#the warring impulses of jealousy and repulsion. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

galacticwildfire · 1 year

Text

found.

Twenty Five

Pairing: Kenobi!oc x Din Djarin

Summary: Satine and Obi-wan’s daughter fought in the war against the Empire and lost her faith when she lost Mandalore. Until she found him. A lone Mandalorian searching for a Jedi.

Warnings/tags: Trigger warnings for flashbacks: suicide attempt, violence, gunplay, trauma. For the rest of the story: near death, jealousy, violent impulses, threatening, descriptions of ptsd and injuries, mentions of miscarriage, angst angst angst, Din and Lando united against Boba

Word Count: 7.9k

A/N: it gets worse before it gets better but the next chapter is angst to the extreme. I have the proceeding fight between her and Boba written but it would have pushed the chapter to 10k words so expect it in the next one. I wanted to spend some time in Boba's pov exploring the other side of their story from his eyes. Also one scene is very much inspired by the "we don't like him do we" one from ginny and gerogia,

ALSO THAT NEW EPISODE. NOW THAT IS MOTIVATION TO WRITE.

Boba Fett

From the cockpit I can hear the Mandalorian talking to her as if that alone could undo a missile impact. He loves her. Not that I can blame him. Once I was in the same state as him after pulling her out of that rubble after the oxygen in her lungs had been replaced with chemicals, not that she was conscious to see it. Much like now, but something tells me she'll know.

She always does.

Perhaps I said the things to the Mandalorian that I did out of spite, perhaps I respect the man, maybe I want to kill him, maybe it's the fact it was easier to voice the hate in my heart than to look at her dying in another man's arms.

He's terrified, I was as well when I saw the missile impact.

But I was right when I told him she's both too stubborn to die and too hard to kill. A trait the rest of the Jedi didn't share, one I attribute to her sheer spite more than Mandalorian blood, but what keeps me calm is knowing I've seen her perform stranger miracles than surviving a direct hit from a missile.

Fennec and I sit in silence as we enter the system until she finally breaks it.

"You neglected to tell me the woman who had your armour was formerly pregnant with your child."

There is frustration in her voice, almost repulsion, not that I can criticize it when she heard the whole of it. "Was. A long time ago."

She is hardly one to judge, but she does. "That information would have been valuable before engaging."

I scoff, forgetting most aren't familiar with warriors like Kyra "How so?"

"I hadn't accounted for a vengeful Jedi," she says and shakes her head, touching her throat from where Kyra strangled her. Her willingness to use the force to commit violence is something I had not accounted for, but I should have known threatening her would only make her snap.

"Well it seems she is the only one of those left in the galaxy," I say, glad to know at least one of us has not changed.

"We owe them Boba," she says stiffly. "For the child."

"I know," I say quietly. I owe her. If she has claimed this child as hers, whether as a padawan or a foundling, or more likely both, it's my duty to return it to her. "And we will help them if she lets me live long enough."

Physically I know she can kill me, she may be one of the few people still alive who can. I haven't been on the receiving end of an attack from her, not truly at least, but I've seen enough to know what she is capable of, it's only ever been her heart and damned code that's held her back from committing massacres.

I've heard the rumours, that her and Skywalker walked into a room with Vader and the Emperor and only they left alive. I hope she killed them, with Skywalkers strength and her skill they are they only people in the galaxy who could.

I'll never forget the day I stood in that throne room on Mandalore when Viszla challenged her, a hulking man with a full foot on her and still he ended up beaten.

And that was without her Jedi tricks.

"Mando filled the space you left in the guild after the Sarlaac," Fennec warns me, I'd done my research and came to the conclusion that Kyra would only find herself in league with a man who could rival her. "I can assure you that he's just as likely to drop you once she's safe."

"Great," I find myself saying. He's taken my woman and my reputation without even realising it. "He can take what he wants, but there is no other bounty hunter like me. Only me."

"Except for the fact you're in love with the same woman," she says, more frustrated I withheld important information from the mission than anything else. "That you had also neglected to inform me of."

"Fucking the same woman," I correct. "I never said anything about love."

"I'm not deaf," she shortly, no doubt having heard the conversation below. "I thought living with the Tuskans was what made you soft, not her."

"She did," I force myself to admit. "And it got me all but killed."

"Better not make the same mistake twice then," she says and that's the end of the conversation, yet for just a moment I remember what it was like to have Kyra beside me in this cockpit, remembering it all too well. Right from the first time we met, when she paid me to smuggle her to Mandalore after her mothers death, hiding behind a veil and giving no name.

"First time dealing with a bounty hunter?" I asked her, having picked up on the fact she was some aristocrat but I never could have known the Mand'alor herself was sitting beside me.

"Something like that," she answered. "I sat in that Cantina for hours, I approached you because of that armour you wear, those who follow the old ways have a code of honour about them for the most part."

"Then why are you suspicious of me?" I asked her, her body cues obvious enough.

"Because suspicion has kept me alive."

I was almost impressed although cautious when I realised I had a refugee onboard. "Would I be right to assume you aren't quite friends with the Empire?"

"No one is friends with the Empire," she said, and there was a regal yet frustrated tone to her voice that should have alerted me to who she was as it was all too similar to the Duchess Satine's. "We all live under their rule, for some that is more difficult than others."

"We all do what we must to make a living," I told her, just wanting to make my way through the galaxy with some credits in my pocket. "Why make life more difficult for yourself?"

"That's a good question," she said, she was a young woman but spoke with a self righteous wisdom that felt too familiar. "Some of us are born into difficult situations, it's all we know."

"With the wealth you have it can't have been that difficult," I dismissed. "You sure have enough beskar to keep yourself comfortable."

"Blood money," she replied and those words sparked my intrigue.

"What money isn't blood money?" I asked her, but she knew that and still judged it with the true hypocrisy of a Jedi. "Did you forget who you hired?"

"A bounty hunter," she answered simply. "And from the price you charged that man on Tatooine a very good one I suspect, expensive enough for these parts anyways."

"If you've lived your life on Tatooine you would know it is the rate for Bounty Hunters of my experience, it's in the outer rims where blood money runs thick," I said and tilted my head towards her. "Unless that is just another part of your story."

"You doubt I'm Mandalorian," she said and then left me stunned as she spoke in Mando'a. "I am more than most who claim to be."

Oh little did I know just how much until we were entering Mandalore's atmosphere and she was telling me to fly past Imperial ships straight for the palace and I felt like the greatest fool in the galaxy realising I was sitting beside the spawn of a Mandalorian duchess and a Jedi, a Jedi I'd once tried to kill.

She'd kept up her game of disguise all the way from Tatooine until that moment, even after I'd found the bodies of the stormtroopers she'd left on a layover planet the moment I'd let her out of my sight. I'd sat here in this very cockpit dumbfounded at having been blindsided for one of the very few times in my life, that the aristocratic woman I'd agreed to smuggle was a very capable killer and I didn't even know it. That I didn't know I was sitting beside someone who moved like a ghost and shed blood without blinking an eye.

I think that was the very moment I knew I was fucked.

Maker knows I still am and she might not even make it to Cloud City. But I can't afford to think like that, after all she's endured she won't die today. She can't. Not like this.

She's older now, closer to the age I was when I met her, and with age has certainly come both beauty and bitterness. She's no longer a girl shouldering the weight of Mandalore and the Jedi on her shoulders, but a battle scarred woman who has lost more than most could ever fathom. Something I did not understand, not until the murder of the Tuskans. It is easy to blame those with a responsibility until you are the one carrying it, and having failed.

I went to her on Tatooine not just for the armour, I didn't beat Cobb Vanth just for beskar, but for her. That was when I discovered the Mandalorian and knew something had changed.

All those years during the war, from retaking Mandalore after her mother surrendered it to that day on Tatooine, we found our way back to one another. No amount of hate or betrayal could ever change that. Even that last night together no matter how much she hated me it didn't stop her from pulling me into bed.

I tried to convince her to abandon it all, but she wouldn't. Even so, after Cloud City I turned on Vader. She can scoff at me and deny I'd ever draw a blade on him, but I did when he told me he knew she was pregnant when he tortured her but it was too late to undo the damage that had been done. I never knew she'd lost the child then. For months I tried to get back to her until I lured her to Tatooine, expecting her to be half a year or more pregnant and there she stood as I'd last seen her with such rage in her eye that I believed what Vader told me she would do and she let me believe it.

