#sorrywhatnowau fanfic

[tangledinink]

Well! It's not a Monday, and it's been a hot second. BUT!!! :3c Here! Chapter 27 of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is here! Raph and Casey finally get to have some long overdue bonding time together. Read it on ao3 or below the cut.

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“Why the hell is she ALWAYS HERE?!” Donnie cried in complaint, just barely twisting out of the path of a kunai’s bite, twisting backwards to retreat from his opponent’s assault.

“Great question. Honestly, it seems like you’re kind of obsessed with us. Sort of embarrassing,” Leo chirped in reply, grinning big as he spun into the fray, leaping in defense of his twin. The Foot Ninja easily dodged him and the sweep of his odachi, all but spitting at him in reply.

“DIE.”

“Damn, okay. Touchy,” Leo muttered.

Their opponent shrieked in response, throwing herself at her enemy, but was easily rebuffed by their father, jerking forward to shove her away from his children. Raph would admit she was an impressive fighter, but she was certainly no match for their dad. It took almost no time at all for him to pin her down to the ground, and Raph was just beginning to get a sense of deja vu when Leo heaved a great sigh.

“At least there’s only one of--”

“WHY? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!” Donnie squawked, whipping around to absolutely glare at their twin. 

And god, you would not imagine what happened just a few seconds later.

Raph managed to punch out two Foot Clan ninjas and throw another through a storefront before he came about five centimeters from being knifed, and he was finally forced to seek temporary refuge, ducking behind the cover of a nearby sunglasses kiosk to catch his breath and attempt to get his shit together.

C’mon, Raph, focus. You got this. Everyone’s counting on you. You just gotta keep it together, and figure out where the Dark Armor piece is so we can grab it and get out without anyone getting--

“Raph!” 

His younger brother’s excited, breathless cry severed his frantic train of thoughts, and his head bobbed upward just in time to watch Leo rush over to join him-- nearly skidding out in his rush. “I think I have a plan--”

Raph froze.

He swore he felt his entire body seize for just a second, his heart clenching up tight in his chest as though someone had just reached through him and grabbed it with ice cold hands.

“No,” he snapped in reply.

“What?!” Leo protested. “You didn’t even let me expl—“

“NO,” Raph hissed, harder this time. He didn’t let himself look back over at Leo, because he knew that he would just glare at him. And he knew that it would just make his body freeze up even more.

“Raph, I promise this will work, it’s—“

“Leo, STOP. I said no! What part of that don’t you get!?” Raph snarled and there was this horrendous tickling crawl running up and down his spine like there was a damn millipede under his skin, and he didn’t want to fight with Leo, so he just—

Ran.

He had to get back out into the fray sooner or later, anyway. They couldn’t just hide forever.

He didn’t wanna be angry at Leo. He didn’t wanna take things out on him. It wasn’t… his fault. Exactly. Totally? Maybe? And he didn’t wanna think about who’s fault it was, anyway, so this was easier.

He didn’t have to think about whether or not he was angry at Leo if he was taking it out on someone else.

And luckily, they were literally surrounded by evil ninjas right now. So. That was actually pretty convenient.

And yeah, okay, sure, there were a lot of them. But here’s the thing-- Raph was no scientist, but he had crunched the numbers, and he was pretty sure their dad was badass enough to count as at least two dozen ninjas, which meant their odds were actually pretty good. 

And if their dad was at least two dozen, Raph couldn’t just sit back and let himself be just one.

There were a lot of Foot Clan soldiers, yes. But they had shown up here for a reason, and it was important. And this time, they weren’t just gonna retreat. Raph knew what was at stake-- they were gonna get what they came for.

(That’s what he had told himself at the time, anyway. That was the mantra in his head the entire time-- roaring through the fray alongside his family.)

Raph had been to this mall before. In fact, he’d been to this mall lots of times before. It was overall unremarkable, but the one thing that had always stood out to Raph was the elevator. And this was because Raph had always HATED it.

He didn’t want to say afraid, per se, because that would involve him openly admitting that he was afraid of the elevator. But really, could you blame him? It wasn’t that elevators in general frightened him, it was that THIS elevator frightened him. He remembered visiting this mall back when he was small with the rest of his family and begging his Dad to let them take the escalators instead.

Because how in the world could a glass elevator possibly be safe?! And who the heck would even enjoy that!? Let alone think it was a good idea to build one?!

His first thought he had upon his body careening through the glass, shattering on impact, having been sent flying after a particularly large, brutish member of the Foot slammed into his side, was “see? I was right. This was a bad idea.”

It was pretty much the only thought he had, actually, his brain a bit too caught up in the fact that they had just been thrown through an elevator shaft to really process anything else right away.

Thank god the rest of his body didn’t need his brain in order to react.

He didn’t need conscious thought to tell him to grab onto the remaining metal edge of the elevator, clinging to the closest thing he had to solid ground with his arm as the rest of his body dangled over open air.

(What floor were they on again? The third? The fifth?)

He also didn’t need conscious thought to tell him to grab onto the girl that had been thrown with him— the girl he had been locked into combat with about ten seconds ago.

With his free arm, he bundled her up as close as he possibly could to himself, and he hung on tight.

And for half of a second, they kind of just… hung there. Raph’s feet scrabbled against the smooth surface of the panel of glass below them, surrounded on all sides by thick glass and metal save for the hole just above them that Raph was now hanging onto for dear life.

He could feel little pieces of shattered glass falling down the back of his shirt and tickling at his skin.

He was vaguely aware of screaming from up above him, and while he could pick out his family’s voices amongst that of strangers, he couldn’t quite tell what they were saying. It was hard to hear anything over the heartbeat in his ears.

He glanced down at the girl shoved up against his side. For every bit he was hanging onto her, she was hanging onto him just as desperately, fistfuls of his clothing clenched up in her fingers.

Her eyes were so big.

“Hang on,” he heard himself saying, kind of distantly in the background. “Just hang on. I’ll get us back up.”

And almost as soon as he spoke, her eyes narrowed again.

About four things happened in very quick succession over the following five seconds.

The first was the girl hoisting herself upwards by her grip on him, twisting around with shaking fingers so she could draw a knife from her belt and lunge towards the arm that was not currently wrapped around her.

The second was a flash of crimson light overhead, tickling around the edges of the elevator car that currently sat about three stories above them.

The third thing was a horrific, shrieking groan of metal, followed by a sickening snap.

And the fourth was Raph letting go of his hold on the elevator shaft.

---

Casey was honestly a bit surprised to find that she had, in fact, not been killed in the ensuing fall.

She didn’t think she was even… hurt. At least not badly.

Now that the world had stopped spinning, she began to take quiet inventory, a soft groan escaping her as she strained to gather her bearings again. When she moved, shards of shattered glass fell off of her like snow, joining the mounds of it underfoot with little clicks and clatters. Upon moving, she also realized that there was still an arm wrapped around her, pressed up so tight around her middle that it was nearly hard to breathe. But it wasn’t quite painful.

She had just fallen about four stories. And yet, she was pretty sure she wasn’t even seriously injured. No broken bones, at least. Everything could still move. She could feel her arms, her legs, her toes. She could still feel all her fingers.

She had heard her clan members yelling before. Heard the command to cut the cable. If the fall didn’t kill her, then being crushed by a falling elevator car really should have. It should have killed them both. It was supposed to kill them both.

But it didn’t. They were both alive.

Because the person she had been attempting to murder, who still had an arm wrapped around her middle, hunched over her as if to shield her, currently had them both shoved into the very corner of the elevator shaft, shoved up against the concrete walls of the lower level they now resided in.

They hadn’t been crushed because he was holding up the elevator car that should have killed them, his arms encrusted in shimmering, crystalline red light.

He was also definitely not a human anymore.

“Are you okay?” He bit out, his voice tight and strained but still soft and wobbling with concern, and Casey gaped rather than answering. He shifted slightly, readjusting his stance. His upper body was braced up against one corner of the metal panel that made up the bottom of the elevator car— creating just enough of a pocket for the two of them to take refuge in, tented beneath the wreckage up above. His long, alligator-like tail shifted as he moved, sweeping through the broken glass.

Shhhh shhhhh.

“Oh my god,” Casey responded, her eyes wide. “… You’re actually a mutant turtle.”

“What?” He bit out, his eyes just barely flickering over to her, and Casey quickly bit her tongue.

“Nothing,” she spat, bristling slightly. Jesus christ, why was she talking to him? What the hell was she even doing…?

Come on, Recruit, get it together. Focus. You’re not dead. You didn’t die. So you still have a job to do.

Though her hands were shaking horribly, she lurched a bit to grab for her belt, only to realize with a dawning horror that her kunai were no longer there. I must have lost them in the fall… She bristled for a moment, wriggling from the other’s grip just enough so that she could back away— pressing herself up against the cold concrete wall. The space they had was incredibly limited, however, and the distance she could put between them was… minimal, to say the least.

She could feel her heart beating in her chest as she patted herself down again, and then a third time, not daring to take her eyes off the enemy but at the same time searching frantically. 

She was unarmed.

And he was… a giant mutant reptile.

(And, look, she hadn’t exactly thought that Draxum was… lying, per se, but oh my lord. Seriously?)

She didn’t take her eyes off of him. And he didn’t take his eyes off of her.

“Hey, uh,” he shifted slightly beneath the weight of the elevator, wincing a bit at the press. Shattered glass shivered softly beneath him as his feet moved. “Can you, uh, not stab Raph, please…? ‘Cause that’s gonna make holding this thing up… a lot harder…”

… Ah. She supposed he had a point.

A little voice in her head said that that didn’t matter. The benefit of eliminating a member of the Hamato Clan weighed far heavier than the loss of her life would to the well-being of the Clan. Killing him, and, in turn, herself would still measure out to be a win at the end of it all.

She should kill him.

And herself.

… But she… didn’t have her kunai anyway, right? So… 

Perhaps she… wouldn’t.

She was still waiting to see if her heart rate was going to slow down any time soon, finding herself a bit annoyed with how rapidly it was still banging away in her ears, the skin there throbbing as blood raced through her veins. She kept sucking in long, steadying, calming breaths, trying to push it down, but the adrenaline had not yet run its course, it seemed. 

“I… Will not stab you,” she finally said, narrowing her eyes suspiciously, her body still tight and tense, muscles coiled. “IF… you do not make any attempts to harm me.”

She had no weapons, but he was one. Even if he was holding up a fucking elevator right now.

“Wasn’t planning on it,” he wheezed, his voice caught somewhere between a shaking grunt and a laugh, and she scowled. “You’re not hurt—?” He prodded once more.

“Don’t ask me that,” she snapped, bristling in response and clenching her jaw. She didn’t understand what benefit he thought he would reap by pretending to be concerned. She wasn’t that stupid.

And if he actually was concerned, and it wasn’t an act, then it simply meant that he was the stupid one, and nothing else.

“Alright, okay…!” He bit out, once again adjusting his grip slightly, rolling one shoulder forward slightly to shift the weight he was carrying from one side over the other. “… It’ll be alright. My family is… gonna come get us. Any second…”

“You don’t know that,” she scoffed.

“They will,” he insisted, though now his eyes shifted away— staring hollow at the corner of the little pocket they were now trapped inside of. Casey could just barely pick out the movement of his lips and tongue, ghosting some sort of whisper to himself in between his heaves of breath. Seven, eight, nine, ten…

Counting. He was counting to himself. From one to ten, and then again, and again.

“You’re hurt,” Casey said— not really asking, but rather stating. 

“’S just heavy,” he deflected. “… ‘M fine. Raph’s sturdy.” 

Raph. Right… Short for Raphael. She knew their names. Of course she did, she just… hadn’t known their nicknames until now.

Or rather, hadn’t thought of them. What would she ever care what they called each other? What they answered to?... 

… But she supposed she couldn’t actually disagree.

He was sturdy before, when he was a human.

She wasn’t sure she could find the words to describe how absolutely immovable he appeared to her now. It was equal parts impressive and absolutely infuriating. 

God. She hated to fucking look at him. Especially now, like this. 

It somehow felt like a goddamn threat. He was holding an elevator up over her head, hunched over to provide a shelter for her body, and it felt like he was fucking threatening her. 

Well, it wouldn’t work.

“I’m not afraid of you, mutant,” she snapped, her lips curling back over her teeth.

“… Alright?” He said, sounding a bit confused, and Casey bristled in offense at the audacity he had to be baffled by her completely rational statement. 

“I could still kill you,” she said.

For a long moment, it was quiet. Aside from her heartbeat. And his ragged breathing.

“… I’m not tryin’ to scare you,” he said. “… Sorry.”

There was another long moment of silence.

“What’s your name?” He asked. Casey stiffened slightly.

“I don’t have a name,” she hissed, narrowing her eyes, and then absolutely snarled when he bit out a bark of laughter in response.

“What do you mean you don’t have a name?” He wheezed. “You… You don’t gotta tell me if you don’t want…!”

“I don’t have a name,” she pressed, harder this time, narrowing her eyes— hesitating for just a second. 

“… The Foot Clan doesn’t have names. We renounce them,” she said after a moment. “…. We only take titles. They reflect our rank and our power. Names make you weaker.”

She didn’t know why she was telling him this. It was stupid. He didn’t deserve to know. Because she was angry that he would look down on her for it…? 

Because she was still mostly convinced that they would both die down here?

“… That’s sad,” he said.

“It’s not,” she said.

“It is,” he said. “… I think it’s sad. You deserve to have a name.”

“I don’t want a name.”

“What’s your title, then?”

“… Recruit.”

“Alright, then, Recruit,” he bit out, a tiny bit of a laugh still coloring his voice. “… I’m Raph. And my family is gonna get us out of here. I promise.”

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep,” she growled in response, narrowing her eyes.

“I don’t,” he assured.

And then, for a while, it was quiet again. 

“Are you actually eighteen?” He said, and Casey scoffed.

“YES!” She yelped in response. “What, you don’t think I am!? I am clearly eighteen! I am very obviously an ADULT!!!”

“No,” he admitted, grinning just the tiniest bit. “Not really.”

“You’re an idiot,” she accused.

“Yeah, people say that sometimes…” He mumbled with a huff. He shifted again, readjusting his grip ever-so-slightly and twisting his feet, and the metal groaned ominously above them. 

Just for a second, his footing slipped, and he jerked— and for just a single moment, the top of the world was falling again, and they were both about to be crushed.

His foot hit the side of the wall, and he braced, tensing all his muscles properly once more and holding steady.

Nothing fell.

The creaking up above quieted.

“… Ow,” he muttered, quietly, to himself, shakily, jerkily moving his foot again after several long seconds of both of them not daring to move or breathe— cautiously inching it away from the wall. A smudge of blood was left behind, Casey noted.

Her heartbeat had never slowed, and she was beginning to think that it never would.

“… You’re standing wrong,” she said.

“… What?” Raph bit out, glancing over at her after a long beat of silence.

“YOUR STANCE IS WRONG,” she spat, scowling slightly and fixing him with a hard glare. This is why she had to yell— no one ever wanted to fucking listen to her when she said things, and the things she said were important. “You’re going to hurt yourself or fall like that, you’re doing everything STUPID. Move your leg this way, and twist this leg out. And bend your knee, and… and move your arm over this way a little if you can. And it’ll spread out the weight better.”

At first, Casey didn’t think he was actually going to listen to her.

And then, very, very slowly, moving at a crawl, he shifted his body— following her instructions and making the corrections until he settled into place again. He was still shaking, and still panting, but just… the tiniest bit less now.

“… This is better,” he finally said.

“Of course it is,” she huffed, shifting just enough to shoot him a glare. “God. Doesn’t the Hamato Clan teach you anything?”

“Kinda,” he laughed. “… Is this what the Foot Clan teaches you? Seems… kinda… kinda niche…”

“The Foot Clan teaches me everything,” she hissed.

“Are they, like, your family?”

And Casey hesitated. Because she wasn’t sure how to answer that.

Yes, her brain said.

No, it said immediately after.

“… They are now,” she finally settled on, squaring her shoulders slightly. “Stop asking me questions.”

“Why?”

“You’re my enemy. I’m not giving you any information.”

“We ain’t got nothin’ better to do.”

“I don’t care.”

“You can ask me questions if you want,” he said. “Raph don’t mind.”

She scowled, and he shot her a weak, shaking, almost pleading sorta grin.

“C’mon,” he bade. “… ’S easier if I got somethin’ to think about.”

She narrowed her eyes, and her frown deepened.

This is to your advantage. You can get information from the enemy, right? This is good. Come on. Focus. Stop getting distracted.

“… Are you cold-blooded?”

“… What?”

“Stop making me repeat myself. ARE. YOU. COLD. BLOODED.”

“I don’t think so?” He said with a soft snort. “… I mean. Maybe? I’m not sure.”

“How do you not know?” Casey hissed.

“Well, I don’t… I don’t usually spend a lot of time in, uh… this body…!” He bit out. 

“You’re stupid.”

“Quit sayin’ that.”

“No.”

He laughed a tiny bit, shaking his head ever-so-slightly. “Why do you wanna know?”

Casey frowned. Why did she want to know?...

“… I’m just curious.”

“How old are you?” Raph asked.

“I’m eighteen. And I told you not to ask me questions.”

“You’re not eighteen.”

“I AM!!! I AM EIGHTEEN!”

“Nah! There’s no way you’re older than me!” He laughed. “You look like you’re in high school or somethin’.”

“I don’t go to school,” she growled, curling her lips with distaste. “And I am eighteen.”

“Why not?”

“I already told you,” she hissed. “I learn everything I need from my clan. Stop asking me questions.”

“Do you do, like… like, homeschooling?”

“I train.”

“You dropped out of high school?”

“I never went to high school, so I did not drop out, so there!” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “NOW STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS. I will not answer them! You are trying to get me to reveal secrets of my clan and it WILL NOT WORK.”

“I��m not! I’m not, I swear!” He insisted. “… Man, you should go to school. I feel like you’d be good at sports--”

A distant clamber of footsteps and a horrid, wrenching cry disrupted their strained conversation.

“RAPH!”

“Dad!” Casey’s companion immediately answered in kind, his head jerking slightly towards the noise. He had sounded so eerily calm up until now. “WE’RE HERE! W-we’re okay--!”

“Oh my god they’re alive--!”

“Raph--!”

“We’re coming, holy shit, it’s okay--”

“We’re gonna get you outta there, big guy, no problem, just hang on for us--!”

Everything moved really fast after that. Casey was sure they were saying other things, all speaking over each other and crying, clambering over each other and clustered about at the very edge of the elevator to peer down at them-- reassuring him, over and over and over,

‘It’ll be okay, we’ll get you out, we’ll save you, you’re okay, we’re here now, you’ll be okay.’

For some reason, everything else was kind of far off and muddy, but those things she could still hear. They sort of echoed, bounced around in her head.

And then a hand was thrust out in front of her.

She jerked back.

“Grab my hand,” the oldest of the group pressed, and it took her a second to hear him properly, but she could if she focused. “I’ll pull you out.” 

Casey bristled, pulling back slightly.

He was the only one not wearing the Hamato symbol-- but she knew he was one. 

“Don’t touch me,” she spat, and again, her hands instinctively moved towards her belt with no weapon in it, as if she had somehow forgotten her early discovery.

“I do not wish to fight you,” The Hamato insisted, his voice softening a bit, gentle and reassuring. Almost paternal in a way that Casey resented. “I just need to get you out. Please.”

“Raph ain’t tryna… complain or nothin’, but do you think you could maybe hurry up so I could get outta here, too? ‘Cause unless you wanna take a turn holdin’ this you really gotta go first--” 

Casey frowned.

She bit her lip.

She looked between the lot of them.

She could still refuse.

She could still attack. Even without a weapon. She could still do damage-- she might even be able to overwhelm the turtle one long enough that he might lose his grip.

She took the Hamato’s hand. It was warm in hers and surprisingly soft, despite the calluses and blisters. He squeezed her tight and firm, his fingers laced together with her own, and with one mighty heave, he yanked her up and out of the elevator shaft. 

And then she was out of the elevator shaft. 

And she was all by herself. Surrounded by the enemy.

There was no Foot Clan here with her. She didn’t have a little button she could press to call them. She had no weapon. It was just her and six enemies. 

Every single one of them had their backs on her, all hunched over the space she had just crawled from, focused on getting Raphael out from under the shattered fragments of the elevator car. No one was paying any attention to her. 

No one was looking at her.

They had all turned their backs.

For just a second, her breath was a stone in her throat. 

And she turned and she ran.

---

Casey sucked in a long, steady breath. And she slowly let it back out. She adjusted her stance, allowed herself half a second to readjust her footing to something slightly more comfortable-- and then mentally scolded herself for doing so. 

Focus. 

Her mother said that the key to success was discipline and repetition. That practice would bring her to where she needed to go. She should have basics like this down by now, her mother had said. “You should be able to do this by now. I don’t know how to help with that.”

Her knuckles hurt, and her body was tired, but she wasn’t weak. And she didn’t give up, either.

100 reps down. 100 more. And then maybe she’d get this right. And if she didn’t-- 100 after that. 

She would keep going until she got it right.

---

The walk home felt long.

Her body was, admittedly, feeling quite wrung-out and sore at this point, and it resented her for dragging it through the streets of New York, but Casey was quite good at tuning out its protests. No one bothered her, as they rarely did-- anyone who looked at her for too long typically thought better of it as soon as she met their eyes. She knew how to convince people to think twice before they approached her.

She was in no mood for pests on the streets.

Coward, she thought bitterly to herself. They were vulnerable, and you ran. Instead of attacking you fled. You could have at least tried. You might have been able to take one or two down, if you actually tried… 

She was certain she would have lost the fight. But at least she would have fought. 

Even managing to injure one of the Hamatos would have been more valuable than her return to the Clan. She hadn’t been surprised to find the rest of the mall devoid of life, the remaining members of her party having long fled the scene. She knew that that was what they would do. That was the correct thing to do. 

She was surprised by how it stung. She thought that she knew better than that by now.

Just a day full of disappointment, then… 

Though she was tempted to make a beeline back to their basecamp, she knew better, and she took the long way to ensure she wasn’t being followed by anyone. It was late by the time she arrived. 

Brute had turned to look at her and gasped loudly, and though Lieutenant had a bit more self-control, she noted the way his eyebrows shot up.

“You’re back!” Brute cried in celebration, immediately moving to her side, clapping her hard on the back. Casey braced herself well enough that she didn’t stumble, though she would admit that it didn’t exactly feel good. “We thought for sure you got squished!--”

“Excellent work, Recruit,” Lieutenant observed, a bit calmer as he approached, as he often was. “We’re glad you made it back in one piece.”

“My apologies, Senseis--” Casey bit out, gritting her teeth and throwing her head down into a deep bow. “I failed to eliminate any of the Hamato Clan members!!! FORGIVE ME!!!”

The two stayed quiet for a moment, and Casey swore she could hear them exchanging looks.

“Yes, well, there’s always next time.” Lieutenant assured, patting her on the head a few times. “We’re just glad you weren’t crushed in an elevator. It is so difficult to find decent ninja trainees these days… So, well done!”

“Yeah. Go hit the showers,” Brute encouraged, offering a thumbs up and a grin.

And that was about the extent of the conversation.

Casey felt oddly numb. But she wasn’t sure why. Or what she expected. 

This was praise. 

She should be pleased. So she was having a hard time figuring out… why she wasn’t. 

Despite this cloudiness, her head still shot up before Baron Draxum even spoke a word to her, turning sharply to meet his eyes. He didn’t flinch, and neither did she.

“I’m relieved to see you made it back to us,” he remarked, cool and thoughtful, tilting his head to the side slightly. “Losing you would have been quite the blow to our organization. It’s a shame that more effort wasn’t put in to retrieve you…”

Casey narrowed her eyes, her hackles raising.

“My senseis put the well-being of the mission first,” she spat in response, wrinkling up her nose.

“Yes, I suppose so… It’s just difficult to watch them not place more value into such a clear asset. It’s quite obvious to me that your experience and talent is… under-utilized here. You have a great deal of potential that doesn’t seem to be being taken advantage of…”

Casey didn’t quite untense, her jaw still held tight beneath her lips. And she frowned.

“...You think I have potential?”

---

Leo has no idea why he did this. Looking back at it later, he thought, what the fuck were you thinking? Not the time or place, moron. They had finally gotten back home, gotten Raph all patched up, and had been assured by him about eight thousand times that he was okay. It was only after eight-thousand-and-one, “no, really, Dad, I’m fine’s,” and a promise from everyone in the room to keep an eye on him while he was gone that their father relented just enough to escort April back to her own apartment, with the reassurance of “I’ll be right back.” Everyone was still pretty spooked, because duh, no shit, and he really should have just kept his mouth shut. That was obvious now.

Maybe he was just still shaken up over the whole evening. His brain wasn’t working right, or whatever. He’s not really sure. It just… it just happened. He just said things.

“How come you didn’t listen to me?”

The words had left his mouth before he had even processed them. Raph paused, glancing over at his brother, all four of them curled up together on the living room couch, and the unsteady peace they had been resting in just a second ago was suddenly gone.

“What?”

“Before, at the mall,” Leo continued, even though what he meant to say was ‘nothing, nevermind.’ “I told you I had a plan, and you wouldn’t listen to me.”

He could feel his brother stiffen next to him. There was a beat of silence, and then Raph heaved out a big, heavy sigh.

“There was-- there was a lot goin’ on, Leo. We can’t always do your plans--”

“But you didn’t even listen to it,” Leo pressed. “You wouldn’t even let me tell you what I was thinking.”

“Leo--”

“I had a plan,” he insisted, his mouth working all on its own. “If we had-- if we had had a plan instead of just rushing in, maybe things would have-- I dunno, have gone better?”

“It’s not--”

“If we had a plan maybe you wouldn’t have gotten hurt. You could have-- you could have gotten for-real hurt, Raph!”

“Leo, st-”

“I don’t understand why you don’t trust me enough to at least list--”

“Trust you?” Raph snapped, whipping around to glare at his younger brother. Up until now, his voice had been strained, but now it was sharp and jagged, and he absolutely bristled. Leo found himself shrinking under his gaze. “Leo, how the hell are you gonna look at me and ask me to trust you right now?! The last time I trusted you, you almost died! You tried to freakin’ kill yourself! And you expect me to trust you!?”

Leo blinked in surprise. For a moment, he floundered, his mouth gaping slightly.

“Look, that was different! And I was the only one with a plan--”

“That doesn’t mean it was okay!” Raph cried.

“I--I mean. That plan went wrong, but I thought I was gonna be--”

“No you didn’t!” Raph bristled. “You didn’t think you were gonna be okay and you know it! You knew it was risky the entire time, so don’t try and tell Raph otherwise! I might’a been dumb enough to go along with it the first time, but I’m not dumb enough to believe that now!!! So just drop it, okay?! I’m not talkin’ about this with you anymore!”

Leo opened his mouth. And then he closed it again.

‘Cause he didn’t really… know what else to say. 

“Alright,” he finally said, looking down at his feet. Raph looked like maybe he still had more, but he bit his tongue, casting a long look at Leo before he finally tore himself away and stalked off. Mikey looked between the two groups, hesitating a moment, before he followed after their eldest brother with a weak ‘wait up.’

And for a moment there, it was just Donnie and him, sitting together in the awkward silence. Eventually, Leo found it in himself to speak again, laughing awkwardly, a bit bitterly, and hunching his shoulders.

“What the hell was that? Is he-- is he seriously not even gonna listen to me anymore?”

“Can you actually blame him?” Donnie said dryly, raising a brow, and Leo gawked.

“What do you mean can you blame him!? I have good ideas--”

“So?” Donnie scoffed, shrugging a bit. “It doesn’t matter if you have good ideas if they lead to you dying.”

Leo groaned loudly, rolling his eyes. “Look, I didn’t try to kill myself--”

“You kind of did,” Donnie cut off. “I mean. I understand that wasn’t your base intention, but we’re not stupid, Leo. You very obviously oversold your ability to get back down safely. You could barely stand after the Battle Nexus, and you thought you were going to be able to aim and land in a little pool of water? Not to mention that at that height, you would have been seriously injured even if the plan was entirely successful. We only went along with it because you were deceptive in what it entailed. And you could have died. Quite easily. And I don’t believe for a second that you didn’t know that,” he accused, though his tone was even and eerily calm, narrowing his eyes at the other.

Leo felt this little shiver run up his spine, and he wrapped his arms around himself. Suddenly, his feet were very interesting.

“I didn’t-- I didn’t think I would die--”

“Doesn’t matter,” Donnie dismissed. “It wasn’t okay. And just because you didn’t think you would die from this crazy, risky, self-sacrifice-y plan doesn’t mean you won’t. Or that you won’t in the next one, or the next one. So look. We’re not playing that game,” he said, his voice cold. “We’re not doing that again. So no. We don’t trust you. Obviously, we don’t trust you. You’re our brother, and we love you dearly. And that’s why we can’t trust you.”

Oh. Ow. Why the fuck did that hurt so bad? Leo’s stomach flip-flopped, and for a second, he bristled in retaliation, giving a soft little scoff.

“As if any of the rest of you wouldn’t try to pull off the same thing if you had the chance! Don’t stand there and pretend like I’m the only one in the family for a penchant for dramatics! You jumped on Angie before, too!” He hissed, throwing up his hands. “You guys would all try to take the bullet, too!”

Donnie shrugged.

“Yeah. Maybe. But I wouldn’t trick the rest of you into setting it up.”

Leo grit his teeth.

“We all trusted you. And we went along with your plan,” Donnie continued, his voice hard. “We helped you. And you almost died. You could have died,” he pressed. “You’re important to us, Leo. How do you think the rest of us would have felt?”

Donnie’s brows furrowed.

“How do you think I would have felt? Or Raph?” He challenged. “How do you think Angie would have felt? Good Galileo, how do you think Angie feels right now?”

Leo kept quiet, considering this for a second, rolling the thought around in his head. And he didn’t like it.

He was suddenly getting the feeling that he had fucked up really bad over a month and a half ago, and it was just now sinking in.

“Look, I know you want to protect us,” Donnie said, crossing his arms over his chest. “We get it. Raph gets it. Of course Raph gets it, have you ever met the guy? He’s basically the world’s number one advocate for any and all ‘protect my brothers’ campaigns,” Donnie scoffed. “But that doesn’t mean that you can just throw yourself around as an expendable variable. If he hadn’t caught you, you know how much that would kill him.”

Leo groaned softly, burying his face in his hands. “Aw, man…” He muttered. “Maybe I do need a therapist…”

---

“Cut it out,” Raph said, hooking out a hand to grab Leo’s ankle as he ran past him, promptly sending his younger brother stumbling down to the ground. Leo squeaked in surprise as he fell, turning to huff and give his brother an annoyed glare.

“Why?!”

“‘Cause I said,” Raph replied easily, a teeny little grin growing on his face. “And I’m in charge.”

And it was true.

I mean, really, he had been ‘in charge’ lots of times in the past, frequently tasked with ensuring his little brothers didn’t wander off or do anything dumb. But he hadn’t ever, in all his memories, been in charge like this. Never all by himself.

He wasn’t the only one excited, he knew. All three of his brothers were nearly bouncing off the walls with joy at the prospect of being left home alone for the first time. Finally! At long last! The day every pre-teen waited for… they had the house all to themselves for the whole evening with no supervision. No babysitter or neighbor watching them for the night while their Dad was out… Just him and his brothers with a whole empty house to themselves. They could do whatever they wanted, and they had every intention of taking full advantage of the situation, like a reasonable child might.

“That’s not a good reason!” Leo protested with a scoff. 

“Well, the other reason is you’re startin’ to piss Donnie off,” he hummed, releasing his grip on the other’s leg, allowing him to squirm away. Donnie was happy for the reprieve of being chased by his twin, climbing over Raph and hopping up onto the couch behind him, grabbing the nearest blanket to wrap around himself like a shield and sulk. Leo sighed loudly, rolling his eyes, clearly displeased with the end of his game, but he didn’t protest either, sitting himself back up. 

“I got snacks!” Mikey announced proudly as he came bounding down the basement stairs, his arms filled with just about every form of junk food that they had in the house, and even some that Raph hadn’t even known that they had in the house. He dumped the loot down on the coffee table, and the brothers all immediately dug in, each grabbing at chips, Capri Suns, and ice cream containers and laying their claim.

“What are we gonna watch?” Mikey asked excitedly, curling up on the couch, bouncing up and down in place.

“Whatever we want,” Raph replied smugly from his own placing on the floor, continuing to scroll through the channels, remote in hand. “We just gotta find somethin’ that looks--”

“OH!” Leo gasped from the couch, jumping slightly and pointing at the TV. “Let’s watch the new Batman movie!!! Look! It’s barely even started!!!”

Mikey hesitated for a second, his brows knitting. “But Dad said we’re not allowed to watch that,” he fret.

“Which is exactly why we should!” Leo had countered. “We’re home alone. We can watch whatever we want. Besides, Batman is cool!”

“Do you think we’d get along with him if we met him?” Mikey questioned with a thoughtful sigh.

“Maybe,” Donnie said, shrugging a bit.

Raph furrowed his brows just a bit as he deliberated. Hm. Well. Leo did make a pretty compelling argument. They were home alone. Therefore, they could do whatever they wanted! Besides, he wasn’t afraid of a dumb movie, especially not a superhero movie. 

“Alright. Batman it is!” He agreed, clicking definitively on the remote to select the channel before tossing it aside. 

And goddamn, did he feel cool.

That lasted for maybe about forty minutes.

And the movie was cool! I mean. At first. But then evening had turned into night, and it had gotten dark outside. Even worse-- it had begun to rain. It rained hard, too, and Raph heard thunder rumble off in the distance, shaking the house ever so slightly. And the further into the plot of the movie they got, the more Raph began to understand why it was rated “R.”

They watched the whole thing, with all four of them frozen in place the whole time. It wasn’t until the credits rolled that Raph finally swallowed, turning his head slightly to glance at his younger brothers.

He was almost relieved to see that they were about as terrified as him. It wasn’t a scary movie, per se, there were no jump scares, it was just…

That was really messed up, what the Joker did to those people!!! Okay!?

Mikey was absolutely clinging to Leo for dear life, his eyes lined with tears, and Donnie had all but disappeared under his blanket, peering out cautiously from within. Even Leo looked shaken, even as he swallowed, forcing a very shaky, half-hearted laugh.

“Whoa. That was… cool,” he forced, even though he looked sort of like he was going to throw up. “Right, guys--?”

Thunder cracked outside and all four of them jumped. Mikey straight up shrieked, burying his face against Leo’s shoulder, and Raph had half a mind to leap up and throw himself into a pile with his brothers and hide there. 

But he steeled himself, just barely catching his nerves before they launched him into a panic, his hands curling into determined fists. 

He was in charge. Remember?

“It’s-- it’s just the storm, guys. It’s alright,” he tried to soothe, fighting to keep his voice steady. “It’s fine--!”

“THEY BURNED A GUY’S FACE OFF!” Mikey wailed tearfully in response, and Raph winced.

“Mikey, chill! It’s just a movie!” Leo insisted, a nervous grin on his face. “I mean. N-none of it’s, like, real, or anything!”

“What if it was?!” Mikey squeaked. “What if it’s based on a true story or something!? Or what if someone else watches it and it inspires them to break into people’s houses and put bombs in their chests!? And what if they come here and cut us open and put bombs in our chests!?”

“That’s… Highly improbable,” Donnie bit out, and Mikey whimpered.

“But it could happen!!!”

Raph grit his teeth, inhaling deeply, and then slowly letting the breath back out.

“It’s gonna be fine, Mikey. Leo’s right. It was just a movie. You don’t gotta be scared,” he insisted. He could tell his brothers weren’t quite convinced. He scooped up the TV remote again, switching the television over the cartoons. It was just re-runs of something they had seen before, but what did it matter? “Here. Hang on. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going!?” Mikey squealed.

“Raph’ll go double-check to make sure no one can get in,” he said. “So you guys know for sure we’re safe. Alright? I’ll be right back.”

Mikey whimpered, but none of them had protested, watching with wide eyes as he approached the stairs. And if Raph was being totally honest with himself…? He really didn’t wanna go up there.

‘Specially not by himself.

But he had little brothers to protect. A part of him told him that they weren’t in any danger, but another bit said what if they were?! What if Mikey was right and someone came and broke into the house or something!? 

He was in charge. Dad left him in charge. And he had to make sure that they were all safe and could handle anything that came their way.

So that meant he had to go double-check. 

Biting the insides of his cheeks, he made his way up the stairs.

Somehow, the house seemed darker than usual, even though it was just the same as it always was. Rushing slightly, Raph hurriedly made his way to the front door to check it. And, just as he had expected, it was locked. Just like it was supposed to be. The back door was locked, too, and Raph sighed softly in relief. 

He checked all the windows, all the way up to the attic on the fourth floor. He checked every single room to make sure there was no one hiding inside, either. He grabbed blankets from each of their beds, as well as one of his stuffed teddy bears, and did a final sweep on his way back down to the Lair.

“It’s okay!” He assured as he made his way back down the stairs, re-joining his younger brothers. “I checked everything, and there’s no way anybody could get in!”

“Are you sure!?” Mikey questioned, his eyes wide. “What if someone tries to break in or something?”

“I’m sure,” Raph assured firmly. “Raph checked all the locks. And the windows! And look. I got extra blankets and stuff, too,” he added, tossing the covers over the couch and over top of his brothers. “Here. You guys scoot over, and we can play Mario Kart until Dad gets home,” he said, glancing down at his siblings with a grin. “And once he’s here, no one would be dumb enough to mess with us anyway! So don’t worry.”

---

For the thousandth time in this day alone, Yoshi wondered if it would be wiser to pull his children out of school, out of all their various sports and extracurriculars, and keep them home instead, with him, where it was safe. Or at least safer. Where he could keep his eyes on them and know that, if nothing else, he could act should anything happen. They would have more time for training, too, he sometimes noted, but that thought alone made every nerve in his body twist in on itself. 

How could he do that to them? The thought of keeping them here, away from school and from friends and from hobbies, and training instead made him feel sick to his stomach. The idea of training alone made him sick. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was his eldest child falling away from him.

He had tried at least a dozen times now to say, “no, no more of this, I won’t allow you to be involved any longer,” and every time his (darling, wonderful, beloved) bullheaded children resolutely denied him and insisted that they would find a way to be involved whether he liked it or not. And while he hemmed and hawed over somehow taking more drastic measures to keep them safe, over how he could possibly achieve this and if it was possible to do so without them resenting him for the rest of their lives, time marched on with the same degree of stubbornness. 

It was impossible not to feel like he was running out of time.

The apartment was too quiet. He resented himself for being in the safety of it when his children were not, even if they left of their own volition. 

Yoshi sighed deeply, and found himself sinking down into his reclining chair before he even knew he was doing it. Internally, he scolded himself. There were things that needed to be done; housework that needed doing, phone calls that needed to be placed, and children out in the world that he had to keep track of, even if they weren’t home at the moment… (All the more reason to stay on his toes…) but honestly, he was just…

Tired.

It had been some time since he had been able to sleep at night, and he was beginning to think that melatonin was a scam or something. How could he sleep? How was he meant to sleep at night with everything looming over him, dripping wetly down his spine, burning and hot and threatening…? When the safety of both the world and his family hung in the balance, and each were equally as precious…? He grumbled softly to himself, leaning his head back and staring up at the ceiling, glowering at it as though it were personally responsible for the current state of his world.

He had only intended to sit for a while. Just to take a moment to rest, to get a chance to breathe before he got up again and continued with all the things he still had to be on top of… 

But he must have fallen asleep.

Because the next thought he had was,

Oh. This hasn’t been familiar for a while.

Not just the place-- he hadn’t been here in many, many years. This long, endless expanse of inky darkness, somehow warm and cozy despite the utter, infinite darkness of it all. He could hear whispers off in the distance, just barely tickling up against the edges of his brain. He hadn’t been in this place in a long time.

But it was also him. Looking down at his own hands, outlined in this soft white light, he noted the differing shape to him. How the wrinkles were gone from his knuckles, and each digit instead extended out smooth and slender, calloused but confident, and yet perfectly manicured.

He didn’t have to look to know that the rest of him was this way, too.

It almost felt odd to be back in the body he had inhabited in his twenties; to look like Lou Jitsu the Actor again, to feel like him. Back before the mutation. Back before the Nexus-- to feel like a young man with a career and dreams and ambitions, to be that person once more who had broken away from their family and escaped, and who held onto all the hurt and guilt of it, but who kept moving anyway. That person that he used to be, but couldn’t be anymore.

It almost felt odd. But somehow, it didn’t-- not quite. He noted it, was aware of it, and thought to himself, hm. This is certainly interesting… But really, it didn’t feel all that strange to him. It felt completely natural. 

He felt so calm. He was sitting here, surrounded by nothing but darkness and his own aura, a halo of snow white silhouetting him. His body was different from what it had been a few moments ago, but he felt completely at peace. That almost felt odd, too, but still didn’t quite. It didn’t bother him that his body was different now. If anything, it was a comfort.

He wondered for a second why in the world he was here again, after so much time, when a voice rang out from behind him.

“Welcome back, Yoshi.”

Blinking in surprise, Yoshi turned to face the other occupant of his dream.

[ next ]

#tw mention of suicide #sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fic #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #tmnt 2k18 #rottmnt raph #rottmnt casey jones #rise casey #rise cassandra #rise raph #rottmnt human au #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fanart #tw suicide mention #fidgetwing

[tangledinink]

I told y'all I was still working on this project! >:3c Chapter 26 of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is out! Thank you so so so much to everyone recently who's taken the time to comment/send asks/etc etc etc, it makes me very happy... ; w ; The Hamatos are slowly improving upon their ninja skills, and the latest mission goes off without a hitch...! Mostly...? Read it on ao3 or below the cut.

[ prev ]

If you had tried to describe this scene to April a few months back, there’s no way she would have ever believed it. Hell, if you had tried to describe it to her a few weeks ago, she still probably wouldn’t have believed it, because the concept was just so… alien. Even after she knew about her brothers’ ‘mutant origins,’ it still felt alien. She couldn’t help but see them as anything but… people! Those were just her brothers. And the right way to see them was just the way she had always known them; as humans. And seeing them in ‘turtle mode,’ as Mikey had taken to calling it, felt so strange and uncomfortable. Not just because she wasn’t used to it, but because she knew that they weren’t used to it, and the way they had held themselves just always seemed so… unhappy. Like their own skin was burning them. She couldn’t help but look at them and the way they moved and how they held themselves and think, oh my god, they’re sick. Something is wrong. I have to help them. I have to take care of them. 

But jesus, the way Mikey moved now? It was the most natural thing in the world. It was like he had been this way his entire life, and he couldn’t possibly seem more comfortable or at ease. All April could really think was, wow. He’s in his element, isn’t he?

She had been vaguely aware of this new ‘thing’ the guys were working on for a while, but this was the first time they actually tried it out for-real-for-real, out in the field, on some low-stakes outing. There wasn’t even a Dark Armor piece here or anything; they were just staking the place out because Foot Shack merchandise trucks came in and out of this parking garage a lot, and they were looking into it, just in case. Just practice, more than anything, with Raph leading the way and Yoshi once again on standby…

It was just so fluid. April watched in silent awe as her littlest brother slipped in and out of two different bodies like water, seamlessly transitioning from one to the other as he moved. Five fingers would be conjured to undo a latch on a grate, and then tucked back away again as if they had never been there. He’d flit from form to form to match each shadow and blend in. 

At one point, even, when they were ascending a fire escape, making their way up to the roof to get a bird’s eye view, Mikey misstepped and he slipped-- and he fell. Every single person had jumped for a moment, and April could tell that all her brothers were about ready to dive after him. She was, too.

But they didn’t need to.

He was tucked into the safety of his shell before he even hit the ground.

And by the time the hard carapace was bouncing back up after smacking against the pavement, eliciting only a short clack with the impact, he was a human again, his feet under him, jumping back onto the fire escape to catch up again as if nothing had ever happened.

Raph and Leo were doing it, too, but… God. Not like Mikey.

But April had to admit-- even Raph and Leo were beginning to get the hang of it. They all were.

Well… All of them except for Donnie.

“You know,” she mumbled at some point once they got to the top of the roof, heaving her way upwards. Donnie reached over to grab her arm, helping hoist her the rest of the way up. “If either of us fell, we’d be totally screwed.”

“Yes, well,” they muttered in a deadpan. “Just trying to offer some solidarity to you, our sole human team member. I know it must be very difficult to be a minority.”

April scoffed softly, but didn’t push it.

Leo grinned big, stretching his arms over his head as the whole group made their way up to the rooftop. “Okay, uhhh, I don’t wanna jinx it--”

“Then don’t--” Donnie hissed.

“But this is actually going, like, really well?”

“Why would you say that?” Donnie sighed deeply, shaking his head. 

“Oh, psh. As if you believe in all that, anyway,” Leo scoffed, waving him away with a flick of his wrist. “I’m just saying, like, we’re kind of being badasses!”

“All we’re doing is sneaking around an empty parking garage,” Donnie pointed out dryly, quirking a brow as he crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not exactly high stakes.”

“See, Dee, this is your problem,” Leo sighed, shaking his head as he placed a hand on his hip. “You’re always focused on the negatives…!”

“Both of you shut up,” Raph said. “Leo is right--”

“HAH! Suck it--”

“Shut up,” Raph pressed, smacking a large palm over his little brother’s face in order to quiet him. “He’s right that we did good. Or. Well. We’re doin’ good so far. And Dee, nice job figurin’ out the bracelet thing! It’s way easier to swap back and forth without having to actually take it off.”

Donnie puffed up his chest a bit, seeming smug. “Yes, well, it isn’t a terribly complicated mechanism, it just took a bit of studying for me to unravel, truly no great feat--”

“Don’t get carried away,” April mumbled, leaning over to hip-check her brother briefly. Donnie huffed.

“Sooooo… now what do we do?” Mikey asked, turning to glance over the side of the roof, resting his elbows on the ledge. “‘Cause, uhhh, no offense? But this place is… suppperrrr boring!”

“Well,” Raph said, seeming a bit unsure of himself. “We, uh… We didn’t find anything evil or anythin’. Which is good! So I guess we…”

“Document the hell out of everything!” Donnie declared happily, moving to join Mikey’s side with a grin. “Snag pictures of the layouts, all exits and entrances, stairwells, and anything else that may be pertinent, and I can reverse engineer blueprints of the entire place with some beta software I have back home-- this would be the perfect chance to try it out. And then, if anything evil does ever happen here, we will be completely prepared!”

“Uh, yeah!” Raph agreed after just a beat of hesitation. “What Donnie said! That’s what we’re doing.”

“Impeccable leadership as always, dear Raphala,” Donnie sang, wasting no time at all in slinging his backpack from his back, beginning to unpack a cacophony of tech. “Now, I have HD, nightvision, two different drones, one macro and one micro, body cams, magnetic sonogram machines, patent pending, and a RED, which no, Mikey, you may not touch--”

“Aw, what!? No fair!”

“Ask Dad for your own!”

“But you already have one--”

April sighed deeply, rolling her eyes and resisting an exasperated smile. Oh boy. Donnie came prepared prepared.

That meant… This might take a while.

---

Casey had been told her entire life that she was too loud.

So she was well aware of the fact.

Her mother had told her, back when she was in contact with her. Her teachers had told her, back when she went to school. And her Senseis had told her, too, over and over again, gently informing her each time her volume got away from her that she needed to dial it back a bit. She was aware. She knew she was too loud.

But no one ever had anything to say when she was quiet.

Because she was capable. She had dedicated years of her life training to be a ninja-- obviously, she could be quiet. And really, she had always known how to be quiet. She had been good at it ever since she was small. 

It was just that when she was quiet, no one ever had anything to say.

No one ever looked at her when she was quiet.

She’d fade away.

So it was easy, really, to find hiding places around the Foot’s hideout any time she had free time on her hands to burn away. She was quite good at tucking herself into little cracks and crevices, and always had been. The layout of their base really only lent to this. And she had only gotten better at it as time passed.

Perched up on the catwalk, curled up small and bent over, she could watch members of the Foot returning from their latest mission, greeted excitedly by the rest of their clan. They had been gone for some time now-- one of the many elite strike teams sent out to fetch more far-flung armor pieces. They weren’t all just conveniently clustered in New York, after all. 

They had started sending these teams out months ago. And now, one by one, they all slowly returned, each with another piece of the armor in hand to add to their growing collection.

Every day, they got closer. She could feel the energy in the air, ever pitching higher and sharper the closer they got to their goal. Even her senseis were infected by it, brighter than she had ever seen them before.

And that was amazing. That was wonderful.

She remembered the praise she had gotten after that one mission-- after she faced down the Hamato Clan in a department store of all places. How pleased they had been with her. And god, that had been amazing.

But now she simply resented its absence. 

And even though she had always known that there wasn’t really any chance that she’d be sent to join any of these special teams-- to be sent out to join them in the field and contribute to something greater, to be a true part of the clan and show them what she could do… 

Every time another came back, it just sealed the reality of the matter that that door had closed. And she wasn’t going anywhere.

---

“Donnie, seriously--”

“What!? Do you want the 3D model to be accurate, or don’t you!?” He cried, whipping around to face her, and April groaned loudly, dragging her hands down her face.

“Why do we need a 3D model again!? Just make a blueprint!”

“Ah, yes, well, I could…” Donnie said, spinning on his heels with a grin. “But why have an inferior, two-dimensional recreation of a space when I could make a far superior, three-dimensional recreation!? That’s a whole entire other dimension!”

“Donnie!” April barked, scowling. “We have been here for hours. Do you have any idea what time it is?!”

“No, not really.”

“Well how about you check!?”

“Fine, fine, yes, the time is approximately-- Oh, sweet Galileo. Is it actually that late?”

“Yes!” All four of his siblings chorused, and Donnie scowled, a little pout blossoming on his face.

“... But… My model…”

“Donnie, you’ve already documented nearly every square inch of this place--”

“I’m sure the model will be fine, Purple,” Yoshi’s voice crackled over the radio. “It is time to go home.” 

Donnie sighed deeply, giving a dramatic heave of his chest… but he reluctantly began to pack his gear away. “Okay, okay, fine. I will concede. But if there comes a time when we are in desperate need of a one-hundred-percent accurate third-dimensional model of this establishment, I hope you will all be prepared to eateth thy--”

“Shush. We’re on a stealth mission, remember?” Raph muttered, swiping at his head lightly. “C’mon, you guys. Leo, wake Mikey up, let’s go.”

Leo sighed, allowing the video he was playing on his phone to wrap up before he pocketed it, beginning to nudge his younger brother, curled up and slumped against him.

“C’mon, Angie, we’re going home,”

“Whaaaaa…” Mikey mumbled, blearily beginning to open his eyes-- blinking away the few stray rays of orange light that fluttered around his eyelashes even when he was just dozing. “Did we… win…?”

“Yep, we totally won. C’mon. Get up.”

Raph sighed deeply. “Do you want me to carry--?”

“No! I can do it!” Mikey woke up properly now, quickly scrabbling up to his feet. 

April sighed deeply. “My parents are going to kill me for being out this late,” she grumbled. “And when they kill me, I’m killing all of you, just for the record!”

“Don’t kill me! Kill Donnie!” Leo protested.

“Oh, like any of you were keeping track of time and keeping him from going totally Donnie about this whole thing!”

“Hey--”

“Neither were you,” Mikey pointed out, and April scowled, grinding her teeth.

Dammit.

She hated when he had a point. 

“Whatever. C’mon, let’s get out of here,” she said with a huff. “You good, Donnie?”

“All set,” he replied, tossing his bag back over his shoulder. “Let us bounce.”

And so they did. 

The good news was that Leo was getting a lot better about this whole portalling thing with the help of the weird mystic sword he had! Which was cool, so the commute home? So do-able! 

The bad news was that it was still way past her curfew. She quietly cursed herself for letting them be out so late. She hadn’t even realized the time until she glanced at her phone and noticed all the texts… and the missed calls.

“You good, April?” Raph questioned, frowning a bit as she hurriedly gathered her things, having traded her certified Ninja Gear for street clothes, quickly shoving things into her bag and toeing on her shoes.

“I’m fine, it’s all good,” she muttered.

“Do you want me to walk you home…?” Yoshi questioned, his brows furrowed. “I’m sure I could talk to your parents--”

“It’s fine, Yosh. Don’t worry about it. They’re chill! They probably, like… barely noticed I’m late!” She said, forcing a smile.

“Alright, well, if you need anything--”

“Right! Got it, thanks, bye!” She chirped, throwing herself out the door and slamming it shut behind her before she could look at their sad, guilty faces any more. Ugh. It wasn’t their fault, really. I mean, it was, but no more than it was her own. 

I should have set an alarm, she thought bitterly.

On a stealth ninja mission? So it can go off in the middle of you trying to sneak past a bad guy or something? Yeah, brilliant plan, she thought immediately after.

When April quietly crept back into her own apartment, slipping her key into the side door, the house seemed quiet. The kitchen lights were off, and there was no screaming or yelling right off the bat. That was a good sign.

The living room lights, however, she could already see from here… were on. That was a less good sign.

Drawing in one last deep breath, she darted the rest of the way inside, bumping the door closed with her hip.

“Hey, guys, I’m home…!”

“April!” Her mom responded to the call almost immediately, and half a second later, April was no longer alone in the kitchen. Warm yellow light flooded the space as a light switch was clicked on, and April winced slightly, blinking a few times to adjust. “There you are-- where in the world have you been?! Do you have any idea what time it is?!”

“Uh, yeah, my bad!” She laughed nervously, throwing her hands up as if to surrender. “Kinda lost track of time, uh, I was just over at the Hamatos doing homework and stuff…”

“Oh, were you?” That was her dad, now, and April winced a tiny bit at the tone he used, which meant that she had fucked up. “Because we went over knocking on their door ten minutes ago to come and get you, and no one answered.”

Oop. Fuck. 

“Oh, yeah, we ran over to the corner store to get some snacks, so…?”

“In the middle of the night? By yourself?” Her mom protested, and April huffed softly, rolling her eyes.

“Uh, no? I literally just said that I went with the Hamatos--”

“Hey! Watch the attitude, miss,” her dad immediately cut in, and April winced. “I don’t think you have any room to be being huffy at us when you’re coming home two hours past curfew, and wouldn’t pick up your phone… Do you have any idea how many times we called you!?!”

“I’m sorry!” She said, throwing up her hands. “I forgot I had it on silent, I just, I wasn’t looking at the clock…!”

“For two hours?” Her mom cried. April bit the inside of her cheek, feeling her stomach flip-flop in response to the slight crack in her mother’s voice. “April, baby, you-- you can’t do that! This isn’t okay!”

“It was an accident--!”

“You can’t just disappear!” She continued. “You can’t just leave us not knowing where you are, we can’t--!”

“I know! I know, I’m sorry, okay? It was an accident!” April pressed, her face flushed. “I know, okay? I really, really didn’t mean to…! I just… I wasn’t paying attention. Okay?”

She frowned, wrinkling up her nose and glaring at her feet.

“Sorry.”

For a few long moments, the kitchen was silent. 

Her father heaved a long, shuddering sigh.

“No more phone on silent,” he finally said. “When we text or call you, we expect you to answer right away. Understood?”

“... Yeah. Okay,” April grumbled softly, kind of toeing at the kitchen tile. She was sure Donnie could help her… figure out a way to make that work when they were out on missions and stuff… 

“And this is the last time you miss curfew,” he added in, his eyes narrowed. “Full stop. We are not doing this again. Understood?”

“... Yeah.”

“April.”

“Yes. Understood, Dad,” she sighed loudly, tilting her head back and resisting the urge to roll her eyes, frustration prickling at her stomach. 

“... Go to bed,” her dad finally said, his arms still crossed over his chest. “And you come straight home after school tomorrow.”

“Wha-- but Dad! I was gonna--”

“Do not argue with me April O’Neil,” he snapped. “Bed. Now. We’re not discussing this any further.”

April really, really thought about discussing it further.

But she didn’t.

For a lot of reasons. One being that she valued her life and freedom.

The other being that she couldn’t stand to look at her mom’s face anymore. Not when she was staring at her like that.

It wasn’t like she had never lied to her parents before. Of course she had! What teen doesn’t? She had fibbed about plenty of things before. Yes, I did brush my teeth already. No, I didn’t unlock all the parental controls on the computer. Yes, I am going to Bailey’s to study for chemistry and not anywhere else or for any other reason. Etc. etc. etc. 

But she had never lied… like this before.

April ground her teeth, kicking her door shut as she threw her bag down, flopping down onto her bed and burying her face into the nearest pillow with a scowl. She suddenly felt unwelcome tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, and she tried to will them away, though with mixed success. 

A little part of her thought, they’d understand if you explained everything to them.

But a much larger part of her said, are you literally insane? 

Because, really… how do you explain something like this? How would she even begin? What would she say? And even if she did try, even if she did think it was a good idea, even if she did want to, she…

She couldn’t.

Because it wasn’t her secret to tell. 

April had known Raph, Donnie, Leo, and Mikey since she was six. She used to go over to their house every day after school until her parents came home. Their families went on day trips together. They celebrated holidays together. Her parents knew the Hamatos nearly as well as they knew her. They had always had this… weird, amazing blend of Hamato and O’Neil, pressed close in such a way that it was hard to see where one started and the other began sometimes.

And she had always loved that. She had always adored this.

But she had never felt a pull like this before.

She had never felt like she had to choose between being an O’Neil or a Hamato before.

---

“Daddy!” April shrieked.

She waited a moment, pausing to see if she’d get a reply, but after five seconds passed without a response, she breathed in deep, repeating the call with the volume cranked up.

“Daddy!”

That one worked. Her dad’s head popped out from the apartment a moment later, peering through the door that was always kept propped open when she played in the alley like this. “I’m comin, I’m comin, baby, hang on--”

“Come look!” April bade, waving her arms hurriedly. “Hurry up!”

“I’m hurrying! I’m hurrying!” Her dad laughed, quickly toeing on some sneakers before venturing out into the concrete jungle, half-jogging his way over to where she was crouched in the alley, moving to squat down next to her.

“What? What is it?”

“Lookit what I found!” She squeaked excitedly, pointing to a single feather resting on the asphalt. “Look! A feather!”

“Oh, wow! Good find, sunshine.”

“Can I pick it up!?”

“... Yeah, okay, so long as you wash your hands afterward.”

April absolutely wriggled with excitement, immediately snatching the feather up from the ground, turning it over in her hands a few times to examine. One side of it was this pale, cloudy gray, all fluffy and soft, but the other side was a sleek, shiny shade of cobalt blue. Just holding it made her grin, and she looked up at her dad with wide eyes.

“What kinda feather is it?”

“I dunno,” her dad said, shrugging a bit, resting his elbows on his knees. “But I bet we could find out.”

---

“Casey.”

Casey whined softly, curled up a bit further under the covers. Was it time for school already…? But she didn’t wanna get up…

“Hey. C’mon, Casey. Wake up.”

Wait, wasn’t it a Saturday…?

“Noooo…”

“No?”

“Noooooo.”

“What’s wrong, Case?”

“I’m sleeping, Daddy…”

“Oh, you’re sleeping?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize,” her father exclaimed with faux surprise, drawing back slightly. “Well, if you’re sleeping, and you don’t want to go hiking up on Newton Hill with me--”

Casey’s eyes shot open.

“You’re going out into the woods?!” She gasped, immediately upright in bed, her eyes wide.

“I am,” her dad confirmed, this big, wide grin growing on his face. “I was hoping you’d come with me, but, I mean, if you’re still sleeping…”

“No! No, I’m awake!” She squeaked, just barely managing to contain herself and keep her volume down. She threw her covers back, scrambling quickly from bed. “I swear I’m awake! Please can I come hiking with you?!”

Her dad laughed.

“Ah, how can I say no to that face?” He teased, reaching down to ruffle her hair. “Hurry up and get dressed, sunshine, and let’s get out of here.”

---

April gasped, jumping over her dad’s arm so that she could point at the screen of his laptop.

“That one! That’s the feather!” She exclaimed. “It looks just like ours!”

“Hmmm…” Her father hummed appraisingly, leaning into slightly to squint, before he gave a firm nod. “I do concur, April, I think that is our feather! Here, let’s double-check. Are the colors the same?”

“Yeah!” April said, grinning wide as she held the feather up. “Look! It’s the same blue.”

“And the same shape, right?”

“Uh-huh!”

“And we measured it--”

“And it’s twelve centimeters! Look, Daddy! It’s this one!” She insisted, and her father laughed. 

“Yeah, okay. You’re right. Definitely our feather.”

“What bird is it!?”

“According to this, it’s a mallard feather.”

“A mallard?” April echoed. “What’s that?”

“It’s a type of duck!”

“A duck!?” April cried, her eyes widening, holding her prize up in amazement. “This is a duck feather!?”

“It sure is, sunny girl.”

“Whoa! That’s so cool!” 

“You know,” her dad said. “I bet if we went down to the park, we might be able to find some more feathers…” 

---

Cassandra was absolutely alight with energy, bouncing from foot to foot as she scampered around, practically doing laps around her dad. The drive over had been equal parts exhilarating and tortuous, with Casey wriggling in her car seat the entire time, her face pressed up against the window.

This was her favorite thing in the world.

She loved Newton Hill.

“Daddy, I wanna go all the way to the top!!!” She exclaimed, bouncing up and down, grabbing onto his pants leg to yank at him.

“All the way to the top?” He echoed dramatically.

“Yes!”

“Alright, you got it,” he hummed, fishing something from his pocket before kneeling down next to her. “All the way to the top. I think we can do it.”

“We can,” Casey agreed excitedly, leaning against his knee and leaning over slightly so she could peer at the item in his hands.

“Alright. Let’s do it,” her dad enthused. “But first-- I have got a job for you, Casey.”

Casey blinked in surprise as her father pressed the stopwatch into her palm, tilting her head slightly to the side.

“I have a job?”

“You have a job,” he confirmed. “You are gonna be in charge of timing us.”

“Timing us?”

“Yep! Here, you press this button to start the time-- and this button to end it. And you--” He pointed to her decisively, this big, mischievous grin on his face. “Are gonna find out how long it takes us to get from here to the top of the trail.”

Casey tilted her head to the side.

“Why?”

“Because,” her father declared, his hands on his hips as he rose back up to his feet. “David from work bet that I couldn’t get all the way up to the top in four hours. So now I’ve gotta prove him wrong.”

Casey stared at her father for a second.

And then she gasped.

“He bet we couldn’t do the whole trail in four hours!?” She shrieked in offense.

“He sure did, Case.”

“HOW DARE HE!” She wailed, throwing her head back.

This was the other best part of Newton Hill. She could be as loud as she wanted out here.

“Exactly!” Her father sighed, throwing out his hands with a dramatic shake of his head. “I knew you’d understand. So obviously, we have to show him up! You up for the challenge, sunshine?”

“Yes!” She cried, immediately setting off-- hesitating only long enough to run back, grabbing onto her dad’s pants leg and yanking at him. “Come ON! Hurry up! We are gonna WIN! Let’s GO!”

---

“Come on! Hurry up! Let’s go!” April squealed, yanking at her Dad’s hand impatiently. “Look! I see one!”

“I’m coming, April, I’m coming!” Her dad laughed, jogging slightly to keep up with the enthusiastic five-year-old. “Hang on, sunshine.”

April darted across the lawn, hopping over wayward twigs or stones until she got to the water’s edge, waving her arms excitedly as she knelt down to pluck the feather from the ground.

“Look!” She said, beaming as she turned to show her dad. “Do you think it’s another duck feather?!”

“Might be. Or it could be a goose.”

“I hope it’s a goose,” April said, scampering her way back over to her dad, who knelt down to hold open the ziploc baggie for her. April deposited the feather inside, along with the several other specimens they had already collected. “We already have a duck feather.”

“Yeah, but maybe it’ll be a different kind of duck,” her dad countered, zipping the baggie back up once their prize was safe inside. April paused at this, tilting her head to the side slightly. Oh! Another kind of duck? She hadn’t even thought about that!

“Well, then, I hope it’s a different kind of duck. Or a goose,” she declared, grinning big. “When we get back home, can we show Mommy all the feathers?”

“Of course we can,” her dad said. “I’m sure she’ll be thrilled for you to show her. Especially if you can tell her which feather is which!”

“I will. I’m gonna look it up. I’m gonna do research,” April declared proudly, grinning as she spun around on her heel. “Come on! We gotta find some more. I wanna have a bunch for mommy.”

---

Casey froze in place, her body going rigid as a tiny little gasp caught itself in her throat.

“Daddy!” She whispered, her voice hushed, but fervent. “Daddy, lookit! Under the rock!”

After hiking for two hours now, Casey only occasionally electing to ride on her dad’s shoulders rather than racing up the trail, poking at every leaf, stone, and mushroom they came across, the pair had finally elected to take a break, settling down on the stones of a creekbed to rest and munch on the snacks her father had packed along. The stopwatch she was wearing around her neck was still ticking away-- but they were making good time. Certainly enough time to catch their breath.

And it was here that Casey spotted a tiny black-and-yellow snake-- just barely poking its head from beneath the shadows of a stone just inches away from them. Its little pink tongue flicked out a few times as it examined the world hesitantly, turning its head from side to side, as if checking for something.

“Whoa!” Her dad breathed, keeping care to keep his voice soft once he spotted the creature. He slowly moved to place a hand on her shoulder, patting her gently. “Nice eye, Casey.”

“It’s a real snake!”

“It is.”

“What kind is it?”

“Probably a garter snake, I’d bet,” he whispered, grinning ever so slightly. “I bet he wants to come out and sun himself on the rocks.”

“Why?”

“Reptiles are cold-blooded, Casey. They’ve gotta warm themselves up with the sun, or else they get too cold.” 

“Oh,” she said, her eyes wide. “... He’s so cool…”

“He is,” her dad agreed, shooting her a small grin. “Good job, sunshine. I never even would have noticed that little guy! I would have totally missed him.”

Casey absolutely beamed. “Really?”

“Yep!” He confirmed, chuckling softly, leaning over to ruffle her long black hair, carding his fingers through it briefly. “But you’re so smart, of course you saw it… Alright. You ready to get moving again? I bet that little dude would be pretty excited if he got to come out in peace and warm himself up.”

She nodded excitedly, wasting no time at all in beginning to get herself back to her feet. Despite all the running and jumping and climbing she had already done, she was suddenly filled with energy once more.

“I’m ready, Daddy!”

---

“And this one is a pigeon…”

“Mmm-hmmm…”

“And this is a pigeon…”

“I see…”

“And this one a pigeon feather, too…”

“Ah…”

“And this is a starling!”

“Oh!”

“And this is a pigeon!” April exclaimed excitedly, spreading the feathers out on the paper towel slightly, grinning big. “... There are a lotta pigeon ones.”

“That does make sense,” her mom said, smiling a tiny bit. “Thank you so much for showing me, baby! This is so impressive! I can’t believe you found all of these all by yourself!”

“Nu-uh!” April protested, turning to grin big up at her mother. “Daddy helped me! Except for the first one. I found that one all on my own.”

“Well, then, good job to your Daddy, too,” her mom remarked, and April just caught her shoot a smile across the kitchen to her dad, who was busy preparing dinner. He smiled a tiny bit, too. 

“I’m gonna make a chart for them and stuff. In a book,” she declared proudly, beginning to climb her way up into her mom’s lap, absolutely beaming as she did so.

“April, sweetheart, you need to wash her hands--”

“Will you help me make it? Pleasseeee? I wanna make it look cool.”

---

Casey was so tall. 

Every time they got all the way up here, to the very top of the hill, up as high as they could go, she would always think, wow. This is the tallest we can get. This is so tall. 

And then every time, her dad would pick her up and put her on his shoulders, and then she’d be even taller.

And it had only taken them three hours and forty-two minutes to get here.

“There’s not even any clouds!” Casey marveled, eyes absolutely sparkling as she leaned back slightly, clinging to her dad’s head to keep her balance. “It’s just blue!”

“Yeah, it’s a nice day, isn’t it? Perfect for hiking,” he declared, grinning. “Can you believe David said we couldn’t make it!?”

“David is WRONG!” She declared, just as loud as she possibly could, and she grinned at how her voice carried. It made her feel all shimmery. Her dad laughed.

“You wanna yell?”

“YES!” She gasped. “You do it, too! I wanna do it together!”

“Okay, okay. We’ll go on the count of three. You ready?”

“Mmm-hmmm!”

“Okay. One… Two…”

Casey took a deep breath in.

“Three!”

Throwing her head forward, her eyes shut tight and her hands balled into fists, Cassandra reached as deep into her little six-year-old chest as she could possibly reach, and she dredged up the biggest, longest, loudest howl that she could possibly conjure. It always hurt her throat a little, but it never hurt more than it felt good. It made her entire body vibrate. And her dad was screaming, too, holding onto her hands with his own big ones, the two of them harmonizing together as they screamed out into the woods from the top of the hill, their voices echoing out into the sky.

She kept going until there was no more left in her, running out of air entirely and left with just shaking, heaving breaths, her shoulders trembling as she panted.

And for a second, both of them were both quiet. And then finally, her dad chuckled, tossing his shoulders a few times to jostle her slightly.

“One of these days, you’re gonna shatter my eardrums, sunshine. I hope you know that,” he laughed, and Casey just grinned, hanging onto him.

“I like yelling,” she hummed.

