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hotwings0203 · 3 years

Note

Hello!!! Soooo I came up with a few headcanons for Muslim Bakugou, JajkjGhoA I can't wait to read your response! 😫🤲💖

Okay! So he is definitely the good husband who does house chores! He actually helps around the house, knows how to do all the chores, and all the other girls are so jealous of you lolll

He will make you the best food! He knows all your favourite dishes, and will spoil you with his cooking! Also he will make your favourite desserts as a form of apology for when he pisses you off or makes you upset

Will feed you when he's trying out new dishes, and when you're getting married during the mehndi, when you feed him laddu or gulab jamun, he will blush so hard but also holds your wrist to "guide" you, as everyone giggles and teases you two for being so flustered and blushy around each other

If you make his favorite dishes?? Like okay imagine you make his fav dish (after asking the bakusquad cuz he's hard to approach lol) and subtly give it to him or maybe get Kirishima to give it to him as you leave the mosque or arrive at some community party or something, homeboi will blush so hard and will not let anyone have even the tiniest bite of your cooking

As a thanks he will buy you churiyan! He will see you admiring them and will come up and awkwardly but gruffly ask you if you like that certain churiyan set (that is like a pretty red and gold) and when you say yes, he will proceed to buy it for you, and omg if the bakusquad see this, Denki and Sero will definitely tease him and be like you should put them on her! While you're like omg! Wait, the adults will see! And he just surprises everyone as he gently grabs your hand and puts them on you and just admires how soft your hands are, and how they fit in his hand, and thinks about how pretty they would look with a wedding ring on them, and you are just standing there blushing so hard, and when he sees you wearing those churiyan at other events he feels so proud and possessive and happy

Weak for your smile and laugh, and very protective of you, will blow someone's head off for making you upset or for disrespecting you. Your parents love him so much, will immediately say yes to the rishta! Also, his parents love you so much, you and Masaru are the calm to Bakugou and Mitsuki raging tempers lmfaoo

You're the only one who gets to see his soft side and soft while without being threatened with death loll lucky youuu~ Also! Everyone will tease him sooooo much for being soft for you, the girls and aunties always giggle when they see how soft he is with you when you guys are out in public and he won't deny it either loll

In public he's kinda reserved with pda, but likes it when you hold his hand or loosely hook your arm around his muscled arms. He will however, put an arm on your lower back to steer you away from an uncomfortable situation or will step in front of you to protect you

In private he will be cuddly, loves wrapping his arms around you, forhead kisses too! You will be a blushing, flustered mess as he leans down by your ear and teases you about it in his low gruff voice. Also just loves the feel of your soft body against his

Also! Omg say its eid or something, and you're getting your mehndi done, the bakusquad will push him to sit with you and help you since you're mehndi is still wet. He will gruffly compliment your mehndi design, will get you food and feed it to you, will softly but hesitantly brush your hair away from your face when he sees that its bugging you, and this will make your both blush, and omg he will have the softest look in this eyes at that moment, and his hand will linger by your pretty earnings, and will just gaze at your lips with a lustful gaze as you softly whisper thank you

When the mehndi dries, and Denki makes a comment about how dark and rich the color is and is like damn Bakugou you really have it bad for y/n huh? Both of you will be so flustered and while Bakugou chases Denki while yelling that hes gonna blow his head off, you just stand there will Mina and Ochako and giggle at his antics, and the girls will tease you about you have gotten Bakugou wrapped around your fingers and that you shouldn't be surprised when his parents approach your parents with a rishta

AunwQniwa anyways Muslim Bakugou will love you so much and cherish you and just RIP to your heart 😫😭💖

YO YES MY GAWD LETS ASSESS THIS MFKIN FOOD YOU JUST GAVE US

okay so 100% YES!! Y’all seen mitsuki? She ain’t havin none of that “I’m the only son so treat me like a king” bs. No no, our girlboss femdom Mistski Auntie has her two boys cookin and cleanin every weekend and massaging her feet, as she SHOULD!

These habits carry on to when he gets married also. His wife could be doing the dishes one day right after their wedding and he would walk by, peeking over her shoulder at her hand-to-sponge technique.

