#she’s actually truly gone

[wyrmswears]

more libber super hell au because i COULD be normal but no i wont be

#i should specify. libber isnt one of the forbidden five in this au. assuming kai and bonzle escape wirhout the blood moon.. theres some kind #of other exit. this serves as her entrance. i havent decided if ill come up with my own reasoning or try use what we get in canon #libber gordon #ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #SORRY FOR THE DOOMED YURI. except not actually. last post i vaguely hinted that she had a crush on maya and now ive gone all in for lily #libber loves all women i believe this truly. #ninjago libber #kai smith #ninjago kai #ninjago au #ninjago spoilers #dragons rising spoilers #dragons rising s2 #ninjago dragons rising spoilers #wyrm draws #libber superhell au

[ryllen]

"Bran is practically my brother's cat" - is what i would like to think

#astral chain #astralchain #akira howard #platinum games #cat #fanart #i didn't write it on the tag back then #but what i was thinking when i made that past piece was him reflecting how it would be if he lost both her father and sister #he would truly be alone so on his free time he just spent time sitting beside that window mindlessly while thinking what could have been #like his sister could have knocked the door and come in any moment now #his father would came in with warm take outs for them to eat there #but then i just read recently that the sister he has in the end was one of the clone with memories planted by dr. brenda #and then suddenly i am sad again :'^\ #i thought it was just one of her magically left out & appeared somewhere & have the noah memory fragments lost #but now i thought of it as when akira was heading back he found one of the pod was still unopened #and so they took her in #it makes much more sense but then it makes me think of how much a fake replacement she is now #i wonder if it's kinda painful for him to look at her now #knowing the original one who went through all that things with him is truly gone #and this one just starts things with him without actually did all those things with him before #just by getting some memories handed to her #me: i wish there are more astral chain fanarts #astral chain: *being the game that has characters with difficult attributes & legions to draw* #i find guys with this kind of haircut is cute #♡

[seariii]

Oh..... I'm devastated.... Haruka is scared, but he has long set his mind on this, he has repeated it constantly, how there is no other way. He wishes there was, but he can't see it at all, he probably looked around, scared hoping for another answer, but couldn't find anything else.

And at the end, its almost like for him, choosing to commit to the act, is almost the same as already have done something that you can not undo....

And he knows about that....

He still feels happy, he still thrives on attention, on kindness. And... Having to let go of all of that which he finally has, probably hurts like hell... Yet, he is willing to do it, because he truly believes (or believed) that doing so, will bring happiness and good things to the person he loves the most...

#it's... kind of a selfish act if you think about it... disguised as a selfless one... #if he tried to do it in the past or not... right now he is onlt looking for what he thinks is best... #for what he believes... what he wants to do... even if the motivation is someone else... #muu supports him because 'its what he wants to do' not because she truly believes its the right option #but 'friends support each other' she has never had a real friend of course she is gonna take that to the next level #it doesnr matter if she actually loves him or not she is gonna hurt if he is actually gone. and im sure she knows it #but she is his friend right? so she has to support him.... #haruka is being selfish because he isnt stopping to consider if this is truly what muu wants too... #(or maybe im just projecting lmao the life of a haruka kinnie) #seari talks #milgram #haruka sakurai #my son <3

[hella1975]

realising something bad about someone that means the world to you should be illegal. id like to live blindly actually

#ive been tiptoeing around this realisation for a WHILE now but today was the first time i actually verbatim in my head #went 'i dont like living with my mum'. and the moment i thought it was like no nooononono lets NOT do that #like objectively my mum is my favourite person in the world and i love her more than every other person in my life combined #but LIVING with her in HER HOUSE is just not... it. and it makes me feel awful for even thinking it bc that's her biggest fear #that we're gonna grow up to have the same relationship that she had with her mum and that ISNT what's happening like i could never #be distant from my mum in fact the reason she has such a chokehold on me is BECAUSE there's so much love there #but it would still break her heart to know i felt this way and i just feel so shitty for it. but like? i CANT relax here #like the thing that made me think it this morning wasn't even an explosive thing like it usually is with her #like every shouting screaming argument we've had ive just taken it. but then this morning when nothing exceptional happened #i was just. done. so basically i told u guys she wanted me to hoover today and already yelled about it YESTERDAY which. whatever #and she goes out every thurdsay until lunchtime and i think ive said on here before that the days we're home alone are HUGE flashpoints #bc if she comes home and perceives that not enough chores have been done/one thing has been done wrong she just hits the ROOF #like her temper is entirely disproportional she gives the same energy for the washing up not being put away that another mum would #give for finding drugs in their kids room. ive truly never seen someone maintain a temper like that woman can it's actually impressive #so yeah she was gone this morning and it just always leaves me On Edge it's never a huge thing bc im not SCARED of her but im not relaxed #and i hoovered for an hour and washed up and then also dusted the stairs and did some other tiny irrelevant jobs #and my sister did fuck all. she pulled a sickie off work and stayed in bed while i fussed about what to do with the dogs and shit #and so when my mum came home ig i was expecting some sort of acknowledgement? like not a round of applause #bc obvs it's just chores and the hoovering she literally told me to do but when my sister had been SO unhelpful and it had been #SO on my mind for hours now i was just. waiting for something? and even i didnt know what so it's not even fair #but my mum came home and decided she was in a bad mood and she had a go at my sister for being lazy and not doing the chores she said #she'd do today and she DIDNT yell at me which she sometimes does just do if she's pissed at my sister. but she just got mardy with me? #like she got up and left to go watch TV in her room and i was like 'oh i can watch it with you?' bc sometimes when they row my mum #hints at me and her going somewhere else to bitch about my sister. but she just shook her head and snapped at me for some dumb shit #like TINY shit id missed and then wouldn't even spend time with me and i was just like. are you serious #and THAT was when i had the thought bc i was like there is actually no winning with her temper #and i can never fully relax around her because of it. even when we're getting on she is at any point seconds away from ripping my head off #and it's not nice being around someone like that ALL THE TIME. and i dont mind it when im at uni bc im at my own house in my own life #but when it's HER house and she makes it very clear that it's HER house and we need her and the car if we want to so much as LEAVE #then that's just not a fucking pleasant environment to be in? right? even if it is just me being a baby? ugh idk and i hate this

