#what day am i on now? 11? 11.

[obsob]

more kitties that live in my sketchbook

#mine #i just took a huge amount of psychic damage from going thro my facebook page #my GOD. the things i had on there #anyway. i hope u hve had a good week...my week has been mixed but okay! im super tired ugjug #my period was like 11 days late bc since stopping hormones it like has no idea whats going on n my period app was havin a coronary #i got a notifcation that was like ur ABNORMAL!!!!!!!!!! okay and #hmm what am i going 2 do now.....probably som colouring and then some reading #i stopped reading the fantasy book i was reading it was eating my brain slowly . in a bad way #i tried using my lightbox 2day instead of drawing over my sketch n it worked well!! ive bough different paper n it worked way better #am happy !! :))

[moregraceful]

i made what was a huge medical decision today that has been received very badly by my family and i feel absolutely nothing but pure freedom and joy about it. the thing i'm really fixated on rn is when should i post this fic i just finished

#i think october 1. for halloween #it was for skelly season but it took such a weird turn in the end that i feel weird about gifting it to someone lol #very short list of people i would subject this particular rarepair agenda to on purpose. maybe just beryl #the medical decision is legitimately life-altering and i should be stressed but i'm just like it's my body. my body horror. and i'm free :) #i'm stressin way more about the fic bro #and like if i don't gift the fic do i then go back and commit to making it even weirder and rarepaired.... #stars future leadership polycule (two guys who are dating and their captain who holds their hand in high stress situations) #what am i even talking about..................... #today my boss was like thank you for your (insane 11 paragraph long) email! i used it as a meeting agenda with my boss :) #i was like oh no now my grandboss knows i use my boss's inbox as my work livejournal #i got to remake my schedule tho now that i'm almost done with my training!! i gave myself a three day weekend... #...so i can go to the therapy i need to deal with this job. was anyone gonna tell me abt secondary trauma or was i #just supposed to find that out on my literal first day of work lol #my therapist was THRILLED she was like oh i have SO many books to recommend we're gonna have SO much fun!! i was like oh no #fridays off and life is good tbh!! except for the fic. i don't know what to do abt the fic #fresno oilers.txt

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

really channeled my inner yassified!howdy today via being practically comatose all day due to Migraine, then as soon as i woke up i demolished so many tacos in one sitting. he's just like me fr

#also might i say that its fucking evil that i got two bad migraines in the span of three days #like what the fuck was that? who authorized it! #usually i get at Least a month between them! #but nooooooo this week in particular said Fuck Ya Life #and on Update Eve too smh.... #i was ready to like... perhaps share excitement with people.... answer some asks with silly scribbles... nope! #for reference the migraine hit a little before 11 am #and the pain stopped around.... 6-7 pm #it took my whole day! the absolute nerve!!! #and now my brain's gonna be fucky tomorrow... On The Day..... #nightmare nightmare nightmare- #absolutely unprompted #no but seriously i was so fucking hungry. i INHALED those tacos like idk if i breathed #i had a very small teensy breakfast and then Pain Pain Pain and then a quick snooze to recover some energy #and then it was after 9!!! and i hadnt eaten Anything!!! #man i fuckin hate migraines... #it always takes a full day after to recover. steals two every time smh smfh #looking at butterfly!howdy: you're just like me... im just like you.... #at least i finished a celebratory Art for tomorrow b4 the Graine! tis queued! idk if i like it but im posting it anyway! #now if yall will excuse me im gonna fuck around for a bit and then go back to sleep #i need my strength & energy for tomorrow

[spacedlexi]

sooo glad we live in the universe where twdgs4 was rewritten to be about saving the school instead of the original lis2-esque on the road each-episode-is-a-new-location plot. really dodged a bullet there

dont know if it was due to the cuts and collapsing work environment (no budget for all the assets needed) or what but the school plot is just like the perfect setting for her to end her story. and we really almost got a plot about her.... just trying to make it back to her original house? oof