“You’re doing it wrong dumbass. Use the hard side to scrub the crumbs off and then the soft side to polish it.” He snatches the plate from your hands and starts vigorously rubbing it the way you couldn’t. You stare at him, flabbergasted that a mom in the desi community has actually succeeded in raising her son right.

“‘The fuck are you looking at?”

“Nothing,” you quickly say, stepping aside to let him work his magic. He merely grunts and picks up the next bowl.

In a moment of bravado, you lean over to kiss his cheeks. He stops scrubbing and just stares at the sponge in his hands, his face slowly going red as a beet.

When you two fight, you already know he’s gonna be yelling at the top of his lungs and stomping around the house, the explosions from his hands searing the furniture around you.

It’s enough to set you off and storm out of the house too. You need a fucking break, he can be so much to handle sometimes.

It’s around late evening that you come back in the garage from wherever you decide to cool off from. The house is silent and dark from the outside so you assume he fell asleep with the usual scowl on his face.

You sigh and drop your keys and purse on the counter, exhausted from the day’s drama. Form the corner of your eye you see a small candle on the kitchen table alight, and you walk over to put it out.

Except right in front of the candle, there’s a small plate of mithai(sweets) that has a note attached to it.

“Sorry for being an ass” is written in his chicken scratch writing. You smile and shake your head, taking a bite from the surprisingly well-made gulaab jamun.

It’s a good thing Katsuki hid Sato’s recipe in one of the cabinets before you came home.

And just like you said, the man is WHIPPED for your cooking. He’s always pulling you to the kitchen and lightly shoving you around the stove, gruffly telling you to add more spices that he knows you can recreate to a T.

Whenever the Bakusquad comes over to hang out, you try to cook the same way you know Katsuki likes (extra spicy), but for some reason on those exact days you can’t seem to find any of your special ingredients…

At other times maybe before your marriage, when he first began falling in love with you he would see you admiring a vendor’s churiyaan and earrings.

He would quietly walk up behind you maybe a foot or two away, observing how you fit the bangles on your wrist.

“I like the red ones on you,” he says lowly, making sure to dwindle down his usual aggressive tone.

You turn and gently smile at him. “Oh yeah? And why’s that?”

“Because red is what brides wear.”

Your heart beats fast as he takes your wrist, oh so delicate compared to his callous large hands.

“And the silver makes me think of the ring I’ll have on you in no time soon.”

Bakugo closes his eyes in front of you and inhales, letting you know that everything about you draws him closer.

When you guys walk around a college campus or even in town, he’s always looking left and right shiftily, convinced that every man within a mile of you is trying to steal you away. He’ll stand in front of you when a guy asks you where a certain building is, he’ll glare at his friends when they get too rowdy and rough with you, but he still gets nervous for PDA. He knows how fast word travels around in desi communities so he doesn’t want to do anything in public, but fuck when he gets home he’s pinning you on the bed and resting his entire weight on you.

At eid as stated above^^ he’ll see you in your lengha or kurti and get INSANELY nervous and flustered at your beauty. The way you sit poised and laughing with Mina and ochako while your mehndi is being done makes his palms sweat and his armpits prickly. He has to wipe them on his kameez almost three times before taking one last look at you and walking away.

Well, at least he tries to walk away. He’s promptly sought out and grabbed by his three cronies, who drag him by nail and tooth towards you. No amount of swearing and growling threats to ‘blow their ass up so bad people will piecing them back together for weeks” stops them from bringing him closer to you.

“Yeah yeah, you said that already,” Denki smirks and playfully zaps his ass so that he helps and lurches forwards towards you.

The commotion makes the girls look up and wave excitedly when they spot the rowdy men.

You bite your lip and give Bakugo a meek little grin, which makes steam curl from his ears.

“Heyyy ladiesss, got room for one more?” Sero drawls and throws an arm over the simmering grenade of a man.

“Hmm,” Mina mockingly contemplates for a minute before she slowly starts to get up, uraraka following pursuit. “Not at the moment, but maybe we could make some room…” she tackles Bakugo and Kirishima also kicks the back of his knees so that he folds cleanly into the chair next to you.

You look bewildered at everybody while they snicker at Bakugo’s vermillion face.

He glared at them and after an oblivious moment or two they get the hint and wink before backing off.

“So, uh, how long have you been getting your hand done for?”

