked fairytales.

True/False : If it’s meant to be, it will be. Not always. You have to work for it sometimes, too.

What electronic of yours dies the quickest? My phone, but that’s just because I had to pick and because, to be fair, I use it too much :(((( But I’m okay with the battery lives of all my gadgets.

Do you think we learn some useless things in school? Math and English have been pretty useless to me, but a lot of my other lessons, such as history, economics, physics, etc. still come in handy these days.

Do you feel like your life would be better without a certain person in it? Not really. I’m okay with the people I have now, family and friends alike. I tune out who I choose to tune out, and that’s enough for me.

Who has influenced your music taste the most? Athenna was a huge influence, which I feel bittersweet about now because I had to cut her out of my life a few years ago. She introduced me to Banks, Walk the Moon, and Twnety One Pilots, among other amazing artists. Gab has also been pretty influential – she’s made me a fan of alt-J, BP Valenzuela, Hozier, and a bigger fan of Coldplay.

What did you get your mom for Mother’s Day? We don’t really get her stuff. We greet her and have quality time together.

You go to the restroom and you see a huge spider, what do you do? Try to swat it out of the way.

what’s something you want but will probably never get? A PhD, because I’m too lazy to earn one haha.

Do you like reading scary books? I did enjoy reading my cousin’s Goosebumps as a kid, but I’m not into reading in general these days.

Is there a game your addicted to you? Currently, Luigi’s Mansion 3. <– Yooooo, my sister is OBSESSED with this game and watches playthroughs of it all day. She’s eyeing it as one of the next few games that we’re buying for the Switch.

Do you get embarrassed when your stomach growls in class? No. If anything that lets the teacher or prof know that I’m bored and/or hungry. Plus it’s an easy way to make the class laugh, and that’s always a good thing haha.

Do crying people make you uncomfortable? If it’s happy tears than yeah hahaha. If they’re sad tears I’m usually willing to be a shoulder to cry on. Would you ever marry someone your parents didn’t approve of? It’d be hard, but in the end it’s my relationship and they’d have no say.

Whats one thing you’re completely terrible at? Knitting. Origami. Any art stuff.

what is the nearest thing to you that is red? I’m very close to the wifi thingy that we have up on the rooftop and there’s a small red light coming from it.

what kind of camera do you own? I just use the one in my phone.

Do you look older or younger than your actual age? Younger. I’ve memorized the look of shock on people’s faces whenever I tell them I’m a senior in college.

Do you think tattoos are hot? No, but I don’t mind some tattoos.

What’s the worst thing about being a teenager? The confusion, all the hormones making you cranky all day, the pressure of which course to take for college especially when you’re nowhere near ready to make a choice.

What’s the best thing about being a teenager? It’s a period of experimenting, making strong friendships, and making mistakes and learning from them.

When did you last play Monopoly? I’ve never played Monopoly because I’ve never understood how it works.

Who do you trust with your secrets? My two best friends.

As a child what celebrity did you look up to? Probably Vanessa Hudgens back in her High School Musical days? Idk, she seemed like a good role model at the time.

Do you love food more than you love people? I probably do, haha.

True or False: you this read wrong Yup.

What do you usually do on a Sunday? My family goes to 9 AM mass, then we head out for lunch, go malling for a bit, take my sister back to her dorm in Manila, then we spend the rest of the evening at home.

Have you ever met anyone with the same Birthday as you? Yes.

Do you think underwater pictures look cool? I’ve never liked underwater photos ever since I saw that photo of that vacationing scuba diving couple with the dead girl in the background.

What is the most ridiculous law you ever heard about? Nothing comes to mind right now.

Zelda or Mario? Zelda (or Link, if you’re talking about the dude) story-wise, Mario for playability haha.

#survey #surveys

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massmurdera · 4 years

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Super fun list/idea I look forward to. I love end-of-year lists and even end of decade lists and checking to see what I missed or completely forgot about.

Some stuff I didn’t like, am lukewarm about. But most is right on and worth checking out.

Glad they added: the Bodega Boys soundboard (Desus and Mero). Some segments on Desus and Mero this year were the funniest things I watched...Ryen Russillo’s ‘Worst Year ever’ segment. Forgot about that one. Relatable.

Things I’d add to the list... Limited series that are really good (in order): When They See Us (particularly Jharrell Jerome’); Unbelievable; Chernobyl; the Loudest Voice; Mrs Fletcher

Late add: ‘Don’t Fuck with Cats: the Hunt for the Internet Cat Killer’ Still need to check out: ‘Fosse/Verdon’; ‘Looking for Alaska’; ‘Good Omens’

Late Night: ‘Desus and Mero’-kind of mentioned with the Bodega Boys soundboard. Some segments were the hardest I’ve laughed this year. Maybe the ad for the South Carolina sheriff was the best moment? And the hilarious game show moment with Jimmy Fallon/Charlize Theron and the Taylor Swift ‘long back’ moment that got them death threats from Swift fans.

Without fail, I introduce anybody to Desus and Mero or even just Mero’s laugh-and they will enjoy it. They are so naturally funny/likable and got great chemistry/riffing.

TV Series: ‘Sex Education’. Some ‘Derry Girls’. Moments: Sydney Sweeney’s boobies on ‘Euphoria’. That show is pretty ridiculous/dumb at times and basically feels like a hysterically paranoid made-up nightmare of what high school is like. But it has good female performances you can’t look away from. The dudes? not so much. Documentaries (no order): ‘the Ted Bundy Tapes’, ‘Finding Neverland’ (Michael Jackson sexual abuse of kids); ‘I Love You Now Die’ (local in Massachusetts with inducing someone to commit suicide case), ‘‘‘the Inventor’ (Theranos) ‘American Factory’; ‘Knocking Down the House’ (AOC)

Enjoyed a lot of these to varying degrees. Heard the Maradona doc was good.

Comedy Specials: -Bill Burr-’Paper Tiger’-favorite stand-up comic. Particularly his bit 54 minutes in. I still think he’s left out his best bits 3 specials in a row now (the anti respecting the troops makes sense as to why he left it out/didn’t land in London and why) -Gary Gulman-’the Great Depresh’-doc didn’t totally work for me, but there’s some great moments from a comic I’ve always liked/didn’t know what he was going through. -Dave Chappelle -got a lot of flack, but it was still funny. -Mike Birbiglia-’the New One’-comic from my town (Shrewsbury MA). He does ready-made Broadway/Off-Broadway one-man acts (not so much comedy specials). He’s not a favorite comic in that I don’t think he’s as naturally or consistently funny as a lot of the guys I like on podcasts; that’s not his forte. But if he has an act, he’ll deliver and usually get better with it. -Anthony Jeselnik-’Fire in the Maternity Ward’ Comedy album -Joe DeRosa-’I Go To Atlanta All the Time’ -may not pop into my head as a favorite comic, but he reliably releases some of my favorite comedy albums.

Podcasts -’the Dollop’: ‘Ronald Reagan part 1 & 2′ with Patton Oswalt. Lot of episodes are hit-or-miss, but when it’s on? It’s damn good/funny/unbelievable. I wish they had a comedy production studios for Dollop movies/TV/shorts.

I listen to an ungodly amount of podcasts, but I can’t think of standout moments/episodes beyond the above one. I think Frotcast will release a Best of the year oepisode soon and it might deliver.

Internet moments -the short/angry Bagel Boss guy losing his shit (and other videos of the guy being a douche) -Megan McCain being dunked on. Probably ‘You were at my wedding denise’ was the highlight but it was never-ending from an all-time dumb person/faildaughter of a shitty politician. You could probably also add other shitty Republicans/conservative thinkers. Getting shit on online and losing the culture wars forever and always is the least/best we can do in these shit times. They will never have that and it irks them no matter how much they say it doesn’t. That’s history and being on the wrong side. SNL -Adam Sandler’s SNL comeback/tribute to Chris Farley. He did it on his really good Netflix comedy special but was more touching here and a genuine moment.

SNL mostly sucks and I hate-watch it. Has a collection of funny people but they fail to do anything with it.

Need to check out: Uncut Gems; Little Women; Star Wars; end of ‘Legion’ (4 episodes behind/wasn't enjoying the last season and a half. The final ‘Mr Robot’. episode on Sunday. 1 episode into ‘the Witcher’ and so far it’s pretty stupid and Henry Cavill’s voice is unintentionally funny. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MY PERSONAL FAVES.... TV: Succession/Fleabag/Watchmen DISAPPOINTING ALL-TIME GREAT END: Game of Thrones GREAT: When They See Us; Unbelievable; Chernobyl VERY GOOD/HIGH HIGHS: Barry; Brockmire; Derry Girls; Euphoria; Pen15; Sex Education FAVORITE SHOWS I LOVE BUT NOT TOTALLY STANDOUT SEASONS: Big Mouth; Rick and Morty; Veep OKAY: Dark; Russian Doll HALF-WATCH/MEH: All-American; Emergence; Jack Ryan; Living With Yourself; the Mandalorian; Stumptown; True Detective; Warrior NOT GOOD BUT I WATCH: Shameless ONCE GREAT NOW MIGHT NEED TO END: GLOW; Killing Eve; Luther; Stranger Things NOT VERY GOOD/ENDED: Big Little Lies; Silicon Valley GAVE UP ON: Riverdale

STILL NEED TO CHECK OUT/CATCH UP BUT ARE GOOD/QUALITY: Bosch; Broad City; Brooklyn 99; Catastrophe; Expanse; Good Place; It’s Always Sunny; Letterkenny; Other Two; Ramy; Schitt’s Creek MOVIE: TOP TIER FAVORITES: 1) Once Upon a Time in Hollywood 2) Uncut Gems SECOND TIER FAVES: 3) Little Women 4) Knives Out 5) Midsommer 6) Parasite 7) Marriage Story THIRD TIER: 8) John Wick III 9) the Irishman 10) Us 11) Shazam! UNDERRATED: 12) Ready or Not

ABSOLUTE FAVORITE DOCS: the two Fyre Festival docs; American Factory SOLID: Breaking Bad: El Camino; Dolemite is My Name; Longshot; the Two Popes OKAY: the Amazing Jonathan; Avengers: Endgame; Spiderman: Far From Home; Fighting With My Family; Hustlers; Knocking Down the House LOW EXPECTATIONS HIGH REWARD BUT TOTALLY DUMB: 6 Underground; Between Two Ferns: the Movie NOT TOTALLY MY THING BUT IMPRESSIVE: Ad Astra; High Flying Bird HALF-WATCH RENTAL: Always Be My Maybe; Good Boys; Hobbes & Shaw; the Report DISAPPOINTING: Toy Story 4; Triple Frontier DIDN’T LIKE/OVERHYPED: Booksmart; the Farewell; Under the Silver Lake BAD: the Laundromat; Let It Snow; Noel

HAVE YET TO SEE: Apollo 11; Art of Self-Defense; Beach Bum; Ford v Ferrari; Honey Boy; It 2; the Lighthouse; Rocketman; the Souvenir; Star Wars; Transit

LIVE SHOW: Brian Fallon at City Winery solo acoustic. Was 75% banter from a dude filled with nerves. Felt like a funny ‘Unplugged’ with pretty sad songs inbetween.

