#so the game says okay. here’s a giant fuck off cake spider that you have to fight that stomps all over the mountain have fun :)

[triffany-lottablog]

Seen multiple posts about doing the fire quest in town but i think we are forgetting the best place to do it.

#bugsnax #hi Eggabell #this game lives to put you in a position to really mess with her #Eggabell tells you please don’t come up the mountain it’s so unstable even grumpus walking around can trigger an avalanche #so the game says okay. here’s a giant fuck off cake spider that you have to fight that stomps all over the mountain have fun :) #RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER IGLOO AND THE DOOR SHES TRYING TO UNLOCK

[hoodharlow]

The Rat

EL Novio Quarantine Edition: Part 2

AN: Here's Part 2. It was suuposed to be posted yesterday but I spent the whole day out running errands, and I got home late. Hope you enjoy

Warnings: Mentions of dog bites, blood, waiting room scene, some sex jokes, baby talk and baby fever (idk if it’s baby fever but yeah lol)

Word Count: 2.2k 

"Your mans fans can't be this oblivious." Medelyn told Claudia, sliding her phone to read yet another tweet about Calum and Claudia's friendship. 

At the start of quarantine, fans were surprised to see that Calum was in Torrey Pines and not at his house in Los Angeles. They weren't surprised to see him at the Santos' home. They all gathered that he has become a friend of the family. Some of their fans joked that he was using Claudia to get to Diego so he can then get to Guy Fieri since he obsessively watched Guy's Grocery Games. Some fans didn't think much of it, they were just happy to get Calum content whenever Claudia would record him trying her baking goods for TikTok. 

The one thing that they never guessed is that they were dating. The few fans that listened to Claudia's podcast knew that her boyfriend was staying with her and her family. They just didn't know her boyfriend is Calum. 

"They are." Claudia said, taking a large gulp of her licuado. "They're still trying to figure out if the girl from Taylor's party and Benito's album release are the same person. They're struggling because my hair was straight in New York and curly in Miami."

"Stop," Medelyn laughed. "Speaking of your mans, where is he?"

"He took Duke and Panchito out on a walk. My dad doesn't need him at the restaurant until later." 

"I still can't believe Diego is making him make deliveries." 

"He's gotta pull his weight." Claudia joked.

Medelyn went to check on her sleeping newborn in the living room where he slept on a bassinet. She came back a few minutes later to keep talking to Claudia. It was still a surprise to anyone that knew them back in high school to see them get along. A few weeks ago they talked about it in Claudia's podcast and dissected why they didn't like each other in high school. It had mostly to do with the internalized misogyny and how because they were both latina, they both couldn't be at the top. One of them had to fail while the other was successful. Listeners compared it to how Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks were pitted against each other. But unlike the supermodels, Claudia and Medelyn were able to put their differences aside and eventually became friends. 

The barking of multiple dogs was heard out in the front yard. Claudia got up from where she was sitting and went to see what was going on. The front door opened and closed as she tied her shoes. 

"That fucking rat has it out for Duke and Panchito and it's owner has it out on me." Calum cursed, unclipping Duke and Panchito's leashes. 

Claudia scoffed and watched him take off his shoes. "You're being dramatic. Mrs. Garner and her dog are literally so nice." 

"The rat nearly attacked Panchito. If it weren't for Duke, we'd be on our way to the animal hospital."

"Ah ha okay."

"Claudia, I'm being serious." Calum got up and put away the leashes in the coat closet. "If you get bitten by that rat then don't come crying that you need a ride to the hospital."

***

"How the fuck did we end up watching three kids and a baby?" Claudia asked Calum as she slipped on some leggings. "They're not even ours."

"Because you wouldn't let me battle your brother in rock paper scissors. You're so predictable when you play." He said. 

Calum leaned back on her bed and watched her get changed for their hike. It wasn't really a hike, they're just going to walk on the dirt trail behind the neighborhood with her niece and nephews while Danny and Medelyn spend some time together. 

He gently smacked Claudia's ass a few times, watching it bounce against the fabric of her leggings. "I fucking love your ass."

"And I love yours. Jesse is a miracle worker." She said repeating his actions. 

Calum rolled his eyes and followed Claudia out of her room to the living room. Guito, Paloma and Damian sat on the couch watching Duck Tales as they passed a giant bowl of popcorn. The three kids looked nothing alike, but it was obvious they were Junior and Marlene's kids. They all had distinct features from their parents. After spending time with them, it always left Calum wondering about how his kids with Claudia would look like. 

Of course they haven't talked about having kids anytime soon. Claudia was about to graduate and attend grad school at UCLA. Calum knew better than to get in the way of her academic future. For now he just kept the thought of kids to himself. He also knew that Diego would murder him if he uttered baby making and Claudia in the same sentence.

Claudia emerged from the kitchen with a lunch bag and waters. She squatted down in front of the stroller and put in the things in the bottom basket along with the diaper bag Medelyn packed for them. She turned back and caught Calum's eyes permanently glued on her ass. 

"I'm gonna ask Danny for a rematch." he said, pushing himself up from the couch. 

"No you're not." Medelyn said, stopping him. "We need this. We stopped having sex the minute I couldn't see my feet. And add the forty days I couldn't do anything. We need this."

"Cal, don't worry. We'll be back in a blink. Danny is gonna need at most five minutes." Claudia said. She wrapped her arms around him, and pushed back his growing curls. She kissed his cheek and whispered. "When we get back I'll suck your dick."

"Let's get this show on the road." Calum told the kids. "When we get back, Danny and Medelyn can take all of you to Coldstone."

"Can we get Ice Cream cake?" Paloma quietly asked him. 

"Sure."

The three kids cheered. One by one, they went to the front door and put on their shoes. Calum carried the stroller down the steps and helped Claudia put Sebastian in the stroller. After spending a good five minutes on the importance of 'Slip-Slop-Slap' and sunscreen, the party of six plus Duke and Panchito were on their way. The kids walked just a few feet ahead of Claudia while she pushed the stroller. Calum stayed back with Duke and Panchito. He didn't mind, the trail was slightly slanted and it gave him a spectacular view of Claudia's ass. 

About halfway around the trial they all stopped at a bench under a tree. The kids sat down and ate some Gansitos. Claudia set down two bowls of water for Duke and Panchito to drink. 

"You think they're done?" Calum asked Claudia when sat on the ground. 

“Honestly, the last thing on my mind is how long my brother takes o fuck his girlfriend.” She said reaching over for her water.

He took off his windbreaker, leaving him shirtless. He stretched and flexed his muscles. 

"You're so rude." Claudia said before taking a large gulp from her pink Hydro Flask. 

They stayed in the shades area for another half an hour and then turned back home. Claudia and Calum fell into step while the kids raced each other distances determined by what they saw on the ground. They made a quick pit stop at the kids' house because Damian had too much water. He couldn't hold it until they got back to Claudia's house, who lived four houses up the same street. 

When they got to the house, they found Danny and Medelyn passed out on the couch while 'Sortilegio' played in the background. Claudia placed Sebastian on his bassinet and unclipped Duke and Panchito's leashes. Damian and Guito stayed outside wanting to play some soccer with Calum. So Claudia and Paloma migrated to the kitchen to make some brownies. 

 Paloma left to play on her iPad the second Claudia placed the baking dish on the oven, leaving her to do all the cleaning. 

A loud growl followed by a scream came from outside where Calum and the boys were. The front door slammed open with Calum carrying Damian with Guito following him. 

"The rat bit him." Calum told Claudia when he sat Damian on the counter. 

"Let me see." Medelyn said motioning Calum to step aside. She snapped her fingers at them. "Someone get me a first aid. Hopefully he doesn't need stitches."

Calum went to the pantry and grabbed the box hanging on the wall. Medelyn took it and got to work on Damian's arm.

After five minutes of tending the bite, Medelyn wrapped up his arm in a gauze and motioned Calum, Claudia and Danny. 

"He needs stitches. The cut is pretty deep and he may need a shot, too." She said. 

"Fuck." Danny cursed. 

"I'll take him." Calum volunteered. 

"I'll go with you." Claudia said. 

After lots of convincing and crying, Damian, Claudia and Calum were on their way to a community clinic. Claudia's knee bounced while they waited for Damian's name to be called. He had fallen asleep on Calum's arms. 

She texted Junior and Marlene updates. They were waiting outside in the parking lot for them. Ten more minutes pass until they call for Damian. Claudia stayed back while Calum went with him since he was there when the bite happened. Half an hour later they came out. 

"So?" Claudia asked anxiously. 

"The nurse gave Tío Cal her number, but he said no thank you." Damian said sticking a Spider-Man sticker on his shirt. 

"Oh?" Claudia quirked an eyebrow at him. 

"I still got it." Calum smirked. 

"You say that as if you're fifty and not twenty-four." She snorted. 

They made their way to the parking lot. Damian let go of Claudia's hand and went to hug his mom. He proudly told Junior and Marlene that the stitches and the shot didn't hurt. Calum briefly told them what happened and how the someone from the Humane Society was going to over in a few days to put the dog on house arrest. 

Damian rode with his parents on the way back to Claudia's. The car ride was quiet. Calum and Claudia didn't even bother to put on music or a podcast.

"You okay?" she asked him when they got to her house. "Regret not taking the nurse's number?"

"Funny," He said. He took off his cap and scratched his head. "Just thinking about Damian and everything. I don't know, I just feel like this is my fault. Obviously it's not, I wasn't the one who bit him nor that was my dog. But I just can't help thinking that if we played in the backyard like we always do, he wouldn't have gotten bitten."

"I have no idea how to respond because I don't wanna dismiss what you're feeling, ya know. But I just wanna say that I'm very impressed at how responsive and on top of it you were. Like when we have kids, I'm not gonna worry because I know you'll be at my side ready." She said. 

"When?" Calum asked. 

