#this is legit the funniest thing i have seen on facebook in a long time omg

[laundryandtaxes]

#this is legit the funniest thing i have seen on facebook in a long time omg #favorite post

[purplesurveys]

1093

survey by pinkchocolate

Hi there! This list is based on some things I've done recently. Let's say, within the last few days. Have you done any of these things in the last few days?

Worn make-up? I never wear makeup. I’ve never felt the need to.

Worn perfume? Sure. I went out last Sunday to bring Cooper to the vet and to take myself out to a coffee shop for a few hours, so I wanted to make sure I smelled decent.

Taken selfies? I think I may have, but I’m sure I deleted them almost immediately.

Shared some photos on social media? Yes, I posted a couple photos of Cooper because he was being super smiley the other day. I also shared a photo of my laptop, which was playing Friends, beside my Friends mug the other night.

Woken up to the sound of your phone vibrating? Technically. But this usually happens when I’m trying to fall asleep in the evening, i.e. someone sending a late-night message, and not in the morning.

Heard the rain outside your window? Yes. It’s literally happening right now haha it just started raining.

Added sugar to a mug of tea/coffee? No. I use 3-in-1 coffee packets, which are already pre-mixed and all I have to do is add hot water. I’m terrible with measurements and starting from scratch and I doubt I’ll ever get the hang of manually combining coffee + sugar + milk + creamer + whatever else goes into coffee haha.

Refilled your drinks bottle? I don’t use a tumbler. I’m at home nearly every day of the week so I always have access to our glasses.

Felt emotionally involved while reading a book? This has happened before for sure, but not in the last few days.

Chuckled/laughed while reading a book? Uhhh I guess. My employer recently lent me this book on PR that they thought would help me gain a richer appreciation of the industry and I guess I did lightly chuckle at a few humorous anecdotes in it.

Spilled a drink? I don’t think so.

Eaten something that was sprinkled with sugar? Nope. I’ve eaten sweets here and there but nothing sprinkled with sugar.

Googled the definition of a word? At least a few times a day.

Read a Wikipedia article? Yes, I love Wikipedia. The last entry I read was a list on notable last words.

Laughed at a video you watched online? So many times. The main reason I watch videos is to be entertained and to laugh, to be honest; so it’s nice that a lot of creators make great, funny content.

Craved a savoury snack of some description? I’ve been craving gourmet donuts for weeks now. Nothing sweet; I’m looking for those with creative, out-of-the-box flavors.

Cursed after dropping an item on the floor? Probably.

Been amused by your pet's behaviour? I am always amused at their behavior. Kimi’s approaching 13 years but he still makes me laugh every single day.

Recognized an actor in a TV show, from another show you'd seen? I’ve only been watching Friends, soooo nothing to compare it to.

Seen an actor on TV that you thought attractive? Courteney Cox, always.

Typed something in a word processor? I had to look this up lol, but I guess I have if Google Docs counts as one? I use it a lot for work.

Been asked a question that you found awkward or difficult to answer? Sure. My grandma called up when I was stuck in a particularly tough period of my shift and she was asking how it’s been. I didn’t want to worry her or overshare, so I paused for a bit and just said “it’s going great!”

Smelled a pleasant food aroma? Yeah, my dad cooks up some great stuff al the time.

Dipped your food in ketchup, mayonnaise or another sauce? Tartar sauce.

Forgotten a hot beverage, then found it had gone cold? I don’t make hot beverages, so.

--

survey by kellyburnsred

What music video do you wish you were in? I don’t watch music videos a lot, mostly because they’re usually not at all related to the song it corresponds to and I never saw the point. Buttt idk, the one I had some of the most fun watching was One Direction’s Best Song Ever because it was hilarious. It’d be cool to fuck around with the characters there.

Who makes you laugh the most? I’d say it’s either Andi or Hans. JM and Kate are good runners-up.

You only can eat three things the rest of your life, what do choose? That would make me sick of those foods so fast...but if it were a legit life-and-death situation, I would go with surf and turf (so that I at least have a bit of variety), rice (because I can’t live without rice), and macarons (for something sweet).

What's one thing you wish you had in your life right now? Macarons. I recently liked a slew of local macaron shops on Facebook and even though I know it’s my fault, I hateeee that my feed is filled with macarons now haha.

If you had to give up your style, what other style would you choose? I’m not really sure. I can think of more styles I’m not willing to adopt, than those that can be my back-up.

What's your favorite ice cream topping? Hot fudge.

What is the bare minimum of sleep you could function on? I guess 3 or 4, but that’s the barest of the bare minimum. I would still be cranky if I was only able to sleep for that few hours.

When you drive, do you generally speed? Yeah, if I can. You’re always stuck in traffic in Manila so if you have the chance to press harder on the gas, you typically wouldn’t want to miss out on it.

Are you an animal lover? Yes, except for pests and insects I don’t like, like cockroaches.

What's the dumbest thing you've done because someone dared you? I once ate a piece of siomai that already fell to the ground; when I ate it I felt a lot of tiny pebbles and other debris so I promptly spat it out in a nearby bin.

What is the most disgusting trait that you have? Idk...typical disgusting habits make me wince myself. The worst thing I can think of is that I tend to keep my nails super long just out of neglect; and I usually only clip them once dirt starts getting trapped under the nails, or once it starts to become hard to type.

What was the last thing you talked to your friends about? Angela had made this really cute, DIY foldable collage for Hans for his birthday yesterday and I just checked in on her earlier to ask if he loved it.

What part of your day do you look forward to the most? The moment my shift ends.

What are your favorite song lyrics? This week, it’s probably “It isn’t the same, but it is enough.” It’s oddly calming no matter how sad the actual context is.

Who are your closest friends? Angela and Andi.

What profession do you admire the most? All are worthy of admiration. I don’t really have a ~favorite~

Do you believe in karma? Not strictly in the spiritual sense; but it can be comforting to think that the people who have hurt me will have their ass handed back to them someday.

What do you think is the funniest show on TV? Ooh, I don’t watch a lot of TV anymore...I have a sitcom in mind but it ended 17 years ago and it’s still pretty polarizing to this day, lol.

Are you an organ donor? No.

Did you have imaginary friends when you were younger? Just one, but I didn’t get the point of it and I got bored very quickly.

Have you ever smoked weed? No but a friend knows a supplier should I ever want to start getting into it.

Who do you look up to for your style? Idk, whatever girls my age are wearing these days.

What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought? With my own money, probably the hotel accommodation I purchased for my dad’s birthday this weekend. I’m super stingy with my money and I can’t imagine spending 4 or 5 figures on something just for myself.

What's your favorite amusement park ride? Not too big on rides.

Who was the craziest teacher you've ever had? Ironically, it was my Christianity/religion teacher from 5th grade. We bumped into each other a few weeks after I graduated high school and his first remark towards me was about my breasts. He did a lot of stupid shit too when I was in 5th grade but I don’t feel like getting into them because he was just one big headache of a man.

Where would you like to travel that you have not been? Thailand, if within Asia; Spain if outside.

If you could be any musician for a day, who would you be and why? No thanks.

Do you have any tattoos? No.

What are your favorite scary movies? Some favorites are Carrie, The Shining, and Scream.

#survey #surveys

[samsterham]

The Fuckening, Entry # 1

Despite the novel covid-19 being around for a pretty hot minute now, I have only been self-quarantined about 6 days. There have been several confirmed cases in my county, and today the county had it’s first death.

If it’s not apparent by the title, I’ve decided to officially from here on out refer to this entire debacle as The Fuckening. I will swear. A lot. 

I figure it might be somehow lucrative to record my experiences throughout the pandemic, at least as it is pertinent to my country & area. Aside from broader, more public events, it might be interesting to someday look back on my day to day & how we dealt & felt & what we did. I should have been keeping a diary of my life anyway & had intended to despite never making it a priority. Now is as good a time as any.

Anyhow, I anticipate this being a rather disjointed project, variable in moods, topics, formats, etc. & rife with grammatical errors. I haven’t decided how revealing of my identity & location I would like to be, I suppose that’s something I’ll decide as I go. All I’ll reveal for the moment is I live in the U.S. in Pennsylvania.