[helpimstuckinafandom]

JUSTICE FOR DAVINA CLAIRE I'M SO FUCKING SERIOUS FUCK OFF OH MY FUCKING GOD

#CAMI AND DAVINA GONE IN ONE EPISODE??!?!!?? #YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING FOR REAL #(davina perma died an episode later both they both died in one episode right before that) #also this season has been slacking on marcel and the ep post-davina's death kicked him up several notches #he said all the shit i take issue with about the always and forever family bs #he hit that shit out of the park #also camille's death being all about comforting klaus fucking pissed me off #it was until she was scared right at the end that it was more about her #and her last words COULD have beenthe immortality line. but then they had to have her bolster klaus again instead #at least we got others mourning her after #but davina???? #those bitchass ancestors forced her boyfriend to kill her then nearly shredded her soul #and she could've been resurrected. but of course fucking family came first #she had to die screaming for mercy alone as the ancestors tried to carve her soul from fucking existence #(and though i'm mad at elijah and freya for it it makes sense for them to do it #(what pissed me off was them and klaus then telling marcel that they were justified and he should just suck it up and understand) #(like no take the consequences let the man mourn) #(freya claiming family to kol too like girl i don't know you. and this 'family' loves you more than it ever loved me) #(y'all only love me on my deathbed) #(if being family means we kill each other's partners [which happens time and time again] then fuck being in this family) #like i don't actually want the mikaelsons dead. but also i hope super vampire marcel kills you all #hope kol gets away from you people because you are not family to him. you aren't. #but mostly davina. poor fucking davina #her and kol are my bonnie and enzo - finally finding someone who will choose them not just use them #only for death at the hand of allies #davina clair was an abused teenager you all used and who justifiably hated y'all #and she deserved more than to die like this. die basically three fucking times over still helping in the end #truly have not seen a witch this blatantly used and mistreated since the bonnie bennet #davina claire #the originals

[m00ngbin]

i lied. i dont actually like sex. put your clothes back on. im going to explain to you how one weird little kid changed the lives of tons of people for the better and at the end of of the series everyone he's helped and changed comes back to help him and return the favor. Let me explain to you the parallels between each of their arcs with the last few episodes. Let me tell you about how his brother finally realizes that it was all him. Every part of that kid is him and they all need to learn to live with it and accept and love him and help him not repress himself because that's what caused the problem in the

first place. Let me rant about how his friend/one-sided rival uses what he said when they first met back to him. (about not using powers to hurt other people) Let me scream about how the friend's first fight with him and last fight are direct parallels. Let me scream about how he shows how much that boy has changed him by opting to protect civilians instead of himself. I'm going to tell you about how after the former terrorist he saved finally realizes that instead of sacrificing himself to save the city he should survive and be there for his son and try to make amends and continue to be better. Let me talk about how even though the people he works out with KNOW that really they're no match for him and they don't really know what's going on, they still try to help him anyways. Because they're friends. That's what friends do and they love him. They just want to support him in every way they can. Let me scream and cry about how his mentor, the man he's known the longest, the man he trusts the most in the world finally admits that he lied to him and he's been lying to him and he finally tells the truth and that's exactly what that boy needs. He needed the truth. It shocked him back to reality, and everyone he's talked to up until that point, INCLUDING HIMSELF, shows him that everyone loves him, and they all accept him, the only problem is that he's unable to accept himself. He's been refusing to forgive himself since he was a little kid for something he didn't even mean to do, and he's been repressing and hiding important parts of himself because he's afraid. And he doesn't need to be afraid because he has people that are there for him and they all love him. LET ME THROW THE BIGGEST FIT YOUVE EVER SEEN WHILE I EXPLAIN TO YOU JUST HOW IMPORTANT THAT TALK BETWEEN HIM AND THE PART OF HIMSELF HES BEEN TRYINF TO REPRESS IS AND HOW MUCH IT CHANGED HIM. HE FINALLY ACCEPTS HIMSELF FOR WHO HE IS AND HES FINALLY ABLE TO FORGIVE HIMSELF AND MOVE ON AND GROW

#can you tell that this show actually means the world to me #and let me just say that while i understand that she wouldn't have been able to do anything i wish Tome had been there #shes also super important to the story and i wish that she'd been there too #AND LET ME ALSO SO HOW UTTERLY UPSET I AM THAT SERIZAWA DIDNT SAY ANYTHING UNTIL PROBABLY AFTERWARDS #SERIZAWA WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY PERSON TO TRULY UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SHIGEO HAD GONE THROUGH #HE WAS THE ONLY ONE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE MOGAMI INCIDENT #HE WAS THE ONLY ONE AND IT BREAKS MY HEART THAT THEY NEVER HAD A MOMENT #anyways i get why it didnt happen but i wish they had gotten to have a little moment together #anyways special shoutout to the seventh divison guys i didnt mention that were working at the store #sorry to sakurai and koyama i would have absolutely mentioned you too but my hand is getting tired and you werent there for very long #but i will say something now #i love how seriously they take protecting the store. even if they werent able to save it from destruction #it really goes to show how they took what reigen said to heart and tried as hard as possible to live normal average lives #they were willing to protect that store at the cost of their own safety just because they were so thankful for the chance to be normal #so sick over everyone in this show #sorry guys #had to get this out #AND I COULD WRITE MORE #but my hand is getting tired again