Vader twisted both our minds, and now I know the truth all I feel is shame. Shame that the one good thing in my life, my one chance at a future to be a good man as my father was, I ruined it.

I ruined her.

And yet I can't accept what is right in front of my eyes.

That she loves this strange Mandalorian in a way she did not love me.

All those years of running around the outer rims together so her family would never know about us and now this Mandalorian seems to know them all. That was what told me all I needed to know in my questioning. She loves him, I knew that when I watched her find him bleeding out on Tatooine, but here she suddenly is with a child and a man she'd brought to meet the people she loves most. The two things her and I never had, the two things that were impossible for us despite how close we came to having it.

Everything I wanted for us, the freedom to travel the galaxy with just her and our child, a life together without the war or the Empire or the Rebellion. Just us.

Everything I wanted, everything I spent years fighting for, suddenly she has with another man.

That wounds me more than any words she could ever say.

I would have done anything for it, but she would never abandon the Rebellion for anything, not me, not Mandalore, nothing.

We were in bed together in an inn on a world where no one would know us, it was the unspoken condition of our arrangement following our reunion after Mandalore. We were each others secret.

My arm was around her shoulder, tired smiles on both our faces as I watched her inspect my new blaster. She was warm in my arms, the only soft thing I had in my life.

"It's expensive," she said, despite her insistence that blasters were uncivilised in comparison to a lightsaber she had no problems wielding one.

"I'm expensive," I reminded her, not that she needed it.

"Oh I know," she assured me and it earned a low chuckle. I watched in quiet amusement as she lined the blaster up with a decorative plate on the wall, making blaster sounds with her mouth.

I raised an eyebrow at the display "It sounds a bit more sophisticated than that."

"Yeah alright shut up," she laughed and I reached around to put a hand over hers. She didn't need any instruction with a blaster but I knew she liked it and so did I.

"It's silenced," I told her as I watched her face. "Yet still able to penetrate the thickest of armour. It's a smooth design, not bulky. Perfectly rounded edges."

"Hmm," she hummed as her already naked body warmed and I ran the barrel along her jaw knowing how she liked it, and there was nothing more erotic than watching her face as I fucked her with my blaster. Nothing. She bit back a moan as I ran it over her lips, getting her just how I wanted her as she tilted her chin up towards mine, her eyes fluttering closed as she murmured my name "Boba."

"Princess," I said, liking how she melted with a single touch and tried in vain to get her to leave that damn inn with me when I had her in the only state I could ever get her to beg in "You should come with me for a while, wherever you want to go."

Her eyes opened and that lovestruck look was gone. "You know I can't."

"You can, you just won't." With that she sat up and held the blankets to her chest and I sighed as I tried to bring her back "Kyra-"

"Don't," she said harshly as I broached that one subject that was sorely off limits.

"Is it so wrong to want you with me?" I asked her and pressed my lips to her shoulder. "Would anyone know if you disappeared for a few days..."

"Yes, considering I'm leading an attack in a few days they would," she revealed, always in anger giving more than she would otherwise and sighed "Boba, you know I want to."

"Then what's stopping you?" I asked her, bit by bit trying to get her to see what she was too stubborn to admit. "The rebellion will survive without you."

"If you want me that badly then come with me," she countered, as defiant as ever.

"That would make things more complicated than necessary," I said, by then she'd had to have known what I was doing and who I was working for, how couldn't she when I was running into her rebel friends in the field.

"You're the one making things complicated by hunting down my friends," she finally snapped and I leaned back in defeat knowing it was only a matter of time before she brought up the last altercation. "Fuck Boba, of all the targets you could take-"

"Solo pays the most," I said and the way she shook her head in anger spurred something in me. "Why do you care?"

She said it as if it was obvious, painfully in denial Solo would fuck her if given the chance and she was far too defensive of him for my liking. "Because he's my friend."

I scoffed "Why are you fucking him too?"

Her eyes widened and I knew I'd certainly hit a nerve in the way she slapped me hard without a moment of hesitation and I grabbed her wrists, pinning her down beneath me despite how she struggled and spat out "Fuck you Boba."

"Are you?" I repeated and saw a sick pleasure in her eyes at riling me up how she did despite how deeply the accusation angered her.

"Why would you care if I was?" she countered, and this time it was her who crossed one of our many unspoken lines. "Don't tell me you love me?"

It had been two years since she'd found me in that cantina, since she'd paid me in beskar to take her to Mandalore and had somehow convinced me to stay as her commander. She was arrogant enough not to take no for an answer and for some reason I allowed it. Of all the work I'd taken, being paid to fight for her and then fuck her every night was far from the worst of it.

Until it became more than that.

I never expected to want to stay, I never knew how invested I'd become until she decided to give it all up to return to the rebellion and left Mandalore in the hands of her aunt. Being the daughter of a Jedi and a pacifist the vengeful temper was a surprise I couldn't place, not until I met Bo-Katan Kryze. They both knew that Bo-Katan was everything Kyra could grow to become, while Kyra was everything Bo-Katan could have been.

Bo-Katan had been defending the palace with the darksaber Kyra had handed to her upon pointing her regent whilst Kyra fought on the front lines against Darth Vader and his legion before the bombs came. They both survived, I don't know what words were exchanged but it was enough for Kyra to bring down the ruins of the palace upon herself while her aunt and her Nite Owls lived.

I didn't know I loved her until I pulled her out of that rubble on Mandalore, but I couldn't admit it, not to her. I was Boba Fett and she was an inconvenience, one I found myself indulging in every chance I got.

"Don't be stupid," I said but she looked right through me and I hated it. "I don't like other men touching what's mine."

"Last time I checked I'm not yours, not when the only time I can have you is like this."

"I'd beg to differ."

She pushed against my hold on her but I didn't let up until she said "No I'm not fucking Han you jealous bastard." Maybe I wanted to believe it so I had an out but the moment I released her wrists she grabbed my face and pulled me down between her legs as she told me "I have what I want." Her next words were the closest either of us could come to telling ourselves and each other the truth. "And that's you Boba."

I watched her eyes darken at the feeling of my blaster between her legs and knew I had her as I gave her a single command "Show me."

And even as she sunk down onto the blaster she still believed she was in control, but if there was one thing she knew how to do, it was to take what she wanted.

It was that attitude that put her on the throne of Mandalore but it was her loyalty to the rebellion that lost her it, her misplaced loyalty that put us on opposite sides of this war. For a moment I was more than a bounty hunter, I was the right hand of the Mand'alor, an honourable man. I watched her fight every challenge to her reign, I watched as she tamed the clans who would have overthrown her if they saw a moment of weakness.

That was until she received one call from the Princess of Alderaan and she put the darksaber in her aunt's hands to run off to the rebel base with her battalion of warriors. That was when it fell apart, the screaming match in the empty throne room in the dead of night. All because she was too afraid to lose her so called family, all because she was that vengeance mad after her parents deaths. I understood the thirst for vengeance and would have been by her side to take it with her, but not when she thought vengeance meant returning to the rebellion.

She should have been glad she was born after the fall of the Jedi order, or else she would have been cast out for her insufferable heart. Her one and only weakness.

Mandalore would have withstood the Empire under her rule if not for it. If she'd made decisions without it instead of letting her own stubbornness and vendetta against the Empire leave Mandalore unstable and open to attack. She was always too much like her mother in believing through sheer willpower alone she could save Mandalore and they both lost it. In the end her mother surrendered it to the Empire so it would survive whilst Kyra did it so she could avenge her parents.

Now she's running around the galaxy with a Mandalorian who won't take off his helmet and a kid that was one of Yoda's species without a clue in hell what she's doing.

If I know anything it's that she protects and avenges what she's lost with the fierceness of a true Mandalorian. I left the Mandalorian to die and the kid was taken whilst we had them at blaster point. We enter the planets atmosphere and I know if she doesn't murder me when she wakes up I'll call myself a lucky man.

"Slave I, turn your ship around or be met with force," the air traffic controller says and I just sigh having anticipated no less.

Before I can try to tell them their beloved rebel hero is on board the Mandalorian comes up to the cockpit and buts in to speak into the com.

"This is Din Djarin, tell Lando Calrissian I have Kyra Kenobi on board and she is gravely injured."

There's chatter in the background before being asked "Is Boba Fett on board?"

