#queermequeeryou

[queermequeeryou]

chapter 3

Dalida was extremely proud of Mahnaz and her recent success. She was sitting on the chair in front of her. Seeing a spark in Mahnaz’s eyes was making her happy and she could not wait for her to fullfill professional dreams. Dalida poured more wine into her glass and listened carefully to the whole story. The smell of black currant, clover and jasmine was very heavy in the air and the tailor felt like she was inhaling it into her lungs. Mahnaz always used a lot of fragnance but today it seemed like she used up the entire bottle.

“Love, what do you think? I see you floated somewhere. Are you here?” soft but worried Mahnaz’s voice helped her to wake up from the strike of thought.

“I’m sorry. Of course I’m there” Dalida took her partner’s hands. “I’m just extremely tired. I felt a little dizzy for a moment. Mahnaz, I’m incredibly proud of you. I love you so much and I’m head over heels now that you have this opportunity. You deserve it like no dancer and choreographer in this city”.

Dalida embraced her woman and kissed her on the cheek.

“I also have something else to talk about” Mahnaz took a brief gaze into her glass and then switched her attention back to the love of her life. “It’s about us. This project with Rihanna, it will take a month but I would like us to not fall apart. I thought we could decide on something”.

Dalida looked at her squinting her eyes, worried.

“Don’t worry” Mahnaz smiled widely. “Well, I don’t know when you plan on proposing to me but no problem. I thought we could discuss having a baby again. I mean, we already talked about it before. I thought we can find a surogate and this way we could be having it in a month”.

Dalida did not know if she should speak now or better wait if Mahnaz will say something more. It was quite surprising she wanted everything now.

“For the record, I’ve already proposed to you and you said yes” a hint of smile when through Dalida’s face.

Mahnaz agreed.

“Yes, it was a joke. We just didn’t choose the date. I don’t want to pressure us on anything but you know what? I recently thought about it all and maybe it’s just one project with Rihanna, nothing will change afterwards but it is also possible that I will have a turnover in my career. I’m worried that if we’ll not hurry, later it could be to late. Do you understand what I mean?” Dalida saw that her partner was really worried about it.

This was definitely not a good moment for planning let a lot deciding on something that big like having a child. Dalida felt guilty for sleeping with Pastora Galvano Porter but also she did not want to throw everything away because of this mistake. She just wanted to forget about it but at the same time she was not ready for children. However, she also felt it could help them to get closer. This was probably an immature idea and not the best one but Dalida could not say “no” to her woman. She smiled to her and kissed her hand.

“Mahnaz darling, yes. I would like to have a child with you. Let’s find the right surogate and start our family. About the wedding, I thought we could get married before you start working with Rihanna. What do you think about it?”

Mahnaz smiled.

“I also thought about that beforehand. Why don’t we get married on the video plan? I hope you will sometimes go there with me of course because I’m going to spend like eight hours a day there, five or six days a week for a month”.

Dalida laughed.

“You plan out something. Where will our child go to school? Have you decided? OK, I’m joking. I’m very happy you thought about everything because I’m terribly busy most of the time”.

Mahnaz stood up and finished her glass of wine. Without a word she took of her jacket and loosened few buttons of her shirt. She sat on a blue satin sofa and looked at Dalida suggestively. Dalida was staring at her, not even switching her attention view for a second. Finally, Mahnaz approached her and set on her lap. Dalida gave her a long, passionate kiss then she took off her partner’s shirt as well as her bra. She licked delicately her nipples as Mahnaz was breathing heavily.

                                                                  ~*~

Dalida was sipping on her black coffee and scrolling over portfolios. There were a lot of men with various features. Each of them had different descriptions alongside, some photos were also available. She also discovered the option to listen to the actual voice of those guys. There were a lot of statistics or metrics, however you call that and documents like university diplomas uploaded on the site. It was a lot of information - Dalida knew she would not meet a person with this data and deciding on which one should be the father of her child was more than scary - it was actually terrifying. One guy took her attention - it was a man named Harvey John Grace. He was a lawyer, zodiac sign: leo. Seemed quite similar to Dalida but more extravert. Without giving it more thoughts because it was too overwhelming, Dalida sent Mahnaz his portfolio but she also mentioned that she will be happy with any choice because they will raise the baby as they both wish so if her woman decides on something else, she trusts her. After clicking on “send” Dalida thought however that maybe it would come out as her not being engaged enough but it was too late. She had to get back to work. Dalida could not believe she is actually having a child soon. She gazed through the window. She was deep in her thoughts when she heard a notification on her phone. It was not Mahnaz. It was Pastora.

#queermequeeryou #lesbians #lesbian #story

[queermequeeryou]

chapter 2

[MUSIC]

Next morning at work Dalida needed to drink two coffees before she finally got more energy. Last night she did not managed to sleep much as Mahnaz kept her busy and invested. She was deeply in thoughts smoking a cbd joint when she heard a knock on the door. It was her assistant Bianca.

“Sorry for interrupting, miss Jefferson. I have somebody on the phone telling me it’s urgent and they call probably the tenth time today despite me telling them it’s advised to book a meeting with you through me”.

Dalida finished her cigarette and left the remainings in the glass ashtray she always kept on her old, wooden desk.

“No worries. Just pass me the talk, please. Thank you, Bianca” Dalida turned on the speaker on her landline phone. “Jefferson from Jefferson Suits, hello. How can I assist you?”

Some light breathing was heard on Dalida’s side. Then, a strong, feminine voice coughed shortly.

“It’s  Pastora Galvano Porter. John James Porter is my husband. I’m calling about the suit for him. I need to order it for a present. I have all the measurements and my expectations written. When could we discuss it further?” voice was very sharp and demanding.

Woman on the phone had a Latino accent and also her first name suggested that she was not American. Seemed to be very rude and not open for much negotations indeed.

“Unfortunately, I’m not able to give you the answer for this. I have to ask my assistant who has my schedule..”

Dalida could not continue though because Pastora broke in.

“Miss Jefferson, do you know who is John James Porter? I don’t need you to check anything. We have to meet today.” at first Dalida did not want to continue speaking but after some time she realized she actually has some time in the evening so what harm could a litle late homecoming do?

“Mrs. Porter, I have time at 9pm this evening. Would that work for you?”

There was a longer pause on the other side of the phone.

“Fine. Please, come over to my apartment. I will send the details to your assistant”.

“See you” Dalida finished the call abruptedly but there was nothing more to say.

She asked Bianca for a glass of water and lit another cigarette.

                                                          ~*~

New York in the summer was always a nightmare. Little hell on Earth. During the day it was hard to move faster then 2km per hour. Dalida was thankful for the help of her driver even though she loved to drive. It was a late afternoon, almost evening and Dalida was trying to get home to change, spend some time with Mahnaz and go for the meeting with Pastora afterwards. Jefferson felt her mobile vibrating in the pocket. It was her partner.

“Love, I can’t wait to tell you. The video I recorded with my group of students... do you remember it? I’m so excited... can you imagine Rihana texted me on Instagram and she said she wants to collaborate? At first I thought it’s just... you know. One message. Lowkey. But she asked me for my phone number and I was called by her agent. Rihanna wants me to direct the choreography for her new video and also she wants me to dance in it” Mahnaz was beyond excited.

Dalida was very proud. Her woman made a very long way. She could not wait to celebrate with her.

“Baby, I’m so proud of you. We will celebrate tonight. I will bring your favorite wine, we’re gonna stay up late, you’re gonna tell me all about that call from Rihanna and then, I’m gonna make love to you all night. How about that?”

Mahnaz laughed on the other side of the phone.

“It was not from Rihanna but her agent. And you have work tomorrow”

Dalida was not letting her win.

“Same thing. Yes, I have work but I’m my boss and I don’t care if I will go there with no sleep at all. I care about you and it’s all that matters”.

“You are crazy, Dalida Jefferson”

                                                         ~*~

Two hours have passed and Dalida was still on the highway, furious and tired. It was already 8pm. There was no option to get home before meeting with Pastora. She planned to spend few hours with Mahnaz, change clothes and go there for half an hour or so and then, get back to the celebrations. 

“Tobey, could you please just leave the highway and can we go straightly to my meeting?”

Next highway exit, they managed to get back to the city. On the way to Porter mansion, they even managed to stop by at the gas station. Tobey filled the car up with gasoline and Dalida changed her clothes in the toilet. She chose a satin navy suit, a plain white t-shirt and buckled loafers. She finished it all up with a dust of “Oud Wood”.  She brushed her hair with a basic black comb. She was ready.

Porter’s mansion was really as huge as they said. The house was very impressive. It was from Victorian era, mostly white but with many beautiful, breath-taking bas-reliefs and arches. Dalida was let in by the butler who showed her the way to the garden. Here she was, Pastora Galvano Porter.

First thing Dalida recognized when she was approaching Pastora was the strong, scent of her perufmes. Bergamot, jasmin, vetiver, musk, vanilla, patchouli. Jefferson immediately knew what it was. Chanel no 5. She was quite surprised because she has not smelled it for years. It reminded her of hot summer nights in Italy she spent with some elegant dame she used to be casually dating more than ten years ago. The other thing Dalida recognized was her strong attitude. The energy she was giving was uncanny. Pastora seemed to be the type that does not take “no” for an answer and will make you do whatever you want. It was a great contrast with Dalida’s lowkey mood she presented all the time. 

“Ms Jefferson. We’re meeting finally. Coffee, water, maybe something stronger?” Pastora accented the last word by squishing harder Dalida’s hand she shaked.

“Water, thank you” 

Pastora mirrored her unaudibly than crossed her legs. She adjusted her short pencil skirt and realized Dalida was looking at that part of her body. 

“These are the sketches. It’s what I want” said Pastora giving her a brief, satisfactory smile.

Dalida coughed and glanced through the drawings.

“What about the material? Any hints or wishes?

Pastora stood up and walked towards Dalida. Then, she bent down filling whole view Jefferson had with her cleavage and touched the jacket. After this, she put her hand on Dalida’s leg and moved it from her knee to the stomach. Then, she stood up and went back to her chair.

“I want this exact same material”.

Dalida took a big sip of water. She did not expect Pastora will be flirting with her. More importantly, Jefferson couldn’t help but enjoy the hell out of it. She felt this certain something in her underbelly. It was something she used to have only for her woman, her partner. Mahnaz. For years. It was not a good sign. 

“I want us to go inside so I can show you what suits my husband normally wears. Shall we?”

When they climbed upstairs to the wardrobe/dressing room, Pastora told her to sit down, made her a drink and just like that, she took off her jacket and blouse and stood there in her bra and skirt. Dalida was glancing at her quite surprised. Finally, Pastora took a jacket from the hanger and put it on. She looked very strange in her husband’s clothing. She turned around with an unbuttoned jacket showing everything and smiled.

“This is his jacket” she explained and smiled. “I will show you the material”.

Pastora approached Dalida and bent down, make her touch the jacket. Jefferson felt the rush of heat inside but it was real hard when Pastora just unzipped her pants. She massaged the certain part for a while, then kissed Dalida passionately and whispered into her ear: stand up, sweetie.

She did so and took her pants as well as the clothing she wore underneath them. Pastora pushed her back to the chair. Then, Pastora performed a fellatio, fucking good fellatio that made Dalida cum very quickly. Pastora took a tissue and cleaned her mouth. Then she stood up from her knees and Dalida made her sit instead. Pastora smiled very satisfied. Dalida used her hands to massage her clitoris passionately. That made Porter breath heavily and moan. When she finished, she had an ejaculation. It was deep, strong, seemed to be quick but in reality took a long time.

Finally, Pastora picked up her clothes.

“Thank you. I’m waiting for the suit for my husband. You know the way out. It was a pleasure to meet you, Ms Jefferson” and just like that, she left the room.

Dalida was terrified, she did not know how this could happen. She went directly to the car where Tobey was waiting longer than it was expected and told him to get back home.

                                                                 ~*~ 

When she got home she saw wine bottle she sent for Mahnaz, all the food the woman prepared - everything prepared and left. There was a note as well: “I’m sorry Love, but I was exhausted. We will celebrate tomorrow. Love you”.

Dalida took the wine bottle and went to her office room. 

#queermequeeryou #lesbians #story #thechamber

[queermequeeryou]

chapter 1

[MUSIC]

Dalida was never completely satisfied. She always aimed to reach the highest goal possible and yet when she fell, she was able to stand up and fight even harder. This was one of her traits she appreciated the most - strength. Despite all the fears, anxieties and doubts she happened to have at some point, she was never giving up. Not her. Because she loved life and she wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. One of the things that was satisfying and motivating for her the most was the success. However, that bastard was addictive as fuck as she used to describe it. She always kept it lowkey. One more award for the best tailor in the city - no big deal, another designer using her work on the catwalk - appreciate it, thanks, let’s move on. This was her. An introvert with a big heart who always turnt into a dancing crazy motherfucker when she drank few beers and hit the dancefloor. 

She always started her day at 5.00 am. First thing in the morning, she hit the gym and worked out for an hour or so. Afterwards, she sipped a smoothie made by her assistant on the way to the office. Around 6.30 the boss was at work drinking her first black coffee of the day and smoking a delicious cigarette. She was trying to decrease the amount of nicotine. Her other assistant was reporting everything that had to be done, she was listening carefully and planning the day out. Usually, around midday Dalida was heading to the workroom. She always made a mandatory small talk with her workers. They were never into haute couture so the company was hiring only eight tailors. After few minutes, she headed to her box where she could stay for hours sewing and measuring. The reason why she created and owned the company with suits was because she was passionate about sewing in a first place. Therefore, she never imagined being an owner who does not know the craft. She was a perfectionist. She could stay in the workroom till the very late hours and was very often the one closing it afterwards. She was not a celebrity, success-story-based-person enjoying her capitalistic life. She was a hard worker from the very beginning and it remained the same even after her breakthrough.

Her wardrobe was very simple. Few all-black t-shirts, one white, one gray,  many socks, few simple underpants (she never wore bras and as she had not a lot going on in that area she was relieved and happy to not be forced to do so). Of course the main part of her clothing collection were her suits. All of them made by her except one Versace men suit she was given by Donatella during last year’s NY Fashion Week in fall. She owned about thirty suits. They were also monochromatic, no bright colors as she did not like them. Close to the wardrobe, there were also here shoes. Loafers with different patterns, some with a little extra belt, some of them just plain. She did not own anything made from natural leather, everything was as eco as possible as she believed she should held her responsibility for the Earth’s well-being. She also had nubuck shoes for less casual looks. She owned a pair of white sneakers and black heavy boots looking like just brought from the army as well. For perfumes, she loved the classic, cedar or tobacco smell. Her favorite one she repurchased over and over - Tom Ford’s “Oud Wood”. If she wanted to change something, she also had Gucci “Guilty” and Guerlain’s “Vetiver” on her shelves. Another important thing were ties. She did not like bows but ties - she paid a lot of attention to details, fabrics and how it was embroidered.

After a long, hard day today she just came back home and poured herself a glass of jack. took off her jacket and sit for a moment to smoke in peace. It was almost 10pm. Her girlfriend was not yet back. She also worked late and hard as a professional dancer and choreographer. A nice, calm night, everything dark. She embraced the moment breathing out the smoke like it was an asmr video.

Moment passed and she looked down at the street. She saw her girlfriend Mahnaz in a street lamp light. She wore that beautiful big hat. Mahnaz was accompanied by a person in a red dress. Few minutes later they were both upstairs; Dalida heard a key opening the door.

“Hi, What’s up?” started Mahnaz and immediately took off her high heels. “My feet are dying.

It looked like she forgot about it but after a moment Mahnaz reached Dalida and kissed her briefly.

“Oh, this is my student Samanta Galvano Porter” Mahnaz pointed at the woman in a red dress. “I promised her to give a CD with some salsa music, no idea who’s the musician, it’s a compilation that I think will work perfectly for her next gig. Please, give me a second, I’ll bring it”.

Was Dalida surprised? Well, Mahnaz has never brought any students to their house. Was Dalida jealous? Frankly, not. She trusted her.

“You have a big, beautiful place” seemed like the girl was into having a conversation.

“Oh, yeah. It was planned to the very details so, we are glad, the effect is what we wanted”

The girl looked intensively into Dalida’s eyes until the point she felt uncomfortable.

“Oh, sorry” said Samanta giving an impression like she just woke up from a short freeze. “Are you Dalida Jefferson, the owner of this famous suits company?”

Dalida did not know how to react so she just nodded.

“Sorry, I didn’t know. My ex-boyfriend always dreamt of a suit by you” Samanta turnt red immediately because she felt the situation being awkward.

