#we love a fall walk and talk

[stellamancer]

falling out of love is!! a terrible feeling!! where all the things that used to charm you about another person slowly turn to annoyances!! when the excitement over the little things that brought you joy is gone!! but it was there! you know it was there, but now it's not or it's slipping through your fingers, you can't get it back, you can't save it you can only watch it disappear.

and then you ask yourself where do you go from there? do you suffer in misery and wait and hope that maybe the other person will just stop loving you? hope that you'll be lucky and you won't have to be the one to bring the axe down on them??? that they'll do the dirty work for you! because even though you don't love them any more, you did at one point, and you still care about them and you don't want to hurt them!! or do you just tell them 'no i can't do this any more. i don't feel the same any more.' and take their heart, and smash it on the ground??

and if they know?? they can feel you slipping away, slipping through their fingers, like sand, like water. and they try so desperately to hold onto you, to keep you, clinging to you. aND THEN THAT JUST BACK FIRES???? OHHHH OHHHHH WEEPS INTO MY HANDS

#nikuniku spam #tee tag #because we all know LMAO #I PROMISE I LOVE YOU TEE #the thought of falling out of love reminds me of my first bf #i thought that going to different schools would be enough #but he kept calling my house constantly #and finally my mom's ex was like #'you need to talk to that boy he won't stop calling' #and i did #and i told him we were done #it's easier when you don't have to see them anymore #but when you do #it's like walking hell on earth

[oatbugs]

my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you

#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot #of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality #friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers #more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso #he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her. #and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap #the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth #bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel #how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter #how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do #very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly #and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips #(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner #about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a #knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more. #he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you. #the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her. #red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends #we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said #jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes #i wish i had met you years ago. #crushposting

[perilegs]

i’m making huge generalizations here but idk i feel so much more comfortable just existing around trans (and some gnc) people than i do with people who are cis (and gender conforming) bc of the way we view our - and other peoples bodies. i hear trans people talk about bodies with so much love and adoration. like sure hating your body is a big thing for most trans people but most of us also learn to accept what we look like. and the acceptance often turns to genuinely liking yourself. especially if you make changes you want to to your body. it’s just. idk i feel like only a trans person could see my body for what it is

#ive seen a lot of trans art recently and its all been so lovingly made and with clear adoration towards bodies that look like yours #idk im not very eloquent and theres a lot more nuance to this entire thing #but like. i personally love my body like yea i have parts im insecure about we all do but also i have been able to choose to do things to m #body that make me happy! and i dont just mean surgery and hrt bc thats not for anyone but also choosing to do whatever the hell i want to #with my hair and getting piercings and dressing in a way that feels good #i know being able to dress etc the way you want to is a privilege #and im so grateful for it #i can't believe there was a time when i wasnt allowed to cut my hair or wear boy clothes and i had to dress up as a girl #and got constantly reminded of being a failure of femininity etc. and now that i dont talk to my mom anymore im so free #i can exist in my body and i actually feel like my body is mine and not there just for show if that makes sense #like i look in the mirror and go that me! #and also like seeing myself like that has obviously made me appreciate others bodies as well #bc when you have for a long time always payed attention to the positives of a certain thing you start noticing positives more! #just like how idk going for a walk and finding 5 nice things you appreciate or looking #in the mirror and listing things you like about yourself #out loud. even if you feel uncomfortable #it helps #can you believe you're happier when you fall a bit in love with everything around you #there are so many wonderful things on this earth and you have to condition yourself to notice them and its hard work that never stops #but it is so worth it #i have lost the plot of my post #leevi talks #anyways i love how trans people love bodies

[italictext]

Gravity falls has wrecked me emotionally I am not okay

#I DONT REMEMBER IT BEING THIS SAD #The tale of two stans episode broke me I had to take a break from watching to process it #I have so much shit I need to do but I haven't done anything because all I can think about is them #I literally sobbed in public 😭 We were eating in a restaurant and my sister talked about Stan and I started crying #with actual tears and people were looking at me weirdly because I'm loud and was rambling on and on and on about gravity falls while crying #My feet hurt so badly too.. Context: I love to pace around my room esp when I need to think #I needed to walk and think about them because they're so sad and my feet are so sore and my ankle and knee are killing me #My legs are also uneven lengths which makes walking more painful #Shows usually don't upset me and I usually cheer whenever something tragic happens.. #Going to go and read more fanfiction to make myself feel better

