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joeys-babe · 6 months

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Joey B Imagines: Kiss Me*

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Summary: Another Joe prank! After engaging with so many couple pranks and trends on Tiktok, your FYP just keeps giving you more ideas! This time it's wiping your lips after Joe kisses you…

Warnings: fluff, unserious/funny, pranks, smut at the end.

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine universe: Into The Mystic

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*no particular date for this blurb!*

(y/n’s pov)

Today was a slow, boring, rainy day. Joe was downstairs making dinner and playing with the boys while doing so. My parents were coming down for dinner tonight and Joe has always felt the need to make a three-course dinner for them every time they come over, even though he’s had their approval for several years now.

I sat upstairs on the bed. It was that time of the month and I was also coming down from a stomach virus, not fun at all. The only positive was Joe playing sexy nurse for me, bringing me soup, and tissues, checking my temp, holding my hair when I got sick, just all around being the best husband ever.

The sounds of giggles spewing from my twin boys playing with their daddy warmed my heart. Their laughing patterns had me guessing what was going on down there. My hypothesis was Joe was “chasing” the boys, catching them, trapping them on the couch, and tickling the daylights out of them.

I was contemplating going down there to find out but the giggling stopped, and before I knew it Joe was walking into our room. He respectively knocked and when I told him to come in he did.

“Hey. You doing okay, mama?” - Joe

“Mhm.” - you softly smiled

“That's good. Do you need anything? If you're not feeling 100% we can cancel on your parents, I'll even call them myself.” - Joe

“No, I’m okay Joe. I appreciate your offering though. Can you come here for a sec?” - you

“Mhm.” - Joe

Joe softly smiled at me as he made his way over to the bed and got under the covers on his respective side.

I rolled over into his chest and got comfortable as Joe rubbed my back.

“I love you, J.” - you

“I love you more. I've got dinner mostly done, a couple of pieces of chicken aren't up to temp yet but the sides are finished.” - Joe

“Good job Mr. Chef.” - you giggled

“Mr. Chef? Sounds kinky.” - Joe chuckled

“Joseph Lee!” - you leaned up and gave him a dirty look only to find him laughing with his head back.

“Sorry, I had to. You should know by now that if there's an opportunity for a dirty joke Imma jump on it.” - Joe

“I know it, and your jokes are funny. Just get it out of your system before your in-laws are here, Burrow.” - you laughed

“Yes ma'am!” - Joe laughed along with you.

Joe went to lean down for a kiss and a memory flashed in my mind from this morning.

This morning when I woke up alone in bed the shower in the bathroom told me that Joe was in there, I scrolled on TikTok for a little bit and ended up in my collection of videos saved with the title “Do with Joe.”

It consisted of all the couple trends and pranks that I've already done on him plus ones I wanted to do but haven't yet.

Due to the gloomy weather outside, I felt like a prank would be fun to do today. This one specifically was going to be very fun.

Joe and I kiss maybe 10,000,000 times a day. That's definitely not an exaggeration either. Before we were even a couple we loved little pecks or even long make-outs; kissing each other was just essential when the feeling of each other’s lips felt like two puzzle pieces fitting together.

What this prank was is every time your partner kissed you, you'd wipe it off. Whether it be a hand kiss, a cheek kiss, a forehead kiss, or a kiss on the lips. It was to be wiped off.

Now that Joe was going to kiss me for the first time it was a perfect time to let the ranking begin.

His smooth pink lips were on mine softly and before I knew it he was pulling away.

Joe smiled down at me as he started to lean up from the bed but paused when I wiped my lips with the back of my hand.

The small smile on his lips faltered and he furrowed his brows at me.

“I've brushed my teeth this morning, so I don't have morning breath… what's up?” - Joe

I shrugged and Joe frowned.

“Are you worried you're gonna get me sick? Because you know my immune system is like a brick wall… even if you were still a little sick we could have a full make out and I promise I’d be fine.” - Joe

“Mmm, okay.” - you giggled

Joe smiled at me giggling at his response, hoping that meant he had convinced me to let him kiss me. It was a few seconds later that Joe leaned in again, pressing his lips with a little bit more force than the first time.

“I love yo-” - Joe stopped when you wiped his kiss off again

“Baby, I’m fine to kiss you.” - Joe

“I know.” - you

“Then why do you keep wiping my damn kisses off??” - Joe whined

“Just don’t feel like it today.” - you

He looked hurt and taken aback by my reasoning. Joe knew I loved kissing him so this was weird to him. Was it something he did?

Eventually, Joe walked out of the room playing with his bracelets anxiously. I'm going to absolutely smooch him to death later because even though I'm choosing to do these pranks, he always takes them personally and it makes me feel bad.

After getting out of bed and ready for dinner, I walked downstairs to find Joe setting the table. Tyson and Miles were already dressed in their usual matching fashion and their hair was fixed. My heart warmed since their hair had recently started getting curlier, and they now both had one singular blonde hair hanging over their forehead. They're just like their daddy.

“Thanks for getting the boys ready.” - you smiled at Joe

“Oh, you're welcome. I didn't want you to have to do it so I went ahead and did.” - Joe

I nodded and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head on his chest after he put the last plate down.

“Have you heard from my parents?” - you

Joe laid his head against mine and mumbled a “Mhm”.

“They said they'd be here in around 30 minutes.” - Joe

“Okay sounds good. Do you need help with anything?” - you

“Nope, I've got it all. Dinner is done, the table is set, the boys are ready, and drinks are in the fridge.” - Joe

Pulling away from his chest, my smile gleamed as I looked at my man.

