#responsiblity is for losers

[angeldiaries777]

i am terrified of growing up too, im only 14 but the thought that one day i will be 30 scares the shit out of me and i dont want it

so so sorry for the extremely late response you might not even be on tumblr anymore but i figured i might still answer incase you see it. i don't really have anything to say because my headspace is quite foggy right now i literally have an existential crisis like everyday of my life and have no clue what i am doing 90% of the time I'm also terrified of getting older yadda yadda i also feel scared and like i wasted my time like anyone else would etc. however this isn't about me i just thought i would share some info so you would know that my perspective and lifestyle isn't exactly the most healthy or knowledgeable as of now. the only thing i can say to you is to try to not stress too much about it and be present more often (i know super generic) . maybe spend less time online and this is coming from the queen of being a chronically online loser her entire life so trust me if anyone can tell you anything about being online is that sometimes it creates false realities and scares us of the world yes the world is scary and people are too a lot of the time and all the responsiblity that comes with growing up just isn't easy. i know when i was 14 it was the most difficult age for me mentally. please just take care of yourself and your mental health as much as you can now so it doesn't get terrible and feel unmanagable later down the line. for now i would say just enjoy being a teen and have fun. go outside of your comofort zone and try new things as much as possible. growing up is tough and we're all terrified but theres a difference between being a little scared and actually trying not to get there. i know this might not be specifically geared towards you or be an issue in your personal life but just in case. always always remember that if you're ever having any suicidal ideation or thoughts about self harm or anything similar there is help available. and there are hotlines that you can call depending on where you live. there is so much to look forward to and so many great milestones of life ahead of you. life at the end of the day even if it doesn't seem like it is a gift. and we are here to experience it for all that it is for a very short amount time. your life can be whatever you want it to be. and you can be whoever you want to be. you should never live in fear or let fear dictate your life and decsions because trust me speaking from personal experience that never works out. just enjoy life and being 14 for now :)

TL;DR what lana said except don't die young!!! ilysm <33

#angeldiaries777

[jozz404]

if i work fast enough the sleep wont catch up to me. reponsibility is for people who can make good choices, and ooooh boy, is that not me

#i am speed #aaaaaa #school #i am so tired #responsiblity is for losers #and i am a winner

[paraclete0407]

Going to give away all my story-ideas a la George Johnston’s ‘The Fire Sale’ since I feel as if Lucifer has been unleashed against me for the destruction of my flesh that I might learn not to blaspheme - 

‘The Winners 2012′ 

With the prototype of my ‘Three Kings’ ultimate self-idea-hero, the Vice Principal or Ass’t Headmaster forced to play basketball, also something about a novel about violoncello and female self-satisfaction, inner life or pseudo-inner-life and my attack on Harvard people for their emetic unending self-celebration, which turned out to be a sort of Kim Jong Il three-day massacre-banquet + they really have a huge problem with alcohol, rape, at the same time they were right IMHO to be eating blueberries and protein-goop and so on sleeping 2hrs a night.  Princeton students doing math in lucid dreams.  I too would have but in retrospect I literally methinks I deduce that my bio-parents and Waqas my Paki roommate were trying to give me heart-failure in the cause of sociohistorical justice and/or ‘family tree’ hyper-narcissism.  I was watching ‘Reply 1997′ and that song ‘Confession’ but I thought ‘I am gonna one day hang out with my friend again and drive through the NJ woods and it’ll all be alright b/c they are gonna have theirs and I am gonna have mine and in the end they will still be able to follow my lead and feel I was worthwhile.’  ‘Headmaster’s Wife’ something something Robert James Waller bidding for continued relevance after ‘Madison County’ but even in 2012 I just honestly wasn’t that fascinated with women or their hobbies at all.  I like the Korean poem that says to look at your spouse’s brow, check homework, share food.  Everyone wants a room of their own in which to produce bad art, get worse as a person, do that which others could do better.  USFK bases are like huge campuses with super-nice beds and the soldiers all appear to need like 5,000 KCAL per diem or they’ll pass out.  I had been in the habit of sleeping bolt-straight till I got here and liquified my form.  ‘Winners’ got totally out of hand where the Ass’t Headmaster started cruising around looking for anyone and everyone to talk to and never got what he was up to - never ever ever realized that he could minimize his life and walk away, that he was manager-material at Cryan’s Irish Pub or sth, that the principal really might retire one day or just let him step up, if he didn’t keep trying to ‘discharge responsiblities’ or lay the ground for some super-daughter-figure to fulfill the mission that he had been waiting to incipit; and too, he was sort of a priest to begin with and avoided his vocation for years and decades for reasons unknown.  My ex-friend from Harvard bragged about staying up for 36hrs doing something and there was President Obama saying ‘Heyyy Harvard Columbia but I also like flip-flops, chips, Occidental, jackass, fag.’  Obama had such an uneven series of statements.  I used to blow up on the radio like 1000000% affirmative action; Thomas Sowell is 10000% right that the Ivies were disillusioning and damaging generation of Blacks who couldn’t read fast enough - therefore, better to go back to K-12 / HS and try to give younger people a general preparedness so that they wouldn’t leave it to mercenary oft CCP-seduced (Vogel) and it turns out oft pedophilic prof’s (Alexander Theroux is in the habit of calling Dershowitz ‘dirt’ though I actually agree with him about a lot and hope that he is still in favor of rule of law at this bizarre hour) to form or confer their identity and bequeath their sense of mission in life... 

