#then you DO that. no matter what. i dont care if this is supposed to be a normal cat put a gd star on it right now

[guinevereslancelot]

what was with cameron house md she spends 90% of the episode saying she wants their patient to die bc he's a genocidal dictator and her colleague husband says "babe it bothers me for ethical reasons that you want our patient to die :(" and she said "hm maybe you're right :/" but when it comes down to it the genocidal dictator lays a finger on her in an aggressive manner and chase instantly commits medical malpractice to murder the guy and then when he tells her she LEAVES HIM bc boo hoo he's a murderer now like GIRL he killed a man for you!!! he's wracked with catholic guilt!!! he's being crushed beneath the weight of his sins because he chose his devotion to you over his devotion to god!!! he literally could not get any sexier at this moment in time!!!

#girl what are you doing...... #also just in general she did not deserve him honestly he was so good to her and for WHAT #just to be abandoned at peak devotion and guilt and hotness 🙄 #girl get OUT of my way i'm stronger than you #if she cared she could fix him or make him worse but i could love and support him no matter what 😌 #his muder is a part of him and its SEXY #robert chase #house md #malpractice md #i know the actors broke up irl or whatever but wtf..... #i should have ended my rewatch w their happy lil wedding at the end of s5 #s6 everything instantly goes to shit #and stays shitty #chase should be happy fr #he's supposed to turn into house basically but they should have made him the well adjusted version of house #like how nightwing is the well adjusted version of batman #anyway i have no real point here i just lowkey dont like cameron bc of this arc #also her obsession w house is so weird i wish they hadn't made that a thing #this has been a shitpost #anyway she left chase at the absolute peak of his sexiness wtf....... #anyway since this apparently needs to be said its not that deep this is a silly post if you send me hate messages i wont answer #i block and ignore anon hate bc i am too busy touching grass to be rude to strangers over a tv show

[queenie-blackthorn]

sometimes i feel like i hate everyone

#if i ever say “i hate you” dont take it personally #everyone does stupid shit sometimes n thats fine but its happening sm and im sick of it n i need to speak up #chances are if u see this ur not part of the problem bc ur actually reading the shit i post #the fact that barely anyone realized that i relapsed into sh yesterday is crazy #im not doing this for attention its a fucking cry for help and most of yall are ignoring me #you ignore me when im fine and you ignore me when i need you #what am i supposed to do ffs #do i have to show you my bleeding thighs for you to ask how i am? #do you have to wait until i scream and cry and hurt myself for you to care abt me? #do i not matter unless im hurting? or do i not matter even when i am hurting? #do i have to fucking die for any of yall to realize theres something mentally wrong w me? #fuck you all youre just as bad as my parents #except for the four people who talked me out of spiralling last night #two of which were people i barely/dont know #so yeah maybe try harder n actually ask ur friends how they are #dont push them to the point where they need to be comforted by strangers

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[stellardeer]

i have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually well off for someone in this country now, like.. idk it's weird

i'm still living the exact same lifestyle that i was before, so for the most part it feels almost like nothing has changed, like maybe im spending a little bit more money on food and buying the "good" toilet paper, but all that does is allow me to actually have savings in my bank account

i still stand with the working class and impoverished people of this country, and I am very much still in the boat of "one [very] bad day from homelessness" so i am not taking this for granted whatsoever

i've just been watching some of those youtube channels where they interview random people all over the country and just like.. kinda show what their life is like and it's definitely putting mine in perspective

very very grateful for the opportunities i have had and very proud of myself for forcing myself to stay in college (even tho it took almost 10 years to finish and left me with a mountain of debt) and just like.. idk, i feel like i could be doing more to help people out, i can't wait til im out of debt ;o;