Recapping what I can right now:

I’m in about day 6 of self-quarantine. All schools have cancelled regular classes and have gone exclusively online, as has happened pretty much everywhere else. My community college also followed suit along with probably every college & university at this point. I’ve had a little over a week off for faculty & staff to prepare for the shift. Class resumes this upcoming wednesday online for the rest of the semester. Curious to how they’re going to structure & grade our biology lab credits. 

Bars & restaurants have been state-mandated to shut down except for take-out. Now the liquor stores have shut down as well. Somehow the beer distributor down the street is still open however...

Me & K (boyfriend) haven’t gone nuts with preparations, but we did have 1 significant shopping trip before the state officially began recommending social distancing. We got enough non-perishables for several weeks. We’ve made a couple mini trips for things like milk & fresh veggies. 

I also have a few immunocompromised friends who I’ve gone shopping for. I expect to continue doing so as needed. One such friend has a bitch of a rare disease which is frankly on the verge of killing her if she sneezes or coughs too hard. There is so, so much more to it than that, than I dare go into here for privacy reasons but I have spent the last month as one of her actual medical advocates. She is partly the reason I would like to focus my education and eventual clinical research on rare diseases such as hers. Anyhow, despite it being flat out unsafe, she was discharged from the hospital yesterday as my city prepares to get slammed with covid-19 cases.

Both my cats got a stomach bug just 2 days into self-quarantine. It began with Crowley puking, then what looked like bloody emesis & trip to the emergency vet. Sent home with stomach meds & instructions for supportive care before jumping into more than basic testing. He was fine within 36 hours, just in time for Aziraphale to become a little vom-bomb. This lasted for 3 days, with many debates as to when we should finally get her poor little fuzz butt medical attention. She thankfully healed on her own, just as I was about to break down & take her to the vet.

Not to make light of the fact that they were sick, but Zira’s throw-up noise is THE FUNNIEST sound I’ve ever heard in my life. It begins with that usual choppy but also deep guttural *hork hork hork* followed by a very abrupt & very loud  scream “rrRAAHH!” as things made their way up & out. I couldn’t help but kinda lose my shit as I pet her & cleaned up the mess. I’m probably going to hell for this.

Me & K have enjoyed spending more time together during quarantine. We have only had 3 friends over since, all being of our regular weekly crew of Sarah, Greg, & Amanda, & all of who are otherwise self-quarantined. Sarah & Amanda came over last Saturday, Sarah made “Quarantinis,” a goddamn delicious cocktail of vodka, lemon, honey, & crystalized ginger. Us girls & K got quaran-trashed, ate dinner together, played Cards Against Humanity, & watched Waking Ned Devine.

We have been making the FUCK outta some food. This is easily the healthiest we’ve eaten in a long time. Thank God we both can cook.

The weather has been fairly forgiving & the two of us have made efforts to get outside as much as possible while it’s nice. K works from home with some good flexibility & I was fired about a month before corona shit hit the fan. We’re enjoying the local parklette & the humongous cemetery in walking distance from us. 

Yesterday was mostly blustery & rainy, save for a 2 hour break in the weather where it was sunny and around 70 degrees. We trekked through said cemetery. As we were on our way out, we rounded the bend of one of the long paths, along the side of a large grassy hill. From that initial perspective of the hill, there was a large pile of indiscernible objects about halfway up the hill. As we came around, we noticed the pile was next to a grave very freshly covered in dirt. Upon closer inspection it became apparent that the “pile” was actually a man wrapped in blankets, with one arm stretched over the dirt of the grave. On the road at the bottom of the hill was what I assumed to be his car. I don’t know who he was, I don’t know who he lost, but they’re burned into my memory forever. It was one of those sights that breaks your entire heart. I cried a little & held K’s hand a little tighter as we made our way toward the gate. K kissed the top of my head & gave me a loving squeeze.

 I didn’t get fired over anything serious; my chronic migraines plus a personal failure to obtain intermittent FMLA in a timely manner resulted in termination. My bosses didn’t want to let me go, but you can only fight HR of a corporate health system so much. Oh well. I wasn’t happy there anymore anyway. After 3 years I was bored, having trained up as much as possible without my degree. Some toxic personalities made their way onto our floor staff in the last year which made some shifts absolute hell despite my efforts to avoid them & remain utterly professional. Aside from running out of money, I’ve been incredibly relaxed since being let go. I’ve even lost 4 pounds in the last month. My hair is currently a weird ginger-pink, the result of a failed self bleach job, but it’s not entirely embarrassing so I’m going to let it recover before I try it again & go teal.

I never got around to watching Breaking Bad when it was popular, but last night I finally saw the first episode. K has seen it before, it’s one of his favorite tv shows & he’s ecstatic to watch it together. One episode legit got me hooked already. I know the premise of the show & I can’t wait to see how it pans out.

The political fuckery around this has been.... ugh. I wanted to say “staggeringly defunct” but what else is there to be expected from this current administration? I have designed most of my tumblr to be apolitical but that will change with these specific entries. I’m politically outspoken on Facebook & Twitter & I wanted one or two platforms that could just be fun and neutral. My current politics are very leftist, a head-spinning 180 degree turn from my upbringing & early voting habits. The last four years have sent me purposefully, intentionally & determinedly headlong into the progressive movement, feminism, and hunger for democratic socialism. The only conservative thing left about me is my stubborn remaining infatuation with firearms & gratitude for the 2A. Counterintuitively I’m very pro-sensible gun control, but having the discussion with either side of the issue mostly leaves me wanting to knock heads together. 

I digress, the administration’s response to the pandemic has been unsurprisingly subpar, yet somehow not as awful as I expected. Trump went from “not a big deal” & “liberal media hoax” to “oh shit, I actually better get my shit together for this” real quick. I don’t know if it’s because it’s an election year or if there’s actually a shred of competency that’s been hiding under the comb-over but I’ll take what we can get from him, including that $1000 check. Getting unemployment has been a bitch. None of this however, changes the fact that Republicans have known about the crisis since December & instead of preparing the public, decided insider trading was a better idea. This doesn’t change the fact that the DOJ is trying to invoke indefinite detention as a “crisis response” and the only thing standing in the way are House Democrats. And it doesn’t change the fact that our hospital system is overloaded & underfunded, and the Republican controlled government would still rather bail out large corporations as we plunge into an inevitable recession. 

I’ve spent too much energy fighting ignorant shit sticks on the internet over all this, including people I know in real life. I gotta keep remembering that all I can do is my best, that you can’t change the world but you can make a dent. On that note, I finally introduced K to Danny DeVito’s cinematic masterpiece Death To Smoochy.

Today I finished reading Darker Than Amber by John D. MacDonald. Quick, fun read, definitely a product of it's time.

That’s all I have in me for today. My neck hurts. Sleep sweet and WASH YOUR FILTHY PAWS. 

#covid19 #covid_19 #corona virus #coronavirus #quarantine #social distancing #wash your damn hands #diary #journal #the fuckening #the fuckening diary #death to smoochy #pandemic

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #164

“on my forehead, a birthmark; remove it with a kiss of the knife, even if it causes me to die.”

