#the same way thalia asked about bars :D | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

claudiajcregg · 2 months

Note

S5 Pregnancy AU - I’d love to hear about!

Welp, this is embarrassing – mostly because this has been sitting in my inbox for almost two weeks, and I kept saying “I need to write something up!” and then… I didn't. (Or rather, I did, then I forgot to post it.) Sorry for the wait, Lil! Thank you for asking <3 (I'll divide this up because I keep writing about the process and how it came to be, instead of any actual, interesting facts.)

I have talked about this one in the past though I don't have a tag for it. The gist is what it says… (Early) S5 but CJ is pregnant. I had this idea over a year ago when I hit mid/late S4 in my rewatch. I thought it'd be interesting to explore some of her disappointment at that time if you added an unexpected pregnancy to it, even if I had the idea before even getting there, lol. Think, the ending-ish of Han, or parts of Disaster Relief. (Both of which do feature! I surprisingly focus a lot on Disaster Relief.)

The thing with S5 is that the timeline is so weird, and I feel I've also created one that isn't entirely realistic but I think it works within the story. (IIRC, the season starts in “May” but also July, then the Shutdown is in November, lmao. A few of the episodes are sneaky two-parters that flow into each other… See 5-6, 7-8.) I've finally gotten out of the no-man's-land I wrote myself into and the next chapter or two, knowing myself, will deal with 7-8! There are a couple of scenes that should be fun to write! (There are so many details I want to mention that are technically spoilers for early twists…)

Every time I had the urge to write it, I'd edit whatever outline I was working in, and though I kept some details… my muse decided to make a big change early on that completely changed the fic's direction. That, and my inability to write anything succinctly. No reason why this story will cross the 100k barrier in a couple of chapters, tops. (It's sitting at 85k across 12 chapters. I think it'll be less than 20 chapters total. Hopefully.)

This might be too long to share snippets, but I've shared some either on the server or here, a couple of months ago.

For more irrelevant details on the “process”…

As I hinted at, I wrote an outline or two around this time last year, because I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I say outlines, it's a general path for the story to follow – ideas, suggestions of dialogue and/or scenes I write to myself; all focused around some sort of chapter structure. I find it much easier to write if I write down where a chapter might go, even if it's just a few lines saying “This happens → then this → finally this;” otherwise, it takes me months. Some would say that I should post it and get encouragement that way but… I hate being dependent on something I can control even less than my muse? That's not for me, thank you. Mad respect for those who work like that.

It was meant to be short – 1-2 “long” chapters per trimester, more if needed, but then interludes in between trimesters. It's not that. Most chapters currently cover 1-2 weeks, but there is not really a pattern. I was afraid of having a fic that would take over my life like the WOWO did three years ago… And it has, but I've also taken breaks and not felt too guilty about them. I definitely don't want this one to sit in my drive and have me wondering what to do with it.

(The novel, aka WOWO, aka IM AU (2021): 150k written in a little over five months, even with extended breaks over the summer. Still hits, even with all its crazy decisions, maybe because of them, but it's also been too long, and it will always remind me of someone who kinda hurt me. Attempts to replace those memories by sharing the story with others, trying to gather whether it's worth posting, have failed, lmao. One day! Maybe!)

But yeah. Uuuuuhhhh. As I've said… Twelve chapters in ten months, 85k words… It's still not done. In fact, I've repeatedly said I am unsure of how to end it (beyond the obvious), but I'd estimate it to be under 20 chapters. I'm not posting it anywhere yet because I want to be able to edit it as a whole and try to make it more consistent; to add little details as I come up with them. There's also the fact that I am not skilled enough to write a compelling story that mixes politics and emotion into something remotely engaging. As a result, the story's politics are very surface-level, and probably repetitive at points, but it's also true I've always been more interested and focused on the emotional journey and the relationship(s) at its center. (Which should surprise exactly no one who's ever read one of my stories.)

But, as critical as I might sound of myself here, I am having fun writing this and I'm committed to seeing it through. I just keep having ideas for stories down the line, putting actual show events through a 'but she also has a kid' perspective.