Comics Come Home was good (Robert Kelly; Bill Burr, John Mulaney, Pete Holmes, etc) MUSIC-Menzingers Late Pass: Spanish Love Songs

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lesbianfunkykong · 6 years

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1-5 spencer, 30-35 david, 20-25 bonnie (these are random numbers so if there's weird questions in there? don't judge me)

Spencer

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?Her full name is Spencer Anne Keller. It doesn’t mean anything specific, just that her mom’s name is Anne and that she liked ‘Spencer’ when she saw it in a baby book. tbh when Spencer was born, the name was kind of the least of her mom’s worries. 2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?lmao nope, she’s a normie. Her highest degree is high school. 3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? She liked her childhood. It wasn’t perfect, but she was never lonely. Her favorite memory was probably the first time her uncle let her build something by herself. She almost sawed her thumb off but she quickly decided that was just part of the process and that she should be proud of it, which her uncle thought was hilarious coming from an eight year old. A bad memory was when she was she was six and swallowed a nail so she had to have open-stomach surgery. 4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? She doesn’t know her dad very well, they’ve met like three times and it’s been pretty uncomfortable every time. Spencer isn’t too worried about keeping him in her life. She and her mom are on better terms but they’ve never been close. They have friendly conversations when they’re together but neither of them make an effort to put each other first. Both memories will be about her mom because of this. A good one is when she was twelve and her mom came to visit for her birthday, which was great because she was nervous the kids she invited to her party would think it was weird that her mom wasn’t there because... A bad memory is her eleventh birthday party when everyone thought it was weird that her mom wasn’t there. :(5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults? Nah she’s an only child. She has two lizards, though. Kanga and Roo.

David

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?David does like musicals, but when choosing between the shitty versions and the good versions, he’ll always think the shitty one is better. His favorite musical is the Madonna version of Evita. He loooooves rap music and thinks he can rap well (he cannot.) When his favorite song comes on, he raps loudly and badly. 21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?It takes a ridiculous amount to get David angry to the point of yelling. He’s very patient, because his way of thinking is always to try and understand where people are coming from, so even if they’re saying some dumb bullshit it’s a challenge for him. When he does lose his temper, which is super rare, he tries to do something productive with it but like, whatever his angry mind thinks is the productive thing to do, which might just be “punch this guy in the mouth it’ll be good” 22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?David doesn’t insult people a lot, tbh. Hardly ever to their faces, and behind their backs mostly in a good humored venting way, but if he’s gonna insult someone it’ll be with a bad impression of them doing the thing that was bugging him. He’d insult people if they’re being openly rude to himself or his friends in a way that’s obviously intentional. 23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?His memory’s probably about average, but he thinks it’s great. (He thinks everything about himself is great.) He’s better with long term memory, and he’s good at both names and faces because he hates it when people forget him so he tries to remember people. 24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?He sleeps until 10am if he can, or 2pm if he was drinking the night before. He snores if he sleeps on his stomach but he never sleeps on his stomach so that’s dine, and he’s still young enough that he doesn’t have a mattress preference but he does want one of those Purple mattresses because he likes the muppets on the adds. 25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?David has the worst sense of humor and I hate him. I know I was just roasting you for watching Adam Sandler so you’re gonna think this is me making a joke about you but no, David loves the shit out of Adam Sandler, he thinks he’s so goddamn funny. He thinks he’s probably funnier, though. David is Not Humble.

Bonnie

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?She doesn’t really work on in the typical way, but the whole demon hunting lifestyle kind of takes care of that for her. She likes wearing her amethyst necklace after that, because it’s a good calming stone. 31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?Bonnie doesn’t drink at all. Conner probably bought them all beer once and Bonnie had one sip and thought it was gross. 32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?She dresses like a hippy got lost in the forest for 50 years and is just now coming back to society. She likes thrifting, not just because her parents are always broke, but she really likes Free People even though she has never actually bought anything from there because damn it’s pricey. To sleep, she wears the footie pajamas Willow and Tara got everyone one year sort of as a joke but mostly because Willow and Tara are cheesy. She doesn’t wear makeup, except sometimes when she and her mom have fun makeover days, but it’s not something she prioritizes and she likes her face how it is. Her hair is always very long and usually braided. 33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?She’s 14 I’m skipping this34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?14, so not getting into specifics, but I don’t think being raised by Cordy would leave room for serious self esteem issues tbh.35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? Her guilty pleasure is probably Taylor Swift? She loves Taylor Swift. But also she doesn’t feel bad about that so that answer is for both.

#wow what a fake friend not catering specific questions...blocked.#ask meme #david #spencer #bonnie #stevenrogors

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tilbageidanmark · 3 years

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Movies I watched this week - 22

Ramin Bahrani’s masterpiece Goodbye Solo.

Here is the first scene:

A grumpy old white man gets into a night cab in Winston-Salem, NC and hires the friendly Senegalese driver to take him out to a mountain cliff outside town. Solo, the driver, jokes with him “Why? Are you gonna jump off?” but the old man doesn’t answer, and the smile disappear from the driver’s face...

9/10

✴️

Eighth Grade - A coming of age story of an introverted and awkward 13 year old girl who struggles with anxiety. She lives with her dad whom she locks out even though he’s well-meaning and supportive.

It’s all about social acceptance, screens and self-doubt.

I can see Adora there in a year or two, confused, uncertain about her life and having to come to terms with the “friends” around her.

Real, sad and hard to watch! 7+/10

✴️

Unexpected discovery of the week:

Black honey ( דבש שחור ), A biography of a poet I never heard of, Abraham Sutzkever, who is now regarded as the greatest Yiddish poet of all time, and is even considered by some as the “most important Israeli Poet ever”.

According to the documentary, he led a truly remarkable life, from his birth in Siberia, surviving hell on earth at the Vilna ghetto during World War II and being rescued by an order of Stalin himself, testifying at the first Nuremberg trials, and living in Tel Aviv for over 50 years, practically unknown, because he refused to switch writing his poetry from Yiddish to Hebrew. Astounding!

✴️

2 with Irrfan Khan (who died exactly a year ago):

✳️✳️✳️ In The Lunchbox, an unloved Mumbai wife sends her husband home cooked meals via the local dabbawallas food carrying system, but her Dabba is being delivered by mistake to a lonely, older widower.

“The wrong train can lead you to the right station”

A tender, quiet story about longing and loneliness from first-time director Ritesh Batra (who later directed ‘Our Souls At night’).

- Best film of the week.

This movie caused me to realize something about this film-reviewing project:

Right now I am mostly attracted to simple, earnest and compassionate stories about “real” people with “real” emotions. So many of the films I choose are like that: Wistful and restrained.

✳️✳️✳️ Puzzle (2018) was Irrfan Khan’s final English-language role before his death. It tells a soft and atmospheric story about an undervalued housewife who slowly discovers herself after she receives a 1000 pc. jigsaw puzzle for her birthday. 7/10

✴️

Won’t you be my neighbor? - a kind biography of the inspirational Mr. Rogers, created in 2018, a hateful and terrible year.

✴️

After discovering ‘The Station Agent’ and ‘Win Win’ last week, I went through the rest of Tom McCarty’s films (the only one I couldn’t find is ‘The Visitor’):

✳️✳️✳️ First in line, Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made. I can imagine that this is a perfect film for 12 year olds. A unique boy who refuses to be ‘normal’ runs a detective agency, “Total Failure Inc.”, with an imaginary polar bear partner in wacky Portland, OR. (Photo above)

Surprised to see Craig Robinson as a 100% empathetic school counselor! 9/10

✳️✳️✳️ Re-watch (Fifth time? sixth?...) - Spotlight: Pitch perfect newsroom procedural story of the investigative team at the Boston Globe as they uncovered the massive child sex abuse of the Catholic Church.

10/10

✳️✳️✳️ The Cobbler - I can’t understand why this film was Adam Sandler's biggest box-office flop, or why it got on so many Worst Films Of 2014 lists.

A warm and lovely fairy tale (especially the first half) about a shoe maker ( סַנדְלָר ) who learn to "Live in someone else's shoes". 5+

✳️✳️✳️ Pixar’s UP - With a story by Tom McCarty. There are 2 stories here: The very emotional relationship between Carl, the Spencer Tracy character, and his wife Ellie, and the South American adventures. I remembered the first part vividly, and didn’t realize that they already reached Paradise Falls after 30 minutes: The rest of the movie was centered around the fights with explorer Charles Muntz.

The first 10 minutes opening scene, though...

✳️✳️✳️ Finally, One million Arm, a Tom McCarty’s script turned into a disappointing Disney production: So formulaic that I knew to the minute when Alan Arkin is going to pop up again.

✴️

First watch: What Happened, Miss Simone? A biography of the second greatest female singer, who also suffered the tragic fate of being born black and female in America.

✴️

The Rider, Chloé Zhao’s magnificent film before Nomadland.