And for a bit longer, it was quiet again. 

Just the two of them on the top of the world.

And then Dad’s cellphone began to ring. 

Casey paused, frowning slightly as she watched her father fish the device from his pocket, glancing at the screen and scoffing in such a way that Casey already knew who was on the line.

“Damn. Too bad we still have service up here, huh?” He tsked, and Casey frowned.

“Don’t be mean to mommy,” she muttered petulantly. “I don’t like it.”

“Sorry, Casey. My bad,” he sighed, crouching down so he could ease her down off his shoulders and back onto her own two feet. “Here. Just gimme two seconds to talk to her, okay?”

“Can I talk to her when you’re done?” She asked, and Dad hesitated.

“Uh, maybe! Lemme just talk to her real quick first and see what she wants. I promise it’ll be fast. Here, hang on. You can time me, okay?” He said, returning the stopwatch back to her hands. “Think you can do that?”

“Yeah…”

“Good girl. I’ll be right back,” Dad said, offering her one last crooked smile before turning away, looping off a few paces before finally picking up his phone.

“Hello?”

“Yeah?--”

“Yeah, I know.”

“No, we just went up hiking--”

“I know that, but it’s just one day. Yeah, I know that… I’m going to!”

“She loves it up here!”

“I will, just-- Could you please just listen to me?-- No, I didn’t--”

Casey frowned. She settled down to sit in the grass and hit the ‘start’ button on the stopwatch.

[ next ]

#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fic #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt au #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt human au #fanfic #writing #rottmnt april #rottmnt casey jones #rottmnt cassandra jones

[tangledinink]

Chapter Twenty-Four of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is now up! The Hamato Clan advances forward in their new mission, and their second-ever outting goes... differently than the first, at least? Read it on ao3 or below the cut!

[ prev ]

Don’t worry, Dad, he had said. I’ve got this.

I can handle it, he had said. I know how to lead a team! He had said. I’ll look out for them, he had said.

He had said, nooo, Dad, really. You hang back slightly; that way if anything happens, you can swoop in and help us. It makes more sense to keep you in the back pocket. Let us try taking the lead, we need the practice…

And damn, was Mind Raph pissed at him now. What the hell was Past Raph thinking?! Why did he think this was a good idea?! Because now here they were, him and his sister and three little brothers, sneaking into a goddamn Macy’s, of all places, and he had no idea why he thought coming in here without their dad was a good idea.

I mean, they hadn’t. Dad was here-- he wasn’t even far away! He could be here in about ninety seconds if he wanted to, Raph was pretty sure. He was posted up just inside the entrance of the department store, all hooked up so he could hear them through the radios Donnie had programmed and could receive images and video; perfectly capable of directing them all and ready to leap in at any moment should anything go wrong. 

But still! You try explaining that to Mind Raph. ‘Cause Mind Raph was losin’ his damn marbles right now all up in his head, and it was starting to get on his nerves.

It’s fine. We’ve got this! Nothin’ has even happened yet-- we just gotta find the armor piece. That’s all. In and out, easy peasy. This is low stakes! There are no employees, this place has been shut down for renovations for months now, it ain’t on anyone’s radar, and you’ve been trainin’ for this…

Which was true. Only a week and a half had passed since their original trip to the Foot Shack, but they had meant it when they said that they were Hamatos, too, and that they wanted to help-- and they had put in the hours. They had to push Dad a little bit, to convince him they were actually for-real serious and they weren’t gonna back out or change their minds, but once they got that through his head, he had started to teach them for real.

They got up before the sun now, all rising bright and early to meet their father and receive his lessons. Mikey had been meditating for some time now with their Dad, but now they all did, each and every day, in the mornings and before bed, attempting to draw out their ninpo once more. They had long studied martial arts under their father’s tutelage, but now they did drills each and every day, sparring with him and each other, sharpening what they already knew and rapidly adding new tools and maneuvers to their arsenal. What their father knew (and was willing to share,) about the Hamato Clan and their ways, he taught to them. Their ‘ninja’ lessons, mostly from childhood, mostly taught simply as a game and for the fun of it, were now genuine. They weren’t just learning how to sneak anymore-- they were learning to evade an enemy, to move silently to avoid detection and spare themselves from combat. They weren’t learning to hide, they were learning to blend in with their surroundings, to become invisible, to cover themselves in an enemy’s blind spot and wait for the perfect moment to strike. 

All of a sudden, nothing that they were being taught was for the sake of fun or games or mischief. They were survival skills. They were imparted upon them not only as a legacy, a piece of a long, sacred tradition for them to carry onwards, but as a prayer for safety; a means to keep themselves alive in the face of danger. A path back home from every mission.

And Raph had known all this for a while now, had been aware of it, at least. He knew the severity of the situation, and he was willing to make sacrifices for it. Not just for the ‘world,’ or whatever, or their clan, but for their family. And okay fine, he did, admittedly, miss the precious little free time they had once had, and he did quietly mourn the hobbies that they had to put aside for the time being in order to dedicate themselves to this instead... But it was temporary, and it was worth it. 

He knew all that. But it hadn’t felt real until earlier this evening.

“Boys!” their father had called, not more than an hour or two ago, his voice echoing from the top of the stairs to the Lair where they had all been gathered, trying to get in as much last-minute practice as they could. “April! Come up here for a moment.”

And Raph had, admittedly, sulked a bit, because they had been sparring and he was right in the middle of kicking Leo’s ass, but they did it anyway. In fact, he had snipped at his little brothers for grumbling about it, herding them and April all up the stairs and to their father’s room. 

And there were five bundles of clothing lined up on his bed; all carefully folded and tucked into neat, black squares, interrupted only by flashes of crimson red fabric. 

“... What’s this, Dad?” Raph had questioned, glancing over at their father, brows furrowed, and their dad had sort of cleared his throat, seeming almost embarrassed. 

“Ah. Well. I know it is a bit silly, but… This is-- these are the Hamato Clan’s colors,” he explained, slowly, carefully unfolding one of the bundles, spreading the Gi out on the bed for them to appreciate properly. “And this is the Hamato Clan’s symbol. Traditionally, this is what a ninja would wear on a mission of the clan,” he paused slightly, laughing weakly. “I never went on any official missions, so I never got one, but I thought… Well, firstly, if my children are going to be sneaking around the city like ninjas with me, they might as well look the part,” he reasoned, smiling the tiniest bit. “And… also. If anyone ever deserved to bear the mark of the Hamato Clan, then it is certainly you five.”

There was a beat of silence, and he had sort of rubbed the back of his neck.

“You don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to--”

Mikey had cut that thought off quickly, flinging himself at their Dad in a tearful hug, nearly knocking him over.

“I LOVE THEM!” He had wailed. “They’re so cool! We get ninja outfits!”

“I like the fabric. Is this silk?...” Donnie had observed, picking one up to run his fingers along.

“Wow, Yosh, I didn’t know you could sew!” April remarked, and Dad laughed.

“Who do you think made all those Halloween costumes?”

“The Hamato Clan’s colors are black and red?” Leo muttered softly to himself, shooting a glare in Raph’s direction. 

“I think it’s good,” Raph had teased in response. “I look good in black and red.” 

Leo had groaned, rolling his eyes, and Raph had joined Mikey and Dad in their embrace, wrapping his arms around both of them.

“It’s cool, Dad. Thanks,” he had said. “You didn’t have to make this for us.”

“Ah,” Dad had hummed, waving a hand slightly, as if to dismiss him. “Well. I wanted to, anyway.”

Even just thinking about it now, Raph smiled the tiniest bit, tightening his hand into a fist and feeling the crimson-red fabric wrapped around his palms. 

We’ve got this, he repeated inwardly, forcing himself to settle slightly. You’re a member of the Hamato Clan. And your family is counting on you. And you can handle this.

“Alright, Donnie,” he said, taking care to keep his voice low. “Which way is your track-a-ma-thingie sayin’ now?”

Donnie scoffed softly, rolling his eyes. “Okay, first of all, that is not what it’s called. Please treat my inventions with respect,” he muttered, flicking his goggles down over his face, his lips pursed into a pout. “Energy signals are strongest in the northeast direction,” he explained, pointing. “So if we head in this direction, we should eventually get close enough that we’ll be able to isolate and recover.”

“Uhm, is it just me, or are we literally playing hot-and-cold with Donnie’s weird glasses?” Leo muttered, jerking a thumb in his twin’s direction.

“This is an advanced geothermal location tool…!”

“Hey, look! Donnie’s tracking thingie got us this far!” Raph hissed. “And it’s the only lead we’ve got, so until it blows up in our faces, that’s what we’ll do.”

“Excuse me!?”

“Are we sure it actually works? No offense, Dee, but this is a super weird place for a mystic armor piece to be,” April observed, looking around. “I mean… we’re literally in a department store.”

“You’re all disowned as my siblings. All of you,” Donnie hissed.

“I didn’t say anything bad!” Mikey protested.

“Except for Angelo.”

“Hell yeah!”

“Also, yes, of course it works! I don’t know why there’s a mystic armor piece in a Macy’s, how would I know that? But if you want to go on a thematic trip to recover a mystic armor shard from beneath the beautiful ripples of a sacred waterfall or something, we’re going to have to catch a Greyhound, because we’re literally in the middle of New York City,” Donnie hissed. “Of course it’s in a Macy’s! We’re lucky it’s not in a 99-cent-pizza-slice-kiosk a block from Times Square!”

“Shhh!” Raph hissed, glaring at the group. “We’re ninjas, remember? Shut up! We’re on a stealth mission!”

“Ugh,” Leo huffed a bit, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, sure, but it’s not like anyone is gonna hear us! We’re literally the only ones here.”

Somewhere down the hall, off in the darkness of the building, Raph heard a clatter and an echo.

---

This was often Casey’s job. So she was used to it by now. It wasn’t especially exciting, but it was at least better than lookout duty, which was her other, more frequent assignment. (That, or lookout for the lookouts…)

Sweeping.

She really only got to do this if the team was smaller, and they were already confident that the mission would go smoothly and there weren’t any threats… And, honestly, sweeping was basically the same as lookout, just mobile and with slightly different timing. But she would take it!!! Anything was better than lookout duty. Besides, having the chance to play a role in the Foot Clan’s rise to power was a great honor, and the more she got to contribute, the better. 

Even if it did just mean that she entered the building first, stealthily did a few laps to make sure there was nothing dangerous, and then signaled everyone else to follow.

A part of her was proud of this. If she just looked at it on a surface level, she could puff out her chest and feel quite satisfied with the role she played; at being the frontlines, at being who they trusted to ensure the safety of both the mission and their leaders, to be the first line of defense.

(... The other part of her, though, the part of her that looked a little deeper, knew it was really mostly because she was unassuming and disposable. She held onto the pride anyway.)

Casey frowned as she moved through the store, peering around corners and around bends for any sign of life. She wasn’t so foolish as to let her guard down entirely, and she took care to keep her footsteps quiet and purposeful, sticking to the shadows just as she had been taught… But she had done this dozens of times now, and nothing ever happened save for that she got a chance to at least stretch her legs. And she supposed she was grateful for that, but…

Ugh! God, couldn’t she do something cool for once!? She simmered silently as she shuffled through the shadowy space, grinding her teeth quietly in her skull. She noted quietly to herself that she needed to stop doing that because she was starting to get headaches, but then kept doing it anyway. And she had perhaps allowed herself to be just the tiniest bit careless. Careless enough, at least, to accidentally swipe a small sign off a nearby jewelry counter. She resisted a groan of annoyance at her own clumsiness, grateful, at least, that no one else was around for her to embarrass herself in front of…

Or, so she had thought.

Cassandra froze at the hissed tone of hushed voices that filtered down through the hall, only moments later.

“What was that--”

“Shut up! What about stealth don’t you get--!?”

For a moment, Casey thought that she might have imagined the noise. She had never run into anyone on a sweep before-- not even once. The idea that she suddenly had was so shocking that she almost couldn’t process it. After about half a second of gaping, however, she came to her senses, gritting her teeth and giving a ferocious shake of her head to dismiss the thoughts.

Shape up, Recruit. This is your chance to be useful for once! She scolded. This was not the time to flounder or back down. This was her shot. Honestly, it was probably just some group of teenagers who had wandered in here on a dare or something, hoping to take some pictures so they could brag about it to their friends later… But that hardly mattered.

Any unknown or unauthorized presence was a threat to the mission. 

All you have to do is go investigate and scare them off. Simple. Easy. And then you’ll be able to say you actually did something on these missions, for once!

No problem, right? It should have been easy. Cassandra may still be a low-level grunt, much to her chagrin, but she was still a member of the Foot Clan. She was perfectly capable of moving swiftly and silently through the shadows. 

Not that she needed to.

Because they came to her.

She just barely had the time to tuck herself back behind the corner of the nearby jewelry counter by the time she realized they were approaching, shoving her back up against the glass and crouching down low. Apparently, they did, in fact, have the capability of moving quietly, despite their earlier displays.

“See anything?” A voice whispered, betraying them, and Casey couldn’t help but smirk a tiny bit to herself. Okay, maybe not that quiet.

“Shhh. Hang on. I know I heard something…”

Finally, Cassandra just barely built up the courage to shift, ever-so-slightly, in order to turn her head enough to peer out at the intruders. And in her mind, she was still fairly confident that it was just some kids looking for some kind of entertainment and adventure in the form of a misdemeanor. 

She was not expecting to see five figures donning the Hamato Clan colors, nor find their emblems stitched boldly onto each of their chests.

For a second, Casey froze, ice shooting through her veins. The Hamato Clan?! What were they doing here!? Were these the same kids she had spent all that time spying on before, or had they called in reinforcements? She narrowed her eyes, straining slightly to try to examine them in the darkness, and concluded that they did look ever-so-slightly familiar… She grit her teeth, her hand shifting slightly, wavering just the tiniest bit as it moved to the communication device on her belt.

As much as she hated to admit it… Five Hamato ninjas was not a challenge she was confident she could face down all on her own.

It wasn’t her place. 

She needed to alert the rest of the clan. If she didn’t, she would endanger the mission. Endanger everyone’s else’s safety.

This was her job-- literally her job. To go in first and weed out the danger and report back. 

She needed to report back.

So why was her hand hesitating like this…?

Her fingers shook slightly, wavering near the edge of the device, and her foot shifted ever-so-slightly beneath her in her hesitation.

“What was that?”

Hurriedly, she snapped her finger down against the button that she knew would signal the rest of the clan, still waiting outside, alerting them to the danger, and she leaped up to her feet-- gathering whatever scraps of the element of surprise she still had at her disposal and leaping at the nearest enemy.

“Oh shi--!” The Hamato, armed with a sword, just barely managed to dodge her attack, ducking down and away from the swing of her arm, nearly losing his balance in his hurry.

“I told you I heard something!” He wailed, dancing backward, and Casey snarled in reply, chasing after him. She didn’t have much of a chance, however, and now it was her turn to dodge-- just able to avoid the kusari-fundo that came whipping into her view a moment later, flashing inches before her eyes as she swore and backed up.

“Now is so not the time for ‘I-told-you-so’s,’ Nardo,” Another hissed, jumping at her with a staff, nearly taking her head off with a sharp swing. Casey was both quietly impressed and annoyed with the strength behind it, twisting her stance so she could shoot a leg up and kick the weapon off-kilter, throwing off her opponent’s footing and sending him stumbling slightly to the side.

“Oh, please, like it wouldn’t be if you were the one who called it!” The swordsman scoffed in response, jumping forward to catch the other, grabbing him by the arm so he could correct his stance and keep him on his feet. Casey took the slight opening the distraction of their banter provided to turn on the other intruder nearby, her eyes wide behind her glasses, doling out a sharp kick to her leg before dancing away. But even as she did this, the other members of the Hamato Clan closed in.

Cursing under her breath, she reeled backward, trying to find the distance she needed to reevaluate when she was practically surrounded. But every time her eyes were locked on one intruder, another jumped at her, just a flash of movement out of the corners of her eyes, and it was all she could do but block, parry, and dodge. Casey bristled when the sword wielder came whipping towards her, his weapon drawn, and she just barely had the time to hold up her arms to block, bracing herself for the coming impact of sharp metal--

“STOP!”

The boy’s movements slowed ever-so-slightly as he faltered at the cry-- giving Casey just enough of a chance to duck away from the oncoming strike, leaping out of his range. 

“Don’t slice her in half!!! What’s wrong with you!? She’s, like, a kid!!!” The largest of the group yelled, gesturing wildly. Casey gasped, immediately bristling in offense.

“Excuse me!? I am not a child! I am EIGHTEEN!” She shrieked. Well, almost eighteen, anyway. KINDA. Her ID said she was eighteen, which was really the most important part.

“See? She’s a legal adult!” The swordsman argued, shooting the other an annoyed look. “And, uh, also a part of a legion of evil ninjas? Sooooo…”

As soon as his eyes had left her, Casey seized the opening, ripping her kunai from her belt as she lunged forward. Twisting her leg sharply to collide with his chest, she sent him sprawling to the floor, his sword clattering as it fell from his grip. The moment he was down, she pinned him there with a foot to his throat, pressing him in place.

“Ack! Hey, stop!!! I’m a minor! This is child abuse!” He cried in protest, wriggling a bit beneath her even as she drove her heel in deeper to his windpipe, eliciting a very satisfying choking gasp. She didn’t have much opportunity to take advantage of her position, however, because no more than a second later, the largest of the group was charging her. Her eyes widening slightly, she abandoned the pinned swordsman in favor of leaping backward to dodge the coming attacks, falling quickly back into the pattern of defensive ducking and dodging, because that was not something she wanted to be hit by, thank you very much!!!

Come on, backup, come on…! Hurry up…!

---

The second that they had heard that noise down the halls, Yoshi had been on his feet, tense and ready to run. And now, as he raced towards his children, he spat curses at his past self for not starting to move right then and there-- for letting them approach without him in the first place. Had he honestly believed that this would be safe!? Had actually expected there to be no threat here!? 

Stupid, foolish, arrogant man…! 

He was already moving as fast as he could, but as soon as he could hear the sound of combat, he somehow managed to move even faster.

---

Cassandra hissed softly through her teeth, feeling sweat tickle its way down her brow, her chest heaving with breath as she ducked away from another blow. She was fast and she was capable in the face of combat-- but so were they, and there were five of them. It was all she could do to stay out of reach, repeatedly dodging and blocking blows, but she was quickly growing exhausted. Please hurry up! She pleaded in her mind. She’d keep going until she physically couldn’t any longer. She wouldn’t back down. But she wasn’t sure how much longer she had until she hit that point. 

The largest one-- he was the real problem. She gasped as his arm went swinging towards her, quite nearly losing her balance in her rush to avoid the blow. He was so big. And on the rare occasion that she was actually able to send out a counter-attack, they seemed meaningless to him, practically bouncing off his body as though he couldn’t even feel them. How was she supposed to penetrate a literal wall of muscle like this!?

Why the fuck do I have to be so damn small!?!?!

“Hot Soup!” Shrieked the smallest of the group, all but throwing himself at her, his leg moving in a wide arc, and for a split second, Casey bristled-- 

But she hadn’t spent all those years training for nothing.

There was an opening. Just a small one-- but his arc was just a bit higher than it needed to be to cover himself completely, and as soon as Cassandra had zeroed in on the chance to counterattack, she was darting forward, teeth bared and eyes narrowed with focus. 

His ribs were exposed.

And the small one, they didn’t quite have the time to react and adjust, to close the opening. But apparently, the big one did, throwing himself in her path to physically shield his brother, a sharp, protective snarl that sounded almost like an animal rumbling from him. Cassandra was forced to recalculate, her trajectory rapidly shifting--

But that was fine.

Because in his rush to protect his brother, he had left himself open, too. 

The jewelry counter was right there, and all it took was a nimble flip to the side, pushing off with her right ankle to gracefully toss herself over the surface and transition quickly into a wide kick. The counter was littered with spinning displays, the plastic trees all adorned with earrings and necklaces, and Casey caught the base of one of them with her foot, hooking it with the bend of her ankle and throwing her whole body hard to the side.

She may be too small to pose a real threat to the big one. But a little creativity could always even the playing field.

So could weapons.

A sharp, choked cry just barely wrenched itself from the largest Hamato as he went stumbling backward, the jewelry display slamming into his side and crashing down to the ground next to him with a horrendous clatter. She was dimly aware of his siblings crying out as well around him in concern-- which meant she had a very clear, very free path forward to bury a kunai into his stomach.

The world narrowed down to her goal and her target. Her fingers tightened around the knife. All her muscles tensed. And she pounced for her victim.

She had just barely begun to move when the impact of a hurricane slammed her back down to the ground, a short shriek of shock escaping from her chest with the absolute force of it.

“Dad!”

“All of you! Get out of here! Now!” An unfamiliar voice snapped, strained with panic, though Casey barely processed it through the sensation of her arms both being twisted back to her spine, creaking in protest as she was pinned down to the ground. She just barely managed a thrash, but the pitch of the pain in her joints quickly convinced her to remain still, and a high-pitched snarl of fury just barely managed to escape her.

No…! She had them! She had him, she had finally had a chance to turn the tides--!

“But what about--”

“I said go! Right now! I will be right behind you--”

The familiar thunk of a throwing star embedding itself into nearby drywall had Casey’s head snapping upward. And she just barely contained a shrill, giddy little laugh of delight.

There was the back-up.

The pressure in her shoulder released a second later as the weight disappeared, the eldest Hamato forced to release her in order to retreat and dodge the oncoming barrage of shooting stars. She absolutely cackled, on her feet in a second, and this time, finally, she was on the advancing side.

She finally got to take the offensive.

She threw herself at the elder Hamato, laying down blow after blow, and was frustrated to find that for every strike she delivered, he was able to block with ease and find the space to counter. She hissed in pain as the sharp of his hand collided with her shoulder, sending her stumbling slightly, and she twisted her ankles slightly to find her footing again--

And all at once, the Hamato Clan was gone. She didn’t even realize that the other five had already retreated until the last remaining shoved her away and darted off, disappearing in a blink, as though he had never even been there.

For a moment, Cassandra was frustrated. She bristled, considering chasing after him-- considering turning to the rest of the clan to see who all was assembled, to follow them, to continue the fight.

But she wouldn’t move without the orders from her senseis.

And once she had half a second to breathe, she was tickled to find blood on her hands that did not belong to her. She couldn’t stop herself from grinning.

Perhaps she and her clan had accomplished more than she had initially believed. 

---

The shrill cry of a honking car cut through the air, blasting through the previous quiet. Or, at least, relatively quiet, considering they lived in New York City.

April gasped loudly, jumping and clapping her hands over her ears and wincing a bit, shrinking back against the assault to her ears. The sound seemed to absolutely echo through the alleyway where she and Mikey were playing, working on their latest chalk mural together. It didn’t last more than a couple of seconds, but she was still a bit dazed when she finally opened her eyes again, her heart beating it her chest.

Whoa. That was a little scary. She hadn’t expected that.

She giggled a tiny bit at how startled she was, letting out a long breath. But when she turned around to face Mikey again, she was surprised to find him curled up in a tiny little ball on the ground, his arms and legs both tucked in close to his body and his chin ducked down against his chest.

“... Mikey?” April said, frowning a bit, tilting her head to the side as she leaned over him. “Are you okay?”

It took a second, but eventually, Mikey peeked open an eye, looking sort of confused for a moment. But then, all at once, he untensed his muscles, all his limbs unfolding as he rolled over onto his butt instead, sitting on the ground and staring up at her.

“... That was loud!” He said.

“Yeah,” April agreed. “Uhm. Why are you on the ground though?”

“I got scared!!!”

“Yeah, but… why did you get on the ground ‘cause you were scared?”

“Oh. Uh. I dunno,” Mikey said, shrugging a bit. “I just. Curl up sometimes, and stuff…”

“Yeah, but why?”

“Uh. I’unno. ‘Cause… it’s… it feels safer and stuff,” he said.

“But don’t you fall down like that?”

“Uhm…”

“And doesn’t that hurt, though, if you just fall over like that and curl up?”

“Well…”

“And then you’re on the ground.”

“Yeah, but…”

“And where’d you learn to do that? That’s weird. I’ve never seen anyone else do that before,” April continued. “Also, why do you--”

She broke off when Mikey blinked widely at her, sniffled, and then rapidly teared up, staring up at her and giving an absolutely pitiful sob. 

April’s eyes widened in shock at the rapid shift.

“Okay, okay fine, it’s not weird! Don’t cry! You can be a ball! Here, we can go back to chalk now-- Pleaseeee stop crying! Mikey, come on, cut it out…!”

---

They didn’t stop running for a while.

Raph’s heart was in his throat.

He could run faster than April could, and he was pretty sure that most of his siblings were not running near as fast as they really could, all worried about their father, but he endeavored to keep himself in the rear anyway. Leo could head the charge; he was staying in the back. He was making sure no one was being left behind.

Including their father.

He let his father be behind him. But just barely.

It wasn’t until they were about a block away that Leo finally managed to open up a portal, having been attempting since their retreat began, slicing through the fabric of the world with his odachi. Raph didn’t think he had been meaning to teleport them all directly into his own room, but he wasn’t in any mood to be picky about what part of the house they got portalled to. 

It wasn’t until the fizzling blue light curled in on itself behind them, the portal sliding closed, that Raph finally allowed himself to breathe again.

And as soon as he did, he felt like he was going to fucking collapse.

It was mostly just adrenaline, he was pretty sure, more than actual injury, but he suddenly felt just the tiniest bit lightheaded as a sharp ache climbed its way up his ribcage, and he grabbed onto Leo’s bedpost to steady himself with a small wince. Either way, his siblings were all crowded around him in a moment in worry-- and so was their dad.

“Red…! Are you okay? Are you injured? Let me see--!” Their dad bit out, his eyes wide with frantic worry, and Raph kind of stared at him in response, his own gaze echoing his. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before he was finally able to summon up actual words.

“Pops, you’re-- you’re bleedin’.”

All four of his siblings’ heads snapped around to turn their attention to Dad, and Mikey shrieked.

It wasn’t bleeding that bad, honestly. 

But Raph was pretty sure that was because the throwing star was still embedded in his dad’s shoulder.

“Oh my god…!” April squeaked, her eyes wide, and their father immediately shrank back slightly, turning his shoulder purposefully away from the others. 

“I am fine. It looks worse than it is,” he dismissed quickly, keeping his eyes trained squarely on Raphael. “Red. Answer the question. Are you injured?”

“I-- It’s just sore. ‘M fine,” Raph said quickly, still a bit breathless. One of his hands wandered up to his ribs, just to check to make sure he wasn’t lying, and it sure was sore, and he was, admittedly, bleeding a little-- but not bad. The pain wasn’t awful. It hurt, but he had had worse in football. 

His dad had a fucking ninja star sticking out of him.

“Dad, here, sit down, we-- we can call--”

“Do not call anyone,” their father instructed sharply, throwing the group a look that said do not argue with me, and Raph clamped his mouth shut. “It is fine. I promise I can handle it. Purple, go and fetch the first aid kit and an ice pack for your brother. Orange, go with him, please.”

Whereas Donnie had no qualms with excusing himself from the current situation, (he was looking a bit ashen,) Mikey hesitated, his face pinched with worry.

“But I--”

“Mikey,” Dad cut him off quickly, narrowing his eyes slightly. “I need you to listen to me. I do not want Purple by himself right now. He needs you to go with him.”

Angelo frowned, and he swallowed. He opened his mouth, just for a moment, like he was going to argue further. But then he didn’t, slipping from the room at a hurried pace, rushing slightly to catch up to his older brother.

Raph’s body sagged slightly with relief. He swore he saw Dad do the same.

And almost as soon as the two were gone from the room, to Raphael’s absolute horror, their dad twisted himself enough so that he could reach around and deftly yank the jagged piece of metal from his shoulder.

“Dad!” Raph yelped, his eyes widening. “What are you doing!? What about--”

“Calm down, Raphael,” Dad said, and it was almost eerie how calm he was. With cold, practiced, measured movements, their father wasted no time at all in bandaging his own wounds, removing his mask and tearing it with his teeth so he could tie a tourniquet, using his sleeve to staunch the bleeding. 

The way he moved-- it was like he had done this a thousand times before. A shiver raced down Raphael’s spine, and he stiffened ever so slightly, a wince pinching his features for just a moment.

“There,” Dad said as soon as he was done, quickly turning his focus back to his eldest. “I’m fine until Purple gets back with the first aid kit. Let me see your injury,” he said, gentle but insistent, and Raph huffed, wrinkling up his nose, but he lifted his shirt up for Dad to see, anyway.

There were a few small punctures and scrapes, but nothing more than a few centimeters deep or so, all small and just barely bleeding. And it certainly hurt, but Dad’s careful, prodding hands didn’t bring about any sharp pitches of the pain, and Raph was fairly certain he had managed to get away without any cracked ribs-- just bruised ones.

“I told you I’m fine,” Raph muttered under his breath, and their dad glanced up to shoot him a look.

“You’re lucky,” he hissed, gritting his teeth, bristling for just a moment before the heat died out. “I’m sorry.”

“Dad, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

“I don’t want any of you to be hurt--”

“You’re hurt worse than I am!” Raph protested, gesturing wildly to his arm, still sluggishly bleeding. “And the only reason you got hurt is ‘cause you were coverin’ us!”

Their Dad stiffened, shoulders hunched slightly. “That’s not--”

“Yes, it is!” Raph snapped in reply. “We’re not stupid, Dad, come on! It’s--” He cut himself off, grinding his jaw slightly and sighing deeply through his nose. “... Just don’t apologize, okay? You didn’t do anythin’ wrong. You’re the one who bailed us outta there. And got ninja-starred. We’re the ones who--”

“You did fine, Raphael,” Now it was Dad who cut him off. “You all did fine. This wasn’t… I didn’t expect them to be there,” he sighed, frowning a bit, looking to the side. “... But you all did well. I’m very proud of all of you. It’s not your fault, either.”

He kept quiet for a moment, frowning as he glanced over at April and Leo, who had been quiet the entire time, wide-eyed and seeming slightly shaky. 

“Are either of you injured…?”

They both shook their heads ‘no.’

“We’re okay, Pops,” Leo said, letting out a long, deep breath. “... We’re alright. Thanks.”

They didn’t talk for a bit after that, all just sitting together and waiting for Donnie and Mikey to come back-- just sitting and processing, and coming to terms with the fact that they had all made it out okay.

And Raph had never been much of a thinker.

But he was thinking now.

His hand wandered up and down his own side, pressing gently at the bruised muscles and soft, torn skin as he pondered.

---

There was this pinch in the back of Yoshi’s throat that he was fighting off.

He should have known this would happen. 

“Yoshi.” His teacher’s voice was all gentle and soft and patient, but Yoshi scowled, glaring off to the side-- his shoulders hunched up and his body slumped in the chair. The room was empty except for the two of them, all the other students having been dismissed aside from him-- all filled up with unoccupied desks and chairs and making Yoshi feel stupidly, annoyingly small. 

“It’s nice to see you in class again, Yoshi,” his teacher continued, despite his lack of response, leaning over slightly so she could rest her elbows on the desk she had Yoshi parked in front of. She kept trying to catch his eyes, but he refused to let her. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Yoshi wrinkled up his nose, shrugging noncommittally. 

It had been a week and a half since he had last been at school, and it had been such a battle just to get Jiji to let him come today. Not that that was especially unusual. Yoshi had never attended school regularly. School wasn’t a priority for him. Training was the priority. Lessons with Jiji were the priority. Studying the Hamato Clan history was the priority. School was not. He went to school like it was a hobby-- something to do in his spare time. He would usually show up for perhaps a couple days a week, usually less, and the rest of the days during which he was absent would be explained away with some excuse or story or another. Something about his health-- Yoshi didn’t really keep track, truthfully. One of his second cousins, a doctor, but more importantly, a medic to the Clan, would always provide all the documentation required. Everyone, it seemed, had accepted a long time ago that Hamato Yoshi usually just didn’t go to school. Had accepted him as an occasional, wavering presence, fading in and out of the edges of everyone else’s lives.

Except for Miss Ito. 

For some reason, his fourth-year elementary school teacher just couldn’t accept that fact.

Jiji hadn’t wanted him to come today. Yoshi had had to fight for it. When he was younger, he used to whimper and cry, feeling sorry for himself, but nowadays, they usually fought. He had gotten sick of feeling sorry for himself. Now he’d just yell at his Jiji until he either got his way or his throat got raw.

Usually, it was the latter.

Jiji hadn’t wanted him to come, and Yoshi had convinced him that he should get to, and now Miss Ito had him sat in front of her desk in an empty classroom, talking all gentle to him, and Yoshi thought bitterly to himself that now he was never going to win that argument ever again. 

“What happened to your arm, Yoshi?”

Yoshi grit his teeth slightly, his frown deepening at the question that he already knew she was leading up to.

“I tripped,” he responded easily, finally looking up at her just so that he could give her the coldest look that he possibly could, trying as best as he possibly could to summon the energy of an angry, bristling cat. Don’t mess with me. Back off. 

She didn’t seem perturbed, of course, because she never was. She looked more sad than anything, and Yoshi had always hated that.

“I see,” she said. “That must have been a pretty rough fall.”

Yoshi rolled his eyes.

They were just bruises. She acted as if he was missing a limb. Even worse than that-- she acted like he was some sad, pitiful little child, being tossed around the room by some abusive drunkard or something. He was sure that that was what she assumed, and it made him prickle with defensiveness. It wasn’t like Jiji was hitting him. They were just training. Sometimes, things happened during training. It was no one’s fault. Jiji didn’t mean to. It was just an accident. Jiji had apologized, like, eighty times. Yoshi knew he would never hurt him on purpose. 

It had been a difficult sequence they were learning, that was all. It was Yoshi’s own fault-- he was the one who had misstepped and been too slow. And now that his face had healed, he had finally been able to convince Jiji to let him go back to school for a day. 

He hadn’t been thinking when he rolled up his sleeves earlier-- he just did it. His sleeve got wet when a classmate spilled her water, and so he had just rolled it up out of the way. He had forgotten that he had anything to hide. No one was supposed to see it.

Certainly not Miss Ito. No one else would have even cared except for Miss Ito. 

He could already hear Jiji saying, ‘I told you so.’ 

“I fell down the stairs,” he said dismissively, shrugging a bit. “But it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt. Can I go now?”

Miss Ito sighed very quietly.

“... We missed you at the sports festival last week. I’m sorry you weren’t able to be there. I know you were excited to participate this year,” she observed gently. “And all your classmates were looking forward to--”

Yoshi stiffened, this little lump kind of swelling up in his throat.

“Can I go now?” He said again, cutting her off.

“Yoshi--”

“Am I allowed to leave? I have to go. There are people waiting for me,” he pressed, harder now, standing up from his seat even before he was dismissed, staring the teacher down. Challenging her, almost. Daring her to say no.

Please, please, please just let me go. Don’t make me late getting home. Don’t call anyone. Don’t send a letter home. Just let me go, and if I run, I can still get home on time, and Jiji won’t have to know--

She sighed very, very deeply, giving him those same sad, sympathetic eyes that he didn’t want on him. There were people out there who were sad and needed sympathy. He was not one of them.

“... Alright, Yoshi,” she said. “But you can come talk to me if you ever need anything. Okay?”

Yoshi frowned, giving only a grumble in response as he grabbed his bag, eager to leave.

“Will I see you in class tomorrow?” She asked. 

Yoshi hesitated just for a moment, clenching his jaw a few times.

“I dunno yet.”

---

Dad was at a doctor’s appointment with Leo. Raph was at work. Donnie was in his lab. Mikey had checked. He had taken two full laps around the house to account for everyone and make sure that really, truly, he had the clearance for what he intended to do. Everyone except for him and Donnie were out, and shouldn’t be home for another hour-- and he had the entire house in between him and Donnie. He’d hear him coming with plenty of time if he decided to emerge from his coding binge, which was unlikely. 

He did one last sweep of the first floor, just to make sure, his skin itching and crawling nervously and his stomach doing repeated and unwelcome pas de chats. Repeatedly, he thought, are we sure about this? He thought, sneaking around like this feels wrong. He thought, what if this is an awful idea? What if we get in trouble?

But then he also thought, I have to protect our family. I have to help, too.

He thought, I won’t let anyone else get hurt on my behalf. Not again. 

And he tempered his resolve.

As quiet as a ninja, he slipped into his father’s room, leaving the door just barely cracked behind him so he could hear if anyone approached. He had been a bit worried that his dad would have moved it to some new hiding place, and he’d have to waste a bunch of time searching for it-- but he didn’t.

The chest was in the exact same place in his closet, tucked inside the box with the clothes, just where Leo, Donnie, and April had found it the first time. It felt heavier than he remembered, somehow. He took care to cover his tracks, awkwardly hiding the bulky object inside his denim jacket and made a hasty escape. His heart was up in his throat because even though he had taken every single precaution, he couldn’t help but feel like someone was going to burst through the door and ask him what the hell he was doing at any moment.

His heart rate didn’t even begin to settle until he had made it back to his own room, closing and locking the door behind him and curling up in his bed.

Originally, he had intended to sit and think about this for a while-- to prepare himself for what he was about to do and get his mind right. But now, he was afraid that if he did, he’d lose his nerve and chicken out. And he had already thought about this. He had already thought about it long and hard and made the decision. He didn’t need to wobble on the subject any longer. The sooner, the better. 

He opened up the chest, pulling the familiar, ghostly white scrolls out from inside. And the moment he did, suddenly, he was not alone in the room. 

The mist that filled the air made him sneeze a few times.

“Greetings, young Hamato,” said Ghost-Sensei, as if he didn’t even mind that it had been weeks since they last spoke, as if nothing had changed, as if he already knew what Mikey planned to do. “What wisdom do you seek?”

Mikey bit the inside of his cheek, squaring his shoulders and curling his hands into fists.

If his family didn’t believe that he could protect them-- that he could protect himself-- there had to be a reason. There had to be something wrong. 

If he couldn’t protect anyone, then he would learn how.

“Those basics you were talking about before? With the ninpo and Hamato Clan traditions and my destiny and stuff?” He said. “I’m ready to learn all that. Teach me.”

[ next ]

#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fic #violence #blood and injury #child abuse implied #kinda sorta???? #but tagging anyway just in casesies #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt au #rottmnt human au #rottmnt fic #writing #fanfic #fidgetwing #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt michelangelo #it may be three am but that technically makes it monday SO #HERE WE GO

[tangledinink]

At long last! A new chapter... Of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? Chapter 22 is here. The Hamato Family focuses on re-adjusting to everyday life until suddenly they're not. Read it on ao3 or below the cut!

[ prev ]

“Donniiiieee!” Leo whined loudly, “Tell your drone to quit ignoring me! I never get any footage out of these things!”

“Skill issue,” Donnie remarked, and Leo gave an affronted gasp.

“What!?”

“Yeah!” Mikey chirped, an absolutely shit-eating grin on his face as he joined them; hopping from his skateboard when he reached the top of the half-pipe, grabbing it in his arms and making a smooth transition to solid ground. Donnie’s drone, buzzing softly overhead, followed after him. It was filming all of them, but it did, admittedly, spend a great deal of time trailing Mikey like an excited puppy. “If you want drone time, then you should do more cool stuff. Like me,” he teased.

“I do plenty of cool stuff, thank you!” Leo huffed.

“Where?” Donnie questioned, and April snorted softly.

She had missed this.

“You’re just jealous ‘cause I’m the best skateboarder, cuh-learly,” Mikey declared happily, all but peacocking, plopping down next to his siblings where they were currently all perched atop of the half-pipe platform, taking a break and lounging in the sun like seals on a ocean rock.

Or maybe like turtles on a log?...

Raph hummed in response, wordlessly rolling over so that he could flop on top of his baby brother, effectively pinning Mikey to the ground. Mikey squealed, shrieking in protest, even though laughter colored his voice.

“Raph! You are crushing me! Get off!”

“Gotta eliminate the competition,” Raph replied calmly, grinning as he settled down on top of him. April snickered, leaning forward to rest her chin atop her knees.

“Guess that’s the danger of being the best,” she teased.

“Oh, how the mighty fall,” Donnie said, grinning widely. The drone happily recorded.

“I will bite you!” Mikey threatened.

“No you won’t,” Raph said. “‘Cause if you do, I’ll stop getting stuff off the top shelves for you.”

Mikey gasped loudly in offense. “I am still growing!!!”

“Better hurry up,” Donnie said.

“Ex-squeeze me!? You’re five-three!”

“And yet, I am still taller than you…”

The weather was finally starting to get nice out, April observed, and the skatepark that she and the boys frequented was filled with people taking advantage. The steady orchestra of wheels on pavement and excited shouts in the background provided a comforting soundtrack, playing nicely with the birdsong and the sounds of the city that filtered in from around them. Now that it was getting warmer again, the entire city seemed to be waking up. All of New York was flooded with joggers, with dogs on leashes going on walks, with cyclists and parents with strollers and even just people walking around and enjoying the nice weather. April swore it was like animals waking up after hibernation; poking their heads from their burrows at long last. People sat on milk crates on street corners and talked and laughed with one another, trading cigarettes and stories alike, and all the balconies and stoops in her neighborhood were suddenly occupied now that the temperatures were rising. Leaves were beginning to grow on the trees again, and this was something April had always loved, getting excited to see them each and every year. But they had never made her smile so much as they did this time around. Mikey had taken the time to inform her about eight times now that it was the exact same hue as her life color, and now every time she looked at them, she couldn’t help but grin.

Raph eventually let Mikey loose with enough complaining, and the five lingered for a bit longer up top, readjusting knee pads and rollerskate straps or guzzling water, filling the space with idle chatter as they did so, until Leo got to his feet, stretching his arms up above his head.

“You guys wanna do another run?”

“Nah,” April sighed. “You guys go. I gotta get heading to work soon.”

“Booooo,” Mikey complained. “No working. Quit your job! Rollerskate for money!” April scoffed.

“Right, well, if you find someplace that accepts drone footage of rollerskating as currency, you let me know!”

“The new job good?” Donnie questioned, raising a brow, and April nodded.

“Yeah! It’s pretty cool. I mean, my bosses are sort of weird, but in a chill way,” she hummed. “I mean, it’s retail, but the pay is pretty good, so I like it alright.”

Leo sighed dramatically. “Wow. I can’t believe you love money more than you love us,”

“You just say that ‘cause you’ve never had a job,” Raph scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“What about you?” April asked, glancing over at Raphael. “Going back to work soon?”

Raph’s face absolutely lit up at the question, grinning big and giving a determined nod. “Yep! Next class is tomorrow!” He reported proudly. “Can’t leave my kids hangin’ for too long.”

“I’ll bet you any amount of money that that Penelope kid will yell at you for being gone for so long,” April said with a grin, and Raph laughed.

“Yeah. Probably.”

---

“Okay, deep breath in.”

Mikey agreeably inhaled, allowing oxygen to sweep inside of his lungs, feeling his chest swell up to accommodate the load.

“... And deep breath out.”

And he exhaled, slowly blowing all of the air back out, feeling his own breath tickle the edge of his lips as he went.

“... Dad?”

“Yes, my son?”

“Meditation is… really… boring.”

His dad laughed out loud, cracking open his eyes to glance over at his youngest son. “I cannot even disagree with you, Orange. I used to hate it when I was younger,” he confessed. “There were always just so many other things I’d rather be doing!”

“I don’t like it!” Mikey whined, flopping over onto his back, letting all his limbs splay out. “I thought it’d be like yoga! I like yoga! But you just sit in this one! Where’s the fun in that!?”

“I know, I know,” their dad hummed, waving a hand. “But it is an excellent tool for control and focus. And you are the one who asked me to teach you in the first place!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it’d be so lameeeeee,” Mikey whined, rolling over onto his side with a pout.

“Suck it up,” Dad hummed in reply, leaning over to nudge his shoulder slightly. “Come on, up. Five more minutes and we’ll be done.”

“Five minutes!?” Mikey wailed. “That’s so long!”

“It’s not that long,” his dad assured. “You will be fine. And this is the best method I know to keep your ninpo in check, Michelangelo. If you want to control your mystic powers, you’re going to have to focus and control your thoughts and emotions first.”

Mikey wrinkled his nose a bit, slowly sitting up and pursing his lips to form a pout.

That had never been a strength of his.

“Mikey.”

The sharpness of his teacher’s voice shocked Mikey back into reality, his head bobbing in surprise as he turned to glance over at her, leaning over his desk. When had she gotten here…?

“Have you finished your work yet?”

“Uhmmmm…” Mikey paused for a moment, glancing down at the math problems on his desk, clutching at his pencil a bit nervously. She had said to do the first two pages, and he had been going to, honestly! And he had done a few, but then the next one he didn’t know how to do on his own--

“Then why are you drawing?” She pressed, narrowing her eyes, and Mikey shrank a bit, his hands instinctively and self-consciously moving to cover up the little doodles that had begun to take over the margins and free space of the paper. All the little lightning bolts and shooting stars and cartoon unicorns and superheroes that he had been so happy about just a few minutes ago suddenly made his blood feel like ice.

“I dunno how to do these ones…” He defended weakly, his stomach flip-flopping as his eyes darted downwards, his fingers wiggling anxiously.

“We’ve talked about this, Michelangelo. If you need help, then you need to raise your hand and ask me to help you, not doodle,” she chided, her tone insistent, matter-of-fact. Mikey wanted to tell her that she had already been working with one of his classmates when he realized he needed help, and that he had intended to wait for her to be done so he could ask her about the math problems without interrupting, cause he knew she didn’t like it when he interrupted, but then he had gotten bored waiting and started drawing instead, and then he had forgot…

But somehow he didn’t think it would help.

He shrank under her eyes, his lower lip wobbling.

“Okay,” he mumbled, his voice very small, and she sighed with such an air of absolute exasperation that it sent hot, salty tears spilling unbidden over his lower lashes. He didn’t mean to! He was trying so hard not to cry, but she just…! It had just been an accident, but she just seemed so disappointed with him! She seemed so angry!

And now he was crying in class and he could feel his classmates looking at him out of the corners of their eyes. His face burned bright as he scrunched himself up into a teeny little ball, his chin tucked down to his chest to hide. 

His teacher stood up straight again, and it felt suddenly like she was looming over him. “When you’re finished crying, call me over and I’ll help you with your work,” she told him, and Mikey shivered from the coldness of it. He had never been so ashamed to cry before. “And if I see any more drawings, I’m throwing them in the trash. Do you understand me?”

Mikey had hiccuped, just a tiny bit, without meaning to, and nodded.

His throat felt all achy and swollen up as he laid his head down in his arms, blinking past tears and sniffling softly, trying desperately to push everything back down and dismiss them. This wasn’t even the first time this had happened…! He was pretty much convinced by now that Mrs. Stephanidis must hate him with all the trouble he was always getting into. She was always upset with him. She was always sighing like that every time they talked… and he was trying, honest, he was! He didn’t mean to get distracted and end up doing something else when they were in class, it just… 

Happened.

It was so hard to just sit still and listen and not do anything else. His fingers always wanted to move! So did his feet and his tongue! And he could keep some of them down, but he could never quite manage to keep them all in check all at the same time, despite his best efforts. He’d stay in his seat and be still, but then he’d get in trouble for chatting with his desk-neighbor, which he could never quite understand, because why was he in trouble for talking with his friend? Was it bad? He didn’t get it. He’d keep his hands still, not letting them wander off and do anything else, and he’d remain quiet in class, but then he’d spot something out the window and before he knew it he’d be out of his seat and peering out the window, belatedly finding some excuse to be up when he was confronted. And even when he could keep his mouth quiet and his bottom firmly in his chair… 

Well, he’d find himself here.

There were just so many things all the time that he wanted to be doing! Like drawing little superheroes. Or debating with Madison about how high horses could jump. Or finding out how many erasers he could stack on top of one another (twelve), or teaching his deskmates how to say “butt” in Japanese (now the entire first grade knew how), or discovering what happened if you put your finger in the pencil sharpener, (it hurt, and you had to go the nurse to get a bandaid.) 

It wasn’t like he didn’t like math and reading and all that stuff. It was just…

So slow sometimes.

As he ruminated on this all, he was slowly able to fight off some of the earlier sorrow, muscling all the wobbly little sobs back inside of his head once he put every bit of strength he had into it. It was exhausting, but it was worth it. He wanted Mrs. Stephanidis to like him. He wanted to be a good student! A good kid! He wanted to do his math and learn how…! He eventually picked his head back up, refocusing on the worksheets in front of him, now with a few wet spots.

He wiped at his cheeks, taking a few long, shaking breaths as he glanced over at his teacher across the room, wandering about and looking over other kids shoulders, occasionally making comments or remarks to his classmates. He supposed he could raise his hand and ask her to come and help him, but…

The idea made his throat puff up again. If he had her come help him, he’d have to raise his hand, and then everyone would look at him again. And, maybe even worse, then she would come over, and he’d have to talk with her again, and… 

He hesitated, fear prickling up his spine, his sneakers nudging anxiously at the tile floor at the thought. Well. She would surely wander her way back over to his desk eventually…

Mikey sniffled softly, wiping at his nose with the backs of his sleeve. Maybe he just wasn’t trying hard enough before. Maybe he could figure this stuff out on his own, and he just hadn’t worked long enough on it… 

His eyes wandered to the first problem, his pencil lingering over the surface of the paper, repeatedly leaving small, nervous marks and nicks in the surface of the paper as his hand squirmed and trembled. He had gone over some of this with Donnie before, so he probably knew how to do it, right? He just hadn’t tried hard enough to remember… 

Very slowly, he tried to pick his way through the problem, his face scrunched up with concentration. Okay, so if it was six, plus nine, then it was like… if he had nine… he just had to count six more times higher, right? But wait, did he start from nine, or from ten? Was the rule different when you got into double digits?...

He hesitantly wrote out numbers on the sheet, his handwriting having morphed from his usual big, loopy letters and numbers to become itty bitty, tiny script, all scrunched together and small, like it wanted to curl up and hide just like he did. And he wasn’t sure if he was doing it right, but at least he was doing it, right? It was better to do it this way, wasn’t it…? He frowned, chewing at his eraser, digging his teeth into the surface.

He ground himself to a halt when he approached the subtraction problems, squirming anxiously in his seat. He knew Donnie taught him this, too, but he really didn’t remember how to do these ones. He knew he had to do it backwards, kinda, but he didn’t remember how it worked, or what the first step was. 

His pencil twitched absently as he dug around in the back of his mind, searching desperately for anything helpful. He sketched repeatedly over the same lines he had already drawn earlier-- digging into the little canals and divots that the lead had carved into the soft surface of the paper, dragging it back and forth. Just an absent motion while he tried to think.

And he hadn’t realized Mrs. Stephanidis had come back. But the absolutely outraged gasp that clued him in made him jump, and his blood ran cold as he immediately froze, dropping the pencil like it had burned him.

“Michelangelo!”

“I wasn’t--” He tried desperately to explain himself, panic flaring through his chest. 

“What did I just tell you?!”

“But I--”

Mikey realized quickly that she wasn’t interested in listening to him as she snatched the worksheets from his desk, his pencil knocked aside with the movement and rolling off his desk. Mikey resisted the urge to grab for them, remaining absolutely still in his seat. All the hard work he had just done to chase the tears away was instantly undone as he watched her march over to the trash can by the door. 

She tore the papers in half the long way, right down the middle. And then she rotated them so she could do it again, ripping them the opposite direction, like a cross. Like a great big “X.” Pulled apart into four separate pieces. And then the scraps went fluttering into the black bin.

She went to her desk. She picked up a new set of worksheets, clean and fresh. She returned to Mikey’s desk, laying them down neatly where his previous work had once been. She picked his pencil up off the floor for him and leaned back over the desk.

“Okay. Now show me which problems you didn’t understand.”

Yeah. Dad hadn’t been too happy about that one.

He had started seeing his therapist, Cat, a little after that, and that had helped a lot. And then when he was seven, he started taking meds, and that helped a lot, too. It certainly wasn’t a magic band-aid. Things still… sucked sometimes.

And he still wasn’t the best at. You know. Focusing.

… But he couldn’t just let it keep getting the better of him. 

Not if it was going to hurt his family.

Mikey took in a long, deep breath, sitting back upright again, scooting forward so he could copy his Dad’s posture once more, his legs crossed and his hands resting on his knees.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

---

It was just as he had suspected.

Penelope was pissed.

It had been endearing, quite frankly, how worked up she was. They all were-- Raphael had been nearly ambushed when he showed up at class, all five of his students throwing themselves at him and clinging to him as soon as they got the chance. 

“Where were you?!” Penelope had demanded. “You were gone for forever!!! You’re supposed to teach us, remember!? We have a standing appointment!!!”

And Raph had laughed despite himself, wondering where she had heard that term, unable to keep himself from smiling even as they scolded him. He had already known he had missed them over the past month. But he hadn’t had the chance to actually feel it until just then. It was almost enough to make him tear up, emotion building up in the back of his throat, but he smoothed it back out, keeping himself steady. He didn’t even mind how much his cheeks hurt, because god.

He had missed this so much.

“Sorry, kiddo, my bad,” he told them. “Raph missed you guys, too. But I had to go take care of my family for a little while.”

“Why?” Penelope had demanded.

“Are they okay?” Another child had questioned, looking up at him with these huge, concerned eyes.

“It’s a real long story,” he had told them with a sigh and a lop-sided grin. “But don’t worry. Everyone is okay now.”

“Did something bad happen?” One of his students had asked.

“Did you protect them?” Said another, and Raph had chuckled.

“Nah,” he told them. “We all protected each other.”

Even thinking about it now, now that he was back in his own room in his own house, he couldn’t help but smile a little bit. He thought that there was a fifty-fifty chance he may grow to regret it, but he had even given in and done two ‘Ferry’ laps around the pool at the end of the lesson. Come on-- how could he not? 

A knock on his door drew him from the memory, and he lifted his head slightly, his eyes darting over to meet the sound.

“Yeah?”

He was, admittedly, a little surprised when Leo made his way into the room with him, closing the door behind him. Not that he was unwelcome.

“Hey,” Leo greeted.

“Hey,” Raph echoed, raising a brow slightly, already wondering what it was that had brought his little brother here. He wasn’t just here to hang out or avoid doing homework-- he could already tell. He knew his brothers better than that. “What’s up?”

Leo had hesitated a second, wrinkling his nose. “Can you help me with something?”

What kind of a question is that?

“Yeah, a’course. What’s up?”

Leo had frowned, plopping down on Raph’s bed, and Raph took notice of the little black pouch he had brought with him for the first time. 

“Okay, look. Can you just help me with my T-shot? Please?”

Raph blinked in surprise. 

“Oh,” he said. “I mean. Yeah, sure. I can try. You haven’t done ‘em yet…?” Leo’s appointment had only been a few days ago, but still. He had been so excited for this!

“I’ve been making Dad do them,” Leo confessed, scrunching up his nose. “But I wanna be able to do them myself! And I can, I know how, I just--”

He cut out, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.

“This is so fucking stupid. Can you just-- count me down?” 

Was that all? Raph just barely breathed out an amused little huff, though he didn’t dare laugh at his younger brother’s request, biting it back. 

“Yeah, dude. No problem.”

“It’s just-- it psyches me out,” Leo muttered, curled up on the foot of his brother’s bed, beginning to unpack the kit he had brought with him with determined but still unpracticed hands.

“That’s fine,”

“It’s so dumb. I’ve done way scarier stuff than this. It doesn’t even really hurt that bad,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, but I do most of the scary stuff you do, too, and I’m still freaked out by puppets,” Raph countered, shrugging a bit. He hated to bring it up, and if anyone besides him said it, he’d smack them, but… sometimes you gotta make sacrifices for your family. “So I kinda think it probably doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Leo sighed, biting the tip of his tongue as he fiddled with the syringe, occasionally stopping, stumbling, and starting again. Raph waited patiently. It wasn’t like he had any idea how to do any of this stuff, anyway, so he didn’t have much room to judge. He watched silently as his brother tore open an alcohol pad to wipe down his own thigh, scrunching his pajama shorts up ever-so-slightly to give himself more room. 

“You ready?” Raph asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

“Alright. I’ll count down from three.”

“Okay.”

“Three.”

“Mmmm…”

“Two.”

Leo adjusted his grip on the needle slightly.

“One.”

There was just the second of delay, Leo’s hand hoovering for just a second, like he was still thinking about backing down. 

But just for a second. 

He hissed a bit at the sting, but about three seconds later, it was done, the needle capped again and ready to be disposed of, and everything was finished.

“All good?”

“Yeah. I’m good. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Raph said, turning in his chair to face his desk again. And he meant it. He liked doing this kind of thing. He liked it when his brothers could come to him, when his family could rely on him-- he liked feeling needed like this. He was sure that Mikey would psychoanalyze the shit out of this, but he really did want to protect them. He wanted to be the one who kept them safe. Even when it was difficult.

And when it was easy, too. Just like this.

 “”S not like I was really doin’ homework, anyway,” Raph added in with a chuckle, glancing over his shoulder at Leo again.

Leo made a face at the thought of homework, no doubt having his own, but he laughed a little, too.

“You want me to count you in tomorrow, too?” Raph asked, keeping his tone as casual as he possibly could, turning his head back to face the desk again as he spoke, leaving the other to consider the offer without eyes on him. And he could tell that Leo was thinking about it for a while, waffling for a moment before he answered.

“... Yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

---

“Dad, is this a touch screen?”

“No, it is not, so do not touch it.”

“DAD! Dad, look! There’s a dog over there!!!”

“Yes, Mikey, I see it.”

“Can I go--”

“No. Stay here with me.”

“Dad! Look! I can see the security guys!”

“Yes, and they are all very busy doing their jobs, so we probably should not distract them by screaming and pointing--”

“Do they have guns!?”

Their father sighed very deeply, not looking up from his current task, rummaging through his bag.

“No, they--”

“Do they have katanas?”

“Why would they have katanas?”

“‘Cause they’re cool,” Leo said, “I wanted to bring mine! This is sooo not fair”

“Well, you’re not old enough to compete in that event yet, so you’ll have to suck it up,” Dad replied. “And you do not have to worry about what weapons the security does or does not have, because you would not break any rules and give them any reason to use any of them. Right, Blue?”

“Right!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah!!! I’m for sure sure!”

“So if I go through your backpack right now, I will not find any cans of Jupiter Jim Comet Cola in there? Because I specifically told you not to bring any?”

Leo scowled.

“Go throw it out.”

“What!? But it’s limited edition!!!”

“Then you should have left it at home like I told you. Go.”

“I’ll drink it so fast--”

“Leonardo.”

Leo groaned loudly, flinging his head back dramatically as he slunk off towards the nearby trash can.

This had been about the energy pretty much all day. 

“What kind of cameras are those?”

“Purple, I have absolutely no idea.”

“Can I--”

“Whatever it is, no,” Dad said, finally fishing their boarding passes from his bag. “Alright, come on, let’s go. That way, to the security check-- the blue sign over there.”

“I wanna hold my own ticket!” Leo demanded.

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not!?”

“You will lose it. Come on. Let’s go.”

“No I wouldn’t! I swear!”

“Well, we will never know,” Dad said. “Come on, or we will be late and miss our flight. Move. Shoo,” he insisted, nudging at the nearest child’s ankle slightly with his foot, as if to herd them. Mikey gave a short squeal in response, hopping away and giggling as he took off in a jog towards the blue TSA sign. He bobbed and weaved past all the hoards of people and their suitcases, his backpack bouncing about with each step.

Raph frowned a bit, hurrying his pace so he could catch up with Mikey, sticking close by his side. There were a ton of people here. What if he got lost or something? Then they’d definitely miss their flight. He picked up the pace slightly so he could catch up.

“Mikey,” he called, reaching out towards him and wriggling his fingers. “Hold hands?”

“Okay,” Mikey agreed easily, happily reaching over to grab Raph’s hand in his own, and Raph breathed out a very quiet sigh in relief. Mikey was always willing to hold hands when he asked. At least this way, he knew he wasn’t gonna get lost.

The five of them slowly snaked their way through the long, roped-off security lines, their father following after them, occasionally saying things like, ‘stop unhooking the lanes,’ or ‘do NOT touch the AED machine,’ or ‘Orange, get off the floor.’ Raph and Mikey took turns seeing who could walk on their hands the longest, and they only fell a few times, with their father grumbling at them to cut it out each time he caught them by their legs and prevented them from crashing into any fellow travelers, which they of course ignored. Eventually, they shuffled their way through the entire process, having all the boarding passes and documents checked by the security man up front, and then passing through the physical security check as well. Dad grumbled about how much more complicated flying had gotten since he had last done it, forbade Leo and Mikey from climbing up onto the conveyor belt for the X-Ray machine, and had, one by one, coaxed them all through the entire process until they were on the other side.

“Dad, can I have one of those?” Donnie questioned, pointing back at the equipment at the checkpoint.

“Ask me again when we get back home,” Dad said, letting out a long breath. 

The rest of the process was actually pretty easy. They eventually made their way over to their gate, their dad sat them all down and put on a Jupiter Jim movie for them to watch together, and they waited until it was time for boarding. And the entire day had been very chaotic so far, with Raphael’s anxiety spiking and waning throughout it all in frantic little bursts, but now, it didn’t really seem so bad.

It wasn’t until they actually started to board the plane that some of the fear started to come back.

He and his siblings were arguing about who would get to sit in the window seat, their Dad hoisting carry-ons up into the overheads, when Raph kind of glanced outside through said window and came to the startling realization that they were on a plane.

And it was huge.

And it was gonna go up in the air. With them in it. 

His carefully calculated talking points about how he was the oldest, and therefore, he should get the window seat sort of died in his throat, and he swallowed hard, balling his hands up into little fists.

They had never flown in a plane before.

“Hey, Dad?”

“Yes, Red…?”

“Are we… Are we, uhm…” He kind of broke off, his mouth suddenly feeling very dry. The air in here was so stale.

Their dad paused, glancing down at him for a moment, quickly finishing his task before kneeling down next to Raph, seeming unconcerned about the other people trying to walk down the aisle.

“What’s wrong, Red?”

“Is it…” He hesitated a little. “Are you sure planes are safe?”

“Yes, my son. I am sure planes are safe.”

“Oh,” he said, biting the insides of his cheeks. “And it’s not gonna be… I mean. Nothin’ bad is gonna happen?”

“I’m sure,” Dad assured. “It will be fine, Raph. I have flown many, many times before, and nothing bad has ever happened yet. At least nothing worse than my bag getting lost,” he said, chuckling a bit, and Raph wrinkled up his nose slightly. (Wait, what if their bags got lost? It had a bunch of their stuff for the tournament they were going to! They needed that stuff…!)

“Here,” Dad said, grabbing his shoulder and squeezing it slightly. “How about you sit here next to me? So if anything happens, I can explain it to you?”

Raph’s eyes widened a bit, his head immediately turning to glance over at his siblings.

“But what about--”

“They will be right there the entire time. You’ll be able to see them and talk to them the whole flight if you want,” Dad assured quickly. “And so will I. Just in case. Does that sound okay?” 

Raph chewed quietly at his knuckle, considering this for a second before he nodded.

“Okay. Good. Here, sit down,” he bade, getting the two of them settled in their seats to clear up the aisle, giving a quick order to the other three to ‘sort it out.’ It took five games of rock-paper-scissors, but eventually, the others figured out what order they were sitting in. (Mikey in the window seat, Leo in the middle, and Donnie in the aisle.)

“Are you excited to go to the competition, Red?” Dad asked, settling down easily in his seat. Raph breathed in deeply, hesitating a second before he nodded.

“Yeah.”

“It’s pretty exciting, going to the National Tournament for the first time,” Dad continued. “I am looking forward to watching you four kick everyone else’s butt when we get there.”

“Mmm-hmmm…”

“And for you to see Colorado. I have never been there before, but I heard it’s very nice.”

“You haven’t?”

“No, not yet. So it will be new for me, too,” Dad said with a nod. “But I’m sure it will be lovely. I’m quite looking forward to it.”

Raph blinked thoughtfully, his shoulders slowly untensing a bit as they discussed.

“I thought you said you used to fly everywhere,” he challenged, and his dad laughed.

“I did! Just not to Colorado.”

“Well then that’s not everywhere, though!”

“Fair enough,” he chuckled. “But I have flown to many places. I enjoy flying. It’s relaxing. A good chance to catch up on my beauty sleep!” He laughed. 

“It is?”

“Mmm-hmm,” Dad confirmed with a hum. “When we are taking off, the plane will go very fast so it can get up into the air. It is like, uh… A roller coaster. But in reverse order,” he explained. “And then once we are in the air, we just go straight in the direction we want to go, and it’s very calm. So I like it.”

A reverse roller-coaster?

Raph blinked in surprise, leaning over slightly as he considered this. Well, he did like roller coasters.

“How high are we gonna go?”

---

It’s really true what they say. You never really appreciate something until it’s taken from you. Absence and hearts growing fonder and all that. And really, they hadn’t been separated for very long-- no more than a few days.

But god, had Donnie missed his lab.

His dad had only kept him from the space for a few days before he was granted re-access, though only after a long discussion and several promises not to try to perform any more blood work on himself. And Donnie had relented, though perhaps a bit reluctantly. It was an interesting project, but he supposed he would have to put it on hold for the time being.

(Also, Dad had confiscated all his syringes.)

Besides, it wasn’t as though he didn’t have about half a dozen other fascinating things that he could throw himself into right now. He had a hard time picking one thing to focus on right now, quite frankly, with so many different things calling for his attention now that he finally had the energy to offer it. 

The one thing that called the loudest, however, currently sat in his gloved hand-- held up closer to the light beneath several magnifying lenses.

He really had no idea what this little pink crystal that he had stolen from Draxum’s lab did. But if it came from him, he had a feeling it must be important. He was still in the early data collection stage, but already all the readings he had picked up were, quite frankly, baffling in the very best of ways, and he was already certain of one thing.

It wasn’t any kind of mineral that had been documented in human records before.

(Even just thinking that made him shiver with goosebumps. This was totally uncharted territory! Research that no one in documented modern science had done before! And here he was, holding this little stone in his hands, his own two hands, preparing to dive into unknown and crack open its secrets and lay them out and untangle them--)

“Dude!”

Donnie startled slightly, his head bobbing about to glance over at the entrance of his lab.

“Quit putting your phone on silent, it’s annoying,” Leo huffed. “Do you have any idea how many stairs are in between you and the kitchen?”

Donnie blinked slowly beneath his goggles. “... What?”

“We tried calling you!” Mikey added, poking his head into the lab as well. “Dinner is ready!!! Come on!”

Donnie floundered for a moment, looking sadly back at his research. “But I--”

“Family dinner. That I made myself. For my whole family to enjoy,” Mikey added in swiftly, batting his eyelashes. “Together.”

Right. Donnie sighed softly, reluctantly setting the crystal down, stripping himself of his safety gear and getting to his feet. It wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate the new emphasis on sit-down family dinners that they had recently developed… 

But dang it, did it have to be at the expense of scientific advancement!?

“I’m coming. Put the eyes away, Michael,” he muttered, making his way across the lab to join them at the door. Mikey just grinned in response, seemingly perfectly pleased with himself as he spun around to begin making his way back down the stairs. Donnie, admittedly, smiled the tiniest bit.

Fine, fine. He supposed that the crystal would still be there when he got back.

The kitchen was already bustling by the time they all re-joined the fray, with Dad and Raph finishing up setting the table, which was already filled to the brim with Mikey’s cooking. Luckily, with the size of their family and the size of the appetites in it, there was never any concern about overabundance. 

“‘S April coming?” He questioned, easily joining the organized chaos, slipping neatly into the familiar thick of it. He rapidly took inventory of the scene and moved by instinct to fill in any gaps, reaching into the cupboard to grab glasses for the table before fetching the Brita filter from the fridge. The rest of the family moved around him seamlessly, darting around and between one another as all the last-minute meal prep was completed. 

“Yeah, she should be here in a few minutes. She said she was on her way,” Raph reported, tossing a stray backpack left on the back of a kitchen chair into the living room, letting it bounce off the couch and onto the floor to be fetched later.

“Guys, where’re the salad tongs? I can’t find them!” Mikey complained, shuffling through drawers.

“Mikey, no one except for you ever uses those,” Donnie scoffed in response, raising a brow. “They’re wherever you put them last.”

“But I can’t find them!”

“Did you check the dishwasher?” Raph questioned.

“Yeah!”

“Did you check all the cabinets?”

“... No.”

“... Do you want me to check the top ones?”

Mikey scowled.

“Yeah,” he muttered. And Raph grinned, but he didn’t say anything further, reaching up to the upper cupboards inaccessible to the rest of his family, beginning to search.

“Are they still in the fridge?” Leo questioned, raising a brow.

“Why would they be in the fridge?” Raph questioned.

“‘Cause Mikey was using them for those chocolate-strawberry-nachos he made the other day, and there’s still leftovers in the fridge.”

Mikey gasped, his face lighting up as he darted across the room.

“Oh, yeah--!”

“It’s a miracle we are able to keep track of anything in this house,” Dad scoffed softly, though he seemed more amused than anything, shaking his head as he dried a last-minute addition to the dishware lineup, dinner plate in one hand and hand towel in the other.

“That’s an understatement,” Donnie sighed.

“APRILLLL O’NEIL!!!”