#mihrsuri #asks #wip ask game #wip title ask game #even despite all the rewriting and editing this is still rambly af #doesn't make sense #I wish I could say what happens at the end of chapter 3 lmao #hadn't even realized that link was to yours! funny how you asked about this one then too #the same way thalia asked about bars :D #thank you for asking and sorry for the delay!

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cuquitalocita · 3 years

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hi! love your writing and it said you were looking for prompts :) maybe do an emotional hurt/comfort percabeth after tlo?? touch starved annabeth and soft percy are just something that can be so personal

AN: yeah this one hurt and i am... SO sorry

“Alright, Ares! Let’s do this!” Cheers followed Clarisse’s voice as the game of capture the flag began and campers sprinted off in the direction of the forest sporting their bright blue and red helmet. Percy smiled a little, glad that at least some of the campers seemed to be having fun so soon after the war. Chiron and Mr. D had quickly agreed that things needed to go back to normal as soon as possible- Chiron said it would be easier to adjust that way, and Mr. D said he couldn’t handle any more crying campers. Charming, that one.

“You coming Percy?” one of the younger campers asked as he passed him, and Percy shot him a friendly smile- attempting to not be as intimidating as he knew the younger campers thought he was.

“Sure thing, I’ll be there in a sec. Don’t beat the Ares kids too bad, eh?” The camper laughed and scampered off, his smaller sword clattering against his massive battle armor as he ran. The nostalgia that the sight brought had a lump growing in Percy’s throat that he quickly shoved down.

Something felt different today- he didn’t know what… but something was off. It didn’t help that the gods had been unusually quiet as of late. And with the new prophecy, he and Annabeth had heard only a few short weeks ago…

Annabeth.

He hadn’t seen his favorite blonde since breakfast this morning, assuming she was back in the Athena cabin doing some more research on Deadalus’s laptop or- knowing her- trying to figure out the new prophecy.

But it was the end of the day now, the sun was going down over the lake and Percy had yet to see his girlfriend again. He made his way through the camp- empty now that capture the flag had started, only coming to a stop when he heard the unmistakable sound of familiar sniffling. He was in front of the Hermes cabin, one of the places he had been avoiding for the last couple of months, and turned only to see Annabeth Chase sitting on the ground, her knees pulled to her chest and her head turned downwards.

Percy couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Annabeth cry. Maybe it had been at the end of the war when Luke…

“Annabeth?” Her head shot up in response, the arm that was wrapped around her knees immediately flying to the dagger that lay at her waist. She moved jerkily, so unlike Annabeth that Percy definitely knew something was wrong. But as her gray eyes met his green ones, Percy saw the pure desperation that lay in them.

“Percy,” she breathed, her voice shaky. “Shouldn’t you be in the woods?” Percy tried for a small smile as he sat down next to her and leaned back on his palms. He felt more than saw Annabeth lean her body slightly towards him as if he were a beacon of safety. Like what she was to him.

“I came back to look for you. Are you okay?” The look Annabeth shot him from behind her curls told him that she very clearly was not okay. He winced a little at the familiar storm in her eyes. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Annabeth took a deep breath and when she released it sounded shaky. Percy couldn’t help but put his arm around her, grateful when she leaned in and placed her head on his shoulder. It was weird- the whole touching thing. They had touched as friends before, but things were different now. A good difference, just… strange in a way.

He tried not to make it obvious how much he was overthinking as he allowed his fingers to twirl one of her sunny curls around in a fidget.

“It’s his birthday today,” she finally said after a long pause of silence. “Or- it would be. He’d be twenty-one.” Annabeth let out a harsh laugh and Percy tried to ignore the shiver that went down his spine at how cold it sounded. “Twenty-one. Can you imagine? Luke, going to a bar and legally being able to buy a drink. He hated alcohol. But I guess things have changed since then huh?”

