#seriously its like they WANT to fuck me up mentally!

[nyaskitten]

Just went back and watched Ash fight scenes and if they don't at the VERY LEAST let smoke eminate off Cinder in all his fight scenes you will see me on national and international TV.

#they rob cinder of the hair being colored like smoke #they shrink his brows #they dont even fucking TRY with the smoke detailing #they give him a hideously bisected collar in favor of an admittedly awesome but completely non-canon armor piece #seriously its like they WANT to fuck me up mentally! #/j #i am very passionate about this shit tho #i WILL fight till the end to see cinder get his so-deserved justice #also maybe its just me but the poster makes him look weird .. not a fan #ALSO THEY SHRUNK HIS BIG ':3' MOUTH FUCK THIS. #its like you can TELL its the same guy but it doesnt FEEL that way #they slapped the boring generic-ass wildbrain mouth on him #i shouldnt be getting this angry about it but i am sorry . #ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #raine's rambles #i AM gonna have to make him my oc atp huh #idk why im complaining so much ill get over it eventually #ill be pissed but #ill live.

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!! #just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!! #im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

[hoshizoralone]

You like vocaloid stuff, so have you ever played Project Sekai? Curious what you'd think of it/its characters.

during its first launch i played it pretty religiously for like 2 months. i really liked the musical theatre guys theyre funny (in general i love boy + girl combos in things that usually are girl centric (this is why idolmaster crossbranch content rules), musical theatre guys edge out the other group for being funny)

i have no substantial thoughts on anyone else EXCEPT i cannot stand anyone in 25ji or whatever theyre called. except mizuki theyre chill but everyone else in it annoys me so bad like damn … every time i see someone say a story update they have its always some insane shit like if this was actually going down on vocatwit half the group would have the craziest callouts. mizuki get out of there

crypton vocaloidwise my interest goes kaito = meiko > luka > rin > [MASSIVE POWERGAP] len = miku

#hiding this in the tags but basically 2 months in i entered a stage of mental unwellness that lasted a long time #and i stopped playing. When i tried picking it up after that long period subsided months later it viscerally reminded me of bad things #and with no hate to the game i just dont like it because it reminds me of a bad period of my life #like its shut down now but original llsif i played seriously in freshman year of hs and tried playing again in senior year #And it reminded me so much of Better Times that i had to stop playing. Like down to the UI SOUNDS unlocking memories lol. #idk why im like that. Lol #again no hate to proseka but i will probably never touch it again/i actively avoid it bc it just makes me feel bad #tldr - imagine a lone so fucked up and evil #no ones reading all these tags its just late and im tired and want to say something before bed #loneask

[knowlesian]

the clever way they set up izzy the unreliable narrator is just… such good writing

i started making a complete list of “things other people agree izzy is good at” and “things only izzy says he’s good at” for brain distractions and on that first list is swordfighting

the second list is …everything else, i truly do find this little fucker so fun on a narrative level. he’s the textbook unreliable narrator: literally everything he says ends up directly contradicted by the people in question or the action, but he swaggers around yelling his version of events loudest! (and weirdest, lmfao.)

and honestly on a deeper level it makes us as an audience look at how we process things people tell us vs things people show us, and how those are often very much at odds.

the writing on this show is ridiculously good, you know? 

#jackie’s hilarious “jesus christ this idiot” face is so amazing sidenote #everything about jackie is peak entertainment #also seriously i love how they set this up #its so easy to just listen to izzy and fill in the blanks he tells us to fill in #he’s a loud confident white guy! we love to associate all those traits with logic and truth and power and natural skill #and then you have fang and ivan and ed and jackie like “yeah nah it’s uh. look we all just sort of accept he lives in his own narrative” #ofmd spoilers #the way this show begs for textual analysis is PERFECT #(well confident in these matters l o l @ his general mental health and self concept) #izzy hands go to fucking therapy in s2 challenge #but also pls stay suspended in amber in this weird little state you are in #it pleases me #i want to poke at your various components and ask them: why? #why’d you do it like that why’s it so weird why is con why is anything??? #like. seriously. he is a feast for my weird id and my think-y brain thoughts #A FEAST TRULY A SONUVABITCH A WONDER AN IDIOT A FUCKIN …SCRUFFY LITTLE NIGHTMARE I LOVE GI #…him no i will not retype that insane sentence fuck that i do what i want #anyway he is. so dumb. so fun. so sad. so terrible??? #a true pickle jar denizen if i ever saw one #ATE. HIS. TOE. LOVED. IT. P. CAME. THE. END. #my ofmd meta