Donnie would admit it. He had missed her dramatic entrances. He smiled a bit as his sister flung the front door open, bursting into the Hamato Household, grinning wide despite looking just a tiny bit frazzled. He suspected she had rushed her way over here-- she was still wearing her work uniform.

“Sorry I’m late,” April laughed, kicking the door shut behind her as she made her way into the kitchen. “This guy got one of the kiddie sandals stuck on his foot and I had to--”

Donnie was sure that whatever April was about to say would have been a good story. He would have been interested in hearing it. But he didn’t get the chance.

The sound of a ceramic plate shattering on the tile floor brought all conversation to a shrieking, shuddering halt.

---

Raphael’s conversation with his Dad, which had been going on for several minutes now, discussing the longest flight their father had ever been on, was cut off when he suddenly felt the entire plane jolt beneath him. His eyes widened as they began to taxi forward.

“We’re moving!”

“Mmm-hmmm,” Dad confirmed, steady and calm, leaning back to rest his head against the seat. “We’re going to the end of the runway, so the plane can get a running start and go fast enough to take off.”

Raph gaped slightly, glancing across the aisle to look over at his siblings-- and they were all wriggling with anticipation, too, straining to try to crowd around Mikey’s little window and see outside. Raph shifted a bit, glancing in the opposite direction, and realized that he could kind of see the window a little bit, too. He could see the world begin to shift around them. And Raph tensed a little bit, because he knew that things were about to start happening.

His dad shifted ever so slightly, moving to casually lay his hand on the armrest between them, and Raph immediately took the unspoken invitation and grabbed it. He could hear his own heartbeat.

“Here we go,” Dad hummed softly, and Raph nodded a tiny bit, biting the insides of his cheeks.

It was starting.

[ next ]

#i can fit so much fluff into a chapter you have no frickin idea #cw needles #needles #tw needles #sorrywhatnowau fic #sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rottmnt au #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fic #rottmnt fandom #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt human au #tmnt human au #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt fic #fidgetwing

[tangledinink]

In lieu of a new chapter-- I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? one-shot! In which Leo cannot sleep, and events occur as a result. NOW UP ON ao3!!! Or, read below the cut!!!

It was another one of those.

Those little loops he got into sometimes.

Insomnia was kind of like that, funnily enough. Really hot-and-cold, waxing and waning, on and off, or at least it was for him. So sometimes, it really wasn’t so bad. He’d sleep relatively well for weeks at a time. Granted, it was never as simple as just laying his head on the pillow and falling asleep (could you imagine?), but with a little bit of work, he could eventually manage to get himself off to dreamland and get a good six or seven hours. And that was awesome, by Leo’s standards! It was great when it was like that!

But that was when it was good.

Sometimes, it was harder than that. Sometimes, it took herculean efforts to get himself to sleep each night. Sometimes, he’d be lucky if he got three or four hours, no matter what he did, with the occasional all-nighter sprinkled in here or there, just for the fun of it. And that was less than ideal for, like, a lot of reasons, obviously, but at least it was tolerable. That was kind of the usual for him, quite frankly, and he knew how to operate under such circumstances by now.

So, you know. Sometimes it was good. And sometimes, it was hard, but overall okay.

The real problem came when things… got away from him.

He knew how to weather a no-sleep kinda night. He was comfortable with taking the occasional L and just grinning and bearing it for the day. That was fine, it happened, not a huge deal. He could handle all that.

Two all-nighters in a row? Okay. Now we’re starting to run into a problem, but still not anything insurmountable. Things will probably suck for the day, but he’s capable of muscling his way through and remaining (mostly) functional. That’s what they made Red Bull for, obviously.

It’s on the third night, usually at around one in the morning, that he always starts to think that maybe he might be in real trouble. And that was really his downfall. The thinking. 

Despite his best efforts, he’d always climb into bed on the third night, intending on getting, like, some bomb-ass sleep, finally, because surely his body is ready for it after two nights in a row, right? But then always, without fail, that stupid little voice in his head would eventually go,

Oh my god, is this the start of a Loop?

And he’d go, NOOOO, why did you say that!? Why would you jinx us like that!? Now the insomnia heard you!!!

And that would be that. A self-fulfilling prophecy. His stupid, dumbass brain would go, oh no, what if we get stuck in a Loop? and then his anxiety would kick in, grabbing onto the thoughts and sinking its teeth in and going, oh no, oh god, please, we’ve gotta sleep, this is night three, we can’t keep going like this! and his heart rate would pick up, and all his nerves would flash on stark and bright, and all the cogs would start spinning in his annoying, useless brain, everything switching on and going into overdrive… 

Which, of course, would simply ensure that he wouldn’t be getting any sleep that night.

And then, all of a sudden, he’d be in a Loop.

That was when things were truly bad. When he was ‘Looping,’ so to speak, trapped in these dumb little circles, endlessly worrying and stressing about his inability to get to sleep and keeping himself awake. And the longer he went without sleep, the more panicked he’d get, and the less ability he’d have to keep himself in check and apply, you know, actual reason or logic to anything. And then he’d start getting desperate. He’d just do more and more stupid things to try to get himself to sleep, and he’d freak his family out and scare them, and then feel awful about it later. 

He wasn’t allowed to hang onto his own trazodone prescription anymore because he had once, in a state of overtired delirium and panic, accidentally taken too much. 

He had been fine, really, it wasn’t like he took that much-- he mostly just gave himself a killer headache. But he sure had freaked Dad out. And maybe also himself.

He hated worrying them. And he knew they all already worried about how much he slept as, like, a baseline, let alone when things were bad, even if bad only came around every few months or so. Especially because it wasn’t like he wasn’t trying. He really was! He tried so frickin’ hard. His dad had dragged him to, like, a dozen different sleep doctors and specialists or whatever (that brave soul, he always shook like a leaf every time, which Leo also hated,) and they’d tried twice as many different medications and tricks and home treatments or whatever, but nothing actually, truly fixed the problem. Not forever, anyway.

The point was, it sucked.

He didn’t like it. 

It was stressful, and it was unpleasant.

And, quite frankly? It was scary.

And the longer he was awake, the scarier it would be, because the longer he was awake the less he could trust himself. When he was like this, even the simplest of tasks would suddenly become so freaking hard.

Leo was not a chef by any means, but he was competent enough that he could at least do simple things like make a sandwich or cut up an apple for himself. But he only had to nick himself with a knife once, clumsy with sleepiness, for his Loop Self to suddenly be terrified of the kitchen.

Likewise, Leo though typically perfectly capable of navigating the streets of the city, but only had to get a bit turned around and confused on a single occasion for his Loop Self to be petrified of leaving the house alone-- even if he had found his way in a matter of minutes that first time.

It only took him sending one stupid sleep-drunk text to the wrong person by mistake for his Loop Self to become too frightened to text people for fear of somehow sending something awful to the wrong person and promptly destroying his social life.

It didn’t matter how unlikely or niche the fear was. Every time he got like this, his Loop Self would find more ways to be anxious and more things to be terrified of. And the longer he was awake, the more paranoid he would get.

This was his fourth night. 

This wasn’t the longest Leo had ever stayed up, but that was of little comfort to him at the moment. During the day, it really wasn’t that bad. Like, yeah, Loop Leo would always be there, kind of whispering in his ears, but it was a lot easier to ignore them in the light of day. He could still be a person during the day, at least, mostly, even if he was afraid the entire time. But at night? Once it was dark out and the rest of his family had gone to bed?

That was when Loop Leo truly came out to play.

And looping he most certainly was doing, pacing anxiously through his room and tugging at his hair, his nose wrinkled up as he scowled. 

You should lie down. Like. Get in bed? So you can sleep? You can’t go to sleep if you’re not laying down, and you need to sleep, Leo pointed out.

What if something happens while we’re asleep? Loop Leo countered. Besides, we can’t lie down. Laying down makes us feel like we’re losing it. Can’t you feel how much energy we have?!

That’s not energy. That’s anxiety, Leo argued from his current spot, way in the back of his own mind, trapped in some tiny metaphorical cage. But, of course, he was ignored.

‘Cause the real bummer of the matter was that the later it got on nights like this, the more ‘Loop Leo’ and ‘Leo’ kind of blurred together, until they were basically just the same person.

He paced for a while, spiraling around his room. He checked the locks on all his windows, and then he went downstairs and checked all the doors and the security system. He then almost set off said security system because his brain was so foggy and moving so slowly that he nearly mistyped the password. And then when he realized his close call, he had spent some time stressing about that, too, laying on the couch with his face buried in the pillows, because he just didn’t wanna be in one place right now, and besides, his room felt too small to be in anymore.

Leo groaned softly, rolling over onto his front, pulling the pillow over his head as he did so. He thought quietly to himself that he should have asked Dad for sleepy drugs, but then he would have worried Dad, and Dad would be stressed, and he didn’t even know if it would work for sure, and what if he poisoned himself, somehow, actually?

That’s literally why Dad holds onto the drugs. So that doesn’t happen. Just go wake him up! He won’t mind. He’ll give you the drugs. He’ll give you the correct dose! 

Nope, absolutely not. We cannot do that. Leo whined to no one in particular, rubbing at his face with his hands and rolling over onto his feet again. And he kind of stumbled a bit, and nearly fell over, but he didn’t. 

He couldn’t stay in one place anymore. It was driving him crazy.

He went down to the Lair. He played video games for, like, an hour and a half, and he lost every single one. He thought about playing Minecraft or something simple like that, but he was afraid he’d accidentally fuck it up and then be crushed about it later, so he didn’t. He laid out the gym mats with the intention of practicing some of his gymnastics routines that he was working on, and then thought, what, are you crazy? Right now, like this? You’ll break both your legs. You’ll get a head injury and die. So he put the mats back away. 

His sleepy brain thought about messing with some of Donnie’s stuff for a minute, ‘cause it might be funny, and then the anxiety brain went, are you insane!? And so he talked himself out of it at the last minute, heading back upstairs.

He checked all the windows and doors, (again,) and then peeked his head into his Dad’s room, just to make sure that he was still there and alive. He was, and was furthermore snoring softly in his bed, and Leo internally sighed in relief. He did another lap around the ground floor before he went up to the second, and did the same exact thing. Checked all the windows, and then checked on Mikey and Raph. And, just as he expected (or rather hoped?) they were both there. Mikey was all curled up in bed, snuggled up with his pillow, and drooling slightly on himself. His limbs would kind of twitch every now and again as he dreamed, and Leo smiled a tiny bit at the sight. Raph was splayed out across his mattress, amongst all his blankets and pillows and stuffed animals, his limbs flopped out in every which direction. Leo watched him for a little bit, too, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe, watching as his chest slowly rose and fell with each breath.

He stayed there for a few minutes, lingering on each family member for a spell before he finally moved on, closing the door behind him as he quietly could.

He made his way back up to the third floor. And he kind of had one of those ‘out-of-it’ moments for a second there and got dizzy and sort of blacked out real quick and almost fell, but then he didn’t. He caught himself, so it was fine, totally fine, but he still kind of rushed a bit the rest of the way up the stairs because suddenly he was sort of scared to be on them.

Once he reached the top, he ended up sitting in the hall for a bit, clenching and unclenching his fists and staring up at the ceiling. Eventually, he laid down on the hardwood floor, curled up on his side, and closed his eyes, like somehow this would be the fix and laying in the middle of the floor was the answer and he would finally be able to fall asleep like this. He stayed there for maybe five minutes before he gave up and got back to his feet, and he wandered towards Donnie’s room to do the exact same thing he had just done on the last two floors.

Very carefully, very quietly, he cracked open the door, leaning through the doorway to peek his head in, blinking a few times to adjust to the lighting.

And Donnie was there. Bundled up in bed beneath his weighted blanket, fast asleep, just like the rest of his family. Just like Leo had known (hoped) he would be.

See? Leo told himself. He’s fine. Everyone is fine. Chill.

And that should have been enough, right? That should be fine. He had physical eyes on him. He could see him, right there, literally, like, five feet away. 

The problem was that Donnie always slept under the covers, with his big weighted blanket layered up on top, curled up into a little ball. And his back was on Leo right now, facing the wall, leaving him with only a view of the back of his head.

So he couldn’t see if he was breathing or not.

This is stupid, Leo protested. Of course he’s breathing. Why wouldn’t he be breathing?

What if he’s not? Loop Leo countered. Something could have happened. He could be dead.

He’s not dead. And even if he was, what would we do about it? Cast Revivify? Use a Max Revive? 

Maybe he’s dying. 

Maybe he’s dying right now.

Maybe he just stopped breathing, just now.

Maybe he stopped breathing just before we came in, and he’s still alive, but not breathing, and we could still save him. What if we’re watching him die right now? What if he’s dying right now in front of us and we’re just watching him? 

What if he’s dying, and he dies, and then we’re just one person instead of a set? What if we have to live without him? What if we never talk to him again? And we can’t ask him for help with our homework ever again, or play Mario Kart with him, or show him dumb botany memes that make him laugh? What will you do when you see a stupid science joke and you wanna send it to him and make fun of it with him? What then?

What if he dies and leaves you and you let it happen?

He’s dying right now and you’re watching it happen.

Do something!!!

Leo’s feet were moving before he even realized they were.

He kind of stumbled a bit in his rush, not being the most coordinated person at the moment, only just managing to avoid face-planting right into Donnie’s bed frame. He kind of ended up flopping against Donnie’s bed, half falling on top of him, grabbing onto his blanket to hang onto and using his free hand to grab him and shake him.

“Donnie?” He hissed frantically, practically digging his nails into his brother’s form through the blankets. “Donnie!? Wake up!” He tightened his grip as his heart climbed up into his throat, because oh my god, he was dead, he wasn’t waking up, and he didn’t know what to do, and he was about to start screaming for their dad--

“Wha--? Leo? What the fuck is-- The house had better be on fire--” Donnie slurred, his voice weighed down with sleep, and Leo kind of paused for a moment, stopping dead and staring at him.

All he could hear was his own heartbeat pounding wildly in his ears.

And then he sobbed, immediately throwing his arms around his twin and clinging desperately to him.

Donnie chirped in surprise, sort of floundering, his eyes wide as he stiffened.

“Leo? What’s going on? What’s wrong?” 

“I-- I thought you were dead--” Leo wept pitifully, burying his face against his shoulder.

“... Why would I be dead?”

“I-- I couldn’t see you breathing!!!”

“Leo, what the hell are you talking about? And why are you in my room?”

Leo hiccuped weakly, because, like, he didn’t actually have a good way to answer that? Hostage-Leo rattled the bars of their metaphorical mind cage and fucking wailed because oh my god, STOP, you are embarrassing yourself and being soooo fucking insane right now and it is NOT CUTE, get it together right this fucking instant!!!-- But actual, physical Leo did not have it together. Not in this instant or any of the following instances. He just wept and burrowed in closer to Donnie, hugging him as tight as he possibly could, and he knew he was probably pissing him off and he had just woken him up and he probably didn’t like this, but he had just--

He had been so fucking scared that he was dead.

He had been so scared that he was gone forever, and he’d never ever see him again.

Donnie sighed deeply, reluctantly wrapping an arm around Leo as he whimpered into his shoulder, giving him a few awkward pats on the back.

“You’re totally sleep deprived, aren’t you?”

“Y-yeahhhhhh…”

“Are you in a Loop?”

“Mm-hmm…”

“How many days has it been?”

“Foouuuurrrrrrrrr…”

“Jesus christ, Nardo.”

“I love y-youuuu…”

“Why didn’t you ask Dad for meds?”

“I don’t knowwww…!” Leo sobbed, because how the hell was he supposed to explain that, actually, he was too scared to do that because what if he somehow accidentally poisoned himself and died? That just seemed like wayyy too much to try to unpack at four in the morning, quite frankly.

“Oh my god. You’re so stupid…”

“Y-yeah…”

“And you’re totally losing it, I assume?”

“Mmm…”

“Okay,” Donnie sighed, patting Leo’s shoulders a few more times. “Come on. Get up.”

Leo whined loudly, tightening his grip in response and curling up closer to Donnie, all but koala-clinging to him while Donnie huffed a bit at the increased weight.

“Lee, come on--”

“Please lemme stay! I promise I, I won’t w-wake you up again--”

“You can stay, Nardo, but we’ve gotta go get meds first, okay?”

“Noooo…”

“Yessssss,” Donnie insisted, imitating his drawn-out, whiny tone, trying to pry his brother off of him. “Come on. You’re fucked up, so just let me fix you already, dum-dum. We’ve just gotta go downstairs and get your meds from Dad, alright?”

“I don’t wanna take meds…”

“Yes, you do, your brain is just operating at an even lower capacity than usual right now,” Donnie insisted, finally managing to worm his way out from under Leo and get up to his feet. Leo whimpered, a tiny bit of panic flaring up in his chest, attempting to chase after him and grab him back, but Donnie quickly danced out of the way, purposefully standing just out of arm’s reach.

“Come on. I’m going downstairs to get Dad. So if you wanna hang out and not be all by yourself, you’re gonna have to follow me,” he said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest and fixing him with a hard stare.

Leo groaned softly, taking a moment, rubbing at his face with his hands and crying for just a tiny bit longer. He was feeling very miserable and frightened, as well as feeling very stupid for being so miserable and frightened. But even more than either of those, he just felt exhausted, and so very much did not want to have to get up or move or do anything else.

But even more than that-- he didn’t wanna be alone.

Finally, after several long moments, Leo gathered up just enough resolve to get to his feet, only wobbling a little bit as he did so. He reluctantly followed Donnie out into the hall, hanging onto their hand like a lifeline and sniffling softly. Honestly, he was being so brave about this. As soon as they approached the stairwell, however, he stopped short, digging his heels in with a whine and pulling back against the other.

Donnie sighed, his shoulders slumping with quiet exasperation.

“Leo, we’ve gotta go downstairs, remember?”

“Dee…”

“Leo.”

“I don’t wanna.”

Donnie quirked a brow.

“Okay, and?”

“I’m gonna fall down,” he hissed out, his voice absolutely drenched in worry, cracking the tiniest bit at the end. Much to his chagrin, he could feel himself tearing up again, but what if he did? He almost had coming up! What if he fell down and fractured his skull or something? Or even worse, what if he fell and took Donnie down with him, and fractured his skull? 

Donnie absolutely rolled his eyes at him.

“Leo, you’re not going to fall down. You are literally an award-winning acrobat. And I am also literally an award-winning acrobat. And I am holding your hand right now,” he said, shaking his arm as if to demonstrate. “And they’re stairs. I think that we can handle it with our powers combined. It is fine. You’re not gonna get hurt. I’m right here. Chill,” he pressed. “Are you ready?”

Leo wrinkled up his nose, hesitating. Donnie narrowed his eyes.

“Okay, look,” he huffed. “You can stay here if you want, but I have to go downstairs to get Dad so we can get your meds. So you can either wait up here, and I’ll be right back, or you can come down the stairs with me and we’ll go together. It’s your choice.”

Okay, fine. He’d brave the stairs. If he had to choose between risking the trip down or letting go of Donnie, who had literally just almost died, (... kinda,) then the stairs were definitely the lesser evil. 

Inhaling sharply and steeling himself, they started the trip downwards.

And would you believe it?

They were fine. 

He got a little overwhelmed and dizzy at a few places, but each time Donnie kept a hold on his arms, hanging onto him to make sure he stayed upright until it passed, and, hey, you know what? It turns out that he was, in fact, still fully capable of walking down stairs. Who knew? Hahaha…

Once they were on the ground floor, Donnie wasted no time in heading down the hall, towing Leo along by their connected hands into their dad’s room.

“Dad,” Donnie hissed softly, reaching over to try to shake him into consciousness. The poor man had been dozing quite peacefully up until now, and sort of twitched and snorted in his sleep slightly, mumbling to himself.

“I swear I’ve never been to Dallas…”

“Dad! Wake up!” Donnie pressed, a bit louder now, nudging him a few more times, until finally, their dad startled awake, his head jerking upwards as he blinked blearily.

“Hm…? Purple…? What’s… What’s wrong…?”

“Mom, I frew up,” Leo mumbled sleepily, extending his shoulders forward slightly to try to do the pose. Donnie whipped around to absolutely glare at him.

“Are you seriously quoting a fucking meme right now!?”

Leo giggled softly, maybe a bit hysterically, covering his face with his free hand and slumping against Donnie. His brother sighed loudly, rolling his eyes and scowling.

“Father, Leo needs his trazodone.”

Their dad was still clearly half-asleep, and it took him a second to process this, but to his credit he caught on fairly quickly, looking between the two and humming softly.

“Of course, of course…” he said, rolling over slightly in bed so he could begin shuffling through the drawers of his nightstand. Donnie, in the meantime, hoisted Leo off of himself, shoving him instead onto the bed.

“Sit.”

“You too!” Leo protested, and Donnie grumbled.

“Yes, okay, I’m also sitting. See me sitting?” He said, gesturing to himself with a flourish as he plopped down by his brother’s side, elbowing him a bit. “Here. Move over. Not, not there, there-- Stop it. If you fucking touch my face I’m going to fucking end you I swear to god--”

“Blue,” their father interrupted, tapping his shoulder to get his attention. Leo blearily turned to face him, blinking slowly, and his dad very carefully pressed a little white oval pill into his palm. “Here.”

Leo stared for a moment, processing. And then he picked the pill up in his fingers, examining it carefully.

One. There was one of them.

And he was pretty confident it was trazodone.

And there was just one. And it was 150mg. He was supposed to have 150mg. This should be… right. It should be okay. He was… 80% sure. He counted a few more times, just to be safe.

“It’s the right dose, Blue. It’s alright. I double-checked,” Dad assured, passing them over a glass of water from his bedside table as well. “I promise it’s okay.”

“You’re fine, Nardo,” Donnie mumbled, having already flopped down onto his stomach, curled up against his twin’s side. He reached over so he could rub Leo’s back. Or maybe kind of smack it. Flail his arm at it? “Dad won’t fuck it up or poison you. Please just take your meds.”

And Leo considered this for a second. And yeah, okay.

He supposed that checked out. 

He was still scared. But he took the pill anyway, tipping his head back to swallow it down.

“Thank you,” Dad said, resisting a yawn, plucking the water back from his hands to place out of harm’s way before patting his back a few times. “Come on. Lay down.”

Donnie muttered what might have been agreement, snuggling his way under the covers, his eyes already closed. Leo hummed softly in response, and then very slowly, carefully, eased his way down in bed beside the others.

He blinked up at the ceiling, shifting a bit to settle in, laying his head down against the pillow. Donnie adjusted the blankets around Leo, yanking them up over him, wriggling somewhat to force Leo to scootch over slightly so he could curl up against his side. And on his other side, Dad settled in as well, rolling over slightly so that he could wrap an arm around Leo.

And so Leo settled in, too. 

And he waited.

Waited to see if the drugs were gonna kick in properly and knock him out or not.

And it was kind of nice, at least, because he could feel both of them breathe like this.

He started doing that thing he tried to do sometimes, where he made a mental list of some random category in alphabetical order, because, in theory, it would help you get to sleep. He was doing comic book characters this time, rolling his tongue around in his mouth as he stared up at the ceiling.

Astro Boy. Batman. Catwoman. Daredevil. Eddie Brock. Fantastic Four. Ghost Rider. Hawkgirl.

He was surprised when, in his second rotation through the ABC’s, he heard Donnie very softly mumble.

“Are you asleep yet?”

Leo gaped for a moment.

“... You’re not?”

“No, dum-dum. I’m waiting for you,” Donnie whispered in response, and he heard his father very softly hum on the other side of him, drawing him in just a bit closer and giving him a gentle squeeze.

“... You don’t have to--”

“Shut up,” Donnie interrupted. “Are you doing the deep breathing thing?”

“... No, I’m doing the alphabet thing.”

“Okay. Keep going,” Donnie bade, nuzzling up against his shoulder slightly, and Leo couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah. Okay,” he whispered into the darkness of the room, laying his head back down again and settling in properly this time, sandwiched between the two.

“Oh. Also, I love you too. Let the record show that I said it back.”

Leo laughed a tiny bit.

He closed his eyes.

Iron Man. Jean Grey. Kitty Pryde. Lightspeed.

… Moon Knight… Nightcrawler…

…Obelix…

…

… Professor X…

…

… … …

#its ur classic leo insomnia fic #because of course it is #everyone is a sucker for the Leo Cant Sleep headcanon #i am not immune to the propaganda #sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fic #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rise of teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt leo #rottmnt leonardo #rise leo #rise leonardo #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt disaster twins #rise disaster twins #disaster twins #rottmnt au #rottmnt human au #tmnt human au

[tangledinink]

yawwnnnsss. ok, ok, ok, i'm awake, i'm awake... and chapter 23 of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is up!!! everyone takes a field trip to April's new workplace and it goes very well. :) read it on ao3 or below the cut!

[ prev ]

At first, April thought that she had startled Yoshi with her ‘grand entrance,’ and she winced a bit, a sheepish laugh on the tip of her tongue, ready to apologize for scaring him and making him drop the plate. But before she could get a word out, she paused, her brows furrowing.

“Dad?” Mikey said, his voice a bit pitched, pressed up tight with worry.

It was very obvious just from looking at Yoshi’s face that he was more than just startled.

By now, April had seen a lot of expressions on Yoshi’s face. She had seen him angry. She had seen him scared. She had seen him hurt, and guilty, and she had watched him cry. She had thought that she had just about gotten the full range of emotions that the Hamatos could wear, just like they had seen hers. But that, evidently, was not the case.

Yoshi’s face twisted in horror as he reeled back, dropping the plate as he did so, stumbling back into the wall with a thud and nearly falling over entirely. And once he was there, he absolutely froze, as if some invisible force were pinning him in place and holding him hostage. His entire body was completely contorted with fear, but there was something wrong with his eyes. They were afraid too, but there was something else to them. It’s like they were somewhere else.

“Dad?” Mikey repeated, growing the tiniest bit panicked now. All five of the children tensed, poised to move, to jump to their father’s aid, not really sure what was happening or what they could do to fix it but knowing simply that something was wrong--

And just like that, it ended. 

Yoshi sort of stumbled and wheezed a bit, coughing a few times as he unfurled his body and rolled his shoulders and head forward again, his muscles loosening slightly. He was still tense, and he was still clearly upset, though April couldn’t pin exactly how… But compared to about two seconds ago? It was night and day.

“That was one of our nice plates…” Yoshi muttered to himself, his mouth curved into a frown as he slowly unstuck himself from the wall. 

“Dad?” It was Raph who reached for him this time, looking shaken. “Dad, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Ah… I was just… startled…!” Yoshi said after a moment of hesitation, looking to the side and forcing a laugh. “See, April, I have told you! You are far too loud. I will have a heart attack one of these days… Now, uh, let me… I will clean this…”

“Dad!” Mikey protested, reaching out to grab his father’s arm, pulling at him ever so slightly. And Yoshi paused, glancing down at him, keeping quiet for a moment. They didn’t say anything to each other. But Mikey stared him down hard, with these big, watery eyes, looking up at him expectantly. Almost patiently, but perhaps it was just hope. Mikey could be very patient. But more than that, he was… hopeful. 

Mikey would wait for things for a very long time if he needed to, but he would do it not out of patience. He would do it out of hope. 

He waited for his dad. And after several long, heavy seconds of silence, April watched him swallow and look to the side, pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“I’m sorry. It is just… that symbol, it is…”

“What symbol?” April questioned, pausing for a moment and blinking in surprise when four pairs of eyes landed on her. She floundered for a moment before sort of glancing down, nearly doing a double-take. “What-- this? The logo for the shoe store I work at? The Foot Shack?”

It took Yoshi a second to respond, clearly gathering himself, and they all waited silently as he found his words. Raph quietly began to clean up the shattered plate, and then Yoshi joined in to help, bending over to begin picking up shards of ceramic, and he began to speak, seemingly finding it easier to do so once his hands were doing something.

“This is the emblem of the Foot. They are… an enemy of our Clan,” Yoshi explained slowly, frowning, gathering pieces up with his fingers and stacking them up in his palm. “... I have not seen it for a very long time. It is… very troubling to see it here now…”

“Are you sure it’s the same one?” Raph asked, his brows furrowing. “I mean. It’s a shoe store. It’s not that crazy of a logo… Maybe they just happen to have a similar one to the Foot…?”

“It is… possible,” Yoshi said. “... But it is still…” He broke off, his face scrunching slightly, every wrinkle and line etched into his skin deepening with his scowl. “I would much rather be certain of that than simply trust that it is.”

“Why?” Leo pressed.

“The Foot…” Yoshi sighed, gritting his teeth slightly. “They are a very dangerous organization. And they have wished the Hamato Clan harm for as long as our history stretches. For them to be in New York… I do not trust their intentions,” he growled. “... I will… investigate.”

“I think you mean we’ll investigate,” Leo corrected, and Yoshi immediately bristled.

“Absolutely not! I do not want any of you getting involved--!”

“Okay, well, first of all, April is already involved because she works there,” Leo argued, crossing his arms over his chest. “And it’s not fair if only she gets to be in on this! That’s. Like. I dunno. Bad parenting, or something. Also, second of all, yes we are getting involved! We’re Hamatos too! So if there’s, like, shit going down with our ancient rival clan or whatever, we should get to participate!”

“Leonardo, no. It is too dangerous--”

“More dangerous than anything else we’ve already done?” Raph argued. “Dad, come on! We talked about this! If it’s dangerous, that’s even more reason for us to help! What if you get hurt or somethin’!? We’re not lettin’ you do this on your own!”

“Yeah!” Mikey pressed. “We wanna help, too!”

“Boys, please--”

“Papa,” Donnie said, raising a brow, sighing very softly as he looked down at his phone. “If you say no and don’t let us help, we’re just going to do it anyway on our own behind your back. I know you know this. There’s really no point in any of us pretending otherwise. So you can either insist we can’t come, and we’ll sneak around and do it anyway, or you can just let us help and we’ll do it together. It’s your choice.”

“Look,” April said, holding up her hands. “I don’t even think it’ll be dangerous to start with! I mean, I literally work there, and I haven’t picked up any evil vibes or anything! I mean, sure, my bosses are kinda weird, but…”

And. I mean. Yeah, actually, they were pretty weird, but… But overall, it was just… retail. It wasn’t that different from any other job she had ever had in the past! It was mostly just answering questions and dealing with stupid people and ringing stuff up. They had a shitty break room in the back, the manager was never on top of anyone’s schedules, and there was that one annoying customer who always came back and returned every single thing she ever bought and demanded a refund… You know. Normal, stupid retail stuff! There certainly wasn’t anything evil.

“Donnie is right,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “And I’m serious, I’m pretty sure it’ll be fine! You guys can just come and check it out-- and please don’t get me fired-- and then everyone can chill! It’ll be simple!”

Yoshi sighed very deeply, burying his face in his hands and keeping quiet for a moment.

“... I do not like this,” he muttered after a bit.

“Dad, please?” Mikey insisted, poking out his bottom lip. “I promise we’ll be so careful! And we’ll do whatever you tell us to do! And, I mean, if they are evil rival ninjas, won’t we be safer if we know about them and stuff? Just in case? This will be good practice! Please?”

It took a moment, but eventually, Yoshi’s shoulders sagged.

“You will all do exactly as I say,” he hissed, scrubbing at his face. “Otherwise, we will never do this ever again! We are just going to investigate-- there will be no fighting or anything else! No running off on your own, no doing anything reckless--! And this does not mean that I am okay with any of you breaking into any other retail locations or doing any other ninja things or Hamato things or anything else!!! This is a special occasion! With special circumstances! Understood?”

April sighed softly, relief flooding through her bones.

For a second there, she thought he was gonna have to put up a bit more of a fight. She could feel the relief in all her brothers, too, and she crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her hip to one side slightly. Okay. Okay, this was… Good.

… Yeah. Sure. So, maybe they were currently planning on breaking into her workplace to make sure it wasn’t a front for an evil ninja clan. But. Uh.

Well, Yoshi was basically a professional! Right? So this would be fine. And it wasn’t like they would find anything. There was no way she could work at this place and not notice if they were, like, plotting the death of her family in the background, right?...

Things were chill now! Things had just settled down and started to become normal again. She was finally beginning to feel normal now, and feel like, maybe, all the crazy, scary, awful stuff was behind them.

So this was just gonna be… A one-time, brief detour from that path, was all. And then everything would go back to how it was, and it would be fine, and they’d all feel better for it and they’d probably even laugh about it later…!

Right?

---

Dinner had been over for hours now.

It had been hours since his children had convinced him to allow them to assist in this newest ‘mission’ he had assigned himself. Hours since they had discussed the logistics of the situation-- hours since dinner had ended, since April had packed up and gone back home, hours since he had cleared the table with the help of his sons and cleaned the kitchen up. Hours since everyone had gone to bed.

But somehow, that same symbol remained seared in his brain, as if it were sitting right in front of him. And the panic hadn’t yet faded away. 

He groaned softly as he rolled over in his bed, flopping over onto his side and burying his face into the pillow. He thought bitterly that maintaining a heart rate this high for so long couldn’t be good for him at this age. One of these days he really was going to have a heart attack.

Maybe he still would tonight.

He swallowed hard, rubbing at his eyes and feeling exhaustion clinging to his joints.

This still felt like he was making a horrendous mistake.

He understood that his children wanted to help. He knew that they worried-- that they wanted to be involved with his life, that he had committed to no longer keeping secrets from them or refusing to explain things and just handling things on his own, but… god, wasn’t that what a parent was supposed to do? Handle the difficult things, the dangerous things, and protect their children from it? He wasn’t so dull that he couldn’t recognize that his sons were growing up, but…

Raphael was still only sixteen! Mikey was only a freshman. They were growing up, sure, but they were still, right now, today, in this very moment, children at the end of it all. And neither preordained destinies, mystic powers, or even ancient, evil cults changed any of that.

He couldn’t help but think of that promise he had made, way back when, when they were still small and unaware of just how fucked up the world was and of how many things in the universe was preying on them. That oath he had sworn to himself that he was going to break the cycle. That things would be different with them; that he would never let his children suffer the way that Hamato tradition demanded. 

He couldn’t help but feel like he was breaking that promise now.

Somehow, it felt like the Hamato Clan was winning. And he knew, at least logically, that the Hamato Clan was not his enemy. The Hamato Clan was his family. He was the Hamato Clan, at least… to a degree. The Clan hadn’t been many even back when he was still in contact with them. But…

He had never wanted his children involved.

He never wanted the Hamato Clan to be them.

---

“Jiji?”

Typically, Yoshi wouldn’t interrupt his Jiji when he was occupied like this, but nerves got the better of him this time. He lingered at the edge of the kitchen table where Jiji sat, nibbling anxiously at his knuckles. 

His Jiji paused in his conversation, his eyes wandering over to meet the child’s. And after a moment of hesitation, he quietly informed the person on the other end of the phone line that he would have to call them back, ending the call.

Jiji had been on the phone all day now-- ever since last night, even. Yoshi had woken up to him talking. That wasn’t like him. Something was going on-- he could tell. 

“Yoshi,” his Jiji hummed, his voice gentle as he bade the other over. Yoshi immediately answered the unspoken call, scuttling over to his side to tuck himself under the comforting fold of his arms like a chick hiding beneath the wings of a hen. “You’re meant to be training.”

“Yeah, but… you’re supposed to come help,” Yoshi defended after a moment, frowning a tiny bit. Jiji always came to join him when he trained, to correct him, teach him, to show him new techniques and tell him stories of their Clan. He had never trained by himself for so long before. It was lonely. It was scary, because he knew something had to be wrong. 

“You’re old enough to train by yourself for a day, Yoshi. You know all the exercises,” Jiji countered, and Yoshi frowned, folding his arms around himself.

“... Who’re you talking to?”

Jiji sighed softly. “Our family,” he replied after a moment. “Other members of our clan.”

“Why?”

“Ah. I’m afraid something very sad has happened, Yoshi,” Jiji explained, his voice tired, and Yoshi’s chest clenched up, the tempo of his heart picking up slightly. Part of him wanted to cover up his ears and walk away now-- to not know what sad thing had happened. But he pressed on anyway.

“What happened?”

“You know your cousin? Hisashi?”

Yoshi swallowed around the lump in his throat, nodding a tiny bit. Of course he knew Hisashi. He was a lot older than Yoshi was, but he always helped him with his training and even played with him when they saw each other. He had taught him how to play Karuta properly, back when he had first moved in with his Jiji several years ago. He even snuck him candy a few times-- he’d press it quietly into Yoshi’s palm while the rest of the grown-up’s were occupied, discussing some thing or another, catching Yoshi’s eye and giving him a wink every time and smiling just the tiniest bit at him. And every time, it was this thrilling secret that just the two of them shared.

“Yeah…” Yoshi said.

“He died last night.”

Yoshi froze, his breath catching in his chest.

He had already known it would be sad. He already knew that his Jiji was about to give him unhappy news-- he had known something bad must have happened to Hisashi. And maybe, some part of him was already expecting Jiji to say that. But it still collided with his chest like a train. The news bounced around in his mind for a second, like someone were kicking broken glass around. It hurt-- physically, it hurt.

And for a second, he was quiet. And he thought, silently, objectively:

Okay. Hisashi is dead.

And then the next second a sob broke its way from his chest, yanking its way upward and out into the open air as his hands began shaking all at once, sudden and shocking, his lower lip wobbling and his face going pink. Jiji sighed, tightening his grip around him and holding him to his chest.

“Wh-what happened?” He wept, pulling away from his Jiji’s grip just enough so that he could look up at him.

“I am sorry, Yoshi. The Foot Clan killed him.”

Yoshi hiccuped miserably, squeezing his eyes shut and wiping at his face with balled up fists.

“L-like Mommy?”

“Yes. Just like Mommy.”

For some reason, this hurt even more. He buried his face in his hands again, curling up small against Jiji, and Jiji held him close in response, rocking him back and forth, slow and steady.

“I know. It is a terrible loss,” Jiji hummed softly. “And the Hamato Clan will honor his sacrifice. Because of Hisashi, the world is safe from the Foot today. It is terrible that he has died. But their mission was successful. And that’s what counts,” he assured. 

“But…” Yoshi sniffled miserably, screwing up his face. “But he d-died--”

How could the mission be a success if Hisashi was dead?

“The Dark Armor is still hidden from the Foot. That is what matters most,” Jiji insisted. “It is not something that we will ever find joy in. But we must be willing to make sacrifices for the greater good. And sometimes, that means that people will die. This is just something that we have to accept and be prepared for.”

“Why?” Yoshi croaked.

Jiji sighed softly.

“You know you’re special, don’t you, Yoshi?”

Yoshi frowned a bit, his eyes shifting downward, glancing down at his own feet as he swallowed around the lump on his throat.

“You are,” Jiji continued. “The rest of the Clan is not like you, Yoshi. None of us have the same power as you. We don’t have Ninpo the way your mother did, or the way you will. That makes it harder for us to protect ourselves sometimes,” he sighed. “And there will always be danger with the life we lead. But this is something we all have to make peace with,” he said. “We have no divine powers or gifts like you have, Yoshi. All we have is the will to serve our Clan. And that is a very powerful thing. But sometimes it is not enough. And while you are still training… sometimes, people will die.”

Yoshi hiccuped on another sob.

“But it is worth it,” Jiji continued, smiling fondly down at him. “And when you’ve unlocked your ninpo, you will be a mighty warrior. And the whole Clan will be safer for it. The whole world will be.” 

This made Yoshi’s stomach clench anxiously, and he swallowed… But he nodded in reply, not daring to look up at his sensei. 

Jiji sighed, leaning down to kiss Yoshi’s forehead, soft and brief, before he pulled away-- the warm embrace of his arms retreated, and Yoshi shivered a bit.

“Go continue your training now,” Jiji bade, nudging him gently. “I will join you shortly. I promise. Remember. Our family is counting on you, Yoshi.”

Yoshi nodded a little, hiccuping softly, making to trudge away on shaking legs. But even then, something tugged painfully in the back of his mind.

Hadn’t his mother had ninpo, too?...

---

Okay. Admittedly this was… a little cool.

Not that he wasn’t taking it seriously! He definitely was. He was taking this so seriously, and, like, it wasn’t like he was sitting around daydreaming about breaking into shoe shops or anything…

But come on!!! Breaking into a place was kind of cool, right!? 

Leo fought to keep a grin off his face, bouncing from foot to foot, crouched down low to the ground aside his brothers and trying to tame his energy. This was just-- well-- kind of badass! And exciting! It’s not every day you get to break into someplace! The closest he had ever gotten before was sneaking into that abandoned Circuit City in Queens with one of his exes (Matthew-- wait. No. Princeton? No. Uhhh… Max? Whatever, nevermind,) and even that had been, like, so much fun. And the stakes had been so low then! This was so much cooler!

“Leo, quit it.”

Leo blinked in surprise at his oldest brother’s chiding, immediately sticking out his bottom lip in a sulk and shooting them a glare.

“Quit what?! I’m not doing anything!”

“You are so. You’re bouncin’ so much you’re gonna ‘cause tremors. Chill,” Raph hissed.

“What? No I’m not.”

“You kinda are,” Mikey said.

Leo scoffed softly, rolling his eyes. “Okay, so I’m excited! Sue me!”

“Excited?” Raph echoed, raising a brow. “Leo, this isn’t excitin’!”

“It is too!” Leo argued, grinning wide. “I’ve never broken into a place before! This is cool!”

“We’re not breaking in. April literally has a key,” Donnie refuted, giving the other an unimpressed look. Leo scowled, rolling his eyes. What a spoilsport.

“Close enough,” he insisted. “Where is she, anyway? How much longer? You guys know I hate waiting!”

“All of you be quiet,” their father hissed, leaning over slightly from the shadows of the alley they were currently huddled in so that he could glare at his children properly. “And Raphael is right,” Raph puffed his chest up a little. “This is not a game! And if you can’t take this seriously, you’re going to lose secret ninja mission privileges!”

“I am! I am, I promise!” Leo insisted, holding his hands together to plead. “I’m taking this soooo seriously, Dad! I swear.”

“You--”

Leo was relieved that what was no doubt the start of a lecture about safety and responsibility and blah blah blah was cut short, the words dying in his father’s mouth as the entire group turned at the sound of a door swinging open. 

April, with Mayhem perched on her shoulder like a goddamn parrot, shot a thumbs up at the group from the doorway before waving her arm, beckoning the rest of the group over. Leo bit the insides of his cheeks to resist the urge to smile as his dad rose up to his feet, him and his brothers immediately echoing his movements and following his lead.

“Final warning,” Dad hissed softly, turning to point a finger at them. “No running off. No grabbing or taking anything. And you all do exactly what I say when I say it. No “buts” or “whys” or “I don’t wanna” or anything like that!!! You just do it!!! Understood?!”

“We’ve got it, Pops, chill! I promise we will be such good listeners!” Leo assured, running his pointer in an ‘x’ over his heart. “Or else no more secret ninja missions! We have an understanding!”

Dad narrowed his eyes at him. Leo kept the most sincere grin he possibly could on his face. And then he huffed, finally turning away and beginning to head towards the shoe store.

“Follow me. And everyone stay close and keep quiet,” he instructed, and now that their dad was no longer looking at him, Leo did smile. No issues with these orders! He was right behind his dad, the rest of the team on his tail, as they swiftly crossed the alley to join April inside, the door sliding shut behind him.

“Alright! Here it is,” April announced, giving a wave of an arm. “My current workplace, the Foot Shack. Totally un-evil and normal, see?” 

Dad gave a soft, disbelieving huff in response, his eyes narrowed as he looked around. Gesturing for his children to stay as they were, he slipped off into the dimly lit store, quiet as the air itself, and Leo couldn’t help but shiver a little bit. He always forgot how crazy impressive Dad could be when he put his mind to it. How quickly he could move-- how much strength he could summon up. How silent he could be. This was why they could never fucking get away with anything… 

And he had always known that their dad was capable of this kind of stuff. To an extent, anyway. Their entire lives, he had been Dad, first and foremost. But he had also been sensei, after that, and then even after that, he was Lou Jitsu. They knew he was an insane martial artist, because he taught them everything that they knew. They knew because they had watched every single movie he had ever made, at least a dozen times each. And so Leo knew. I mean. They all knew, technically, even if they all still just thought of him less of a martial artist or an actor and more of just that lame dude who makes dumb jokes and enforces curfews but also gives really good hugs and arranges the most bombass birthday parties ever.

But now he looked at him, and after dad, after sensei, after Lou Jitsu the actor, there was also ‘Lou Jitsu, undefeated Battle Nexus champion, most acclaimed and formidable of all time, feared by all who faced him and survivor of over ten years of combat.’ 

After that, there was also, ‘divine descendant of the ancient Hamato Clan, defender of the world’s fate, bearer of a great destiny, raised to protect and sacrifice.’ 

And those new ones? Those made his stomach twist a little bit. Don’t get him wrong-- watching his dad be a badass was still cool, and he had always loved to brag about him to anyone who would hear it at any opportunity (as long as Dad wasn’t around,) but now when he watched him, it kind of…

Felt a little different.

He thought to himself that he was pretty sure he still just preferred Dad.

Their father returned from his sweep of the building after a minute or so, just as quiet as he came, sighing softly. “Alright. It seems safe, but no one drop their guard.... We’ll spread out and start looking, but stay within earshot! Understood? And if you see anything that seems suspicious, do not touch it. Call me over to look. Got it?”

“Yes sensei!” Leo sing-songed, along with a bundle of nods and murmurs of assent from the rest of the group. Dad rolled his eyes, but also smiled a tiny bit, and Leo felt quite satisfied with himself at having achieved such a thing. And, as instructed, they all split off, beginning their investigation of the Foot Shack.

The building wasn’t big, so none of them were very far from one another. He could hear his siblings shuffling around nearby as they spread out, picking through things and peering. In fact, after failing to find anything of any interest by the checkout counter, he poked his head down one of the aisles only to find Mikey plopped down on the floor, an open shoe box next to him, lacing up a pair of magenta sneakers.

“... Dude, what are you doing?”

“Check me out!” Mikey chirped in response, just beaming as he hopped up to his feet to model. “Do these look sick or what!?”

They did, admittedly, look pretty sick, but Leo still raised a brow.

“Mikey, we’re looking for spooky Foot Clan stuff, remember?”

“Oh! Right. Sorry,” Mikey said, chuckling nervously and reluctantly beginning to toe the shoes back off. “... Do you think we could come back when they’re open and get these, though?”

Leo shrugged. “Probably, if they’re not evil.”

Mikey fist-pumped in silent victory to himself as he wriggled his own sneakers back onto his feet, and Leo watched with quiet amusement until he heard his father calling for him.

“Blue! Come here.”

Look, maybe he wasn’t taking this as seriously as his brothers were (er, well, as seriously as Raph and Donnie were…?) but he had meant it when he said that he would listen to their dad during this outing. He knew it was important-- he did. And he was answering the call and heading right in that direction near instantly, with Mikey trailing right behind him.

Leo suspected that Dad had herded him and the rest of his siblings towards the front so that he could check out the back and the employee breakroom himself, since that was obviously where all the cool, spooky stuff was gonna be kept, if there was any. And, sure enough, that was where he found Dad, with the rest of his siblings already gathered up by his side.

“What’s up?” Leo questioned, buzzing with quiet excitement as he slowed his pace and joined the huddle. He took quiet inventory of their surroundings as he did so, wrinkling his nose ever so slightly.

It looked like… a breakroom. A fridge with a bunch of notices and schedules that no one read pinned up on it. A sad little table with a few chairs. Some lockers. Just… a breakroom. Nothing special. Nothing spooky. 

Bummer.

But surely there was something cool if everyone was all bunched up here, right? His hope renewed.

“Think you can get us in here?” April questioned, gesturing to the small, unassuming door they were all gathered around. “I don’t have a key to this one and Yosh wants to check it out.”

Oh.

They wanted him to… teleport them. Which was… a thing he could do. Definitely. Consistently. For… sure.

Leo kind of froze for a second, floundering ever so slightly.

“Uhhh…”

He paused for a moment, clearing his throat.

“Yeah! Yeah, sure, uh, just hang on, one sec,” he said, wrinkling up his nose a bit and squaring his shoulders. Right, yeah. No problem. He could totally do this. He had done it before, right? Several times! He had teleported way bigger things, and teleported them way further, and under way more dire circumstances, after all.

Admittedly, he maybe hadn’t done it, like… at all since that one time in the Battle Nexus. And he maybe hadn’t been… practicing or meditating or anything… I mean, in his defense, things had kind of been rough for a while? There was other stuff going on! He had been a little… distracted.

And. It just. Well.

It wasn’t exactly… the same. Doing it now wasn’t the same as doing it then, when they really needed it, when everyone was truly counting on him and it was, like, for real life-or-death type shit.

His stomach flip-flopped.

… But yeah! Yeah, he could do it now. Now problem. He was sure he could still do it, right? He wouldn’t just… forget…!

Cornering his resolve, he pursed his lips into a thin line, reaching over to grab at his siblings and Dad until they were all huddled up and linked together. He closed his eyes, taking a long, deep breath, trying to center himself, to ground himself, to focus--

He slowly exhaled again.

Okay. 

Move.

… Nothing happened.

Leo’s eyebrows twitched, and he frowned a little.

Move.

Move!

Come ONNNN, move! To the other side of the door! It’s just, like, five feet, let’s go! Move!

Leo gave a short growl of frustration, tilting his head back and scowling with a bristle. The rest of his family kind of glanced over at him, collectively raising their brows.

“You good?” Raph questioned.

“Okay, maybe I… can’t,” Leo admitted reluctantly, screwing up his face and wrinkling his nose.

“You can’t?” Mikey echoed, tilting his head to the side. “I thought you got good at it!”

“Well, I haven’t actually, like, done it since the time in the Battle Nexus! We’ve been kind of preoccupied with other things! And it’s not like I needed it!” He defended, throwing his hands up. “And, look, it’s harder than it seems, okay!? It’s, like… a process! I didn’t do any prep! I didn’t get to rehearse!”

“It is fine, Blue,” Dad reassured, patting his shoulder. “It was a big ask to begin with. We can find another way in and work on it later.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. You’re not the only one who can teleport!” April remarked with a grin, and Mayhem waved his tail from April’s shoulder, grinning wide, but Leo still frowned a little. Yeah, sure, Mayhem could teleport, too… Arguably a lot better than he could. But he also knew that after he did it enough times, it would exhaust him. And it was because Mayhem was so much better at it that it made sense to keep him in the reserves-- so he was ready to go and could blink them right outta danger if anything bad happened. It would make more sense for Leo to take the front half of the load. It’d be a lot better if they could share the burden rather than letting the little guy take it all on on his own.

… But he didn’t really have much of a choice right now.

He pursed his lips slightly, thinking back on that magick portal sword that they had stolen from that Baron Draxum guy. They had got to take them all home with them when they left the Nexus, so he still had it-- tucked under his bed at home, having been largely ignored and forgotten for the past several weeks in between, like… everything else. Obviously mystic weapons were, like, super cool, and under normal circumstances he’d be all over playing with it and practicing and figuring it out, but…

There hadn’t exactly been, uh… ‘normal circumstances’ in his life recently. And so he just… hadn’t. For a lot of reasons.

But now he was kind of thinking that he probably should. As the family scrunched themselves together once more, all gathering up and grabbing hold of one another, he made a quiet promise to himself that he would begin to practice moving forward-- with the ninpo thing and the sword.

… And yeah, okay, fine. He’d start meditating again, too.

The world flashed with a dazzling cyan light for just a moment, and luckily, by now they were all pretty good at using the support of the rest of the group to keep their feet under them when they re-materialized somewhere new. 

Quite frankly, Leo was expecting, like, a storeroom or closet. He was expecting lots of shoeboxes and maybe some cleaning supplies piled up.

He wasn’t expecting some spooky little office.

“What is this? The manager’s office or something…?” Leo ventured, narrowing his eyes a bit as he peered around the cramped space, and April frowned.

“No, the manager’s office was that other door…” She muttered. “I’ve never seen this place before. This door is always locked. I just thought it was storage or something…”

“This place is creepy. There’s not even any windows!” Mikey whined.

“Yeah, whoever works here is gonna end up crazy depressed,” Leo remarked, crossing his arms over his chest. And for real, this place was… creepy. It was really sparse, quite frankly, with this big desk covered in papers and scrolls and shit (scrolls?) and not much else besides some charts and such pinned up on the walls. 

Their Dad was pouncing on the desk almost right away, hurriedly beginning to shuffle through the papers and scrolls there-- or perhaps frantically was the more accurate word. Leo frowned a bit. Up until now, this whole secret ninja mission had been pretty cool, but all of a sudden it was starting to feel a little…

Scary.

After a beat of hesitation, he trailed after his Dad, glancing down at some of the papers. Most of them were in Japanese, and that alone was odd in and of itself. He frowned a little, shuffling through them a tiny bit, squinting as he read, but most of it didn’t seem to make any sense. Was this in code or something…? There were all these random phrases and terms, and the occasional numbers (coordinates? Or were these lists?...) and then some of it seemed to be, like… spells, almost? Something about a ritual…? He heard Donnie move in alongside him, beginning to sort and read and photograph, but he didn’t pay him much mind--

Because on the other side of him, he could hear his dad whispering something under his breath, too quiet for him to quite make out, his breathing slowly but steadily increasing in its pace.

“Dad?” Raph prodded, leaning over on his other side, and when he didn’t get a reply, he bristled a bit. “Dad? What’s wrong?”

It wasn’t until Raph placed his hand on Dad’s shoulder that he was seemingly able to startle a response out of their father, and when he did speak, it was in Japanese.

“I’m too late.”

Leo frowned, immediately slipping into the same tongue, speaking to their dad in his first language.

“Dad? What’s coming?”

“I-- I didn’t-- they are-- the armor! Everyone. Everyone was relying on me--!!!”

“Dad. Calm down. What do you mean? We need you to explain it to us--”

“How could I be so selfish--!?”

“Dad. Stop-- look at me.”

But he didn’t. He braced himself against the table, his entire body shaking, and he had clearly been freaking out before but now he was hyperventilating, his eyes were glassy and far off, and Leo was pretty sure he couldn’t even hear him anymore and it was almost like watching Donnie have a meltdown or Raph have a panic attack but not exactly, which sucked, because Leo had a pretty good idea as to how to handle those but he wasn’t quite as sure how to handle this. 

“Dad?” Raph nudged, and their father made this short, hissing noise in response, as if he was in pain, and Raph’s jaw set, looking up sharply at his siblings.

“Alright-- screw this. We gotta get out of here.”

“Right,” Leo hissed, floundering for just a second, glancing over at his twin. “Did you document everything?”

“Just about,” Donnie said, snapping a few more pictures in a rush, having clearly been distracted in his task until just about now. “Okay. Great. Everyone, hang on,” Leo bade, ushering his family in close. He could feel his dad trembling against his hands, and now he was starting to feel a tiny bit trembly, too. His heart rate kept climbing and climbing. He wasn’t trying to. But watching his Dad freak out like this-- watching him panic-- it was scary. He hated watching this.

He never watched Dad panic before. Dad didn’t panic. He was Dad. He was solid. He was steady. He was comforting and strong and there. And now he was on the ground and he couldn’t breathe and Leo couldn’t pretend like he wasn’t terrified.

Dad was always comforting and strong and there, and now Leo wasn’t sure where he was.

“Mayhem. Let’s bounce.”

---

Yoshi sighed as he wandered through the hallways of their apartment, plodding tiredly and beginning to make his way up the stairs. He had no qualms with allowing his sons to engage in as many activities and extracurriculars as they wanted, appreciating the chance to get out some of their energy and keep them occupied, but jesus, could it be exhausting sometimes… Today had been a long day to say the least.

He was relieved that it was nearly over. Unfortunately, there was still one last challenge for the day-- and it was one that was often the most difficult of them all.

Getting his children to go the fuck to sleep.

He had chased them all up into their rooms some time ago and tucked them all into bed for the night, going through the usual bedtime routine with each of them. He had cajoled everyone into baths and pajamas as needed hours ago, had ensured teeth were brushed and any needed medication or vitamins had been consumed, had double-checked that homework had all been completed and packed away for the coming day and that everything was arranged and ready to go for the morning... But just because the boys had been tucked in for the night didn’t mean they were sleeping. Oh no, not by any means.

Mikey was by far the easiest of his children to handle at bedtime, though even he could have his nights. It was maybe a 75-25 sort of ratio. He would often be able to get him to sleep without too much trouble, but it wasn’t necessarily uncommon for him to suddenly have a burst of energy, or worse, creative inspiration just before bedtime, and then he would be near impossible to get to sleep. Raph was only a bit more difficult. Raph would try, he knew, he really would. He could get Raph tucked into bed fairly easily, it was just that he didn’t usually stay there. He would just so often hear some sort of noise in the hall and feel the need to investigate to make sure there was nothing that needed his supervision or attention, or he would suddenly become worried about his brothers and feel the need to check on them, etc etc. Yoshi couldn’t even be frustrated with him… But that didn’t mean it wasn’t exhausting.

Donnie and Leo were by far the most difficult, and sometimes Yoshi wasn’t sure which of the twins was worse. Leo was the hardest to get to sleep, without contest, as well as being the least likely to stay asleep and the most likely to end up in his bed in the middle of the night. Not that he could really be mad about that, either. Donnie also had a tendency to want to stay up late, to struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep, though not nearly to the degree that Blue did… The problem was what they got up to when they woke up in the middle of the night.

At least when Blue woke up at two in the morning and couldn’t go back to sleep, he’d either come and bother him or start reading comic books in his bed or something to that ilk. You know. Like a normal child.

But nooooo.

Purple had to do things like disassemble the DVD player when he woke up in the middle of the night.

He sighed at the memory, and thought quietly to himself that people who had stupid, unimaginative children with no particular talents didn’t know how easy they had it.

He pursed his lips, bracing himself for the coming battle as he began his rounds. But, to his delight, when he peeked his head into Mikey’s room to check on him, he found that his youngest was, in fact, asleep, curled up under the covers just as he had left him. He sighed softly in relief. At least that was one of them he wouldn’t have to fight with tonight. He found that Raphael, as well, was snuggled up in bed amongst all his stuffed animals, a lump beneath the blankets, just as he had intended.

Yoshi was foolish enough to think himself lucky, and to believe that he was going to get off with an easy bedtime routine for the evening. But Raph and Mikey falling asleep on the first try-- that, he could buy, sure. I have such wonderful, well-behaved boys, he had thought to himself.

But Donnie and Leo? Both of them? Sleeping soundly when he peeked his head into their rooms?

He might not be the smartest man alive, but he wasn’t stupid.

Wait a minute-- no I don’t!!! What is going on here!?

Ah, yes. The oldest trick in the book. The classic “arranging blankets and pillows under the covers so it looks like you’re asleep in bed.” They truly were his sons. 

And also, he was going to strangle them all when he found them.

Yoshi cursed softly as he began his search, beginning at the most likely location-- the Lair. They weren’t in any of their rooms, so they had to be there, surely. When they weren’t, however, he began to get a little bit worried.

Okay. Alright-- it was a big house. They weren’t in the Lair, and they weren’t in any of their rooms, but there were still lots of other places he could check. He checked the kitchen-- they weren’t there. The living room had no sign of them, either, nor his own room, nor any of the hallways, and he was starting to panic a little.

Where were they!? They wouldn’t have left the house, would they? Surely they knew better. Could someone have taken them--? He tried to forbid the thought from his mind right away, dread building up in his stomach. No-- no, how could they? He was so careful. All the doors and windows were locked, their security system was armed, he was always so vigilant, he had taught them not to trust strangers and they all could defend themselves perfectly well at this point, even while still being so well, there was no way-- without him hearing--? Surely--

He paused slightly, his racing thoughts coming to a sudden halt as a realization smacked him in the face.

Ah.

He knew where they were.

Yoshi grumbled to himself as he made his way up the stairs, all the way up to the attic, taking care to keep his footfalls as silent as possible even in his rush. And almost as soon as he started his descent up the final set of stairs that their home had, he could hear little voices filtering down from up above.

Relief flooded his body like ice water.

(As well as rage. Oh, he was going to strangle them all. Not actually. But they were all going to be grounded, for sure. He had been very explicit!No roof!)

He had every intention of sneaking up on them just so he could tell them off, tell them to get off the roof this very instant, that they knew they weren’t allowed up there, and get their little butts back downstairs and into bed, because did they have any idea what time it was!? 

But as he approached, creeping out onto the attic’s balcony, the doors leading out to it having been left over, taking note of the ladder that had been set up to, no doubt, allow his children to clamber up even higher to the very top of the house… He hesitated. He took note of their soft, excited voices, and he paused. And instead, just for a moment, he waited and he listened.

“Which constellation is that?” Mikey asked excitedly, pointing up at the night sky.

“That’s Cancer. If you connect them here, it kind of looks like a crab. See?” Yoshi could see from here how Donnie shifted a bit to show his brothers the illustration in his guide, hearing the rustle of the pages. They were all gathered up at the very edge, their legs dangling down below, and if Yoshi scrunched himself up against the very edge of the balcony, he could watch them without alerting them to his presence. They were far too focused on the night sky, anyhow. “That’s Raph’s star sign.”

“Whoa!!! And what’s that one?”

“That’s Gemini. The twins.”

“That’s our star sign!” Leo declared proudly, and Donnie scoffed.

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is! It’s the twins. And we’re twins!”

“Leo, the Gemini constellation being associated with ‘twins’ has nothing to do with what star sign we were born under. It’s based on when your birthday is, dum-dum, not what siblings you have. We’re both Aries.”

Leo scowled. “That’s a rip-off.”

“I think you guys should be Gemini. It makes more sense,” Mikey agreed.

Donnie sighed loudly. “Yes, well, I will bring that up at the next meeting…”

“What other signs are there again?” Raph questioned, tilting his head back to stare up at the sky above them. Donnie grumbled, clearly annoyed at having somehow been roped into discussing astrology over astronomy.

“Here, these are all the zodiac constellations, see? There’s Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo--”

“THERE’S ONE NAMED LEO?!”

He could practically hear Purple scowl.

“... Yes.”

“And I’m an Aries!?”

Donnie gave his twin a pointed and rather long-suffering look that made Yoshi smile a tiny bit.

“... Yes. You, Leo, the twin, are an Aries.”

“Who the heck planned that?!”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say we weren’t planned,” Donnie replied dryly.

Yoshi resisted a snort of laughter. You most certainly were not.

“What does that mean?” Mikey questioned.

“Nevermind,” Donnie said quickly. “Here. Look. If you point the telescope this way, you can see Mars! See? Look! That fuzzy brown thing? That’s a planet!”

“Whoa! Seriously?”

“Yeah, here! Look!”

Ah. Yoshi sighed very softly to himself. So that’s what this was about.

Donnie had finally finished the telescope.

Purple had owned one for years now; Yoshi had bought him one back when he was five and had first decided that he loved all things related to space and the cosmos. It was set up in Donatello’s bedroom window, and its status as a dearly loved favorite of the child was evidenced by the abundance of hand-drawn charts, graphs, and notes pinned up on the walls around it. Even through the light pollution of New York City, Donnie still managed to find things to discover and data to collect, him and that telescope. 

It had been about three months ago when Donnie had decided that that telescope was in need of an upgrade. There were plenty of models with much better specs available nowadays, and Yoshi had happily offered to purchase him a new one. But Donatello had no intention of replacing his beloved telescope.

Oh no. He would fix it himself. 

And who was Yoshi to discourage him? He had bought all the materials Donnie had requested, the tools, the lenses, the carbon fiber and the mirrors, and had trusted that Donatello would figure it out.

It seemed he had. 

It also seemed that the occasion of his telescope’s new debut was exciting enough that it required them to brave the one part of the house where they were never allowed to go, and had long been forbidden from-- 

The roof.

Goddammit. He hated that they were able to trick him into being less angry with them without even trying.

“Whoa!” Raph gasped loudly from up above. “That’s really Mars?! Like-- the actual Mars!?”

“Yeah!” Donnie enthused, absolutely beaming. “I added some curvature mirrors so you can see it even with the lights and stuff, so now it has reflecting optics instead of refracting. So everything bounces around, from up there to here to here to here, so you can see!”

“That’s so cool, Dee…” Leo gaped, leaning over to take his turn with the telescope. “Whao, wait-- do you think we could see Jupiter!? Like from Jupiter Jim!?”

“Hang on, let me check!” Donnie responded, hurriedly beginning to flip through his guide.

Yoshi smiled just the tiniest bit despite himself.

They were still all going to be incredibly grounded.

But he supposed that, since he was here to watch them and make sure no one fell or got hurt… He could let them get away with this for just a little longer.

---

Despite the fact that they had some practice with it at this point, Leo’s feet still went out from under him when they blinked into the Hamato’s living room. Leo was silently surprised that Mayhem had brought them this far; he had expected to end up back in the alleyway outside the Foot Shack. Damn. Kind of impressive. The poor thing looked exhausted, though, and Leo would probably feel a bit more guilty and concerned if he hadn’t been the only one to fall down.

Despite him and Raph both hanging onto him, their father crumpled from their grip when they teleported, falling in a heap on his knees on the hardwood and just trembling. Leo hissed out a few curses, hurriedly moving to his side, grabbing onto his arm.

“Dad? Dad, hey. It’s okay. We’re back home! We’re all here, it’s okay--” He tried to reassure, to talk to him the way he talked to Donnie or Raph when they had panic attacks, because he was pretty sure that’s what this was? Probably? Maybe? He had never seen his dad do this before, though, and it felt different and he didn’t know what was going on or how to fix it--

The way their father was struggling to breathe like this, though, his face pale and clammy and yet blotched bright pink as he curled in on himself and gasped made him want to run and grab Raph’s epipen. 

He wasn’t breathing. I mean, he was, he was fucking hyperventilating, but Leo was not fully convinced that he was getting any air into his lungs at all and he resisted the urge to panic, too.

“Hey. Come on. You’ve gotta breathe, Pops, it’s alright. Can you just copy me?--” He kept trying, beginning to feel himself floundering, beginning to feel the infection creep in, and he was starting to consider just straight up calling 911 but he didn’t know how long it would take an ambulance to get here and what if that was the wrong thing to do and what if it made things worse or what if they didn’t get here in time--?

“Dad,” Raph’s firm, solid voice chimed in as he eased into the space next to Leo, planting himself solidly in their father’s field of vision, grabbing him by the shoulders so he could force him upright slightly, force him to look up at them. All his movements were gentle and careful, but firm and steady and unyielding all at the same time-- completely Raphael in every sense of the word.

“It’s okay,” he pressed. “I need you to listen, okay? We’re not there anymore. We’re home. See, look? See the couch? And your chair?” He gestured with a nod of his head. “And that’s the hardwood floor under your knees, right? You can feel it, right?”

Leo nearly wept in relief when he saw their father nod, just the tiniest bit, and the hyperventilation ever-so-slowly began to improve-- just the tiniest bit.

“Yeah. And it’s… hard. And cold, kinda,” Raph said, slowly, wobbling just the tiniest bit for a second there, and Leo vaguely recognized that he was doing this for himself, too, trying to ground both himself and their father at the same time, tethering the pair of them to the world around them in tandem. “And we’re all here. Leo’s right here next to me. And Mikey and April are right over there. And Donnie is behind you. You can see him if you twist a lil’ bit. We’re home. And everyone is safe. And no one got hurt. And it’s-- it’s okay. But we just. We need you to calm down a little bit, okay…?”

Dad nodded again, his trembling form slowly untensing. And Leo felt himself relax a tiny bit, too, as he watched their Dad finally, thankfully, sink back down into reality with them.

“Sorry,” Dad said after a bit, in English this time, his voice this shaky little croak.

“Don’t apologize,” Mikey bit out, and Leo could hear the tears and sniffles in his voice. “It’s not your fault.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you all,” Dad mumbled anyway, looking down at the ground, and Leo could tell he was embarrassed, which he hated, because he had no idea how to help with that. 

“It’s fine,” Leo mumbled, forcing a tiny chuckle. “That place was… lame, anyway. I was actually hoping we’d leave…”

He didn’t get a laugh out of anyone, but he wasn’t really expecting it to, honestly. Not right now. But he had to try it anyway.

He wanted to ask what happened, but he was scared to. He was scared he’d undo all the progress Raph had just done. Their Dad was still shaking in a little ball on the floor, which was terrifying in and of itself, because their Dad was on the floor, for God’s sake, but-- “Are you okay?” Mikey finally said, his voice sort of pinched as he moved closer to their dad, laying his head down against his shoulder.

“They’re assembling the armor,” Dad whispered.

“Like… The armor from the stories?” Raph ventured after a moment, his brows crinkled with concern. “The, uh, the evil one…?”

“I have to fix this,” Dad hissed in response, beginning to try to sit up slightly. “I have to-- I have to stop them. They can’t get the entire thing,”

“Whoa, Dad. It’s alright,” Leo said quickly, holding his hands up in gentle protest at their dad’s sharp, sudden movement. “Chill. It’s okay. We can figure it out…”

“No,” Dad snapped in response, bristling. “No, it’s too dangerous. I do not want any of you involved, these are-- it is dangerous, I have to fix it. This is my duty, and I was s-supposed to-- I was meant to protect the armor, and I--”

“Uh, no,” Leo interrupted smoothly, reaching out so he could grab his dad’s wrists, gently guiding him back down to the ground-- not allowing him to try to get up just yet. “It’s actually our duty. And we’re meant to protect the armor. ‘Cause, and this is just an FYI, just in case you didn’t know, we’re actually your children? Fun fact. And, therefore… also Hamatos!”

