#when i went to new zealand a year and a half ago like.. they have songbirds. tui and stuff like that. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hoodharlow · 1 year

Text

Just Us

AN: Miriam is in her groupie era 😌😌😌 and Jack and Miriam found out about something that happened four years ago

Requested? No

Warnings: mentions of Sydney Sweeney and allusions to smut

Word Count: 3.9k words

"I can't believe this is the first time you fly me in first class." Miriam told Jack as she settled in her window seat.

"This isn't first class. We're in business class." He said, sitting next to her in the aisle.

"Oh that explains a lot," she mumbled, unimpressed at the seating.

Jack and Miriam were currently boarding a flight from Sydney to Melbourne. Miriam had finally finished filming and joined Jack down unda for his Australia and New Zealand shows. She had a few weeks off before she went to Atlanta to go film a mini series with Aaron Taylor Johnson. She auditioned for the role back in May and didn't get a response until a few days ago. Her mom was also cast and was going to play her mom. Miriam was excited because she always wanted to work with her mom. Even if their characters don't have the greatest bond.

"I like these." Jack commented, bringing her hand up to inspect her nails. "When did you get them done?"

Miriam gave him an unamused look and pulled her hand back. Jack knew when she got them done, he was on facetime with her the entire time.

After she finished filming, she made a stop in New York before heading to meet up with him in Paris because they were flying from there to Dubai to Perth, Australia. In New York she met up with her nail girl, who apparently was also Jack's nail tech before the couple even met, and got her nails done. She decided on getting a nude almond-shaped nails with black, white and grey swirls. It had been months since she got acrylics. She had a month off before filming and wasn't going to be doing anything too demanding.

She also got some blonde highlights for shits and giggles. What she wasn't expecting for them to cause so much controversy. When she landed in Paris she went straight to where Jack was performing. People filmed them hugging, not knowing it was her, and quickly assumed Jack was cheating. The crowd was split fifty-fifty when it was time for him to go on stage, half getting into his performance and the other half not happy to be there. It wasn't until the following morning that everyone saw why people were upset. All the gossip sites ran with the story so Miriam posted a selfie with 'in my Shakira in the La Tortura mv era' because her hair resembled Shakira's hair in that music video to her Instagram Stories. On her actual Instagram, she posted with Urban, photoshopping them over the Olsen Twins in a picture of their movie 'Passport to Paris' poster because he was the only close to her hair color.

"You swear you haven't seen them wrapped around your dick the last few days." She said, opening her Mrs Fields cookie tin.

She was at a small shop in the airport and bought the largest size box. Those were her favorite cookies, besides the ones Claudia makes for her. In her opinion, they could give Crumbl a run for their money.

"Not gonna lie, I'm still getting used to your hair and I was trying not to think that it reminded me of Urb's hair from a few years ago." He said, biting into a M&Ms cookie.

"You're thinking of your best friend while I'm sucking you off?" Miriam made a grossed out face.

An elderly woman gave them a judgmental scoff as she walked past them after hearing Miriam. Jack snorted, making Miriam roll her eyes at him.

The flight was roughly two hours long. They, Jack and Miriam, The Homies (who were touring with Jack) and their respective teams landed around noon. They waited until the other people in flight got off to get off. They went through a separate way to get to baggage claim. Once they went through airport security and everything else, they were in a shuttle bus en route to the hotel they were staying at for the next three days.

Miriam was texting her parents to check in as her and Jack rode the elevator to their suite. Even after moving out, her parents insisted on knowing wherever she went and needed constant updates from her. She would have called but the time zones still confused her so she sent them a text in case it was the middle of the night.

"You sure you don't wanna go see Aitch right?" Jack asked as the doors opened to their floor.

Like Jack, Aitch, his British rapper friend, was also doing festival shows and concerts down in Australia and New Zealand. He had a show in Melbourne tonight and after his show, Aitch was having an after party. He invited Jack and co a few days ago when they were in Sydney for Splendour in the Grass. Urban and the guys agreed, but Jack was still undecided which meant so was Miriam.

"I'm following you around. If you wanna see him, we can go. If you don't wanna see him, then we don't have to." Miriam said, taking the keycard out from inside her phone case.

"Good because I'm taking you out." He nodded, holding the door open for her to go in first.

