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cursed-princess-club · 2 months

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my apologies if this is out of place on your blog- it's one of the few CPC blogs I know- but am I the only one who feels weird about the whitewashing Frederick's character is going through in fandom right now? like demonizing the CPC (a place literally made of the oppressed) in favor the white, cis, het, oh-so-innocent-and-pure boy? and making it seem like he was completely in the right to be racist to Gwen (unintentional racism is still racism!) and that everything he did was 100% justified and explained.

Again, sorry if I sound like an SJW (can't believe I'm using that term in 2024) but this just really rubs me the wrong way.

NOOOOO I get where you're coming from, you're valid in feeling that way. (also it's totally okay to send me asks! i enjoy talking about cpc :D and i'll do my best to answer them!)

white boy favoritism is definitely a Thing in fandom and. yowch. generally we've seen characters ignorant towards how people on the braided island look where even the cpc thought that gwen was cursed at first (shoutout to molly for being normal about leelathae!). if i remember correctly leelathae's implied that she's human which makes me wonder about the lore... plus I don't really know how defined witches are with their stances in Hashtag Society but i feel like there's probably a social stigma or something there too... are all of them "evil"? are they born witches? do they all have similar traits? Who knows.... and yeahh the braided island inhabitants are a fictional race, but also the coding! the other pastel kids resemble their white father more, and they're technically mixed, while gwen is visibly more like her mother. like being more visibly indigenous or latina but if you were gwen in cpc. which makes me think yk

by definition the cpc is a disabled support group!!. (club my beloved) personally i also like to add queer in there too heh... and also majority of them being women! so they are meant to be representative of the oppressed,, Even if they're all rich princesses. (but i think that's just more because of the setting lol, since they're treated/treat each other like... well... normal people... so i feel like them being rich isn't a point trying to be made. slightly off topic but this is something ive thought of haha) I DO understand what you mean tho and why it rubs you the wrong way. frederick a flawed character that shouldn't be put on a pedestal. same with the others, they're flawed! and i like em. i like frederick! they all grow and change and i like watching their progress! (it does really suck how ignorant the people in universe are though about other races... may be a worldbuilding thing again. i wonder about the other fantasy races in cpc! how different are the wizards and witches seen? and fantasy racism is a whole other topic i don't know if i can bring justice to in a discussion gadiufnhdam)there's a lot that can be argued about how they function and the name and how they treated frederick and tori's argument too but i digress </3 (i'm open to opinions though!) i gotta think more about the worldbuilding and stuff kek

OVERALL!! frederick isn't perfect, the club isn't perfect, but i don't think any of them should be demonized for it because to me that's the whole point!! that nobody's perfect! lol lmao xd welcome to the club yk. imperfect people are just people n stuff

#cursed princess club #cpc meta #cpc confessions #?perhaps...#cpc asks #man i could go for some ritz crackers rn #got those cravings randomly #I DO GET YOU ANON #trying to be unbiased </3 #nobody let me cook #i just see like. frederick's outburst as something that happened that had consequences he didnt expect #very very harmful consequences #like a bunch of circumstances lined up to hurt gwen in the most amplified way #because his throwaway comment snowballed into gwen having this big realization since #1. she's unaware of society's Beauty Standard and 2. she's supposed to marry him lol and 3. her sisters are considered pretty but.#she's apparently not #which SUCKS to be hit with all at once #that something that wasnt even said to her face did this much damage #when frederick didnt actually wanna hurt her

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ramenaddicted-sides · 1 year

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These two are gonna run a train on me, I can just feel it.

So I finally finished the Touchstarved demo, and it was amazing. I can't wait for the full version to be released. When it does the first route I'm going to play is Ais. I find him very charming, he has a very keen intellect, and he's a smoker.

*I want your tongue twister You got me beggin' for your head spinner*

*Coughs* but yeah I am crushing hard on this man.