Percy didn’t know what to say. In the years since he had come to camp, not once had they acknowledged Luke’s birthday. And he hadn’t once thought about how Annabeth, Thalia, and Luke may have celebrated when they were younger. Percy pulled her closer and squeezed her shoulder, hoping that he could convey exactly what he was feeling.

Percy let out a breath. “And then there’s Charlie’s birthday next month. Silena’s present for him is still in the Aphrodite cabin.”

Faces flashed in Percy’s mind of black hair and strong arms, blue and gold eyes, and eyepatches. Of kids who were just that- kids when their lives were taken from them. When they were ripped away from everything they ever knew. When monsters hunted them until their dying breath. When they grew sick of being overlooked by the very same people who were supposed to be the ones protecting them. When they died for a corrupt cause

Kids. All of them.

“Gods, when did things go so wrong for all of us?” Annabeth was crying again, thick tears streaming down her beautiful face as her body shook with sobs. But Percy was almost crying too now. Crying for his friends, crying for his father, crying for his life. Because he barely had any of it.

Percy pressed his nose to Annabeth’s hair, hoping she could hear him when he whispered, “I miss them too.” Annabeth had turned her face to his neck and in any other situation, her curls might have tickled him. But as she placed her hand on the small of his back, his Achilles heel, his one weakness, he felt nothing but the familiar comfort that only Annabeth could give him. The same comfort that hadn’t faded since their first day of capture the flag.

“But… Annabeth,” Percy’s voice was calmer now- steadier. “If we don’t live now, everything they did- everything they sacrificed, will be for nothing.” An image of the younger camper scurrying into the forest, his face alight with hope and excitement flashed through Percy’s mind. “Because Annabeth- we made it. We’re alive. And we’re here.” And he would be damned if he allowed the girl in front of him to give up when she had so much to offer the world. He wasn’t sure the world would even be able to handle an Annabeth Chase. But he was going to make sure he would find out. And thinking about it, he knew Luke would want the same thing.

Annabeth had taken her head off of his shoulder and was looking up at him, her gray eyes shining with something Percy knew his own eyes were mirroring.

“Percy I…” But the look on her face was enough. He nodded

“I know. Me too.”

Percy had lost track of the amount of time they had sat there when Annabeth nuzzled her nose close to his neck. It tickled a little and this time Percy allowed himself a small laugh as he heard her inhale. He just hoped he didn’t smell like gross seawater.

“Making sure I don’t stink Wise Girl?” he asked, looking out at the setting sun.

“No,” she replied quietly. “Just… making sure you’re still here.” If possible he hugged her even tighter.

“Hey,” he tried to choke out a laugh as he pressed a kiss to her hair. “What’s Wise Girl without her Seaweed Brain?”

And he could’ve sworn the earth shook as he whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”

um... yeah... hehe :)

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #PJO #percabeth fic #luke castellan #silena beauregard #tlo

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apologies-in-advance · 3 years

Text

scene bucket #5(?)

marion: why do we never get percy with feeling

feelings*

kristin: ?

marion: this kid has problems

and

we never talk about them at all canonically

kristin: yeah, idk

like there are (that i know of) two instances of ptsd

in the entire series

which, okay, kids book, but still

he's like seventeen (and so are the rest of them)

they've seen who knows how many deaths. like...

marion: isn't it a YA book tho?

kristin: yeah

but

i think it was targeted to like 13/14?

idk...

marion: harry potter has death plots and people bleeding out and george being rightfully upset about fred

but like

pjo is just yes we have problems in the subtext

kristin: that is one thing i missed.

that i want.