He had already booked a private tour at an art museum and a private dinner for them at the hotel's rooftop. The hotel had an igloo dining feature since it was winter time in Australia. It was for them to celebrate their one year anniversary. They never agreed on an exact date, but they became an official couple some time in late July of last year. One thing they agreed on was that they've been exclusive to each other the second they met. Jack wanted to do something nice for Miriam because she deserved it and because they haven't had alone time in a long time.

"Where are we going?" She asked him curiously.

"Damn, I can't surprise you?"

"I mean yeah, but I just wanted to know if we were going to be outside." Miriam said, shrugging off one of Jack's many winter coats.

She had been living off his suitcases because she didn't believe Claudia when she told her that Australia and New Zealand were actually cold between June through September. Miriam genuinely thought it was going to be similar to Florida in the winter and packed a lot of summer clothes. When she landed in Perth she was shocked that it was cold like in San Francisco. Luckily she did some shopping in Sydney and got some basics like leggings, jeans, and a few long sleeves.

"We're gonna be indoors then we'll be outdoors." He said hugging her from behind. He kisser her neck, dry humping her as he said, "Then my dick is gonna be in and outta you."

Miriam’s feet were killing her. She had the genius idea of wearing six inch Christian Louboutin strappy heels to a museum where she and Jack got a three hour tour of the entire museum that was the size of a mall. In her defense it was the only pair of shoes that went with her outfit.

She wore a black with clusters of small red flowers bustier and skirt set that had came with fingerless gloves that went up passes her elbows. The set was originally an ill-fitting maxi dress that was very loose in the chest area when Miriam bought it. She altered it herself creating a fitted cropped bustier and maxi skirt that went with her height. With the fabric she cut off, she made the long fingerless gloves.

"This concludes our tour, I hope you enjoyed it." The tour guide told Jack and Miriam.

"We did thanks." Jack smiled at them.

The tour guide led them to the entrance and thanked them once more. Miriam sat in the nearest chair and sighed contently.

"You good?" Jack asked her.

"No, my feet hurt from all that walking." She pouted.

"Who told you to wear them to this?" He asked.

"Certainly not you because you wouldn't even tell me where we were going." She muttered.

"I'mma order an Uber then get our coats." He said, typing away on his phone.

Miriam nodded and handed him the two slips the coat person gave them when they checked in their coats. She was twisting in her seat, cracking her back, when she realized she was sitting in front of the gift shop. She quickly got up and texted Jack that she went inside the gift shop.

She loved buying books from museums or places she's been to. She also collected a bunch of fashion history books. Miriam just loved having them around her house. Not only for aesthetic purposes but also because she loved immersing herself in them and learning.

She found the main one for the museum and several other ones from specific exhibitions. She also grabbed a few books about plants, animals, and flowers. She paid and nearly ran into Jack at the entrance.

"All set?" He asked her, taking the bag so she could put on her giant coat.

"Yeah," she nodded, zipping her coat all the way up to her chin.

"Our uber is three minutes out." Jack said, reaching for her hand.

They exited the museum and stood in the pick up area. Not long after a black SUV pulled up. Jack approached the car and asked who they were here for. When the driver answered with his name, he motioned Miriam to go in.

She leaned her head against his shoulder and read an email her mom sent her while her and Jack were on their tour. She clicked on the attachment. It was a draft of an article Sydney Sweeney did for the Hollywood Reporter for her Emmy nominations. A lot of actors do interviews after getting nominated as part of an Emmy campaign to get the academy to vote for them. Miriam also got nominated for her role in the mini series she did with Jenna Ortega, but she wasn't doing any Emmy campaigns. She was just honored to be nominated.

Miriam skimmed the article, rolling her eyes where Sydney defended Cassie for fucking her best friends abuser. Her eyes landed on a paragraph where Sydney talked about how it's unfair about people having connections being able to walk in while she had been busting her ass for years. She went on talking about how she isn't privileged enough to take six months off from working to travel with her rapper boyfriend like a certain actress who looks like her mom. Sydney went on about this certain actress for a few more paragraphs, shaming her for coming from a rich family, but ended with her being happy that she actually got a role her and the certain actress were auditioning for.

Miriam frowned. There's no way Sydney was talking about her. Sure she fit most of the criteria and they both auditioned for a role that went to the blonde actress. But why did Sydney even mention her? Miriam literally minded her business and knew her place when it came to auditions. She was fully aware and acknowledged the privilege she had because of who her parents are.

