#so. uh. friends to uh. whatever the FUCK that is. (^:

[itneverendshere]

my heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue

just a lil something, completely self indulgent and inspired by miranda and steven in s2 of sex & the city 😔🥺

warnings: angst😤; a little fluffy; soft!rafe because i personally LOVE him

you did it without thinking.

it felt as if your body had a mind of its own and while your brain yelled at you to stay put and act normal, your heart simply didn’t allow it. your feet pounded against the street pavement, each step echoing the racing of your heart. you didn’t dare to look back, afraid that if you did, you’d crumble under the weight of your memories with him rushing back. the sound of your breath filled your ears, drowning out the chaos of the main street.

rafe.

the name echoed in your mind like some sort of haunted melody. you didn’t expect to see him, not after so many months without a single glimpse of his perfect face. you’d broken up months ago, you were supposed to be over him. and yet, despite all your attempts, his presence still stirred something within you. 

this wasn’t how it was supposed to work out.

you rounded the corner, trying to convince yourself that it was fine. so what if he was back in town? so what if he didn’t call you? so what if you two promised to stay friends and yet…it’s none of your business. you should be thankful.  

but seeing him out of the blue, it was like a sucker punch to the gut, except it felt like it came from a hundred directions at once. maybe you just needed a minute to process all of it. maybe a venti latte and some retail therapy would do the trick.

except they didn’t and hours later, here you are, stuck to your couch wondering how the hell you are supposed to step foot outside knowing there’s a possibility you might run into him again. 

your brain always goes into overdrive when you think of rafe cameron. and now you’re stuck here, overthinking every little thing. should you text him? would that be too desperate? but what if he's thinking the same thing?

and if he isn’t?

there's a sudden knock on your apartment door, the sound cuts through the haze of your mind, jolting you back to reality. you reluctantly peel yourself off the couch and shuffle over to the door, wondering if that amazon package you ordered this morning is here already. 

you glance towards the peephole, debating whether to check who it is or simply ignore it. after a moment of internal deliberation, curiosity wins out, and you approach the door cautiously.

you peer through the peephole, half expecting to see a stranger or maybe the mailman with a package. but to your surprise—it's rafe.

holy fuck.

your breath catches in your throat as you take in his familiar face from up close, a jumble of emotions stirring inside you.

what's he doing here? how did he get your new address? you moved from your parent’s home just a month ago. 

for a beat, you’re frozen. no one taught you how to proceed in these kinds of situations, but you are fairly certain letting an ex-boyfriend, the one you’re still in love with, inside your personal space is a big no-no.  

should you open the door? pretend you’re not home? smash your head against a wall and pray it knocks you out instantly? before you can even begin to form a plan, there's another knock, this time a little more insistent, as if he knows you’re on the other side.

“i can hear you breathing.”

panic sets in. 

summoning whatever fake bravery you have left, you take a deep breath and reluctantly twist the doorknob. with your hands trembling like crazy, you swing the door open, revealing rafe standing there. 

you gulp, feeling like your throat's suddenly decided to go on strike “yeah-uh. hi!”

his hands are clutched behind his back and his eyes take turns between your face and the door. there's a slight furrow in his brow, accentuating the sharp angles of his jawline and the curve of his nice cheekbones. 

“that was a shitty thing you did. running away from me on the street.”

you feel a crazy amount of guilt wash over you. he’s not wrong. running away like that was cowardly, but did he expect you to run into him with open arms?

“i didn’t run?”

his lips, usually set in a determined line, now quiver ever so slightly, “you ran.”

the weight of what you did hangs over you like a dark cloud. could you have acted any more immaturely?

“well, i wasn’t expecting to see you-“ you manage to blurt out, your voice shaky, “and-and, i-“

“it really hurt my feelings.” rafe's finger points accusingly at his chest, and you feel like you’re about to shrink into the floor under the weight of his disappointment.

you shift uncomfortably under his gaze. you can feel your eyes starting to sting with unshed tears and you use every remaining strength inside you not to cry in front of him. you’ve embarrassed yourself enough. 