Do you look like your mom? I'm told I do, but never seen it? Then again I'm bad at noticing subtle facial differences. When was the last time you overslept? I never have a time I need to get up now, so, couldn't tell you. What would you do if you could do anything without failing? Hm. One thing? That's tough. I guess... ride a rollercoaster without getting sick or, y'know, dying? I really, really wanna experience the adrenaline, but. Name something that happened to you that was completely unexpected? Bitch I don't even think my mother believed I would get over Jason. I feel like anyone who knew me well would've thought I'd never actually heal. Do you judge people that have multiple piercings? As if, when I want a lot. Have you read the Bible? Little of it. Do you think it’s cruel to keep an animal in a cage while you’re away? Depends on the size of the cage, if they're destructive when alone, and how long you're gone. Are there any lyrics to describe your current crush/relationship? "If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn" by SwS screams. Do you ever receive comments on your weight? Not unless it's a doctor and I ask or if I'm asking Mom if I look like I lost any. Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? Sometimes. When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? Go to sleep. What was the last lie that you believed in? I dunno. How long did your last feelings of heartbreak last? Like a year and a half. Do you ever have difficulty opening pill-bottle caps? Rarely. Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? No. How vivid are your memories? They can be extremely vivid while others are totally blurry. What is the worst question that someone could ask you? If I was offered a certain cold medicine. Or if someone asked about my left wrist. One would probably make me cry, the other would bury me in embarrassment. Have you ever ridden in a car with someone who was high? The driver. I was fucking terrified. That gets your ass in jail here. Who is the best hugger you know? I dunno. Sara and Girt both give great hugs. Juan did. I just like hugs okay. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I are desperately gonna try for Metallica in January. She literally cried and laughed hysterically when she found out they were coming; it was the sweetest damn thing I'd ever seen. Always told her we're going before she dies, and I plan on ensuring that. It's her dream. The tickets are just unsurprisingly more expensive than the average concert with who they are. What is the longest you have ever slept? Around 12 hours. Have you ever had to be put to sleep for an operation? Yes, tubes in ears and cyst removal. Have you ever had to clean up someone else’s vomit? No, and there is no fucking way I ever could. Human or animal. I would puke. Do you have any friends that are more than 2 years younger than you? One off the top of my head. Have you ever kissed some one with braces? No. Have you ever been able to do a split? Nope, not even when I was in dance. Are you intimidated by the last person you know talked badly about you? Embarrassingly, to some degree. Now in my defense, I'm afraid of most people, but she is a witch that fires straight for your insecurities, and I think it's pretty clear that I'm extremely sensitive. Have you ever cried in school? In the bathroom, I know I have, but I think I probably have teared up in class. What is the most times you have thrown up in one day? I dunno, maybe 4+ when I've had a virus? Last person to say your name? Mom, probs. Are any of your siblings married? Two are, no clue about Tiffany. Do you think the last person you kissed has ever lied to you? I'm aware she has, but I'm sure I probably did too when we were both asshole kids lmao. Who was your closest friend 4 years ago? Are you still close to that person? Colleen, and no. Have you ever liked someone else when you already had a boyfriend/girlfriend? What happened? It was one of the reasons I broke up with him. Is there a certain song that never seems to get old, no matter how many times you hear it? I will always be in the mood for Manson's "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge." Do you like to have croutons in your salad? Ugh no. Which do you find more irritating - sunburn or bug bites? Sunburn. What shape/type of fry do you like best [waffle fry, curly fry, steak fry, sweet potato fry, tater tot, etc.]? Hmm maybe curly. What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 114. What pet names do you use with your significant other? OH GOD. "Honeybee," "pretty woman," "love(ly)," "sweetie," "hun(ny)," "babe," "baby(girl)," and yeesh probably more. Do you carry any means of protection on you while out in public? No, but I do plan on getting pepper spray once I'm more independent/on my own. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? Nooooo I ain't dyin' today. What is something that most people wouldn’t know about you from simply looking at you? I was once in great shape oops. What’s your longest road trip? I can't recall if Florida or NY was longer... Do you have any videos on your phone? If so, of what? Yes, the video that Sara sent me of Jem reaching for her. Actually the most precious thing I've seen. Do you think that your bedroom is a reflection of your personality? Or would people look at your room and misjudge you? Sure. Who would you really like to become better friends with? Yeesh, a lot of people... Mostly old friends. Do you personally know anybody who has more than five tattoos? Yeah. How big is your bed? Queen. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Do you think it’s important for children to have a father figure in their life as they grow up? Gave some thought to this, and no. It's preferable to have two parents, but who says gender really matters? Just give the child two caring, unwaveringly supportive adults that can both teach them different things. Tbh I think having gay parents would allow you to grow up more open-minded anyway. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Only if I'm supposed to. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? Yeah. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yes. If you could have one more pet, what? One more python morph. Something you want to buy real bad? A drawing tablet. Something you would NEVER buy? Traditional mouse traps came to mind first. Inhumane as all hell. Now those that get them caught in a box, sure, because it in no way harms them. Just take them outside, asshole. What do you think will happen when you die? Hopefully, go to a positive afterlife of peace. It'd be amazing if you saw Heaven as you've always pictured it, but who knows how that works. I just about actually pray that you see loved ones again. Could you wait until marriage for sex? I could, yeah, but I'm pretty sure I dropped the abstinence thing. How would you describe your sense of humor? Dry and incredibly sarcastic. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Do you currently have any bruises on your body? No. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? A good number, yeah. A solar one? No. :c Do you know anyone who writes huge essays when they message you? Yeah, I don't mind! Show interest in talking!! Do you think your first love still loves you? Definitely not. I don't think he has a spot for me anywhere in his heart, really. Are you someone who has to analyze everything? Hi, I'm Brittany. What’s the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Mom popping up at my door talking when I had NO clue she was home. Do you have any awkward music downloaded on your iPod? I have "Daddy" by PSY can I jump off a bridge now. Have you ever been to church? What was it like? Yes, and it's something I've never enjoyed since being a little kid. Even in my more religious phases, I didn't enjoy it. It's boring and revolves way too much around "God is in control of everything," which sorry, don't believe so. Has a member of the opposite sex ever seen you naked? Yes. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? No. What articles of clothing have you been wanting to buy/did you buy recently? BITCH let me be small enough to wear gothic-looking corsets like I am TURNED ON. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. If you could either be fire resistant or breathe underwater, which would you rather be capable of? Hmmm fire resistant, I guess. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Yup. If you have any piercings, who did them? Claire's and then two parlors here. Do you know someone who had completely changed for the worse when he/she started hanging out with another person? If so, who? HAHAHAHA JASON. He got closer to the ego-fueled Dillon, and then he began to change. Have you ever been pulled over, but just let off with a warning? No. Do you like mash-up songs? Occasionally. What do you consider to be a bad grade? For me, a low B. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted kids, probably not. I don't think I'd be the appropriate guardian for one with severe disorders. Have you ever pole danced before? No. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yes. Has a pet ever stolen food from you as you were eating it? Probably. Are you more comfortable kissing a boy or a girl? No preference. Have you ever kissed someone and hated it? He kissed me, but it was legit awful. Who in your family is the hardest to please? Grandma. Would you ever pierce your “private” areas? *holds out holy cross @ parlor* What type of humor do you find funniest? CLEVER. And, surprisingly, self-deprecating if you cast it as confident. I just like when people are able to joke about themselves. NOW, this is a sense of humor to be careful with of course, but some can use it hilariously. What types of things fascinate you? WOWIE SO MUCH!! Caves, outer space, how spiders design webs, lightning bugs, abandoned buildings and shacks, animal behavior (especially w/ social species), witchcraft, the paranormal, and... wow, so much more. The universe is just incredible! What kind of place would you want to raise your children? Answering for if I actually wanted them: Out. In. Nature. It's a shame how reliant we are on technology - myself included -, so I'd want my children to know true fun and knowledge is found outdoors. Teach them an appreciation for the outdoors and the creatures we share this planet with. So I'd definitely want to live out in the woods more than I naturally do. Has your father met the boy you currently love? *girl, but yes. Haven't directly asked him, but I'm quite sure he likes her. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad? Probably Dad. He's easier to get along with, very fun, and then I just don't get to see him nearly enough. What serial killer do you find most disturbing? Don't know much about any, but I know Charles Manson was all kinds of fucked up. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? Written. Do you have the same color hair as your siblings? Yes. Do you have the same color eyes as your siblings? Only Bobby. What is your favorite type of cat? Persian. What’s your opinion on tattoos in the workforce? How about piercings? JUDGE BY WORK ETHIC, NOT HOW THEY FUCKING LOOK. Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? Why or why not? If you have a problem with a mother feeding her hungry child naturally, I don't want to know you. At all. This is a "controversial" topic where it is only black and white: You're either an ignorant ass, or an intelligent human being that knows what the hell breasts are for. Who in your life makes you the most uncomfortable? My sister's husband, probably. He's against just about everything about me, and his judgment is pretty damn intense. I don't go to church, my hair "isn't feminine" like it "should be," and I'm in a gay relationship. I'm aware he doesn't like me even though he tries to put on a nice face. Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? Ha, shave my legs. What band would you most like to meet? Lemme meet Ozzy before he passes away 'cuz I need to THANK HIS ASS, plus he cracks me up. Do you have a least favorite day of the year? Not particularly... Well, I realized this year now that I'm healed that Jason's and my anniversary date gives me anxiety. I look back at just how demolished I was and wonder what it would be like if I never got help. 99.99% sure I'd be dead by now. Do you want someone you can’t have? No, I have her. :''''') When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Over a week back. I legitimately wanted to punch her. When was the last time you totally broke down? It's been awhile. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? No. Do you ever listen to country music? It is rare as fuck if I actively look for a country song. Would you have sex with the 5th person on your text inbox? WELL, she's a minor, so, but she's also not my type romantically. She's a lil sis to me. Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yes. If you could seek revenge on someone would you? No. What are you listening to right now? "Mutter" by Rammstein, ahhhh it's gorgeous & I wanna make a character influenced by the concept. Are you afraid of death? Not really. Do you think you have to be skinny in order to be beautiful? Fuck off. Have you ever drooled in public? Maybe? I don't recall a situation. Have you ever been bitten by a dog? No. Would you ever shave your head? The one and only situation I could see myself doing this is if my child had to have this happen for cancer or something and they were self-conscious, so I'd do the same. Have you ever drawn a picture with sidewalk chalk? Yeah, I used to love playing with chalk. What is the worst possible way to die? Maybe burning alive. Or getting slowly eaten alive. Have you ever burnt yourself with a lighter? No, I don't mess with them. They scare me. Would you ever meet someone you met online? Already have, and there's more I'd love to meet. Have you ever kissed the TV? Not to my memory. Would you rather visit a sunflower field or a pumpkin patch? Sunflower field. Have you ever found a four leaf clover? Yes, the day of or a couple after Dad left. I found a patch of them, actually. When you’re being kissed, do you like it when they hold your face? Yeah. Explain why you stopped kissing the last person you kissed? Well she had a plane waiting for her lmao. If you were on life support, would you want to be taken off? YES. FUCKING PLEASE. DO NOT LET ME SUFFER LIKE THAT. Who was your first kiss? First person I romantically kissed on the cheek was Juan, Juan was the first to kiss me, first *actual* kiss was Jason. What’s your favorite form of dancing? Modern. Make it some sorta creepy and creative shit. What’s the most disturbing thing you’ve ever been through? Hmmm. I guess uh. Obsessive and invasive thoughts? Have you ever been to a race track? (horses) No. Are you good at braiding hair? Don't even know how to. Or are you into PETA and all that? They're too extreme. Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? I already have one, but I don't even want it anymore. I have ideas I like more for them. It's my ohana one, but that's not really a suitable one for me? Family via blood, you're an ass? I'm not associating with you. "Family" by intense friendship, that ends if someone turns into an asshole too. Probably gonna end up getting it covered. Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? Yeah. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Sara and Mark. No seriously, there will probably be at least a small one there. Do you wake up cranky? Rarely. I can be if someone wakes me up, though. I'm generally okay when I wake up naturally. Do you get offended if someone repeatedly checks their mobile phone when you’re out for lunch or dinner? Like non-stop, I'm not offended, I just think it's pretty rude. Who is your favorite character from Friends? Don't watch it. How would you deal with a significant other who cried all the time? Try my absolute best to help them. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I hate that stuff. Tastes like poison. Have you ever ran from the police? No. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yup. Do you have any trophies? Yeah, in "treasure boxes" as we call them for sure. Would you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No, I hate that shit. So petty. Rate your self confidence: 1 being insecure and 10 being cocky: Like... two or three. Does your family have a secret? Not that I know of. When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car. Are you in shape or more out of shape? HA. Do you have sympathy for those who hurt you? I guess it depends. Do you spend too much time at home? I'm just about a hermit because I have *nowhere* to go. I don't hang out with people, don't have a car. It sure is fun. Do you require visual assistance (i.e.; glasses or contacts)? I have glasses. My vision is atrocious without it, right eye especially. Ever held a newborn animal? Kittens, yes. Have any unpleasant public transit stories to tell? No. Are you afraid of failure? Yep. Have you been called a bad influence? Only by Colleen's mom, that I know of. Apparently me hanging out at the house and talking to and helping his mother whenever she needed it as well as always smiling at him was just awful for Keegan. What about Chinese food? Love it or hate it? Not a fan. All I ever like are fried rice and eggrolls. Do you get stage fright? When I was a dancer, I really didn't. Now if I was alone, probably would. Any current family issues? When is there not at least slight issues. Nothing big, though. Who is the last friend you spent time with outside of school? She's not my friend anymore, but Colleen. I haven't hung out with a current friend in many, many months. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? YES!!! Literally never forget this. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Extreme loneliness. What is the last movie you watched all the way through? Slender Man. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? No. Do you feel like nobody understands you? The only two that I believe certainly do are Sara especially, but also Mom. What’re your plans for today? I have therapy at four, got a shitload to talk about, and after that I have to take my files there to vocational rehab. Maybe drive around to look for photograph opportunities if Mom's up for it. That's it. Do you have a common first name? Very. I'm thankful it's a name I actually like, though. Do you know anyone with a lazy eye? Knew someone. Do you like spicy chips? Omfg YES. What’s the last movie you watched at a friend’s house? *former friend, Shrek. Her son loves it so we watched it almost every time I was over and bitch no complaints. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Two, then another if you count my shoulder. Do you own a tea pot? No. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's. I remember it because mine's Feb. 5th, then all I need to know is August as hers is August 5th. I know Dad's is in April. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? Well we were right outside an airport.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