#my biggest problem with lis2 is that being on the road made a lot of your choices essentially meaningless #like wheres the threat of consequence when you know youll be gone by the next episode anyway? #the kids were originally gonna kick them out permanently.......Nightmare Scenario #the plot of her trying to get back 'home' is so silly honestly like its Just nostalgia/fan bait. convince me otherwise you cant #it makes no sense....she lived right outside a major city... that place is Not safe anymore #it wasnt even safe when she left it 8 years ago girl why would you go back #her finding a place to MAKE a new home and having to fight for it? with a community of her peers who love and respect her? so much better #shes a community leader now :) of a bunch of kids living secretly in the woods just trying to make a safe home for themselves #in a hostile world that wants them dead #love that for her #shes been managing adults since she was 11 and even before that tried to be a voice of reason. at 8 years old. community leader makes sense #s4 is just so narratively sound to me for clems character that i cant believe there was ever any other direction they wanted to go in #every time im thinking about how good s4 is i remember what it almost was......... and i am so grateful we got what we did #not only do we live in the universe where s4 is about the school but we Also live in the universe where s4 was un-cancelled :) yay #shit makes me so happy man. i remember clem is living happily at ericsons and my day is Immediately improved #these little fictional bitches in my head giving me free serotonin on command #it speaks #twdg

[seventh-district]

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :) #and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see- #-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out.. #the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!) #i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!? #they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow. #that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!! #not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

[gideonisms]

It just… does get easier. It’s not like anything changes it’s just that time and inevitability guide you out of the real dogshit jobs and you become a more complete person who is better able to defend and describe their needs in a way that authority figures can’t resist or overlook.

In my 20s I had like £100 a month after rent and bills, and I didn’t think I’d be able to make it. I just applied for jobs and changes of environment out of spite; you have to burn energy you don’t really have to get there, but it’s worth sparing it in order to end up out of those shitty office drone jobs and with money and a home you love and I promise you.

I promise you.

You’ll get there.

Aw thanks, this is encouraging to hear!! I'm glad you are doing better now and I'm sure one day I will too. I don't know if I ever expect to own a home and I've not managed to find an office job yet, but who knows! I'm sure one day I will at least find a way to make more money and have more consistent hours. For now, I'm at least managing to support myself on my own without going into debt, which is new and exciting. I'm sure it is all a part of the process. Thanks for sharing!

#replies #yeah i mean the upside is no one has ever screamed at me at this job no alarms have so far gone off #nothing particularly traumatizing has happened yet and i did get on the evening shift so i'm sleeping now! #it's also the second out of the 11 or 12 jobs i've had to pay me enough to live on! so like i am getting coffees whenever i want #also exciting #just a lot of extra work days and it's pissing me off but like it is better than what i was doing before

[theflyingfeeling]

fic talk in the tags 💝

#aaaaaaaa i have only 4 stores left to write for the advent calendar and then i'm done?! 😭 #i can't believe it guys i might actually be able to pull this off 👀 #i've literally just winged it day after day with minimal planning #and i haven't even had a breakdown once? gonna knock on wood here real quick lol #i've had so much fun writing all these little stories too 🥺 and i'm fairly satisfied with them as well! yes!! me!! my biggest critic!! #i'm not gonna be writing anything for a while after i get these last ones done though lol i've written SO MUCH during these past weeks #however i did write down a short piece of dialogue in finnish the other day 👀 #like. literally 11 words and idk if i'm ever gonna write more but those words just...came to me so i had to write them down somewhere #(it has been peer-reviewed as 'perfect' (thanks eetu <3) and you can totally slide in my DMs if you're curious) #and the college/uni au i've been playing with practically all autumn is something i definitely want to give a try #(so far i only have some random notes and moodboards 😅) #but whatever i'll end up writing i'll do it because i want to and that's what's important 🤍 #thank you so much everyone who has been reading these stories or any of my fics this year #i really am not expecting anyone to read my stories and i'm happy if even just one person does 🥺 #okay sappy talk over now back to writing byeeeeee #*stories

[canarydarity]

hello I've been obsessed with making keychains for the past few months so I've decided to post some pictures of them here cause they're really fun :'))

They're mostly mcyt related as you can see, but there are some other fandom things represented (pjo, lotr, station 11) ((and yes lew if you see this one of them is a lamplight keychain i made for your birthday and then kept forgetting to mail you <333)) I had a handful more I made for a friend's birthday but I forgot to take pictures of them unfortunately </33

Also some of them are pinned down because the picture was taken right after I finished making it and before I starched and ironed it flat, that is all

:D

#worm says #what is a reasonable number of keychains to possess #because my friends all now definitely have way more keychains than one person has the need for #but i cant stop making em :')) i find a fun charm i connect it to character 2 hours later i have more keychains it is never ending #the desert duo clingy duo station 11 and mtoher spore one are my faves i think theyre the ones im most proud of #i wanna find a better charm for tango................... one day #i am making an annabeth one to match the percy one for my best friend next and then.....who knows.....