"Yes but the General needs immediate care or else she will die," he says, sounding how I feel. "Let us land without violence, either Calrissian or Solo will vouch for me."

I can't help but scoff at him being chummy with those two and Fennec gives me a warning look, clearly acquainted with this Din Djarin and not wanting a fight.

"Alright, proceed to land."

And so I land the ship in the same spot where she ran to me upon arriving on Cloud City, not knowing the Empire was already there and it being too late for her to escape.

Perhaps this time I can make things right.

I have to.

Din

The moment the landing dock opens I'm carrying her limp body out of that ship, being met with city guards and finally Calrissian who rushes out.

"What happened?"

"She has internal injuries," I say, knowing how is not urgent right now. "She's barely breathing.

"We've got a bacta tank," he says but just as we rush forward towards the building he comes to a stop, only just taking in the ship and immediately reaches for a blaster "Did he do this to her?"

"No," I say, gathering Calrissian knows their history. "We can deal with him later she needs help now!"

I can't keep the urgent edge from my raised voice, not when she's all but dead and we run inside. I'm cradling her head to my chest to keep it as still as I can as he leads me through the halls until finally we reach a medic bay. Calrissian immediately starts giving orders for the tank to be readied while I strip her of her armour to her underclothes without hesitation, this not being how I'd planned on taking it off when I first saw her walk out of that ship guns blazing in beskar.

Calrissian brings over the harness to hoist her into the tank and the two of us get her inside it, in any other situation I'd cut a man's hand off for touching her in this state of undress but it hardly matters now when she's minutes from death.

"Be careful, her head-" I begin as the nurses secure the breathing apparatus and it's in the way her limp body hangs as she's hoisted inside the tank for a moment I'm sure I'll be sick and I'm bracing myself on the wall, trying to keep myself from collapsing on the spot now she's out of my hands.

"Sir I need to ask you some questions," the doctor says and I struggle to compose myself as he begins "How did she obtain these injuries and how long ago?"

"Direct missile hit around an hour ago," I answer and watch the colour drain from her face. "She- she's a Jedi. The same missile blew my ship to ashes but somehow she survived."

Calrissian's swearing under his breath and nothing feels real as I'm bombarded with more questions he ends up answering.

"Age?"

"Twenty eight."

"Pre-existing health conditions?"

"Severe post traumatic stress," Calrissian answers as I step closer to the glass, putting a hand on it as if I could touch her, feel her pulse no matter how faint to assure myself she's still alive. "Previous head traumas, long term damage to her organs and nervous system from electrocution."

My head snaps around towards him at those words, suddenly finding myself overcome by panic at having not known this whilst she was dying under my watch.

"Force lightning it," he tries to explain but those words don't help. "It doesn't matter how but she's had heart palpitations for years but stopped taking medication for it. She has cognitive processing difficulties, memory loss and disassociation as lasting effects of torture. It's a long list of health conditions but nothing overly out of the ordinary for a war veteran."

Well it's too long for me and I repeat "Lightning?"

"The Emperor," he says and I only tilt my head in confusion. "She hasn't told you about when her and Luke went to kill the Emperor?"

I feel my eyes widen beneath the helmet and I look back at her in pure shock, I knew about Darth Vader but somehow she never mentioned that.

"They killed the emperor?"

"No, technically not but she definitely tried-"

It's then we're interrupted by Boba Fett "She still alive?"

"You can get out!" Calrissian snaps at him and immediately my hand is on my blaster as he appears in the doorway too calm for my liking.

"In the purge she suffered chemical burns to the insides of her lungs and crush wounds," Fett reveals whilst I stand there ashamedly ignorant of this information, knowing none of it aside from the effects of torture. "She suffocated and I had to restart her heart manually before I could get her help, you'll want to keep an eye on her vitals."

"Noted," the doctor says and hesitantly looks between the three of us before asking "Now before we can do a full body scan I need to ask if there is any chance she could be pregnant."

I freeze beneath my armour, utterly still at the possibility that has not occurred to me before now. I don't know how many times I've been inside her in these past weeks, countless, almost every chance we've gotten away from the kid and everytime I was always as deep inside of her as I could have been when I finished. She never mentioned any protection and I never asked despite knowing I should have, perhaps selfishly wanting the consequences of such an act to happen and silently hoping so did she as she always wrapped her legs tight and held me inside of her after we'd both finished.

Now after everything I've learned, that she was once with child... there are so many things we never discussed that we should have, so many things I never knew.

Finally I stammer "Yes- she could be."

Boba Fett stays wisely silent, that is until Calrissian awkwardly steps in and says "She has a birth control chip, it shouldn't be expired."

He doesn't look at me and I don't want him to, having tried to forget what I heard in the cockpit when she spoke to Solo after the attack on Tatooine. I was stressed over Fett coming after us when I'd heard Solo telling her they should let off some steam together, I certainly saw the panic that took hold of her and then the frustration when I asked if I'd have to worry about this one coming after us as well after she took off to hunt Fett down in the night.

She told me the truth about Calrissian with little emotion other than guilt, that he wanted to marry her and she ran away. Something that hadn't surprised me after that night. Although I was more than surprised to see him when I met her family, but quickly realised if she deems him family that is something I have to accept.

And as far as I'm concerned right now he isn't the one I need to worry about.

"Well I'll be damned," Fett says and realise Calrissian can't look at him either. "She let you fuck her after what you did?"

I'm caught off guard, trying to keep an eye on Kyra in the tank to see if she's making any visible improvements, but those words certainly draw me back into the conversation.

"What I did was nothing compared to what you did," Calrissian says but that sparks enough alarm in me that my hand is on my blaster.

"What you did?" I repeat and Calrissian's eyes are on the floor, guilt written across his face.

"Ah, you don't know," Fett says, almost amused.

"I know what you did," I counter and draw my blaster on Fett, Calrissian quickly drawing his own as well. "I know you're the one who betrayed her."

"I couldn't have done anything if Calrissian hadn't betrayed Solo and the others first by inviting Vader into the city to ambush them."

I keep my blaster hand still as Calrissian replies "I never invited him, and if I recall you were the one by his side as they laid siege to the city."

"But not before you'd told Solo they were safe here," Fett argues. "She would have never stepped foot in this city if you hadn't betrayed your old friend first."

"I was there that day Fett, I heard her screaming for you to kill her after you turned her over," Calrissian says, repeating what I know from Kyra to be true. "Don't act innocent."

"Oh I know I'm not innocent," Fett replies. "But neither are you."

"Enough," I say sharply, not having the patience for any more of this and tell Calrissian "Moff Gideon took the child and I need to find a lead. He had to take Kyra out with a missile to stop her from cutting through his troopers and I'll need her with me. How soon will she be awake?"

His face falls and he tells me "I'm sorry, I know what that child means to both of you." He looks at Kyra before saying "I don't know how long it will take, but you got her here in time to save her life that's what matters. As for the kid I'll call in the cavalry and we'll make a plan."

I give a single nod, it will have to be enough for now. It has to be enough to keep me from losing my mind. She trusts her family, and I have to trust they won't let any harm come to her child.

"You should leave," I tell Fett and Calrissian points his blaster at him. "Or she won't be the one to kill you."

"Her and I have business," Fett replies and looks at me as he says "I'd say find me when she wakes but I have no doubt she'll do that herself."

He leaves and Calrissian and I stand there, the doctor stands in the corner of the room with her head down going over the vitals and organising the medical droid to run tests.

"Fett's going to be a problem," I immediately say, not wanting to know what business he has planned.

"He always is," Calrissian warns. "I was there when she found out he was still alive, I broke the news to her and she went straight to Tatooine to kill him so why is he still alive?"

A good question, one I don't want to answer.

"I've learned she likes to draw these things out," I tell myself, I'd settle for watching her torture him over the alternative.

"You going to kill him?" he asks and I have no doubt he wants to almost as much as I do.

"He tries anything I'll take care of it," I answer, my finger itching over the trigger, the only thing stopping me is Kyra. It's her blood to spill not mine, no matter how badly I want to.

But what is truly stopping me as much as it makes me want to kill him where he stands is the thought she doesn't want him dead. That somehow she still loves him.

I'd suspected it from the start when I knew she'd come to Tatooine to kill the man that armour belonged to, with every piece of information she revealed I'd suspected it but it wasn't until that night after the attack when I woke to find her gone I realised it went far deeper than I could have known.