Claudia's eyes widened, realizing what she said. 

"Shit. I didn't mean it like that. Like today when we babysat. You knew what to do and stuff…"

"Miss Santos do you wanna have my children?" He teased her. Noting how uncomfortable she got, he stopped laughing. He cleared his throat and silently counted to five. "Would you ever want kids?" With me? He added in his head.

Claudia stopped playing with the elastic on her facemask and turned on her side and faced him. Calum mirrored her actions and shyly smiled at her. 

"I didn't think we'd have this talk so soon." She giggled. 

"Better sooner than later." he shrugged. "I'd want some or at least one."

"Yeah?"

"Preferably with you of course. But if Katy Perry drops Orlando Bloom, then we go our separate ways."

"That's fine, I'll just hit him up." She giggled. "Jokes aside, I do want kids. Just not right now. I mean we're in a pandemic for fucks sake. I also feel like it's too soon. Like my parents and brothers had their kids pretty young. I don't want to be responsible for someone when I'm barely learning to take care of me, you know? Like once we're more settled down and whatnot we can talk about starting a family. But for now I don't wanna share you with anyone."

"I agree with you 100%." Calum said, pulling her to kiss her. He pulled away. "We probably shouldn't kiss after coming from a clinic."

"You're right." Claudia laughed, pulling away from him. She pointed behind her. "Plus my dad's watching us."

***

Claudia and Calum took out their grocery bags from Calum's car when someone cleared their throat behind them. It was Mrs. Garner, the owner of the dog that bit Damian. A few days ago the Humane Society came by and put her poodle mix on house arrest for two weeks.

"Hi, Mrs. Garner." Claudia greeted, pulling up her mask to cover her nose and mouth. 

"You're going to regret the day you crossed me and reported my baby, mark my words. You don't know who you're messing with." 

With that Mrs. Garner turned on her heel and went back to her house. 

"What the fuck?" Claudia said, trying not to laugh. 

"C'mon, your ice cream and dino nuggets are going to melt." Calum motioned her. 

Claudia turned back to Mrs. Garner's house and then back to Calum. "Has she always had cameras in front of her house?"

Taglist: @f-mu​ @another-lonely-heart​​ @sunshinebabycal-deactivated2021​   @calumscalm​​ @karajaynetoday​​ @cherryxwildflower​​ @myloverboyash​​  @idontneedanyone​​ @findingliam-o​​ @5-secondsofcolor​​ @spicycal​​ @sexgodashton​​ @fckingpernico​​ @2fangirl4u​​ @calpops​

#calum hood fluff #calum hood imagine #calum hood blurb #calum hood one shot #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagines #calum hood one shots #el novio quarantine edition #El Novio series

[flame-shadow]

Thoughts on areas like the Soul Sanctum, Deepnest, or the Mantis's area?

(My brain doesn't wish to cooperate with the name)

you’re going to get all three because two of those areas are faves of mine and the last one has one of my fave boss fights :3c

[i don’t have the wiki pulled up or anything so obligatory disclaimer that i might misremember some things. also, im gonna throw all of this under the cut because this is going to be more of a stream of consciousness than an actually coherent thing]

SOUL SANCTUM

let’s just get this out of the way first - love love love love love the music holy shit. it’s not something i’d listen to when i want to chill out, but oooohhhhh those organs. and when the whispers are in there too?? and “Mage Under Glass” with the laughter??? yesss

Anyway. In general, I’m a sucker for unethical laboratories in stories and games. There’s so much potential for fucked up and creative ideas within canon and in the fan characters/interpretations (I’m looking at you, Fraught. i love you, you fucked up spider <3). 

How do you get soul? you harvest it. and you get on the king’s bad side in the process of course. and the watcher’s too, im sure. lurien’s like, ‘hey wtf those bugs are citizens under my watch. stop it’ and ‘well fuck you, im gonna point my telescope right into your office window, you soul bastard. i can read all the notes on your fucked up experiments now. whatcha gonna do now?’

How unethical were the experiments before the radiance’s insidious presence became a factor? Even if the Sanctum started as a safe place of learning, I think it wouldn’t have taken long for at least some of the bugs to start doing questionable things. Not everyone needs a moth to nudge them to cross the ethics line. But when the soul master changed course, set the scholars to study immortality, what did they focus on? improving the body so it won’t slow and cease its function as time passes? prolonging the stability of the mind so age doesn’t corrupt memories or cognition? focusing on a bug’s own soul to do something that way? any combination of this could fuck up the stability of the mind and/or body of the subjects. That’s where we get the mistakes/follies, right? too much soul for some that cause melting pretty quickly. for others that don’t have a negative reaction right away, maybe a dependency on soul is built up and must be maintained to stave off negative effects of withdrawal, then of course there’s a shortage. you can’t harvest bodies forever. maybe the souls of the infected bugs aren’t viable, maybe the infection taints them, spreads the infection to whatever bug absorbs it. there are options here.

There’s also the soul warriors. They have dream dialogue where they say something about not remembering how they have these moves or how to fight or something like that, right? so what if those bugs had souls of trained fighters like city sentries implanted in them? they suddenly have new instincts for situations that they themselves didn’t experience or train for. i kinda get neuromod vibes from this concept (from the game Prey). 

Also, the parallels between the soul master and the pale king are neat. they both have corpse pits. they both think they’re hot shit (and to be fair, they are both powerful even if they’re in different leagues). the radiance directly fucks with both of them. neither of them admit defeat in their final dream nail dialogue. (iirc, arty-cakes has made a similar observation about the parallels, but i noticed this long before they made their post. still, it’s a good observation)

uhhh okay i’ll stop there for the Sanctum

-

DEEPNEST

...skitter skitter skitter skitter...

i feel so sorry for anyone who has arachnophobia and couldn’t enjoy the game because of this area. that sucks. this is one of my fave areas specifically because of the skitters and clicks and snaps and wibbly music/sound effects that occasionally made my skin crawl. 

im a fan of spiders and centipedes, and deepnest delivered! 

i have a lot of headcanon stuff for deepnest society and beasts that has little to do with the game or established lore, so i’ll leave that for another time. But for more game-related stuff, let’s see...

i think nosks and corpse creepers and grub mimics, if not different life stages of the same species, are at least related. like how wild cats and cheetahs and panthers are related but not the same. nosks have the most developed shape shifting capabilities, and they have a sort of pocket dimension that they can fold their body into so they can fit into smaller disguises (how else do you explain how large the infected nosk actually is compared to the much smaller knight that it ran around as to lure the player in? magical dimension powers is what i’ve decided)

the weaver’s den showed much more development of architecture. more metal and arches and stuff. i can’t recall to what extent the basic shapes and materials reflect parts of hallownest, but i think that place was a more recent development compared to the rest of the Beasts’ infrastructure.

PK reeeaaallllyyyyy wanted to get a tram all the way across deepnest, didn’t he? we get one tram to the eastern edge which conveniently takes riders to the ancient basin below where most of hallownest’s citizens are. but then the failed tramway that heads for the distant village. could it have been one of the lesser conditions of herrah’s and pk’s agreement? but herrah would be asleep so she wouldn’t need the tram to visit the palace or have hornet visit her. but why else would a tram be intended to cross to there? idk that one doesn’t make much sense to me. maybe i’m forgetting a detail, but whatever.

deepnest is a horrible maze that i will continue to get lost in.

[bonus - okay i’ll share this:  one of the made-up swears i use for my beast character is “writhing mass” in reference to the skittering, scuttling pit of writhing things found as an area hazard in lieu of acid. like “bloody hell” or something haha. also it’s just fun to say.]

-

MANTIS VILLAGE

Alas, i don’t spend a whole lot of time in this area. I think the mantids are cool and honorable, and i apologize for my weaverlings attacking friendly mantids, but sometimes a little deepnest should be allowed to cause mayhem in the mantis village, okay?

mantis lords/sisters of battle are great boss fights. the choreography and smoothness and reflexes and aaaahhhh yeah

i seriously wonder what’s up with all the giant spikes though. like. not even deepnest has giga-spikes like that. ......actually. i wonder if those spikes are there in case the beasts overrun the village. they’d certainly be painful obstacles to beasts trying to climb out of the village and into the fungal wastes.

I think it would’ve been cool if there had been some bit of dialogue or a lore tablet that hinted at the mantis traitors. i know there’s the broken throne, but i didn’t notice that; it was pointed out to me after i’d already played once or twice through the game. don’t get me wrong- it’s a cool little thing to look back on and be like ‘i see what you did there’. environmental storytelling or whatever. but i’d like a little more anyway.

i wonder how the fungal folk feel about the mantids. i imagine they occupy their own sections of the fungal wastes and just mutually don’t bother each other. i wonder how diplomacy would work between a mantis of individual mind and a mushroom of shared consciousness? they make a nice contrast in a sharp and cutting/soft and bludgeoning way as well as a swift and silent/energetic and noisy way with how they attack and stuff.

okay that’s it. thanks for asking! if you read all of that, have a cookie

#alskdflasf maybe this is why i shouldn't make posts with takes #i just ramble instead of having cohesive ideas #still! this was fun to ramble about! #thanks for sending the ask! #rambling #flame answers #even though i feel like i asked a lot of my own questions too haha #alistairillustrates #the pale king #the radiance #soul sanctum #soul master

[thebibliomancer]

Dark Crystal Age of Resistance ep 5 liveblog

“She Knows All the Secrets”

Just a stream of thoughts.

I can’t believe I have to print a retraction on a liveblog but I’ve been apparently assuming that the General was just a younger, less fashionable SkekUng and this is not the case. The General is another Skeksis entirely so needs to go on the list of new Skeksis. I also made a lot of comments about the Chamberlain and the General fighting like ‘oh these two are always like that’ but the Chamberlain is just always like that with a lot of people apparently.

Anyway.