#Touchstarved #touchstarved ais #ais #ais touchstarved #touchstarved demo #touchstarved game #i want this man to crack my back and spread me on a ritz cracker #💖yazplaysotome #💖yazplaysvisualnovel #💖yazplays

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ofiends · 21 days

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📱

Name: Bora (сердце/gönül)

Text samples: “If you're with her, please tell your mama I'll be round later with all those dishes she gave me leftovers in. I promise I haven't forgot. And tell the rest of the fam I said Hi!. See you later! x”

“You looked so good at Handover this morning😉, I can't stop thinking about you. Or how your butt looked in those pants 😛 x"

“I get off in 20. My place or yours? x”

Last call: Tuesday @ 20:10. Lasted 2 hours, 49 minutes, 32 seconds.

@shadowdavutoglu

#(get u a man that likes you even when hes been up since 7 and looks great and you just woke up at 3pm for a ritz cracker)#yelena & bora: images #yelena & bora: meme

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voltr-ash · 1 year

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I'm this 👌 close to writing a VERY self indulgent, VERY rated E Aaravos/Reader fic solely based on this gif. Christ almighty.

#i would crack this man in half and spread him on a fucking ritz cracker #aaravos #sexy elf man #i would let him do unspeakable things to me #the dragon prince

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chaosdistracted42 · 1 year

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A scene of destruction, the sky a wild torrent of reds, yellows, and purples. The apocalypse. Screams and snarls echo endlessly. But upon the earth, below the rubble….

Roach: you shouldn’t be here Nia…

Rat: Kine, please - I miss you

Kine’s expression crumples, their face twisting in frustration

Roach: Things are already bad enough. There’s barely anything left to fight over. Causing trouble now could break both our peoples.

Rat: Look at me

Nia gently grabs Kine’s chin. She looks at them with soft, loving eyes. Tired eyes, yet filled with hope.

Rat: Our love doesn’t have to be a source of hatred. We have options. Choices! You think them knowing will cause a war? Fine! Let’s leave! You want to stay? Okay, we’ll make this into an alliance! Prove we can be United! We will always have a choice. And I will always chose you.

Kine’s face crumples as they start to shake, a sob building.

Roach: I want to be with you. I want you. I will always want you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. You deserve so much more than me.

Rat: Hey, hey, don’t say that. I love you. I’m here, I’m right here and we can figure this out.

Roach: Nia, I don’t doubt our love. I don’t doubt you. What I- *frustrated sigh* what I know, is that I- I may love my people more than I love you. And I know that if I chose you, I lose them. I’ve spent my whole life surrounded by family. People who love me, who will always love me - like you do. How can I hurt them? How can I abandon them? This isn’t about my duty or responsibly - how could I leave the people who love me?

Nia stares at Kine, deeply hurt. She looks away, her expression filled with pain, betrayal. There’s nothing to say. There will never be anything to fill the hole Kine just carved into her chest. She turns to leave.

Kine says nothing, helplessly watching her go. Tears silently roll down both their faces.

Roach: I’m sorry…

Kine whispers under their breath.

Pt. 2

Inspired by @tapakah0 and @somerandomdudelmao comics

#idk man #I’m sleep deprived #it’s been well over a week of max 5 hrs #it’s a rat and a roach but u know what #love breaks all borders #lovers don’t often get their happy ending #sometimes you love what you have too much to leave it #I should be packing but I’m eating ritz crackers and a mint #rottmnt #cass apocalyptic series

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rynliadon · 2 years

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ok SO I finally got to the point in my kotlc reread where I've read the books I've never read before (flashback and legacy) and honestly, as someone who was a ritz cracker enthusiast, how did we get here. what happened. legacy was so genuinely frustrating a lot of the time; I started reading it at 2am because I was DESPERATE for there to be actual sophitz stuff before it all fell apart, but it was just red flag after red flag. not to MENTION they hardly spend any time together at all?? once the plot picked up though I couldn't put it down, which is the problem with these books. I literally cannot put them down. ever. anyway so apparently 13 year old me was right to root for keefe in middle school since it's obvious that's where it's headed. and I'm GLAD that's where it's headed because I like keefe. but I wish that fitz's entire character didn't feel so... weird now. bestie what happened to you. you were the chosen one. it was said you would destroy the sith, not join them

