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lets-talk-appella · 5 years

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i’m nobody’s but yours

Chapter 2/25 - Chloe’s Prologue

Summary: Beca is straight as an arrow. 100%, totally, completely straight. Except for one problem that 100%, totally, completely changes everything: Chloe Beale.

Title borrowed from Calum Scott’s “If Our Love Is Wrong.”

Word Count: 3k

Rating: M (for dark themes, homophobia, masturbation, and eventual smut in later chapters)

AO3 and FFN and below the cut

Chloe has no idea how many people she’s crushed on. It feels like a lot. It is a lot.

There are both boys and girls in elementary school. Eric Sutherland, D’Shawn Johnson, Tyler Robinsdale, Chi Lor. Kayla Henn, Veronica Applegate, Meghan Corothers. She remembers each of them; holding hands with the boys, even “dating” D’Shawn for a while in the second grade. She mostly admired the girls from a distance, but she knows what she felt for them.

She tells her parents and her older brother, Chris, about each and every one of them, which makes them laugh and smile. Her dad calls her a “heartbreaker” even at that young age. She doesn’t quite know what that means, but he smiles when he says it, so she knows it can’t be a bad thing.

Middle school passes much the same way. Ryan Gabour, Eric Sutherland (again), Jerome Zettler. Kylie Brenna, Courtney Johnson, Kendra Fink, Cady Morgan. Each hold a special place in her heart. She has classes with Ryan, Jerome, Kylie, and Courtney; she joins volleyball with Kendra and Cady. Everything is very simple.

She doesn’t care that she has feelings for both boys and girls. For her, that’s how it’s always been. She sometimes wonders why she never hears other girls talking about their crushes on girls, or why she doesn’t see it in movies or on TV, but she doesn’t let it bother her. All Chloe knows is that she likes both boys and girls, and that’s okay. She figures that she’ll fall in love with a person’s mind, personality, and soul, rather than the body they happen to come in.

She says this – that she’ll love a person, not their body – to her parents and Chris one night at dinner. A small pause comes over the table, during which her parents exchange the briefest of glances. The moment passes quickly, though, and her mom nods like she’s said something glaringly obvious (which, maybe she has). Her dad smiles at her crookedly and tells her that’s a wonderful way to fall in love. Chris, ever the teenager, continues eating his peas, utterly indifferent to his little sister’s proclamation.

She’s pretty sheltered, so it’s not until she’s almost a teenager that the word “gay” even enters her vocabulary. When it does, it’s jeered by Vincent Stridenger at two boys hugging in the hallway. It makes everyone around them turn and look, laughing and jeering. The boys break apart, red-faced and awkward.

Chloe asks Chris about it after school that night, figuring that at 16, he’d understand. His face twists when she asks, transforming into a mask of distaste she’s rarely seen before. He tells her what it means, but she still doesn’t understand why someone would use that term as an insult meant to embarrass others. Chris only pulls her close (she’s amazed; hugs from her teenage brother are becoming few and far in between) and tells her, “It’s okay that you don’t understand why. It just means you wouldn’t do something like that.”

Chloe’s first kiss happens when she’s 13, with Danny Nuck at the local burger place. He’d asked her there on a date and she’d happily agreed. It had gone well; they had a lot of shared interests in books, music, and movies. He even paid for their dinner, then had walked her outside. Because they were both too young to drive, their moms sat in their respective cars in the lot to pick them up.

Before Chloe goes to her mom’s car, though, Danny nervously asks if he can kiss her. Butterflies (the good kind) erupt in Chloe’s stomach and she nods. Danny closes the space between them and places a very small, quick peck on her lips. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but she likes how warm and happy it makes her feel.

Her second kiss is with Emily Kosma. She’s 14 and at her first high school party with actual alcohol. She doesn’t drink very much, only two cups of UV Blue mixed with lemonade, but it’s enough to fill her with a happy buzz.

Emily Kosma is in choir with her and she’s very pretty. She winks at Chloe from across the room as Chloe refills her second cup, and it draws Chloe over to her like a magnet. They talk for a bit about classes, then music, then books they both like. Chloe notices that Emily doesn’t mention boys, which is a good thing; it seems like all the other girls their age talk nonstop about boys, and that gets boring.

They end up dancing together when the music starts. It’s all innocent, until suddenly Emily’s face is close to hers – so close, that she can feel warm puffs of air against her lips. That, Emily’s looks, and the second cup of alcohol spurs Chloe to lean in and kiss Emily on the lips. She thinks about how soft Emily’s mouth is against her own, and how nice her shampoo smells.

They break apart to wolf-whistles and cheers from their tipsy peers. Chloe ignores them in favor of looking into Emily’s eyes, making sure she hadn’t embarrassed her. As it turns out, she doesn’t need to worry; Emily grins at her before reaching to pull her into their second kiss, and their last.

She doesn’t really keep track of who she kisses after that. A few different people, both boys and girls, like always. She’s not overzealous with it; she knows what high schoolers say about girls who kiss (and more than kiss) too many people. But whenever Chloe likes someone, she makes a point to kiss them, as long as they want to kiss her, too.

At 15, she realizes she should probably formally come out to her parents and to Chris. She waits until Thanksgiving, so that Chris is home from college. She’s only a little nervous to tell them because she knows they’ll love her no matter what, but she also doesn’t want them to treat her any differently because of who she dates.

She eventually squeaks it out over the dinner table in a voice that only quivers just the slightest bit. As soon as the words are out, her mom’s brow furrows. Chloe’s stomach drops, only for her mom to ask, confused, “Didn’t you already tell us that?”

Her dad shakes his head and answers for her, “Kinda, but this is the real deal, Cheryl.”

“Oh. Okay,” her mom answers, then adds, “We’re thrilled for you, honey. We want you to be happy. Right, Eric?”

“Of course,” Chloe’s dad smiles at her.

It’s that simple. Chloe grins her thanks and returns to her dinner. She’s lighter than air, filled with love for the people she cares for most in the world and their unerring acceptance of who she is.

As always, Chris continues eating, totally unfazed.