So Rian’s dad died and Rian was captured by the hunter. And now she’s been hung upside down like the Hunter is a Wampa but like a temperate zone Wampa.

The Hunter: 'Cool, you’re awake now I can skin you alive'

You’re creepy, Hunter.

And of all things, Chamberlain shows up to temporarily save Rian. Because he needs to drag Rian back to the castle to rub in the General’s face so the Emperor will like him again. And so he can get his chair back. Standing up at dinner time is so hard.

The Hunter: “Pathetic, you hunt a chair!”

Chamberlain: “No! I hunt power!”

Hunter begrudgingly lets Chamberlain take Rian but warns of pointy reckoning if he doesn’t get his trophy in the end.

And then Chamberlain frisks Rian and drinks his girlfriend in front of him. Very rude.

Its probably not supposed to be funny when Rian dramatically cries out NOOOOOO when Chamberlain smashes the empty bottle. But the bottle was empty. It was just a minor dick move compared to, y’know, drinking your dead girlfriend.

And the Chamberlain cackles like its the funniest dick move he ever done did.

Hey, Chamberlain is taking Rian to the castle where cool sister Tavra and Naia are heading possibly with Kylan. To rescue Gurjin. That will probably come into play.

So the All-Maudra now believes in the Blight because a Landstrider herd went crazy and busted out of its pen. Before she thought it was people lying to get away with a small tithe because she’s a jerk who didn’t follow up on that until now.

Wow Tavra, Naia, and Kylan got to the castle fast.

Cool Sister Tavra happens upon the Emperor….. I don’t know, freebasing the planet? Absorbing evil energy into his emperor staff?

DEET! I forget where in her quest she’s at at this point.

Oh, she’s heading to Vapran city Ha’ra but Hup, The First Podling Paladin, asks her not to go. He’s afraid for her and wants to protect her. Aww. And he’s feeling insecure because his sword is a spoon.

Hup is valid.

I guess Paladins are like the All-Maudra’s royal guard or something.

Deet: “You’re on your way to Ha’ra to become a paladin but if you ask me you already are.”

Aww. You have no power to grant that but lets go with it.

Pfft, I half knew it had to happen at some point but a Skeksis complaining about how low Gelfling ceilings are still cracked me up.

You bastards are just too tall, you tall bastards.

General: ‘Hey whats this?’

All-Maudra: “That’s a unomoth chrysalis, General. The sigil of the Vapra clan.”

General: -immediately eats it-

Skeksis really don’t have any impulse control…

He doesn’t even likes it and spits it out like its broccoli which makes the whole ‘let me eat something i was just told is symbolically important’ even worse.

Ritual Master: -shakes head, wonders if its too late to pretend he doesn’t know the General-

Geez, the General really is just a SkekUng stand in. He’s just doing Garthim-Master stuff and having the dynamics that Garthim-Master do. I don’t mind new Skeksis but why’d they make him so much like an existant one?

So the Arathim, those spider people, are apparently agitating and the Skeksis….. Require….. The seven strongest Gelfling from each clan?

Ritual Master: “Of course we cannot guarantee the volunteers’ safe return.”

Is this the best thing you could come up with to disappear the fifty Gelfing a trine you need to drink? I mean, its almost smart. War with spider people. Casualties are bound to happen and bodies are bound to disappear. Its a good cover. But this murder plan could be handled better.

Also what could be handled better is not sending the General to ever talk with people.

All-Maudra: ‘Maybe the spider people are pissed off by the Blight’

General: ‘THERE IS NO BLIGHT GIVE VOLUNTEERS’

And then when the All-Maudra leaves he goes and grabs another chrysalis and the Ritual Master pleads “Don’t” and then he cronches it anyway and the Ritual Master just shakes his head and sighs.

Oh I guess Chamberlain didn’t walk all the way into the woods to intercept the Hunter. He took a carriage. Wonder who’s driving.

But he needs Rian to ‘confess’ that he was ‘lying’ about the Skeksis

Rian: “I’ll make sure all of Thra knows what you are!”

Chamberlain: “And what are Skeksis, hmm?”

Rian: “Evil!”

Chamberlain: -giggles- “Delightful!”

Chamberlain: “How are Skeksis evil? Please, you tell”

Rian: “You killed Mira!”

Chamberlain: “All things kill”

Rian thought this was a carriage ride but its really Philosophy 101 with Professor Chamberlain. Moralllllll relativismmm.

Sometimes animals eat animals so therefore its okay to drink soul goo. Just the circle of life.

Rian: “There was nothing natural about what you did to Mira!”

Chamberlain: -pet peeved- “Death is unnatural! Death is cruel joke! Death mocks, life, mocks Skeksis!”

Rian touched a nerve there, huh?

Also Chamberlain: ‘Hey you’re as bad as us. You just watched as we drank your girlfriend. And left your friend behind. And let your dad die for you!’

Wow, I’ve never thought Chamberlain could break someone by talking because I figured that people would either go ‘you’re full of bullshit’ or literally just hit him. I guess with a captive audience he can talk long enough that he manages to say some pretty crushing Sounds Like Truth Bombs.

And now: Court Drama, Gelfling Style. Seladon is mad at Brea and Brea is mad at Seladon and there’s a giant animatronic rock monster who is also a part-time phonograph for Yodas.

Seladon: “What happens to the Gelflings if the Skeksis fall?”

About the same as now except the All-Maudra takes all the tithes instead of just skimming off the top? The Gelflings are very able to be fucked up on their own.

So now mom is maaaad.

If nothing else the All-Maudra should be incredibly curious that someone built a secret room under her throne. Like, logistically.

And then All-Momdra sends Seladon off to check on livestock for Blight. And Seladon is kind of Catraesque and pins all her emotional state on the positive reinforcement that mom just won’t give without immediately undercutting it. Poor Not Cool Sister.

So Chamberlain’s argument is that if Rian doesn’t silence the whisperings of rebellion, there’s going to be a rebellion and a bunch of Gelflings are going to die. Honestly, he’s just looking out for Gelflings’ best interests! He’s a friend, honest!

Chamberlain: “Is Gelfling slave if Gelfing not know it is slave?”

Slave is a bit much. Livestock maybe. BECAUSE THEY’RE DRINKING THEM.

But Chamberlain still being philosophy class.

At least, Chamberlain’s carriage ride of philosophical wonderment is very much like a philosophy class I had in college.

Rian: “We aren’t your pets”

Chamberlain: “False”

Based on difference in lifespan. “The choice is pets or enemies. Choose wisely.”

Rian: “And if I say what you want, will you stop draining Gelfling?”

Chamberlain: “Cannot promise.”

Heck of a time to be honest about things, SkekSil.

Rian: “Then I refuse.”

Chamberlain: “ALL GELFLING LOSE OR FEW GELFING LOSE ALL! WAR IS END!”

Its like the trolly problem, except with genocide. Yay?

Chamberlain is like that bad parent that catches a kid smoking and makes them smoke the whole pack or eat the whole cake. Rian defiantly says that war won’t be the end of the Gelfling if Gelfling win so Chamberlain cuts his bonds and goes ‘then do it bitch’

The Hunter is going to kick Chamberlain’s ass.

Oh, no. Chamberlain got into his head earlier and made him ashamed of running from his problems so now Rian won’t run out of the carriage. Damn, SkekSil, you actually managed to manipulate someone holy shit

Chamberlain: “Is difficult being voice of reason in such crazed world.”

You endearingly smug prick.

Aughra time.

Aughra: “Stones are no help, bah! Leaves have nothing to say! NO HELP! Bah! No help! Smoke is no help! Mystic ways don’t work! Aughra ways don’t work! Old ways don’t work!”

Thank goodness for this sequence of Aughra failing at augury.

Now she’s talking about her personal problems to an uncomprehending and uncaring animal. Aka the Thurma ways. (Which also don’t work)

And now she’s talking to a tree!

Thankfully trees do talk, even if only to dunk on people. And the tree heals the small animal she’s been ranting to.

I guess Sanctuary Trees can Just Do That. But only if you ask nicely?

SOCIAL LINK GO. Aughra is now friends with A Tree.

Little Deet in a Big City.

Time for more racisms!

So the Vapran gelflings of Ha’ra are kind of like the Hunger Games Capitol? They look like ambulatory cakes.

Deet: “I guess I could take a bath?”

Hup: -does crimes-

Deet: “How do I look?”

Hup: “Deet Always Beautiful.”

Hup, you’re too good for this sinful Thra.

Hup: -says things-

Vapran Guard: “.......... Yeah okay”

Persuasion roll 20

All-Maudra: ‘oh neat a giant rock man’

Annnd the General and Ritual Master doing an inspection of the war volunteers slash drinking victim candidates.

General: “This volunteer’s teeth are very disappointing.”

Ritual Master: “Weak haunches too”

General: “Whats wrong with that one’s face?”

Ritual Master: “I think it’s just old.”

General: “Well, I don’t like it. Get it out of here!”

Weirdly humorous scene about two lizard monsters deciding who to literally drink…

Gelfing: “I’m not that old…”

Oh cool I thought it couldn’t get creepier but the Ritual Master is literally licking his chops and talking about vigor.

Holy crap, Naia rescued Gurjin off-screen, somehow found out that Rian had been captured and then rescued him!

(Where the hell is Tavra then?)

But, like, Rian had decided not to run when he had that chance so why is he doing it now?

This is all very perplexing.

I guess it gives us an exciting action sequence on top of a racing pillbug carriage but. What's his motivation here??

Gurjin: “Join the guard they said! Nothing ever goes wrong in the Castle they said!”

Cool, Gurjin is ready to be a Warcraft unit.

EXCITING ACTION SCENE DISCONNECT PILLBUG WHEELS FROM CARRIAGE

Chamberlain: ‘Huh this sure is terrifying. I’d better speed up MORE’

-Carriage flips-

EXCITING NONSENSICAL ACTION SCENEEEEEEE

Lets whoop triumphantly even though nothing made any sense!