“You are the best husband ever, Joe.” - you

“I try to be, baby. You deserve nothing but the best and that's what I try to be.” - Joe

“Gosh. I love you so much. You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, Joe.” - you

Joe was grinning and rubbing my back, he went to lean in and kiss me but awkwardly paused and pulled back.

“Sorry I… forgot.” - Joe

Fuck.

God I was supposed to be pranking him but now all I wanted to do was grab him, throw him on the couch, cuddle him, and whisper in his ear how much I loved him as I kissed all over his face.

“You make this so hard.” - you sighed

“W- what?” - Joe

“I’m supposed to be pranking you by wiping my mouth after you kiss me but now I just feel bad. You're too sweet and cute for your own good. I'm sorry for pranking you again. I think it's going to be funny but then you make me sad.” - you

“Sorry for ruining your prank, baby.” - Joe giggled

“You didn't ruin anything… you're just too… perfect.” - you

“Def not perfect. I'm not gonna lie though, I'm a little sad about your prank.” - Joe

“I'm so sorry. After my parents leave we can do whatever you want, I won't complain.” - you

——

“Bye guys, see you soon!” - you

“Bye, get home safe!” - Joe

“Bye, gamma!!” - Tyson

“Bye, gwampy!” - Miles

My parents waved bye at us one last time before Joe opened the front door and gently guided the boys inside.

“Mama, tuck me in?” - Miles

“Of course, sweetie!” - you grinned at your boy

“Me too mama!” - Tyson hugged your leg

“I’ll tuck you both in don't worry.” - you smiled

“Why do you guys not want Daddy to put you to bed?!” - Joe

Joe held his arms up in defeat, waiting for Tyson or Miles to answer as they hugged at my legs.

“You don't read as good as Mama.” - Miles giggled

Joe’s mouth hung open from how distraught he was that his boys were turning away from him. I giggled at the look on his face before bending down to rub the boys’ backs to get their attention.

“Say goodnight to Dada and then we’ll go upstairs.” - you

Tyson was the first one to detach from me and run up to Joe, who happily scooped him up with one arm. Ty laid his head on his dad’s shoulder and Joe leaned over to kiss his cheek. He ran his fingers through the light blonde hair that was identical to his when he was their age.

“G’night, Dada.” - Tyson

“Night night buddy.” - Joe handed him over to you

Joe squatted down and Miles immediately walked into his father's embrace, wrapping his tiny arms around Joe’s neck as he hugged him. Joe had one hand on Miles's back and the size comparison was insane, his hand covering his son’s entire back.

“Night, Daddy.” - Miles

“Goodnight, Mi-guy.” - Joe

Miles wiggled out of Joe’s arms and back over to me. Joe stood back up at his full height and towered over me in such a delicious way.

“Stay down here. I'll be coming back down soon.” - you

The smirk forming on his lips told me he read between the lines and he realized the promise I made earlier was more sexual than he had originally thought.

Anything I want, Joe thought.

——

The boys went to sleep rather quickly but before I went downstairs I made a beeline for the bedroom. I grabbed a hairband put my hair up, just in case, and took my clothes off. I slipped one of Joe’s shirts over my naked body and went downstairs.

Joe was sitting on the couch, manspreading in his usual fashion as he watched the TV in front of him.

The light from the TV showed off every beautiful curve in his face and accentuated his chiseled jawline.

After giving him a slow look up and down, my eyes lingered on his crotch where a clear bulge had formed in his slinky shorts.

He's definitely been thinking about what he wants to do.

Walking out of my hiding spot on the stairs, Joe’s eyes averted from the TV to my frame and a smile graced his lips when he saw my ponytail.

“Hey…” - you sat down next to Joe

Joe flicked the TV off, and now the room was only being lit by the small table lamps, this lighting made Joe look ridiculously sexy.

He looked over at me and licked his lips.

“What are we gonna do?” - you smiled

I watched Joe fist his shorts and pull the legs of them higher up, showcasing more of his gorgeous muscular thighs. God, those thighs.

“Since you didn't want those pretty lips touching my lips. We're gonna use them somewhere else. Sound good, mama?” - Joe

Nodding, a smirk formed on Joe’s lips as I lowered onto my knees.

I palmed Joe through his shorts causing him to groan, and satisfied I pulled them and his boxers down his long legs.

Joe’s dick was already hard, swollen, and slightly wet from the precum beading at the red tip.

Gesturing for Joe to lift his arms, I pulled his shirt over his head and almost moaned at the familiar sight of his erect cock laying against his chiseled torso.

Taking his base in my hand I finally did what Joe had been wanting, kissing his tip sloppily.

“Oh god. Fucking suck it baby.” - Joe groaned

That was all the praise I needed to take his length into my mouth, sucking on it as I bobbed up and down. Joe was groaning and cursing left and right.

“Your mouth baby… your lips, wish I could have ‘em around my cock 24 fucking 7.” - Joe

His words only made me moan around him, causing Joe to moan out himself.

Joe was letting me do the work, for now. It wasn't long after I thought that when he grabbed my ponytail and started moving me on his cock.

“Atta girl, mama. Makin’ me feel so good.” - Joe

Minutes later Joe’s hips started bucking, signaling to me that he was close so I doubled my efforts. My hand moved on his base to stimulate what I couldn't get in my mouth and Joe’s moans told me he appreciated it.

“Gonna make me fuckin’ cum.” - Joe moaned

It was soon after that, I tried to quicken my pace even more and Joe was an absolute mess. He was choking on his own groans and was so close.