Dark, authentic and powerful “Western” story of a rodeo rider who had a brain injury while falling from a horse (in real life). Played by all non-actors from an Indian reservation in the Badlands of South Dakota.

One of Obama’s 2018 favorite films.

"Play the cards you are dealt, Let it go."

✴️

Hated in the nation - Another re-watch of my all-time favorite “Black Mirror” episode (I actually mentioned it on the first blog post of this project - so less than 6 months ago!). Because of “Puzzle” (above), I returned to see Kelly Macdonald as DCI Karin Parks (together with her side-kick “Blue Coulson”).

A perfect thriller! I would binge on a series led by these two!

10/10

✴️

“...From the Buddhists to the whores...”

Asleep & Awake: Spend 35 minutes in the bathroom of 81 year old Henry Miller

✴️

Young Fronkensteen - with Inspector Kemp, whose German accent is so thick that even his own countrymen cannot understand him - and Gene Hackman as the blind hermit.

“Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay?”

✴️

Margaret is an over-long (2.5 hours), meandering story about a privileged and self-absorbed Manhattan teen who witnesses a woman being killed by a bus. It’s attention-seeking and unfocused with a dozen unrelated sub-plots, each going on its own tangent and leading nowhere. It starts on the wrong foot by casting 29 year old Anna Paquin as a teenager who bickers and argues with everybody around her, who also exhibit breakdowns in communication and aggressive assholery all around. Unpleasant slog! Even Mark Ruffalo gets to play an unsympathetic character.

✴️

H.R. Giger’s 1979 wet dream - Alien. Also, Sigourney Weaver’s first role. (She’s 71 years old now). A group of incompetent space explorers / scientists discover some alien organism in space, and do everything possible not to protect themselves. Overrated, empty horror. 2/10

- - - - -

Throw-back to the art project:

Adora with Mr. Rogers and with Daniel Tiger.

Nina Simone Adora.

Young Frankenstein Adora.

Alien Adora.

- - - - -

(My complete movie list is here)

#movies

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michalwu · 6 years

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Summary of 2017 in cinema

Today is the day. Academy awards comming in few hours. Some say those are the most important awards in film industry, well I don’t think so. But it really is kind of summary for this award period for achievments in film and kind of closure. So I watched a loooot of movies from 2017 (like every year) and though I’m not specialist or respected critic I decided to go my list of greatest achievments in each categories. I’m a film maniac after all so I think I know a thing or two. I chose categories about which I have at least some idea and I can “judge” them in this SUBJECTIVE RANK.

I will do it like this. Few movie or people names worth mention (in random order) and the best one or “the winner” in bold font.

***Film editing***

I, Tonya; John Wick 2, mother!; Dunkirk; Baby Driver

***Sound mixing***

Baby Driver, Shape of Water, Dunkirk, John Wick 2, Blade Runner 2049

***Visual effects***

War for Planet of Apes; Thor: Ragnarok; Dunkirk; Star Wars: Last Jedi; Blade Runner 2049

***Production design***

Blade Runner 2049, Phantom Thread, Thor: Ragnarok, Beguiled, Shape of Water

***Costume design***

Darkest Hour, Beauty and the Beast, Phantom Thread, Shape of Water, Beguiled

***Cinematography***

John Wick 2, Florida Project, Mudbound, Blade Runner 2049, Beguiled

***Animated Feature Film***

Loving Vincent, Ferdinand, Lego: Batman, Coco

***Music (original score)***

Ghost in the Shell, Call Me by Your Name, The Square, Dunkirk, Blade Runner 2049

***Best song***

Mighty River (Mudbound), I Get Overwhelmed (Ghost Story), PBNJ (Patti Cake$), La Llorona (Coco), Mystery of Love (Call Me By Your Name)

***Foreign Language Film***

Okja, Fantastic Woman, In the Fade, The Square

***Best Adapted Screenplay***

The Post, Mudbound, Bequiled, Disaster Artist, Call Me By Your Name

***Best Original Screenplay***

Lady Bird, Shape of Water, Phantom Thread, Okja, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

***Achievment in directing***

Guillermo del Toro (Shape of Water), Sofia Coppola (Beguiled), Denis Villeneuve (Blade Runner 2049), Greta Gerwig (Lady Bird), Luca Guadagnino (Call Me By Your Name)

***Actress in supporting role***

Mary J. Blige (Mudbound), Elizabeth Moss (The Square), Allison Janney (I, Tonya), Kristen Dunst (Beguiled), Tilda Swinton (Okja), Laure Metcalf (Lady Bird)

***Actor in supporting role***

Jake Gyllenhaal (Okja), Adam Sandler (Meyerowitz Stories), LilReL Howery (Get Out!), Willerm Defoe (Florida Project), Sam Rockwell ( Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri), Armie Hammer (Call Me By Your Name)

***Actress in leading role***

Margot Robbie (I, Tonya), Vicky Krieps (Phantom Thread), Sally Hawkins (Shape of Water), Jennifer Lawrence (mother!), Saoirse Ronan (Lady Bird), Frances McDormand ( Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri)

***Actor in leading role***

James Franco (Disaster Artist), Daniel Day-Lewis (Phantom Thread), Gary Oldman (Darkest Hour), Daniel Kaluuya (Get Out), Claes Bang (The Square), Timothée Chalamet (Call Me By Your Name)

***Best cast***

Call Me By Your Name, Beguiled, Okja, The Square, Lady Bird, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

*** Best picture***

Lady Bird, Shape of Water, Phantom Thread, Dunkirk, Okja, Beguiled, The Square,

3) Blade Runner 2049

2) Call Me By Your Name

1) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri <3

Worst of the year? Hard to choose because in opposit to critics I mostly watch movies I really want to see. But there was few dissapointments:

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, Baywatch, Snatched, Justice League, Killing Sacred Deer. And abut Last Jedi...it’s a good movie I just really expected more.

#three billboards #call me by your name #blade runner 2049 #the beguiled #dunkirk #okja movie #the square #phantom thread #the shape of water #lady bird #best movies #best of 2017 #cinema #oscars2017 #rank

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Link Tank: The Best Star Wars Posters of All Time

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

The Star Wars franchise has some of the most beautiful posters in movie history. Here are the top 15.

“Star Wars has some of the most gorgeous posters in the history of cinema. Part of that is because of its beautiful iconography: lightsabers, spaceships, aliens, etc. Another reason is each film has been released and re-released so many times, there are way, way more poster versions to choose from.”

Read more at Inverse.

The post Link Tank: The Best Star Wars Posters of All Time appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/34AyOiB

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years

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Rise and Grind

If you can’t tell, I'm not a fan of the Hollywood system. I love film, i just hate how contrived, micromanaged, and manipulated the process can be to make a film in Hollywood. I believe you should just let those with imagination, build your cinema. I adore directors like David Finch, Park Chan-wook, Christopher Nolan, Luc Beson, Denis Villeneuve, and Alex Garland. I love the way they construct their films. I love the way they incorporate the visual aspect of visual storytelling. These cats don’t rely on effects, but use them to accentuate the story being told. They’re not used as crutches like, say, in a Zack Snyder or Michael Bay production. For great creators, effects are things used as flourishes to the narrative content, not the content, itself. It’s a frustration to me that smaller, more intimate, more profound fare, get slighted at the box office as failure because these films don’t make the studios a billion dollars. How ridiculous is it that such a gorgeous film, such a brilliantly acted, directed, and performed work like the Suspiria remake, can only garner a meager eight million dollars worth of return? Why can an abortion of cinema, a direct affront to the art of visual storytelling, like Transformers: The Last Knight, make six hundred million dollars? I hate that Hollywood would pump so much into such utter filth, despite having real originality and talent on tap, because the system is built to chase dollars.

That’s why I'm so infatuated with the streaming system and how it’s forcing change in the industry. Creators are no longer bound to the shackles of money-hungry, corporate monstrosities, who’ll sabotage your ideas if they sniff an avenue for more profit. Netflix gives creators the opportunity to just create. They’re very similar to A24 in that regard, but much larger. Some of the best television shows i have ever seen, have come out of Netflix. Stranger Things, The Umbrella Academy, Ozark, Manhunter; These are shows that give HBO a run for their money. There’s no way network television gives these things the green light. It’s not even the small screen that streaming is f*cking up but the multiplex, too. This is where the major studios are feeling the heat. Beasts of No Nation, a film by Netflix, f*cked every other movie released that year. It was raw, gritty, and told one of the most emotional stores i had ever seen. It deserved an Oscar nomination but, at that time, no one took Netflix serious in the theatrical space. They’re not all great and, admittedly, most of them are trash. Who the f*ck gives Adam Sandler an overall deal like that? F*cking Netflix. They threw money at that due and told him to make whatever, we don’t care, and that’s the point; Netflix let’s you make whatever you want to make. It doesn’t matter to them, they just want content. Netflix is funded by subscriptions, not box office take, and as long as people subscribe, it doesn’t matter if something's terrible. Just f*cking make it. Someone will like it and if enough people do, here's a budget to make something else. That sh*t is dope and lends itself to the spirit of creativity.

I didn’t care for The Old Guard. I thought it was mediocre sequel bait but i respect that it was made. I respect how it was made. Charlize Theron bought the rights to that thing as a vehicle for herself. Theron is a brilliant actress and a gorgeous woman but, in the Hollywood system, age is your enemy. Before too long, you go from the hot piece, to the mama hen, and then to retirement. Charlize is getting on n years. Her expiration in Hollywood is fast approaching but not with streaming. Since there’s no need to make money, you can create whatever you want. Charlize has a whole ass franchise she can star in until she doesn’t want to, then hand it over to an up-and-comer while staying on as a producer. There’s no pressure to succeed or perform at a box office because there is no box office. There is just exposure. Look, I love the theater experience. I'd hate for it to go away. But, I mean, as a creative, I love the possibility of streaming so much more. It's a pure medium for storytelling. There's no pressure to make money, no pressure to build a fan base. You can just go in with a pitch and if it's approved, bring your story to life. It's your vision, your voice, with no studio notes or executive directives. The gatekeepers don't have the keys anymore.

