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ciceroprofacto · 2 years

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Huge library envy! 😳

A more general question - what is your advice to hobby researchers for building a balanced biographical sketch of a historical figure? How do you approach biographies to account for various biases and perspectives, as well as simply mistakes? To what degree should you refer to the primary sources directly?

I took awhile to answer this cause I think it’s a really good question (series of questions?)

General Research Advice:

The best advice I can give anyone is to get really familiar with how to use online resources. There’s a lot of free ones- and it’s not worth subscribing to something if you already know how to find it for free (unless you have disposable income and wanna support databases that have a paywall- but consumption should be optional and not a result of ignorance!). The most important thing with these is to get familiar with their search functions. I honestly find posts with long lists really overwhelming, so I’m not going to do that for you. Instead, here’s some key starters:

- https://archive.org/ - https://founders.archives.gov/ - https://www.loc.gov/

I can guarantee, if you get really good with a few useful tools, you’ll be a lot more-effective than if you run around looking for every possible resource. You could spend days on these sites and get a whole lot out of it.

Unfortunately, I kinda think books and other physical-resources (like maps or artwork or even tours of locations) are the opposite story. Most of them are going to cost something to access (even if it’s just the gas-money to go to your local library); and the more you can access, the better-off you’ll be. I say that because their scope is limited to what information they individually-contain, so it’s not like you’ll get anything out of becoming an expert in reading an individual book (or visiting a specific battle-site) like you could in becoming an expert in using an individual search-engine.

So with books and physical-resources, it’s a cost-benefit analysis every time, and then just pulling as much out of things as you can. Do you have the ability to visit a museum or a site? If so- can you take pictures of the exhibits to pull notes from later? Do you have specific questions you want to answer from your visit? Is there an expert on-site that you can get contact information from? Does the book have a good appendix of sources, and if you recognize any- were they trustworthy?

A personal library is a nice luxury, but it’s expensive and it has second-order effects of requiring storage and organization and then just being burdensome to move around with. So, if you want one- make it as cheap as possible. Thrift stores are your best friend. I know some places don’t have many of those (one of the reasons I didn’t enjoy California), or the time/ability to go thrift shopping, so I’ll also recommend thriftbooks. It’s a site that sells used books for decent prices with free shipping and a rewards program.

Bias & A Balanced Approach

I thought I’d made a post about this before, but a quick search didn’t find anything so, here it is, two-step process:

Know the writer

Cross-check

Know the writer:

What’re their credentials?

Where do they come from?

What’s their cultural background?

What influences them?

Who do they work for?

Are they making money off this?

Are they gaining influence from this?

What else have they produced?

Are they consistent in their messages?

Cross-check:

Use the appendix- go to where the information came from and, if you don’t trust- verify (this is where the search tools online are really helpful!).

Read broadly. The more material you’re familiar with across various disciplines, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to sniff-out inaccuracies or skewed framing. Being more broadly-focused also helps you recognize a specific author’s strengths and weaknesses and where you can trust their word or not.

Also- how much do you care?

As a hobbyist, I’m assuming you’re not making money off of research or being graded on how well you retained information. If you’re learning for fun, don’t bog yourself down so heavily with worrying over accuracy that it’s not fun anymore. It has to be a sustainable balance because- if you can’t find the energy to read a lot, you’re going to be worse at recognizing the quality of what you’re reading.

Basically- take pride in knowing what you know, but also...you don’t know anything anyway, so have fun with it.

Everyone has biases. You have biases!

Learn them, love them, harness them.

Bias is the spice of knowledge- no nutritional value, but it makes everything taste better.

I can be really critical of biographies that have obvious biases (and I think we need to be for ones like Chernow’s Hamilton that define public-understanding of a character), but bias is not a bad thing for a biography to have. It’s the story of someone’s life and if there’s no bias, it’ll come across dry and unfeeling. If the author is trying too hard to disconnect from the humanity of the character, it won’t say anything relatable and therefore won’t mean anything. What you’re really looking for is whether the bias is responsibly-handled.

Primary and Secondary Sources

I feel like we all have a gut-instinct to value primary-sources (i.e. contemporary sources for the sake of this conversation) as the end-all to understanding an event, and I wanna say upfront, that’s not true at all. There’s important utility in both.

Primary sources:

Give first-hand accounts of things

Give invaluable insights on the subject themselves.

Give details of something as close to the event as possible.

Secondary sources:

Give broader context to make details make more sense

Give insights from someone with expertise in fields you might not know much about.

Give details about events that the author of a primary source did not or could not know.

So, obviously you have to use them in conjunction with each other, and here, I think you have a sort of ‘inside-out’ or ‘outside-in’ approach.

Inside-out: your primary sources are as close to the event as possible, so starting there, you’ll basically be working your way outward from the contemporary author’s limited perspective, pulling out topics that you want to understand more about and then looking for more information on that topic.

Outside-in: your secondary sources are outsiders’ perspectives on the conglomeration of sources they’ve drawn together. Your task is just to hone in on those sources individually and see if you can gain anything new out of doing your own assessments.

As for how much you need to use one or the other...

I think that’s really a self-assessment. Just be really honest with yourself on your own reading-comprehension and how much assistance you’ll need with contextualization for a specific topic. The more unfamiliar you are with something, the more you should probably go outside-in for awhile until you can start to recognize things for yourself.

Hope this was useful if you managed to read all of it!

Happy Hunting!

#reading rec #writing advice #answered #research advice

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 3 years

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please please please do NOT give up on medicating your adhd because you have a bad experience during your first attempts. finding the right medication/dosage combo takes trial and error, but it can feel like a MIRACLE once you do.

Being medicated isn’t for everyone, but it is a powerful tool in our toolbox. and I am seeing way too many people giving up that option prematurely, because they are unware that:

there are different medication options. they do not all have the same side effects, and not all are amphetamines

dosage matters. if you are discontinuing bc of side effects, consider trying a lower dose first

some side effects will balance out after the first few weeks if you stick with it. you are looking for a longterm solution, so give it time.

a good doctor will be willing to work with you to find a regime that works

finding the right meds/dosage combo will take trial and error. and it will be worth it once you do.

#not a shitpost #serious post #actuallyadhd #adhd #i'm 'pro-medication' not in that i think everyone with adhd needs to be medicated #but i think a TON of us would be happier and more functional if we were on the right medication/dosage combo #unfortunately that is SUCH an individual thing that it can be burdensome to figure out just what that IS #this combined w/ healthcare hurdles mean that many of us give up prematurely on finding a regime that works #both bc of how frustrating the process is #AND bc you just aren't aware of the IMMENSE AND OUTRAGEOUS DIFFERENCE being properly medicated can make #not until you've experienced it yourself #seriously it is the mental equivalent of putting on a pair of glasses after years of walking around in a fog #and then you realize HOLY SHIT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE THE WHOLE TIME?#I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND BUMPING INTO THING AND YOU BASTARDS COULD FUCKING SEE????#THIS IS WHAT CLARITY LOOKS LIKE??????#anyway if you aren't medicated bc of bad experiences in the past #please be aware there are other options that can make a ridiculously big difference #and also things like maturity/weight gain/time/health changes can mean that you'll tolerate medication better now than in the past #anyway if adhd is affecting your life and ability to do the things you want #i really recommend at least talking to your doctor about trying a low dose of something

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going-fancognito · 4 years

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A head canon of Revali/ Sidon/ Link with their s/o of who confessed first and how. You writing is insanely amazing and I hope you didn’t do this already 😂 ( btw you can only do Revali or only Sidon if you want or with whoever you want, don’t feel pressure)

Y’all gotta stop with the compliments before my ego reaches Revalis level lol (ButdontactuallypleaseIloveit-). But don’t worry Anon, pretty sure I haven’t done this ask yet. And with the power of boredom, I SHALL HAPPILY DO ALL THREE BOYS!!