#like idk it makes me feel a little bad sometime that im able to live comfortably while others arent #fuck i mean i got one of my friends living on my fucking couch rn i have a daily reminder of the inequality in this country #cause he doesnt have any qualifications to get a good enough job to fucking LIVE in this city #he's been trying to find a place to live but everywhere wants you to be making 3x the rent #and there's not a fucking job in this town that will pay you that much... #it's college town most people here are not even paying their own rent their well-off parents are paying it #ive never even fucking paid rent here i was living off the good fucking graces of my friends and my partner for like 7 years #and im still not paying rent i live in a trailer park and i own the trailer it's a shitty 2bd that i've had to pay to fix multiple times #but the fact that i can even afford to do that now is INSANE TO ME #I OWN A BUILDING WTF #i mean i do pay lot rent but it's only $300/mo #but rent prices here keep going up and up and up and i feel bad for my friend cause i dont know wtf he's supposed to do #i'm not charging him anything to live here so he's saved up a bunch of money but no matter how much he has the apartment places dont care #cause he wont have that money once he has to spend it all on bills and then his paychecks wont be able to cover living costs... #and i love him but he's just a little bit stupid and like.. doesn't seem to comprehend that he cannot afford a place that's $900 :'D #like he thinks that because he makes $1500 a month that he can spend $900 of that on rent like buddy NOO #what about FOOD? and OTHER BILLS? that's JUST rent dude what about lights and water???? #but also idk i dont feel THAT bad for him cause he could always just move back in with his mom or live with a roommate but he fcking refuse #anyway this got off on a tangent the point is once im out of debt im donating all my fucking money

[valodia]

Real thing somebody said IRL today "the christmas tree in itself is from pagan culture so it doesnt count as religious"

#lodia sayings #just one of the casual ways i feel dismissed in everyday life. #like. #this is like 75% of why im so aggressive to xtianity its just forced down my throat and trying to desperately include me as a white person #everyone like ohh obviously youre participating into this xtian tradition etc how are you celebrating etc #im allergic #it was xmas time recently as everybody is held at gunpoint to know. #and i know some ppl when i say they dont celebrate they say like oh me either really i dont care but i do it for my children or family etc #and im like not me i actively will not engage even if my family rlly wanted me to in fact thats how ive been since a teenager #and i took a second to think about it and i was like wait thats a really stubborn stance that i have for seemingly no rational reason #like if it means a lot to somebody i care about it would cost nothing to indulge them and be nice about it #and i realized it stems from an internalized belief that people are not willing to accomodate me and i think its bc i dont matter to them #which is like. not necessarily true but i cant help but feel that way #and i was like hmmm hm. well ive probably been hurtful about this in the past if i think about it. #so ig if im ever faced with the situation again ill have to do better #but anyway. #sorry i use the tags in the way that the post is supposed to be for. #edit: i realized w my tags it sounds like i think this person is wrong and i believe that xmas tree is xtian #its not what i meant i meant that being pagan is literally religious. as a pagan that offends me lol

[faerociousbeast]

homophobia sucks

#ughhhhhh the world is in so many crises all the time and all i can do is feel really sad #this is so. this is so lame what do we even have left #climates changing medias censoring police murdering technology advertising companies selling #theres no fucking escape and im really really tired #go outside... where. where. where can you go anymore. #the forest behind our backyard isnt a forest anymore its literally like three trees thick #bc they fucking cut half of it down to make new houses #and now all we see from our backyard are those other houses that werent there before #so many people will never see the sky full of stars #animals are going extinct but nothings being done bc theyre not Useful or give Profit #the very same kids you say youre protecting by banning so many things are being shot in the very place you said they were safe #no matter where you go your data is being sold there is no such thing as privacy #there is STILL A FUCKING PANDEMIC #and we are just supposed to. be used to it. immune. desensitized. is that not worse #the idea that ignoring it is all we can do bc caring wont even do shit #bc its bc people who dont care about anything other than themselves made all the decisionsn #and now everythings a fucking shithole #and all i can do about it is get upset in fucking tumblr tags

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water #it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing #still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy #maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body #and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing #but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things #i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they #crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord #and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness #i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give #interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year #was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped #the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury #and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right #but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel #fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe #but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water #anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time #vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see #unrelated

[rigil-kentauris]

also, and perhaps a bit more touchy and heavy, i am mad they took an openly suicidal character and ended his narrative by having him kill himself. i dont think about that a lot because its easier to just be sad that My Favorite Guy got killed off but way back when it the first time id seen a character getting to just admit that openly and clearly and without euphemism or anything. it just was. and certainly there were problems with the entire narrative at that point that i wont rehash because the feh part of my heart is full of craters, but, man it did not feel great that after four years of struggling with that they just wrote him killing himself off. like self sacrifice is still. uh. self.