Unfortunately something tells me I'm about to find out just how deep.

Hours later I'm sitting there alone, the doctor out running the test results and from what I can gather she's confused as well as concerned. She should be dead, but after spending this much time with the kid I know these are things no scientist or doctor could understand let alone explain.

All I can do is guard her body as she rests before me suspended in the tank, as unresponsive as she was when I brought her in despite the doctor assuring me her vitals are growing stronger.

Despite knowing she will live nothing has ever felt so dark.

The kid is still gone and nothing will feel real until I have them both in my arms, until I can kiss her and do the one thing I thought I'd have more time to do.

I won't make that mistake again

Calrissian's called Solo to Cloud City since he's in the outer rims, if she's still unconscious by tomorrow morning I can rely on him to get me to Navarro so I can put a team together to get the child back. Time is running out and I need to do it with or without her as much as the thought terrifies me.

I want to keep her safe, I don't want to put her in the field if she isn't able to fight, but she's the best fighter I've got. She was able to cut through those battle droid looking troopers with her lightsaber when our blasters could barely take out the Death Troopers. If we face the ones who took the child I doubt blasters will do the job.

I'd dreamed of seeing her in beskar and it was as much of a sight as I'd imagined it to be if not more, having never seen armour in such a design before but considering her fighting style it makes sense. Seeing her wearing a helmet made me want to get down on my knees as much as I'd anticipated it could.

I just never thought it would be on my knees screaming her name in vain.

I eye her saber sitting beside her armour and take it, having only held it to give it back to her and study the mechanics of it, wisely pointing it away from myself as I activate the ignition and the yellow blade ignites. It's lightweight, making a sound as I move it through the air, easy enough to maneuver so simply but nothing like how I've seen her move it. I can't imagine the years of training required for her to be able to wield it how she does with such deadly precision and mastery.

I disengage it as Calrissian enters the room telling me what I already know "She should be dead but she isn't and the doctors can't explain it."

I find myself repeating Fett's words "She's hard to kill."

"She is," he says and begins "Her and I... that had finished a long time ago, years ago, I only knew about the chip because we'd slept together a few times since then but that was over well before you two met."

While it's assuring to know she isn't still sleeping with him I don't care about that, not now. Now when she isn't in my arms and someone else is waiting for her to wake up.

"How much as she told you about Boba Fett?" he asks me, going where I didn't want to.

"Enough," I answer. She had told me everything important, except for one detail that I've gathered she'd convinced herself wasn't real, or at least tried to force from her memory. "She was pregnant when he betrayed her?"

He gives a stiff nod and lowers his voice "The empire had already garrisoned the city when she arrived. I saw him give her to Vader, saw her screaming for him to kill her and I saw the aftermath." He shakes his head, unable to look at her. "Leia and I found her in the cell after Han was taken away, we'd heard her screaming and trying to break out, there was blood all over the floor and she kept saying to Leia she didn't know."

I feel sick knowing now the true extent of what the Empire did to her and understand now why she's so fiercely sought to protect the child by any means necessary. I now understand her vengeful streak towards the Empire and know when she wakes I'll be by her side as she takes it.

"In all these years we never spoke of it, I think part of her had blocked it out completely," he says, confirming my suspicions. "I never knew her before that day, I only knew who she was after that but Leia told me she was never the same as what she had been before. Leia was the only one who'd known her before the Death Star. I loved her, but I wondered what she would have been like if not for the Empire."

"She told me you bought her a ring," I say and he nods in confirmation and that dark paranoia in the back of my mind from that night she ran haunts me. "She told me Boba Fett was what caused her to run."

"It seemed like it should have worked her and I, but it didn't. I loved her in one way but in these past years it's been in another, as family," he confides in me, not hiding his care for her. "I would have married her but I was never what she wanted or what she needed. Boba Fett was what she wanted and in her own twisted way she still loved him after she struck him down. That was until you and the kid came along." I still at hearing those words from a man who once loved her, words that couldn't be more different from Fetts. "You're what she needs and I know you're what she wants."

"And I need her," I say and it's then I catch movement out of the corner of my eye from the tank. "Kyra?"

We both stand and what was a movement of her fingers quickly turns into kicking and thrashing as she tries to free herself and I'm yelling "Help me get her out!"

Kyra

I stood in the ashes of Mandalore after having escaped Vaders ship. My aunt, the last of my blood, turned her back on me and left me there on my knees.

The world was dead, and so was I.

Cold tears ran down my cheeks beneath the beskar of my helmet. There was not a thought in my mind, only the crushing weight of the darkness. Vader had felt it too as he twisted my mind. Death would have been more merciful, but he would not let me die. No. He wanted to turn me, to make me his apprentice in his final act of vengeance against my father.

Everything was still, a wasteland of the life I'd once had and the girl I'd been.

Vader would come for me again, he was likely already on his way.

For the first time I believed if he finished what he started I would fall to the darkness. That despite my fathers counsel on the strength of those who resist the darkside I was no longer that strong anymore.

And so I slowly removed my helmet in the ultimate act of defiance against the Empire, against Vader. I would not die at his hands like my parents did.

The air was toxic, that much I knew with the first breath and I raised my gauntlet to record one final message knowing Leia would find me. Knowing she was the only person in the galaxy who would understand why I did it.

"Leia," I said, hearing the rawness of my own voice. "I survived the bombings but Mandalore is glass and ashes. There is nothing left." I knew it would break her heart, but she would understand. "Vader won't kill me, he won't stop until I turn and become a monster." My voice broke "I will not let him touch me again." The tears came and I whispered "I love you, and I'm sorry, but I can't let him make me into what he is. I can't live knowing my people are dead because of me. I can't." My voice was a mere whisper, feeling as if I'd broken the sacred vow between us two princesses after watching her survive her own planets destruction and Vaders torture, something I could not do. "I'm so sorry."

I wasn't afraid as I left my helmet in the open so they'd know where I was buried and stepped inside the ruins of the palace, it and I both barely standing. With each step forward I heard my fathers voice telling me to turn around and go to Luke and Leia and that was the first time I cut myself off from the force so all I would hear was silence as I got down on my knees and raised my hands to bring the palace down upon me, channelling the force for long enough I could hear my fathers voice in that final moment.

In the darkness my life flashed before my eyes from the start to an end I'd never seen before and the rubble crushed me, my chest feeling as if it would collapse from its weight and my lungs burned from the inside out. I was all but gone from the world when I heard a ship circling above and then a voice screaming my name as the darkness closed in on me.

"Kyra!"

In my slow death as the last bits of consciousness slipped I fought one final time at the sound of his voice and gasped out with ashes in my burning lungs, choking on the chemicals that replaced any oxygen left in the atmosphere, everything pure agony as I tried to dig myself out of the ruins.

"Kyra!"

But it was not the voice I remembered. No. It's his.

"Din!" I scream finding the strength to truly fight this time. This time my limp body won't be dug out of the ruins as I barely cling to life, this time my hand breaks through the rubble and reaches for his. "Din!"

"I've got you," he says as he grasps my hand, pulling me from the darkness. "You're safe."

I'm gasping for air as I come to, finding myself weighed down until I'm pulled free, my body falling against hard familiar beskar. "I've got you, I've got you cyar'ika."

"Din?" I gasp out and cling to him as he clutches me in his arms, dripping and shaking with no comprehension of where I am, only that I'm with him. That I'm safe. "Din."

He cradles my head, his own hands shaking as he pulls a blanket around me and I look up at him, hardly hearing Lando leaving the room yelling for someone to contact Leia until the door slams shut and I don't understand the fear, the pure devastation that consumes him.

"Din?" I whisper, my head spinning as I try to make sense of where I am and what's happened, but I don't even have a moment to think before he's pulled his helmet off and his lips are on mine, hard and desperate as I taste tears.

I'm frozen in bewilderment until he pulls away and orders "Open your eyes."

The request leaves me shaking my head, knowing something isn't right. "What-"

"Please," he whispers so heartbreakingly that I have no choice but to obey and my eyes open to look upon his face for the first time, finding beautiful brown tearful eyes and reach for his face wondering if this too is a dream. "Cyar'ika."

In my dreams he'd smile not weep, and I'm too overwhelmed by his own agony to truly take him in as he deserves to be. In my dreams I'd kiss him and tell him he's beautiful and mine and that I adore him. But in this moment all I feel is fear.