[the-lark-ascending69]

Another take regarding my rewatch... s3 Robin and s4 Robin are not different people. She's still a snarky little shit (see Steve freaking out about spiders and Robin telling him he won't be able to find the nest until they hatch and all the baby spiders come out, to which Steve and Nancy respond by saying she has problems). She calls Dustin and Max toddlers, makes fun of Steve, etc. She just insults him a bit less because now she actually holds a little bit of respect for him.

You also have to consider Robin spent all of s3 with two teenage boys and a neoliberal 10yo with even more snark than her. No wonder she'd spend all day making fun of them. But now, now she gets to interact with girls. You may think Robin being worried about annoying Nancy and seeking approval from her is ooc because annoying Steve was her life purpose in s3, but I think her concern is not being annoying. She said it in s3, she was desperate for Tammy to like her and heartbroken when she didn't. She also said she deep down wanted to be accepted. Robin wants approval and acceptance from people she likes and respects, especially if they're girls. That's not a contradiction, that's character depth. But the show trusts people to understand that without having Robin look into the camera and say "i behave in different ways with a known douchebag i don't trust than I do with a girl I like and respect" so that might go over some people's heads

#robin buckley meta #i saw someone say a core trait for Robin's character in s3 was her confidence. which seems to be gone in s4 #but i wouldn't say that's the case. robin wasn't ''confident''. she's certain Steve will hate her if he truly knew her #and says she deep down just wants to be normal and accepted #spitting into a russian soldier's face doesn't change that. she tries to be brave and strong #and not care about anything that might hurt her #but she spent years being jealous of and obsessed with Steve. that's not confident behavior #that's her trying to protect herself #so when she tells Nancy she doesn't want to annoy her... that's her being honest with herself actually. she DOES care #and she wants to be accepted #maybe she just expresses it that clumsily because... she's not used to doing that #also she was a weirdo in s3 too. steve says it - she's a weirdo. a nerd. she's in drama and in band. a weirdo. #she got involved with the russian conspiracy entirely because she was bored #oh and he said she's hyper and didn't like her being hyper #which is very true lmao #robin never changed. she just has people she trusts now.

[iniziare]

Muse Aesthetic / Feelings

𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒.  being unable to stop smiling. laughter. bear hugs. happy tears. waving arms around. dancing. contently sighing. eyes twinkling. laughter lines. childlike playfulness. skipping. talking more. affection. cracking more jokes than usual. gesturing more when talking. higher pitched voice. squealing. jumping around. clapping.

𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒. tearing up. self-hugging. one-arm cross. an aching chest. scratchy throat. a runny nose. turning away. deep breaths. quivery smiles. crying. infantile sobbing. hands gripping each other or an object. covering mouth. puffy eyes. eyes appear red. voice breaking. a distant or empty stare. monotone voice. asking for comfort. faking a smile. crumbling. shaking. whimpering. depression. abusing an unhealthy habit (excessive training). withdrawing from others. big teary eyes. doing something even if it could hurt them.

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑. furrowed brows. baring teeth. passive-aggressive comments. avoiding eye contact. sarcasm. headache. sore muscles. hiding clenched fists. irritability. jumping to conclusions. raising voice. going silent. demanding immediate action. keeping it all in until exploding. body tensing. making risky decisions. middle finger.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑.  wanting to flee or hide. what-ifs. images of what-could-be flashing in mind. uncontrollable trembling. rapid breathing. screaming. a skewed sense of time. irritability. keeping silent. denying fear. turning away from the cause. pretending to be brave. nail-biting. lip-biting. scratching skin. a joking tone but a voice that cracks. fainting. insomnia. panic attacks. exhaustion. substance abuse. tics. rushing adrenaline. face draining of colour. hair lifting on the back of the neck. feeling rooted to the spot (!!!) making body as small as possible. staring but not seeing. crying. a shrill voice. whispering. gripping something or someone. stuttering. flinching at noises. pleading.

𝐄𝐗𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.  constantly yawning. blurring words together. dark circles or lines under eyes. mood swings. hallucinations. calling people by the wrong name. dizziness. denying they’re tired. slow blinking. trouble concentrating. stumbling. leaning on a doorframe for support. sluggish movements. falling asleep someplace that isn’t a bed. becoming irritated by the smallest things. “i’m awake, i’m fine.” shaking so bad they spill their drink. fall asleep in their clothes. lay their head on the table because they’re so tired.passing out.

Tagged by: @militus an age and a half ago 🤍 Thank you, I had fun! Tagging: /cracks knuckles. @sicsemper (Gee, I wonder who), @rcdfcxr (initially I wanted to request just Rufus, but I'm really interested in Reno as well, so both!), @inventorem (@aworldofyou because I don't know if you'll see this otherwise), @svnsworn (Jessie), @blitzrod, @tscng, @sentmail (I'm on the 'Lemme learn about Kunsel' train, shh), @lionfated (I've been missing Leon, pretty please), @annjiru (I also am on the Angael train still), @cwarscars (I need you to envision me as a koala very dramatically clinging to your leg), @spynorth (if you tell me you've done it already Lucas, it doesn't matter, do it again and again!), @trickstercaptain, @freedomhasfangs, @lighthouseborn (I can never have enough Henry Turner in my life, ever), @weaponiised, but also— @liifestreams (please give me Reeve, the novel is killing me slowly and he killed me a little). And anyone else? Steal it, I'm sure I've forgotten people and it's nothing personal whatsoever!