“i don’t deal very well with ex-boyfriends?”

his expression softens slightly, and he leans his weight against the doorframe, his eyes searching yours.

“hey, sweetheart, this is me.”  his hand moves again and he gently places it on his chest, right over his heart, as if trying to convey the sincerity of his words “rafe.”

but he’s not your rafe anymore.

that’s the one thing you want to tell him. you chew on your lower lip wondering if honesty would do you any good right now. if it would erase all these months, weeks, days, hours, without him. 

a moment of silence stretches between you, and then, after what feels like an eternity, you finally manage to utter a response.

"yeah..."

rafe's gaze remains fixed on you, “i held you while you were sleeping.”

if you weren’t crying before, you are now. it's like a dam has burst inside you. tears stream down your face like a leaky faucet, nothing strong enough to hold them back. they're not the dainty tears you see in movies, but big, ugly cries that leave your mascara streaked and your nose running.

you try to speak, but all that comes out are choked sobs and sniffles. it's embarrassing, really, how out of control you feel. but you can't help it even as your front neighbor comes into view. 

you do quick 180 and bolt back into your apartment, hand pressed against your forehead as if holding it will stop the raging headache you’re about to experience. you don’t have to look back to know rafe’s following you, trailing inside and swiftly closing the door with a soft click.

"i’m sorry," you whisper, your voice barely above a breath. "i’m really sorry. i’m so sorry-“

rafe's hands reach out, his palms open as if he's dealing with a wounded animal. 

"hey, it’s okay,” he murmurs, his voice a gentle reassurance, "it's okay.”

“i hadn’t seen you in so long,” you confess, your words tumbling out in a rush, “and i missed you and then i did that shit-“

his hand envelops yours, his touch grounding you. "hey, breathe," he urges softly, “it’s okay.”

tears well up in your eyes again, blurring your vision as you struggle to hold back the sobs threatening to escape. "’m sorry," you choke out, voice breaking with each syllable. "i'm so sorry, rafe."

“it wasn’t that shitty, okay?” rafe's expression softens further, the way it does only for you.

“it was! i’m a shitty person.”

his thumb gently brushes away your tears as he shakes his head slowly. "no, you're not.”

“i am! you would’ve never done something that shitty.”

the nagging feeling that you’ve let him down once again is eating you alive.

he raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement playing at the corners of his lips. "what do you call showing up here, in your apartment, in the middle of the afternoon and calling you shitty, huh?" he asks, his tone teasing yet affectionate.

you can't help but let out a shaky laugh, “t’s not the same.” 

rafe reaches out, gently cupping your face in his palm as he brushes his thumb gently across your cheek. “yeah, it is.”

without even questioning it, you lean into his touch, closing your eyes as your allow yourself to bask in the warmth of his embrace. for the first time in months.

“i miss you,” you confess, “whenever something happens, i just want to tell you about it.”

“so, tell me.” the tender smile softens the lines on his face, "’m right here.”

you feel a rush of relief, a weight lifting off your chest as if he's just granted you permission to exhale. and yet, tears still well up in your eyes, blurring your vision and spilling over onto your cheeks in hot.

“i have a date.”

a knot forms in the pit of your stomach, tightening with each syllable. your voice quivers with uncertainty, the words tumbling out like stones from a crumbling cliff. you don’t have to look to know your hands are shaking like leaves in a storm. you’re pretty sure if you held them up, they'd look like one of those ridiculous earthquake simulations. 

rafe nods, doing his best to stop the cheeky grin growing on his face, as he shakes his head understandingly, “looking forward to it, are ya?”

but you only sob harder.