#kotlc #legacy spoilers #kotlc spoilers #I was so excited for the sophitz stuff just because I love when a relationship that's been danced around finally INTERACTS #and then there was nothing. what the fuck.#it was like all of the worst secondhand embarrassment stuff that could possibly happen in a love triangle #kudos to keefe for committing SO hard to being a good friend to sophitz.#kudos to sophie for being absolutely fucking determined to be oblivious to every time keefe had a romantic emotion #kudos to fitz for going absolutely bonkers. off the wall crazy. shitty boyfriend speedrun. is something else going on with you man #(obviously it's alvar. the alvar stuff was happening. but with the sophie pov it's really hard to empathize with him)#(I'm trying though. I won't give up on you ritz cracker. there's a good character in there somewhere. salvageable blorbo.)#(ok ok I'm done rambling I swear)#liveblog

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spookysquirrels · 11 days

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I have think again about kissing ash again, went to the drs and they diagnosed me with "wanting to kiss that old bitch" disease, send ££££ to aid my recovery thx

#all ashes but aved ash specifically my weakness my old bastard man #also send £££ so i can buy unlimited off brand ritz crackers thx

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kurgy · 6 months

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brother I wish I could just order something I'm so hungry

#man i dont have shit #there are ritz crackers

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ghostsofdecay · 2 years

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something homosexual is happening here

#ghosts posts #ritz cracker of a man #mikey way #gabe saporta

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ko-neko-san · 1 year

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I have three months of laundry to put away, 22 years worth of books to sort through and put away, and three months overdue vacuuming to do, meds to pick up, and a rug to find and buy, but Chan said we were watching Deadpool and then I remembered I haven't seen the second one yet and now here I am, three and a half hours later having done none of those things.

#im two cups of tea and a roll of ritz crackers into the day #im on a fuckin roll here man #on the other hand #i wouldnt say no to having cybernetic improvements #laser eyes and shit would be neat

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p33p33p00p00 · 1 year

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reminder!

if you body shame children

die

#youre gonna be as big as a damn house!#body positive #espexially fat kids #like jesus fucking christ man #its 5am so i cant put this into thoughts well so #sigdkfjf #this post was sponsored by my grandma saying to me for eating fucking ritz crackers. ritz fucking #crackers #and telling me ahe wished she kept me in school bevaise i gained weight #i hate her sm

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ddejavvu · 2 years

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don't mind me i'm just thinking about how Eddie Munson would SO pretend to be someone you know if you come up to him in a store or so and whisper to him how this guy has been creeping you out for ages 'n he would take to his role so well 😭 i need to shift dimensions I need to be with this guy

i'd commit unspeakable horrors to be his girlfriend

You almost feel bad practically tackling the man from behind. All he was doing was grabbing a can of soup off of the shelf, and you made him your impromptu best friend.

He lurches forward at the contact, and turns to look at you with fire in his eyes. You're absolutely certain he's going to scold you, but he sizes you up at his eyes soften slightly. He raises one eyebrow, a silent 'what the fuck do you want?' and you ramble breathlessly.

"Please pretend you're my friend," You whisper, the squeaky wheels of the cart you're dreading the owner of coming towards you down the aisle, "He's following me and I don't know what to do."

He doesn't even blink. His face doesn't shift in the slightest, and for a quick moment you're unsure whether he heard you at all. But his arm curls around your own, and he spins you to face the soups.

"-so I was thinking chicken and stars, but R2-D2 absolutely kills as a noodle," He drawls, ringed fingers gesturing vaguely at each can that he names, "'S whatever you want, babe."

You hear your supermarket stalker's wheels squeak to a stop at the end of the aisle, and you don't dare turn to see his face. You'd prefer never to see it again, a reminder of the lewd comment he'd made in the produce section about melons.