You grin at his inexperience with these kinds of things, but still indulge him.

“About 25 minutes or so.”

“25 min-“ his eyes grow wide and the whole hall turns to him as he screams at your poor designer for making you ‘sit on her cute ass for such a goddamn long time. And why the hell doesn’t she have food yet??’

At least he thought you were cute

💓💓

#Muslim Bakugo #desi Bakugo #katsuki bakugo headcanons #bakugo fluff #hot moots

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kamisathoes · 2 years

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AM BACK WITH A BRAIN ROT (sub dottore ofc)

Okay so

Imagine

Dottore trying to dom you and say mean shit to you but you being taller pinned him to the wall and whispered to his ear "aww is my baby boy trying to dom me?~ How funny.. now i will have to punish you my dearest Alain" (help i have no fucking clue if that's his mfkin real name 💀🍷)

him knowing he's in a good kind of trouble he alrd got hard like the cheap whore he is (thankfully these horny mfs were in home so no one had to hear those shit moans)

Our hand lightly brushing through his painfully hard dick and him moaning out "m-mommy..~"

You ignored his whining and left the room leaving the poor man worried and sad and letting out a tiny tear

you who noticed that before coming back with the toys immediately went to hug him and ask what happened

him saying how he thought you were about to leave him

you quietly comforting him and saying sweet nothings as he calms down

"i hope you didn't think that you were going without a punishment that will make you moan out my name so loud that the entire world will hear it did you mi amor?~"

Alrd getting hard by the thought of you riding his long cock, pinching and biting his hard ass nipples, putting your fingers in and out of his ass, him cumming inside you and so on

You carrying him to your shared bedroom because y/n is hitting the gym too often 💆‍♀️🍷

Stripping him his clothes like a predator eating its prey, grabbing his hard cock a little harsh and him moaning so loud it makes you horny

Teasing his cock and hearing him beg you to fuck him silly

him begging you to stop teasing him while you get more horny from hearing his moans and pleases and you getting bored of teasing him take his whole length and suck on his cock harshly

your hand travelling near his nipples and rubbing them gently while your other hand grabs his sweet fat ass and caressing it

"you aren't going to cum for two hours straight." Saying in a gentle yet harsh sexy tone "y-y...hoh...mmm ye-yeS MO ohh~.. yes right there!~" chucking (like a mommy) at the sight the big scary harbinger is in "tonight you will be my pet and my dinner~" Alain trying his hardest not to cum because of you overstimulating him and also because of your words, hot tears streaming down his face, sweet loud sinful moans coming out of his pretty sexy mouth, pre cum coming from his tip while you keep on overstimulating him and as he was feeling heaven was at his footsteps you suddenly stopped

Him looking at you and whining on why you stopped while you leave to get a 10 inch dildo to stick it up his sweet fat juicy slapable ass

While you were trying to find where tf that shitty dildo is he was too horny and impatient so he touched himself without your permission and you coming at the perfect time seeing him touch himself without your perm

"ho ho ho~" flinching a little while he looks at you smirking at him "did my pet just touch himself without my permission?~"

seeing him go all nervous and shit was soo sexy for you

"d-darling i was just too impatient and horny s-so i touched m-myse-" smirking even more "you make such cute little excuses~

Now i will have a reason to rampage that cute little ass of yours!~"

While you walk over to him while he looks so fucked out and excited

positioning your 10inch dildo looking over at him for consent and him nodding

you put half of it into his ass "OHH!~ mmMM~ M-MOMMY!~" while you look at him chuckling and saying "yes my cute little pet?~" putting all of it into his ass

"ho OHH~... MmMM!, Please fuck me so har- ahh~ .. oh Lord.. mmMM! and silly to the pOINT! All i cAaHAN~~ thin- ahh.. is about yOU!~~ oh yes! Righ- thER-! MommMY~"

Rampaging his ass with no mercy and fucking him silly watching all the moans and expressions he's making makes you proud of you baby boy

After fucking him dumb of course there's going to be a huge aftercare!