Chloe’s grandparents on her dad’s side both pass away when she’s 16. Her grandma from cancer, and her grandpa three days later from a broken heart (at least, that’s what her dad says). Chloe struggles with it; she’d loved her grandparents very much, having been especially close to her grandmother.

Their funeral is hard, and it’s the first time she can remember feeling so miserable that it actually makes her chest ache. It’s utterly appalling to her, that she can feel something like that.

She talks to her dad about it, though, and that helps. He wipes her tears and tells her that’s what love feels like, and that she’s lucky to be able to feel so deeply. Her mom and Chris help too; they hug her, hold her, bring her Kleenexes when she cries. With every day that passes after that, she can feel the ache in her chest lessening. She knows it’ll never go away completely, but she believes that it makes her a stronger, better person.

She finishes high school ranked 3rd in her class, proud of her accomplishments and full of excitement for her future. She’ll miss her friends desperately, but she already can’t wait for what Barden University will have in store for her.

Moving out is hard, but her parents and Chris (though he’s going to be a senior at his own university) help her get settled into Baker Hall. She meets her random roommate, Rachel, who seems nice, even if she is a math major (Chloe doesn’t trust people who like math that much). Chloe’s family part after countless hugs and what feels like a gallon of tears, but Chloe can’t remember ever feeling so happy and excited for the future.

Joining the Barden Bellas is the best decision she’s ever made, she’s sure of it. Well, she’s sure about her passion for singing and team bonding. She’s less sure about joining a group whose sophomore leader – Alice – is constantly rude to her and the other freshman member, Aubrey Posen.

Chloe is desperate to get to know Aubrey. The blonde is quiet, closed off, and serious in demeanor, but the occasional smile she sends Chloe’s way makes her think she’s not all stone. Still, it’s not until almost a month into Bellas rehearsals that she finally breaks through that hard exterior.

Feeling encouraged by an unusually good rehearsal, Chloe cracks her favorite joke for the group at large.

“Hey, guys,” she starts, getting their attention. “What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?”

She’s met with several blank stares. Alice looks like she’s chewing the inside of her lip to keep from saying anything.

“Supplies!” Chloe cries happily, raising her arms for emphasis. “Get it?”

Only one person laughs: Aubrey. Chloe latches onto that instantly, sending her a beaming smile that Aubrey tentatively returns. She ignores the indifferent looks Alice and the other Bellas send her way in favor of moving to stand next to Aubrey while she gathers her things. They walk out of the auditorium together and Chloe practically forces her phone number into Aubrey’s reluctant hand because, damn it, she wants at least one friend among the Bellas.

Aubrey texts her that night to set up a time to hang out outside of rehearsal. In her dorm room, Chloe breaks into her happy dance in full sight of Rachel.

Alice’s rudeness turns out to be a blessing in disguise. She and Aubrey bond over it, though Aubrey has a hard time speaking against Alice’s authority at first. Chloe learns that Aubrey comes from a military family that is filled with both love and discipline. She learns that Aubrey is capable of feeling just as much as she is, but isn’t always able to express it.

They spend many nights talking over large cheese pizzas they have delivered either to Aubrey’s room in Kennedy Hall or to Chloe’s in Baker. Friendship has always come easily to Chloe, and what she has with Aubrey is no different. It’s not long until, during a goodbye hug after one of their pizza nights, Aubrey whispers in her ear, “You’re my best friend.”

Chloe dates in college, though not often seriously, as her classes and her Bellas schedule keeps her busier than she’d like. She goes on dates with both men and women, which seems to bother Alice. Chloe doesn’t see why it should bother anyone; it’s her life, she should be able to be happy with whomever she wants. Alice doesn’t get that message, though, and near the end of Chloe’s freshman year, she tries to kick Chloe out of the Bellas. They’re all sitting down in the auditorium, Alice standing at her whiteboards when she says crudely and in front of everyone, “Chloe, if you’re going to be such a fucking slutbag, you can leave the Bellas.”

When that happens, Aubrey immediately stands up for her – literally. She rises from her chair and gets right in Alice’s face, actually forcing her back a step. Chloe can only stare in shock and awe as Aubrey snarls, “Don’t you dare say that to her. It’s none of your business if she dates girls. And you can’t kick her out. That’s discrimination, and I. Will. Tear. You. Down.”

Alice glares back but doesn’t say anything. Chloe’s not sure whether she should cry or cheer; Alice’s words had cut deep (she’s never been called a slut before) but Aubrey’s support of her means the world.

With one final huff in Alice’s direction, Aubrey moves stiffly back to her chair next to Chloe. Chloe glances over to say thanks, but Aubrey seems too angry to notice. Her hands are shaking pretty badly, with one resting on her stomach and the other gripping the side of the seat of her chair.

They never really talk about it beyond Chloe’s whispered, “Thank you,” following the rehearsal. Aubrey acknowledges it with a nod, and that’s that. Alice doesn’t bring it up again, but Chloe notices that Alice doesn’t make eye contact with her anymore after that.

Chloe falls in love with Tom Martineau at the start of her junior year. They’ve been dating for almost six months by that point, so she’s not surprised when she realizes she loves him. He’s kind to people and animals, loves music, books, and travel. He holds doors for her and always walks between her and the road. He’s considerate and good in bed (not that she has anyone to compare him to) and he loves it when she sings to him.

She loves him. That’s why it’s hard to acknowledge that their time together is drawing to a close. He’s set to graduate, while she has one year left at Barden. Even though he promises to visit during her senior year, she knows things won’t really be the same. More than that, they want different things out of life. Chloe isn’t really sure what she’s doing after college, but Tom has his next 20 years planned out. He’s planning on joining the Peace Corps and will probably spend the next five years across the world helping underprivileged kids. After that, he wants to work toward an environmental law degree, then settle down and have four kids of his own. While that all sounds amazing for him, Chloe doesn’t see herself in that picture.

They mutually break up about a week before the Bellas finals at the end of that year. Chloe needs to focus on their performance; Tom on graduation. They both cry when it ends, but they agree it’s for the best.