The young woman smelt like fresh oranges and some flowers. Could be wearing Marc Jacob’s “Daisy”. Dalida looked at her dress; she looked stunning. It was hard to tell if Samanta was not flirting.

“Maybe you will get back together and then, you can give us a call so you can get a suit with a special discount. Here’s my card” Dalida immediately regretted it but she wanted to show that it is just to be polite and friendly towards her partner’s student.

Samanta smiled in a very sweet way. It was flirting. Now, Dalida regretted giving the number even more.

“Well, we won’t get back together like ever but I’ll take the card anyways. I’m sure my father will like to have your suit” she grabbed it quickly and pretending it was accidental, she touched her hand and squizzed it.

Dalida turned back to the room.

“Love, do you need help?” she shouted towards their music room.

“No, I just found it. Sorry it took me so long. Samanta, here you are. You can train with this. I bet it’s gona be a blast” Mahnaz was very excited about her student’s performance.

Samanta took the CD and put it in her purse.

“Thank you very much, Ms. Nove. I’ll do my best” she took a quick glance at her phone screen. “I gotta go, my uber is downstairs. See you next time”.

The last sentence, she started towards her teacher but she changed her aim. Mahnaz did not realized it but Samanta winked to Dalida.

*

“What a day! I’m glad it’s finally over” Mahnaz seemed very tired. “But you know what, she has a great talent and I try my best to get what she has out. I believe this music will help her”

Dalida embraced her.

“You’re a real scholar, love. I admire your dedication. After hours? Oh gods, who does that? You’re a real deal” Dalida shaked her head and kissed Mahnaz.

“I’m a real deal for you or as a teacher only?” she asked her perversely.

Dalida kissed her again.

“I love you” they kissed passionately.

Mahnaz stopped her to get undressed.

“I’m really tired. Would you like to help me with the shower?” Mahnaz smiled and went straight to the bathroom.

Dalida shaked her head and followed Mahnaz’s lead.

#queermequeeryou #queerwriter #lesbian #lesbians #lgbt #thechamber

[queermequeeryou]

The Chamber - Characters

Dalida Jefferson, 35, tailor, writer.

Dalida is the owner of her company with suits. She wrote few books about the craft of tailoring, minimalism and details. She’s dating an American-Iranian dancer/choreographer Mahnaz.

Mahnaz Nove, 37, dancer, choreographer.

Mahnaz prepared the choreography for various Broadway shows. She is a very talented dancer and she has her own school on Manhattan. She lives with her girlfriend Dalida.

Pastora Galvano-Porter, 54, businesswoman, ex-model.

Pastora comes from CDMX but she married an American millionaire John James Porter twenty five years ago. They have a daughter - Samantha Marina Galvano Porter. She runs the family business with her husband. She’s a player, claims that she always gets what she wants.

Samantha Marina Galvano Porter, 22, college student.

Samantha is a very lucky young girl, she is very spoiled by her parents. She is a student of performing arts college, she wants to be a dancer on Broadway. She attends classes by Mahnaz.

John James Porter, 51, businessman.

John is the owner of the company that produces whiskey. It is a family company, the process and ingredients are a secret. He’s been married to Pastora, a Mexican woman he met during a business trip, for 25 years. They have a daughter Samantha Marina.

#queermequeeryou #queer writer #queer story #characters #chamber

[queermequeeryou]

XV.

The funeral. Ruby was trying to let her thoughts make her float in bitterness. She felt bad, guilty, at the same time holding Blanca’s hand made her able to stand. She wanted it to stop, to finish, to just pass away. She regretted the relationship with Angie at all. They could be friends, she was so wonderful person, instead of hurting her more she could just be supportive. It was no time for excuses, though. There was a dinner after the funeral. Dolores went with Angélica’s mother. Ruby said she needs to get back home. A long compassing hug. Not working. When they went home, Blanca took Ruby in her arms and looked lovingly into her eyes. She could not find her. Ruby kissed her lips deeply, passionately, with a force she did not know before. She pushed her on the bed with rage bulging inside. Their kisses were strong, long, orgasmic. Surprisingly, it was satisfying for Blanca too. She did not say a thing, she just opened her legs wider when Ruby was kissing her face, neck and then, stomach. Ruby took off her shirt or more precisely, tore it apart, then unzipped Blanca’s dress. She stopped though like she got reminded of something. “Is it okay?” asked Ruby trying to catch air. Blanca nodded and moaned. She knew it was what Ruby needed now and that she would never hurt her. Blanca took her own lingerie off and started to rub her lower parts, inviting. Ruby moved fingers inside, she was pressing, massaging deeply, rapidly. Spams of pleasures were going threw Blanca’s body. Ruby stopped and kissed her lips again. She took some oils from the drawer. Blanca laughed with satisfaction holding her finger in her mouth flirtatiously. Then Ruby took a white vibrator with a moving head. She put the oils inside Blanca’s vagina, with special touch on her clitoris which made her shiver and then put on that vibrator while kissing her from time to time too. Her orgasm was inevitable. Strong, deep and long. She closed her eyes and made a long sight. The white substance went outside. Blanca kneeled towards Ruby and put her hand into her, moved it up and down few times. Ruby moved her strongly closer but older woman’s ass was now on her front. She rubbed Blanca repeatedly which made her scream and then let her lick fingers. Then Blanca pushed her back on the bed and went down on her, switching it with some fingering. Ruby came and her eyes were showing this silently. Then, Ruby took a dildo from the drawer and put it insider Blanca. “Backside” she whispered, breathless, all wet and sticky. Ruby fucked her in the ass while still massaging her clitoris when it was possible. Blanca screamed even harder and this time she had a fountain of cum out of her insides. The best sex she could ever imagine. And “Slave to Love” by Bryan Ferry on the radio meanwhile, again. Blanca came back to consciousness when the sun was already shining a little bit. She saw Ruby massaging her vagina with a tired face. She closed her eyes for a moment. “Love, you should get some sleep. Come on here” she said but Ruby pushed more. After a moment she stopped and burst into tears. “It’s okay” said Blanca and helped her to lie nearby. She hugged her supportably.  Ruby’s hands were smelling. The smell of Blanca’s satisfaction.   “What’s going on?” asked the older woman after a while. “Nothing. It’s just grief. I thought I’d focus on making love to you and it will make it feel better or at least bearable” said Ruby. Blanca smiled and kissed her, thank got her gaze back on her eyes. “Love, as a matter of fact, I’m exhausted. Exhausted because of the pleasure you gave me. I have never had that strong... you know”. “I could drink you all the time” said Ruby with a smile. “I think we are both still very horny but we need to get some sleep. And besides, your mother is probably going to be back soon” said Blanca while caressing Dylan’s hair. They fell asleep.

*

Around midday, they woke up. Dolores made them something to eat before the trip back to Seville. They decided it was better to come back home, to not feel this place anymore. Almost all the way long, they were holding hands.

#queer writer #queermequeeryou #LESBIAN #LGBT #story #love #fuerzas de los abrazos #lesbians #writer

[queermequeeryou]

I.

Rubi was lying in her bed, awaken by early rays of sun that were playing around. She did not want to continue sleeping but neither she stood up. She was focusing her gaze on the beautiful woman that was sleeping next to her. She felt very happy that Angie was so close and that they met again, after five years to be reunited in a new way. Rubi admired her boldness to fight for being real. They were very often talking about her transition process and Angie was always eager to open up to her even though nobody besides her father knew about the fact she was transgender. Later on, they have also decided to tell Rubi’s parents and as expected, they had no issue with that at all. They were well-educated and their daughter’s sexual preferences or gender identity of her fiancé were not important to them as long as she was happy. Rubi was thinking of officially proposing but she was already treating Angélica very seriously and was referring to her as ‘my fiancé”. She was sure her future was with her. When Angie woke up she kissed her good morning and they talked a bit about their plans for the upcoming weekend. Usually, Angie was not staying over for the night when Dolores Johnson was at home but this time she went away as well because she has had a painting session in Barcelona with her friends. That was a Friday morning but they have had a day free of theatre therefore they decided to have a cozy night before their trip to Seville. “I love you, Angie” said Rubi and kissed her girlfriends cheek. I tasted fresh and sweet. Rubi loved her natural smell which reminded her of their acting school times when everything seemed to be easy and careless because they were teenagers. “I’m so lucky that my love is mutual” she replied with a smile. “I will put on my makeup and prepare some breakfast for us”. She woke up but Rubi stopped her and held her hand gazing into her eyes. Rubi knew that Angie still had these doubts sometimes about being feminine enough. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I’m the luckiest one” said Rubi and kissed Angie’s hand.

*

They spent the morning lazily, eating and packing up for the trip. They worked till late hours yesterday because they were acting in a play. Shortly after midday, Rubi got her oldtimer, classic car out of the garage and they got on the road to Seville. They could not wait for this time. They always treasured this short weekend travels. Rubi put on a cassette. It was Bryan Ferry’s “Boys and Girls” album from 1985. Since Rubi could remember she has always had a taste in vintage things. That suited her perfectly. The weather was quite hot therefore she was wearing a colorful, oversize shirt and elegant suit pants. She packed her suit anyway as they were planning to go out in the evening. Angie was in a beautiful, summer dress, with flowery print on it. She decided to read a book as she used to do regularly. Sometimes, she read out loud so Rubi could also hear the story but sometimes like today, the butch was more into thinking mood. She got into the rhythm and smoke a cigarette. She was not a regular smoker but sometimes she was letting herself engage in this guilty pleasure. That song that have just started she loved a lot. “Slave to love”. It reminded her of impossible perfection, of first time she used to dance with Angie looking how her hips was smoothly moving while she was getting carried away in the rhythm of the song. However, she usually did not think about Angélica in particular when she was listening to it. Sometimes, she got reminiscences of heating times however not only with her. She was seeing in her mind some girls she met for one time in New York. She was recalling her previous girlfriends. This song was a definition of guilty pleasure for her.

*

When they arrived to Seville, they went to leave their luggage in the hotel room. First sight of the city has made them very excited to explore it therefore they quickly freshened up and went out. They started with a dinner. It was about four p.m when they were eating pasta and talking like always. Afterwards, they decided to attend the exhibition in Centro Andaluz de Arte Contemporáneo - Andalucian Museum of Contemporary Art. Soledad Sevilla’s installations has made Rubi feel indifferent and alone inside which was strange but she used to engage herself deeply in art. When they finished the tour, they had a coffee in the museum café) and discussed about their impressions. They both decided it was very touching and impressive as well as the other exhibitions that were on. Rubi has bought herself a Soledad Sevilla’s catalogue and Borges’ book “El Aleph” she was meaning to read for ages. Angie chose Caravaggio album in English. Then, they went for a long walk through the Real Alcázar gardens. Rubi has taken many beautiful shots of her love and they done few polaroids as well. They were definitely amused by Seville’s beauty. In the evening they went back to the apartment to change clothes and prepare for the night out. Rubi has put on her beautiful, dapper suit in black and matching suspenders. She looked elegant and handsome. Angie chose a red, shiny dress on straps. It was very much giving the 90s vibes. Alongside she had black high heels and huge, gold hoop earrings. She did not put a lot of makeup - she just done eyeliner, glued eyelashes and used a lip gloss. They had a light salad because they have eaten their lunch late today but did not want to have drinks with empty stomachs.

*

They decided to go to the quite common burlesque club to see a show and drink there. They wanted to go to an elegant place, not just dance to modern radio hits. They just got inside and Rubi has already enjoyed. The smooth music, velvet sofas and lightning - everything was perfectly fitting her taste. Angie ordered martini, Rubi took jack on the rocks - their classic choices. When she turned over she realized a sophisticated looking lady in a black pencil skirt, white shirt, with hair tied into a bun and lips painted sharp red. She was sipping a Manhattan and was looking at her. The elegance of this woman overwhelmed Rubi. She felt the heat running through her as she could not take away her gaze. “I will go to the bathroom” said Angie and left her for a moment. Rubi was staring from distance as that woman untied one of the buttons of her shirt showing how perfectly aware of being observed she was. Another sip of whiskey. Rubi could not simply leave this situation at that. It was too much to resist. She went to the bar close to the lady and asked for same drink. “Enjoying the show?” asked surprisingly the woman while fixing her hair. “I have just arrived but so far it seems to be pretty impressive frankly speaking” replied Rubi and took her drink. “You’re not from Seville, are you?” her stare was strong, flirtatious, hard to get away from but at the same time it seemed like a regular behaviour. “No. I’m from Madrid” replied Rubi catching woman’s gaze, switching it from her eyes to her cleavage. The lady laughed boldly. The butch took her wallet in order to pay but she held her hand. It was warm and strong. “That’s on the house, darling” she said and took away her hand. “Blanca. I’m the owner of this place”. Rubi felt even more heat than before. The touch of her palm seemed to not be fading away. Rubi could not stop looking into her eyes, she wanted everything but her to disappear for a moment. “It’a s pleasure to meet you. I’m Rubi” she said finally. Blanca put her hand on Rubi’s shoulder. “Enjoy your night” she said in a tempting voice but went away giving a look to Angie who has just came from the toilet. Perfect timing, she was not able to realize anything has happened during her absence. “Come on, the next performance is going to start in seconds” Angélica was having fun already and she liked the place a lot. They were able to find a seat very close to the scene and the gig has started. A young, brunette girl, very Dita Von Teese style was dancing in the streams of water and golden glitter to a song “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell. It was a very good number. Then, Blanca went on stage to greet everybody. Her look rested on a butch woman again. She realized she was looking at her cautiously as well despite the fact her beautiful girlfriend was leaning on her shoulder and holding her hand. When a lady was getting off the stage, Rubi saw that Blanca was wearing stockings and a tiny bit of the buckle was visible underneath the skirt. The next gig was announced and about to start. That was a woman, about forty years old, very attractive and she was dancing using a chair to a song “When The Doves Cry” by Prince. Blanca sat in the first row where there was also two other women, her producer and a director. The performer had her hair pinned which made her look quite similar to Blanca. As she was taking of her clothes on stage she also took off a clip from her hair. Rubi realized how Blanca was looking at the performer and she saw the lust in her eyes. However, she heard the owner was married with a man. It all continued til the point where the dancer was having just a lower, heavily embroidered lingerie and two decorative things covering her nipples in the same silver shade as the clip was. Few more gigs were also intriguing but not that memorable for Rubi. When the show finished, Angie started to clap her hand energetically. “It was great!” she said to Rubi.  “Thank you for taking me here”. She smiled and started giving her kisses. Blanca was watching them as Rubi has observed. The lady was putting on long, transparent gloves and probably about to leave. The butch felt a stroke of pain and disappointment in her heart. Blanca stood up, took her bag and went out. “Now, I need to go to the toilet, excuse me” Rubi said to Angie and followed a woman instead. She caught her outside lighting a cigarette. They looked at each other for a moment. Rubi came closer to her and to her surprise heard that Blanca’s heart was beating heavily and she immediately took a step back as like being afraid of something. She recollected herself though, looked around and not seeing much people outside got back to the same position. “You followed me?” she asked in the same provocative tone. “I wanted to see you before you left” said Rubi focusing her eyes on a lady. “Certainly, you wanted to see me” Blanca accented the phrase ‘see me’ and inhale some smoke towards Rubi. Blanca took her hand again looking at her rings. “You have beautiful signets. They look very elegant. Are you a model or something?” she asked massaging her hand softly meanwhile. “I’m an actor” said Rubi and saw a smile of satisfaction in Blanca’s eyes. “So am I. Or at least I used to be. Now, I just run things, keep them in order. And sometimes get new talents to the spotlight. Like those talented girls from tonight but I also have a little theatre.” “Are you suggesting me a job?” Blanca laughed in the same bold manner again. “Suggesting you a job. You’re so vain. I like this. Cocky people make the best artists. I would say, you can come and see. We do auditions all the time. You can just come there and say you are interested. Because we believe in talent and we give opportunities but we rarely hire people. It requires a lot. I don’t know if you have it but something tells me you could” she inhaled and exhaled her cigarette again. “Whenever you’ll be in Seville next time, maybe without your girlfriend then because the audition is long and we don’t allow guests. Also, we do plays part-time, it’s not like a 9-5 job so it doesn’t require living there. We usually have rehearsals on the weekends and after preparations a premiere and few other times when we play it also during the weekends. We have two actors from Madrid as far as I remember” that was insane how much class, charisma and sophistication Blanca had. “I will come definitely” replied Rubi still looking into her eyes. “Well, so I guess I’ll see you that time” Blanca was about to leave when Rubi put a hand on her waist and with other took her cheek closer, then giving her a passionate kiss. When she finished, Blanca looked at her and gave her a slap. She looked around though and then gave back the kiss. Rubi touched her face again wanting to continue kisses like in a trance but Blanca licked her finger instead while looking deeply into her eyes. Then, she moved away her hand. “See you next time” said the lady and left. Rubi did not know how much time has passed but she had to come back and look for Angie.