Him alrd passed out and you gently carrying him to the bathtub you have ready while trying your best to not wake him up as you want to his cute sleepy face

You obv wanting to see him flustered as hell gently putting his cute sexy face into your big b o o b i e s

Him waking up after a few mins lookin up and slowly become flustered "had a nice nap love?~" "oh shut up asshole.." you chuckling at his cute tsundere like behaviour "my ass still hurts because of you hmph.." patting his while saying alot of sorry while he so fucking cutely chuckles at you "its okayy~"

After the wholesome moment you both got done with the bath and you carrying him to the movie area you have in your huge ass mansion and watch some movies

Then after watching some scary bs you both went to your bedroom and dream about wet shit

-🕴️anon who was listening to heat waves and keeping a straight face while writing this

TSUNDERE DOTTORE HAS UNLOCKED SOMETHING WITHIN ME !!!!! SIR OUT HERE ACTING LIKE HE HATES OUR GUTS WHEN HE WAS BUSY CALLING YOU MOMMY AND BEGGING FOR YOUR TOUCH LAST NIGHT <33333 he's so cute i swear-

#thena.mail #❥—🕴️ anon

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amphii-writes · 3 years

Text

How Karasuno And I would Interact Head cannons

Hey! this is just how I think I would interact with the team because I know myself better than I know you, the reader! so i’m sorry if these are a bit boring :,)

TW: swearing, Marijuana

I feel like id be partnered up with kageyama and hinata for a mfkin project and just absolutely hate myself for the rest of the week

Yes i would run that shit because i know for a fact i’d see kags and hinata as dumbasses and do the entire project myself.

I feel like hinata would mention that he and kageyama play volleyball and ask me to go to a game

Like i mentioned before i dont wanna be a dick even if these two boys are dumb so id go with willingly

So i get there and lets just say for the sake of debate its a home game against nohebi

And like daisho, he's a bit of a fuckboy but that isn't 100% a bad thing but i feel like because im so damn unlucky he’d pick me out of the crowd and just “ok so that bitch” and just gO HAM

Mfker would torment me and be like “im flirting ahaha” when im s c a r e d

Have you seen him?? Mfker is absolutely terrifying and I am 5’2, I am s m a l l h o e

I feel like kags and hinata would mention that i'm talking to daisho and tanaka and noya would just say what?? Ahaha say that again, run that past me one more time? And then destroy them for not telling them that a “cute” girl is there.

Tanaka would be like eH sHiTtY bOy and whatever and noya like a homie would be, would be backing him up and id just be like huh what

Of course, due to the fact that is that noya and tanaka are loud mfkers, suga, daichi, and asahi would of course swoop in and fix everything right up, of course daisho would take that as a “hes stealing my bitch” sorta thing because hes kinda dumb tbh

And then id have to introduce myself to the entire mfkin team and just be like “lol hinata and kags invited me so i came” and i feel like giving that information to the unholy duo that is tanaka and noya would fucking break them like ??? These dumbasses can get a cute girl to go to our games but I can't???

Low-key id cling to asahi, id see him as the most sane and poor guy would be so flustered and confused cause he scares girls

We’d get along because of our love of fashion and id teach him what i know from cosplaying

With that being said, I'd also be homies with the third years because I'm more er- level headed than the first years and some of the second years.

Daichi would probably view me as a godsend because i'm good at controlling people, I can read people really well and i'm not proud of it

Suga and i would probably get high before practice or after practice together, we’d just get zooted out of our minds and just show up like “lmao hey guys”

Tanaka and noya would instantly know but i think everyone else would be oblivious to it for the most part- ukai would know but he doesnt wanna deal with that shit so he’d just ignore it lmao

I feel like with my luck that’d be the day i decided to talk to tsukishima and try to befriend him and suga would be like “i fucking bet you 20$ if you can befriend that bastard” and as a broke bitch, id do it. Doesnt help that im higher than the fucking sky so id be like “hey” and thats it, we’d stare at eachother for like 30 seconds and id just start to cry because tSUKISHIMAS SO FUCKING SCARY AND IM HIGH AND WHAT IF HE NOTICES

Everyone would get on his ass and id just say he's intimidating and that's why i busted out in tears tbh

They’d just be like bitch huh i feel like kageyama would laugh at tsuki for this and yamaguchi would understand 100%

Hinata, tanaka, and noya, aka the unholy trinity, would ask me where i came from and if i speak another language- i know they don't mean to be assholes but i'd just think of it as a certified bruh moment.