She went back to the email and read what her mom sent her. It was a summary of the article, explaining that it was going to be published, but the author had worked with Isabela and sent her a draft of the article as a courtesy. Her mom also asked if she wanted to make a statement regarding what Sydney said. Miriam replied to her mom, asking her to leave it alone. She didn't have the energy to start some unnecessary beef with someone that doesn't affect her life.

She felt Jack shake her shoulder. "Bro, I've been calling your name."

"Huh?" Miriam blinked at him.

"We're back at the hotel." He said.

"Oh shit." She mumbled, scooting to the door. She turned to the driver and thanked them.

Jack placed his arms over shoulders and guided them to their suite. He was dropping off their things before heading to the roof for their private dinner. He could tell something was on Miriam's mind. She never missed a chance to talk about what she bought at places. He deduced it must've had to do with what she was reading on the drive to the hotel.

"You okay?" He asked her gently.

"Not really," she sighed, hugging herself. "My mom got an article sent to her that Sydney Sweeney did and she spent a good chunk of it shading me because of who my parents are."

"What the fuck? Why?" Jack frowned.

"Because I don't need to work and it's unfair that she can't afford a gate around her house and she needs to stay booked to afford it." She said in a snippy tone.

"Come here." He said, opening his arms. Miriam begrudgingly walked to him. He hugged her tightly and kissed her temple. "Fuck her and fuck who else has shit to say about you. You're one of the most hardworking people I've met in the industry. You're actually aware of the privilege you have unlike several people we know who thrive off it and act completely shocked that they and their families have connections. I'm sorry that she came for you unwarranted like that. I can't speak for you, for obvious reasons, but I want you to know that you're a fucking badass, Miriam. Last year you filmed three movies and a tv show and this year you won your first Oscar and Grammy and you just got an Emmy nomination. That shit doesn't come solely for being the daughter of people in the industry. Those awards and nominations are a result of your hard work. Sure your connections helped you out in the beginning but in the end your talent why you deserved it. I don't want you. I don't want you feeling bad. Okay?"

"Okay.” Miriam nodded tearfully.

Jack wiped the tears and leaned down to kiss her. "Let's get going. Our reservation is in fifteen minutes."

They went down to the lobby, there was a separate elevator that led guests to the restaurants and lounges in the hotel, and took the elevator to the rooftop bar. Miriam’s face lit up when she saw the igloos. They were a dozen igloos, each the size of one of those sheds that Costco sold that look like mini homes. Though these were shaped like igloos.

Jack checked in with the hostess and they led him and Miriam to an igloo for two. Inside there was a small velvet couch with a coffee table in the middle. Across from that was a small dining table with two chairs.

"Any drinks to start the night?" They asked Jack and Miriam.

"Water for now." Miriam said.

"I'll take sparkling water." Jack said.

"I'll bring those in a bit. Here are the menus." The hostess said, placing them on the dining table.

"Thank you." Jack and Miriam said in unison.

The hostess nodded and walked out of the igloo. Miriam shrugged off her coat and placed it behind a chair before making her way to the couch. Jack did the same and took the menus so they could look at them. He sat next to her and draped her legs over one of his thighs.

"This is nice." Miriam said, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah? Not too cheesy?" Jack asked nervously.

"Oh it's corny as hell," she said, making him laugh. "But that's not a bad thing. I rarely got to do dates like this in the past, so I really appreciate this. And it's also a change of pace. The past few weeks we've been jumping from location to location, going to show after show."

"I know we've been together the past few weeks but I feel like we haven’t spent time together. Just us, you know." He said, placing his hand on Miriam's knee.

"Aw you're a big ol' shoftie." She said, kissing him.

"Don't say that you're gonna ruin my street cred."

"Bro, you're a white guy from the suburbs. You don't have street cred."

"Shut up."

Miriam cackled.

A server came by with their drinks. They took Jack and Miriam's orders. Jack got a steak with a side of veggies and mashed potatoes. Miriam ordered the pan fried chorizo and ricotta gnocchi. They also ordered fish and chips for their appetizers.

"Oh, so my friend Malia is in Auckland and I haven't seen her in a while. Is it okay that I invite her to your show?" Miriam said, dipping a fry in tatar sauce.

"Yeah, what's her full name so I can have Neelam add her to the list. Calum and Claudia are also going, right?"

