I'm here (Post Blue Sky mini ilustrated short-fic)
It wasn't the best of nights
First, Chell wasn't in bed. She had gone to the attic that they had improvised to repair some leaks, it was raining outside and, although no thunderstorm was expected, the wind was strong and noisy. The good thing was that the other two inhabitants of the house were sleeping, the bad thing was that the oldest of them was not exactly having a restful sleep.
One of those silent nightmares that made him cringe and break out in a cold sweat. One of those that involved THAT place, but not from past events, he had at least learned to handle those better. The ones that felt worst now were hypothetical events that included mixing his past and his present. Despite time, there were things that he had not overcome and it was likely that he would never overcome them, what he did and what he was and them; knowing the twists and turns that life can take, having lived some ridiculously incredible ones himself, he saw no reason why something like this would not be repeated again, somehow; becoming that monster capable of hurting, or even murdering those who matter most to him for the most selfish reasons. Only now the idea terrified him more, now it wasn't just Chell.
Now he had a baby. They had a baby, his and Chell's.
The simple idea itself of, one day, hurting that little one, of ruining things, seeing the look of disappointment in the eyes of his beloved, of fear, of hate!!
He wakes up, startled, but not screaming. He looks around, Chell still hasn't returned, he knew she should still be in the attic, he could hear things moving on the ceiling, it probably wouldn't take too long, but he decides to go for a walk around the first floor as quietly as possible to calm down.
It was strange, he hated cold water and, therefore, the rain, especially rains like that, which seemed to threaten him from the outside, but he liked to look at it from the inside of the house and that strange, but pleasant smell that arose as the water fell. Probably human things, he thought.
He went to look out the window while he tried to clear his thoughts. It wasn't the first time he had a nightmare like that, and he didn't like it.
They made him think more about that idea, an idea that was always in limbo in his head, unable to decide if it was good or bad and for that reason, it was never executed. The thought of knowing that even though he and Chell liked each other, they really liked each other's presence,it would be a lotbetter if he wasn't around. After all, he was still clumsy, still occasionally having trouble understanding these confusing protocols of the human body and society. Even having finally gotten functional glasses, which he didn't like being away from at all, he still bumped into or tripped over things, even if it wasn't as much as before.
And the baby, oh the baby, as clumsy as he was, sometimes he was even afraid to be close to her, he was afraid to pick her up and vote her, scare her, or spoil something with her. He knew that the little one didn't need him either, especially with her mother around, that, unlike him, she always seemed to know what to do, how to calm her down, how to be… well, a functional human mother - and the simple idea of…
No, honestly, sometimes he thought it was best for them to just go away and-
CRASH
The sound of the branch of a tree not far away falling due to the strong wind, he saw the branch fall from the window, it was a curious and short spectacle, he was scared, but he felt relieved to be inside. He was going to stare a little longer but suddenly -
The sound of his daughter's crying drew him back to the second floor, although when he reached the room, his haste died down for a moment. He stopped at the doorstep, looking at the crib, inherited from Wellies, who seemed happy to give those things to the baby, she liked to come see her and play from time to time, anyone would think they were sisters, although they were just neighbors.
He slowly moved towards the crib
"He-hello" said him, almost in a whisper "it's me… probably… not the parent you were waiting for, can't blame you, to be honest… but… but don't worry!! don't worry, is okay, you know?… mummy should be here soon, she is just a bit bussy now... but-but I'm sure she is on her way, you know your mum, always so efficient and practical and determinated" He says with a small smile while he kept walking to the crib with the crying baby, those were all things he loved about her " So... you know, you-you don't have to keep crying, really... I'm sorry I can't do... more..."
His voice faded for a second as he reached the crib. The little girl had not slowed down her crying at all in that time.
He felt useless, he knew that it was not his presence the one required there.
"Look, I'm really sorry, I honestly do! but… but everything will be okay, right? Your mum…"
And suddenly her voice faded, or rather he cut himself off as he saw his daughter clearly, in the light of her room, stretching her little arms towards him.
His heart sank for a brief second and he went from feeling useless to feeling like an idiot. She was pointing at him, she was stretching her little arms towards him, she was even trying to call him. That simple sight was enough for his arms to automatically move towards her to pick her up.
"You know what- You know what? Forget it, everything I said, I'm right here, right now, you see? Daddy's here." He lifts her up as carefully as he can, so that they are looking at each other face to face, which distracts the little girl enough to reduce her crying a bit. "There we go. That horrible noise with the branch scared you, didn't it? Hehe, I get you. You know? I hate loud noises too, it seems like we have something in common besides blonde hair." He does a kind of giggle. Finally she stopped crying and started to just sob, she seemed to listen attentively to her father's voice, her face,gradually stopped being red from the effort of crying and even began to smile a little.
Don't worry, everything is fine, everything will be fine, do you know why? You want to know why? Well, it's because she's not alone, daddy will be there when mommy is not there, and mommy will almost always be there, and-and you know what else? Even if you don't see us, it doesn't mean we're gone, we might just be busy or a little far away, but-but we're not going anywhere, okay? Not even I… I may… I may have thought about it at some point… but that, right now, just stopped mattering, let's pretend it never happened, okay? because… because I'm not going anywhere… well, I may have to go… to transmit… or from time to time to the city for some technical… or medical need… but! but the point- the point here is… I'm not going to abandon you, okay? Daddy will... daddy will never leave you and will always be there for you…I promise…"
He was going to return the child to her crib, feeling stupid for having considered for a second that all this was just to be useful, for Chell, it was true that she was the most important person in the world to him, it was true that the idea of disappointing her was unbearable, but also, when he saw his little girl looking at him pleading for help, then he remembered, to never forget again, that this was also for both of them too. For himsel and for that little life that he helped to create, his and Chell's daughter. At that moment she was also the most important person in his life and he would do anything for her.
But he stopped mid-movement.
"Hold on, wait a minute, missy, I just… I just realized… you were… you were trying to say 'dad' weren't ya? No no no, I'm all over it, lady, don't think I didn't realize, you were saying 'dad', right? hah! I knew it!" He laughs, moved, "Come here, sweetie, oh my god... wait until your mum hears this, I can't wait-... I can't believe it!" He clings to the baby girl who looked even smaller in her father's long, bony hands. They both smiled in that small, sweet moment, just for them; They didn't seem to be in a hurry to get back to bed, nor to have noticed that a young woman was watching them, tired, but also smiling, from the threshold of the bedroom door.
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Aaand that was one of those ideas that come to me from time to time and I need to do before the inspiration dies, I hope you like it (you can't tell I'm bad with titles, right?)
In fact, now I will start working on another one, I just don't know if it will be illustrated, we'll see.
See ya!
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