[arvoze]

the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out

#i am making this post to ramble. idk if it will actually change anything but i am trying 2 be hopeful . #ive been very. Rough all month thus far both physically and mentally and occasionally both at the same time #i am just hoping tht wat i am getting soon will help me do things bc ive rly had no energy to do anything at alllllll #and i rly dont want to like. Explode i would like to get things done #i have things i owe to people!!! i just dont have the spoons to do it Ever and it piles iup and up in my head #it fucking blows dude i have been stuck in a horrendous loop for like almost 6 months #i just want 2 be normal u know . i am hoping something will change soon #if it does not change in the nesxt few days when my shit arrives i think im like. Done For in general #like if im unable to get anything done in the next few days then i am going to very seriously have to reconsider #literally everything i do online i think. its a bit fucked up #ik it sounds like an exaggeration bu there is noooo way in hell i am Surviving like tihs !!!!!!! slash srs #i wish twitter circles did not die so i cold blow up in there bu back to ye olde norm of tumblr tags will have to do #also it feels less invasive so like. win for me ig. i do miss rambling nonstop in tags #i miss tumblr!! i miss a lot of old stuff. reminiscing for reasons both good and bad. the tumblr stuff is the good side tho #anyways i have been slowly chipping away at writing thigns this month and ik its like. not a lot at all. #but its a lot to *me* and when youre someone whos only capable of doing so mch its like. a big deal #(im writing pmdnd stuff finally getting back into gear nd stuff i have been trying to slowly draw the npcs #that ive made whilst trying to recover in other areas bu rghghrghgrgr i dont ewant to draw #i havent wanted to draw in a long long time blows up) #i shuld. stop typing actually i am rambling too much i jsujt have nowhere to mindlessly ramble anymore technicaly #i dont want to bug my friends w me being unwell all the time DFJKGHDFKGFG #mayne i will try to ccontinue with the npcs. we will see based on if i post again in the next 30 minutes

[skitskatdacat63]

this video makes me want to sob and throw up and scream and cry and collapse onto the floor

#actually like sobbing through it this is going to kill me genuinely #god ive not cried these kind of tears in a while LOL #i cry a lot but not whete it makes my chest hurt like this #everyone should watch Get Back. best docu ever made actually :) #but no theres smth about getting a beatles song in the year 2023 #like its not smth i ever imagined but now that it exists its like wow. its truly over. its a fucking solid conclusion and it hurts so badly #im going to rip up my pillow the emotional pain this is bringing me is actually heart wrenching #my one brother one time was like the Beatles are so mid and overrated and i wanted to leap up and strangle him across the table #THEYRE LIFE CHANGING OKAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #idk its just so much my childhood :/ #and this song is ripping my heart out </3 #and hearing them talk about this being the last beatles track ever. like yeah i KNOW but god fuck ouch #the way they talk about george and john im going to bang my head into a wall #mayne i shoulf rewatch get back and have a mental breakdown #i told my friend about that docu when it came out and hes like wow that sounds incredibly boring #how dare you how fucking dare you. 8 hours of content????? fucking...great #but no seriously to listen to this song released now and it sounds exactly like their original work. im gonna throw up i feel so ill #never recovering from this actually 😊 #catie.rambling.txt #Youtube

[waywardsalt]

uuuhhhhh wrote a segment of the ganonbeck thing on my phone (this whole thing isnt written on my phone i just have future scenes hashed out on phone) so i figured id share it for: giving a snippet of it bc why not, and to maybe get some feedback on writing ganondorf and the specific concept he talks about?