“Baby! I'm cumming!” - Joe grunted out

Shortly after his warning he released in my throat. I stayed with his dick in my mouth as I watched him through my lashes.

Joe looked completely blissed out and his chest was heaving and glistening with sweat. His forehead was also sweaty and the veins that ran through his body were bulging out.

He pulled at my ponytail, telling me to get off, and when I did I grabbed a tissue out of the box on the end table to clean him up.

After I cleaned Joe up and slipped his boxers back on, I went to wipe my mouth off but Joe grabbed my forearm.

“Dont you fucking dare wipe your lips.” - Joe

Feeling the abundance of saliva and precum on my lips and chin, I sucked in a heavy breath.

“Kiss me.” - Joe

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Authors note: guys even I'm giggling at the ending.

Request for this fic; (anon I literally took your idea and RAN with it. I actually have no way to defend myself on how this turned into a BJ.)

Hope you enjoyed! 💕

#joe burrow #bengals #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x reader #joey b #cincinnati bengals #joe burrow fan fic #joe burrow smut

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yourfavewearsamikubinder · 2 years

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hi guys. lol

#sorry we went on like an unofficial hiatus there was a combo of a) forgetting this blog exists b) tiredness/stress from life #ill be clearing up the requests we have now #mod joey

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inkdemonapologist · 22 days

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FINALLY got these scribbles from last session of the Cthulhu game scanned in lmao, THINGS HAVE BEEN SO BUSY but cthulhu has been very exciting!!

While looking for some Alan Leroy guy to figure out why the Phantom is following(?) him(?), we asked around with (a) his book club friends and (b) the mob, as one does. Sammy managed to avoid seeing the yellow sign when he realised very quickly what Cool Obscure Book this book club pal might be describing (unlike Jack, a polite boy who does not RAPIDLY AVERT HIS EYES FROM HIS CONVERSATIONAL PARTNER), but did not manage to avoid being hustled off by the mob to talk to The Boss when Henry asked just a few too many questions. it went fine but Sammy was SO STRESSED, HES ALREADY BEEN KIDNAPPED BY GANGSTERS ONCE HE DOESNT WANT TO DO IT AGAIN

also hes still cute in this hat. you should wear hats more often sammy. ANYWAY if you're here for Out of Context quotes from this session, I GOT EM RIGHT HERE UNDER THE CUT:

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Sammy] He will mention to Henry, something about "Oh boy, dreams are starting up again" kind of thing. [Henry] Yyyyup. [Henry] Don't get possessed again. [Sammy] [Sammy] i dON'T THINK SAMMY KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH THAT!! The last time he got possessed was BY PROPHET, whom he still shares a body with!! [Henry] Prophet doesn't count! Don't get possessed by anyone else. [Sammy] .... I'LL DO MY BEST, [Sammy] I just like the idea of Henry being like 'don't get possessed' and Sammy just LOOKS at him, like............ I'm already possessed, what are you talking about

[Sammy] Given how these things like to happen on auspicious days, I'm a little worried about New Years,

[Joey] That's exactly the spin he's going to put on it -- Some time off for New Years, and a bonus day off to recover from the celebrations! [Jack] Gotta account for those, now that drinking's back!

[Henry] Oh good, I was really worried Joey would call Norman and get a "who are you?" [Jack] Norman DOES do that, but just because he thinks it's funny. [GM] That's possible, yeah, [Sammy] Oh my gosh. I believe it, is the thing. [GM] I do too, honestly... this might just be a thing that happens.

[GM] And the studio seems normal, and nobody got kidnapped in the night, not even Norman, and Henry's family is safe -- things are doing so good! [Jack] Nobody that we're currently in contact with got kidnapped in the night! [GM] That's true. [Jack] I'm not ruling out Bertrum getting kidnapped. [Jack] ...unrelated to the Carcosa nonsense, he just got kidnapped. [GM] That's what he gets for hanging out with the mob. [Jack] Sorry, I mean, "The Great Bertrum Piedmont." Have to use his full and official title. [GM] That's how you get him un-kidnapped, he just breaks through a wall to correct you. [Jack] *laughing* The Kool-Aid Bert................ [GM] The Great Kool-Aid Piedmont, [Jack] Now that's fanart I don't want to see.

[GM] Welcome back! We've been talking about the Great Bertrum Piedmont Kool-Aid-ing through a wall to correct you about his name. [Sammy] *startled wheezing* Okay, well it sounds like I've missed some really important developments!

[Jack] I think Jack would lean in the direction of like, they wanted to get in touch with him at the charity thing-- aaagh, that's technically not true. He's not the fast talk boy, he's not allowed to, [Sammy] I mean, he CAN fast talk, Henry does it all the time! [Jack] But does he succeed-- [Sammy] Henry's not the Fast Talk Boy but he keeps LYING anyway!!!

[Sammy] I feel like Jack is good at looking worried, and, caring about his fellow man, [Jack] I don't think he has to TRY to look worried??? [Sammy] I don't think Sammy contains these qualities. Sammy looks like he's here to arrest you. [GM] She's actually giving Sammy a concerned look, [Sammy] Sammy is HERE FOR THE PROTECTION MONEY.

[Jack] Well, this was lovely! Time to leave, because Sammy's already... vibrating against the door trying to clip through it.

[Sammy] Sammy's IMMEDIATELY going to tell him about this clarinet with the missing E flat extension. [Sammy] ....and then ALSO mention that he thinks maybe he's seen this guy before.