Revali:

Technically, you confessed first

But as for who started it; that was totally Revali, hands down

Doesn’t want to risk getting rejected, so he tries to figure out your feelings first

Drops soooo many hints

(Surprised he even recognizes the word, tbh)

Will constantly complain about his adoring fans, trying to gauge your reaction

“How burdensome Y/N, an individual such as myself having to carry so much talent alone” You ignore his side glances towards you. “Perhaps I should take on a lover. You know, to prevent any potential heartbreaks in the future.”

You do your best to act casual. “Oh really? So who’s going to be the lucky one?”

Right on cue, flustered floofy boi has been activated.

“Well I, erm- Ideally, it should be someone that I can consider my equal. I can’t simply just pick anyone, I have high standards after all.” He proceeds to quickly list off the things that he requires in a partner.

‘Coincidentally’, you seem to check off everything on his list

You struggle to maintain a straight face during his rant

Subtle? Yeah Revali, sure

A heart shaped arrow to the heart would be less obvious (albeit more painful)

He act so smug when you confess to him

“Well, I can hardly blame you. After all, who could possibly resist my natural charm?” Was it just you, or did his blush marks seem a brighter red than usual? “Worry not y/n, your infatuations are not completely unreciprocated. I will cease your desperate pining and give you the honour of being my romantic partner. Feel free to thank me now.”

This smug motherfu-

(He’s going to pay for that later)

Sidon:

Sidon undoubtedly confesses first

He’s a very expressive boi

Not the type of guy who’ll bottle up his feelings

If something’s on his mind, he will say so

And right now, what’s on his mind is you

As soon as he realizes his feelings towards you, he starts planning out his confession

Takes him about 2-3 days to complete it

When asked to join him for a stroll, you wind up meeting with a very bashful Zora

Seriously, you’ve never seen Sidon look so nervous

It was a definitely an odd sight, considering that he’s an 8ft. tall shark prince, while you barely made it above his waist

He’ll bring you somewhere private, and then give a four-pages-long speech

He goes on about how lucky he was to have met you, no-one could possibly ever compare to someone as radiant as you, you were the pearl of his eye etcetera,.

Honestly? It’s pretty dang cheesy

But that just makes him all the more adorable for it

Besides, cliche or not, the fact that this was how he sees you was enough to make your heart melt

(That’s it. If you don’t take him, I will)

(#Sharingiscaring)

Link:

Link, listen: I get that you have trouble expressing yourself

But you’re gonna need to do SOMETHING if you want the reader to know that you like them

“You wanna hold her?” (Yes)

“Please her!?” (YES)

“THEN YOU’VE GOT TO GOT TO SHOW A LITTLE TENDERNESS~”

“THE CHICKS LOVE THAT ROMANTIC CRAP”

(Sorry I think I was just possessed by a dead Shrek meme)

Unfortunately, Links poker face and stoic demeanour makes it hard for you to read his feelings

Add that to his quiet nature, and you’ve got yourself stuck in a romantic Limbo

Thankfully, one day Link takes you horseback riding to gather wild herbs

Suddenly his horse rears back, sending you both tumbling to the ground

In true stereotypical anime fashion, you opened your eyes and found yourself in a compromising position with the protagonist

Looks like your tumble landed you perfectly on top of Link-

-with your mouth covering his.

(Kisskissfallinlove-)

You felt your ears burn in embarrassment as you quickly climb off of him

You try to frantically apologize, when Link stops you, grabbing your hands and shaking his head

His lips curved into a tiny smile, cheeks as red as yours probably were

It looked like....he didn’t mind? (Quite the opposite in fact)

Slowly, you returned his grin with a shy one of your own, barely registering the gentle squeeze he gives your hands

He slowly leans forward, giving you plenty of time to back away

(Link. Honey. If a sweet and handsome gentleman like you is making a move towards me, you bet your fine Hylian ass that I’m not gonna say no)

It’s safe to say that your second kiss was definitely not an accident

Link leans back again, and you both seem to reach a silent conclusion

Link helps you to your feet and, still smiling like a pair of idiots, you both head over to where his horse was patiently waiting

Huh, his horse looked a lot calmer compared to a minute ago

Actually....was it just you, or did it even seem a bit smug?

Hehe. Looks like the horse decided to confess on their riders behalf

(wingman/horse for the win)

#botw headcanons #botw imagines #revalixreader #sidonxreader #linkxreader #botwxreader #my writing #botw #revali #link botw #sidon #revali x reader

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a-long-walk-in-the-forest · 3 years

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Itachi’s Taurus planets degree exploration

Since if I want to make a proper reasonable guess for Sasuke I need to have some idea about Itachi too so I’m going to just list any taurus degree that fit him. He has at least 3 things there (mars, venus, saturn).

I tried to keep different interpretations of the character in mind but not so much so that I can’t narrow it down at all. Note that these descriptions were mostly written by people decades ago so some of them may sound a bit ... Also the body parts mentioned are used for predictive and medical astrology.

0-1

It denotes a person of. a disputative mind, one who will have many enemies, and will need to exercise himself much in self-defense; one to whom life will open out into a great field of strife, but who, through his own native force and diplomacy, will eventually prevail. It is a degree of SELF-PRESERVATION.

The native will have to stand forever on the lookout ready to parry unforeseen attacks, as his destiny has fierce struggles in store. But in struggles he surely will thrive and revel as if it were his own element, and he will engage himself in them to his utmost. He has a great will power, is versed in tricks and makeshifts, and can be very reserved in spite of his liking for arguments and polemics. Churlish and insensitive to pain, he seems born to have things his own way in spite of the war furiously waged against him on all sides. He may even be endowed with magic powers. This hard character’s failing is ungenerous; it may even become cruelty.

Denotes a person of strong character; of a rather morose disposition, and possessing magical powers; one with strong will-power, very reserved, inclined to be cruel.

A persevering strategist; denotes good mentality; a prophet of a new order; love of home; brilliant 233 mind; renowned for benevolence; powerful in combining old principles in new application; beauty, devotion, fame or fortune; throat or gullet; palate.

Denotes one whose life is threatened in early infancy. The ideals are high, and he delights in all that is beautiful and sweet. The native is somewhat erratic and inconstant, loving “fresh fields and pastures new.” He inclines to the poetic and artistic, and may excel in such paths. It is a symbol of Cultivation.

This degree seems to blend the qualities of Aries and Taurus in a less desirable fashion. Here the stubbornness of Taurus is directed to the establishing of the ego. In so doing he alienates those around him so that he is left to carry his burdensome load alone. There is a strong tendency for men to be mislead by a woman usually because of his desire to possess her and make her subservient to his own ego. In most cases he desires and attracts someone extremely selfish and difficult to deal with. He seems not to be able to disassociate himself and pursue his course alone. This is an even greater threat if it is the man’s Moon or Venus which falls on this degree. At any rate it is the stubborn desire to establish his own ego irrespective of others which cause the insurmountable trouble.

This degree is favorable for a good mentality. Denotes a persevering strategist. More inclined to the artistic than Scorpio 0-1 degree.