[wearethejerkoffs]

1-100 ;;;-)

1. How long have you had a Tumblr?2011 i think? 2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?his name is justin. he had a gf at the time and kissed me (shitty af) in a library. it was nothing special. i really liked him though. 3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?dating emilio for as long as i did. 4 Favorite Songs at the moment?i cant pick its too hard 5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?i am not wild6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?i erase this shit from my mind7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?they come from myself hahahh 8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?just successful and happy. 9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?theyre fine just dont make them your top priority 10. What are your views on religion?believe what you want. dont bash me for not believing in anything though. 11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?of course. i get sad, hoe. 12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.i am very open. there is very little people dont know about me. 13. last really important text you got?ky cam saying shes down to shop w me and maddie :)14. Can you let go?not easily 15. Discuss your first love.have i even had one?16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.i dont have an ipod but fuck i wish i DID17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.visit? probably canada. id move there too. or wisconsin. 19. What are your views on mainstream music?no beef, i dont often find stuff i vibe with on the radio but i have18. Are you currently missing someone?more than anything 19. At what age do you think people should have sex?prolly high school, but really whenever you are comfortable. 20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?highs: leaving my abuser! getting a job i love! leaving people who are shitty and toxic! meeting rachel! meeting jessie! seeing amity!lows: spending the first half with my abuser! self harming again! crashed my car! 21. What are your strongest beliefs?i believe in aliens and ghosts (who doesn't?) i believe in an after life. 22. Who are you closest to in your family?my brother hes my best friend damn near 23. How important do you think education is?pretty important. i dont think college is necessary. 24. What’s one of your favorite shows?how i met your mother25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?i am stronger and happier. i have better friends and just a happier life. 26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.ryan ross, detective nick amaro, the rock, young matthew lillard, and ellen page27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.nick and norahs infinite playlist. its about a girl falling for a dude thru the mix cds he made his ex (her friend) and meets him at the club and soends the whole night with him looking for her drunk friend and a secret show. 28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?aalyssa. shes so interesting to me and i could listen to her talk for hours. 29. What kind of person attracts you?lanky emo boys. douchebags. pretty girls. 30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?i want to find another job 31. Name something that you miss.dhanes laugh. 32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.get in the shape i want to. thats it. 33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point? anytime i see michael and rachel its a highlight. low point: my FUCKING CAR GETTING HIT. 34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?molly damn near. 35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?tummy. its too big. 36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?eeeek i cant remember.37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?no i dont but i wish i did. 38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death? yep. i love you dhane! i love you christian! 39. What is your purpose in life?do i really have one? 40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?today at a sad facebook video 41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do? we would have sex i love you ryan ross 42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?nevershoutnever. you fuckin know why. 43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.goods: im very empathetic. i look out for people. im fucking funnybads: im too nice. i get angry very fast. im petty. 44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make? yes!! i love to just make pasta with chicken and homemade pizza. 45. What was the last decision you regretted making?probably fucking sy hahahaha 46. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?nope47. Do you ever wish you were famous?not really 48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?emilio said some of the most disgusting shit to me for months. dude told me he was gonna kill me hella times and how i should just end my life already! fucks wrong with that dude? 50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?just want people to remember the good about me and my laugh 51. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?not really52. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?hell no whats the point 53. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?yes54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?drive around with me and not make fun of me while i sob my eyes out. thanks becca! thanks jessie!55. What is one of your favorite memories?amity performing youngbloods. thanks for making me cry! 58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?becca bought me an amity ticket, i love that bitch. emilio got me a stuffed animal that is sully so that was pretty nice of him to do (rare) my fav is when people give me flowers. 59. Have you ever had your heart broken?yeah im a sensitive bitch. not his fault tho!60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?yeah like mostly where i live. i would just like to leave here. 61. What is something you feel like you are really good at? problem solving62. What are your top 5 favourite all time songs by your favourite artist?open letter. deaths hand. i hate hartley. youngbloods. chasing ghosts. 65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?becca had my back throughout my past relationship. she really did everything for me. s/o to her for being legit the best person i have ever met. 66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?watch more tv68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?get trump out of office. thats all i got. i dont know much about the government. 69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?id say halloween. i like the spooks. 70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you remember even though they were a complete stranger.the nice anons i get. thanks guys. 71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?honestly? probably scooby. 72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?scooby doo theme song. i love that shit. 74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?idk i never think about my wedding plans tbh. something alternative ideally. maybe something by flatsound or across the universe. 75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?nope 76. What’s one thing you can not live without?becca! 77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?idk i will really do anything for anyone. mostly just helping out with driving. 78. Are you a girly girl?i dont think so 79. What color is your bed?black80. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?dark. ideally brunette. 81. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?hell yes but not his fault 82. Do you have a best friend?yes. s/o to becca. s/o to maddie. s/o to tony. 82. What song makes you cry the most?i cant even pick. probably something by flatsound 83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?eeeeeekkkk...... i have no idea...... honestly for some reason all that comes to mind is 21 jump street and thats weird 84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?im just tryna kiss a gurl85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?yes for sure. i will never forgive my abusers. 86. Ever been really drunk?sadly87. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?not really. these people were saying i do bars and thats pretty fucked up considering ive never taken prescription pills for "fun"89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why? yeah i'm not gonna talk about it 90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?i did, i should start again. 
91. Do you like somebody?yep :-)92. Craziest shit ever done?im not crazy 93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?the kid that hung himself because people spread rumors that his girlfriend killed herself. 94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?i have no idea because im never having kids. 95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?marie96. Are you in a relationship?no 97. Do you enjoy drama?not really98. Are you a virgin?nope99. Are you short or tall?short100. Do you have siblings? If so, what are their names and how old are they? amber is 31, erin is 29, and tony is 16

[junker-town]

99 of the best, weirdest, and funniest highlights from college football’s 2017 season

We had some gems.

With the 2017 college football season in the books, what better way to commemorate it with the best GIFs and videos from the season?

First, we start with you all, the fans.

The first Thursday night game of the season gave us this glorious middle finger/surrender cobra combo, from Indiana fans watching their team lose to Ohio State.

These unsuspecting Auburn fans got stuck in the hedges while attempting to celebrate the Tigers’ Iron Bowl win over Alabama.

LSU’s band began playing during a Florida Tom Petty tribute, and this Gator fan was not having it:

THE TERPS SHOWED UP FOR GAME DAY ( : @totalfratmove) http://pic.twitter.com/BKL9SJvFqA

— SB Nation (@SBNation) September 23, 2017

Down. go. the. goal. post #MissionPossible #BeAGovBeAChampion http://pic.twitter.com/5egzzA93B0

— Austin Peay Football (@AustinPeayFB) September 17, 2017

Stay until the end of this one:

Tennessee gets its own special section, because well, it was a hell of a season.

The Vols fired Butch Jones and hired Jeremy Pruitt, but the season had some, uh, highlights. First! The video that sums up the Florida-Tennessee rivalry, filled with deep-seated hatred and debauchery.

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I hate that we lost but at least our players don't represent our team like this. I love a rivalry but be classy about it EDIT: I know our fans have done questionable things. They shouldn't have peed on the tebow statue but I'm not saying this over and over again: players are supposed to be controlled by coaches and fans are not. This is a representation of the control Jim Mcelwain and staff has on its players. If this was a Tennessee player I would be embarrassed. Athletes are held to a higher standard.

Posted by Chandler Cox on Saturday, September 16, 2017

Vols fighting Vols, an annual tradition:

When someone tries to tell you that Butch Jones is actually a good coach http://pic.twitter.com/9fOLIwkCFb

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) September 30, 2017

And during Tennessee’s home game against LSU, its damn stadium decided to fall apart.

Football fans vs Wind in Neyland http://pic.twitter.com/XhiD3RXDXJ

— CFB Gif'er (@CFBgifer) November 19, 2017

In a nutshell:

Aaaand the Vols lost to Florida on a last-second pass, too.

The Vols also had a turnover trash can on their sideline, which gave us this missed celebration dunk:

Moving on! Some of the best sideline moments of the season

Florida Atlantic coach Lane Kiffin caught a football with one hand, and one of his players was blown away.

On a related Lane note:

Yep, that's a real life Lane Kiffin Train at FAU. Watch Kiffin and @FAU_Football take on Marshall tonight at 6 PM ET on CBS Sports Network! http://pic.twitter.com/lt3iEHfQdw

— CBS Sports Network (@CBSSportsNet) November 3, 2017

Kudos to USC’s cheerleaders, some of whom were extremely into the fighting going on behind them ...

... and some of whom just ignored it to keep right on cheering:

Mississippi State players dancing while their head coach is incensed is my aesthetic:

NSFW:

Look at Mark Richt’s ups!

Sour Patch Kids = game day fuel.

82-Year-old Lee Corso still got moves http://pic.twitter.com/LS3o9wjDKF

— gifdsports (@gifdsports) October 1, 2017

This reporter is lucky to still be breathing http://pic.twitter.com/k0RJcePc8n

— Barstool Sports (@barstooltweetss) September 1, 2017

Florida State’s 2017 season was incredibly weird, and this angry Jimbo Fisher GIF sums up the year pretty well:

Trouble in Paradise - Get back coach edition. #BetrayalOfTrust http://pic.twitter.com/TYlTSaXTCO

— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) October 1, 2017

Miami had the year’s most beloved turnover prop, but Kennesaw State had the most lovable ...

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The Kennesaw State Turnover Plank is the best trophy in football

This is the Kennesaw State Owls turnover plank, college football's BEST turnover trophy. The full story: http://ift.tt/2AKNefx

Posted by SB Nation College Football on Friday, November 17, 2017

... Texas A&M had the weirdest ...

.. and Wisconsin mocked Miami’s chain mercilessly in the Orange Bowl:

Put that chain on and rip it off! @BadgerFootball http://pic.twitter.com/b0IUL88pXW

— Trent Keitel (@TrentKeitel) December 31, 2017

"Turnover chain my f***in ass" - Paul Chryst http://pic.twitter.com/acd7wx3lxp

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) December 31, 2017

Refs greatest hits, 2017

When the mic’s broke:

DOINK!

These are just hilarious, and there’s no other way to categorize them, folks.

This extra point THAT WAS GOOD makes me laugh out loud every time.

best extra point ever? http://pic.twitter.com/L6xgtdB9Qi

— Dr. Saturday (@YahooDrSaturday) October 8, 2017

Have you ever seen a punter get sacked?

TFW the turf legit splits in the middle of the Big Ten Championship.

Oklahoma State head coach Mike Gundy and quarterback Mason Rudolph both went shirtless during a pep rally:

BYU’s mascot went viral for its dance moves, so Mississippi State’s accepted the challenge.