[m1d-45]

i’m having shining nikki sagau thoughts everybody beware. so first of all like i remembered that elves canonically exist in miraland (idk if we ever mentioned this before) and there’s elves or at least elf-like creatures in teyvat…… i’m connecting the dots (<- they’re not connecting shit)

second of all. the new skins. “sailwind shadow” and “blossoming starlight” are SUCH designer’s reflection names like if i opened up shining nikki and saw those there they wouldn’t even be out of place. idk about everyone else but i think it would be cute if sailwind shadow was bandit. i have more to say but i need time to put my thoughts in Order - teddy anon

shining nikki!!

honestly despite red being in my head on and off, i didn’t even CONSIDER sailwind shadow and that is a tragedy. i have his skin but didn’t do the quest relating to it yet (it’s a costume he wears for a play right?) but the entire thing with this event. god he’s so perfect.

blossoming starlight is probably just klee but higher energy and less fear, and while i don’t doubt the power of klee dps i do doubt your conscience allowing you to bring a child into battle, double so after red split. she’s just. a little girl. so we move on.

sailwind shadow. i’ll choose to interpret him as a mix of the dagger bandit and kaeya himself, which makes for a fun little guy in my opinion. always trying to sneak you off to somewhere “more interesting than sitting around all day, no?” and thinks that the others are being far too uptight. does he understand the gravity of the hunt? absolutely. but whereas red (and the two archons) want to keep you safe in the cave you’ve made home, he’d much rather whisk you away down a path in the forest.

less for combat, i’d imagine, leaving that to nikki and the others. has quite a few stories to tell, most made up but some gathered from his weak memory. dislikes kaeya, but less so than red, surprisingly. he seems to view him as having no other choice, that he’s “already conflicted enough without that fake touting him about as their sword.” he views kaeya with more pity than anything else.

he and red have a.. strange relationship. at their cores, they are diluc and kaeya, but that affection is hidden beneath the several layers of trauma painted over. they both worry for the other in their own ways—he checks red for injuries from afar when you all regroup after a fight, and red makes sure to make chicken mushroom skewers when he’s having a bad day—but it’s still a tough trial. it’ll probably go quicker than diluc and kaeya, but you’ll have to wait a while before they connect properly.

in his early stages, he’s not all that dissimilar from red. clingy and always hesitant to leave, but does do more to try and keep your attention on him. he’s kaeya at his core and the costume is from a play, so he’s got quite a few tricks up his sleeve to prolong his stay.

(these tricks commonly include starting to tell you a story only to reveal that the ‘ancient artifact’ is one of fischl’s arrows, or red’s rings. your laughter is enough to keep him stealing them back—anything to be the source of that shine in your eyes.)

less prone to violence than red, and definitely safer to take out in public after everything’s over. at worst, he’ll make a passing comment, but is too worried about his image. what if you see him sneer, or if the other person sees and tells you? no no no, it’s far safer to just pull you away again, even if he has to lie as to why. you’ll understand if the crowds are getting to him, or if he feels trapped indoors, right? you were meant to be amongst nature anyway, so if anything he’s just doing you a favor, surely.

(he doesn’t often leave your side as you sleep, but he did see red in the middle of.. taking care of some things once. while he prefers to keep his hands clean—it’s awfully hard to lie to you, and he doesn’t think he could stay quiet if you asked—he doesn’t look down on red’s choice of problem solving. he recognizes the person beneath his boot anyway, hands slightly twitching at the memory from earlier today. when the two of them return to camp by morning, he lets red do most of the talking, only adding in the small half truth of “just having some fun” when prompted. he did his best to wipe his sword clean of any unsavory stains, but does keep it safely in it’s sheath whenever you’re around.)

however, just because he’s less violent than red doesn’t mean the source of said violence went away. he still gets jealous, and if he finds his theatrics don’t make you laugh as much as they used to, he‘ll begin to panic. are you growing bored with him? are his stories getting predictable? do you look down on him for running away with hunters with you instead of staying like the others do? he promises he’s not just dead weight! please, what does he have to do? do you want him to be more like barbatos? he can’t quite help you fly like he can, but he can try to pick up a bow! do you like red more? he’d really rather not get blood on his outfit, but anything for you. anything, anything at all… just keep your attention on him for a little longer. please?