"Star Wars," You decide, plucking the can off of the shelf and handing it to him, "Uh, thank you."

"Now we need," He squints at his list, tongue poking out of his mouth and sticking to his upper lip, "Ritz crackers, and chicken for tomorrow night."

He mimes looking for the crackers, noticing the man standing at the end of the aisle, waiting.

"Oh, sorry," He lifts the back wheels of the cart with the handle, scooting it sideways so that the man can pass, though you both know he doesn't want to, "Were we in your way? Go ahead, we're gonna be here for a while."

The man stares at you, you can feel it. But your new best friend sets a hand gently, politely on the small of your back, leading you around him and sandwiching you between the aisle and him. He holds the list out in front of you, "Babe, can you tell what that says? Can't even read my own writing," He laughs good-naturedly, "I think it says 'blueberries'?"

"Or blub errands," You try deciphering his messy scrawl, weight lifting from your shoulders as the man finally decides to move, crossing your path and bumping the wheel of your new cart as he does.

"Definitely blub errands," The boy beside you snickers, glancing at the reflective panel of the aisle beside him to watch for when the man finally turns a corner, "Some nice improv, babe."

You're not sure why he's still using the nickname, the man is out of earshot. But you're too relieved to care, physically relaxing as your shoulders slump.

"Oh my god," You let out a much bigger breath than you intend to, almost dizzying yourself, "Thank you so much. I just- he was always there and I didn't know what to do! I'm sorry I almost knocked you over," You turn sheepish, eyeing his ankle that you're fairly certain he'd twisted in the meetup, "Are you okay?"

"You're fine," He waves off your apology, rolling the ankle in question with a cheeky grin, "I'm tough."

"You look it," You eye him up and down, a silver chain dangling from his belt that's almost covered by a leather jacket, "Do you have, like, a really big tattoo of a heart with a knife through it on your arm? Bonus points if it says mom."

He laughs incredulously, shrugging the shoulder of his jacket off to prove you wrong, "Uh, no, but thanks for the idea."

You let out a laugh, something that seems impossible considering how scared you just were, but one that comes naturally. The boy you'd found seems to be the type you'd go for both in and out of a life-threatening scenario, and you're starting to wonder if you'll get this lucky with any real relationships you're in.

"Well, listen," He stuffs the list in his pocket, a scrap of the paper sticking out, "I've only got a few more things. If you want, we can check out together," He motions towards the hand-held basket you're holding, "'Cause I don't think that guy's gone. I'd offer you a ride home," He reaches a hand up to scratch aimlessly at the nape of his neck, "But I drive a van, and I think me asking you to get into it would be creepier than anything that guy did."

"It's okay!" You assure him, a light laugh escaping you at his earnestness, "I'm sure I'll be fine driving home. But seriously, thank you," You smile at him, clutching the handles of your basket tighter in an effort not to hug him, "I really appreciate this."

"Anytime, babe." There's that nickname again, paired with the grin you'd seen before, "Now come walk with me, you're helping me find the blub errands."

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson scenario #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson one-shot #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson headcanon #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson hc #eddie munson hcs #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson dialogue #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader fanfiction

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zombiefiilm · 4 months

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It’s Cold Out Here

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

summary: spencer reid has just the plan to keep you warm in the car while you wait for a suspect

warnings: some mentioned with the unsub, classic cm type violence mentioned, no use of y/n, nsfw - 18+ only, making out, car sex(ish?), fingering, handjob, male oral, getting interrupted

word count: 2.1k

When you agreed to wait outside the suspected unsub's house with Spencer Reid, you did not expect it to turn into a several-hour stakeout.

You had pulled up just around the corner from the old house that looked like it was rotting from the inside out, with a perfect view of the front porch from where your black car sat, expecting the man who lived inside to leave the house to find his next victim and allow you to follow him.