[queermequeeryou]

chapter five

Waking up in this sunny, fresh-looking office of LaToya gave Mad very warm, pleasant feeling. The woman was still there and as she realised that Mad is also awake, she has started to think about her lack of make-up although last night they definitely got carried away with the alcohol so she did not have the power yet to just sneak to the toilet and get ready for the day. However, the good thing was that she has arranged her working space the way it looked really like a private suite and unless she did not let a person to the room by the call from her  secretary, nobody would come in. That was actually the initial purpose of doing it so because as she was living with her niece, she did not maintain enough privacy to switch between her private life and the career. Anyway, she was feeling uncomfortable so she changed the position showing Leo her back. It was undoubtedly too soon for her to show herself without make-up. Mad took her hand and embraced her by the back in a very gentle, subtle way which surprised her quite a bit but she let her do this without a word. Leo kissed her palm and it was very charming. LaToya found herself feeling deeply moved by the emotional aspect of it all which she did not expect at all. “Good morning” said Leo and kissed her on the cheek. LaToya felt a strong need to just face her. Whatever. She will find another lover quickly so why she, the old, serious woman should fear to show herself as she was. She turned to her and smiled delicately which was something new to Mad.  LaToya still could not stop being unsure of this gesture. “How are you?” asked Leo in a caring tone. “Strange” replied LaToya after few seconds. It was the first thing that came to her mind. “What time is it?” LaToya took a glance onto her electronic clock and she realised it was already 10 am. “Oh, shit. I have to get ready. Tone of work for today. I am wondering why Rhonda has not called yet.  Her tone again was cold and professional. It was too much for her to be that private with somebody. She needed to put back her mask to feel comfortable again. She stood up looking for her satin robe but she could not see it. It was lying on the opposite site, near the bad. Leo handed her it and kissed her on the lips. LaToya did not respond. She just put on the rob quickly and tied it. Leo stood up as well staring at the older woman still feeling attracted to her which made LaToya feeling satisfied inside. “You look so gorgeous” said Mad and and kissed her again.  LaToya could not believe she is still tempting for Leo as she did not have her make-up on. She let her tied out her rob so they could make love once more before she had to get ready to work. It felt so good.

* End of the sick leave still has not brought much solution for Leo. She was broken between leaving the university and staying there to teach. She was not able to see Paris anywhere on the corridors or at her lectures but it was nothing that she did not expect. She tried to get know what is with her from the fellow lecturers but nobody new a thing about it. Leo did not want to push on it to much because it was still just a few days so nobody saw much difference and the last thing she desired was to get the attention on her at this point. LaToya was not calling her for few days and she also needed time so she was not giving her a call neither. On Friday though she called her and Leo has spent another night at the office suite and they talked this time even more than fucked. Leo was getting used to spending her evenings and mornings like that. It was so good to wake up with this magnificent woman by her side. She wondered how long it will last.

* Many thoughts were streaming through LaToya’s mind. It was the first time in a while when she really cared about somebody else than her niece. She was deeply scared to trust anybody and that was also the case at this time. Leo was intelligent, elegant, young, she has had perfect body and she was treating her with respect and caring. She has never thought she will be sleeping with the other woman but it has all made sense to her already few years ago. She was never attracted with any man she slept with or not. At first, she thought it was because she has always met bastards who wanted something from her but without love or even respect but as soon as she opened herself to be attracted by women she found herself catching an eye on some that she was briefly seeing on the streets. Than, it came time when she has started sleeping with them and it was it. Even one night stands tasted better now and she has started to design her new suite in the office the way she could meet other women instead of going to their places all the time. Of course, her niece was not the one to know a thing. For her, she has never had any private life at all besides marriage with her ex-husband which was the worst man she has ever met and she met quite a few. After she has started dating with Leo it rapidly became very natural to her like she could do this every day and every night. They clicked well but she knew it was not going to last long. After a while she has realised she stopped spending as much time with her niece as she used to so she decided to fix it. All in all, it was the most important for her. So she gave up meetings with Mad for few days to stay in the house and just talk with Paris, cook something, play scrabbles with her. In the evening, her niece went to the kitchen to have some snacks while she was watching Netflix and LaToya was there, in perfect casual dress and make-up preparing herself a cup of coffee. “Hi, sweetie. Fancy some coffee as well?”  “You’re not going out tonight, auntie?”  “No, not today. The work is done so I am willing to spent some time with you tonight. What do you think about day, honey?” Paris sighed deeply feeling all the pain inside. She really needed her aunt to be there for her. “It would be great to have some coffee and little talk with you maybe” she said after a while and sat in the living room while their old cat Jefferson jumped on the couch and she petted him. LaToya brought two lattes to the coffee table along with some cookies. “So, how are you doing recently, my love?” she asked and took a sip from her cup. Paris was petting a cat for a little while hesitating to reply but after a moment she decided there is no better person in the world to speak to. “Auntie, I was in love, I think. I’m not sure but it was somethin’. You know. I felt for this person and it’s hard now ‘cause we broke up and I dunno what to do. I feel like shit, I didn't go to classes this week at all and that’s fucked up and silly I want to kill myself. I am miserable...” she cried for few minutes and laid her head on her aunt’s knees so she gently touched her hair and kissed her head.  “Baby, I know it can be hard but you have all your life. You’re going to find a wonderful boy one time and you’re going to be incredibly happy, I promise you that” said LaToya but Paris resisted and sat down immediately. “Auntie, I’m not. There’s something else I have to tell ya. I’m gay. Gonna have a girlfriend and I was in love with other girl. That person was a she and I’m not gonna find a boy. Stop tellin’ me this shit about boy and what else? Kids or what? I’m sick n tired of it. That’s all fucked up. You’re never gonna get it, I know...” she was almost shouting full of tears but LaToya interrupted her. “Paris, I will get it. I don’t care if you’re going to be with a boy or with a girl. I love you as you were my daughter and I accept you as you are. Look at me.” she took her niece’s face into her hands and stared deeply into her eyes. “I will never ever disrespect you or leave you or disappoint you. You are my daughter now and you can trust me. You are the best thing that happened to me. If you will have a wife one day I just hope she will treat you with love and respect and that you will be happy with her. Nothing more really matters. Remember that. LaToya hugged her niece and kissed her on the forehead then gave her some tissues. That was relieving for Paris to just admit it all to her aunt and she finally felt better. She now she is understanding and that made her believe everything will be alright. They sat there til late hours not talking much more but laying close to each other, supporting themselves quietly and later, watching some Netflix together. LaToya was really thinking about telling about herself for the first time as well tonight but she managed to bury it inside again.

* The work on Mad’s book was going pretty well. They were almost ready to publish. Leo was happy about that but that was not the only important think in her life going on recently. She has finally decided to change the university. She applied to another one with a huge motivation to stay with occasional, part-time lectures on Spanish and to mostly focus on promoting the new volume - they planned a tour through the States where she was going to speak about Botswana and the book on some of the universities and colleges. It seemed like all finally has started to come back to its place but Leo still was having a feeling that she should rethink her values again. She did not know what is important for her again and she was lying to herself that it is not the right moment now to debate it. LaToya came back from the bathroom where she took a shower and came to Mad’s bedroom where she was reading “Demian” by Hermann Hesse. When the businesswoman took off her robe and focused on putting cream on her hands, Leo was deeply into the plot of this classic German writer’s story. LaToya came closer to Leo and just laid down without much speaking. The younger woman kissed her wrist. “You smell so good” she said and kissed her again, this time on the lips. LaToya pushed her back on the cushions like she was the one who wanted to dominate which was always a turn on for Mad who then took her to the other side and moved lower towards her underbelly. They were both trying not to think to much but they knew somehow it would be impossible to get back after the relationship they have developed. LaToya wanted so badly to just run away, get out of this because of strong emotions she was feeling but she could not do this. She put her hands on Mad’s neck while she moved with her kisses lower and lower. She has started to moan which was quite unusual for her. She wanted more. Leo was trying to blur, just disappear into her own uncertainties. She wanted to become numb so she could not feel or involve. How could she not fell in love with this impossible woman. She licked her insides with a great hunger trying to make breaks to make LaToya feel it deeper. She was already shivering and whispering her name while kissing her ear. Leo finished it with her hand massaging LaToya’s roughly and rhythmically which made her come and they both felt like it is pure emotion that just wet their bodies like a flow of something that they have never known. LaToya’s breath was coming back to normality. She went to her knees and found her mouth in between Mad’s legs. Leo was not sure if this way is how it was supposed to be. It seemed awkward to hell but she let LaToya interfere inside which made her eventually, sigh heavily at some point. Definitely not a usual turn of events for her. Mad kissed LaToya on her cheek and they laid down on the bed with layers of duvet stretched somewhere in between their hands, legs and backs. They both wanted to say something. They have fallen asleep instead.

#queer #lgbt #story #writer #queermequeeryou #lesbian

[queermequeeryou]

chapter four

Mad was feeling like everything was going out of her hands. She was overwhelmed with effects that, like a ricochet, has started to hit her harder than she expected in her deepest nightmares. It was one thing to be self-reflecting, even self-blaming but it was the other one to hear it from other person’s mouth. The mouth she used to kiss with admiration and sympathy. She could really fell in love with this girl but she did not. Her head on the brink of exploding, her mind almost entirely wretched. She did not know if she should be teaching by now. It was all too much. She took the free day at university and went to the doctor which was also her good friend. Well, more of Brooklyn’s best high school colleague anyway, without further explanations he just signed the sick leave for her til the end of the week. Mad wanted to reflect on everything, focus only on book agreement and figure out if she should transfer to different university. She did not want Paris to leave as it was the best one on linguistics in NYC so the most adequate would be for Mad to just go. They both knew that seeing each other almost everyday was out of the consideration. Although, Mad really enjoyed working there and as Paris mentioned that she wants to leave, that was all even harder. What should she do? Where should she go? Mad did not talk to Brooklyn about it. He was focused on his first days living with Blackie again and also Leo was not ready for this talk. She wanted to do this later, though. As always, her brother had to know. He was the most important person in her live and it was a both-sided feeling. Mad woke up around midday and felt not even slightly better but at least she tried to get a better sleep which was more like lying under the sheets and trying her to remain with lids tightly shut. With not much effects. She went into the kitchen to have a coffee and found out that Jackson has already been fed. The water bowl full stood next to the food one as well. There was a note on the table. “Jackson has eaten. I also left some pancakes under the plate for ya. The frozen soya yogurt’s in the fridge. I work til 5, bae til 4. He’s picking me up after. I hope you’re at least fine. Gonna talk later if you’ll be up to it. Later, B.” Mad smiled a little bit. It was really nice of Brooklyn. She petted Jackson and kissed him on the forehead, then took a glance under the plate and decided to have two pancakes with the coffee.  After late breakfast/lunch Mad took Jackson for a walk and she run a bit as well but she did not feel it much today. Anyway, the weather was nice and warm but not too hot so she fancied a longer stroll with her lovely, fat dog. He seemed to enjoy it as usual so she was happy to see him having fun, chasing after birds that were flying nearby and playing with the sticks. It mood her up a tiny bit and when they got back to the apartment it was already 3 pm. She picked one of the volumes with works by Samuel Beckett and opened it on “Waiting for Godot”. She was always coming back to this story with great pleasure. Mad decided to reread it as she got almost for hours to meeting with LaToya and the crew. She was flipping the pages while touching old, smelly paper and floating deeper and deeper into the plot of the play which was both relaxing and clearing feeling. After she finished the text she closed her lids and breathed. It was a wonderful idea to get back to this story now. She stood up to heat some of the leftover tofu with vegetables from yesterday as her dinner which was probably worse idea. It gave her a feeling like it all smelled like Paris’ perfumes. It made the events from the previous day so vivid that she decided to put the food aback and went to have a shower and dress up into her more formal suit and tie. When she fixed it, she lit a cigarette and looked through the window into the widening darkness of the upcoming evening. She put her left hand into the pocket and inhaled the smoke deeply. After that, she took all of her notes and packed them into the case. When she entered the 20th floor where the company was situated the secretary told her to go to the conference room and wait. In few minutes came LaToya with few various people who greeted her politely and they all sat to talk about the book. All of them felt same strong prediction that this volume was going to be really appreciated by the public and they all agreed that she has talent. Actually, it was more of that then telling her what should she change or correct. LaToya introduced her Nazir - the Indian designer who was said to be the author of her book’s cover. He showed her the ideas he had already prepared and most of them were stunning. The work was really the greatest remedy for Leo to got out of the sickening thoughts and focus on what was important for her. After the meeting, they paced fast forward with the process which Leo enjoyed a lot. She was packing back her things to the case still reflecting on the book when LaToya suggested they should have dinner together to celebrate the next huge step. Actually, Leo felt very hungry after refusing to eat dinner before heading to this appointment so she accepted the proposition. They took her Lincoln and Mad drove them to the best Italian restaurant nearby that LaToya chose. Mad was not used to go to fancy places but she thought it is a special day and she can afford it one time so she will not disagree. Moreover, she was an aficionado of Italian cuisine so it was a wonderful idea to go and have a dish there. Like Mad has expected, the place was very sophisticated and elegant. She was probably one of very few people who was up to go there and not feel strange. Very common opinion shared by many was that going to expansive restaurants was the habit of incredibly rich individuals who were actors in their lives and preferred to eat some outstanding, pricey food while doing their businesses with not a bit of honesty or caring. For Mad it was more like the very festive, elegant way of spending time with the others. She was not wealthy enough to let it happen on a regular basis but she did not mind it at all and in times when situation was self-explaining she was always willing to eat some good food in places that got some charm in them. She held the door for LaToya and helped her with the coat. They were seated close to the window and suggested wine for the start. After a little while they were sipping a red drink while looking ahead for the landscape of New York City at night and it was incredibly beautiful. “I’m really glad that I’m the one who’s going to publish your book. Because I’ll take lots of credit for it. It’s a win-win without any doubts.” “Well, I have to say that I share your opinion. Thank you, LaToya. I’m glad for what you’ve been doing.” replied Mad and took a sip of her drink. “You’ve mentioned one time that you were living in Spain. How was that?” this question seemed out of the blue but Leo did not mind to answer that one. “I liked it a lot but I missed by brother and there came a time when I just had to get back where I belong.” “It’s here or in Africa?” her sight was very thrilling and approaching. “For now I can say it’s here but I’ll definitely get back to Africa sometime soon”. LaToya smiled a little. “Get back. May I ask why Africa or does it really not have an answer at all?” “I guess you know as much as I know. That’s just this feeling of freedom, of belonging. I feel this also here in New York but Africa has one more advantage. I feel like when I'm there I am able to enjoy life more. I am more thankful for every second, more in a moment here and right now. I don’t know but there are two places for me that matters. New York City and the African continent and I can’t even explain it properly.” LaToya took her half empty glass and looked into the surface while moving it in the different angle. “You know, my brother was black. He had a huge obsession or passion on Africa as well. He wanted to go there and he was speaking about his origins all the time. I really saw it as a grief. I knew that was the grief he had. I don’t understand why. He was born there but he was always speaking about slavery, about how the States are romanticised by almost every American and European and many more people. I did not understand him but I tried. He got married. His wife really quickly got pregnant and Martin was beyond happy. He wanted this so much and when the daughter was born it turned out it’s not his. The daughter was white. He was disappointed because his wife didn’t tell him she got pregnant with white guy a little before they met. That broke him. He left her but then he got his things together and got back because he really loved her. They managed to get out of this but when their daughter was three, Lula died because she had a car accident. Martin had to put his dreams of getting to Africa aback and focus on rising daughter. He really learnt to love her paying no attention to the genetics. We were living together, supporting each other but I still didn’t understand him a tiny bit. We were not close but I liked his daughter. She was the only child I could manage to accept and even like. The worst thing..” LaToya finished the last sip from the glass and moved her glass towards Mad then gave a look on the bottle so the younger woman poured her more wine. “The word thing was one Martin got cancer. I saw him falling apart entirely. He was not able to accept he’ll never go to Africa. He stopped even caring for his daughter. She just closed himself to everybody and I only heard some tribal music from his room, sometimes sobbing, you know. I knew he’s not going to make it because he was not even fighting. I didn't understand him. I have never managed to do this but strangely enough, I feel like being with you makes me more understanding to him. And even more oddly, you remind me of him. That’s why I hired you. Because all of this made me expect you’ll be the right person. Passionate-driven. You really love Africa. And you write a book about what you love. How could that not be a success?  She smiled again and took another sip of the wine. Mad was quite surprised by her lack of cold today. Maybe, it was too far speaking but definitely she was more personal to her. Leo took her hand on the table and rub it gently. LaToya let her do this. They finished their drinks after food not speaking much after this story. “Would you like to have a smoke at my office?” said LaToya finally when they have already float a little into thoughts. “I would really not mind it at all.” replied Leo and helped her out with the coat. 