#tw: suidice #not just that a character was allowed to just say ''ive tried to kill myself'' very simply but #like #it was also a Brown *guy* they let do this #that was a level of emational vulnerability i had never expected #*emotional #and frankly almost. six and a half years later? still.havent found in games #not really books either #im not looking at the Sad Depression Books geure so i suppose thats to be expected #and you dont want to jumpscare people with it in Non Heavy Books #but life doesnt work like that i think and sometimes the people you care about will come up to you and drop that on you and you WONT be #living in the Sad Depressiuo Genre youll be in the Mild Slice Of Life Genre and what do you do now? #idk thats beside the point #they let [redacted] be something rare and then they didnt let him outlive it #can't stand that #anyway it did change my philosophy on writing so i suppose that is another thing i got out of it #it doesnt matter how little a character matters to you. that charater could mean the world to someone. so treat them like they do.

[cathalbravecog]

hmm, does anyone have anything that lists all the main storyline/taskline quests + their dialogue? i would love to re-read though them again for lore reasons. i know theres that one work in progress timeline document, but im looking for in-game main tasklines any player can see while they play. i can figure out the side stuff like the arg things and comics myself...

(long rambley explanation below that im putting under the cut because i know otherwise nobody will interact with this post)

(this is mostly for ocs, even if they don't follow the main storyline lore exactly - i would still like to know any and all details about the world the toons talk about so i can make things accurate and be able to talk about certain details... and get ideas from reading certain things. even though the lore in cogs only we have is... uh. lets just say this thing could never ever be canon but yknow HAHA)

and like... i do have a million damn screenshots, some of them taken purely to save certain dialogue that i look at RARELY (bc i forget i took these screenshots). and i dont wanna go through videos of people playing the game, i don't like doing that... but the wiki doesn't seem to list the dialogue anywhere, or i may just be looking in the wrong place?

because with so many main line quests you will forget a few things, and of course skip over dialogue when you're trying to do things quickly... with some things being related to the story and some being not...

so i would just really love to look over the main stuff again. ofc, side quests are apprecited too, but im looking for the main thing. gets a bit hard to figure out world stuff when you unfortunately never played tto becuse you didnt know it existed, and ttr's lore is very different from ttcc and honestly i dont even know what they got going on there anymore, i never paid attention to it even when i played ttr because honestly i cant give a fuck about disney characters outside their actual source material-

#'coz like i also saw some people mention ttc is like a vacation place for toons of the world (before the cog invasion) and im like #hmm interesting where can i read more about this to feed my hyperfixated little gay brain. the brain worms. they need information. give #them that. gimmie gimmie. grabby hands #also i have severe like. embarassement issues? idk what to call it. close to rsd. when i get lore wrong. #or when im unaware. like im supposed to be a fan of this and i DONT know this? yeah this is why i dont like saying i dont care about ttr #lore at all and that i wasnt there for tto... (but like come on i was too young and also bilingual so it was hard for me i didnt learn #proper ish english until like 2015 -2016) #so i find it really hard to admit 'yes i did not know that' and that i yes in fact do care about cog lore a bit more than the toon lore but #like its a bit easier to follow... #the issue with ttcc is that a lot of the non main taskline lore is... in journals and arg things and events that i DID NOT ATTEND #and its hard to find archive stuff of things u didnt know existed or were there... you had to see it for yourself #i love you ttcc lore no matter how ppl bash on it and how unlike original tto it is nd 'its like an fanfiction' (real take i saw) #(i mean its true but whats the problem with it lol lol) #because i am in fact a Tumblr User and I Am Into This Shit i can admit it is Catored To My Tastes and i wont let Your Opinion ruin #My Enjoyment #some stuff may be bit goofy there and a bit. hard to access. with some issues. but yk what despite that i really enjoy it!!!!!! #but RAHH please i need main taskline stuff #please gamers help #i. may ask this again where i dont ramble #because nobody wants to read through this shit and that makes them NOT want to help or answer #now a guilt trip btw i am aware it sounds like one but im just annoyed bc i often ask questions and then ramble...and never get an answer #and i just feel embarrassed. so its on me really oops

[elegyofthemoon]

In the cool, plush core of the moon sleeps a mouse as we speak, dreaming of a world lush and green, then golden and undulating, then chopping and churning, a world of many surfaces with skies of many moods.