Noya would call me a “foreign flower” and would hit on me sO MUCH and i bet you 50$ its because im his fucking height

I'd definitely become a manager after all is said and done because i love these dumbasses sm

Ennoshita, tanaka, and i would make memes about the group and would discuss drama from our and other schools together

Yamaguchi and i would probably just be the monster energy bitches of the club, he needs it for awake reasons and i need it for mental health and addiction reasons so we both relate

I have a feeling because my sleep shedule is so fucked id grab a coffee, crack open a monster, ask daichi if this is dangerous and he’d be like “well it cant be good for you-” and then just poor the fucking monster into the cup of coffee. No shame

Lmao he really would be like *sweatdrop* uh are you okay? And i'd just be like “dude i'm never ok” as a semi-joke and he’d be so worried about me hpsoayguhidasbfdgalh

I feel like i would bring food in for the boys as a thank you and a motivator, it’d work so fucking well you cant tell me otherwise

I feel like id be taken to one of those camps that they have in tokyo and just dodge every single simp i find

100% would have yamamoto, tanaka, and noya do that circle thing around me and kiyoko and just ask kiyoko if she's good

I have a feeling that if i were to have any romantic interests it’d be Asahi, Ennoshita, Noya, and Yamaguchi

On the sidelines for the games i feel like id be a fucking cheerleader no cap, While kiyoko and yachi are taking notes im doing cartwheels and getting the crowd pumped up

I feel like after a practice or two they’d add me into their group chat and it’d be absolutely chaotic

I feel like with kageyama and oikawa’s rivalry that oikawa would hit on me because he thinks that kageyama likes me romantically n shit which is fucked but also kinda funny tbh

Lmao tsukishima would fucking hate me for no reason, just because my existance bothers him he’d just wanna punt me

I would give that man a brownie and he’d look me dead in the eyes and ask if it's laced.

Id jokingly say no those are for me and suga- noya and tanaka would laugh with me and suga and they’d make eye contact with us and just be like shit

We’d never talk or discuss it ever again, it'd be like voldemort

Asahi and i would probably share designs for outfits and clothing and have in-depth talk about it like its the fucking economy

The name of the Karasuno group chat is for sure “Karasuno VBC” because daichi needed something sane

thank you for reading!

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #karasuno

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monolid-monologues · 5 years

Text

this dream about you ruined my morning. LOL. (& how do you retell a dream? especially an embarrassing one?)

when: last night slash this morning. [that’s today, Thursday June 27th]

it was one of those *you wake up and know you left an intense dream* *go back to sleep because this fucker of a dream needs an ending*

i could almost call it a nightmare, if based purely on the harrowing and very real physical toll it had on my body when i really got up from it.

I re-woke to my second and Emergency alarm (that’s the “get the fuck up now bitch go straight to work do not pass go do not pick up an eyeshadow brush do not eat breakfast get your headass into the car and maybe you won't be viciously tardy”) and my ANKLES WERE LITERALLY SORE?? my head pounding something Awful. And like my chest. Felt such a bitch. Stiff, contracted, and dry.

you ever been like HUNGOVER from a dream????

* * *

i don't want to call it a nightmare, though, because it was about you.

And you were/are not a nightmare. lol. You just...happened. and it passed.

What this is, Is: i had this dream about you, and i fucking hated it LOL

IT’S A FIRST. AND I NEED TO PROCESS IT . BECAUSE i dont get it. i don’t get why i had it. i am so caught off guard by it. i am scared of it. i am scared i even had A dream of you.

and i refuse to let it just bury inside me. i’m going to claw this thing out and take a good mfkin look at it.

OKAY. now that that’s established...

(ugh.... it feels like i’m about to embark into some bitter medicine.)

* * *

we ran into each other...in an apartment?

I was in the living room with my “friends” in the dream A.K.A obscure, obscure acquaintances whose faces i cannot place or recall.

and like any good dream, out of the god damn blue, comes trawling through a pack of Your friends. or family. or both. and your own face hazily blurring by in the mix. headed thru the nearest hallway, towards one of the bedrooms.

I catch your brother's face (i never even met your brother before lmfao) most crystalline clear among them. and he is the one who stops to meet me as the rest shuffle away.

