#so i left

[osddid-i-do-that]

It’s easy for people to criticize protectors for how we react to perceived threats —

Some of us get defensive, some of us get loud, or completely freeze up, or run for safety, or suddenly collapse and can’t move, or become mute, or have extreme fawn reactions … and to the outside, it seems over the top.

Or maybe you think it’s not fair that we saw you as a threat because you got angry and yelled. Maybe you think it’s childish that we sprinted out of the house or scary that we kicked into “fight” mode.

We had to identify threats fast. We had to do what it took to survive. To protect our system and our physical body and mind.

And we can and should learn to react more proportionally. But our instincts aren’t ridiculous or made to victimize you. They made sense in the traumatic environment that created us. They’re the only reason we’re still here now.

We still fall back on that because it worked and we survived.

#actually did #actually dissociative #osddid #sysblr #dissociative identity disorder #did system #actually osdd #sbc system tag: thorn 🥀 #I am the ‘angry’ protector #I’ve been learning how to handle conflict better #I know I can’t just flip out on people #I know trauma isn’t an excuse #for losing control #but right now #someone is mad at me #for identifying their behavior as threatening #and removing myself from the situation #because I knew I was triggered #and I couldn’t control my response #so I left #and then tried to talk about my concerns later #and this person #is PISSED #purely because #I was seeing red flags #and even though I stepped away and left the room #they’re upset that I was triggered by them #I’ve seen people get upset #when Casper or Lyka run away and hide #saying it’s childish

[silversoulstardust]

watching atarashii joushii wa do tennen for the BL but I'm amused at how accurately they portray traumatic work experience

a simple thing could be triggering

and yet it could easily be fixed with a kind gesture from a superior

#ive been working for almost a decade now and ive had a fair share of horrible bosses. so i sympathize with momose #the worst I've gotten was when i was still working under the government. i worked an average 80 hours per week and my boss at the time— #hated me and how vocal i was against his abuse (read: cutting off contract workers and passing the workload on the overworked paramedics) #so he digged out some shit on me from a year before (read: went on vacation outside the country without notifying the gov) and — #gave me an ultimatum: get transferred to another hospital or face disciplinary actions (and risk not furthering my study) #so i left #anyway. five years later shit works out just fine and im grateful for that. but it was depressing at the time #all the hard work I poured was wasted on the wrong people #oof im rambling too much #sorry bout that. still salty about that boss #i hope he's living a miserable life #chromie is watching #atarashii joushi wa do tennen #my new boss is goofy #momose kentarou #chrmz.txt

[ensigngareth]

Data recently has been practicing human reactions, this morning I walked into his room finding him trying to hiccup...

#star trek #star trek tng #data #star trek data #i didn't know what to say #so i left

[fullbl1tz]

ahhhhhh your are is so silli!!!! I love the color palettes smmm!!!!! (also have you been on deviant art? Your art style reminds me of a long lost mutual I had on DA lol)

MWUAHAHAHA !!! Tis I !!! ZOE !!!! I saw you already got your answer but hello !! Nice to see you again >:]

#i am a long lost mutual #Deviantart is mid :( #so i left

[potsolya]

moomin valley background

#opened after effects to make it move #and i was like nah #it do be lookin too difficult for a saturday afternoon to learn how to use it #so i left #anyway #moomin #moominvalley #background #art

[arrowloosed]

quick starter call ( i am having a day with clint barton type luck ) 

#( ooc. ) #my package didn't show up even though we paid for a personal mailbox so this wouldn't happen #my boss ... destroyed my desk and then was like 'i'm gonna be making a quilt here for the next few weeks' #and after i had fixed it all ... took it all down again. #she has TWO DESKS OF HER OWN they're just two fucking cluttered!!! #she's now sitting behind my plexiglass not wearing a mask #so uhh #i left. #we found out my sick note said i coudln't be in today and she was like do you wanna leave??? #so i lEFT #then i dropped my phone twice and cracked it !!!!!!!