She nodded, covering her mouth to chew.

"Cal just finished touring and they're meeting Cal's mom there." She took a sip of water and mumbled, "my friend's name is Malia Obama."

Jack choked on his bite of food. "Did you say Malia Obama? You know the president's daughter?"

"Our families go back." She shrugged. "My parents endorsed Barack in both elections and they all became friends sometime in between. My family and I even attended that dinner where Malia gave Sasha a thumbs up when they met Blake Lively's husband."

"Who don't you know?" He asked her genuinely.

"Gabriel Iglesias."

Jack laughed loudly, shaking his head.

The rest of dinner was peaceful. After they ate, a few servers cleared the table and brought out a dessert charcuterie board with a small fondue pot. They also had a drink tray with hot chocolate with things for them to customize their drinks. Despite eating all of that in a span of three hours, that didn't stop them from wanting to fuck.

"Get naked." Jack said, kicking the door shut. "But keep the heels on."

***

"That's too petty, Claudia." Miriam said, taking her phone from her best friend.

"I mean she did spend half of her article talking about you." Malia pointed out. “It was like she was looking for an excuse to mention you without really mentioning you.”

"See, Malia agrees with me." Claudia said, snatching Miriam's phone.

They were backstage at the Trusts Arena where Jack was going to perform. A few days after Sydney Sweeney's article was released, Miriam had received news that she was going to replace the blonde actress in a sapphic romcom starring Hailee Steinfeld as her love interest. It was the role she mentioned in her article that she beat Miriam.

Now Miriam was deciding on what should be her caption for her post. Claudia and Malia were suggesting she take the petty route and caption it with 'I have never ever been happier'. She decided to post a picture of her and Hailee Steinfeld from the 2018 Met Gala with 'Can't wait to work with you Hails <3' to her Instagram Stories.

"You're no fun." Claudia said, reading the caption.

"I'm not risking it. This is probably gonna be the only chance I get to make out with Hailee." Miriam said loud enough for Jack to hear.

"What's this about you making out with people that aren't me?" He arched an eyebrow at her.

"It's for work." She reassured him.

Jack eyed her suspiciously. "If you say so." He turned to Malia and the couple that couldn't keep their hands to themselves. "Y'all good? Is there something you want us to get?"

"I'm good, thank you." Malia said.

"We're good too." Calum answered for him and Claudia.

"When was the last time the three of us hung out?" Claudia asked Malia and Miriam.

"Like four years ago at Outside Lands but Miriam ditched us to hook up with some guy who was making her laugh at Future's after party." Malia said.

"Yesss," Claudia nodded. "Miriam was laughing at everything he was telling her. I remember the guy was obviously trying to get a Miriam but he was nice enough to make small talk with me and Malia. He asked me what I was studying and I was like education then he was like–"

"That's where the money is." Jack finished for her.

"Yeah, how'd you– no!" She exclaimed. Claudia opened Calum's jacket and grabbed her phone from the inside pocket. "There's no way."

"What?" Miriam asked.

"Jack was the guy you fucked." Claudia said, quickly scrolling through her snapchat memories.

"Claudia por favor." She laughed in disbelief. Miriam turned to Jack. "Were you at Outside Lands back in 2018?"

"He performed in the morning and Drama got us into Future's after party." Urban said, opening a bag of chips. He pointed at Jack. "This fucker ended up leaving with some girl who couldn't stop laugh– holy shit! You guys fucked."

"We did not. I would have remembered Jack." Miriam said.

"He didn't look like this." Urban patted Jack's cheek affectionately. "He couldn't grow a beard back then."

"Man fuck off." Jack murmured.

"I have like twenty videos of that party." Claudia said.

She played the first video. Her and Malia were vibing to the music while Miriam filmed them. A voice in the background, clearly Jack, began talking to Miriam. She burst into a fit of giggles after one cheesy joke. The video ended with Claudia taking her phone back because Miriam was filming the ground and laughing. Claudia played another video where Jack, who appeared in the video, was promoting his upcoming mixtape Loose and telling them that it was coming out in a few days. In the background of that video Miriam was swearing up and down that she was going to listen to it. The last video was of Claudia and Malia saying that they were waiting for their designated driver to stop making out and the camera flipped to Jack and Miriam heavily making out.

"Yo, does this look like Jack?" Urban asked Quiiso, who happened to walk past them.