Recently, Disney has given up the ghost on their Mulan remake. They wanted, more than anything to release that thing theatrically but it doesn't look like that's going to be possible. The Wuha is strong and it keeps nixing any release dates slated for this year. I mean, look at Tenet. That motherf*cker has been rescheduled how many times now? A lot of that has to due with Nolan, himself. I get it though. Nolan shoots his films for the theater. You need those screens and that sound system to take in the film properly. Disney has no qualms. Everyone watched Trolls 2 take in a mint. The theaters hated it but what could you do? There's plague everywhere. Disney has decided to do something similar with Mulan but even more devastating than just a home release like Trolls. Disney has it's own streaming service, Disney+. So, for thirty dollars and a subscription to their streaming service, you can unlock the new Mulan, usually a multi-million dollar, theatrical blockbuster, in your home. It'll also get a proper, theatrical release but really? No theater. No COVID. No mess. Disney gets one hundred percent of those profits and brand new subscribers, the theaters get nothing. I mean, they get a percentage on whatever the actual theatrical run on Mulan turns out to be, but with the option of watching it in my draws, on my couch, in my home, why the f*ck would I go to the cinema? The difference between these brand new releases options? Disney+, a streaming service.

It's wild to see how this revolution of content is sweeping through the entertainment industry. Soundcloud, YouTube, and now streaming services like Netflix and Prime, are forcing the establishment to change. These competing distribution alternatives are f*cking up their respective industries, making new stars and content without the input of suits and I love it. A lot of the content is less than it should be but it's the spirit in which everything is being forged that enchants me. I can't f*cking stand Soundcloud rappers, but I respect the fact that they are out here doing it. I don't care for Lily Singh but I can't argue the fact that she has built a proper media empire off the back of a YouTube skit show. I didn't like the Old Guard as a film but I love the potential that thing holds for Theron going forward. More and more, we’re seeing prestige films come out of these streaming services, pressing the academy to recognize their value to the medium, whether the old guard likes it or not. I touched upon how Beasts of No Nation was kind of robbed at the awards the year it came out for being “just a streaming movie.” Fast forward three years, f*cking Roma was nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. A black-and-white, foreign language, streaming movie was nominated as best film of the entire f*cking year. Two years after that, Netflix leads all studios with twenty-four Oscar nominations. We are only five years removed from one of the worst snubs in Oscar history, to dominating the very awards that didn't even want to acknowledge the merit of a streaming service. That’s pressure if i have ever seen it.

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smokeybrand · 4 years

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Pressure

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

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Vol. 10

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Killer Couples: Toybox Killings *An interstate prostitute escapes from a Truth or Consequences, New Mexico "rape dungeon" after being held hostage by a near retirement park ranger party animal and his much younger but still nearing middle aged yet still a white trash party girl at heart lover and willing accomplice. Oxygen network thrives on this kind of investigative murder porn, but gives mixed signals when the show's main sponsor is Oxygen's previews for a feel good family sitcom featuring Damon Wayans.* either zero or 2 stars

Breaking Greenville: You Are Now Safe *An orange tanned, obnoxious news anchor goes weird on the air and starts having a midlife crisis while talking inappropriately to the viewers about his pending divorce. The same guy brings together his news crew, in his small apt, to give them facial masks and it gets surreal looking at newspeople being reality tv stars buying for fifteen minutes of fame with these strange painted faces. Then, a nerdy meteorologist gives an awkward report from a tornado bunker, followed by a spunky morning reporter trying her hardest to be serious for a story of a church burning. A news veteran, with a walrus mustache, gives the spunky reporter advice, while inhaling a chocolate covered donut, to cover more stories about happy topics like food.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Plastic Surgery, Nip-pocalypse *Put a bag over your head, if you must, but don't put a butterfly tattoo on your ankle.* close to 3 stars

The Ben Stiller Show: Season 1 Episode 12 *"There's nothing like being part of the team. That feeling that you're just an insignificant part of a much larger scheme." All for one and one for all. You can't handle the truth or pull the sword from the stone. "Human flesh is the ultimate fun food."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Look Around You: Ghosts *They're there in their room.* close to 3 stars

Hippies: Muddy Hippies *Pitching a tent with the socialist state, landing in doo doo, and selling out to the bank.* 2 1/2 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 Episode 4 *The original Gong Show had acts more absurd and interesting than 20 something hipster nerd that's kind of good at yo yo or stripper catholic school chick lesbo act that's entertaining only at bachelor and frat parties.* running from 1 to close to 2 stars

=== Ghosts Adventures, Aftershocks with Zak Bagans: Zozo

*D-bag Zak puts on a sports jacket over his muscle shirt to give some former haunted people, from the show, a bit of paranormal therapy, Dr. Phil style.

The poor sap on this episode gets hammered with accusations that his conjuring of a demon via a oujia board (available at toy stores and gag gift shops in malls nationwide) led to his ex-wife having an affair with the nasty spirit and to her current stay in jail.

You can't make this stuff up. Oh, wait... you can, and they did, and it's as laughable to watch as it sounds.

Also, and I'm not making this up, there's some kind of contention, that needed to be explained by host and guest, about said lady's crotch odor actually not being her fault and instead was a sulfur smell from the pits of hell.

No kidding.*

1 star

-----------------------------------------

---- 12:01 Beyond --- Episode #5 --- Love Is Sex Misspelled ---------

*RKO cartoon - Cupid Gets His Man: An all out Cherub amorous assault on an old maid and an old bachelor.* 2 stars

*Old school, praise-filled promo for the cult classic Dr. Caligari 1989.* 3 stars

*Mr. Lobo sends one out to the lovers who like to "cop a feel."* 2 1/2 stars

*"Eavesdrop on America's darkest secrets." Intimate Secrets "Adults only. $2.00 per minute. Classic sleazy 900 number phone service.* 3 stars

*Ninja the Mission Force - "N" Is For Ninja: "Keep your money in your shoe." and your heart off your pajama sleeve.* close to 3 stars

*Super retro anti-drug cartoon circa late 60s or early 70s from Hanna Barbera.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures Serials - The Crimson Ghost in Chapt. 5 'Flaming Death': Collision course on a collision course.* 2 stars

*Ballroom Dance Floor (interesting music video inspired by the Great Gatsby.* 2 1/2 stars

*Grindhouse trailer showing an "Oath of Green Blood."* 2 1/2 stars

*Mr. Lobo romances a potted plant.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*A big costume heart shows up and sings to Mr. Lobo and his potted lady.* 2 1/2 stars

*Tom Sizemore in "Bad Love": Tom is Lenny -a lowlife, jealous, pathetic, controlling, abusive, mostly terrible lover/boyfriend to this short-haired city chick, who could do much better but is too dumb to try, in a saxophone and soft piano filled skid row setting softcore sex in the mid 90s romance flick.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Videotape advertisement for satellite signal descrambler to have "American eXXXtasy" available to all those using a video cipher 2 for only a few hundred bucks. Get all the porn you want, same as an average schmoe in a trucker hat and a plaid shirt.* 3 stars

*A colorized King Kong goes car shopping for a Volkswagen to haul his captive sweetie around in a 1960s or early 70s car advertisement.* close to 3 stars

*Mr. Lobo can't get any privacy or satisfaction from the invasive Heart mascot, a cloud of poisonous urinal cake gas, or a post-apocalyptic plant lady mishap.* 2 stars

*Classic TNT Monstervision theme song, sung by Joe Bob Briggs, intro video where Joe Bob can't get any love from the hot, white trash bimbo TNT "Mail Girl."* 3 stars

*"Red Nightmare": Jack Webb stands on suburban street corners, staring into windows, abducting family men, who won't get in line and act like a good American, sending them to Soviet society where their freedoms are stripped away. Jack Webb is too ignorant to see the irony of his own thoughts and actions.* 1 star

*Superman in "Jungle Drums": "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!" Superman saves Lois from stereotype African savages who are trying to sacrifice her for not spilling top U.S. Navy ship location secrets to the savages' Nazi overlords." 3 stars

*"Women fear being raped, but it's double the fear if it's in outerspace and by aliens." in this grindhouse quality trailer for "Insemenoid."* 3 stars

*Colorful, quirky, scale model filled XXX outerspace adventure with horny space women, Harry Potter look-a-like with his Hogwarts professor sidekick, and overtly gay alien ship's computer voice. "Spaced Out." a grindhouse style trailer.* 3 stars

*"Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders" another retro trailer.* 3 stars

*Mr. Lobo is the last man on earth, left to his own devices -licking telephone receivers.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Zero stars for the annoying voice over lady who complained during everyone of her intros. Was an enhancement the first few episodes of 1201, but for this episode it was a real detraction. Not sure if it was part of the act, or if it was a legitimate show of feelings. Either way, it sucked. Get rid of it, and her, if necessary.*

===========================================================

VH1 sneak preview "Hot Grits" *Another insipid reality mess featuring "good looking" people, this time the cast being overprivileged 20 somethings from the southern United States (A number of other cable networks have similar shows. So, it's already a tired premise.) and VH1 really is daring its idiotic viewers to "hate watch" the awful people and antics on this steaming vomit, served in a bowl, excuse for a tv show.* zero stars

Red Letter Media presents Best of the Worst: Blood Debts, The Tomb, and Undefeatable *Generic Charles Bronson with a tiny cannon and a wife named simply "his wife" in the movie's credits, then a Indiana Jones rip off that has nearly zero action... limited stars' screentime... and phone filled exposition, followed finally by a mom jeans karate lady in a universe where everyone knows karate and an eyeball ripping out serial rapist is on the loose.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

American Horror Story - Asylum: Continuum *Communal state of delusion.* 3 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Hellphones versus Interthreat *Electronic etiquette.* close to 3 stars

Forensic Files: Bitter Potion *Poisoned by Pie. Scratch that. Poisoned by Coca-Cola. Better yet, poisoned by a member of MENSA. A real 'Walter White type' chemist / former meth cook.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Fatal Lisa *"Getting it on (on the hood of a Dodge Viper, which is true love)" with a genie who won't take no for an answer.* 3 stars