* LaToya rolled a joint really quickly and used her tongue to stick the paper together. Leo was impressed as she never learnt how to roll the cigarettes or joints that fast. She normally simply remained with plain package of Marlboro. The businesswoman sat on the table and lit the joint with half closed eyes. Mad stood up and walked towards her. She put her hands on the table having LaToya in between and she opened her mouths with the smoke in her direction. She gave her the joint. Mad took a good inhale and put her hand on LaToya’s waist. She laughed shortly and put the joint to the ashtray for a moment. They shared a glance for a while, Leo put hands on her cheeks and kissed her lips really deeply. LaToya unzipped her pants. They were kissing and Leo found her way to the zip of the older woman’s skirt. This time, under that she was wearing tights with garters and it was mind-blowing how she was looking that good in them. Leo was able to relax but she was not sure if she is really making a progress on not mixing more things but it was good to be not focused on the case with Paris. She moved her hand between LaToya’s legs and let herself melt into this gestures and all the fantasies she has had about the woman from the first moment they have met. Mad really needed that time after all that has happened. LaToya moaned louder and Leo moved her fingers upper. She just did not expect one thing but right now it was not the time she will figure it out. But without a doubt, she will do it soon.

#lgbt #queer #story #writer #queermequeeryou

[queermequeeryou]

chapter one

Leo was arranging all the papers on her desk and just preparing for the next lecture as usual. Nothing has changed in her life recently. University work, evenings with her brother and few drinks with him and his boyfriend during the weekends as well. She really enjoyed this way of living. She would never come back to Spain. However, thinking about mother was still making her feel indifferent. They were never really close but it was strange to her when she was realizing that she doesn’t have anybody in the country where she has grown up. Anyway, life goes on, everything changes. Why should she bother? She was quite tend to reflect on life and dozens of other things so it was kinda unavoidable. She opened the window to let some fresh air inside the room.

“Good morning, Professor” said few students who just came into the class and started unpacking their notebooks.

She leaned her head as usual and checked if she has all literature that she needed for today. When she realized that Paris Burton has arrived in a company of the other student named Rebecca Bray, Leo immediately focused her look on the notes. She didn’t like to catch her glance today. This was all very strange. Leo would never do the first step or even show any kind of unusual interest towards a student. She has always considered herself a professional so it was beyond consideration. Although, when Paris started to come to her in extra hours to ask about helping with Spanish grammar, she knew that something is on. She couldn’t resist her. That was very straightforward and it was impossible to read it the other way. Paris was very brave and reckless with her flirt and eventually, Leo replied for her gestures. She couldn’t say without hesitation  that she regretted it. Paris was great lover and they enjoyed each others companion but Leo couldn’t stop blaming herself and tried to distance. Although, it was really hard as they were seeing each others three times a week at university. Sometimes even more, when they accidentally met on the corridors or somewhere between other lectures. Paris was really hot and had this very tempting vibe that one couldn’t neglect. Leo didn’t know what to do but she decided not to go crazy on this. If the principal will find it, she’ll find it. No need to further concerns. Nevertheless, personal second-thoughts can sometimes be harder punishment than others opinions.

“Buenos dias estudiantes” said Leo when the time was right and all students gathered in the room. “Today we’re going to review the Pretérito Indefinido.”

*

After one and a half hour of practicing Spanish grammar with the students, Mad thanked them for the time spent together on learning and started to pack her things as this was the last lecture for today. People started to flow out of the room as it was also finish of their study day because Spanish course was an extra thing they could choose if they had enough points from grades and also enough motivation to stay and learn after hours. Mad took her case bag and closed the window.

Leo?” she heard Paris’ voice behind and immediately felt cautious as she wasn’t sure if everybody else’s out so they could speak that openly to each other. “Could you give me a ride?”

Mad gave her a look and started to think about the excuses. It was quite pointless as she figured out quickly.

“Yep. Come on. I’ll be waiting in the car. Hurry up, please” she replied and sped up her walk a little bit.

Nothing unusual. She was working at university. Nobody cared. She opened the door to her Ford Lincoln Continental from 60s that she really admired as it was not only a good car but also looked like a piece of art - matching her everyday elegant suit that she wore almost all time. Mad loved old cars. She could have dozens of them if she would be a billionaire. She lit a cigarette and waited not more than two minutes. Paris was there.

“Sorry, had to buy cigarettes but this fuckin gas station near uni is already closed” she said putting on the safety belt.

“You can have mine” replied Mad and gave her a cigarette.

“Mind helping me with the fire?”

Mad took a look around. Nobody near her car or in the close sight. She lit her cigarette as well also trying hard to glance too hard on her lips.

“You look gorgeous” said Mad when she started the ignition and they headed to the highway.

Paris put a hand on her knee.

“Maybe I can have a drink at your place? I’m not alone at the flat today” she suggested with a smile.

“Ok, sure” Mad took Paris’ hand from her knee and kissed it gently.

*

Paris took a nap while Mad was simply laying down and smoking. Trying to thing about anything else but self-blame. She was mature. Why blaming? She just didn’t want to lose the work she loved the most. Paris woke up and smiled then lied closer to Mad and let her arm embrace her.

“I love you” said Paris while looking at smoke.

Leo tried to not show her real reaction. She just kissed her on the cheek and rubbed her arm gently. That was all she could do. Although, inside she was panicking.

*

Mad really didn’t see that coming. Of course, she knew how much admiration Paris has been showing towards her from the first lecture and throughout their affair but love declaration wasn’t what she expected. She didn’t know what to do. She was the worst when it comes to stable relationships and she wasn’t into starting anything serious with 24-year-old girl. She shouldn’t let this happen. She really liked her, found her an intelligent, talented woman and she also found her very attractive although she didn’t consider declarations. It was something like friends with benefits for Mad. She was thinking about what has happened yesterday while she was on the steps at university. She came earlier today because she wanted to look through the library and work a bit on editing her book on Botswana she has finished writing recently. There was a sophisticated, classy looking women sitting in the main corridor. She seemed to wait for somebody. Leo met her glance for a second and she stare into her eyes while also straightening her dress a little bit. Mad went to the library and started work. After a while, she forgot about this incident because she focused on work she really loved. Leo went into the flow that always helped her to forget about the problems. She loved teaching Spanish, working and writing about Africa. She felt strong urge to go there again soon. Maybe there’s going to be a good idea. She thought she fancy some coffee so she decided to do a break after an hour or so. Went out of the library therefore. She saw that an elegant older woman was still walking around and looking onto her phone, then again around. Mad went closer.

“Excuse me, I’m a lecturer here. Maybe I might help? Are you looking for somebody?” she asked the elegant woman.

She stare at her for a longer moment.

“Yes, my niece was said to finish at 11:00 AM because she had only one lecture but she’s still not there. I’m worried”

“Mind if I’ll ask which major and year? Maybe I know more about that”

“Linguistics.Third year.” she replied with the worried voice.

Mad smiled a bit.

“Oh, they have two lectures more because they had them cancelled last week so professor Morgan decided to use the time for it so they won’t be forced to do it in the future and stay late at night” she replied kinda proud that she know it.

Paris has studied linguistics so she knew everything as she told her yesterday.

“Oh, so I have plenty of time. I might have a latte first and probably I’ll come later. Thank you. Do you know if there a café’or something?” said the lady.

Leo smiled again.

“Yes, I do. I am also heading there so I can lead you”

“Yes, please” replied the lady and followed Leo’s path.

“So, what do you teach?” she asked accidentally.

“Spanish. I was born in States but actually grew up in Spain so I’m well prepared to that” Mad was thinking if it’s not too much information but at this point, she just wanted to keep interest for a while. This woman was very fierce and she wanted to meet her a little bit more.

“Oh, that’s fascinating. I was in Spain hundreds of times. Mostly, because of gigs I used to have in the 80s”

Mad looked at her again and then she realized why her face seems familiar.

“I though I knew you somehow”.

“Oh, you don’t have to lie. I was really a one hit wonder. Nobody knows me anymore except old people like me” her reaction was kinda sweet but she said it in a really cold tone. Like most of what she said it was meant to be careless. Even if she used polite words it was all with a sense of privilege in her voice although, Mad didn’t mind it. She found it seducing.

“I’m not that young and besides that, I listen to 80s music mostly so I’m really not lying. LaToya Johnson. Your hit’s song name is Glance of love, right?”

She probably blushed a little bit and focused her gaze in the opposite direction.

“That’s correct. But I hope you’re not listening to this kind of cheesy music too much.

“Honestly speaking, no. I’m not a huge fan of music by artists like Jennifer Rush, Dionne Warwick or I don’t know... Celine Dion but I heard their hits few times and I can say which one is whose. Although, I know you’re more like Taylor Dayne than Whiney Houston but I hear the song and I enjoy in some kind of strange way” said Mad while trying to examine the older lady with her glance.

She didn’t reply. The coffee was ready so Leo stood up and brought both. Their hands touched, of course not accidentally as she gave LaToya her cup. Mad took off her suit jacket and put it on the back of the chair. Rolled her sleeves a little and then tried the coffee.

“It’s been so hot there, isn’t it?” said LaToya giving her a look above the cup and then, she focused on her drink.

Leo felt the tension from the first moment but this time it was quite different. The woman was approximately half her age older and she was very classy. She didn’t want to read her signs too far or too fast. LaToya put her leg on the another in a very sophisticated gesture but she also jogged Mad’s ankle. Leo wasn’t looking for another affair as she decided to focus on work after this thing that happened with Paris but the woman was really hard to resist.

“What’s your name?” asked LaToya quite out of the blue.

“Leo” she replied without further explanation.

LaToya didn’t ask about the details. She accepted that;s her name even if she obviously knew that it’s not a birth name for a woman.

“Leo, what really interests you?” it was another question that made her really intrigued.

She was thinking for a moment. What was the point of giving her the answer?

“Besides languages. Africa. I wrote quite a few books on this topic. Just finished one on Botswana. I was living in Gaborone for eleven months also in other little villages nearby. I was teaching English there. Honestly, I can’t wait to get back to Africa. It’s quite addicting” she told LaToya getting comfortable with her immediately.

“So, why are you there?”

“I have father and brother and the rest of my family in the States. Most of them, in NYC. Mother was from Spain, we were living there. She was adopted and her parents where weirdos, so they were not in touch. And she died last year. So, I’m here. I love it there but also I will go to Africa for few months again soon, that’s for sure” said Leo and took a sip of her coffee.”What interests you, LaToya?”

Mad hestitated a little before asking that straightly. She didn’t even know if she can call her that informally but it was the best way to try it out.

She put her coffee back on the table and played a little with her ring.

“I have a book publishing. I really like meeting interesting people.Not only because of my job.In general.I guess that I’m just interested in people the most. Considering my background, it’s quite surprising I’m still that into others but that’s, I suppose, the best answer to that” as usual Mad heard some coldness in her voice.

She was very closed. Phone notification has interrupted their talk. Mad apologized and looked onto her mobile screen. That was the mail from the staff telling her she has two lectures canceled because of the exams.

“All’s right?”

“Yes. I’m sorry for just staring into my phone silent that long.Just got the message from administration and have cancelled lectures. They need to occupy the language room for the exams” she explained to LaToya.

“Oh, I see. Do you mind having a short stroll and telling me more about your books?” asked LaToya in a very sophisticated manner.

“Sure, that’s an interesting idea” Mad took her suit jacket and they went out.

They were walking for half and our or so. That was very interesting conversation. Leo couldn’t recall the time when she was talking with somebody who had that much knowledge on some subject but still made her feel good in their presence, without much distance. Maybe, it was because she found LaToya’s coldness attractive because most of the people felt annoyed or bothered. She liked that game. First, she tried to act like she’s not realizing that at all and was just normally pleasant but she also has started to play a little bit. LaToya seemed to enjoy it but the older lady always stopped that in a moment she felt it was right. Like she wanted to control the situation. After another joke, she just suggested:

“Ok, Mrs. Africa. How would you find talking again? That’s my business card. Call me, we’ll discuss again and maybe, I will publish your new book” LaToya smiled for the first time not ironically but it was really quick.

She passed her the card but also held it for a moment giving her a short but deep glance.

Mad has put the card in the inner pocket of her jacket.

“See you soon, LaToya” said Mad and went to her old, elegant car.

LaToya were observing her for a while smoking a thin cigarette. Leo met her glance when she was about to come into the car. She put the jacket on the backseat and drove away.

Older Lady spent few minutes just smoking and thinking.

“Auntie? I hope you got my message. We got more lectures today” that was Paris Burton looking as good as everyday when Mad was meeting her at Spanish course and also after hours.

“No worries, honey. I was working nearby. Come on, I have my car on the opposite site of the road. How was the day?” replied LaToya while stubbing out her cigarette.

#story #writer #lgbt #queermequeeryou #queer

[queermequeeryou]

chapter dos.

junio 25, 2010

Querida Mercedes,

para mi las dias no están importantes yo vivo y yo escrito o yo vio porque yo escrito no es importante como todo es igual solamente tu eres en mis pensamientos  no puedo imaginar la vida sin ti  tu eres como la escritura  el senso de mi  creo que tu estas bien y todo esta bien mientras ti y Marga tenia una cita ayer me satisfacía fisicamente  esa mujer me preguntaba o quiero a ver una vez más dije que si naturalmente mentiras después de Rebekah no tengo ninguna energia por jugar  o comportarme

abrazos, tu Rudi

junio 28, 2010

Mi amor, terminé mi libro nuevo.  La editora dijo que podemos a publicarle en primavera 2011. Finalmente. Ese libro me hizo cansado mucho, mucho. Es un libro sobre el hombre perdido.  Conocido, verdad? Estoy fumando mucho  y bebe mucho whiskey  hi amigo Gustav esta fabricando  no tengo ninguna rebaja Te extraño. 

R.

Mercedes was sitting in her home office looking through the box with letters she has received from Rudi over the years. It was already not possible to close it. It made her realise something very important: how could I let it happen without saying anything, without any conversation? They were always joking about his affection like it was the sing of friendship, his youth but nothing real. It was so natural, so essential for their relationship she just got just to it. Focusing on her life, work and most importantly on her love towards Immaculada. Some of the letters were in envelopes, some of them loosely put in this little, hand-decorated wooden box. 

septiembre 12, 2015

Mercedes,

no puedo dormir me hecho en mi cama y estoy pensando  sobre tu cuerpo el fuego en mi está demasiado caliente  como tu pecho parecerse  como es tocarle  y acariciar  imagino tus besos  apasionados estoy duro necesito escribir o tal vez voy a la fiesta por bailar

demasiado caliente.