Dad growled, attempting weakly to pull away from Leo’s grip, but very clearly not putting his full strength into the movement. “Blue, no--”

“Dad, we talked about this, remember?” Mikey pressed. “If there’s something going on, we want to help! We don’t care if it’s dangerous!”

“I care!” Dad cried in return, his voice pitching slightly, with something that was nearly anger, but not quite. Leo thought to himself that it was closer to fear. “I care if there is danger! You’re not ready! You-- you are children! And I am the one-- the Clan raised me to protect the armor. And I-- I turned away!” He hissed, his eyes growing wide again, vibrating slightly inside of his head. “Everyone is in danger, and I, I might already be too late because I-- I wanted to go play games instead, because I didn’t take my job seriously--”

“Dad,” Raph said firmly, his hand returning to their father’s shoulder. “Stop.”

He did stop. He paused slightly, frowning, and then closed his mouth, narrowing his eyes.

“I am sorry, my sons,” he whispered. “But it is far too risky. I can’t--”

Donnie scoffed softly, crossing his arms over his chest. “Father, need I remind you of what we discussed earlier?” He challenged.

“If it’s dangerous, then wouldn’t it be safer if you had people helping you!?” Mikey argued. “And if the fate of the world or whatever is at risk, then we should have more people involved! Things will go way better if we work together!”

“This is not a TV show, Mikey,” Dad protested. “You could get hurt--”

“No offense, Dad, but so could you!” Leo challenged, narrowing his eyes. “I dunno if you’ve noticed, but we’re actually pretty tough. And-- I mean-- Look, I don’t wanna be mean, Dad, but we just had to teleport you home because you had a fucking panic attack, and I--”

He broke off, gritting his teeth slightly and swallowing the slight lump in his throat.

“I’m. I’m afraid that if you… If you try to do this on your own, something bad is gonna happen. And you’re gonna get hurt. Like, for real hurt,” he said. “And we just. We wanna help you.”

Leo sighed, his brows furrowing. “Dad, please. Let us help you.”

There was a long, heavy beat of silence for a minute. And then eventually, Dad huffed, his shoulder drooping.

“If any of you disobey me, or take any stupid risks, then you are done. I mean it--”

Leo couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“I swear, Dad--”

“This is serious. I need you to take this seriously--!”

“We promise!” Leo swore.

“We’ll take it super seriously!” Mikey added in.

“We were so serious today! Did you see how serious we all were?! We did a great job at serious!” Leo enthused.

“And this is not-- you can stop. Any of you. At any time. If you want to help, I-- but this is not a commitment. I don’t want any of you--”

“We get it, Dad,” Donnie assured. “We know. It’s alright.”

“I hope you guys know that I’m helping, too,” April added in, crossing her arms over her chest, and Dad bristled.

“Absolutely not. Your parents would kill me, I cannot do this to them--!”

“You’re the one who said that I’m a Hamato, too!” She countered. “And there’s no way I’m sitting out of the Hamato Destiny stuff! You said I’m a part of this family, and I’m just as involved as the rest of you! There’s no way I’m just gonna watch from the sidelines!” She insisted. “Plus, for the record, all that stuff Donnie said before about how if you didn’t let them help, they’d just do it in secret anyway? Ooooh, that SO applies to me, Yosh! You have no frickin’ idea!!!”

Dad groaned loudly, burying his face in his hands, clearly battling with himself for a moment.

“We will… train…”

“Yes!” April hissed softly, giving a victorious fist pump. 

Leo was still, quite frankly, terrified. This was all a lot less cool than it had felt before, back when he was pretty sure it was fake, as opposed to now, where he was pretty sure it was actually a real thing. It wasn’t like he was excited, per se, he was just…

So relieved.

This was scary and overwhelming and he, admittedly, didn’t fully understand the breadth of what he was getting into, but…

At least Dad was going to let them help. 

At least it wasn’t a secret. At least he was here, involved, aware, and that alone just felt so fucking good. 

He wasn’t excited, exactly, but he still felt this odd, trembly sort of giddiness in his limbs, prickling and nipping at him in a way that made the corners of his lips turn up despite himself.

“I can…” Their Dad visibly hesitated, his expression pinched. “I can… contact the rest of the clan…”

Leo’s smile fell.

“Excuse me?” He bit out, his lips curling. “Like, the Hamato Clan?”

“Why the hell would we contact those guys?” April protested.

Their dad grit his teeth, frowning. “I-- If the Foot Clan is truly collecting the Dark Armor, then… It would be wisest to take advantage of all possible resources… It would be safer--”

“Yeah, but them?” Donnie scoffed, cutting Dad off. “Dad, those guys are the worst!”

“We don’t need their help, anyway!” Leo insisted. “We’re the direct descendants anyway, aren’t we? We’re the ones with ninpo!”

“Yes--” Dad hesitated.

“You don’t wanna contact them, either,” Mikey accused, giving their father a hard look. “You don’t wanna talk to those guys. We don’t wanna meet them! And you don’t want them to meet us!!! I know they’re your family and everything, but they sound like actual for-real hot garbage. And we can totally handle this on our own!”

Their dad winced, sighing heavily. “Orange--”

“Dad, come on. At least give us a chance!” Leo insisted. “At least let us try to do this without them! If we, like, beef it or whatever, then we can think about calling them. But not now!”

Their father seemed to think about it for a little bit longer, his expression strained, before he finally let out a breath. “Fine,” he relented, and even he seemed relieved by his own decision. “We will not contact any of them. They don’t need to be involved. Yet.”

“Good,” Leo said, smiling the teeniest, tiniest bit. “... We’ve got this, Dad. I swear,” he pressed, squaring his shoulders with determination.

They were Hamatos after all, right? This was supposed to be their divine purpose. 

And they had their whole family here. Finally, now, they had their whole family, and they could do this together.

They could do this. 

---

Donnie tapped a button on the side of his headphones to begin recording, pulling the mic down from where it usually sat, folded up against the shell of the earpieces, leaning his elbows against his desk.

“Log Sixteen, Day Four.” He clacked his fingertips along a few hotkeys on his keyboard, calling up several graphs and spreadsheets filled with data. “Project Eight-Two-Five-Six-Eleven, Codename Magenta,” Inwardly, he squeaked in delight a little that he got to give his research project a codename. God, so cool. “Research is continuing at a steady pace. I’ve been able to find a consistent formula for tracking mystic signatures and have charted the observed patterns in Graph 2B, filename Eight-Two-Five-Six-Eleven-M-Two-Bee. It’s taken me a bit longer than I would have liked, given the unfamiliar subject matter, but I’m fairly close to being able to fully develop an algorithm and integrate this data into my tech so that it can be identified and tracked. I suspect this won’t take me more than another session or two,” he sighed, pursing his lips slightly as he leaned over, grabbing the little pinky-purple crystal from where it sat, suspended in its case, across his desk.

He frowned a bit, turning it back and forth in his fingers for a few moments, his eyes narrowed. He was sure it still held more secrets. For all he had managed to wring from it so far-- he was certain there was more.

… But recent events forced him to pivot his focus.

“However,” he continued, placing it back to the side and kicking off of his desk, rolling down along the length of it in his desk chair. “External factors have resulted in a slight change of this project’s current objective. Henceforth, please note that a new objective will now be overriding the previously stated goal,” he hummed, grabbing onto the lip of the desk to bring himself to a sudden stop, grabbing one of his many notebooks from the built-in bookshelf, flipping hurriedly through some of the pages.

“So-- here is the relevant data. According to Hamato Clan history, the Dark Armor is a powerful mystic artifact that holds a quote-unquote ‘force of evil’ captive inside of it. I’ve also collected a great deal of data from our, uhhh, research mission to the Footshack, launched four-two, which I have now uploaded to the research folder. Given that we are fast approaching the ability to consistently track and locate mystical energy signatures, I intend to prioritize this task so that I can modify and specialize the tracking algorithm and exactly what kind of energy and item it seeks…”

[ next ]

#cw panic attack #panic attack #cw family death #family death #none of the main characters i promise #sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fic #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rottmnt au #rise of the tmnt #rise of teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt human au #tmnt human au #rottmnt fanfiction #writing #fanfic

[tangledinink]

Chapter Eighteen of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is now up! The Hamato Family finally goes back home. And now everything is okay and back to normal... right? Read it on ao3 or below the cut.

[ prev ]

The world wasn’t spinning anymore.

Damn, did that mean he was dead? Cowabummer.

As he looked around, however, Leo slowly realized (for the second time over a very short period) that, no, he was not dead. Or, at least, he didn’t think he was dead-- despite the fact that he was absolutely surrounded by a warm, comforting light, enveloping him and holding him close. 

He could hear the roars of the crowd in the distance. And though he was no longer flailing through the air, his head was still reeling, having not quite realized that they weren’t falling anymore. And as he slowly gathered his bearings, he realized he could see his siblings, all gathered together close; held behind the protective fold of a bright red light, shielded from the debris and dust that had been sent flying through the ring.

Vaguely, he came to the conclusion that the Ikuchi had fallen.

And he hadn’t.

It wasn’t until the red light faded and was replaced by his eldest brother’s tight embrace that he came back to reality properly, stumbling a bit, his eyes wide and his brain still buzzing a little; held up only by his brother’s grip rather than his own strength.

“... Did you catch me?” He finally managed to get his tongue to move.

“Never do that again,” Raph hissed in reply, and about half a second later, Mikey, April, and even Donnie had joined them, all stumbling into him and clinging to him all at once.

“What is wrong with you!? You idiot!” April cried, burying her face into his shoulder.

“Why did you do that?!” Mikey wailed through sobs. “I told you guys! I told you not to protect me! Why would you do that!? D-don’t-- don’t do that! Don’t e-ever do that again! Why don’t any of you-- e-ever listen to me? I would have-- I--! Leo!”

“Sorry!” Leo found it in himself to laugh, though even he could admit that he sounded just a little bit deranged. Eugh boy, were things still spinning? “It’s fine!... I knew Raph would save me.” 

“No you didn’t!” Raph snapped. “Raph didn’t even know Raph was gonna save ya!”

“How did you do that?” April gaped.

“I don’t know!” Raph laughed, his voice stumbling slightly with the threat of oncoming tears. “I just knew that if I didn’t save him, I’d never hear the end of it…!”

“I told you all not to,” Mikey wept, clinging to him. “I told you…”

“Aw, I knew you had magic powers,” Leo slurred. Okay, maybe he was still a little out of it. “You just needed… the right motivation…! All part of the plan…”

“Liar,” Raph hissed, tightening his hold on him, bundling his brother up close to his chest and burying his face against his shoulder. “If you ever pull some bullshit like that ever again, I swear to god, I’m gonna murder you--”

His next words were cut off by yet another shuddering crash of impact, nearly tossing the gang from their feet. And Leo was still not exactly feeling steady, per se, but turning to face the glowering form of an angry spider did wonders for sobering a person up.

“Well then,” Big Mama hissed, her eyes narrowed into slits as she glared down at them. “Wasn’t that an impressive performance.”

“I told you we’d give you a big hurrah. Was that cool or what?” Leo laughed, pulling away from Raph so that he could stand on his own-- stumbling a bit, but then finding his balance again, summoning up whatever he had left in his body to face her alongside his siblings. He could practically see Big Mama grit her jaw.

“Isn’t that just… splendifirous,” she hissed. “Well! Big Mama never breaks a deal! She does, however, alt--”

“Okay, hang on. Hold that thought. Sorry. Just. One second,” Leo said quickly, moving to shove his hand into his jean pockets, digging around for a moment as he approached the other.

“Oh! Okay. Here. Here you go,” he hummed, pulling a tiny black coin, etched with sigils that he couldn’t even begin to comprehend, from his pocket, where it had lived ever since it was retrieved from Big Mama’s own vault by Mayhem. He pressed it firmly into her insectile palm. “This is for you.”

Big Mama paused.

She stared.

She bristled.

Every hair on her body stood on end as she snarled, puffing up twice the size that she had been a second ago. She bared her fangs, digging her claws into the ground as she loomed over the group, a furious hiss escaping her as she leaned in close to Leo. Beyond a slightly dizzy rock on one foot, he stood his ground, keeping his gaze even and trained on her.

“Go collect your father and get out of my Nexus,” she spat, turning sharply away. 

Inwardly, Leo let out a massive breath of relief, his entire body sagging ever-so-slightly. He nearly fell over as he turned on his heel to try to re-join his slack-jawed siblings. 

“You heard the spider lady--” he said, wobbling dangerously. Luckily, Raph and Donnie were quick to react, each grabbing an arm on either side to keep him upright. Oh thank god. He was still thinking he might just throw up. Or pass out. Maybe both.

“What the hell was that!?” Raph hissed, his eyes wide and his voice hushed. “Leo! What did you give her!?”

“Honestly,” Leo said, chuckling the tiniest bit beneath his breath. “I have no fucking clue.”

---

The rest of the day was a blur. 

Mikey had never seen their father cry so much, nor heard him scream so loud, informing Leo at least eleven times that he was grounded for the rest of his life for scaring his family like that. And though he didn’t necessarily disagree, Mikey felt guilty the entire time. He kept wondering if anyone was going to yell at him for needing to be saved in the first place, but no one did.

They collected their dad. They collected Mayhem. They collected all their things.

They walked out of the Battle Nexus, back out the same way they had entered four days earlier. Mikey dimly noted the alleyway where they had huddled together and plotted just days ago. People repeatedly stopped and begged for their father’s autograph, seeming unsurprised to see him out and about, and he politely declined each and every request.

Their father clearly knew his way around the Hidden City. He knew the way home, too, and soon, they were back up on the surface-- in New York City.

They were in New York City again. And it looked the same. 

From there, they called 911.

Mikey barely remembered the ambulance ride, though he remembered thinking, wow, I’ve never been in an ambulance before. He wanted to tell someone that he was okay, he wasn’t hurt, that it was their dad and Leo that they had to worry about, but he couldn’t quite get his tongue to work. Every time he tried to open his mouth to talk, he’d just start crying again. Every time someone asked him a question, tried to ask what happened, if he was okay, where it hurt, he’d try to reply and instead tears would just bubble up again and spill over, painting streaks down his face over and over again until his head hurt.

Maybe that was a blessing, because he had no idea what he would have said. Their dad, however, did. Mikey was silently shocked by how easily he lied. By how effortlessly he weaved together a tapestry of tales to explain their absence-- wearily and emotionally describing the crazed fan who had kidnapped him and held him hostage in their apartment. He tearfully explained how his children had been contacted by the culprit and foolishly attempted to take matters into their own hands after being warned not to contact the police, only to be captured themselves until they were able to make their escape. 

It sounded dramatic. It sounded implausible, if Mikey was being honest, like the plot of a soap opera. But the way his Dad said it, it sounded… so believable. 

And everyone seemed to eat it up without question in a way that made Mikey squint, but in a way that he didn’t question, either.

They got to the hospital. They patched up all of Dad’s injuries-- the cracked ribs, the bruises, the cuts and scrapes, the bloody knuckles and torn muscles and swollen joints. Mikey could tell he was anxious, but he somehow didn’t panic even half as much as he did going in for a physical. He kept a brave face throughout, recounting the story as many times as he needed to, firmly declining any opioids, and keeping his focus squarely on Mikey and his siblings the entire time, even as doctors actively treated his wounds.

After some fluids and a long nap, Leo bounced right back, seemingly no worse for the wear. They wrapped Raph’s hands. Treated Donnie’s concussion and his back. Even April had managed to sprain her wrist in the fight, a mild and easily treatable injury, but an injury nonetheless.

But he was fine. Even after tripping and falling in the Nexus; he wasn’t hurt at all.

He felt fine. 

They gave him fluids, anyway, for how much he had bailed out in quiet sobs and sniffles. 

April’s mom and dad met them at the hospital, getting there almost as soon as they did, and were in absolute pieces. Mikey had never seen April’s dad cry before, but he had been experiencing a lot of firsts of that ilk recently, so he supposed he wasn’t that surprised. They hugged April and didn’t let her go until she insisted that they were crushing her and she couldn’t breathe. She, much like Leo, was informed that she was grounded for the rest of her life for doing something so reckless and stupid. Their dad apologized at least eighty times for putting her in harm’s way, for getting her involved in such danger, but April’s parents insisted that they were just relieved that everyone was okay, and Mikey could tell that they really meant it.

Their dad and April’s parents were really good friends, actually. He had almost boundless memories of the three of them hanging out and chatting while he and his siblings played. They’d often sit out on the front stoop together when it was nice outside. April’s mom came over regularly for tea. Her dad and his dad played baseball together, even, on the weekends sometimes.

He supposed they had probably been scared for him, too.

And then eventually, they were just…

Home.

Before Mikey knew it, he was back in his own room, staring at the wall and wondering how the hell he got here.

Was this real? He kept waiting to wake up, and it didn’t happen. Did all that actually happen? When he reached back through his memories and touched them, they wiggled like Jell-O, and he wasn’t quite sure if he could trust them or not.

He shifted in place, hearing the springs of the mattress creak beneath him. He smoothed his hands over the cotton of his bedspread, feeling the soft, knitted texture beneath the pads of his fingers. 

He stared up at the glow-in-the-dark stars that his dad had put there for him when he was four.

He was certain he was here now. They had… made it back home. His brothers were home, too. They had all retreated back to their own rooms for the night when they all finally got home, at nearly four in the morning, all exhausted from the experience. Even their dad was home. He knew he was. He watched him get here with them.

Very slowly, Mikey sank down in bed, laying flat on his back.

And even though he had been crying all day, it felt like he was finally letting the dam burst when he reached deep down into his chest and pulled out an aching, shuddering, genuine sob.

---

Raph didn’t think he could ever miss his own bed so much. He spread himself out, splaying out his limbs like a starfish, before eventually rolling over onto his side, curling up and finding the closest stuffed animal to grab and hang onto.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he had been starting to wonder if they would ever see their home again.

But now they were here. All of them, safe and sound. Their dad included. Their dad was home.

They got their dad home.

He got everyone back home.

But somehow, he didn’t feel better yet.

That wasn’t really true. He did! Mostly. He kind of felt better. He-- he was relieved, certainly. He was so grateful that everyone was home, safe and sound-- that everyone was safe, that Dad was okay, that Leo was okay, he just…

He hadn’t expected to feel so…

Angry. 

But now, laying here in his bed, staring off at the wall and listening to their quiet house, all filled up to the brim with his family, that was all he could feel. It felt sour in his stomach, poking and prodding at the edges of his muscles and ribs like a horned creature, snorting hot and pawing at his gut and stamping its hooves, jabbing at him over and over until his face felt ugly and awful and warm.

He was angry that they were lied to. That they were tricked. That their lives weren’t what they thought they were all this time.

He was angry at the pain that had been inflicted on their family. For all the tears that his siblings had cried over the past two-and-a-half weeks. He was angry at the suffering that their father had endured for the entertainment of others in a glorified fight pit. He was angry that there were people who would do that to them-- who thought that that was okay. He was angry for every drop of blood that he had lost.

He was angry at himself for believing something untrue; for how naive and silly it made him feel, even if he recognized that the circumstances were complicated to say the least. He was angry for how close he had come to letting his family slip through his fingers.

But mostly, he was angry that their father had ever agreed to go away from them.

He and his siblings had been prepared to go to the ends of the earth to find him and bring him home and reunite their family. Raph would have done anything to get him back. They all would have. They were ready to give up everything if they had to.

And he had agreed to stay away?

He had agreed to leave them behind?

He was shocked by how meaningless he could suddenly feel in the face of his own father, who had never before made him feel anything but loved.

His anger smoldered inside of him like a stubborn campfire, unwilling to be put out, even as hot tears of frustration singed their way down his face.

---

He couldn’t sleep.

Wow, what a surprise.

If he was being honest with himself, he hadn’t even tried, but he had very little interest in engaging with the process right now. Besides that, he wasn’t even that interested in the prospect of sleeping at all. Just the idea of trying to sleep right now was exhausting and wholly unappealing. He was too tired to try to fall asleep. He just wanted…

Well, he didn’t actually know what he wanted.

He supposed that’s how he had ended up here.

Leo had been curled up in the same place on the floor for hours now, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head resting on his knees as he just… stared at himself in the mirror. Examined his body, a tiny frown on his face.

It looked the same. Just the same as he always had. The same stripey face and spotted belly. The same curly blonde hair with dark roots poking through. His chin curved the same way it always did, his waist still pinched the same way, his shoulders sloped just the same as they always had. 

He had never loved his body. He knew he acted all confident and cocky, and that wasn’t all for show-- there were times when he really did feel confident. Lots of times, actually. He was perfectly capable of being confident and capable and fucking bright as a person, and not as a body, and no, he wasn’t afraid to declare to anyone who wanted to listen that he was very cute, thank you very much, and yes, he did have great taste in clothes, and yes, his hair was amazing, wasn’t it? I’ll tell you what conditioner I use--

But truthfully, he didn’t love his body. He didn’t hate it, either-- it had just existed up until now. It had just been, and he had dealt with it, liked the parts that he liked and tolerated the parts he didn’t, making plans to customize in the future, and it was… okay. 

But he had never despised his own skin so deeply as he did in this moment.

Looking at himself now, he couldn’t find a single thing to enjoy. He looked at himself in the mirror and he glowered, curling his lips in disgust, even though he was unable to look away. 

It was the same as it was before. Nothing had changed. But somehow, he hated it now. 

---

Donnie had always preferred to base his world on facts and logic over emotions. He had always found that this was what worked best for him. If he collected data, examined it, and allowed these values to influence his decisions, everything tended to work out better. No, admittedly, this did not, by any means, guarantee success, much to his annoyance, but he had run the statistics, and facts worked. They were reliable. He could lean on them and count that they would hold him up. He could place his trust there.

For example--

Fact: Hamato Donatello is adept in the care of tropical plants. This was supported by a vast array of data. He had no less than two dozen different varieties of houseplants flourishing in the living room alone that he could point to support this claim, thank you very much, and they were all thriving under his expert care. This was a fact. This was something that he knew to be true. He could rely on this. He could lean on this. It would not change.

Even those that he, at times, found painful, he could still count on.

For example--

Fact: Hamato Donatello is bad at talking to new people. He didn’t like it, but it was a fact. Never in his life had he met someone and been able to strike up a conversation without, at some point, putting his foot in his mouth and fucking it up or floundering. He always seemed to find a way to mess it up, even if he didn’t realize it until later on. Even if he, in the moment, thought that things were going great! He was… better than he had been. He had learned, over time, and gotten the hang of the art of conversation, at least to a degree. People he knew, he could handle, no problem but someone new? It was just… 

It was just a bullet point in the long list of micro-facts that had always supported the claim of, “Hamato Donatello is different from other people. He doesn’t fit in, and there’s something that separates him from his peers.”

And he had always known this. He was diagnosed with autism when he was five. He had always known that he was different, that he didn’t quite match with everyone else. It had always felt like he was missing something; like handbooks or a set of rules had been passed out at some point, and he never got his copy. There were times when it had bothered him, sure, but he had long since come to terms with it. He had found people and places where he could fit, where ‘matching’ mattered a lot less, where the mold that he was expected to adhere to had far more give to it. He had spent years in therapy discussing this gap; years trying to learn the content of the missing ruleset through secondhand explanations. And even if it wasn’t always his favorite fact, it was still a fact. It was something that he knew to be true. He could rely on this. He could lean on this. It would not change.

Or, well. He had thought so.

He had set up a new spreadsheet so he could run through all the data-- so he could review what he thought he had known, and that which he could no longer rely on. He got to work measuring just how patchworked his universe had suddenly become. Began evaluating just how much of the floor was actively falling out from beneath him, and put it all into neat, numbered rows and columns. 

Fact: Hamato Donatello is an awarded athlete.

(Inconclusive. If he was only a talented swimmer because he was a mutant, could any of these accomplishments really be attributed to him, in all fairness? Further research needed.)

Fact: Hamato Donatello is autistic.

(Inconclusive. Can this diagnosis be considered valid if he was not human? There was no diagnosis criteria for turtles. Perhaps he was just odd and different and didn’t fit because he was a mutant. Or because he was a failed experiment. Further research needed.)

Fact: Hamato Donatello is a member of the Hamato family.

(Inconclusive. If he was a mutant rather than simply his father’s child, did he really belong on the family tree? Could he actually be considered a Hamato descendent? Was their father truly their father to begin with? Further research needed.)

Fact: Donatello is a human being. 

(Inconclusive. Though he was still not sure what his exact standing was, or how he could be categorized now, it was very clear that he was not simply a human as previously believed. Further research needed.)

Fact: Donatello is a member of society, just like everyone else, and deserves to be treated with kindness and respect by others.

(Inconclusive. He was not a human, and therefore, it could not be said that he was a ‘member of society,’ nor that he inherently deserved anything based on this status, despite what his therapist Mossy had previously taught him. This statement was based on outdated information, and could no longer be taken at face value. Further research needed.)

Fact: Donatello belongs in human society.

(Inconclusive. Further research needed.)

---

April was kind of starting to think that maybe her parents might mean it when they said she was grounded for the rest of her life. And, to be fair, she knew that she had scared them.

A lot.

She had scared herself, too. If she was being honest, she was still scared. 

It had been weeks since she had last been here, standing in her own bathroom, looking at herself in her own mirror as she brushed her teeth and got ready for bed. And it was all normal, all the same as it ever was, but--

Everything that had been keeping her upright the past three weeks, the adrenaline, the survival instincts, the desire to support her brothers and stay steady and hold them up while things fell apart, the desire to protect them, to figure things out, to investigate, to fix things, it was all…

It was all gone.

Everything that had been propping her up had suddenly given way, and she had just been carried up the stairs into the apartment by her dad, her arms wrapped around his neck like she was six again, getting home from a family outing that had gone late. And now she was sitting here in her bathroom and looking at her own face in the mirror and it was her face, and not anything spooky or mutated or unfamiliar, and that felt so unfair, somehow? And--

She hiccuped softly. And then she sobbed, until she eventually sank down onto the floor, curled up in a little heap and weeping softly. 

Oh my god, what had just happened?

She could have died.

They all could have died.

Her brothers could have died. Leo could have died. She thought Leo was going to die. 

She could have died.

She still had toothpaste in her mouth, and it was getting all down her chin and the front of her shirt, and it was fucking gross but she couldn’t really get herself to care. She just sat there and she cried until her mom knocked on the door, just barely cracking it open and joining her on the cold tile floor. And then, eventually, her dad had joined her, too, and she had wrapped herself up in their arms and practically climbed into his lap and just clung to them. She really didn’t know what else to do.

Something horrible almost happened. But it hadn’t. They were all okay. They were all home, but…

God, why did she feel like her little brother was still falling?

---

The whole way home, Yoshi was terrified that one of his children would begin talking to him. Terrified that one of them would ask some question that he wouldn’t be able to answer. But the journey back to their apartment was near silent. Somehow, that was almost worse.

He thought to himself, god, why is this your main concern right now? Why are you worrying about that, of all things? What is wrong with you?

He got everyone back home. He made sure each of his children ended up safely in their own beds. And, finally, he retreated back to his own.

He’d like to say that his room was just as he had left it, but that was untrue. It had clearly been ransacked multiple times, and he groaned softly, scrubbing at his face with his hands, wondering who all had been in here and what they had uncovered. He supposed there was nothing he could do about it right now. 

He didn’t do much besides clear off his bed. One at a time, he removed the items stacked on top of it. The piles of old paperwork. The DVD cases. The dirty laundry. He didn’t have the energy to sort through any of it properly or put it away right now, so he simply placed it all to the side, stacking things on his dresser or tossing them across the room instead, promising himself that he would get to it in the morning and dreading the thought of it. 

He would have a lot of things to do in the morning.

Internally, he scolded himself. Shouldn’t he be happy? Or at least relieved? This was the best case scenario. All of his children were home, safe and sound. He was home-- he would never have to set foot in the Battle Nexus again. He was free to live his life and raise his children, wasn’t he?

But the only thing he could find in his chest was dread, no matter how deep he dug. Very gingerly, he eased himself down onto his bed, laying out flat on his back and staring up at the ceiling. There were no answers up there. He had looked many, many times before, and he already knew. At the very least, it felt good to lie down. To finally lay down properly in a bed and allow his body a proper break. 

Ah, if only he could allow his mind to do the same…

What the fuck was he going to say to them? What… could he say? How was he supposed to explain all the choices and mistakes he made-- to explain the things he had done and what he was, and then still look them in the eyes? Even worse-- would they still want to? Would they be able to look at him?

God. How could he have let this happen to them?

His eyes wandered aimlessly around his room, a very soft sigh working its way up his chest. He felt like he had come back from the dead. He felt like a ghost. A part of him had already accepted that he would never be back here. Had accepted that he would never see his children ever again. And now here they all were, right here in the same house as him. Only a few floors away.

It didn’t quite feel real yet.

He wanted, more than anything, to get up and go get them this very second. He wanted to gather them all up in his arms like he did when they were babies and pile them up in his bed with him. He wanted to hold them all and fall asleep that way, knowing that they were there and that they were close and that they were okay. He didn’t think he possibly could sleep otherwise.

But he didn’t do that.

He was afraid that if he tried, they wouldn’t want to come with him. And that fear was enough to keep him pinned in place, cold and still, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

He knew they were upset. He could feel that they were upset, and how could he blame them? They were justified. They had every right to be upset, to be angry with him, to hate him, after all he had kept from them! After all the ways he had failed them. He just…

He hadn’t known what else to do.

He still didn’t know what else to do.

This had never been his intention.

---

“Dad--”

“Don’t run in the house,” he replied, not even looking down at his son as he dashed into the kitchen, quite nearly crashing into his leg.

“I wasn’t!” Leo protested, even though he most certainly was, rolling his eyes with a huff. “Dad, I’m gonna be late! Hurry up! Justin and Ben are already waiting for me!”

“Oh, well, if I am going too slowly, I suppose that you can pack your own snacks for camp from now on--”

“Dad!”

“So ungrateful,” he tsked, scooping the last of the vegetables he was slicing up into his son’s bento box, handing it over to the impatient eight-year-old. “There. All the carrot sticks and sugar snap peas that a little turtle could ever ask for,” he teased. A rarely used nickname, but one that sugar peas always made him think of, given how excitedly they would be devoured on the rare occasion he was able to offer some when they were small.

Leo scoffed as he accepted the offering, shoving it into his backpack. “Dad, we’re too old for that game. We don’t play turtles anymore,” he huffed.

Yoshi froze.

“What?”

“We’re not little kids, Dad! We don’t play make-believe anymore!” Leo said matter-of-factly, shooting his dad an absolute withering look. Yoshi floundered for a moment, struggling to find his tongue, which suddenly felt heavy in his mouth, before he finally nodded. 

“Yes… of course.”

“I’ll be home later! Tell Donnie not to go in my room or else I’ll know!” Leo yelled over his shoulder as he ran out the door, hopping down the steps to meet his two classmates who were attending the same summer camp, and Justin’s mother, who had kindly offered to walk them to the bus stop each morning. Yoshi watched him go, and he waved, but things felt… far off. 

He sat down on the kitchen chair once Leo was gone, and thought about the conversation for quite some time, wondering if he had understood correctly. 

After sitting there for about twenty minutes, he eventually got to his feet, shuffling up the stairs to Mikey’s room and knocking gently on the door.

“Yeahhhhhh?”

Yoshi peeked his head in, unsurprised to find his youngest bent over some elaborate arts and crafts project, currently busying himself in taping a pack of construction paper together to create a massive canvas, no doubt for his latest masterpiece. Yoshi sighed very softly through his nose, smiling for just a second as he shuffled his way in.

“What are you working on, my son?”

“‘S gonna be a painting. But I want it to be big!” He explained, throwing his hands out to illustrate. “So I’m making a super big paper to paint on first.”

“Ah, I see. You will have to show me when you are done. I’m sure it’ll be very impressive.”

“Mmm-hmmmm,” Mikey confirmed, quickly returning his attention back to his project, his tongue sticking out from between his lips with his intense focus. Yoshi hesitated for a moment before he spoke again.

“Orange, do you remember… playing turtles?”

“Yeah,” Mikey replied easily. “Why?”

“Well,” he wobbled for a second, choosing his words carefully. “What do you remember?”

“Uhhh,” Mikey tilted his head to the side for a second before he shrugged. “I dunno. It was just a game we used to play. We used to pretend to be turtles and stuff when we were little. We used to play it all the time!” He chirped. “Buuuuut we don’t really play it much anymore. Leo says we’re ‘too old’ for make-believe,” he sighed. “But he still plays Jupiter Jim. He says that’s ‘acting’ and it’s different, but it’s not,” he informed their father, giving him an exasperated look, as if to say, ‘can you believe he would say something like that?’

“... Ah. I see. Thank you, Mikey.”

“Why?” Mikey asked again, and Yoshi swallowed.

“Nothing, no reason! I was just thinking of something else… Also, ah, I wanted to ask you, what do you think about pizza for dinner tonight, my son?” 

“YEAH! PIZZA!” Mikey immediately cheered, his face lighting up, and Yoshi inwardly sighed in relief. Pizza for dinner was a small price to pay to put an end to this conversation. After taking a few requests (demands) regarding toppings and which place they should order from, Yoshi was eventually able to escape from his child’s room, closing the door behind him as he made his way back out into the hall.

He slumped against the wall, staring up at the ceiling.

They… 

Forgot. He hadn’t ever imagined that they would forget.

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#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #fanfic #writing #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt human au #rottmnt au #rottmnt leo #rise leo #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #we're in the 'feeling our feelings and processing trauma' chapter of the story

[tangledinink]

Chapter Sixteen of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? Is up! The boys begin negotiations with Big Mama, to Yoshi's absolute horror... Read it in ao3 or below the cut!

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Yoshi rounded on the guard he had been walking with like a wolf did to prey, his lips curled back in an absolutely furious snarl.

“What are they doing here?!”

“This isn’t my--”

“Let them out! Let them out this instant!!!”

“Sir, I don’t have the authority to--”

“I do not care about what authority you do or do not have,” he spat, leaning over the other, his shoulders squared and his face darkened with absolute fury. Every muscle in his body was visibly coiled and tight and quaking. “You listen to me very carefully. You have two choices. You can either open that door and let them out right now, or I will take the keys from you. Do you understand?”

His voice was so cold. Mikey’s eyes widened, and he thought to himself that if he didn’t know better, even he would be terrified of their father right now. He had never in his life seen him so angry. And he had dropped an open can of paint down the stairs before.

The yokai guard was smart enough, at least, to cower before their father, and rushed to unlock the door to their jail cell. The absolute second there were no longer bars in the way, Mikey threw himself at their dad, a sob working its way up his throat before he had even realized it had been in his chest to begin with. His Dad was doing the exact same thing, physically grabbing him to pull him into his embrace. The rest of the family was right behind them, all six of them colliding together.

“I knew we’d find you--!” Mikey gasped.

“What are you doing here!? What-- what happened?! My sons--!” Their dad stammered breathlessly, his voice waterlogged with tears, and it might have scared Mikey with how rarely he saw his father cry, but he was crying, too, and he was so fucking happy he didn’t have the time to be scared or upset or anything else at all.

“It’s-- it’s a long story!” He laughed, tears running down his face, only squeezing his dad tighter. This was the best hug he had ever had in his entire life. Raph just got moved down in the rankings, ‘cause nothing could ever be better than this. 

God, he had missed him so much. 

“I’m sorry,” their dad kept saying, holding them all as close as he possibly could. “I’m so sorry, my sons, I’m so, so sorry--”

“Yeah, Dad, we gotta have a talk after this… whole situation.” Leo laughed, and Mikey could hear just from his voice that he was crying, too. He was pretty sure they were all crying. Even Donnie. 

“How did you get here!? What-- what happened!?” He questioned again, pulling away just enough so that he could look at Mikey properly, holding his face, and there was this bewildered, searching element to his eyes that almost made Mikey pull back a little bit, glancing almost nervously to the side. Because. Well. Yeah.

They did look… different, didn’t they? Mikey doubted that their dad hadn’t known, but…

“Okay, so, you know that crazy sheep-looking dude who broke into our house…?” Leo snorted softly.

“What!?”

In the background, Mikey could hear the guard speaking on a walkie-talkie.

“Uhm, Big Mama? We have a… situation.”

“You tell her to get down here right now!” Yoshi snapped, whipping his head around so he could glare at the rather nervous-looking employee before immediately turning back to his sons, his anger giving way to concern once more. “How did you even get down here--? What are you doing here?” 

“Rescue mission. Obviously,” Donnie said. 

“Rescue? My sons, this is-- it is not that--“ 

“Uh, yes, ma’am, er, involving… Lou Jitsu? And those turtles we picked up a few days ago…” 

“Days?!” Their father howled as he turned on the guard again, his voice pitching even higher with absolute outrage. “You have kept my children here for days?! How dare you!!! Give me that walkie-talkie— GUMO!!! WE HAD A DEAL—“ 

“A deal?…” Leo echoed. 

“I don’t care if you are doing open heart-surgery! No! RIGHT NOW!!!”

Now that he had stepped away, no longer crowded in amongst the rest of the Hamatos, all the brilliantly colored bruises and lacerations painted along his father’s body were easily apparent. Mikey’s heart crumpled a little. “Dad…?” 

“Ah-- it is alright, Mikey.” His father’s voice softened once more. “I will get you boys home. And fix your bracelets…! Do not worry, we will fix this…”

“… And you’ll come home too, right?” 

There was a beat of hesitation that opened up a pit of dread in his stomach. 

“Dad?” 

His father opened his mouth to speak, but before anything could be said, a bright flash of magick which Mikey could, at this point, pin as a teleportation circle, bathed them all in light.

Mikey was not so proud that he couldn’t admit that he had screamed and hid behind his father when a hulking spider had leapt out, near shaking the ground as she landed, though with surprising grace, looking down at the group through a gaggle of brilliant red eyes. His siblings might not want to say so, but they all screamed and jumped, too. Their father didn’t. He held firm, glaring at the creature, planted stubbornly between the two parties.

“Hm,” the creature hummed, seeming almost thoughtful as they tilted their head to the side, and Mikey had not been expecting this to be what their voice sounded like at all. “Well, this is a bit of a prickly-snitch, isn’t it?”

“Oh!” Dad absolutely bristled, and Mikey swore he could hear his teeth grinding. “Do not give me that! What is the meaning of this?! We had a deal! You gave your word! You gave your word that you would leave my family be!”

“And I have!” She immediately defended, huffing loudly, as though insulted, placing a hand over her chest. 

“You clearly have not!” He scoffed. “What are they doing here!?”

“Well you would have to ask them,” she insisted, giving a wave of one of her claws. “Because I can assure you that I did not bring your little turtleyboo’s here, dearheart, they showed up entirely of their own accord. I can’t be held responsible for that!”

Their father spluttered for a moment, glancing between the spider and the family, not seeming sure who he wanted to yell at for a second there. Mikey winced slightly, moving just a teensy bit closer to his siblings. Yeah, this had not exactly been the reaction they were expecting…

“I hardly think that matters!” He finally landed on the spider. “You’ve had them here for days!? Days!? Locked in your dungeon!? That is not ‘leaving them in peace!’ I don’t care how they got here-- you should have brought them back home! Why are you keeping them here!?”

“Well, obviously, I was doing the responsible thing and checking with my legal team to see what options I might have…” 

“EXCUSE ME?!”

“Oh, they’re fine! I didn’t even hurt them.”

“Didn’t hurt them?” April scoffed under her breath. “I think Donnie’s concussion and fucked up shoulders would beg to differ…”

“His what!? Are you injured, my son? Let me see!”

“Dad, stop it, I’m fine--!”

“My employees were merely defending themselves!” The yokai protested. “The little turtleyboos are the ones who broke into my place of business and attacked my poor Nexus attendants! That could hardly be considered my fault.”

“Couldn’t it?!”

“Oh, come now, huggypoo. Don’t be a noodge about it. I’m sure we can work this all out and everyone can walk away hotsy-totsy…”

“Huggypoo?” Donnie muttered. “Uhm, ew.”

“Don’t you try to sweep this under the rug!” Dad spat. “They are down here, being held in your dungeon, none of your crystals are working, and they were attacked by Baron Draxum, who you told me you would keep them safe from--!”

“Excuse me, are you trying to imply that my magicks aren’t adequate?” She hissed in response, suddenly bristling, leaning in closer to glare at their father. He stood his ground, but Mikey shrunk back, paling slightly. He could see his own reflection in her eyes. Jagged teeth flashed from between the sharp bends of her long, pointed jaw. “My enchantment is foolproof. Draxxy can’t lay a hand on them.”

Leo’s eyes lit up a bit. 

“Is that why he passed out when I grabbed him?!”

“That would be exact-ively why!” She gestured to their father as if to be like, see? I told you. “If my magick isn’t up to your expectations, I can always take it back… If you’re backing out…”

Their father grit his teeth. “I did not say that.”

“Wait, you cast spells on us?!” Raph spluttered slightly, looking down at himself, as if expecting to see something crawling on him, or spy some witchy sigil etched into his plastron.

“Oh, I’ve cast many spells on you, little turtles,” she laughed, and the way she smiled made Mikey shiver. “One might even say you lot owe me one…”

“They owe you nothing,” their dad growled, taking a step forward, physically forcing her away from him and his siblings. The shadow she had been casting over them retreated slightly. “You! You must fix this! They should be safe! Back at home! I have kept my end of the bargain--”

“Pops, we came to get you,” Raph protested, reaching out to touch their father’s shoulder. 

“We’re not leaving without you!” Mikey insisted. 

“Yeah! I don’t care if we do have to fight a giant spider, we’re getting you back home!” April added in.

“It’s not that simple,” Dad said.

“Why not?” Donnie pressed. 

“I’m sorry, it is… it is complicated--”

“No!” Leo snapped, elbowing his way to the front of the group to face their dad properly. “No more ‘it’s complicated!’ I don’t wanna hear ‘it’s complicated,’ that’s not an okay answer anymore, Dad! We’ve been patient. We’ve let you keep your secrets, let you have your boundaries, we’ve let you not answer any of our questions about literally anything about you… But we’re in a fucking bloodsport stadium! And we’re reptiles!” He threw up his hands. “You can’t just tell us it’s complicated. We already know it’s complicated! Dad, you have to tell us what’s going on! Are you a reptile, too?!”

He grabbed their dad’s arm, and the bracelet circling his wrist caught the light as it moved.

“What even are you?!”

Their father’s shoulders slumped. Mikey thought to himself that he looked so tired.

“I am sorry,” he repeated. “I will… I will explain everything to you boys, I swear, but… I cannot leave. I made a deal.”

Leonardo threw down his father’s hand, bristling as he went. He turned his sights on the spider.

“A deal?” He echoed, a note of bitter laughter in his voice. “What? With her?”

“Blue, please--”

“Fine then,” Leo took a step forward, pivoting his body so that he was facing the eight-legged yokai properly, his chin tilted up so that he could meet her gaze.

“I wanna make a deal, too.”

---

“Leonardo! No! Absolutely not!”

Leo blocked him out, crossing his arms over his chest.

“So, what? The deal was he’d stay here and fight, and you’d leave us alone, get us cloaking crystals, and keep Draxum off our back? Do I have that all right?” Leo quipped, raising a brow before tsking very slightly. “I dunno, I think our Daddy’s got a point. It doesn’t really seem like you’ve kept up your end. But…”

“Leo. Listen to me. Do not speak with her about this--”

“I think we could pencil up some new terms to smooth it all out, and everyone can leave happy, just like you said. Right?” Leo continued, hands on his hips. “I mean, obviously we have to get something figured out here, given the current state of things. Probably wouldn’t be too good for your rep otherwise, right? Really, this could benefit all of us!”

Please let these be the right things to say. He had no idea what he was doing. He was flying completely blind-- he didn’t know a thing about this woman or what her motives were, he didn’t even know any details about the original deal to begin with. 

But he was not leaving without his entire family.

“Leonardo!” His father hissed in his ear, grabbing his arm and yanking him slightly. “Stop! You do not know her like I do-- no one ever comes out on top when they make deals with her!”

Leo wretched himself from his father’s grip. “I don’t know her like you do?! Great, well, then, enlighten me! Who is this!? And how do you know her?!”

There was visible hesitation from his dad, who turned bright red as he looked to the side.

“She… is my ex.”

Oh. You know, maybe some secrets were actually okay.

Mikey gasped shrilly, pointing a finger. “That’s the hotel lady!?”

“The Grand Nexus Hotel is run by a spider!?” April cried.

“You dated a spider?!” Leo wailed, leaning over to shake his father by the shoulders.

“Look, now do you understand why I say ‘it’s complicated’ all the time?!” He snapped in reply, huffing loudly as he batted Leo’s hands off of him.

“Okay, okay, whatever. So not the point,” Leo sighed, scowling a bit. “Look, the point is, I’m willing to make a new deal with you, spider lady! So let’s talk.”

“Please,” she said. “You can call me Big Mama.”

“... Yeah, there’s no way I’m calling you that. For, like, sooo many reasons…”

She sighed thoughtfully, tilting her head ever-so-slightly to the side. Leo usually considered himself a pretty good read; he had always been adept at picking up on body language, on little hints and cues, at translating people’s expressions, but… he was used to doing that with, you know, people. Not giant arachnids. 

“We can talk,” she finally said, her eyes narrowed into slits. “What would you propose?”

“Blue, please,” his father hissed. “This is too dangerous! Let me handle this!”

Leo didn’t even look at him.

“We’re taking our dad back home,” he said. “You didn’t keep your end of the deal, so he doesn’t have to keep his. You’ve had him for, what, two weeks now? Quite frankly, that’s an extended run for a performance…”

She laughed at him.

“I don’t think you understand the value that your father brings,” her grin was eerie. All teeth. She reached past them to snatch their father up in one of her claws, dragging him to her, and Leo had to resist the urge to reach out and snatch him right back, bristling. She near draped herself across their dad as he scowled. But he didn’t pull away. “My little cuddlekins is the most fantabulous champion my Nexus has ever seen. He’s undefeated, you know! The Hidden City just adores him,” she sighed happily, tapping the tip of his nose as he growled. 

“Do you have any idea how many tickets he sells in a day?”

What, was this about money? Or was it about their dad? Both, he thought dimly to himself. She wants both. 

“Well, if it’s entertainment you want,” he said, taking care to keep his tone as cool and casual as he possibly could. “I’m sure we could come up with some big hurrah to keep the people talking.”

“Oh?”

“You know what’s even cooler than Lou Jitsu? The son of Lou Jitsu. Seen here for the first time ever, exclusive Battle Nexus content! Come on, people eat that kind of stuff up!” He laughed, throwing out his hands to gesture to himself with exaggerated pride. 

“Absolutely not!” His dad spat-- and now he was trying to pull away, but Big Mama didn’t let him, holding fast.

“My undefeated champion in exchange for one performance with an imitation isn’t exactly much of a ballyhoo, dearheart. I’m afraid you’ll have to be a bit more impressive than that,” she tsked.

Leo froze up for a minute. He knew that wasn’t good enough. He had known it wasn’t going to be good enough as soon as offered it, even before he offered it, but what else did they have?--

Swallowing a brief wave of panic, he glanced, just barely, back at his siblings behind him.

Four pairs of equally determined faces started back. And all their eyes said, ‘whatever it takes.’ Leo’s resolve instantly renewed itself, and his heart rate settled ever-so-slightly. He wasn’t going to let his family down. He could do this.

He could do this.

“Okay. Fine. What about four sons of Lou Jitsu? Plus an added-bonus daughter,” he challenged. “And you can forget about everything else. The cloaking crystals, the protection spells, whatever. Take it back,” he said, narrowing his eyes and setting his jaw. “Put us in your Battle Nexus. Do whatever you want. We’ll make a day of it! We’ll make you your money. And then at the end, we all get to go home.”

Her grin was getting wider.

“Well, that’s a bit better,” she hummed. “But not very exciting, is it? Let’s see here…”

Oh, so is that what this was to her?

A game.

“We can play for keepsies. What about that?” She said, abandoning their father and instead beginning to pace-- stalking slowly around the Hamato children, her eight legs tapping gently against the stone floor. “If you win, you can take your father, keep all your little boobles and trinkets and enchantments-- they don’t matter to me. You can la-di-dah off into the sunset,” she hummed.

“... But when I win. All of you will stay here. Deal?”

Leo didn’t have to look back at his siblings this time.

“Deal.”

---

“Please! Please! Plleeeasseee can we go up! We were good! I promise to be good next week, too! Super good!” Leo begged, holding his hands up like a prayer to plead with their swim instructor-- all but clinging to their legs.

“Just once! Pretty please?” Raph added, moving to echo Leo’s pose in support.

Jon sighed deeply, exaggeratedly, crouching down to join them at their level, his arms crossed over his knees.

“I dunno… it’s pretty high. Are you sure you want to?”

“Yes! Please!” Leo insisted.

“We can do it!”

“And you’re sure you’ll be good next week?”

“We will! Right, Donnie?”

Donnie wasn’t really participating in the desperate cajoling the way his brothers were, but he offered a little nod anyway. 

“See!”

“Okay. Okay. Fine. You can each jump once, okay?”

“YES!” Leo shrieked in delight.

“But if you go up the ladder, you have to jump, okay? There’s no coming back down. Once you’re up, you gotta jump off. Understand?”

Raph seemed a little bit less sure about that. “How come?”

“Going backwards down the ladder of the high-dive while soaking wet isn’t the safest thing, kiddo.” Jon explained, reaching over to ruffle Raph’s hair a bit. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But if you go up, you can’t go back down. You’ve gotta jump. So be sure you wanna jump before you go up.”

Raph, who had, seconds ago, been endlessly enthusiastic, suddenly seemed a bit nervous. He glanced over at Leo, frowning. “Leo, it’s really high…”

“Yeah, that’s what makes it awesome!” He enthused. “Don’t worry! It’ll be fun! Diving is super cool!” He insisted.

“But what if you get up and you don’t wanna anymore?”

“I will,” Leo insisted. “Here, I’ll go first. You stay here and watch with Donnie so he doesn’t get scared.”

Donnie looked up, seemingly annoyed, giving Leo an ‘excuse me? I’m not scared,’ kind of look, but luckily didn’t say anything and blow Leo’s cover. It’s for Raph, not you, doofus.

“Be careful, Leo,” Raph said, grabbing onto Donnie’s hand, who, to his credit, only wriggled a little, pulling a face but not pulling away. The pair watched as Leo began to scramble up the ladder to the long-desired, long-admired five-meter diving platform.

The higher he went, rung over rung, the more excited he got, practically wriggling as he climbed up to the top, pulling himself up to his feet. And his eyes widened, his mouth gaping in a shocked little ‘o.’

He was up so high.

Leo had never been up so tall before. Not like this! He had been up in some pretty big buildings with his family, but that was so different from this; standing up here on this platform, looking down at the water below, no walls or windows separating him and the rest of the world. His brothers looked tiny, almost, and as he crept forward to the edge of the platform, for just a second, he felt it. Belated, slower than his brother did, but he felt it.

Fear.

For a second there, he wasn’t so sure about this. It was… really, really high, and the water was really, really far below, and he was gonna have to jump. And fall. He realized, distantly, that he had never fallen so far before, and for just a second, he frowned, drawing his arms nervously around himself and shuffling his feet a bit. 

Movement caught the corner of his eye. 

Leo looked over, across the pool, way to the far edge by the doors to the locker rooms, and there was their dad. He didn’t stay and watch lessons anymore, but he always came to pick them up when lessons were over, waiting for them with towels by the locker rooms before herding them off to get changed and head back home for dinner. He was there already, swim bag in hands, ready for them to be released from their class, and he was waving at him.

Once Leo was looking at him, Dad smiled, and he gave him two thumbs up. 

That was all. Just a smile and two thumbs. But it was plenty. It was more than enough, and Leo wriggled a bit with renewed excitement, all the fear draining out of him and puddling down at his feet, because things just got even better. He didn’t just get to go off the high-dive. 

He got to go off the high-dive and his dad was gonna watch.

“COWABUNGA!” He shrieked, leaping off the platform without another ounce of hesitation, his legs tucked up to his chest and his arms flailing wildly as he plummeted downward. All his organs, seemingly, didn’t get the memo that they were heading down to the water now, because Leo swore that they were yanked up through his chest by gravity, his stomach ending up in his throat and his heart ending up at the top of his head as he fell. 

He had just enough time for another short, pitched little shriek before he hit the water, a massive splash frilling up around him like a fan, droplets flying in each direction. Gravity stopped, and just for a second, Leo floated there in the middle of the pool, ever so slightly dazed-- suddenly still and suspended in place after his rapid descent. He lingered there for a moment, watching all the tiny bubbles rise up to the surface around him before he followed suit. 

His head popped up, and as soon as Leo had grabbed a breath of air, he laughed loudly, his arms and legs doggy-paddling wildly as he began to head back towards the edge of the pool.

“THAT WAS AWESOME!” He cried. “Raph! That was so cool! You gotta go next! DAD! Dad, did you see me!? Did you see me jump!?”

---

He had been left here.

Left here in the Luxury Box like some misbehaving child, left in time-out while the parents discussed. Left here alone to question and panic. Yoshi paced furiously through the space, swearing softly to himself as his mind raced. Six times now, he had tried to convince the guards posted by the door to let him out, to bring him to Big Mama, to bring her to him, anything, and had been denied each time, despite his threats. He considered the logistics of jumping over the balcony, (which he had done before, but it had gone poorly and he was a whole lot younger back then.) He was just weighing the pros-and-cons of making good on his previous threats and breaking out, going and finding Big Mama and his children by force, when the doors opened.

She was in her human form, and looked perfectly casual, calm, and collected as she entered the box. As though she wasn’t aware of what she had done. As if she didn’t know what she was doing. Yoshi bristled, clenching his jaw as he stormed over.

“You cannot do this,” he hissed through grit teeth.

“Oh, but cuddlemuffin, I’m afraid the terms have already been agreed upon. I can’t just go back on my deal, now can I?” She tsked, walking right past him to head over to the couch, sitting down primly and crossing her legs. Yoshi chased after her, resisting the carnal urge to pick her up and throw her out of the Luxury Box. 

(It wouldn’t even work, anyway.)

“Why not?!” He spat. “I see no reason why you cannot back out! Nothing has even happened yet-- just send them back home! There is no need for this.” 

She sighed deeply, frowning as she turned to face him.

“Darling, I thought you’d be pleased,” she protested.

Yoshi’s face flushed bright red.

“Pleased?! Pleased?! Why would I be pleased with this!?”

“Well, I always thought you were quite fond of those little turleyboos--”

“They are my sons! Of course I am!”

“And that you missed them! So this way, you’ll get to be here together. Isn’t that better?”

“No! No, it is not better!”

“Oh, but huggypoo, this will be good. You’ll get to see them all the time this way! You lot can all have your little row-de-rows in my Nexus together, you’ll get to be around them all the time, and you’ll still get to be my fantabulous champion,” she said with a smile. “And don’t fib and pretend like you don’t like getting to be famous for me. They’ll like it too! I’m sure,” she insisted with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Everyone wins! Don’t you think?”

“You don’t believe that,” Yoshi whispered. “I know you don’t.”

She hummed, shrugged with a small smile, and turned away, picking up her teacup from the coffee table to take a sip.

“Please. I will stay with you. Just let them go. Don’t do this. You wouldn’t agree to this if you believed they would win. They are going to get hurt--”

“You’ll stay with me either way, Noodles,” she said, not even looking at him.

“If you do this,” he breathed, his voice weighed down with anger, with heat, with grief and with desperation. “I will never forgive you. I swear. If you go through with this, I will never forgive you for it, Gumo.”

She paused, turning just enough to give him a long look. It was almost soft-- as though she were sympathetic. And she tsked.

“Well, it’s not the first time I’ve heard that, now is it?”

---

If Leo was being totally honest with himself, this was exhausting. It was taxing and nerve-wracking, and every single time he opened up his mouth and spoke, he wondered if this was the time he was going to fuck it up and say the wrong thing and watch it all come crashing down around them. 

He was the actor, like their dad, having begged him from the age of seven to let him do movies like he did. He had eventually bargained his way from local theater all the way up to supporting roles in a couple of films, taking immense pride in any play, commercial, TV show, or movie that had his name in the credits. He was that loud, funny kid in class who always had a quip or remark and who distracted the teacher so they didn’t have to do actual work. He was the best liar in his family, and had always been the one who would talk them out of situations when they found themselves in the middle of a mess-- like that time their basketball ended up in that construction site and they had to retrieve it. Or that time they tunneled under their elementary school. 

But this? This was a beast of a different color. They had never had stakes higher than ‘detention’ before. Not like this. 

“Okay, so, if we’re gonna make this work,” Leo had said, terrified out of his mind at being trapped in a room with a literal giant spider but pretending otherwise, draped casually in a red velvet chair across from her desk. “Obviously we’re going to need to put some PR into it, right? And if we’re gonna be pushing the ‘sons of Lou Jitsu’ angle, then we need to do something about--” he gestured to himself. “This whole situation. Otherwise, no one’s gonna buy it. So obviously we’re gonna have to fix these little doohickies,” he kind of flipped his wrist back and forth a few times, “And maybe give it, like, a day, maybe two? To get the word out there.” That should be enough time for Donnie to bounce back… The bruising and swelling had already gone down quite a bit, but he was still worried about his head. He’d like to give him a lot longer to recover from a concussion before sending him into a, like, legit deathmatch, but… “Which also means we have some time to work out some other little details, right? Like. Weapons, no weapons?... We can maybe take a look at both options, I dunno, do some mock-ups for the campaign posters and all that…”

She had listened, shockingly enough. Leo found that often, when he talked for too long, people would eventually stop listening. It was a common trait in his family. But she was listening, and, even better, seemed to actually be considering what he was saying, and Leo clung to that thread of hope desperately. 

“My Lou Jitsu always fights without weapons,” she remarked, and Leo felt his stomach flip-flop for a second.

“Yeah, I mean. There’s definitely merit to that. But we’re trying to raise the stakes, right? Big blow-out type deal? So, you know, add some pointy things to the mix, and that usually pumps people up. Plus… merch opportunity!” He had added, stretching his lips wide over his teeth in the imitation of a grin, making sure to crinkle the corners of his eyes as well, because he’s not an amateur. “Your guy can have your weapons, too! I mean, fair’s fair…”

She had smiled widely.

“My ‘guy’ doesn’t need any weapons.”

Leo’s heart had stuttered, just for a second, and a shiver skittered its way up his spine, but he kept himself still and kept his expression steady. “I mean, if you don’t like it, we don’t have to do it for the actual shebang! I’m just saying. Like. You know. Let’s explore all the marketing options, right?”

She had seemed almost amused by him at the time, but had agreed, saying that they could ‘take a look,’ and, after some further careful, calculated coaxing, had even agreed to let Leo into whatever armory or trophy room or vault their weapons were being held in to fetch them, though only after Leo had pitched the hell out of their own weapons providing ‘the best possible performance,’ and feigned an inability to describe their weapons well enough for any employee to fetch it for them. 

Quite frankly, he was pretty much sure that the only reason he was able to get away with any of this was because she didn’t see him as a threat. She wasn’t stupid, by any means, Leo already knew, and he wasn’t completely fooling her. But she was already sure that she would win, and she thought that he was funny, or so it seemed, so she was willing to go along with his act and laugh at him as they went. That was fine. Leo would do whatever worked.

And now he was here. Just him, a giant spider woman, five armed guards, and about half a million mystic artifacts filling up a tightly locked, hidden room, where no one would ever find his body.

No problem.

“Jeez, do you just, like, throw things in here?” He mumbled, taking big, long strides as he wandered through the space, picking over and through all the various amulets and enchanted swords and cursed statuettes-- lingering over each one, just for a moment, leaning over to examine them before moving along to the next thing. “Have you ever considered investing in a label maker?--”

“We’re not here for a tour, foozle,” she had remarked primly, narrowing her eyes in such a way that made Leo inwardly sweat a bit. He was toeing the line-- he had been toeing the line for a while now and he knew it, and he picked up the pace, even as he continued to roam, wandering a wide lap around the vault.

“Do you have, like, a magic weapon shelf, or…?”

“Tick tock. Find your things, or you’ll leave without anything, dear.”

“Oh, here they are!” He exclaimed, pointing at the previously confiscated odachi. “This would be April’s, and the lame stick is Donnie’s…”

He knew better than to grab for any of them. That’s how you get in trouble. April’s dad taught him better than that. The guards collected them in his stead once he had pointed them out.

“There we go,” she said, making her way back to the exit. “Now, then, I’ll just take that little booble from you.”

Leo froze.

“Take what?”

“Well, foozle, you did want me to patch up those little trinkley-dinks you have on your wrists, didn’t you?” She hummed.

Oh.

Right.

He did say that.

He supposed he just hadn’t realized he’d have to… take it off. For the first time, he stumbled, hesitating ever-so-slightly.

“I. Uh. I’m not sure if I… can…” he said, pulling experimentally at the bracelet curled around his wrist. The bracelet that had been there the past ten years of his life. The bracelet that had always clearly, at least in his mind, marked him as a Hamato. The bracelet that ‘kept him safe.’ 

The bracelet that he had never, not once in his life, ever taken off.

“Oh, of course you can. You just have to want to take it off. It’s a simple little trickey-trick. Just think about it when you do it, and it’ll slide right off, no trouble to it. You do want me to fix them, don’t you?”

“... Yeah.”

“Then take it off.”

Leo paused, just for a moment. This was silly, wasn’t it? He knew now what it did, what its purpose was, why they didn’t take it off… And it really wasn’t doing anything right now, as clearly evidenced by his scaly green skin and the cinnamon red crescent moons streaking across his face. 

But still…

He swallowed hard. And he removed the bracelet.

It was easy, just like she said. It slipped right off his wrist without any real trouble once he made the conscious, definitive decision to do so. 

Nothing in the world changed. He didn’t change. Nothing terrible happened-- there were no screams, no meteor strikes, no alien invasions. His body felt just the same as before.

He handed it over.

“Now then, give me a few hours with it, and it’ll be good as new. I’ll collect your brothers’ as well, and I’ll get all this higgeldy-piggeldy all sorted for you little turtleyboos,” she assured, all but herding Leo out of the vault, back out into her office. Leo felt a bit dazed.

“Right… Thanks.” 

“Now, then. You can take him back to his room. Your trinket will be delivered later this evening. Toddle off now,” she waved them dismissively, and two of the guards fell into step beside him, beginning to guide him from the office. Leo struggled to keep his steps even, suddenly feeling a bit unsteady.

His wrist felt… empty.

Though his siblings and he were no longer being kept in a dungeon, it would be foolish to believe that the hotel rooms they had been put up in were anything aside from nicer prisons. At least they had beds now, but it was pretty clear that they were not to leave the rooms without explicit permission, so he had, in exchange, lost any direct contact with his family, each of them sequestered away on their own. 

I can’t believe I’m missing a jail cell, he thought to himself with a roll of his eyes as he was ushered into the room, the door slammed shut behind him. The attitude was so not necessary. 

But that had gone better than he thought it would.

He hurried to his bed, doing a quick visual sweep of the room, just in case, making absolute certain there were no prying eyes before he sat down, unzipping his hoodie just enough so that he could shake a fuzzy yellow yokai out of it. The creature tumbled from where it had been hiding near the largest curve of his shell, tucked away beneath the folds of his sweatshirt’s hood, helpfully concealing the critter.

“Jesus, dude! We have got to trim your nails,” Leo hissed, reaching to rub the back of his neck and give them a look. Mayhem blinked up at him, chittering in response and waving his tail. Leo just sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Please tell me you saw something helpful in there,” he begged.

To his absolute relief, the creature puffed itself out, giving a definitive nod of its head, and Leo felt a huge weight tumble from his shoulders. “Oh thank god,” he huffed, flopping back down across the bed, resting his hands on his face for a second. This had been such a fucking shot in the dark! The entire plan was ‘investigate as much as possible and pray that I either figure it out or Mayhem knows something.’ After taking a moment to compose himself, breathing in deep, he came back out from the cover of his hands, glancing over at Mayhem again as they hopped up to their paws and promptly disappeared in a twinkle of blue. 

He reminded himself to treat April to a pizza or something one of these days for finding this little guy. 

Scooting back up into a sitting position, he grabbed the little “Grand Nexus Hotel” branded notepad and matching pen from the nightstand, scribbling out a quick message. 

“Might have something. Don’t worry. Fixing the bracelets. See you all soon.”

He didn’t dare put too much information down in writing, should their Mayhem-sponsored-Pony-Express style of communication be intercepted. But at least he could tell them something. He’d ask Mayhem to pass it around to his siblings once he was able. He knew that blipping around too much tired him out. 

But jesus, is it useful, he thought to himself as Mayhem came warping back into the room, hopping gracefully back down onto the bed and scampering over, proudly dropping something into Leo’s hand-- like a dog fetching a tennis ball, wagging tail and everything.

“This is it?” He questioned, raising a brow, and Mayhem nodded, gesturing a few times. Leo sighed and shrugged. Well, it wasn’t like he had any room to doubt them anyway, and so he pocketed the item, reaching over to pet the yokai’s head, scratching at his ears. 

“Nice job, buddy,” he muttered, getting a happy little trill from Mayhem in reply. Leo couldn’t help but smile. “We’d be so screwed without you.”

He frowned a bit, chewing the corners of his lips for a moment.

“You make it look so easy…”

There was a moment of silence, the only sound in the room being Mayhem’s happy little chirps and barks. Leo pet them for a bit longer, before finally, he pulled away, shifting back so that he could sit up properly-- legs crossed, hands rested on his knees, back straight.

Mayhem whined slightly, pawing at Leo’s leg, and he chuckled softly.

“Sorry, bud,” he hummed softly, letting out a long, slow breath. “I’ve got a lot of practice to get through.”

Okay.

Let’s move.

---

His skin was chocolate brown. It was relatively smooth and relatively untextured, save for the occasional blemish or spot (thanks, puberty,) and polka-dotted all over with freckles. The fact that he had hair at all was noteworthy-- twisted into ombre locs, they shifted from a rich, inky black at the roots to a pale orangey-hue at the ends, tipped with colorful beads. His fingers were just as dexterous and capable as he remembered them-- and there were five of them on each hand. 

It had felt so achingly odd to be without his bracelet. But now that it was back on his wrist, Mikey noted that he really didn’t feel much at ease at all. 

Things still felt… off.

He examined his face in the mirror, pinching his cheeks, pulling back his lips to inspect his teeth, leaning in close to peer at his own eyes in the reflection. He tugged at his ears, spinning the little star earrings that he had miraculously maintained throughout everything a few times. He pulled off his shirt so he could look at his back-- watching how the muscles shifted beneath the skin, reaching back so he could run his fingers along the knobs of his own spine, plain and clear to see.

This was his body. This was the body he had always had, or so he had thought. The body that he had grown up in. He looked at himself, and it was familiar. He looked at himself and thought, hey, that’s me!

So why did everything feel so alien? 

He ran through the same routine again, breaking down his entire self from head-to-toe, and didn’t feel any better by the end of it. He did it for a third time, and fourth time, and a fifth, but still, the feeling persisted. Mikey scowled deeply, chewing on the insides of his own cheek.

Why did he feel like he was being tricked when he saw himself now?

Everything looked real. It all felt real. His shoulders, his feet, his fingers, they all seemed perfectly natural and normal and genuine to him, but now he knew that none of it was, and it made something inside his stomach twitch just the tiniest bit with an emotion that he couldn’t quite name. What? Anger? Anxiety? Confusion? This, too, he re-visited over and over, but couldn’t resolve. And he hated it. Not just the feeling itself, but just--

Just not knowing. Not understanding. It just made it worse, not being able to identify it while it was taking over, completely encompassing him, soaking every bit of his body like gasoline, and he didn’t know what the feeling was but he just-- he just-- felt--

A thin ribbon of smoke caught the corner of his eye.

Mikey yelped, his hand immediately ripping itself away from the dresser he had been leaning against, revealing a scorched handprint underneath, and went reeling backwards. He didn’t stop until his back hit a wall, and he nearly fell over, his heart hammering a tempo prestissimo in his ears.

Not again. Not again. Not again. Mikey whined loudly, balling his hands up into fists and drawing himself in, as if to hide, to tuck in close and make himself small. Tears began beading up along his eyes like pearls, immediately ready to answer this call to action and throw themselves over onto the frontlines, and Mikey swallowed back a sob. This couldn’t keep happening. He couldn’t keep letting himself lose control.

He was the one who started this whole thing in the first place when he lit his notebook on fire. Their life had been perfect before that happened. 

He was the reason that Donnie got hurt. He never would have had to protect him if he hadn’t lost control of his weapon.

And now he was the reason there was a smoldering handprint on the dresser, and he didn’t even understand why or how to stop it! He had no idea how to fix it, but he couldn’t let this keep happening.

He could not let himself keep being a liability to his family.

---

When Raph had finally been allowed to see his siblings again, he had grabbed them all and hugged them as tight as he possibly could. It really hadn’t been that long since they all saw each other-- but it had been way, way too long to be alone.

Raph hated being alone. He didn’t care if he was in some nice, fancy hotel room now or whatever. He’d gladly go back to the dungeons if he could do so with his siblings. He had spent the entire time pacing, floating in and out of various degrees of panic. The only reason that he hadn’t gone totally off his rocker was Mayhem, who spent a majority of the time with him, and brought him little written messages from his family every few hours or so.