#[ tifa lockhart. ] she had buried the twinges of guilt beneath the narcissism of self-sacrifice. beneath the belief of 'the greater good'. #[ tifa lockhart / et cetera. ] but i work for shinra. i'm the enemy. / i don't care. i don't want anyone to die. please! #[ tifa lockhart / meta. ] people have many things pent up inside of themselves. so many things they can never forget. strange isn't it? #[ it has been years and i still never can decide what to 'file' this stuff under. probably just a me problem. ] #[ it's not quite meta because i didn't write it-- it's also not 'relevance' because-- well. not using it for this. ] #[ any way-- this was /very/ fun actually. and i sat here in contemplation for a few of them. ] #[ this actually puts into perspective; again; why i love the nuance of animation that remake gives tifa. ] #[ the voice and animation definitely added to just about anyone; i always want to point out how much of tifa is in the subtleties. ] #[ the clenched fists-- the self-hugging. the doubt that lingers within regardless of anger. and how it's shown even in little gestures. ] #[ like when she suggests going out on the town with cloud and he questions her for half a moment-- she folds back in on herself. ] #[ same thing with the train for example-- literally rooted in place. and it's not taking away from the bravery she holds on many levels. ] #[ it's the nuance of bravery-- that it isn't black or white. you can have doubt and i think the remake did a chef's kiss job with that. ] #[ because we're so immensely layers as human beings-- so it's incredible to me to see a game reflect on that so heavily. ] #[ that game is incredibly human. it's an incredibly good depiction of human nature and reactions. ] #[ and god-- the VAs add to that magnificently. truly. ] #[ i literally cannot praise britt enough. she was so nervous and she aced it. they all did. ] #[ god; all i can think about (especially) is the 'what-ifs'-- literally. doubt. /doubt/. and that is what makes her so good. so real. ] #[ i'm gonna ramble a little more; excuse me-- can we talk about how realistic that is? no one who's brave won't doubt their actions. ] #[ tifa has lost everything to shinra-- sephiroth is shinra 'gone wrong'. she lost everything at his hands and no one could stop him. ] #[ not even shinra itself and that's very important. there's so much anger there that drives her to do selfish things. ] #[ and i note selfish because on the way to a smile has touched on this magnificently as i'd hoped it would. ] #[ she wants them to pay-- she wants her revenge. but she; arguably more than anyone; is aware of what that costs. ] #[ if avalanche goes through with this-- and she helps-- AND SHE DOES. she is responsible for people losing... ] #[ what she once lost. ] #[ and that is /so important/ to her character. before that happens; she is riddled with doubt. before she boards the train-- ] #[ when she's boarded the train and needs to jump off. that moment is /the/ moment where she makes a huge decision. ] #[ because look at how she is once she's jumped off. that entire chapter. she's relatively certain. she's going through with it. ] #[ no way back. ] #[ and then the plate falls not long after. /and then the plate is dropped/. yep. ] #[ ... i'm about to hit tag limit; don't worry-- i'll type about this soon. it's in my onenote! ]

[mirrorhouse]

tags on one of my posts reminded me i STILL don’t understand how snake’s chest scar in PW is meant to be fake. i know what the game tries to tell me but it doesn’t make any sense!!! “he needed to keep a jigsaw blade on him at all times and somehow made it look like a very realistic scar” ok BUT

how was it attached to him? how did nobody notice it was fake when he apparently walks around with his shirt off often? and when strangelove’s up close she doesn’t notice anything off about it either? the most important question is WHY am i trying to apply logic to metal gear

#'the scar's gone now' could be symbolic i guess #he does see the boss as having 'abandoned' him again when he realises what she really believed in #so like throwing away the bandana he's attempting to separate himself from her #but i prefer him actually carving a symbol of her into himself after killing her as punishment. or a reminder. or a tribute #and then it's with him his whole life up until his last moments when he truly tries to understand what she was telling him #and no matter what she'll always be part of him #also its more fucked up and i like it better that way #mgs #★

[rapha-reads]

My mother cheating on my father with a guy 30 years younger than her and when we tell her it's disgusting and unacceptable she tries to justify herself like "Oh, this is so Christian moral and catechism puritanism from you" and "This is the patriarchy that's talking".

.... Are... Are you trying to justify your CHEATING on your husband since 1990 on feminism and freedom? ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT, YOU WILL. She thinks she's not in the wrong because, what, fuck her Christian education and she's a woman, she can do anything she wants ? Is she FUCKING KIDDING ME???

YOU CHEATED, YOU ARE CHEATING, YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING FOR MONTHS, YOU FUCKING JERK.

You hurt your husband, you threw him out of the house, you hurt your children, you think you can come back to my father's village? Your youngest daughter is TWELVE, and you're hurting her so much she's bottling everything in so well she could win an Oscar already, AND YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG OR MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE ?

What sort of fucked up imaginary world are you living in that cheating is acceptable. For heaven's sake. She had the galls to tell me "adultery is banal, it's ordinary, everybody is doing it, it's not serious; don't be so dramatic". *screams* Hi, hey, if everybody is jumping off the bridge, are you going to jump too? Have you not PAID ATTENTION? Wars, murders, catastrophes have been done because of CHEATING, it is not a MODEL, it's a warning!!! Wtf, wtf, WTF.