His victims were all over the place, young and old, men and women, various financial status'. It just hadn't made any sense from the start and there was barely any bones to the profile at all, the only thing you all knew was that he was a man, likely between the ages of 30 and 45, who had a comprehensive knowledge of the human body and that he was somehow able to take his victims from public places in broad daylight. There didn't seem to be any sexual behaviour in these killings, the unsub killing each victim with a single gunshot to the head and cleanly taking out a different organ from each victim.

The only reason you even had a suspect in the first place was two witnesses stating that they had seen a blue Volvo Sedan that seemed to have driven off in a hurry from the locations the victims were being taken from at a similar time. Thankfully, one of the witness statements had included a partial plate, which Garcia was easily able to track down.

Prentiss and Reid had knocked on the front door earlier in the day, hoping to talk to the unsub with the premiss of him being a witness, but to no avail, the door never opened and with every curtain drawn, they had no visual of inside the home either.

Eventually, the plan had become to wait out the unsub, to follow him and pounce once there was any sign of suspicious behaviour, but it was taking significantly longer than expected.

Since the BAU had landed in Missouri, the unsub hadn't made a single move. While it was fortunate that there had been no more victims, it made it quite hard for you to get closer to finding out who he was. Through his patterns though, you were hoping that tonight would be the time for him to find his next victim.

You had gotten to your spot at around 4pm, Spencer driving and you in the passenger seat, and the blue car was still parked in the driveway. You set yourself up, expecting to be waiting for 4 or 5 hours maximum, but as the clock hit 11pm, alongside the command of staying at your 'stakeout' spot until someone walked out of that front door, you knew you were going to be in for the long haul.

Armed with a box of ritz crackers and beef jerky, you both indulged in the most depressing meal you had in a while.

"One of us should try get some sleep and the other can stay awake and watch, just so we're not both out of our minds tired tomorrow" you told Spencer, wrapping your jacket tightly around yourself, attempting to battle the cold air in the car.

"You can sleep first, I want to read through the files again, see if we've missed anything" he brushed a stray hair out of his face as he reached around to the back seat and grabbed one of the thick folders.

"Alright" you replied, tilting your seat back as far as it could go and wrapping your arms around yourself. "Wake me up in an hour".

"Got it"

"Night Reid" you closed your eyes, desperate to get some rest.

"Night".

You weren't sure how long you had been asleep, but you woke yourself up with your own shivering. The car had somehow gotten even colder in the time you were out. You groggily rubbed your eyes, turning around to see Reid engrossed by what he was reading.

"How long was I asleep?" you sat up, still shivering.

Spencer looked over at you, and then down at his watch. "About two hours".

"I told you to wake me up" you hit his shoulder, "you need to sleep too".

"I'm fine, plus you've been complaining about not sleeping well since we got here, you needed it"

You smiled at him, a little giddy over the fact that he was showing how much he cared about you.

You sat up fully now, taking another folder from the back of the car and opening it up. You knew you wouldn't be able to get back to sleep and there was no point in trying.

As time passed, you hadn't even noticed that your teeth had started clattering with the cold.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked, putting down the papers in front of him. "You've been shivering for a while".

"Yeah, just really cold" you answered simply, glancing up at the house again to see nothing had changed.

"You can have my jacket" he quickly shrugged it off "I run hot".

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be cold either"

Without answering, he just leant over the centre console, and wrapped his jacket around your shoulders but stopped when his face was right in front of yours.

It felt like an eternity where you both looked into each other's eyes without a single word. Right as he went to sit back in his seat though, you grabbed his arm to stop him. You weren't even sure what your plan was but you just knew you wanted him to stay that close.

Neither of you were unfamiliar with looking at each other like that. with longing looks across the office and always sitting across from each other on the jet, it was quite clear to everyone on the team that you both felt like more that coworkers.

"I do know another way to warm you up" he gave you a bashful smile, looking anywhere but your face.

"And what's that?" you whispered, the words almost getting stuck in your throat.

He briefly looked into your eyes, and then down to your lips. You took that as your sign to lean in, gently pressing your lips to his. He almost seemed taken aback, but he quickly kissed you back, opening his mouth and slipping his tongue into your mouth.