"hey, hey- sweetheart. it's alright.” he says gently, his voice soothing you better than any depressing song on your playlist, “just jokin’ around.”

but you can't shake off the feeling of shame, the burning embarrassment of admitting to something you wish you hadn't. of letting someone take you out, someone who isn’t rafe, your rafe. 

"i just... i thought it would help me move on, y’know?" you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

"i get it.” he tries to smile at you again, but it looks sad, and it makes your heart hurt. his hand reaches out to brush away a stray tear from your cheek, “i’m not mad.”

but you are. at you. at him.

the words linger in the back of your mind, gnawing at your insides. you want to scream, to lash out at him for being so understanding, for not fighting for you the way you wish he would.

you push his hands away from your face, your voice cracking. that’s all it seems to do since he walked back into your life ten minutes ago.

"that's it?" you exclaim, "you're just okay with it? with me going on a stupid date with someone else?"

it was like someone had just pulled the rug out from under him, and he didn't know how to stand back up.

rafe’s jaw is set in a firm clench, "i just want you to be happy.”

“but i'm not happy!" you retort, your voice rising in volume as tears continue to stream down your face. "i'm miserable, rafe! and you're just standing there, doing nothing!”

his chest is rising and falling heavily, as if he’s trying to contain himself.

"i'm doing nothing?” he asks so quietly; you take a double take to make sure it’s still him. his eyes flicker with an intensity that sends a shiver down your spine. it feels like staring into a wildfire, all fierce and untamed. 

you swallow hard, suddenly feeling the weight of your words crashing down on you. the way rafe looks at you, it’s like he sees right through you.

"i’m here, aren't i? i’m listening, okay? i'm trying to understand."

but his words only fuel the fire of your frustration.

"i need you to tell me that you still care. that you don't want me to go on that date because you want me for yourself."

you could see the anger draining out of him, leaving behind this raw, broken man. he slumps forward, shoulders drooping. his eyes go from blazing with intensity to just... empty. like he just flicked off a light switch behind them. 

it’s heartbreaking, honestly, to see him just fizzle out into nothing. 

“’course i want you for myself," he whispers, "but i can't force you to choose me. you left me.”

it’s a devastating sight, really. to see someone you love so deeply, someone who’s always been so strong, just fall apart like that. it’s like watching a building crumble to the ground.

and the worst part is, you know you’re the one who caused it. you’re the reason he’s standing there looking so broken, so lost. and you hate yourself for it, hate that you couldn’t be what he needed, hate that you had to go and ruin everything.

“i left because i didn’t feel good enough,” your voice is hoarse from screaming and crying, “not because i stopped loving you.”

for a moment, the silence between you is deafening, stretching on through time. it’s like neither of you knows what to say. 

and then, slowly, almost imperceptibly, something shifts in his expression, he looks as if you have hit him.

“i never wanted you to feel that way,” he murmurs, stepping closer to you. “i never wanted you to doubt how much you mean to me.”

his words hang in the air, like they’re carrying the weight of all the things you two never said, all the things you wished you could take back. as if he’s putting it all out there, laying his soul bare for you to see, finally showing you everything he’s been keeping bottled up inside.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers, the words a solemn oath sworn in the quiet of the night. “’m sorry for not being there when you needed me.”

“i’m sorry too,” you choke out. “i’m sorry for pushing you away.”

and then, without another word, without another moment wasted on regrets and what-ifs, you step forward and wrap your arms around him. it’s like coming home after a long time.

and yeah, you might have a shit ton of things and problems to sort through, but rafe cameron is worth that and more. 

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron au #rafe cameron fluff #rafe angst #rafe cameron angst #rafe x reader #rafe fic #rafe cameron obx #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x kook!reader #obx rafe cameron

[sunflowerskies00]

bet my heart, part 6

the radio's gonna play country

series masterlist

RECAP

"You and uh, Mr. Cowboy," he nods towards where I just was with Riley, "are you two, are you dating him?" He finally spits out his question.

