#so im doing that this morning. yay

[liquidstar]

good morning :)

#posted one oc drawing of the main five late at night so heres one of these two early in the morning lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #but i tried something slightly different w the background on this one w the pixels #i didnt do full pixel shading it was just a way to kinda have things blend into each other in the darker corner #but no pixel shading on the two of them. im hoping this makes them pop more bc i do have an issue where bc its lineless the characters #sometimes blend into the background. maybe this is the solution we'll see lol #anyway i have no clue what theyre looking at. perhaps vela saw dolphins and was like ran wake up NOW and take in the majesty of the ocean #its like 5am but theyre both early birds so its ok #drawing ran is fun bc shes like ◕ ◕ #anyway yay

[nimoy]

today is the day i get surgery or dont. im so nervous lol

#i am still not fully cleared cuz i have to be evaluated by the anesthesiologist which they said they cant do #until the MORNING OF THE SURGERY #because theyre afraid i may have some blockage in my airway passage #im fully going into it expecting to be rejected #and ive mentally prepared #so i will be okay. it will just hurt a lot #but if i do get it. yay #i felt like i havent been able to be excited and im still not #just cuz of how frustrating and distressing this all is #and i hope if i dont i at least get some kind of refund lol #tp

[hyunrun]

tw ed in the tags !!

#im feeling sooo awful abt my body today its crazy #i dont wanna relapse but also i have prom and grad coming up so its very very tempting #silly side note but ive been friends w some moots on edtwt longer than I've known some of my irls and that's crazy to me #anyway i was looking at tweets of me being so majorly uber excited abt final hitting 45 kg T-T like man omfg #feb 23 me was the skinniest id ever been and i was thriving !! #and i highkey wanna be that again #was my hair thinning and did my face look so gaunt it scared me at times? yes #did i also feel my prettiest + have the most external validation from strangers etc ever? also yes !! #i feel fat and ugly rn but I'm also just very averagely weighted #but i have a naturally broader built but i feel like i look bigger even if I'm not ?? 9ufdkjhjs #anyway its scary looking through old tweets bc I'm talking abt skipping lunch like everyday and stuff like that's scary !! don't do that #but also it makes me wanna do it again like if i could look like that again... id genuinely kill myself for it #i was kinda also p healthy back then LOL only ate god food #cardio every evening + muscle training every morning #anyway teehee thats all i very much dislike my body rn and i hope i can lose a bit so i don't feel like dying <3 #i have hope bc im only 5kg off what i used to be so !! shouldn't be too hard yaaya if i can just get back in the 40s ill be happy like a 47 #i got this !! hopefully will not destroy myself in the process yay #tw ed

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

ok ok so you know how my life has majorly revolved around my pain since july & how that has been extremely difficult :) well lately I find myself getting up later than I want to & making my bed as badly as I possibly can & getting out of the house after noon when I planned to get out in the morning & walking to the library when it’s sunny & sitting there for hours & the whole time I’m most concerned with writing & that it’s incredible what I’m doing, it’s a little paradise

#you know how I hoped September would be kind to me well it delivered #I actually didn’t realize how mentally poorly I was doing until I got out of it ! #like oooooof it’s like a chronic pain veil #& to be very honest it’s because I’m physically better so I cannot blame myself and I don’t lol bc there will be a time when that happens #<< again #I mean better loosely I just mean I haven’t had 8/10 pain every day for weeks LOLLL #but it’s really quiet and beautiful & im grateful !!! like yay I can still create ! #I’m not thinking abt my pain 95% of the day now it’s probably about 40%? 50? so a lot but I’m literally not every single thought LOL #sometimes it’s even like 20! not even cuz anything is getting better bc it’s not but I will take it even if idk why!!! #(& by nothing is getting better I mean meaningfully better but I have been blessed with some good days lately which I had none #of all summer) #I say this bc every day I wake up and immediately think OH GOD MY PAIN which is so valid bc it’s awful in the morning getting up is like #falling into a black hole Lol but also while that thought is still there I also thought #wow I’m so excited to write today I’m so excited to see what Jeremiah does #HE IS THE NARRATOR OF HEALING #also like SOOO PRIVILEGED to be able to do this like I also wanted to say that! #anyway update for u since I know I have shared the Despair but none of the beauty yet lol #lots of love chronic illness/pain bbs <3