I'm tired, I'm so tired. I have a thesis to write and I can't bring myself to work because my mother is throwing away all her life, acting in a shameful and unacceptable way, and disrespecting her family. My grandfather and my uncle and aunts aren't aware yet, but when they learn, oh boy, they might jump in a plane for Morocco to go yell at her.

Anyway. I'm having a real bad time these days and my only solace, my only salvation, are my sisters and my brother.

#rapha talks #so this rant is on one hand to let you know why i'm not very active right now and on the other hand just to rant bc i needed to get it out #on telling her that there is a real imbalance a giant red flag in her rship with the guy she tries to tell me i'm being patriarchal #Is she fucking kidding me #did she get a lobotomy in secret and that's why she's dropped her brain off and is acting in that unrecognizable way???? #because we (siblings+father) are truly starting to believe that she's actually sick for acting like that #she tried to explain that she's free and she can do whatever she wants because it's her life and she can't resist her desires #???????????? #I AM CONFUSION #i know you guys don't have all the details in hand but please please tell me we're not blowing things out of proportion #because i'm seriously starting to doubt my sanity my morals and my grasp on reality #i'm having a bad depressive episode right now and the one person who was 50% of my support system is gone #(as an added layer of unhealthiness: the guy in question is 23 + a blackafrican immigrant in morocco undocumented - she's white and settled #yeah there ABSOLUTELY NO aspect of this whole thing that's either sane or moral or acceptable #and i am going crazy and my father is in very bad shape he's not sleeping or eating anymore #and she refuses to question herself or think over her actions #oh and the other thing is that they both (parents) want me to come home to get a job back where i worked last year #her because she wants the money i could bring (my salary last year wasn't mine it all went to the family) #him so i can take a flat and take my youngest sister with me because i'm the second mother and she can't stay with Her and her lover #and i am so tired #so very tired

[unproduciblesmackdown]

thinking about how of course billions is about people trapped in eternal battle world, and trapped because they won't ever exit, and don't want to because that's the only way they can define their idea of themself or like move through life, to the degree they have to just create or find another battle if one ends or they don't have enough going on at once or they're unhappy about anything & can only respond to that the only way they'll respond to anything: finding someone to consider a target to Defeat & being like nice, i'm so competent & active as a person, so with any other issues in my life, i'm sure it's not my fault at least

and it's been clear that to be someone at the Center of the show means needing to be inflexible enough to never leave that life, which also probably means never engaging in genuine self-reflection besides like, fuming in distress for 5 sec & then immediately searching for blame for someone else, or calling up your designated moral supporter who'll tell you you're upset b/c you're very complex & sympathetic & maybe if you do [xyz] you'll be able to Keep Winning, so like, don't worry, we'll never get too off track here. you have someone like connerty who cares so much about playing by the rules ft. ethics, but he was also someone completely inflexible who would give a shit like "ha ha you broke the law" and be Defeated b/c like yeah damn you do got him in that situation. he may then have gained the flexibility to throw a punch when he's already imprisoned but he's still just gotta retire & pursue some completely different goals

this in contrast with like, what a coincidence (surely not) that the more flexible characters are the ones who also do introspect & reflect & genuinely think about & question themselves ever, & how even beyond that, being in this world of people who overwhelmingly are thee opposite & aiming for a static sense of self & thus strategy for navigating life & all interactions & situations, the more reflective parties also tend to accept both Blame & the fruitlessness of pushing for more/different/better from the people & relationships & situations they're amongst. those willing to take on responsibility at all surrounded by people casting all of it off, always, w/the former already primed to take blame & the latter primed to be looking to find the blame in anyone else, a powerful mismatch....which allows the flexible parties to also put up with shit for longer lol like if they got fed up that quickly or recognized the dead-end here they'd just leave the show lol. like wow can't believe taylor spent their whole life already stuck having to deal with someone who's so very much like these bullshit central men & those trying to emulate them, & perhaps also then have a lifetime of experience extending endless patience & sympathy with little to no expectations for more from people who put up with such a bullshit man & his effects on everything around him, like, what do you mean taylor's mom hasn't seen them b/c douglas didn't want to see them b/c he wasn't yet motivated enough to have to exercise begrudging shows of basic respect. whilest sure seems like taylor felt more concern & basically stated their responsibility re: trying to make their relationship with their dad work / basically take on the task of making his life work for him according to his sense of himself (genius! who deserves the recognition thusly!) and doesn't seem to take on this role re: their mom, who nevertheless is just presumed to move closer to them along w/douglas. and here's taylor never truly putting their foot down re: wendy, no matter what, able to have no real positive expectations in how wendy treats them or thinks of them, but also always able to extend sympathy / decent treatment themself

thinking of like team ben out here as the Nicer axe cap or mpc people who also happen to be people absorbing the L's, blaming themselves for being at the bottom of the hierarchy & being subjected to the always negative treatment doled out to them accordingly, and, winstonesquely, still generally like extending genuine gestures of amicability, efforts of constructive actual communication, etc, & this being shut down & likely punished by all the people around them who won't handle that kind of thing. that Of Course nobody's actually supported around here, like, at best they'll get some kind of "well you're actually talented & valuable :)...." (so why aren't they already treated in a way such that they're aware of this?) "....so just have more confidence already god!" wherein (a) again that just means it's Their Fault that they're having a miserable time at the hands of others & (b) their having "confidence" doesn't really mean like, an emotional buffer between their sense of self-esteem & the message of inferiority in how they're treated, it has to mean externally acting different in some ways, more like A Winner, more like everyone else. the limits of ben trying to sometimes be a buffer for tuk as that kind of friend/mentor role, where either it simply fails or ben's Help is more unilateral "correction." that generally only any increase in aggressive hostility gets them anywhere, and really not that far.