------

I stare at him. Blinking. Words, not forming. He sounded mad, or frustrated. I open my mouth to respond, and then close it again. He definitely sounded mad. He also looked mad or hurt. I couldn't tell.

"Quinn," I start. His eyes snap to mine. "Don't you think I would have told you if I had started dating someone?" I ask.

"I assumed so, but you two seem a lot friendlier than just friends," he says. Was he? There was no way he was jealous.

"Quinn," I say his name again. His eyes move back to mine once again. "That's part of my job, and you've known me forever, I just have chemistry with a lot of people, it makes it seem like there's something there when there isn't," I explain. This was new. Quinn had never acted like this after seeing me perform with someone, specifically a man before. I didn't know how I was supposed to handle this.

"So, you're not sleeping with him either?" My jaw drops, Quinn was never this abrasive, literally never.

"Quinn, what the hell is going on?" I finally ask him. "You're acting so unlike you it's freaky. You are literally indifferent to every single man I've even glanced at," I say.

"I," He starts but then stops. "Nothing, it's nothing." He glances at the clock on the wall. I then realize what time it is, they need to go. They have planes to catch to be back for practice. "Shit, I gotta go Sage," He's using my full name, what the fuck is happening, he normally just stuck with S.

"Quinn," I plead. "We're just not going to talk about whatever the fuck this is?"

"Sage, it's nothing, let's just leave it. It's fine," his voice is short and clipped. Nothing like his normal easy-going tone.

"It's obviously something," I point out. "You're acting weird, and not normal at all."

"I really do have to go," he says.

"So, we're just done with whatever this conversation is?"

"No, we're not, just," he sighs. "I have my bye week in like four days, I'm still coming to hang out with you, we can have this conversation then." I didn't even know what this conversation was, but I was starting to get an idea. Was it possible that my more than friends feelings weren't so one-sided after all?

"Promise?" I ask him.

"Promise, just promise me you're not going to start dating someone in the next week." I raise an eyebrow, but nod.

"Promise." I agree, not thrilled about the fact that this conversation was being pushed off, but accepting it anyway. Quinn pulls me into hug, and I can't help but tense up, not happy about how we were leaving things.

"I'll see you in a couple of days, and we'll talk, I promise." I just nod, and then just like that he's taking off, and I'm stuck standing in the same place trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

#quinn hughes #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes fic #vancover canucks #jack hughes #luke hughes #nhl imagine #nhl hockey #trevor zegras #cole caufield #quinn hughes x oc

[jamespotterbbg]

hi ok so this is the anon from yesterday (not the runar person- btw i'm sorry i wasn't trying to steal kay from you) and i chickened out of dm-ing you cuz im a fucking coward but uh whatever

just wanted to let you know :)

noooooo sweetheart please

i woke up this morning and checked my dms

i want to follow u and be your friend <33

(and ignore runar she’s fine but dramatic)

[softcryz]

Cat with homophobia in it's eyes

#zoc scrambled #zoc artwork #rain world #rw oc #rw iterator #zoc shack #LANDS_EDGE #this was just a warm up #the brain has been wanting to draw so so badly but my hands won't allow it #Him with pupils still feels incredibly strange to me but my friends want him carnally when I draw him with them #so #hypothetical him with pupils #they're like screens and he can project whatever the fuck he wants with them #but also him showing pupils is INSANELY rare . Even if you scare him #It is just not something he'd do he'd much prefer having the blank eyes surprisingly #“why did you put paint on your optics you can /literally/ just give yourself pupils” “nuh uh” “ WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NUHUH” #|| <- uh #IF YOU SAW ME.. REPOST THIS #No you didn't <3

[oceanwithouthermoon]

sorry people can do whatever they want but i think its so silly when people have in their bio like "dni if you like ships that i dont like, or hc characters as things i dont hc them as"

like what do u.. mean.. what do u mean? what, does it make u feel like a character is cheating on their partner when u see them shipped with someone else or something?? does it make u feel like theyre being misgendered when someone uses pronouns for them that dont match up with the gender u decided they r in ur head? im so genuinely confused