Oh, hey Kylan. God, he’s so forgettable. He was the first person willing to dreamfast with Rian but he’s had like nothing to do since then and no real interactions so he’s just kinda There in some scenes. Gurjin and Naia even left him at camp instead of bringing him to the EXCITING ACTION SCENE’

I have to scroll up and relearn his name every time he shows up.

Kylan: “Oh you’ve returned!”

Rian: -panicking internally thinking who dis guy-

Kylan: “AND I MADE BROTH!”

Seladon is going to have Deet and Hup thrown out for, y’know, blatant impersonation, but Deet mentions the Blight and the Darkening and hell, Seladon is supposed to be investigating that and its easier to have exposition come to you.

But even though she’ll listen to them doesn’t mean she won’t be incredibly racist.

Seladon: “You spin quite a tale, Grottan. But do you offer any proof?”

Deet: “Dreamfast with me!” You know, that thing that should solve roughly half the problems in this plot?

Seladon: “Ugh when was the last time you washed your hands?”

Deet: “Why would I ever wash my hands?”

Aughra is also just sitting and waiting for the plot to come to her. Its good protagonisting if you can get it.

Rian: -spilling his sad story about his dad dying-

Kylan: -nodding, yes I am part of this conversation I am-

Oh, after nobody wanting to dreamfast everyone is dreamfasting at the same time at the slightest provocation.

Rian’s group dreamfasting around the campfire. Brea dreamfasting with her mom to show how she found Lore, and Seladon getting over herself to dreamfast with Deet.

And Aughra like. Accidentally broke into the same dreamfast channel? Because Rian finds himself, Deet, and Aughra in Dream Space with the Dream Space Dark Crystal.

And Aughra starts dancing.

Oh, its not just them. Its all the protagonists.

Brea: “The crystal! Its cracked, its missing a shard”

Aughra: “QUIET I’M NOT DONE”

Geez, Brea. Advance the plot on your own time.

Aughra gives everyone adjectives. Mighty nice.

Clever Brea. Proud All-Maudra. Fierce Naia. Wise Kylan and Gurjin.

Wait, Gurjin doesn’t even get his own adjective? He has to share one with the guy who has done one (1) thing so far??

No, he doesn’t even get to share. Its just Gurjin. Wow, Aughra. Wow. Not even like… Loyal Gurjin? Trusting Gurjin? Pretty good bro Gurjin?

Can’t he get no respect?

Aughra: “Dream Space is a spirit realm. The source of magic and prophecy.”

I’m going to crap myself if Yusuke Urameshi shows up.

Kylan, wanting to contribute: “The world within our world”

Oh. So thats why Gujin doesn’t get to be Loyal Gurjin.

Seladon is Loyal Seladon. Except she’s getting annoyed about all these people talking shit about the Skeksis.

Seladon: “This isn’t the will of Thra. This is a sordid plot of a power-hungry witch!”

All this emotional neglect has finally come to bear.

So Aughra just catapults her out of the dream.

And now Seladon is having Hup and Deet arrested and is going to warn the Skeksis.

WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU LOVED HER UNCRITICALLY ALL-MAUDRA

Aughra is using Dream Recapping to share all the exposition with everyone so people don’t need to talk or whatever. I guess that IS what dreamfasting is for.

So Rian is being sent to Ha’ra to join up with Brea and Deet and follow Lore to the Circle of the Suns to find a Plot Coupon.

And everyone else has to go and unite the clans.

I was going to say that dreamfasting sure makes it easy to convince people to age of resistance but hey Seladon is staying Team Skeksis.

Maybe instead of ejecting her from the dream, you should have let her see the big shared dreamfast memory recap with everyone else so she’d have more information about what the Skeksis are up to?

I was kind of hoping that Bad Mom All-Maudra would remain unconvinced and lead to a kind of civil war within the Gelfling but dreamfasting just makes it so hard to do this plot. You have to work around it in so many ways.

Seladon: “My lords, pardon the interruption but I must speak with you!”

Ritual Master, smoothly: “You are always welcome, princess”

General: “Which princess is this?”

Ritual Master: “Haven’t got a clue. They all look the same to me.”

All-Maudra, make Hup an official paladin dammit

All-Maudra: “No time for ceremony right now, podling. Innocent lives are at risk. Stand and prove the strength of your spoon by my side.”

Wow. You’re pretty cool when you want to be, All-Maudra.

Annnnd the All-Maudra, Deet, Hup, and Brea walk in RIGHT AFTER Seladon spills the beans to the Skeksis.

All-Maudra: “I am All-Maudra”

General: “You are All-Maudra because we allow you to be All-Maudra.”

Oh daaaaang. Is the show going to be like this? Make the bad parents barely likeable right before killing them off so they don’t have to address that they were kinda bad parents?

All-Maudra: “I have allowed you to buy my loyalty with cheap trinkets!” Yeah. You kinda were just dipping your fingers into the greed pool weren’t you? Do you want to maybe give some of that back to your people? I mean, you’re probably dead now but what were your long term plans about this?

All-Maudra is good at authoritatively telling the Skeksis to gtfo when she’s like not even a third of their height.

I mean, talking shit to a giant lizard crocodile man with a short temper who is barely able to be diplomatic and has a vested interest in keeping you silent goes about as well as you’d expect.

What a sworded end for an All-Maudra…

YOU GOT YOUR MOM KILLED SELADON.

She must be dead, she’s so still and lifeless. Wait, thats just puppet stuff.

Seladon, who is totally at fault, to Brea: “This is all your fault!”

Oh god dammit, Seladon is swiveling her desperate need for affirmation onto the Skeksis and having Deet, Hup, and Brea arrested as traitors.

Who would have thought sibling rivalry could go so bad. And after Cool Sister Tavra tried so hard to ease things between them.

And now Seladon is All-Maudra. Cue Everything You Ever.

“Here lies everything

The world I wanted at my feet

My victorys complete

So hail to the All-Maudra” doesn’t rhyyyyme.

We’re halfway through Age of Resistance so I guess some Age of Resisty had to start. Feels a bit sudden. Dreamfasting really does take out some of the busy work. But I guess Seladon is a big enough wrench that its not going to be just the Gelflings sitting up and kicking the Skeksis.

Team Ha’ra is all caught. Team Rian’s Friends I Guess are still oot and aboot but the Hunter is going to be peeved about not getting to cut out his tongue. So he presumably be coming. All vaguely shitty parents are now off the board. Just some emotionally complicated teens and some lizard crocodile men left. Also Aughra.

So. Hey. Maybe its not the time. But if Seladon doesn’t want to be in the Resisty can Gurjin have her title? Loyal Gurjin?

#dark crystal #dark crystal age of resistance #episode 5 #liveblog

[the-desolated-quill]

Quill’s Swill - The Worst Of 2018

Congratulations dear reader. You survived 2018. And you know what that means. It’s time for another best of/worst of list. Welcome to Quill’s Swill 2018. A giant septic tank for the various shit the entertainment industry produced over the course of the year. The films, games, TV shows and various other media that got on my bad side. As always please bear in mind that this is only my subjective opinion (if you happen to like any of the things on this list, good for you. I’m glad someone did) and that obviously I haven’t seen everything 2018 has to offer for one reason or another. In other words, sorry that Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald isn’t on here. I’m sure it is as terrible as some have been suggesting. I just never got around to watching it.

Okay everyone. Grab your breathing masks and put on your rubber gloves. Let’s dive into this shit pile.

Hold The Sunset

The news that John Cleese would be returning to the world of BBC sitcoms was incredibly exciting, being a massive Fawlty Towers fan and all. Unfortunately Hold The Sunset was not quite what I had in mind. It’s one of those rare breed of situation comedies that chooses to offer no actual comedy. It’s not a sitcom. It’s a sit. Like Scrubs or The Big Bang Theory.

An elderly couple plan to elope abroad only for Alison Steadman’s son to barge in, having left his wife, and forcing them to put their plans on hold. Hence the title ‘Hold The Sunset.’ It’s like a cross between As Time Goes By and Sorry, but if all the humour and relatability were surgically removed by a deadpan mortician. The characters are weak, the plots are thin on the ground and the humour (hat little of it there is) feel incredibly dated. The middle aged mummy’s boy is something that hasn’t been funny since the 90s. It’s an utter waste of great talent and what hurts even more is that this tripe is actually getting a second series. I can only assume the people watching this are comatose. Either that or there’s an epidemic of people in Britain who have lost the remote.

Avengers: Infinity War

Yes this is one of the worst movies of 2018 and no I don’t regret saying that one little bit. Avengers: Infinity War was fucking terrible. Period. There were too many plots and characters going on, which made the film hard to follow (and what staggers me is that the so called ‘professional’ critics have condemned movies for having too many characters and plots before. Spider-Man 3, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Batman vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice and even Deadpool 2. But because this is an MCU movie, it gets a free pass. Fuck off). The characterisation was weak due to sheer number of characters they try to juggle, resulting in characters coming off as one dimensional caricatures of themselves and scenes where characters such as Iron Man, Doctor Strange and Star-Lord sound completely interchangeable. The villain, Thanos, is a stupidly and poorly written villain, but that’s hardly surprising considering what a shit job Marvel have done building him up over the course of these 20+ movies. And let’s not forget that pisstake ending. A bunch of prominent Marvel characters die and it’s all very, very sad... except all these characters just so happen to have sequels planned, which makes this ending fucking pointless and have less impact than a feather on a bouncy castle.

I don’t know which is more shocking. That Marvel and Disney think their audience are that stupid and gullible, or that their audience are actually validating their view. Fuck you Disney.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

I’ve always wanted a Harry Potter RPG, where you could customise your character, choose your house and actually live a full school life at Hogwarts. This year, Warner Bros and Jam City gave us just that.

