#plus i was home alone like

[oetscop]

more random childhood neglect thoughts. within the last month ive been (re???) diagnosed with ocd and also crohns. i originally wasnt going to go through with an autism diagnosis because its damn near impossible when youre an adult and also (technically) a woman. and id have to seek out another specialist and i just. frankly dont want to do that lmao

but after talking with my pcp (who heard me talking abt ibs and was like thats absolutely not fucking ibs) shes like pretty convinced i have dyspraxia. which makes sense i mean i have adhd and im probably on the spectrum

but i never considered it. i didnt learn how to tie my shoes until i was like. 8. and its not even like..the normal way. and it always takes me a fucking long time. and i never thought anything of it. bc nobody fucking taught me how. everyone around me just KNEW. and i was keeping mine tied and just slipping my shoes on. literally a teacher taught me when i tied my shoes together one time and like was shocked that i didnt know how to fix it.

so like. who even knows. like what if thats something i wouldnt have struggled with if someone just told me how to do it? i dont fucking know.

the older i get the more resentful i am.

#hvisker fra likhuset #ill probably delete this post later idfk #also the last time i tried to get an autism diagnosis i got kicked out of the office early #dude said id be there for two hours #and he just #told me i ticked all the boxes for autism #but didnt want to move forward #after 45 minutes #and i had to walk all the way across town to get home in the pouring rain #if my mom just gave a fuck and took me somewhere as a little kid #when i was absolutely not normal developmentally whatsoever #i have to wonder how like. how different id be #bc school sucked #and instead of thinking maybe we should like take her somewhere #i just got called stupid and lazy and got put into special schooling #which destroyed my already abysmal social skills #plus i was home alone like #for weeks at a time #like for all of high school #which was great at rhe time sure but who leaves a fucking suicidal 15 year old home alone for weeks #when she cant even cook for herself #fuck sake #i dont know

[vimbry]

it's sad how many reviews and stuff around tmbg seem to centre linnell as the sole dark and creepy writer of the band, never really crediting flansburgh too. do "hide away folk family," "dirt bike," "rabid child," "black ops," "cloisonné" mean nothing to them, smh.

#tmbg #this rigid dichotomy they tend to get forced into even tho linnell has written some happier songs and flansburgh plenty horrific ones #I'll be honest tho. I fully went into tmbw-interp-tab conspiracy when I first heard ''sleeping in the flowers'' lmao #I thought that song was about somebody getting murdered #the title seemed like a euphemism to me #it's actually. according to flansburgh. just about getting high in central park #and it's inspired by itchycoo park by the small faces which I knew and loved before and it's GREAT go listen to that. it's '60s psychedelia #so the lyrics are prob fantasising about spending time with the crush and essentially playfully talking sweet nothings together #bc they're stoned and in love #but honestly I thought ''you proclaim that you're an island. I proclaim that I'm one too'' #''I declare that I am england. you declare that I have drowned'' #sounded to me like someone trying to get away and be alone but the other person not getting the hint #esp bc the narrator introduces themself as not wanting to be ''known as the creep'' #the part about getting a ride home with a drunk guy ''who showed me how to spin my head round and round'' #sounded like the driver helping them get their story straight/take their mind off it #and the narrator feels they came across as ungrateful about their advice in their shocked state #plus the way the instrumental between the verses and chorus changes from fuzzy and gritty to lighthearted brass #like it's catching you off-guard #but it's not about any of that it's about being high #anyway none of that is an example of a genuinely creepy flansburgh song but

[curioscurio]

ITS 9 AT NIGHT DONT YOU NEED TO LEAVE AND TAKE YOUR 4 YEAR OLD HOME YET GO AWAY I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LEAVE MY HOUSE AND GIVE ME SOME PEACE FOR A FEW HOURS. literally my social battery is negative its negative and you playing cocomelon at 9pm on this Saturday night in my own fucking home is killing me. I have not had more than 30 minutes of privacy the past 3 days just GO AWAY GO AWAY