Every time he was about to really, truly lose it, he’d get some little note from April, some doodle from Mikey, some scribbles from Leo or Donnie, and he’d be able to remind himself that yes-- definitively, most certainly, without a doubt, they were all okay. They were close by and hadn’t forgotten about him, were thinking about him, and they’d see him again soon. 

And they did.

And he didn’t want to let go.

In fact, it had taken a bit of convincing from his family before he finally released them from the embrace, chuckling nervously and rubbing the back of his neck, mumbling out a few apologies even though he knew they didn’t hold it against him. And, yeah okay, he felt better now that they were all here, but…

It could be under better circumstances.

The locker room was empty except for him and his siblings, and he supposed that that, at least, was an upside. Less people, less stress, right? And his family was all here. Or, well, most of them, at least… But April and his little brothers, they were all right here, and he could see all of them, so it was fine…

He just really wished their dad was here. He wished he at least knew where they were keeping him. He knew that he’d be here if he had a choice.

He paced through the aisles, clenching and unclenching his jaw.

“Poor little guy. After all he’s done for us, and we’ve totally exhausted him,” April tsked softly, holding Mayhem in her arms as if he were a baby. The yokai was completely passed out after spending the past day or so continuously bouncing around hotel rooms to pass along messages, and Raph winced with quiet guilt. He chewed at the joints of his fingers.

“He’s earned his naptime for sure,” Leo muttered, smirking a tiny bit, watching as April carefully settled the yokai down into a little nest of towels on the benches.

Raph wrinkled up his nose, resisting a whine.

“It’s okay. He’ll be safe and sound back here while we’re busy kicking Nexus butt!” Mikey chirped, grinning.

How could the rest of them all be so calm!?

They were literally about to go into the freakin’ ring of terror and fight for their lives! For their freedom! Didn’t they understand how high the stakes were? Weren’t they concerned?! What if they didn’t win? What if someone got hurt, or worse--

“Raph.”

Raph jumped at the sound of his name, his eyes snapping around to meet April’s eyes

“Everything is going to be okay,” she soothed, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “Look. I’m freaked out, too! But we’re all going in there together, okay? We’ve got your back! And we all have you to look out for us and protect us, too! We’ll be fine.”

And it was reassuring. Really, it was. But tears built up in Raph’s eyes anyway, completely without his consent, and his lip started to absolutely tremble even as he nodded. Mikey got over to him even before April could, somehow, crashing into his side with a hug, the rest of the family close behind-- even Donnie.

“It’ll be okay, big guy,” April assured, snuggled up against his side. “You guys are literally world-champion martial artists! You’re the actual sons of Lou Jitsu! We got this!”

“Yeah. And it’s not like we’re going in there alone, remember? We’ll all cover each other,” Leo said. “I mean, come on, if Dad can do it on his own, then it’s gonna be a piece of cake with all of us in there, right?”

He forced a weary little laugh, hugging his family close.

Oh god. How was he gonna protect them all?...

“Right. Yeah, okay. We’ll be alright,” he said, sighing deeply, and no sooner had he said this did a bright green light blare above the doors, flashing insistently at them. All of them floundered for a moment, and it took Raph a moment to realize that they were all looking at him.

“I think that means it’s time to go,” he muttered, taking a long, deep, shaking breath. “... Everyone just stick close, alright? And… follow my lead.”

The group gave a chorus of mumbled agreements, and Raph bit the inside of his cheek. Aw man. Now he just had to figure out what lead they were gonna follow…

With a long, deep breath, Raph made his way through the door, trusting that his siblings were all right behind him. Already, the air in the tunnel felt different somehow. Colder. It prickled at his skin and he drew his flannel a bit closer to himself, gritting his teeth.

“Introducing--” The booming voice that came over the announcement system was so loud it shook the walls, and Raph’s steps stumbled ever so slightly. He moved a bit closer to his siblings, keeping pace with them as they made their way down the tunnel. He thought dimly to himself that it was just like football-- rushing out onto the field at the start of the game.

Right. Sure. This is just another game. Another tournament or competition or something. Just… Think about it that way.

“For the first time EVER in the Battle Nexus--”

It wasn’t a game, though. Not for them. This was real. This was life or death. 

Oh, god, what were they thinking? This was a horrible idea. Something bad was gonna happen. Someone was gonna get hurt--

This is how you bring Dad home, a little voice in his head reminded him, and Raph steeled himself, clenching his hands into fists.

This is how we bring Dad home. This is how we’re gonna bring Dad home. You all have each others’ backs-- and this is how we save Dad. Everyone is counting on you, big guy. 

We can’t screw this one up. This is how you protect our family.

As they stepped out into the ring, Raph winced at the glare of the lights. Everywhere he looked, there were faces of unfamiliar creatures absolutely screaming at him. The roaring of the crowd was so frantic and loud that at some point, it stopped being voices and all melted together into one roaring buzz, threatening to swallow them all up and drown them. Raph swallowed.

No backing down down.

“The sons of Lou Jitsu!”

[ next ]

#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt fanfiction #fanfic #writing #rottmnt human au #tmnt human au #fidgetwing

[tangledinink]

gasp!!! TWO chapters of teenage mutant what now? in one week!?!? .... NO :D thats not what this is! This is, however, a little side-fic/drabble I wrote at work yesterday on a whim. Read it on ao3 or below the cut!!!

This takes place a few months before the start of the main fic and is 'canon,' but is just a little character/relationship exploration thing? Donnie-centric / Brains-n-Brawn-centric. This is a little bit heavier than the main fic so pleaseee be mindful of the tags below!

Hunger has claws.

It will struggle a bit before it settles. Sometimes, after being idle for a while, it’ll suddenly start to fight again. It’ll rear up through your stomach and up into your chest, banging its head against your sternum and raking its nails down the inside of you, and it makes your face go hot and your vision swim and your mouth tastes like blood for just a minute as it screams and begs you.

But if you grit your teeth and bear it, it’ll settle down again after a minute or so and back off. And the comfortable sensation of ‘empty’ will come back to you. And except for in those rare, brief moments, hunger is relatively calm. It feels safe sometimes. 

There is nothing inside me that will hurt me. There is nothing inside me that will hurt me. I have not put anything inside, so I know for a fact-- there is nothing inside me that will hurt me.

---

Donnie had been awake since four in the morning, much to his annoyance, but he had yet to do anything beyond stare at the wall since he realized he’d be unable to get back to sleep. He hadn’t even crawled out from under the covers, stayed bundled up beneath the soothing pressure of his weighted blanket, his face buried against the fabric and breathing in the scent of it. He could see his alarm clock from here, and knew that it would go off soon. He could see the beginnings of the sunrise beginning to color the glass pane of his window. He could hear the city outside slowly waking up.

He would really prefer it if it didn’t.

Anxiety prickled at his limbs, gnawing at his skin and keeping him awake, chewing on every corner of him, and he resisted a whine, bundling himself up even tighter and squeezing his eyes shut as if that might help.

Today felt wrong. He had hoped that a good night’s rest would reset things. You know. The good old ‘turn it off and turn it back on again.’ Yesterday had sucked, and he had really been banking on his ability to simply sleep this off because he, quite frankly, didn’t have any other ideas. 

But now today felt even worse.

His alarm clock mocked him as another minute visibly ticked by, dragging him closer and closer to the inevitable. He was already dreading the prospect, waiting miserably for the device to begin chirping at him, demanding he start the day. The very thought made his stomach flip-flop with unwelcome nausea. He didn’t want to get out of bed. He didn’t want to leave his room. He didn’t want to do anything. And the worst part was that he knew he didn’t actually have to.

If he really wanted to, he could just turn the alarms off and stay in bed. He already knew exactly what would happen.

Eventually, when he didn’t come down from his room for breakfast, as per routine, his dad would come up to check on him, knocking softly on the door and poking his head in. And he’d ask, are you awake, Purple? And Donnie would grumble and nod from the covers. And then he would come in and close the door behind him and come over to his bed and ask, are you okay? What’s wrong? And Donnie knew that if he responded that it was a ‘bad day,’ said that he didn’t want to get out of bed, told him he was staying home today… Dad would let him.

He knew that their dad would sit with him for a while, and that he wouldn’t bring any expectations to the preceding conversation, but that he would stay and talk about it with them for a bit to see if that helped-- to see if discussing the problem was enough to resolve things and coax Donnie out of bed. And admittedly, sometimes it did. Sometimes just explaining why he was anxious or being reassured that he could call their dad to come pick them up at any point during the day was enough for him to settle and organize his thoughts enough that he’d decide to get up after all. And sometimes, it didn’t. And that was fine, too. Even now, he knew that if he asked for it, his father would absolutely allow him the day off and stay home with him. 

But he also knew that if he asked for this, it would set off the warning bells. 

He knew that his dad would ask him about what was wrong and why he was having a ‘bad day,’ and because Donnie couldn’t lie for the life of him, would eventually uncover that he had skipped two out of three meals the day prior, and then he would make him eat. Not right away, but at some point, he’d gently insist that Donnie consume at least something small to start, at least one of his protein shakes or some saltine crackers, something he knew Donnie liked and was ‘safe.’ They knew he’d call Mossy, and then she’d be trying to get them to do the same thing, too. And then Dad would be watching him, and making sure he was eating, and paying attention to ensure it, and Donnie wouldn’t be able to covertly skip any meals and sneak away, because he was allowed to have a bad day and stay in bed sometimes, but he wasn’t allowed to stop eating--

He couldn’t have both. He could either get out of bed…

Or he could eat.

Cornering his resolve, Donnie bit the insides of his cheeks and kicked off the covers.

---

The journey to school was basically hell.

Usually, he didn’t mind the subway. His siblings were very good about providing him with a ‘shield’ when it was overly crowded and making sure not too many people touched him or shoved up against him, his headphones kept all the noise and chatter at bay, and the rhythmic, back-and-forth sway of the train moving along the tracks was usually comforting to him, in an odd sort of way.

Today, it just made him want to throw up. And he had already wanted to throw up when he got on the subway.

The entire commute he had to focus all of his energy simply on not just straight up vomiting, fighting the urge to anxiously flick his wrists or bounce his leg, trying to keep his body settled and calm and not-visibly-distressed because usually he was okay with his family helping him, but not right now, because if they caught on that he was this anxious, they were going to pay more attention, and then they might catch on that he had faked out breakfast this morning (thank god for the absolute chaos of the Hamato’s first meal of the day, which made for excellent cover,) or seek him out and watch him during lunch, and then they would make him eat, and he didn’t want to eat. He couldn’t make himself engage in conversation, couldn’t manage to keep up with the chatter and back-and-forth with his family, so he instead summoned the very last of his social energy to invite Leo to listen to this new album that he thought he’d really like with him. And when Leo excitedly agreed, he synced their bluetooths, queued up a band he knew Leo had never listened to before on Spotify, and then focused on reciting digits of Pi silently in his head for the rest of the trip, trying desperately to keep the anxiety and nausea in check.

He had never been so relieved in his life as he was when they finally got to their stop, the robotic announcer cheerfully declaring that doors would be opening on the left. He felt his head swim just the tiniest bit when he rose up to his feet, but it backed off quick enough, and the absolute minute they were back above ground, breathing in the fresh breeze instead of hot, disgusting, horrendous subway air, worming into his lungs and sweating inside him, he practically cried with relief. He sucked in several long, deep breaths as they walked, and slowly let it out, biting the insides of his cheeks and grinding his teeth quietly inside his head. 

It was fine. It was over. He made it through it, and it was over, and he was okay, see? And there was nothing inside him. Nothing inside him that would hurt him. Relax. You’re okay. There’s still nothing bad inside you. 

A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him that this wasn’t rational. That he was being pretty fucking stupid right now. That he should really take out his phone, like, right now and text Mossy and tell her what was going on and figure it out and deal with it instead of playing these stupid mind games with himself.

But Mossy would make him eat. And he didn’t want to eat.

“Dude--”

He nearly toppled over when an arm shot out in front of him, smacking against his chest and stopping him dead in his tracks. He blinked in surprise, stumbling the tiniest bit to find his balance again.

Leo retracted his arm after a moment, giving the other a pointed look, one brow raised as the rest of the group paused to glance back at the two. “Uh. Earth to Donnie. Are you, like, good?” Leo questioned, frowning at him. “You literally just almost walked into a lamp post.”

Ah. So he had. 

“... Hm. Well. That is… less than ideal,” he muttered, half-to-himself, a bit dazed for a moment, before he shook it off and re-centered his focus, clearing his throat slightly and giving a flourishing wave of his hand. “Right. Apologizes, dear brother. I’m afraid I didn’t get the most sleep last night,” not a lie. “I’m working on a new project,” also not a lie, “with that AI system I pioneered. Remember how I explained that to you? My intention is to develop an improved API to match the modifications I’ve made in the programming, considering that the framework itself has been altered slightly… I’m still working on updating some of the conditionals as well. It’s all mostly backend information, so I wasn’t sure it would really be necessary at first, but given the OS--”

“Okay! Okay, okay! This was not a request to explain your nerd coding stuff!” Leo interrupted with a groan, rolling his eyes, and Donnie sighed internally with relief. He knew that would work. For once he was glad that his twin was typically unwilling to listen to him spout off about his work.

He huffed and made some generic intelligence-based insult in Leo’s general direction in response as he brushed past him, sealing the legitimacy of his performance, and made a mental note to pay more attention to where he was walking for the rest of the day. 

---

He was hungry, but it wasn’t so bad now. It was just a physical sensation that he was dimly aware of in the back of his mind and capable of tuning out. Because sure, his body might be hungry. But he sure wasn’t. He had absolutely zero desire to consume anything. The thought of eating was, quite frankly, wholly unappealing and he couldn’t imagine a single thing in the world right now that he would want to eat. Not even any of his favorites. Not even any of his safe foods.

If you ignore hunger long enough, you kind of don’t notice it so much anymore. You can get used to it. You can go a few days, even, before it becomes beastly enough to truly demand to be heard.

… Usually, he didn’t do this. Not anymore, anyway.

Usually, he was fine. Well. Maybe not always fine, per se, but usually all of this was manageable. It… had been a problem, once upon a time. I mean, it had always been a problem, but then it had become a real problem, and it had been unmanageable, and things had been a little rough for a second there (story of his fucking life,) but then he had gotten out from under it because he and Mossy talked about it a lot, and he and his Dad talked about it a lot, and he talked to his siblings some, too, and it got better and then eventually it got easier. He remembered, back then, when it was still unmanageable, way back in middle school, he used to have a chart. Because Mossy, the evil genius, had decided to prey up both his competitive nature and his love for filling out charts and graphs. And the rule had originally been at least two meals a day at least three days a week. That was the starting point. It was okay if the meal was a protein shake. It was okay if every meal was a protein shake. He just had to hit that goal. 

And it was hard. Eating had always been hard, because there were so many foods that he just hated and so many foods that he didn’t know and sometimes it just felt bad. Sometimes, just the mere act alone of putting something in his mouth, chewing it, and then swallowing it was, in and of itself, simply revolting. But he could, at least, kind of handle it a bit better when he had a goal like that. And when he got to record the data on a graph once he had done it.

They had eventually upped that goal, and then upped it again, and again, until Donnie was able to hit it consistently enough for long enough that he had graduated from the chart altogether.

And it was hard sometimes, still. It had always been hard. But usually, it was hard in a way that he could navigate. 

He wouldn’t be able to meet that first ‘starting point’ goal right now if he tried, he didn’t think.

He knew that he was supposed to eat. He knew that, biologically, it was an objective fact that he needed food to survive. And that fasting for long periods of time was unhealthy, and that he was damaging himself-- etc etc etc. Yeah, whatever.

He knew lots of stuff. That didn’t change things.

It was just as helpful as knowing that a hug was intended as pleasant and supportive when he was experiencing sensory overload. Or knowing there were no insects or hidden cameras in his room when he was in the middle of a full on fucking breakdown. Or knowing that he had already triple-checked that he shut down his soldering gun properly when it was the middle of the night and he couldn’t sleep and his brain was crawling with what-ifs?

That is to say, completely and utterly useless. 

The nausea had persisted through the day, much to his chagrin, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t block out and ignore. Schoolwork made for a good distraction, and skipping lunch was as simple as tossing out what he had been packed for the day (sorry, Mikey,) and finding some corner of the library to hide in. He didn’t typically eat lunch with any of his siblings, given the size of their school and how poorly their schedules aligned for such purposes, and they all had their own friends to eat with, anyway. Maybe some of his friends would text him regarding his absence, but he wasn’t really worried about it. It wasn’t unusual for him not to come to lunch, given the nature of his hybrid-schooling model, and lying was a lot easier through text.

He liked the library. It was quiet here. And he really did have stuff to work on. He always did. The way his hands trembled was annoying, but did not deter him.

---

He felt Leo’s fingers tap against his ankle.

He had, admittedly, not exactly been focusing up until a second ago. Really, he hadn’t been focusing much for a while now. Their coach had told them to do ten sets of two-hundred’s, which was easy enough, but also meant a lot of back and forth. Donnie didn’t mind lots of back and forth. If anything, he enjoyed it. He liked swimming, and he did some of his best thinking in the water. How many incredible software programs and inventions and designs had been birthed here, after all?

But usually, he was capable of thinking and swimming in a straight line at the same time.

He was having a bit more trouble today than he’d like to admit.

He was beginning to get sore from how many times he had scraped himself up against the lane-line after losing focus and heading ever-so-slightly off track. And though he had kept his lead thus far, heading the charge as per usual, the repeated crashes had slowed him down. His lead was not quite as dominant as it normally was.

And Leo was trying to pass him.

Fuck.

Donnie bristled, immediately bringing his focus back into the world around him, throwing whatever dredges of energy he still had left into his front stroke and pulling back out ahead-- leaving Leo behind. It wasn’t terribly hard. He was easily the strongest swimmer on the team on a good day, and even on a bad day, he could edge out the rest of the pack.

It was just. Jesus, it was exhausting. 

This wasn’t even a particularly demanding set. He was just fucking tired. And keeping his lead, though do-able, required everything he had left to give.

(Which was quite annoying, because he had been right in the middle of mentally unraveling a really complicated mathematics equation that he needed for a robotics project.) 

One-by-one, all right after another, the group eventually finished their laps, ending up bunched up at the end of the lane, clinging to the side of the pool so everyone could catch their breath and guzzle down water. And at the beginning of the day, Donnie had been fine with water. He had been drinking water, earlier, at least. But somewhere along the line it had become bad no unclean bad harmful no no no absolutely do not no as well, and so he had stopped. Given the fact that everyone was already soaking wet and quite literally surrounded by water to begin with, however, it was quite easy to fake it.

And he had been hoping that the fact that Leo hadn’t managed to pass him would be enough to make him sulk and not be willing to bring it up. And, if not, he was expecting Leo to crow and tease him about his near-accomplishment, and then the two of them could fight with each other over it, and Donnie could be all annoyed and roll his eyes and make snarky quips, and that would be so much easier to manage. 

But instead Leo gave him this concerned, sidelong sort of look and raised a brow and said, for the second time that day,

“Dude. You good?”

Donnie had kind of stared at him for a second, blinking slowly, processing, before he finally responded.

“Why?”

“You’re way slower than usual. And you kept hitting the lane-lines,” Leo observed, and dammit, Donnie didn’t know why he was even surprised that Leo noticed that-- of course he would. 

“Are you feeling okay? You’re not getting sick or somethin’, are ya?” Raph questioned, looking Donnie up and down, his brows pinching with worry. Donnie frowned, hesitated, and then shrugged.

“I dunno. Maybe,” they muttered, and technically, that wasn’t a lie, either.

---

Though they had eventually backed off enough for them to get through the rest of swim practice, despite Raph’s repeated suggestions that they skip out early and head home if Donnie wasn’t feeling good, he could feel both of his brothers looking at him for the rest of the evening. It was starting to make his nerves bunch up and his vision kind of cave in in a way that he didn’t like. It was starting to make his head feel kind of hot and fuzzy in a way he didn’t care for. The fact that they were at swim, specifically, and not gymnastics or dance or literally anywhere else was really the only thing holding him together. He suspected he would have had a panic attack and vomited at least once by now otherwise. 

But they were in the water.

He liked being in the water.

It was… comforting, he supposed. He had always really enjoyed the sensory experience of it. Of swimming, sure, but also just being in the water. He loved how sound became just a little bit blurred and far off when he ducked his head under, and would often tip his head back in between laps just so that his ears would get covered up and filled in and things would go a bit quiet and mumbly. He liked how softly the water touched him and how it held him up-- the weightlessness of it. He even liked the smell of chlorine, strangely enough. It felt nostalgic somehow.

At least once every single time he got in the pool, no matter what the reason or where they were, he always would dive all the way down to the bottom at least once. He liked being down below it all-- to curl up small on the pool floor and settle down and just… be there for a while.

It was so peaceful down there. 

He swore he could stay down there forever. He would live at the bottom of the pool if he could get away with it. But eventually Raph would always peer down at him with this kind of worried look, like, are you good, or did you drown and I’ve gotta come get your corpse? And he’d remember that he wouldn’t be able to operate a welding torch or set up a PC down here and he’d come back up to the surface.

He did it five times today.

He liked being in the water.

The problem truly came when he had to get out of the water. Because once it was no longer physically holding him up, he already knew that there was a very real chance he was going to fall apart. And, even worse--

Getting out of the water meant swim practice was over. Which meant that they were that much closer to going home. Which meant that they were that much closer to dinner.

This was, by far, the most difficult meal to worm his way out of, especially considering he had just done it yesterday. And his brothers were already looking at him.

Typically, on Thursdays, Leo and Raph would go down the hall from the pool to the basketball court after swim practice was over for an hour or two before they headed back to the apartment for the evening. Sometimes Donnie would come, usually to sit and watch, rarely to participate, and sometimes he would head off without them and spend the time in his lab before everyone got home and they gathered for dinner. But Leo and Raph clearly had no intention of leaving him by himself right now, wordlessly agreeing to abandon any other previous plans for the evening and head straight home instead. And it was… nice. Donnie could certainly acknowledge that. It was, like, sweet, or whatever, that they were worried about him.

But it was so, so not what he wanted right now.

His body was absolutely weighed down with dread, so very much so that when he tried to follow his brothers and get out of the water at the end of practice, it didn’t quite work. He tried twice more, attempting to lift himself up on his shaking arms far enough to get his knee up onto the ledge, something that was usually easy for him, something he could usually accomplish without a second thought and even a bit of effort… but each time he just couldn’t quite get high enough and he fell back down.

“Donnie,” Raph said, slowly, carefully, his voice measured and gentle, after the third failure. “Can I touch you?”

Donnie grit his teeth in frustration, giving a short shake of his head no.

He could tell that Raph was frustrated, too, though he didn’t say it. “Okay,” he said. “Do you think you can make it to the ladder over there?” He asked instead, gesturing to the far side of the pool. The rest of the team chattered around them as they filed their way towards the locker rooms, talking with each other or discussing things with coaches, and Donnie wished so, so very desperately that they would all shut up. He tipped his head back to cover his ears, just for a second, just for a break, and Raph and Leo waited in silence until he finally righted himself again and nodded.

“Alright. Don’t swim though. Wall-walk over,” Raph instructed, with the kind of voice that said do not fucking argue with me, and usually Donnie would roll his eyes and scoff and be annoyed with the mere concept of Raph trying to tell him what to do like that, let alone implying that he couldn’t handle swimming across four lanes to get to the side of the pool… But he didn’t really have the energy for that right now.

(And also, maybe a tiny part of him wasn’t sure he could swim across four lanes right now. I mean. He was pretty sure he could. He had just swam, like, literally several miles. Surely he could still do this, right? But jesus christ, what if he couldn’t? What if what if what if?)

“Leo, go grab Donnie’s towel and the rest of his stuff from the locker room, alright?” Raph said. Leo visibly hesitated, clearly not wanting to leave his twin, not wanting to leave either of them and be somewhere else-- but he nodded anyway, and headed off at a brisk pace on his retrieval mission. Once he had headed off, Raph wasted no time in returning back to the water, entering via the lane next over to avoid jostling or splashing Donnie and then quickly diving down and under so he could rejoin his younger brother’s side.

He reminded him of a seal, Donnie thought distantly to himself. Not because he wasn’t graceful on land. He was. For someone as big and bulky as him, he could be shockingly nimble when he wanted to be, and he honestly didn’t give himself enough credit for it. It was more because of just how much more graceful he was in the water. The way he moved. Just like a seal-- gliding along effortlessly, almost elegantly with how poised and controlled his movements were, despite his size. Strength and power and finesse and precision all at once. Sometimes Donnie was jealous.

The journey over to the ladder wasn’t a difficult one. He probably could have swam. He was tired, and he was trembling, but not so bad that he couldn’t swim across a mere four lanes. But he wall-walked anyway and Raph lingered nearby, taking care not to crowd him but sticking close regardless, just in case, until they made it to the side of the pool. And Donnie climbed out, and then so did Raph, and Donnie managed to last about thirty seconds of being outside of the water before he, just as predicted, started to break apart.

He didn’t want to be touched right now, and gravity had its hands wrapped firm around each of his limbs and was pulling him, and it was horrendous. He just managed to get himself to the nearby bleachers, luckily not more than a few feet away, shaking like a leaf as he clawed his swim cap and goggles off of himself, tossing them aside, not caring where they ended up, just suddenly wanting them off. He hated how the air felt on his wet skin. He hated the weight to each of his limbs. He hated everything, he hated existing, and everything was toppling down around him and threatening to drown him now that he was on dry land. He curled himself up into a little ball, ducking his head down between his knees, and he wasn’t crying, exactly, and he wasn’t totally panicking either, but he was real close to both of them and a short, high-pitched whine escaped from him without his consent. 

Something is wrong. Something is wrong. Something is wrong.

He felt awful.

The hunger was clawing again.

There is nothing inside me that will hurt me, he reminded himself desperately. There is nothing inside me that will hurt me. I have not put anything inside, so I know for a fact-- there is nothing inside me that will hurt me.

“Hey. Hey, it’s alright. You’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna go home as soon as Leo gets back,” Raph soothed, crouching down next to him. “You’re doing good. Just deep breaths. Let me go grab your water bottle for you real fast so you can drink somethin’, alright? That’ll help--”

 His heart jumped through his chest and his throat threatened to close up for a moment, the wobbly very-beginnings of a sob catching against his teeth. He shook his head sharply, every muscle in his body tensing as his breath escalated in its already rapid pace. No. No, he didn’t want that. He didn’t want his water bottle, and he didn’t want Raph to walk away from him, and he did not want to drink. It wouldn’t help. No. His throat was all dry and sticking together and his head was spinning and sore and pounding but he did not want that.

“Okay! Okay, alright, I don’t have to. I can stay,” Raph assured quickly, floundering just the tiniest bit, holding his hands up in surrender. Donnie grit his teeth, hissing out some noise that even he didn’t know the meaning of in response, drawing himself in tighter. And for a little bit, they were both just quiet, with Raph sitting there with him, waiting, watching, purposefully and audibly breathing slow and deep, and Donnie struggling to try to match him with his own ragged pants-- teetering on the very edges of a full panic attack and windmilling his arms wildly to avoid toppling over.

“Hey, Don?” Raph finally spoke again. “Can you lookit me for a sec?”

Donnie bristled, immediately shaking his head.

“I’m not askin’ for eye contact or anythin’, Donnie, I just wanna see your face real quick. You can keep your eyes shut, but can you just pick up your head a little? Please?”

Donnie whined, not really wanting to do that, either, but he did it anyway, just barely lifting his head. He couldn’t make himself meet his brother’s eyes, staring firmly down at the ground instead, and he felt like a fucking dog that get caught digging up the garden or something. And that alone was almost enough to make him tear up. He waited for whatever would come next with this lump in his throat, anxious anticipation biting at his spine.

“When’d you last eat?”

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. He knew he would figure it out, but the confirmation was somehow devastating anyway. He knew he would. He wasn’t stupid. Of course he would catch him, of course he would--

 ‘Nauseous,’ he signed in a weak defense, but Raph didn’t budge and Donnie wasn’t the least bit surprised. He couldn’t even blame him.

“Donnie.”

He considered lying for a moment, but then thought better of it. It wouldn’t work anyway.

‘Breakfast,’ he signed, sniffling weakly.

“Okay, but when?”

He hated how smart his brother was, and how well he knew him.

‘Yesterday.’ He had a protein shake for breakfast yesterday.

Raph buried his face in his hands, a frustrated sigh escaping him, and Donnie immediately retreated back beneath the cover of his own folded arms, a choked little hiccup escaping him. 

“Sorry. Sorry. It’s not you. I’m not mad at you. Sorry,” Raph corrected right away, wincing slightly. “I’m not… mad. It’s alright. But-- Donnie. You have to eat. I know you know that!”

Donnie frowned, hunching his shoulders slightly, his face all shoved up against his knees. 

‘I know.’

“Then why aren’t you? Did something happen?”

He stiffened a little, shaking his head.

‘I just don’t want to.’

“Donnie.”

‘It’s easier.’

“Don.”

‘It’s so much easier to just not--’

“Donnie,” Raph pressed. “I know. Okay? I know. But usually, you do it anyway! Usually you don’t do this! What happened?”

‘It’s stupid.’

“Okay. Look. I dunno if you know this or not, Don, but you’re pretty damn smart. So your definition of stupid is usually pretty skewed,” Raph scoffed softly. “So can you please just… tell Raph anyway?”

Donnie frowned, keeping quiet for a second, his nose scrunched up and his lips curled. And it took him a second before he finally signed a response.

‘Did you know Sierra is a vegan?’

Raph blinked slowly, seeming a tiny bit taken aback, just for a moment, before tilting his head to the side. “Sierra from your robotics team?”

Donnie nodded.

“Uh… No?”

‘I didn’t either!’ Donnie signed, this tiny, humorless, pained little laugh escaping from him. ‘But I do now! And all the reasons why she is, and about how she won’t eat anything with GMO’s or preservatives or artificial anything and a million other different things, and why, all in excruciating detail. We discussed it yesterday during lunch. And I learned so much shit that I didn’t want to know! And god, half of it is probably conspiracy theory bullshit that’s not even real, half of it sounds totally ridiculous and completely implausible by all rational, scientific standards, but I-- I don’t want to look it up! What if it is? And even if it’s not real, it doesn’t even matter! It’s not gonna help! And that’s the worst part!!! So what’s the point!?’

Raph sighed a bit. “Donnie…”

‘And it’s-- it’s so dumb! Because I don’t even believe in any of that stuff! I don’t agree with half of the stuff she said! It’s all stupid bullshit that probably isn’t real and not based on any sort of evidence, so I don’t know why I care, because I certainly don’t want to! I have no idea why this is bothering me so bad because it’s random and dumb and it shouldn’t! But I do care now, apparently, and everything feels gross and bad and wrong and I don’t-- I don’t want to. I can’t. It just. It feels so bad all of a sudden. I cannot fucking do it. I threw up, like, four times yesterday, Raph.’

Raphael visibly winced. And Donnie winced, too, and frowned, curling and uncurling his toes, rocking back and forth just the tiniest bit as he yanked at his own twists, rolling them between his fingers.

Raph kept quiet for a minute, and then he breathed deep out through his nose, and inhaled sharply.

“Okay. First of all. That ain’t stupid,” he said, and then hesitated a second. “Well. I mean. It’s a little stupid. I mean. The shit that Sierra said is probably mostly stupid. And your brain latchin’ on and bein’ anxious about it and givin’ you a hard time is kind of stupid, too,” he admitted. “... But that doesn’t make you stupid! I mean. It’s not like that’s your fault! You’re just… stuck dealin’ with other people’s stupid! And that’s dumb and it sucks, but it ain’t your fault!”

Donnie frowned, huffing very softly.

‘I should be able to figure it out,’ they argued, though half-heartedly. ‘I should be able to deal with this by now.’

“Okay, that’s stupid,” Raph said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Just because you do somethin’ really hard for a long time doesn’t mean it’s never gonna be hard ever again! You just get good at handlin’ it. But it’s still hard! Shit’s still gonna be hard sometimes! And, like, yeah, this is hard for you. But different things are hard for different people! And I know that sounds corny or whatever, but listen,” he fixed Donnie with a hard look. “Raph thinks math is hard. Like. I think that algebra is crazy hard! But you don’t! So does that make me stupid? Or mean that I shouldn’t need your help with that stuff anymore? ‘Cause I should just figure it out?”

Donnie sighed softly, rolling his eyes. Curse him and his ‘turn it around on him’ type logic. He pursed his lips into a pout, very reluctantly signing ‘no’ in reply.

“Then shut up. It’s fine if this is a hard thing! And it’s fine if you need help! Especially ‘cause you do deal with it, like, literally every day! And you usually do a good damn job!” Raph argued. “But no one expects you to be perfect at it all the time, Don! Second of all--”

Raph relaxed his posture again slightly, resting his elbows on his knees.

“This sucks. And it’s hard and shit. But it’ll be okay. Leo’s gonna be back any minute now with your stuff, and we’ll call a cab and get you back home. And we’ll talk to Dad. And we can call Mossy. And we’ll figure it out. Alright? And look,”

Raph sighed deeply, frowning a tiny bit, his brows twitching down just the tiniest bit, creasing in the middle.

“Raph’s not gonna let anything hurt you, okay? Not even stupid preservatives or GMO’s or whatever the hell else Sierra said. I promise.”

Donnie stared at him for a second, slowly processing what he just did.

I’m sorry. Did his big brother actually just… swear to defend him from… GMO’s?

That was so fucking stupid.

He laughed for real this time, starting as a weak, watery little giggle and then quickly evolved into full-blown cackles. It kind of hurt his stomach, honestly, but he didn’t even care right now.

Oh my god. This was so fucking stupid.

Why did that actually make him feel so much better?

‘Okay,’ he signed, chuckling weakly and scrubbing at his face a few times. ‘Okay.’

Raph smiled, giving a firm nod in response.

“Okay,” he echoed.

#eating disorder #disordered eating #anxiety #paranoia #mental illness #panic attacks #hurt/comfort #donnie has a hard time but his family loves him and he will be okay #vomit ment #but no actual vomit #rottmnt #rottmnt human au #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt raph #sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt fanfiction #tmnt #fanfic #also yes this is a little bit of a vent fic #but before anyone asks #ITS OKAY :D im in therapy #and my therapist said that ninja turtles is an okay coping mechanism <3 #i wanna do more of these so if anyone has any suggestions #or smth in particular they wanna see #lemme know and ill consider it!

[tangledinink]

Chapter Fourteen of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is up! Everyone has a great time and continues to experience emotions and situations. Raphael has an anxiety attack in a Chuck E. Cheese. Read it on ao3 or below the cut!

[ prev ]

When Donnie next woke up, they realized quickly that they were somewhere cold and dark, and, upon shifting slightly, also realized that they were incredibly sore.

“Ow,” he muttered dryly, and immediately, four (almost, mostly, kind of) familiar faces were moving into his field of vision.

“Guys, he’s awake!” Mikey gasped.

“Oh, thank god,” Raph sighed.

“How you feeling, Dee?” April prodded gently, her brows pinched together with worry.

“Nasty,” he mumbled, beginning to sit up. “But it’s not that bad. Just sore.” It was worse with the movement, however, and he winced slightly. Ugh, whatever position he had been sleeping in had not helped. He realized vaguely that he was no longer wearing his hoodie or his backpack, and he wondered if his family had removed it or if it had been taken from him. 

“Whoa, hey, slow down, dude,” Leo scolded. “I’m, like, 80% sure you’ve got a concussion or something, and your back looks gross, so chill.”

“Oh, good, Leo isn’t falling anymore,” Donnie deadpanned, leaning back slightly and rolling his shoulders a bit. Ow. He kept doing it anyway. “How long was I out? What the hell happened? And where are we?”

“Not that long. You’ve kinda been in-and-out for the past, like… I dunno. Half hour,” Leo explained.

“Please don’t pass out again!” Mikey added.

“But, uhhh, I think we’re in a literal dungeon?” Leo added, looking around thoughtfully.

“We’ve been jailed? Oh joy,” Donnie sighed. “This is no fair. If I’m going to be thrown in prison, it should be for my scientific advancements…”

“Donnie, that’s not something you’re supposed to hope for--” Raph hissed.

“Did we get our asses kicked?”

“Okay, well, look at the bright side,” Leo said instead of answering. “You gave, like, at least three of the guys on the other side concussions, too! And they probably look just as fucked up as you do right now!”

A loss, then.

“Let me see.”

“See what? Your back?” April raised a brow. “I dunno if that’s a good--”

“It’s my back,” Donnie defended. “Let me see.”

April sighed deeply, rolling her eyes. “Okay, fine. Hang on, I’ll take a picture…”

Donnie shifted a bit to allow room for her to photograph, frowning to himself. He was quietly surprised that their phones hadn’t been confiscated when they got thrown in here, but he was sort of willing to bet that they wouldn’t have any service down here, wherever they were. He’d have to check later.

“Okay, here. See?”

He did see.

He did not like it. 

There were no lacerations or mangled bones or anything-- the injury really wasn’t that bad, all things considered, just horrendously bruised. That wasn’t really what bothered him. If someone showed him a picture of his own shoulders looking like that, all discolored and black and blue, it really wouldn’t be an issue. But they weren’t shoulders. Instead there was this plane of a vaguely leathery, flesh-like surface, gently bumped and freckled olive green-- not quite skin, but not exactly carapace like his brothers now had, either, just something in between, all dotted with little markings. His spine was clearly outlined, and, in this moment, darkened and mottled with bruising.

“Right. Thank you,” he said quickly, looking to the side and scowling. April sighed a bit, almost visibly resisted the urge to say ‘I told you so,’ and pocketed her phone again, settling back down beside him.

“You gotta be more careful, Don! You coulda been seriously hurt!” Raph pressed.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Donnie scoffed, rolling his eyes. “In the future, I’ll simply allow enemies to curbstomp our little brother! Silly me!”

“I would have been fine! You don’t have to protect me!” Mikey immediately protested.

“Look, hermano, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but apparently, literally all the rest of us have straight-up built-in body armor,” Leonardo said with an accusing gesture. “You don’t!”

Donnie bristled a bit, hunching his shoulders. Right. Of course.

Of course it would work this way.

Turtles. They were, apparently, literal fucking turtles, of all goddamn things, and so of course he would be the only one who didn’t have the signature feature that turtles usually had in the form of a hard shell. Of course he would be different and vulnerable. Why was he surprised? When didn’t things work out this way? Story of his goddamn life!

And it made sense, too! Wasn’t he the only one out of all of them who had ever been, like, actually injured? He had watched Mikey fall down three flights of cement stairs one time and pop up at the bottom with a thumbs up. Raph was basically an immovable object. And how many times had Leo wiped out on his skateboard with no consequences? Or, perhaps more pointedly-- how many times had Leo literally kicked his ass in martial arts tournaments? Admittedly, Donnie was still, generally speaking, hardier than the average high-schooler, but…

He was still the only one in the family to have ever broken a bone. The one who fell ill the most frequently. He was the only one who had ever cried and thrown up because the hems of his pants got wet and nasty, for god’s sake--

He vaguely remembered that Draxum guy from earlier, their so-called creator, claiming that they were experiments. He wondered what exactly his intention was, and if he would meet expectations if evaluated or if he would objectively be classed as a failure. Clearly there was a gap between himself and his siblings.

“Look, it’s fine, Don. We just don’t want you to get hurt,” Raph said, resting a hand on his uninjured shoulder. “Just… let us take the heavy hits, okay? That’s all.” 

“Fine,” Donnie muttered.

---

Donatello whined softly, burrowing his way further into his Dad’s arms, hanging onto fistfuls of his shirt. Yoshi sighed, idly running his hand up and down the child’s spine. 

“I know, Purple,” he hummed, adjusting his grip on the other slightly, rearranging the blankets they were all but nested in. “The medicine will start working soon.”

The child sniffled miserably, peeking up just enough to give their father a rueful look. “You lied,” he accused, and Yoshi couldn’t resist a tiny laugh at the amount of rage his six-year-old could manage to put into his eyes. 

“When did I lie?”

“You said that if I took the medicine I would feel better. And it was disgusting. And I still feel bad,” he whimpered petulantly, burying his face into his dad’s shirt once more, and Yoshi chuckled softly, stroking his shoulders.

“That was ten minutes ago, Purple. It takes a little bit longer than that.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Maybe a little.”

“I’m gonna invent better medicine that works right away.”

“I’m sure you could.”

Purple always got this way whenever he managed to pick up any sort of bug from their various classes or after-school activities. Given how many children he had, how busy they were, and the fact that he, too, worked with a bunch of germy kids, they were, quite frankly, blessed with how rarely they were brought to their knees by some virus or another. Yoshi had always attributed this to the whole ‘mutant super soldier’ thing, and considered himself lucky that he hardly ever had to deal with nastier things like strep throat or bronchitis. Thank god. He didn’t think his heart could take it, quite frankly. But there was still the occasional cold, flu, or stomach bug, and almost invariably, it was either himself or Donatello who ended up bringing it home when they did.

And every time, Purple would be so damn pathetic about it.

Yoshi did feel bad for him, really, each and every time, because he knew that his kid didn’t feel well and wasn’t able to do all the things he usually did, and that was distressing to him, but oh my lord, was he dramatic. He’d always whimper and whine and carry on like he was dying, even if he just had a cough and a small fever, clinging to his dad and refusing to walk anywhere. Now, snotty, hacking children were not exactly Yoshi’s favorite things to snuggle up with, but he would admit that, as he so rarely received any physical affection from his purplest child on a day-to-day basis, it was a little nice to have him so clingy now. Especially given that when he was ill, Donnie was much more inclined to lay around and watch Lou Jitsu movies rather than science and math documentaries, or, even worse, partake in activities such as attempting to rewire the house, as he was apt to do. This was by far Yoshi’s preference. And though he did wish Donnie could enjoy it properly, he wouldn’t sit here and pretend like he didn’t enjoy spending the day curled up in his bed with his child in his lap watching movies together (now that he had been assured by their pediatrician that it was just a bug…) Even if he was sure he was going to get sick, too. 

It should be noted however, that even in his feverish, clingy state, Donnie was still quite particular about exactly what touch was and was not okay, which was evidenced by him literally hissing at his twin brother when he snuck into the room and attempted to join the pair on the bed.

“Use your words, Purple One,” Yoshi hummed, even as he redirected Leonardo to the foot of his bed, giving the two children a wide berth. Donnie only grumbled in response, but given the fact that he was sick, Yoshi let it slide this time. He couldn’t help but always feeling so… sorry for Donnie like this. It always scared him a bit when he got sick, even once he was sure it was only something minor. Just another reason he relished being able to bundle him up and hold him close. “I don’t think Purple wants to be touched by anyone else right now, Blue.”

“When’s he gonna be done being sick?” Leo sighed loudly, flopping down over his father’s legs. “I’m bored. Mikey and Raph don’t play right.” 

“Since when? You love playing with Mikey and Raph.”

“Yeah, but I wanna play Hot Wheelz and Donnie is the best at that game!” He complained. “Mikey and Raph are playing ‘Ninja Horse Tea Party Orphanage’ and I don’t wanna play that!”

That did sound like the type of game those two would play.

“If you give him a day or two, I’m sure he will be ready to play Hot Wheelz then.” 

“But that’s so LONNGGG!” Leo groaned loudly, sulking. “Can’t you make him better faster?”

“No, Donatello has not invented the medicine that works right away yet. It’s on his to-do list,” Yoshi explained calmly, squeezing the purple child just the tiniest bit. 

“Can I invent it, then?”

“I’m sure you could try,” Yoshi said with a shrug. 

“I want him to get better. And not be sick,” Leo explained, just in case it wasn’t clear.

“That’s very nice, Blue.”

“I bet I could find out a way to fix him.”

“Oh? Are you going to be a doctor, then?”

Leo wrinkled his brow, scrunching up his mouth and considering this for a moment before he shook his head. “No. I’m gonna be an actor. Or a ninja. Or a magician. One of those.”

“Ah. Well, you know what would probably be helpful right now?”

“What?” Leo immediately questioned, his eyes lighting up slightly.

“If you got your brothers to help you draw some get-well cards for Purple. I bet Mikey would be excited to help you if you asked.”

Leo latched onto the new ‘task’ right away, over the moon to do something to be helpful for his brothers, like he always was. It was one of the easiest ways to distract him. “Okay!” He replied, jumping back down off the bed, scampering off to go and find his remaining siblings.

He was almost gone, in fact, when Yoshi sneezed.

Leo stopped short, whipping back around and gasping loudly, pointing an accusing finger.

“YOU SNEEZED!”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“YOU DID! I HEARD YOU!” He shrieked, taking off down the hall. “Guys! GUYS! Dad sneezed! I heard him!”

“Dad sneezed!?”

“Code Green! This is a CODE GREEN!”

Yoshi sighed softly, his head flopping back down against the pillow. Leo came skidding back into the room a moment later, his eyes wide.

“DAD! Can we go to April’s house!?”

“What?” He scoffed. “No! April and her parents are not even home!”

“Yeah but we gotta QUARANTINE!”

“It was just one sneeze--”

“LEO! Leo, you gotta disinfect! I found Donnie’s hand sanitizer!”

“Hey,” Donnie picked up his head to whine.

This always happened.

“Donnie, you have to get better quick so you can take field notes! We need your research, okay!? You’re the only one who can spell ‘pathology!!!’”

Donnie mumbled in reply, laying his head back down, but gave a tiny thumb’s up before Leo went sprinting back out the room to re-join his healthy (for now) brothers. His other three boys never brought home sickness. But they always caught it when it came from him.

Well, at least they were not bored anymore.

---

April was having a bit of trouble keeping track of time now that they were in prison. 

She didn’t think they had actually been here that long, though she wasn’t exactly sure. She had long ago shut off her phone to conserve battery once they realized that they may be a while. Maybe 24 hours?... It was just that at first, when they still weren’t sure if Donnie was going to be okay or not, everything seemed to happen so fast. And now that they were all just cooped up here with nothing to do… everything happened so slow.

They had already formulated and executed multiple escape plans now, to no avail. They had attempted to teleport to freedom with the help of the yellow yokai, who April had recently begun referring to as “Mayhem,” but were sorely disappointed to find that the prison was teleport-proof. Leo had tried unsuccessfully to talk their way out. Raph made an effort to physically break them out, attempting to smash the bars that held them, but this too resulted in failure.

The only thing that really clued her into the passage of time was her and her brothers’ internal clocks. Donnie had gone down first, though his head injury may have had something to do with that. Mikey had followed shortly after, curling up with Raph’s flannel tucked under his head as a makeshift pillow, and then the oldest brother, too, eventually succumbed to sleep, until she and Leo were all that remained.

“Okay,” she whispered, keeping her voice low, careful not to wake anyone else up. “I’ll admit it. You were right.”

Leo hummed softly in response, and neither of them took their eyes off of Mikey, suspended peacefully in the air, just a few inches off the ground, a soft orange glow coming off of him in waves as he slumbered.

“It’s a little weird to watch,” she sighed, tilting her head slightly to the side. “Sort of spooky.”

“At least he’s getting some rest,” Leo mumbled, resting his head in a cradle of his arms and knees, all curled in on himself.

“Yeah,” April agreed, smiling a tiny bit. “We should probably try that too, huh?” She leaned over, just barely nudging Leo’s shoulder with her own.

He flinched, a visible shiver running up his spine as he immediately stiffened, pulling sharply away from the other. April frowned.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Leo muttered, drawing his arms even tighter around himself.

“You’re not hurt, are you? Because I swear to god, if you got hurt and didn’t tell anyone--”

“April, I’m fine!” He bit out, a bit sharper this time, hunching his shoulders. “I’m not hurt, okay? I just… I’m not in the mood to be touched right now.”

April’s brows pinched together.

“Leo…”

“Don’t ask me if I’m okay again,” he hissed.

“Alright.”

“I’m not.”

“Okay.”

“Obviously, I’m not!”

“That’s okay.”

“Everything is so fucked up,” he hissed, digging his nails into his arms, drawing his head down to his chest. “Jesus christ. This-- fuck. And I got us all stuck in here!”

“Leo, you didn’t get us stuck in here. It’s not your fault.”

“I did!” He insisted, and April could see a few tears lining his eyes before he squeezed them shut. “This was my stupid plan. And Donnie-- Donnie almost got really hurt, and Mikey could’ve gotten hurt, and-- and I couldn’t help at all. I couldn’t help him at all when he was panicking. I can always help! I’m supposed to be able to help him when he’s like that! And I-- I can’t even help my own brother because I look like a fucking freak now!”

“Leo, you’re not a freak. It’s gonna be okay.”

“It’s not!” He snapped, bristling. “It’s not going to be okay. Stop saying it’ll be okay. How is any of this okay!?”

April bit the insides of her cheek. She didn’t have a good answer.

“I hate this,” he hissed. “Everything feels fucking awful. I can’t walk right, I keep falling, everything feels swollen and clunky and I-- I miss my face. I miss my body. And it’s just gone. I didn’t even like my body to begin with!” He laughed ruefully, struggling to keep his voice quiet. “I didn’t even like what I had, and-- fuck, April, I was so fucking excited. I was so fucking excited to change it. I’ve been waiting since I was fucking five to change it. I didn’t even know what I wanted to change then! I just-- fuck. Dammit. We had-- we had an appointment--”

He paused just long enough to draw in a heaving, shuddering breath that shook his entire frame.

“God. I just. I thought-- I thought I was used to this. I thought! I thought that I knew what it was like, to be quote-unquote trapped in the wrong body or whatever the hell, and I thought-- and it sucked and now this is just. This is just a million times worse, April. And it’s still wrong. Now it’s just more wrong!” He hiccuped weakly. “We were gonna fix it. We were finally gonna start fixing it, like, for real fixing it. We had an appointment. And. And Dad was g-gonna take me, and now it’s-- it’s just so much worse. Everything is so fucking bad now.”

“I know,” she whispered. “... Maybe you still can. You guys could still change back! I mean,” she glanced down at the silver bracelet still circling Leo’s wrist. “... We don’t know for sure that they’re broken. Maybe you just have to… to turn them back on…”

Leo bit back a sob.

“But now I know it’s not real.”

April was almost relieved when Leo fell into her side, hiding his face against her to cry, because she wanted so, so desperately to grab him and hug him and hold him tight, but he had said he didn’t want to be touched. But now that he was curled up against her, she wrapped her arms around him, and they sat quietly for a while like that. 

It took a while, but eventually the sobs died out, and Leo just laid with his head in her lap, all wrung-out and tired. 

“I meant it, you know,” she whispered. Leo didn’t reply, but he glanced up at her.

“I don’t care if you guys are freaks or mutants or whatever,” she continued. “That doesn’t matter to me. You were already sort of freaks when I met you, anyway. You’re my brothers, alright? No matter what. Even if things change. I’m not going anywhere.”

Leo sniffled a bit, staring at her for a bit longer before his gaze fell back down, staring off into the middle distance, looking at nothing in particular except for the pale orange light that lit up the room.

“Do you think he’s dreaming?” Leo finally spoke again, his voice scratchy and raw as he watched his baby brother sleep.

“Probably,” April said, leaning her head back to rest against the wall. 

---

“Daddy! Daddy!”

His father looked up from the dishes he had been washing, turning off the faucet to instead greet his youngest as he came excitedly racing into the house.

“Ah! Hello, my son. How is skateboard practice going?”

“Good!” Mikey chirped, excitedly holding up one leg so that he could proudly show his father his bloody, scraped knees. “Look! I did a kickflip.”

Mikey watched as bright red blood dripped down his younger self’s leg, and he thought to himself,

“So you did,” Dad said, sighing softly. “Go sit at the table. I will get the first aid kit.”

How strange.

“I want the orange band-aids! With the stars!” He yelled from his seat in a pulled-out kitchen chair, leaning over to call out his demands down the hall.

This was one of his dreams. Mikey was sure of it. Well, not a dream, exactly. A memory. Both. A memory inside of a dream. 

“Ah, yes, of course. Orange for Orange,” Dad assured, returning to the kitchen with first-aid kit in tow.

But this one was different from the rest.

“That’s my life color!” Mikey said happily, settling in the chair, sitting properly so his dad could clean and bandage his wounds.

The perspective had changed.

He wasn’t up above anymore, watching his father and his memory down below.

He was right here. He was standing right here on the same level-- right next to his dad, watching him tend to his younger self. No more than a few inches away from him.

He could almost touch him.

He reached out to try.

“Dad…?”

Mikey woke up with a gasp, falling heavily onto the floor and immediately sitting stark upright, scrambling a bit and looking around wildly. Donnie and Raph were asleep, but he quickly spotted April and Leo huddled together in the corner, both seeming slightly startled by his sudden trip back to the waking world.

Thank god someone else was still up.

“Guys!” He bit out, near breathless. “Dad is here! I can feel it! He’s really close by and-- and I think he might be hurt.”

---

Yoshi was getting very tired of the taste of blood.

There was a time, back when he was young, within his first year in the Nexus, when he could actually find joy in it. There was a time when he would face down unbeatable odds and come out the other side victorious, and would feel pride at what he accomplished, and not worry about those on the other end of the equation. There were times, in fact, when he would beat other competitors to unconsciousness just so that he could turn around and lounge in the luxury box, above it all, with his girlfriend-not-girlfriend in his lap. Just so that she would be pleased with him. Just because he wanted her to be happy. More specifically, happy with him.

He was still tempted, even now, now that he had gotten tired of the taste. Tempted to want her to be happy. It was so much easier when she was happy. When she was upset, he would always be miserable, but when she was happy things had always been so good.

It would be so easy to sit here and pretend like he didn’t feel that way anymore; to simply wave a hand and call his younger self a fool and distance himself from him, as if he were someone else entirely. But it wouldn’t be true. No matter how much he was loath to admit it at times, that young man was still him, and every action and stupid decision he had ever made was his to hold and wear on his chest.

He didn’t like the way blood tasted anymore. He had gotten tired of the taste years and years ago, way before he had returned to the Battle Nexus, before he had even become a father, back when he couldn’t even begin to imagine his path leading in the direction it had, before he could even picture himself raising children--

(Though, god, hadn’t there been a time where he thought, ‘but if she really wanted them, if it was with her…?’)

But he still couldn’t so definitively say that he didn’t like her, and that was what really upset him. Here he was, slumped against a wall in an empty locker room, not completely convinced that he wasn’t bleeding out given the increasingly unsettling blotch of color beneath his skin climbing steadily up his abdomen and the tell-tale lightheadedness, and he still wasn’t sure. He would kill to be sure either way, which was almost funny, given how many times he had killed for her. But to this day he didn’t think he’d actually be able to decide when it came down to it.

He didn’t want to be here. He wanted, desperately, to leave. He had wanted so desperately to leave for years the last time he had been stuck here. He had tried to escape so many times-- but then again, there had been so many opportunities to run that he hadn’t taken… 

He missed his children. It wasn’t a matter of choosing between them. If it were a contest, he would choose his kids every single time, and this he knew for certain. That was the only reason he was here to begin with, after all.

But god. The emotions were all so much easier when they were apart. When he wasn’t around her, it was easy to remember all the reasons why they didn’t work, to remember all the ways she had hurt him and how awful things had been-- to pretend that nothing lingered between them, that he didn’t care about her anymore despite all his best efforts. But when they were face-to-face again?...

He hissed softly, letting his head fall back against the wall with a dull thunk. Everything felt fuzzier than he would like it to. Colder, too.

Jesus.

He had really been in love with her.

“To the left a little.”

“Like this?”

“Mmmm… no. Now that’s too far. Move it just a smidge back?… No, that’s a skoosh, I said a smidge-- ooh! Ooh, yes, perfect! Just like that, Muffin!”

“Okay, alright. Just like this. Can you pass me the nails, Bug?”

It had taken them hours to get all their things moved in, even with the movers, and to re-arrange everything that allowed space for both of their extensive wardrobes and shoe collections. Divvying up space in the bathroom alone had been a nightmare, despite the sheer size of it, and they had had to make a detour to drive to the nearest department store and invest in a storage cabinet that could house all their hair care products. And Yoshi had been so confident that he was completely capable of putting together their new bed frame by himself…

“Okay. It says we need part 3-E… It has… The little spinny part at the top, and, ah, the spiral bit…”

“I don’t see it.”

“Well, it has to be somewhere.”

“Cuddlekins, hon, didn’t we use that part earlier? To screw the two corners together?”

“What? No, that was part M. With the cross-y bit at the top.”

“But isn’t this one part M? See. Look. It’s the same as the picture here, isn’t it?”

“Shit…”

It had taken a bit longer than he had originally anticipated. But it had, eventually, gotten done, despite the blood, sweat, and tears that it had cost them, and was now hosting their new, California king-size mattress, an absurd number of blankets and sheets, and many, many throw pillows. The kitchen had been unpacked already, (the easiest job of the entire move, given that neither of them cooked,) the TV hooked up in the living room, and all the furniture arranged just so…

And thus they had embarked on the last leg of their journey. And the one, Yoshi was well aware, that his girlfriend was the most particular about.

Decorating. Or, as she might say, interior design.

All he had needed to be happy was a few of his favorite movie posters framed and mounted on the wall, and she was perfectly willing to comply, even adding a few of her own selections to the collection in the living room they now shared. After that, she had free reign-- and reign she did indeed do. Of course, they could have easily hired people to do all this for them, but it just wasn’t quite the same as handling it on their own like this. Maybe she wanted the control. Maybe he wanted the experience. But either way, here they were… and they had been at this for a while now.

“Alright,” Yoshi sighed, taking a step back into her waiting arms so that they could examine his handiwork together. “What do you think? Good?”

She hummed happily, leaning over to press a kiss against the side of his jaw. “You didn’t even do it crooked this time!” She teased. He snorted softly in response.

“Sassy,” he mumbled, even though he kissed her forehead in return.

“It’s perfect, Noodles. Doesn’t it just ribbon up the whole room together so handily?”

He laughed, giving a shrug. “Something like that.”

“It matches the couch throw!” She insisted.

“I still cannot believe you insist on keeping that thing.”

“I adore it! It was a gift from you!” She protested.

“It is ugly!” He laughed. “I don’t know why I thought it would be a good gift. I just wanted to get you something and it was the best thing I could find.”

“It’s not ugly! It’s precious,” she insisted, as if lovingly defending a child, slipping out from his arm so she could stroke it affectionately, smoothing it out over the couch and straightening its corners. “I love it, cuddlekins, really, it just has this certain… crinkum-crankum to it, you know?” She said with a fond sigh, glancing back over at the other. “Besides, you got it for me. It always reminds me of my handsome cuddlemuffin whenever I see it.” 

He chuckled, holding out an arm with an inviting gesture. She agreeably returned to his side, fitting easily under his arm, looping her own around his waist in turn and resting a hand on his hip. “If you say so,” he hummed, leaning his head against hers. “I do enjoy the painting. I like surrealism… It’s a bit like, uh, René Magritte, don’t you think?”

“If you say so,” she echoed, shooting him an almost mischievous grin, and he scoffed in response, still smiling.

“Okay. What is next? Anything you need, my darling lovebug, and I will handle it for you!” He declared boldly, pulling away in order to strike a dramatic pose, knowing it would elicit a snort of laughter in response. “I have at long last mastered the ancient art of hanging pictures on walls! Just say the word!”

She snorted softly, plucking the hammer from his hands, placing it to the side.

“Noodles, that was the last one.”

He blinked in surprise.

“The last one?”

“Yes. That was all.’

“Then… we are all done moving?”

“Mmm-hmmm.”

“We are moved in?”

“We are,” she confirmed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, letting her body relax as she leaned into him-- trusting him to keep her steady and hold her up against him. He did.

“Then…” He paused a moment before a wide smile slowly, surely stretched itself across his face, his hands moving to rest on her waist. “This is officially our apartment.”

“Officially.” 

He grinned, the two of them swaying back and forth in the middle of the living room of their new penthouse apartment, rocking to the rhythm of nothing but the distant sound of the city as a backdrop. Their feet shuffled against the carpeted floor, echoing the motion of each other. He spent a bit of time just looking at her, memorizing how she looked in this moment and what joy looked like on her face and reminding himself that this person belonged to him, and he belonged to her, and now both of them belonged to this apartment, together, before he leaned in to close the close the gap between them. He could feel her smile against his lips.

Right now, Yoshi could not think of a single thing that he would want to change about his life. If things could stay exactly like this forever, then he would surely have everything he could ever need. For the first time ever, he thought, this is something I built for myself. He thought, this is something I choose. He thought that, for the first time ever, that he had finally found his person and his place in the universe. What more could he ask for than this, really? What more could he ask for than to be loved with no strings attached, with no expectations or traditions or sacrifice or ‘destiny’ tied to it?

This was perfect. Just the way it was. 

The moths in the painting he had hung for her stood a silent vigil over their celebration from their new perch.

---

Yoshi’s vision was fuzzy when he opened his eyes, so he closed them and tried again, repeating the process until the world came into shape around him. His body was sore, but, surprisingly, less sore than it had been lately. A quick glance around told him that he was in the Battle Nexus’s medical ward. He had been here many times in the past, though this was his first visit on his most recent tour. It was an odd place, equal parts necessary and ironically useless given the line of work of its clientele. Sparsely stocked and staffed, yet equipped for the most dire of emergencies all at once. 

He supposed he must have passed out, then. 

He winced a bit, looking to the left, catching sight of a Nexus Nurse, already busy with some other poor soul who had found themselves down here. A glance to the right, however, surprised him, and Big Mama looked up at the movement, immediately catching his eye and making her way to his bedside.

“Oh, Muffin!” She tsked sympathetically, a hand reaching out to cup his face. “Are you alright?”

His heart absolutely swelled. Quite frankly, his head was still spinning, all stuffed full of cotton, and he didn’t have the presence of mind required to feel disgusted with himself for how excited he was that she was here. How fucking thrilled he was to have her attention-- to have her eyes on him, let alone her skin. He forced a very weak laugh, waving her off her concerns. 

“I am fine!” He mumbled with a shaky grin, his voice slurring slightly as he tried to get his tongue to move properly in his mouth. “A little internal bleeding never hurt anyone…!”

And she smiled, actually smiled at him, patting his cheek gently. “Oh, of course you are. That’s my handsome, fearless warrior,” she cooed. Yoshi chuckled very softly.

She had always done this. Laughed at his stupid jokes, raved over even his dumbest of movies, and showered him endlessly in praise. And, admittedly, he had always loved it. He had always soaked up the attention. 

That was what scared him the most, really. The thought that, maybe, that was all this ever really was at the root of it all-- just him wanting someone to pay attention to him and give him compliments. Maybe that’s why things were like this; because of his own selfishness poisoning something good. Because he was too broken and greedy for anything else. Maybe moments like these were the most he could ever hope for, realistically, and he just had to accept that.

Her hand left, and he heard her move away. Pathetically enough, it broke his heart. He was dimly aware of her hailing down one of the nurses out of the corners of his vision. 

“Make sure he’s well enough to perform in tonight’s line-up, understand? I want him in tip-top shape as soon as possible. No jiggery-pokery or bafflegab or anything else. And fetch me if anything else happens with him, won’t you?...”

He sighed, letting his eyes slide shut again.

---

“Okay, Red, listen to me very closely, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I will be gone for three hours. Okay? Three hours. Do you know how long that is?”

“Uhm…”

“That is the whole Scooby Doo video tape played twice.”

Raph nodded a bit, his eyes wide. Right. Dad would be gone for two Scooby-Doo’s.

“I’m going to go get some more food and things for you and your brothers, and then I will come back.”

Raph blinked widely up at his dad. “More tuna?”

“Yes, I am going to try to find more tuna cans for you,” his dad assured. “But listen. Okay? This is very important. I need you to watch your little brothers while I am gone. Okay?”

Raph glanced back over at his three younger brothers, who were all still asleep in their respective boxes. He was the only one who had been rudely awakened by their father, much earlier than they would usually arise on their own, but he had been gifted a peppermint candy for his troubles, so he couldn’t be too upset about it. 

“If you’re quiet, they should sleep until I get back. But if they wake up, I left breakfast out for you all. Right over there where we usually eat. Remember how I’ve shown you how to help feed Orange?”

Raph nodded. He’d fed Mikey lots of times before, repeatedly begging his father to let him hold his littlest brother in his lap and give him his breakfast. He knew how.

“And make sure Purple does not eat all of Blue’s food.”

Raph frowned.

“But… Donnie’ll bite me…”

He heard his father sigh, very softly, under his breath.

“I have told him not to bite today, okay? But Blue needs to eat, too. And besides, you are very tough and brave, aren’t you, Raph?” He hummed, smiling a tiny bit, leaning over just enough to rub his son’s scaled head. Raph beamed at the praise, nodding excitedly. Tough and brave? Of course he was! He wasn’t afraid of Donnie! Even if he did bite really hard.

“Good boy,” he said. “The Scooby Doo tape is already in the TV. Purple will help you rewind it and play it again when it’s over, okay? So you boys can watch while I am gone.”

“Okay.”

“But you have to make sure none of your brothers wander off, okay? You have to stay right here in this tunnel the entire time I’m gone. Understood? No exploring. You must be sure to watch Mikey.”

“Okay.”

“Red?”

“I’ll watch, Daddy.”

“Good boy,” he said again. “And if I don’t come back before the timer starts beeping--” he gestured to the kitchen timer that lived by his bed. Raph wasn’t that great with numbers yet, but he recognized the “eight” at the front. “Then bring your brothers and come find me, okay? But not before the timer goes off. Understand? Only if you hear the timer beeping. Do you understand, Raph?”

“Yeah.”

“Repeat it back to me, please.”

“Uhm…” He chewed on his fingers, looking to the side and shuffling his feet a bit. “Uhm, if the time… beeps. I’ll come find you…”

“By yourself, or with your brothers?”

“With my brothers...”

“But not before the timer, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Their father sighed very deeply, leaning over and kissing his forehead. “I will be back soon, my son. Take good care of your brothers.” 

---

“Come ON.”

“Raph, stop. It’s not gonna work,” April sighed.

“It will if it knows what’s good for it!” He snapped, reeling back and throwing himself at the bars of their literal cage once more with a loud crash, the very walls shaking in response. “Come on! Open already!!!” 

“Raph--”

“We’ve gotta get outta here!” He hissed, his tail whipping behind him, and the sharp movement threw him off balance, nearly making him stumble to one side. Goddammit. He swore softly under his breath, bristling, the anger scratching underneath his (foreign, strange, uncomfortable) skin only pitching higher in response. They had already been here for-- what?! Two days? Three?! They were so close, and now they were just stuck here, completely vulnerable, completely at the mercy of an actual, literal crime boss--

“Raph. Stop,” April said again, firmer this time, reaching out to grab his arm. “You’re hurting yourself.”

Raph yanked his arm away from her, whipping around to look at her, growling, his lips drawn back over his fangs in a snarl. April didn’t flinch away or back off. Her hand chased after his.

That was almost worse, and Raph’s snarl almost immediately gave way to a cracked little half-sob. His body slumped slightly, unclenching tight muscles to instead wilt in exhaustion.

“I have to get us out of here…” he insisted weakly, looking away from her again, hiding from her eyes out of shame. He didn’t want to look at her. He didn’t want her to look at him. Jesus, what did he look like right now…? His clawed feet scraped against the ground beneath them. Earlier today he had accidentally stabbed Leo with one of the spikes of his shell after moving too fast and left a bruise. A fucking bruise.

Yeah, sure, fine. Maybe his brothers were freaks now. But he was even worse. He was a monster. A useless one.

He sobbed properly this time.

“Raph, it’s alright,” April tried to comfort, moving close enough to rest her hand on his arm, and looking at how tiny she was compared to him made him feel sick. He was pretty sure he could bite off her hand if he really wanted to. Even if he didn’t want to-- what if he still did somehow? “We’ll figure a way out of here--”

“It’s not alright!” He hissed, his chest tightening. “I have to fix this.”

“Raph, we’ll fix it together,” Mikey spoke up, almost cautiously moving to Raph’s other side. “I’m sure we can figure out--”

“No!” He snapped, and he hated to interrupt Mikey, and he felt bad as soon as he did it, but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t-- panicking, exactly, but he was close to it. Next to it. “I’m-- I’m supposed to protect you guys, and I can’t even--”

“Raph, you don’t have to always protect us!” Mikey protested.

“But I want to!” Raph cried in protest. “I want to protect you guys, I wanna keep you safe, and I-- I didn’t! I’m supposed to take care of everyone! I’m supposed to be in charge when Dad isn’t here, and I-- all I did was bring us to some magic crime city, get us locked up like animals, and turned into mutants!--” He barked out a strained, teary laugh. “And I can’t even get us back out!”

A few tears tracked down his face. “Dad trusted me to take care of everyone when he wasn’t here and I just let him down.” He could feel the panic breathing hotly down his neck. “He’d be so disappointed in me--”

“Raph, stop.” Mikey hissed, his voice hard, so very much so that it quite nearly surprised Raph out of his spiral. 

“That’s not true at all,” his younger brother hissed, his own face kind of flushed and teary as well. “None of that is even your fault! And even if it was, I still wouldn’t care and neither would Dad! And you are protecting us! We’re all still here, aren’t we?” 

“More or less,” Leo mumbled softly, bitterly, and Raph looked ruefully down at his claws, shifting his joints closer and biting down a hiccup. Mikey glared.