the way dollar bill could always act however he wanted & they could always clean up his messes / save him from himself / just flatout blame other people for what dollar bill did to them or someone else; success in being a mini axe in that way for sure. dollar bill going off the rails over his literal dollar bill & that's not a problem, he's validated b/c he's upset, & b/c rudy knew he'd be upset it's really all rudy's fault....who just so happens to be more of a loser, what with his glasses & possible masturbation ever and all. whilest even when dollar bill is like every season being shit at his job & life, well, just find a loser to trounce while everyone ignores this, cheers you on, takes on responsibility for fixing things for you, blames the person targeted probably. dollar bill couldn't even do in office transphobic hate crime physical attacks, or that but while yelling the r word at the autistic guy he's already harrassing & threatening, without it being really basically the target's fault, & hey, as long as no investors are watching. and we're still dragging dollar bill back to the office b/c uhhh yeah!!

& then of course there's winston, who, like a loser, says things in real efforts for real communication with others, that they winningly can only bring themselves to respond to as "he's not allowed to talk, that's out of line, i have to punish/deny this to reassert our respective status" except for, sometimes, taylor actually communicating in turn, or even simply receiving the information. winston in a duo with the very winning & worthy rian, being something of a quasirival for 5 seconds but even during then, and since, trying to be amicable to establish an actually positive dynamic, trying for actual communication, engaging flexibly & actively based on her feedback & her terms & etc to try to find some more success; versus rian completely inflexible, unwilling to respond to efforts to communicate, unwilling to have an actual relationship with any flexibility & genuineness in turn, or see winston as a person of course, and engage with real emotions. which is hardly an exclusive response of hers, like, everyone else is just the same, she's just also the one interacting with him more often and personally bullying him & standing next to him & immediately responding with clear contempt when he tries things like earnest expressions of "hey rian could you not do what you just did b/c it makes me feel like shit, probably b/c that's what you're trying to do" and "hey that was cool what you just did b/c it makes me feel like—" b/c like, what a loser. real winners cannot handle engaging with another person as a person. when you can just make up & stick to a narrative about "oh but i don't hate winston, who i feel is inherently beneath me. i wouldn't wanna feel bad about killing him, not when i could feel fine about administering more of a death by a thousand cuts with some other people helping out & hey maybe it was their cut that did it after all....but also if you're like 'pwease' then eh sure" or that winston's got a lesser inner existence anyways, some classic dehumanization, no complexity there, & hurting him isn't real, & it'd never be you in his position anyways! especially the more you're buying into "yeah i'm more of a person / more deserving / more real & sympathetic & correct than him :)" & being cheered on as you act that out. pretty cringe of winston to be earnest, flexible, openly trying & wanting & needing things, sounds bad & silly. unlike the winners around him who really cannot handle him or any of these things about him. of course near equivalent in loserness, tuk, is the person with the realest most amicable relationship with him. both of them too incompetent to realize their mutual failings in this, ha ha, real winners are repulsed & fleeing & can't handle a basic exchange with either of them. and the imbalance re: how little others are willing to give them in interest, consideration, time, words, etc, while they're always trying Too Much re: the disinterested others, totally proves their unworthiness

winston and tuk always having to stay at the bottom of the hierarchy, winston only able to be shitted on even as he extricates himself, ending up surrounded by people who will only act "correctly" according to their superior roles & this mf wags only processing anything as "did that reinforce my being a correct/winning person???" & only responding by trying to reassert to others how much of a winner they are, which requires establishing a loser, and crushing them. winston having recognized / gotten fed up with a bullshit scenario & had realistic expectations of those around them & spent those years being treated like shit yet never crushing an enemy to restore his ego & also spent those years trying to communicate and work with others and share actual info and make actual connections & now independently choosing to make a big shift in his life so that things can be different? is definitely the contemptible loser here while everyone else looks very good faffing around for an episode getting some temporary ego boosts & being very "correct" in every response to winston, even pointing out that rian even noticing something genuine & positive from winston in the absence of it anywhere is first & foremost incorrect, which rian will Also immediately drop in the face of that "well yeah it's more correct to prioritize Anything else. like that he's pathetic & mpc 5ever" like wuh oh rian being doomed from 5x08 "time to embrace acting more correct now" & being truly inflexible from that point on, never had a moment of conflict not resolved by [ignoring that] &/or again just getting someone more correct to declare how it'll be answered. taylor at their most flexible and Taylorest and most juxtaposed with central men & static ossified "winners" when they are also at their best in engaging with winston. taylor Like winston & vice versa in so many substantial & interesting ways, despite their relating to / sympathizing with / devoting much more effort & interest to people more like the central men. that here we are, when taylor might have to give up on Being A Winner, someone who'll walk away with status & resources & a seamless transition into some established business foundation, to really get the wins that matter, against pince, &/or to clock out of a sunk cost factory, &/or to not have strangled every part of themself that can be in conflict with this general situation into eternal dormancy. don't You dare blame latency lol, the taylor who gets to exist outside the conditional "well i guess you're a winner who's very useful to me, like dumping work on you & blaming you if it goes awry. and you can act like a Real winner in the ways that really matter (crushing people)"....is also a taylor who can be rejected & shut down & shut out & have their value denied & be treated shittily despite even knowing they'd be / are good at this shit, superlatively even, & could never feel okay just being regarded as a tool stashed away at someone's disposal. & Has been treated shittly & is liable to accept blame, unilateral responsibility for other's selves & feelings & actions & lives, & marinate in self-loathing. while people who refuse any introspection, questioning, responsibility, awareness, etc, & refuse to handle the least of genuine interactions/relationships with others as real people, are glad to scoff at them & dismiss them & imply or assert their superiority, like, wow have You got a lot to learn, or maybe you can't b/c you're inherently inferior. all just like re: winston!