(this isnt indicatives of the whole fic just a scene delving into ganondorf’s personal conflicts and a little bit of worldbuilding or something. would appreciate some feedback or tips or whatever on this since im not sure if. i wrote this idea well. also hope its generally interesting/fun to read)

#salty talks #tbh tho i think this does kinda set up the dynamic between them and why ganondorf is drawn to linebeck maybe #linebeck is. hes funny in a good mood. he helps lighten ganondorfs mood and helps him disengage from serious stuff #he is also supportive of him fucking killing the king of hyrule. but hes mostly someone that helps ganondorf loosen up #ganondorf is this cunning wise man who holds lofty ambitions and is influenced by the history of his people and lets it motivate him #and linebeck is the image of the cat with the label ‘father i crave violence’ hes a lil ooc and chaotic but he thinks the hylian king sucks #this fic is mostly a lighthearted gay little thing where theyre both in lighter moods exploring the desert #but does have snippets like this about ganondorfs discontent with the hylian kingdom and linebeck struggling with his mental health #making it so it doesnt really exist in a vacuum and can feed into a possible future longer au fic idea #tbh been leaning into linebeck having a similar distaste for the hylian monarchy to ganondorf and carrying it into post ph #which fits in neatly with the headcanon that he is half gerudo so. pieces fitting together #this is mostly unedited btw so if it comes off as rough then yeah. its a first draft #topical with people talking more about the uncomfy way the zelda games approach imperialism n stuff #so i mostly worry about how i write about it here cuz its a concept im still new to and not sure how to really approach #if you saw the version with the images in the wrong order no you didnt #but seriously please let me know how i did writing what ganondorf talks about handling him is scary to me and i want to do good #ganonbeck #linebeck #ganondorf #they are tagged now rejoice

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[celestial-sapphicss]

.

#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok) #and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk #and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling? #like one id have good relationships with uk??? #and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it? #anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit? #be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time #and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly #but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone????? #like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it #and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right? #and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty??? #at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf #idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense? #ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead #and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources #it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!??? #yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do #vi.txt

[todayisafridaynight]

Especially because in the end... Arakawa loses his son in small ways that just Accumulate... but Jo's the one who even gets to outlive his son... AUGH. THROWING MYSELF INTO A WOODCHIPPER

Also while going through old messages, I saw I actually had a dream back in 2021 that Jo came back in LaD8. I mean sure he had "longer hair" and "a new outfit NOBODY liked except me" and was Unserious like RGGJo whereas in the actual teaser he sounds more depressed than ever but I'm still taking credit alright... the vision came to me...

And in a Hell Will Freeze Over Before This Happens I Just Like To Think About It way. I want him in my goddamn party and I have for all of Y7 so it's not related to the new game. I don't care. I want to find out what his favorite flowers are I want to take him to Every Movie and get his commentary on all of it I want to take him out to eat and watch his little itadakimasu animation play out I want to have the most light-hearted and inconsequential conversations and I want him to chime in I want to exhaust every option on his Drink Link I want to unlock his sickass tag-team moves I want to wear True Hero and fight by his side I want to shower him with so much love and affection he won't know what hit him (<- channeling Arakawa tbh)

its just insane because from a metaphorical sense arakawa 'outlives' masato in that he becomes aoki and like. That's One Thing, but then Of Course. There's Jo. //stuffing my mouth with wet cement// like OHHHH the pain never stops it never ends,,

mate i think your brain was just tryna manifest RGGJo to make a come back through y7 ☠️☠️ CREDIT WHERE CREDITS DUE THO BUT DAMN would have been. THE MOST interesting change to his character though.... on the real.... because yeah he just sounds so tired from the trailer so far （；´д｀）would be hilarious if instead of entering a Super Depression arc bro's just. Yeah Alright Fuck It. What Can We Do Now Amirite. walk right out the cell with the white suit and snake-patterned lapels and all ☠️☠️

OK BUT MOST VALID RANT EVER. MOST VALID WANT EVER. would really just have the vibe of dragging your jaded uncle around the city i would died to have that,,, 😭😭