#u hate other hcs/ships so badly that you block people who dont like exclusively the same ones as u ??? #idk its just so crazy to me #like some of my favorite people on here r diehard shippers of things i dont like and who cares #i dont like tor*sai or kub*kai but that doesnt stop me from interacting with cool as fuck shippers #i guess maybe im an exception because the two ships i dont like are two of the most popular ships in the fandom LOLLLL #plus im a multishipper and like polyships that incoude the ships i dont like LOL #like im such a diehard yumekaiyasu shipper even though i dont like kub*kai- and polypsychickers too !! #sorry sorry ok i want on a tangent #do whatever u want though #wtvr #i saw someone be like 'dni if u ship teruhashi with any man cuz i see her as a lesbian' #like im sorry what #dni because what ??? dni because u think their ships r wrong ? uh- i mean okay i guess #WHATEVERRRR BYEEE #cmon everypony smile smile smile fill my heart up with sunshine sunshine all i really needs a smile smile smile from these happy friends #meows post

[frecklystars]

im a little bit tempted to watch the Elvis movies but there are. so many. and ive heard they are so. terrible. and he didn't fully enjoy making them, he just... had to do it... bc he felt like there wasn't much of an option... and worst of all they are all so painfully heterosexual and i'm sure none of the couples ever communicate with each other properly. so you just sit there ripping your hair out and shouting at the screen "WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGG"

#but i want to get some inspiration... for my Driver/Officer K Greaser AUs... #the Elvis 2022 movie was so good even tho some things were incorrect #like. him breaking up with his first girlfriend Dixie when he became famous? that did NOT happen #Dixie broke up with HIM before he became famous because she wanted a husband who could work 9-5 and come home. #she didn't want to date somebody famous who was out doing gigs 24/7. #then when Elvis' mother passed away years later he called Dixie and she came to the funeral to support him #he wanted someone from his old life to comfort him. someone who knew him before he became a celeb. #FUNNER FACT the first time Elvis and Dixie were crushing on each other in school #Elvis was too shy to approach Dixie to ask her out so Dixie took matters into her own hands #standing in church and shouting to her friends loudly 'IM GOING TO THE SKATING RINK LATER!!!! BY MYSELF!!! CANT WAIT!!!' #'THE SKATING RINK!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE BY THE ICE CREAM SHOP DOWN THE ROAD!!! THAT SKATING RINK!!!' #'ILL BE THERE AT 4PM!!!!!!!!!' and elvis overheard and he was like oh shit #so sure enough Dixie shows up to the skating rink and Elvis already has his skates on #AND HE'S HUGGING THE WALL FOR DEAR LIFE. FIGHTING TO SURVIVE #and then she approached him and said uh hey do u wanna get outta here. and he was like GOD YES PLEASE #i think that story is so fucking cute #woof #oh here's another fun fact. when Dixie and Elvis were dating and Elvis was out on tours/gigs whatever #Elvis was the jealous one. Dixie did not care if women were gonna be all over him #Elvis was always asking her 'what boys are talking to you??? WHO'S LOOKING AT YOU. HM???' #and she's like 'bitch I am just going to school and church. you're the one surrounded by models' LMFAO

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[ghostcrows]

Maybe I should be at the club...

#i want to meet people...friends...friends with benefits....soulmates whatever #even though i. am also scared #and i think i look haggard as fuck...but people are into that sometimes theyre like uh #wow its so hot that you have red eyes like my grandmas crusty dog...you look like you eat cigarettes off tje pavement .. #its 3 am. hey does anyones elses stonach never stop making noises. likw girl . hi #goodnight

[arvoze]

what's pmdiner?

pokemon mystery diner! a pmd discord community, and the one i frequent most (the only one i frequent, technically, though i'd like to drop into workshop every now and then) (i do not do this bc i forget to). it is primarily one of the many hubs for pmd fanfiction authors, so you'll see a lot of fanfic discussion there, & a lot of excitement for eachothers' works. i haven't written proper in a long time, bar one of the writing events i took part in there, so i've not got any writing to share there, but i'm pretty much mostly there for community first and foremost (that's my friends!! those are my friends!!) it's an open server, with the link to join here. there's almost always some kind of server event coming around the corner!