Chloe’s more upset than she lets on; again, she feels more than she maybe should. Tom is the first person she’s been in love with, and while they part on good terms, it still stings to know she won’t wake up with his arms around her anymore. She calls her mom that night and cries into the phone. From the next room, Aubrey hears her and brings her a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to make her feel better.

Chloe feels so, so loved that night.

The finals are a disaster. They lost the Bella win, but more than that, it feels like she’s lost her best friend. Aubrey is inconsolable, even though it isn’t really her fault. Chloe spends almost a week after the incident smoothing her hand between Aubrey’s shoulder blades as she dry-heaves into a toilet from the stress.

It’s easier once Alice moves out of the Bella house, leaving them with the keys and a cruel, “You two slutbags can’t fuck things up more than you already have, so you’re captains now.”

Chloe isn’t sorry to see the last of her.

Unfortunately, Aubrey takes Alice’s parting message to heart. She stops heaving only long enough to look up and say, “We need to win next year. We have to.” Chloe tries not to let it bother her, tries to remember that that’s Aubrey trapped in the body of some possessed, angry, and ashamed girl. She hopes the summer helps.

It doesn’t. If anything, Aubrey’s thrown herself into co-captaincy with a renewed vengeance. It’s a little scary.

Chloe knows her senior year is going to be a hard one. With the combined stresses of her classes, finding and training new Bellas, making sure Aubrey doesn’t lose her lunch, and her still relatively recently-ended relationship (though Tom still says he’d like to visit for the occasional hook-up), Chloe decides not to date anyone for a little while. Maybe even for the rest of her college career.

Then, at 21, against Aubrey’s will and recovering from a Bellas failure, Chloe meets Beca Mitchell.

#bechloe #bechloe fic #my writing #beca mitchell #chloe beale #pitch perfect fanfic #i'm nobody's but yours #chapter 2 #little bit of aubrey posen in there too #switching to Chloe's POV

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lextherandlxce · 5 years

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It Was Nothing @peritxetxinvenit

@peritxetxinvenit

Things were...as amazing as they had been before. Well, better was really the best way to put it. Vic and Branch knew everything about each other, and they had worked it out. There had been yelling, tears, a couple of blows, and some anger and hurt driven sex after it all but....Branch was still amazed at how they had settled onto the same passionate, loving, domestic, albeit perhaps a little too hasty that their relationship had had before. And it was indeed a relationship.

Vic had moved in with Branch after two days of sleeping with him. But it had only been after their fight, that he had moved everything out of his motel room and taken his remaining possessions into Branch’s home in the mountains. Branch had a boyfriend who lived with him full time. It made his head spin at how....quick and easy it was with Vic. They were still the same, and they still loved each other. So it was getting easier to spend more and more time together out in public.

They didn’t act like a couple. Not yet anyways. Vic Moretti...well, she had figured them out instantly and was giddy any time she saw them together. But for now, they weren’t ready to broadcast their relationship. Branch knew it would be an uphill battle once the word got out. They were still enjoying their private domesticated happiness. He didn’t want anything to disturb that just yet. And Vic, always patient with him, was willing to wait.

So no one thought much of anything when they sat at a table in the Red Pony, slowly draining some beers, talking and laughing with each other. Branch’s cheeks and lower belly still heated beyond his control when Vic would stare into his eyes for a little too long before smirking and winking at him. Branch couldn’t wait until they got home. It was the start of Branch’s rare three days off, and he was rather impatient to get his gorgeous lover back into bed. Because nothing had changed between them...it was simply better.

Though everything was going to have to take a pause when Branch furrowed his brows and turned in his chair. He would be able to recognize her laugh anywhere. If he was being honest, he still loved the sound. But he also respected the fact that her laugh wasn’t his to really cherish anymore. He was happy to see her though, smiling and laughing. He was worried had her staggering and barely able to hold herself up. Cady was drunk as a skunk with her girlfriends and attempting to get outside the bar. He sighed softly but fondly.

He looked at Vic and said, “I know her. Give me a sec? Just wanna make sure she gets home okay.”

He gave Vic’s shoulder a lingering squeeze since he didn’t have the courage yet to do anything else. He walked over to Cady who’s expression brightened when she saw him. “Braaaanch,” she drawled happily, hugging him around his neck. Out of instinct, he supported her wait when she leaned a little too heavily on him. She then explained drunkenly, “My chariot awaits.”

“And by that you mean a taxi right?” he said, grinning and quirking a brow.

“Yup,” Cady laughed as he began walking her to the front door of the Red Pony. He looked over his shoulder to Vic and mouthed ‘sorry’ before heading outside into the cool air. Cady moved closer to him as they ventured out into the parking lot, looking for the taxi that Henry had called for her. He rubbed her arms to keep her warm. The pleasant atmosphere between them was suddenly broken when Cady’s laughter gradually faded and she blurted, “Are you sleeping with that guy?”

Branch froze. He looked down at her, her pale eyes fighting to focus intently on him and the seriousness of that question. His heart raced in his chest. He couldn’t think of any other response than to say, “What?”

Cady moved to stand before him, her hands on his chest. He kept a gentle grip on her arms that slowly moved to her waist. He would always be ready to catch this amazing woman if she was ever going to fall. Cady sighed, a long and lonely sound. “You look at him like you used to look at me,” she whispered sadly, tears gathering in her eyes as her red hair fell around her face. “Are you going out with him now?”

Branch’s chest ached. He would never really be able to forgive her father for the way he treated them both in regards to their relationship. But he had always respected Cady’s choice. He would always care about Cady. But that part of him that longed for her...it had been silenced by what he felt for Vic. He swallowed dryly, his hands shaking against her slim hips. He stuck his tongue between his molars, causing his jaw to set in a way that always happened when he was emotionally distraught. It was something he never noticed, but she, and Vic, did. She raised a hand to his cheek, and he couldn’t hide the truth from her. Never her.

“Yes,” he finally answered, he sniffed and blurted, “But Cady I’m not gay--”

“I know,” she answered earnestly, meeting his gaze. The conversation and cold air perhaps beginning to bring her senses back.