#context is my nephews birthday was today and everyone has been here since 11am except me. i just got home from work and im fucking tired #this plus a drunk family friend desperately wants to talk politics with me. literally i am in my room door half closed and he a 60 yr old #60 yr old drunk comes in like 'they told me not to talk politics with you. but i really wanna' #GO AWAY ALL OF YOU IM EXHAUSTED CAN I NOT HAVE 1 NIGHT TO MYSELF #my social battery is negative but i have no control over who comes over to the house or even the privacy of my own bedroom #TAKE YOUR KID AND GO ALL OF YOUUUUU IM TIRED I WANT TO BE ALONE

[moominpopzz]

Anyways the Winters family dog will always be a service dog to me,,, sources? Absolutely none, but it would make so much sense. I mean the torment Ashe has definitely gone through mentally and physically since her moms death, a service dog would be absolutely perfect for her and Mark both

#The consist amount of panic attacks and flash back eps she’s probably had since it happened #not to mention the definite episodes marks had to have had aswell #plus if your a big chronic pain Ashe truther like me #Mark may not be a good dad but he does love her #he wouldn’t want to just leave her home alone for ridiculous stretches of time with nothing there to help her #and sure that could mean just getting the dog but I feel like he’d take it the step farther to make sure it was a service dog #he may not have a goddamn clue what he’s doing but I’ll be damned if he isn’t at least trying to help Ashe thru the isolation #and fucking mental decline that poor girls def been in since she was like 8 #jrwi #jrwi pd #prime defenders #ashe winters #mark winters

[oculusxcaro]

As troublesome as Gotham can be, Pauli's is one of those places that rarely gets hit. It's open 24/7 and offers good food to all regardless of who they are and Pauli isn't afraid to hire former criminals like Jerry who used to be muscle for Scarface. Petty thugs who threaten the place for cash are just as likely to receive backlash from their fellow crooks as they would from law-abiding citizens because where else are you going to get a decent meal at 4am?

#🌈 || musings #🌈 || headcanons #I got covid ffs so trying to spur some activity #And I can't remember if I wrote about this before #But I like that there's this idea that Pauli's is kinda off-limits to most criminals in Gotham bc that's an honest to god mom and pops dine #Plus Jerry is intimidating af #Imagine somebody kicking up a fuss or trying to hold the place up for cash in the register and this massive black dude steps out #Standing 6'7 and carrying 300lbs of muscle staring you down while holding a goddamn meat tenderizer #Doesn't even need a gun he can throw that shit across the diner and nail whomever #Cindy's the one who carries a gun #Sweet innocent Cindy who won't take shit after dealing with the Mad Hatter #So yeah attacking Pauli's is kind of a bad idea because it's one of those [Everybody Disliked That] situations #Good food at fair prices to all it's an oasis in a city like Gotham #It's just funny to me because Jerry and Cindy can be menaces in their own right let alone Khare being a flesh horror and all #Just wants to do an honest god and go home at the end of her shift aghsfsd #Oh yeah and Rorschach also watches over the place #So anybody causing trouble is going to get hate from all sides ahsgsf

[sysig]

One better (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Blood #I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0 #Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread #Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers #Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha #The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax! #Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!! #It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!! #Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u; #Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to - #Until it comes to his eye #Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/ #It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh #For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear #It's so sad ;; And so well done <3 #And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl #Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :') #Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it #Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone? #''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really #Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔 #That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :) #I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol) #I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers! #Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally #Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose

[coquelicoq]

my ex, who lives alone, is apparently about to buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom, 2-garage house. what. i'm getting stressed out just hearing about it. tf you gonna do with all that space, bro? how you gonna clean all those bathrooms???