"What do you mean? That is Jack." He said. "He never took off that Generation Now chain back then."

"Now, who does the girl look like?" He asked.

"Miriam." Quiiso answered. He took a double take. "Ain't this the time Jack hooked up with a girl at Outside Lands and he was devastated that he never got her name at Future's after party."

"Aw you were devastated." Miriam gushed, nudging Jack's shoulder.

“Not anymore.” he murmured as his cheeks turned red.

The topic changed and eventually The Homies went on stage. Then it was Jack’s turn to perform. A few hours later Jack and Miriam were back in their suite. Miriam was in bed replying to Claudia because she and Calum dropped Malia back at where she was staying and that they made it to where Calum’s mom’s place was. Jack came out of the bathroom in some pj’s with its accompanying long sleeve, drying his curls with a towel.

“That was Claudia, she said everyone is back home.” Miriam said, rolling to her side to connect her phone to the charger.

Jack hummed in response and climbed in bed. He opened her legs so he could lay in between them. He liked laying on Miriam because she would play with his curls.

“I still can’t believe we hooked up all those years ago.” he said, opening the one button that was fastened on her silk pajama top. He kissed between the valley of her breasts. “I would have remembered your cackle.”

“What cackle?” she asked, pushing him off so she could take off her silk pants.

“‘What cackle?’ You know damn well which one.” Jack said, pulling down his pajama pants. He brought her hips close to his. “Now let me fuck the giggles outta you.”

Taglist: @cherryxcreme @heavyhitterheaux @carma-fanficaddict @youngharleezyxo @youngharleezy @babyharleezy @that-90s-girllll @alinaharlow @whywontyoulovemecami @meyocoko @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @webinurcloset @gassyandsassy1 @jackharloww @awhore4moree @noescapricho-essentimiento @a-moment-captured

#jack and miriam #jack harlow smut #jackharlow #jack harlow #tw sydney Sweeney

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sluttyslytherin · 10 months

Text

•HIS CONTROL IS MY RELEASE• Pt. 1

Draco Malfoy + Hermione Granger

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

❥ Warnings: Death Eater‘s kink, dom!Draco & sub!Hermione, praise kink, cocksucking (male!receiving), orgasm control, roughness, choking, facefucking,

❥ Request?: No, just for fun.

❥ Summary: “Bloody hell, I should have used you as my toy earlier,“ he sighed, gripping her hair tighter. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. “You look pretty sucking my cock, Granger. Don't you care it's an Death Eater's one?,“ he moaned loudly as she let him slide all the way into her throat and she could feel his pre cum on her tongue. “I bet you don't.. and based on looking at you, I would say, you really enjoy it, too.“

❥ Author‘s note: I‘m madly in love with this series.

❥ Word count: ~5250

❥ I DO NOT ALLOW COPYING MY WORK, NOR POSTING IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. MY WORK IS ALREADY POSTED ON WATTPAD AND AO3.

❥ Audiobook (Pt.1):

Draco‘s view read by HIS voice Pt.1/1

Draco‘s view read by HIS voice Pt.1/2

SMUT UNDER THE CUT

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Hermione Granger was sitting at a bar in Muggle London when Draco Malfoy entered. She could see him coming through the door out of the corner of her eyes. The same moment she wondered what by holy Merlin he was doing in the middle of the 'normal' world.

Hermione wasn't sure if the rumors circulating about Malfoy were true - for example that he had secretly married and divorced, that he still had his Death Eater uniform and wore it on special occasions, that he was back now and lived in London after spending some years in New Zealand.

The rumors went into much more detail, but Hermione had forbidden herself to think about it. Then she might actually have thought of Draco Malfoy in a attractive way - at some point.

She hadn't seen him in ages and after how things were going she decided not to speak to him. Instead of that, Hermione buried her nose in her book again.

Out of the corner of her eye she glanced at the watch she wore on her left wrist.

It was 4:41 p.m. Her heart was pounding like crazy.

Only four hours until she could go home and watch her favorite series. She had taken a liking to the muggle series. Whenever she could, she took her time to watch them.

4:50 p.m. Faster.

Hermione's gaze slid from her book to the bar's door. Had he left already? Crossing her legs, she placed the bookmark in her book. At page 394 she had decided to take a little break.

Her lucky number - still, after all these years. A little reminder of someone who had become a hero to her a long time ago.