“We are!” He insisted. “Look, we’re still the same people, even if we do look different now! Right? None of that other stuff matters so long as we stick together--”

“Mikey, stop it!” Donnie snapped, bristling a bit, his head jerking up so sharply that it was likely painful. “Just stop, okay!? Stop saying it doesn’t matter! Stop saying that we’re ‘still the same people on the inside,’ stop trying to find the dumb silver lining, okay!? Just admit that this sucks! Okay!? Just because you’re apparently all hunky-dory about being a fucking box turtle--”

“You think I like this?!” Now it was Mikey’s turn to snap, rounding on his siblings, his hands clenched into angry fists. “You think I’m happy about this!? Because I’m not, okay!? I hate it too! Does that make you feel better!? I’m fucking miserable. I hate this. I’m scared and I don’t know what’s going on and I’m really, really sick of falling over because I don’t even know how to walk anymore!”

Mikey sobbed loudly, plopping back down on his rear.

“I hate this,” he hiccuped weakly. “I hate it too. I’m just. I’m j-just… I’m trying my best…”

Another sob wretched itself from his throat as he buried his face in his arms.

For one long moment, quiet veiled the space.

Raphael was careful and calculated in his movements, taking care with the spikes and sharp edges of his body as he scooped his brother up in his arms, wrapping him up tight. Mikey wept, clinging to his brother in return.

“Sorry,” Raph mumbled, very softly.

Leo joined them quickly enough, burrowing in against his brothers’ side. “Me too,” he whispered.

Donnie didn’t join the embrace, but he did sit close by, hugging his legs to his chest and staring to the side, down to the ground. “Me… too,” he sighed, frowning a little, twitching uncomfortably. “... Sorry. This. This just really sucks.”

“It does suck,” Leo agreed.

“Yeah,” Raph mumbled.

“I keep dropping things b-because I-- I only have three fingers,” Mikey warbled softly.

“Me too,” Donnie admitted. “And I can’t really sleep, because I don’t know how to get comfortable anymore.”

“I keep accidentally biting my tongue,” Raph said.

“Every time I sit down, I crush my own tail under my ass, ‘cause I’m not used to it being there,” Leo confessed with a small laugh. “Isn’t that stupid?”

“My back hurts because of the shell. I’m just not used to it being there. It’s so heavy.”

“Everything smells so much stronger now. I hate it. It’s nauseating.”

“I still can’t figure out how to balance like this.”

“I just feel so stupid. How could we not know?”

“It’s all so overwhelming. I mean, just, everything. I can’t believe there’s so much that we forgot.”

“It seems so obvious now, looking back…”

“My skin is so thick now. It’s awful. I feel all swollen all the time, like I can’t bend any of my joints properly. I feel stiff.”

“If that guy made us, if we’re his ‘creations,’ experiments, then we’re not yokai, right? We’re something else. Mutants, I guess. Is there anyone else like us?”

“How did Dad even end up with us? What happened?”

“Do you think he’s a mutant, too? God. What else don’t we know? What else didn’t he tell us?”

“Do we still count as Hamatos? Are we Hamatos at all…? Do you think Ghost-Sensei knows?”

“I’m glad we know. I mean, mostly. We should know, but I just… part of me wishes we didn’t.”

“We can’t ever go back.”

“Our entire life was just, like, a lie. It was a trick. The whole time. And we fell for it. I can’t believe we all fell for it--”

“We just have to be different now.”

“We were always different, but at least before, we didn’t have to… to carry it. I don’t even know how I could even talk to people now. Even if we do fix the bracelets. How am I supposed to just talk to normal people when I’m in the back of my mind, like, ‘oh my god, they don’t know I’m a turtle’ the whole time?”

“I think I’m sort of glad Dad didn’t tell us. I mean. I’m upset, too, but I just… I dunno. Everything feels so complicated now.”

“I can’t believe we forgot.”

The longer they talked, all five of them bunched up together, the less tears there were, and eventually, during a moment of quiet, Mikey sighed, taking Raph’s big hand in his own smaller one.

“You hurt your knuckles,” he observed, noting the swollen, occasionally bloodied skin around the joints. Raph gave a very soft huff of laughter.

“Yeah, well, guess we match, then,” he said, though Mikey’s own knuckles were mostly healed by now, only bearing a few small scabs. Mikey smiled, just the tiniest bit, just for a second, before he sighed, laying his head back slightly. 

“I know this sucks,” Mikey mumbled. “... Like, it really, really sucks. But at least we’re still together. And that counts for something, doesn’t it? I think so long as we’re together, then we… we’ll be okay.”

Leo gave a wry smile, elbowing his brother ever-so-slightly. “Wow, Mikey, when did you get so wise?” He teased.

Mikey grinned, chuckling a bit and laying his head back again to stare at the ceiling, and then stare out the bars of the door that contained them. Raph sighed, his gaze following after his little brother’s, gazing out into the empty halfway. He had no idea why they were being kept here or what they were planning on doing with them. None of the guards would even speak with them. It was terrifying, if he was being honest.

But they had come here for a reason.

He believed what Mikey said. He did. If they were all together, they’d be okay. But that meant all of them.

“We’re gonna find Dad,” he finally said. “We are. And he’ll know how to help fix it. I know he will.”

---

“Raph.”

He wasn’t meaning to ignore his Dad. He wasn’t. He just--

“Raphael.” 

Mikey whined loudly, pulling against his older brother’s grasp, attempting to wriggle away from the iron grip Raph had on his wrist.

“Raphael.” This time, his father reached over, physically removing Raphael’s hands from his younger sibling. Mikey immediately went darting off, and Raph’s heart jumped up into his throat, his eyes growing wide.

“Dad--!”

“It’s okay, Red.”

“Dad, he’s too far!” He hissed, his voice strained with panic as he turned desperately to his father, grabbing at his pants leg. 

“No, he’s not. It’s okay, Raphael. Here. Look.”

He hoisted his child up in his arms with just a bit of effort, holding him up to his chest.

“See, my son? We can still see him from here.”

From up in his dad’s arms, Raph could watch Mikey throw himself into a pit of brightly colored foam balls with a squeal of excitement from across the play area. Leo wasn’t far off, immediately moving to join his little brother’s side, eager to show him all the blue balls he had collected. Dozens of other children scampered about nearby, clambering over play equipment and chasing one another. Raph frowned, grabbing fistfuls of his father’s shirt and fidgeting, chewing on his fingers nervously.

“What if he gets lost?”

“He won’t.”

“What if… there’s somethin’ dangerous?”

“There is nothing dangerous here, Raphael.”

“What if there is?” He pressed. “It’s big.”

“It’s okay, Red,” Dad soothed, readjusting his grip on his child, drawing him a bit closer. “I promise it is safe here.”

Raph looked down at the floor, clenching and unclenching his fists, the tiniest whine escaping from him. His father sighed softly.

“You have done a very good job looking after our family, Red,” he hummed, rocking them back and forth just the tiniest bit, idly swaying as he spoke. “But things are different now. Okay? Nothing here is going to hurt Michelangelo. And even if it did, I am right here to help. I am not going anywhere. I will not leave you alone. I swear I will take care of you and your brothers. Alright?”

Raph sniffled a bit, nodding the tiniest bit.

“If we are ever anywhere where it might be unsafe, I will tell you, okay? So you can watch out for your little brothers. Like when I tell you all to hold hands when we cross the street, right? Would that help?”

He nodded again, swallowing the lump in his throat as he laid his head down on his dad’s shoulder.

“Good,” he sighed, rubbing a few small circles along his back. “Do you want to go and play? There are lots of things here that I think you would like if you tried them. I think you’d have a lot of fun if you would let me handle looking after your brothers.”

Raph shook his head, burrowing further into his father’s embrace. He did want to go play, really. They had never been anywhere so cool before! They had been to the playground a few times now, but this was like a playground inside-- and they even had video games! And prizes! And he wanted to follow after his brothers, to stay close to them, but…

They kept going in opposite directions. And this place was so big and he couldn’t follow all of them, and, and--

“Okay. That’s fine,” Dad assured. “How about this? How about we sit and watch together for ten minutes, and then we can try going and playing something with one of your brothers. Do you think that would work, Raphael?”

Raph sucked in a deep, shaking breath, wiping at his eyes a bit before he finally nodded.

“Uh-huh.”

---

Though he had, in fact, performed in the Battle Nexus as scheduled that same evening, and then the following day as well, he was not actually ‘released,’ so to speak, from the infirmary until now, three-and-a-half blood transfusions later. Yoshi supposed he had no real complaints, given that the infirmary had actual beds in it to sleep upon, but the staff there were not exactly friendly, and he had quickly tired of being awakened at all hours of the night by other screaming patients. Not to mention that it was very awkward to share the same sleeping space with someone who’s leg you had recently broken in four different places…

But Big Mama had visited him each evening he was there. 

The guard escorting him was really a formality at this point, Yoshi suspected, and he almost dared to hope that he would be allowed to move freely through the Nexus in the near future. Surely Big Mama knew he would not try to run away with his children relying on her protection, right?

If he were permitted to wander without supervision, he might be able to corner a spectator and inquire about the current state of the Hidden City police’s hunt for Baron Draxum. He didn’t expect Big Mama would be informing him of such things, but if Draxum was apprehended, then there was a chance he might be able to find a way out of here and get himself back home, get those four remaining years like he had planned, or at least go visit his children and make sure they were okay… he hated that he had left without saying goodbye first, and had no doubt scared them with how he had disappeared.

 He had been researching for quite some time now, in between parenting and managing dojos, alternative sources for cloaking crystals. If he was able to pay for new ones, he could return Big Mama’s to her and perhaps argue to lighten his ‘sentence,’ or maybe even get out of it somehow. It was a long shot, but worth a try. Maybe this time could count towards that? He had had the crystals for ten years… did that mean he owed ten years time as a champion in return…? Ten years was still not as bad as a lifetime, assuming he lived through it all… 

He frowned as he calculated, shuffling his feet through the cold halls. 

The deal had still been worth it. He didn’t regret it. If a lifetime in the Battle Nexus was the price for his children’s lives in the world, then it was a price he was more than willing to pay.

He just regretted the pain he knew he inflicted on his family. It had always bothered him, sitting on his shoulder and hissing in his ear for the past ten years of his life. Every wonderful moment, every birthday, every movie night and dance recital and field trip, he still thought about it. Thought about how he would have to leave one day, and how it would hurt them. 

It was a shame. They deserved better than that. He had already done everything he could, even now, to prepare and to soften the inevitable blow as much as possible. Tucked away in the back of his nightstand back home, he already had hand-written cards for each of his sons’ college graduations, wedding days, and the birth of their first children, preparing for every scenario, just in case, since he knew he likely wouldn’t see most of them should they come to pass. He had had everything prepared, legally, for years now, so things would be taken care of in the event of his ‘death’ or ‘disappearance,’ and so that his children would have to shoulder as little of that burden as possible. He had invested in a hefty life insurance policy back when they were still in elementary school, ensuring that they would always be taken care of financially in his absence. 

He had even penned a letter, years and years ago, that could be delivered to his children once he was gone. He had been ready to die for a long time now.

But he still wasn’t prepared for how heavy the guilt would feel.

He, likewise, was not prepared for the shriek that pierced through the air a moment later as he passed by one of the dungeon’s many hallways, so sharp and sudden that he stumbled slightly.

“DAD!!!”

He absolutely froze in his tracks, his heart stopping still in his chest as he whipped around to face the familiar voice. His eyes widened so dramatically he was half afraid that they would fall from his head.“April!?” He cried, spluttering slightly. “Boys!?”

[ next ]

#cw: #description of injuries #(nothing gorey but there are some boo boos) #depiction of toxic/abusive relationships #depiction of what could be considered child neglect/endangerment? #that one is debatable but #i will warn anyway #sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #sorrywhatnowau fic #rottmnt #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt au #rottmnt human au #tmnt #tmnt human au #fidgetwing #fanfic #writing #tmnt fanfic #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt

[tangledinink]

Chapter Seventeen of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is up! The gang puts it all on the line for their family and makes their grand debut in the Battle Nexus ring. Read it on ao3 or below the cut.

[ prev ]

Raph had never heard thunder before.

Well, he had. At least, he thought he had, way off in the distance, far above them. He had thought thunder was quiet. Quiet and far away, all the way up in the sky, so far above them that you could barely even hear it.

He hadn’t known it could be so loud. 

Another crash cracked up from up above, and their bedroom window lit up white for just a second, making him jump and go scrambling under his covers. What was that!? Why did the sky light up!? Was something happening!? What if this was a really bad storm and that’s why it was so loud?! Was the sky gonna fall down?! Were aliens invading?!

“Raph,”

He resisted the urge to gasp at the noise, jumping slightly, whipping around to the source of the noise-- only to spot his babiest brother huddled up in his door frame, tears dripping down his cheeks.

Oh. 

He must be scared, too.

“Was’ wrong, Mikey?” He asked anyway, crawling out from under the covers and padding over to his brother’s side, immediately grabbing his hand. Mikey sobbed softly in response, clinging to Raph like a lifeline.

“The sky is yelling!” He whimpered.

“Yeah. I know,” Raph said, wrapping his arms around the other to keep him close, to protect him. “It’s scary.”

“Yeah…” Mikey sniffled loudly, grabbing fistfuls of his brother’s pajamas. “I don’ like it!”

“Me neither,” Raph admitted. “... Do you wanna come sleep with me?”

Mikey sniffled loudly, nodding a bit, and Raph slowly guided him back into his bed, covering them both up with blankets and handing his favorite teddy bear over to Mikey to hold, which he immediately wrapped himself around, hiding in its fur. That made Raph smile a bit, and he sighed softly, slowly settling down. Some more thunder rumbled off in the distance, and Mikey whimpered and jumped, but Raph scooped him up and held him tight and Mikey seemed a bit less scared, and in turn, Raph felt a bit less scared, too. 

As soon as they had settled down properly and snuggled up, however, Raph paused.

“Hey. Mikey?”

“Yeah?”

“Where’s Leo and Donnie?”

“Uhm,” Mikey blinked slowly, and then shrugged. “I’unno.”

“Do you think they’re scared, too?”

“I’unno. Maybe.”

That was good enough for Raph. 

Though they had just gotten settled, he wasted no time in scrambling back out of bed, grabbing Mikey’s hand and tugging gently at him.

“Come on. Let’s go find them.”

With blankets and teddy bears in tow, the two marched down the hall and to the stairs, beginning to journey upwards to Leo and Donnie’s rooms. Every now and again, sound would shake the house, and Mikey would whine, but Raph would find his hand and squeeze it tight each time, and they would keep going.

They approached Donnie’s room first. Raph poked his head inside, quiet and hesitant, wondering if he would find a sleeping brother or not--

Instead, he found two. Neither of which were sleeping, but rather, were huddled together beneath the covers of Donnie’s bed to hide.

Leo’s eyes widened.

“Raph--!” He exclaimed, only to get cut off by another crash from the storm outside. Both twins gasped loudly in response, flinching back and squirming even closer together, clinging to one another. 

See? His big brother senses were never wrong. Taking Mikey along with him, Raph made his way quickly over to Donnie’s bed, reaching up so he could grab at his other two siblings, tugging at the blankets they were huddled beneath slightly.

“Come on,” he bade. “I know where we can hide.”

It took a bit of coaxing, but eventually, he got Leo and Donnie out of bed, too, though they were both wrapped up in a blanket together, draped over their bodies like a shared cape. Once he had a chain of little brothers trailing behind him, all connected by held hands, they set off on their journey, back into the hallway and down the stairs. Lightning flashed brightly outside, and Leo whined, but Raphael led them onwards.

“It’s okay,” he assured. “I don’t think it can get inside. And we’re almost there.”

They all four made their way down the second flight of stairs as well, down to the first floor, around the corner, and down the hall, and to a door, cracked halfway open. As quietly as he could, Raph led the group in. And, one by one, he helped hoist each of them up into their sleeping father’s bed before he followed suit, curling up under the covers and settling in, so that his three younger siblings were sandwiched between himself and their dad.

“We’ll be safe here,” he whispered, watching as the others curled up, settling in, Mikey snuggled up beneath his dad’s arms and Donnie and Leo tangled together in a confusing puzzle of stubby five-year-old limbs. “I promise. Dad won’t let anything get us.”

---

The entire group flinched at the roars of the stadium around them, looking up wildly at the thousands of screaming yokai on every side of them. Donnie hissed softly, his hands flying up to the headphones to adjust. He knew it was going to be loud, but-- christ.

“Uhm, and daughter of Lou Jitsu! Excuse you!” April yelled up at the announcement, still echoing through the stadium, as if it might be able to hear her.

“Look!” Mikey gasped, pointing upwards. “I think I can see Dad!”

---

He actually had tried to throw himself over the balcony this time. 

Not that it worked. Stupid witch ex-girlfriend and her stupid witch spells.

He had to get out of this goddamn Luxury Box.

Those were his children down there. He should be with them.

He tried everything. Every option he possibly had, he tried it. Pleading, threatening, physically attacking the guards-- thus far, none of it had worked. Of course it hadn’t. Part of him had known it wouldn’t, because Big Mama already knew this song-and-dance and she had never lost before. This was an old game to her. She had over a decade of experience in keeping him where he did not want to be.

If it were that simple to wriggle his way out of her trap, his life would be very different today.

He tried anyway.

All it had gotten him so far was this fuzzy spin to his head and a painful tingle in his nerves that was quite nearly nostalgic.

“Let me down,” he snarled, for the millionth time, clinging to the railings of the balcony so hard that his knuckles were white, absolutely bristling. “I should-- I should get to fight with them. Since when have you ever denied Lou Jitsu a performance? Let me--”

“Noodles, dearheart, that would make it too easy!” She scoffed, tsking a bit, having long since lost interest in anything he had to say. “It’s no fun if it’s not a challenge. But don’t fret, huggypoo. You can still watch. Come on-- sit with me.”

---

Leo’s head jerked around when the voice over the loudspeaker continued, a low rumble overtaking the Nexus.

“Versus…”

A door, identical to the one they had just passed through, opened up on the other side of the ring. A pair of glowing yellow eyes shone through the darkness across the way.

“Eugh boi…” Leo muttered. 

“Representing the Battle Nexus-- The Ikuchi!”

Their jaw was the first thing to emerge into the ring, their lips curled back to show off long, curved fangs like a snake. Their snout was long and pointed, with two horns erupting from their head just above their eyes. At first, Leo thought that it was some kind of a creature with a long neck-- but then they just kept coming and coming and coming and coming, and Leo realized two things.

One-- that this didn’t just have fangs like a snake, rather, it was a snake. Or something snake-like, anyway, with a long, winding body, decorated with gleaming scales and dripping with a thick, oily substance of some kind, (he could already hear Donnie gagging.) 

Two-- this thing was fucking huge. It was like they were battling a fucking subway. The creature reared back slightly, its head and neck arching back so it could look down at them-- far down at them, and it snorted, a spray of fine mist that smelled like the ocean and felt like ice water raining down on them.

“Gross!” Mikey hissed, holding his hands up to shield himself from the impromptu shower.

“Fight!” The announcer howled up above.

Every muscle in the Ikuchi’s body coiled, and Leo’s eyes widened.

“Run!” Raph howled, and Leo didn’t need to be told twice. He threw himself off to the side, rolling out of the way, and felt the very ground tremble just barely a second later, nearly throwing him off his feet as the yokai slammed its tail down in the space where they just were, leaving a crater in its wake. For a second, Leo panicked, his eyes frantically darting about for his siblings-- relief flooded him as he spotted them running in the opposite direction, having gone right where he went left, but all intact and accounted for. Thank god.

The Ikuchi reeled back, snarling loudly, turning its attention towards the larger group. Leo bristled, his trajectory immediately changing.

“HEY! Back off!” He yelled, throwing himself at the creature, twisting his body to slam the side of his foot into their side. It was a good blow-- a solid blow. And Leo was sure that if they were fighting anything else, it would have sent them reeling from the contact.

But, as it were, he all but bounced off of the creature, his foot sliding across the oily surface of their hide and sending him sprawling, just barely able to avoid falling flat on his back as he swore. And quite frankly, the creature barely even seemed to feel it. There was no flinch, no cry of pain, and Leo thought dimly that that made sense. He was barely the size of this thing’s damn eyeball. Of course it didn’t care.

At least he got its attention. It whipped its head around to face him, hissing lowly and splitting open its jaws. Leo just barely had the time to think, ‘oh, shit,’ before a blast of icy cold seawater enveloped him.

Is this what getting sprayed with a pressure washer feels like? He wondered dimly as he was swept from his feet, his entire body going rigid with the cold. The tidal wave of ocean water sent him tumbling, his arms flailing for a moment as he struggled to right himself, to find the surface to swim to-- before he had a chance, however, he found himself sloshing up against the stone, his head spinning with the motion. He looked around dizzily, realizing after a moment that the blast of water that the Ikuchi had shot from its mouth had swept him down into the divot it had left in the ground from its tail, gravity coaxing the liquid into the lowest possible space, leaving Leo laid out on his back in a shallow pool of saltwater. He was still reeling, coughing and spitting weakly as he sat up, shaking the stars from his eyes. Oh, great. He was totally soaked now…

“Leo!” He heard Raph screaming from across the way, and his eyes jerked open, only to shrink back when he saw the Ikuchi looming over him like a dark shadow, its body pulled taunt like a spring, ready to strike.

Oop. That’s no good. Come on, mystic teleportation, don’t fail me now. We gotta move-- fast. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go-- Move!

He realized that he wasn’t dead a lot sooner than he realized that that had actually worked, stumbling slightly as he found his feet beneath him. He nearly fell forward, biting out a wry laugh as he flailed his arms to find his balance again. He glanced over at his gaping siblings, now just a few feet from him-- all five of them halfway across the ring from the Ikuchi, who still hadn’t realized that its prey had escaped from it. Oh shit! It actually worked! He actually teleported-- like-- when he wanted to! The way he wanted to!

Damn, maybe there was something to that meditation thing their dad was always touting after all!

“Leo! How did-- are you okay?!” Raph bit out wildly, rushing over to his side, and Leo couldn’t help himself from grinning.

“I think I might have a plan.”

---

“Too slow!” Mikey crowed, darting just out of reach of another walloping blow, continuously just one step ahead of the Ikuchi’s reach. He heard the yokai roar in response, and he grinned, sticking out his tongue-- touching the ground again just long enough to launch into another tumbling flip, rocketing out of the way. And, just as he was hoping, the yokai’s tail slammed down in the space where he had just been, leaving a dent of crumbled rock in its wake.

Perfect. Just like they planned it.

“Nice, Mikey!” He heard Raph yell from across the ring, sprinting along the outer edges, playing cover for him and Leo, along with April and Donnie. They were all fast, but he and Leo were the fastest-- and he was the dodgiest, and the best suited for pulling this off, goading the Ikuchi into striking, but keeping just out of its reach. Even now, his chest swelled up with a bit of pride at the thought.

His family was counting on him. 

Another duck and dodge resulted in yet another pit in the surface of the ring, and better yet, Mikey dipped out of the way of a pump of seawater shot from the Ikuchi’s mouth. He felt the spray of water tickling his cheeks as he went, and he grinned, watching the water splash to the ground, rushing in to fill the unoccupied space, turning the pits into shallow pools.

“Alright! Keep it up!” Leo encouraged, just a step behind him, getting the Ikuchi’s attention with a well-aimed strike just so that he could dance out of the way of their attack, darting swiftly to the side. The Ikuchi chased him with a furious shriek, mist spraying through the air, but from the other side of the ring, Raph bodily threw himself into its massive side, throwing off its balance just enough to cause it to falter-- too slow to snatch Leo up. 

“HEY! Pick on someone your own size!” Raph hollered, backing up as the massive eel turned on him instead, curling its lips back in a snarl and howling with fury.

“Raph, you’re nowhere near its size!” Donnie called, pulling a similar move on another section of the Ikuchi’s training body-- darting forward to jump on it, leaping up and over, purposefully landing hard on its spine as he went and then dashing away.

“Well, he’s the closest one!” April laughed, winding up her infamous softball pitch and letting a hunk of rock go shooting through the air, smacking into the side of the Ikuchi’s face. April gave a whoop of victory, grinning widely, only to stumble a bit when the Ikuchi immediately went streaking towards her, a furious hiss winding from its mouth as it went. “Ooh, snap--”

“Tag! You’re it!” Mikey laughed, taking advantage of the creature being a bit lower to the ground in order to bounce over top of it, landing on its head with a firm thud before he went spinning away, flipping off to the side and leaving the dazed creature to chase after him once more. Mikey thought to himself, this is actually working. This might actually work.

If they weren’t strong enough to do any damage, they just had to call on a greater force-- gravity. 

“I’m pretty sure I can teleport them up high enough to knock them out, or at least daze ‘em long enough for us to nab ‘em. I just need someplace to land, and the Ikuchi’s already got all the ingredients we need! We just gotta get ‘em to do the work for us!” Leo had explained in a rush, not ten minutes earlier.

“Are you sure you can get that high?” April had questioned, her brows knit with worry.

“I can do it! Seriously! I’ve got this! I don’t even have to aim or anything. I just gotta go up! And I know I can take it with me if I’ve got a good grip. I’ve been practicing!”

“Leo, are you sure this is safe?” Raph had pressed. “Can’t you teleport yourself back down?”

“Okay, well, I might be getting the hang of this teleporting thing, but not… that much,” he admitted, holding up his hands with a nervous laugh. “Getting up is gonna be a… a task. But I think I can do it! Really. I just… I dunno if I’ll have enough juice to get back down. But that’s fine! We just need a safety net. Trust me. It’ll be just like the high dive, remember?”

Raph had hesitated, but he had nodded. “Alright. Okay. I trust you, Leo,” 

“Perfect,” Leo had said, grinning wide and turning to grin at Mikey. “Okay, Angie. You’re gonna be the best at this, for sure, so we’ll follow your lead. Think you can razzmatazz this place?”

Could he razzmatazz? What kind of a question was that?

Mikey laughed as he twirled effortlessly just out of reach of yet another attack, adrenaline banging excitedly in his chest as he darted away. Right now, in this moment, he swore he could fly. Gravity couldn’t even touch him. Leo had a plan, and Mikey was gonna make it work. They were already halfway there--

A short yelp was wrenched from him when something caught his ankle.

---

Ice raked its way up Leo’s body when he watched his brother fall, tripping over an oil-slick rock, the uneven, rocky terrain yanking him down to earth for just a moment. And Leo knew that he would get back up-- Mikey was tough, he was a bouncer, he bounced back , always did, and he was quick, he would be pulling himself back up to his feet in seconds. 

But the Ikuchi didn’t need more than seconds. Every muscle in its body coiled as it rounded on his baby brother, held tight as it prepared to strike, its lips twisted back to show off pointed fangs longer than his arm.

Fuck.

Guess we gotta move the timeline on this one up a smidge.

In the half a second he had left, Leo dove forward, digging his fingers beneath the yokai’s scales and holding on tight.

---

When Leo and the Ikuchi disappeared, crackling, ghostly blue light left in their wake, it took Donnie a moment to figure out where they went, even though he already knew the plan-- even though he already knew where they were heading. 

He didn’t want to look up.

Still, he wrenched his head back, staring up in horror as the snake creature re-materialized hundreds of feet above the Nexus. And, presumably, his twin brother as well.

Calculations began.

No, no, no, no--

The pools weren’t done. They weren’t deep enough. And they were too high, way too high, even if they did have enough water to break Leo’s fall, he was still going to be injured, but they didn’t have enough water. There was hardly a foot or two worth of it in even the deepest pools.

It wasn’t-- it wasn’t enough.

“LEO!”

---

Leo had never been up so tall before. 

No walls or windows separating him and the rest of the world. Just him, the Ikuchi, and the open air, way up above the Battle Nexus. His family looked tiny, way down beneath him.

He felt the Ikuchi thrash, roaring as it flailed in the air before it began its descent downward, flinging him away like an insect with a flick of its tail. He wished he had the presence of mind to react and correct his trajectory, or at least be annoyed, but the whole world felt fuzzy, like everything had been torn right out of him. Like he had left all his energy and will back down on his ground when he teleported, forgetting it way down below. His muscles ached and pulsed and he went tumbling through the air, flopping about like a ragdoll. He could feel his head spinning in the exact opposite direction of his body. He felt unconsciousness tapping at his shoulder.

You have to get back down, remember?-- he thought blearily to himself. But the blissful promise of sleep just kept on tapping and his vision blurred a bit near the edges.

He realized, distantly, that he had never fallen so far before.

All his organs, seemingly, didn’t get the memo that they were heading down to the ground now, because Leo swore that they were yanked up through his chest by gravity, his stomach ending up in his throat and his heart ending up at the top of his head as he fell.

--- 

His son-- his child was falling. He was falling. Panic gripped every part of Yoshi’s body, nearly throwing himself over the balcony for a second time as he watched his son’s body plummeting through the air, buffeted about by gravity and being thrown in wild somersaults. 

“BLUE!” He wailed. His heart was in his throat. He had to-- but he would never get there in time!-- but that was his child. That was his son! Frantically, he whipped around to face the only other occupant of the Luxury Box, his eyes blown wide and his face pinched with horror. He wouldn’t be quick enough. He wouldn’t make it. But she--

“Gumo! Gumo, please!” He begged.

She shifted a bit. Her face twitched, ever so slightly, and her muscles bunched. But she didn’t quite move.

---

“Raph! Raph!”

Raph’s head immediately bobbed up at the call of his name, looking up from the elaborate city he and Donnie were building in the sandbox. Donnie was the head architect, and he was in charge of all the little people, so it was basically a utopia so far-- but the call of his baby brother easily dragged him from the game, looking over to see Mikey on the ground, pointing… And spotting Leo in the branches of a nearby tree. His eyes widened.

“Leo’s stuck!” Mikey cried, flapping his arms a bit. Raph was on his feet in a second, despite Donnie’s grumble of annoyance, rushing his way over to his two littlest brothers.

“What happened!? Leo! How the heck did you get up there!?” Raph demanded as he approached.

“I climbed!” Leo reported proudly from up above. The tree he was in wasn’t even a part of schoolyard-- the branches just overhung them, and Raph quickly came to the conclusion that Leo must have climbed the chain link fence surrounding the elementary school play area, clambering up into the branches of the tree from there and scaling up, now nearly five feet over Raph’s head.

“Why!?”

“Mikey said I couldn’t!” Leo defended.

“And now he can’t get back down!” Mikey reported, in true youngest-child fashion, pointing accusingly up at the other. Leo looked offended by the other’s claim, but didn’t make any moves to refute them, either, and Raph sighed deeply. 

“Mikey, grab Donnie and go get Miss Farmer,” he instructed quickly, and Mikey gave a sharp little nod, happy to have a task to do, scampering off to go and collect Donnie and find the teacher. Raph focused on the problem at hand, frowning deeply and putting his hands on his hips.

“Are you sure you can’t climb down? Even a little bit?”

“Uh…” Leo seemed to look around, seeming thoughtful. “I dunno. I can try.”

“Well, try then!”

“I could go further up.”

“Do not go further up!”

“But it’d be easier!”

“Leo, that’s the opposite of solvin’ the problem! You gotta come down!”

“Okay! Okay, I’m trying. Hang on.” 

Raph waited patiently as he heard his brother shuffle above him, the leaves ruffling in reply, a few stray buds and twigs occasionally raining down on him and making him splutter in quiet annoyance. It had seemed like Leo was making progress, slowly but surely picking his way downward, though Raph couldn’t see very well between all the branches. He thought, for a minute there, that Leo might be able to get back down on his own-- until he heard the telltale sound of a branch snapping, followed by a surprised yelp and scrabble.

“Leo?”

“Raph! I’m gonna fall!”

Raph huffed loudly, his hands on his hips.

“No you won’t.”

“Yes, I will!”

“Well if you didn’t wanna fall, you shouldn’t a’ climbed up in the first place!”

“RAPH!” Leo cried again, and there was a pinch of panic to his voice this time that made Raph sigh deeply, his annoyance giving way.

“Okay, well, then, jump down, and Raph’ll catch you.”

“What!?”

“You heard me!”

“You will not!”

“I will too!”

“That’s what you said last time! You’re just gonna let me fall!”

“That was different!” Raph defended, scowling. It had been funny that time!

“Nu-uh! It’s too tall, Raph!”

“Leo, I’ll for real catch you this time!” He insisted, but his brother didn’t respond. Raph sighed deeply, glancing over his shoulder. Donnie, Mikey, and the teacher were nowhere in sight so far. He scowled to himself, weighing the options in his head for a moment, hemming and hawwing. But… 

He couldn’t just leave Leo up there.

“Okay, hang on! I’ll come get you!”

Raph wasn’t nearly as good of a climber as Leo was, but scaling the fence wasn’t terribly difficult, and it wasn’t much trouble at all for Raph to pull himself up into the branches, heading his way up the tree until he could catch sight of his brother, clinging to one of the tree’s many limbs, his arms hanging onto one branch and his feet awkwardly resting on another, sagging branch, a jagged break running through the middle of it.

And, okay, now that he was up here, he could… kind of understand Leo’s position. It’d be hard to get down from here, and jumping would probably be… unpleasant, given how many other tree branches were jutting through the path between Leo and the ground.

“Okay, hang on. Raph’s comin’,” Raph said, sticking his tongue out slightly as he tried to devise a plan. He kept close to the trunk of the tree-- he was heavier than Leo was, and he didn’t wanna break any more branches. Once he was above the other, he very slowly scooted his way out, wrapping his legs around the branch he was resting on and stretching out his hand.

“Here. Grab on, I’ll pull you up.”

“Raph, if you drop me, I’ll--”

“I’m not gonna drop you! Just grab on already!” 

Leo whined, and he wiggled for a second, testing each movement before he committed to it, wiggling and readjusting his feet slightly to see how much he could get away with before the branch gave way below him. 

Raph wrinkled up his nose, stretching his arm out even further.

Leo bunched down slightly before he jumped, letting go of the branch so he could grab onto Raph’s hand instead. Raph huffed, bending for just a moment, straining under the weight-- jeez, had Leo always been this heavy!? Before he heaved him upwards, hissing softly with the effort. 

For just a second, he was worried that he really was gonna drop Leo. Then he’d never hear the end of it.

But he got him up. Leo grabbed onto the branch up above, scrambling up, and Raph immediately scooted backward, back to the relative safety of the tree trunk, careful not to put too much weight in one spot.

… And now they were both stuck in a tree.

“Thanks,” Leo said.

“I told you,” Raph replied.

“Now what?” Leo asked, and Raph sighed, leaning back against the bark of the tree, glancing up at the cove of leaves that surrounded them, the glow of the sun up above casting a gentle green hue over the two of them.

It was kind of nice being this high up, actually. It was peaceful.

“I dunno. I guess we wait.”

---

Raph had never turned away when his brothers needed him before.

He wasn’t about to start now.

He had no idea what he was gonna do. He didn’t have a plan. He didn’t see any path forward, there was no ‘a-ha!’ moment or answer popping up in his brain; that had never been his thing, anyway. He had no idea how he was going to fix this, or if he even could.

None of that mattered. Not even a little bit. All he knew was that Leo was falling, and that he needed help. And if he had to move the ground itself out of the way to make sure he didn’t get hurt, then so fucking be it.

Every fiber of him buzzed with absolute resolve. No backing down. No running away. So long as he was still here on this earth, he knew, with every single piece of himself, that he was gonna be there to protect his family. 

He would stand his ground. 

He would stay.

A brilliant red glow came spiraling through reality.

And just as the Ikuchi came crashing to the ground with a howl, the entire stadium shaking with the impact, a hand that was not quite his own but belonged to him nonetheless, stitched together with vermillion light, reached out and plucked his little brother out of the air.

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#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rottmnt human au #rottmnt au #tmnt #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt fanfiction #fanfic #writing #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt human au #rise raph #rottmnt raph #hamato raphael #fighting #blood and injury #risk of death #themes of self-sacrifice

[tangledinink]

Chapter Thirteen of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is up! The gang journeys through the Hidden City to investigate the Battle Nexus. They journey through and investigate old memories on the way. Read it on ao3 or below the cut!

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"BARON DRAXUM!"

Everyone in the room winced, including Baron Draxum, who awoke with a start, sitting stark upright and snarling in response as he swayed.

"Jeez, Recruit... Love the enthusiasm, but tone it down a bit, maybe," Lieutenant bit out, rubbing his ears, still reeling from the volume of her wake-up call. Casey flushed just the tiniest bit.

"My apologies, sensei!" She cried, immediately falling into a bow, but privately she thought to herself it worked, didn't it? Nothing else that they had tried had even begun to stir the yokai, who they had found tied up and in an unconscious heap inside his own underground lab. They had arrived expecting to help transport the Hamato children to their main hideout, certain they would be, of course, apprehended neatly by Draxum by now... but evidently this was not the case.

"What in the world happened?" The Lieutenant voiced Casey's own thoughts aloud, holding his hands out exasperatedly. "You said you were going to get the Hamatos."

"Yes, well, things were a bit more complicated than I anticipated..." Draxum hissed, gritting his teeth.

"You said you could handle them on your own! We offered to send you back-up, but you didn't want to wait! Surely four children didn't overpower you--"

"They did not overpower me," Draxum snapped, turning to snarl as he dragged himself back up to his feet. "Some damned witch placed a protection spell on them," he seethed, absolutely bristling. "I can't touch them..." He grit his teeth. "... I will simply have to account for this in the future..."

Lieutenant and Brute seemed somewhat unimpressed, Cassandra noted, glancing at them from the corners of her eyes as the two exchanged looks.

"Yes, well," Lieutenant mused, his hands on his hips. "I'm sure there will be other opportunities to kidnap children in the future. However, the Dark Armor remains our priority. Come on. We've wasted enough time here, and we have a new lead to investigate..."

"Don't worry. You'll get 'em next time," Brute tried to encourage, patting Draxum's shoulders, to which he snarled and batted his hands away, grumbling to himself as he stalked off after them, discussing as they went.

Cassandra sighed softly, rolling her shoulders back and forth a few times before she trailed after her three superiors.

Yes.... The Dark Armor was the priority.

---

The collective shriek of their group was cut off by a loud thud, immediately followed by a chorus of groans. Okay, so, travel by teleportation was... a little disorientating. The fact that most of them currently sucked at staying on their own two damn feet didn't help matters. Some more than others.

"Sorry!" Raph immediately bit out, wriggling from atop the heap, an awkward chuckle escaping him. 

"Raph, my wonderful brother," Leo grit out. "You know I love you dearly. But I'm really gonna need you to stop knocking us all over like bowling pins."

"Well, look, you try walkin' around with a giant tail you ain't used to! It's not as easy as it looks!" He defended, throwing his hands up. "I'm doin' my best over here!"

"Whoa!" Mikey effectively ended their squabble with his gasp, sitting up quickly in order to give a wild gesture. "Guys, look!"

And damn. Whoa was right.

Raph was a New Yorker, so he wasn't easy to impress. He wasn't immediately awed by big, sprawling cityscapes or towering skyscrapers, but this place was... something else. It looked somewhere between an actual city and some sort of mystic ruin, residing as 'neither' and 'both' all at the same time. The buildings themselves seemed to grow from the stone landscape, curving and sliding to match the terrain. Glowing mushrooms, crystals, and occasionally the eyes of massive statues provided brightly colored lighting, leaving the various neon signs and backlit advertisements of the city seeming pale in comparison. Street vendors, kiosks, and tents lined the bustling streets, and each and every creature making up the massive crowds was something completely alien that Raph had never seen nor imagined before. Yokai, he thought to himself. That's what April said they were called.

Rather than sharp, straight lines and confident corners, this place seemed built from jagged outlines and curving bends, looping and winding around itself as if the entire city were hanging on, clinging to itself, holding hands, nestled in between the hulking forms of unmoving stone creatures that Raph was unsure how to categorize. He didn't feel confident saying that they weren't alive after the day they had had, despite their frozen forms and their dead, unseeing eyes.

"This must be the Hidden City," Mikey said, and Leo let out a low whistle as the five of them took in the view.

"Good job, little guy. Knew you could get us here," April hummed, giving the little yellow creature they had rescued a squeeze. His tail wagged wildly in reply, snuggling up in her embrace.

"Alright, now we just gotta get to the Battle Nexus from here," Leo said with a sigh, shifting his weight onto one leg, hand on his hip as he glanced over at the yellow critter. "Any idea where that is?"

The creature chirred in response, nodding excitedly and scrambling down from April's arms in order to lead the way. Leo grinned. 

"Okay, I take back all my earlier doubts and hesitations. Bringing this guy with us was a great idea," Leo declared as the group set off.

Though the acquisition of weapons, all tucked or stowed away in backpacks or belt loops or pockets, had helped a bit, Raph had still been, admittedly, pretty nervous about entering the city, a pool of anxiety swirling around in his gut. Given the day they had had so far, he couldn't help but imagine a hoard of devious yokai dogpiling him and his siblings the moment they set foot into unknown territory. But, to his quiet surprise, no one spared them even a second glance, all seeming far too occupied with their own errands and lives to glance over at their ragtag group.

Somehow, this made Raph feel a bit better. For several reasons. He supposed that, at the very least, they didn't seem to be freaks here.

"Don't worry, Dad, we're on our way," Mikey chirped, and despite his current relief, Raph still couldn't quite understand how his little brother could be so cheerful. Mikey always amazed him with his emotional resilience. Wished he had some of that.

"Eugh, is he even gonna recognize us when we get there?" Leo said with a wince, wrinkling up his face a bit. "We look, uh... a little different than when he last saw us."

"I'm pretty sure he knows, Leo," Donnie remarked. "He's the one who put the bracelets on us in the first place. He knows." 

Raph glanced dimly down at the little golden bracelet still encircling his wrist, the red gem now seeming a bit duller somehow, and he frowned. So this little trinket was mystic all along, huh? Now that he knew, it seemed stupidly obvious. He wondered anxiously if they still worked anymore, or if they were broken forever.

"No wonder he didn't want us to take these things off," Leo muttered, looking over his own, holding his arm up to examine it. "Jeez. I can't believe he kept this a secret from us. How did we not know?"

Mikey gave a thoughtful hum. "Do you guys remember when we were really little? Before we moved? And we used to pretend we were turtles all the time?"

"Somehow I don't think that was pretend, Mikey," Donnie said with a roll of his eyes.

"That's what I'm saying!" Mikey insisted. "But you guys do remember that, right? I just... I always thought that that was just us playing a game or something, but it must have been real! So we knew at some point!"

"And then we forgot..." Donnie mumbled, tilting his head to the side thoughtfully, already obviously doing calculations in his head. 

"You guys were pretty weird when you first moved here," April remarked.

"Oh come on. How do you just forget that you're a turtle?" Leo argued, glancing over his shoulder at the others. "That seems like the kind of thing that'd stick with you."

"I dunno," Mikey shrugged. "But obviously we did!"

"You're not implyin' that Dad did somethin', are ya?" Raph questioned, narrowing his eyes, and Leo immediately huffed.

"No! Of course not!" He frowned. "It's just... I dunno. It's weird, is all. It's crazy to think about how much stuff that we just... forgot."

"Well, what do you remember?" Donnie nudged. "Like, from before the move."

"Not much," Leo admitted, scrunching up his nose. "Everything from back then is fuzzy. I don't even know where we moved from."

"I think..." Donnie hesitated a moment. "I think we moved from there."

"Where. The Hidden City?" Mikey questioned.

"No, no, back there. I mean. The sewer we were in before," Donnie pressed. "Didn't it seem... kind of familiar to you guys?"

"Well..." Raph frowned.

"Mikey! Wait!" Raph laughed, stumbling as he chased after his littlest brother. He still didn't walk with a terrible amount of grace, but he crawled like a madman, and Raph took great joy in chasing him around. Mikey did, too, giggling maniacally as he attempted to dodge the other.

Raph could feel, reaching back into the memory, that the bottoms of his feet were cold. The ground was hard beneath them, like stone. Like concrete. He remembered worrying about Mikey's knees. And, thinking back on it now, he swore he could almost hear the sound of running water in the background.

"I go’chyu!" Raph declared, grabbing Mikey, who squealed in response, wriggling against him.

Everything from back then was blurred; cobbled together like pieces of glass glued into a mosaic, appearing in his mind’s eye as a series of blotted, wrinkled images. Were they turtles or people back then? He wasn't sure. Where were they?

"I remember it was dark..." He said. "And cold a lot. The ground was stone or somethin.’"

"I remember that, too!" Mikey gasped.

"Whoa, wait!" Mikey squirmed his way out of Raph's arms again, attempting an escape, and a flare of panic flashed through him for a moment. He dove for Mikey for real this time, not playing anymore, grabbing his brother before he could get too far.

"We can't go that way, Mikey. Daddy said 's not safe yet," he explained when his brother whined in complaint, hoisting him back the way they came, his footsteps clumsy while trying to drag his brother along. "We gotta stay in these tunnels."

"And... I think I remember there being… tunnels," he continued. "Or somethin' like that. It was really big, wherever we were, but we could only go into certain places. And the rest was off-limits, ‘cause Dad said he hadn’t checked them all to make sure they were okay yet. I remember keepin' Mikey from wanderin' off."

"I remember tunnels!" Mikey exclaimed. "I remember yelling into them when we were little and listening to them echo. I remember doing it until Leo made me stop!"

"I don't remember that," Leo protested, crossing his arms.

"You did!" Mikey insisted. "You said I had to play something else because it was bothering Donnie."

"That would be in character for you," April remarked with a tiny grin. 

"Sounds like sewers to me," Donnie said with a shrug.

"Maybe," Leo conceded. "But why the hell would Dad keep us in the sewers?"

"There’s probably limited options when your kids are literally part-turtle," Raph reasoned with a grumble.

"Yeah, but abandoned sewers?" Leo pressed. "Come on. Was that really the only choice? Couldn't he have just... kept us inside or something?"

"I don't think so," Donnie said, frowning a bit, shaking his head. Leo sighed.

"Why not?"

"Leo, Dad has one of these bracelets, too," Donnie said. "Remember?"

---

The rest of their journey through the Hidden City went about the same way. One of the boys would bring up some old memory, and they'd discuss for a while, before the conversation would peter out and they'd walk in silence for a bit before the cycle started all over again. April pointed out that they had all regularly chirped and clicked and made other odd noises when she had first met them, but eventually, they grew out of it (mostly.) Raph discussed his memories of watching his younger brothers when they were very little, waiting somewhere dark and quiet for their dad to get back from wherever he was going. Donnie and Leo both remembered sleeping together as toddlers, somewhere very small and curled up, like a nest of some kind, both agreeing that it didn't quite seem like a crib or a bed. Mikey mentioned how many times he got in trouble for painting or drawing on walls when they first moved into the apartment, and how much it had upset and confused him in the beginning-- was that because their dad hadn't bothered to correct the behavior when they lived in the sewers? 

"When we first started swim team," Donnie mused, tilting his head back to stare up at the sky. "I remember sometimes, we would have contests with the other kids to see how long we could hold our breaths."

"I remember that," Leo agreed. "And we'd always win!"

"Yes, but..." Donnie hummed. "I think we probably could have won by a lot more if we wanted."

"What do you mean?" Raph questioned.

"Well," Donnie explained. "I recall, or, at least, I think I do, that… that when we first started partaking in those contests, it was... it was easy. Everyone else would have already come up to breathe, but I'd feel completely fine. I'd only come up because I had won and the contest was over. But after a while, people started being weird about it," he frowned. "To be fair, people were weird about a lot of things I did. And I will admit I didn’t always catch on, but I noticed this one,” he said, laughing dryly and giving a wave of his hands. “And at the time, I just wrote it off as one of many! Just another thing that I did that made me different from my peers. But I started coming up earlier so I'd be more... normal," he confessed. "And I'd pretend like I was out of breath when I wasn't, so people would stop looking at me like that. Or, well. People stopped looking at me like that for that particular reason. And I guess eventually I just... I got so used to pretending that it just became second nature, and I didn’t even realize I was pretending anymore."

Leo nodded slowly, looking thoughtful, his arms crossed over his chest. “Yeah… Yeah, that sounds… that sounds right, actually…”

"I remember thinking the same thing!" Raph exclaimed, his eyes wide at the realization. "Except I felt bad that all the other kids kept losin' so bad! I started pretendin' 'cause I didn't want everyone else to get discouraged, and I just did it for so long...!"

"But you're the best swimmer, Dee," Leo remarked, nudging his twin slightly with a tiny smile. "So I wouldn't be surprised if you can hold your breath the longest, too. I mean, christ, you literally have webbed fingers now."

April glanced down at her brother’s hands, noting quietly to herself that it was true. If she was being totally honest with herself, it was a bit alien to look at, so she drew her eyes back away after a moment.

"That does make sense," April hummed. "And it'd explain why you guys are so good at swim meets and stuff, too."

The other three paused, and Leo frowned a bit. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean. If you're turtles, then... obviously you're gonna be good at swimming," she reasoned with a shrug. "It makes sense. Of course you’re gonna win!"

"Mikey doesn't swim," Donnie pointed out.

"Maybe he's a different kind of turtle who doesn't swim?"

"A terrestrial turtle..." Donnie hummed, resting his chin in his hand, brows furrowed. "Maybe a box turtle or something..."

"You think I'm a box turtle?!" Mikey gasped, his eyes lighting up.

"But obviously the rest of you would be good at swimming if you're, like, aquatic," she continued. "So I'm not surprised you all always kicked so much butt at swim meets and stuff!"

"... Yeah. I guess so," Raph said, but he seemed kind of... dejected, almost. Like he was upset. The conversation shifted shortly after, focus shifting to Mikey’s new identity as a box turtle, but April's mind lingered.

 Why did she feel like she had just said something wrong? 

---

“This is the Battle Nexus?!"

 Raph gawked slightly, suddenly feeling a lot less confident. He could feel the various winces and mumbles around him. "It's a goddamn fortress! We're never gettin' in there!"

"Oh, come on. What were you expecting? To just walk in?" Leo scoffed. "It's not that bad!"

"Not that bad?!" Raph squawked, turning to gesture wildly to the massive walls, the towering, heavily guarded entrances, the watch towers perched on nearly every corner... Christ, was that a blimp overhead!? "Are you crazy?! There’s no way!!!"

"Well, not with that attitude," Leo said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Yeah! We're basically ninjas, Raph, we got this!" Mikey cheered, ever optimistic.

"We’re not ninjas, Mikey. And there's no way in hell we're sneakin' in there. You two are out of your mind," Raph said with a scowl. 

"We don't gotta sneak!" Leo insisted, waving away the other's concerns. "Don't worry! I'll talk us in there, no problem! Leon's got this. I'm an actor, remember? I just gotta charisma our way past one of those guards."

"You wanna talk your way in?" April questioned, raising a brow. "Leo, are you sure about this?"

"Of course I'm sure! This'll be a piece of cake. C'mon-- watch and be amazed!"

They were not amazed.

"Seriously, Leo?" Raph hissed, no more than five minutes later, the group slinking back into the same alley they had started from with a few new bumps and bruises and their metaphorical (literal?) tails between their legs. "Caravaggio? The awards show host? From the Bloodsporties?"

"I thought it'd work!" Leo cried, throwing up his hands. "Everyone likes to be flattered! People love it when you bring them awards!"

"Why do you need four assistants to drop off an award?" Donnie hissed.

"It's a very important award!" Leo insisted.

"That no one's ever heard of?!"

"Yet," Leo huffed. "Okay, look, it's fine. Leon's still got this. We just gotta switch over to plan B."

"Plan B had better not be at all similar to Plan A," Raph said, crossing his arms. "Or involve any of us being strong-armed off the premises by a massive yokai guard!"

"It won't, it won't, I promise!" Leo assured, getting to his feet again. "Okay. Watch and be amazed! Again!"

Leo shook out his limbs, straightening his posture, rolling his shoulders back, and setting his feet apart. And then, for just a moment, he was completely still. His chest didn't even twitch with a single breath. All at once, he inhaled sharply--

 ... And nothing happened.

"Wow. Amazing," Donnie said dryly.

"Well, just, gimme a minute! You're breaking my concentration!" Leo snapped, repeating the motion-- and then again, and then a few more times, until he was basically flailing in place, repeatedly thrashing in the same spot. "Come-- ON! Work already!"

"Leo, what the hell are you doin'?" Raph sighed. Leo groaned loudly in frustration.

"I am trying to use my mystic teleportation powers! Obviously!"

"Your what?" Donnie scoffed.

"I'm sorry, you mean the weird mystic things that we've been doin' completely against our will for the past two weeks and have absolutely zero control over? That one?" Raph grit out.

"Well, I'm starting to get the hang of the pattern..." Leo muttered.

"You've gotta be kiddin' me!!!"

"Well, maybe he can really do it!" Mikey chipped in with a bit of tentative encouragement. 

"So, let me get this straight," Donnie said, rubbing his temples. "You are trying to teleport all six of us inside of the Battle Nexus... using your mind. Is that correct?"

Leo scowled. He shuffled his feet at the dirt, his lower lip poked out.

"It could happen," he huffed.

"You're an idiot."

"Leo, there's no way this is ever gonna work! We barely even know anything about these powers!" Raph insisted. "What if it's dangerous?!"

"I'm getting the hang of it!" Leo repeated. "I could do it! And how would you know, anyway? You don't even have any powers yet!"

"Guys!" April yelled over the chaos, and the rest of the group paused to glance over.

Scowling, she gestured wildly to the little yellow yokai creature that had led him here.

Oh, right. The one who teleported.

There was a long beat of silence.

"Yeah, that's probably a better plan," Leo reluctantly conceded, though he was still pouting. 

"Thank you," April said, scooping the yokai up, who purred and waved his tail, seemingly happy to help. "Okay, come on guys, huddle up. And try not to fall over this time!"

The whole group obeyed, scrunching up around each other and grabbing onto various hands and elbows to make sure everyone would make it to where they needed to go. But something Leo had said nagged at the edges of Raph's mind, gnawing at him even as a bright flash of cyan light overtook them, the world going out from under their feet as they teleported once again.

Why didn't he have any powers yet?

---

Donatello wasn’t exactly sure what he was expecting the inside of the Battle Nexus to look like, but it wasn’t ‘literal sports stadium.’

Though they stumbled a bit, they all managed to keep their footing this time once they teleported inside the halls of the Battle Nexus, thankfully in a quiet, unoccupied corner just outside of a stairwell. Perhaps it had been naive of him, but he hadn’t expected the inside of this place to so closely resemble the inside of a modern football arena. 

“Nice job, little guy,” April whispered to the little yellow yokai, who looked just a bit more tired than he had before, Donnie noted, panting softly. “We’ll take it from here. You rest,” she instructed gently, tucking the critter into her jacket. 

“Anyone have any idea where we’re going?” Leo questioned, looking around suspiciously.

“No,” Raph admitted. “But everyone stick close. And… act casual. This place has gotta be crawling with yokai!” Donnie concurred; he could hear the roars of the crowd from here. “If we don’t call any attention to ourselves, we can just blend in. Dad has be around here somewhere.”

“You got it, bossman,” Leo hummed. “Come on. I think the main stadium is over there. Let’s check that out first and see what the deal is.” 

Now, Donnie may be a theater kid, but he was not exactly an actor the way Leo was, (or claimed to be, anyway,) and so ‘acting casual’ was a bit of a demand. He was very focused on trying to make his body language ‘casual,’ in keeping his muscles untensed and his expression neutral, to the extent that he was not especially paying that much attention to their surroundings as the group trailed after Leo. He followed his siblings’ lead into the main seating area of the arena, adjusting the settings of his headphones slightly as they moved to join the edges of the crowd, hoping to keep out the excited screams of the fans.

As a result, he was a bit taken aback when he did look up to take in the scene of the ring below them.

And oh. Oh my god.

This really was fucking bloodsport, huh?

“Jesus christ--”

He was vaguely aware of Raph’s hand hurriedly slapping over Mikey’s eyes before he could get a good look at the scene not just in the battle ring below, but also projected onto the massive jumbotron, and the younger immediately gave a yelp of protest.

“Hey! Raph--”

“Mikey, I know that you don’t wanna be babied and you’re gonna complain, but I really need you to just trust your big brother on this one,” Raph hissed out, his voice tight. “Don’t. Look.”

April had her hands over her mouth, and Leo bristled, mumbling a few curses. Donnie really, really didn’t want to be watching this, but he couldn’t quite take his eyes away. There was a wet, crunching noise, so loud that they could hear it even from up here in the balconies (were they mic’ed up? Sweet baby Galileo--) and the entire party winced around him as the crowds roared in delight.

“What happened?!” Mikey cried from behind Raph’s hands.

“Donnie?” April said, glancing over at him.

He swallowed hard, his stomach flipping. No, no, no. Come on. Keep it together, Vomitello. Not the time, not the place, not at all casual…! 

Leo, to his credit, caught on pretty quickly, paling a bit at the realization and jumping forward to bodily whip Donnie away from the scene, beginning to herd the group away.

“Okay, well, Dad’s definitely not down there!” He bit out with a nervous laugh. “Thank fucking god… Look. Obviously, we’re up super high. Let’s find the stairs, start heading down, and see if we find anything on the way,” he said hurriedly, not slowing his pace until they were basically back out where they started, in the near-abandoned outside hallways. 

“Sounds like a plan,” Raph said, finally releasing his grip on Mikey’s head. “Uh. Don…?”

“I’m good,” he squeaked out, leaning over slightly, his hands on his knees as he coughed a few times. “All good, no problem…! Just… gimme a second…!”

“Donald,” Leo said through gritted teeth, clapping his hands together decisively. “I am literally begging you not to puke right now.”

“I am doing my best, thank you!” Donnie snapped in response, squeezing his eyes shut. “Oh my god, why was it so lumpy? It looked like cottage cheese!”

“What are you doing!? Stop thinking about it!” Leo cried. 

“Think about something else instead! Like… the periodic table! You love that thing,” Mikey suggested brightly. “Like, uhhh, what’s the symbol for chlorine?”

“C-L,” Donnie bit out, flapping his hands a bit and letting out a slow breath through a clenched jaw. “Come on, Mikey, that’s way too easy.”

“Okay, uhhm, what’s the atomic number for iodine?”

“Fifty-three.”

“Yeah! And what’s the atomic mass of titanium?”

“Forty-seven-point-eight-six-seven.”

“Yep! And uranium?”

“Oh, uranium, my beloved, my white whale…! Two-hundred and thirty-eight-point-zero-two-eight-nine.”

“AHHH!” Mikey imitated a buzzer. “Wrong!”

Donnie’s head snapped up. “What?!”

“Just kidding!” Mikey chirped happily. “I don’t actually know the answer. You’re probably right.”

“Oh, you evil genius,” Donnie said, shaking his head. “I’m never helping you study for science class ever again.”

“Pshhhh, yeah you will. Plus you feel better now, don’t you?” Mikey pressed, grinning wide.

“Yes, okay, fine. I owe you one,” Donnie sighed deeply, offering just the smallest of smiles and rubbing the other’s head as though tousling hair, (not that he had any anymore. Ugh, don’t think about that, either,) eliciting a giggle from the other. At least the nausea had backed off now. “Okay. Come on. Leo’s right, shockingly enough. Let’s head downstairs and see if we can find anything.” 

“Oh thank god,” Leo whispered, yanking the door to the stairwell open and gesturing to his siblings. “Okay, c’mon, let’s go! Vamanos!” 

The trip down through the Battle Nexus was long and boring, but admittedly, calming. Donnie had always been a fan of repetitive actions, and so far, every new floor they investigated they found much of the same, not uncovering much save for more seating for screaming, cheering yokai along with the occasional food court or souvenir stand. Any guards they found they made sure to steer clear of, slowly working their way down through the stadium.

“This is going nowhere,” Raph hissed softly, leaning into Leo as they did a lap through yet another floor of stadium seating. Quite frankly, Donnie was beginning to wonder if all these floors were exactly the same. “Where the heck do you think they’re keepin’ Dad?”

“I don’t know! How would I know?” Leo questioned, bristling a bit.

“This was your plan!”

“Yeah, ‘cause no one else had a plan!” He bit back, scowling. “Look, we’ve just gotta… uh… we’ve gotta…” He looked around for a moment, floundering for just a second before he lit up, pointing.

“We’ve just gotta follow one of those guys!” 

Everyone glanced over, and April frowned a bit.

“Follow one of the guards?”

“Yeah!” Leo nodded excitedly. “Look, if anyone’s gonna know how to get into the secret, spooky parts of the Nexus, it’ll be an employee! There’s no way Dad’s just in the stands somewhere or in any of the other public bits of this place. And we’re just walking in circles.” He said with a roll of his wrist. “But I bet if we tail one of those dudes, they’ll lead us straight to him! We just gotta be sneaky.”

“He does have a pretty good point,” Mikey reasoned.

“I dunno. It seems kinda dangerous,” April said, raising a brow. 

“Yeah, but we don’t have any other ideas…” Raph said, crossing his arms over his chest.

The three of them glanced over at Donnie, and he sighed, tilting his head back and forth for a moment to do some rapid calculations.

“I do agree that the risk associated with this plan of action is… significant,” he said, frowning a bit. “Butttttt… just wandering around aimlessly isn’t going to get us anywhere. Following someone has a much higher probability of success.” 

“That sounds good enough to me!” Raph said, giving a nod. “Alright. Let’s do this then. Everyone’s just gotta be ninja-level sneaky. Got it?”

“Got it,” the group agreed, giving a nod.

Would this go horribly wrong? Only one way to find out.

Finding their target was easy enough. This place was crawling with guards, quite frankly, they just had to pick one. After rejecting the first few targets, as they were all rather beefy, they settled on a slightly smaller, less-deadly-looking Nexus employee to follow.

“Okay,” Leo said. “We’ve just gotta tail him for a while and see where he goes. Everyone stick close, and be quiet.”

“Obviously! You don’t have to tell us to be quiet!” Donnie hissed back.

“Both of you shut up!” Raph whispered. “Look, come on, pay attention! He’s on the move. Mad Dogz, roll out! We can’t lose this guy.” 

Donnie huffed and grumbled a bit, resisting the urge to hipcheck Leo as the group began picking their way through the halls, taking care to stick to the shadows. At first, Donnie thought that this was just another waste of their time, and they would end up doing even more laps around the stadium. He dared to get his hopes up, however, when the fox-like yokai paused in front of an unassuming wall. It looked about the same as any other portion of wall in this place, but once the Yokai placed his hand (paw?) to it, it lit up white, and suddenly, there was a door that wasn’t there before.

“Whoa! Lookit that!” Mikey gasped.

“We’re all already looking at it, Mikey, be quiet,” Donnie hissed. 

“What’d Raph say!? Shut it! And come on! Quick and quiet, before the door closes!” Raph whispered with a hurried wave of his arm, and the five took off, closing the gap between themselves and the guard in order to slip inside the secret panel, quiet as ninjas-- just like Dad taught them. Even April was surprisingly quiet, and Donnie was privately impressed. It took them years of lessons with their dad (and ill-advised shenanigans that they wished not to face consequences for,) to get this good at sneaking.

All five of them made it in, and the guard was already halfway down the hall by the time they joined them, seemingly none the wiser. Donnie didn’t make a sound, but silently, he fucking whooped and cheered. Yes!!! He had been really fifty-fifty on whether or not this was going to work out. 

At the end of the hall, the fox guard clicked a button on the wall, and about five seconds later, the wall opened up like an elevator.

The elevator had about eight other yokai inside. These yokai did not have their backs on them.

“HEY!” One of them immediately shouted, pointing at their group, as they had not yet managed to find a proper hiding space in the long, but sparse hallway. Every single other yokai snapped around to look at them. “What’re you doing in here!? This is employees only!”

Fuck.

“Uhhh…” A pained smile spread on Leo’s face. “We’re looking for the bathroom?” 

 “Sure,” the fox scoffed, turning to face them properly now, beginning to make his way back down the short hall to meet them. “Alright, lemme see your tickets. I’ll escort you back to your seats.”

“Our tickets? Uhhh… Sure…” Raph spluttered for a moment, laughing nervously. “Let’s see, uh, where did we put--”

April yanked her club from her backpack and promptly slammed it into the yokai’s head with a loud thunk.

“APRIL!” Raph screamed, jumping in surprise. “What the hell!?”

“Well, there’s nowhere to run!” She shouted in response, and, ah, welp, there she went. Full charge ahead, then? “Come on, we gotta get into that elevator!”

Donnie sighed deeply. Well, he had predicted fifty-fifty. 

He set his jaw, rolling his shoulders a few times before whipping his bo staff from his back. “Alright, well. Here we go.”

“COWABUNGA!” Raph shouted as he charged forward, and Donnie resisted the urge to roll his eyes. They were gonna have to work on battle formations and plans later.

But he was prepared this time. He wasn’t gonna freeze up and back down.

Yes, this was a fight. An actual, for real fight, which he had never been in before! But he hadn’t trained for nothing. 

He got this. They’d be fine. They got this.

Leo laughed, sliding forward with quick, practiced ease, his odachi flashing forward to smack the blunt of the blade against the ankles of the nearest yokai and send them tumbling to the ground while he darted past them. April was right on his tail, beaning anyone who got too close and following her younger brother’s lead. “Come on, guys, keep up!”

 “Right behind yah!” Mikey cheered, both him and Raph rushing forward at a matching pace. Despite the size difference, the two easily kept up with one another. Where Raph elbowed his opponents out of the way, clearing himself a path by bodily throwing their enemies to the side, Mikey darted and danced his way around them, a zig-zagged ballet to Raph’s straight, unyielding path. He whooped loudly as he went, always just out of reach with each step.

“Hot Soup!” Donnie noted their eldest brother howled out another battle cry (wasn’t that copyrighted?) Mikey’s kusari-fundo whipped about to fling him forward, tackling the largest of the guards to the ground and sending them both tumbling down the hall. 

Like… Both of them tumbling.

Also, Mikey was in the mix too, still attached by the chains of his kusari-fundo.

Well, at least it was still forward momentum! 

Donnie inhaled deeply, his muscles coiling.

Couldn’t get left behind. 

He darted down the hallway, jumping over and dodging around anyone already on the ground. At one point, a hand flashed out, grabbing at his ankle, and Donnie bit out a series of curses. He wrenched himself out of their grip, stumbling slightly, and nearly ran straight into one of the other (quite large) yokai in the hallway. A rapid equation darted through his head, however, and he just barely managed to correct his footing at the last second, turning sharply on his heel to transfer the momentum into his staff. The weapon curled around to slam into the guard with a heavy, satisfying thawk, sending them sprawling to the ground, and the entire hallway shuddered at the impact.

Well, that was a close one. He hopped over their fallen form and surged ahead, reaching down to grab Mikey’s hand as he went, dragging both him and Raph to their feet behind him, “Come on!”

The two found their footing quickly with the assist, falling back into a sprint-- smacking and dodging enemies as they went with about a seventy-five-percent success rate. Jesus, had this hallway always been this long? It felt like it was taking a stupid amount of time to get to the other end of it! Out of the very corners of his eyes, Donnie just barely spotted one of the larger guards rising back up to their feet, lunging at him from behind-- only for a neon green club to come whipping out of nowhere at the very last second, colliding with the side of his assailant’s head and throwing him right back to the ground.

“Hey! Only I get to hit my little brothers!” April shrieked, her face set in a furious scowl. The guard, a huge, stocky, lion-like creature snarled in reply, lashing out with his legs to send her sprawling to the floor with a yelp.

“Oh, you did not just do that to our friend!” Mikey snapped, flashing forward to stand protectively in front of their sister, his kusari-fundo whizzing around them, filling the air with a barely-there whine. “Back off!”

He lashed out with the weapon, his arm whipping forward with the movement-- only to blink in surprise when physics failed to behave as expected. Which, uh, was pretty unusual for physics. Physics were typically pretty reliable. But the weight at the end of his weapon spun wildly in place, suspended in air for several long seconds, before it promptly lit up in a blazing flame.

“Ooh!” Mikey shrieked in delight. “Magic weapon! Guys, loo-- ACK!”

And there they were, Donnie thought dimly to himself. 

The uncontrolled variables.

Donnie gasped, immediately ducking down and covering his head as his brother flew about the room like a deranged bird, still hanging onto his (seemingly demonic) mystic weapon. He all but pinballed off the walls, screaming the whole time. The lion just barely managed to leap out of the way before Mikey crashed into the wall, flopping down with a small squeak on impact, luckily seeming shaken but not injured.

“WHOA! Mikey! That was awesome!” Raph gaped, his eyes widening. “Dude, how did you do that?!”

“I dunno!” Mikey said, stumbling to his feet and kind of wavering a bit with dizziness. “I was just swinging my weapon around and it just-- did it!”

“Let me try!” Raph said, shaking his tonfas about like they were goddamn maracas. “Come on, magic weapon, magic weapon, magic weapon-- OOH!” He yelped in surprise as one of the remaining guards crashed into him, snarling as they all but whipped him from his feet. But Raph held his ground. “Okay, alright-- magic weapon tests later! Fight now!”

“Can’t wait to see what mine does!” Leo laughed as he leaped over the group, diving towards an oncoming yokai. He swung his blade forward, slicing through the air with a loud crackle of near-electric energy--

A bright blue circle of mystic energy promptly opened up beneath Leo, and he yelped in surprise as he went plunging downward.

And downward.

And downward.

And downward.

And downward.