[naenaex0xx]

maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone

#like how my day is? or what dumb stuff im doing lol #my “safe space” where i got to meet people somehow (and theyre very cool :3c) #well. im happy if i get to do it now #cmon nae! sympathy points wont do you any good !! #okay so. tumblr gets to be my little planner too cause i get to write things in the momoment #so im writing things im proud of! #brushed my teeth for more than two mins today #n i actually washed a lil! its embarrassing writing this here because i dont want anyone thinking im dirty.... since its gross #but anyways.. im getting better at putting my phone down at night! #that means fixing my sleep right? i just have to sort out the mornings since i lose track of time #and struggle to leave bed (its too comfyyyy >.<) #and oh. i want to start going on walks.. #itll be hard since the house is getting done n stuff but. anytine if the day. i feel like taking walks woukd be better for me #just to keave the house. my eyes always hurts when i steo outside #n thats not good :< #those are my goals for now. i do wanna get closer to my friends. and actually make friends! #ive had no friendships for nearly a year at college lol #its just been 'oh well' but i have actually felt lonely... oh well- #i guess i wanna get closer to people? #and.. talk to ny old friends too #i feel to guilty #im not good with this stuff. it drains me #but anyways. baby steps right? who knows #maybe ill make a friend on the trip! or next year too! that sounds good #ik nobody'll probably read this cause its word vomit lol #but basically yay yippee im feelin kinds alright #<333 #posts.nae/rambles

[risingsunresistance]

will we have to wait 5 years for patch notes this time or are they sitting in their drafts waiting to be posted

#im so tired of updates releasing with no patch notes Please Post Soon #i wanna read on it to decide what i wanna do with my morning (i work at 3 again today rip) #wont even get to play tomorrow bc im busy from the second i wake up until 8pm ;-; #dentist appointment AND work yay #chat #sb

[dandyshucks]

crawls in here coughing and wheezing... everyone is so niceys to me.....

#sobs and collapses djfjndlsl #anyways good-.... well not good morning anymore. good afternoon everybuddy DJDKSL #i spent two real life hours this morning after waking up the first time in like... semi sleep paralysis ??? #idk what it is but it happens sometimes where i cannot wake myself up and im on the cusp of being awake but i cant open my eyes or move LOL #and then i will finally be able to wake up for like three seconds before sleep drags me under again and then im stuck again #its so frustrating and drives me nuts 😭😭 #BUT IT WAS SO NICE TO SEE KIND TAGS AND EVERYTHING FROM LAST NIGHT YAY THANK U ALL DJFJDKL #everyone so niceys to me :3 #i want to draw more for ppl but I'll see what im capable of today fjdksl i am going traveling w parents tomorrow for a medical thing #(not for me but for one of them fjfkdl im just going along so i can perhaps purchase yarn bc they have a craft store there !!! yippee !!!) #anyways so i have to ... do stuff today to be ready for tomorrow and then yay hurray maybe i will draw after i get stuff done #dancing and grooving and boogying down djdkdl kicking my feet and becoming The Smiler reading over tags and rbs :] #dandy.cmd

[dayurno]

Oh your kevjeanthea in the pros is so funny because like. Jean will spend the whole night awake wondering what they are to each other and the next morning he opens his phone to see that he was added to Kevin and Thea's dogpark friends gc. Just fully introduced as like "oh this is Kevin and Thea's Jean"

ITS SERIOUSLY LIKE THAT. i think jean would have a very specific idea of what kevin and thea are like especially a few years into playing on a pro team together and he'll be very very very surprised it's not what he expected at all. he's going to realize he was wrong one day when he's sitting in (hand to god) pottery class (POTTERY CLASS, jeremy, do you understand how off in the head these people are) with kevin and thea fighting for his life to get any say in how their matching mugs are going to look like (kevin wins because he exhausts them) (they end up being trojan-red abominations and you can't even drink out of thea's)

just very! you know! sneakily domestic... i think jean would be fully in bed with his head on thea's chest thinking to himself what the fuck is going on here. who are these people. why do i feel so happy. i must be going crazy. I must hate them. i need to get the fuck out of here. like a nervous prey animal. but the sex is amazing. and trying to get moved from the houston sirens is going to be such a pain in the ass. and they have a dinner party with the neighbors in a week and why would jean miss out on free food. so you can understand the stress he's under