"art tango" is a biweekly art event hosted within the art channels, wherein someone is selected (from last event's entrants) to have their characters be "chosen" for the tango. people may then draw one or more of these characters, and be in for a chance to have their characters be chosen for the next hosting. the current choice is the owner of the gallade i drew, wayfarer, and by drawing their gallade (one of several choices), i now have the chance to be picked as the next choice in two weeks' time!

there is a roleplay section of the server, but they're kind of a different community to the rest of the server (some people dabble in both "sides", but you'll see many people in the rp channels not show up in most other places). i do love the general community very much though. you will absolutely see me in there multiple times every day

#pmdiner more like i am about to be so fucking unhinged . shoutout to the 2 hour #the 2 hour resident evil gen channel roleplay or whatever it is that was going on a couple days ago. taht shit had me hooked #i have many words to say about diner/the community surrounding it but the shorthand is that i am happy that i have a second place #to go to that isn't just an immediate private place w/ my closest of friends (who are mostly outside the pmd community) #they r very nice to me . i cherish them wholeheartedly i jsut want them to know i love them very much #i talk about art a Lot in tjere the second someone says anything about csp i go uh huh Running.Have you tried this #very fun. obsessed with the accidental influence i have on people wrt art sometimes i love it when i say “you can do this” and people go #“wait holy shit for real?” and then they adapt it intotheir work... i love seeing peoples' work change in real time

[klonoadoortophantomile]

started mother 3 . real good so far but the battles r kinda driving me crazy w the rhythm game thing

#IM STUPID !!!!!! I CANT DO THSI SHIT #i dont really play rhythm games the only other thing ive played is the fucking. rhythm heaven tutorial level at my friends house #multiple times. ive never beaten it. IM SO BAD ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY #i dont even get what ur supposed to be timed to or whatever in battles tho like #i keep putting enemies to sleep and trying to do it to the heartbeat thing but it doesnt ?? do anythint ??? #the stupid thing that tells u abt the rhythm battles in game says you can get by without doing it but i kinda doubt that #like…. thats half the whole battle gimmick youd imagine the game is balanced around it being utilized #also im judt absolutely getting my ass kicked rn i never got any game overs until i got to the castle #i forgot how to spell the name sorry #uh anyways i died like 7 times . sigh #still havent gotten thru all of it but whatever ill figure it out eventually #i needed to take a break anyways #its kinda bumming me out how much trouble im having w this but ive only played for like 3 hours its a whole game ill probably get better #as the game continues ??? idk #inqusitivewaltz.txt #characters and whatnot r very fun so far but again im only 3 hrs in so not much has happened i didnt already know abt XD

[professionalowl]

not reblogging the post because i know it's a flawed test (and infuriatingly poorly worded to wit) but the RAADS-R autism test is going around again and i got an 87, which is i think what i got the last time i took it and also tracks - i'm personally pretty certain that i'm not autistic, but (autistic) friends of mine have historically been split on the issue because apparently i 'act' like an autistic person and they're often surprised when i say i'm actually not