Wizards and Warriors: Night of Terror *For the night is long and filled with spiders.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: The Prometheus Parabola *John Wayne and Arcane have a tech-war shootout showdown.* either 1 or 3 stars

Viper: Firehawk *"Beware the Bandersnatch" Urban assault and compromising situations of a vehicular nature.* either 1 1/2 stars or close to 3 stars

Spicy City: Manos Hands *Redbeans, bongo musica, and bruja? brewha?* close to 3 stars

X Files: Darkness Falls *Pitch black.* 3 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Mother Earth Bitch *Throwing a live chicken, wearing a jet pack, into the air is not pollution.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Forensic Files: Fatal Fungus *Mold takes hold in the ghetto.* 2 1/2 stars

Gargoyles: Reawakening *Castle and community.* close to 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Gatorbait *Passive aggressive "Prelude to oblivion."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Robocop the series: Trouble In Delta City *Strange side effects. Tame violence and hokey characters are just fine when the satire is funny and biting.* close to 3 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 episode 5 *This show is so far removed from the spirit of the original Gong Show that it reminds one of a skanky Hard Rock Cafe amateur talent night. Adam Sandler's production company "Happy Madison" is in charge of the show, so that says something about the quality and the reason why this episode featured two unworthy, obnoxious female friends of his who were also "actresses" in one of his terrible movies (Something something Zohan).* 1 1/2 stars

Everything Is Terrible -----------------

*Family Easter Hell!: "Because he lives, we can face tomorrow. Now, here's an egg." A decorated egg.* 3 stars

*Christ Or Die: Too busy to hear about salvation? Think it's nonsense? Boom, comically horrible death without redemption.* 3 stars

*Jesus Has A Big Dick!: #BOING!# "That's right!" Gitty up, little doggie.* 3 stars

----------------------------

VH1 Classic --- Pop Up Video --- Episode 3

*Meredith Brooks - "Bitch": A female dog was the first earth creature to orbit in outerspace.* 3 stars with pop ups 2 1/2 stars without pop ups

*Gin Blossoms - "Allison Road": According the the U.S. Census Bureau, you are watching television right now.* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 stars without pop ups

*Madonna - "Take A Bow": Madonna wanted to get knocked up by Dennis Rodman. True fact. And true that she is as pretentious as this gorgeous 90s artsy music video.* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 stars without pop ups

*Milli Vanilli - "Girl You Know It's True": The only thing true about Milli Vanilli was they were both lip syncing.* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 stars (guilty pleasure) without pop ups

*Bobby McFerrin - "Don't Worry, Be Happy": "Happiness is a psychiatric disorder."* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 stars without pop ups

----------------------------------------------

Look Around You: Sulphur *"9 hundred billion, billion, billion, billion matches."* 3 stars

Twitch City: People Who Fight Too Much *"Alleged spontaneous nature of..." dynamics.* 3 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Voting, Electile Dysfunction *Don't "Rock the Vote!" More people coupon than vote. Voting should be fun like the lottery or the Pepsi Challenge.* 3 stars

The Ben Stiller Show: season 1 episode 13 *"Doomed souls wander the earth, unfit for either Heaven or Hell." Special guest Howie Mandell, and a Jeffersons reunion.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Bad Dudes Versus Dragon Ninja" (A Data East arcade game) *In 2015, Islamic terrorists are beheading innocents, Hillary is once again running for the highest office in the land, and a moron lands a gyrocopter on the lawn of the capitol building. In the 1980s, we had a president named "Ronnie" and he was kidnapped by ninjas.* close to 3 stars

"Shaq Fu" (*Brought to us by PEPSI and ego*) *Shaq wanders into an Oriental antiques shop, the kind that would sell a Mogwai to a stupid Westerner. The little old man sends him to retrieve a golden child from an ancient realm where Shaq ventures across what looks like the map from Super Mario World for the SNES and there he beats up voodoo women, cat women, and stereotype Universal style monsters.* 2 stars

Hippies: Disgusting Hippies *Young punks think Simon Pegg's hippie newsletter editor character is a cunt.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Killer Party *"Did you just turn my parents into teenage party animals!?!"* 3 stars

The Greatest American Hero: Reseda Rose *First off, it's crummy being an 80s kid with a flakey parent who won't spend her weekend with a kid at the zoo, 'cause she's too busy with her acting in commercials career. Then The Greatest American Hero breaks Superman's privacy rule by using his x-ray vision powers to peak through walls at a cocktail waitress hogtied by Russian undercover spies.* close to 3 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 Episode 6 *More b list celebrities flirting with Las Vegas "rawker" looking skanks and trying way too hard to be edgy talent/comedy routines.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Bob and Margaret: The Dental Convention *Oral hypnotism. Bob's "matter of fact" attitude charms the masses and puts off his smarmy, new age dental clinic dental school classmate at a dental convention in Frankfurt, Germany.* close to 3 stars

Flinch (Vertigo - DC Comics) ------

*Mostly White: Women lose their small child during the insipid panic surrounding a big department store's Christmas rush. Reminds one of a more bleak Storm of the Century by Stephen King.* close to 3 stars

*The Harvester: Surgery of harvesting a deadbeat's organs goes through, even with the moral dilemma of the supposed braindead deadbeat not being dead.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sitter!: A neurotic slacker gets stuck babysitting his thug friend's wrapped in plastic dead stripper girlfriend's body that he shows up at his apartment with.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-----------------------------------

--- The Ben Stiller Show: Unaired Sketches

*An absurd and kooky wrestling characters battle royale. Ben dresses up like a deformed Ron Perlman and along with Bob Odenkirk and Andy Dick predicts the sad, pathetic lives of what would become "furries" in a mascot competition.

'Hard Edition,' a Hard Copy tabloid tv show parody keeps catching a horny, teenage Andy Dick whacking off to nudey magazines.

Three's Company era Don Knotts portrayed by Andy Dick joins a spandex wearing and lasso swinging Ben Stiller infomercial workout expert and his dominatrix.

Bob Odenkirk is a creepy, conspiracy theorist sitting on a bench in a park rambling about cancer, Dick Clark, Elvis, adult diaper cartels, tainted peanut butter assassinations.*

(I can see why some of these didn't make the cut, but still funny.)

3 stars

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Crossballs, the debate show: Sex Battle USA *A flamboyant pansexual Matt Besser character gets bitchy with a conservative reverend who believes the sexes should act their sex. A feminist has to explain the 1964 Civil Rights act allowed for women's rights not to be sexually exploited in the workplace. Ha. A business consultant thinks that the WNBA should dress their ladies like the Lingerie Football League so that they'll stop be unsuccessful in the ratings and attendance. A crazy inventor presents a robot vagina for the workplace.* close to 3 stars

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (SNES) *So we've got an evil sorceress Latoya Jackson look-a-like, a turkey behind a computer terminal, and a jacked up toad zipping its way through hordes of pig-beasts wearing amateur wrestling singlets and viking helmets, raccoons with magnets, moles on checker board pieces all through fast flying obstacles and platform puzzle levels, like one where the toad has to hang on for a ride on the back of two tropical snakes through the holes of their tunnel nest. A rare gem alongside Donkey Kong Country and Rayman.* close to 3 stars

Death Rattle #18 (Kitchen Sink Comix) -------

*Bulto the Cow Camp, Thirty Years Later....: Historical and allegorical tales of ancient deposits of precious minerals sought by 19th century men of manifest destiny with gold and silver twinkling in their beady eyes.* 3 stars

*The Old Wisconsin That I Knew: Musings of an early 20th century bigot thinking back on when he and the white man could exploit and show unpunished cruelty to the red man out in the frontier of Wisconsin. Thanks to nature's natural ways, a cruel fate meets the old bastard in the most bleak and darkly poetic way possible, spilling his guts before his eyes and leaving his bones to be drenched by pounding rains and dried by the menacing sun.* 3 stars

*Small Acts of Revenge: A loner, whose overbearing parents still haunt him from the grave, tries to escape reality into the grotesque world of Tales from the Crypt style comics. That is when he's not being haunted by the gruesome visages of the victims of his wrongfully applied revenge.* close to 3 stars

*When I Grow Up: Kids playing make believe, on a suburban lawn, see a shooting star. A somber girl makes a wish, and strangely they begin aging and acting out the drama of their teenage through adulthood to middle age and death life sorrows.* close to 3 stars

----------------------------------

The Angry Video Game Nerd: Atari Porn *In the early days of videogames, designers were happy just to be able to pixelate penises, humping, and ejaculating. It was that immature. Take history's tragic a-hole, General Custer, and have him dodging arrows so that he can poke a naked Indian chick tied to a cactus. Have a guy jerking off on top of a building with willing naked bimbos below to catch his falling semen. How bout a topless witch squirting milk to men with their goobers poking out of their pants? Or even a juvenile fantasy of a poorly pixelated naked chick stalking a neighborhood and breaking into houses to hump men in their sleep?* 1 star for the shitty games 3 stars for Nerd enduring the absurdity of it all

Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City (Electronic Arts for Super Nintendo) *When Michael Jordan was the most exciting athlete in the world, he was careful about how he had his image used. He'd play Larry Bird in a ridiculous game of h-o-r-s-e for a Big Mac or Pepsi, and he'd sell overpriced sneakers in an arthouse commercial co-starring and directed by Spike Lee, but you couldn't live out your dreams of being like Mike in basketball videogames like the awesome arcade dunkfest NBA JAM. No. At the time, you could play this game and bounce a basketball around a haunted, flooded, bat infested house / dungeon to platform hop and rescue Michael Jordan's NBA All Star team-mates.* 1 1/2 stars

Look Around You: Music *Don't play the forbidden notes.* 2 1/2 stars

Obscurus Lupa Presents: Pocket Ninja *If you were an 80s or early 90s kid, you were a martial arts spazz. You watched Ninja Turtles, you watched 3 Ninjas (barf), Surf Ninjas (laughs). and you were a threat to kick another kid or adult in the nuts while stupidly attempting karate. This one, Pocket Ninja, is a relic of its time. It's a cheap and direct to video IMDB bottom 100 "movie" featuring poor editing, awful slapstick in place of entertaining chop sockey, bad acting 90s brats, and a lot of taking itself not serious at all while thinking it's funny when it's not.* 2 1/2 stars for Obscurus Lupa's review and 1 star for the movie clips

=== Dead Rising *2006* (All story cutscenes in movie form)

*I'm not here to discuss the sandbox gameplay.