“Everything I felt for you--what I still feel for you--it’s all real, Cady. I...I do like men but....I’ve always liked women first, and I--”

Cady hugged him around the neck tightly, and he drowned in her scent for a long moment. He held her tight. “Does he make you happy?” she asked him.

“He makes me very happy,” he answered truthfully, fearing that every word was a wound to her heart. It wasn’t. She smiled and played with the hair at the back of his neck.

“Then I’m happy too. I’m happy for you. And I wanna meet him soon. You’ll always be my friend Branch. I’m always gonna care about you.”

“Cady, I...thank you...” The words weren’t enough, so he hugged her tighter. He cherished her all the more for her reaction, though a part of him felt he didn’t deserve it. It meant the world to him that another person knew and supported them. He smiled at her lovingly when she put her forehead against his.

He hadn’t expected her to do it, and she hadn’t even really thought it over. But she kissed him then, and he kissed her back. And it was then that Branch really noticed. Nothing had changed with Vic when the truth had been spilled between them. Things had most certainly changed with him and Cady. There was love there to be sure. But the kind of love had changed. The kiss was the same kiss they had given each other as lovers, and yet they both felt the lack of romantic love that had once burned bright. The kiss was the same and completely different. Just like their relationship now. Something closer than friends but less than lovers. It wasn’t what they had imagined or what they had wanted, but it was far better than the pain of not having each other in their lives.

Branch pulled away from the kiss first. He placed his lips to her forehead and Cady began to cry. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s okay. I’m not mad,” Branch said, kissing her cheek. “It’s alright.”

She nuzzled against him and asked, “What happened to us Branch?”

They both knew what had happened. They both knew that it was the reaction of one man in particular that had tainted everything that had been and could have been between them. But Branch couldn’t bad mouth Walt in front of his only daughter. Despite being unable to forgive him, he still admired Walt. Branch took a deep breath to steady himself as the headlights from Cady’s taxi illuminated them for a brief second. He smiled at her sadly before saying, “It just wasn’t meant to be...”

Cady nodded tearfully before kissing his cheek one last time and letting him get her into the backseat of the car. He gave the driver an extra twenty dollar bill to make sure that she entered her front door safely, and that if anything happened, Branch would come after him personally. He felt better after Cady reassured him that she would text him in the morning to let him know she was okay.

He stood there in the parking lot and ran a hand down his face. He didn’t want Vic to know he was upset, but...apparently it didn’t matter what he didn’t want Vic to know. His lover was standing at the entrance of the bar with a beer in his hand and a cigarette in the other. Branch broke out into a cold sweat as he rushed over to him. His heart raced and he silently cursed over and over, panic filling his mind. He really hoped Vic hadn’t seen Cady kiss him. But more than anything, Branch found himself desperate for the feel of Vic’s lips against his.

“Hey baby,” he said softly as he approached the taller man. He carefully tried to gauge Vic, but he couldn’t tell what his lover had seen or if he was upset. Sometimes, Vic could hide things very well. He didn’t want to complicate things by saying more than he should either. He impulsively snatched Vic’s beer out his hand, washing away the taste of Cady. He then carefully looked around and when he saw no one, he caught Vic’s lips in the kiss he so dearly wanted. He pulled away all to quickly, but whispered instead, “Vic can we go home now?”

#peritxetxinvenit #{ Vic/Branch }#;Stuck in the Middle With You #{ this is actually shorter than i thought which is good }#{ but i hope this is okay!!! }#{ i didn't want to write any of vic's reactions but i though maybe his anger would slowly simmer until they're alone at branch's house??? }

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shortqueershakespeare · 3 years

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teeeheee all asks :)

Okay I’m splitting this into several posts, so here come the first two (also I just wrote out half of these and tumblr ate them so bear with me while i try not to scream in frustration)

*Lover* Asks!

I Forgot That You Existed: What was something that you thought would kill you, but it didn’t?

My first breakup.

Cruel Summer: Describe your favorite summer fling! (or if you haven’t had one, your ideal one)

It’s summer of 2019 and I am in love, but not with the boys I’m dating. He holds my heart in his hands all summer and breaks it bit by bit. His head is on mine in the neon lights of a nightclub, our fingers intertwined. He lifts his head and meets my eyes before catching my lips in his own, once, twice, three times. We don’t speak of it again that night. He makes me feel wanted and I feel asleep with his body wrapped around mine.

He tells me he isn’t interested in me and I struggle to accept it. But he’s so important to me that I can’t let his friendship go. He kisses me again and claims he thought I was someone else. He tells me we’ll talk about it in the morning. We never speak of it again.

Lover: What song do you want to dance to at your wedding? (or if you already had one, what was your first dance to?)

You Take Me As I Am or November Song by Stornoway.

The Man: Do you deal with any stereotypes or double standards in your career?

Yeah, I’m definitely treated differently if people perceive me as female at first.

The Archer: What is one of your biggest insecurities?

My chest or thinking I’m too much for people.

I Think He Knows: What is a quality you find to be attractive in others?

Unabashed, shameless enthusiasm.

Miss Americana: What would have been your high school superlative?

I was voted most likely to be ID’d until I’m thirty which is particularly funny now as a trans man.

Paper Rings: What are the books beside your bed (your favorite ones!)?

We were liars by E. Lockhart, in the event this doesn’t fall apart by Shannon Barry and Ich Bin Linus by Linus Giese.

Cornelia Street: Do you have a “Cornelia Street,” a place made special because of someone in your life? If so, describe it!

I have a few so bear with me

A small theatre on an unassuming street in a sleepy city. Life is breathed into these halls by those who call it home. It has seen me turn from child to teenager to adult and every stage in between. I have kissed and cried and broken and burned in these halls, on this stage. I remember paint splattered jeans and tangled up arms and feet. I remember late nights with screams and cries of desperation and early mornings, constructing a world together. I have fallen in love here, had my first kiss here, confronted who I truly am here. I have grown into myself in a way that only this building has been able to witness.

A city by the sea not far from where I grew up, it has witnessed every turning point of my transition and has been present in every relationship I have ever had. It was the site of my first use of my name, the location of my first pride, the home of my trans community.