[Joey] Joey slightly fixes Henry's hair before they head in. [Sammy] (That's a little bit gay, but alright,) [Jack] (I think it's more than a little bit) [Joey] LISTEN, listen, Joey recognises-- [Jack] Linda's out of town! [Joey] --Joey recognises the neighbourhood,

[GM] The door gets opened pretty quickly, but the guy inside actually looks a little like he's suddenly out of his depth, because whatever he was expecting to happen is not what is happening. [Sammy] That's a common reaction to Joey Drew.

[Joey] I feel like it's not going to be a fast talk roll, actually, to make this guy feel like this is NOT a dangerous ask? So I'm gonna go with persuade instead. [GM] Are you going with the tack that you were concerned parties from the event? [Joey] I think, concerned party, perhaps leaning towards the notion that they hit it off well at the party, and -- I'm just turning it into a fast talk, [Joey] *trying again* I think Joey is leaning more into an idea that they are freshly met, but have similar interests? Or... possibly leaning into he's ...a friend of a friend and we're looking into it for that friend? [Sammy] Joey trying NOT to lie is really funny. "Oh well obviously I'll just say -- oh, I guess that's not true; I'll just -- WELL, that's not technically true either," [Joey] ADMITTEDLY, if this does turn into a fast talk roll, using the same roll it's now a BETTER SUCCESS, so, [Sammy] Just really funny how hard it is for Joey to just, HONESTLY REASSURE someone without inventing a whole narrative [Joey] I'M GOOD AT COMING UP WITH STORIES!! I'm not good at... fact-checking them first...

[Joey] Please, if you hear from him, or get any more information, please reach out to us as soon as possible, because the sooner we can prevent this, the better off he'll be -- y'know, that whole thing! [Joey] Do the most heartfelt, emotional connection he can... it's a little gay, but... [Sammy] I fully believe in Joey's ability to extoll the virtues of this man he's never met.

[Sammy] We can just check with Norman, have him peek out the window and see if it looks weird, [Joey] "Hey Norman, is your house in the right location?" [Jack] "Dunno why you called me outside just to tell me that you moved my house!"

[GM] Norman answers the door, and gives you guys a quizzical look. [Henry, out of character] :D Hey, did your house move? [Sammy, in-character] >:/ Did your house move?

[Sammy] Sammy will point out things Jack noticed as being different, as if he also noticed them. [GM] He'll turn back to you, and just kind of observe in a blase sort of way that he's apparently moved. [Jack] I love Norman,,,, [Joey] I love Norman's 89% Sanity score that never gets hit, apparently! [Jack] His sense of humour is actually an indefinite insanity. [Sammy] A constant coping mechanism, [Jack] Can't go insane when you already are!!

[Jack] Jack is, not happy about this, [GM, as Norman] He wonders if you'd like to come in for a housewarming, then.

[Sammy] Sammy's going to just catch her up on, the guy we're looking for read the play, [Sammy] Also, might be a guy that Sammy saw in New Orleans, and that might be why he knew the music?? [Sammy] ALSO, WEIRD THING with his clarinet, he doesn't have the E flat extension that you'd EXPECT HIM TO HAVE? [GM] I think Susie knows enough that she would say that's weird if he's playing seriously. [Jack] I was about to ask if this meant anything to these two-- [Joey] Norman is regaining sanity by watching Sammy rattle on about all this. [GM] He's probably chiming in opinions, too, that are completely not based in any actual musical knowledge -- [Henry] Norman just like "He's missing the E extension? Next he's gonna lose the, the F Shortener!" [GM] "What's the world coming to!" [Sammy] Sammy's giving him the most unamused look, and this is all Norman wanted. [GM] Yeah, yeah, this is how he keeps his sanity high. [Sammy] Just annoy Sammy Lawrence. That's the secret.

[Jack] Good to make sure things aren't going weirder over here-- which, uhhh, [Sammy] Which they are!!

[Sammy] That's smart, but that's also really spooky. Like okay, cool! The whole world has re-written this! Cool cool cool cool cool. [GM] He doesn't seem PLEASED about it, but he seems about normal. [Henry] He seems Norman about it. [Jack] Yeah, Normal Polk. [Jack] *cracking up* He shows up at work the next day and he's called "Normal Ponk." That's his name now.

[Jack] Reality's rewriting itself, wanna kiss about it? [Henry] Ah, Jack's okay again.

[Jack] If this was Fowler, then WHO WAS PHONE????

[GM] Well, okay, first things first, does Joey have Peter's number memorised? [Joey] HM. [Joey] ...I feel like he wouldn't admit it, but yes.

[Joey] Joey says he's going to call Peter back in a minute. And hangs up. [GM] You cut him off in the middle of some sort of response-- [Joey] Cool.

[Joey] He managed to break into a safe once by doing this! [Henry] "Break into" is... a bit of a strong phrasing. [GM] *mumbling* "Get locked inside of,"

[Joey] The main thing is, Do Not Go Alone, because if something happens to Peter... we have no way of tracking down the information that he has! We, we lose, all of his evidence! [Jack] .....and that's the ONLY thing, [Joey] Yup! [Henry] We ALSO lose his, HIM, [Joey] *mumbling* No, no that doesn't matter as much, as evidence, [Joey] It's clearly just, the fact that they lose all the benefits of having a reporter with ghost powers on their side, and NOT Peter himself, that is the issue! [Jack] iTS NOT LIKE HE CARES ABOUT YOU OR ANYTHING!!!