#m1d : [chats] #teddy anon #and teddy!!!!!! #the shining nikki saga #kaeya is so whimsical we love men haunted by the horrors of their past #sailwind shadow… literally What Is His Name #i keep defaulting to ‘shade’ but idk if that only sounds good cause i chose it- #he’d literally lose his shit if you wanted to give him a name by the way. red would rationalize it as for convenience and not think of it— #cause he’d hate to be a problem and changing it once he could speak would just be more problems—but shade? loses his mind #reads into it 10 times over #still replays that memory sometimes as he watches you sleep #he doesn’t sleep btw. always watching you; either to make sure you rest easy or for his own enjoyment… unclear. the others are too afraid to #ask at this point tbh. he probably needs to but the occasional nap when one of the others takes you out is enough for him #he’d normally hate to see you walk away from him but you’d worry if you saw him looking sleepy so for these select times he allows it #worse attachment issues than red. red would be fine if you disliked him for his violent acts and would be content knowing you’re safe #but shade? not a chance in hell. if you show the slightest signs of thinking anything less than highly of him it’s like his whole world #falls to pieces. his first days—when he was conscious but couldn’t let you know—were literal hell. #being dismissed? you might as well have ripped out his nails; it would have hurt less. #once he managed to convey to you that he was also splitting it was a lot easier. he couldn’t talk yet but you were holding conversation with #him anyway (nikki had told you this made the splitting process easier and you were inclined to believe her). #he is. so pathetic i love him. god he’d probably cry if you even suggested he was doing something wrong. #sailwind shadow #he gets his tag :)

[heart-bones]

I have been here one full day and I am already ready to go back to my apartment why am I like this 🙃

also please lord tell me what have I eaten that has completely ruined my stomach, I feel like I've been nauseous since I got here 😫

#i will get over it and be sad to leave in two days haha #i got to walk around the koreatown plaza out here and got snacks and milk tea w my sister #then we went to lunch w my parents 😊 #and grocery shopping #then lin left and my parents and i went to a few places for fun #we watched the last voyage of the demeter a n d everything everywhere all at once together #(finally seeing it!!!! it was great & loving and i cried) #(because of course) #my mom got up at one point and got dizzy she fell and kept falling and it was Really sudden and very scary #all the plants were knocked over and i was immediately screaming like an idiot #but i helped her up and we walked slow to the bathroom together so i could look her over and make sure nothing was too bad #she skinned her arm in a places - she's so skinny so it bled a lot which was also scary. #i may have immediately stress cried while i was helping with her and we sat together for a long time to talk #then my dad was So Upset so he had to vent #(i understand his frustration to a point but i also feel like he's holding everyone else to this standard in his mind - ) #(- of how they should “deal” with my mom having cancer - that my older siblings aren't “stepping up to help”) #(but he literally talked about my mom fading away and getting weaker every day like she wasn't sitting right next to him ???) #(and she was!) #i don't know MAN #i dont have things figured out at all but ot made me so angry and so sad #i know he is just feeling hurt and upset 🫠🫠🫠

[kosmicfeelings]