These buildings have seen thousands of students kiss and fuck and cry and love and lose over the years. I am no exception. I fell in love with others and myself here. My identity here was so intertwined in him, and relearning who I am in these walls is a long arduous journey, but one that I am glad to have been on.

Death By A Thousand Cuts: What movie has really stuck with you, emotionally?

Pride.

London Boy: If you could travel anywhere with a lover, where would you go?

New York probably, or maybe Luxembourg.

Soon You’ll Get Better: How do you cope with difficult news?

I keep a brave face if I need to but I’ll cry if its safe and okay to.

False God: Have you ever been in a long distance relationship, or would you ever consider it?

Yep, my first relationship was long distance while he was at uni and my second was long distance in the holidays.

You Need To Calm Down: How do you deal with bullies or trolls?

Generally don’t respond, if I need to get it out I’ll write out my feelings but not send them.

Afterglow: How do you react to conflicts?

I tend to try and mediate and if the other person is bad at conflict I usually write myself notes.

ME!: What is something you love about yourself?

My compassion and capacity for forgiveness.

It’s Nice To Have A Friend: Describe your oldest friend!

A tall, blonde girl sits in the corner of a room. She is largely quiet until she finds someone she likes but then you hear her sharp wit and caring side come out. She is remarkably insightful and phenomenally artistically talented. She is confident like noone else and supportive in a way you rarely see. She’ll defend her loved ones til she dies and make you regret ever crossing her.

Daylight: You are what you love; what are some of your passions?

Languages, writing, theatre, reading.

reputation asks

...Ready for It?: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

This kind of depends, I can get ready in 15 minutes if I’m not eating but I do prefer to give myself about an hour.

End Game: What is the best date you have ever been on, or what would your dream date be?

I’d like to meet up for lunch, take the train somewhere and explore, go to a play in the evening and spend the night stargazing and talking.

I Did Something Bad: What are your bad habits?

I bite my nails and am pretty messy.

Don’t Blame Me: What are some things you are obsessed with?

Fandomwise it’s Merlin, Harry Potter (but only the fanon aspects, canon and jkr can fuck off) and Eastenders.

Delicate: What are you insecure about?

Being too much for people.

Look What You Made Me Do: What was the last lie you told?

It was probably about how productive I’ve been.

So It Goes...: Who or what inspires you?

Honestly often it’s my siblings, and I’m also determined to make this world better for trans and queer people following me.

Gorgeous: Do you have a ‘type’? If so, describe what it is.

It’s been described as generic white boy by my friends, but I’d say tall and skinny with short dark curly hair and a big smile.

Getaway Car: Describe your dream road trip.

Driving around Europe, visiting my family and friends.

King of My Heart: If you won the lottery, what is the first luxury you would buy for yourself?

Top surgery?? Does that count?? If it has to be material probably a nice prosthetic or maybe a good camera.

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: What are some of your favorite songs?

Okay so at the moment we’re on my 2021 playlist which includes Lonely by Joel Corry, drivers license by Olivia Rodrigo, Sword from the Stone and Suzanne by Passenger.

Dress: Where do you like to shop and how would you describe your style

I usually shop at H&M and ASOS and I own a lot of tie dye and rainbow, I tend to swap between vibrant masc (green blue yellow black), muted masc (grey blue black) and rainbow.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: What literary character(s) do you most identify with?

Gat and Cady from We Were Liars, Avery from Two Boys Kissing.

Call It What You Want: What is a happy memory of yours that happened in November (of any year)?

November 2016, My first binder arrives and I cry and cry when I see how flat it makes me. My mum hugs me and makes me promise I’ll be safe with it and to tell her if I need another. She asks me if I’ve made any progress on picking a name and buys me books with trans protagonists. She loves me without question.

New Year’s Day: What was the last New Years resolution you made? Did you keep it?

I actually don’t know but whatever it was, I’m certain I broke it.

Magazines: What are some of your favorite books?

Okay apart from those mentioned as my bedside ones: Two Boys Kissing, Turtles All the Way Down, I’ll Give You The Sun, An Absolutely Remarkable thing.

#personal #personal post #personal posts #ask game #ask games #anons #answering questions

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simplyadorkable-blog1 · 7 years

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Season 6, Episode 14 - “The Hike”

Jess and Robby make an unexpected discovery about their relationship while on a hike; Winston plans a party for Aly; Schmidt and Cece fall short of impressing their new neighbors.

“The Hike” opens with Robby at the loft preparing for a hike with Jess, Schmidt continually comparing himself to Andie MacDowell as he eats pasta out of something Jess and Robby made in a clay class—seriously, what the hell is that compartment for?—and Winston announcing that Aly will finally be moving back to LA. Since the loft is falling apart, Cece and Schmidt offer to host a welcome home party at their house. Queue the short intro that makes me wish they would reshoot the original with the expanded cast.

“Hike, hike, baby,” Jess and Robby sing as they make their way to a fork in the trail. Of course they choose the road Jess-traveled because, “Uh, waterfall!” Every sentence that comes out of Robby’s mouth is pure gold. This is pure, unadulterated Robby, straight from the tap. I will not let that line go.

The rest of the gang are getting ready for the party at Cece and Schmidt’s house. In the dining room, Cece and Schmidt set their table and discuss how they are going to handle house rules. Cece suggests that they not have any because all of the cool houses growing up didn’t have rules. I’m going to take a wild guess that Jess’ house was not one of the cool houses. Then again, they grew up in Portland, right? I can’t imagine it being that cool. Chill out, Portlandians, I’m only judging your city based on Portlandia like the rest of America. Schmidt argues that he never went to the cool houses growing up because his only friend was his high school math teacher who ditched him for a guy with a Trans Am. That was probably for the best. Cece feels bad for young Schmidt and he ruins the moment by having an immediate collapse in orgasm.