[Jack] *spongebob meme* You like Peter Sunstram, don't you, Joey?

[Joey] Both Henry and Sammy are the best able to get themselves out of a tough, fight-y situation, [Sammy] We can both punch, and Henry has magical power if something supernatural happens... [Joey] Also! Also, neither Joey nor Jack are there to be taken hostage and used against them! [Sammy] ... I think you're actually right. I hate to admit it, but I think you're right. [Jack] I can't wait for Jack to be kidnapped at the magic shop, you guys!

[Henry] I can't believe we're sending the two least talky boys off together to talk to the mob, [Joey] LISTEN. Henry and Sammy can go to the restaurant! Henry likes food! There we go! [GM] I can't believe Joey's just making sure Henry gets a nice meal after his shake-up earlier... [Sammy] I dunno, maybe Peter should come with us, just in ghost form. Henry can see him, potentially, [Jack] So Pete's body can... Not be where he left it when he gets back to it! [Sammy] ....hm, [Joey] *startled laughter* [Sammy] ....okay, nevermind,... [Jack] Just leave him in the car, what could go wrong! That's not disappeared MULITPLE TIMES!

[GM] Johnny Nero is of average height and build, with dark, slicked back hair, and a neatly trimmed moustache -- so not like any of the other people that you know! [GM] Wears expensive tailored suits, though. [Jack & Joey] *snickering* So, not like, any of the people you know-- [GM] It narrows it down a bit!! [Sammy] Alright, alright; bargain bin Joy Drew, got it.

[GM] You guys do get an offer to have food, while you're waiting. [Sammy] Yeah.... why not..... [Henry] Henry will, not,,, [Joey] *shocked* NO????? [Joey] *absolutely flabbergasted* FOOD!!!!! [Sammy] Gangsters don't usually poison you, they usually give you nice food and then they knock you out and throw you in the river. [Henry] WELL HENRY DOESNT KNOW THAT! [GM] He hasn't done speakeasies like Sammy has!!

[Sammy] I'm noticing that this guy actually looks really nervous, and isn't taking charge of the situation, [GM] He DOES have something that's probably a firearm in his pocket. [Sammy] Yeah, yeah, but, [Jack] It's his emotional support firearm!

[Sammy] Actually... Sammy WILL ask him if he saw it. [GM] Uh, [Sammy] Because he was RIGHT THERE looking at him. And I feel like, once you've seen it, and it does the weird thing where it gets in your head, you're not going to be confused what somebody's talking about if they ask you if you saw the yellow sign. You're going to know what that means. [GM] [GM] Are you going to say the thing...? [Sammy] Have You Seen The Yellow Sign?

[Henry] Henry is half-considering... [Sammy] *manically excited* DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THE THORN OUT OF THIS LION'S PAW, HENRY???

[Henry] You haven't been able to think straight since, have you? [GM] He kind of squints at you, because he's a gangster and he doesn't want to be like "D: YEAH, ITS BEEN REALLY ROUGH :(" [Joey] *laughs* Henry IMMEDIATELY knows this look, because Joey does this as well!

[Sammy] Push the roll!! Push push push! [Henry] *nervous* I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO PUSH IT,,, [Sammy] WE'RE ALREADY KIDNAPPED! WHAT ELSE CAN GO WRONG!

[Henry] We didn't get kidnapped, so it's you guys' turn! [Joey] We have the kidnapping charm with us, also known as "Jack Fain"! [Sammy] Oh I thought it was Peter Sunstram. [Sammy] [Sammy] DO THEY STACK?

[Jack] I can't wait for us to get to these spooky occult magic shops, and it's just like, "here's a bunch of overpriced tumbled gemstones and some incense!" [GM] The first one you go to is kind of that style. [Jack] Ideal! I hope they have a really tacky fake skull. [Joey] Joey is judging the whole place.

[Joey] WAIT, wait, they took you from the bar to the restaurant, and then you got the heckin' sign out of Nero's head, and he's not even gonna offer you a ride back to the bar?!? [Henry] I think what we got out of it is "not being kidnapped". [GM] JOEY is the one with the history of talking kidnappers into giving him rides, [Sammy] I do think it would be classier if he gave us a ride. I'm with Boo on this, it would be a classy gangster move. [Sammy] With that guy they kidnapped to do music for whoever's birthday party, they dropped him back off later, but, you know, it's fine, [Joey] Show your heckin' appreciation! *exasperated* THIS IS HOW WE CAN TELL HE'S AVERAGE!! [GM] Uh, lemme roll a quick like............. etiquette roll, [Sammy] Gangster Classiness, [GM] *rolls terribly* Yeah, I think he's frazzled enough -- this is gonna reflect poorly on him later. [Joey] Wow.

[Jack] Normal success for Jack! How many terrible tacky skulls do I see? [GM] Just SO many. [Sammy] This place won't help you, buddy. [Jack] I dunno, if you buy enough tacky skulls, maybe the guy won't wanna get near you. [Henry] Just throw tacky skulls at him! [Jack] A tacky skull a day keeps the pallid mask away!!