What did the five fingers say to the face?

Having some trouble on defense? Just throw a towel like UCLA did! (Yes, this could’ve been a penalty.)

A UCLA DL just threw a towel at a pass. Isn't that a penalty? http://pic.twitter.com/BdXtVV73CE

— Sam Spangler (@SamSpanglerKHON) September 9, 2017

Ohio state QB coach Ryan Day was caught digging for gold:

NC State poked fun at Louisville basketball’s FBI investigation pretty cleverly:

OK, onto more serious on-field matters here: Catches!

Awesome catch by player on football team you didn’t know existed alert: http://pic.twitter.com/elToudDNZQ

— Dieter Kurtenbach (@dkurtenbach) September 1, 2017

Florida’s offensive highlight of the year, tbh:

http://pic.twitter.com/xi45yn8e4S

— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) September 23, 2017

Wanna see a 6’2, 308-pound defensive lineman score a touchdown? Enter Da’Ron Payne:

Some running backs did merciless things to defenders this season, too.

Bolu Olorunfunmi! Just WOW. #UOvsUCLA@UCLAFootball with the lead. Watch: https://t.co/ZLABag9Ytt http://pic.twitter.com/8Xmi2PDINl

— Pac-12 Network (@Pac12Network) October 21, 2017

Hawai'i is only down 14; still getting dragged http://pic.twitter.com/m5GnW046to

— Deadspin (@Deadspin) October 29, 2017

The Baker Mayfield experience

Baker Mayfield on his Johnny Manziel bullshit http://pic.twitter.com/BnTvhCaNiW

— 5th Year (@5thYear) November 18, 2017

Baker Mayfield plants the OU flag in the Ohio State logo at midfield http://pic.twitter.com/Ovas203PqP

— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) September 10, 2017

There were some unfortunate moments, too.

This Boise State pick-six ended up being a Troy fumble that turned into a Boise touchback.

Fireworks and a celebration for an incomplete pass?!?! http://pic.twitter.com/bSjRAIVY7m

— CBS Sports Network (@CBSSportsNet) September 3, 2017

UConn hadn’t won in so long that its quarterback had to practice a kneeldown!

It's been awhile for UCONN http://pic.twitter.com/ndQD013k61

— Chris Hassel (@Hassel_Chris) September 1, 2017

Another summation of Florida State’s 2017 season:

One of Sam Darnold’s many turnovers, but this one wasn’t his fault!

Tackled into a damn marimba:

This dang 87-yard fumble gets its own section, because it was extra special.

This play resulted in a loss of almost 90 yards. HOW IS THIS EVEN REAL? http://pic.twitter.com/gsD9GulNaF

— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) September 10, 2017

Animals made for some interesting moments this season, as always.

SQUIRREL TOUCHDOWN REPEAT: SQUIRREL TOUCHDOWN http://pic.twitter.com/IHFJdqEP6b

— FOX Sports South (@FOXSportsSouth) September 23, 2017

Ole Miss changed its sideline mascot from a Rebel to Landshark, and Auburn’s band wasted no time poking fun at them for it. A shark mascot is an animal, don’t @ me.

So the landshark did make an appearance at Auburn today. Or maybe Left Shark, possibly Right Shark. Anyway, Aubie is wearing the costume. http://pic.twitter.com/6pZ8MckOFD

— Tyler Greever (@Tyler_Greever) October 7, 2017

Double tap if touchdown rabbit should win the Heisman Comment if you miss touchdown squirrel from earlier this season

A post shared by FOX Sports (@foxsports) on Oct 14, 2017 at 10:18pm PDT

Big 12 fox back:

ASU's FG try is no good! We're scoreless after the Sun Devils' first drive. #WreckEm #WhatDoesTheFoxSay http://pic.twitter.com/5c5VMEt9s3

— Texas Tech Football (@TexasTechFB) September 17, 2017

More hilarity!

Michigan kicker Quinn Nordin had a crotch grab during the Outback Bowl against South Carolina. Yes — Michigan’s kicker!

When Kentucky double teams the punter all game...61 yard bomb topped off with a pancake http://pic.twitter.com/bG6bwdEbdP

— Johnny Townsend (@johnnytownsend1) September 25, 2017

Greatest flop ever tbh right here from NC State’s Bradley Chubb:

Chubb also blatantly spat on FSU’s logo ...

... and broke out the celebration of the year:

This guy is a treasure http://pic.twitter.com/V5UUw4tDXY

— Mark Armstrong (@ArmstrongABC11) November 11, 2017

That time Deontay Burnett celebrated a TD by shaking former USC quarterback Matt Leinart’s hand in the end zone.

Michigan QB John O’Korn randomly slipped or flopped (we don’t really know, either) unexpectedly on the sideline:

Breeland Speaks recovered a fumble, and says “hi.” http://pic.twitter.com/Ee4i7Pb0wM

— Barrett Sallee (@BarrettSallee) November 24, 2017

Boise State scored two touchdowns via this pirouette:

James Franklin after WINNING the Fiesta Bowl:

Iowa State-West Virginia was interrupted by LASERS briefly, and it was amazing.

Remember this moment between Boise and Oregon from 2009?

The two met in this year’s Las Vegas Bowl, and decided to recreate that moment, but the best part is that the Oregon player retaliated against the wrong Bronco.

Mike Leach is a national treasure, part 1,000.

Mike Leach. Goths. #Pac12AfterDark http://pic.twitter.com/cFpBLzpEMY

— Stephen Osentoski (@StephenToski) October 22, 2017

Mike Leach with the catch of the year http://pic.twitter.com/3GlGlkwXFW

— Jack McGuire (@JackMacCFB) November 26, 2017

There were some pretty awesome moments, too.

Here’s UCF star linebacker Shaquem Griffin, who has only one hand, battling for a Memphis fumble. He makes a ton of plays, but this one sums him up pretty well.

This is anything but a regular PAT. Jake Olson, blind since age 12, just snapped for the first time in a live game. https://t.co/amyHcFoVue

— Pac-12 Network (@Pac12Network) September 3, 2017

Ever seen a walk-off pick-six hurdle? Here ya go!

What a finish! Alize Ward takes the interception back 67 yards as time expires to give @SFA_Football the win! #AxeEm #SCTop10 http://pic.twitter.com/0X0q8bR7Ng

— SFA Athletics (@SFA_Athletics) September 17, 2017

Crowd rocks to Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down.” Very, very cool. http://pic.twitter.com/f93LTJl2fZ

— Thomas Goldkamp (@ThomasGoldkamp) October 7, 2017

Bowling Green got its first win of the season on this incredible play:

Wow. Brandon Harris picks up the fumble and takes it 99-yards for a @BG_Football TD! #AyZiggy #MACtion http://pic.twitter.com/pjfAiBK5p5

— #MACtion (@MACSports) October 7, 2017

Iowa started a new amazing tradition of waving the the nearby children’s hospital at the start of the fourth quarter:

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Iowa's "Kinnick Wave" is the best new college football tradition

Iowa's "Kinnick Wave" is the best new tradition in college football.

Posted by SB Nation College Football on Wednesday, September 20, 2017

And Alabama true freshman quarterback Tua Tagovailoa played hero and won the Tide the national championship over Georgia:

ESPN

Piesman Trophy finalists!

Brock Riggs from Heidelberg won it, thanks to this front-flip TD:

THEE Brock Riggs for #Piesman2017 @BergAthletics @BergFootball @SportsCenter @SBNation @Morgan_Moriarty @piesmantrophy http://pic.twitter.com/Df6YJKJSC8

— HeidelbergWHEI (@Berg_WHEI) November 16, 2017

The other finalists were St. Francis’ Louie Gartner:

What a play by Louie Gartner! 96-yard pick-six for the big guy! #RedFlash http://pic.twitter.com/H6LNfXBHKy

— Saint Francis U FB (@RedFlashFB) October 28, 2017

And Wyoming’s Carl Granderson:

And last but certainly not least ...

Our very own #FRYINNANNI achieved his lifelong goal of being the Outback Bowl Bloomin’ Onion mascot:

What else?

Add ‘em in the comments!