1-2

It denotes one for whom life will be a severe lesson; whose ambition is likely to outstrip his power; one who will attempt great his discomfiture; whose efforts will prove futile, and whose hopes a will vanish as the clouds.

The present repels him, human society holds no attraction for him. If he, therefore, does not find an outlet in the pursuit of nature’s secrets or in historical studies and the like, he will lapse into a dull idleness, root of all evils. He must break the ominous spell isolating him spiritually from his kind if he is not to find realized in himself the biblical threat, Vae soli (Woe to him that is alone—EccI. 4:11). He must draw a wholesome lesson from his disappointments and realize that he has produced them himself with his wrong attitude of estrangement from life. Life must be loved if she is to present us with her gifts; these are not to be frowned upon in comparison with the unattainable daydreams, toyed with by cloud-dwellers apt to slump defeated to the ground if they cannot reach their aim. Any vital force that does not find a proper outlet will cease to flow. The greater one’s inborn vitality, the more quickly idleness will blight It.

Denotes that he, or she, born under this degree will live alone, isolated, mentally; not in sympathy with the present state of things.

Magic; a pleasing personality; a person who is above petty things; loyal and serious-minded; some interest in occultism; magnanimous; opening of throat.

Denotes one capable of immense sacrifices who surrenders self, expecting no reward. The life will be often lonely, but ever threatened by storms. In the end wisdom and worth will triumph and the second half of life brings good promise. It is a symbol of Devotion.

This degree is not a decisive one although it gives a strong will and a desire to protect the ego at all cost. There is also a capacity for cruelty. Self-preservation is the basic quality. When the self is not threatened the individual may relax and this degree will then be free to develop along other lines generally consistent with the chart as a whole. It is possible that the native could be so sensitive that even when the self was free from threat, defensiveness would be uppermost. Until this tendency is overcome there is not much hope of success. There is much ability both mental and physical.

This degree promises a pleasing personality. A person above petty things. Loyal and serious minded, with some interest in Occultism.

2-3

It denotes a person whose interest will be greatly enhanced in the autumn of life, who will reap benefits greatly enhanced in the autumn of life, who will reap benefits from old age and pleasures from maturity; whose chief characteristic is acquisitiveness, and whose designs will meet with much success. It is a degree of acquirement, of GATHERING TOGETHER.

This influence points somehow to untimely love. The native may have older people propose to her in her youth, or vice versa, will insist on marrying a younger partner in her elderly age. The planned match risks to come off whether the younger partner looks at it as a sincere and generous gift of his or her youth, or is driven to it by base interest-where the one alternative does not altogether shut off the other. Aside from the question of love or marriage, the native will be luckier in later years and will reap tardily the fruit of his days of labor.

Strong sympathies, excessive sensibility, very impressionable and mediumistic.

Scientific; artistic; degree of plot and strategy; an important degree in nativities of great military generals; a carefree traveler; inclined to live his one life regardless of others’ opinions; afflicted - may denote an unfortunate end; generous; uvula.

Denotes one favored by fortune. He will possess good judgment, and will do the right thing at the right time. His early life will be filled with struggle and with promise, expanding to favor as he advances in years. With a good insight into human nature the native can well choose others to assist in his work, and whilst holding work to be the true necessity of life, he knows the value of relaxation and pleasure to others as to himself. It is a symbol of Fortune.

Much indication of loneliness and self-undoing. Some of the artistic qualities of Taurus come through here. There seems to be little appreciation for life. These people generally find little to live for. They isolate themselves from other people. They tend to pessimism and despair. Much of this comes from inertia but it can also come from too much freedom and too many choices, which are not open at the same time but which sweep by in a maze of confusion to this individual. Idleness tends to atrophy any abilities that one might have. It would be helpful to him if opportunities were kept open to him for longer periods of time. He might continue to procrastinate, but in some cases this might lessen the frustration. Basically this is a problem the individual must solve for himself and realize his own part in humanity’s pattern. He must discover for himself the worthwhile nature of relationships with others. His childhood training will do much to over-come these problems if recognized and dealt with in meaningful way.

A carefree traveler, but adverse aspects may denote an unfortunate end. Artistic, scientific and generous. Inclined to live his own life regardless of other people’s opinions.

3-4

It denotes a person in whose life much sedition will prevail, whose affairs will be marred by his own violence, and whose house will be dismembered through strife, in whom wrath will effect great evils , and whose force will be turned against himself. If is a degree of DISINTEGRATION.

An exacting, disdainful, short-tempered being, destined to remain, so to speak, raw stuff throughout his life, who cannot possibly keep in harmony with the ones he loves. The native hat, however, a nearly military sense of discipline as something absolutely necessary for himself as well as for others. The keynote of this character is its lack of that indispensable minimum of feminine fluidity needed to melt and blend any spiritual alloy; therefore, both the native and his never sufficiently plastered buildings tend to harden and collapse. A male every inch of his boorish being, an irksome grumbler, easily roused to a fury, the native will not be able to put up with anyone; he will handle things and people awkwardly and clumsily and will be peeved and disgusted at any show of weakness in his neighbors. Hence a tendency to isolation and ultimately to self-destruction, as in Dante’s figure of Pier della Vigna (Inf 13, 70) who, embittered and nearly crushed by all his fellow courtiers’ envy and slander, ended by commiting suicide. Unless no other features balance this influence, the male native never will be able to appreciate feminine charm. The female native should never marry. This degree shows sometimes a remarkable feature: a special fondness for fireworks, which may well become a passion if the rest of the pattern helps (the Fire element). The native’s body will be subject to decalcifying.

Denotes one in whom the male principle predominates excessively, the female being nearly nil, sympathies towards the opposite sex wanting. if a man he rarely ever marries, If a woman, she ought not to many.

Literature (skill in working out plots); writers of detective stories; one accustomed to the exercise of authority; favors playwrights; military men. organizers who work to uphold the law; degree of plot; planning, tact, and scheming bodily injuries; destruction by fire, war or earth-quake; unscrupulous defeat; throat or larynx.

Denotes one whose destiny it is to come before the public in some professional capacity. The native will be impulsive, bold, and brave, and will be gifted with controlling and magnetic force. He will travel and move about a great deal, and will be exposed to danger with little or no hurt. It is a symbol of Intrepidity.

Gives an imagination guided by the eye. More a Mercury imagination than a Neptune imagination. A practical ability to plan and portray with mental activity to mentally see a completed project. This ability probably contributes to success in later life. Often brings a marriage to some one younger in later life although may be reversed and is not always successful but has better than average chance with the influence of this degree. It generally contributes to a building up of resources and a bringing together of people which usually results in a very prosperous and socially happy old age. 340 He does wait until old age to enjoy life but seems to enjoy the years of accumulating and building.

This degree of plot, planning, tact and scheming is found in the charts of novelists, play-rights, military men and organizers who work to uphold the law.

8-9

It denotes a man whose chief interest will be in his home, and in the care of his children; one who is attractive to young persons, and whose mind is pacific and benevolent; one who has the ability to inspire confidence and faith in other; whose footsteps will be followed in security and whose life goes by easy weay to a peaceful end. It is a degree of MINISTRATION.