tl;dr shoutout to the flexible characters who like can & do reflect & change things up actually, just so happening to always be Losing for this in the [only way to win is not to play] arena of fake winners seeing if they can consider themselves superior to everyone else & only even possibly correct always & forever, in the pyramid scheme of social hierarchy & also capitalism

#real winners quit! it's winston #society if rian Wasn't quickly boxed in & given the ''prominence'' of being Used for other characters #and where we could more truly have this like triumvirate of seeing yourself in both the other two parties in tmc lol #almost a similar fate re: lauren showing up Worthily Yet Zanily! then Most offbeatness falls away / dating is in the bg #& she's mostly Around & doing general [just competent things] But she was also flexible enough to do things Wrong actually / be doomed lol #which we Knew b/c of the relationship that billions would only eventually crush as the Cost of xyz.... #rian's offbeatness mostly gone too; ''what am i gonna do next!'' Conveniently/contradictorily; going Bazinga; snark instead of aggression #general [just competent things] that'll last until ppl quit last minute; if they do. she started out secretly pretty inflexible already #& is really locked in by now; very similar to wendy who also never really considered ditching her life of ''i love to feel like i'm toying #w/ppl's lives & enabling some mf with more power'' & really isn't that different from prince; who tf else isn't also totally inflexible #team ben's endurance come from what insulation / teamwork they can find w/each other & just staying out of the way really #& also just the writing like ''of course they can & will stick around for years despite how they're treated. bit of Loser Feelings as #Lesser Feelings after all b/c haha i mean come on they may be nice but do they seem Epic to you?'' #which is just as true / even more so re: winston. until he; in another [the Actual winner's move]; finally leaves #and gets like the most bass boosted [WHAT A FUCKING LOSER] treatment on his way out b/c what else could or would anyone do #winston billions #anyways he & the Loser Nerds like him have so much more maturity & flexibility & allowed capacity for actual growth lol. cringe comp!! #and this may be at all on purpose Of Course. show's aware central ppl are peak shit & intractible. show also does think winston's a loser #&/or is certainly trying to have their cake and eat it too with him and like tuk as well & even to a degree w/e goes on w/spyros etc etc #and Illustrating a lot of the ''deserved'' aspect through static inflexible Assumed Universal Facts abt what seems wrong & unworthy #like fucking yourself literally! objectively Bad. having glasses. knowing the diff b/w a vagina & vulva. not being ''''attractive'''' #[jumpscare of Blaring Tangent dialogue abt that all overlaid on itself into 1 second of 9000 decibels] #taylor is also Flexible re: philip who is Flexible re: them in turn. definitely Something and Promising as has been established lol #visit taylip hq nothingunrealistic.tumblr.com for so much more. and this blog for [thinking abt winston] hq in turn. covering ground

[tastymelonfarm]

if I think about katniss and peeta too long my vision starts to look like when you take damage in a cod game

#I’m not exaggerating that it’s one of the most profound and moving depictions of romantic love like it’s masterful idc if it’s a kids book #the hype that love triangles in its hey day were annoying is fair but i actually think it was a really poignant and relevant story telling #device in this case #it’s the enduring kindness with no agenda because of genuine chosen dedication and admiration and understanding #it’s the balancing of identities and and raw acceptance !!!!!!! it’s the protection and cultivation of trust and reliance and THE PATIENCE #UDHEHDHSHDHDHD THE ANTITHETICALS TO HOW GALE PERCEIVES AND ATTEMPTS TO CARE FOR HER AND HIS INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE IT AS DESTRUCTIVE AND NOT #TRULY VULNERABLE #“what I need is the dandelion in the spring.’ frankly HAUNTS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #the impact this line had on my brain development cannot be overstated #it’s just…….the idea of hope carefully and lovingly cultivated out of dedication to the heart of another ……. oh I’m kmsing #and only peeta can give me that …….. BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK #I could go ON about how much of an incredible and multifaceted and quietly fascinating katniss is in so many ways rhat don’t get much talk #but just thinking about like the ways in which peeta saw to the heart of her and showed her a fondness and appreciation and CHOICEEEEE to #defend (figuratively and literally) and love her in whatever ways he could and would not be a burden to her while she was dealing with so #much pain and distrust and disillusionment so that she felt incapable or even didn’t WANT to feel that or fully understand it #and then watching that grow more and more complicated for her until she’s suddenly knowing the true heart of HIM and it’s beginning to #change HER and then all of the sudden the roles are reversed and he is now the one who is so emotionally far away and closed off and #traumatized and her sudden crashing understanding of what he served in her life and to her understanding of love when it’s suddenly gone #and the point where SHEEEEE is now making that same choice to patiently and vulnerably be there and see any dark part and love and protect #despite it and do for him what she didn’t fully realize he had done for her like my god. my god. #DO ANY OF YALL GET THE VISION……..EVERYONE LEFT I STAYED HERE ‼️‼️‼️