(which probably makes me horrible, idk)

marion: no i kind of want it too

kristin: xD

are we bad people?

marion: no

i think we just want someone to finally be sad

kristin: yeah

marion: bc these kids are like

always happy

bar leo who canonically is depressed but they NEVER SAY IT

kristin: right

like, for example, i feel like with all those deaths (especially, for example, like Bianca and Beckendorf) and with Percys fatal flaw

he'd really beat himself up

like, more so than in the books.

and like Hazel literally was in the underworld.

and even though she was in the fields of asphodel. i feel like that would mess someone up.

marion: hazel faced discrimination

uhM

kristin: eurgh

i've always wanted to explore that, tbh

like, i have this thing that when she finally comes back, she asks Nico where a bathroom is, and he shows her

and she's like "that's not funny"

because there's different colored people in there, too

marion: oh

that's

that's kind of depressing

kristin: oof.

sorry.

idk, its just how i always imagined it going down.

marion: no no you're right

im just

kind of sad

that that would happen

kristin: yeah, ik

marion: to cinnamon roll hazel

kristin: (literally one of my favorite characters)

marion: *sob* i cant deal with this

:'(

this genuinely makes me want to cry

i dont-

how????

kristin: you imagine how hard it would be for her to have to adjust to like having a brother

that was

eurgh

sorru

*sorry

( i don't know if the term white is offensive or not)

marion: nah

kristin: okay, okay just checking

marion: poor cinnamon roll

kristin: D:

marion: i want to hug her and never let go

kristin: sammee

marion: ndfowendonwefon hazel is best

kristin: ikr

marion: hazel deserves best

kristin: yes

like she had to watch her mom die

in front of her

and she thought it was her fault

marion: hazel has angst, percy has angst, leo has angst

like her fatal flaw is guILT

angst budddiees

marion: :[

the angst trio

they cry themselves to sleep and pretend they're ok!

kristin: stOP

that's soo sad.

marion: everyone tries and subsequently fails to get them to talk about their problems

kristin: yeah, ik.

and they're just like, i'm fine.

Stop! Get some help!

marion: we're fine *sobbing*

kristin: through their tears

like, the rest of the seven can hear them crying through the thin walls of the Argo but nobody says anything

marion: *whispers* trauma? never heard of her

kristin: whose she?

honestly, though, like *sighs* it's so sad

marion: hahahaha...

kristin: haha.

*sighs*

like, the fates or whatever terrible being is in charge, just throw these kids and a satyr

on a flying boat

to destroy the earth

in order to save it

marion: and only one of them is mostly ok

actually coach hedge seems ok

kristin: yeah

maybe a little wack-o

but...

otherwise, fine

marion: so 2 out of 8

kristin: (unless we're counting nico)

marion: 2/9

kristin: Who, i think doesn't get as much appreciation as he should

reyna?

marion: 2/10

kristin: ooh, yes

oh, gods were making it worse

marion: 1/5

uhm that's pretty small

thalia?

2/11

kristin: sTOP i feel nico should get more recognition, though. like, he went

through tartarus.

alone.

marion: i think he and will are a focus in toa

but idk

kristin: (informercial voice Only 2 out of 11 demigods per year are mostly okay)

yeah idk either

marion: hey coach hedge isnt a demigod

kristin: CaUsE i HaVenT rEaD iT

oh no.

oops

...

marion: only 1/10 demigods are estimated to be mostly ok

one

out of

kristin: -that's-depressing-

marion: ten

kristin: one

out

ten

marion: low statistics

kristin: the weight of the worlds

*words

(like the weight of the sky on Percy and Annabeths shoulders)

marion: imagine the demigods making an 'into to chb!' video

kristin: uh oh

marion: and they're like so what's so great about being a demigod? and they all have fake cheery voices and blah

percy's just nothing. nothing is good about being a demigod. have fun dying before 18.

i literally barely made it.

they're like

can i quit?

no. no you can't

kristin: can i be fired?

marion: no.

please?

dang it

uhm

kristin: but you can die

have fun!

marion: how is that bETTTER

kristin: *whispers* it might be

nO WHAT HAVE I DONE

...

marion: i dont like the brutal honesty in this conversation

kristin: :/

i don't either, honestly.