This letter was unopened and Mercy had the feeling like she has never actually read it. There was loads of deliveries from him and sometimes she was just putting the envelopes somewhere for later and not actually ending reading them. She felt tears in her eyes without knowing the certain reason. She took her mobile and chose Rudi’s number. After few signals, he finally picked up the call. “Mercedes” he said with Spanish accent; it made her think about the letters even more. “Tenemos que hablar. Rudi, too much happened, we need to discuss it like mature people” she has automatically started to reply in her language but she got back to English immediately.  It felt out of the place to use Spanish now. “Sure. I agree. I don’t know what should we say and if I’ll be able to say anything at all but I want to see you, try to talk and listen to you. I can’t find a place for myself since all that happened” he replied. “I threw Michaela out. I feel so indifferent, I don’t know what to do”. “We’re going to figure it out. Can you come to my house today at 5pm?”  “Maybe we can have a coffee, same place as always in Gran Via? I am renting a room there for now and I think the traffic will be terrible that time”. “Of course. Then, maybe 11am? I have a breakfast tv appearance in the center today”. she said looking at the clock, it was just 6am but she did not even bother to check it before calling.  She knew he wakes up 4:45 every day. They agreed and she has started to get ready to the breakfast tv. Another celebrity-I-have-to-eat-and-pay-debt kind of meeting. Afterwards she took a  taxi to see with Rainer, she realized that she has not spoken with Marga since that threesome. She suddenly felt anxiety inside her body and her eyes became glassy. When the vehicle stopped, she went outside to meet with Rudi. Mercedes did not say a word, she just smiled unnaturally and sat on the other side of table. Rudi was sitting there loosely, deeply in thoughts, with face rested on his fingers. Finally, he looked at her. They both looked scared, not saying a word for what seemed like eternity.  “Rudi, do you love me?” He looked at her, deeply scared, with an empty gaze. “You already now the answer” he said shortly and took a sip of whiskey he was having despite the fact that it was still morning. He moved the glass around trying to focus on this action. There was Brian Ferry’s Slave To Love playing in the background. “I can’t give you what you want. That night was a mistake, Marga wanted to try, we were drunk. You are like a brother to me, like the same blood was in our veins but I can’t be with a man the way you would enjoy it. That’s why I said ‘no’ when you wanted to come inside me. I could not let this happen, Rainer” she said with a bit of a trembling voice; it cost her a lot. Rainer smiled ironically. “I know that, Mercy. That doesn’t change the fact that you are the love of my life. It was not about sex. Even though I wanted you so badly physically for all of these years as well. I am emotionally incapable of loving anybody else but you. Although, I felt so strange afterwards. That was not the way I imagined it. I told Michaela that you treated me like I was gay. That was the most ridiculous thing I could say but that’s how it seemed to me. With Marga, you know. I wouldn’t even say she’s a lesbian if I didn’t know. You were so dominant, so strong, I don’t know. I panicked. Then, I had to throw everything out of me so I talked with Michaela. I fired her because I was ashamed. I’m going crazy.” he massaged his face nervously. Mercedes was surprised and did not know how to response. “Marga is bisexual.” she said finally. “He haven’t spoken for few days, I haven’t even see her. It’s probably over. Rudi, I think you have a serious problem. I mean, with yourself. You underestimate yourself, you have this toxic way of perceiving masculinity because you need to prove something. To whom? To the world or to yourself? You know you should have started a therapy years ago. You’re a good man but you have never really seen it and you’re scared like shit that somebody could see that and perceive as your weakness. Rainer finished the rest of his whiskey in one sip. “I preferred when you didn’t tell me about that.” about half a minute passed before he started again. “I love you too much to let this comedy go on. That’s our last meeting. We have to go on by ourselves from now on. I just have one request. If you can, please hire Michaela. If not, throw it to the bin”. He put a piece of people with a name and phone number on the table as well as a 40 dollar bill and stood up. He stopped for a moment like he wanted to learn Mercedes’ face and never forget it. Few seconds later he was gone. Mercy took a piece of paper and chose Michaela’s number. When she saw MJ’s face, it immediately made her feel the same dizziness she realized when she was aroused by her during the first meeting. Androgynous writer sat on the chair where only about half hour ago sat Rainer. Mercedes smiled in a flirtatious way but it was pretty much her regular one. She liked to provoke people but mostly there was not much behind it.  “I called because I wanted to offer you a job. It’s a short notice offer. From now on. I’ve been looking for an assistant for some time now. As you’ve been recommended to me by Rainer, I decided that it has to be you. Of course, I will understand if you’d say no. You are from Berlin and this job would require you to move here, to Madrid because naturally, it’s full time but I can assure you I will help you with the procedure if you’ll need anything. Also, with the accommodation. I know some places around. You can also stay at my place for a while, until you’ll figure something out. I just need somebody for 10 hours a day so I need you close.” she gave MJ a long look to which Michaela replied similarly. “It would be a pleasure.” she said in a very serious way but Mercedes knew it did not mean only work.  “I have my documents at the hotel nearby”. “We could do without them at the beginning but I don’t have the contract with me now too.” “At the hotel downstairs there’s an internet café and they have printing as well if you have them on cloud or somewhere else online”. “Perfectamente” Mercedes was very glad about that. 

*

Mercy took the freshly printed pages, paid for the service and went with Michaela upstairs to sign the documents. Michaela put on a curvy black line. She looked at Mercedes. Her short black dress was very tight and it was hard to not stare at her especially when she was leaning to take a pen. Michaela felt like her lust was too strong to resist. The smell of this attractive, elegant woman’s perfume was overwhelming. MJ put a hand on her waist and realized that this woman’s look was expressing similar emotions. They were both burning. She kissed Mercedes passionately and the woman took off her shirt to see her well-built arms and small breast that did not need any bra at all. Michaela unzipped Mercy’s dress. She was wearing an elegant lingerie paired with matching stockings. MJ carried her to the bed and gave her kisses on Mercedes’ neck, lips and she was heading lower. Her finger got through the lingerie and starting to massage older woman’s clitoris. She sighed and moved her body up under Michaela’s touches. When she stopped, MJ sat on the bed while Mercedes got on the floor and from this perspective she got down on her. Few minutes after Mercy’s tongue went inside her, she came. The night went on like that, with kisses and sighs. Mercedes has not realised Marga was calling her few times. There was no more any point of talking between them,.

#queermequeeryou #queer #writer #lesbians #manual de decoración para personas abandonadas #lesbian #story

[queermequeeryou]

Chapter uno. 

“¿Estas bien?” Mercedes came to the terrace and put a coat on a brunette’s shoulders. - You’re gonna catch a cold. Immaculada took her hand and held for a moment.  “I’m just thinking, love. And I’m fine. It’s ok, you know. Finally you can feel alive when a wind blows in your hair.” she said without taking her glance from the view. Gran Via looked beautiful when the first strong rays of sun were finally coming out.  Mercedes kissed her on the cheek. “It’s really okay for you that Rainer comes?” her voice was caring and quite worried. “Certainly, love. He’s your oldest friend. He can stay there, as always it’s our house.” said Immaculada without much energy. “You love to dispute with us, don’t you?” Mercy pressed a little bit because she knew that her woman has always enjoyed it and she wanted to cheer her up. “Yes, love” was the only reply. She was still looking towards the street.

~*~ “Dios mios, Rudi!” Mercedes gave her friend a long, affectionate huge while maid took his luggage to the guest room. “I feel like I haven’t seen you for ages. How long has it already been?” Writer fixed his jacket and smiled tenderly.  “Two years, darling but what is time? I missed you, have to admit”. “I missed you much, love. The time flies. Now, I remember. We were in Berlin then with Marga. Ah, que buenos tiempos.  “Ihr solltet schon noch einmal reinkommen.” laughed Rainer. “You overestimate my German skills, I have no idea what you just say, asshole” said Mercy jokingly. “Well, with that you can have a little help from my friend. You’re going to finally meet Michaela. She’s impossible and incredibly smart. My wonderful assistant and simply live saver.” elegant man looked in search of a very tall, masculine-looking woman who was now writing something in the notebook. “Usual MJ. She is always working. Great writer too, so to speak”. When a woman realised that they are speaking about her, she immediately put the notebook and pencil in her pocket and became aware. When she first seen Mercedes it was like a blazing thunder inside her entire body. She did not expect that effect. She realised that the other woman’s eyes are shining and she is holding a stare. MJ was sure that it has had something to do with her strongly manly look but that all made her feel like it is something else as well.  “I’m very pleased to meet you, mrs. Arroyo” she said finally with respect and and shook gently her hand. “Please, call me Mercedes or Mercy. I feel old when somebody calls me with those courtesy.” singer tried to remain serious but she realised that the heat was rising. She held her hand longer than it was necessary worrying stupidly if Rudi has realised that. “This woman speaks English, German, Spanish, Japanese, French, Italian. I probably even forgot what else. She is a genius. I really don’t know why aren’t you making your own career now instead of staying here with me”. joked Rainer and lit a cigarette. “That’s an unimaginable lesson for me to have this honour and work with you. And I promise I’m going to use it wisely”. she replied with same politeness. Rudi suggested her a cigarette but she insisted and said she has to leave to the hotel and work a bit. Mercedes would normally suggest her to stay but the heat was too strong to overcome.   “I will lead Michaela to the door. I guess Marga will be back from the shop any minute, I don’t know what took her so long” she said after a little while. When they were getting downstairs, MJ could not resist staring at her silhouette from the backside. She looked wonderful in this plain black dress. When they got down they held a silent look again. Michaela moved her look to the cleavage line which was very highlighted. Mercy realised that and accidentally, fixed her necklace. Then, stared again towards MJ. Her breath was growing louder. Then, on the path to the door appeared Marga.  “Love, did Rudi arrive?” she said and immediately got her lover’s attention. “Yes, a minute before. And this is Michaela, his agent. Michaela, that’s my partner, Marga”. “Good morning, nice to meet you. I won’t bother you longer, I am leaving now, I have lots of work to do. See you tomorrow” she said politely when Marga shook her hand.  MJ put on her hat and left because uber was waiting. 

~*~ Mercy poured another jack on the rocks for Rainer. They were laughing and talking like always when they were meeting. Marga was sitting with them, sipping martinis without much comments.  “You have to go with us and see new Damien Hirst exhibition, you’re going to love it, honey” said Mercy and took her glass with whiskey.  “Oh, my god, our art voyages. They are the best. I remember when we were seeing something on Versace Fashion. I don’t know when..” “Ah, yes! It was actually on our trip to Italy. It was magic.” she agreed with enthusiasm. “Marga, do you remember?” he asked suddenly seeing that Immaculada remains silent for so long. She shook her head. “Yes, it was inspiring.” she agreed but did not continue on the topic. After third martini, the situation didn’t change. Marga was unwilling to discuss with them but she did not leave them so it was at least a good sign. The conversation seemed to last for ages but they were not feeling the time passing. This kind of connection Mercy did not have even with her woman. It was quite different, on a mental and artistic level. Rainer drank about for jacks when his sight became visibly more fixed on Mercy. He was fighting with himself. Suddenly, Marga stood up and said she is going to the kitchen to bring more olives. She leaned closer towards Rainer and smiled before going. It was quite sour but she really did try. Mercedes did not get her intention. The talk continued for a while and Rainer has started to be afraid of his reactions, especially those visible aspects of his body. Marga called from the kitchen because she had problems with finding ice holder. Mercy excused her dear friend and went to the kitchen to help Marga. Mercedes saw that instead of taking olives, she fixed her make-up. Painter stood up and kissed her wife.  “What are you doing? Rainer is...” Mercedes was trying to say something but Immaculada interrupted her. “I want to try something. I know you have thought about it before. And Rainer is going to be overjoyed. I think you always wanted it somehow”. “I wanted what?” asked Mercedes holding Marga’s hand. “You always wanted to check how it would be with Rudi. You have this special relationship with him but I know you are not straight. Neither am I. I could bi bisexual, though. I don’t know. Maybe some spontaneity and craziness will help me to feel alive and inspired again. Maybe it will help our relationship. Make it again more affectionate. Let’s do this, Mercedes” she explained and then, Mercedes kissed her and pushed towards the wall while continuing that. “Vamos”. she said holding her hand. They got back to the living room and sat back on the sofa living Rainer in the middle. Mercedes asked him to pour her more whiskey and Marga put her hand on his knee. He was not expecting that. Mercy took her drink from his hand giving him a passionate stare and drunk a bit. When she put it back, she moved her hand on his shirt and down, where his certain body part was already quite hard. She kissed him. While she was doing that it was like live and death. Everything stop for a moment and he felt like he is going to lose consciousness. It was unreal. She massaged him for a moment and he was sure that he is going to come immediately but she took back her hand. Marga moved towards him and took his jacket, loosened his tie. Her kiss was different, not that full of feelings but also very enjoyable. Marga appeared to him more as like he would be touched by a straight woman, she was also more submissive than Mercy. No surprise. He did not say anything. He did not want to ruin it. He was seeing it in his dreams for so long. But Mercy was something more for him. Rainer knew she was the unfortunate love of his life and that was all that could ever happen. When they took his hands and led him to the bedroom, he was already drunk as hell and like on drugs. Life could simply end afterwards.

~*~ Morning sun was already in its strongest moment when MJ arrived to Arroyos house. She was said to be there in order to pick Rainer and go with him, have a coffee in the city and work. Maid let her in and she said that he is most likely in his room. MJ went upstairs because that was how she understood the situation. It was already 9.00 and Rudi was never late for their meetings therefore she immediately thought he wants her to go see him. She knocked once on the door and so quickly she heard “yes, come” in rather breathless tone but she did not realised anything strange about it. She pulled the handle. That was Rainer, Marga and Mercy all naked and in certain circumstances. The woman did not see her but writer caught a look of his agent. She immediately went outside feeling quite ashamed but more so puzzled and strange. She decided to wait downstairs. It was her job, she treated it seriously.

~*~ Half an hour later she was still waiting when Rainer went downstairs fixing nervously his cuffs. He was visibly unsettled.  “Let’s go” he said weirdly. When they arrived to the café and ordered a drink, she realised how stupidly he tries to avoid her, not look at her and he was giving her odd answers to the questions she asked. They were working on the biography. She stopped after a tiresome and nerve-racking fifteen minutes. “Ok, I can’t go on like that. Rainer, I'm sorry. I didn’t know you are busy and not alone, I should’ve knocked longer maybe but I don’t feel guilty. I just had no idea. It’s your private life, I won’t judge you, I don’t care. I’m just your agent. It’s none of my business. I’m not going to write about it too. You will be allowed to have a look into the text anyway before the publishing so you don’t have to be worried” she told him quickly because his behaviour was too much dramatic in her eyes. “You don’t understand. I love her and this happened first time. Never again. It was the worst situation in my life. I will never forget it. But I kinda love the version of her I imagined for my own desperate purposes. I was writing my fucking letters to nobody existing. I’m a writer and I got caught in something so stupid like expectations. I’m silly white guy. I though she was going to be like I wanted. In my arms, I would be her man. Instead, she was treating my like she was the dominant part, she was strong, it was great but I felt like a fucking lesbian.” he sounded even more stupid with this sexist, culture-rooted explanations. MJ looked at him and sighed. “And you know what’s the worst? She was the one that did it for me. I mean, I agreed for it. She took a dildo and now I feel like gay. I don’t know what I did” he was panicking oddly. “Rainer, stop please. That’s nothing wrong with that.” “But, how can I explain that I’m not gay but I enjoyed the hell out of it?!” his hands were shaking. “If you’re not, you’re not. You just enjoyed this way of having sex with a woman. People are not same machines. You are allowed to have your own preferences and that doesn’t make you any less of a man or a straight. This is so obvious I thought I won’t be forced to explain it to you. Stop being an asshole, Rainer. I’m sorry for harsh words but that is true now. Can we get yourself together on actually work?” MJ knew she was treating him like never before but for the first time she was so disappointed because of his actions.  Michaela respected Rainer for being a great writer, wonderful, inspiring and good person. What he said completely buried her image. Again, expectations.  “We’re not going to work because I can’t go on with you after that. I’m sorry but I have to fire you know” he said trying to avoid her gaze. In that moment, Michaela completely lost all the trust and respect she has had towards this man. It lasted even more than four years when she worked for him. He was her role-model in writing. She followed his career since she was 12 and trying to write on her own with big dreams in her head. “I know people, I will find you another writing-oriented job wherever you want in the world, just tell me. That’s the best for us. Think and let me know whenever you’re ready” he stood up and put money on the table. “What about all that we have already worked out with your biography?” she asked still not believing in what has just happened. “Burn it”. “You used to be my inspiration, Rainer” And they left like their expectations.

#manual de decoración para personas abandonadas #queerwriter #queermequeeryou #queer story #queer #story #lesbians #lesbian #writer

[queermequeeryou]

Chapter two: Firestarter

[music]

Chela woke up as usual, with the first rays of light at about five o’clock. She put on her worn up slippers and lit a cigar instead of preparing proper breakfast. She only put an electric kettle on the gas in order to make black coffee. Few minutes later, a brunette, young man came into the kitchen as well trying to wash away tiredness by rubbing his eyes. Canek was surprisingly busy those days. Chela was looking at him suspiciously for a while. He was like a son for her, therefore she was worried.  “Morning, ¿Demasiado temprano? Or should I ask why have you been coming back so late recently?” she leaned on the windowsill holding up her cigarette. “Too early. I found new extra job, you know.” he said looking for something unclassified because his tiredness made him think to slow.  “Water’s just boiled if you need coffee.” she put the cigar in her mouth and took the kettle, then poured water into her glass as well as to the other one she picked up. “What kind of job is it?” Asked Chela while handing him his coffee. “Well, nothing much. Just some guard thing” “Where?” Chela was not very happy. “Local bar. They needed a guy for the entry.” he sipped a bit from the glass. “Canek, it’s not a good idea. First of all, you have to be alive each morning to look after the production and also cooperate. You need to control the additional sales. It’s too risky. Somebody can find out. You know, some clubbing kids can ask you about buying openly because they heard you have it and other guards would hear it. We are done then. Besides, this buffoon lady will kill us all if anything spoils out.  “Ayy, Chela. Don’t preach. Everything is under control. I need extra money. It’s really nice, I can look for girls, we have free drink after work...” “Free drinks are not for you because you come back home right after you finish your shift and go to fucking bed because you have your job in the morning. Is it understandable?” she said in a very serious tone. “Chela, don’t overreact. I’m not a kid, I know how to take care of my shit and our shit. You can trust me”. “If I wouldn’t trust you, who in this fucking world I would?” she said more to herself looking ahead. “You have ten minutes.” She said and left the kitchen to finish her coffee and smoke one more cigarette in the living room. Chela knew Canek lied about girls but they have never spoken about that. 