‘Thanksgiving Day’

Possibly my ‘most characteristic novel’ that predicted me never being understood or read with my own grain at all though it contained terrorist threats basically.  Of all Korean pop-music with its numerous melismas in a way he most ‘abject’ was Sunny’s song from ‘Story of Wine,’ ‘Finally Now’ which made me realize actually I was gonna get cut up at all the dinner-parties, all my understandings would be met with anti-understandings, everything I simplified would be complicated, whether I throw rock paper or scissor all my ex-friends from Gov School are throwing CCP massive retaliation deepfake AI bury-the-scholar-alive fireballs.  So they drove to the South Mountain Res where the homosexual pederasts are acting pedagogical and ‘adoptive’ and they are sitting there like, ‘Well soon it will be deer-hunting season + Chris Christie was saying how teachers like to make kids’ faces light up + give them indelible memories but under all his generosity of acknowledgment / crediting all the while CC was also saying / dogwhistling / inciting if not demanding or ordering, “Eat the poor,”which Obama was also arguably saying.’

I still like Sunny or did like 18 months ago - Tizzard and friends are mad at Cho Kuk; I tried to defend the governing class though this actually clashed with my own belief in people that came from dirt being best qualified as long as they don’t turn utterly prideful;  and I’m a monarchist megalomaniac b/c I thought of Kissinger saying, ‘The illegal we do immediately the unconstitutional takes a while’ which I did not eve n intend to mean ‘Milwaukee antinomianism misrule carnivalesque total inversion of values’ and IZ*ONE were ‘rigged’ (destined), ‘Sunkyu’ is a good safe name that I know of and at the end she is like, ‘He is a loser; I am going back to the party anyway; he belongs in a Cistercian monastery or somewhere; it is not wrong to have monks and nuns and celibate married couples and/or those who wat a long time after marriage to have a child...’  

‘Everything’ (Everything 2015 / Everything 2021)

Words never said, ‘I’m everything’ - therefore how can you not play my games and _ _ _.  This was such an abject apprehension(?) in my own life; I had an ideal solution to the problem and in those days I actually had no acute anxiety nor did I feel this distance(d) awe from anybody but only a low-level thrumming or basso continuou worry or ‘meditation’ (Purpose-Driven Life).  I guess now if someone isn’t asking a clear question it might be beside the point to imagine it’s worthwhile to answer and if somebody proffers you a certainty in any part of speech it is best it is best just to respond or non-respond without ay semblance of personality; deflection; without wanting to add anything or change anyone’s mind b/c in the end they who open their wings prematurely will get shot down all the more; and will also become their own worst enemies at times due to the conceits of ‘my nobility; fallen flower; I was Elect; I was anointed [sth. from ‘Sentimental Education’ abt women’s hearts]’  