The very figure of pater familias; love for one’s home and large family, careful upbringing of one’s children and well-meaning strictness toward one’s dependents. A humane, honest, peaceful yet energetic nature, such as to attract the young and inspire confidence in all. Love of nature and country life; good sense rather than common sense? efficient running of affairs rather than mere routine. The native will do his utmost for his children’s happiness, but is not in the least certain to reach happiness for himself; on the contrary, when particularly badly aspected elsewhere, he could look forward to death as a release, though no attempt at self-inflicted death can be foreseen; the good shepherd will not leave his flock. This degree may produce corpulence if other factors concur.

Denotes one who will have a very gloomy life and who Is likely to die be fore he passes his prime

A born teacher and scientist; hearing (afflicted - may in - cline to deafness); inordinately fond of food; afflicted - gluttons; if the will is weak, may become a drunkard; a tendency to be contrary and stubborn, especially with planets in 27 degree Aries-Pisces; frequently their own worst enemies; has much to do with healing; said to be a degree ruling the Irish; cervical vein.

Denotes one who acquires much by work and application, but who lacks the faculty of watchfulness in protecting his gains from the greed of others. He has an easygoing tendency, but gains come from labor, craft, and the management of his own affairs. He may be the victim of deceit or treachery, and should never put himself in the hands of others when his own well-being is concerned. He should avoid things and circumstances he does not understand. It is a symbol of Misleading.

Very subject to teasing. Easily taunted into futile efforts. This individual feels a responsibility which he cannot maintain. He is easily aroused into a defensive attitude. Part of this is due to a response to shadows and unreal images around him. If this person were born soon after a New Moon this tendency would be enhanced and become very difficult to handle. He is plagued by an environment too active for his lumbering nature. He has a slow heavy feel and is unable to move quickly. His record of success and failure would be improved by a protective cover of some kind under which he could take time to clear his vision before he struck out at the threat he fears. This degree also affects the vision adversely. If he could be made to feel a sense of protection rather than being subjected to constant teasing he would have at least an opportunity to correct his evaluation of his environment. This person however seems to have been born with the fuse lit. And it is very unclear what useful purpose this influence serves.

Contrariness when found with planets also in Aries, Libra in 27 degree. A born teacher and scientist.

16-17

This symbolizes a life of toil without much fruits; the misdirection of effort through ignorance of natural laws; a straining after that which Nature has not designed, and consequent failure in life. The native will be unpopular, moving against the stream, and by much exertion, hurting himself alone. It is a degree of FUTILITY.

The native’s habit of thinking with his own head is apt to make him unpopular; his failings will bring about his misfortune. His intelligence is like a river liable to flood the barren sands of Utopia instead of fertilizing the happy valley of originality. He is in for unceasing, often wasted, labors, which will not make him move a step forward. There is a guilty light-mindedness; the native will believe that he can solve single- handed and in his own way certain problems which repose on natural laws, as those of economics, dynamics and the like. On the other hand, such a being can easily rely on Divine Providence and reach that absolute faith which moves mountains and goes so far as to give sometimes personal success in spite of rationalistic logic and science’s “infallibility.”

A truly good person; one who has Implicit faith in the Most High.

Painting; business; musical ability (variations of pitch); singers; oratory; a powerful degree for men; color; and original person who has much influence on his sphere of society; ideas or popularity may grow by spurts, but unexpected falls sometimes follow too; homicidal tendency; abscesses of neck if with 25 degree Leo-Aquarius or 21 degree Aries-Libra; associated with explosions (of nuclear plants or bombings); often a tall person; tonsils.

Denotes one free as air, brave, spiritual, restless, and unfitted for the regular routine of daily life. Care in infancy is essential. He is of a wandering disposition and frequent changes are for him. It is a symbol of Wandering.

There is some contradiction in this degree. Basically the difficulty seems to be over-optimism. Stubbornness seems to be more prominent than the more desirable Taurian traits. One may well enjoy a certain measure of popularity which only seems to contribute a stubborn blindness to the weak spots which need attention. He also seems to enjoy a fair amount of luck which also tends to produce a false sense of security. If however, he has a genuine appreciation for his luck and is able to resist sheer flattery on the part of fair-weather friends without being rude and cutting himself off, he may come out pretty well. Luck in any form tends to run out if not used wisely. Here it seems to be built in that luck which is squandered does not continue. There is only enough to prime the pump. He must keep the flow going or it will stop.

A powerful degree for men. Denotes an original person who exercises considerable influence in his circle of society. Their ideas or popularity may grow by leaps and bounds, and unexpected falls sometimes follow.

18-19

It denotes a gentle, inoffensive but weak nature, inclined to indolence or hopelessness, and thus while Nature is luxurious and fertile, and all around speaks of wealth gained by industry, the native remains in a poor condition for want of determination. It is a degree of INCOMPETENCE.

An exquisitely feminine nature. The native may go so far as to be a genius, but even in normal cases she will have some very bright gift which she is not likely to exploit in full and will at least partially leave untapped. A gentle and sweet character, even too little self-assertive, which will tend to flabbiness, indecision, passivity and gloom. A certain typically feminine futility will accompany an equally feminine skill in getting things done. A voice of pure musical pitch, an unconstrained speech, a naturally smart and graceful demeanor. Her main virtues will be self-possession and cleanliness. In a mystic sense, the symbol may be taken to mean the Sacrament of Baptism. Destiny may have in store travel or emigration to the New World. Teaching may be a congenial profession, if the pattern contains such elements as to give the necessary authority for this.

This denotes a great genius. His home Is, or will be, the western hemisphere.

Music ( a trumpet); a person who rises from a humble birth place to a great renown through a process of unfoldment; hair; leader of party; often a tall person; maxillary artery.

Denotes one who is unable to estimate his abilities and who attempts things foolhardy and useless. There is a tendency to irritability and aggressiveness and lack of self-restraint. Thus he will court unpopularity and will suffer from his own actions. It is a symbol of Futility.

Mars N Node is located here and incorporates more violence than the previous degree. We should however learn more of the nature of Mars from this combination. In most reports the degree has characterized a violent misuse of the energy. It is considered savage and warlike. I am of the opinion that since the N Node of Mars is influencing this degree now we may expect to see some more constructive and positive action from people with planets here. One authority suggests an unfolding process which must proceed in an orderly fashion patiently as a flower blooms. There certainly is a contrast here between the growing power of life against the destructive but also temporary power of death.

A person who rises from a humble birthplace to great renown, through a process of unfoldment.

20-21

It indicates a silent, watchful disposition, inclined to caution, method, and thrift, but liable to assaults from unexpected sources, which will overthrow many carefully designed plans. It is a degree of ANTICIPATION.

A frugal, cautious, watchful, silent and close character bearing the hallmark of individuality, a deep mind, a pitiless logic, a precise and methodic intelligence, more suited for analysis than synthesis. The native will rely but on himself, yet destiny will baffle him with gleeful spite and take a cruel delight in hitting him just where rational logic would rule out failure or even danger. The collapse of his most accurately prearranged plans will tell on the native’s temper, whose guardedness may drift into suspiciousness, and misanthropy into wickedness.

Denotes one having an analytical mind. He may succeed as a chemist, or where application to minute analytical effects is called for; a very sound reasoner.

Music (variation of pitch); oratorical ability; doctors; homicidal tendency; undernourishment and poisons are in some way connected with this degree; immorality, violence, danger of accidents or poison; goiter; alcoholism; sinus artery.

Denotes one of sporting tendencies who delights in trials of skill and who is generally fortunate. To his nature there is a generous, sympathetic, and interesting side, which gains him many friends and much popularity. It is a symbol of Sportiveness.