#jean: why are we doing this thea: the sex is good and tax returns are plenty with three working people in a household jean: okay #i think jeanthea is very thea saying anything and jean being like okay <3 yay <3 #because he trusts her LOL #i also think kevin is like this with thea but he likes arguing with her also so he pretends otherwise #also i think this kevjean is very funny because for once kevin is the normal one so jean's entirely off his game #folding kevin in half in front of his (their?) girlfriend is ok but going grocery shopping with kevin is too intimate #HES REALLY STRUGGLING #kevin muffled into jeans shoulder like good morning aough. and jeans like he hates this he hates me #thea i need to kill myself and then kevin and then you can get our money #and she's like yay okay #joking. she tells him to stop saying such things. After saying yay okay #asks #kevjeadora #im actually having so much fun answering k/j/t asks in case anyone has any fun ideas or questions or anything. just so you know. yay :)

[monsterbisexual]

if i call in sick to work i shld tell them im having symptoms of emotional turmoil, physical agony n excessive bleedinfg so im gonna stay home bye

#dont have to give details i just think itd be a funny way to describe this monthly torment #also i rly am lucky i work at ass oclock in the morning cuz none of the managers are there yet #n us 5am ppl are the earliest to show up in my department so i just talk to whoever has the guy in charge phone #n its no one who will care so thats p nice #i do get anxious anyway but im just insane #also i always feel all guilty n embarrassed bleh #unless ofc i rly am mega sick #n ill have to let my mom know sometime if i do cuz she drops me off before she goes to her job #i always feel awkward n bad having to tell her im stayin home #overthinking forever yay #gotta figure this out #i just know if im at work tomorrow even if everything isnt fucked or awful like it can be there #n i feel how ive felt sometimes today like physically #dont wanna be thereeeee n im already gonna be in pain from working n now extra emotional. dies #according to my phone call history i called in like Exactly 2 months ago #which is more than the 3 months they want in between call ins but i dont think anyone else cares abt that #like coworkers of mine i mean #hmmmmmmm #p

[autism-corner]

levi in my autism-fit =w=bb

#dude..... #this is quite literally all i wear whenever im not outside the house. #gross hoodie that ive had and worn daily for multiple years. at least 4 i think. #any black tshirt. my socks that i wear 24/7. either black or dark blue joggers. #i somewhy decided to wear one of the cuffs like that a couple days ago and now it feels wrong to do it any other way yay =-=bb #its a bit of a bother bc this morning while running arrands i also wore it like that and due to the. walking on it. it got all twisted :( #makes one wonder if maybe it isnt practical =3= #anyway i love imagining him all cozy in my clothes its awesome =w=bb #for how quickly i did this im pretty happy with the results. never really practised with fabrics proper so =w=bb #could use more work but ive been thinking about it nonstop since yesterday and just need to let it out. #sillyposting #my work

[bunnyb34r]

Huh... apparently my dr forgot to send in one of my meds TWO WEEKS AGO and I didnt notice til now... that explains why I've been so irritable and anxious 🙃

#marquilla #lied and said i had some left over and THATS why it took me two weeks and not that ive been in a fog for this whole time and just forgot (: #apparently we cant make more than one change to my meds without fucking the whole thing up #'oh i dont need that one med. oh we can go up on this one. k great' #my dr: okay! :) [completely forgets what meds hes sending in] #and i was like uh fuck do i message him? do i go without? no that would be 10 weeks then WITHOUT and then suddenly back on it full strenth #strength* #and it's like k do i do it now while im thinking of it or do i wait til morning does it matter since it's the weekend snd they might not #even be there Monday... #so anyway I just emailed him now and said sorry to send this on the weekend/this late i wanted to do it while i was thinking ab it #and he knows i get up for work at like 3am so maybe he'll assume i was up early or something #anyway im gonna go have a panic attack now that i know ive been in withdrawl for two weeks and did nothinh ab it (: yay

[milkweedman]

Having hap problems... i finished the socks this morning and decided to frog the old hap progress (which im glad i did) and re-evaluate what i was trying to do here. Since i dont currently have the brainpower to do the recreation of a traditional hap that i planned, i figure if nothing else i still want a warm, practical, and non-delicate shawl of some kind. But after a bit of ravelry scrolling im realizing that i don't think i have the yardage to do that :( i never measured all of it but if i kept consistent with the first skein, which i think i did, i have around 815 yards (745 meters) of light worsted yarn. And everything that ticks the boxes of 'uncomplicated' and 'looks warm' requires like double the yardage that i have.