[GM] A more discerning occult collection than the other one. [Jack] The kind of place that has the more occult things like, in a locked cabinet instead of in a heap on the counter. [Sammy] In the bargain bin, [Jack] "Box of assorted random magic junk"? Yeah, I wanna rummage my hand in that, I'm not gonna get five curses, [Jack] *laughs* I'm not even AT the other place anymore and I'm still dunking on it! [Sammy] Jack's just saying these things to Joey to like, keep his spirits up. [Joey] It would be working,

[Sammy] I am curious if the restaurant is at the same address that we remember it being on. [GM] It is the same address! The name is different. [Jack] What's the new name? [GM] Lombardi's! It was Leon's. [Henry] ... some dude got his whole name changed, [Jack] Oh man, when do they do that to me, I want a legal name change! [Jack] Bringing the Yellow King into the world to get a free transition, [Sammy] No! Don't do it! He won't transition you into a human, it'll be..... something else,

[Henry] We're gonna run over the Pallid Mask. Vroom vroom motherfucker.

[GM] You do bump into something that is unyielding. [Jack] Oh no, Jack's car! [Jack] ... and also, whatever he hit, I guess!

[Joey] Joey is immediately flipping around to grab his cane; if the guy tries to get in the car, he's going to bash him in the face! and say GET OUT!! [Sammy] Well, it worked really well for Nero, so [Henry] The guy just got hit by a car and didn't move! I don't think the cane's gonna do much! [Jack] Especially not with Joey's weak noodle arms! [Joey] Yeah but he's upset!! That this guy is trying to get in the car! He was not invited in! [GM] ...make a CON roll. [Joey] [Joey] oKEY DOKEY,,,

[Sammy] Peter now is NOT the time to astral project [GM] Luckily he doesn't have that insanity currently, or he'd already be gone! [Jack] The car stops and Pete's ghost just flies through the windshield,

[Jack] I'm losing my mind... [GM] You are! 1d6 of it!

[GM] This is kind of wild magic zone, so you get some creative license. [Joey] Hmm. Hmm! Hmmmmmm... [Sammy] Oh no, you've given Joey Drew creative license,

[Joey] But when I picked out Jack's car, it's the first car that has full safety glass in it!! [Jack] [Jack] SO EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE TO REPLACE!!!

#call of cthulhu: haunted hijinx #quote post #when in doubt just keep drawing #sammy lawrence #jack fain #henry stein #last season we were sooo careful so this season we're just JUMPING RIGHT IN

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anakinsempress · 4 months

Text

holy motherfucking shit look at him

#joe burrow #nfl #nfl football #joey b #burrow #daddy sorry daddy sorry daddy sorry #holy shitfuck #frothing at the mouth #again #so fucking hot #pray for me please #is it just me or is it getting hot in here #okay im done

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happeehippie · 4 months

Text

instagram j.b.

summary: follow along with joe and his girlfriend evie as they go through his football career.

*face claim is Yasmin Quintana*

part one. part two. part three.

breezyevie

liked by joeyb_9, lahjay10_, bengals and 34,034 others

breezyevie: shout out to the sweet lady who sent us these cookies to start the new season! we are so excited to have j with us this year! #uno

view all 1,238 comments…

user: let’s go UNO

joeyb_9: put some respect on him

> breezyevie: they’re about to find out.

user: chosen 1

user: uno finna go crazy!

> breezyevie: i see no lies.

lahjay10_: let’s work

> breezyevie: work work work work work work

user: why is no one talking about the cookies?

> breezyevie: they were so good.

user: get ready to be destroyed this season.

joeyb_9

liked by breezyevie, bengals, and 117,505 others

joey_9: “If you die without any scars then you never did anything worth fighting for.”

view all 2,009 comments…

user: marry me

> breezyevie: @joeyb_9 me first. 🥺

user: tiger king

breezyevie: it’s joe time baby!

user: ain’t that the truth

user: this your year joey b!

lahjay10_: no pain no gain

> breezyevie: wise words yoda

breezyevie

liked by joeyb_9, taylorswift, bengals and 43,298 others

breezyevie: in honor of the new season starting this sundey! it’s who dey forever.

view all 1,727 comments…

user: this our queen!

user: drop the link

> breezyevie: on my story!

user: long hair joe need to make a comeback pending your approval

> breezyevie: i approve!

user: ev over everyone!

user: time for joe to get injured

> breezyevie: time for you to be a decent human being.

joeyb_9: you’re the best

> breezyevie: my heart. 🤍

breezyevie

liked by joeyb_9, bengals, taylorswift and 289,528 others

breezyevie: Let’s do this shit. #whodey

view all 2,783 comments…

user: i feel like your personality is too dominant for clean boy joe

> breezyevie: i feel like you don’t know us

user: i am so excited for game day content! i love you!

> breezyevie: it’s coming!!

user: sis donate the jacket!

> breezyevie: but.. i love it.

user: sorry sis he’s cheating on you

> breezyevie: in your dreams?

> millyg: can’t you be more original? it’s always the cheating trope.

user: that’s her MAN!

> breezyevie: FOR LIFE

user: delete this, lmao.

> breezyevie: awe, this bothers you huh?

user: can you fight?

> breezyevie: i’m prepared. 💪🏼

user: i’m confused.. are you his gf? your page looks like a fan page.

> breezyevie: people can’t fan girl their own boyfriends? yikes, this is embarrassing for me.

joeyb_9

liked by breezyevie, bengals, lahjay10_ and 413,108 others

joeyb_9: Andddddddddd I’m back

view all 3,909 comments

lahjay10_: back like you never left

> breezyevie: cant wait to watch y’all run it back

user: in joe we trust

> breezyevie: always and forever.

user: you’re girlfriend is so average, you could do better.

> breezyevie: ouch. my fragile ego. 💔

user: ur the mvp

user: i love how ev is always in joes comments replying to everyone. she’s my favorite person ever.