This degree seems to have a dual nature and suggests varied and contradictory influences. There is perhaps the greatest tendency to cause one’s downfall by envy of another’s position. There is something here which suggests a Scorpion tendency to sting itself to death out of frustration rather than give up and walk away. There is a tendency to climb the ladder of success at the expense of competitors if necessary. But those who take this route pay for it one way or another. There is much rugged brute force strength of Taurus. This individual tends to feel he can go his way alone. There is one authority that suggests an ability on the part of this native to sacrifice himself for someone he loves. Of course there are many kinds of sacrifice. Some of them are beneficial and some of them are not. It is well to consider here whether the individual might not better correct his own faults in order to contribute something more worthwhile rather than sacrifice something which does not really pay the necessary price. Maturity of the human spirit should be the goal.

Undernourishment and poisons are in some way connected with this degree (May be denoted by planets here in aspect to planetoids.) Also Nymphomania.

24-25

It indicates a powerful and haughty nature; one who is disposed to justify himself by force of arms rather than by intrinsic merit. Such a person will make many his servants but few his friends and in the end his state will be a pitiable as that of a dying lion. It is a degree of PRIDE.

The subject’s inner world will stay closed and unknown to all. Yet this is no cowardly nature, rather an arrogant one; the native is innerly proud, haughty, overbearing, but not vain. As he is spiritually isolated among his fellow beings, he will have justice done to himself, if necessary, by having recourse to arms. As he is misunderstood, he will endeavor to have his own way even by resorting to violence; as long as his strength does not fail him, he will see subdued servants around himself, never friends. He will risk either to die a stray dog’s death, or to be kicked and spat upon on his death bed, like the lion in the fable.

This denotes a very mysterious character. Whilst living among men, a stranger to men. He has a life of his own, a world of his own, he is content to live and die unknown.

Sometimes have theories and ideas of doubtful value; homicidal tendency; alcoholism; women with planets here are usually intuitive, poetic, lively, and flirtatious; men careful with their money; lower jaw.

Denotes one of natural talent who will be beset with difficulties in gaining recognition, but whose mental strength will be the more determined because of them. When his time comes his power will be felt. He will force acknowledgment by sheer ability and energy. It is a symbol of Premeditation.

There is much disagreement about this degree. The most uniform expectancy centers around a peaceful highly spiritual being generally too soft for the hard blows delivered by life on this earth. If it pertains to mastership of a high spiritual nature, there are indeed few who could live up to such an influence. Therefore we would find few to indicate such evolvement. However, at the very least, this degree does have an influence contributing to a spiritual awakening. How far the native would be able to demonstrate such qualities would have to depend on the rest of the chart as well as the overall capacity he had to extract the good from any influence. At least there is very little that is derogatory to be said about this influence. I think it is quite obvious that it stimulates spiritual development. The steady persistent qualities of Taurus are blended with that influence and as humanity develops we should expect to see people improving on what has been accomplished with this degree by other people.

These people sometimes have theories and ideas of doubtful value. Women with planets here are intuitive, poetic, lively and flirtatious. Men with planets here are usually careful with their money.

28-29

It signifies a tyrant, who takes delight in power apart from its uses, and whose opinions are bigoted and selfish. To rule, without regard to qualifications, is the passing ambition of one born under this degree. Death, which frees the slave, will bind the hands of a tyrant in irons forged from his own heart. It is a degree of DESPOTISM.

Things are worse in a male horoscope. The other components ought, however, to be carefully weighed, and it has to be decided whether the omen refer to his (lawful or unlawful) mate, or to himself. In the former case, the man, of course, is the victim. Should contrary features of overbearingness be at hand, which could not possibly regard others, he is then certainly himself the tyrant looking at his dependents as pack mules, ignoring their human dignity, or taking a great delight in trampling upon it. The one hypothesis does not altogether exclude the other. Whether a woman or a man, the native would assuredly be in for a great many unforeseen events. He may well be cowardly as all real bullies are; but he is unlikely to have true foresight. Someone may thrash him within an inch of his life, or even shoot him as a dog. Vulgarity and bigotry usually complete the picture of such a character.

Be careful. A life full of strange events, and liable to grievous accidents.

Good organizing ability; strong will; usually magnetic, proud and stoical; heavy drinking; suicide; a degree giving “something to cry about”; Trapizius.

Denotes one who is continually beset with difficulties and who finds it hard at all times to decide his course of action. He is ever between forces of opposite natures, and is quite as likely to do the right thing as the wrong one. These conditions must be subdued by the steady cultivation of the will. It is a symbol of Embarrassment.

This degree is widely contradictory. And the two extremes may exist in the same person. There is potential mathematical and scientific ability, and at the same time a tendency to create and live in a dream world of his own. When the native is rebuffed or feels a sense of failure there is the temptation to withdraw. And yet his capacity to achieve is great. Many times this person gives up without a struggle especially if that dream world is comfortably constructed and the life situation is one that does not demand attention to daily details. Many daily details are of such a nature that they can be performed without much awareness but are accomplished by rote habit. When such is the case this native’s ability risks to stay dormant. Alcoholism is also a possibility here, although there really is no need for alcohol to escape into the fantasy dream world. There is also a magnetism here which may attract so-called karma or heavy problems to be dealt with or the magnetism may attract other people who add zest to the life.

These natives are usually magnetic, proud and stoical. Have a strong will and good organizing ability.

#itachi #itachi uchiha #degree exploration #n-astro

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cladeymoore · 3 years

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Optimizing React Native

by Nick Cherry, Staff Software Engineer

Over the past eight months, Coinbase has been rewriting its Android app from scratch with React Native. Read about some of the performance challenges we encountered and overcame along the way.

If you’re interested in technical challenges like this, please check out our open roles and apply for a position.

Over the past eight months, Coinbase has been rewriting its Android app from scratch using React Native. As of last week, the new and redesigned app has been rolled out to 100% of users. We’re proud of what our small team has been able to accomplish in a short amount of time, and we continue to be very optimistic about React Native as a technology, expecting it to pay continued dividends with regard to both engineering velocity and product quality.

That being said, it hasn’t all been easy. One area where we’ve faced notable challenges has been performance, particularly on Android devices. Over the next few months, we plan to publish a series of blog posts documenting various issues we’ve run into and how we’ve mitigated them. Today we’ll be focusing on the one that affected us the most: unnecessary renders.

Things Were Great Until They Weren’t

Early in the project, the app’s performance felt fine. It was nearly indistinguishable from a fully native product, even though we hadn’t spent any time optimizing our code. We were aware of other teams facing (and overcoming) performance challenges with React Native, but none of our preliminary benchmarks gave us reason to be alarmed. After all, the app we were planning to build was mostly read-only, didn’t need to display any massive lists, and didn’t require animations that couldn’t be offloaded to the native driver.

However, as more features were added, we started noticing a decline in performance. At first the degradations were subtle. For example, even with our production build, navigating to new screens could feel sluggish and UI updates would be slightly delayed. But soon it was taking over a second to switch between tabs, and after landing on a new screen, the UI might become unresponsive for a long period of time. The user experience had deteriorated to a point that was launch-blocking.

Identifying the Problem

It didn’t take us long to recognize the correlation between UI jank and JavaScript frame rate. After a user interaction, we would commonly observe the JS FPS dropping to low (or negative!) single digits for multiple seconds. What wasn’t so obvious to us was why. Only a month earlier the app’s performance was relatively good, and none of the features we’d added seemed to be particularly burdensome on their own. We used React’s Profiler to benchmark large components that we hypothesized might be slow and found that many were rendering more than they needed to be. We managed to reduce re-renders for these larger components with memoization, but our improvements didn’t move the needle. We also looked at the render durations for a few atomic and molecular components, none of which seemed unreasonably expensive.