“Hm,” Donnie remarked. “I guess he can teleport.” 

“GET! ME! OFF! THIS! RIDE!” Leo howled, flailing as he plummeted endlessly through the two parallel portals he had sliced through reality, one below his feet and the other up above his head, only picking up the pace the longer he fell. 

Donnie sighed loudly. He was sure someone else would get him. Eventually. In the meantime, someone was gonna have to take care of the remaining yokai guards. Luckily, this one was suitably distracted by his twin brother’s infinite falling.

“And that’s why I like fighting the old-fashioned way,” Donnie hummed, slipping past the yokai’s side and into his blind spot, watching their eyes widen in surprise as he jabbed sharply at them with his bo staff. They were just barely able to dodge out of the way of Donnie’s attacks. “Though the portal does make for some quality entertainment, I must admit--”

They jumped out of Donnie’s range, swiping forward with a clawed arm, and Donnie’s body immediately, instinctively moved in response, his bo staff flashing upward to block the move and force them off-kilter. He hardly even had to think. His body already knew what to do when he needed it.

It’s just like a tournament. No different from a tournament. You’ve won thousands of fights. This is exactly the same thing. Just keep your head, do the math-- You’re good at this, remember?

Bouncing off the yokai’s arm, Donnie’s staff whipped back around to ricochet into the side of their head, earning him a frustrated and perhaps pained snarl in response. See? Donnie grinned, just for a second, ducking easily out of the way of the guard’s counterattack and leaping to the side, finding himself the space once more to adjust his stance and run rapid calculations. Numbers danced in front of his eyes, and he quickly zeroed in on the equation with the best probability of success, building his plan of action around that.

The yokai snarled, leaping after him-- exactly as he expected. Donnie’s entire body instantly snapped downward and out of their path in response, ducking away from their attack. At the same time, they pitched themselves to the left, whipping their bo staff around as they went to find their mark. The guard made a short, strangled noise of surprise as the weapon collided with their throat, sending them reeling in the opposite direction. They were almost immediately on their knees, choking and spluttering as Donnie darted away, just the tiniest bit breathless as he went.

“Just like I planned it--!” He had laughed, quietly delighted that it had, in fact, gone the way he planned it, and why had he been worried? He could do this, he knew how to do this!-- when his youngest sibling went flying into his side with a yelp. 

The pair of them tumbled across the hallway before slamming into the wall, bringing their unexpected trip to a sudden and grinding halt. Donnie groaned softly, wincing as he slowly forced himself back up, stars all but dancing in front of his eyes, Mikey flopped over beside him and seeming just as dazed. Ow. Okay. That hadn’t been in his calculations.

He just barely caught sight of the lion yokai diving for them, catching on about half a second before the attack landed. 

He didn’t run any numbers this time. He didn’t have the chance.

His muscles moved quicker than even his brain could, throwing himself bodily over top of his baby brother to shield him from the coming impact.

[ next ]

#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fic #rottmnt #tmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt au #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt fanfiction #tmnt fanfiction #rottmnt human au #tmnt human au #fanfic #fidgetwing #fighting and potential injury #my beta reader has already informed me ill be hearing from their lawyer so don't worry abt it #also i make my best (and by that i mean dumbest) jokes in this chapter

[tangledinink]

Chapter Twelve of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is up!!! It's the moment you've all waited for-- the reveal. :000 They boys discover some things about themselves (things they once knew) and visit an unfamiliar place (a place that was once familiar.) Read it on ao3 or below the cut!

[ prev ]

The group’s shocked silence lasted for two, maybe three seconds before it quickly morphed into chaos.

“That’s him! That’s the goat!” Mikey shrieked, pointing wildly. “That’s the goat who has Dad!”

“Leo! Call 911!” Raph commanded. Leo scoffed loudly.

“No way! I wanna kick this guy’s ass. Make Donnie do it.”

“What?! No fair! I’ve called 911 the last six times! It’s someone else’s turn!”

“You have not! I called 911 last time!” April protested.

“That one doesn’t count!”

“Well someone’s gotta--”

“Enough!” Goatman snarled, absolutely bristling, waving his arm sharply. The air around them suddenly felt colder and stiller, and Leo shuddered, gritting his teeth as his posture stiffened. “I am not here to listen to your silly arguments. I am here to bring you home, so you can finally fulfill your purpose.”

Leo gave a short snort of laughter. “Hm, yeah, tempting, but our Daddy actually taught us not to go with creepy sheep strangers, even if they offer us free candy, soooo…”

“What?! Candy? No! I’m talking about your purpose! The reason you were created-- to eliminate the human threat! Come with me, and I can unlock your full potential!”

“How many divine purposes have we got again? ‘Cause I’m starting to lose track,” Mikey complained. Leo rolled his eyes.

“Eliminate the human threat? Yeah, uh, maybe you haven't been paying attention, but in case you haven’t noticed, we’re literally humans.”

The yokai paused for a moment. His face twisted, and he hunched his shoulders back before he gave a forced laugh. “Humans?” He echoed. “Humans?! Surely you aren’t fooled by those silly trinkets! You can’t possibly, actually believe…”

“Oh my god. This guy is, like, for real crazy,” April observed, raising her brows.

“No, you are fools!” He hissed in return. “Humans?! These ridiculous forms are completely fabricated! These are not your true selves! You are experiments! You are soldiers! You’re mutated turtles-- my greatest creations! The creations of Baron Draxum!”

“Baron Draxum? Okay, well, we’ll deal with him when he gets here… Oh… Oh-ho-ho wait! You’re doing that, like, sinister talking-about-yourself-in-third person thing, aren’t you! Oh my god, that’s rich!” Leo snorted.

“Hey! Only Raph can use the third-person!”

“I’m sorry, did he say turtles?” Mikey questioned.

“Oh my fucking god…” Leo laughed, clutching his stomach. “Turtles? I’m sorry, we’re mutant turtles?”

“This guy can’t be serious,” Raph muttered.

“Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure we would have noticed by now if we were reptiles,” Donnie scoffed, one hand on his hip. “Let alone subjects of some kind of biochemical experiments. Which I am intimately familiar with, by the way. Do you have any idea how many community gardens I’ve been banned from?”

“This can’t…” The yokai shook his head, a hand on his brow. “How could you be tricked by such simple magic? I will show you if I have to.” 

“Oh, I’d love to see that,” Donnie muttered.

“Come with me--”

“You are out of your damn mind if you think we’re goin’ anywhere with you!” Raph cut in.

“Maybe if you prove that turtle hypothesis thing you have going on, we can discuss it from there,” Donnie laughed, one brow quirked, sounding caught somewhere between exasperated and amused. Honestly, this whole thing was a little bit fucking hilarious. It was also fucking horrible and scary because their dad was missing and a magic criminal had them cornered in an alley, but like. Seriously. Mutant turtles? You can’t make this stuff up, dude.

Draxum sighed very deeply, scowling at their group.

“Very well,” he said, and he snapped his fingers.

Things became unfunny very, very quickly. 

If the air had become cold earlier, now it became startlingly hot, just for a moment, the alley rising up at least five degrees, and Leo heard this choked, startled gasp that he immediately recognized as his twin brother. At the same time, a blinding, almost familiar flash of white light overtook the alley, and Leo hissed, flinching away. 

When he looked back, he was horrified to find that where his brother had been standing just a moment ago there was instead some sort of green, scaled creature, their eyes slitted and their skin leathery and bumped, and he thought, what the hell happened to my brother? And after a moment of silence, all of them staring in dazed shock, the reptile flailed, floundered, held its own hands up to its face as if to examine them, and promptly began screaming. 

And Leo recognized his own brother's screams, so instead he was thinking: what the hell happened to my brother?!

“What did you do?!” Leo shrieked. Behind him, Mikey screamed, too, and he could hear April spluttering out an impressive string of curse words. He just barely resisted the urge to race over to Donnie’s side, to check if he was okay, (he’s not okay, he knows he’s not okay,) to try to help him, to fix it, because he couldn’t just turn his back on the enemy in front of them-- couldn’t ignore the very obvious threat.

“I simply removed the cloaking enchantment as he requested,” Draxum responded calmly. He even looked amused, almost, the very corners of his lips turning up.

“You what!? What the hell are you-- fix it!!! Turn him back!!!” Leo demanded, his voice rising with the very edges of panic, his pulse climbing ever-steadily higher the longer he listened to his siblings scream.

The other sighed deeply, tilting their head to the side. “Do you still not understand? Fine, then. I’ll show you as well.” 

Snap.

Leo wouldn’t describe the experience as painful, but it really wasn’t pleasant, either. He swore he could feel his skin being stripped away and reforming; it was like his skeleton itself was being rearranged, his entire body becoming fluid for just a split second before solidifying again in new places, new patterns, new spaces. An unfamiliar weight pulled at his shoulders, forcing his spine to bend, and his hands and feet fell in a way that now felt unnatural to him. His skin seemed to lay over his muscles differently now.

He was vaguely aware of Mikey screaming somewhere behind him a second time, echoing Donatello’s continued wails. 

“Guys?” April bit out, her voice high and frightened.

What the hell happened to him?

“What-- what did you do?” Leo repeated himself, his eyes wide, straining, because his vision was ever-so-slightly different than it had been a few seconds ago and he didn’t know how to adjust. He swore to god he was frozen in place. He wasn’t sure when he had ended up on his knees, but he was shaking so hard, he supposed he wasn’t surprised.

What the fuck happened to his body?

“Now are you convinced?” The yokai pressed. “Now, we will be going to my lab whether you want to or not. We can either do this the easy way or the hard way. I would highly recommend the easy way,” he hummed, giving a sharp sweep of his arms. Wind tugged at his back and Leo had just barely the presence of mind to glance behind him, his eyes widening in horror to see this huge expanse of black opening up behind him. 

Mikey-- (Mikey? They were small, they were wearing Mikey’s clothes, it must be Mikey--) yelped loudly, the inky cloud yanking him from his feet. April jumped, attempting to grab her baby brother, though she only succeeded in falling into him-- both of them swallowed up into the portal. Raph gave a strangled howl of protest, diving right after them, and Donnie was sucked up as well, disappearing from Leo’s sight. His heart thudded wildly in his ears. He could feel the magick yanking at him, trying to pull him in as well. 

But Leo had always been the fastest. 

Every shred of him was screaming to follow, to chase after his family, to go with his sister and brothers, but he tensed his muscles, his stance widening and holding firm as he set his sights back on the yokai towering before him. A tiny voice in his head whispered in his ears that following wouldn’t help--

No, he had to move forward. This guy was the one hurting them.

Get him.

Leo wasn’t sure if he had leapt forward or if he simply was there. Everything was moving too quickly for even him to follow, the blinding white of panic and rage eating hungrily at the edges of his vision, threatening to overtake him. Either way, he lunged, a cry of protective fury wringing itself from his chest.

 "Stay away from my brothers," he snarled, his own throat staggering painfully with the force with which he screamed out his warning, his hands flying forward to grab the yokai by his throat, slamming into him at full speed. He felt the alien velvet fuzz of Draxum’s skin beneath the tear of his fingernails (claws) even as the pair of them were flung from their feet. Gravity was stolen from them both, the portal behind them reaching out to consume them. 

Everything went black. For just a second, tumbling through nothingness, floating through the sizzling rush of magick itself, Leo couldn’t see anything. He couldn’t hear anything, all he could feel was the body of the yokai against him, struggling against his grip, attempting to throw him away. 

And then this bright, searing lavender light came singing through the world. It didn’t reflect or bounce; nothing was lit up by it. Leo still could not see himself, could not even find the outline of his own hands or fingers. But this brilliant, complex pattern of the palest, gentlest pastel purple lit up bright before him, swirling and twisting in foreign shapes, and Leo just barely recognized that the ribbon of runes they formed echoed the shape of the yokai he had just grabbed.

The body he was clinging to went limp.

The next second, the wind was knocked out of him as they made impact with stone, light coming streaming back into his universe. Leo found himself landing in a heap in their new location, the portal disappearing behind them. Oddly, however, the crash landing didn’t hurt near as much as he would have expected it to.

“Leo!” He heard Raph cry. Leo groaned, still dazed, looking around blearily. Where the hell were they? He glanced over at the yokai who he had yanked through the portal with them, only to find them in an awkward slump just a few paces away, completely limp and seemingly unconscious. 

“Are you okay? What happened?” Raph demanded, moving quickly to his side. Mikey was already all bundled up in his arms, shaking like a leaf and absolutely clinging to him for dear life like he was going to fall apart if he let go. And Leo couldn’t even blame him if he did. Mikey had always been the smallest of them, and Raph always the biggest, but Leo thought dimly that the size difference between them now was fucking bananas.

Jesus christ. Raph was fucking huge. And… spiky. Was he a goddamn dinosaur? What the fuck.

“I-- yeah-- I-- I think the goatman got knocked out--” He stammered, still reeling slightly, trying to collect himself, to gather himself, adrenaline still rushing through his veins like it was a racetrack. 

Somewhere in the background, Donnie fucking screamed, and Leo immediately forgot about everything else, his head whipping around. 

“Donnie!” He cried, on his feet in a second, rushing over to his brother’s side. He had no idea where they were, not having yet taken stock of the location. He was only dimly aware that they were someplace cold and dark, with stone and concrete above, below, and around them. Donnie had pressed himself up against one of the walls, his entire body rigid and his head bent forward, his arms fluttering wildly beside his head in such a way that Leo recognized he was fighting not to hit himself. Good job, Dee. The screaming continued, but every wail that wrenched its way out of Donnie’s mouth was short and grinding, repeating itself over and over like an alarm. It was fucking terrifying. Not for him, but for Donnie, because he could tell that they were completely, totally not in control. Just panicking.

“Hey. Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m right here, Don. It’s alright. It’s okay, you’re safe, I’m right here, hermano,” he tried to soothe, forcing his voice down, calm, steady. He knew better than to touch Donnie, but he would reach over just long enough to tap a button on the side of his headphones that he knew would flip the device into white noise mode. Donnie jerked slightly in response, and the screaming stopped, at least, but he didn’t relax. His arms still fluttered and flapped anxiously, and he shifted just enough to begin rocking back and forth, clenching his jaw and grinding his teeth so hard that Leo was afraid he was going to hurt himself. His chest absolutely shook with the panicked, shuddering breaths he was taking, hyperventilating so hard that his entire body trembled in response.

“Come on, Donnie, it’s alright. It’s okay. We’re safe, Mikey and Raph and April are safe, we’re gonna be okay, but you’ve gotta breathe, dude. Can you try it with me? Like this? We’ve gotta calm down a little bit--” Leo pressed on because this was not his first rodeo. He wasn’t quite as adept at handling these things as their dad was, and at this point, Donnie was pretty good at avoiding meltdowns and panic attacks, armed with tools and tricks and years of therapy, but sometimes they were unavoidable and Leo had always known how to calm them down, always been able to step up and help, the same way Donnie could for him--

But Donnie wasn’t calming down. Donnie wouldn’t even look up at him. Rather, Donnie scrunched up harder, curled his lips, and fucking hissed at him.

And, okay, look, it wasn’t the first time Donnie had hissed at them. Donnie used to love to hiss at people when they were little kids, though nowadays he was more likely to express annoyance with declarations such as “groan” or “scoff” or “eye-roll.” But he didn’t hiss like this.

He sounded fucking feral. Even more than that, he sounded fucking terrified. He looked like a goddamn cornered animal, his eyes blown out and huge, the scaly skin that now made up his form stretched tight over shivering muscles and his lips drawn back over sharp, pointed teeth. And Leo looked down at his own clawed, three-fingered hand and came to a horrible realization.

He couldn’t help because Donnie couldn’t recognize him. They were panicking because they were in this crazy, fucked up body that wasn’t theirs, and Leo was in a fucked up body that wasn’t his, and looking at him was just a reminder of everything wrong. He was just scaring them more. His being here was just making things worse, and Leo’s throat tied itself in a knot, swelling up as the backs of his eyes pinched with the thought.

“April,” he called, his voice cracking slightly as he desperately turned to look for his sister. She wasn’t far off, watching from a short distance with obvious worry, and she blinked in surprise at the sound of her name.

“Help me.”

---

If Leo was being completely honest, he hadn’t even realized that Donnie wasn’t still nearby. The two of them typically stuck together like glue whenever they were at school. Leo would usually lead the way, and Donnie would trail after, with Leo doing most of the talking and socializing for both of them. And once Donnie got sick of whatever they were doing, he would simply drag Leo off to sit and read or work on some project or puzzle for a while, and Leo would oblige and keep him company. Donnie was always close by, and Leo wasn’t even aware that this wasn’t currently the case, too absorbed in his latest arts and crafts project, until he heard a telltale, high-pitched whine from across the room.

He was on his feet in seconds, abandoning the activity and his classmates to scuttle off in search of his twin brother. Luckily, he wasn’t too hard to find. Both because he was pretty loud, and also because their substitute teacher was crouched down next to him. She was nice enough, Leo thought, but not quite as cool as Miss Mitchelle was, and he wasn’t sure if Donnie liked her at all. It definitely didn’t seem like he liked her too much right now with how he was all balled up, and Leo wasted no time at all in planting himself physically between the two.

Donnie immediately gravitated towards his brother and Leo moved a bit closer in turn, giving Miss Substitute (he didn’t remember her name,) a very displeased look.

“He doesn’t like whatever you’re doing,” he declared firmly.

Miss Substitute’s expression twitched and faltered for a moment before it settled back into something patient and pleasant, though Leo still didn’t quite trust it. “Leo,” she said, “I was just trying to talk with your brother--”

“I can talk to him,” Leo assured immediately, not bothering to listen to the remainder of her sentence because he couldn’t imagine it would be all that important or interesting. He turned to face Donnie instead. “It’s okay. I can always understand him, ‘cause we have a secret twin language. We made it up. Only we can speak it,” he declared proudly, crouching down to lean in towards his brother, his arms wrapped around his knees.

Donnie was still whining a bit, curled up into a ball and shoved halfway inside of a cubby, his arms crossed protectively over his head as he rocked. And yeah, he was obviously upset, though Leo wasn’t completely sure why yet. As such, he got to work, conversing with his twin in the previously mentioned secret twin language.

… And.

Okay.

So.

They didn’t actually have a secret twin language.

But it was close enough! It wasn’t a language, per se, ‘cause it didn’t have words, just noises and chirps and trills and squeaks and babbles. But he still always got the gist of what Donnie was saying, and Donnie would get the gist of what he was saying, too, so it worked. Sooner or later, he could pretty much always get an understanding of what Donnie was meaning based on the inflection or tone of his noises, as well as calm the other down enough so that Leo could coax a couple of signs out of him, so Leo figured it was close enough to language.

Plus, the ‘language’ itself always seemed to kind of settle Donnie down when he was upset like this. Once Leo started humming and squeaking at him, Donnie gradually started to answer with his own chirps and clicks, and, little by little, Leo watched their twin’s body untense and unwind. Leo grinned, moving to sit properly by him, and Donnie moved closer, edging just a bit out of his hiding spot so he could shove himself up against Leo’s side instead, resting his head against his shoulder and settling in there, an indignant scowl still on his face.

Leo grinned, puffing out his chest a bit as he shot Miss Substitute a look. See? He told her so. He and Donnie always understood each other, no matter what, and he could always fix it when Donnie wasn’t feeling good! He was basically the best brother in the entire world. Confident that he understood the problem, he turned back to face Miss Substitute.

“He said you’re not doing the schedule right, and we’re supposed to do math right now,” he announced, crossing his arms over his chest. And he hadn’t even noticed, but Donnie was right, they did usually do math lessons during this part of the day-- not arts and crafts. “And also, he doesn’t like the paper fish we’re doing ‘cause the glue feels bad. So we gotta find something else to do,” he insisted. “‘Cause otherwise Donnie and I aren’t playing.”

Donnie nodded a tiny bit from behind him, and Leo beamed with pride. Understanding Donnie and calming him down wasn’t even that hard. He didn’t get why adults besides Dad had such a hard time with it sometimes. You really just had to listen to him. 

---

It took a while for April to calm Donnie back down, (or at least get him as calm as they possibly could be in such circumstances,) but she managed after a bit, his panicked breaths eventually dying down into something a bit more even and steady. Thank god. Mikey thought dimly to himself that he had never seen Donnie freak out so bad, but... he supposed he couldn't really blame him. 

He frowned a bit, looking down at his own, unfamiliar hands, and he curled up a bit more, his tail tucking in (oh my god, he had a tail,) as he clung to Raph's plastron (oh my god, Raph had a plastron.) And though it still held comfort, the fold of his biggest brother's arms, bundled up close and held there, this place that he had known his whole life... it suddenly felt foreign, too. Everything was hard and jagged and cold. And even worse-- it was unfamiliar. 

He kept staring at his own hands because he couldn't stop himself, and it made his stomach wobble. He wondered bleakly what his own face looked like because he had no idea. He wouldn't even recognize himself in the mirror. 

 Now that Donnie had finally settled a bit, though he was still curled up and pressed just against April's side, just barely not touching but still squeezed up small against her, Leo finally got up to his feet-- only to immediately lose his balance, falling over onto his back with a loud clunk.

"Leo!" Raph's eyes widened, his muscles immediately bunching up, ready to jump up and go grab his brother. Mikey could tell that he was just barely resisting the urge to scoop up all three of them and bundle them up in his arms and just hang onto them for a while. He had been sitting here long enough for Mikey to notice how fast his heart was beating. Mikey’s was keeping pace. Leo kind of flailed for a second before he managed to redirect the momentum to roll over onto his side, getting himself back onto his hands and knees. A wry, strangled laugh forced its way out of him.

"Alright. Well. Pro tip: center of gravity is weird now," he remarked dryly, his voice strained. "But the good news is falling doesn't even hurt anymore! So that’s great!"

It didn't get a laugh out of anyone. After a moment of hesitation, Mikey slowly wriggled his way from Raph's grip, making his way over to Leo's side. He didn't dare try to walk after watching Leo's attempt, noting that it seemed to be more difficult now without the rush of adrenaline to aid them, so he instead stayed in a crouch, sort of half-hopping-half-crawling over. Raph followed shortly after in a similar manner.

"Can I see?" He questioned softly, and when Leo didn't deny him, he leaned over slightly, moving his hoodie (which was now a very awkward fit,) out of the way enough so that he could examine the edges of his brother's new shell.

(Oh my god. His brother's shell. What kind of a sentence was that? What kind of weird, fucked up make-believe world were they suddenly in? Leo was his brother. He didn't have a shell. He had cool brown skin. He had bouncy blonde curls that Mikey had helped him bleach and dye a red streak in. He had vitiligo 'stripes' over his eyes. He had a bad habit of cycling through boyfriends and insomnia and a shockingly large vocabulary... but he didn't have a shell. He didn't have scales or stripes or claws or a tail.)

He looked anyway, running the tips of his fingers over the top of it, following the curve. He couldn't quite tell if he was feeling the texture of the shell, or just the texture of his own fingers, which were different than they had been; covered in scales, the skin thicker and rougher than it had been before. Bending his joints felt odd, and he couldn't help himself from doing it over and over, as if that might help him get used to it faster. 

 Every part of his brother’s shell was this cool, ocean blue, just edging on teal in some places, and Mikey thought to himself that, in the very least, it matched his life color perfectly. 

He swallowed hard and resisted the tears that were building up in his eyes. He didn’t want to cry right now. He didn’t even know what he was crying about. Because he was scared? Because he was overwhelmed? He wasn’t very good at not crying, but he forced it down, his hands trembling a bit with the effort of it.

 "Does it look the same as mine?" He heard himself asking, his eyes flickering over to meet Leo's (which were now not something he recognized, looking more animal than person, though they still retained the same, familiar almond shape. The color, however, he realized, was slightly different. Leo's eyes were brown. All of their eyes were brown, so dark that they were almost black, but now, instead, Leo's eyes were mismatched; one of them dark blue, like water in a cove, like the sea at night, and the other dark red, like ink with blood, like black cherries.) 

"I dunno," Leo laughed, though his voice was still shaking. "I don't know what mine looks like."

"They're... kinda the same…" Raph observed from nearby, leaning over slightly to examine them both. His voice sounded kind of hollow, like he wasn’t really there. Sort of far-off. "I mean. The parts I can see. Mikey, yours is more... orangey. And bumpier," he said. "And yours is spotty. Leo's is kinda... stripey." 

"Yours is huge," Leo observed with a chuckle, glancing over at their biggest brother, who was always the tallest and largest by a wide margin, but now absolutely dwarfed the rest of them. "And... spiky. You're all spiky. And… and fucking huge, dude. You look like you have fucking paws. And your mouth is all..." He laughed again, scrubbing anxiously at his face with his hands. "You look like a fucking snapping turtle."

Mikey paused a bit at that, glancing over at the other.

Donnie must have said or signed something that the rest of them didn’t catch, because April spoke up next, clearly addressing him. "Uhm, no, yours is... uh. It's kind of flat? And..." There was a pause. "Oh, oh my god, it's, like, squishy!" She squealed, everyone else in the room jumping in response, before she tamped down the noise, biting her lip and getting a handle on her reaction. "Sorry! Sorry, I just. I just wasn't expecting that texture, that's all! It doesn't... feel like what I thought a shell would feel like, I guess."

"Are we different kinds of... turtles?" Mikey questioned, tilting his head to the side. He wanted to laugh at himself when he said turtles. I mean, seriously, turtles? Of all the creatures in the world, turtles? Why were they turtles?

"I guess we must be," Leo sighed, resting his chin on his knee. "We obviously look different." 

Mikey frowned, and he thought that his lips might be trembling if he had proper lips anymore, but he wasn't sure if he did or if they could tremble or what that would feel like if they did. Okay, fine. Now there were a few tears. 

"Does that mean we're not brothers?" 

A beat of silence followed.

"We're not," Donnie said, and quite frankly, Mikey was surprised to hear him speaking. Small miracles? Kinda…?

"Yeah, we are. Don't be crazy," Raph immediately refuted, his brows (er... brows? Place where brows once were?) furrowing together, and Mikey was desperately relieved to see that the space in between still wrinkled into a crease the same way they always did. "Of course we're brothers."

"Evidently, we're not even the same species," Donnie hissed out bitterly, drawing himself up even closer, even smaller, into a little ball. "It's literally impossible."

"Come on, Dee--"

"We're not even human!" Donnie snapped, hunching up his shoulders. "We're not even people!"

"Hey, look, come on you guys," April tried to soothe, holding up her hands as if to calm the group. "It doesn't matter if you're turtles! It doesn't matter to me. I love you guys no matter what--"

"Oh, wow, what a comfort!" Donnie scoffed, and April bristled.

"Okay, look, I am trying to be helpful! I know that this fucking sucks but you do not need to take out your nasty attitude on me!"

Leo suddenly laughed-- loudly, painfully-- tilting his head back and letting his shoulders slump so he could stare up at the ceiling. "Oh my god. Jesus christ. We're not people," he bit out in between his barely restrained hysterics, squeezing his eyes shut. "We're freaks, dude!"

"Leo, c'mon." 

"We're not even people!!!" He repeated. "Fuck. We never even had a chance, and we didn't even know it!... Oh my god, we’re such morons!!! Hahaha-- welp! This is it! Pack it in, boys, it’s all over!"

"Leo, chill. What are you even talkin’ about?"

"Did you know I was gonna go on T?" He questioned, turning around sharply, suddenly, to face Raph. "Me and Dad were talking about it. For, like, a while now. And I was gonna start T, finally. Do you know how much I wanted to do that? Do you know how long I've been waiting to get to do that?"

Raph frowned. "Leo... This doesn't mean--"

"How the fuck is that going to work now!?" He interrupted. "How is anything gonna work now? We're fucking! REPTILES! Raph!!!"

"I KNOW THAT!" Now Raph was yelling, too, and Mikey flinched a bit, hiccuping softly as he drew himself down, retreating slightly, halfway into his shell (oh my god, he can do that now?) "You think you're the only one who was lookin' forward to stuff? I was--" He cut himself off, breathing in deep and then letting it out slow, his jaw tensed.

"Look. I know this... sucks. But it's not gonna help to just throw in the towel right now and mourn shit that we don't even know is gone yet, alright? We'll... figure it out," he said. "We don’t even know what’s goin’ on, so let’s just… let's just try to figure it out first. Okay?" 

Leo frowned. He looked down and to the side, tightening his hands into fists, but he didn't have any rebuttal. After a moment, he took a deep breath, pulling himself up to his feet for a second time. He tottered for a moment, his arms windmilling until he found his balance and this time he stayed on his feet. He looked around the room for a moment before his eyes fell on the limp form of Baron Draxum, still crumpled in a heap some odd paces away.

"What do we do with that guy?"

All of their eyes snapped over, as though they had all just remembered that he was there in the first place.

"Did you knock him out, dude?!" Raph questioned, his eyes widening slightly. 

"No! I mean. I don't think so. Not exactly," Leo said. "It's, like-- he grabbed me and some sort of mystic-magic-whatever thing happened. He lit up with a bunch of symbols and he just... went down. I dunno what happened." 

"Well," Raph said, sighing deeply before he pulled himself to his feet as well, doing a similar rock and wobble to Leo before he figured out the new balance he had to strike, correcting his own footing. His long tail swung back and forth behind him, assumedly on instinct, to help. "We dunno how long he's gonna stay down, so we oughta find a way out of here and put some distance between us and him ASAP. We already know where Dad is, anyway."

"Maybe we can figure out where we are," Donnie mumbled bleakly, pulling himself to his feet as well. He seemed to struggle much less than his brothers did, and Mikey noted that his back rounded less than theirs. April got up as well, sticking close to his side, but perhaps hovering a bit less now. 

Mikey watched as his family rose up, one by one, finding their feet again. And something in his chest unwound and loosened again. A breath he hadn't realized he had been holding came tumbling out of him.

He didn't know his own face anymore. And he didn't recognize his brothers when he looked at them.

But they were still them. Already, Mikey was completely sure of it. And the change, while still terrifying, felt just a tiny bit less devastating. 

He hadn’t lost them yet.

Bracing himself for the coming challenge, he rose up to his feet as well. The unfamiliar weight on his back was more than he had expected and attempted to drag him down, and he stumbled slightly, nearly toppling over onto his back the same way Leo had the first time-- but Raph grabbed his wrist before he could, pulling him forward and correcting him, and Mikey was relieved to find his center of gravity once more. Usually, he would complain about his big brother stepping in, preferring to do things on his own rather than being 'babied' by his older family members, but...

 Right now, it was actually okay. 

"Okay. Let's do this." 

(They took about three steps before Raph yelped and tripped over his own tail.)

---

Though they had tied up the so-called "Baron Draxum" with whatever rope and other scrap they could find in this place, (the longer they were here, the more Donnie began to suspect it was a lab of some kind,) none of them were very confident that it would be able to hold him for very long, if at all, and so they all got to work trying to figure out an exit. But to call this place 'maze-like' was a bit of an understatement.

"This is the worst landmark ever," April hissed in frustration as they turned a corner, only to once again be met with a hog-tied yokai, face-down on the concrete. "We keep going in circles!"

"Okay, look," Donnie sighed. "I know we don't want to linger here any more than we have to, but let's look around a bit and see if there's anything useful lying around to get us out of here. Clearly just walking out isn't getting us anywhere." 

There was a chorus of grunts and mumbles of agreement from the rest of his family, and the group slowly fanned out, beginning their search. It was dark here, wherever they were. The ground beneath his feet was cold, with him and his brothers having already ditched and stowed their sneakers and boots after realizing how awkward and painful it was to walk in them with their new wide, two-toed feet. 

The space was wide and almost circular, with various tunnels branching off at different levels, all leading away to who-knew-where. Several desks and tables were scattered about the space, each surface covered in everything from charts to pipettes to oddly-shaped jars filled with oddly-colored substances. Donnie just barely resisted the urge to sit down and start working, or to begin snatching and pocketing things as he found them. Instead, he took a liberal amount of photographs of everything they found on his phone.

 His impulse control could only get him so far, however, and his eyes narrowed as they fell across a small, purpley-pink gem that lay on the desk, suspended within a small glass case. This certainly looked interesting... Geology wasn't really a passion of his, but something about this just seemed... intriguing. He couldn't quite place it...

 Surely no one would miss this, right? It was small! It would be silly not to take it, quite frankly, and he slipped it into his pocket as quietly as he could when he was sure no one else was looking. 

Now, if only he could find some blueprints of the tunnels... But that would be too easy, wouldn't it?

"So," Mikey said after a minute or so of them searching, and Donnie sighed internally. Of course, they couldn't expect him to stay quiet for that long. "If Raph is a snapping turtle, and me and Leo are turtle-turtles, then what kind of a turtle is Donnie?"

Donnie rolled his eyes, scowling. "Okay, well, first of all, do we really have to discuss this?" He hissed, immediately bristling. "I’d highly prefer we not address the proverbial elephant in the room, thank you! Second of all, 'turtle-turtle' is not a species."

"Yeah, but, like, we have turtle shells!" Mikey explained. "But April said yours is squishy. So what does that make you?"

Donnie sighed deeply. Talking about this made his skin itch.

"A softshell turtle, I suppose."

"A softshell?" Leo questioned, raising a brow. "That's a thing?"

"Yes."

"How do you know that off the top of your head?" Raph questioned.

"Some of us actually paid attention during biology classes," he responded dryly. And having a near-photographic memory did, admittedly, help as well…

"Whoa!" Mikey absolutely beamed. "That's so cool! Now we just gotta figure out what kind of turtles me and Leo are!"

"Well, I'd look it up if we had any service. And also if it was even close to being an appropriate time for us to waste our efforts on something like that," Donnie said with a roll of his eyes. He knew that Mikey was just distracting himself, finding a silver lining so he didn’t break down, but Donnie didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to think about how much of their entire lives was completely fabricated, about how--

He snorted, suddenly doubling over with laughter.

"What?" April questioned, raising a brow.

"I just-- I just realized!" Donnie laughed. "Our... our moms must be turtles! Fucking turtles!"

There was a beat of silence as this sunk in before Raph gave a similar reaction. "Damn! I guess you're right, huh?"

"Do you have any idea how much time I wasted in therapy talking about this?" Donnie squeaked out through giggles. "I spent so much time with Mossy talking about our mom and how she didn't want us or whatever the fuck and about the stuff she did to Dad and how I couldn't remember her, and she-- she was never even real! None of that ever even happened! She was just a fucking turtle, wasn't she!? We don’t even have a real mom!"

"Whoa! Mind... blown. I didn't even think about that..." Mikey gaped, his eyes wide. "This whole time I just assumed that our mom was probably the hotel lady..."

"Yeah, me too," Leo agreed.

Donnie blinked.

"You what?"

"Well, you know, that woman that Dad was datin’ right before he disappeared," Raph said. "And she runs the Grand Nexus Hotel, right? All the articles I ever read always mentioned her."

Donnie's eyes twitched. "You thought she was our mother?" He questioned.

"Well, that's who Dad was datin’ last! And for a long time, too. It'd make sense, wouldn't it?" Raph defended.

"Yeah. You didn't think that?" Leo said.

"NO! Why would I think that?!" Donnie was laughing again.

Leo huffed in offense, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry, do you know something we don't?"

"Apparently!" Donnie exclaimed. "Guys, you've seen pictures of her, right?!"

"Well, yeah?" Mikey tilted his head to the side.

"She's pale as fuck!"

"So?"

"And our Dad is Japanese!"

"And? Donnie, what's your point?"

"We're black!"

"... Ooooohhhhh," all three of his brothers said, nearly in unison, after Donnie's argument finally sunk in.

"Oh my god," Donnie laughed, covering his face with his hands, scrubbing tears from his eyes. "You're all so fucking dumb..."

"I guess our mom would have had to be black. I mean. We got the Japanese half from Dad, but... I never really thought about where the other half came from..." Raph admitted, his mouth still slightly agape like he was still rolling the thought about in his head. 

"Wait a minute," April said, her hands on her hips. "I mean, yeah, all that makes sense, but if you guys have secretly been turtles this whole time, then why are you black?"

"Dude, are all turtles black?" Mikey questioned, his eyes widening.

"I cannot discuss this any further. I'll get a migraine and furthermore cease to function, as I am, and I cannot stress this enough, just barely suppressing the gravity of this whole situation right now," Donnie sighed, gesturing to himself as he turned back to the desk in front of him. "Did anyone find anything yet?"

"Not yet," April sighed, shuffling through some papers. "What even is all this junk?"

"I'm not sure. Some sort of research, it seems like..." Donnie mused, sort of thumbing through a book as he spoke, reading key phrases and chunks of text as quickly as he could and making mental notes so he could refer back to it later. He was more than happy to have something else to focus on, though this would admittedly be a lot easier with human hands. "But I'm still not sure where--"

Shhhh shhhh.

Donnie paused mid-sentence, his brows furrowed. He hadn't noticed that sound before now. He tilted his head a bit to the side, turning in its direction, trying to zero in.

"... Donnie?"

"What's that noise?" He questioned aloud, though his voice was barely above a whisper.

Shhhh shhhhh.

He knew that noise. He recognized it. Where had he heard it before?

Shhhh shhhhh.

... Water, he realized with a start. The noise was running water. Of course. How had he never realized this before?...

That's what he was hearing. That's what he had heard.

"Dee? You good?"

"Guys," he said, turning just enough to glance over in their direction. His face suddenly felt like glass. It was odd. "I think... I think we're in the sewer," he said. "... And I think we've been here before...?"

Before anyone could say anything further, a new noise filled up the space.

Skrrrtttccchhhhh.

---

"What was that?!" Mikey shrieked, immediately leaping behind his biggest brother to hide. Leo and Donnie were instantly gravitating to each other as well, falling into stance on instinct as they stood back to back, each covering the other. 

"It sounds like something scratching," April said thoughtfully, and true to her word, the same skritching noise clawed its way through the air a moment later, echoing slightly against the walls. "I think it's coming from over here!"

"April!" Raph hissed off a protest as she took off, heading in the direction of the sound. "We don't know what that is!"

"We will if we go look!" She chirped in reply. I mean, come on, what was the benefit of hiding over here instead of investigating? Weren't they curious either way? Besides, they were stuck here regardless-- maybe they'd find something helpful.

The noise continued as April searched, peering around corners and down tunnels, until, finally, she found her prize. Tucked inside one of the off-shoot tunnels, one of the many dead-ends that seemed to surround this space, was a proverbial treasure trove. A variety of odds and ends filled the space; various amulets and scrolls and chests and even weapons were leaned up against the wall or stacked up on the ground. In fact, a lot of weapons were in here. Was this some kind of a weird armory? Or a trophy room? What kind of sewer has a trophy room?

But most interestingly, she found the source of the noise. Inside a small, dimly lit orb, looking as though it were made of some sort of glass, or perhaps even light, was one of the oddest creatures April had ever seen, clawing sadly at the surface of its prison. It had ears like a chihuahua, pointed and too big for its head, with tufts of fur poofing out from inside, but huge eyes like some kind of a cat. Pointed tusks stuck from its mouth like a boar, but soft, downy yellow-and-blue fur covered its entire, squirrel-like body, complete with a fluffy, wriggly tail.

"AW, you guyyssss!" She called out. "Come look! It's cute!"

"April!" The guys were right behind her, with Raph leading the charge. "You can't just run off like-- jumpin' jack flash! What the heck is that thing?!"

"I dunno!" April said with a shrug, immediately making her way into the room, scooping up the orb so she could examine it, looking for a way to open it up. The little critter inside pattered about excitedly, its claws clicking against the smooth surface. "Help me figure out how to get him outta here."

"Are you sure about that?" Leo questioned. "No offense, but we have nooo idea what that thing is! Maybe it's, I dunno, locked up for a reason?"

"What? C'mon, guys, we've gotta help!" Mikey protested, turning on them with big, pleading eyes. Nice, April thought, with Mikey on her side she had basically already won. Suck it, middle children. "Plus, he was locked up by Draxum. So he can't be bad!"

"Yeah! Ever heard ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend?’" April added in.

"I'm not convinced," Donnie said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I mean, has anyone else noticed that pretty much everything else in this room is a weapon of some kind? Isn't that maybe a bit telling?"

"Aw, come on, Dee. Look at this face!" April insisted, holding up the orb to the others. The creature, to their credit, played their part, pulling an absolutely pitiful face which Mikey immediately echoed, turning to his brothers with watery eyes. 

Checkmate.

"Okay, okay, fine. Look, there's gotta be something in here that can help us bust him out..." Leo muttered, beginning to pick his way through the contents of the room with Raph, Donnie, and Mikey following suit shortly after. 

"Here, what about these?" Leo said after a moment, turning to face them with a pair of twin katanas in hand. "Think I could slice that bad boy open with these guys?"

April scoffed, clutching the orb close to her chest. "Uhm, and this guy in half, maybe!" She protested. "Can we try something a little less deadly, please?"

"Aw, come on! These are cool," Leo protested, grinning as he twirled them in his hands with a metallic shwing.

"You just like them because you always win at any swordsmanship event at tournaments," Donnie remarked dryly, grabbing a long wooden staff to hold in his hands, testing the weight of it. "... That being said, should we maybe grab some of these just in case?"

"Whaddya mean?" Raph glanced over at the other.

"Well, we haven't even made it to the Hidden City yet, and we've already been attacked once," Donnie reasoned, placing a hand on his hip and frowning. "So it wouldn't exactly be a bad idea to have some weapons on hand in case of an emergency." He spun the bo staff in his hands appraisingly a few times. "I mean, obviously this is a bit underwhelming, but I'm sure I could make some improvements once we got back home..."

"Sounds like a good plan to me! Look at all the stuff they’ve got!” Mikey cheered, immediately diving in, beginning to sort through all the various options they had in the room. He chuckled darkly, swinging a pair of nun-chucks in his hands. “These’ll do…”

“Yo, guys!” Raph called, waving to get his brothers’ attention before pointing to the very far corner of the room. “If we’re gonna take stuff, why don’t we take the glowy ones?”

There was, in fact, a weapons rack filled with floating, vaguely glowing weapons, tucked away in the shadows, which only made the glow all that much more tempting. They were simply begging to be taken.

Mikey and Leo, almost in unison, gasped, their faces absolutely lighting up as they raced over to join Raph. “Ooh, dibs on the sword!” Leo cheered, immediately snatching up the odachi and repeatedly striking poses.

“Hot soup! Check me out!” Mikey snatched up a bright orange kusari-fundo, absolutely beaming ear-to-ear. Raph was nearly drooling as he laid his claim on a pair of tonfas, beaming as he gave a few experimental swings. 

“They’re perfect! No one’ll mess with us now!”

“What about you, Donnie?” April questioned, tilting her head back to glance at the remaining brother. “Don’t you want a glowy weapon?”

“And add yet another unknown, uncontrolled variable to our current situation? I’m good,” Donnie scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I’ve trained with a regular, wooden bo staff. I’ll fight with a wooden bo staff, thank you very much. You all have fun with your likely-radioactive weaponry,” he said, waving them off. 

“Here, April, I got something for you, too,” Mikey chirped excitedly, scampering over to present his find to her. “Ta-da!!! Baseball bat!”

It wasn’t a baseball bat-- it was a club. But close enough! April gasped in delight. “It’s perfect!” She enthused, immediately snatching it up, rolling it around in her hands and tapping it against the side of her shoe a few times. Ooh, and the weight was perfect, too. “And I think it can help us get little guy out of this ball thingie, too! Leo, come hold it still for me!”

 "Aw man, why do I gotta hold it?" Leo muttered in complaint but did as he was told regardless, kneeling down to hold the orb steady, taking care in the placement of his hands to minimize the chances of broken fingers.

 "Alright," April said, backing up a bit, her tongue sticking out from between her lips with focus. "This won't hurt a bit..." 

She swung the club back, taking care to temper her strength, and brought it down on the little ball prison with a satisfying crunch. 

"Did it work?" Mikey gasped, his eyes wide as he leaned over. The orb was not shattered nor laying in pieces; but the side of it had caved in considerably, a spiderweb of cracks blossoming from it, and a second later, it simply dissolved as if it had never been there in the first place. The creature that had previously been trapped inside cracked one eye open, having squeezed itself into the very back of its cage, flinching at the oncoming impact, gave an absolute trill of excitement, darting about in celebration.

"There we go!" April said, grinning wide, her hands planted on her hips. "See, told ya I'd get you outta there! That's better, right?"

The little yellow beast threw itself into her lap, wriggling with joy and nuzzling at her with an enthusiastic wag of its tail. "Okay, okay! You're welcome!" April laughed, giggling as she allowed the creature to clamber about in her arms, allowing it time to bounce about before it finally began to settle again.

"Any chance you know how to get out of here, little guy?"

---

Raph looked up from his phone and his tea at the sound of mail plopping down on the table, glancing over to examine the letters his father had just tossed over in his direction.

"For you," Dad remarked, sorting through the remaining mail from the day.

"For me?" Raph echoed, his brows rising up. "Who the heck is sending me mail?" Curiosity took hold immediately, and he abandoned the wrestling video he had been watching previously in favor of tearing open the letters on the table.

He was surprised to find college brochures inside. His father, however, did not seem all that surprised at all, even adding a couple more to the pile.

"It seems you are in high demand," Dad teased, smiling the tiniest bit. "I have received a few emails as well from recruiters recently."

Raph paused for a moment, rolling this idea about in his brain, trying to figure out what it meant and what it tasted like before he forced a small laugh, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Guess they haven't seen my grades yet," he joked weakly. Dad hummed softly, pulling up a chair so he could sit down next to his eldest son.

"Nonsense," he scoffed. "Your grades are fine, Raphael. You've simply tricked yourself into thinking they're not by comparing yourself to others," he added, giving the other a knowing look. "And besides that, this is hardly the only thing that matters. I have told you many times that grades aren't everything. My grades in high school were terrible!" He remarked with a laugh. "And your career in sports is very impressive."

"I guess," Raph said, wrinkling his nose up a bit as he leaned over the table. Easy for him to say. He had a hard time wrapping his head around the idea of colleges being interested in him when his three younger brothers were right here in the same damn house! Had they really meant to send these to Hamato Raphael?

Dad's hand moved to rub little circles into his back, and he nudged his son's teacup a bit. Raph agreeably took a sip, allowing the warm liquid to trickle down through his chest.

"I know you have not always enjoyed schoolwork, Raphael," Dad finally spoke again. "But you are not stupid. You may very well have the most common sense of any of my children!" He chuckled. "And you have many talents besides that. You are a remarkable athlete, and I know I do not have to drag you over to the trophy wall to prove this to you, but I will if I have to. You are only sixteen and you are already the captain of multiple sports teams... not just anyone could handle that! It is difficult to lead a team. But you have always handled this with grace. And teaching children! That is a talent in and of itself. That is no easy task. Trust me, I know," he said, smiling slightly. "But you are doing so well with your new job. And I am very proud of you."

 Raphael glanced over at his father, for just a moment, hesitating like he wanted to say something, but then biting it back.

"You don't have to go to college if you don't want to," Dad added. "If you decide that is not the path for you, that is fine. I won't be upset or disappointed. I did not go to college, either! But I would hate for you to not even consider it just because you don't think you're good enough for it," he pressed. "I know you've always said you intend to pursue a career in sports of some kind, but this is very much an avenue to achieve that if you'd like. Many professional athletes get their start through college sports, you know. And I can already name half a dozen universities off the top of my head who would be thrilled to have you on their team in a couple of years!"

He sighed softly.

"But you do not have to decide right now, my son. There is still plenty of time for you to consider all of your options."

Raph glanced over at his father, shifting a bit in his seat, before looking to the side.

"Uh. I dunno, Pops. I mean. I'm not good at tests and all that junk. I mean. College football could be good 'n all, but, uh..."

He hesitated a second, sort of scratching the side of his jaw, hesitating a bit. "I dunno. Maybe I could... I mean. We could look at it, at least. I was kind of wonderin’ about, uh. I dunno… Just, lately, I was thinkin' about... studyin' early childhood education, maybe?..."

[ next ]

#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fic #rottmnt #rottmnt fanfic #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt au #rottmnt human au #tmnt

[tangledinink]

Chapter Twenty-Five of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? is now up! There's a certain theme in this chapter you'll never guess what it is. Read it on ao3 or below the cut.

[ prev ]

“Alright. So,”

Mikey stared up at his older brother curiously, leaning against Leo slightly, the two of them settled down on the couch. Donnie was perched on the arm of the opposite side, slumped slightly and tapping away at his phone-- but also clearly listening to their eldest brother, stood up before them in the Lair as if he was about to give a presentation.

“About the whole… turtle thing,”

Donnie immediately sighed, making a face, and Raph threw up his hands in protest.

“I ain’t even said anything yet!” He cried, exasperated, and Donnie shot him a dry look.

“Yes, and I already dislike it.”

“Aw, come on, Dee, give him a chance!” Mikey protested, picking his head up so he could offer Raph an encouraging little grin. He knew this wasn’t exactly, like, a favored topic of discussion in the household, but it wasn’t like they could just ignore it, either! At least not all the time.

“Okay, so, I’ve been thinkin’ about it a lot lately, and don’t y’all kind of think that it might sort of be… safer?”

“No,” Donnie said.

“Donnie…!”

“He has a point!” Mikey protested, crossing his arms over his chest. “I mean, we have shells when we’re all turtley. If Raph had been a turtle on our last ninja mission, his ribs wouldn’t have gotten all messed up!”

“Exactly!” Raph said, pointing, seeming very pleased that at least one of his brothers was offering some support. “Look, I know you guys don’t like it, and that’s… fine! I mean, I’m not askin’ ya to like it! I just think, maybe, it’s somethin’ we should consider for at least, like… ninja mission stuff?”

Leo wrinkled his nose, seeming unconvinced to say the least.

“I dunno,” he said. “I mean. Yeah, sure, I guess, arguably, they’re a bit more sturdy, but… we’re not really used to even walking in those bodies yet. Let alone fighting! I know adrenaline is a kickass drug and all, but doesn’t it kind of seem like more risk than it’s worth?”

“You still can’t walk?” Mikey questioned, giving Leo a curious look, his brows furrowed.

Leo paused, slowly turning his head to give Mikey a long stare, his expression strained.

“... Excuse me?”

Mikey frowned, tilting his head to the side. “I can help if you want! It’s not that hard once you get the hang of--”

“I’m sorry,” Donnie interrupted, his head snapping around. “Are you implying that you have been spending your free time willingly futzing around in a mutant turtle body just for the fun of it?”

Now it was Mikey’s turn to stare, his head bobbing around from brother to brother, trying to see if either of them were joking-- waiting for someone to say psyche.

Wait, were they for real?

“... None of you have checked yourself out in turtle form at all?” He gawked.

“No! Why would we?!” Leo cried, throwing up his hands.

“‘Cause! That’s, like, us!” Mikey argued, throwing his hands up in turn, imitating his brother. “You’re seriously telling me you’re not even a little bit curious!? You guys are all just ignoring it!? We find out that we have magick mutant animal forms, like, freakin’ animorphs, and you don’t even wanna bother seeing if we have any cool powers or turtle abilities or anything?!”

“Have you actually read the Animorph books? Because if you did I’m pretty sure--”

“That’s not the point!” Mikey interrupted Donnie with a whine. “When I’m a turtle, I can, like, go inside my shell! If some bad guy was trying to, like, stab me or something, I’d be totally screwed,” he argued, crossing his arms firmly over his chest with a pout. “But if I was a turtle, I could just pop into my shell and I’d be totally okay!”

“I cannot believe what I’m hearing right now,” Leo muttered. “We find out that we’re secretly freakish mutant reptiles, and you think it’s a fun hobby--”

“I’m not saying that, Leo!” Mikey protested. “But what’s the point in just ignoring it? If you don’t check it out, you’re never gonna get used to it. Besides, Raph is right!”

“Thank you, Mikey,” Raph sighed. “You guys don’t have to do it all the time or anything! I just think… It might be a worthwhile option to explore. I don’t want anyone getting hurt,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, his eyes kind of sweeping over them all, as if he were making sure they were all still here and uninjured and accounted for.

“Plus, it’s kind of cool once you get over the whole, like, world-shattering parts of it!” Mikey chirped, moving to grab at his bracelet. “Here, watch, lookit what I can do--”

Both twins immediately slapped hands over their eyes, loudly protesting in tandem.

“Don’t you dare--!”

“I am not looking and you cannot make me--”

“Hamato Michelangelo if you take off that fucking bracelet right now I will murder you--”

“I am OPTING OUT, thank you VERY MUCH, we are so not doing this today!!!” Mikey blinked in surprise, and then absolutely scowled, releasing his hold on the bracelet. Oh, so Donnie could go have a breakdown in the Hidden City in his turtle form, but he wasn’t allowed to show them his shell thing!? So unfair… 

��You guys are being babies!”

“Nope! Nope, not today! I’m out! Fuck this!” Leo responded, hopping up to his feet and making a hasty retreat towards the Lair stairs. “You play turtle all you want, I am not involved!”

“Agreed,” Donnie huffed, and he was right behind his twin.

And then there were two of them left in the Lair.

Mikey sulked, sinking back down onto the couch and pursing his lips. “Aw, come on…”

Raph watched the other two go, laughing kind of nervously before he hesitantly moved to join the other, sitting down beside him. “Sorry, big man,” he said, ruffling his hair gently. “You can still show Raph if you want?”

Mikey sighed. “Maybe later,” he said, wrinkling up his nose. “I thought they’d at least be kind of okay with it by now! I mean, it’s been how long?”

“I think it’s just… a little harder for them than it is for you,” Raph said with a weak shrug, hesitating a bit, and Mikey frowned, turning his head slightly so he could catch Raph’s eyes.

“What about you?”

Raph laughed sort of nervously, looking to the side.

“Well. I mean. I don’t… like it. I mean. I ain’t you. But it’s… it’s… alright. I mean. I meant what I said! It might be good for us. Keep us safe ‘n all.”

Mikey raised a brow. “And…?”

Raph hesitated for a bit, and sighed. “I mean. Look, Mikey, it’s a little… scary. I’m a lot bigger than you guys! And… sharper!”

“Yeah, but you’re always bigger than us!” Mikey protested, leaning against his brother, burrowing up against him. 

“Yeah, I know,” Raph said. “And that was scary once, too. But it’s… It’s fine. I dealt with it,” he said, shrugging a little, frowning to himself. “So now I just gotta…” He broke off briefly, setting his expression for a moment. “Now I just gotta learn it again. That’s all.”

He sighed very softly. And Mikey frowned a little.

“I’m used to being big and scary. I’m used to people being afraid of me sometimes,” he said. “So. It’s nothin’ I can’t handle.” 

“Yeah, but…” Mikey began slowly, kind of shrugging a bit. “I mean. We’ve never been scared of you or anything. You know that, right? We don’t care if you’re bigger than us,” he pointed out. “We never have! And we don’t care if you’re spiky, either, I mean… all our turtle forms are weird.” 

Raph forced a small laugh.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know,” he said, sort of waving off his concerns. “That’s not… I mean. I dunno, Mikey, it’s just sorta complicated. I mean. There’s just kinda… there’s less things you can be when you’re big, you know?” He said slowly, resting his chin in his hand. “It’s… you know. It’s hard, sometimes. Being strong and careful at the same time. Even when people aren’t careful with you. And making sure you don’t hurt anyone and… all that.” His eyes looked a tiny bit far off for a moment, like he was remembering something. “And… you guys can kinda do whatever you want! You can be all… little or bouncy or feminine or cute or delicate or whatever the hell else, and you just… can’t really do that stuff when you’re big. Once you get big enough, you just kinda gotta… There’s just stuff you can’t do anymore.”

Mikey paused a moment.

This was… the first he was ever hearing of this.

Was this… really how Raph thought?

“Yeah, you can!” He protested, his brows twitching a bit, furrowing as he stared up at his brother. “Raph, of course you can be all that stuff! Why couldn’t you!?”

Raph scoffed, shooting the other this little half-hearted half-smile. “Well, I mean, I guess I technically can? It’s just not as simple as it is for you guys,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I mean, you guys can do half of that stuff without even trying! And no one would even bat an eye. But it’s just… It’s not really the same for me? It’s like…” he scoffed softly, seeming almost amused. “Raph can pick up the rest of ya, but none of you could pick up Raph! It’s a little different!”

Mikey pursed his lips, giving Raph a pointed scowl.

“Well, you’ve never let any of us try,” he argued. And Raph laughed.

“Yeah, ‘cause you’d hurt yourself!” He teased, and Mikey socked him in the arm without too much heat to it.

“You don’t know that! We’re way stronger than we look!” He insisted. “And all that other stuff! I mean-- you could totally do that stuff, Raph! Just because you’re bigger doesn’t mean you can’t be cute!!! What kind of--!? I mean!!! Raph!!!”

He jumped forward, grabbing onto his brother’s face so he could stretch and squish his cheeks angrily.

“You’re already cute all the time, idiot!!! You don’t have to be small to be cute!!! That’s stupid!!!”

Raphael scoffed, laughing loudly, trying to bat Mikey away, though Mikey was suddenly aware, in a way that he usually wasn’t, that he was taking care to temper his strength. He wasn’t just batting at Mikey the way Mikey would bat at him. Every movement he made was careful and deliberate and planned. He thought about every jab or swipe that he made at his siblings.

Mikey was almost ashamed that he had never thought about his before.

He was never gentle with Raph when he jumped on him or grabbed at him or climbed on his shoulders because it never felt like he had to be. Raph was over a foot taller than him. He probably had at least a hundred pounds on him. Mikey had always been the smallest, and while he certainly wasn’t weak by any means, Raph was a goddamn wall of muscle. An unstoppable force! He had never met anything that Raph couldn’t push and bend and sway if he tried hard enough. So every time they met an obstacle, they all just… looked at him and waited for him to take care of it.

He… Yeah.

He was big.

Mikey supposed he had always looked at his brother and came to that conclusion, and then never thought any further on the subject. He had always expected Raph to be big and strong and sturdy. He had never wondered if he wanted to be anything else. 

Why did he do that?...

Mikey let go of Raph, and he climbed back down off of him, sitting next to him on the couch instead of half on top of him. And he sighed deeply. 

“You’re not scary,” Mikey said after a second, blinking slowly as he slowly settled back down on the couch. “And you can do all that other stuff, if you want to. We would let you,” he pressed. And he frowned, and he kept quiet for a moment.

“... I’m sorry it feels harder,” he finally said, tilting his head to the side slightly. “And… we’re not always careful with you.”

Raph stared at him for just half a second, hesitating for only the slightest moment before laughing again and waving him off. “What are you talkin’ about? You don’t gotta apologize, none of ya’ did anything wrong! This is Raph’s thing. It ain’t your problem,” he insisted, but Mikey wasn’t so sure that that was exactly the case.

He would work on it. 

Because Mikey was suddenly so, so sure that this was something he wanted to fix. And something that he could do. 

This was still the something that he could give to them.

“Still,” Mikey finally said, shrugging a bit and taking a long breath before getting up to his feet. “Do you still wanna see me do the shell thing? It’s really cool!” He offered, wiggling his brows at his older brother, and he chuckled in reply, nodding.

“Yeah. Yeah, sure, big man, show me your thing,” he invited, and Mikey grinned.

---

“Raph!” Mikey chirped excitedly, spinning around on his heels so that his back was facing the older brother. “Here! Les’ play piggyback!”

“Okay!” Raph agreed easily, absolutely beaming at the invitation, wasting no time in scampering over to Mikey. Their trip to the zoo, which had so far been absolutely abound with all sorts of excitement, to Mikey’s absolute delight, had taken a short departure from the previous energy while their dad tried to calm a squabble between his other two brothers. This was a bit less to Mikey’s delight. He wasn’t really sure what they were carrying on about, ‘cause he hadn’t really be paying attention. Those two were always fighting about something. He thought maybe it was about hair? Whatever. The point was, just sitting here and listening to them whine was boring.

But playing piggybacks?! That was fun! They could make a game out of it or something--

“Jump on--”

Their dad paused from his current task in peacemaking, however, just long enough to grab Raph by the shoulder right as he was about to make good on his baby brother’s invitation and jump on top of Mikey’s back. Before it even began, the game came to a grinding halt.

“You’re too big for that, Red, you’ll hurt him,” Dad bit out quickly, sparing them the most momentary of glances. “Play a different game.”

And just like that, he was back to his previous duty, trying to talk the twins through their latest drama in between their protests and tears.

Mikey paused, blinking in surprise as he processed this. 

They couldn’t play piggyback? But…

“No fair…” He whimpered, his lower lip wobbling a little. He wanted to pretend he was a Jupiter Jim spaceship or something! And Raph could’ve been Jupiter Jim!

Raph hesitated visibly, glancing between their dad and Mikey, his brows furrowed. And after a minute, he sort of forced a smile, leaning over to grab Mikey and shake his arm a bit.

“That’s okay, Mikey! I don’t have to piggyback you,” he assured quickly. “You can just piggyback me, instead! Raph doesn’t mind. That way we can still play! Alright?”

And Mikey grinned.

---

Okay. Alright. You can do this. It’s not a big deal. You have this totally under control--

Donnie’s hand lingered over the bracelet on his wrist.

And then at the last second, he flinched away like he had just been bitten, a short, high-pitched whine escaping him as a full-body shiver ran up and down his body. Nope, nope, nope!!! He did not have it!!! It was a big deal, actually, ugh, no, no, no, just thinking about it felt gross. How the hell was he supposed to consider this when just the idea made his stomach flip!?

Donnie growled softly in annoyance, laying his head down on his desk with a solid thunk, glaring down at the polished surface as if it were personally responsible. 

God. It just felt so fucking alien.

Had they really spent the first five years of their lives like that? 

No matter how much evidence was piled up in front of him, Donnie still struggled to wrap his mind around such an idea. I mean, that was practically a third of his life! And he just forgot about it?! He had a near-photographic memory! How did something like that happen!?

Part of him wanted to not believe it at all. It would certainly be easier to be in denial.

But, much to his annoyance, far too many things just… made sense.

He had too many memories, some recently resurfaced and some long-ago explained away, to simply dismiss the idea. He felt pretty stupid thinking about it now, quite frankly. Yeah, of course normal kids don’t have memories of ‘playing pretend’ in sci-fi movie-magic high-def like that!!! Obviously!!! None of his other memories were like that, were they!? When they would pretend to be Jupiter Jim or Lou Jitsu or whatever when they were older, it was exactly that, wasn’t it? Just them-- just kids playing make-believe games.

And yet he had just accepted the easiest thing. The most logical, most reasonable thing was just to believe that memories were weird and leave it at that, and that their early childhood was probably kind of fucked up, but human the entire time, and go from there.

Because… of course it was. Obviously, it was. Anything else would have been insane!

It was still insane. Even if it was, apparently, the truth of the matter.

It had been so much easier to blame all the freaky things they did as kids on something else. He and Raph bit people like feral pomeranians as kids simply because they hadn’t had the chance to socialize with other children before, of course. Not because they were carnivorous reptiles, prone to bouts of hunting instincts taking over. And he and his siblings got so sleepy in the cold and adored their heated blankets simply because poor circulation ran in the family. Not because they were literally made of cold-blooded creatures! That would be crazy. And Leo and he’s penchant for communicating entirely in animalistic clicks and chirps throughout early childhood-- a habit that still lingered even now? It was a twin thing, obviously, and nothing else. Because that would be crazy!

Not them literally talking to each other in fucking turtle or anything!

‘Cause how the hell would that work?

How the hell else would Leo fucking squeaking at you make sense, dum-dum? He thought bitterly to himself. It had been years and years now since they had properly employed their ‘twin language,’ but Donnie was pretty sure that it had never been a proper language at all. It wasn’t like they had any words in it, or they ever discussed what certain noises meant beforehand, at least not that he could recall…

But they could still always understand what the other was saying regardless, couldn’t they?

Donnie groaned softly, lifting his head back up just so that he could rub at his temples. Christ, thinking about all of this was just giving him a migraine. He quietly asked the universe what he had ever done to it for them to make his life a fucking joke. What was this, a parody of some Marvel comic or something!?

He hated thinking about it.

But…

He reached for his wrist again.

He touched the little crystal, his fingertips just barely brushing the surface.

He quite nearly gagged, another horrid shudder running up his spine as he spiraled back into a retreat. Ugh, god, he couldn’t just not think about it, either! Every hair on his body was standing on end, and he grit his teeth, forcing himself to start reciting pi in his head instead. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. 

He ran his fingers across the seams of the compression sleeves on his arms, reminding himself that they were there before he quickly turned back to his computer, snapping open several files and syncing up his headphones with the bluetooth.

He smacked the play button, and whatever random EDM playlist he had queued up on Spotify immediately began blaring through his ears, drowning out everything else. 

Much better.

He sighed deeply, narrowing his eyes slightly as his gaze roamed over the screen. It was fine. He was fine! All he needed was a distraction for a little bit.

He had already made a decent amount of headway in trying to recreate Baron Draxum’s research, translating and decoding everything he could remember from the notes he had reviewed and documented in his lab. It was patchworked at best, but it was the only solid information he really had on the mutation project…

That, and himself.

Donnie set his jaw, scrolling his way through the data sheets he had compiled.

He had made some decent headway. But he could always make some more.

---

Quite frankly, Leo had felt, like… great recently? Which was pretty insane, given the general state of things, and also how fucking awful he had felt not the long ago. And, like, sure, things were still kind of rough and he wasn’t exactly tickled about the whole situation, but somehow, at the same time, everything was just…

So good.

He had really only been on T for a few weeks, so he was pretty much sure that nothing had actually changed yet and it was in his head, but he had literally never felt so fucking good about himself before. His brothers had taken the time to inform him of how fucking insufferable he and his ego had become, and Leo didn’t even care, because damn right he looked good and obviously everyone should know about it, too! He had started taking about eight million selfies every day because he wanted to document the process, Dee, it’s science, I’m coming for your brand, shouldn’t you be supportive of this kinda thing? 

But it was just, like… even if nothing had changed yet, at least not noticeably, it was… It was going to. It was an active work in progress and he was just so goddamn thrilled about it. And like, yes, okay, things were weird and kind of scary right now and he was spending a lot of time doing ninja training and trying to stop the actual literal end of the world, or whatever, and that was sort of a lot of pressure? But here was the thing-- and he would never admit it out loud--

But he sort of didn’t mind any of it.

Because yeah, all the ‘ninja training’ stuff was difficult and boring sometimes, but he got to do it with his family. 

And, like, yeah, some of the stakes here? Were a lot, and it was terrifying if he thought about it too hard.

But him and his siblings and his dad? They were all doing it together. 

If word that he was enjoying hanging out with his family ever got out, obviously his rep would be ruined, so he had to take it to his grave. But he was. He was, like… happy. Happier than he had been in a while, in between everything else, in between the worry about his dad and the concern for his siblings, sure, but he was also, like… 

Weirdly happy.

Was that bad?

Oddly enough, he was really, stupidly happy right now, and maybe he just didn’t…

Didn’t want to give that up…?

Leo frowned a bit, biting the insides of his cheeks as he spun his bracelet idly around on his wrist, his nose wrinkled up a bit. 

It was silly, really. It wasn’t as simple as “if you take it off, you’ll be miserable again.” Things were obviously different than they had been before, when they first got home, in a lot of ways! There was no formula, no clear cut-and-dry cause-and-effect, he didn’t know that that would happen, it was just… 

Well, what if he was?

What if he tried to do ‘turtle stuff,’ or whatever the fuck Raph had said exactly, and then everything was horrible again? What if everything just went back to the way it was? 

Right now, Leo was pretty sure that he, like, liked himself. Like, actually for real! Almost all of him, even! He could look at himself in the mirror again, he could shower without crying, he could post selfies on his instagram and stand to be filmed and looked at and wear make-up and nail polish without having a crisis-- all things that he loved to do! All things that he had missed so, so deeply when he had hated himself too much to enjoy any of it.

He hadn’t liked hating himself. And he didn’t wanna do it again.

But what if he took it off, and then he did?

What if he took it off, and then there was no solution this time? He couldn’t start T a second time. So what if he just got… stuck…? 

Leo groaned loudly, tilting his head back and burying his face in his hands, scrubbing at his eyes.

This is so stupid! Raph is right and you know it! And none of this shit even makes any sense! Why would you go back!? It wasn’t the turtle thing, it was-- it was everything, it’s not that simple, and even if it was, you still need to get over it…!

“Did something happen?”

Leo jerked in surprise at the sound of his father’s voice-- he hadn’t even heard him passing through the hallway, and yet now here he was leaning against the doorframe. Ahhh, stupid ninja father…!

Rapidly righting himself, Leo straightened his back and cleared his throat, attempting to wave his father off. “Oh, they just kicked Dean off of the Bachelorette, which is obviously messed up because he’s clearly the hottest one there? I mean, I know it’s all, like, the producers, or whatever, but come on--”

“Mmm-hmmm,” Dad said, nodding thoughtfully as he slowly made his way into the other’s room, leaving him the time to chase him away if he wanted to. (But Leo himself was surprised to find that he didn’t.) “And…?”

Dammit, usually Dad always fell for Bachelorette based lies. Leo hesitated a second, staring up at the ceiling and tugging at one of his own curls-- straightening it out and then letting it go, feeling it bounce up against his cheekbones.

(He loved his hair. He loved loving his hair. He had come so close to cutting it off, and if he had, he would have been fucking devastated now. What if he ended up hating it again? What if he did cut it off…? He didn’t want to cut off his hair!... He loved his hair…!)