In this moment nothing feels real.

"Din?" I breathe, trembling as I search his eyes and my heart stops knowing only one thing could do this to him. "Where's Grogu?"

He shakes his head and pulls me to him, hand buried in my hair with my face pressed into the beskar of his chest as he quakes "He's gone, they took him."

Those words all but convince me this is a nightmare and suddenly I'm ten years old again, screaming as I was stolen from outside the palace walls of Mandalore except this time I'm feeling my own fathers horror at his child being taken from him.

Pure devastation washes over me as he clutches me tight and my shaking hands come to touch his beskar and yet I feel nothing as my fingertips run over what should be cold and know this can't be real.

But with the sound of a ship flying past it comes back to me in flashes.

Slave I.

Boba.

The child.

The Empire.

The missile.

My body jolts as I step out of Din's embrace, hyperventilating while I search for my saber, my armour, until I find them both nearby.

"Kyra," I hear Din say but the words echo around me, nothing is real. Not him, not me, nothing. Nothing but the cold rage that overcomes me. "My love."

"No," I whisper, my trembling hands moving to arm myself. "No-"

"We're going to get him back," he tells me as I struggle to even hold my armour with the feeling in my hands all but gone. "Cyar'ika-"

He turns me back to him and I look upon his face with cold tears running down my cheeks and he takes my hands in his, bringing them to his lips as I stand there a trembling mess, unable to remember how I got here. Unable to remember anything but flashes.

"We're getting him back," I grit out, looking into the eyes of the man I love as I swear to him "We're taking our son back, now help me with my armour."

He does, but not before kissing my forehead, the weight of what he's done unable to truly sink into either of us in this state and I pull his lips to mine, tasting his tears and mine both before the sound of footsteps has him pulling his helmet back on and helping me dress myself in my armour.

He's pulling my sleeves up and securing my weapons belt when I sense Lando and blink in confusion, it's only then as I truly look around I realise where I am.

Cloud City. Din must have brought me here knowing I'd be safe with Lando.

"Are you alright?" he asks me as he rushes in, speaking too fast for me to comprehend. "Leia knows you're here and the Falcon's just arrived." Still I struggle to comprehend the words being spoken to me until he says "Boba Fett is still here."

Boba.

Still all I remember are flashes, guns blazing and threats made until one sticks.

"I can kill the kid, like you killed our son."

He did this.

And he's going to die for it.

#din djarin #din djarin fanfiction #the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandolarian #the mandalorian x oc #din djarin x oc #din djarin x original character #wildfirewildflower #the mandalorian x original character #Din djarin fanfic #the mandalorian fanfic #found.#din djarin x female oc #boba fett x oc

21 notes · View notes

scarletarosa · 4 years

Text

Colour Correspondences

Red

Passion, danger, love, lust, hatred, rage, blood, power, life, action, fire, strength, health, vigor, energy, seduction, danger, violence, war, triumph, majesty, warmth, willpower, leadership, anarchy, malice, fear, courage.

Magick uses: curses, confidence, intimidation, seduction, self-love, sexual vigor, courage

Orange

Friendliness, energy, warmth, joy, playfulness, ambition, pride, enthusiasm, fascination, creativity, determination, encouragement, stimulation, humour, indulgence, plenty, kindness, warmth, liveliness, force, optimism. (Dark orange: deceit, betrayal, and distrust).

Magick uses: friendship, good luck, inspiration, gentleness, optimism

Yellow

Joy, brilliance, youth, loyalty, inspiration, energy, optimism, warmth, caution, cowardice, health, confidence, intellect, freshness, learning, value, sunlight, vibrance, impulsivity. (Dark yellow: caution, decay, sickness, jealousy).

Magick uses: happiness, creativity, loyal friendships, hope.

Green

Life, freshness, peace, money, envy, repulsion, disease, guilt, growth, fertility, luck, success, charity, rejuvenation, ambition, greed, jealousy, healing, nature. (Dark green: ambition, greed, envy, mystery).

Magick uses: success, calm, money-drawing, healing, discord-causing.

Blue

Serenity, knowledge, peace, piety, sincerity, safety, calm, wisdom, serenity, cleanliness, water, consciousness, tranquility, softness, mellow, ice, sadness, coldness, sober, gloom, secrecy, fearfulness, depression, understanding, compassion, patience, health, truth, devotion, honour, loyalty, sleep, astral. (Dark blue: knowledge, power, integrity, seriousness, mystery).

Magick uses: inner-peace, insight, knowledge, cursing (causing emotional pain).

Purple

Mystery, royalty, power, secrecy, nobility, luxury, ambition, shadows, death, spirits, mourning, gloom, mystical, dignified, pride, pompous, loneliness, desperation, piety, sanctity, tension, sentimentality, wisdom, spiritual protection, psychic powers, astral. (Lavender: romance, beauty, gentleness).

Magick uses: astral travel, psychic awakening, mourning, spirit work, wisdom.

Pink

Gentleness, joy, love, friendship, children, compassion, beauty, optimism, generosity, softness, confidence, inner-peace, harmony, approachability, affection, vibrance.

Magick uses: romance, friendship-drawing, self-love, gentle-heartedness, soothing, healing, peace, harmony, happiness

Black

Mystery, darkness, secrecy, the unknown, gloom, death, negativity, mourning, grief, ominousness, strength, power, authority, elegance, formalness, sophistication, fear, void, night, danger, self-reflection (upon toxic behaviour), aggression, rebellion, seriousness, confidence.

Magick uses: curses, banishing, protection, reflection, inner-strength

White

Delicacy, purity, peace, cleanliness, divinity, elegance, frailty, death, mourning, emptiness, faith, enlightenment, glory, salvation, cold, snow, ice, air, celestial, lightness, innocence, spirits, newness, safety, healing.

Magick uses: cleansing, purification, protection, inner-peace, new beginnings (I’m uncertain who started the “white can represent all colours” rumour, but white has an entirely different energy of its own and can’t be used in this way).

Gray

Dullness, moodiness, formal, sophisticated, simplicity, loss, depression, grief, intelligence, logic.

Magick uses: mental powers

Brown

Home, stability, security, reliability, healing, food, warmth, earth, wood, honesty, humility, grounding, foundations, simplicity, approachability, peace.

Magick uses: grounding, peaceful household, abundance of food.

Gold

Extravagance, abundance, wealth, luxury, wisdom, power, enlightenment, divinity, glory, light, grandeur, prosperity, luck, confidence, pride, courage, joy, illumination, truth, compassion, passion, love, beauty, perfection.

Magick uses: wisdom, optimism, luck, strength of heart, abundance

Silver

Elegance, grace, serenity, wisdom, meditation, order, psychic powers, reflection, sophistication, ancient, calm, purification, mystery, wealth, prosperity, logic, knowledge.

Magick uses: wisdom, logic, inner-calm, purification, order, prosperity

#colours #symbolism #psychology #magick #witchcraft #correspndences #candle magick

735 notes · View notes

ghostofbambifanfiction · 5 years

Note

Can you be more specific on why you like Arya and Sansa? So many people like Arya for being strong and fierce, but for some reasons so many hate Sansa for what she was like in the earlier seasons. Can you give specific instances why you like both of them? And why not Daenerys? Thanks! (I'm just really curious, please indulge me :) )

I’m going to talk about Dany first (and I’m sticking to the show here, though I have read the books, but they’re never getting finished, let’s be real), and then I'll put my thoughts on Sansa and Arya in another post (hey, you asked, so I’m delivering) because otherwise this will go on forever and it’s cleaner this way. Putting a ‘read more’ here because this is long (lol I’m at work I should be working)

To preface, I would not dislike Daenerys as much as I do if she didn’t want to be queen. I’ll touch on this when I talk about Arya, but I appreciate characters who have the self-awareness required to know who and what they are. Since Daenerys does want to rule Westeros, I have so many issues.

I also think the eighth season is going to see her turning on most of the people she’s currently allied with and I think the catalyst for that is the discovery that Jon is the legitimate child of Rhaegar and Lyanna, and therefore his claim to the throne supersedes hers. I’ll gladly admit that I’m wrong if I am, but right now I don’t think I am. Here’s why.

1) She is an ineffective ruler

After Dany liberated the slave cities of Astapor, Yunkai and Meereen, she stayed to rule and did a terrible job of it. Nobody in particular was better off, the majority of the slaves she freed were homeless and scraping for food in mess halls, and she killed elders who had spoken out against slavery without even listening to what any of them had to say. She has the mind for conquering, not for ruling.