#so essentially the problem is that i dont have enough yardage for a shawl and i probably never have #but i do want to make a shawl with it. so you can see the conundrum im running into #im considering dragging the rigid heddle loom back out and just weaving one bc i know i will have enough yardage then #but i dont wanna >:( if anything id rather weave it on a warp weighted loom (which i dont have) #i guess the other option is to knit a shawl using other yarn.... #see but then i wont have a hap and i want a hap and not a shawl ! #yeah my brains just going in circles today lads #i woke up at 5 in the morning checked my email and saw i seem to have gotten the job i applied for (yay) #and that i had to complete an online seminar. and it was early and i hadnt had my coffee so i just started it without checking to see #what it was about. which was 'how to recognize and prevent CSA'. they had a section at the beginning that was like #'if youre a victim of csa this is gonna be upsetting as shit ! so you should talk to your supervisor and ask to skip this' #like ah yes ill just start my first conversation with a new boss by saying 'hi im a csa victim !' thats exactly what i want to do for sure #so... anyway yeah it was a very unpleasant hour and ive been deeply out of it ever since. and still am but also annoyed about hap problems #knitting #csa tw #(for tags) #i guess if nothing else it says good things about my mental health that im not currently binge drinking and walking into freeway traffic #because thats absolutely how i would have reacted in the past and instead today i wrote in my journal a little #and talked to my fiance a little and then thought about textiles for. in retrospect. 10 straight hours #but it still would be nice to maybe not have had to deal with this at all #the last several therapist ive seen have all said that if i want to unfuck my brain i need an intense outpatient program and multiple #therapists working on me at once and well i havent done that because im not a millionaire. so i assume my brain is still fucked #and im just a lot better at pretending it isnt so as to not self destruct constantly #idk. :/

[gayvampyr]

i wish i had febreeeeeze

#my stomach woke me up this morning just to vomit violently #and i can’t purge the smell from my room #im in hell #and what’s worse is i haven’t thrown up in so many years #i legit thought i just couldn’t do it anymore #but oml it BURNS #and i was just thinking about how my hiatal hernia causes acid reflux last night after i injured it #so yay for me

[yourknightinshiningplastic]

also eye appointment tomorrow what kind of glasses should I get

#i have big 'nerd' glasses rn #you know the ones #i was thinking about getting round ones but idk if i look terrible in them im Not doing that #winona has something to say #also it's at 8 in the morning because mom didnt dad would be off so yay

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #well the muscles ive strained in my backare still pissed off enough to go into spasm when i lie down but rhey are getting better #previous nights ive been taking ibuprofen and using yhe painkiller gel and using an ice pack andstill been contorted in pain #tonight ive just got tge gel abd tge ice abd it is spasming but not as violently #last night i was awake for 40 minutes wgere the spasms were through inro my diaphragm that wasnt fun #but it is improving. also this is with the core strengthening exercises ive been doing the past few months so god knows #how bad this would've been before! back pain isnt something I'm used to abd hey it fucking sucks! #but im getting better at telling when my body is starting to increase pain and spasming and taking painkillers then #instead of when im in tve depths of it. knee spasms are pretty common eveb though im off the crutch #foot still isbt right but im hoping this weekend i can try walking just a few ninutes withoit any aid at all #we'll see how that goes. im hopeful. #also the lingering migraine pain is completely gone so I should be clear for a long while now yay! #chronic pain truly affects life outlook in wild ways #here's hoping the baxk pain doesn't wake me up early in the morning 🤞🤞🤞

[skyeateyourdonuts]

yeeeooo

#hi!!!! new year new me #new thing to fuss about #not rly #im just hungy and tired and stressed but im in a rlly good modd #i will be able to eat normally once Matter A is settled #anyways i dont think anyone reads these but hi!!!! #i looove doing this #but like i said im in a good mood #so its positive one!! #yay!!!! #my cat has been very happy lately and im glad #despite my stress shes comfy and happy #even if she did wake me up multiple times today lmao #she bopped me THREE separate times this morning #THREE #bonkers #i get it she needed attention #i love my baby #byee