That was a mistake.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery is the epitome of everything that’s wrong with the mobile gaming market right now. The gameplay is boring and involving where you just tap images on a screen until a progress bar fills up. Wizard duels are little more than rock-paper-scissors challenges that require no kind of skill. Bonding with friends and caring for magical creatures just consist of pathetically simple pop quizzes and yet more boring tapping. Oh and of course you only get a certain amount of energy to complete these tedious tasks. If you run out of energy, you wait for it to fill up... or pay up for the privilege. So determined are they to extract your hard earned cash from your wallet, there’s actually a bit where Devil’s Snare strangles your eleven year old avatar and the game effectively tries to guilt trip you into paying micro-transactions to save them. It’s sleazy, gross and manipulative. Honestly, you’re better off just playing Candy Crush.

Agony

When the developers of this game said they wanted to give the player a trip through Hell, they had no idea how true that statement really was. Agony is dreadful on a number of levels. The design for Hell itself, while visually interesting at times, is often not very practical and gets quite dull and repetitive after a while. The stealth mechanics are a joke and the AI of your demonic enemies are pitiful. All of this alone would have been enough to put this game on the list, but then we also have the casual misogyny. Agony is a gorefest trying desperately to shock the player. We see men and woman get tortured, but it’s the women that often get the extreme end. The violence inflicted on them is often sexual in nature and the game seems to go out of its way to degrade and dehumanise women at every turn. The orgasmic cries of ‘pull it out’ quickly become a staple of the game’s experience as we see naked women raped, tortured and murdered, all for the purposes of ‘entertainment.’

I would call Agony sexist, but honestly that would be giving it too much credit. Agony is like a little child trying desperately to be all dark and edgy in a pathetic attempt to impress everyone around him, and we should treat it as such. Go to your room Agony. No ice cream for you.

Peter Rabbit

If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Beatrix Potter rotating in her grave.

Yes we have yet another live action/CGI hybrid, but instead of something innocuous like the Smurfs or Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sony instead decides to adapt Peter Rabbit, with James Corden in the title role.

It’s about as bad as you’d expect.

Their attempts to modernise the story are painful to say the least with pop culture references, inappropriate adult humour and twerking rabbits. Plus rather than the gentle, but slightly mischievous character we got in the source material, here Peter is a sociopathic delinquent who seems to revel in making the farmer’s life a living hell. He’s unlikable and unwatchable as far as I’m concerned and the film doesn’t in anyway earn the emotional moments it tries so desperately to sell to the audience. And the worst part is it’s getting a sequel.

Wait. Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Beatrix Potter tearing out of the ground, ready to kill whatever idiot came up with this shit.

Fallout 76

I was excited for Fallout 76. A MMORPG where players band together to rebuild society after a nuclear apocalypse. Could have been great. Pity it wasn’t.

Fallout 76 is a dreadful game. Not only is it a buggy, glitchy mess that requires a constant online connection to play, which could result in you losing hours of progress if your WiFi went down, it’s also unbelievably tedious, and that’s because there’s nothing to do in the game. There’s no other characters to interact with, the various robots and computers you come across are really little more than quest givers, there’s no actual plot so to speak, and because of the sheer size of the world and the number of players allowed on a server, the chances of you actually meeting any actual players is remote. And let’s not forget all the behind the scenes drama. Bethesda falsely advertising Fallout themed canvas bags and players getting shitty nylon ones. Bethesda accidentally releasing the account information of various players trying to get a refund for said bag. Bethesda failing to program the year 2019 into the game code, meaning that the game’s nukes don’t work.

Maybe there’s a chance that Bethesda could pull a No Man’s Sky and fix everything over the coming years with various patches and DLCs, but the damage has already been done. It’s incredibly disappointing. The Elder Scrolls 6 is going to have be fucking incredible to win everyone back.

Mama Mia!: Here We Go Again

I can’t stand jukebox musicals anyway, but Mamma Mia was always one of the worst. Its boring, meandering story with its one note, obnoxious cast of characters screeching out ABBA songs like they’re at some drunken karaoke session at some poor sod’s hen party has always grated on my nerves. So imagine my delight when they announced we were getting a sequel. Ever wondered how Meryl Streep met her three lovers and founded her hotel? No? Well tough shit, we’re going to tell you anyway.

Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again is basically just Mamma Mia again. The actors still can’t sing, the characters are still annoying and story is still boring and meandering, completely at the mercy of the chosen songs rather than the filmmakers using the songs to compliment the story (you know? Like proper musicals do?).

How can I resist you? Very easily as it turns out. Gimme, gimme, gimme a fucking gun so I can end my misery.

The Cloverfield Paradox

A lot of people were unhappy about the direction Cloverfield was going. They wanted a continuation of the found footage, kaiju movie from 2008, not an anthology series. I was personally all in favour. Partially because I thought the first Cloverfield was a tad overrated, but mostly because I thought it would be a great opportunity for more experimental film projects and could be a great launchpad for new writers and filmmakers. 10 Cloverfield Lane was a great start. Then The Cloverfield Paradox happened.

The Cloverfield Paradox is basically JJ Abrams trying to have his cake and eat it too. Maintaining the anthology format whilst connecting everything together in a ‘shared universe’ (yes, yet another shared universe). The result was a cliched, poorly edited and idiotic mess of a film that actually took away from the previous two films rather than added to them. Everyone hated it and, as a result, 2018′s Overlord, which was totes going to be part of the Cloververse, was made its own standalone film and Abrams double pinky promised to make a true sequel to the original Cloverfield. A complete and total disaster. No wonder it was a straight-to-Netflix film.

The Handmaid’s Tale - Season 2

This is probably going to be the most controversial entry on the list, but please hear me out because I’m not the only one who has a problem with this season.

I was reluctant to watch The Handmaid’s Tale simply because of how gruesome the original book was, but I forced myself to watch the first season and I thought it was pretty good. It remained faithful to the source material for the most part and included some nice additions that helped to expand the story and mythos. If it was just a one off mini-series, everything would have been fine. But then they made the same mistake as The Man In The High Castle and Under The Dome did where they commissioned another season and attempted to tell a story that goes beyond the book.

There’s a reason why the original story ended where it did. The Handmaid’s Tale isn’t meant to be an empowering story about women sticking it to the patriarchy. It’s a cautionary tale about how fragile our civil rights truly are and how easily they can be taken away from us. It’s designed to shock, not to satisfy. So seeing a handmaid blow herself up in a suicide bombing feels very incongruous and just a little bit silly. It would be like doing a TV adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984 where the first season followed the source material and then the second season turned Winston Smith into this heroic freedom fighter trying to overthrow Big Brother. It would represent a fundamental misunderstanding of what the book was about in the first place.

And then of course there’s the increased level of violence in Season 2, which many have complained about. In Season 1 and the original source material, the violence was justified. In Season 2, the motivation behind the violence has gone from ‘how can we effectively demonstrate how easily a fascist patriarchy can happen in the West?’ to ‘what brutal act can we inflict upon Ofglen to shock the audience this week?’ It’s purely for shock and nothing more. And with the showrunner (who I feel I should mention is a man) announcing that he has planned ten seasons of this, it seems that The Handmaid’s Tale is going to go even further with this depravity until it effectively becomes the equivalent of a Saw film.

The Handmaid’s Tale exists as a way of shining light on and critiquing misogyny in its most extreme form. Season 2 however demonstrates that there is a serious risk of it becoming the very thing it’s criticising in the first place.

The Predator

I love the Predator franchise, but The Predator is the worst.

People thought that this would be good because director Shane Black had actually starred in the first Predator movie back in 1987. Instead we got this bloated, confusing, obnoxious and insulting mess of a film that seems to go out of its way to ruin everything that makes Predator so good. There’s no tension. No suspense. No intrigue. Just a bunch of gore, explosions and shitty one liners from annoying and lifeless characters. They essentially took this big alien game hunter from outer space and turned him into a generic monster from a bad summer blockbuster. It no longer hunts for sport. It wants to take over the world and splice our DNA with theirs. But don’t worry, a rogue Predator doesn’t want to kill humans (even though he himself kills a bunch of humans), so he gives us a Predator Iron Man suit to set up a sequel that will probably never happen because this movie was a box office bomb and it fucking SUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKEEEEEDDDD!!!

This film also has a very nasty streak towards those with disabilities. There’s a lot of jokes at the expense of a character with Tourette’s and it has an extremely ignorant and patronising view of autism, portraying the main character’s kid as being a super genius who can decipher the Predator language and even going so far as to say that he represents ‘the next stage of human evolution.’ Presumably the Predators want social communication difficulties because apparently it helps them hunt somehow.

What with Disney acquiring 20th Century Fox, the future of both the Alien and Predator franchises were very much in question. This film needed to be a success in order to make a case for Disney to keep making more of them. It wasn’t. Congratulations Shane Black. You might have just killed off this franchise for good. Thanks arsehole! :D

So those were my least favourite stories from 2018. Join me on Wednesday where we shall discuss something more positive. Yes, it’s awards season. Who shall win the coveted Quill Seal Of Approval? Watch this space...

Or don’t. It’s up to you. I don’t want to force you or anything. It’s a free country.

#quill's swill #quill's swill 2018 #worst of the year #review #opinion

[long-dramatic-sigh]

Red Shell, Blue Shell

Warnings: Burns, nightmares, some swearing

Summary: 

“You’re gonna get it one of these days, kid. I swear. Sleep with one eye open. Clint’s not the only prankster in the Avengers.”

It was because of the jokes surrounding the floor of the tower that Tony forgot to lock his door.

OR

After a nightmare-filled sleep, Tony figures Rainbow Road's got nothing on him.

“Mr. Stark, that’s unfair!” Peter whined as Tony ran him off the road again with his kart.

“Unfair my ass, you had it coming with that blue shell.” Tony snarked back, jutting his shoulder into Peter’s and causing a small laugh to escape.

