#turnoutthe-lights
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love is a kaleidoscope - e. williams
Tags: Reader has no specified gender, angsty question mark, rocky relationship, some use of profanity (please take this lightly. like grain of salt lightly.), ellie is kind of ooc i think, set somewhat in the canon typical universe, mentions(?) of mental health struggles
A/N: I was trying to write another fic but I couldn’t do it. I suck at multitasking buuuuut, chappell roan inspired fic! Kaleidoscope is honestly a banger so everyone should stream when they read this! (I doubt anyone will do this but trust me! It’s for ambiance.)
Ellie hadn’t been herself lately. Going out early and coming back late, quieter, moping around, anxious, paranoid. Usually you’d been able to get her out of her moods with some attention but it seemed as if she’d been dead set on staying in this one. It didn’t matter what you tried — nothing worked.
“Ellie, I just wanna help you.” You spoke softly as you approached her drawing desk. “You’re not yourself lately.” You felt sorry for her, but she seemed to hate that. Since the day of Joel’s death and the meeting in Santa Barbara with Abby, everything had changed; understandably so. But you wanted to be there for her.
She was scared to let people in. She didn’t know what to say or when it would ever be safe again. Seeing how much you cared, she had harbored some resentment towards your persistence. She never understood how someone could be so interested in bettering someone who’d obviously been going through something.
It was hard to say, but sometimes she wants silence. She doesn’t wanna be reminded of how she needs to get out more or how much you’d wanna make her feel better by doing things you’d done before the outbreak. Truthfully? To her, it could never be the same — not without Joel. She lost a part of herself. “Ellie. Ellie, please look at me.”
She spares a glance in your direction for a moment. “If you really wanna go, I’ll never make you stay. Seriously. I want what’s best for you— for us, this relationship. If you need to go your own way, so be it.”
The relationship you had with Ellie had always been somewhat rocky. After she initially left to find Abby, the revenge took over her mind and made for a new and ugly personality. It was the same thing. Revenge. Revenge. Revenge. It was like a curse. One that seems to linger no matter how many times you discourage it from coming back. Ellie seemed to have her mind set on killing that woman Abby. That’s probably what had done it for her.
“I’ll totally understand if we need to be apart. I truly do. It’ll just.. take some time before we could even be friends again or something.” You shrug. “But why? Why would it be weird to go back to the way we’d already been?” Ellie finally speaks, her voice raw and hoarse. “Dealing with this sorta thing is hard. I think I’d need some time before I decide we can be friends again. I’d still look at you and say, yknow, you’re my girlfriend; but in reality we’re.. exes.”
Ellie understands, but it’s a hard pill to swallow. In her eyes, love was beautiful and blissful yet still confusing. How it worked? We’ll never know. Nobody does. Once you fall into it, you fall hard, and it feels like a punch in the gut once you realize that this isn’t forever.
Even with all the beauties of love, being inlove and being loved, she was afraid to let it in. She was always kinda closed off-ish when it came to herself.
“Things like this are.. big, and wild and confusing, I know. Emotions are big. Love is a big one,” You began speaking, yet gently and slowly. “But sometimes, it’s necessary to just.. take some time away from it, you know?” Ellie nods along with what you were saying.
“Maybe we do need a little break from eachother. To think about if we can keep going with this. All I can think right now is how fucking tired I am, and how I want this to work, but I don’t know how.” Ellie sighs. “I’ve been trying to be better for you but it feels impossible. I don’t know what to even do anymore,” Her hands tangle in her short hair as she thinks about what she’d say next.
“I love you a lot. I really do. But we need to take some time away from eachother.” Ellie says, holding your hands. It stings, but you knew this was coming. It was like bracing yourself before a punch you knew was coming to you.
“Yeah. I think so too.” You mumble back. You look at Ellie, she looks at you. She stands up to embrace you and you just let the tears you kept bottled up out while she rubs your back.
#Spotify#turnoutthe-lights#sora writes#tlou#the last of us#the last of us two#ellie tlou#ellie the last of us#ellie williams#tlou2#ellie willams x reader#ellie x reader#tlou x reader#tlou x you#tlou x y/n#ellie x you#ellie x y/n
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yearning hrs. why cant i tell a girl im eepy and wake up to a cute lil gm message to power me thru the day. why isn’t a pretty girl calling me her stupid bitch. hello?
#turnoutthe-lights#sora speaks#the two aren’t even mildly related to eachother but whatever#i want both of them#nblw#wlw#lesbian
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need my dick sucked. (i don’t have this anatomy unfortunately. 😞)
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im just a silly lil person on the internet who is adamantly watching their inbox and dms to see if anyone will dm me. i promise i don’t bite.
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”sorry i didn’t shave!” that’s alr baby, lemme put ur shit in a ponytail, imma still eat it. 🤑
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yes i want pretty girls in my dms. yes i want them in my inbox. yes i want all the non men here. but my online social anxiety eats me alive and i literally have no clue how to talk?
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i need to stop texting people when im delirious bc it never hits the same way it does when im awake. 😓😓
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bitch if ur hitting it from behind and u hear me begging for more do NOT ask me “yeah you like that?” because i will get up SO FAST. like no im totally not moaning and soaking wet rn. 😑 don’t pmo.
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does anyone on here even fw poetry?
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whenever a girl has a cute voice, i automatically think abt how she’d sound telling me to kill myself. sorry im mentally ill like that.
#turnoutthe-lights#sora speaks#nblw#wlw#lesbian#wlw and nblw only#and tbh#voice kink#sorry ur hot and im fucked up#sorry i want you to threaten my life??#sorry that it made me wet??
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sorry for falling off the face of the earth omfg. im gonna try to be a bit more active, ive just been super stressed lately.
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i hate mixed signals, like do u wanna eat me out or not damn.
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unfortunately i do not wish to dominate you everytime!!!! unfortunately!!!! im a sub at heart. take care of me!!!!!!
#turnoutthe-lights#sora speaks#nblw#wlw#lesbian#wlw and nblw only#keeping it 100#born to be a sub forced to dom#like guys#im a loser lesbian.. pls.. take some pity on my lil ole heart..
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im a d1 dick (strap) rider for pretty girls and my moots till the day i die. non men included too.
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is this my flop era
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i think im actually gonna hurl myself off of a building if i look in the mirror again and see how girl i look because it actually gives me such a weird feeling and i HATE it because it makes me wanna scream.
#turnoutthe-lights#sora speaks#i wanna serve androgynous cunty mawma#but in this economy i cannot.#i look too girl. unfortunately.
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