#snap chats #ON THE REAL THOUGH JO PARTY MEMBER WOULD'VE MADE ME YELL #it too is a part of my This Is Guaranteed To Never Happened But What If wish list..... #i still stand firm he shouldve at least been left with tendo for five minutes. JUST FIVE THEN EVERYONE ELSE CAN COME IN #first he necks his boss then he fucks up his office like LET HIM. GET A FEW SWINGS IN. it's what he deserves i think... #BUT REAL PLEEAASSE I WANT THE SAWASHIRO SOCIAL LINK GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW SEGA #id die and throw up because you just know he and ichi'd have to talk about arakawa at some point during it... #if the whole SL not JUST being about meetin arakawa or his early days in the family #also forgive me for calling it 'social link' i unfortunately played persona a lot years ago and just. Its A Social Link ok ik im a monster #persona's one piece of media that was crucial to my developmental years its in my dna now... #IN ANY CASE NOOOOO I COULD SIT AND THINK FOREVER ABOUT JO MAKING LITTLE COMMENTS... #its my mental illness... its my weakness i think..... just thinkin of silly scenarios... #see while im cringe at being intelligent i AM adequate at making funny scenarios... hehe even... #its a dangerous thing to put an idea in my head as Creatively Ambiguous as that one oh no i feel my brain being eaten alive already #PLEASE I NEED THE PARTY TO REACT TO JO 😭😭 IN A NON VIOLENT SITUATION 😭😭 #i hope when jo's forced to be in social settings he's just Weird. like not Weird weird but its painfully obvious he's never had friends #like he just doesnt know what to do with himself the closest friend in age he has is adachi and He. Is Definitely A Character (affectionate #i hope theyre all out to lunch and someone makes a lighthearted joke and jo takes it too seriously and one other mate gotta just #'my guy relax. it was a joke. see [explains the joke]' and bro just Hm..... Not Funny Didn't Laugh about it right #he's not gonna flip the table now at least #UGH why would you remind me of the timeline of jo being a party member. im gonna drive myself mad thinkin bout it （；´x｀)（；´x｀) #ITD BE SO SWEET JUST SEEING JO BE NICE FOR FIVE SECONDS. NOT EVEN 'NICE' JUST CHILL #jo karaoke wouldnt exist but it'd be cute to at least see him in the crowd... #I REPEAT IM GONNA THINK OF LIL SCENARIOS LIKE THESE ALL DAY NOW NOOOOOO im ruined 😔

[narutomaki]

every time the PrideTM announcement advertisement comes over the intercoms at work I just

#give me more money #every time you play this fucking thing 20$ should be added to my pocket #the obly good thing was an elderly person said they wanted a badge like mine #(it said (hashtag)pride vibes and was uhhh idk some version of the rainbow+trans flag) #and i took 2 seconds to be like hm? oh thats nice TO OH? HERE :) I LOVE YOU YOURE MY NEW FAVOURITE CUSTOMER #like it meant nothing to me i wore it bcus i have so many anxieties abt being Queer At Work that i WASNT wearing it but them everyone else #WAS and i eas like oh no ive singled myself out now everyone is going to know im queer AND ashamed of it #any way as you can all see im very mentally stable #anyway i hope he pinned it somehere on his mobility scooter he was so happy i was like ah its okay seriously take iy i took 2 sh dont tell #AND THE WAY HIS FACE LIT UP LIKE 😭🥺 #any way we dont need to talk about my problems

[shitpostdevil]

watching this blog come together is kind of wild

like I would actually perish at this point if it disappeared bc I've put so much work into it

#i can very confidently say that i have never really understood what it meant to “feel like myself again” #i killed off so many worse versions of myself i thought there was nothing left #but truly #i am writing again; and have found so much passion in an art i used to indulge in constantly #im making art that i actually enjoy and dont think is complete shit because of my inability to conquer traditional media the way i want to #I FUCKING COSPLAY WITH MY PARTNER #and indulge in anime/manga pretty consistently #that is something i used to get made fun of for by someone who was supposed to be a parent #it took me a very long time to not feel stupid in cosplay #sometimes i still do #but IM DOING IT!!! #even if its not amazing #or i look like shit #or my art looks like shit #or my writing is shit #at least im fucking DOING something #pushing towards goals #practicing #every step i take is a step in the direction i want to be in #i am enough #i am allowed to take up space #ive seriously got this #theres nothing to be scared of anymore #the only thing that i continue to struggle with is my own mental and physical illness #but i am learning and adapting more and more every day #IM FORGETTING HOW TO HATE MYSELF I SAVED MY OWN LIFE #yapping

[valla-chan]

.