“I only threw the blue shell because you hit me with a red one.” Peter raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Take that, old man.” Peter laughed giddily as he rocketed forward in the game. Tony put a hand to his chest in mock hurt.

“Old man? Oh, I’m coming for you. Watch your back, Parker.” Tony said sarcastically as he waited for a certain red-shelled power-up. He grinned maniacally just as Peter realized what he was doing. Shouts of ‘no’ and ‘don’t you dare’ came from Peter as Tony pressed the button to send the virtual turtle flying until-veeerrm. The screen went black. Both boys groaned.

“Friday-” Tony sighed in annoyance at his AI.

“Sir, it is vital for Peter to get at least eight hours of sleep per night. I have activated ‘Spider-Baby’s Sleepy Time’ protocol.” Tony’s smirk grew larger at Peter’s dead panned expression.

“Really, Da-I mean, Mr. Stark?” Peter confidence faded quickly as he fixed his speech. He sat up straighter and wouldn’t look the other man in the eye. It was a stark contrast to the relaxed and joking boy from a moment before. Tony tried his best to make his kid feel less awkward. It had happened to him, too, moments where he would be discussing Peter’s reports with Happy and accidentally call him his kid.

“Yeah, come on. You know you shouldn’t be following in my sleep deprived footsteps. Besides, I can totally beat you at Rainbow Road tomorrow.” Tony said, jokingly shoving Peter’s shoulder a little as he got up before lovingly ruffling his hair. Peter’s head moved with him as he stared at Tony with disbelief in his eyes.

“Have you even tried Rainbow Road? You’re going to die, only the strongest NPC’s will survive. Well, and me.” Peter said as he got up, twitching his eyebrow in a silent competition.

“Oh, come on kid, how hard can it be? The name has 'Rainbow' in it. Sounds like a piece of cake.” Tony said as he made his way to the bathroom.

“Yeah, coming from the man who’s never played it. This is going to be great.” Peter said as he followed his mentor.

“An why ish that?” Tony said over the hum of his electric toothbrush, slightly garbled from his words making his way around it.

“Because at least I’ve battled Ned in that round, I have a little practice.” Peter said as he started to brush his own teeth. “You’re dead.”

“Oh, you’re on.” Tony put his hand under the sink and splashed Peter with it before making a quick getaway to his bedroom with laughter in his voice.

“TONY, WHAT THE - oh goddamnit.” The noise of Peter rushing to clean himself up was disrupted by the distinctive sound of his heavy toothbrush hitting the floor.

“Hey, you better not break that, I paid good money for that!” Tony half heartedly yelled into the next room over and could almost feel the dead eyes he was receiving from Peter.

“Your fault!” Peter yelled back. Both boys started laughing as Peter made his way into Tony’s bedroom to say goodnight. His shirt was soaked with the water from the sink. It’s rather unfortunate that Tony had closed his eyes from laughing too hard, because the next thing he knew, he was being hit with water too. He opened his eyes in preparation to deliver the sarcastic line of all time, but Peter was already scurrying out the door with his cup in hand.

“You’re gonna get it one of these days, kid. I swear.” Tony called after him. “Goodnight, Peter. Sleep with one eye open. Clint’s not the only prankster in the Avengers.”

It was because of the jokes surrounding the floor of the tower that Tony forgot to lock his door.

Peter...where was Peter? He had to find his kid, protect him from the aliens looming above his sky. Everything was moving too fast, it was going by in flashes of colour and bits of filmstrip.

“PETER, WHERE ARE YOU?” Tony yelled, praying for a response. Finally, he got a glimpse of his curly hair, fighting off an alien that was obviously winning. Tony flew behind them and blasted the thing’s head clean off. Nobody touches his kid.

“Peter, are you okay?” Tony asked, hands pushing his curls back to check for any cuts or bruises.

“Yeah, I’m ok-” Peter was cut off by a large hand batting at him like a fly. Peter crashed into a wall, where he collapsed and didn’t get up.

“No, no no no. Peter?” Tony flew to his side, not caring about the fact that Thanos was right there. Not caring until he realized that the purple prune was still trying to crush Peter. Tony snarled. “Get the FUCK away from him.”

Thanos leaned closer to him. “Tony, wake up.” His voice was an odd contrast to what his body was doing, his giant fist smashing down an inch from where Peter lay.

“Get the hell away from my kid!” Tony yelled, firing a repulsor beam at the alien. He could barely hear the voice shouting “Dad!” as he fired again at Thanos, just as the mirage faded into a dark room.

“Woah! Holy shit!” Peter screamed as the blast nearly hit him square in the chest. Tony burst forward into a fighting stance in his bed and immediately destroyed the suit, whose hand was palm out and facing Peter. He had unintentionally called his old suit to his side in his sleep again, a glitch that he had thought he’d taken care of years ago. Peter could feel his heart beating hard and fast in his neck, throbbing behind his ears and making his vision spotty. “Oh my f-”

“Kid? What are you doing here?” Tony said, not quite understanding. He was glad as ever after waking up from that nightmare and seeing Peter alive, but more so confused as to why Peter was on the ground in his room in the middle of the night. Or why his old suit was attacking him.

“I-I just, I got up to get a glass of water, and then I heard you yelling in here for someone to get away, so I ran in here because I thought you were being attacked but you weren’t and-” Peter took a deep breath as his voice cracked. “I think you were just having a nightmare.”

Tony felt terrible. “Oh, kid I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with my nightmares.” He stood from his bed to help him up, and it was only then that he took notice of the smoldering scorch mark going down his wall. His mouth formed the word ‘no’ before his brain could fully get it out. “Peter...did I hurt you?”

“No, don’t worry Mr. Stark, I moved out of the way in time.” Peter said in an effort to pacify him. Tony’s face mirrored the horror he felt inside. “It’s okay, really, I’m fine.” Peter enthused.

“No, it’s not okay. I could have hurt you. I could have killed you. You shouldn’t be around me, Peter. It’s not safe. I’m not safe.” Tony stressed, while Peter tried to hide the arm that was slightly stinging. He knew he’d missed the beam, but it was a close cut and now the pain was settling in. He needed to get out of there quickly, before Tony realized and felt even worse. Peter shook his head in disagreement as he tried to get up.

“Tony, you had a nightmare. Nightmares are normal.” Peter made it up enough to sit on the end of Tony’s bed without passing out from the mix of adrenaline and the worsening pain in his arm.

“Normal people don’t almost ki-” Tony shuddered and broke off as he looked Peter in the eye. “I promise this will never happen again, Peter.”

“Tony, I once kicked May’s side in my sleep. It’s fine. Well, I mean, you should probably fix that glitch, but please don’t beat yourself up. I’m not even hurt.” Peter said as he decided to push his luck and move. Tony grabbed his arm in an effort to help him to his feet, but the moment Peter hissed and fell back to the bed, Tony knew Peter was hiding something. Tony felt his blood turn stone cold.

“Peter, look at me.” Tony said in a commanding dad voice, one that his father would be rolling in his grave over. Peter found it slightly difficult since he was mostly seeing white pain, but he did as Tony asked. “What did I do?” He stressed every syllable of his question, guilt and regret shining in his frightened eyes. He was scared of what he could do to Peter. What he did do to Peter.

“You were having a nightmare, and you called your suit in your sleep.” Peter said, confirming Tony’s hypothesis. “I guess you were fighting off someone, because you fired your repulsors. Twice.”

“I was trying to protect you from Thanos.” Tony said quietly with a hand over his eyes. “Show me your arm, Peter.”

“I’m okay, thanks.” Peter said, get ready to flee the room. He did not want Mr. Stark to feel any worse, but at the same time he felt like he was going to throw up. He needed to get out of there.

Peter’s name coming from Mr. Stark’s mouth stopped him from moving. “Peter. Show me your arm.” Peter felt like a deer caught in the headlights.

“O-okay.” Peter stuttered, turning his body around to Tony. The moment he turned, Tony could not only see, but smell the burn on the kid’s arm. His gag reflex was threatening to erupt, but he managed to keep his nausea at bay for the sake of the kid. Peter’s pajama shirt sleeve had been burned and was still flaking off in pieces of ash. What was underneath it, Tony was glad the lights were still off for. He could see Peter in the blue glow of his arc reactor, but not much else.

“I’m so sorry, Peter.” Tony said, his voice laced with a sob. How could this have happened? Only a few hours ago they were worried about that stupid Rainbow Road, now he was trying not to throw up as he played back attacking Peter with the suit. Tony shook his head. Now was not the time for this, he had to bandage up Peter before his burn got infected. “Come on, kid. Let’s go fix up your arm.” Tony was careful not to touch the wound as he helped Peter into his bathroom.

“Mr. Stark, it’s okay. I can deal with this, you can go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to bother you in the first place-” Peter said, attempting to cover his arm back up. Tony looked at him incredulously. HE was the one that had hurt Peter, and Peter was trying to comfort him? Tony felt the anger for himself building.

“The fuck it’s okay, excuse my language. I hurt you, Peter. That is not okay. Not in any world, not in any realm. I’m supposed to protect you, not be the one you need protecting from.” Tony said as he grabbed a washcloth from his closet and soaked it in warm water. The rag splashed against the porcelain sink as Tony hung his head. “I’m-”

“I swear to god if you say you’re sorry one more time, I will beat your ass and not even feel bad about it.” Peter said as Tony lifted an eyebrow He was about to make a comment on the swearing when Peter spoke again. “We’re okay, Tony. I promise. I understand what it’s like to wake up and not know what’s going on or where you are.” Peter said honestly, the realization of his words dropping on Tony. The collapsed building was one of Peter’s more recurring nightmares, and he’d punched Tony in the face upon waking more times than he can count. It suddenly occurred to Tony that Peter was reassuring him like he always had for Peter. God, this kid was too good to be near Tony. He sighed.