> breezyevie: stop it, you’re my favorite person ever!

user: overrated af

> breezyevie: i think you mean hot af. because dayum. 🥵

user: THE JOE SHOW

breezyevie: the goat reporting for duty?

> joeyb_9: dork 🤣

bengals: He’s back!

BONUS:

liked by millyg, lahjay10_, joeyb_9 and 780,826 others

breezyevie: i love you.. and that’s the beginning and end of everything.

view all 7,283 comments…

user: omg! i just seen joes post!

user: i’m so happy i could cry!

millyg: my best friend.. you deserve this love.

user: not joe posting you for this after not posting you for like 4 years

joeyb_9: life with you is my favorite.

> breezyevie: please never change.

user: get that ring!

joeyb_9

liked by breezyevie, millyg, sam_hubbard_ and 871,038 others

joeyb_9: vibes are pretty.

view all 8,372 comments…

user: joe please i can’t handle this i have exams to study for

user: there is no fucking way he just dropped this bomb

user: the most basic caption ever

> user: yall cant ever just be satisfied. obviously its not a problem for them, let them enjoy this.

user: respectfully, this ruined my day.

user: I AM SO EXCITED

user: ev finally becoming that NFL wifey!

breezyevie: i will be smiling and giggling uncontrollably for the foreseeable future. i love you jb. 4ever.

#bengals #cincinnati bengals #joe burrow #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow insta au #joe burrow instagram #joe burrow x reader #nfl #nfl imagine

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icallhimjoey · 5 months

Note

Can we have a sweet and soft Christmas eve with Joey? Just the two of us? pretty please

this was requested at the perfect time, so thank you, and merry christmas my sluts! Wordcount: 1.7K

---

Still Love Me?

"I'm sorry, I'm not crying because I'm upset, d-don't worry, I just..."

You don't get like this very often. Usually, trying to be extra affectionate makes you scrunch your nose up, makes you squirm and laugh and cringe. Makes you push him away, not taking the extra hugs and kisses seriously at all.

Joe doesn't mind.

"What's wrong?"

It's actually nice to not always feel the need to give you more. To not be afraid that maybe you'd be upset after not immediately coming over to hug and kiss you when he'd walk in at the end of the day.

But something's different tonight.

It's likely the holiday stress that's getting to you. Nothing a pair of extra affectionate warm embracing arms won't fix.

"I thought we had more cheese, but all we've got left is this..."

You suppress a sob.

Unsuccessfully.

Joe knows the tears are only there because all of everything has come together for the perfect storm, and you're just about ready to fall apart.

It's sort of cute that it's a lack of cheese that does it, and Joe's secretly glad it's not something that he'd done or said that got you. That it's not his fault, and that he doesn't have to apologise over something unimportant.

It's fine, though, the crying.

Joe had been ready for it.

He's got steady hands and is prepared to catch whatever needs catching. Knows how to put you back together just fine.

"Why did I do this? I've got to stop sneaking things, I– look, there's no... this is all we've got..."

You've got family coming over tomorrow, and it's the first year that your place is the spot for the big get together. It's nerve-racking in new ways you didn't know existed before because you're bringing both sets of parents in, and all you want to do is make the family proud.

Be the perfect daughter.

Have the stepmothers and stepdads get along as well as all of the divorced people. All of the siblings. Step-siblings.

Fuck, there's too many people coming over.

Could you still cancel, do you think?

You just... you just want Christmas be wholesome, and festive, and cosy, full of laughter and love and just... have it be perfect.

It's almost become a bit of a passion project, and it's quite literally driven you mad.

Well. Driven you to tears, at least.

Joe looks over and sees you hold a little block of brie cheese. It's not much, and it's got a bite taken out of it.

"Wait, did you–" Joe's already smiling, because what the fuck is he looking at right now? His girlfriend's got tears in her eyes and is stood in front of the opened fridge door, holding a bit of French cheese that has teeth marks in.

Surely, you are able to imagine what this looks like from his point of view.

It's at least a little funny.

But another sob wracks from your chest and all Joe can do is step closer and wrap arms around your shaking frame.

He's allowed to laugh as he does so.

"I didn't know- I thought we had more, b-but this was all we have, and I snuck a bite last night, because I– I was peckish and just wanted a little something, and–"

"Hey," Joe leans back and gets your face in both his hands. He's still smiling. Can't not smile, because this is ridiculous, but you also look very cute. Red nose. Fat tears stuck in your eyelashes. The colour of your eyes about ten times brighter because of the unshed ones.

"We'll serve 'em dry crackers, and they'll fucking take what they're given, all right?"

You pout and hold up the evidence of your late-night-snack-run in your own kitchen from the night before. It's right in between your faces and gives Joe a chance to really see the cause of the outburst.

"Still love me?"

Joe looks at the brie a second and then lurches forward with a growl, sinking teeth into the soft cheese for a bite of his own.

"Still love you." he replies, mouth full of cheese.

You can't help the choking laugh, head cocking to the side as a defeated soft chuckle leaves you. It only makes Joe want to grab hold of you tighter.

"Hmm," Joe hums, now chewing, and he frowns. "This is good. We should–" he can't finish the sentence without laughing, knowing it's likely the wrong thing to say, but he's already started the sentence. You get a good eyeful of the cheese in his mouth, in between his teeth. "We should get more of this."

Well, you can't.

Hence the crying.

You pout once more and then groan. It's so stupid, you're well aware. You just need a bit of sleep. Your family won't hate you because there's no cheese.

And if anything, you could throw it into the group chat and are sure that at least three people have some brie to bring along tomorrow.