When it awakes, it will poke its tiny head out of a crater and bask in your glow as it does every morning. Here, all is still and silent. On that sparkling planet in the deep black distance, the sun seems capricious. But the mouse lives in the abyss of the body and therefore with a unique perspective on its essence. The mouse sees what other life does not see.

One needn't worry about unbecoming for the sake of containing a sun. Clouds may blanket the atmosphere of a planet, but still there burns a sun. The spots on the sun's surface may grow and shrink and shift, but still there it burns. And if one decides to cool it down like a waning flame or expand it in a cataclysmic supernova, still there it burns, and one has the right to revoke the state of their existence and become new.

Because perhaps the truth is you are not the sun--not alone--but it is rather a part of you. Your body is the solar system, each planet a world within the body, and each knows this glow in different ways. Some are nurtured by its warmth, others by its distance. Regardless of the sun's changes, they stay the course encircling it.

The universe cannot be held back, harnessed, fully comprehended. It pulls at the seams of solar systems as it pulls on its own seams. In that unstoppable shifting, we stumble. Sometimes it feels like our love and light slips from our fingers, shattering irrevocably in our falls. But what makes us cannot be seperated from us, even in times where our essence is obscured.

There is always another life to appreciate your life, no matter what happens. And in the least, there is always a little mouse in you that understands you in telescopic clarity and offers forgiveness for every change--no matter what, right into the end of time.

❤

#answered #this was sitting in my inbox for a little while #and i wanted to answer properly but i fear that responding back is a little...hard #not that i dont want to its more like this was so prettily written and just so beautiful i fear if i responded id just ruin it lol #so im responding in the tags bc i feel better about doing that #i appreciate whoever decided to write all this up and leave it here for me it means a lot #more vent in the tag #not really vent but ig just reflective i suppose with the last week: #i think i may have actually talked about it before but you have no idea how happy i am with just. the people im surrounded with these days #because even if im going through something ill always push my feelings down in order to make someone else happy #because idc what happens to me overall. if i can make someone else happy thats all that matters #but ik a lot of people take advantage of it so when something bad happens when im unable to help someone they used to get mad at me for it #so more reasons to kinda push my feelings aside to cater to them etc etc etc #but i think the past week has been nice too in realizing that the people around me are patient and just overall kind -- not really expectin #much of me #ig theres this understanding that we all have busy lives now and maybe thats just the gift of maturity as a whole #even if im not the super positive or comforting presence people put me as at least people still care and thats how i know im loved at least #ig in a way this ramble is just a very big thank you to everyone for that #theres a lot of kindness and warmth in this ask that i appreciate and only want to spin back to friends. i hope they can feel it #or that it reaches them #anons #kind messages

[mrfoox]