*

Coco was hoping to go partying with her girlfriend but she informed her that she is having some preparations for the job because she got through to the next part of the recruitment process. She decided to spend an evening with her friends and talk about make-up and new relationships within the rich society.  As the evening was slowly coming, Loca started to prepare for her date with Augusta. It was actually the first time she was thinking that she really broke the line with all these courtships. It could cost her a lot if the gossips about Augusta’s taste would be all tonterías or if she would not be interested. Everything could come out and it would make her lose Coco and what was more important, his father’s business could suffer from it as well. Most of the affairs there were depending on what other important and rich people would think and say. Nevertheless, it was too hard for her to not try. It was like a dream. Every young girl wants to meet an American actor and fall in love with him. Loca was having kinda a flashback attitude to this. Obviously, it was different because she was going to sleep with Augusta but majority of Mexico City knew who she was. And she was not a celebrity, more of a businesswoman and a successful person but still her fame was almost everywhere and whenever she goes out somewhere she is catching eyes and some people even take photos of her with the mobile phone. Loca put on a black shirt, used some cologne and put up her hair with a styling gum. Lastly, she added her wooden beaded bracelets and signets. She was ready. The butler took her to the address she said - four numbers further than Lagos mansion, opposite side of the road. When Loca reached el hogar de Lagos, she ringed the bell. Augusta herself opened the door. She was looking stunning in a tight dress, stocking that were visible from underneath it and strong make-up. The smell of expansive perfumes immediately came to Loca’s nostrils. “Welcome en mi casa. I’m glad we can discuss the business” she said in a very serious tone.  Without further a do, she begun to pour red wine to the glasses. Loca took a look through the rooms.They were wonderful, very rich and looked a bit like a classic art museum. With all her appreciation, Loca was quite surprised anyone is able to live in those interiors. Augusta was probably very lonely most of the time. Loca was appreciating the paintings on the wall when Augusta came finally and handed her the glass. The dame put the curtains on and took a sip of her drink.  “Do you like them?” she asked surprisingly. “Yes. They look peculiar. I like campy things. This may seem like the reason why is the choice of the colors but I think there’s something more.” replied Loca focusing on the art piece. “You know something about it, I see.” Augusta was not expecting any kind of wisdom from this rich, spoiled girl but she probably judged her poorly. “I was an art curator before I met Manuel. I studied in Venice. Well, afterwards I stood by my passion collecting paintings.” “Did you also paint by yourself?” asked Loca and turned her face towards the woman. Augusta was not expecting that she will be speaking with Loca at all. The plan was different but something pushed her into the conversation, Maybe, a loneliness was the real reason why she was wearing her wide range of masks. She looked on her glass and again on the young woman. “I used to. For a short period.” this question triggered some harsh throwbacks she was not expecting.  She drunk the rest from the glass in a one sip and look into Loca’s eyes.  Loca was enjoying the conversation but she understood her place. She took another sip, really huge one and put a glass on the table as well. Loca put her hands on Augusta’s hips and kissed her lips passionately. The woman’s cheeks became redder which was quite unexpected but they decided to speak no more. Loca sat her on the table and kissed while the older woman was leaning back and moaning. Augusta unzipped Loca’s trousers breathing heavily. She stood up and took her hand to show where the bedroom was. Loca took off her dress. Underneath she had a very elegant bra and stockings that were matching also the pants. Loca took off her trousers where she had black Calvin Klein trunks. Augusta unzipped her shirt were there was no bra because the younger woman has had this great, small body features almost every tomboy or butch would kill for. The older woman smiled and kissed her. Loca massaged her gently to the point Augusta was satisfied and then the older woman went down on her. Young Lopez held her head while she was doing that. When she finished, Augusta took a tissue to fix her lips and looked to the mirror that stood on a bedside table to check if her make-up is still on fleek. She came back to bed and they continued. They laid down for a while. Loca kissed her hand. “Would you like to come by soon again?” asked finally Augusta. “Would you allow me to invite you for an art exhibition first? Then, we can enjoy ourselves like tonight”.  Augusta was quite surprised. “You are too brave, Lauren” she said quite impressed by her. “Loca” replied a younger woman and brushed short, black hair with her right hand. “Nobody calls my Lauren except my parents.” “Well, it suits you better at least” was Augusta’s response. “We can go to an exhibition first but you’re not inviting me. We just go. I have an entry for an opening of Damien Hirst new thing. I will send you the details via e-mail you attached in your application. It’s on Friday.” “Two days and I will see you again, than” said Loca looking into Augusta’s eyes and kissed her gently.  There was something that was cutting her inside in that woman. “I gotta go now.” she took her phone and made a call to her butler. “He’s going to be there in a quarter. I have time for a little extra”. Augusta felt strange when she was closing the door behind Loca. Like the loneliness she was feeling inside was finally hitting her in the hardest possible way. She was not stupid. She was not young. It was the most silly idea right now to get involved. Manuel’s death, meeting with Chela, lies, playing the role of a perfect wife for all these years. It was all too much even for her. The fighter, The warrior. She got back to the room, closed the doors to her bedroom so the servants will not disturb her and burst into tears. 

*

A masked man was walking through the darkness. He got gasoline, he got matches.

#queermequeeryou #lesbians #lesbian #lgbt #story #Geometria polisentimental #writer #queer

[queermequeeryou]

Chapter 7

The academic year was almost over and after years of failed attempts, Nevada has decided she was finally ready to defend her PhD thesis. She finished all the corrections and signed the paper on time. Everything was ready. She was excited and relieved because she knew it would be just a formality. Only thing that worried her was who the guests she has invited. Parents had to be there, obviously Ellen as well because first of all she was her professor. She invited Christina as well because obviously, Nevada wanted her presence on this important day. It was all going to be very strange. There was a doubt in her if she should invite Henry, Christina’s husband. If so, how should she react afterwards, when receiving congratulations from everybody? Also, will she be able to hide the feelings between her and Ellen while being exposed to the eyes of entire university staff? The last but not least was what her parents would think and what would happen if any scandal takes place? Was it possible that she would not receive the title if something about her and Ellen would come up? Nevada felt quite insecure. 

Since she has taken Christina’s advice and started to date both of them, everything finally seemed to be right. She felt happy not to choose between them both. That was a perfect solution. Monogamy was not for Nevada. Their relationships were completely different, though. With Christina it was deeply passionate, full of unspoken issues but also it was like they knew each other forever. They rarely talked but there was some connection between them that was hard or even impossible to describe. Nevada knew that was the love of her life and only death could break it because they were both thinking same way. It was sometimes very toxic and complicated but they were sure that they could not live without it. With Ellen it was calm, stable, loving, caring, with lots of conversations and support. Nevada also fell in love with Ellen. She was helping her a lot, supporting with the PhD. Without her help she would never finish it. Nevada was also proud that Ellen stopped going to the casino when they have started dating seriously. They both got back on track. But there was also some strange sadness in Ellen’s eyes, especially every time when Nevada mentioned that she is going to Christina for the night. Frankie reckoned that the answer was the jealousy but she forced herself not to overthink it. It was easier to avoid the problem. Talking it out would probably lead to asking her to decide. She could not do that. 

Ellen put on a coffee machine. Frankie came downstairs to the kitchen and greet her with a morning kiss “How are you? I prepared some coffee” said Ellen with a subtle smile. “Very well. Thank you, that’s lovely” replied Frankie and embraced her. “I just want to tell you I’m very proud of your defence. I’ve always known it will happen” she said in a very serious tone. “Thank you, Ellen. Without your support, I don’t think I’d do that. I love you” Frankie’s words surprised red-haired woman but she smiled even wider. “I never thought you’d say that” mumbled Ellen in passing “I love you too”.  They finished their coffees not talking much more. Finally, Frankie stood up to get prepared. “Would you come by in the evening? I will make a nice dinner” suggested Ellen. Nevada looked down. “I’m going to see Christina right after work today” she said and kissed Ellen on the forehead. “But I’ll come tomorrow in the morning before the graduation” Ellen took her hand and held it for a moment while looking into her eyes.  “Thank you” repeated Frankie and kissed her professor. She got upstairs to take her bag. When she signed her paper, Nevada has started to work on some research for the Ancient Literature Legacy Institute. It was very interesting project and not much engaging so she could do something but not get her mind off the topic of her PhD thesis before the defence. Ellen’s sight today was hard to forget.

In the evening she headed directly to Christina’s flat. Frankie has never had any doubts on who to spend the evening and night before the graduation. The problem was only how to cope with Ellen’s reaction but she was very understanding, Only the sadness Frankie saw was heart-wrecking. They should talk about it finally. Ellen deserved it after all she has done for Nevada. When Nevada came inside she saw Christina wearing a very tight, black and transparent dress, strong and kinda gothic make-up and ordered pizza on the table, along with the bottle of Jack Daniels, empty glasses and ice in the freezer. Christina put on some music.  “I’m fuckin proud of you, chica” said Christina and kissed her. “Thanks. You look amazing” replied Nevada giving her a long gaze.  “I know, I prepared everything. I even bought some fancy new lingeries. You’re gonna rate soon”.  They came to the kitchen were Christina was struggling with the lighter. There were candles as well.  “Fuck, I have too long nails to do this. I hate this stupid lighter” Nevada helped her out. “I like your nails a lot but they scare me out a tiny bit” reacted Frankie while holding Christina’s hand and looking on her long black manicure. “Don’t worry, you know I’m talented” “Without a doubt, honey” she winked to her and sat by the table to have their pizza with jack on the rocks. 

Christina took barely half empty bottle of alcohol and put it on the counter.  “Normally I wouldn’t even care but tomorrow is your day so you’re not getting wasted. We’re going to sleep soon. Or to bed first but you have to look perfect and be in your best state so drinking and fucking all night is for tomorrow” she said in a tone that would take no negation.  “I love you, bitch.” replied Nevada and kissed her passionately. “I love you too, motherfucker” Christina’s reaction was always the best. They went to the bedroom were Christina put on the adapter and danced for her while getting undressed. She bought new stockings and the entire new lingerie looked perfect on her. The gift box stood nearby on the bed. “I’ve got you something as well” smiled Christina. Nevada opened the box. There were a brand new dildo with a jockstrap. Nevada bursted into laugh. “Is it a gift for me or for you?” “Let’s say, for both of us” answered Christina and came closer to Nevada to receive her kisses. “Let’s try it out a bit and tomorrow we can improve our play”. “Sounds perfect” Frankie put two fingers inside Christina and she sighed. Frankie licked both. With Ellen it was always different. That was more like making love, very calm and gentle. With Christina, they sometimes even preferred BDSM. When it comes to sex, Nevada definitely preferred the option she had with Christina. She moved her finger up and down til Christina came and moaned hardly. Then, the older brunette got on her knees and licked Frankie’s. They tried out the gift as planned too but they did not spend too much time on it because of the great day that was coming.

In the morning, she drove to see Ellen. There were a coffee, like always and some richly looking omelettes. Even Ellen knew that Christina has no idea about cooking and it probably would be a great idea to prepare something. “Good morning on your day” greeted her the red-haired woman who used to be only her professor for a while. “Good morning, beautiful” Frankie smiled and sat by the table to eat with her.  “I can’t believe it happens. I’m so happy” started Nevada between the bites. “I can’t even thank you properly because no words could describe it. I will be forever grateful that you came into my life and reminded me what is important in life. You deserve somebody to be exclusive with you and I’m sorry that I can’t give you that. That’s what you want, am I right?” Ellen sighed. “I just can’t help that I feel jealous every time you say her name, when you go to her, when I see her with you. It’s hard. I have to admit. I am not a polygamous type but I love you and I accept your choices. It’s not what I want. Not only that. In a relationship, it is what we both want and need. I am happy that we are together. I thought that after years of lying to my husband and to myself I would never be able to find love because it was too late for me to start all over again. I found it with you and it doesn’t matter it’s not perfect. I am just thankful for what we have. Also, that’s a perfect moment because as you were not a student, you were not attending lectures regularly, nothing could be sensed by others, you finish the university today so I can keep my job because we made it, our love remained a secret. I couldn't wish for anything more. I’m happy, incredibly happy. The jealousy is almost nothing comparing to the solitude I was struggling with before I met you. But thank you for addressing this because it means that you care and that feels great” she smiled sincerely.  After the breakfast, they decided Frankie will go first by her own car and Ellen will arrive about fifteen minutes before the ceremony. 

When Frankie came to the university, her parents were there already. She greeted her with courtesy. She was not caring for their presence. They were not interested in her life. They wanted to appear because that was just what you do when you child gets a PhD degree. They did barely speak. Christina arrived not long afterwards. She was without Henry. People were coming in and the defence was about to start. Christina came by on the backstage and kissed her. “You are the smartest ass I have ever known. And also the best one. You go, babe” she said, kissed her briefly and winked. Then got back to the first row, not the one close to Frankie’s parents, though. There were some disruptions due to late lecturer. Nevada took a glance through the audience. Ellen was nowhere to be found. 

It was almost half an hour later than the scheduled start and professor Dellayune was still not present. Everybody else were ready. They agreed to do some changes and other professor came to replace Ellen. Frankie was stressed, worried and upset that she would not be there but she also decided that this is her moment. Yes, Ellen has helped her a lot but for Nevada only herself should be the most important. People are coming and going, she - Nevada - will be the only one to remain with her til the end. She focused herself and smiled back to Christina. It meant the world to her that the brunette was here but she realised if she would not be, she would survive that as well. After all it is her. Some egoistic approach is always the good way. The only true one. Because what matters in one’s life is what one’s want. Nothing more, nothing less. Nobody. 

Nevada did it. She defended her PhD thesis after years of struggling with herself. She won with the hardest foe. To begin a new fight all over again. Everyday. Frankie received congratulations from proud parents, then embraced Christina and kissed her on the cheek. They all came out of the aula to the corridor. The ceremony ended. Nevada was going to have drinks with Christina. She kinda hoped that Ellen would join her so they celebrate together. She took out her phone and chose Ellen’s number. She felt bad with craving for attention. Calling was giving Frankie bad vibes. She neglected. “All good?” asked Christina. “Yes, I hope so. I just don’t know where Ellen is and why she did not appear. I saw her in the morning, you understand. I told you yesterday the details. Let’s go” she told brunette. “Frances?” asked somebody out of the blue. “Yes?” It was professor Johnson, one of her tutors. “We just had an information about professor Dellayune’s whereabouts and the reason why she did not appear for your PhD thesis defence. She had a car accident. It was very serious. She did not even make it to the hospital”. From the university canteen, there was some music on the corridor. It was Brian Ferry’s Slave to Love. Frankie could not believe. She felt everything slows. It was like a bad dream coming true. It was not ever for her. Christina held Frankie and embraced her.  “I’m very sorry, love”. “Ellen was the purest, the most loving person I knew. She have just started to live her true life. She did not deserve it.” “Nobody deserves it, yet we all die” summed up Christina and kissed her on the head. “Let’s go finish this bottle of jack and use my gift properly for the entire night” said Frankie with an empty voice. “Sure, love. Let’s do it”. And they left.