“This is going to sting.” Tony said as he brought the antiseptic covered washcloth to Peter’s wound. He tried to be as gentle as he could, but the burn was bubbling white in response to the chemicals. With every new swipe, Peter’s grimace grew. When Tony finally replaced the rag with one of just water, Peter yelped at the feeling. After growing used to the antiseptic, the water felt sharper to his damaged arm. Unfortunately, due to his spider-senses, it hurt three times as much as it should have and while Tony could no longer smell the burn, Peter could. To him, it smelled like a perverse version of a barbecue. He felt his stomach clench at the image his brain provided him with.

“Kid? You okay? You look a little-” Tony was interrupted by Peter pushing past him to the toilet, where he promptly threw up. “Green. Okay, deep breaths, Peter. Deep breaths. That’s it.” Tony encouraged as Peter got rid of the remnants of his dinner.

“Okay, I’m just going to put some Polysporin on this and a bandage, okay Peter? Then we’ll get you back into bed.” As promised, while Peter was bent over the rim of his toilet, Tony slathered the Polysporin over his burn and put a large piece of gauze over it. He could tell the ointment was working as Peter relaxed. It was blessedly cool against his still burning skin. At the sight of Peter, curled against the toilet and hurt because of him, Tony felt tears brimming in his eyes. Happy was right. He’s not his father. He’s worse.

“T-Tony, could I…” Peter trailed off, weakly holding up a finger to give him a minute. “Sleep?” He managed to get out. Tony could tell from Pete’s ghostly white face, the way his eyes were drooping, and the fact that he was dry heaving, that he was going into shock.

“Yeah, kid. I’ve got you.” Tony held a cool cloth against Peter’s forehead until he motioned that he was ready to get up. Peter would have fallen back down if Tony hadn’t grabbed him and carried him the rest of the way to the bed. It was only when he was in it that Peter realized he wasn’t in his room.

“Mr. Stark, s’okay, ‘can go to my own room,” Peter mumbled blearily. Tony chuckled and ran a hand through Peter’s curls comfortingly.

“It’s okay, Peter. You know you like my bed better anyways, I’ve caught you napping in here before. Don’t worry kid, I’ve got you now. I’ve got you.”

Tony didn’t sleep the rest of the night. Instead, he stayed in a chair in the corner of his room, watching as Peter’s chest rose and fell with each breath. He felt horrible for being the reason it shuddered every now and then.

In the morning, Peter’s burn was almost gone. He didn’t think much of it when he woke up to the smell of Tony burning the toast for breakfast. As he made a grab for his bedpost to swing up from, he realized that this was not his bed as he fell off the side with a small yelp. Almost immediately, Tony ran into the room.

“Peter, are you okay?” He asked frantically, reaching a hand down to pull the embarrassed kid to his feet. Tony checked him over, brushing his hair back from his forehead and stopping at his damaged arm.

“I’m fine, Mr. Stark. I just thought I was in my own bed and it turns out, I really wasn’t.” Peter said easily, trying to ignore how Tony’s gaze was locked on the bandage. Peter decided to metaphorically and physically rip off the bandaid, and pulled it away from his arm to see the damage left underneath. Unsurprisingly to Peter, there was hardly even a mark. He knew his speed healing worked well, and whatever Mr. Stark had slathered on his arm had helped even more.

“Wow,” Tony murmured quietly as he hesitantly reached out to gently touch the area, but stopped himself at the last second. He’d still hurt his kid, even if he was alright. Tony would never forgive himself.

“See? I’m fine. Speed healing. Comes with the package deal of Spider-ing around.” Peter said lightly. “So, what’s for breakfast?” He asked as he made his way into the kitchen, slightly wincing as he banged his arm on the counter he passed. Goddamnit, Peter. He hoped Mr. Stark hadn’t seen that.

“Well, since I manage to burn the easiest of breakfast foods, it’s either take out or cereal.” Tony’s voice sounded right behind Peter, making him jump slightly. He turned his head quickly to the side and followed Tony as he made his way over to the cupboard. He knew it was stocked with the good stuff, which was probably Tony trying to make up for last night. Peter felt bad. He really did understand why his suit had thought of Peter as an enemy, since he had just come barging into the room. He just hated seeing the man he admired beat himself up for something that wasn’t his fault. But Peter be damned, there was Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, all the sugary stuff Aunt May had always claimed was ‘too unhealthy for a growing boy’. However, May wasn’t here.

“I’m good with cereal, thanks.” Peter bit his tongue to keep his smile from overtaking his face, but Tony could see the dimples fighting their way out.

“Oh, sure, only because I let you have the crap that your hot aunt would kill me over.” Tony smirked at the way Peter’s mouth comically dropped open.

“Hey! That’s not...” Peter thought for a moment. “Okay, yeah, that’s true.” Tony rolled his eyes.

“So, what’ll it be, chief?” Tony threw boxes of cereals onto the counter for Peter to sort through. Peter held up the box of Lucky Charms and raised an eyebrow in question.

“Go for it.” Tony laughed as Peter lifted the box into the air like Simba from the Lion King. He observed with mild curiosity as Peter shook the box side to side instead of opening it like a normal person.

“Peter, what on earth are you doing?” Tony asked with concern evident in his voice. Peter paused for a moment before returning.

“If you shake it, the marshmallows go to the top.” Peter replied with a sly smirk. He’s pretty sure he heard Tony say something along the lines of ‘little shit’ before he reached over and opened the box for Peter. “Tony, I can open my own cereal.” He said while Tony dropped a bowl in front of him as well. Now Peter was suspicious. Good cereal and Tony is helping him out when he normally would have told him he had two arms to do it himself? Arms...Peter felt like slapping his forehead. No wonder he’s doing all of this.

“Tony.”

“Tony, huh? Did we finally get passed Mr. Stark?” Tony said, lightly nudging the kid in front of him. Peter set down his spoon and looked him in the eye.

“Mr. Stark,” Damnit, Tony thought. Peter didn’t break eye contact with him. “I’m okay, Tony. Really. You don’t have to do all of this. It’ll be fully healed in like, an hour.” Peter watched as Tony downcast his eyes.

“That doesn’t erase what I did, Peter. I hurt you. I can never make that up to you.” Tony sighed heavily, although it did not help the way his chest seemed to get heavier with each passing moment.

“Actually, maybe you can.” Peter said with a shit eating grin on his face. Tony looked up at the kid and wanted to narrow his eyes, but didn’t have the heart to do so. “We could watch all of the Star Wars movies.” Peter said hopefully, puppy eyes pleading with Tony.

“Star Wars. Sure, kid, whatever you want to do.” Tony said, unwilling to fight the eyes that seemed to be staring directly into his soul, like a dog begging for food.

“All of them. And maybe be allowed to hang out in your lab?” Peter said in a rush, which took Tony nearly a full minute to decipher. As soon as it clicked, Tony’s expression changed to one that said exactly ‘are you shitting me’.

“No. Nuh uh. No way, the guilt train stops there. Peter, it’s too dangerous.” Tony crossed his arms and looked across the table at the kid.

“Come on! It wouldn’t be that dangerous with you there, right?” Peter was begging, both hands up to Tony and the eyes working double time. Tony could swear the kid practiced in the mirror during his time off. He could tell they were slowly wearing him down, so he looked away.

“No, Peter. I won’t let you get hurt down there.” Tony rubbed his left wrist as it started to ache.

“What if it was only like a couple days a week?” Peter didn’t let up. Unfortunately, Tony made the fatal mistake of looking into Peter’s eyes.

“Oh, for fu-OKAY, fine. But only a few days a week and when I’m with you. We’ll only be down for a few hours. Got it?” Tony said, striking a fair deal with the kid. He stuck out his arm for a handshake and was met with Peter’s strong grip and the happiest smile he’s seen on him in a while. Whatever hell was surely to happen down there was worth seeing that expression on his boy’s face as they headed down.

“You see what I’m doing here with the old wires in the - Peter?” Tony turned around to see Peter playing with Dum-E. He smiled softly at the pure happiness that was coming from both of them. Suddenly, a phone began to ring. Tony checked his pockets while Peter fished out the ringing object from his. Tony took notice of the way his face paled almost instantly.

“Oh crap, it’s May. I’m late and I’ve been here for way longer than we agreed, oh god.” Peter took a deep breath and readied his thumb. “Here goes nothing.” Tony laughed at Peter’s dramatics.

“Don’t laugh, she’ll have your head for this too.” Peter finally picked up the phone. “Oh, hi May...I know it’s really late, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize...I know you worry, I’m sorry…” Peter stood up and wandered around the room to some quieter areas. Tony watched Peter in amusement for a moment before looking to the ceiling. As it turned out, Peter was really enjoyable to work with.

“Friday, give Peter full access to this lab for any purposes. Except my suits. He doesn’t touch those. Actually, have Dum-E extinguish him if he tries anything.” Tony spoke softly so as to not disturb Peter. After a few minutes, the two made their way up to the living room, the boy still clearly trying to placate his aunt. He caught bits and pieces every so often, but mostly tried to stay out of Peter’s business. That is, until Peter called to him.

“Tony, I think I have to go home. Thank you for having me over,” Peter said. Tony looked at the clock. Midnight. They wasted an entire day down there? No wonder May was freaking out. However, it was much too late for Tony to send Peter off into the night.

“Pete, why don’t you ask to stay one more night? It’s no problem, I can send you right back home when you get up. It’ll be safer, too.” Tony said as he stretched on the couch. Tony noted the pops in his back as he moved. He was getting old.

“No, Peter, you come home right this minute.” It appeared Aunt May had heard Tony. Peter listened to her through the phone and let out a sigh. Peter walked into the room over and spoke again.

“May, please can I-”

“No, Peter. Home.” May said sharply.