#he's like well i want one room for my home office and one room for my hobby and one guest room #add in a bedroom for him and that's still only 4 bedrooms? you have an entire extra bedroom???? #plus an extra garage??? #damn he thinks he's lonely now but dude just you wait until you spend every day ALONE IN A FIVE-BEDROOM HOUSE #trying not to project too much onto him but i really think this is absurd outside of my own preferences #he's been stressed living in his 1b apt bc his hobby takes up a lot of space #but i think this is just another example of his general propensity to treat the symptoms and not the disease #the problem is he's overcommitting & extending himself too much & he never finishes anything #that's what actually stresses him out #so him in a 5b house is just going to be him filling all that space with stuff until he's stressed again #anyway i have NO IDEA how to react to this because i think it's such a bad idea #i'm really bad at faking things i don't feel but i feel like it's too late to say 'wyd bro???' because apparently his offer was accepted #i did ask him how he's going to clean 4 bathrooms and he said he's just not going to use them #also it feels weird morally for a single (rich) man to buy an entire 5b house only for him in the middle of the seattle housing crisis #not like if he didn't buy it someone else would buy it and make it into affordable housing units so maybe it doesn't matter #still feels weird though and contributes to me not knowing how to react #if you have any advice for me followers...i am all ears #i've been really floundering on how to be a supportive friend to him lately #just really struggling with how to engage with him when it feels like he's his own worst enemy #and like it's not that he needs to have the same priorities as me it's just that he comes to me all stressed out and idk how to react #bc 'no shit you're stressed out. have you tried making completely different choices?' isn't a great option lol

[icewindandboringhorror]

While I don't know much about it, I would probably bet there are tons of issues with the cruise industry that would make me not actually appreciate it broadly speaking - HOWEVER, I do really love a lot of the interior design of some cruise ships.. How it's almost like a miniature city crammed into one area. Multiple sections with all different aesthetic designs, a variety of shops, restaurants, activity centers, community seating areas, communal use spaces (like gyms, laundry, pools, cafeteria/buffet (which I always love anywhere)), etc. etc. but then also everyone has a little nice clean comfortable looking space of their own to retreat back to if they'd like to be alone. Maybe it's something akin to the idea of 'walkable cities', where everything you could ever want to do is kind of right there just a short walk away? I also especially love how so much stuff is stacked on top of other stuff, a layered cluster of spaces, bright open atriums, and when they're set up with little walkways down the center between a bunch of rooms so it's almost like a mini city street with apartments lining it, etc.. They often seem like they'd be SUCH a cool place to live permanently, IF only something identical was just built on solid land instead lol