[hella1975]

assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*

#and by honour i mean pointing at them like TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! #like yeah relating to this song is a red flag actually. yeah it's one of the most personal songs in the world to me #and i actively am not allowed to listen to it some days bc it makes me significantly worse #even if im in a GOOD mood because of the layers upon layers of emotions ive associated with it #yeah i literally wont even blorbo post to this song even if it's accurate to a character because it's so personal #so they have to be REALLY FUCKING SPECIAL AND FUCKED IN THE HEAD to get this honour. enter touya #i made him a playlist im going crazy like yeah actually of course i was always gonna be weird about him #like he's got fire themes. he's got body horror. he just wanted to be good. he's ethel cain coded. he's georgia coded #he's got mommy AND daddy AND sibling issues. he's the only other character ive let even come close to mary on a cross #he's a waiting room girlie. he's an archer girlie. im tearing my hair the fuck out of my scalp #why does the first character ive latched onto this hard since CHUUYA have to be from mha of all things #like that's embarassing for me im embarassed to be here. and yet #touya todoroki #the thing that makes me sick about touya is yes the abuse he went through via his quirk and his dad etc etc #but also bc sekota peak happened when he was 13 right? and he's 24 now? that's 11 years unaccounted for #like ik it's confirmed his burns put him in a coma for 3 years and all for one and the dr guy just stapled his stubborn self together #which is something else i will YELL MY HEAD OFF ABOUT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HE WAS A CHILD STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT #but im pretty sure it's confirmed that after 3 years he goes off again on his own? which still leaves him as a teenager? #like he straight up burns himself alive at 13 wakes up at 16 and reappears at 24 with dyed hair and piercings and a bad attitude #and im not supposed to wonder? or get upset? like i absolutely am leaning into the 'he was on the streets' angle bc i hate myself #and that's devastating and also what alternative is there logically like he has NOTHING #no home no money no name that he can feasibly use not even an appearance that will warrant anything but more cruelty #so youve got this child on the streets with injuries that absolutely cause insane amounts of pain daily he's literally STAPLED together #and he's completely alone and the only thing getting him through is this growing hatred and rage #like id set all my plans around killing the guy that put me there too actually just to fucking get me out of bed in the morning #I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. WHERE WAS HE FOR THE PAST DECADE. HORIKOSHI PLEASE #I WANNA GO HOME IM SICK THERES MORE WHISKEY THAN BLOOD IN MY VEINS MORE TAR THAN AIR IN MY LUNGS #PIERCE MY SKIN NEEDLES TO WORN OUT RAGS THE FOLDS IN MY ARMS THE SICKENING BLACK AND I HAVENT BEEN TAKING MY MEDS #I KNOW MY BODY IS JUST DIRTY CLOTHES IM TIRED OF WASHING MY HANDS GOD I WANT TO GO HOME

[beevean]

Sonic Frontiers

Undefeatable

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic music #sonic the hedgehog music #sonic frontiers #music of the day #happy new year! #better start it with a bang :D #and what an absolute banger this is #it skyrocketed into my top 3 sonic songs and i'm not joking #please i need more metalcore in the series #this *is* super sonic's theme now #'think i'm on 11 but i'm on a 9 guess you don't really know me' <3 #'i am what you get when the stars collide' <3 <3 <3 #the energy in this song is unparalleled #no wonder giganto took 5 years to be finished

[non-un-topo]

"It's not dysphoria" I say as I write an entire assignment on my own invisible queerness and gender identity, and as I feel like tearing my skin off and crawling into a cave forever

#i love that this seems to happen every october sdfghfd #those who have been here long enough know the pattern by now #but what am i gonna do about it? nothing probably. idk maybe something when i'm 45 #i would be more okay with all this if i wasn't fucking 5'1 with the biggest girly baby eyes ever #god when cis people say 'but you're so pretty' all sad like it's a shame i'm not dolling myself up. #maybe i can pass as an 11 year old boy. and maybe passing isn't the point. but i would at least like a CRUMB. #....ah. that's why i'm so messed up rn. probably this assignment / research topic i'm choosing #and also having to keep my partner's transition a secret. it's not hard i just worry that someone in the family will find out #that's probably why i've procrastinated working on this assignment for so long lol. it's too personal. #i also had one of those days yesterday where i felt like everyone was scrutinizing me. and maybe a few old men actually were #but i mean who cares? but still can't queer people just exist without being a spectacle? #without cis people constantly trying to 'figure them out'?