Meanwhile Nick is helping Winston work out his nerves in another room. Winston is not having any luck. His hands are dripping and his mock greeting for Aly’s mom is a little too comfortable. “Hmm, hmm, not today, honey,” accompanied with double cheek kisses. My brother does the double cheek kiss sometimes and let me tell you it is not the move. His second attempt does not go much better with, “Hey, how are you? I’m Winston, it’s uh, pleasure to do it,” and finally tries, “You’d do well to be friends with me.” I think I’ll start using that last one. Nick encourages him to shake it out and offers to mill about and tell his stories, but not the one about the time he fell asleep in the tub because that’s not a story, even if he did wake up wet. Their second attempted handshake is just as bizarre as the first. Nick describes Winston’s hands as, “dripping wet and now they are piping hot.”

Aly’s sister, Leslie, is the first to show up and she brought the entire family with her. And I truly mean entire, there are so many of them. Did they all drive separately? How much street parking is available in Cece and Schmidt's neighborhood? I assume none now. The sudden influx of guests takes Schmidt by surprise and he starts freaking out, “We don’t have enough china! Or forks! Or prawns! You can’t ask someone to split a prawn.” Cece attempts to get him to chill out to no avail, “We’ll just come in tomorrow with a power washer and hose this whole friggin’ place down!” I haven’t laughed at someone saying friggin’ since middle school, but my Lord, Schmidt cracks me up every friggin’ time. Thankfully Aly arrives shortly after and Winston leads her inside, eyes covering her eyes, to reveal her entire family, not Furguson in a tuxedo. Lowkey upset we didn’t get to see that, that would have been so cute. Aly is of course pissed, not even Winston’s impression of her surprised face can cheer her up.

Back on the trail, Jess and Robby are lost. “Why did you let me chase a waterfall, you know what TLC says!” Jess yells at Robby. She is upset, lost, and hungry and doesn’t even have anything to eat because they both ate the peanuts and chocolate out of their trail mix and are left with the gross raisins. Jess, exhausted, wants to head back before it gets dark. When the pair turn to leave, Robby runs into a tree, knocks off his glasses, steps on them, kneels down to search for them, and knocks Jess over causing her to hurt her ankle, all in one swift move.

Aly tells Winston that her family drives her crazy. He reassures her that she has back up now, even though he let her down in that mix-double tournament. He asks her for what he needs to know to deal with her family so he can write it down in his phone. Too bad his touch ID keeps messing up which is all too real so I’m glad we are switched to Nick and his attempt to tell the bathtub story to one of Aly’s relatives. Cece and Schmidt are holed up in the kitchen, worried about the state of their house. It’s clear they are losing control since someone took a shower in the bathroom without soap or towels, and they are forced to boil up barley to feed their guests.

Nick’s storytelling quickly derails. “And I saw with my own eyes, one day Winston saved those kids from a burning building including a little boy. A little boy who’s dad left when he was young, named Wheelchair Timmy. Wheelchair Timmy was a heavy set boy, ginger, black eyes. He grabs the kid and the chair, lifts him up above his head so that the fire doesn’t burn this little heavyset boy. That’s the power of adrenalin.” A relative asks, “What happened to Timmy?” “Timmy, he’s dead.” “What?” Another guest questions. “He’s alive. I’m Timmy. Look at me now. Because of Winston, I’m telling you this story.” Nick crashes and burns before our very eyes. When the relative points out that he’s Nick, he immediately flees the situation. As Nick struggles, Aly and Leslie’s conversation turns into a full-out sibling argument complete with teasing and a mean robot impression. Aly notices that Winston saw their fight and runs off in embarrassment.

Unfortunately for Jess and Robby, it begins to thunder, spooking Robby. They quickly hobble to a nearby cave for shelter. Nothing good happens in a cave, I cannot emphasize that enough. Jess asks Robby if he thinks it’s not good how similar they are to which Robby responds, “I don’t know. My great uncle, Shep Wallingford, used to say if you buy the horse, you see in the mirror.” In a weird way this makes sense. Jess nods in agreement and tells Robby that she has Wallingford’s in her family as well, out near Boston. Robby’s Wallingford relatives are from Newburyport and known for making women’s watches. Though he doesn’t even need to tell Jess that part because she finishes that sentence for him and the pair sing the jingle, “Wallingford’s watches, cause the time is now, and the look is wow!” Jess puts together that they are related. I wasn’t completely blown away, but I think it’s hilarious that being related was the way the writers chose to break these two up. May as well go all in. They compare their families and figure out that they share an Uncle Tony—the one with long fingernails and always wears a whistle around his neck—making them third cousins. Robby pointing out that at least they’re not second cousins is so Karen making out with her cousin at Cady Heron’s Halloween party.

Fortunately Cece and Schmidt are not cousins, but unfortunately they have retreated to their garage to escape their out of control party. Before they can make their time worth their while, Winston interrupts them as he searches for Aly and asks if they’ve seen a kid in a wheelchair. “It was me,” Nick startles the trio, suddenly appearing in the car. Enter Aly with the line we’ve been thinking for six seasons, “Are you guys ever not together?” Schmidt simply answers, “Rarely,” in a put-off tone, but didn’t get just make the guys get a scrotum waxing? Anyways, Cece and Schmidt get into the car in the garage of their own home to give Winston and Aly a moment alone to talk. Aly explains that she’s embarrassed he saw that side of her and if he wants to run for the hill, she understands. She returns inside the house before he can respond. Meanwhile inside the car, Schmidt notices that the car’s running and asks Nick how long he’s been in there. In Nick’s defense, he was cold. But really, how long?

“Did you ever go to one of those big Wallingford family cookouts?” Jess continues to question Robby in the cave. “Just one, in ’92. I remember they had a really competitive three legged race. They paired me up with a little boy who had a helmet on, his skin was so translucent, it was like he was a jellyfish.” “Did he play an imaginary trombone?” She asks, knowing the answer. “Yeah, he kept saying, “it’s better to be safe than speedy.”” Robby’s impression is hands down one of the funniest parts of this episode. And of course that little boy was Jess. Yeah, Jess’ house was definitely not one of the cool ones. Jess wishes to be excluded from this, “I don’t want to die with my cousin-lover in a cave,” narrative and tells Robby she’s going to get on his back so they can get back to his car. She gives him her glasses since he still can’t see and of course they have the same prescription. Not to mention, their glasses are identical.