“Granger.“

The familiar voice sent goosebumps down her spine. She stopped mid-movement, leaving her coffee mug she wanted to grab, on the table next to her.

Hermione looked up to where the voice was coming from. Malfoy faced her and leaned on his palms which he had placed on the tabletop.

She couldn't help it. Maybe it was his eyes, maybe his half-open mouth, maybe his black suit which was unbuttoned, maybe his voice.. but immediately she thought about all the rumors, which were circling around this man.

And about every single one of the dark little dirty secrets that he might kept.

She knew all these thoughts too well. Shamefully well. She almost felt bad as she indulged in her fantasies about this man over and over again. The man who was actually her enemy. At least that's how it used to be when they went to school.

Now he was standing right across from her and staring straight into her brown eyes. Hermione looked up at his face and then to where his shirt was unbuttoned and she could see his upper body. He was bent down far enough..

“Malfoy.,“ Hermione breathed distracted by his muscles, but cleared her throat the next moment. “Hello.,“ she started again, desperate to appear unconcerned.

Malfoy straightened up very slowly. He was still looking straight at her. “We haven't seen each other in ages. You've grown up. Your hair is even longer.“

Hermione almost laughed at the thought of Draco Malfoy actually trying to compliment her. “Are you trying to flirt with me?“.

She didn't know how those words had made their way to the surface, but they were said too quickly and couldn't be undone.

Perplexed, Malfoy stood in front of the table and - for the first time since Hermione had known him - said nothing.

Hermione only provocatively raised her eyebrows.

After what felt like an eternity, he responded. “See you then.,“ Malfoy grumbled, stepping back and already making his way out.

Hermione didn't know what had gotten into her as she stood up and put her hand on his shoulder, right before he reached the doorknob.

Malfoy flinched as she pulled her hand away from him as quickly as possible. He turned to her, his face now just inches from her‘s. “I'm here every day,“ Hermione whispered to him.

She didn't want to admit it, but she wanted to see him again. He was the one thing she had never understood.

And yes, this fact was driving her crazy.

She just wasn't the type of person who was content to know almost everything. She was known for knowing everything.

Malfoy distanced himself. “Nice to know,“ he said almost coldly, his gray eyes nearly piercing her, “See you tomorrow.“

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

4:30 p.m. Her heartbeat increased.

Hermione was back at the bar. This time without a book and without coffee. Her notebook lay in front of her and in her right hand she held a glass of red wine.

This time she wasn't sitting at the small table which she usually preferred. Today she was sitting on one of the bar stools which were standing in front of the counter. Her long hair fell down her back in curls - almost to her round butt.

Hermione glanced at the clock every few minutes. She also didn't know why she was sitting here and why she had put on the black dress with the low neckline, which she normally only wore on dates. She was a mystery to herself - that day.

4:40 p.m. Faster.

The red wine was just wetting her lips when the bar door opened. Hermione didn't have to turn around to know that it was Malfoy who was standing in the doorway. She didn't have to turn around to know that it was his eyes, that made her feel like she was being stared at. And she didn't have to look around to know that Malfoy was walking straight towards her.

A small smile played on her lips, as he slid into the chair next to her.

“Granger,“ Malfoy cooed into her ear. In his voice Hermione could hear a note she didn't recognize, while a shiver ran down her spine. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as he sat there. A suit adorned his body again. This time it was dark green.

“Malfoy.“, Hermione said his name in a shaky voice, but intentionally innocent, “What are you doing here?.“ His eyes fixed her immediately. “Someone, looking just like you, said yesterday she would be here every day. And since I have nothing else to do, this is where I spend my time.“

Hermione took a sip from her wine glass. “I didn't mean this bar. I mean London.“ Malfoy turned to the bartender to order a drink. “Same as her, thanks.“

When the bartender placed the glass in front of him, Malfoy slowly turned back to her. “I was fed up with being so far away from here. Also, I've got some errands to do around here so I might stay here for a little longer.“ Hermione put her glass down on the bar. “You don't have time for this then, do you?“

Malfoy seemed to consider before answering. Out of the corner of her eye again, Hermione could see him trying to find the right words.

“I just take the time.“

He actually had the nerve to hint at something again - and again not to say what he really meant.

Hermione sighed softly and turned to face Malfoy. “You've changed.“ she said softly. He didn't look at her. “In what way?“, he asked simply. The question hung in the air between them. Elusive, until Hermione took a deep breath and said what was on her mind.