#currently watching a channel on youtube where some person is reviews/tours cruise ships or something #and I'm just like wow the whole traveling part would be miserable hell and I would hate trying to get off of the stupid ship everyday #and see seomthing and make it back in time or etc. but OOOOO THE BEDROOMS! love the TINY minifrige!! eeee .. lol #perhaps just an extension of of my obsession with communal spaces. also love hospitals. nursing homes. hotels. AIRPORTS!!! #thats just how humans are meant to live for me. my ideal situation is that sot of thing like big beautiful bright communal places #but i also hate socializing i just like the idea of like. the entire communal world is in front of me but i also have my own little space t #retreat back to. youre not forced to participate. but the world is right outside your window if you WANT to go. ALSO people watching is fun #Plus i think part of what i hate most about Going Places and Doing Things is the commitment of it and traveling #especially in america where its like to get ANYWHERE it's a 3 hour drive or 15 min drive #or 20 min drive or 1 hr bus ride or blah blah. the idea of having plenty of fun little things to do that are all solidified #in ONE single complex that is also where your room is would actually encourage me to do things more because if #my health issues start flaring up or i get overwhelmed or etc. i can literally just... retreat back to my room that is a reasonably short #walk away. instead of like ''UGH now not only do i feel too bad to finish my excursion but ALSO i have a 40 min car ride ahead of me'' #etc. Not saying that even in that situation I would become Super Extravert Thing Doer like i still LOOVE a quiet lifestyle mostly alone do #ing the same 5 repetitive tasks over & over again working on specific hobbies. but just that i WOULD go out SLIGHTLY more and do Activities #if the activities were already brought to ME. like a cruise ship layout where you have your little room private space but when you feel #like it on your own terms you could venture out and go to a little cafe or a swimming pool or etc. WITHOUT even having to leave #or get in a car and travel. just walk form your room to The thing. amazing.. ground breaking.. BUT especially the layers are important. I #dont mean just 'have the same features but in a way that theyre on land' I mean LITERALLY translate the EXACT layout of the cruise ship but #on ground instead. Like I want a full community cafeteria on the middle floor of my apartment complex. there should be a pool & waterslide #on the roof. A community games room on the 4th floor. a library right under my bedroom. etc. etc. Though maybe ideally I would say #add a little extra space like most people couldn't live their entire lives in a cruise ship room layout. But maybe just have the rooms expa #nded to the average size of like a 3 bedroom apartment. and then still stack them on top of each other.. More spacious decks so people can #have some plants (but also a community garden somewhere too). ANYWAY... Idk I just always love the aesthetics. I would love to tour a cruis #ship but like NOT go on a cruise EVER lol.. but just.. SEE the space. I love interiors so much. Also makes me think of worldbuilding like. #I think cruise ships could also be good inspiration for underground stacked cities in layers. things like that. OR just actually the fant #asy world version of a cruise ship lol. Though Nanyevimi's oceans are all so treacherous that non-inland water travel is avoided as much as #possible (even if it's more tedious to travel on the land) and would rarely be done for leisure. still.. river cruises could exist.. >:3c #In Nanyevimi the oceans are akin to how Outer Space is on earth (seen as a mysterious unexplored dangerous area etc).. a cruise ship of #rich elves setting out on a Groundbreaking First Ever Ocean Cruise & it just goes Wrong like a sci-fi 'trapped in space' type thriller LOL

[real-life-cloud]

im GOING to write today ........ i WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#the sky speaks #i havent used twitter in so long and lemme say i missed using tumblr like twitter. just putting my long rambly notes into a single post #anyways onto the rambling #i havent been writing or drawing like at alllll #too busy #also was so sick #but now that i have my new job and i know what my schedule is gonna sorta look like #3 days at joann 2 days cleaning w mom and 2 days nothin #PLUS i dont have to spend money on therapy til after the new year now #and mom is coming home and she seems rly optimistic abt sobriety #im feeling like i can finally create again !!!! #i have 2 creative presents i need to do before christmas #but aside that and 1 prompt still in my inbox (that i rly wanna do anyways) everything else i wanna do is all for Me :) #im kinda put out bc a lot of stuff i wanted to do this fall got shelved.. i wanted to make bday art of kirishima xinyan and kazuha. #i wanted to open comms. but im way too rusty w art rn to be confident doing that. maybe after new years? #god i wanted to come out to my parents properly. the day my mom went to rehab was national coming out day. #it was also one of my last therapy sessions. i came out to her instead #i still managed to do stuff tho. started my new job and got together with friends TWICE !! and i've kept up w doing my moms job alone #idk where im going w this anymore ive lost steam. but yeah. i wanna write today! idk what yet. i hav so many wips i could work on..

[caffeinatedopossum]

I just heard someone say that getting married is the hardest thing they've ever done.

I'm sorry but if getting married is the hardest thing you've ever had to do, I don't think I can talk to you. That's fine, that's totally okay if that's hard for you. I just need a long moment of silence for my misjudgment of the average amount of suffering that any given human experiences.