We near the dramatic conclusion back at Aly’s welcome home party. Aly apologizes to her sister and Winston gets on a table. He tells everyone how weird he is including the fact he has inside jokes with his cat, he is a member of the Puzzling Guild of North America, how he shaves his face cold and brushes his teeth hot, and how on one very late and very desperate night he used Furguson’s cat box as his own box, and of course that he once fell asleep in a bathtub. This draws raucous laughter from himself and Aly only. Nick mentions that maybe he needs to hear it again. Winston finishes his speech with, “So who cares if you’re crazy? I don’t care. I’m crazy too. Watch this. I’m going to put a carrot behind my ear like a bunny reporter and I’m gonna do this dance I’ve been working on for five years.” It’s at this time that Aly’s parents make themselves known. Thankfully they are appreciative of how much he loves their daughter and leave Winston and Aly to have a sweet kiss.

Their moment is interrupted by the police knocking at the door. Cece and Schmidt play dumb and Nick asks why they’re acting like they’re in a porno. The couple clearly did not take into account that Winston and Aly are police officers. They notice Winston and Aly right away and are invited to join the party causing Schmidt to take the law into his own hands. “Shoes off, coasters down!” He shouts to the room.

Robby drops off Jess at the party. He makes sure that they are definitely broken up and tries to give Jess her glasses back. She lets him keep them and says a final, “I’ll see you around.” Robby tries to get in one last awkward joke with, “Maybe at the next family reu—” Jess cuts him off with a “too soon” and heads inside. Schmidt answers the door to see a filthy Jessica Day. She tells them him and Cece that she and Robby broke up in a cave. Cece hugs her and goes to get her wine while Schmidt goes to get her paper towels. As they leave, Nick approaches her. Jess reminds us that she’s still starving and all she has is a bag of gross raisins. “Gross raisins? Are you kidding me? Raisins are the best. I love raisins.” There’s a Raisin joke here somewhere. “Of course you do.” Jess laughs. “Yeah, sometimes I just tuck ’em in my cheek, and I go about my day, so if I ever need the flavor of raisins, I already got it.” Jess can’t imagine what it’s like to need the flavor of raisins, but she gives him her bag and tells him to go nuts anyways. “Go raisins. You said, “Go nuts,” I said, “Go raisins.”” This moment is just too innocent and endearing. They are made for each other.

Originally Aired 1/24/2017

#New Girl #Season 6 Episode 14 #The Hike #Recap #Breakdown #Spoilers #Zooey Deschanel #Jake Johnson #Nelson Franklin #Hannah Simone #Max Greenfield #Lamorne Morris #Nasim Pedrad #Episodes #simplyadorkable

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alexiskarras · 4 years

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In the Heart

As Spencer leaned in to whisper in her ear and Cady slumped forward where she was tied to the pole, Alexis watched the reactions of those around her with confusion etched on her features. Santana’s horrified scream made at least some kind of sense; even though they’d been broken up for ages now, it was clear that she still loved Cady with all of her heart. So of course seeing the redhead die was horrible for her, and Lex wished there was someone who could comfort her somehow. But it was the others she couldn’t understand.

There was horror on their faces and in their eyes, as if Spencer had done something unforgivable and inexplicable, and Lex found solace in her usual way as she tried to understand that - crossing her arms over her chest and scratching roughly at her skin. There was nothing about her love’s decision that she couldn’t understand, not with the alliance on the line. The only way that the Grounders were going to help them get to Mount Weather was if Cady was dead. And the way that Spencer had done it was much less horrific than the way that the Commander had promised she would die. So why be shocked by it? Cady had made a terrible choice, and she had suffered the consequences of that choice.

It didn’t take much time to realize that this was one of those times that she simply couldn’t line up her own thoughts with others. It had happened all too frequently since she’d been freed from the Skybox and sent to the ground, and she’d been profoundly grateful that so far Spencer had been able to take her aside in those moments and explain to her what it was that she was supposed to be feeling, or at least what others would in the same situation. This time was worse; this time Spencer was in the middle of things, and Lex was left to try and puzzle it all out for herself.

From somewhere behind her she felt more than heard Wyatt move, as if he was going to put an arm around her. In a rare moment she didn’t shrug him off, just stood there looking blank as Spencer approached the camp. She took a half-step toward her but Wyatt held her in place, leaning down to whisper in her ear. “Just wait, Lexi. Hold on.” She gave him a curious sidelong glance and he just nodded, care and concern in his eyes that she hadn’t seen for a very long time. It took everything she had not to step forward, but in the span of a heartbeat she saw what Wyatt had been trying to tell her - Abby was going to get there first. Her mother led Spencer into a nearby shelter, out of sight of the others.

There was a much too long and much too eeries silence throughout the Ark survivors, one that was finally split by a keening cry that could only be Spencer’s. Wyatt held her in place once more when she started to move, the same firm but tender look on his face. “Lexi, please. This is one of those times when she needs her mom more than she needs you. Her Mom will know what to say to her.” The underlying tone of his words told her something more - that she wouldn’t. That she’d say the wrong thing, or see it from the wrong perspective, because she didn’t have his seventeen years of socialization to fall back on. Alexis hated it. Hated the knowledge that he was right, and that if she did go to the girl she loved right now then she’d have absolutely no idea what to say. Spencer deserved better than that.

Lex shrugged him off then, turning to look him in the eye. “Then tell me. Explain it to me. What do I say? How do I say it? I don’t have to understand it, Wy, just tell me what she’d need to hear right now. And how I can make it better for her. Tell me.”

To his credit, he did. The war, everything that had happened since they’d hit the ground, it had changed him. Alexis didn’t know if he was a good man, but he at least wasn’t the selfish prick that he’d been when he’d been dancing around shouting about doing whatever the hell he wanted. He sat her down and slowly talked her through it, explaining the things that Spencer might say and do and the things that she needed to do in return. Only then, with a soft kiss to her forehead, did he let her into Spencer’s tent.