“You're not being so direct anymore. You didn't insult me at all yesterday,“ He slowly turned his head towards her. “and you came here today, even though you wouldn't have done it a few years ago.“

“Perhaps I have changed more than you can see.“

Was she wrong, or was it a mischievous smile gracing his flawless face?

“Oh yes?“ Her comment sounded almost mocking, and not at all what it was meant to be. Malfoy raised his eyebrows. “Yes,“ he answered, leaning over the counter to grab the pretzel sticks that were there. “Besides, Granger,“ he whispered to her, his eyes on her again, “your dress is far too short.. and far too open.“

Hermione thought she had misunderstood.

“What?“, she asked him almost without understanding. She would have expected anything, but not a reaction like this. “Your dress Granger.. is too short.“ She didn't know what to say, she just sat there and wondered why he was being such a jerk to her now that she really thought he had changed.

Her back went rigid.

“I believe the phrase you are looking for is ‚Yes, Sir.‘, Granger.“

His statement did something to her. Somewhere in her a fire blazed. It was that kind of fire she had blown out years ago. She could feel it, the small flame, right where her body sat on the chair - right between her legs. And somewhere in her there was a kind of excitement that she only felt when she was thinking about her fantasies. Yes, somewhere in her there was still that naughty girl she used to be, before she gave up on herself for other boys.

Hermione frantically considered what to say in reply. She wanted to say the two words, but what would happen then? Her mouth felt dry as she licked her lower lip slightly with her tongue. After all.. what did she have to lose?

“Yes, Sir.“

Malfoy's mouth twisted into the grin that Hermione knew all too well. Instantly she regretted what she had said.

“Granger, don't you just want the answers to the questions you ask yourself every time you see me?“

Hermione flinched. He had caught her off guard. The ass knew Legilimency and she knew no Occlumency.

She was at his mercy.

“Get out of my mind, Malfoy.“

But Draco just took his glass in his hand with a grin. He emptied it in one gulp and got up. “See you tomorrow Granger,“ he breathed, as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

His presence was ever-present.

Hermione barely stepped through the bar door, as she saw him sitting on the small black couch in the corner of the room. Exactly where the light wasn't quite bright enough and they were protected from other eyes.

“Malfoy,“ she murmured, standing in front of him, “You came.“

Malfoy looked up from the book he'd been reading until just now. Hermione was surprised to see Malfoy, the same Malfoy who had never read in her presence before, with a book. Malfoy closed the book without taking his eyes off her.

“You were hoping to see me,“ he said, and she heard that one undertone in his voice which he had used all the previous days. “Sit down, Granger.“

Hermione walked around the small table in front of the black couch and slowly sank onto the small space left on the couch. Directly next to Malfoy.

“Yes, you've never really been that close to me.“ Malfoy whispered to her while reading her mind again. Hermione briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Will you tell me the answers I'm looking for now?“

With the back of his hand Malfoy slid a drink towards her. He must have ordered it earlier. Hermione hesitated. “I may be an asshole, but I would never drug you.“ Malfoy said in response to her thoughts.

“This is getting a bit annoying,“ Hermione stated. Malfoy leaned his back against the back of the couch. “It's quite useful for other things,“ the blonde whispered, grabbing her hair. She flinched as his cold fingers touched her neck.

A tugging spread between her legs. Hermione didn't know where to put her mind. Everything she was thinking was incredibly embarrassing at that moment. It felt like a thousand thoughts were trying to find their way to the surface and begged to be spoken out. She swallowed hard, took a sip of her glass and then looked up to him. “What the hell are you up to, Malfoy?“

Draco just shook his head ever so slightly, smiling. Then he leaned forward to take his drink. With it in his hand, he leaned back and took a sip now too. Hermione's eyes followed the glass which was on his lips and then settled her gaze on his lips, as he put the glass down.

Hermione couldn't help but think about all the things she would like to do with him. And that's exactly why she still acted like everything was leaving her completely cold. Like his hand on the back of her neck wasn't there, and he couldn't see her. Like she couldn’t hear her heart beating in her ears.

“Granger, your thoughts are so loud in my head, I'm tempted to just put them into action.“

Hermione gasped in surprise. “What?,“ she asked playing dumb, but this time very well understanding him. She just couldn't think of a thought that would allow her to comprehend what was happening.