The kiss was gentle, warming, as his hand slowly trailed from your knee up to your inner thigh. You wouldn't have expected him to be this forward, but before you knew it, his large hand was resting right over your heat, through your jeans.

He broke away from the kiss, both of you panting lightly "Is this okay?" his question was genuine as he waited for your okay before doing anything.

"Yes Spencer, please, please touch me" you hadn't expected yourself to be so desperate but the thought of his slender hands down your pants had you squirming in your seat.

The smirk that planted on his face at your desperation would be stuck in your head forever. He quickly unbuttoned your jeans and helped you tug them down to your mid thigh, quickly followed by your underwear.

The moment he saw your cunt, he practically moaned to himself, making quick moves to touch you. His fingers slowly gathered up the slick from your slit before his finger gently caught on your clit, making you jolt.

"God, you're so wet already" he whispered to himself, lifting his finger up to the light to get a good look at your juice on him. He moved his hand back down again, this time gently circling your clit.

His movements had you falling into him already, long forgetting about the freezing temperature of the car, your head resting on his shoulder as his finger travelled down to your hole.

He slowly slid his finger inside and you gasped quietly, the way you were already clenching around the single digit had Spencer rutting into the console he was leaning over.

Pumping in and out of you, he quickly added a second finger. You couldn't help but moan in his ear, your attempts to keep quiet waning as he began to curl his fingers, hitting your g-spot right on.

"H- holy shit Spence" you whined, as his fingers perfectly moved against your spongey walls. With your verbal reassurance spurring him on to please you more, he began to circle your clit with his thumb, in time with his quickening thrusts of his fingers.

All of his moves seemed thought out and calculated, like he was studying every single one of your reactions. He pressed his lips against yours once again, his tongue licking into your slack mouth in time with the movements of his hands.

It only took a few minutes before you were a mess, gentle whimpers slipping from your lips, your hips desperately jerking against his hand, desperate for your release, your hands gripping onto his forearms for stability.

As soon as he added a third finger, you knew you were done for. You squirmed in his hold as his fingers sped up, the slick sounds of your cunt filling the humid car as the coil in your stomach tightened.

"God- Fuck Spence, please, I'm gonna"

"Go on, cum for me, please" he groaned, his thumb circled faster around your clit as he pressed his own hips harder against the car, desperate for some form of release.

It was as if your body obeyed his words, seeing white as the pressure in your stomach released.

Your hips jerked into his hand as you came down from the high, Spencer's fingers still pumping in and out of you to help you ride out your orgasm.

Once you finally came down, you feverishly kissed Spencer, desperate to taste him again. You whined into his mouth as he pulled his fingers out of you, quickly missing the feeling of being so full.

As you separated again, Spencer placed his fingers in your mouth, making you taste yourself on his fingers. Once you licked his fingers clean, he pulled his hand back and kissed you again.

"God, you taste so good" he muttered, sloppily kissing you. It was then you noticed his shifting, desperate for stimulation on his cock.

"Let me help you now" you pushed him back into his seat, palming the crotch of his trousers.

He looked up at the door of your potential unsub, ensuring that he was still inside the house before giving you a nod. You desperately unzipped his trousers, pulling them down just far enough for you to pull out his cock.

You quickly pulled his erection out of his boxers, practically drooling at the sight. God.

The tip was red, precum smeared all over his tip, and it was big in every way.

You eagerly wrapped your hand around him, allowing a glob of your saliva to fall onto his tip before you pumped your hand up and down in small movements. You periodically swiped your thumb over his tip, spreading the pearly white liquid around.

Spencer was gripping onto the car door at your movements, his knuckles white as he desperately attempted to stop himself from bucking his hips into your hands.

Then, you decided you desperately needed to taste him. You leaned down, gently taking his tip into your mouth and swirling your tongue around it.

Spencer, in that moment, thought he had died and gone to heaven. He couldn't stop the moans from spilling out from his mouth.