I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow

Curse it all

#miranda talking shit #At one hand i liked the conversation i had with fabian and i think i got some answers to questions ive been wondering about but im also lik #Unpacking all this.... So much to unpacking and to be put in a folder in my head where does it all go... Still hate how #He hit me with the biggest ... Maybe in the universe and i can't deal with it. No I'd be relieved and accept an no fullstop but he had to #Add in the.... Idk actually lol i dont have a reference and i would like to know how it is crossing boundaries in our relationship #Whag the fuck man.... You really gave me the strongest 'i think youre into me and it worries me' and then nullify it with an 'idk how i #Feel sometimes id like to explore more' how am i supposed to... Handle that information... I had been going around telling myself #What he said to me 2019 is the way he still feels and me thinking he might think more is just me being paranoid but then yeah #What a clusterfuck. I mean to me it wont change anything in the broader picture no matter what i care for him ya know? But now thats... An #Whole other thing like. Should i try to act differently? Be more careful? Or would that be unfair bc then id do what he've been doing to me #I will quote him again 'miranda i think if both of us got an gf/bf at the same time this would solve itself' i joked and said he could find #Me one and I'll find one for him. But yeah i think that would ... Be a solution in an ideal world. Idk how to do anything man #At one hand i think he's overestimating how much he's on my mind but also its true. I spend a lot of my social time with him so obviously #I think about him? But i also have a reference on how i am... With people i have crushes on and who im in love with and how o think of thoe #Its just so scary to think about how i am his reference ... To... Well basically a ton of things... Im not a good reference unless you want #An abnormal reference. I guess im anxious I'll somehow ... Ruin him or something. This was a big conformation that i am his reference to #Women and close relationships with women and i am not made for that... Most feminine tjing about me is being sappy and giving compliments #And encouragement. Otherwise im basically like ... A dude. Guess it also scares me that he knows me. I know i know him but the fact its #Mutual is aw man... Being known is still a struggle. He wasmt completely wrong is his logic bc he knows me i think too much about people #And things. I understand im so anxious bc i care about him and im worried about losing him or pushinh him away but shit #Hes sleeping rn and is at peace with this probably. He doesn't dwell on it. He even said hes been thinking about this... Bc he began to #Think about what i could be thinking? So its not even his own thoughts but thoughts about whaf i could be thinking? ?? Whack and im likebro #Flattering that you go to that length but also... Literally what??? Cant tell if hes somehow projecting or if this is genuinely how he was #Thinking but damn. Boy does have some confidence at least? He's such an fool. I love him but holy shit he blows me away sometimes

[puppysynonym]

parents: you should stand up for yourself more!

me: *stands up for myself*

parents:

parents: not like that

#i dont actually fucking care if the stuff my brother says is meant to get a reaction out of me or if its his real beliefs #i dont fucking care i dont #because when he calls me a queer in a derogatory way and my parents dont do anything it doesnt actually matter if he believes in what hes #saying or not #its still fucking homophobic/transphobic and youre LETTING HIM SAY THAT NASTY SHIT TO ME #YOU ARE FAILING ME AS MY PARENTS WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME #AND YOU TELL ME TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF BUT WHEN I DO IM THE ONE WHO GETS IN TROUBLE FOR LETTING HIM 'get under my skin' OR FOR BEING #'too sensitive' #FUCK YES IM BEING SENSITIVE #my own flesh and blood is acting like im the scum of the earth and telling me to kill myself #but nooooooo im just 'feeding into his bullshit' when i get angry #not fair #moth.txt #vent in tags #vent #also literally remembering that after having someone say something nasty to me about my appearance he told me he would never stand up for #me if he heard someone being homophobic or transphobic towards me #which was great #like thats man that brings me soooo much faith that the stuff you say to me is DEFINITELY all a joke and not at all serious

[ankhisms]

cant believe my revelation about my crisis of "am i good enough at this" with acting tonight has been yknow what that one part of victorious was right

#where like the one girl is forced to do a scene several times and each time shes told shes doing it wrong/bad #until she gets fed up and goes no actually i worked really hard and i feel good about my performance and i think i did a good job! #which is like. yknow what yeah actually. fuck the pretentious elitist people who were saying #that i ~should have been doing more~ during a scene where i was supposed to scream at the top of my lungs #and who overall acted like i was somehow beneath them like fuck you i was happy with my performance and i thought i did a good job and #thats what matters!!!!! i need to start believing in myself more. obviously i care about other ppls input and will listen #and dont want to be harming anyone but ive spent so long being beaten down and listening to people #in no place to really criticize me just tear me apart for no reason yknow so in the end. i have to believe in myself #and allow me feeling like what ive created is good to be enough

[olixxxxx]

nobody ever cares about me as much as i care about them.

#well i guess thats just how it is #ill have to live with that #but like its so annoying when you want to be with someone (family friends doesn't matter) and you are the only one who's excited #or the only one whos looking forward to it #and like youd sacrifice your free time for them or like you wanted to go somewhere but youd rather cancel and go with them #and they just dont care #you're nobody you're so average youre nothing special #and they are the most special thing for you #it hurts #youre supposed to be my brother #youre supposed to help me and be there for me the way i an for you #youre supposed to love me #the only thing you do it make me feel left behind #and that im not loved #and that i care to much #im already broken #why are you not there for me #what did i did wrong #please