To get a more holistic view of where re-rendering was most costly, we wrote a custom Babel plugin that wrapped every JSX element in the app with a Profiler. Each Profiler was assigned an onRender function that reported to a context provider at the top of the React tree. This top-level context provider would aggregate render counts and durations — grouping by component type — then log the worst offenders every few seconds. Below is a screenshot of output from our initial implementation:

As we observed in our previous benchmarks, the average render times for most of our atomic/molecular components were adequate. For example, our PortfolioListCell component took about 2ms to render. But when there are 11 instances of PortfolioListCell and each renders 17 times, those 2ms renders add up. Our problem wasn’t that individual components were that slow, it was that we were re-rendering everything far too much.

We Did This To Ourselves

To explain why this was happening, we need to take a step back and talk about our stack. The app relies heavily on a data-fetching library called rest-hooks, which the Coinbase Web team has been happily using for over a year now. Adopting rest-hooks allowed us to share a significant amount of our data layer code with Web, including auto-generated types for API endpoints. One notable characteristic of the library is that it uses a global context to store its cache. One notable characteristic of context, as described by the React docs, is that:

All consumers that are descendants of a Provider will re-render whenever the Provider’s value prop changes.

For us, this meant that any time data was written to the cache (e.g. when the app receives an API response), every component accessing the store would re-render, regardless of whether the component was memoized or referencing the changed data. Exacerbating the re-rendering was the fact that we embraced a pattern of co-locating data hooks with components. For example, we frequently made use of data-consuming hooks like useLocale() and useNativeCurrency() within lower-level components that formatted information according to the user’s preferences. This was great for developer experience, but it also meant that every component using these hooks — directly or indirectly — would re-render on writes to the cache, even if they were memoized.

Another part of our stack worth mentioning here is react-navigation, which is currently the most widely used navigation solution in the React Native ecosystem. Engineers coming from a web background might be surprised to learn that its default behavior is for every screen in the Navigator to stay mounted, even if the user isn’t actively viewing it. This allows unfocused screens to retain their local state and scroll position for “free”. It’s also practical in the mobile context, where we commonly want to show multiple screens to the user during transitions, e.g. when pushing onto / popping from stacks. Unfortunately for us, this also means that our already-problematic re-rendering could become exponentially worse as the user navigates through the app. For example, if we have four tab stacks and the user has navigated one screen deep on each stack, we would be re-rendering the greater part of eight screens every time an API response came back!

Container Components

Once we understood the root cause of our most pressing performance issues, we needed to figure out how to fix it. Our first line of defense against re-rendering was aggressive memoization. As we mentioned earlier, when a component consumes a context, it will re-render when that context’s value changes, regardless of whether the component is memoized. This led us to adopt a functional container pattern, where we would hoist data-consuming hooks to a thin wrapper component, then pass the return values of those hooks down to presentational components that could benefit from memoization. Consider the gist below. Whenever the useWatchList() hook triggers a re-render (i.e. any time the data store is updated), we also need to re-render our Card and AssetSummaryCell components, even if the value of watchList didn’t change.

https://medium.com/media/c2ae5f4f5b5a8bb8fd6b4fa563d3d246/href

When applying the container pattern, we move the useWatchList() call to its own component, then memoize the presentational part of our view. We’ll still re-render WatchListContainer every time the data store updates, but this will be comparatively cheap because the component does so little.

https://medium.com/media/363287c1a1d57d694b7ffe056a2798e2/href

Stabilizing Props

The container pattern was a good start, but there were a few pitfalls we needed to be careful to avoid. Take a look at the example below:

https://medium.com/media/32e5d59fba456f6e4fc011b3cbdfd0e0/href

It may appear that we’re protecting the memoized Asset from data-related re-renders by hoisting both useAsset(assetId) and useWatchListToggler() to a container component. However, the memoization will never actually work, because we’re passing an unstable value for toggleWatchList. In other words, every time AssetContainer re-renders, toggleWatchList will be a new anonymous function. When memo performs a shallow equality comparison between the previous props and the current props, the values will never be equal and Asset will always re-render.

In order to get any benefit from memoizing Asset, we need to stabilize our toggleWatchList function using useCallback. With the updated code below, Asset will only re-render if asset actually changes:

https://medium.com/media/ad42c990241d0c5b6ca9a9b17ee20791/href

Callbacks aren’t the only way we can inadvertently break memoization, though. The same principles apply to objects as well. Consider another example:

https://medium.com/media/e198535efb18f344cfb9fd4533136c87/href

With the above code, even if the Search component was memoized, it would always re-render when PricesSearch renders. This happens because spacing and icon will be different objects with every render.

To fix this, we’ll rely on useMemo to memoize our icon element. Remember, each JSX tag compiles to a React.createElement invocation, which returns a new object every time it’s called. We need to memoize that object to maintain referential integrity across renders. Since spacing is truly constant, we can simply define the value outside of our functional component to stabilize it.

After the following changes, our Search component can effectively be memoized:

https://medium.com/media/42aa61dba9ca41ff91e087fbb55fd6b1/href

Short-Circuiting Renders on Unfocused Screens

Memoization significantly reduced render counts / durations for each screen. However, because react-navigation keeps unfocused screens mounted, we were still wasting valuable resources re-rendering a great deal of content that wasn’t visible to the user. This led us to start digging through react-navigation’s documentation in search of an option that might alleviate this problem. We were hopeful when we discovered unmountOnBlur. Toggling the flag to true did reduce our renders considerably, but it only applied to unfocused tabs’ screens, keeping all of the current tab stack’s screen mounted. More damningly, it resulted in a flicker when switching between tabs and would lose the screen’s scroll position and local state when the user navigated away.

Our second attempt involved putting screens into suspense (falling back to a fullscreen loading spinner) by throwing a promise when the user navigated away, then resolving the promise when the user returned, allowing the screen to be presented again. With this approach, we could eliminate unnecessary renders and retain local state for all unfocused screens. Unfortunately, the experience was awkward because users would briefly see a loading indicator when returning to an already visited screen. Furthermore, without some gnarly hacks, their scroll position would be lost.

Eventually we landed on a generalized solution that prevented re-rendering on all unfocused screens without any negative side effects. We achieve this by wrapping each screen in a component that overrides the specified context (rest-hooks’ StateContext in this case) with a “frozen” value when the screen is unfocused. Because this frozen value (which is consumed by all components/hooks within the child screen) remains stable even when the “real” context updates, we can short-circuit all renders relating to the given context. When the user returns to a screen, the frozen value is nullified and the real context value gets passed through, triggering an initial re-render to synchronize all the subscribed components. While the screen is focused, it will receive all context updates as it normally would. The gist below shows how we accomplish this with DeactivateContextOnBlur:

https://medium.com/media/9936dceff26615278ed01c25f8c1af06/href

And here is a demonstration of how DeactivateContextOnBlur can be used:

https://medium.com/media/3fa33dd2b4aee447efd079ad50f68dd6/href

Reducing Network Requests

With DeactivateContextOnBlur and all of our memoization in place, we had dramatically reduced the cost of unnecessary re-renders in our app. However, there were a few key screens (i.e. Home and Asset) that were still overwhelming the JavaScript thread when they first mounted. Part of the reason this was happening was because each of these screens needed to make nearly a dozen network requests. This was due to limitations of our existing API, which in some cases required n+1 queries to fetch the asset data our UI required. Not only did these requests introduce computational overhead and latency, but whenever the app received an API response, it would need to update the data store, triggering more re-renders, reducing our JavaScript FPS, and ultimately making the UI less responsive.