You really are just very tired.

"Tell you what," Joe says, now taking the little piece of cheese from your fingers, one arm still around you. "We'll finish this, have some hot chocolate and just... relax. Watch a Christmas film. Tomorrow is tomorrow and tonight is tonight, you've done enough prepping and it'll all be fine–"

"Perfect." you correct.

It's important that everything will be perfect.

"It'll all be perfect." Joe coos, voice smooth like butter.

You sniff and look at him a moment. He's still chewing. Smiling. Joe's being all playful and it's reminding you of why you love him so much. Glancing into the living room, you know Joe's right. Everything's ready. Everything's done.

It's Christmas Eve.

"Calm before the storm." you sigh, patting Joe where you're holding onto him. Then lower down, quick touch to the bum. Joe easily lets you.

"Calm before the storm." he confirms before you let go of each other. You move to collect yourself, wiping fingers below your eyes, and Joe opens a cupboard to get to mugs out and says, "And I'll go get extra cheese tomorrow, it'll be fine."

You're about to protest. Tell him that the shop you usually go to won't be open. It'll be Christmas. And everyone's stocked up already. Shelves are empty all over. But Joe sees it across your face before you can say anything and adds, "I'll find some, don't worry about it."

And so you don't.

You accept a kiss to your temple, a deep inhale of your hair and you tilt your head for a kiss on the lips. A quiet thank you.

After a squeeze of your arm, Joe gets started on the hot chocolate and you decide to see if there's anything good on TV or if it'll be Netflix for the night.

Before you've been able to make a choice, you hear mugs being filled and you scurry back into the kitchen. You get to the fridge before Joe does, which was the plan. You find the can of squirty cream amongst all of the food and drink - your fridge has never been this full. It's almost triggeringly full; so much food, yet so little cheese.

It takes you too long, and Joe joins to look over your shoulder, to see if he can spot it before you do.

He doesn't.

You find it and giggle excitedly, a little delirious (you've gone mad, remember?) as you shake it with a wild arm. Your demeanor is the opposite of what it was minute earlier.

No tears. Just manic laughter.

Makes Joe laugh just the same. His girlfriend's gone insane and, if he's honest, he's kind of into it.

You spray some cream into both mugs that Joe's filled with hot chocolate, and before you place it back into the fridge, you shake the can again.

"You just said you should stop sneaking things," Joe isn't exactly trying to stop you, but he knows what you're about to do. Feels like it's worth saying something, to maybe prevent a further break down.

It's of no use, though.

His comment makes you glance him pointed a look. It's ridiculous of him to assume you'd been serious. Of course you're not going to stop sneaking things. He doesn't see the deadpan stare you give him because he's busy placing mini marshmallows onto your drinks, but despite the advice, you go for it anyway.

You tip your head back and spray some of the cream directly into your mouth.

"My God," Joe says when you let it go for a little too long, and when he looks, he barks a laugh.

You've overdone it.

It's too much.

Well, is it ever too much? Not really. But it doesn't fit into your mouth and thus there's a problem. This is going to be messy.

With your head still tilted back, you release a small sound of panic at the inability to close your mouth and raise a cupped hand, ready to catch whatever is going to spill.

But Joe knows just the perfect fix, and he's quick.

Before you know what's happening, your boyfriend's got his hand on the back of your neck, digging in strong fingers and guiding your head forward.

Just before whatever your lips can't curl around is about to slide down your chin, Joe's mouthing at it and manages to get it all, tongue licking and lips closing around your opened ones.

What follows is a weird, full-cheeked sticky, creamy, sugary kiss that has you giggling into each others mouths.

It's still messy, but you'd easily do this again. Would it be too obvious if you just went for an insane mouthful once more?

Joe pulls back, sees he's missed a bit and doesn't hesitate to lick at the corner of your mouth, making you shriek with your mouth closed, pushing him away.

"You're gross," you say fondly after swallowing.

He's also adorably sweet, but he doesn't need telling.

Joe lets his head bobble back a little as he silently laughs, wiping at his own mouth with the back of his hand, glad to have been of service.

"Yea? Still love me?"

Tomorrow's going to be fine.

There's no cheese but for the little chunk you're about to share. It'll likely be all gone if you both have a single cracker with some on.

And there probably also won't be any squirty cream left, what with your plan to bring the can over to the sofa for top-ups after you've eaten all of it off. Or, you know, after you've sprayed more of it into your mouth just so Joe can eat it out of there again.

You families can have hot chocolate without any, and Joe's right. They'll fucking take what they'll be given and be grateful.

Or, Joe can find some tomorrow.

Somewhere.

Whatever.

You're no longer fussed.

It's Christmas. Christmas Eve.

"Still love you." you beam, because you do.

You really, really do.

---

The Taglisted

@adoreyouusugar, @alana4610, @ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @barfightzanddiscolightz, @bettyfrommars, @cancankiki, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @chrissymjstan, @choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @dylanmunson, @eddies-puppet, @electricmunson, @emma77645, @emmamooney, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @frootvelvet, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @harringtonfan4, @haylaansmi, @jasminearondottir, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @kellyxo1, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @miserybeans, @nadixq, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @roosterisdaddy36, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @thebellenouvelle, @thewondernanazombie, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

#Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn x You #Joseph Quinn x You #Joe Quinn x Reader #Joseph Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn Fanfic #Joe Quinn fanfiction #Joseph Quinn Fanfic #Joseph Quinn Fanfiction #joe quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x y/n #icallhimjoey #still love me?

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