I wait for you

;Alex G

#alex’s diary #I knew there would be a day where we wouldn't be together anymore.. I just didn't think it would be that soon. #I'll never understand the ending of us. I'll never understand how it came to be. I'll never understand any of it #I wish they'd understand why I'm upset at them. The ending of us left me confused and lost. Wondering why did you go quiet on me #quiet on me without saying anything before closing the door? #I reread our text messages and I don't understand. How can I ever understand when you said these certain things to me? #To make me feel so loved and cared for and understood only for you to leave in a way. #While I'm trying to trick myself into believing that you still love me - I know you don't. not anymore. #You said you'd always love me.. but oh what a sweet lie that was you gave to me. I was stupid enough to fall for it. #I foolishly still hope that some small part of you still loves and misses me. #But incase you find yourself wanting to come back.. know I'll still be here.. waiting for you. #I meant it that day when I said I'll wait for you. #There will be a day where I've moved on.. but I'll still love you nonetheless.. I'll still find bits and pieces of me missing you #How can I move on after the things we've been through? I mean.. I know I will one day but today is not that day #I'm still lost and confused and upset. #I know I wasn't the best for the last few months we talked... but all I needed was help.. not from you obviously.. I just needed a therapis #Which I have found and she's helping me. but I wish you didn't have to walk away. I wish you didn't have to call me draining. #I'm sorry I was.. I wish I wasn't like that. Maybe if I was someone different you'd still be here. #I want to stop loving you so bad but I can't. it feels impossible to stop loving you. I hate it. Do you want the same but can't get it? #I know you once loved me so that should be enough. #I wish it was just me and you again. I wish it was just us. I miss when it was. #I hope wherever you go you find happiness and love. I hope you forever chase your dreams and that you catch them one day #I thank you for everything that you have given me. #I'm sorry we ended the way we did. I wish we didn't have to come to end. #But sometimes things must end for the world to become bigger. For us to follow a new path. For us to grow and blossom bigger than before #Just know. even though I'm upset and confused. I'll always love and miss you. and I'll wait for you.. I'll wait for you till we meet again #no matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you. #im sorry for everything. #I think I'll always miss you forever like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

[heartoftheancientsea]

It’s so disturbing how unsure of myself I am whenever I have to make a difficult decision that prioritizes my own wellbeing and values. I continue to break my own heart by wondering if I made the wrong choice even though I didn’t.

#yes this is about that guy again #I had finally mostly gotten over it and then he decided to call #he was being so flirty and telling me he still loved me #so I was like yeah right lol. not trying to get my hopes up for that nonsense. #so after chatting for a while I asked him if he’s slept with anyone #he got extremely defensive and kinda mad that I asked. #he basically said that I ruined the whole conversation we just had by asking him that. #🙄 eyeroll #so I told him straight up that he’s a fuckboy. he had plenty of chance to be with me. I asked him to be my boyfriend months ago and HE said #that we need to get to know each other more. #okay…. so I waited months and months of us just talking and falling in love and I thought it would happen eventually #but it never did. so I walked away. and instead of him manning up and doing something about it #he goes and fucks other women? and then tries to come back and be romantic with me? #I told him that’s absolutely NOT happening. I can never be with you romantically ever again. #part of me wonders if that was too harsh of a decision and maybe I shouldnt have said it because I still love him 😞 #but the majority of me knows it was the right thing to do. #while I was over here absolutely heartbroken and distraut over him unable to even think about being with another person in the same context #he was out there fucking other women and saying god knows what type of romantic shit to them #I could puke

[thewingedwolf]

having a group of gay friends where this is their first group of gay friends apparently means they don’t find my “our one token straight friend is like a little gay” jokes funny apparently aksjsjs or when i bitch specifically about the gay dating scene near chicago being dominated by annoying white ex theater gays, they immediately get into like “well there are messy gay poc” yeah i’m aware of that, i’m talking about a really specific issue with the gays in this area pls keep up

#it is a well accepted fact that the gay scene in chicago has a large annoying white gay section who are the Messiest & Cringiest bitches #that have ever lived and every gay scene has A Group that annoys the shit out of everyone else in the scene okay aksjsns #all the lesbians in my area are either married with kids or constantly at a club and i know this bc i have dated lesbians in this area #half the stereotypes about gay people in illinois are about the ex theater gays or party gays in boystown like aksjdjdj come on #i cannot be the only one in tune with the Community here #also if u don’t agree that our straight friend who is always mentioning female celebs she’d go gay for wouldn’t fall in love with some #lady version of sam heughan when she wears an outlander mask to work every day u r just factually incorrect okay #rani makes text posts no one will read #but we were talking about these really specific messy white gay people we know & it’s like yeah so one of them already having a committed #partner 2 weeks after filing for divorce & all of them being like high powered lawyers that spend their free time taking their kids to see #wicked at the oriental theater is just a really specific type of gay person that i’ve dated a lot aksksjsj #and also they’ve been in my friend groups. they’re the only ones with cars everyone else takes the train everywhere & they refuse to go on #dates outside of chicago city limits like they’re gonna get hate crimed the moment they step off the el #which is double funny bc like do u think i live in fucking waukegan do i look like i make that much money no ur not gonna get hate crimes in #this democratic stronghold area like every other person that walks in has a pride pin or pink hair ur good buddy.