The cutscenes play like any other zombie outbreak flick, and nicely, with the usual mad science government conspiracy gone wrong.

This time with a theme of Americans' insatiable lust for red blooded meat and the abuse of the third world to get it.

Like with their Resident Evil series, Capcom nails the ambiance of a survival horror story with the crawling up on your shoulder sounds and music cues, and the mall setting is a nice homage to Dawn of the Dead.

Expect over the top acting performances from the CGI created stars and voice actors.

But unfortunately like more recent Capcom survival horror games it strays off the path with too big of a narrative scope and not knowing when to stop and what genre to stay in

(zombie wasps, Oriental stereotype psychopath butchers and grocery store managers gone mad, and an ending involving a military jeep battle with a tank commanded by the type of military a-hole like in Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket).

Other than that it fits in nicely with the zombie revival craze of the 2000s.*

2 1/2 stars

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Xenophage, Alien Bloodsport (Story Mode) *A "faces of meth" David Duchovny look-a-like, in a Canadian tuxedo, along with a Gillian Anderson look-a-like, both get abducted by the United Federation of Planets & Hokey Outer Space Martial Arts Tournaments. Nick (Duchovny) is midly disturbed by this. Think Mortal Kombat meets Celebrity Deathmatch levels of uncanny valley faces on the two humans. Of course, these two everyday Joe and Jane pair can hurl energy blasts from the palms of their hands, as requirement by all fighting games. The lizard / insect alien creature designs are at least visually interesting and deserve to belong in a better mid-90s sci fi PC game.* 1 star

River City Ransom (NES) *This game lives up to its name. You pretty much walk along the streets, by a river, in a nice Japanese (posing for American, I guess?) city, getting hit in the back of the head by "student" thugs, with street gang weapons, as you try to rescue your girlfriend from a high ranking crime lord named Slick. Sounds like the plot for many other 80s beat 'em ups / karate movies, and it is. Charming little title with the bite sized NES and cute little Japanese flare, including a bad side of town called "Generic Guy Territory" or something along those lines. And don't worry about the enemies, because our hero has a superfast kick attack that would make Street Fighter's Chun Li's loins quiver.* 2 1/2 stars

"No Exit" (Amiga) *A 2D fighter that looks like it pre-dates both Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. More like Mortal Kombat, though, and a possible influence (?) on the series. It contains small character sprites but they can perform special moves like turning into killer fish and screaming banshee faces. There's even a hilarious finishing move sequence where the loser walks around headless, with the head floating just there, before they collapse into a pool of blood and electric sparks. The backgrounds are dark and gothic with demonic statues and menacing trees with faces, again like Mortal Kombat. Also there's an intro screen / possible box art with a regular Joe street fighting man set against a dark and gritty cityscape with the 'Satanic-goat-horned' image of what must be the main villain against the background, and that's just pure exploitation goodness for ya.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything Is Terrible: 2 Minute Super Soul Brother *"Doing it" in the name of science (?), money (?), bulletproof skin, mad science midgets, and big tittied blonde women.* 3 stars

Mortal Kombat: Defenders of Stupidity *Kombat krazy white chick special operative in gymnastics attire, untrustorthy ninjas of all kinds of variety, bumbling super computer wizard Native American stereotypes, and a black dude with bionic arms who calls a Thunder God the unflattering insult name of "girlfriend."* 3 stars

Eternal Champions (Sega Genesis) *A 1920s gangster, who knows kung fu, is teleported to a mystical martial arts tournament after his death. Fight against trident wielding mer-men, prehistoric brutes, neo ninja chicks, and cyborg dudes in a colorful Street Fighter 2 clone.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Red Letter Media presents Best of the Worst ---------

*Ghetto Blaster: An urban warfare expert returns to his home city and finds it full of crime. After the convenience store robbery death of his dad and the brutal burning to death of his old black man friend (and his alley cat), the guy decides to take action. Pulling off mildly harmful clown pranks on the goofy acting gang bullies around town.* either 1 star or 2 stars

*Terror In Beverly Hills: "Terrorists have kidnapped the President's daughter and are holding her hostage in the old bean factory." (PfffHAA!) Cue keyboard cat-lady and Frank (totally not Sylvester) Stallone.* either 1 star or between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*Killing American Style: Elephant Man look-a-like Robert Zadar and his gang of escaped convicts and sex perverts pull off a violent / half assed home invasion "thriller" at the home of a Rico Suave look-a-like and Steven Segal martial arts expert.* either zero stars (uncomfortable family murder / rape), 1 star, or 2 stars

Red Letter Media agrees that Terror In Beverly Hills is Best of the Worst

-----------------------------------------------------

Natsume and Milton Bradley present "Abadox" *Imagine Metroid for the NES, only with monsters ripped from the minds of H.R. Giger and Clive Barker.* 3 stars

"Guardians of the Hood" (Atari Arcade) 1992 *Some Jersey Shore rejects battle their way through a poorly digitized bad side of town filled with hookers and gangbangers and flashing perverts. Cheered on by a haggard looking gym owner similar to Mickey from Rocky. And unconvincingly menaced by a lipstick wearing model in "guy drag." In a tacky twist ending (to go along with the tacky rest of the game), the "Big Boss" (the model) takes off her old school gangster disguise and has a final fight with our steroid muscled and orange tan heroes while she wears dominatrix attire.* 1star

Everything Is Terrible: 3 Minute Bulletproof *Gary Busey invents and overuses the catchphrase "butthorn." Whatever that means.* 3 stars

"Kakuto Chojin" (X-BOX) *In the early 2000s, industrial techno noise & nu-metal guitar riffs were a grating chorus to America's bleeding eardrums, and the same "xtremez" who enjoyed this were likely to take Fight Club literally. This game represents the kind of turn of Y2K, gritty, urban fist to face revivals supposedly going on in back alleys and parking garages across cities nationwide. Gritty, but pretty in the same way Ninja Gaiden could be on the X-Box hardware. And featuring a nice presentation effect of having the camera do a 360 degree slow motion pan around each KO. The most memorable thing about the game is the controversy around one character's Muslim extremist dialogue in the game. This lead to it being pretty much dead on arrival in the American videogame climate of the early days after 9/11.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"JoJo's Bizarre Adventure" (Dreamcast) *Over the top manga presentation style with characters drawn in the same way mannequins' faces are both appealing and appalling. Each fighter fights alongside a spirit / avatar being / creature. It's like the Monty Python cartoon, but creepier, cousin to all the other highly animated 2D Japanese fighting games of the 90s. Funniest moment, that I witnessed, being when a steam-roller gets dropped on a pug sized dog character and the opponent begins pounding the steam-roller, with his fists, as the dog whimpers beneath.* 2 1/2 stars

"Dark Edge" Sega 1992 (Arcade) *Set in a sprite art pixelated and nifty cyberpunk dystopia. Battle it out as leather clad ninja chicks on hoverboards, mech dudes with missiles and flying torpedo dive attacks, biological monsters, another guy in a monkey-fighting-style inspired mech suit, and a final boss that's a techno ghoul nightmare like out of Frank Miller's Ronin. Fighters can move around each other giving the illusion of early 3D gameplay, and featuring the upbeat style of 90s Japanese video game music and bad "Engrish" phrases like "Wound One" instead of round one.* close to 2 1/2 stars

"Strider" Capcom (Arcade) *"All sons of old gods die!" Pretty dramatic, eh? Well, if Emperor Palpatine made a deal with space pirates, Amazon women, and robotic commies you wouldn't need no Jedi, Wonder Woman, Captain America, or Flash Gordon to save the day. Just take one arcade token and about 15 minutes and let a wall climbing ninja do what the galactic rebels couldn't do in a trilogy of movies.* close to 3 stars

Everything Is Terrible: 3 Minute Netforce *'So dated that it's funny' fearmongering about the dangers of global e-terror during the early days of the internet.* 3 stars

---- Virtual Pro Wrestling 2 (Nintendo 64)

*The world of pro wrestling is a niche part of entertainment culture.

Fans watch it for a variety of reasons:

kids who enjoy the heroic action, adults (who never grew up) for a more nostalgic reason, fandom fans who admire the celebrity surrounding the hunky dudes and buxom babes of the sport (er... sports-entertainment), and the internet wrestling community who dissect the current product and the past eras of the product and consider it an artform with varying degrees of level of quality of product and performance.

Well, you can't get more niche than a Japanese version of pro wrestling and a pro wrestling game that was made in the late 90s.

The popular AKI "No Mercy" wrestling engine featuring a legendary wrestler and anime character "Tiger Mask Number 2" and portrayed by a legendary Japanese wrestler (Misawa) who tragically died while performing his "art."

In this game, it's made weirder by the fact the game features a crowd of cardboard cut out Japanese wrestling fans.