(side note: why does she even want to be queen? It’s something she just seemed to jump on in season two without ever reasoning it out, and from there on in it’s like an obsession that has grown inside her. Now she says she wants to make the world a better place but she hasn’t the skills to do it. It should be enough for her to liberate oppressed societies and allow somebody qualified to fix them. But it’s not.)

The truth is, Meereen saw no real improvement until after Dany skipped town on Drogon, because Tyrion had the idea to replace the slave trade with actual trade. He made changes that impacted the city’s economy and allowed its residents to start supporting themselves, so of course, the slavers attacked just as Dany came back, at which point her bright idea was to decimate an entire armada when she needed ships. Tyrion had to talk her out of it. Which brings me to her next point.

2) She requires constant babysitting

It’s ironic to me that Tyrion told Cersei that “the difference” between Cersei and Daenerys is that Dany knows herself well enough to hire advisors who tell her not to do dumb, impulsive things, firstly because that is such a low bar, Tyrion! There are people out there (Sansa) who do not require that kind of monitoring! Secondly because Cersei is far more self-aware than Dany.

Cersei knows that the things she does are bad and does them anyway because fuck it, she knows she wants power for power’s sake. Dany has such a narrow view of justice that actually thinks she’s being righteous when she burns people to death (more on that later) and that is the most dangerous mindset a leader can have. Compare that, if you will, to Sansa, who quite sensibly told Arya that chopping off heads might feel good but that’s not the way to make people work together. Jorah, Tyrion and Jon have all had to speak out against Dany’s more violent predilections and she’s fast running out of people she wants to listen to. She and Tyrion are certainly hanging on by a thread. Which brings me to my next point.

3) She mistreats her own Hand

The relationship between Dany and Tyrion absolutely reeks of Aerys and Tywin, their respective fathers, who were the best of friends until Aerys’ jealousy and paranoia forced them to opposite sides of a bloody war. Dany is all too happy to take credit for Tyrion’s best ideas when they work (and he is happy to let her) but as soon as one of his plans go wrong she whirls on him and berates him like he’s a piece of trash. Everything’s his fault when a plan goes wrong.

When he brought up the matter of the succession she accused him of plotting her death with his brother, which not only is batshit insane but proves that Daenerys gives far less of a shit about the future of Westeros than she claims to, because if she cared that much, she’d care about planning to carry on the legacy she wants to build. She can’t seem to forgive Tyrion for the heinous crime of…loving his siblings? Trying to broker the most peaceful end to the war? Not wanting his brother to die?

Honestly, her treatment of Tyrion is one of the most telling aspects of her character and I am aghast that nobody seems to be talking about it.

4) Like all of the maddest Targaryens before her, she gets off on burning people

This one isn’t subtle at all. Sorry to drop the intellectual veneer for a moment but she fucking loves that shit. It doesn’t bother her a whit to watch people scream as they’re being burned alive. She takes pleasure in burning people, you can see the satisfaction on her face, and a good leader should never take pleasure in something like that.

(FYI people like to mention how Sansa smiled when Ramsay’s dogs ate him when I make this point and to that I blow a raspberry. That was her personal moment of justice against her rapist and abuser, not the lord of some house who wouldn’t submit to her, there is no fair comparison)

Dany was smiling like a satisfied cat when she burned down the temple of the Dosh Khaleen and killed everybody inside it, which was something she did to seize power, by the way. She didn’t do it to stick it to a bunch of misogynists, though I’m sure that was an added bonus. She did the exact same thing Cersei did to the Sept of Baelor and for the exact same reasons, yet only one of them is painted as a villain by the viewing public even though you can argue that Cersei was also sticking it to misogynists when she killed the High Sparrow. The only reason for that is that Dany was given humble origins while the narrative told us that Cersei was bad from the very beginning.

Theon is still beating himself up for killing and burning those two farm boys — as he should. Stannis burned his daughter and everyone was horrified. Jon was so repulsed to watch Mance Rayder burn that he defied Stannis and shot him in the heart. How many times is the show going to have to tell us that burning people alive is a terrible act of evil before people stop cheering Dany on for it? When Ned Stark was Lord of Winterfell, he understood and felt the weight of executing a man. Jon feels the weight of it, too, as we’ve seen on a couple of occasions. Sansa clearly thought long and hard about executing Petyr — that’s what her moment of reflection on the battlements was meant to show us. Dany just… doesn’t care. I think she cared a bit when she had Daario execute Mossador, but I can’t think of any other occasion where she has been directly responsible for a death and been remotely bothered by it.

So. yes.

I think the reason a lot of people – and in particular a lot of women – support Daenerys is because she has a girl power narrative. She does have a girl power narrative, it’s true, but that is not a good enough reason to support a character who on so many occasions has proven herself to be unqualified for the job she wants, not to mention bordering on dangerously unhinged and increasingly paranoid. In that sense I think her season 1 narrative was genius, because her origins and the way in which she started to gain power (as well as her gender) has granted her a kind of automatic forgiveness for behaviours that several male characters – and Cersei, most importantly, because she also has a girl power narrative (and she and Dany are two peas in a pod) but the show told us she was a baddie from episode one – would be dragged through the mud for. And I’m sorry, but it’s not good enough for me. I’m not going to support a powerful female character just because she’s a powerful female character who did some good things once. Powerful women can be good or bad.

Some other points re: Daenerys

The dragons are weapons of mass destruction and need to be killed. They’re nukes with wings. She’s burned her own people with those monsters because fire doesn’t fucking differentiate. Sorry not sorry.

The Targaryens are literally GRRM’s interpretation of the Aryan race. It’s practically in their name.

“I have tried to make it explicit in the novels that the dragons are destructive forces, and Dany has found that out as the tried to rule the city of Meereen and be queen there. She has the power to destroy, she can wipe out entire cities, and we certainly see that in Fire and Blood, we see the dragons wiping out entire armies, wiping out towns and cities, destroying them, but that doesn’t necessarily enable you to rule – it just enables you to destroy.” – George R R Martin, folks.

One of the show’s directors, Jack Bender, made a reference to Hitler when talking about her. He said we should be “horrified” by her. No shit, Jack. No shit.

“Do you wonder if the gods ever get lonely?” Just… this line. Get a grip, woman.

#Game of Thrones #rambling

61 notes · View notes

orgiia · 7 years

Note

feelings toward the protagaonist!

« SEND ME A TOPIC TO WRITE A META ABOUT MY MUSE ON || ACCEPTING »

her feelings on them is the core of her existence. when she awakens that is the only thing on her mind- that there is someone that she needs to find. her memories of that night are gone so she has no reasoning as to why she is searching out this person but it is the last memory imprinted in her.

as a machine she does not really question this impulse to be by their side just as she doesn’t question her strong wariness about ryoji. which i feel like on a first playthrough may really feel like a joke because it does feel like they are trying to make it seem like jealousy. but really it just reinforces her odd behavior at the beginning because she has lost her memory of that night but still is drawn to the protags presence in which she sealed death in in their childhood and repulsed by ryoji a form of an extremely dangerous being, the harbinger of death.

i have seen that yukari and aigis are rather polarizing because they are implied to be closest to the protag and that their relationships are implied to override others. which is part of the persona fandoms annoying tendency to put girls against each other. i don’t think liking the protag with other people means they still can’t have a deep and meaningful bond with aigis.i think that whether you want to view aigis’ social link as platonic or romantic it still can be meaningful. the protag, ryoji, and aigis are bound by fate on that one night and that relationship is a core one in the game. the protag living through the wreckage caused by Death (Ryoji/Nyx) was a chance and the fact they were the one she locked that shadow away in was what set everything in motion. if death hadn’t been sealed away in a person, that bond may have not created the one person who COULD actually stop nyx. which i think is what makes her guilt and mourning more difficult, she understands that predicament because SHE caused it but also knows it created the one thing that saved them all. while its not mentioned i do think aigis would be the first to truly understand the ramifications of sealing death inside them and the fact that they not only carried that but embraced it.

her feelings are different then romantic love in my eyes which is why i don’t even see it as a romance route really. it’s this unwavering dedication and devotion. a fate to this person she encountered by chance in dangerous battle that she is forever tied too but in the end CHOOSES to remain by their side and not just there because of fate. her instinct turns into genuine affection because the protag treats her like a friend and a PERSON. which is what allows her to grow and change and accept all these possibilities for herself she never thought possible.

and because of all that i think thats why its so poignant that she inherits their ability. she gains the wild card ability. the protag’s death set her on her own journey. the fool represents beginnings and ends. her initial arcana and that of her persona is chariot, which symbolizes war and battle and uncertainty which is what controlled her. the aeon her social link arcana represents her birth and renewal that her bond with the protag creates and ultimately leads to her new journey. unlike the other characters where the protag helps guide them through outside issues, they are really the main force in aigis’ existence and that is reflected in her journey.