[vaeolus]

the way blood loves pavement. june 2023

#tfw you were in love with your best friend #and she calls you at 3am on a weekday. asks if she can come over. #sits outside with you. asks if you have a cigarette. you do. you carry them around for the times she asks this. #talks about breaking up with her long term boyfriend. talks about moving out of the house they share. #she tells you that she's lucky to have you. she tells you she's glad you're here. #you tell her she can crash in your spare bedroom for as long as she needs. #you think about the time she called you soulmates. #you think about her saying 'i think we were born to take care of each other.' #you think about your future plans. a house together. a garden for her and a yard for you and your future dog. #you would never push such a relationship on her while she's vulnerable. living under your roof. #and you watch her fall in love with someone else. and someone else. and someone else. #you know it'll never be you. it breaks your heart every day. you know you always want the things you can't have the hardest. #you watch her leave you behind. she always does. #she only ever takes your hand to propel herself forward. #you know she's dragging you down. you can't bring yourself to let go of her hand. you can't. #she tells you she wants to marry him. you smile and tell her you're glad she's happy. it breaks your heart. #why does she only ever need you as a last resort? is it something you lack? #you'll never ask. #she's the one who tells you to enforce your boundaries. but she's the one that pushes past them when you set them for her. #why is it so easy for her to walk past you? to walk over you? #you tell your friends you'll talk to her about how she hurt you. #you know you never will. #later. you ask about the house. #she doesn't know what you're talking about. she'd forgotten completely. #and it breaks your fucking heart.

[literaphobe]

been so in love w laufeys music recently

#ONE DAY….. I WILL STOP FALLING IN LOVE… WITH… YOU………. #MY BREAKING HEART AND I AGREEEEEEE THAT YOU AND I COULD NEVER BE!!!! #oh the burning pain….. listening to you harp on bout some new soulmate…. shes so perfect BLAH BLAH BLAH #WHEN I TALK TO YOU OH CUPID WALKS RIGHT THROUGH AND SHOOTS AN ARROW THROUGH MY HEART #honestly i didnt think about how we didnt say goodbye just see you…… very soon…….. it hurts to something its worse to be nothing with youuuu #personal #music talk

[minty-bunni]

Guess I'm reading "A Snapping Sound" again.

#danny phantom #a snapping sound #so good #I hope the author succeeds in getting it published as a book and it becomes a best seller #because holy heck I love it #and they are great at writing #and it would be great to have a physical copy for when I go to the cabin #because it is the middle of nowhere and internet and cell service is a myth #an audiobook for said travel to said cabin would be great #look I am from a small town and this cabin is in an even smaller town #we are talking 40 minutes away from the closest grocery store and the town only has 1 stop light level of small #great uncle owns half the town including acres of forest level small #most of the town got taken out by a single tornado a bit ago level small #the only interesting thing is the cemetery with graves back to the 1800s #what I am saying is this is 100% something I want to read in fall surrounded by trees in a closed down historic cemetery alone #because I can only imagine how wrong that would feel #like the levels of something is wrong here I get when I read this book would 100% be amplified by doinf that #maybe at night #i want the uneasy oh no feeling to evolve into all consuming dread and fear as I walk back #while hoping that a cougar or bear does not decide to eat mw #the fun part is there are multiple snapping sounds the titlw could refer to #and this is a much more tragic read when you read it again knowing what you know #kinda like how we find out about his car AFTER the junkyard scene #or the realization of historical events around the time paired with his interests #boy missed out on so much #i mean I had a feeling regarding some of those scenes knowing what I know from source material #but it still hits different