I immediately recognized him (from pictures. i'd seen pictures IRL), we strike introductions, and conversation. i remember saying "you're his brother!" and other incredibly facile but in that moment in that dream very genuine sentiments. but still we can cringe at how unrealistic and un-grounded in reality they were. things like " i always knew i'd like you" (what the fuck, right) and "wow why does it feel we’ve already met (what the fuck. LOL.) and if we CAN ignore the DELIRIOUSNESS of my REM concoction here, i'd like you to accept with suspension of belief that me and this stranger, me and your brother, did become - in this dream moment - effortlessly chummy. We became instinctively on each other's sides (it still sounds delirious. damn it. Don't share your dreams willy-nilly, folks, it is not smart to expose your fucking dumbly vivid irrationales lol).

We were getting on like old fuckin friends, what the fuck can i say. It's the fictional truth.

Then our convo gets to the Grit. The punch in the gut. he tells me you're here. in this apartment. of course i could’ve put that together but the confirmation is CONFIRMING. Palpable - the settling in of the fact that you and i were..both..here.

A many-voltage shock. and i only snap out of it, and the frozen moment only melts back to action when i feel you feel that same shock. And right away, i "hear"...or was it "see"?....your presence / energy dash out of the bedroom in which you and your group were in. And you lock yourself into the bathroom.

A collective "what the hell" is shared between me and my new-but-old dreamworld friend. your brother. We step past the bathroom you are now occupying. We enter the bedroom. I see the rest of your peoples. Once again, Faceless peoples. i don't know that any of these were REAL peoples, any of your actual peoples in real life. Dreams! what're you gonna do?

Me vs. your peoples, though. It starts as awkward. Your brother tries to smooth things.

I remember warmth starting to emerge. I'm sure I wanted warmth, and since it was my dream, probably i manipulated events to make it so. I am keeping that in mind about this dream from start to finish, by the way. My brain manufactured all of this. Why? Fuck Me if i want to know. honestly.

But without knowing why, i still saw the What. (& this whole entire What gave me a serious kink in my neck this morning, like i never even know what a kink was until i got up and groaned.)

The What, at this point, after me and this room begin to warm up to each other: I mean, its only appropriate in such a dream that we land on the next Gut punch. The next revelation. (the brain sure knows who to TELL A STORY. DAMN.)

They tell me that..... FUCK, pause. Pause. PAUSE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO SAY THIS. WRITE THIS. ADMIT TO THIS.

ugh how else can i say this without causing every internal organ in my body to cringe in unison and threaten whole bodily shutdown for the entirety of the time it takes for my parts to Un-Cringe themselves. i could die.

i wish to die.

i won't die. let me continue. *deep breathe*

They tell me that you want me back.

Oh my god i want to laugh and cry and barf at the same time - me in real life, me now - not me in the dream. Well maybe me in the dream. But speaking from the conscious VERY-NOT-ASLEEP P.O.V of my self at present, it really hurts to say that because...i dreamed that. I can't believe i dreamed a dream in which you say "you want me back".

I cringe because you, and me, might think oh, that's what she secretly wants.

No. It. Is. Not. And i know this, but you can't, unless i tell you outright like this "I DON'T". and even then, because of this dream, i may be relinquishing my right to protest that contention. "Well clearly your deep inner psyche is saying different blah blah wah wah" says the PSEUDO-SCIENTIST IN US ALL. Whatever, that was exhausting, lol, i said what i said and i dreamed what i dreamed.

If you *are* *asking* *me*, i will tell you with incredibly clear eyes: no, i didn't dream you saying that because it was what i wanted. i don't know why i dreamed that, but how about i get to the end now, before we jump to more conclusions:

i hear that, and - what magically appears? A piece of paper, with old feelings written..no, scrawled.. all over it. There's blank space near the end.

There's a collective agreement that you are not coming out of the bathroom anytime soon. Is it a red flag to Dream Me that you are HIDING IN THE FKN BATHROOM? LOL NO.

in fact i think Dream Me thought it was cute. "aw he's shy" rather than "what the fucking coward".