#picarexque #«inbox»#«headcanon»#[ i got a little into fandom stuff outside of meta but... ]#[ i really do hate when people ignore you can have super important relationships that arent romantic ]#[ and it doesnt eclipse your important romantic ones either so ???#[ anyhow i love aigis and how dedicated she is to the protag esp after she chooses it for herself ]

2 notes · View notes

dfroza · 4 years

Text

Today’s reading in the ancient book of Proverbs and Psalms

for monday, july 14 of 2020 with Proverbs 14 and Psalm 14 accompanied by Psalm 25 for the 25th day of Summer and Psalm 46 for day 196 of the year

[Proverbs 14]

Every wise woman encourages and builds up her family,

but a foolish woman over time will tear it down by her own actions.

Lovers of truth follow the right path

because of their wonderment and worship of God.

But the devious display their disdain for him.

The words of a proud fool will all come back to haunt him.

But the words of the wise

will become a shield of protection around them.

The only clean stable is an empty stable.

So if you want the work of an ox and to enjoy an abundant harvest,

you’ll have a mess or two to clean up!

An honest witness will never lie,

but a deceitful witness lies with every breath.

The intellectually arrogant seek for wisdom,

but they never seem to discover

what they claim they’re looking for.

For revelation-knowledge flows to the one

who hungers for understanding.

The words of the wise are like weapons of knowledge.

If you need wise counsel, stay away from the fool.

For the wisdom of the wise will keep life on the right track,

while the fool only deceives himself

and refuses to face reality.

Fools mock the need for repentance,

while the favor of God rests upon all his lovers.

Don’t expect anyone else to fully understand

both the bitterness and the joys

of all you experience in your life.

The household of the wicked is soon torn apart,

while the family of the righteous flourishes.

You can rationalize it all you want

and justify the path of error you have chosen,

but you’ll find out in the end that you took the road to destruction.

Superficial laughter can hide a heavy heart,

but when the laughter ends, the pain resurfaces.

Those who turn from the truth get what they deserve,

but a good person receives a sweet reward.

A gullible person will believe anything,

but a sensible person will confirm the facts.

A wise person is careful in all things and turns quickly from evil,

while the impetuous fool moves ahead with overconfidence.

An impulsive person has a short fuse and can ruin everything,

but the wise show self-control.

The naïve demonstrate a lack of wisdom,

but the lovers of wisdom are crowned with revelation-knowledge.

Evil ones will pay tribute to good people

and eventually come to be servants of the godly.

The poor are disliked even by their neighbors,

but everyone wants to get close to the wealthy.

It’s a sin to despise one who is less fortunate than you,

but when you are kind to the poor,

you will prosper and be blessed.

Haven’t you noticed how evil schemers always wander astray?

But kindness and truth come to those

who make plans to be pure in all their ways.

If you work hard at what you do,

great abundance will come to you.

But merely talking about getting rich

while living to only pursue your pleasures

brings you face-to-face with poverty.

The true net worth of the wise is the wealth that wisdom imparts.

But the way of life for the fool is his foolishness.

Speak the truth and you’ll save souls,

but in the spreading of lies treachery thrives.

Confidence and strength flood the hearts

of the lovers of God who live in awe of him,

and their devotion provides their children

with a place of shelter and security.

To worship God in wonder and awe

opens a fountain of life within you,

empowering you to escape death’s domain.

A king glories in the number of his loyal followers,

but a dwindling population spells ruin for any leader.

When your heart overflows with understanding

you’ll be very slow to get angry.

But if you have a quick temper,

your impatience will be quickly seen by all.

A tender, tranquil heart will make you healthy,

but jealousy can make you sick.

Insult your Creator, will you?

That’s exactly what you do

every time that you oppress the powerless!

Showing kindness to the poor is equal to honoring your maker.

The wicked are crushed by every calamity,

but the lovers of God find a strong hope

even in the time of death.

Wisdom soothes the heart of the one with living-understanding,

but the heart of the fool just stockpiles stupidity.

A nation is exalted by the righteousness of its people,

but sin heaps disgrace upon the land.

A wise and faithful servant receives promotion from the king,

but the one who acts disgracefully

gets to taste the anger of the king.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 14 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 14]

For the worship leader. A song of David.

A wicked and foolish man truly believes there is no God.

They are vile, their sinfulness nauseating to their Creator;

their actions are soiled and repulsive; every deed is depraved;

not one of them does good.

The Eternal leans over from heaven to survey the sons of Adam.

No one is missed, and no one can hide.

He searches to see who understands true wisdom,

who desires to know the True God.

They all turn their backs, walking their own roads;

they are rancid, leaving a trail of rotten footsteps behind them;

not one of them does good,

not even one.

Do the wicked have no clue about what really matters?

They devour my brothers and sisters the way a man eats his dinner.

They ignore the Eternal and don’t call on Him, rejecting His reality and truth.

They shall secretly tremble behind closed doors, hearts beating hard within their chests,

knowing that God always avenges the upright.

You laugh at the counsel of the poor, the needy, the troubled who put their trust in God.

You try to take away their only hope,

but the Eternal is a strong shelter in the heaviest storm.

May a new day, a day of deliverance come for Israel, starting with Zion.

When the Eternal breaks the chains of His oppressed people,

the family of Jacob will rejoice, and Israel will be delighted.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 14 (The Voice)

[Psalm 25]

Don’t Fail Me, God!

King David’s poetic praise to God

Forever I will lift up my soul into your presence, Lord.

Be there for me, God, for I keep trusting in you.

Don’t allow my foes to gloat over me or

the shame of defeat to overtake me.

For how could anyone be disgraced

when he has entwined his heart with you?

But they will all be defeated and ashamed

when they harm the innocent.

Lord, direct me throughout my journey

so I can experience your plans for my life.

Reveal the life-paths that are pleasing to you.

Escort me along the way; take me by the hand and teach me.

For you are the God of my increasing salvation;

I have wrapped my heart into yours!

Forgive my failures as a young man,

and overlook the sins of my immaturity.

Give me grace, Lord! Always look at me

through your eyes of love—

your forgiving eyes of mercy and compassion.

When you think of me, see me as one you love and care for.

How good you are to me!

When people turn to you,

they discover how easy you are to please—so faithful and true!

Joyfully you teach them the proper path,

even when they go astray.

Keep showing the humble your path,

and lead them into the best decision.

Bring revelation-light that trains them in the truth.

All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who follow the ways of his covenant.

For the honor of your name, Lord,

never count my sins, and forgive them all—

lift their burden off of my life!

Who are they that live in the holy fear of God?

You will show them the right path to take.

Then prosperity and favor will be their portion,

and their descendants will inherit all that is good.

There’s a private place reserved for the lovers of God,

where they sit near him and receive

the revelation-secrets of his promises.

Rescue me, Lord, for you’re my only hero.

Sorrows fill my heart as I feel helpless, mistreated—

I’m all alone and in misery!

Come closer to me now, Lord, for I need your mercy.

Turn to me, for my problems seem to be going from bad to worse.

Only you can free me from all these troubles!

Until you lift this burden, the burden of all my sins,

my troubles and trials will be more than I can handle.

Can’t you feel my pain?

Vicious enemies hate me.

There are so many, Lord. Can’t you see?

Will you protect me from their power against me?

Let it never be said that I trusted you

and you didn’t come to my rescue.

Your perfection and faithfulness are my bodyguards,

for you are my hope and I trust in you as my only protection.

Zealously, God, we ask you

to come save Israel from all her troubles,

for you provide the ransom price for your people!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 25 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 46]

For the worship leader. A song of the sons of Korah, a song for sopranos.

God is our shelter and our strength.

When troubles seem near, God is nearer, and He’s ready to help.

So why run and hide?