[elegyofthemoon]

damn this is so silly bc i was rambling so hard yesterday about how excited i am to finally be on the field DOING things and getting to experience what itd be like in my field of interesr

but now that its coming so close i feel more pukey and anxious orz

#snow speaks #hello im talking about my life dreams blahblahblah #like!!! everything ive worked so hard for is leading up to this !!! #but im also deathly afraid of the possibility that like. what if the dream ive worked so hard for isnt actually for me #and im not talking about mistakes and being a perfectionist thats a different story jdjdjd #i just mean like. what if its only then i realize i dont actually want to go into this and it makes me eek a bit djjddj #crushed dreams are always a sad sort of grief. its the worst kind i think lol #but yeah anyways #my team is talking about fields we each wanna go into so we can switch roles for when we do those specialties #BUT IM SOOO SCARED I JUST DONT WANT TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF #and moreover i just dont like. what if i just go in and realize i dont want to do it #its like walking a tightrope and falling either way. #like would i fall more in love with the work ??? or would i just fall and be crushed entirely ?? who knows #okay enough anxious talk fjdjdjd #vent #oh god im so sorry i didnt even tag this

[waitingforminjae]

not my mom being a kirk cameron stan

#NOT HER SAYING WHAT THAT MAN PREACHES IS THE SAME AS GRANDMA #and my personal fav 'he just feels like the rest of us' WHO'S US? u gotta mouse in your pocket? #every day i think abt how close my mom is to to falling into the alt right pipeline and there's nothing i can do about it #also what is she even talking abt lmfao acting like some big disaster happened at the event when it didn't lmfao #yeah some ppl sat OUTSIDE drawing in chalk and some ppl walked around the library carrying a rope #and a handful of ppl showed up deliberately gnc and at one point someone IN THE LOBBY shouted love is love #and yet she's acting like protestors caused a scene #HELPPPPPPP HER TELLING MY DAD THAT SHE'S PRAYING FOR ME RN #LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT ABT ME NOT LIKING KIRK CAMERON MEANS I'M NOT CHRISTIAN???????? I'M LITERALLY CHRISTIAN HELLO #hella personal #GOD this is why we can't have a fucking conversation like she always does this at the most inconvenient times #and then starts crying over Everything and it just all snowballs like we literally need mom-daughter therapy so fucking BAD #and she seriously needs to let so much of her own guilt go before we can have any conversation abt our shit #like sooooooo many of her feelings are about her and not me lmfao #and it's fucking uncomfortable. anyway

[loverboybitch]

“take a deep breath there is hope in the air.”.//.

#uploads #saw this walking home on sunday from a lil vintage market #love to see a thing right when u need it.. the city provides #n the snow was so so pretty too #had a nice little day yesterday i went for drinks with falcon casue we havent seen each other in like months or really talked #it was really nice n we went to this bar down the street that has a really nice lil atmosphere #we got to chat for a while n then they were having this story telling event where some people told folktales it was really cool n sweet #this one about a king who learned to weave so a woman would fall in love with him and it ends up saving him in the end from some pirates #very sweet very im love #very love to see a thing right when u need it.. #sweet little time maybe im not gonna die but maybe i also am idk #very job still making me want to die but at least i can hear a nice story and have a good little conversation #<3

[damiemontclair]

My neck is going to burn so bad....

#Fucking 'lets go to the stable earlier' #Why mom? Whats the point? So we can sit in the sun with no fucking shade and *die*? #Fucking hate it here #I should note that I am aware that my growing resentment for this whole thing is irrational and unfair; but I fucking hate this #Its 1-2h of my day *every* day; and much as I love horsey; I am getting real fucking tired of this #Bc all we do it 'watch' him for an hour while he's on his pasture. Its not even walking him or anything. #Its boring as fuck. #Can't even take a book to read bc it'd get dirty #And we have to sit in the gras with no place to lean back and no matter how I sit some part of me is inevitably falling asleep #i hate it. #And I hate myself for hating it. #damie talks