“Do you think we’d be, like… better fighters as… turtles, or whatever?”

His dad hummed thoughtfully, sitting down at the edge of his bed and seeming to consider this for a moment. “Well. I don’t know about that. But I suppose there could be advantages,” he finally said. “Though there could be drawbacks, as well. Why do you ask?”

He sighed deeply.

“Well. Raph thinks-- I mean. Raph said that he thought maybe it’d be, like… safer, or whatever. And we’d get beat up less if we had, you know, shells and body armor and stuff? And…! I mean, he’s right, we probably would be, but I don’t… we’re not used to it, and, and it’s different, and it’s, you know, it’s not stealth, obviously, so I’m not--” 

He frowned deeply, wrinkling up his nose.

“I still don’t… like it. I guess is the problem, actually,” he admitted. 

Dad sighed thoughtfully.

“Well,” he finally said. “That is certainly understandable. I don’t like what I look like without the bracelet, either,” he admitted, looking slightly to the side, his eyes dancing away for just a moment before he managed to herd them back. “I do admit that being safer and less prone to injury does sound very nice to me…! But that is just me being selfish. And your father,” he laughed. “... I do not want any of you to get hurt. And I… I would like you to be safe. But no one will force you to be in any body that makes you unhappy, Blue. That’s not safe, either, and I suppose I can’t…” He sighed a bit, sounding almost frustrated. “It wouldn’t be fair for me to prioritize one over the other.”

Leo frowned a little, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“But you do think we’d be safer, don’t you?” He pressed.

Dad kind of floundered for a second. “I don’t want to tell you what--”

“Yeah, yeah, our bodies, our choice, you love us, other quotes from parenting books, blah blah blah. I get it, Dad,” Leo scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Like, thanks, or whatever. But I want your actual, honest opinion, okay? Do you think we’d be safer if we were turtles when we fought and went on missions and stuff?”

It took his dad a little bit to respond, and Leo did his absolute best to his patient, only fidgeting a tiny bit.

“It is… not simple. I think there are situations where you’d be better served as humans, but I… I do think there are situations where you might be better off as turtles, too,” he finally admitted, and then gave a short, somewhat strained laugh. “Thank goodness you were all turtles when you were little. I think you may have all ended up with brain damage otherwise with how often you threw each other around…! I was always shocked by how resilient you were, even when you were tiny, but I was certainly grateful for it, as well!...”

Leo kind of screwed up his face for a moment, tilting his head to the side.

“Well, then how come you don’t fight without your bracelet? We don’t want you to get hurt either, you know.”

Dad seemed almost surprised for a moment, staring at Leo for a second, and then, to his quiet surprise, he laughed.

Leo scowled, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest, waiting for his Dad to stop snickering.

“Okay, let me in on the joke already, Pops--”

“Blue,” he finally said, shaking his head a tiny bit. “I am not a turtle. You know that, don’t you…?”

Now it was Leo’s turn to stare at the other for a moment.

“You’re not!?”

“No!” Dad laughed. “I-- I’m sorry. I should not…! I suppose you would have no way of knowing, it just…!”

“Why the fuck aren’t you a turtle if we’re turtles!?” Leo cried. “Why wouldn’t I think you’re a turtle!? The rest of us are turtles!!! Obviously, you should also be a turtle!!! If you’re gonna do a bit, then commit to it!!!”

Dad just laughed, wiping a few tears from his face.

“If you’re not a turtle, then what the hell are you?!” Leo cried. And it took a second, but Dad’s laughter died back down.

And then the two of them were just sitting in silence. Leo looked at his dad. And his dad looking at his own feet.

Leo winced, immediately backpedaling.

“Sorry. Forget I said that. You don’t have to--”

“I’m a rat,” Dad said, before he could even finish his sentence. “I was mutated with a rat.”

Leo stayed quiet for a second, slowly processing this.

He hadn’t actually expected his dad to… answer him.

A rat. Their dad was… part-rat.

For a second, he just sat with this new information, turning it around in his mind a few times and considering it. And to his quiet surprise, all of a sudden, when he reached back through his memories, he could feel soft fur on his skin. And he could recall whiskers tickling his face; a sensation long forgotten, but suddenly paired quite definitively with the feeling of being wrapped up in his dad’s arms, back when he was still tiny, or having a good-night kiss pressed onto his forehead at bedtime as a toddler.

A rat. 

That… made sense, actually, now that he knew it.

That felt right.

But still, the next thing he said was, “Why the fuck are we turtles and you’re a rat?”  

Dad chuckled, shaking his head. “I could not tell you, my son.”

“Who the fuck was in charge of this!? Turtles and a rat? Seriously?! Wait, is this why you have eight million snacks hoarded away in your room!? And can always tell if we snuck snacks or didn’t brush our teeth and stuff!?”

“Well, I don’t think the rat thing was really planned--”

“Good! Because, uh, lowkey, I’m just saying? Kind of fucking racist!” Leo exclaimed, throwing up his arms, and Dad nearly choked this time on the absolute snort of laughter that erupted from him, bowing his head to cover his face with his hands, his shoulders absolutely trembling with barely contained hysterics.

“You know what, Blue?” He finally got himself together enough that he could bite out a reply through wheezy breaths. “You are absolutely right.”

--- 

“Daddy,”

Yoshi sighed softly at the sound of the quivering, sobbing cry of his youngest son, reluctantly pausing in his current task of attempting to clean up the kitchen area and turning to instead meet the child, running to him on toddling little legs and wiping the tears from his face.

“What’s the matter, my son?” He questioned, kneeling down to meet him. Mikey came crashing into him at full force, throwing himself into his chest, and Yoshi grunted softly at the impact, just barely managing to not lose his balance and remain upright.

“It’s n-not f-faiiirrrrrr…” Mikey wept miserably, grabbing fistfuls of his fur and curling up in his arms, hiccuping pitifully as he looked up at him with wide eyes. 

“What’s not fair? What happened?” He questioned, his brows furrowed slightly with concern at the absolute distress his child was in.

“I--” He broke off for a second to sob, snuffling loudly and huffing to try to catch his breath, needing a moment before he was able to continue. “I w-want a tail, too…!”

Yoshi blinked slowly.

“Orange, you have a tail.”

“No, I don’t!” Mikey shrieked in distress. 

“Yes, you do! You have a little tail right on your butt under your shell right here! I can see it!”

“That doesn’t count!” Mikey wailed, and Yoshi sighed softly.

“What do you mean it doesn’t count? It’s a tail!”

“But it’s little!” Mikey sobbed. “I w-want a long tail, like Donnie and Raph and you! It’s no fair!!! I can’t even see mine!”

Oh, for god’s sake…

“Orange, I cannot give you a different tail.”

“But it’s no fair!” Mikey shrieked. “I want a tail like your tail!!! It’s no fair!!! How’s come you get’ta have a long tail!?”

“Michalangelo, I have a rat tail because I am a rat.” He couldn’t believe he was explaining this. “And you have a turtle tail because you’re a turtle.”

“B-but Donnie and Raph are turtles and they have long tails!”

“Well, they are different types of turtles,” Yoshi said with a shrug. Mikey sobbed.

“B-but-- But I want one too!”

Yoshi resisted another sigh. 

“I know. I am very sorry, Mikey. I would give you my tail if I could,” he tried to soothe, and goodness, would he. He knew that his children took great joy in grabbing onto it and hanging on while he dragged them around, (one of Yoshi’s least favorite games, quite frankly,) but he despised the thing. It was annoying to lug around, always pulling at his lower back, and just a constant reminder of every way that he was wrong now. He didn’t think he would ever be able to quite adapt to having an additional limb.

There were many things he had grown used to by now, though he still didn’t like them. He had learned to tolerate the absolute power that scent ruled over his life now. He had reluctantly grown to accept the blurriness of his vision. He had adapted to the odd teeth in his mouth and how they grew, doing his best not to allow them to get out of hand and became painful (though he was not always the best at this,) and had grown to accept the whiskers on his face and how they twinged when they brushed something, the fur covering his body, the claws on his hands and feet and how his legs bent in a different way now.

But the tail? The tail he still couldn’t quite accept. It was just too different. Maybe with some more time, he would, but… He wasn’t exactly convinced.

Mikey continued to sob, and Yoshi huffed a bit, slowly easing himself back to his feet, keeping the toddler tucked up against his chest while he cried. He got the impression that it might take a bit before he was ready to accept this fact of his life and calm down again…

So he supposed he would just have to figure out how to finish cleaning the kitchen and carry a sobbing toddler at the same time. 

---

Raph was the biggest brother. The brother who was the biggest. It was his job to keep an eye on all his little siblings and make sure everyone was okay and following the rules, and he was pretty good at it, too, he thought. In addition to this, he was captain of the school’s football team-- he had been shocked when the votes were tallied up in his favor, because he was only a junior, after all, not a senior like the captain usually was, and were they sure!? But evidently, they were, and the honor had gone to him-- and Raph thought that he actually did a pretty okay job at that, too. It had been a really good season last year. They went to states and everything!

Not only was he captain of the football team, but he currently held the title of captain of the swim team, as well, and the basketball team, and the wrestling team. And quite frankly, he wasn’t sure why in the world he kept ending up in the captain’s chair? He had never really thought of himself as a leader before, and even now, he was hesitant to wear such a title…

But if he had learned one thing about leading people so far, it was that you had to lead by example.

And it wasn’t fair for him to ask Donnie or Leo to tolerate being in weird, alien mutant forms if he wasn’t willing to stomach it too.

Which he could do! He knew he could. He just…

Needed some practice. That was all.

He had been down here for about twenty minutes now, just lazing about in the Lair and trying to get used to being like this. He had spent quite a bit of time pacing and wandering around before he had finally ended up here, plopped down in the middle of the room on his stomach, his arms curled up under his head as he took quiet note of his tail and how it felt sliding back and forth behind him-- just trying to memorize the weight and the movement of it, listening to the soft noise of scales on concrete.

Shhhh shhhh.

He had just been starting to think, yeah, okay, this isn’t actually so bad when he heard telltale footsteps coming from the stairs.

And when Donnie looked over from the stairwell and saw him, he froze. And Raph froze, too. He certainly hadn’t expected Donnie to tear himself away from his projects to come down here. He had opted to take advantage of the open space in the Lair rather than the privacy of his own bedroom, fearing that he might knock stuff over or ruin them in his turtle form, but now he was suddenly kind of questioning that decision.

And for a long, pregnant moment, it was just quiet between them. And he stared at Donnie. And Donnie stared at him. And before Raph could figure out what the hell he was supposed to say, Donnie began moving again, finishing his descent down the stairs into the basement.

“I need a break from the Lab,” he muttered, sort of absently, almost nonchalant, kind of gesturing to the laptop that he had under his arm. “Is it cool if I hang out in here for a while?”

It took Raph a second to actually process what Donnie was saying and formulate a response. But then eventually, he nodded. 

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Okay, cool,” Donnie said, and after a moment of kind of looking around, seeming to consider things, he went over to the couch. Grabbing one of the many spare blankets that lived there, he carefully spread it out over top of Raph-- arranging it just enough so that he could kind of climb half on top of his brother, both of them curled up beneath the soft fabric, any sharp edges or points from Raphael’s shell covered well enough that Donnie could snuggle up against him. 

It was rare that Donnie was interested in anything even vaguely resembling cuddles. He hardly even liked people touching him. Certainly, he wouldn’t allow strangers to touch him. Or anyone that he didn’t completely trust. A majority of the time, it was just his family that could expect the possibility of any kind of physical closeness-- and only when he felt safe enough to allow for such things.

A comfortable, warm weight pressed up against Raphael’s back, soothing and pleasant. He could feel the familiar sensation even through his shell. Raph kept still for his little brother as he felt him get comfortable against him, snuggled up close and settling in to relax. 

“Is this okay?” Donnie asked after a moment.

“Yeah,” Raph immediately responded. “This is okay.”

“Cool,” Donnie said.

Raph’s tail kept on waving from side to side behind him, though at a slightly quicker tempo now as he settled, allowing his eyes to slide shut.

Shhhshhhshhhshhhshhshhh.

---

Donnie stayed like that for about two hours, with Raph dozing in and out for much of it, before he finally took his leave. He had accomplished just about all he could from his laptop out here, and though he had, in fact, needed a break from the Lab, he didn’t wanna spend that much time away from it. 

His research called. 

He was pretty sure Raph was still asleep, so it was easy enough to very slowly, very quietly creep his way off of him, rearranging the blanket to ensure he was still covered up properly before making his way back up the Lair stairs. And while he knew that Leo had gotten home, (he had popped down at some point to grab something, and given him and their oldest brother a very odd look that Donnie couldn’t quite interpret,) he was somewhat surprised to find him camped out in the kitchen, bent over the island and reading something on his phone. His head popped up as soon as Donnie emerged from the basement-- and if he had been waiting for them.

“Finally finished with your cuddle sesh?” He teased in an almost sing-song tone, tilting his head to the side. Donnie huffed, rolling his eyes.

“Die,” he muttered in response, carefully closing the basement door behind him and beginning to make his way to the stairs. Leo was chasing him, however, much to his chagrin.

“Oh, come on! You barely ever want anyone to breathe in your direction. It’s an event whenever you’re in the mood to actually, like, cozy up to someone,” he pressed, pocketing his phone as he trailed after Donnie, hopping up the stairs right after him.

“Why would I want anyone to breathe in my direction?” Donnie scoffed, shooting the other a glare. “That sounds disgusting. And I’m allowed to have the occasional special exception and be in the mood, thank you very much,” he growled, hunching his shoulders slightly. “Besides, it was…”

He pursed his lips slightly.

“Mutually beneficial.” 

“Uh-huh…” Leo said slowly, quirking a brow slightly, looking Donnie up and down for a moment like he was trying to figure that out, and then seemingly deciding that it wasn’t the priority right now. “But so, like… it is a special occasion, then?”

Donnie frowned a bit, giving the other a quizzical look. “What do you mean?”

“I mean. Like,” Leo shrugged a bit, sort of crossing his arms over his chest. “Like. Yeah. You’re allowed to not wanna be touched and then have special exceptions when you do wanna be touched and, like, you’re down with cuddles, and all that, so, I mean…” He sort of trailed off for a second, his eyes wandering away, before they snapped back over once again. “But like. This is one of those times? When you, like… are down?”

Donnie blinked slowly.

“Leo, what the hell are you--”

“Can I hug you?” Leo bit out, cutting him off before he could get too far, and Donnie sighed deeply. Ah. That’s what this was, then. Jesus, why couldn’t he just open with that?

“Yeah, Leo, you can hug--”

He didn’t even get through the words before his brother was crashing into him all at once, nearly costing him his footing with how he jumped for him, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing him so tightly that Donnie was pretty sure his compression sleeves were jealous. They had to kind of grab the wall to catch their balance again, stumbling slightly. 

“Jesus, Nardo, could you--!?”

“You scared me so fucking bad,” Leo hissed out, his voice pinched tight and muffled for how he had buried his face in Donnie’s shoulder, absolutely clinging to him. 

Donnie blinked in surprise, taking a moment to process this, wondering if he had misheard the other. “What…?”

“Never, ever disappear like that ever again,” Leo continued, tightening his grip on him slightly, which Donnie hadn’t even thought was possible. “I was so fucking scared, you bitch. I thought something really bad might’ve-- and it was my fault, too. I’m sorry. I’m-- I’m really sorry I was such a dick then. I didn’t mean it. I was just upset and I know that we already did this but I couldn’t fucking touch you then and-- I didn’t--”

Oh.

So that’s what this was about.

“Leo, it’s okay--”

“Shut up,” Leo mumbled, his voice trembling a bit, and Donnie didn’t really have a good refute for that. So he looped his arms around Leo instead and hung onto him back. He didn’t usually do that. Hugs from his family members were overall acceptable, but he didn’t always enjoy hugging back, at least not for long, but… 

You know. Special exceptions and all that. In that same vein, he kind of wrinkled up his nose at the wetness against his neck, but he could tolerate it.

It was fine. He could tolerate it for this.

Even though they were still halfway up the stairs, the two of them eventually, slowly sank down until they were both sort of awkwardly bundled up together on the stairs, half on top of each other, half flopped down the slope. Donnie kind of had to stick out a leg so he could brace his foot against the wall and keep them from sliding, but that was okay. He didn’t really wanna try to move the two of them anywhere, even if this would be easier if they were literally anywhere else in the house.

“I’m really glad we’re twins again,” Leo sobbed, and Donnie nodded a tiny bit.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“I-- I really w-want us to stay twins.”

“We’re going to, Nardo. Calm down.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I’m not leaving, Leo,” Donnie said, and actually? It kind of felt really good to get to say this next part out loud. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Are you?” 

Leo sobbed weakly in response, shaking his head a tiny bit. 

“Okay. Good. Then we’re gonna be okay,” Donnie mumbled, squeezing him slightly. Wait, was he actually tearing up a tiny bit…? God dammit. Leo knew he hated crying, this asshole…

“I’m sorry I was a bitch before.”

“Yeah. You were kind of a bitch,” Donnie agreed, laying his head down, allowing himself to rest his cheek against his twin brother’s curls. “But there were, admittedly… Extenuating circumstances. And I… suppose I am also sorry. For running away. And scaring you,” he muttered, sighing a little. “... I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“Don’t do it again.”

“Not currently planning on it,” Donnie mumbled, pressing himself closer to the other. 

“I love you.”

“Yeah, okay. I love you too.”

“... I like it when we’re twins,” Leo hummed. “‘Cause then we’re not fucking basic bitches. We’re twins.”

“Yes, we are, of course, obviously a cut above the average citizen,” Donnie agreed easily, trying to discreetly wipe at his eyes.

“Yeah,” Leo sniffled, hiccuping a bit, and then finally, slowly, his iron grip began to loosen a bit. And after a bit longer, the two untangled themselves slightly. Leo kind of scrubbed at his face with the sleeves of his hoodie, flushed bright red and still slightly teary-eyed.

“Hey,” Donnie finally said, after watching him for a moment, sort of raising a brow. “Are you… like… good…? Or…?”

Leo snorted softly, a watery little chuckle escaping him.

“I-- I’m actually, like… really good, lately? So… Yeah?” He laughed weakly, brushing some of his hair from his face. “I actually think I’m, like… Really good right now, which is, like, stupid, and weird, and probably doesn’t make sense? But… yeah.”

Donnie gave the other a look.

“This is good for you?”

“... Yeah?” Leo laughed. “I just. Fuck,” he sighed deeply, swiping away a few more tears. “I just. I just really wanted to hug you and shit. Like. Before? Uhm. But I knew you didn’t want to, and touching and shit has been weird for you lately, so… You know,” he kind of shrugged weakly. “... I just… waited.”

Donnie blinked slowly. And Leo scowled, rolling his eyes.

“Do not tell me I need a therapist right now, or I swear to god, I will unplug everything in your room while you sleep--”

Donnie raised his hands to sign.

‘You should really--’

“DO NOT SIGN IT AT ME EITHER, JESUS CHRIST--”

---

The cool mist that accompanied his ancestors anytime they manifested themselves into the physical world tickled at the curves of Michelangelo’s cheeks, soothing the sting of the hot tears sliding down his face. He hiccuped softly, watching as the Hamato Spirits twisted into the world before him; one by one curling from the open scroll like smoke until he was surrounded by them.

“Good afternoon, young Hamato,” Ghost-Sensei spoke, and somehow, his voice seemed gentler than it usually was. Mikey choked on another sob at this alone, drawing his knees up his chest and bowing his head down. “What troubles you?”

Mikey sniffled softly, wiping at his face a few times and drawing in a deep, shaking breath.

“I-- I think I fucked up really bad,” he croaked, and he hated how his voice shook. He took several more long, purposeful breaths, but it did little to soothe the tremble in him. He hated how little say he had over his own body. Over his own thoughts and feelings.

He was trying so hard. Why wasn’t this working?

“Our purpose is to listen and offer guidance, Michelangelo,” Ghost-Sensei reminded.

“I--” Mikey hesitated for just a moment, staring down at his own feet, tightening his grip on himself slightly. “I. I was-- I thought I-- I was g-getting better, but I--”

He hiccuped miserably.

“I got too excited and I-- I burned Sarah,” he whispered. “We were-- we were w-working on a project together, at school, earlier, and I, I was holding onto one of the papers we were sk-sketching on, and I-- I didn’t mean to! It just-- it just happened! I wasn’t trying to--”

“Does she know that the fire started because of you?”

Mikey sobbed, shaking his head a tiny bit. “N-no, I don’t th-think so--”

“Then it will be okay,” they said.

Mikey swallowed hard, his brows furrowing as he glanced up to them. 

“But I-- I hurt her--”

“It was a mistake,” Ghost-Sensei said. “Sometimes, mistakes may happen, and people may get hurt. It is very unfortunate. But it happens in life. And if you train,” they added, their voice pressing ever-so-slightly. “Then we can ensure that it does not happen again.”

Mikey swallowed hard.

He kept quiet for a second.

And then he nodded.

“This is why we train,” Ghost-Sensei explained gently. “There is great power in the Hamato bloodline. But that is not something that can be taken lightly. There is a reason for each and every one of the Hamato Clan traditions, Michelangelo. Even the ones that we may not always enjoy,” they sighed. “There is a good reason. The mystical energy you wield is very special. But if you cannot learn to control it,” they warned. “Then you are a danger. Not just to yourself. But to the people around you as well. Do you understand?”

Mikey took a few more long, shaking breaths. And he nodded again.

“Good,” Sensei said. “... It will be alright. We are your family, Michelangelo. We can help you. And none of this is your fault. You should have been taught all of this a long time ago. You have a great destiny,” they said, their tone almost fond. “... It’s a shame you have not been set up for success. But we can still change those things. And we can teach you everything you need to know.”

Wiping away the tears from his eyes, Mikey sniffled softly. 

“Okay,” he whispered. 

“But this needs to be your focus, Michelangelo,” Sensei continued. “Not anything else. This is not something that can share your mind with other things. There are many people depending on you now. You are the last descendant of the Hamato bloodline.”

Mikey faltered, frowning as his shoulders hunched slightly.

“No, but-- my brothers are--”

“They are not like you,” Sensei pressed. “They don’t understand the weight of this power like you do yet. And they don’t feel the world’s energy like you can, do they? You are the one who wears the mark of our clan in your spirit. And you are the one who must protect the world. The potential you have…! You can already do so many things that they would struggle to bear,” The spirit drew back slightly, his eyes sweeping over him a few times.

“But it’s different for you.”

Mikey stiffened as he felt a shiver curling up his spine under their eyes.

“The Hamato Clan will always be here to guide and support you. And you will always have your family to lean on,” they said. “But you have been given a great gift, Michelangelo.”

They dipped their head slightly, lowering themselves just enough so that they could catch Michelangelo’s eyes with their own. It seemed to cut right through him. There was ice in it. But the cold didn’t hurt to touch, somehow.

“To be a Hamato is a great sacrifice,” they whispered. “It is a difficult destiny to bear. We were not put on this earth for ourselves, or to live an easy life.”

Mikey took a breath in.

“But you have the chance to spare them from so much, Hamato Michelangelo. This is a beautiful gift you can give to them.”

And again, they said,

“Do you understand?”

And Mikey let the breath back out.

And he nodded.

[ next ]

#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fic #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt au #rottmnt human au #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt raph #rottmnt mikey #rise raph #rise mikey #rise michelangelo #rottmnt michelangelo #writing #fanfic #fidgetwing

[tangledinink]

whoa, i wrote a thing. the first chapter of my tmnt "sorry, teenage mutant what now?" au is live on ao3, or can be read below the cut!!! complete with sketchy title card and dumb chapter title. do i have any real experience writing fics??? no!!! am i gonna do my best anyway!?!? yes i am!!!

“Did you drink all the milk AGAIN!? Dude!—"

“What?! You know I need an exact milk-to-rice-chex ratio in order to enjoy my breakfast, Leo!”

“Have any of you seen my dance bag? It’s not where I left it!”

“Why do you need it, anyway? Isn’t dance on Thursday?”

“Leo, today is Thursday.”

“What? No, it’s not. If it was Thursday, then my American Literature essay would be due, and I haven’t even started it yet, so there’s NO WAY—“

“If my toaster is destroyed, I will be making whichever child is responsible pay for the replacement!” The warning rang out over the general chaos of the morning.

“Oh shoot—“ Yoshi could hear the frantic scrabble of a belated attempt to rescue the burning pop tart, which Yoshi could smell from all the way in the living room. Parked in his reclining chair, the TV playing in front of him, he munched contentedly on his own breakfast which he had acquired earlier before his teenage sons descended upon the kitchen. He was not much of a ‘morning person,’ but it was a necessity if he was to eat in any sort of peace in the mornings.

This was a typical morning in the Hamato household.

Yoshi was used to it by now. The bickering, the bumbling, the hectic last-minute "wait I forgot something's--" it was all just a part of the routine. Sure, it had been a bit exhausting at times when they were all still children, and he had to scramble about like a madman each morning to ensure they had everything they needed to get where they were going. But at this point? He could more or less just ignore them and allow them to work things out by themselves, only occasionally needing to step in and offer a bit of guidance. He had always been a bit of a... Hands-off parent, for better or for worse, but he was fairly certain that he had finally found the rhythm of things over the past several years. Not that that made him a perfect parent by any means, there had certainly been plenty of occasions--

"APRIIIIILLLLLL O'NEIL!!!" The battle cry and hearty thud of his poor front door put a sudden end to his narration, and, though it happened near every day, he startled in response, just barely avoiding dropping his tea.

"April!" He bellowed from his chair, turning just enough to peer into the kitchen, where his honorary fifth child (as if he needed any more…) and next-door neighbor had just appeared. "How many times must I tell you?! If you break my door, I will--!"

"Aw, c'mon, Yosh, you know I gotta make a bold entrance at the start of the morning, or my mojo is gonna be off for the whole rest of the day! Besides, I haven't broken the door yet, and it's been how many years?"

“Bah! Haven't broken my door yet, maybe, but what about my bed frame? Or my printer? Or my third-favorite koi fish figurine?!"

"Oh, you wanna play that game now?" O'Neil countered, narrowing his eyes behind scarlet frames, crossing her arms across her chest and cocking one hip to the side. "Okay, then, how about my window? Or my mom's antique vase? Or my literal entire bathroom--"

"Okay! Okay, enough!" Yoshi spluttered with a dismissive wave of his hands. Dammit. The fact he was technically responsible for his sons’ occasional partaking in light property destruction was still, in his opinion, the most unfair and annoying part of parenting. "Fine! Break down the door for all I care! Burn the entire place to the ground! See if I do anything about it! Teenagers..." He muttered with a scowl, shaking his head and returning to his program, an exaggerated scowl on his face. The kids, to their credit, knew well enough by now not to take his rants and mumblings too seriously and quickly re-engaged themselves in whatever gossip and chatter they had previously been wrapped up in.

Yoshi smiled just the tiniest bit, listening with one ear as Donatello explained to a devastated Leonardo that it was, in fact, Thursday, bringing up evidence on his cell phone, and Raphael and April pulled Mikey's dance bag out from inside the oven, where he had forgotten it for the third time this past month.

This was not where he had imagined his life would take him when he was young. Not even close.

He would not trade these moments for anything at all.

By the time his television show was ending, he was just finishing off his tea and shoveling the rest of his bagel into his mouth. Game shows, he had found years ago, were an excellent means of timing routines, and he had it to a science by now. He pulled himself to his feet, stretching and cracking his back loud enough that his children yelled at him from the kitchen, before shuffling his way into the kitchen to begin the work of chasing the teenagers out the door.

"Alright, come on, shoo shoo! You are all going to miss the subway and be late!" He scolded, occasionally swatting at a stray child with his sleeves. "And do not forget anything, because I will not bring it to you!"

"Dad--" Leo began, his eyes blown up huge and pleading. "I don't feel well, I'm pretty sure I've got, like, a tummy bug, or something? Sooo, I should, like, probably stay home--"

"You are not skipping school just because you forgot to do an assignment." Yoshi immediately responded.

"What?! Noooo, Daddy, please, I'm really sick!"

"I was not born yesterday." He scoffed, shooting his son an unimpressed look. "And I have seen you do assignments in far less time! Besides, I'm sure April and your brothers would be happy to help."

A chorus of groans rang from around the table.

“Enough bellyaching! Come on, out of my house! Let's go, chop chop! Anyone who stays home today will be giving me a pedicure!”

That threat always worked. On cue, everyone fell into action. The boys gulped down any remaining breakfast still left uneaten, (whether it was theirs or not,) in between conversations, TikTok videos, and, in Leo's case, loud mourning about the day of the week. Donatello began to long process of buckling up the seventeen different straps on his chunky boots, Michaelangelo passed out lunches to each of his family members, narrating his culinary decisions as he went, and Raphael hurriedly tossed bowls, spoons, and plates into the dishwasher with clatters and clunks.

"I can't find my eyeliner pen-- Nardo, did you steal it? Did you go through my bag?! You DID, didn’t you!!! I am going to delete all of your Minecraft save files--"

"What?! I cannot believe you would make such an accusation, I would never stop to such petty thievery--"

"Mikey, hurry up and grab your skateboard if you're gonna--"

"OW, Dad, Donnie pulled my hair!"

"Oh, what are you, five?"

"HEY, both of you knock it off because Raph makes ya!”

"Wait, did we have a quiz in geometry today--? Because I did not study!!! Raph, this note had better be a joke--!"

After a few final moments of mayhem, Yoshi finally managed to get all five high schoolers out the door, closing the door firmly behind them with a loud sigh.

He loved his children. Truly, he did. But thank god for school.

Grumbling a bit to himself, he got to work straightening the remaining mess left behind. His sons were more than old enough to clean up after themselves and help out around the house, but that still didn't necessarily mean they did it particularly well. Maybe by their late twenties, they'd start to figure that out, if they were anything like their father. He swept up spare crumbs and wiped down the table, putting cereal boxes away in the pantry where they belonged and closing cabinet doors left open.

Boys.

Truthfully, he had very little room to complain and he knew it. Compared to the first four years of parenthood, things were a breeze. Sure, there was still plenty of work to do, but aside from the occasional exhausting day or difficult conversation, he could practically just put things on autopilot by now. He could hardly imagine how his younger self used to get through each day.

Well, perhaps he could, because, if he was being completely honest, he didn't really "get through" most days back then as much as he was bodily dragged in and out of them. But he had realized long ago that lingering on his past shortcomings was not in anyone's best interest.

With school, extracurriculars, friends and neighbors, babysitters, and a shit-ton of parenting classes on his side now, in addition to the general concept of the passage of time, given that his children were no longer children and now teenagers, he had at his disposal something that he had not had even a scrap of for years before "the move."

Free time.

It had been nearly ten years since "the move." Ten years since he and his sons had donned these disguises and bodily forced their way back into society on the back of lies and forged paperwork. Or, well, he had forced his way back into society. His children were just along for the ride-- and new to it all.

Not that you would be able to tell now, he thought to himself, smiling ever so slightly. Ten years… They had lived this way for a long time now.

It had been so long… Some days, he nearly forgot that he was anything but a man.

--------

"Donnie, here, it's your turn."

Donatello sighed loudly, pausing in whatever he was doing on his phone, (Scrolling through Twitter? Purchasing uranium off the dark web? They were equally likely,) but accepting the laptop shoved into his hands anyway.

"Why am I getting the impression that my turns are longer than everyone else's?" He questioned, his brows pinched with gentle annoyance as he glanced at the other four, all piled together on the subway. There wasn’t enough space for all of them, but even finding a couple of open seats was a near miracle this time of day, so they could make do. Stacking Mikey on Raph's shoulders and denying Leo a place to sit, seeing how it was his American Literature essay that they were taking turns writing, did the trick.

"Because you're the smart one," Leo said, his arms wrapped around the nearest subway pole, leaning so he could read over their shoulder. "This is the consequence of referring to yourself as a 'genius' all the time."

"I'm pretty sure I've always made it very clear that I'm a man of science, not literature." Donnie quipped in reply, even as he hunched over the screen, his fingers tick-tacking across the keys.

"Hey, I'm helping too! That whole third paragraph is mostly me." April protested, crossing her arms and slumping against Donnie, purposefully jostling them a bit in retaliation.

"Me too!" Mikey chirped from atop his brother's shoulders, slumped forward to avoid smacking his head on the roof. "I changed all the punctuation to fourteen-point font to make it longer!”

"Smart." Donnie hummed, not looking up, in such a tone that it wasn't quite clear if he meant it or not. Mikey beamed at the praise nonetheless, a bright grin lighting up his face as he crossed his arms over his brother's forehead.

"Look, it doesn't have to be good. It's just gotta be three pages before third period." Leo said. "I mean, Donnie could also always just hack into the school's gr—“

"Hey!" Raph barked. "We all agreed that that was for emergencies only!"

"Okay, okay, fine!" Leo sighed, a bit of sulkiness saturating his voice, holding his hands up in mock surrender. He reluctantly accepted the laptop when it was passed back over to him, propping up a knee to balance it on and hunching over to type.

"I thought Mikey set up that whole system with you. With the reminders and that agenda app and everything?" April questioned, glancing up at Leo curiously-- perhaps suspiciously.

"He did. I've just been..." He paused, hesitating in his words for just a second. "Busy."

"Oh no." April groaned.

"Not again." Donnie sighed.

"Who is it this time?" Raph asked, quirking a brow.

"What! I have noooo idea what you guys are talking about--"

"Leo."

"Okay, fine. Chase DeFerro." Leo muttered, his eyes immediately flicking to the side to avoid the inevitable reactions of his family.

"Chase DeFerro?"

"The same Chase DeFerro from five months ago?"

"Didn't you two have, like, a horrible break-up?"

"Didn't you block him on, like… Everything?"

"Didn't you say, and I quote, "If I ever have to even see that nasty bitch again in my entire life, it'll be too soon, and I swear to god I'll chop off--"

"Okay, okay! Hey, come on! That was five months ago. Things are, like, totalllyyyy different now!" Leo insisted.

“You said that about the last, like, three guys you’ve dated,” April said, unimpressed.

"Leo, have you ever stopped to consider that, perhaps, your need to constantly be in some kind of a relationship may have some kind of deeper connection to your own feelings of self-worth and the way that you assign value to--"

"Whoa there, Doctor Feelings! Chill! It's not that deep!" Leo scoffed, shooting Mikey an annoyed look. Ugh, he knew he shouldn't have brought it up. "Seriously. I'm just bored, okay? Quit trying to read into it."

"Bored?" Raph echoed, looking at the other with big eyes. "Leo, you can't treat love like it's a game like that! Come on!"

"It's not love, Raph, it's high school dating." Leo scoffed, giving a dismissive wave of his hand. “Anyway! Look, I'm only, like, fifty words short and then I'm home free. Who's got the next turn?"

"Fine." April sighed, rolling her eyes. “Only because your girl here writes a killer BS essay conclusion. But you owe me. Hand it over."

True to her word, the last-minute literature assignment was wrapped up shortly, and the remainder of the train ride was instead occupied by chatter and gossip, discussing upcoming tests and assignments in school, rumors circulating the hallways, and plans for weekends and far-off holidays. On the occasion it got too loud to hear each other properly, they’d sign to each other instead, and then switch back once it quieted down once more. The five scrambled their way off the subway when they arrived at their stop, making their way up the stairs and back to street level.

Leo inhaled deeply as he hopped up the final few stairs, his sneakers giving a satisfying thud on the concrete below them with each step. He had no complaints about the subway, (well, no more than the average person, anyway,) but there was always just something especially refreshing about getting to breathe fresh air after spending any amount of time underground. Even if the fresh air was New York City air. Call him crazy, but he'd never get tired of it.

The group began the final length of their journey, closing the three-block gap between the subway station and their high school-- most of them on foot, Mikey on his skateboard, though he was less skateboarding and more standing on his skateboard and hanging onto the back of Raph's shirt so his older brother would drag him along. Leo wondered absently if he could get away with that, too, before April's voice finally snapped him back into reality.

"You busy after school today?"

"Until six!" He replied, stretching his arms back to lace his fingers behind his head as they walked. "Dee and I have gymnastics."

“Next competition is tomorrow.” Donnie hummed, not looking up from his phone. "So we're getting in the extra hours."

"You know we've got a rep to uphold!" Leo sing-songed, his mouth stretching into a wide, smug grin. "Gotta keep that flawless record for the rest of the season."

It was very well known, to anyone who ran in such circles, that the Hamato Twins were all but sure to take the top two places in any gymnastics meet that they showed up to-- it was just a question of in what order they would do so. Of all the various sports that they participated in, gymnastics was just about the only one where it was truly a coin flip. The only other two extracurriculars they shared were swimming, where Donnie consistently took first place, and martial arts, where they both knew Leo was more likely to come out on top. But gymnastics? It was anybody's guess, and they flip-flopped from first to second just about every other event. For just a moment, Leo caught his twin's eye-- coz he knew he was thinking the exact same thing right now.

Coz he knew they both wanted to win.

Coz they both wanted to rub it in the other's face.

(Of course, they both also knew that the only reason they got to have this little song-and-dance to begin with was because Mikey was still in the age bracket below them. Wouldn't everyone be just so delighted to finally see the Hamato Twins usurped in the coming season... By another Hamato.)

“And Raph has work… Ugh! Y’all are too damn busy!” April huffed, leaning her head back and wrinkling up her nose.

“I’ve got a little bit of time.” Mikey chimed in, leaning over just enough to offer April a grin. “I don’t gotta be at dance until four. I was gonna go work on that mural I’ve got going up north. Wanna come?”

“Beats sitting at home doing homework.” April reasoned, giving a shrug. “I’m in!”

“Shweet!”

Leo smiled a tiny bit. Though he did, in fact, have complete confidence in his little brother’s ability to traverse the city safely, it was still kind of nice to know he’d be with someone else. If, for no other reason, then to know that Raph would now worry about Mikey at least 80% less during the coming evening.

“Alright,” Speaking of worrisome older brothers, Raph began his typical pre-school speech as they approached the front entrance. “No one be late. No one skip class.” Who, him? What was that pointed look for? He would never… Get caught more than once in a week. “And no one get in any trouble. Don’t do anything Raph wouldn’t do.”

“Yes sir!” The four of them barked in reply as they approached the entrance of their high school. Mostly, they were all just making fun of him. But Leo figured humoring him wouldn’t hurt, especially if it helped him chill a little bit. Raph had always taken his role as “the biggest brother” pretty seriously, ever since they were really little, though Leo wasn’t exactly sure why. He was always the one in charge whenever their dad wasn’t around, and Leo suspected he had a hard time ever completely dropping that mindset.

I mean, don’t get him wrong, Raph was just as capable of fucking around, goofing off, and getting into shit as the rest of them, for sure, he just sometimes wished he could… Relax a little. It wasn’t like anything bad was gonna happen, but Raph always kind of just had this air to him like he was expecting enemies to leap out from behind the corner and attack them at any moment. Like he always had to protect them all. Which Leo could get, sure, but, like… Wouldn’t it be kind of cool if someone did try to start some shit with them or something, just so that they could see the look on their face when they totally kicked their ass? Leo could only imagine it’d be pretty hilarious.

The five of them went their separate ways, parting with various promises to see each other at lunch, after school, at home, etc. April and Raph went one way, Mikey went another, and Leo and Donnie split off in a different direction still, heading towards the East Wing.

And as they cleared the corner, Leo whipped around to face Donnie, stabbing them in the side with a spare elbow. “Last one to homeroom gets second place at gymnastics tomorrow!” He declared, immediately taking off down the hall.

“Wha— Leo! This is unfair, I’m wearing platforms! You know I’m wearing platforms!” Donnie shrieked in protest, even as he broke into a run behind him.

Leo whooped in reply, throwing himself over the railing of the nearest staircase, knowing his twin brother was right on his tail.

-----

“Come on! Harder!!! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!” Raphael roared, pumping a fist in the air. “LET’S GO! GIVE IT TO ME!”

The gaggle of six-year-olds in the water in front of him, all clinging to the pool wall, giggled loudly in response to his over-the-top encouragement, kicking their legs even harder in a flurry of limbs and dousing him in chlorinated water.

“Whoa, whoa, okay! You gave it to me! I surrender!” Raph chuckled, holding his hands up to shield himself. “Alright, alright. Good job, team! You did great today. Okay, let’s wrap up—“

“Raph! RAPH!”

“What?”

“Raph, we gotta do the ferry!” Penelope, the loudest of his students, insisted, her face all screwed up with determination. The other four children nodded along fervently. “We can’t get out until we do ferry!”

“Oh, RIGHT. Ferry. Sorry, Raph almost forgot!” He chuckled, thunking his own forehead with the butt of his palm, feigning forgetfulness, as if he hadn’t always intended to do their usual wrap-up game. Class ended with a game of “Ferry” every time, without fail, especially given that he touted it as the ‘reward’ that they had to work for each week by following directions and working hard. He shifted slightly in the water, turning his back on the kids still clinging to the wall. “Okay— hop aboard”

The five elementary schoolers squealed in delight, launching themselves off the pool wall to clamber over the teenager instead, climbing over his broad shoulders and hanging off of his arms. Raph gave a soft little ‘oof,’ at the impact, though it was mostly for show, snorting softly in amusement as Penelope all but climbed on top of his head. Reminded him of Mikey.

“Okay— GO!” She shouted once she was sure all her cohorts were fully boarded, the whole group buzzing with excitement despite the fact that they did this every week. Raph gave a soft hum of acknowledgment, slowly setting off on their lap around the pool. In the shallower end, where they started, he didn’t even really have to swim at all— He could just walk with his body lowered enough in the water to give the illusion of swimming. Or, more precisely, the illusion of ‘ferrying.’

“Welcome everybody to Penelope’s Ferry Ride. I’m Penelope, the tour girl. Over there’s the Empire State Building.” Penelope narrated happily from her perch, gesturing to the bleachers. “And over there is the Statue of Liberty.” The pool noodles. “And over there’s the Milky Way. And that’s the, uhhh, the Big Bridge…”

“Wait, how long’s this ferry ride? Raph didn’t sign up for no world tour!” Raph protested teasingly, to which Penelope sharply shushed him before continuing her narration. The other children bubbled with laughter at her increasingly ridiculous tourist attractions and descriptions. Reminded him of Leo and Donnie.

Raph chuckled softly to himself as he moved into the deeper end of the pool, transitioning into an easy breaststroke to keep them all afloat on their way. It was, admittedly, a bit more difficult to swim with five kids on his back than it was on his own, but Raph was a strong swimmer. This was no problem. Besides, it’s not like he was in a rush or anything.

Honestly? This was his favorite part of these lessons. No worrying about everyone paying attention or being involved. No worries about anyone wandering off when he had them all on top of him and undoubtedly accounted for. No stressing about remembering the lesson plan or rules… He could just swim. He knew it sounded dumb, but sometimes, with all the kids piled on top of him like this, he felt like some sort of big plodding swamp creature, floating lazily down the river with the world on his back.

He took his time about it, but he eventually made his full lap around the pool, coming to a stop by the stairs and gently chasing the kids off of his shoulders.

“Alright, come on, squirts. Ferry ride’s over.”

“Nooo!” Penelope whined, clinging to his head. “One more lap! PLEASEEE!”

“Hey, come on, you know the rules! If you don’t listen to Raph, you don’t get a ferry ride next week!” He warned, slowly peeling her off of his back. “Go on. Get outta here.” He insisted, though fondly, smiling a bit as she huffed and scowled… But she got out anyway, joining the rest of the kids running to their parents, all with towels in waiting arms, listening to the children excitedly chatter about what they learned today.

Raph smiled just the tiniest bit. He remembered when they had been that small, taking swim classes here. He, Donnie, and Leo had all been thrilled to take to the water, adoring each and every lesson.

They all loved it— Except Mikey. He recalled listening to his littlest brother scream bloody murder as their father attempted to coax him into the water, trying everything from reason to bribes to threats of consequences.

“You don’t need to like to swim, Michelangelo. But you need to be able to.” He remembered his father saying. “I need to be sure you will be safe if you ever end up in the water by yourself.”

If anyone asked, he’d tell ‘em that he took the job just to make some extra pocket money. But, at least a little bit, that was kinda why. He liked the idea of helping to keep people safe. Even if it was just teaching kids how to doggy paddle.

Doing all the small talk at the end of the lessons with the parents was definitely his least favorite part, however, and he always found himself kind of stammering and stuttering his way through it. After some short, “Oh, yeah, she’s doin’ great!” and “For sure, perfect behavior’s!” tossed at some parents, he was, thankfully, able to duck away into the office, his own towel flung over his shoulders to try to avoid tracking water everywhere.

“All done?” The office receptionist, Jessica, chirped in her usual friendly demeanor, glancing over at the other as he entered.

“Just about. I just gotta clean up as soon as the kids are all gone and we’ll be done.” He replied, ruffling his hair dry.

“Did you remind the parents that we’re closed next week?”

Raph froze.

“… Uhhhh…”

Jessica sighed a bit, glancing over her shoulder to give him a look. “I reminded you before the lesson started!”

“I know! I just— Raph forgot, okay? I can only hold so much stuff in my brain at one time before stuff just starts to fall out! I was thinkin’ about swimming stuff!” He defended. “‘Sides, it was your job to remind me to remind them! So obviously we both dropped the ball.” Jessica didn’t look quite convinced, but Raph was pretty sure his logic was solid. “Can’t we just, like, put up some flyers and send out an email and all that junk?”

Rolling her eyes, Jessica turned back to her computer and began to type. “Yeah, yeah… Can’t really do flyers, but I’m working on that email.”

“Why not? Just put a sign up on the door.”

Jessica looked over at him again, raising a brow. “You haven’t heard about the paper shortage?”

Raph blinked slowly.

“… The what.”

“Yeah! It’s a whole thing. I dunno, I guess there are, like… Paper thieves or whatever robbing all the paper stores and stuff in the city? We haven’t been able to get any new orders in for a few weeks now.” She explained.

“Paper thieves?” He echoed, incredulous. “And they... steal paper.”

“Yeah. They steal paper.”

“Who the heck steals paper?”

“I dunno! I just saw it on the news.” Jessica shrugged. “I guess the police are working on it or whatever.”

“I guess.” Raph said, shrugging a bit, though he still couldn’t help but find the whole thing a bit amusing. I mean, come on. Paper thieves? It was only paper. -------

"Dadddd!" Mikey called as he swung his way into the door, kicking his shoes off into the general direction of the pile where shoes were typically kept, tossing his duffle bag to the side. He'd come back for it later and put it away, he swears. "I'M HOMMMEEE!"

It had been a long day, in between school, painting, and dance practice, so it was almost nine by the time he got home, but he didn't really mind. He liked being busy! If he didn't have stuff to do, it was just, like, all the energy would build up and up and up in all his limbs and his body and his chest like something sticky and hot about to boil over, condensation gathering at the top of his skull, and then he just went kinda crazy. That makes sense, right? He was pretty sure his brothers were kinda like that, too, so he figured it was probably mostly normal. He sometimes wondered if that was why their dad let them sign up for so many after-school activities. The only downside was the limited time leftover to tackle homework and personal projects. Walls weren’t just gonna paint themselves, after all!

"What's for dinner?" He shouted across the house, shucking his backup off and beginning to unpack, collecting his various textbooks and notepads.

"Oh, since you were not home, Michelangelo, I have had no choice but to cook for our family--"

"Dad."

"But do not worry, my son, I am making the most delicious meal--"

"Dad."

"Boiled liver and onions! You boys' favorite! With chopped earthworms, yum yum yum!"

"DAD! You're not funny!" Mikey yelled, even though there was laughter in his voice. Their dad did this bit every time, and he hated how it was always kinda funny.

"Pizza is on the table." His father called back, and Mikey let out an excited cheer.

"YEAH BABY! That's what I was hoping you'd say!" He shouted, hopping up to his feet and beelining it to the kitchen. His brothers had clearly already done a round, based on the empty boxes and missing slices, but he knew they wouldn't dare leave him without his fair share. That's youngest child privilege. They knew damn well that he’d cry at them.

"How was school today, my son?" Dad always asked about school first and everything else second, every time.

"Id'was gooh'." Mikey mumbled, in between the pizza slice already hanging out of his mouth, piling several more slices onto his plate. "We're readin' th' O'ssey--"

"Orange, I cannot understand anything you are saying."

Mikey spit the half-chewed pizza slice back out onto the plate, which earned a really fun look from Dad, and he grinned.

"Sorry! We're reading the Odyssey in English class, which is fine, I guess, but it's kinda a lot to get through, so we're translating it to, like, real human words, annnndddd we gotta do a group project presentation thing, and I like all the people in the group project but you KNOOWWW how group projects are." He reported, rapid-fire, giving a dramatic sigh. "Oh! And I got my Algebra test back and I got! A seventy-nine!"

"Oh! Very good, Mikey. I am glad your studying paid off." His father replied with a small smile, and Mikey beamed. "And how was dance?"

"Awesome! I killed it, as per use'." Mikey said proudly, puffing out his chest a bit. "Miss Vega said that I just gotta tighten up my turns and I'll be all ready to destroy the competition next weekend!"

"Excellent. Good job, Orange." His dad said with a chuckle, patting Mikey's shoulder before making his way back into the living room, no doubt to reunite his butt with his beloved reclining chair and put on some TV series that no one else in the family appreciated. Mikey grabbed three more slices of pizza while his dad’s back was turned, and then scampered off, heading deeper into the apartment.

Considering they lived in New York City, they lived in a pretty spacious abode. Mikey couldn't remember a time in his life when there wasn't lots of room to stretch out and run and jump around. He remembered, back when he was really little, some of the hallways being big and long enough to even echo-- though he sometimes wondered if that had just been his imagination. Some of the stuff they would make up back then was pretty wild. Their dad had bought this big old brownstone apartment way back when they moved into Brooklyn, buying up the entire building so that they had all four floors, plus the basement, to themselves. Mikey recalled, vaguely, all the renovations that had gone into it when they first moved to New York, adjusting the fixer-upper into something where four very active children could be raised without feeling cramped. The building was tall and skinny, slotted neatly in with the rest of the city, and Mikey had always loved that. This meant it they had the perfect hallways for running back and forth through, and there was a surplus of staircases for him to slide down or jump over. The hardwood floors were perfect for both Tokyo Drifting and dance practice. They each had gotten their own rooms as they grew as well, with himself and Raph on the second floor, Leo and Donnie on the third, and their father taking the master bedroom on the ground level.

But the best bit was the basement. Lovingly dubbed "The Lair," their dad had designated it the hub for childhood shenanigans, (and now, teenage activity,) from the get-go, all but sacrificing the space to his sons from the moment they moved in. The house was technically his, sure, but the basement was theirs, like, for real for real. Arcade games and consoles lived down here, hooked up to the big TV on the wall and surrounded by beat-up beanbags. Raph's weight-lifting equipment was in that corner there, and Donnie's bigger, more mechanical projects were over there by the stairs, (with the yellow tape and the "do not touch" signs.") This big wide open space here with the mirrors on the walls and the punching bags mounted on the ceiling was perfect for both martial arts, acrobatics, and dance practice, depending on which kind of matting they laid out. And, best of all, the Lair was the one place in the house where their dad had reluctantly conceded that, yes, Mikey. You may paint on the walls.

The Lair was typically the best bet for finding any of his brothers, especially if they weren’t holed up in their rooms, and Mikey did think about heading down there, too… But, as very tempting as it was to hang out with brothers first and do math worksheets later was, he was pretty sure he could get through his homework in, like, thirty minutes, tops, and just get it all out of the way. Plus, this way, he didn't have to worry about anyone else making any grabs for his dinner.

With this in mind, he tromped his way up the stairs, nudging his sticker-adorned door open and dumping all his stuff on his desk, immediately shoving the previously-abandoned pizza slice back into his mouth again. He flipped open his textbooks, switched his speakers on to fill the space with some chill lofi beats to study to, and nudged his desk lamp awake as he settled in to get to work.

His workload had been pretty light recently, with way fewer teachers than usual handing out paper worksheets and questionnaires to bring home, so it didn't take him very long to get through all the assignments and readings. (Also, lowkey, it was times like these that he was, like, wow. Thank god for Adderall.) He was nearly done with the last of his work when he suddenly paused.

Dang. Artistic inspiration was truly a cruel but wondrous mistress. Okay, homework later. He scrambled for his phone, rewinding the song playing over the speakers. Ooh, yeah, okay-- That bass? Oh, hell yeah, this was really good! He could absolutely see the movement in his mind's eye-- he could picture the way the color swooped along with the beat and brightened along with the melody. Oh-- and what if he added some black outlines? What was the title of this song again...? Maybe he should look up the artist. He wondered if this would be better as a direct homage to the artist, (maybe the title up on a wall, in big curved block letters, yellows popping along the edges to pull it into the foreground, and that red in the center to sink it in--) or if this should be a more narrative piece. It made him think of that one movie that they watched two weekends ago-- with the spy and the watering can factory?! And this one line, about the lightning, he could just see the way he could paint a figure to answer that directly. Was it too ambitious to do a zig-zag line of action? Oh, but if he had the leg out like that...

He flipped the page of his notebook, his pencil skritching feverishly on the sheet as he moved to put these thumbnails into reality while they were still ticking through his mind in a slideshow. He paused only to command Spotify to play the song on repeat, his tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth and his eyes narrowed. Ohmigosh, yes! This would be perfect. He couldn't believe he had never thought of this before. This song had been on his playlist for how long? He had just kind of been spacing out until now, but suddenly, he was so excited about this project.

And it would be the perfect excuse to use those metallic spray paints he's been hoarding! He practically vibrated with excitement, thumbing the paper with a grin. Oh, that would look amazing. Just a bold streak of shimmery color, bursting out from the composition, like an explosion, he could see it so clearly--

Half a thought later, the spiral-bound notebook in front of him burst into flames.

[ next ]

#sorrywhatnowau #fidgetwing #tmnt #rottmnt #tmnt human au #human turtles #fanfic #tmnt fanart #tmnt fanfic #tmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fanfiction #if anyone wants to beta read for me be my guest lol #guess r/n i gotta nobody on that which is probs not #the best play lmao #sorrywhatnowfic #long post

[tangledinink]

Okay! One last I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? oneshot, and then next week we'll get a new chapter... and this week's piece is about Mikey! :) Read it on ao3 or below the cut.

It had all started with a beautiful shade of ultramarine.

And it wasn’t as if Mikey took issue with the color itself-- it was a lovely shade of blue. That wasn’t the problem. And quite frankly, he didn’t notice it at first, but at some point halfway through his fifth-period class, while his eyes were wandering idly around the room, looking at nothing in particular, just roaming for the sake of roaming while he listened… he had paused, frowned, and back-tracked to do a double-take.

Ultramarine?

That was so odd, because… Usually, Mona was midnight blue. Her life color was a lot darker than this, richer, slightly less saturated, and closer to a shade of navy than… this.

I mean. There was nothing wrong with it. Ultramarine was a good color. It looked good on her…!

But it wasn’t hers.

Mikey had frowned a bit, his brow twitching slightly. He had never seen anyone’s life color change before. Was that a thing?... He supposed he had no way of knowing since it was just this weird little quirk that he enjoyed on his own, so it wasn’t like he could look it up or ask anyone, but… he had never seen this happen before.

Did something happen to her, he wondered? He had worried about this for a bit and endeavored to check in with her later, just in case, but then had let it go. I mean, what was he supposed to do about it?

But then she wasn’t the only one.

He noticed it slowly, but more people’s colors seemed to shift throughout the remainder of the class. Bit by bit, things began to tilt just ever so slightly to either the left or right on the metaphorical color wheel, not wrong but not exactly right, either. By the time he got to his next class, everyone’s colors were just a little bit off, and beginning to blur slightly, kind of fuzzy around the edges, and Mikey was starting to freak out just a tiny bit.

The shimmering, bouncing lights came after that. They teased at the very edges of his vision, tickling at his eyelashes, but never there when he tried to turn around and see them. And the more it happened, the more nervous he became. His stomach flip-flopped, and he resisted the urge to fidget in his seat. Something felt… wrong. He wasn’t very focused for the rest of the class.

It had been just after the final bell of the day, amongst the chaos of the entire school’s excitement of being dismissed, racing through the hallway, when a portion of Mikey’s field of vision gave out from under him. And suddenly, there was this big, fuzzy patch of black on his left side. No matter how many times he blinked and rubbed at his eyes, it wouldn’t go away. It was suddenly like he was halfway blind. And then he for-real started to panic.

He was debating whether he should take out his phone and call one of his family members, like, right now, or if he should try to make his way to the nurse’s office on his own (could he still do that--? School was technically over--) when the pain started.

It was like being hit by a freight train. 

He nearly dropped his books at the impact of it when it truly settled in, the knot in his stomach from before now rising up into full-blown nausea, threatening to overtake him. He came to a very sudden stop in his journey, finding the nearest wall to hang onto and squeezing his eyes shut, fighting back the urge to vomit.

Oh my god.

It hurt so bad. 

The pain was absolutely dazzling, pulsing bright and vicious through his head. It felt like he had some sort of hot, heavy, alien creature attached to one side of his skull, burrowing its way into him, and he could feel its heartbeat. And it was absolutely all-encompassing. He couldn’t even make his feet move-- all he could do was stand there for a second and try to breathe, to swallow repeatedly, and try desperately not to throw up here in the hall.

For a second, he just stood there and he thought, maybe it’ll go away. 

Maybe it’ll get better.

But it was just getting worse.

It was so loud. It was so bright. Every voice and shuffled foot and slam of a locker door was like a drill buzzing straight into his brain, and the fluorescent lights overhead were eating him alive, and he couldn’t move, but he had to-- He had to do something.

He was so, so certain that if he stayed here any longer, he was absolutely going to die.

We gotta do something. Come on. Move. You have to get-- somewhere. Not here. To the nurse’s office. They’ll be able to help, but you have to move. Go on. Move! Move your feet! He begged, and eventually, miraculously, his nerves listened to him.

If anyone noticed him, stopped him, asked if he was okay, he couldn’t hear them, because he was putting every piece of energy that he had into making his body move instead of curling up into a little ball on the floor. A few tears were already beginning to track their way down his face as he trembled, panicked breaths rattling through his chest. He ducked and weaved past other students in his frantic retreat, but he couldn’t see anything properly out of his left side, and he kept bumping into people. And he wished he could stop and apologize and see if they were okay, but he couldn’t. He just-- He had to not be here. He really, really had to not be here. He was on the fifth floor. His goal, the nurse’s office, was on the ground level. 

Oh god. 

This was the worst pain he had ever experienced in his life.

He made it about as far as the stairwell before he couldn’t move anymore.

---

Once he hadn’t been able to make himself go any further, the pain and nausea overwhelming him, he had stopped for a bit, leaning against the cool concrete of the wall and clutching his books tight in his hands as he focused simply on breathing. 

At some point, he had taken out his phone, attempting to text one of his family members to send out an SOS, to tell them that he was fucking dying in the stairwell and that he loved them and that his final wish was for them to give all his artwork to the MOMA, ‘cause they’d be damn lucky to have it, thank you, and everything else to charity, but it was like looking at the goddamn sun. Every time he tried to draft out a message or even just navigate enough to place a phone call (at this point he was tempted to just straight up call 911, which felt pretty dramatic for a headache, but every second that passed the statement ‘I’m dying’ felt a lot less like hyperbole and a lot more like a real, actual possibility,) he was hit with this bright, hot white pain on top of the already thick layer of pain and his head would throb and his stomach would lurch and his knees would buckle, and eventually, after a few attempts and a good deal of frustrated crying, he just gave up.

By the time he had gotten here, the crowd had already thinned out quite a bit, with the main max exodus of the final bell already having tapered off. Only the occasional group of students would come through, and some of them looked at him, but with him crying softly and squinting at his phone in the corner, most people probably figured he was fighting with a friend or going through a breakup or something and seemed to feel it wasn’t any of their business, and they didn’t bother him. 

He was basically alone by the time he accepted his fate of dying here in the stairwell, curling up sadly in a little ball and weeping softly to himself. Now that there were so few kids lingering, and therefore much less competition, anyone who did want to head up or down the stairs would likely take the elevators instead. And Mikey thought belatedly to himself that he should have grabbed someone and told them that his brain was melting when he still had the chance.

But now he was alone, and he supposed that was that. 

And he didn’t know what else to do. Picking up his head hurt, and opening his eyes hurt, and everything hurt, so he just… sat there. His earlier sobbing had died down to just weak little sniffles and hiccups, tears dripping sadly down his face as he tiredly, miserably, manually sucked in each and every inhale and exhale-- just trying to somehow breathe through the pain.

He wasn’t really sure how long he was there. Looking back, he figured it couldn’t have actually been that long. But it felt like eons. Mikey had just about accepted this as his final resting place when the relative quiet of his hiding spot was split by the horrendous screech of the door opening, and Mikey winced--

And then he heard, “Oh, sweet Salomea Skłodowska–Curie, there you are! Mikey, where have you been!?”

And the noise hurt, but he recognized that voice. He picked up his head just enough to stare at Donnie in shock… and then absolutely sobbed in relief at the sight of him.

Donnie blinked in surprise, floundering for a moment before letting the door slide shut behind him, kneeling quickly down by Mikey’s side and examining him with worry.

“Mikey? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I-- I don’t know!” He hiccuped pitifully, his shoulders shaking as he sniffled. “It’s-- s-something is w-wrong, and, and I don’t know w-what but it hurts and I, I can’t see, and, and I don’t kn-know what’s happening, but everything hurts and I feel like I’m gonna die…!”

“You can’t see?” Donnie repeated, their voice pressing a bit with obvious concern. “You can’t see at all?”

“N-no, it’s, it’s just-- just a little over here,” Mikey sniffled, gesturing slightly to his left. “Like a. A spot, and. E-everything is just… f-fuzzy, and, and my, my head hurts…”

“Mikey, why didn’t you text one of us?”

“I can’t,” he sobbed. “It h-hurts too bad to look, Dee, it’s too bright!”

Donnie narrowed his eyes, frowning slightly.

“And you said your head hurts?”

Mikey nodded weakly, wiping at his eyes.

“Where? Show me.”

“Uhm…” Mikey wobbled for a minute, wincing before he finally kind of wiggled a hand to indicate. “J-just… over here, on this side, all the way u-up… It… It hurts so bad, I…! I d-don’t know what to do…!”

Donnie stayed quiet for a moment, seeming to consider this, before he sighed very softly, patting his brother’s knee decisively. 

“Right. Well. Congratulations, Hamato Michelangelo,” he hummed quietly, his voice all careful and whispered. “I diagnose you with a migraine.”

Mikey kept quiet for a second, processing this, before he sobbed.

“This is a migraine?!” He bit out, his voice absolutely trembling. 

“Yes, well, they are genetic--”

“I-is this what it’s like for you!? This-- this is h-horrible! You-- you have m-migraines every other week!” Mikey wept.

Donnie blinked in surprise, seemingly taken aback by his brother’s outburst before scoffing softly, waving off his concerns. “Experience is all relative,” he muttered. “The point is, you’re not dying, alright? You’ll be fine. It’ll just be… unpleasant for a little while,” he sighed, shrugging his bag off his shoulder and beginning to dig through it. “Did you take anything yet?”

“N-no…”

“Okay. Here,” he produced a small pill bottle from his backpack, cracking it open quickly and shaking out two little pills. “This is the good shit. We should be at approximately the same dose…” He paused to rapidly examine the label, humming softly to himself for just a second before he was seemingly satisfied, holding the drugs out to the other. “I don’t know if it’ll fix it, but it should at least help.”

Mikey sniffled, nodding a tiny bit and agreeably holding out a trembling palm to accept the medication. Donnie grabbed his water bottle from his bag, passing it over, and though Mikey took it, he hiccuped softly, hesitating for a second before he looked up at Donnie with wide eyes.

“Y-you don’t l-like it when, when people drink out of your water b-bottle…”

Donnie rolled his eyes. “As much as I appreciate the concern, Michael, I will disinfect it later. It’s fine. Just take the meds.”

Mikey hiccuped a bit, but he did as he was told anyway, tossing the pills into his mouth and swallowing them down with a generous swig of water. Despite this, this sickly sweet taste kind of burned the back of his mouth for a minute, and he wrinkled up his face at it. Ew… 

“Yeah, I know,” Donnie hummed. “Okay. Uh. Look. Let’s get you to the nurse’s office so you can lay down and wait for these to kick in, and then we can go home.”

Laying down did sound pretty good, Mikey had to admit, and he nodded a tiny bit, his bottom lip still wobbling.

Donnie sort of hesitated for a second, his brows furrowed with concern as he looked Mikey up and down. “Do you think you can walk? Or do you want me to… carry you…?”

Mikey paused for a moment, and then he snorted.

“Carry me?”

“Look, I’m trying to be nice…!”

Mikey kind of laughed weakly, somewhere between a giggle and a sob, wiping at his face.

“Dee, you can’t carry me…! You’re too small!”

Donnie bristled in offense. “Pardon me!? I’m taller than you!”

“Yeah, but you’re smaller than me,” Mikey insisted, just barely managing a teeny little smile, his eyes still closed as his head drooped against the wall. “You’re… little… you weigh, like, five pounds…” 

“Oh, you are so lucky you have a migraine, or we would be having a discussion right now,” Donnie hissed in reply, an absolute scowl painting his face. “I could…”

He hesitated.

“I could call Raph. He could carry you.”

Mikey’s trembling grin widened a teeny, tiny bit. See? He was right. Donnie couldn’t carry him. At least not for that far.

“No. It’s. Uhm. It’s okay. I can walk,” he said, taking a few long breaths, very slowly rising up to his feet. Everything kind of wobbled and swam for a moment, but it backed off after a second as he found his balance again. “Okay. Hang on. Here,” Donnie mumbled, “This will help…”

Mikey watched in shock as his brother pulled his headphones down off his head, reaching over to instead carefully place them over Mikey’s. 

The muffled quiet that fell over the world was, admittedly, absolutely lovely, but he still gaped at the other.

“But-- you need these--” he tried to protest.

“Mikey, I assure you I can make it from here to the nurse’s office without a meltdown. You need them more right now. I will be fine,” Donnie promised, reaching over to adjust the settings on the headphones slightly, tilting Mikey’s head to the side with his hand as he did so, careful fingers nudging at his chin to get him to turn. White noise washed over Mikey like seafoam, lapping at the edges of him, cold and soothing and soft. 

Mikey nearly started sobbing again. Because everything still hurt so bad, but even just this, even just taking away the noise, which there was very little of to begin with, made it so much better. He didn’t think he had ever been in so much pain in his life, and that was still true, but already it was just so much less than it had been five minutes ago.

“Alright. Is that okay?”

Mikey hiccuped softly, nodding a little bit.

“Alright. Let me know if you need a break or anything. And keep your eyes shut. The hall lights are gonna hurt, so just keep close and I’ll make sure you don’t walk into anything. Got it?” Donnie instructed shortly, reaching out to offer his hand to the other. 

Mikey did sob a tiny bit this time, scrubbing at his wet face with his sleeve one last time before he took his big brother’s hand. 

“Th-thanks, Dee.”

“Don’t mention it,” Donnie muttered. “I know how much this sucks. You ready?”

Mikey breathed deep, taking a long inhale, and then letting out an exhale, passing his trust entirely over to his sibling as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Yeah. Ready.”

---

[ Donnie: Have any of you heard from Mikey?

Leo: not since likkeee lunch. he sent me. like. eight tiktoks.

Raph: hes not with you???

Leo: dont you guys have dance r/n?

Donnie: No, I waited at the usual place so we could head over, but he didn’t show up.

Raph: what????

Leo: chill, he prbly got distracted w one of his friends or smth and wasnt looking at the time. U know how he is.

April: ^^^

April: ill try calling too. I havent left yet so i dont mind lookin around rq to see if i can find him anywhere

Donnie: Thank you. I’ll do the same. Please text if you see him.

Raph: if you dont find him ill come back

Leo: i can duck out of rehearsals if you guys need. but hes probably around.

Donnie: He’s definitely still in the school, as per geotracking.

Leo: stop geotracking us

(read)

Donnie: I found him. He’s fine.

Leo: seeee? hes finneeee

April: where was he?

Donnie: The stairwell.

Donnie: And he has a migraine so no one bother him for the rest of the evening, understood? Don’t call him. Don’t text him. Don’t come poking around his room to see if he’s okay. Just leave him alone.

Donnie: Raph.

Donnie: I’m gonna try and see if I can get him to sleep once we get home so he can at least be unconscious for some of this. And if I am successful in this and then any of you dum-dums wake him up, I swear there will be severe consequences.

Donnie: Light and noise should be kept to an absolute minimum until he’s over this. Got it?

April: oof!!! that sucks :( poor mikey. got it!

Raph: 👍

Leo: lol yah ok ✨boss ✨

Leo: thank god raph is older than u coz ud be a fucking nightmare lmao

Donnie: Die. ]

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[ Mikey: omg i missed my phone 🥺

Mikey: migraines SUCK

Mikey: also PSA if anyone ever makes a noise above a gd whisper when D has a migraine ever again i will do unspeakable things because i have seen the error of my ways i s2gggggg

Donnie: THANK YOU.

Leo: eugh boi ]

#sorrywhatnowau #tw vomit mention #sorrywhatnowau fic #writing #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt fic #rottmnt michelangelo #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt donnie #rise mikey #rise donnie #rottmnt au #rottmnt human au #tmnt fanfic