*hA honestly*

*brutal honesty?*

*no? okay i'm sorry*

marion: *sob*

kristin: no, i'm fine.

they're all fin

marion: just fine.

kristin: loOK what i found

" The cab sped west. Every gust of wind through Death Valley sounded like a spirit of the dead. Every time the brakes hissed on an eighteen-wheeler, it reminded me of Echidna’s reptilian voice."

tlt

marion: i-

my dude

get some help

perCY

kristin: he doesn't need it

'member?

marion: YES HE DOES

HE FRIGGIN NEEDS THERAPY

kristin: " She made one more attempt to speak, but the sound was gone. Her image melted away. If it was my mother, I had lost her again. I felt like drowning myself. The only problem: I was immune to drowning."

" The last thing I remembered was sinking in a burning sea, knowing that Tyson was gone forever, and wishing I were able to drown"

marion: IJBUWFDWBJVH GCWDBIUWS

he wants

DrOWN

himself

and he would

kristin: " Thing is, as I was choking just now, I kept thinking: this is payback for Akhlys. The Fates are letting me die the same way I tried to kill that goddess. And … honestly, a part of me felt I deserved it. That’s why I didn’t try to control the giant’s poison and move it away from me. That probably sounds crazy"

that was blood of olympus!

marion: NO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NONONONO

kristin: yEAH

he was talking to Jason

after they were underwater or whatever

marion: and jason did nothing????

bRO

kristin: he said

marion: help hIM

kristin: Jason thought back to Ithaca, when he was despairing over the visit from his mom’s spirit. ‘No. I think I get it.’

THEN

they act like nothing happened

Percy studied his face. When Jason didn’t say any more, Percy changed the subject.

marion: :[

jASON

kristin: >:{

marion: jASON ASNd PERCY

kristin: D:

marion: iowahdnbxcunejwqzhs UGGYUSKNM

kristin: wonder how many more examples there are....

marion: oh no

my stars

kristin: ik

this is depressing

marion: wow

kristin: what about Frank though?

or PIPER

like he dad got kidnapped

*her

and then like she finally saved him

and he was like you're a hero

and then she had to ERase his Memory

marion: oof

true

kristin: like, it's obviously not as bad as the others

but still.

marion: yeah

kristin: *exhales*

DD:

im sorry

one more

" " She shook her head. ‘I’m not Caesar. After finding Jason’s note in Diocletian’s Palace, tracking you down was easy. I only did what I thought was necessary.’ Percy couldn’t help smiling. ‘Reyna, you’re too modest. Flying halfway across the world by yourself to answer Annabeth’s plea, because you knew it was our best chance for peace? That’s pretty freaking heroic.’ Reyna shrugged. ‘Says the demigod who fell into Tartarus and found his way back.’ ‘He had help,’ Annabeth said. ‘Oh, obviously,’ Reyna said. ‘Without you, I doubt Percy could find his way out of a paper bag.’ ‘True,’ Annabeth agreed. ‘Hey!’ Percy complained. The others started laughing, but Percy didn’t mind. It felt good to see them smile. Heck, just being in the mortal world felt good, breathing un-poisonous air, enjoying actual sunshine on his back. Suddenly he thought of Bob. Tell the sun and stars hello for me. Percy’s smile melted. Bob and Damasen had sacrificed their lives so that Percy and Annabeth could sit here now, enjoying the sunlight and laughing with their friends. It wasn’t fair. ""

marion: i-

sang it

dang it

kristin: you sang it

marion: a nice wholesome moment turned into angst

kristin: ikr

DID YOU

SEE

THAT THEORY

about Zoe and bob?

marion: ?no

kristin: HOLD ON

this is game changing

this is what i'm talking about

Bob's a titan.

He's related to Atlas, yes?

You know who else is related to Atlas? Zoe.

Bob=related to Zoe

You know what her last words were? She said 'I can see the stars again, my lady.' before Artemis turned her into a constellation.