#shit is so fucking bad right now for me #its at like dire levels of mental horribleness and i dont have any words to explain it that do it justice #when i wake up i have like 2 seconds of normalcy before im hit with this gutwrenching dread that doesnt go away #sometimes i wake up dissociated already from the mental agony #i dont know what is going on #i cant be bothered to do anything about anything #its so fucking bad #the facade is wearing out too #i dont have any energy to improve either #i have no idea how im ever going to get anywhere in life #im running out of money all the time now #im making worse decisions constantly #and im masking it like its normal cause nobody can help #i keep having dreams about the worst shit imaginable #im faking my way through every social interaction #i have no faith in my hobby projects #i dont want to talk to my friends because it would be too much effort #my room is a complete disaster #i would do fucking anything to have someone else run my life for me right now #i am seriously not doing okay and i cant do anything about it

[snekdood]

i kinda feel like so long as someone like me isn’t accepted as a part of the queer community that none of us will ever be able to work together for our rights

#so long as im not 'good enough'. in whatever way that means to you. im p sure none of us will be accepted lol #idk what it is about me. im too mentally ill? too taboo? too outspoken about my beliefs?? #i dont feel like i operate really a whole lot different than other people on here i just have different interests and shit idk #but like. bc im such a low hanging fruit. bc im so easy to demonize. bc i look like a disney villain lol . as long as im not accepted #in all my sexy devilish ways #idk if any of us will. #idc if you think i give queer people a bad look bc of how much i embrace the things conservatives hate about us #bc like this is just me dude. im just being myself up here. sure i do a lil jokey trickstery stuff here n there but yknow #idk what ppl want from me. truly #like seriously if anyone can let me know what i did that was so wrong. id love to know #bc rn my suspicion is its just the terfs who are malding. but could be my abuser too. idk #they have way less people on their side though than like terfs do on the whole so thats why im leaning more toward it being the terfs #considering they have a whole. terf army apparently lol. #im not saying its just me but when yall decide certain people arent good enough or dont fit your hashtag aesthetic enough to be #part of the community then we're always going to lose. you cant just decide for queer people whether or not they have a place in thel #community. bc if you can just pick and choose who you want to be in it then its not even a community anymore or a movement or anything #its literally just a fucking clique and theres no way clique behavior is ever gonna inspire anyone to want to support us #and thats #aside from setting up a hierarchy of whats desireable in a person and what makes them Good Enough to be in the community #bc that shit is also going to make people decide to sort us by a similar standard. so long as all of us aren't accepted none of us will be

[wink-wonk]

.

#tw ed diet #seriously do not keep reading these tags if thats going to be bad for you #tw ed #tw eating disorder #tw mental illness #i. am so. tired. all the time #and people can notice #i have been keeping under like a kind of reasonable calorie limit every day. or at least fucking trying #its hard when ur sweet and kind boyfriend shows up sunday morning with pancakes from brunch bc he loves you #but like damn brother half of the thing you brought home is like 1/3 of my calories for the day! haha #and i already spent some on my fiber one brownie bc i aint poopin #and a protein cookie bc i wanted something sweet #i hate the holidays i hate the holidays i hate #this is like the only thing thats helped me feel even a little okay these last few months #like. new stressful job and wintertime sadness and going back to school next year and money and holidays and friend dying #and no one in my life takes any of these things even a little seriously. so why should i? #i just get to sit here and quietly starve myself under a giant sweater to feel like everythings okay and will be okay #but i am so. so. tired all the time #and cold and i cabt fucking poop even #i am holding on by a goddamn thread and pretending like everything is fine bc people dont like you #when youre grumpy all the time from trying to be so underweight that they cant help but notice #my mom doesnt care about dead friend. made jokes about it #tatsuya thinks im being weird and overreacting bc i wasnt even that close with him? and hes kinda right ig #but i also just stopped talking about it with anyone because none of them would listen anyway #so its just all bottled up inside and thats where itll stay #alongside wanting to feel as empty as possible all the time and pretend to be okay on the outside #i havent been this bad like. maybe ever #even in high school it wasnt this bad. and then me being grumpy was fine bc it was with my family and i was depressed anyway #and i didnt even nnow what i was doing then the way i do now. i do this purposefully now. then id just try to go without eating at all #meredith talks

[ln444]

truly madly deeply

cw: fluff, very slight angst, comfort (reader comforting lando), you and lando are fucking in love:'(((

now playing: truly madly deeply by 1d

notes: i love requests inspired by songs pls request more of it🥺 wrote this in 30 minutes at 3am so its a bit short sry:(

requested by anon

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these past few weeks have been incredibly tough on lando, both mentally and physically. you've undoubtedly noticed and have been doing your best to support him while giving him the space he needs. lando may struggle to express his feelings in words, but he's been showing his gratitude in other ways – with small gestures and plenty of physical affection. you've been following his f1 journey closely, never missing a grand prix, and making sure you're by his side through it all. lando has never felt more loved and supported. his favorite moments are those when he can finally rest and spend time with you after a grueling race.