“May, I am home. I just have two now, and I really like spending time with Dad.” Peter said. May paused at this. It seemed Peter hadn’t even realized his mistake, but it tore through May’s reserve, even over the phone. “May?” It was then that Peter realized why May wasn’t speaking.

“Fine. Okay, you can stay one more night. But I want you to call me when you get up, you hear me?” May said. Peter nodded his head before realizing she couldn’t see him over the phone.

“I will, May. I love you.” Peter swallowed.

“I love you too, Peter. Goodnight.” As May hung up the phone and he walked back to where Mr. Stark was sitting, watching him, he realized he probably wasn’t as quiet as he thought he had been.

“Mr. Stark, I-” Peter cut himself off to try to save himself from further humiliation. Instead, he found himself in a surprisingly warm hug.

“I like spending time with you too, son.” Tony said, reaching around the kid to grab the DVD behind him. It was rather difficult with a teenager wrapped around his body. “That’s not a hug, Peter, I’m just grabbing Star Wars.”

“It’s a hug, Mr. Stark. Just embrace it. Let it all out.” Peter said as he relaxed further into the hug. Suddenly it broke off as Mr. Stark playfully elbowed him away.

“Okay, I think we’re done here. Go get your blanket, Spider-kid.” Tony said as he playfully threw a pillow at Peter.

“IT’S SPIDER-MAN!” Peter said, sounding muffled through the fluffy pillow landing on his face.

“Yeah, yeah. Go grab your blanket, seriously, or I’m starting this movie without you.” Tony said as he started up the first in a long lineup of films. Peter ran into his room to grab his soft blanket and dragged it out with him to the couch. Tony lifted his arm for Peter to crawl under, a habit formed after many movie nights.

“What are you waiting for? It’s about to start.” Tony said, as Peter came to Tony’s side, where he pressed Peter against him comfortingly. Peter cuddled closer to him, tentatively putting his head on Tony’s shoulder. Halfway through the movie, Tony could hear light snores coming from the kid. Tony breathed out a laugh. Favourite movie and the kid can’t stay awake. Tony pulled the blanket up closer to the boy’s chin and ran his fingers through his hair. Peter subconsciously leaned into his touch, feeling comfort in his father figure’s hand. Tony smiled at the kid he wished was his own. Take that, Howard. I’m nothing like you. He likes me. If someone like Peter likes me, how horrible could I be?

“I love you, son.” Tony whispered to the kid. Peter stirred and Tony panicked, thinking he’d woken him up.

“...love you too, Dad.” Peter mumbled sleepily before falling completely against Tony’s chest and curling up. Tony felt his heart warm and his chest swell with pride. He allowed himself to gently lie back against the couch, moving Peter with him. Before he knew it, Tony had fallen asleep.

This time, neither one had any nightmares.

#characters may be ooc #i tried to make this angsty but then i got excited and got too happy for once whoops #i spent many nights writing until like 4 in the morning #tony loves his sticky boi #Tony Stark Has A Heart #Tony Stark Needs a Hug #Peter Parker Needs a Hug #Peter is a Little Shit #but Tony loves him #Dad!Tony #Spider-son #Iron Dad #nightmares #peter wakes tony from a nightmare #god bless whoever reads this fic #I Love You All #some swearing #iron man #spider-man #marvel #mcu #fanfic #mcu fanfic #iron man fanfic #peter parker whump #tony stark whump #tony stark guilt #the tony stark snark #peter parke #tony stark

[canaryatlaw]

WOW I’M TIRED my melatonin kicked in really fast apparently. but today was super fun! Woke up at 9:30, got dressed and grabbed my stuff, then Jess picked me up and we were on our way to Northwest Indiana Comic Con, another state I had never been to (so that makes Iowa, Wisconsin, and Indiana states I’ve visited for the first time because of cons). The drive wasn’t bad, we stopped at Culver’s once we got to Indiana because cheese curds, then continued on to the convention center, which had a giant line outside of it to get tickets that they were doing manually, and we ended up waiting on it outside for a solid 35 minutes and thankfully it wasn’t like, horrifically cold, but it was definitely a less than desirable temperature (I at least had my catwoman leather jacket on with gloves, Jess was just freezing) but we eventually got inside and bought tickets ($10) and got to the main convention room, which was actually really big for a fairly small con. So we took a loop of it and looked at everything, then Jess got a few artists to commission Ava Sharpe art for her, and we kept looking at stuff. At one point we sat down to watch the kids cosplay parade, which was legit the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, omg, there were so many tiny children dressed as superheroes it was SO adorable, the cutest little boy was dressed as flash and he just ran right across the stage and into the arms of the (adult) spider-man on the other side of the stage who they were posing for photos with and I fucked died from the cuteness. There was also a little girl that had been in front of us on line dressed as a Porg and I died because it was so. fucking. cute. But yeah, for most of the rest of the time we circled and picked up a few things here and there, I got a button that has a shark on it and says “I just want to eat cake” because mood? and also a postcard sized print of a drawing of Esmeralda because I’ve been obsessing over Hunchback lately and I fucking love her. I ended up getting a few vinyl decals (more on those later) and a larger print that has Wonder Woman along with a string of adorable children and like, it was just the greatest. I also got cotton candy at one point because I mean, it’s cotton candy, I clearly needed it. But yeah, got the drawings and such done and headed out around 4 because we were both kind of starving. We went to a Cracker Barrel that was close by because I mean who doesn’t love Cracker Barrel?? I got their “sampler” dinner which had chicken and dumplings, meatloaf, and ham, the meatloaf ended up being gross but there was still a shitton of food so I was quite pleased with it. Our waitress was super nice and didn’t charge us for our drinks, so I gave her a nice tip (which is actually kind of a genius waitstaff move, not putting the drinks on the bill so the client will tip more to you, but hey I still appreciated it). I had to of course look through their candy collection because they have good shit, and I ended up getting two bars of Turkish taffy (which is the shit) and a super long piece of double bubble gum because I am reveling my recent regaining of the ability to chew gum (long story). So I bought those and then we headed out, not too long of a drive home. Got dropped off, and then spent a while trying to get the decals I got to stick on my wall which ended up being a bit of a shit show, the first one was a Superman insignia which was all one piece and easily came off and went on the wall. but then I saw the supposed instructions that you’re supposed to use, because there’s a front sticky clear layer, then the sticker, and then the white backing, and it was saying to peel off the back first, then place the sticker, then peel off the front, whereas with the first one I peeled off the front, then peeled it from the back and stuck it on. but I tried to do it on the second one, a Wonder Woman insignia, but I couldn’t get the sticker part to actually stick to the clear side and not the white side, so I ended up just trying to do the same thing I had a first, but that turned into a whole mess because it wasn’t all one piece and ended up getting all mangled and I sadly had to throw it away. The last one was this cool Gryffindor one I really liked, also with several unconnected pieces, and I didn’t want to fuck it up so I was trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, and the first instructions was like “clean the surface and let dry” and I was like okay maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong because I have zero fucking common sense and when they said “surface” I thought they meant the front of the sticker, not the surface you’re going to stick the sticker on, and I realized this right after I put the sticker under water and was like FUCK. but in defense of my stupidity, it kind of worked?? the paper on the back becoming wet made it easier to peel off and if I was careful I could get it away from the sticker, but it wouldn’t come off all the way, there was still a thin layer of paper on the back that meant I couldn’t stick it on, so I spent a while trying to get that off, and I succeeded for almost all of it, except for the letters that make up “Gryffindor” which were all separate and it was just not working, so I ended up getting a bit creative, I had them stuck to the clear side but the back of them wasn’t sticky, so I covered them with a piece of tape, then pulled it off so that they were on the tape now, then put more tape on the top and bottom of that piece, and then stick it on the part of the sticker where the letters were supposed to be. And it actually worked pretty well, it looks pretty much like normal, just with a little tape visible, so I can live with that. well, now that I’ve subjected you to 490 words about attaching stickers to my wall (I checked because I was curious), I then sat down with my laptop and started watching some Game of Thrones, specifically episodes 8 and 9 of season 1, so I’m almost done with the first season. I find Sansa really annoying tbh, but I get that she’s like still a kid and clearly in a really shitty situation. I fucking love Arya and her sword trainer person, and how he fucking beat the crap out of all those knights with his wooden sword in defense of a child, and of course how Arya just straight up stabs a kid who’s trying to stop her because my girl knows how to survive, then just gets the fuck out of there and doesn’t look back, which was honestly probably the best thing she could’ve done in the situation, so props to her for that. Ned being in the dungeon sucks, and I was trying to keep up with the whole Starks more or less declaring war thing, and then of course they Daenerys situation (who I also freaking love) and how she makes the men stop abusing the women they conquered and just generally looking out for innocent people. I was kind of sad to see Jason Momoa’s character kind of die?? Like, obviously he starts out really shitty and basically rapes Daenerys, but they actually managed to work their relationship into a consensual one, and I just appreciate him for refusing to ever wear a shirt and just basically being ridiculous at all times, because how could I not appreciate that? But I’m also glad he got the chance to be Aquaman, because that man was born for that part and he’s fantastic in it. So yeah, I stopped at the end of episode 9, which of course ends with Ned Stark getting beheaded, which was like, I know he dies at some point but I think I read some article once about how actually survivable the injuries people survive on GoT are, and one of them was beheading (which the article was like uH NO about) so I’m not convinced he’s gone permanently, and it felt kind of early to kill off such a major player. Guess we’ll see. And yeah, after that I started getting ready for bed and here we are, did I mention I’m tired? I am soooooooooo glad I get to move my Sunday wake up time from 7:15 to 8:45 now that we’re going back to 3 services and I can attend the 10:30 instead of the 9:00. that’s sooooooo much better. So hopefully I’ll be slightly less dead than I otherwise would’ve been tomorrow. And on that note i should be getting to bed, so I’m going to do that now. Goodnight my dearies. Hope you enjoyed your Saturday.

#daily journal #February 2018