Approaching from behind her, Lex wrapped her arms gently around Spencer and rested her head on her shoulder. “You did the right thing,” she whispered softly. “You were so brave, and I’m so proud of you. You saved Cady so much suffering.” It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

#thread: in the heart #verse: the 100

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newyorktheater · 6 years

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“The Cost of Living” by Martyna Majok wins the 2018 Pulitzer Prize in Drama. “The Minutes by Tracy Letts and “Everybody” by Brandon Jacobs-Jenkins were selected as finalists.

This only begins the Season of Theater Awards, which will heat up within the next few weeks. This month is already hot with openings — six on Broadway within the next nine days. I’ve already reviewed eight plays and musicals just in the past week (See below.).

Also below: More on Majok and the Pulitzers, Tony nominations, new shows starring Elaine May, Anika Noni Rose, and Karl Marx; the spectacular new season at the Signature, Patti LuPone starts a new feud, and a parody of Les Miz on Saturday Night Live.

Week in NY Theater Reviews

(Click on the titles to read the complete reviews and/or see all the production photographs)

Amar Ramasar and company in “Blow High, Blow Low.”

Carousel

The new “Carousel” has the most glorious singing on Broadway, as well as thrilling choreography and picturesque sets and costumes that seem lifted from great American paintings by Thomas Eakins and Edward Hopper. It also has a surprisingly dark story whose last half hour has aged so poorly it offers a bizarre mix of the ugly and the precious.

Mlima’s Tale

Elephants might become extinct in 20 years because of poaching for their ivory, we learn from “Mlima’s Tale,” the unusual new play by Lynn Nottage, the Pulitzer prize winning playwright of Ruined and Sweat, which is staged poetically by Jo Bonney, with a memorable performance by Sahr Ngaujah as Mlima. When we first see him, Ngaujah is in a tense crouch, his left arm stretched in the air behind him, his right arm curled below him, like an especially fierce bowler – or a massive elephant with a mighty trunk…

King Lear

“King Lear” begins with a foolish ruler swayed by flattery, and ends with what Royal Shakespeare Company artistic director Greg Doran calls “a strange, profound unease.” Shakespeare’s tragedy is, in other words, as relevant as ever. And Doran’s often visually arresting if rarely shattering production at the Brooklyn Academy of Music’s Harvey Theater, which stars Antony Sher as Lear, is as good as any to remind us of the Bard’s insights into stormy times, and the self-delusions of the powerful.

Mean Girls

At the end of “Mean Girls,” Cady, the new girl in high school who tries so hard to fit in that she’s become phony and superficial, tells her classmates that she’s learned her lesson: “I wanted everyone to like me so bad, I kind of lost myself in the process.” Had Tina Fey and her collaborators learned the same lesson, they surely would not have turned her smart, funny 2004 movie into the overlong, ill-timed Broadway musical that is currently running at the August Wilson Theater.

Children of a Lesser God

The first Broadway revival of “Children of a Lesser God,” the award-winning, boundary-breaking 1980 play by Mark Medoff about the romance and eventual marriage between a hearing teacher at a school for the deaf and a deaf graduate, is the only show on Broadway whose creative team includes a “director of artistic sign language.” It is the only show on Broadway to project supertitles of the entire script at EVERY performance, and to schedule sign language interpreters regularly. And, above all, it is of course the only show that marks the stunning Broadway debut of Lauren Ridloff, who portrays Sarah Norman, whose language (like the actress’s) is American Sign Language. These are reasons enough to welcome this production, and to consider it pioneering, even as the play it’s remounting feels dated.

Dutch Masters

n “Dutch Masters,” a new play written by Greg Keller and directed by Andre Holland, a young black man meets a young white man on the subway, with unexpected results. In “Dutchman,” the 1964 play by LeRoi Jones (soon to change his name to Amiri Baraka), a young black man meets a white woman on the subway, with unexpected results….“Dutchman” winds up a surreal and merciless indictment of White America. “Dutch Masters” is more realistic, and less harsh, but it too requires a suspension of disbelief, and it too comments on race relations in America. It also adds an observation about class that feels exactly right – showing how race and class can sometimes be synonymous.

Miss You Like Hell

Miss You Like Hell,” a new musical by “In The Heights” book writer Quiara Alegría Hudes and singer-songwriter Erin McKeown, depicts the most American of adventures, the road trip. But this road trip takes place in the America of today, and so the discoveries and self-discovery are edged with some dark realities. Daphne Rubin-Vega, portraying one of her most vibrant original characters since her Broadway debut in “Rent,” is Beatriz Santiago, a Mexican immigrant mother who…insists that her 16-year-old estranged daughter Olivia accompany her on a cross-country trip over the next seven days.

This Flat Earth

Lindsey Ferrentino’s drama takes a more oblique approach than most of the other plays about school shootings that I’ve seen — and I’ve seen too many…The details of the shooting that has the characters reeling are offered in disconnected bits and piece, and kept vague. Instead, “This Flat Earth” largely focuses on the small, subtly devastating (and sometimes amusing!) effects on a handful of characters in the aftermath.

The Week in Theater Awards

The Pulitzer citation for “Cost of Living” reads: “An honest, original work that invites audiences to examine diverse perceptions of privilege and human connection through two pairs of mismatched individuals: a former trucker and his recently paralyzed ex-wife, and an arrogant young man with cerebral palsy and his new caregiver.”

My review : In “Cost of Living,” an eye-opening play featuring a quartet of extraordinary performances, playwright Martyna Majok offers a tart retort to that sappy Barbra Streisand song about the luck of people who need people, and smashes more than one stereotype along the way…”

The play contained one of my favorite moments on stage in 2017:

Katy Sullivan, Victor Williams. In Cost of Living, Eddie gave his disabled wife Ani a bath, and decided to serenade her with a piano concerto. There is no piano in the bathroom, and Eddie never learned to play anyway, much as he wanted to. But he takes her paralyzed arm from the water, drapes it on the bathtub’s edge and plays her like a piano, synchronized with the radio broadcast.

(Majok has been a favorite of mine since I saw her play Iron Bound two years ago.)