In the spirit of delivering value quickly, we opted for the low-cost solution of adding two new endpoints — one to return watchlist assets for the Home screen and another to return correlated assets for the Asset screen. Now that we were embedding all the data relevant to these UI components in a single response, it was no longer necessary to perform an additional request for each asset in the list. This change noticeably improved the TTI and frame rate for both relevant screens.

While the ad hoc endpoints benefited two of our most important screens, there are still several areas in the app that suffer from inefficient data access patterns. Our team is currently exploring more foundational solutions that can solve the problem generally, allowing our app to retrieve the information it needs with far fewer API requests.

Summary

With all the changes described in this post, we were able to reduce our render count and total time spent rendering over 90% (as measured by our custom Babel plugin) before releasing the app. We also see far fewer dropped frames, as observed via the React performance monitor. One key takeaway from this work is that building a performant React Native app is in many ways the same as building a performant React web app. Given the comparatively limited power of mobile devices and the fact that native mobile apps often need to do more (e.g. maintain a complex navigation state that keeps multiple screens in memory), following performance best practices is critical to building a high-quality app. We’ve come a long way in the past few months, but still have plenty of work ahead of us.

This website contains links to third-party websites or other content for information purposes only (“Third-Party Sites”). The Third-Party Sites are not under the control of Coinbase, Inc., and its affiliates (“Coinbase”), and Coinbase is not responsible for the content of any Third-Party Site, including without limitation any link contained in a Third-Party Site, or any changes or updates to a Third-Party Site. Coinbase is not responsible for webcasting or any other form of transmission received from any Third-Party Site. Coinbase is providing these links to you only as a convenience, and the inclusion of any link does not imply endorsement, approval or recommendation by Coinbase of the site or any association with its operators.

All images provided herein are by Coinbase.

Optimizing React Native was originally published in The Coinbase Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

from Money 101 https://blog.coinbase.com/optimizing-react-native-7e7bf7ac3a34?source=rss----c114225aeaf7---4 via http://www.rssmix.com/

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mailakue · 7 years

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25 things I learned when I was 24.

I remember waking up on my 24th birthday thinking to myself, “There is no way I’m going to survive this year.” 24 was hard. I found myself defeated for most of it. But I also found that you can’t taste victory until you face defeat. Unfortunately for me, 24 was the year the Enemy would bruise my heel. Unfortunately for him, 25 (and onwards) will be the years I will crush his head. Sorry, not sorry, Devil. Don’t say God didn’t warn you. He definitely prophesied it. Har har har.

The cool thing about God is that He always exceeds our expectations. I merely wished to survive. God made sure I thrived. There are kingdom principles that will never make any earthly sense to me. God has a way of redeeming stuff and working things out for good. 24 was not easy, but it was good. And since I am no longer young and energetic enough to spend my birthday partying it up, I will sit here and write a blog like an old person about things my Heavenly Father has taught me.

Uncertainty is an opportune time to renew your mind. It is harder to renew my mind when I think I know something. It is easier for God to renew my mind when my mind doesn’t know what to think. Uncertainty is transformative when we fill the gap in our mind with His thoughts instead of our own. Feeling uncertain? Yay. You’re well on your way to transformation.

Love is the goal. Everything else is a fruit of love. Want to grow in prophecy? Grow in love. Want to grow in healing? Grow in love. Want to grow in word of knowledge? Grow in love. Your impact will only ever be as great as your love.

Laughter leads to intimacy. Two things have brought me into greater intimacy with the Lord. (1) Crying to the Father. (2) Laughing with the Father. I love that intimacy isn’t just the intense moments of heart-checks, but also the moments when God says something silly or I do something dumb, and we both just laugh out loud about it.

Silence and presence can coexist. Many times, I’d call up my best friend to cry and she’d just sit silently on the other end of the line for hours. I learned that it’s the same with the Father. His silence doesn’t mean He’s absent. Oftentimes when I cry out to Him, He doesn’t say anything because like a best friend, He knows that sometimes His quiet presence will speak louder comfort than words.

Do not eat spicy rice cakes and work out immediately after. You will regret every single delicious bite you took. It is not worth the heartburn. I repeat, it is not worth it!

The trick is not to get God to speak. The trick is to understand how God speaks to you. It took this year for me to learn some of the ways God speaks to me, like through random objects. One of the most profound words God gave me was through a traffic light. A TRAFFIC LIGHT!!! Had I not learned to keep my eyes open to hear Him speak, I would’ve easily continued on in life feeling like God doesn’t speak to me, and would’ve missed out on an incredible word!

You’ll get answers to who you are when you make it about Him. I found that when my prayers started with me asking God about myself (i.e. I’m hurt! I’m sad! Do you care?!), I eventually got too defeated to stick around long enough to focus on Him. But when I began my prayers focusing on Him (i.e. You are good, You are love, You are holy), He would reveal not only who He was, but who I am in light of those things. And it was impossible to feel defeated in prayer times like this.

If someone hurts you, thank them. Behind every hurt is a lie. Your offender most likely triggered a lie that you didn’t know was there. Their offense against you is an opportunity for promotion in the kingdom. Steward the hurt in a way that will bring you to greater freedom. Your offender is never the enemy. They will help jumpstart you on a journey to discovering truth, and that is the sweetest revenge you can have against the Enemy.

Heaven’s grading system is based on obedience, not results. The cool thing about God is that He cares less about the outcome, and more about the heart. There’s room to make mistakes! If your YES to Him is 100%, but you completely flop in the attempt, you still get a standing ovation.

There’s freedom in knowing you don’t bring that much to the table. There’s no such thing as pressure in the kingdom. When I felt like I needed to be right, I was scared to do things. When I realized I had been made right, I felt so free to do things.

Acne isn’t just for adolescents. Le sigh. For those of you who thought you got through your teen years without acne, don’t celebrate too soon. Goodbye clear skin. Hello acne. I’M 25 YEARS OLD. GO AWAY.

Ask God what He thinks about you. Making this a daily habit has changed my life tremendously. When I know who I am, the Enemy stops wasting energy trying to deceive me.

Your job is to inspire. The Holy Spirit’s job is to transform. This helped me let go of having to make all the right decisions, have all the right answers or know all the right stuff. And it gave me space to just know my God and inspire people through my relationship with Him. Leave the big stuff to the Holy Spirit.

Ministry is mostly repainting a picture of who God is. I realized that most people just have a distorted image of God, which explains a lot of the poor decisions they make. The point is not to counsel them into making better decisions. The point is to repaint a more accurate picture of the Father for them. When they see Him for who He really is, they’ll begin to make good decisions because He is good!

Before you water a plant, make sure to double check to see if it’s real or not. This is not a profound analogy. Thank you, Anna for the birthday plant. I now know that I’ve been watering a fake plant for quite some time.

It is impossible to be hurt or offended when you know love. God met me with love. It was crazy. Since that moment, I have found it impossible to be hurt or offended by someone I love. I can hurt for them, but I am not hurt by them. Love really keeps no record of wrongs. It’s crazy how true this really is.