[zeawesomebirdie]

So to recap the last 11 days I've:

- caught covid

- hyperfixated on superbat

- read about a million words of superbat fanfic

- watched my first DC movie (Injustice)

- somehow gotten even sicker

- finally gotten back to watching season four of Gunsmoke

- came up with no less than three separate superbat fic ideas that I cannot write because I'm still too sick

- gone to the ER because y'know covid (I'm fine btw, I promise! I'm back home now)

- came up with a Gunsmoke/DCU crossover fic that is so far beyond my current capabilities I swear on the karking Force

- started reading my first comic books (Injustice: Gods Among Us)

- written a superbat fansong because of said Gunsmoke/DCU crossover fic

- I'm still sick btw

- girl help?

#vent post #not actually a vent lmao but thats the tag #like im def not complaining here #im still 100% having the time of my life #but i did *not* expect superb@t to be the thing i wrote my first fansong about ???? #like ??????? #girl help?????????? #who am i and what have i done with myself #well needless to say my covid experience has been WILD #so #shout out to covid for getting me into superb@t??? #(cause thats a *totally* hinged thing to say lmao) #(also i promise i really am okay btw( #(the ER determined im okay for the most part but i need to keep an eye out for long covid now) #(cause like) #(its been 11 days and im still this sick and still testing positive) #(but ngl im 100% taking advantage of the situation to be a fangirl) #(so its a win win)

[sakhafa]

it’s such a crime that I have so many meetings today

#like I literally JUST got better…. #I’m still tired from being sick and also just generally from existing and also bc of what’s happening like I have no energy #& yet….I have to go about my day and pretend I’m unfazed even tho I’m not #& also I am actually scared bc now we’re back to 9/11 levels of islamophobia lol #so yea I’m having a great time!

[morningmask27]

One thing I fucking hate about my sleep is that I'm exhausted the entire day, but as soon as the lights are off and I'm in bed I become restless, literally.

I am thinking too hard about things, rotating like crazy to find a semi comfortable position to sleep in, thinking too hard about my past again (tell me it's shit, please, I need people to heckle at it with. I am being a hater alone and that's not fun), having to physically not move for twenty minutes in the hopes of falling asleep, my entire body goes numb because IT does, but not my brain. Then it's not good, so I have to move and thus undo the last twenty minutes of trying to fall asleep to find another position and try again.

All that and I go to bed at midnight and only fall asleep at two in the morning, my sleep is absolute shit and truly I want a refund

#morningtalks #And this is without the other facts that I wake up a few times a night for seemingly no reason. Multiple times a night. Truly. #If I fall asleep around midnight I can guarantee you I'll wake at 3 am. 5-6 am 9 am 10 am 11 am and then at 12. #Every fucking night is the same #And I'm fucking exhausted when I wake up since my sleep is not good in de either #I don't remember last time I actually woke up well rested. And since I'm chronically sleep deprived I let myself sleep a bit more til 12. #But I'm not well rested and energized for the day when I wake up #Part of it is probably also because I'm NOT a morning person (despite what my name suggests) but still. It takes me a good while to functio #Fucking shit sleep I'm complaining about at three am when I should be sleeping actually but I'm mad about it Right Now #Anyways wish me luck on my next attempt at falling asleep without pain or exhaustion or anger

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Absolutely hysterical (the implication that Jason ever perceived Damian as such an irredeemable and dangerous threat to the Gotham population the way any of the rogues or drug kingpins are, and that Jason would’ve tried to kill him following this reasoning).

#well that was a new one #my brother in Christ. the rogues by design are never meant to undergo permanent redemption arcs because they play a crucial role #in enabling and validating Batman’s ethos and character arc #Damian wasn’t designed with that template in mind he was literally designed to ‘undergo redemption’ #and the one time Jason shot Damian in the chest in bftc wasn’t even because he viewed him as a villain it was literally bftc bs #i am so confusion right now #in the REST of canon his primary perception of the child is literally that. a difficult and arrogant child #who he still considers like a brother/family despite their conflicts #ya know. the same way he views the rest of the batfam. #I mean did you read Batman and Robin 11 #Jason was the only one acting as a loyal and caring family member #that’s not to say Damian is to blame for what he said to Jason in the beginning cuz he’s literally a child #and Jason knows this hence he says kid calm the fuck down you dk what you’re talking about #however. the one who IS to blame was Bruce and what he did in that was absolutely despicable and the vilest shit I’ve ever read #of what a parent would do to his own kid #but that’s another story #not a single dull day in the bat fandom huh #kelseethe

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y