Constellation=Stars

'Tell the stars hello'=Tell my cousin/sister/relative hello

marion: *SOB*

i cant do this

kristin: In Greek mythology, Iapetus was a Titan, the son of Uranus and Gaia and father of Atlas

marion: pjo and hoo have too much angst for my pathetic heart

kristin: s

so... bob is zoe's grandfather

marion: aw........

kristin: balling like a baby

marion: *SOBSBsbhsbejdbfeid*

kristin: YES

marion: you cant do this to me

kristin: i'm sorry

marion: i cant do this

this makes me so depressed

osinfdejnd

how

kristin: i have no idea

marion: bob and zoeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

kristin: D':

yo, imagine how Annabeth and Percy would react if they figured it out

marion: no nonOnONOnONONoNOn

kristin: I think they'd break

at least percy

marion: percy is sad

kristin: eurgh

marion: it's too much

kristin: you know what the worst part is?

marion: what

kristin: his friends don't even know it

they probably think he's actually fien

*fine

marion: i-

what...

hold up

nopr

kristin: they just think he's this upbeat optimistic sarcastic person

makes people laugh because it's a tension releaser

marion: ,'(

kristin: eurgh

marion: get some help, already

kristin: you know what they should have?

a camp therapist. like some Apollo camper, or smth

marion: something

kristin: yeah

for those who would be WILLING

*cough* not percy *cough

he'd be like I'm fiiine

marion: i dont need therapy

kristin: ha

yeah

marion: yup

kristin: Perce, you sure?

yep

marion: uhm

yeah just gonna

go now...

kristin: *shrugs* okay. whatever you say

*walks away*

marion: *sob* yeah im fine

kristin: they don't even turn around (cus they can't hear him [cause it was internal])

marion: *internal breakdown*

kristin: (meanwhile, on the outside) *grins at whatever dumb joke Jason told him*

*or Leo

marion: :')

kristin: just

fine

whAT ARE WE DOING

marion: poor perce

kristin: Dx

marion: percy is the type to get shot in the stomach and tell them to go look at annbeth's papercut

kristin: but, yeah srsly

Exhibit A

"‘You still claim him then?’ Zeus asked menacingly. ‘You claim this child whom you sired against our sacred oath?’ ‘I have admitted my wrongdoing,’ Poseidon said. ‘Now I would hear him speak.’ Wrongdoing. A lump welled up in my throat. Was that all I was? A wrongdoing? The result of a god’s mistake? "

Exhibit B

" ‘Your mother is a queen among women,’ Poseidon said wistfully. ‘I had not met such a mortal woman in a thousand years. Still… I am sorry you were born, child. I have brought you a hero’s fate, and a hero’s fate is never happy. It is never anything but tragic.’ I tried not to feel hurt. Here was my own dad, telling me he was sorry I’d been born. ‘I don’t mind, Father.’ ‘Not yet, perhaps,’ he said. ‘Not yet. But it was an unforgivable mistake on my part.’"

marion: ah and then the mr.brunner incident

kristin: Oh! yes

#pjo #hoo #scenebucket??#suicide #depressed

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hatethesun · 5 years

Text

Toxic Friendships

Current time: 1:30 AM

I feel like rambling about stuff tonight, and I guess this is the first topic that came to mind. I’ve never really told anybody about this stuff, so I might as well over share on the internet.

When I was in second grade, a new girl transferred into my class. We’ll call heeerrr... La, sure. Just for privacy reasons. But at first, I absolutely hated La. I thought she was obnoxious and full of herself, and it made me want to stay away. But at the same time, I was a curious second grader who had never seen a new kid before because the school I went to was tiny as hell and rarely got anybody new. And now I really wish I had gone with my gut instinct, because my curiousness landed me in a toxic friendship that lasted way too long.

I guess the first thing that should’ve told me she wasn’t a good person was that she always criticized me. Some criticism is good, of course. But she literally never had anything good to say about me. She was constantly on my case about not being good enough, and all I did was agree with her and try to live up to her standards. Of course, it didn’t work. Nothing I did was ever enough for her. Nothing I bought her was ever good enough (not that she bought me anything in return other than a chocolate bar at a middle school dance). And it really sucked, because I was trying so hard to be enough for her.

All through elementary school, she was my only friend. I had friends before La came along, but I became really distant from all of them when I became friends with La. When I finally got to middle school, La started hanging out with other people, and I felt so alone. I worked up the courage to ask to hang out with them, and I’m so glad I did because I ended up making real friends in those other people.