Learning God’s voice is not just knowing what He says, but familiarizing yourself with His tone. For example, the Enemy and the Lord will both reveal sin. The Enemy will speak in an accusing tone that will lead to shame and condemnation. The Lord will speak in a kind tone that will lead to repentance. Discerning the tone will help you know whether or not to pay attention to the voice, no matter how “true” it may be seem.

The call to following Jesus is heavy but it is not burdensome. His yoke is easy. His burden is light. If following Jesus feels too weighty, it is most likely that the weight is you still carrying your old man. Jesus commanded us to deny ourselves and pick up the cross. Something tells me Jesus figured we were much heavier than the cross, so He made sure to notify us not to bring ourselves on the journey. He knew it would only ever weigh us down.

It really is possible to pay off your student loans. You just have to be okay with never ever seeing a paycheck, ever. But THANK YOU, LORD. I am almost done and debt-free!

Find people who believe in you and for you. These are gems everyone needs to find and never lose. Surround yourself with individuals who have a vision for you and refuse you to settle for anything less. They are what will bridge you from being good to great.

The best way to fight the Devil is to ignore him. My greatest battles against the Enemy are not the ones where I warred into the night against him. My greatest battles against the Enemy have been the ones where I didn’t even give him one second of my attention. He is an attention seeker, and I win the moment I refuse to give him any.

You can fall deeply in love in your singleness. I love that God is jealous for me, and it was in my singleness that I realized how much He was willing to fight for me to know and understand love fully. He refused to sell me short of the love that He paid for. It was in this revelation that I fell deeply in love with Him, with myself, and with others.

Hunger is contagious. The greatest thing you can do in an environment seemingly complacent is to remain steadfast in your hunger. The main reason people don’t hunger for more is because they don’t know there’s more to hunger for. Your hunger is an invitation for them to go after what they never knew was there.

God doesn’t give love as a gift. He gives Himself because He is love. It made a big difference when I learned that love was not a feeling but a person. Because even on days that felt crummy, I knew He was with me and that was more than enough.

I am a daughter. This is the identity that Jesus restored to me. I am no longer a servant, a sinner or a slave. I am a daughter who serves because I am loved, and no longer a servant who serves to be loved.

You are my hero if you made it to the very end.

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ohmymentalhealth-blog · 6 years

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Student Stories: Emily D.

I didn’t appreciate Google Calendar until this semester, but I practically live off of it and my physical planner and agenda. Some people happen to see my schedule and freak out, some people think that I’m super organized and on top of my shit. But the reality is that my calendar is just an outline of my day and I just really enjoy stationary. I invest my time the best I can to organize my to-do’s and events but even then, I find myself under a lot of stress and anxiety on a day to day basis.

I can’t tell you how tired and exhausted I am most of the time because most college students perhaps feel the same way as well. So, here’s a shout out to G-Calender for being there but curse a 24 hour time limit.

Overall, I can say that my college experience has been an extension of my high school experience -- being stupid busy almost everyday, complaining about not having enough hours in a day, and still procrastinating because watching the second season of ‘Stranger Things’ was less intimidating than working on a project proposal rewrite. It’s been a blessing for most of it, but I can’t say that higher education and life in general was all fun and easy because it certainly has not been easy.

The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign is my third school. I went from Columbia College Chicago to Oakton Community College to UIUC in the span of two and a half years. In this time, I felt absolutely lost and without a direction. Even today, I question myself in the things that I am involved in and unfortunately, the major I am studying in.

Let’s back track this a little bit -- reflected in scholarship, I’m considered to be a 2nd generation Asian American, although many of the kids I know, and myself, identify as 1st generation as our parents are refugees. I am a Chinese-Vietnamese woman who is in the lower middle class; I am studying early childhood education and asian american studies and one day, I hope that I can give back to the communities I came from and travel. Both my parents and their families are refugees from Vietnam, so much of the way I was raised has been reflected in their experience.

There is a generational gap that exist between my parents and I, but it’s my dad who is the most vocal about it so we often fight and argue about nearly everything. In high school, I was heavily involved in extracurricular and it was a place where I felt the most happiness. I was not only doing community work but I was also making new relationships and learning about myself and community. But my dad didn’t see the value in this -- and it was not until I was much older that I understood that his ‘refusal’ to understand came from a fear of me not being secure in my future.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve gotten questioning remarks from my family for wanting to pursue education. I’ve lied many times that I was also doing a minor in things like marketing or business in order to get a better reaction from them. The running theme I’m trying to project is that I was always questioned that I began questioning myself in ways that were not healthy at all.

I was clinically diagnosed with depression when I was in junior high, but it wasn’t until high school when I started to really experience aggressive depressive episodes and anxiety attacks. In 7th grade, I was recommended to an outpatient program to which I attended the full two weeks of. When I was then directed to a therapist, I didn’t commit it to it because I suddenly felt it was more burdensome both on me and my family. It reflected in the way I navigated in high school because I mostly kept to myself when I would go through these bouts of depression; it was something I could hide but my anxiety would seep through.

Even then, mental health wasn’t a topic that I was aware of until I entered college. In the earlier semesters, I found myself questioning everything I was doing and if it was even worth the time. I left Columbia because I felt that I didn’t belong and couldn’t find organizations on campus that resonated with what I was looking for. I wanted to leave Oakton because the environment I was in, was not motivating or energetic and it deeply influenced my life outside of the classroom. And here, at UIUC, I find myself questioning if I am capable of being a student leader.

But it has been the diversity of students here in Urbana-Champaign that has motivated me to continue exploring the options I have. The RSOs on campus and specifically the ones I am involved in, have become home for me. I was blessed enough to have mentors who wanted to pass down their own experience in undergrad to those who are still here; one of my mentors was the president of one of the cultural organizations I’m apart of. One thing that he implemented and emphasized was mental health and well being of his board and the general members. Since then, the conversation of mental health has become a topic that many of the AAPI/Asian organizations have pushed forward in their own agenda as well -- especially for student leaders, it is a different kind of pressure when you become a figure in the community while being a student trying to uphold your own individual responsibilities.

Ultimately, what I wanted to tell about my experience in college and mental health is that it isn’t easy. There are so many factors that influence the way in which we navigate day to day; and I wanted to remind those who have read this that it is okay if you feel lost and that you shouldn’t feel as if there is something wrong with you if you’re ‘behind’ or not accomplishing what you hoped to. It is a reality that things often don’t go as plan but what is most important is that you shouldn’t define yourself by your schedule (no matter how busy or flexible it is). Much of the things we do is reflected in the way we behave individually -- the way we treat our minds and bodies and the way we treat and value others. It takes time and a whole lot of reflection and changes to reach a place where you feel the most comfortable and confident in; and taking your time is okay. I’m still trying to figure myself out for the last two and a half years since I started college; but in this process, I’ve come to find more and more about what I want to do at this point in time as well as learning more about myself and my identity. I’ve also become more initiative in stepping out of my comfort zone to bring up topics in order to create dialogue and learn more about them through the experiences of others and not just through scholarship.

In scholarship, we often read that mental health in the AAPI communities are taboo and it certainly is; but much of it also comes from not understanding what it means in the Western world. A lot of the times, minorities are not educated or given the most meaningful resources on mental health and well-being; there’s a really big cultural gap there that causes the conversation to be muted.

That is the other big take away that I’ve gained in being involved in student organizations -- is that dialogue is not only intimidating sometimes, but it is truly one of the best places to learn through the authenticity of experiences.

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