No fear, no pacing, no biting fingernails.

When the earth spins out of control, we are sure and fearless.

When mountains crumble and the waters run wild, we are sure and fearless.

Even in heavy winds and huge waves,

or as mountains shake, we are sure and fearless.

[pause]

A pure stream flows—never to be cut off—

bringing joy to the city where God makes His home,

the sacred site where the Most High chooses to live.

The True God never sleeps and always resides in the city of joy;

He makes it unstoppable, unshakable.

When it awakes at dawn, the True God has already been at work.

Trouble is on the horizon for the outside nations, not long until kingdoms will fall;

God’s voice thunders and the earth shakes.

You know the Eternal, the Commander of heavenly armies, surrounds us and protects us;

the True God of Jacob is our shelter, close to His heart.

[pause]

Come, gaze, fix your eyes on what the Eternal can do.

Amazing, He has worked desolation here on this battlefield, earth.

God can stop wars anywhere in the world.

He can make scrap of all weapons: snap bows, shatter spears,

and burn shields.

“Be still, be calm, see, and understand I am the True God.

I am honored among all the nations.

I am honored over all the earth.”

You know the Eternal, the Commander of heavenly armies, surrounds us and protects us;

the True God of Jacob is our shelter, close to His heart.

[pause]

The Book of Psalms, Poem 46 (The Voice)

with these lines mirrored in The Message:

Attention, all! See the marvels of God!

He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,

Bans war from pole to pole,

breaks all the weapons across his knee.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long,

loving look at me, your High God,

above politics, above everything.”

The Book of Psalms, Poem 46:8-10 (The Message)

0 notes

drrobertwwalker · 4 years

Text

The Ego versus the Soul

Have you ever wondered why mankind has so much difficulty getting along and when they can’t they declare war? For thousands of years people, communities and countries have been engaged in war to get what the other has – whether it is land, resources or power. Today, we are seeing around the world people engaged in rebellion against either their own governments or the governments of other countries that want to impose their will. Human nature seems to be prone to getting what they want for themselves rather than considering the other.

Let’s go back to the beginning of time when God introduced consciousness to his creation. What do we mean by the word consciousness? Simply put, all of God’s creation is conscious or everything He created is filled with life, regardless whether it is earth, plants, trees, animals, birds, insects and humans. Since everything is conscious or alive, why is everything that is alive unique. God, in His unique plan gave everything an attribute to maintain its ability to be individual in nature. Everything in God’s creation has a personality which is composed of an ego. Plants and animals having an ego and personality sounds strange. Let us think about that idea for a minute. Does a dandelion become a rose? Of course not, it will pollinate and reproduce its own but never cross over into another plant species and it has done that for thousands of years. Many people have pets and declare that every pet has its own personality. Why is it that a dog or a cat can have a personality or ego driving its actions and not every other animal on the planet?

So, what is the purpose of the ego? In one word it is every living thing’s survival mechanism. This works well for plants and animals but what about humans. Along with the ego God gave mankind one more gift: the soul which is a piece of God’s Spirit. When we go back to the biblical story of the Garden of Eden, we initially see the soul of Adam and Eve fully in connection and in direct communication with the Creator. When the first couple decided to challenge God’s direction, we see their egos coming into force to govern their lives and their future relationship with God.

How can we understand what the ego really is? Let us go back to our own beginning to see how God is at work in not only our daily lives but His work at the time of our conception in the womb. We must first acknowledge through the study of quantum physics that everything, including us, is composed of light energy. Since God is the Light of the World, He is also in us at all times and is working with us at this very moment to keep our bodies working through our hearts beating, to every cell in our bodies carrying out their specific functions. We usually think our subconscious bodies function on auto pilot but if you remove God’s creative work from behind the scenes to keep you alive, you would instantly die.

So, how does God create our egos to keep our individuality as a species and maintain our survival? In the energy of the Creator God you have two aspects that are also in our bodies – electricity and magnetism. To understand how God functions, the masculine aspect of God is electricity which is the active creative force of the universe. The feminine aspect of God is love which is embodied in magnetism. Hence, when the two aspects of God come together it creates electro-magnetism. Scientific research shows us that ever cell in our body is a mini electro-magnet which shows us we are really made in God’s image. If the masculine aspect of God is electricity, how does that function in our lives. Every action we take is our attempt to think and then act. Most of the time it is just routine actions of putting one foot in front of the other but sometime that creative action may lead us to change jobs or move to a new place or retire. Everything we do is an aspect of the electricity of creativity in our lives. Now let’s introduce the feminine love aspect of magnetism in our lives as represented by our ego personality. Magnetism is composed of bonding and repulsion and that is the role of the ego in our personalities. How does this work? You live in a community that has standards you are expected to embrace and live by. This is the bonding aspect of magnetism. Your parents and teachers taught you early what was acceptable and not acceptable if you wanted to belong. Therefore, during your life you have bonded with friends, neighbors, family, acceptable jobs and workplace colleagues. The bonding with comfortable people and places is your survival mechanisms. This is the safe side that your ego gives you when you bond with everything that feels comfortable to you. This part of your ego promotes LOVE. What about the opposite side of your ego which is rejection? This is the part of the ego that is running rampant in our world society and is leading to the many wars in different countries or is upsetting norms and values that have existed for generations in other countries. How does the magnetic ego of rejection play itself out in our lives? Here are a few: inability to share with others; devising ways and means to become rich at the expense of others; stealing, failing to perform your work conscientiously or give good fair value for money, snapping, snarling, indulging in sarcasm, judgementalism, rejection, denigration, enmity, intolerance, hatred, jealousy, aggression, violent impulses, thieving, falsehoods, double and devious dealings, slander, etc. When a person, or a group, or a country uses the rejection aspect of their egos, they are moving farther away from God just like Adam and Eve.

God gave humans the ego for his and her survival and that part of the ego has functioned successfully for all of millennia. The ego has brought people together and separated them out from those who were different from them. Since God gave every man, woman and child an ego to survive and thrive, can God be the judge when the rejection side of the ego is exercised? Most of our Christian churches have taught that God condemns that as sin and it must be forgiven by God. It raises the question of what God’s role is in mankind’s life. Is it God’s role to forgive or is it humans seeking forgiveness from those that were sinned against? The Master Jesus was asked how many times a person should forgive another person for doing harm. He answered that a person should not just forgive another person seven times but seventy-seven times. Let’s face it, is it not easier to ask God to forgive you for your sins, than to go face to face with the one you have wrong and ask him or her for their forgiveness. This is what God expect each of us to do when our ego rejection hurts others.

When God created mankind, the Creator wanted him or her to be balanced. What do we mean by balanced? God knew that giving all living things an ego, set up a scenario for abuse when the rejection side of the magnetic ego could run rampant and cause others strife. The two sides of the ego personality in plants and animals does not raise the same abuses that have arisen in humans. This leads us back to that piece of God’s Spirit that is in all of us, our soul or spirit. God’s plan for mankind was for each person to keep the bonding side of the ego in balance with the rejection side of the ego, so that everyone in the world would be able to accept every other person in the world as an equal. The problem we have in society today is the rise of imbalanced egos in people around the world. Behind the scenes we do see people using the bonding side of their egos to bring about good in other people’s lives. Unfortunately, the news and media report the people whose rejection egos are out of control leading to violence against others. We must remember that these people need our prayers for balance to return to a balanced ego drive.

This leads us to see the bigger picture God has for all of us. It isn’t just keeping a balance in our ego personalities. It is making the next step for all mankind to realize that their souls are part of God and it has always been his plan to have people awaken and pray with intent that their souls become part of their lives by making a direct connection with God’s Spirit and seeking His or Her guidance in living this life. When we are only guided by our egos throughout this life, we keep searching for satisfaction through work, play, material goods, family and friends. What we fail to realize is the ego is only half the answer. The other half of the equation is adding our spirit. Joy and satisfaction come when our ego is in the back seat and our soul or spirit is in the front seat guiding our every decision and move. When we close the loop of our egos and our spirits, we will finally find what Jesus referred to as entering “The Kingdom of Heaven” on earth during our lifetime.

By Dr. Robert W. Walker

Author of God is Alive and Well, educator, energy psychologist, balanced energy specialist, reiki practitioner, speaker on health and wellness. Contact Dr. Walker at [email protected] and visit his website at drrobertwwalker.com.

0 notes