Yeah, pro wrestling is niche, and weird, but it's fun, just like this wrestling game featuring great action and a great game engine that's had a lasting appeal of fun gameplay to play or watch for close to two decades.*

3 stars

============================================================

"Buriki One" (SNK) 1999 *Remember that scene in the movie "Lost In Translation" where Bill Murray couldn't get the tone right for his Japanese whiskey commercial? That's sort of what this game is like and that weird period of time when combat sports mayhem was trying to figure out just how to go about what would eventually become mixed martial arts like the UFC. Different styles of throwdown meet here, on the mat, including everything from karate to pro wrestling to low impact elderly ancient Chinese exercise technique (jk). It's interesting, but it works about as well and is almost as boring as the first time these different styles of sport met when boxing clashed with karate in the infamous Ali versus Inoki fight where one challenger, afraid of the other's fists, chose to lie on the ring floor and kick at the other like a scared rabbit.* either 1/2 a star or close to 2 1/2 stars

"3 Count Bout" (SNK) *Superficial and on the surface is a stigma when it comes to video game graphics. As soon as developers could make 3D and fans could get their hands on it, we entered into a trying time. Blocky and often ugly characters replaced sprite animation because it was the new thing. Dreary attempts at 3D environments were as fun to look at as getting about an inch away from a dirty, grey concrete wall and cracking your skull against it. Things have improved from those early days of 3D graphic experimentation, but at the time, I would have rathered stuck with something like this game. An early 1990s arcade button smasher featuring colorful kabuki ninjas throwing big bad Mad Max movie inspired bruisers around & into electrified deathtraps in a cheesy, and dated, --beat'em up-- 'eye candy' grappler.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

---- "Real Bout Fatal Fury Special" --Level 7 Ultra Hard-- (SNK Arcade)

*Playing as a Jacki Chan inspired Hong Kong super-cop wielding a set of nunchaku through a series of scantly clad karate babes, little old sensei who morphs into huge muscle bound badass, and dance fighting dudes from the Caribbean.

Finally beating the purple haired Euro-dictator-themed final boss, one would think that an arcade battler would be done munching one's quarters.

But think again. During the celebrating credits, the music changes to a wind instrumental samurai movie sounding theme and one is transported through a series of sliding open doors featuring beautiful classic Japanese artwork of feudal warriors.

It stops at a martial arts badass with his back turned towards the camera and standing amidst huge samurai warrior oni statues in a menacingly eerie flame lit dojo.

It's secret final boss, by the name of Geese Howard, who looks like a handsome American corp executive or presidential candidate and is ripped with muscles and decked out in kung fu threads.

The screen reads the bold words "Nightmare," as he precedes to backfist you in the mush and charge up monster truck tire sized energy blasts to pummel and embarass you with and make you feel like a loser, even though you beat the game.

It's cheap, you feel like a klutz, but it's pure unadulterated martial arts tournament cliche movie/game exploitation goodness to the last clud to the floor in agonizing defeat.*

3 stars

=========================================================

"Ninja Master's" (SNK/ADK) 1996 *From an artistic eye viewpoint, feudal Japan was one moody place. In this setting, one might witness a lone swordsman standing in a rainstorm with a flash of lightning to reveal ninja assassins creeping up on him, or a samurai sword clash in front of a desolate and overgrown farm overran by crows, then maybe another bloody encounter on a lone pier watched over by a willow tree above other trees in the newly flooded river with mountains in the distance, an honorable duel to the death might come in a cave filled with bats, and moonlit temples often played host to battles with evil samurai overlords like the dreaded Nobunaga and his sentient, burning blade.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Weaponlord" (Namco for the SNES) *Long before Namco mastered weapon based combat games with the Soul Calibur series, they jumped in on the Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat 2D fighter action. What it boils down to is stone aged brutes bashing other stone aged brutes, Viking women, and demonic brutes in the skull with swords, axes, and huge rocks tied to huge clubs with leather. Featuring an artistic style similar to a Frank Frazetta drawing -thanks to comic arist Simon Bisley who is famous for his dark fantasy artwork in Judge Dredd & Lobo. Eyecandy for fans of 1980s heavy metal album covers, sword and sorcery flicks of the same era, and readers of Conan the Barbarian pulps and comics.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

---"Sexy fights and brutal deaths in" **The Black Heart** (indie) *An indie (Mugen, a form of online fighting game mashup creator and sharing service) 2D fighting game with over the top super moves similar to Marvel vs. Capcom. However, darker than Capcom's own horror based fighter Darkstalkers. Inspired by the more bloody Silent Hill, Hellraiser, and the Japanese ghost genre of The Ring. It does feature a few comical characters like a twig man who smokes pot and wears a green suit like another silly horror villain in Warwick Davis's Leprechaun. Also there's a sexy "fan service" spider-lady who looks like something out of a Tim Burton stop motion movie.* 2 1/2 stars

"Abobo's Big Adventure" (New Grounds & I-Mockery) *The alternate history imagined tale of a random baddie from the arcade and NES classic "Double Dragon." The bald, mean faced, and lovingly dumb, newly protagonist murders his way through tons of classic NES game characters. It's a tribute / parody with a very morbidly entertaining sense of humor.* 3 stars

"Martial Masters" 2001 *Playing like a brightly colored cousin to Capcom or SNK fighters, but featuring a setting and cast from China of old. Gorgeously pastoral with scenes of old men sweeping the floors of temples as cranes pose gently near about, a monkey boy and his actual monkey friends dancing around, and children sitting in a meadow playing with and feeding a panda that's rolling to and fro for their amusement, along with the typical market scenes of the genre. For fans, like myself, of Shaw Brothers kung fu movies and modern fare like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.* close to 3 stars

Everything is Terrible: 3 Minute Unborn 2 *Overly dramatic bad horror movie about a killer baby that's such a horrible looking prop that it's even harder to take seriously than it already would be. Ends with mom having had enough and elbowing monster baby in the face, several hard times, before blowing herself and junior (and even more unbelievably the house) up with the old homemade explosive device in the microwave trick.* either 1 star or 3 stars

Dave's Nostalgia Trip: "Big Bang Pro Wrestling" (SNK) Neo Geo Pocket Color --2000-- *For a handheld wrestling game this has a nice presentation. The crowd is lively, the tunes have a headbobbing gentleness that's not so grating, and the action packs a bang (even if the game is bite sized). Any pro wrestling game where you can pull off a top rope moonsault has an instant fun factor.* close to 3 stars

Weird Science: Sex Ed *"You don't understand the meaning of the words funky cold medina, shoop a doop, zoom uh zoom zoom in the boom boom."* 2 1/2 stars

Manimal: High Stakes *Wild horses couldn't chase as much tail as Manimal.* either 1 star or close to 3 stars

Ed the Happy Clown: Issue 6 of 9 (Drawn & Quarterly Publications) *A micro-dimension has been discovered when the tiny head of another dimension's Earth's president Ronald Reagan appears as the penis head of a loser named Ed. Tiny pygmie savages, of the city, want to worship it as a penis god. And a tv show/government agency of science wants to investigate this other dimension, but they turn against the whole idea, rather violently, when they discover the only way to again contact this other dimension is to put the other dimension's Ron Reagan into a dimensional gateway that also happens to be the anus of a dead man. It's not the necrophillia that they have a problem with, it's the homosexuality.* 3 stars

"Burn: Cycle" (Phillips Compact Disc Interactive) --1994-- *"Sol Cutter has something on his mind... ...in two hours it's going to explode!" You kind of know what to expect from a dated full motion videogame when you hear something like that as a tag line. This one has all the cliches of the cyberpunk 90s genre: cityscape right out of BladeRunner only with poor 90s cgi, flying cars, high tech espionage plot, sinister new-age cult, cyber addiction, hipster nite club with neo-jazz music, and a main character who narrates his broken down in the gutter life like a noir tragic figure. It's like Johnny Mneumonic (sp?) with an "Everybody betray me!" Tommy Wiseau level of bad acting, yet dull.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Super Star Wars --SNES-- (Lucas Arts) *Storywise, it's the even more juvenile imagined parts of Episode 4 turned into a run and gun sidescroller. But in reality, it's set in a galaxy far, far away. A very long time ago before the edited special editions and prequels killed most of the magic of the series. And before Disney dug up the holy corpse to cash in on it. It's Luke blasting first and asking questions never, pulling an Annie Starkiller and wasting countless lives of Jawas, Sandpeople, and Stormtroopers. He hadn't really got a handle on the whole more peaceful side of the force yet. You can get Chewbacca (for a more whimsical approach) or Han (for a more morally ambiguous path). Still, it feels rather repetitive and very Duke Nuke'em instead of Jedi Knight or loveable space rascals.* 2 stars

"Mace: The Dark Age" (N64) *Some would say this 3D brawler wants badly to be either Killer Instinct or Mortal Kombat. Especially with a voice announcer who demands "Execution!" after the final round. But you can't totally dislike a game that puts a dwarf in a steampunk powered war-mech built out of ale barrels and carrying a Thor hammer and spiked mace as weapons.* close to 2 1/2 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 Episode 7 *It all feels a little too rehearsed. Everyone of the contestants has an edgy or alt-2000s carnival act. Where are the true weirdos and not these phonies?* 2 stars

Spicy City: Tears of a Clone *One in a million girl with a one in a million genetic code. But not anymore, and hardly worth the trouble. Still, you kind of feel for her.* 3 stars

From Dusk Till Dawn, the series: Self Contained *Owed a soul and a crossing over.* close to 3 stars

Farscape: Family Ties *A cross between the lunar landing and Return of the Jedi, only more bleak.* 3 stars

Attack On Titan: Episode 1 *Taking the tired concept of refuge from a horde of cannibalistic humanoids (zombies) and turning it on its head. This time instead of thousands of zombies clawing outside a wall or a building, it's giant, mindless humanoid cannibals clawing outside a giant wall. The people inside are shaken from their sense of comfort when one is big enough to bring even the huge walls down for the first time in a 100 years or something. Made even more entertaining by the grandiose over the top anime style acting and voice performances. Also, this show reminds me of SouthPark, for some reason (maybe the kids?), and that's definitely a good thing.* 3 stars

Everything Is Terrible: 3 Minute Death Drug *Angel Dust makes Miami Vice's Phil Michael Thomas go crazy and destroy a supermarket.* either 1 star or 3 stars

"Nasty Hero" circa 1980s or officially 1987 via 'The Private Movie Company Inc.' (ooh fancy) *A real Neandertal is released from the slammer after being framed for a crime he didn't commit. Now he's out for ridiculous action movie revenge. He always wears a dirty wife beater or mechanic's shirt (hence the name Nasty Hero, I guess). He'll have to take down the blackmarket sports car ring of obnoxious yuppies out to make his life a living hell. The main douchebag is even after his old flame Yolanda (*snickers*). Set in the "So 80s it hurts!" time period in the thousand flushes blue toilet bowl of America that is known as Florida. And featuring a ton of bad movie cliches and homo-erotic moments. Still, the cheese and action goes down easy.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Heart She Holler: Fear Is Dog Spelled Bassackwards *Perversion of the conversion. Regular folk, n-word, chicken dinner.* 2 1/2 stars

Kung Fu, the series: The Soul is the Warrior *A rose grows beyond the wall.* 3 stars

--- "Daraku Tenshi, The Fallen Angels" (Psikyo) 1998

*Usually fighting games don't have a uniting theme when it comes to stages.