Then, you took pushed your head down as far as you could, tickling the back of your throat as the hair at the base of his cock just-about brushed against your nose. Spencer was on the verge of biting through the skin of his lips to stop himself from fucking your face.

You moved your head back up before taking him entirely in your mouth again, but then Spencer tapped your shoulder and began to lift you off of him.

"The door, the door" his words stopped you in your tracks as he rubbed some of the condensation off of the windscreen in front of him. You got off of him, straightening yourself up in your own seat and pulling up your pants as he tucked himself back into his own trousers.

"I'll get you back" you half whispered as he started the car "later".

You could see him blush lightly as he started to follow behind the unsub. Maybe getting stuck in a car with Reid for 10 hours wasn't such a bad thing.

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader smut #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x you smut #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #spencer reid x fem reader #spencer reid x female reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x y/n smut #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencerreid #spencer reid x fem!reader smut #spencer reid fluff

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pedge-page · 3 months

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i love your preggo wife drabbles soo much!!! could you write one where joel takes care of reader with her morning sickness? 🫶🏻

Joel dealing with Preggo Reader: Morning Sickness

Notes: Idk why I keep making reader so mean but he's such a trooper! I'm also no pregnancy expert obviously so plz take my minimal effort in research with a grain of salt.

Warnings: mean reader, language, vomitting, morning sickness

- - - -

"I hate your penis."

Joel rolls his eyes. It's only the 11th time you've said it today while being hunched over the toilet, with Joel caringly hovering over you, holding your hair out of the way as you take a deep breath and hurl the breakfast he made you this morning.

"I hate—"

"I know, sweet pea. Just breathe."

You nod in an almost drunken state. He knows its because you've got no energy in you to really fight him, with the baby giving you all the first batch of hell in the life long journey of headaches in child bearing.

He rubs over your spin, caressing the shivers raking over your body so you can focus on not dying right now.

"I hate your toes. I hate your shampoo. I hate your fingernails. I hate your toast. I hate—"

"Ah huh..."

At first he was pretty upset and angered by how much you loath him, but at some point he's tuned it out and just holds and shushes you. While you pout your disdain for the man, you don't oppose his touch.

For now.

"Doin' so good, baby. It's only temporary, baby's just making sure you're a tough momma—"

"Shut the fuck up and get me some water."

Joel stands, his knees reminding him of his less than youthful age, before running downstairs and grabbing a bottle.

You were both a little surprised that all the morning sickness you were warned about hadn't really given either of you trouble in your first trimester. It came with a surprise by the middle of your second, and comes and goes on a daily basis. Today is honestly not so bad: it's your attitude shift that really gives him whiplash.

By the time he gets back up, you're already meandering out of the bathroom like a lost soul with puffy, sleep deprived eyes, and over to the bed, slowly crawling over the mattress, muttering "too tall". You feel his hand supportively on your back, but you snap "fuck off" and get in the bed yourself. He goes to tuck you in with the sheet, but again your hand slaps his away and you close your eyes into darkness.

You can still feel his annoying presence. "What!" You yell, eyes shooting open to see the bottle dangling from his hand. You snatch it without a thank you and gulp.

Joel's just got his hands on his hips, staring at you.

"Kern I hEp ouu, Hondah?" You gurgle through your water sloshing in your mouth.

He just chuckles to himself. "You're cute like this."

You swallow. "I'll fuck you the fuck up."

He laughs even harder, seemingly unserious in your threats. To him, you looked even smaller than before, despite the obvious roundness growing in your tum tum. You seemed like some small puppy finding her growl, or toddler pointing her finger trying to be intimidating but unaware of how badly you're failing.

"So amusing? Why dont you make yourself useful and rub my feet," you demand.

"You need to eat food, baby girl."

"BaBy GiRl" you mock with puppet hand mouth. "NAG nag NAG. I Don't WANT food. I want my FOOT. In your HAND. before I put it up your ASS."