#queer #story #writer #her portrait #lesbian #lesbians #lgbt #queermequeeryou

[queermequeeryou]

Chapter 5 

Jermaine went out of the shower and quickly put on one of the fresh t-shirts he found in his wardrobe without much consideration. He was thinking about his ex-stepmother again. He was worried about her because he knew about Ellen’s previous addiction to casino games and he did not know her whereabouts since she divorced with his father. It was hard for him because at once he lost his biggest opponent but at the same time he completely lost any contact with her. Jermaine was trying effortlessly not to call her because he knew they had nothing in common now and if she was not interested in staying in touch with him, he should not indulge himself and put any pressure on her. There was never any sign from Ellen that she mind be treating him any different than son-a-like. At the same time, since Jermaine has found out that the reason why the divorce occurred was his father’s dishonesty, he immediately started to consider Womack in a different way. For what it’s worth, his only son was never a type that worshipped his father or found him a role model of a kind but this event changed a lot between them. They never spoke about that, though. Jermaine was aiming to spend as little time as possible in the mansion because he preferred to avoid Womack. He was also considering seriously if he should move out and start to live on his own. The state of his relationship with Carmen was not very stable again so these plans were not very much promising in this case but his father did not know it so Jermaine had a perfect reason to use while having a conversation with him. Whatever happened, Jermaine was sure that he does not want to burn the bridges. His telephone vibrated and rang. It was a message from Carmen. “Netflix and sushi tonight?”  He smiled a little. He liked her but his affection to Ellen was a wall between them. The knock on the door surprised him because it was Womack. He was never a type of person that comes to say “hi” or ask about things. They were always living very separately except the times when they met in the kitchen or agreed to have a lunch together downtown. Jermaine obviously let his father know he can come in. It was his house after all. “Hi, son. Busy day on the horizon, huh?” he started fixing his jacket and smiling cordially.  “Kinda. Photoshoot for GQ and training at 5.” replied Jermaine without much details. “Are you considering to be home in the evening?” “Why?” “Well, I want to meet with a buddy, you know have a drink and relax a tiny bit. I was thinking if you maybe could have an eye on Delia and Elio tonight or should I reschedule the nanny.” said Womack and surprised his oldest kid. He was never and outdoor type. They were rarely going out when he was with Ellen, after the divorce, he was always at home after work and spending time with kids. Obviously, he was using the nanny’s help day by day but in the evenings he was a perfect dad. Jermaine did not have any objections, besides Carmen loved kids so it was a quite good idea. “Carmen is coming by for movies tonight but I think we can involve youngsters somehow. I’ll be home at 8.” replied Jermaine and smiled back to his father for the first time in a long while. “Perfect, son. I’m leaving to the headquarters. Have a good day.” Womack wanted to hug him or do a handshake or something similar but he just look at Jermaine carefully and left with a smile.  It occurred to his son that maybe there was a date, not a buddy meeting but at this point, it seemed to him that there is no point in analysing the case. The relationship of Womack and Ellen was all water under the bridge now and despite the fact that Jermaine hated his father for hurting her, he was happy that there is no chance for them to get back together so even if it was a date, he could not care less. 

It was all a great idea. They were eating sushi, watching some cartoon with the kids and it was a really bonding experience. Carmen loved his siblings and it seemed like she will be a perfect mother herself one day. Delia and Elio were also enjoying time with their brother and his girlfriend but it was unknown if it was more about the companionship or sweets she brought for them. It was quite late at night when the kids fell asleep on the couch. Carmen put blanket on their backs. “You’re so caring and loving for them” smiled Jermaine and kissed his girlfriend tenderly.  “I have always wanted kids” she smiled back and immediately felt alerted. “What’s going on?” asked Jermaine looking at his girlfriend’s facial expression changing in a second. “Look, Delia has a hot forehead and she is sweating” she let her boyfriend to check it and he realised same thing. Jermaine brought a thermometer and they checked the temperature. It was very high. Carmen started panicking.  “I don’t know how to deal with ill children. I don’t... Please, call somebody, please, oh my god!” she was very nervous. Jermaine picked his father’s number but he switched off his phone. “Shit” he said and explained it to Carmen. “Ok, we have to call Ellen”. Carmen did not say a thing against it even considering the fact that she hated her boyfriend’s ex-stepmother because he knew about his infatuation and was very jealous most of the time. But this situation was different, the kid was more important than her objections.  “Hi, Ellen. I’m sorry to bother you but I didn’t know who to contact. Father is out and he switched off his phone. I’m home alone with Carmen and kids. Delia has a high fever. We are not sure what to do.” he was very concerned. “Oh my god, of course I can. I am jumping into my car and I’ll be there in a minute.” As she promised, she arrived to the mansion very quickly. Jermaine has not seen her in a long while and the sight of her has made him feel fuzzy all again. She missed her a lot. First, she checked on Delia and gave her the meds. Then, she greeted with the rest. They hugged like the old times. She said “hi” to Carmen and they exchanged polite handshakes, Ellen also rubbed her arm politely and then. She put Delia in her bed and rolled over her shirt to put a rub cream on her chest but she realised something strange. She had a strong allergy, entire chest was almost red and it had some cuttings. She was completely threatened. She called Jermaine. “Have you seen that” she asked but her stepson had no idea about that and how it has happened. Delia has always had lots of skin allergies so that was probably why she had a fever but it seemed like this was not a completely natural thing. She checked her temperature and it went lower so she decided to let her sleep a while. “I will sit with her a bit. I think somebody should talk to her in the morning and if this won’t fade away, we should to the doctor with her.” “Sure. Have you ever seen something like that on her skin. I mean, she has allergies, right?”  Ellen shaken her head.  “Yes, but never like that. It looks like somebody cut her.” she looked at Jermaine suggestively but she did not want to assume it was Womack. It seemed too ridiculous.  “But you know, it’s very unexpected with this illness. I just hope it’s nothing serious.” she was sitting on the bedside and she realised Jermaine took her hand and held it for a while.  It surprisingly felt fine. She did not fight it. Carmen went to the toilet a while ago. At the beginning she was not caring because it was about the kid but now she, became annoyed by Ellen’s presence. It was too much and the child was better. She could just leave them alone. Carmen looked at her face in the mirror. She was always to be the second. She fixed her make-up and got back to the room. “Baby, I am going home. I also don’t feel way today” “Are you alright?” Jermaine stood up and came closer to his girlfriend with a caring voice. “It’s just a stomach ache. I probably ate too much sushi. I will drink some water, have a shower and a good night sleep. I will call you in the morning.” she said and pampered his checked briefly. “Okay, I’ll follow you to the door” she looked towards Ellen and she nodded. “Waiting for a call already” said Jermaine by the door and kissed Carmen. She kissed him back but hesitated for a second and did not finish the next kiss. “Wait then” she winked to him and got out to the taxi. Jermaine came back to the room were Ellen was sitting with Delia.  “Would you like something to drink?” he asked her. “Do you have whiskey?” Jermaine was surprised with her question but he went to the kitchen to prepare it. She came in a second and sat by the counter. The light in the room was very tender and when Ellen moved her legs to sit on the high stool it made Jermaine’s heart beat strong for a moment. He finished the drink and got it to the living room. He wanted to sit with Ellen on the sofa but it was a bad idea. When they sat so close and this dress showing so much, he felt he is getting really hard. He was trying desperately to hide it. “So, how is life now? I was worried about you” he admitted finally. “Really? You know, you could call me. We’re still a family somehow”. she smiled making him go mad. “I didn’t know if you want to stay in touch with me.” “Jermaine, my children are your siblings and besides you’re a great guy. How could I not want.” she put her hand on his arm abruptly.  They had few drinks and talked a lot. They also laughed a bit. Ellen checked twice on Delia and her temperature was lower each time. She relaxed a bit. When Jermaine stood up to bring the next drink, she realised something was not proper. They stopped laughing. “I’m sorry” he mumbled and turned his back to go to the kitchen.  He felt embarrassed she realised. They were quiet. He brought the next drink. She took a huge sip.  “It’s not an accident, isn’t it?” “I am crazy for you since I can remember, I’m sorry”. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You didn’t call me for all this time because you wanted to be fair. I appreciate it but I don’t care about this all pleasantries anymore, you know” she came closer to him feeling that everything is shaking because of the alcohol.  She unzipped his pants and he was feeling like he is going to blow immediately but he waited. She took it in her mouth and licked it. The entire thing did not last a long time because he finished after few minutes with a hard moan. She swallowed everything and wiped her lips with the tissue.  “I hope it was satisfying after all because I’m a lesbian and besides the fact you’re a great guy and I like you a lot, I can’t do more for you. And for the record, you’re the only man I did it to” she said strangely to Jermaine who was trying to put his breath back on track.  “It was hilarious. You’re better than Carmen.” he said but she gave him a cheek for that. “You can’t mention her now, be polite. It’s your girlfriend and she’s great. You’re lucky you have her”. she said now with more polite manner. “For what it’s worth you tasted good, Jermaine. Whatever it means for a lesbian”.  He went to the toilet for a moment and got back to the living room where Ellen fell asleep on the huge armchair. He put a blanket on her, checked on Delia who seemed to be fever-free now and got back to the living room where he laid on the sofa, jerked off looking at Ellen and faded into sleep after the last drink. She was perfect but he could not understand how could she be gay for all this time.

#queermequeeryou #queer writer #her portrait #lesbian #lesbians

[queermequeeryou]

chapter three

Days were passing really rapidly for Leo as she lost herself completely into her work. She was teaching every day at university and preparing the next correction of her book that she wanted to present to LaToya on Friday evening when they were going to meet because of the publishing. She have not had the opportunity to talk with Paris since the time she said her about the feelings. Leo begun to take the situation easy. Maybe, Paris reevaluate her emotions and that was why they were not speaking. The situation was more comfortable right now although Leo was still slightly worried about her student in general sense. She was hoping that it was not serious for her and that she will focus on what is important rather then on this relationship with no future. Mad simply tried not to accuse herself of what happened because after a while she realised that Paris is mature and responsible for her own actions. This was Paris’ choice to go into this and she made the steps not the other way around. Focusing on work really helped Mad to be on the right track again. She was very excited for the meeting with LaToya. All she was thinking about was her book and she felt a strong inner urge to publish it as fast as possible and meeting with this woman was great turn of events. On Thursday, after lectures Mad took her bag and hurried to the car. It was very hot that day and she could not wait to have a shower at home and drink some soda. She was also wondering how is her fat pug Jackson. He has probably already finish entire day portion of water from his bowl. Only one day left before meeting with LaToya so Leo was hoping to finish the corrections in the evening. She reached for the keys in her right pocket when she stood next to her Ford Lincoln and she realised Paris standing on the other side, leaning on her car. Seemed like she was waiting for Mad. “Hi, Leo” she greeted her first and gave her a very thrilling look.  “Good to see you, Paris” it was exactly what she felt and it was very surprising when she realised that is the truth. “I had many exams this week. It was exhausting. How are you doing?” she smiled to her a little bit and put her hands in to the pockets of her jeans. “Bet you did great. I am very busy as well. Doing corrections and meeting new publishers” said Leo casually and stood in front of her as she could not get inside because Paris was leaning on the driver’s doors.  “So you’re publishing the next book soon?” asked Paris trying to not lose her glance from her sight of view. It looked like she wanted just to melt in her eyes because she wasn’t changing the object even for a moment. Leo had to turn over and just look towards the university looking like very thoughtful person at the same time. “Seems so. I had some perturbations with previous publishers but right now I hope everything will go right.” she said very calmly. “I envy you. You’re always so calm and reasonable.” “Well, you have all your life to learn about it yourself.” replied Mad giving her a short gaze. Paris laughed shortly. “You always say you’re old like if you’re really old but you’re only thirty-two.” “Paris, you know it’s not about the age. The number does not say anything. You can be old and be seventeen.” Leo was still looking toward the building holding her hands together while her signets were shining in the sun. Paris came closer to her and took her hand but Leo turned back. “We can’t do it hear, you know it.” said Leo and looked at her seeing the passion that really overwhelmed her.  “So, let’s go to your place”. - she just murmured. “I can’t. I have lots of work to do. I have meeting on publishing tomorrow. Need to prepare.” Mad looked at her still with that serious look while she didn't really care and has started to put her hand down through her shirt.  It started to be really tough. “You’re upset?” Paris turned back and looked at her with disappointment.  “What do you mean?” “That I told you that I love you?”  “No, it’s not about that. I guess we should talk but... can you come to my place on Saturday?” Leo really invited her for the first time. Mad felt like Paris has the right to know about what she feels for real and she wanted really to be honest that time. “Of course I can. I’ll be there at 8 if it would work.”  “Perfect. See you then.” said Leo and took her hand for a moment. “It’s really very complicated”. Leo wanted to kiss her but resisted that and went straightly to her car. * Next day was all about the meeting. She packed her book clipped in an organiser and leaded to LaToya’s office. When she came into the room, she was instructed by her secretary to go upstairs with the lift and go to her cabinet where she was already waiting for her. She loosened a little her tie. It seemed like LaToya had a really big business and Leo was not expecting it at all. She knocked to the door and pushed them to come inside. LaToya was staying in an outstanding dress next to the long, glass window looking through it towards the great landscape of Manhattan. “Wow, I am pretty impressed.” “How easy it is. Just show off and you win people.” she said turning to her. “I am very glad to see you, Leo”. They exchanged handshakes as a greeting but it felt quite awkward for Leo. LaToya has showed her the seat and she started presenting her the corrections. “You have wonderful sense for words. It feels like one could just fly through this book. It’s smart indeed nevertheless it is not just some academic crap nobody really reads. It’s something more. You’re a scholar and a real writer. I want to publish it as soon as possible. Don’t see any need for furthermore corrections. Frankly, I can offer you signing the contract right now”. Leo was very glad that LaToya appreciated her work. It needed no second thoughts. The businesswoman stood up and took the right form from the shelf. She has already prepared it. LaToya leaned and signed her part then offered Mad a pen. It felt like she was doing some games on purpose. It was really hard to not look at her. After Leo gave her signature LaToya was still standing and looking at her. She put her hand on her suit pants and moved it further. Mad was not saying anything. LaToya said on her knees and took off her tie. Leo took her cheeks and kissed her passionately then she unzipped her dress. “You’re factual. It seems like our business will go very, very well.” said LaToya when Leo sat her on her desk. * Leo woke up the next day and found herself still in the expensive, modern-looking office of LaToya which was quite surprising because it was hard to her to recall the chronology of events yesterday. She just remember they have a really pleasing sex and that it was a long thing. The second thing she saw was almost finished drink and a half empty bottle of whiskey. Then, there was LaToya bringing the huge glass of water. Looking magnificent, dressed and fresh. How did she do that? “Good morning, writer” said the dame and gave her the glass. “How are you feeling?” “I can’t complain.” she smiled and reached for the water which she drank in one attempt.  LaToya leaned towards her and gave her a kiss. Leo embraced her still sitting on the coach. “You’re not even surprised, I bet.” “That we’ve slept together. Not a bit. But honestly speaking I don’t remember the drinking and falling asleep part.” she put aback the glass and focused on LaToya completely. “You don’t remember the weed part as well, do you?” said the woman and rubbed Mad’s neck. “Holy shit, you smoke weed?” She laughed hard for a moment.  “Why is that so ground-breaking for you? A mature woman is not allowed or what?”  “I’m just glad we did it before the weed part” said Leo and kissed the older woman again. “What will you do right now? Poor child. Going to think about it all the time now.” said LaToya with a vicious smile.  “I think my memory can be limited. Can we refresh it a little bit?” “I told you. Poor child” LaToya laughed again and pushed her on the coach. * When Leo was coming home around midday to feed Jackson, she felt like she was on drugs and it was definitely not because of the weed at this point. She could not stop thinking about LaToya. She was the perfect woman. She was smart, sophisticated, passionate-driven and she was also the perfect lover. How lucky she felt for getting to know her. They were going to see each other on Monday because of the meeting with her editors and finalising the official procedure before publishing her book. She was beyond excited. Leo gave Jackson a late breakfast and some fresh water, took a shower and started checking the tests on Preterito Indefinido to be able to present the results for students on Monday. It took her a while. She heard a doorbell so she looked at the clock from beneath her working glass. It could not be Paris. It was only slightly before four. She was said to visit Mad at eight. Mad stood up and opened the door. It was Brooklyn. “How come that you're now ringing the bell not using the keys?” said she instead of the regular greeting. “I gave the keys to Blackie. He’s gonna drive himself here after work with his stuff and I’m going to help him organise in our room. I have a meeting with the new employer about the project for me later so I won’t be able to let him in. Gonna join later.” “Oh, that’s great. And really fast. I mean, you’ve done that before like four times.” “What got into you? “I’m sorry. I just...” Leo stopped there. “Is it about the student?” “No. And yes. I don’t really know. There’s other woman as well and I'm crazy about her.” she said, took of her working glasses and put them on the table next to the tests. Brooklyn said near her on the sofa. “That’s so you. Always the other woman and then the next one and later on. Tell me about the new one, sis.” he said in quite comforting, understanding tone. “She’s a publisher.” “Shit, again.” “But, it’s different know. She’s much older, she’s smart, sophisticated, she’s the author of this 80′s one-hit-wonder I’ve always loved fuckin much but it’s to cheesy to admit if I’m serious person”. “No way. Lemme guess. Is it LaToya Johnson? Fuck. That’s great.” “As far as I know you’re gay bro.” she gave him a look. “You know what I mean. I’m happy for you. I bet she’s great in bed though.” “My god, don’t even start me with that.” He took her hand and clapped it. “Silly boy” she laughed. They stopped for a moment. “But the problem is the student. She’s coming over at 8 tonight and we’re gonna talk. I want to be honest with her. I like her a lot, she’s great, intelligent and has more than a chance to be wonderful writer one day. I also feel very attracted to her which never happens for me because I’m professional but it’s not gonna work. We have to stop it and move forward.” said LaToya hanging her hands together in the front. “Just tell her that. She should appreciate your honesty. You can’t fulfil all people’s needs. It’s life. You can’t press yourself or anybody else.” “I know but I still don’t wanna hurt her. She’s young. It shouldn’t have happened .” “I understand you but it happened. That’s life. It’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, sis. She was also there. She was there when she started seducing you, she was there when..” “Ok, stop there, bro. I appreciate your point but it’s not that easy”, she shout him down. “Life’s not easy in general. Your own words, writer.” he smiled to her. He was referring to his one and only fiction novel she has written in her life as she was fifteen and she has never published it because it sounded to cheesy, pretentious and pathetic to her. Mad laughed with him. “Is there some food, great smart beautiful sister?” he asked after a while. “Start cooking by yourself, man. You have your significant other moving in. You know how to do it better than me so don't be lazy.” she mocked him a bit like they always used to. “I cooked some fried tofu with vegetables. And I think it’s a little more than edible so you can have it. That’s in the fridge. “I love you, sis” he replied, kissed her on the cheek and run into the kitchen like a child. She loved his queerness and he loved her. * Blackie came in with his stuff around six and his baggage was really huge, “Hey, Blackie. I would say: happy u-haul day but I guess you’re guys to long for that now.” said Leo and helped him out with carrying the bags in. “Thanks anyway, Mad. That’s really nice of you. I hope this time is the last time I’m moving here. I really love Brook. He’s the best guy in the world.” She did not say a thing just smiled and led him their room upstairs where he started to unpack slowly, mostly waiting for Brooklyn to do it together. Showing him the room would be unnecessary as he was moving there already before. She led him because she was helping him with the cartons. He sat on the bed and started to think when Leo went out to run with Jackson. She also wanted to refresh her mind before serious thing she had to do. Blackie took a glance through his or their room. This time was more emotional then usual because they agreed it is the last time. If it will work it will work if not, there will not be more coming backs. The last chance for them. He loved Brooklyn more than he could describe. It was not only a romantic affection. It was some kind of the strong emotional bond on human level. He really wanted it to work but it was harder than one could imagine. They went through uncountable amount of argues and misunderstandings. Well, they were both leos according the zodiac sign. Likewise was his sister Mad. Who knows what could happen while three leos live under the same roof. Anyway, Brook’s relationship with his sister was different and Blackie has always envied it. They understood each other, support. Even mocking was in a loving and caring manner most of the times. He could not be like that. He was fire and fury when somebody got into his skin. Could not stop himself from fighting like crazy to prove his rightness. Brooklyn, amongst every little things that he loved about Blackie, hated this habit that he had. This instability and urge to be Mr. Always Right. He could not let himself be the victim. He was always like that. When somebody stood on Brooklyn’s feet he was on to him with claws and there was lots of blood. They had their water under the bridge but they hoped it was already beyond them and they are going to have their imagined life together. They wanted to adopt a sweet little baby and get married one day. It was definitely the love of their lives and Blackie promised he is going to try the hardest possible to remember how much he loved him and make this fulfilled. He looked on his mobile screen to check the hour. Brook was about to come back home. He put on their favorite song - “Careless Whisper” by George Michael and went back to unpacking. * Leo changed to some more casual looking clothes after getting a shower when she got back from running with Jackson. She made herself a green tea and started to think about the meeting with Paris which was about to happen. Trying to order her thoughts and plan what she should tell her and drinking the aromatic drink was surprisingly very relaxing for her. She did not feel like she expected. It was not that overwhelming so far. Maybe, it is the right thing to do like Brooklyn said. Her brother was always honest with Mad and she almost always felt better with her plans when he agreed with them. They were very similar on many levels. Specifically at 8pm the doorbell rang and this time it was Paris. Leo opened the door and hugged her while Paris tried to make a move to kiss her. Mad suggested her to sit down and asked if she wants to drink some tea. Paris seemed disappointed like she did not come here for that but for something else. Leo sat on the armchair opposite to her and started to play with her signet for a moment. She felt nervous at this moment. Although, this time she felt only sympathy for her. It was quite shocking for her because it was first time she wasn’t attracted to her that much she could not resist. She smiled friendly to Paris. The student stood up, came closer to her while fixing her ultra short skirt and sat on her knees with open legs. She started moving. Leo did not respond similar. “Paris, I have to talk to you and that is serious. Can you please sit next to me and let me speak?” It felt like Paris was shocked even more that her games did not work this time. She stood up feeling quite miserable and sat back on the opposite side. “What about?” she asked feeling a strong flow of embarrassment.  “Us. I owe you an apologise. I treated you bad. You deserve better but that’s the thing. Even if I like you a lot, you’re wonderful, intelligent young woman and you’re very attractive which doesn't happen to me because I’m your lecturer and I had to break the norms for you... I can’t offer you what you deserve.” she said trying to get calm again. I really was how it supposed to be. “So you don’t feel for me.” summarised  Paris with eyes full of tears. “I feel dumb right now. I was so desperate for you. How can I overcome it?” “You’re not dumb. I’m sorry.” Mad hated to see her cry. It turned out so bad. “You know what? I thought you’re a great writer. A mentor. A professional. That you’re worth to appreciate. That you are inspiring. But I was wrong. You only care for yourself. These are all lies. You just like to have fun and you made me fool. I bet you did it all on purpose.” “That’s not true. You know that was you who started it.” suddenly, Leo felt angry. “Me? Of course. I made steps but what did you do? Nothing to show me what’s wrong or right. If you would be that professional as you’re claiming you would stop me. I don’t know. Tell the uni about my behave. They would throw me out. Anything. But no. You’ve let me believe I’m yours. And in normal circumstances we would be equally guilty but it’s more your fault now because you’re older and you’re my teacher.” she was crying and screaming. Probably Blackie was hearing it downstairs - though Leo - but in reality he was listening to George Michael while drinking wine him brought as well, for an hour now still waiting for Brooklyn. “That’s...” Leo was speechless.  All of the things that were deep inside her, all the fears and self-blames now come back and hit her really hard. “I hate you. You’re the worst teacher and person I’ve ever knew. I’m changing the university. I don’t wanna see your fucked up face ever again. You're piece of shit.” Paris stood up full of tears,  bit Leo hard on the cheek and rushed out without a word more. Mad could not move so she sat motionless for a while still feeling the ache on her cheek like it left some invisible mark.