qualifying is tomorrow, and lando seems even more nervous than usual. you know him inside out, recognizing his little habits when he's stressed; without him saying a word, you understand the thoughts racing through his mind. the night has fallen, heightening lando's anxiety as the race draws near. he's been more affectionate than usual today, seeking comfort in your hugs and asking for extra kisses. while you love this closeness, it also concerns you. you're well aware of how hard lando can be on himself, and the thought of what he might be going through tugs at your heart.

you join him on the bed, facing him, the stars casting a soft glow on his tired face, making his eyes sparkle even more when they meet yours. "hey, pretty boy," you whisper gently, your hand tenderly cupping his cheek and stroking it. butterflies flutter in his stomach, and his body relaxes a bit. "hey, love" he whispers back, planting a sweet kiss on the palm of your hand, eliciting a smile from you.

"how are you feeling?" you ask softly, your fingers gently playing with his curls – something you know he adores. with a sigh, lando closes his eyes for a moment before locking onto yours again. he finds immense comfort in your gaze, with the rest of the world fading away each time he gets lost in your eyes.

"i don't know... i'm not feeling great about tomorrow," he admits with a hint of worry in his voice. your heart aches just hearing his concerns. you move closer, your gaze softening, and lando's heartbeat quickens. how can you have such a profound effect on him with just your eyes? it drives him crazy.

"why, baby? you don't have to worry. you're lando norris, after all!" you playfully roll your eyes, and a smile tugs at lando's lips. he takes your hand and interlaces his fingers with yours, and you reciprocate with a warm smile.

"no, but seriously, what's bothering you?" you softly toy with his fingers while giving him your full attention.

"i mean, it's more of a mclaren problem than a 'me' problem," he hesitates for a moment, and you gently caress the back of his hand, encouraging him to open up.

"i don't think i belong there anymore. i don't think i can show my true potential with them." his voice is calmer now, and a sense of relief is evident.

you hum softly, and he finds the courage to continue, still focused on your hands playing together. "should i quit? but what if no one else wants me?" panic creeps into his voice, and you immediately grip his hand firmly, bringing your free hand to his cheek.

"hey, you're one of the best drivers out there. there'll always be a team that wants you. believe me, there'll always be a place for you in f1. you've worked so hard to get here, and you truly deserve it," you reassure lando. he gets lost in your eyes, feeling the depth of your love and honesty. his heart feels like it could burst at any moment.

"but i want to be the best," he pouts, and you chuckle softly, giving him a quick peck on the lips, making him smile. "you're already the best for me," you say with a gentle smile, causing lando's heart and cheeks to warm. he groans playfully, slightly embarrassed by his blushing cheeks, and your smile widens. "you're so cute; i don't think my heart can take it," you playfully whimper, cupping his face and squeezing his cheeks. lando bites his lip to suppress a smile, and the sparks in his eyes intensify. you place multiple kisses on his lips, and lando can't help but chuckle. he puts his hands on yours to pause the kisses and says, "just give me a real kiss already, please," another pout forming on his lips. your smile grows bigger, and you oblige, giving him a gentle kiss.

lando pulls back to look at you, and the warm smile on his face melts your heart. "thank you," he says softly, caressing your hands. you don't really know why he's thanking you to be honest; for the kiss or for the honest words. "you don't have to thank me," you say, placing a quick peck on his lips. "i'll always be here for you, no matter what," another peck, "and i'll always be proud of you," another one, "no matter what, my pretty boy."

lando's heart has never felt this warm. in fact, his entire body feels warm right now, overwhelmed by the love he's receiving. "god, what did i do to deserve you?" he asks with a sweet and calm voice, clearly feeling better. "i'm truly, madly, deeply in love with you."

"i know you did not just quote a one direction song," you both laugh, and lando groans, hiding his face behind your hands, feeling a bit embarrassed. "it's cute," you move your hands to look at him. "i'm truly, madly, deeply in love with you too," you say with a hint of teasing in your voice, but you absolutely mean it. a big smile forms on lando's face, and you run your hands through his hair to pull him into a tender kiss.

lando's heart feels lighter, your sweet words and touch washing away all the negative thoughts for the night. if you have to repeat every single word you said to him tomorrow and the day after – every day, you will do it, again and again. lando knows it, and he has never felt so thankful.

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masterlist

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