[princealbertsjester]

Market Research

Well hello again! This post right here is going to be discussing some market research we did for our show Exactly What You'd Expect. After a few weeks of deciding we wanted to do sketch comedy we needed to come up with material to go into said sketch show. We figured the best way and most professional way to decide this was to engage in some market research in which we ask the public (more specifically our student audience) a little about what they might want to see. Whilst we took advantage of this opportunity it became clear that market research would also help us in deciding where the market was for live sketch comedy and whether it would make it out in the 'real' world. So I drew up a plan of ten simple questions that we could take to people and ask them. I tried to cover a broad range with the questions covering specifics about what to and what not to cover in comedy and also the availability and will to see sketch comedy. I primarily focused my research in the Student's Union seeing as though our debut would take place in a university environment it seemed a good place to collate information. I asked several people around the building if they wouldn't mind answering a few questions for an upcoming theatre company about sketch comedy, asked them what their year of study and course was and then recorded their responses on my phone to later type up. What shows below are three of the responses I've selected to share with you.

First, a female mature student named Hannah studying Childhood and Youth Studies. She was very friendly and approachable, she had great responses to all the questions and was eager to learn more about the group Prince Albert's Jester.

What’s your favourite type of comedy/comedian?

"Dry and sarcastic or like, taking the mick out of people like those 'mean tweets'. Real life or relatable comedy."

Do you have a particular subject you find the funniest?

"Anything relatable really, anything you can think "oh yeah that's so me!"

Do you enjoy/are you into sketch comedy at all? Groups such as Monty Python?

"Only the clips my younger brother shows me, I'm pretty uncultured when it comes to all of that!

How often do you go to live comedy?

"Not as often as I'd like to. I've been to a few in the past overseas but don't really know where to go to find it."

What would draw you to go see a live comedy performance more/at all?

"A good recommendation from someone who had been or if it was someone I knew of such as Russell Peters or Peter Kay."

Have you ever seen/ would you be interested in seeing a live comedy sketch group?

"I haven't seen one but yes absolutely."

What kind of sketches would you want to see in a live comedy performance?

"Real-life scenarios, even if it's in abstract contexts - anything relatable."

What would make a new sketch group stand out from the crowd/be as great as the old groups?

"Maybe a new twist on things? Original ideas of comedy but done using popular contexts like vampires who care about anaemic people?" 

Anything you think isn’t funny or comedians should avoid?

"It's hard to pinpoint it but I hate it when comedians just make you cringe. I don't really like extremely crude humour."

Tell us the funniest joke you know?

"Well I love a good "yo momma" joke and anything out of Jimmy Fallon's mouth but I can't think of any on the spot, sorry!"

Second up was a first year student Jamie studying Electrical and Electronic Engineering.  A little more reluctant than previous interviewees but still gave some good responses to questions, especially answering about what to and not to do in comedy.

What’s your favourite type of comedy/comedian?

"Dark stuff? I don't know what you mean by type really. Satire? Absurdity? I particularly like David Mitchell, Frankie Boyle"

Do you have a particular subject you find the funniest?

"Politics is often funny. Topical issues. Death is funny too. "

Do you enjoy/are you into sketch comedy at all? Groups such as Monty Python?

"Yeah, Mitchell + Webb, Armstrong + Miller, Monty Python as you say."

How often do you go to live comedy?

"Never if I'm honest"

What would draw you to go see a live comedy performance more/at all?

"If I knew it was on and it was nearby"

Have you ever seen/ would you be interested in seeing a live comedy sketch group?

"Probably yeah"

What kind of sketches would you want to see in a live comedy performance?

"Dunno really. As long as it's funny. Perhaps it should be topical."

What would make a new sketch group stand out from the crowd/be as great as the old groups?

"Addressing the clichés that come with comedy. "

Anything you think isn’t funny or comedians should avoid?

"Gender differences. Overdone and just gives rise and boring debate. Actually comedians who just milk their gimmick (hur hur I'm American but I live in London now) get on my nerves"

Tell us the funniest joke you know?

"No"

Finally, the last interview I'm posting is one I shared with a Master's student named Megan who was on the Health and Wellbeing MA course.

What’s your favourite type of comedy/comedian?

A group called Foil, Arms and Hog are pretty up there. They're a trio of Irish comedians, they have stuff on facebook and Youtube but they're live stuff is legit.

Do you have a particular subject you find the funniest?

I don't know really, I find everything funny. I don't know.

Do you enjoy/are you into sketch comedy at all? Groups such as Monty Python?

Aye definitely.

How often do you go to live comedy?

About 4 times a year maybe? Quarterly.

What would draw you to go see a live comedy performance more/at all?

If I'd seen promotional stuff, stuff like clips of work.

Have you ever seen/ would you be interested in seeing a live comedy sketch group?

Yes, Foil, Arms and Hog do that kind of thing

What kind of sketches would you want to see in a live comedy performance?

Does slapstick count? Sort of like physical stuff, like mime things as well.

What would make a new sketch group stand out from the crowd/be as great as the old groups?

I don't know...

Anything you think isn’t funny or comedians should avoid?

What gets on my nerves is when people just capitalise on what they are, like only make jokes about them and their race/sexuality/religion. Or people who swear for the sake of swearing.

Tell us the funniest joke you know?

What do you do if a bird shits on your car? Don't ask her out again.

I asked the other two members to email me over three example responses from their market research and will likely attach all the responses into a folder that can go on this blog.

All in all the exercise was incredibly useful to us as a group, it enabled us to see that there was indeed a market in the professional world for sketch comedy and now that we knew people would come to see it we could work on what they were going to see. A professional company always has to stay relevant and at the end of the day give their target market what they desire, so this is what we decided to do, show some professional acumen and insight into our industry and audience.

The research provided some simple answers to our questions, it was clear what a few people wanted to see from our research, a lot that came up was religion, relatable comedy and the classics. We most tried to take as much of this on board as we could, applying the character of Wulfgang that we already had to a religious situation etc. The more we found that people loved old sketch comedy as much as we did the more we wanted to put into our show we'd never seen anyone do that in the university context and it was clear that others hadn't either and that this was a big subject we could capitalise on, hence 'The Janitor's Ballet' to end the show.

Cheers! 

Tim

[purplesurveys]

703

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? It was a Nokia. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? Mmm at the moment it would be Twitter, YouTube... and Twitter? Hahaha I don’t typically go on a bunch of sites these days.

Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. Yeah my current favorite are my mom jeans. They’re high-waisted, fit but not skinny, they’re basically really comfy to wear and they go well with every top. What profession do you respect? All jobs are worthy of respect but at the moment I particularly admire the frontliners from doctors and nurses to grocery clerks to janitors. All fucking badass in their own ways. Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? Minor ones in the past. Was never a fan.