When I was 15 I started thinking a lot about reality and who is real to whom; my favorite piano-piece though in retrospect I might’ve ust listened to it then moved on with better things was Frederic Chopin’s ‘Berceuse’ op. 57 a.k.a. ‘Lullaby’ though originally it was simply ‘Variations.’  Simple left hand, very testing right hand.  Michelangeli made a version in which nothing was thrown away or left to chance and a lot of pianists add a deep D-flat to the last chord which I disagreeith b/c the whole point of not using that is taht in the end it’s not a big deal.  Best is Kempff 1946 because it’s utterly affectionate, fatherly, almost forgetful.  I had once regarded this version or ‘rendering’ as being Kempff’s message to post-Nazi Germany saying, ‘Dream a new dream for a while.’  His left hand is spelling and his right hand is tracing.  I used to make up words for this piece ‘I’m real God can’t you see / to break your shield’ but that was with a different count or tempo than the actual notation.  Also, the version I heard first was Idil Biret or someone and they made the left hand cycle or reciprocate with a false completeness like an underlying clock when the essence of the ‘Berceuse’ is that the inner voices form a tolling or droning.  I years later turned to the even more violent psychopathic Chopin that gave me hand-tremors and I think it is very bad for humans of which the apex was the last page or so of Nocturne 55-2 which is basically heart-explosion into embers.  After going to KR I never wanted to touch a piano again except for anything related to Kempff and would walk around Lake Park, Wahl Street, considering Russia, simplicity, ‘c/Chimes.’  Didn’t then realize George Frost Kennan grew up around there and was considering Russia his whole life.  I saw ‘Cat Street’ and was put in mind of a Singaporean market or square where they let songbirds talk to each other but it’s ancient history now.  Maybe in future no one will care about cats, birds - I don’t really except I grew up in white trash degenerate Mass. where they burned frogs for fun (I was like 3) and put skull-flag all over their rooms.  I oppose Mao sparrow-genocide, am fond of dandelions and the Ku Sang poem about dandelions from ‘Infant Splendor.’  However my generation and the people of that time were arguably over-equipped and in one way over-covered in another under-covered.  

Voice in my head saying ‘They want Maoism man.’  But I really did believe in those days that others’ futures were like my own past and I perhaps overestiated my own chance of any future understanding, ‘trust-ness,’ and, either stable interiority or cognizable reliable plain-as-day face-to-face exteriority.  

I also read Somerset Maugham’s critiques of ‘the Russian sense of humor’ which I approved of and my mom recently dreamed of the cat running out with his tail burnt.

There are perhaps only so many possible variations or stories and ‘today’s character’ is a real human being in the present moment and placement not just your favorite actress or whatever or whomever that would follow you to the ends of the Earth.  I have almost no idea right now whether others want what I want or not; I had fantasized about writing speeches and always taking my family with me on the campaign-airplane which in retrospect is not perforce responsible and might’ve been mental Bidenism.  I had only felt that it would or could be good for people in the future / future Man to be aware of one another’s burdens like let your son or daughter know when you’re working really hard instead of playing / representing Santa Dad when you’re really storing up UncleHammer and CrushFather vengeance, whether motivated by presumption and reactionary atavism or by the Will of God in the case of Mr. David James Johnston must be pulverized in to ‘coulisse bright dark tragic chiaroscuro’...In ‘Coming Home Again’ Changrae Lee’s mom was telling him how hard his psychiatric dad worked in graduate school and that is something I believe kids should know but there again what if immgrant young people really do grow up or ‘come up’ with this ‘Minima Moralia’ (Adorno cf. Vatican Censoriate) sense that ‘wrong life cannot be rightly lived,’ a horrific desolate phrase, that existence is a ‘battle life’ and that evth we do right today is a down-payment on wrong tomorrow. 

In the ‘diaspora(?)’ of Evangelical Christianity following the passing away of a very famous and beautifully simply and consistent apologist Ravi Zacharias there was a cataclysmic revelation concerning his treatment of masseuses, first in terms of sexual harrassment and later unless it is all ‘fake news’ the discovery of a trove of actual records of abuse.  I‘m Reddit ButBothSides relativism but it really almost feels as if there had been the mentality of a ‘treasury of merit’ but I don’t even want to say anything like that.  Strange keepsakes!  I feel as though ‘everybody deserves to know’ I am pretty certain I could be indicted for sexual harrassment in the Republic of Korea from a specific instant I recall very vividly + it might be good to do so in view of the current society’s determination to stop driving women toward suicide but IDK whether I ough to say that to anyone in Milwaukee b/c around here they’re racists and polyamorists and it’s more CCP paleo-peudo-Confucian mistress-culture where my dad is checking out my girlfriends and orgy and procurement are considered acts of unconditional love(?).  Many years ago I looked at the Joongang Daily and say a ‘diptych’ of ‘T-ARA to release new song in November’ and ‘Uhm Taewoong arraigned for solicitation in [’my last stop’]’ + I adored TIAMO but it made me sad that the yougest member of this group was posing ith little girls all carring playing cards b/c it was lke a Chaim Potok novel that said mutatis mutandis ‘child-rearing is all gambling’ which goes against my sense of what is possible and even practical with a proper chain of care and ‘absolute ownership.’  And there I had been eager to join in the American Families Plan but then it really is still public schools where (Chesterton),  ‘ The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected.’  Professionalism, fair compensation, training, re-training, good data, involving parents.  I am just sad b/c I realized I don’t really get how good or bad the SoE’s are anymore but the costs of Chromebooks and such are immense and I’m almost 100% certain the kids still have noisy homes, no good desks, + many of the staff are single moms nursing etc. + teacher-tenure and ‘middle class wages’ IMHO have been drawing mercenary self-righteous ideologue-automoton mental Boomers for decades and they still don’t get it but I’m super-sad b/c I just have no way I know of finding out!