Around seventh grade, I started getting really close to a girl named... Becky. Sure, we’ll call her that. Becky and I were both really emo and were able to bond over our shared music tastes and general cringiness. I ended up crushing on her hard, even though I knew she’d never like me. Regardless, I tried to spend as much time with her as I could. Instead of being happy that I had started getting really close to someone else, La was upset. She was constantly trying to wedge her way in between Becky and I, and she would try to separate us whenever possible. I thought that La was just feeling left out and didn’t comment on it, even though I hated that she was pushing Becky and I apart. She made the two of us so distant that we never really got back to being as close as we were back then.

Looking back, it wasn’t just Becky that she did this with. She did this with two girls we’ll call Mel and Thalia too. Mel and Thalia both transferred in seventh grade, and I made friends with both of them. I’m not really friends with Mel anymore because we lost contact after she moved again, but Thalia is still a close friend of mine. But back then, the three of us were pretty close. Then La stepped in and kept trying to separate me from them. Every time I wanted to go hang out with them, she’d guilt trip me into cancelling. She’d always try to make me feel bad for hanging out with people other than her, and it worked.

La was just one of those girls who was constantly surrounded by drama. She always had something shitty going on, and of course I was the one she unloaded everything onto. I was expected to be the strong one, the one who took care of all her problems for her. Seriously, everytime something was wrong, she made me fix it. And I just did it because I thought that was what friendship was all about. But she never even tried to make me feel better about anything going on in my life. My alcoholic father still lived with us at the time, and he was incredibly abusive. I honestly feared for my life at some points. On top of that mess, I was working on figuring out my gender identity. I was a fucking train wreck, and the number one thing I wanted was for a friend to be able to comfort me. I didn’t have that, because my only “friend” was La, and she had distanced me so much from all my other friends that there was no way I could talk about this with them.

Now, I could go on and on about all the shitty things La put me through, but that would take forever and it’s already almost 2 in the morning now. The thing that finally ended this toxic friendship, the thing that finally freed me from everything was... Interactive Introverts. Okay, it wasn’t exactly just the D&P show.

This was last summer, and I had three tickets to go see Dan and Phil in Rosemont. One of the tickets was for me (obviously), so I could take two friends with me. There was this guy I was getting closer to (the guy I made that kinda cringey love ramble about) who we’ll call Bren, and I really wanted to take him along because I wanted to get to know him. And of course La wanted to go. But the problem was that Bren and La didn’t get along. Bren saw right through La’s bullshit and couldn’t stand the sort of person La is. And La didn’t like that. When it came time for the show, I decided to take Bren and my little sister. I thought that La would understand. After all, she had recently transferred schools and made tons of new friends, so I thought she’d get it if I was trying to branch out and make new friends. She didn’t get it. She said it was alright and thanked me for giving her the opportunity to go, and I figured that was that. I went to the show and had an awesome time.

After the show, another friend of mine named Rose informed me that as soon as La and I had finished texting, La went straight to Rose and started bitching nonstop about me. I knew this wasn’t the first time this had happened, but this time was different. I was just done with La’s shit more often than not at this point and I wanted to be done. So I just stopped responding to her messages. We used to have really cringey usernames on Instagram that we made up for each other, so I changed that. I was done. And finally, when the school year started up again, my friend Bella finally messaged La and told her what was up with me. And La flipped shit, to put it nicely. That’s when I finally snapped and told her to just fuck off, that she had put me through hell for too long and that I was done. And then I sort of cried because that was it. Everything was finally over. And Bren sat next to me and hugged me and god I love him.

So I guess there’s a point to reading this whole thing (if you even bothered, that is). I want people to learn from my mistakes. I want others to be able to see the warning signs and cut things off before you’re manipulated into years of an unhappy “friendship” like I was. So yeah, don’t be like me; stop things before they get bad.

#late night rambles #rambles #toxic friendships #i hate that i let that happen #so yeah #learn from my mistakes #don’t let this happen to you

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