Have you ever ate something you've dropped on the floor, if so what? Yep. I always eat food I drop on the floor/ground but the one time it ended up being nasty for me was when I dropped a couple of siomai, picked them up and ate them, and they turned out to have a bit of gravel already D: Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? Yeah why not? The job sounds pretty cool honestly. I’d love to earn money just by driving and still helping people in the process. How do you know when you're in love, what's the main sign? I stare. I do it secretly, but I still stare. That or I act increasingly aloof around them. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? I didn’t watch them put an autograph on it but I’ve bought something that was personally signed at some point. I got a signed AJ Lee poster that was being sold on WWE Shop. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? I wouldn’t know which one is better or has more stuff. What do you long for? Restaurant food. Window shopping. Taking strolls at the mall. DRIVING. If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? I wanna say Beyoncé but I feel like I’d just be intimidated by her? Lmao  so I’d go with Chrissy Teigen. I want someone who’s gonna be as clumsy as I am. What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? Go to a therapist or psychiatrist, for a start. What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? Usually it’s social media. When I’m working I always have to have Twitter and/or Facebook either open in existing tabs, or I open tabs to quickly check them every ten minutes or so and then close them. Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? Yeah but I honestly don’t mind it because it at least means people are taking steps in becoming more sensitive. What tragic love story do you relate to? I dunno, I haven’t had a tragic relationship experience myself. If anything though the plot of Hello Love Goodbye hits home quite hard. Has your intuition or "gut" served you well? Ugh, quite often. And it’s always my gut feeling for worst case scenarios that turn out to be true, which sucks even more. What's the longest you've ever waited in line for something and what was it? Driver’s license. Took seven hours lining up for the damn thing. Who is your favorite model? HAHAHAHAHAHA I always stay quiet about this cos she’s such an unpopular choice, but I really have a bias for Kendall Jenner byeeeeeeeeee. But Kiko Mizuhara is beautiful, too. What have you done that is out of character for you? Take up an externals VP position. I’ve never been the type, but I took on the job because no one else would take it and I didn’t want my org to die. Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? Honestly it’s the thought that counts. If they believed I’d love a gift card to somewhere I like like a bookstore, I’d love it. If they bought me something they remembered me in, I’d love it just as much. Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? Gabie. She’s just so hardworking, so ambitious, she takes no shit and it’s all I want to see in people. How do you handle a betrayal? Cutting ties. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? The current administration in general, anything that aims to glorify the piece of shit that was Ferdinand Marcos, media censorship or journalist killings, any anti-poor policy. What's the biggest blooper you've never lived down? The one time we were playing Heads Up and instead of saying puto bumbong I said puto bimbing. It’s ALLLLLLLWAYS brought up to me at family reunions, and honestly it’s pretty damn funny so I laugh along with my relatives hahaha. I’m trying to think of an equivalent in English so you can understand how ridiculous it sounds in Filipino and it’s pretty much on the same tier as that viral post that talks about how they said “Are you fucking sorry?!” when they wanted to say “Are you okay?” but also “I’m fucking sorry” at the same time HAHAHAH If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? Probably Mexican or Tex-Mex comfort food. It seems to be a hit in Filipino markets and it has similar ingredients to our own food. What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? A buuuunch of old books that were assigned readings to me in grade school and high school, children’s encyclopedias, some book series I’ve had since I was a kid, other lesser-known short novels. So books, basically. What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? In driving school I was taught in a sedan, but when I was done with the classes I practiced some more in my current car, a hatchback. What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can't? Cutting class. Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? Nope. Do you believe in karma? Sure. Not in a religious way, but the idea that people who do shitty stuff have their ass handed back to them at some point in the future is a comforting thought. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right thing? Doing the right thing, as someone who’s afraid of punishment or getting caught lmao. Do you believe in the term "Mother knows best?” Not always. My mom can be pretty tone-deaf about a number of stuff. Who is your favorite movie action hero? Not a fan of action and not a fan of superheroes. What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can't get elsewhere? My city always makes me feel nostalgic and getting to the top is always magical. I’ve never felt the same anywhere else. How important are looks in someone you're in a relationship with? Pretty important but it’s not everything. I had a crush on Gabie mainly because of her looks but I also considered dating Mike even though I didn’t find him good-looking, so it varies. What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? LMAO going to the fucking washroom. I dunno the situation anywhere else but some high-end malls in Manila will CHARGE you ₱5 or ₱10 for going to their washrooms. Like what the fuck?????? It’s so ridiculously pretentious that I completely avoid those malls out of sheer annoyance. What are you most thankful for? It’s gonna sound so privileged but at this point I’m grateful I have a roof under my head, parents who can afford to feed us as many times in a day as we’d like, and a comfortable home. You have to understand how my country is very behind in terms of living conditions, so anyone living in a legit house who can eat 2-3 times a day and doesn’t even think about receiving relief goods is already insanely lucky. Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? Not really. I do have a favorite radio show but they still play music in between. What was the last book you read? Fast Food Nation - had to read it for a class. What's your favorite online store? I think I’ve gotten most of my purchases from Lazada. What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? Paramore. What's your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Depends. I’m ok with water most days but when I wanna treat myself I go for a crazy sweet milkshake. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? Cool! There are plenty hidden gems in those. What do you like to put gravy on? Rustic fried chicken. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? Yeah, we canoed in Palawan. It was one of the most calming experiences ever and I’m really itching to do it again.

What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? Right now it’s how great I look with bangs hahahahaha. I can’t believe I didn’t get these sooner. What is priceless to you? My 12 year old dog relearning how to go down the stairs. What do you wait for discount sales to buy? I don’t really pay attention to discounts. What is one thing you know about your family history you're proud of? How inclined most of my ancestors were towards history. The phrase “runs in the blood” has never felt truer.

What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? Pool by Paramore, From Eden by Hozier, and I Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House. What is the craziest thing you've ever done for someone? Drive through punishing Metro Manila traffic to surprise my girlfriend for all of five minutes, then head to school for my class. Do you keep a budget? Nah. With my weekly allowance I just try to save as much as I can every week. If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? Nothing evil. I just want my girlfriend to be appear beside me because I haven’t seen her in a month now. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? A nap? Because isn’t that what naps do? Lmao What is the funniest joke you have ever heard about? I’ve encountered funny ones but I can’t seem to think of any right now. Who depends on you the most? Idk, my parents probably. Could you ever be someone's bodyguard? Nah. Has one of your biggest fears come true? I don’t really have a fear that’s a scenario, so no. Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don't understand? Why they get so fragile when someone criticizes what’s wrong with some men. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? I haven’t let Gabie do it for me but I’ve always considered the idea just in case something I’m involved with blows up too much. Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? Nah, it’s so unrealistic. If so, what were two things you wanted? Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? I’ve ridden a train once. And it wasn’t even during rush hour so I didn’t get the authentic experience haha. It was cold in the train, not a lot of people in it, and I felt like a tourist the whole time. What song on your playlist gets played the most? I have multiple playlists and each have their most-played songs. Have you ever received a harsher punishment than you deserved? Hate punishments and always try to do the right thing to avoid them, so I can’t remember the last time I actually got punished. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? Lmaoooo the usage of ‘members’ here is hilarious, like being a woman is being part of an organization sksk. I don’t mind what they’re into, as long as it’s not disturbing. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? That’s what I prefer, personally. Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? Yeah my great-grandfather was a World War II general. What embarrasses you instantly? Slipping, falling, or tripping. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? It’s what I wanted to be growing up but nah I’m not fit for it. You have to have incredible strength to be a firefighter and I can barely lift anything heavy. I also have a low tolerance for pain/discomfort, so there’s that. Oh and the fact that I’m afraid of FIRE. Do you often read your horoscope? I never read about my horoscope. What current event are you tired of hearing about? I’m tired of our president calling for a stupid state of the nation address almost every fucking night at 10 PM that’s always filled with empty words and absolutely no concrete plans to address the virus. I can’t stress this enough - Y’ALL ARE INSANELY!!! LUCKY!!! WITH YOUR GOVERNMENTS!!!!!!!!! Are you a daredevil? Far from it. I prefer being a goody two shoes. What common pitfalls do you find yourself dealing with in your work life? Don’t have work yet. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Yes for historical. I’ve already listed them down and what they did in old surveys; I don’t really wanna get into it again right now. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Yep. For best friends, close friends, and friends in desperate cases. How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? I think about how far I’ve come or how I’ve never failed anything I’ve had to face or come across. Have you ever fired a gun? Never. I really want to though! I’d love to go to a shooting range after the shitstorm that is this quarantine. How are you different from most people? I dunno. But don’t we have our own ways of being different? What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Apologizing to your kids if you’re the one who’s wrong. What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? Cockroaches, even though I think they’re pieces of shit and are ugly. Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? No, I wouldn’t dare. I get very cranky when I lack sleep, so I don’t wanna test my limits by going 24 hours without it. Who is a female role model in your life? Don’t really believe in role models but the closest thing I have as an inspiration is AJ Lee/April Mendez. What childhood dreams have you neglected? This sounds so tragic lmao but there are a couple I’ve had to come to terms with that they’re just not realistic, like being an astronaut or a vet. How often do you reevaluate your life? Not a lot; I don’t really focus on that because it would only make me anxious. What's your favorite place just to hang out? Skywalk, my org’s common area. What gives you a zest for life? Idk, good news? What three things do you think of most of each day? What I have to do for the day, making sure all the bullets in my to-do list are met, going home to my dog at the end of the day.   Would you travel to space if possible? For sure. Name a famous person you wouldn't mind for a business partner. Jay-Z.

#survey #surveys