#queer #lgbt #writer #story #queermequeeryou

[queermequeeryou]

chapter two

chapter two

Next day was really hard for Mad to focus on anything. She spent the last night deeply in her own thought trying to get asleep but for a long time it was pointless. She didn’t sleep well but she went to work as always - with this attitude of seriousness, self-confidence and mystery which was an effect of other her traits. Mad knew she should talk to Paris. That wasn’t how it all supposed to be. From the beginning she knew it’s going to cause lots of trouble but she let it all happen. She is older, she’s a lecturer and still she was the one kissing her on the wrist and telling her she’s gorgeous rather then telling her to stop this pointless, immature romance that grew between them accidentally. That was something different in Paris. She wasn’t like the other women her age. She was reckless and smart. She could do anything. Like really she could. It was hard to deny it when one was able to meet her. That was the first thing that got Mad so close to her. She was magnetised by her aura. Like she never met anybody like Paris. Even if Leo knew they won’t last long, that it’s not a relationship that can evolve into something like ‘happily ever after’ or other bullshit it didn’t stop her from involving into this affair. Leo has had this thoughts about self-blaming recently stronger then for a long time because she got used to this turn of events. It has lasted for half a year and she managed to mute her previous doubts after first month but everything ricocheted few days ago. Nevertheless, Leo wasn’t expected this at all. Paris really fell for her. It was something which scared her from the first moment she heard it. Paris was a great person. Intelligent, ambitious. She will be far one day with her language passion and even further than Mad is right now. She should have a great person who will truly engage and appreciate her. Leo knew she’s not that person and she didn’t want to keep that fake hope inside Paris. Although, she didn’t know how is she supposed to talk with her about that. Mad wasn’t ready for this talk. She didn’t know what to do. After lectures, she just picked everything to the bag and went outside to her Ford Lincoln. Paris finished her last lecture and was going home but today she didn’t stop to talk with her. Mad couldn’t resist to gaze towards her. She looked beautiful like always. Paris was briefly talking with her colleagues and she just put her hair behind her ear. She didn’t look in Leo’s direction so Leo wondered if it’s in on purpose or if she’s just not aware. Anyway, Leo found it quite relieving that she won’t be forced to speak today. She decided to leave it and just put on the ignition. * Few days later, nothing changed. Leo got a feeling that Paris is maybe trying to avoid her as too much was already said and done. It was Saturday, the sun was floating inside her apartment through the window making long shadows on the wooden floor. Leo was just sitting with her book - editing it. She was deeply focused for few hours and it was already midday so she decided to put off her working glass and went to the kitchen to prepare second coffee. Her pug Jackson followed her and as she saw lack of water in his bowl, she filled it up and kissed her fat son on the forehead. She loved him so much. Her most important man forever. She was never interested in other boys than her dogs. She poured some soya milk into her freshly brewed coffee and went with it back to the living room. She looked through the pages with some notes on Botswana she has written during her previous visits to make sure again if she won’t use any of this things as an inspiration to the book motivated by her last visit there. As she reached for the pen from her bag she found the business card. LaToya Johnson. She hold the card for a while and then, put it on the table. She came back to corrections.  Few hours later, she got a call. That was Rufus Marcolino. Her publisher who also had Spanish origins - his grandparents who were from Spain just emigrated to the States. He spoke a bit of Spanish and they quickly came to understanding of each others on a human level. He contacted her first as he read the article about her in a local, scholar newspaper. She was some kind of a local celebrity when it came to education so many professors knew here because of Leo’s achievements as a traveler and non-fiction writer. Also, she knew few African languages and she had a warm heart to this continent so this mixture was found very inspiring for dozens of people who really appreciated her work. Marcolino called her to suggest if she wouldn’t like to be published by him. She already had somebody who was considering this and also she could technically publish her book at the same place where she did with her two previous volumes. Although, she was slightly uncomfortable with working for Uma Jefferson. The truth, this woman had a crush on her and was trying to seduce Leo almost every way possible. That time, for Mad it was no go. She was always getting away with that trying to change the subject or sometimes talk really seriously. Uma seemed not to be bother by this talk. She was still trying. Leo was quite tired of this whole situation so she tried to look for the publisher herself and she found one man who was intrigued but he published more anthropological positions. Therefore, when Marcolino called her, she didn’t have second thoughts. Leo just agreed for the offer and closed the strange relationship with her publisher that was making her so tired for a little while. Marcolino was the man of work. He truly seemed to be dedicated, very serious about work and he wasn’t a woman, he was married, had children so any troubles on this ground was out of question. So, when he called her that day, Leo was puzzled. “I hope you understand my position. It’s not about you personally. Of course, we’re professional, we don’t care about private lives of our coworkers but I think you’re smart enough to see how it looks like. We have many authors and serious customers like whole chains of bookshops that are very conservative and that’s how it goes. We can’t lose them because we’re publish a book by an author like you. I’m very sorry”  She didn’t know what to say.  After a little while she replied. “Excuse me but may I get the information how did you manage to have this knowledge on my personal life now and not for example, at the very beginning of our work?”  Mad was sounding really calm but she knew it won’t be like that for a long time. Marcolino coughed  quite nervously, maybe to buy himself sometime for an answer although he was definitely expecting it. He was not a fool even if he was a total bastard. “One of our workers saw something obvious on your facebook account”. “Something?” “Pictures. There was some woman and the description told it’s your wife. It was a wedding picture, I believe”. Leo was thinking for a while. Shit. It had to be her old wedding picture with Sara. They never got married as Leo wasn’t ready for it but they had some kind of a pre-wedding photoshoot she agreed to do with her shortly before she flew to Botswana.  “We’re not married. It was just a photoshoot”. “But you were in an intimate relationship, weren’t you?” “I don’t want to discuss my private life with you. That’s not the part of our business. My work is to write the book” “Maybe. But not for my publishing. I have to cancel our contract. I’m very sorry. You will be paid partly as it was said in our agreement but I can’t do nothing more for you. I hope you will publish this book somewhere else because it’s not a bad one definitely”. These words came for mouth of the man who was publishing pretty much every genre with many romances written by “very promising house-wives who are writing in breaks from doing their everyday duties”. Yes, he also published many scholar books, essays and quite a few respected authors got to him and they had a bigger success with him than with publishers strictly specialised with professional literature. He was also an escape from Uma Jefferson at some point although he turned out to be the worst choice in her career. “If it’s your decision, I won’t bother to speak with you no more. Our cooperation is over” told Mad and finished the talk by one click. She drank a glass of water on one sit and opened the door to show Jackson they’re coming outside to run as usual.  * After she came back home, she took a shower, put on some vinyl records and started cooking dinner. She heard the lock opening. It was her brother Brooklyn. “Hey. What’s up?” he said and put the keys on the shelf. “Shit. Marcolino just called me. He won’t publish me ‘cause I’m gay” “Really? People are still fucked up and it’s damn 21st century” replied Brook and took an apple from the plate nearby. “Fancy some pasta? I’m doing dinner” “Might have some” he bite his apple. “How are you doing, bro? Haven’t been home for a while” “Stuff are good with Blackie” he smiled a little bit. “Glad to hear that. I hope you’ll find your way. If not you who? You’re the longest lasting couple I ever knew. Come on, you are meant for each other” Brooklyn wasn’t very self-confident with his speech today but that was also him on a normal basis. “How’s shagging this student?” he asked instead of the reaction. “Brooklyn, shut up. That’s not funny” Leo looked at him quite indifferent. “Your face shows it’s really not. Something happened?” “Not at all it’s just disrespectful” “Okay, I'm sorry, sis. You’re right. I didn’t mean anything bad. You know” “Yes, no worries, Brook. I’m just tired recently. I’ve been working so hard on this book and now this bastard ruined that. I need to find new publisher quickly”. “You’re gonna make it, Leo. ‘Cause you’re smart as fuck. I wish I could be half as fuckin smart as you. And you also cook awesome vegan pasta. You’re the best” he said to Mad and helped her out with the plates and cutlery.  “That’s all I can cook, man. You’re the best chef in this house. Remember that next time when you’ll use so many strong words in one sentence”. “That’s right. You even burnt broccoli once”. “Shut the fuck up” she laughed. “Uuu, the serious one is using bad words” he laughed with her so hard.”I really love you Mad. You’re the best”.

* They took some Jack Daniel’s after dinner and sat in the living room to listen to some more vinyl records together. Brooklyn and Leo were talking about various things. They loved it. Like it was meant to be that way. Even if they have lived for a few years on separate continents they managed to stay close to each other like the perfect siblings. Even if they were definitely not the perfect ones. “Brooklyn?” “Yep?” “You really wanna know what’s with Paris?” He took another sip from his glass and just comforted himself on the floor and looked at his sister when she brought back this topic. “Sure I wanna”. “She told me that she’s in love with me” He didn’t answer. Neither Mad told a word more. They were just finishing their drinks because they both got tired.

* On Sunday, she wake up quite late because the drinking really went quite far so she had a hangover. Nothing spectacular, it was just the night when she had the need to get drunk with her dear brother and talk about pretty much everything. When she woke up, she was lying on the sofa in the living room where she stopped her work yesterday. Brooklyn left her a note: “got a call from my man, so I’m staying with him for few days again. that was cool time. get some sleep, drink this. you’ll publish a great fuckin great I mean, book. love, bro”. It was really sweet of him. She took a glass with their hangover mixture which tasted lightly speaking just bad and then took a quick shower. Walk with Jackson and a coffee woke her up and after that she came back to the living room. She was avoiding LaToya’s business card on purpose. Obviously, it came to her mind that she could simply call her but she knew it’s not going to be only business issue. She didn’t want to engage in any affairs right now. Although, she also knew that will be impossible to just forget the meeting with her. She had a few second-thoughts but she after a while she felt convinced that it is for the better. She took a business card an initiate a call to LaToya.

#writer #story #queer #lgbt #queermequeeryou