[vigilantejustice]

obvs logically dig that my. body/food issues are wildly nuanced + complicated things much bigger + more complex than this but it is very hard to stop feeling like wow can’t believe my entire problem is just having “too ugly to function” disorder that is so pathetic :(

#just feeling very very much like a person who is fundamentally broken #just feel wrong + gross on every level #pyschologically + emotionally + physically + socially #it just feels like it shouldn’t be this tricky to just be a functioning person #have definitely always felt like this but never ever to this extent + it has never impacted my ability to function the way it has since #the eating disorder developed. literally insane the way it has fully entirely truly ruined my life #and it’s such a loop that i just can’t get myself out of :( #but it’s hard to see how any amount of talk therapy is going to help me talk myself into having any self esteem at all y’know? #like genuinely without hyperbole can’t find one single thing to like #and just can’t figure out how anyone ever is supposed to be able to talk me around on myself #also hate this because it comes off inherently attention-seeky which is not what this is #anyways. just know if you’re thinking wow she should be over this by now that i’m also thinking the same thing #also know that i know how silly this sounds i just can’t express myself like an unhinged dummy anywhere else #actually to add to this because it comes off like it’s entirely a body issue #my self esteem is so far gone that my confidence re: performing in a workplace is nonexistent #i don’t recognise the me three years ago that was single handedly running the nursery room #it seems unbelievable it doesn’t feel like me #+ it kind of isn’t like it’s not me as i am now #i’m also just very afraid a lot of the time for no real valid reason #like whenever i drive i’m worried my car is going to break down in traffic #constantly convince myself my cat is going to get sick or checking the local police site whenever someone’s a little late #am very worried about getting back into a kindy setting + something awful happening #it’s just a lot of worry for no reason but that doesn’t stop it #anyways! the body/food stuff really is just the cherry on a very shitty cake #did you all miss me making absolutely no sense in the tags? in my defence it’s very late #personal

[mrburnsnuclearpussy]

I’m in for the morning tomorrow which means working the same shift as my co-“worker”, and I’m absolutely dreading it because she is a literal nightmare and makes me furious even when I only see her for a few MINUTES, let alone hours. But maybe they’ll be drama so that could be funny lol GOODNIGHT ⭐️💤

#the extra work she creates for us is a ducking joke at this point like she is literally the most selfish person ever #she’s truly taking the piss #and I know you haven’t heard the whole story but I have and trust me #i cannot believe she hasn’t been fired it’s insane #it’s only because they have to go through beauracracy (idk how to spell that) fist #otherwise she’d be gone #the way she acts is like a spit in the face truly #ms she gets NO consequences for anything #and* #she just does whatever she wants and acts like a piece of shit to everyone refuses to do anything and leaves #and if you ask her to do a single basic easy task she gets angry because she thinks she shouldn’t have to do anything??? for some reason??? #but I’d rather she actually do nothing because when she finally does anything she does it horribly wrong ON PURPOSE so we then have to waste #our time cleaning up her mess #and if she’s asked about it she doesn’t care or apologise and gets gets shitty with us like #girl why tf are you here if you clearly are trying to get urself fired #she doesn’t give a fuck and has been given so many chances but throws that in our managers face #there has been so much chances for excuses and explanations but she truly has none or at least refuses to say which is on her anyway #because our manager is honestly amazing and so understanding and kind like it’s not like she isn’t being fair #she is just a grown woman who acts like a child #there’s only 4 of us but it would be easier if she wasn’t there because she actively makes our jobs and lives more difficult with everything #she does #fgghgcighcigcgigxigcigc fucks saaakeeee #GET FIRED BITCH I want to see you finally getting some consequences you cocky shit #karma needs to be served 🙏✨praying for it✨🙏 #i could go on forever but

[steampoweredskeleton]

One of the most confusing parts of autism is knowing that ppl are looking for a specific answer when asking your opinion, but not knowing what they want. This is closely followed by knowing that someone is asking you one question but meaning something else and not knowing what they actually mean

The apprenticeship review I was in had both for a solid ten minutes and I want to rip my hair out in frustration

#delete later #it genuinly is pushing me into a meltdown and i need to go get my headphones before i push muself into a panic attack #she also sprung something on me out of nowhere about a meeting i have tomorrow and now im panicking over it bc i didnt prepare #bc it was marked as an introductory meeting #it means that every deadline and plan ive made has gone completely out of the window #im going to smash my head through a fucking window im so unnerved and frustrated and uncomfortable and anxious #she didnt check anything that is normally checked and i dont understand why and its made me really worried abd unnerved #and i hate it #truly the worst part about becoming more mentally healthy is being able to feel enough emotion to find out that half of my panic #attacks are actually meltdowns that made me dissociate and hyperventilate. now i dont dissociate as much and theres nothing #between me and the overwhelming frustration and discomfort so rrying not to hit myself or the wall or scream or bite through #my tongue is way harder #just have to force myself to get the weighted blanket and pin myself under it until i can think again

[starbuck]

anybody else occasionally struck with the urge to track down their entire extended family and figure out what their Deal is?

#mostly re: my Grammy’s siblings… #she’s only on speaking terms with 2.5 of them afaik - but i’m like 👀👀 #it is TRULY none of my business - but i wanna meet them all so bad… there are six in all and somehow they’re all still alive #and i’d love to get in touch and then road trip it out to Minnesota and drop in for a few hours #just put faces to these names i’ve heard all my life #and keep learning more and more fucked up stuff about #i want them to be People to me #before they’re dead and gone #this will never ACTUALLY happen because - again - it’s none of my business #i have no right to contact them if they’re not in contact with the person we’re related through #but like 👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁 the urge is SO strong