I like talking to psychiatrists b/c they get stuff about autism as well as in some cases literal demons and matters such as handwriting, Arabic script going ‘backwards,’ but in the end they too appear committed to doing whatever the current overlord(s) of the world order are going to do.  At the mental hospital they’re writing stuff like ‘schiz- ____’ nd saying ‘sign I’ll date’ and when I say ‘that’s an official document’ the union pozzers around here are like ‘it’s my document’ like Hell it is.  You’re on strike against truth and morality and that’s no joke!  You better give me heart-failure tonight or I will eventually bring a suit against your ‘whole host’ but that itself is beside the point because of Delta and drones and the fact that this is a revelating(?) era and a literal Judgment of God, which I had been hoping to weather and eventually execute my long-incubating intention but I truly am concerned what could present roll over and through this city.

This spectre or menace of a saturating, superceding, overriding ‘raison d’etat’ in the earthly world order soon to come and everything going to be unsealed anyway so that your private life is really just ‘a paper heart merit-badge that says “private life” on it’ and in future even a confirmation of something or someone is not really a confirmation.  Puts in mind of the MLG song ‘Kiss Me’ about ego and commitment and the valences and intersections(?) of different potential promises or forecasts.  My old friend Miles used to write about kissing a lot and I had reflections about kissing and such matters but IDK now if he’s a cultural Maoist advocating to defund the LAPD or he just ‘keeps his virtue to himself’ and feeds trash the ‘Arab Street’ about not protecting weak people from criminals.

[whirlybirdwhat]

🌻

okay so there’s this one au very close to my heart that i’ve been kind of thinking of writing for awhile and its VERY self indulgent like max self indulgent like the most indulgent thing i will probs ever write but

rise of the guardians x op crossover taking place in a world where the op world used to be earth before the second fall and the arrival of fearlings n shit. 

so the premise is that select people from op are now spirits in the world, almost invisible to the human eye. Ace is the spirit of summer who has like. interacted with jack like twice, and has very strong feels about Sandy being the guardian of dreams. Because, of course, Sandy doesn’t protect real dreams. 

Not the kind Ace knows - not the kind that called an entire era to go out to sea and chase those dreams. Goals, dreams, the romantic dream. Thats what dreams are to Ace. And Sandy is just protecting the flimsy dreams that happen at night. 

Loser. 

Anyway so thats Ace’s beef with sandy, but the main plot is that Blackbeard is back and acting like Pitch Black but ten times worse and actively killing people and spirits, and literally NO ONE knows who this bitch is. No One. NO ONE. Because he’s been dead for a long long time - longer than who the spirits of Earth percieve to be the Olderest Spirit, Mother Nature. 

Well guess what spirits. You are WRONG.

Because Ace is older than the Earth itself and has been a spirit since before the second Fall. (Basically a void century in which this era started happening and mother nature took over earth.)  

So. The world calls a meeting for all spirits about the mysterious force (teach) thhats threatening the world and Ace starts laughing and taking charge of the situtaion because FINALLY. A FIGHT. 

He takes over, expoisition happens, but also at the meeting is captain hook,,, who also knows what is going on,,, and is none other than Crocodile. Because its so funny and he gets very mad about how humans twisted his legacy. 

“I KEEP CROCS FOR PETS IM NOT AFRAID OF CROCS!!” its funny  

He and Ace have a spat then just be like okay. This is happening. 

I don’t have what comes between that and this but anyway halfway to the story we learn about the First Guardian of Dreams, true dreams, the dreams of an era long before. 

Monkey D. Luffy, and his flying pirate ship and crew a la end of Peter Pan style. 

He’s been out exploring space and other planets because this place is boring and he hates responsiblity whil Ace is tracking down the other buried spirits of the whitebeard pirates on earth. (Marco, the phoenix, to name one.) 

Anyway Luffy comes back and works to restore an era of adventure to the world while also showing up the easter bunny and everyone else in battle prowness and just outsider poving the straw hats the entire time. YEAH!! 

okay that was all i had planned for this au one day i will write it.