Joel can tolerate the baby cock-blocking him for a few weeks and the endless assult of your words, but he puts his foot down when your basic needs arent being met. "I need you to eat food. You need energy. Baby needs energy."

"Fine! Crackers, you crackhead. Then—" and you thrust your leg in the hair and wiggle your foot in his face so he gets the picture.

"Okay okay!" And he walks out the bedroom.

Joel spends a record 4 minutes downstairs hurriedly putting together a fancy array of cracker options, from Saltines, to Townhouse, to Ritz. He also pops a few cubes of diced ham in his mouth and then holds a few in his hand to snack on later since he too had to abandon breakfast to service you.

By the time you're conplaining "it's been hours!" He's trotting up the stairs, you wiggle your bum so you sit upright in bed, hand over gurgling belly as he brings the tray to you.

Just as youre about to feast on these dry ass cardboard squares, your nose twitches. You see Joel chewing something in his grasp, popping one cube of pale meat quickly into his mouth, and it takes all of 2 seconds for the smell to travel to your brain before you're throwing the tray on the ground, crackers spilling all over the carpet and b lining to the bathroom again to throw up.

As he hears your dramatic gasps and hurls, Joel pulls out his little note pad he's been documenting your pregnancy so far. He writes "no ham" in the lines , right under "hates my penis", before tossing the paper on the bed and stroking your hair lovingly again as you empty your entire organs in the toilet.

By the time you finish, you've got snot and tears running down your face. "but I LOVED HAAAMMMMM" You screech.

It's true. You used to wrap a thick spread of cold butter on a slice of cheap deli ham and eatnit like a cannoli— something he thought was a weird aquired taste BEFORE he even got you pregnant.

Joel grabs a tissue and plants it firmly in your face, and you squeeze your eyes tight and blow right into his palm like a little snot nosed trumpet. He rubs his fingers in your nostrils to get all the boogers out before tossing it and helping you up to your feet again.

All the while you're bawling "l-l-loved—my hh-ham—n cheese" with gross babbling as he tucks you back in the duvet. You were fine with giving up other aversions like tomatoes, pizza crust, and yogurt. Even sex (occasionally). But your beloved ham is one baby step too far.

"Your—"sniffle— "big—"hiccup—"ugly—"choke—"WORM —" cough—"DID THIS TO MEEE," you accuse his crotch and wail into the air.

Then you hiccup very loudly and go quiet entirely.

You look around with curious eyes, fresh tears suddenly unbothering you at the moment.

"Mmmmmmmn crackers," you moan. "Gimme that one," and you point to the mess on the floor.

"What one?"

"That one!"

He bends down and picks up a piece.

But you shake your head. "No that one."

"No." "No the other." "No."

"Which one!" He shouts, unable to contain the lace of frustration.

"The one I'm pointing to, stupid!"

He finally picks up one hes pointed to 3 times already and you clap your hands.

You snatch it out of his grasp, pull a hair off its curved cracked edge before munching on it happily.

He looks at with uncertainty on his face.

You swallow the dry mushed bits and hum contently. "Mmm. Salty."

Not even 12 hours later you two are getting ready for bed, and you mood has completely changed. Still sick, but instead of being unable to stand Joel's entire existence, you praise it.

"Joel, honey? Can you please prop my feet up Under this pillow. I'm sorry. I just can't seem to reach it myself."

"Baby? I'm a little thirsty. Can you get me some water?"

"Im so sorry, Joel. I just can't stomach this food, I know you put so much effort into it. Ugh! I loved this, I really did! I don't know what's wrong with me."

You rub over the discomfort in your slightly swollen tummy and try to be a brave girl and fight the tears, as Joel's been so attentive to your needs, aches, cries and cravings, only to hurl them back up.

You sniffle and look up to him.

He's a bit tense, almost in a fight or flight stance with fear behind his eyes.

"W-whats wrong, Joel?" you ask with a honey song voice.

"Who are you and what have you done with my wife?"

- - - -

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