#my *closest* friends tend to think i'm not but - to quote one guy - '[i'm] very smart and smart ppl tend to have traits that overlap' #which is an interesting assessment (he's autistic tb clear) and i think i know where it's coming from #i'm very direct with comments; i often have trouble with empathy; i'm clever (or y'know 'clever' for a given value of the word); #i don't feel emotions particularly strongly - or immediately - and this comes across in my speech #which i've been told can come off as detached/disaffected/uncaring even when it's not trying to be; #i'm apparently quite difficult to read sometimes? or come off as intimidating per neutral expression; #uh. one time an english teacher told me that i'd taught her to 'think more logically' whatever the fuck that means; #these are i think stereotypical autistic 'smart guy' traits which do not actually map on to the majority of autistic people afaik #at least not as a package or all expressed the same way - but in this case i think it's a category error #interesting food for thought nonetheless. i spend some time thinking about it because people do ask me occasionally #and the general autistic mileu of tumblr.com has actually helped me be nicer to myself about those traits #(as well as check myself abt other people; i'm not going to pretend to be some kind of saintly autistic whisperer or w/e) #considered going back and taking the test with the 'most generous' and then the 'least generous' answers and comparing them #but i can't be bothered. add a button for 'in specific situations' or die by my hand #i WILL say that some of said autistic friends who were surprised to find out i wasn't #expressly thought i WAS because they drew a correlation between their behaviour and my own #so it's not just 'people are misreading me because of stereotypes about how autistic people act' although i do think that can be an element #let me know if this post is weird or w/e it is literally just speculating on myself and how people perceive me #as a consequence of tending to occupy circles otherwise occupied largely by neurodivergent people #('fandom' and 'archaeology and anthropology')

[lotus-pear]

everyone meet my sciss!✂️

#oh wow doesn't he look so evil?😍 #well actaully i can assure you he wants to fucking die #y'know what pmtok fandom? fuck you *emos your scissor* #ohoho you thought he would be the fun sibling right? HAHAHAHA THAT'S FUNNY #he's actaully the depressed one that starts out gifted and proud and egoistic and slowly spirals into the metaphorical abyss of depression #why? it's because all his friends die :) #he gets to watch all of them die :) #he sees their streamers disappear one by one :) #he's screaming inside all the time he wants to die :) #anyway yeah so this is actually a quick doodle this isn't the confirmed design #i was toying with this one a lot.. should have have armor or wear a kimono or like a toga bc shangri spa looks like ancient greece? idk #his hair is actually gray so that's the same as his brother's:) #it's parted down the middle to represent the two blades of a scissor #and uh- he wears those really high waisted leggings or whatever to represent the sheath #that one was generic i couldn't come up with anything #he has a lot of x's and diamonds on his design to represent obviously sharp edges and this thing a scissor does -> ✂️ #i can't believe i'm putting this much thought process into a literal stationery it's hilarious #paper mario the origami king #paper mario origami king #pmtok #paper mario tok #pmtok scissors #pmok scissors #pmok #legion of stationery #legion of stationary #paper mario gijinka #i've been away from this fandom for so long now what are the popular tags #lotus draws

[idunnoausersname]

.

#ugh my brain is being so mean to me today. and for what?? #(i know. its because i dont have any long term plans.) #(and my Brain No Work Syndrome is fucking up my ability to do anything about it.) #my whole 'situationship' is the first thing to spring a leak when im anxious/stressed lol #its like a canary. #''hey he only likes you for how you look. also youre ugly and he actually hates you'' #hmm. hmmmm. those arent Good Brain Day thoughts lmfao #and sure enough here i am. feeling needy and not liking myself much. #and i would rather swallow a cactus then contact my friends with this. because im already ugly and stupid (/paraphrasing myself) #i shouldn't be annoying as well #and dw im not going to do anything unsafe or whatever. #last thing i want is people to be worried. #but uh yeah. screaming into the void it is. #god forbid i keep a thought to myself. #god forbid i dont beg people to affirm my self esteem that's made of cardboard lol #ugh. yeah anyway bad brain day. sorry

[ozymoron]

thinking about that one himbo from the quarry who i think if you pick certain choices just ends up spending half the game running around in the woods half naked