#chubbytifa #i cam up with this in the car on a road trip one day and slowly have been adding bits to it #2015?? 16?? 17?? me loved rotg #what a time to be alive #how old was i jfc #op #one piece #rotg #portgas d. ace #ace #rise of the guardians #the imagery of crocodile as captain hook and hating it gives me so much joy #whirlyanswers #whirlywrites #whirlywhat

[kinder-dejavu]

Buggs

K-AU

Official full name is Bugsten McGreggor Junior. Preferably likes to be called Buggs.

Father was a war veteran and died in war. His death left Buggs and his mother in grief for a long while.

Longs for a true friend who will always have his back and not afraid to put themselves in danger in times of need.

Very self-conscious about his weight. Finds a little closure in Penny who does not judge others.

Has a collection of small pocket knives from his father who left them to Buggs.

C-AU

Discovered that his father actually flew overseas and wasn’t even part of the war at all. In fact, his father’s death in the war was a fabricated lie and excuse to keep from having the responsiblity of raising Buggs. After finding out he had been abandoned by his father, Buggs grew to hate the man with a growing passion.

Dropped out of college during his second year. The reason is rumored to be because he rumbled with some kids criticizing Cindy’s fashion line. But who really knows...

Has a “frenemy” relationship with Kris. Still condisders him a “loser”. Other times it’s a “bro” kind of friendship.

Outgrew his self-consciousness of his weight and actually trained himself to get healither. And for some odd reason he still isn’t bothered about being teased for his poverty.

Still collects knives. Has an entire garage with hanging punching sand bags and other combat equipment. Considers himself a self-proclaimed streetfighter. He hasn’t lost one fight yet. Probably never will...

He and Cindy have an odd relationship. One that Kris is determined to find out about.

Click for quality!

#kindergarten #kindergarten 2 #kindergarten buggs #kindergarten 2 buggs #buggs #kindergarten game #college au #c-au #k-au #my art #k2:dr

[little-owly]

hi

hey, i know last night was...a lot. a lot of stuff said and emotions/reactions, but i want to say i'm sorry for anything that was upsetting to you all. i take full responsiblity for my actions and what they caused.

and i want to say thank you to each and every one of you who sent me something or checked in on me while the 'discourse' happened. it means more to me then you'll ever know. it means so much to me that all of you are sweet and kind and...just so caring. it makes me cry that you all love and care about me, a little loser on the internet, so much.

you're all absolute angels and i can never thank you all so much for your support and caring messeges/asks. i love you guys so fucking much ❤️

so lets all move on from the negativity and get back on track with this blog and its content :D that sound good to yall?

#owly cries #owly.txt

[the-firebird69]

and you leave now and mount up on ships that are not ours...and say it someone spraypainted it...the grazo and more.  tons see. it.  you go here you die and other say why do that.  and it releases them from responsiblity, and free to leave go...and it doesnt but works ouit you go some are partially outfitted. obvious to us but ok.  they leave.  happily going to try to sink his...and he pushes for it. we wave.  bye bye.  and they eat each other going there.  and use it too they say but hey....you, knock thiem out if within a half our or less well 15 minutes lol.  goes bad fast.  and they stroll up say hi yup. not bja but ok. he is too you losers.  we readyou your out. go.  and you dont need us.  we see.  youi do and he said it they protected you...dont need them to but ok...your choice. tons go  i hear it is in the millins of nonillions and worthy of being pointed out.tons of ghost ships and tons of help but we are disgusted. tons leave go to holes too.  ghwb would stop it..he is his grandpapy hard to do but would if we knew how to control him dont. and he would see it tard out and say mac is on course a bit off but on...the  Kite and such..and we hear it it is true. slow slow going.  very slow. and now we have action, up soon...she said it trump is out and sings now emily blunt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gv2sltptE8

[colinjessup-blog]

$, ⁇, %

Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text. 

[text] GET IN LOSER WE’RE GOING DRINKING

[text] wait that wasn’t meant for you but like IF YOU WANNA I WOULD BE HONORED

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text. 

[text] grant

[text] GRANT

[text] I’ve been drinking less bc championships and now I’m drunker than I meant to be because tolerance or some shit but i want you to know that and then i would you tell me you recongize my responsiblity and sacrifice

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

[text] soOoOoOoooOOOoooOO Zia may have ~accidentally~ sent me a text about some one on one Exy practice you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?????????? 👀👀👀👀

#ask meme continuity? why not #grant #text: grant #rollinsgrant

[myjetsetlifeiskillingme]

It's less than a month til school and what I am doing to prepare for it? If you said staying up til six am watching Boomerang and eating frozen pizza, you would be very correct.

  I'm an adult, I promise. 

#college #all nighters woo #boomerang #pizza #responsiblity is for losers #but my life is also sad