Oooo. Was that harsh. and i oop--

I begin to write my "current" (quotes to remind you this IS THE RE-TELLING OF A DREAM, A NON-REALITY!!!) feelings. surprisingly, they were a smidgen closer to my actual feelings today, but still, it was a dream, and my REM brain is setting me up for some happy ending i think. So what do i write? I write something along the lines of "i don't want to be together but i did miss you and i do want to kiss you".

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool throw tomatoes at me NOW.

MOVING ON: I remember the room is now crackling with hope, and optimism, and your peoples are cooing "how cute" (which is hilarious in hindsight because this is not cute at all, it is very very weird)

and then the vibes get *~*~dramatic~*~ for a pinch: a confession from your brother: -this part i'm dead ass even as ludicrous and irrelevant as it seems-

he says to me: “i know he said i'm his brother, but i'm not. Actually, he's the brother. *points to a faceless figure* and i'm the good friend.” and it was like one of those soap opera revelation moments. I don’t know why.

Why does this detail...?? matter??? appear?? Well let me add that, it was like...so familiar. this "uncovering" of a lie. REAL QUICK I'm not saying the man in question is a liar. that’s NOT it at all. I suspect the familiarity lied in my past experiences of feeling "not let in" or "held at a distance”. & I was doing my own damn lying, to myself. I was doing my own emotionally irresponsible business. /ending that there.

Point is, the "confession" was unnerving and it was almost like an omen. Like WHY Would you lie about something like that??? I couldn’t understand it!

But did i still want to leave this note?

And i, in the dream, did. still want to. So I give up the note to your peoples with intentions of it reaching you.

But of course, before i can leave, You come pummeling in.

I guess you were done with your really long shit or you were tired of hiding.

But the way you came in, i remember this motion picture vividly: you don’t greet me, you make a beeline straight past me, you insulate yourself behind your peoples, and your energy feels incredibly apprehensive. like you’re on Defense. Like someone’s come to attack you. Like what? And i’m so confused and so uneasy that i can’t wait to leave, without even wanting a word from you. This, the same person who wants me back they say? This, the same person who I called on for “a kiss” (UGHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!)

Your brother-turned-friend hands you the note.

I see that you got it.

I see you paw it, and start to look at it.

I feel an edge of regret but i let it be. what i wrote reflected how i felt, i affirm with myself.

and i leave

but while walking out, i’m already reconsidering: "okay it reflected how i felt, before i personally contacted THAT energy, his energy, his avoidance, his marked apprehensiveness"

and i storm back

when you were just about to dig into it

and i snatch it from your hands

but you held on and

in my determined snatching, i rip back the bottom half as you stare at me and shred the rest of it yourself. shred the half that remained in your hands into tiny ugly pieces.

like shrapnel, and it flutters around you, and your stare is intense, and intact, and i wonder if this was satisfying to you.

i burst out of that room, so angry, so fucking disturbed that you could've read something nice but i didn't want you to read something nice.

No, i was so dissatisfied by the non-greeting, the haphazard waltzing and pacing in the room for the brief moments we shared space,

i was vengeful

i tore the "something nice" before you could receive it.

And then I was horrified by the way you let the rest of it rip up in your hands and disappear like the rest of it (the part i'd taken back).

* * *

I got jumped by my own dream. HOW DID IT -- I--

I mean. What a load of Holy Hell.

And i still, resist, calling it a nightmare, because,

that's not accurate to how i actually remember you.

I remember you fondly.

and the most stressful part of when i look back at our time together

wasn't even you.

i always, even at the low points, felt a really deep joy from being around you.

The most stressful part when i look back was who I was then.

From where i stand now, i look back and shake my head the most ferociously at who i was, how i was, and what i was missing. what i needed. what i wasn't making sure to get.

have i forgiven Myself?

maybe that's why This Dream.

//////

AN AFTER THOUGHT: perhaps what is truly horrifying about this dream is 1) how childish it was. 2) why the fuck did i have a dream about you like @brain that was so uncalled for bruh

////

Edit: An afterthought 24 hours later= My impulse was to recount this dream in detail. I belabored this account, everything i could possibly remember about it, in addition to belaboring that though this DOES seem significant, it DOES NOT mean i still have the same feelings for this mf.

Now i am able to revisit it, in all its cringe detail glory. I have a lot more perspective on why this dream, and what it might mean to me. WOW the power of writing.

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