[iknaenmal]

WHY! IS! IRL FRIENDSHIP! SO HARD!!!!!

#UAGHRHR #theres. theres this friend who has been ignoring me for MONTHS #like she still hangs out with me but doesnt even talk to me or listen to me when i talk to her #and last week i asked her why she ignored me all the time and she got mad at me and told me she didnt want to hang out with me anymore #which is. a HUGE relief actually #so the next day she spent HALF of the recess someplace #but then when she got bored with whatever she was doing she just. came and started to talk to me like nothing happened?????? #so i left #and shes in france now for a week bc of some school thing #and i thought it would be nice because i wouldnt have to deal with her for a whole week #but she just. called me out of the blue????? #and starts talking about how france is cold and she saw a cool car and stuff #and OURGHHG why does she only call me after we have argued and not even. apologize or anything #but i dont care i dont want her to apologize!! i want her to leave me alone for once #shes been my friend for about ten years which is more than half of my whole life #and aurhg..... i dont want to be her friend anymore this is do fucking exhausting #ough damn. sorry for that.. i didnt mean to ramble abt my personal problems for that long #or at all for that matter #ikna grumbles

[bending-sickle]

when your parents are super aggressively yelling at each other and then at you and you’re not allowed to finish your breakfast anymore or be in the kitchen

#dad couldn’t find the marmalade #(it’s where it’s always been) #he wasted water washing the dishes like he was opening a water slide #mom yelled at him for this and for leaving a plate precariously propped #then she turned to me in super bitch mode #to ask if how much longer my breakfast was going to take #or if she would have to go eat on the stairs #(i had eaten one (1) slice of melon) #so i left #it’s been fucking awful these past weeks #it’s really starting to crack my foundations #randomness #dear mom

[mcwexlerscigarette]

five years later and twitter is still the most miserable social media lol

#like. I tried rejoining again because it use to be so much fun #but then everyone started like... being dickish (including me atp) #so I left #and five years later and I'm back and everyone still sucks #I guess I'll just deactivate again because why would I stay on an app that makes me miserable #like I literally got blocked for no reason by someone in the same fandom. like. for just existing. I barely post

[goodmorninglovelies42]

Discord servers often make me feel so shitty about myself. I really prefer the slower speed and content forward structure of tumblr.

#just left one that was too intense for me #one particular person made it worse but I think just the speed and intensity of the whole thing was too much #and i felt bad #so I left #trying to have a healthy relationship with fandom!

[wabblebees]

.

#fuck me fuck me fuck me #my ex texted me last week & ive been so FUCKING conflicted about it (even tho ik i shouldnt give a single fuck)(but i fucking MISS them #EVEN THO ik i REALLY shouldnt)(aaaAAAAA) #but i havent responded yet and i dont Plan to (bc even tho i WANT to ik thats Stupid & a Bad Idea)(& probably entirely self-destructive) #but i HAVENT yet. and i havent seen them in fucking months and. but i just saw them #i just walked past them #and if my friend hadnt been there to pull me along and keep walking me over to where we were headed anyway and then walk me home... #fuck me. fuck. i think id have just... frozen #i almost did anyway #and i KNOW just walking home was the Objectively Correct move but. holy FUCK its taking all my goddamn willpower not to just. #run out into the fuvking night and find them again. what the hell is wrong with me #*i* broke up with THEM. bc they were triggering my rsd and making me spiral ((WHICH wasnt necessarily always their fault!! so i wouldve #been happy to keep managing that myself!! the way i usually do!!)) but more importantly they were APPARENTLY sneaking around behind my back #Still. apparently they were Still sneaking around behind my back. #so i left #and ive regretted that ever since. even though ive always known that was the right choice ive ALWAYS doubted. bc they were so #ugh. FUCK. #i hate everything. its so dark and confusing and terrible and it was so fucking easy to just trust them and love them wholeheartedly and #that was the thing i cant regret. i cant make myself regret that i threw myself into it completely #it was just. so lovely #and everyone keeps telling me that i did nothing wrong & that i made the right choice to take care of myself & that i should just move on #but if it was the right choice why is it so fucking awful?? why is it STILL so FUCKING AWFUL even tho i kinda thought it was getting BETTER #its been fucking MONTHS why do i still want them. why do *i* want to fucking APOLOGIZE for breaking up with them over the ways THEY HURT ME #why is it still so hard to get it through my fucking head that they didnt keep their promises!! #again and again pulling the same bullshit!! this text they sent FIT the FUCKING FORMULA. AS ALL THEIR OTHER ''im sorry can we talk'' ONES #the apology and the excuse and the offer for a conversation ''if youre comfortable and willing'' all followed by something terribly sweet #and totally disarming. and it FUCKING WORKS. EVERY DAMN TIME. #i dont WANT it to. but it DOES. and theres an extremely loud part of me that just wants to run headlong into it & say fuck the consequences #but i SHOULDNT. fucken hell i feel so uncertain abt every decision i made wrt them. but im trying to take care of myself now at least #bee speaks