#⚠️ #its so fucking silly #hes my favourite character just for that like did the writers just like forget about him or something #its just like action packed adventure with friends where we fight off uh whatever they were fighting i forgor and then it just cuts to some #fucking himbo scared running around the woods in just boxers tripping on sticks and shit and getting stuck in traps #its so good i love it #and like from the playthroughs ive seen he doesnt meet back up with the rest of the group in the end it just cuts to it saying ''yeah he #made it out eventually dont worry'' #god. what a game #i dont remember his name hes just some himbo to me

[rosykims]

THE CHAMPION OF KIRKWALL

What can be said about Cillian Hawke that hasn’t been sung about in countless taverns, the source of endless drunken rambling and exasperated laughter? The Tale of the Champion lacks the traditional hallmarks of more classical folklore; indeed, Hawke is hardly a truly noble warrior nor a fully righteous hero. What he is – far-fetched escapades aside – is a person, lowly and ordinary, whose adventures have come to symbolize a triumph for the lowly and ordinary people. And it’s for that reason you won’t hear moving renditions regaled by court poets or prestigious bards. The wise know his is a story best joked about in the comfort of one’s home or ignoble bar of choice, shared between a few good friends and too many cheap drinks. [template]

[Except from ‘Faces of the Dragon: Figures of Fame and Notoriety Throughout the Dragon Age’ by Brother Genitivi]

#da2 #oc: cillian #before anybody asks. yes he is the least cunning rogue to ever exist lol #HES NOT STEALTHY HE'S SCRAPPY OK ! #anyways he started off primarily as a blue hawke but i think thats cancelled now.... the more trauma he accumulates the funnier he gets #i just love the idea that he's just as fucking mentally unwell as the rest of the kirkwall crew #the reason why he and varric become instant best friends is bc hawke's stories are INSANE and spoken about SO casually #his life in kirkwall honestly isnt even the wildest stuff hes been involved in (aside from act 3) #he just gets consistenly caught up in chaos through dumb luck and never staying in one place too long #kirkwall is the one place he felt he had permanency and purpose in. so having to leave really broke his heart tbh #ALSO fun lore for folks just tuning in ! #i hc he asks varric to lie about the ending of the book irt what happens with anders. and to make sure everybody believes anders is dead #and that cillian killed him. which he didnt <3 but <3 #he wants him to be safe and also uh doesnt want sebastian to launch an incursion into kirkwall lol #(i feel like that part fails instantly bc seb is immediately like Press X To Doubt but whatever points for trying)

[haemosexuality]

today i got asked if i consider myself black. i have literally no fucking clue do you understand the can of worms you just tried to open

#do you want the ''idk'' answer or the 1 hour discussion #like uuuuuh. uh. well #cause you see my birth certificate says ''parda'' (brazilian term for ppl of mixed ethnities that are like. too mixed or too light to be #just something) but people say that thats an outdated term used only to make brazils population not look as black and indigenous as it is #and pardos should just consider themselves what they are so ig im black but i have never suffered any racism or literally anything bc of my #skin color or features so it feels shitty to call myself black if ive never lived it but doesnt saying that resume the experience of black #people to racism which sucks and ive had a friend who was lighter than me and considered herself black say im ''basically white'' but ive #also had a black friend who was darker than me say i was the only other black person in our class but also i feel like the word black #is more for people who are more visibly black than i am cuz i feel like im just the midway point between pale and brown i just look like #half of the population here and i didnt even realize i Was black until i was like 11 and read ''pardo isnt a color'' on facebook bc before #that i was always just ''moreninha'' or ''neguinha de mamae'' or whatever and THEN theres the fact that like 2 years ago i realized my dad #is probably actually indigenous and not black and just never knew cause idk he didnt live in a forest ig so ppl assume hes just black #even tho his features and state hes from kinda indicate he is indigenous and that means IM actually indigenous too not just the black from #my moms side which is a whole other fucking thing but honestly at the end of the day i csnt afford a dna test and it wouldnt change my life #in the slightest to know all that so the final answer to your question is: #idk