#and obviously theres shit like forced marriage and things #however #if you are choosing who to marry of your own volition. that shit should be easy #i cant even count with all of my fingers and toes the number of things that have been harder for me than getting married #for one. the reason im not yet legally married which is that im disabled and im in a very intenese match of Do I Deserve Rights #with the government #after that weve got recovering from an ed. not sure how im managing that. plus i couldve easily died #you know from malnutrition. not only from me starving myself but also due to severe malnutrition in my entire childhood #due to neglect and abuse. its tge reason i never grew properly. i have a hole in my jaw. its also why my jaw is underdeveloped #ive got severe insomnia and anxiety to the point that i wont sleep for days without strong meds #and cant really leave my house alone #i lived through untreated hypothermia and likely heat stroke as well and those were both MUCH harder than getting married #i experienced child labor and escaped what was probably a cult given that i had to run away to an undisclosed location #cut off contact with everyone i knew from it and remain anonymous #i ran away from home because of the abuse and when the cops were called on me i had to sit thete #with a straight face and listen to social workers and authorities tell me that what i was calling abuse was ok and that i had to go back #i had to fight for an education that i never really got. same for medical care including emergency medical care #anyway point being i will be very relieved to spend the rest of my life with my favorite person after all of that #there are no regrets or uncertainties about that. my life is the best its ever been and she only makes it better

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

ok but WHY should someone contacting me and showing they care make me feel WORSE

#the combination of making an artwork im very not happy with plus this very kind very well meant email plus the psych ringing back like #'i talked to my supervisor and she decided you need another appointment this week because we're concerned about your safety' #why does all this make me feel so awful #personal #puddleglum hours #if i was at home alone rn i would say with almost 100% certainty i would not be safe #and i want to be alone so so badly #and for no good purpose

[slugandthorn]

The anxiety and plan cancelling is all fun and games until you get a stress headache before going to the con you already paid for 😭😭

#.txt #Con spaces in general make me very nervous. Plus driving an hour and going alone and not wanting to spend money #And not having like established business/portfolio etc etc to make meaningful connections so I should just stay home. #But my thorty dollars....

[kohakhearts]

cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc

pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement

#taylor.txt #the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych #we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol #i hate it here…i hate it #but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance! #some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is #for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field #notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this #i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes #but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field #i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average #semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel #also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents #AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel #in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off #while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day #currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed #i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers #ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project #i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy #and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol #and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine #also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks

[maximilliansblog]

new pfp

fursona + hyperfixation

ultra autism

#pls moots where did you go #i am all alone #also i added new stuff to my fursuit head #like some eyeliner #and a mouth #plus i got paws #fursuit #rosie #wally darling #welcome home

[sherbetyy]

i feel like. i want to ramble a bit i guess. about things people don’t really care about but i’m a usually a silly billy on the blog so i don’t want to break that vibe so i don’t know.

#a lot of my ☎️ posts feel like i’m talking to a wall. but it’s kinda nice actually. comforting even #it’s like i’m just having a convo with myself which i can’t really do in my home. too many people too many judging ears #one of the many reasons i want to live alone most of the time haha… #anyway. like i said i done wanna like… randomly go unsilly #out of nowhere. and then go back to normal #that just feels kind of weird. #plus i dunno i feel like my problems aren’t really important because other people have bigger issues so i shouldn’t be complaining at all #it’s just a thought but maybe it’s true i DUNNO #anyway if you are reading this sorry to steal your attention. you can scroll now 👍 #☎️

[letsoulswander]

Last year being alone at Christmas was depressing and upsetting- despite going in a different direction entirely with religion and not really caring about the whole Jesus thing, it's hard not to feel lonely and abandoned in that context.

This year I'm bored. Like, everywhere is closed so I just have to be in my house with my objects for the weekend.

#plus covid concerns #IDK it's just a day except on any other day off I'd be trying to deal with replacing a Halloween gift i sent someone #but rn I'd feel like a tool patronizing places that don't close for Christmas #it's cultural Christianity! it's also that everyone shopping rn is mean sand stressed and there's a lot of overwhelm on retail workers #and i don't wanna contribute on the day when every single one of them has somewhere better to be even if it's home with the dog alone #anyway I'm gonna go watch muppet Christmas carol #improving