[abybweisse]

Just left a Black Butler discord server because I honestly liked it better when it was dead.

Activity blew up the past day or so, and apparently people were actually rping. Imagine that! 😆

But I randomly... finally... responded to something: a pic of a cat (because: cat)... and got told to leave the room. Turns out I'd barged in on Sebastian's room and he was introducing his cats to someone. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The whole server had been dead for several weeks, and when I see it's alive again and join in, I click the wrong new message, and it takes me to a room where I was not expected. Nor wanted (I was rping Othello there.)

I went to general chat and explained, and the Sebastian said "it's ok" and explained. But then I said I don't really need to be in this server... and left.

Because I don't need to be there.

#discord #black butler #kuroshitsuji #rp server #i wasn't enjoying it #so i left #not angry

[andtothoseilove]

a yr ago today i spent Christmas Eve in the ER only to not get medical attention 🙃

#cam.chat #they were so busy I was going to have to wait hours and hours #and i was in a ton of pain #it was a very traumatic experience #especially with what someone did while i was sitting alone in the er #so i left #and had friends take care of the injury until i could by myself #they're nurses lol #i barely even got proper triage at the er #i was sitting there sobbing #bloody towel around my hand dripping on the floor #and the lovely receptionist was the one who kept checking up on me #not medical staff

[hyvee]

I was sooo excited to take this topics in evolution class but i think i hate the professor :(

#i will try my best to not let him ruin this for me. #but like on mon he said he wouldnt b here today and tht he would email us w stuff to do (potentially still in class just w him absent) #and i forgot abt it and showed up to class cus he never sent an email #and some of my classmates were there and they saic they didnt kno anything either #and he wasnt there obvs #so i left #but like… it’s radio silent there has been no email #and i just dont like the way he teaches so far #like he gave us questions to discuss in groups #and wrote our answers on the board. and just seemed like. dissapointed. like ig none of us gave the answers he was looking for #but we’re all doing the reading and assignments obvs so….it’s ur fault bud! #maybe write better questions idk

[everlastingrandom]

got blood work done today and i just remembered a time i got blood work done as a teen. after the nurse drew like 6 vials of the stuff, i asked him “is all that mine?” and he said “not anymore” and walked off

#blood tw #I was so shook that he just up and left with my blood

[riacte]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

#'your moon is here' things that make me explode like a supernova #UGHHHHHHH what if i was perpetually in your orbit. influencing the tides. protecting you from asteroids. and slowly drifting further away. #then you stopped moving and i was only pulse to your dead heart. orbiting you. right where ive been left. and so you started turning again. #ria.txt #personal #space opera au #(<- not about what you think is about) #hiiii this is gaining traction so glad we're all going insane :D your moon is here is SO fucked up. so good. #xkcd #randall munroe #space #moon #anyways xkcd comics are so good. entertaining witty and informative. check em out!