If they can animate it, then they'll fight anywhere from the jungle to outerspace.

Even if it doesn't make any sense.

Here is not the case. The setting being a decade after a major cataclysm leaves a west coast city, with an obvious Asian influence, in the climate of a cesspool and never recovering from the disaster.

It makes sense then that a dirty karate master, who is followed around by flies, would fight in a dingy back alley near the trash dumpsters in which he'd fight cats for his supper.

Or a somber, rainy graveyard which would be filled with victims of the earthquake.

The criminal element, like crazed kung fu dudes in leather jackets and hired gunmen, would go for the little bit of human blood left in encounters in dingy bars that are in disrepair and haven't seen a patron in years.

Fat, mutated freaks would fly into fight in tire filled junkyards with the rubble of the never cleaned away destroyed city as the backdrop skyline.

It really has a beautiful art style.*

3 stars

====================================================

"Mortal Kombat versus DC Universe" (Warner Bros.) --2008-- *Most modern videogames play like movies, but they often find a hard time defining whatever generic protagonist is the lead. The lead usually designed by committee to fit the bland tastes of a mass audience. Fighting games and superhero comics don't have the problem of generic characters. They're usually bold. This game plays like a movie and has an ensemble of really bold characters. But these two "universes" don't mesh together out of a "Gee, what if?" concept put down on paper. I applaud the cinematic effort, which the MK team would improve on somewhat in the sequel/reboot (Mortal Kombat 2011). Still here, it's awkward and filled with unintentionally funny moments and dialogue (a lot of it laughed at by The Joker who almost seems in on how ridiculous it all is). either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

---- "Samurai Showdown" II thru V-Special (SNK)

*In my early teens, during the 90s, I was an Mortal Kombat fan.

I wish I would have had better taste. The gore and juvenile humor and dark fantasy appealed to my angst ridden desires.

At my local arcade, no one crowded around the Street Fighter machine. Even the Marvel versus Capcom series didn't appeal to me, though a few years earlier, I was a big fan of the X-Men cartoon.

Nope, me and the neighborhood kids craved blood, guts, farts, glimpses of titties, gangster rap, Beavis & Butthead, Summer blockbuster movies, alt-rawk.

In my early 20s, I started appreciating Samurai movies on cable, and in my later 20s, I began reading Lone Wolf & Cub samurai manga.

During the 16 bit 2-D fighting game craze, I wish I had been sopisticated enough to have taken notice to this highly artistic, and yet still bloody and fun, take on Samurai and a fighting game.

It does a lot of what made Mortal Kombat appealing to my teen tastes, but with a master stroke that has the lasting effect of standing the test of time as true art and not mindless "junkfood" fun that really has more of a nostalgia appreciation value (like Mortal Kombat).

3 stars

=================================================================

--- Jason Vorhees special guest character in "Mortal Kombat X" --2015--

*My generation had a lot of movie boogeyman.

They were so much in our young, collective conscious that they were almost urban legends seemingly lurking in the woods at the end of the street.

Kids, today, could care less. When, the internet "nerd culture" began reporting on this horror icon coming to a fighting videogame, the comments sections below the articles read something like this, "Laaame, LOL, who'z this f@g, no one wants thhis hockey face lozer INOURGAME!!!!"

To that I say, this guy invented "fatalities," kid.

He was figuring out ways to dismember long before there was even a Mortal Kombat or the outrage of a fatality in a videogame.

More than that, you were probably not even alive or were in diapers when Mortal Kombat was originally popular.

Jason even had a videogame that was terrible, but still gave my generation, including me, nightmares.

I remember, to get nostalgic again, the first time I saw it. It was at my weird next door neighbors.

The dad had an artificial leg and beat his kids and made them go to bed before dark.

But for some reason he was nice to any kid not his. Even weirder he had an NES that seemed to be more his than his kids.

He showed me, and another neighbor kid (not his), the Friday the 13th NES game, and seeing a hockey mask wearing purple-boogeyman stalk victims in 8-bit had me eyeing the door to escape not just the creepy one-legged neighbor but this pixelated killer.

Cheers to Jason's return to videogames and to the collective conscious of dumb, videogame playing youth everywhere.

Even if they don't appreciate it.*

2 1/2 stars

=================================================================

"Tattoo Assassins" (Data East) 1995 *This "game" strived for infamy, and fell into obscurity, never being released. Out of shame, I'm sure. Surprisingly, Back to the Future screenwriter Bob Gale came up with some ideas for it. It almost shows in a tongue in cheek way. It all seems like a big joke parodying the 90's over the top media in the same way almost that Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers did. Except this is more Looney Tunes than anything with racial stereotypes and absurdity out the wazoo. With characters based off the likes of tabloid trash like Tonya Harding and boasting to have thousands of supermoves like turning an opponent into a famous painting, farting random objects from one's anus, and comic nudity. There's also some nonsense about magical tattoos that thought tattoos wouldn't be tacky enough so they're the cause of the supermoves and are animated like they were created using Microsoft paint by a special needs person. Also, the game's mascot is a sad-faced eastern looking religious figure in an adult diaper.* 1 star (so bad it's almost good)

=== Wrestling Society X (MTV)

*For a brief moment, in the 90s, pro-wrestling was "edgy."

As absurd as that sounds. "The Rock" & "Stone Cold" were household names, much to the disappontment of concerned parents groups and tabloid hysteria news.

Pro-wrestling's punk rock moment all seems ridiculous now in retrospect.

The WWE went back to a family friendly product in order to sell t-shirts and toys.

So, who was to satisfy the wrestling dreams of backyard idiots who were jumping off of grandma's house onto a pillow filled with rocks?

MTV stepped in with its timeless formula of stupidity for the youth.

They aired, again briefly, an "underground" wrestling tv show filled with constant explosions, constant loud music, and constant shouting....

Goth kids, pregnant teens, musclehead niteclub douches, rednecks amped up on Mountain Dew, and wiggers across America, in the mid-2000s, rejoiced...

well, maybe not rejoiced.

More like they barely took notice with all their attention disorders, or skateboard trick injury videos taking place, and myspace photo sessions in the bathroom mirror.*

zero stars

============================================================

"Bad Street Brawler" -NES- (Mattel Inc. & Beam Software) --1989-- *"Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you!" Trouble, I guess, means a metrosexual "badass" with a yellow flat-top hairdo, black sunglasses with the yellow city lights reflecting in them, a yellow tanktop, wearing only yellow underwear (no pants), and cute knee high yellow boots. Hello Yellow! Most of his attacks look like danceclub moves and he spends a lot of time fondling enemies and dogs.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

"Dead Man Calling" --Junji Ito-- (Manga) *The ghoulish projection of a death row inmate haunts the family of his victims. Seeking forgiveness. A nightmarish meditation on grief and revenge.* close to 3 stars

Forensic Files: The Blood Trail *A failing farmer, in the quiet English countryside, stages a bizarre seies of crimes, around his property, including blowing up his wife in a homemade carbombing, putting a severed sheep's head and threatening note on his own fence, and poorly attempting to make it look like his "deranged" neighbor visited one evening and tried to kill him with a boxcutter, forcing him to shoot the neighbor in "self defense" with a shotgun.* 2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmare: Freddy Something ----------------

*A jobless yuppie, with an extreme fear of the dark, goes nuts working in the sewers for the eccentric old guy from Gremlins.* 2 1/2 stars

*A lowlife owner, of a 1980s videostore, gets "Scrooged" by a self-help Billy Ocean wannabe that the lowlife ripped off in his typical jerk fashion.* 2 1/2 stars

--------------------------------

Forever Knight: Dance by the Light of the Moon *A black-hearted seductress tries to manipulate our reformed from evil detective, much like she does with every other poor male.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

----- Croooow Plays: Way of the Warrior (3DO)

*Video-blogs used to play videogames for a blogger's web audience are called "Let's plays."

Let's get that out of the way.

I personally prefer video reviewers like SpoonyExperiment, AngryVideoGameNerd, ObscurasLupa, and so on.

The reviewers take the time to find something' interesting about the game or movie to actually critique and even write jokes, scenarios, pick out certain clips from what they're reviewing, and put it all into a usually enjoyable package.

"Let's play" bloggers seem to have a level of vanity where they think they can just sit down and roll the camera and do it "on the fly."

It hardly ever works, and is often annoying, frustrating, and dull.

They struggle to play the game and find something interesting to talk about it, other than their ineptitude or frustration, and their random attempts at humor are painfully bad.

One "let's play" celebrity named PewdiePie has hit stardom with his awful brand of yelling unfunny nonsense while playing a game live, unedited garbage and SouthPark took notice satirizing it and him.

It's almost as bad as when during the 90s hack videogame programmers took the cheap digitized graphics craze to its overkill by hiring their handful of what I'm guessing were party friends or the local community theater rejects to be physical "actors" as horribly over the top generic stereotype characters in shitty disc format vidja lames.

Our let's player, Croooow, struggles to "let's play" and also entertain in his "let's play" video.*

zero stars for the game

and 1/2 a star for Croooow

===========================================================

Forensic Files: Charred Remains *A male stripper cremates a former playboy playmate over a cocaine sharing night gone wrong.* 2 stars (zero for the exploitation of the cremated remains)

American Horror Story - Coven: Protect the Coven *Fried green blood fetishes.* 3 stars minus 1 star for the Twilight romance feel good ending

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