“Everything on your mind,“ Malfoy murmured, his lips almost touching her ear. “I know, you want all of this to happen.“

The cold metal of his rings startled Hermione out of her trance. How had the glass he was holding gone back on the table and how had his hand landed on her knee so suddenly? When there was one thing Malfoy could do: He knew what he was doing and he knew exactly how to do it.

“How dare you touch me?,“ Hermione whispered, but her voice contradicted what she was saying. It was revealing more with every word.

“Because you want it.“

His lips on her neck, his voice in her ear.

“I hate you, Malfoy!“, she gasped.

“You don't hate me. You want me.“

She turned her head towards him. His lips were so close to hers. His gray eyes, so close that she thought she could sink into them.

“I thought, you hated me,“ she murmured, not taking her eyes off of him.

“You thought. You didn't know. I never said it. You have never asked me.“

She felt like, she could hear his heart beating, until she realized he wasn't in her head anymore, and hadn't been for a while.

“Stop playing games with me, Malfoy,“ Hermione started again, but he pulled her even closer so that now she could feel his breath on her lips.

“I'm not playing games. Do I still look like the little boy from back then? No, I've forced myself to grow up to do someone justice. I don't want to let my life be determined by others anymore.“

“Who were you trying to please?,“ Hermione murmured.

Her gaze still caught up on his lips. So close. As seductive, as the apple on the tree in paradise. Toxic, like the effects of a storm. And yet she wanted to take the risk.

Draco didn’t answer her. Instead, he said something she loved to hear. Even if she didn‘t want to admit it yet. “I still own all the things you fantasize about, Granger.“

A shock went through Hermione. It felt like a bolt of lightning that ended between her legs. Oh, how bad she, the Muggleborn, should feel for having those thoughts. And oh, how she didn't care at that moment.

“What about all the things people are talking

about?,“ she whispered almost too softly.

A smile appeared on Malfoy's lips. This time not at all derogatory. “That's all correct, too,“ he said.

Hermione was just about to move closer to him, as he abruptly let go of her. “Maybe see you tomorrow, Granger,“ Malfoy said in a harsh tone before getting up.

Leaving her mad with longing for the forbidden fruit he was to her.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

When she came into the bar the next day, Malfoy wasn't there. Instead, the bartender approached her. Hermione was incredibly confused when he handed her a letter.

“I'm supposed to give you this and hand you a glass of wine afterwards,“ he said in a loud tone, pointing towards the bar, “and make sure you read the letter. The gentleman that brought it paid me a lot of money for it. I would suggest..?“.

Hermione, who was still confused, followed him to the bar and took a seat. As the wine finally stood front of her, Hermione opened the letter while the bartender watched her closely. It was sealed with the Malfoy's crest. Hermione's hands almost trembled, as she broke the crest and pulled the parchment out of the white envelope.

“This man really made a lot of effort, just for you to read a few lines,“ the bartender murmured. Hermione glanced at him briefly, before unfolding the parchment.

Her eyes swept over the first few lines.

‚Hermione,

If you really want me, here are my rules. I will respect whatever your answer is. If you agree, I will be waiting for you at Malfoy Manor. If not, staying away is the answer I needed. I'll be wearing what you fantasized about.

1. If you need me to stop or directions are not ok or unclear, say „Red“.

2. Direct questions and directions must be answered with „Sir“.

3. Ask, never assume.

4. If you are upset, tell me.

5. Say „Thank you” after both reward and punishment.

6. Never be ashamed of what gets you excited.

7. I want to hear what you desire.

8. No negative self talk.

9. Do not touch yourself without asking for permission.

10. Do not touch me without asking me for permission.

11. No orgasms without asking for permission.

12. When being spanked you will count.

13. Everything we do or say is role play and isn't meant to hurt each others feelings.

D.M.‘

Hermione read the letter at least three times before reaching for her glass. She drained it with a single gulp.

“There must have been written something special in this letter,“ the bartender whispered, looking at Hermione‘s face. Then he turned away and took care of the other guests' orders.

Hermione sat on her stool with the letter in her hand. She did not know what to think. She only knew that she wanted all of this.

Every single thing. Everything. Without exception.

She didn’t know what he was planning for her and yet she didn’t care. All Hermione knew was: She longed to please him.

And she didn't care, that it was a Death Eater, that was going to give it to her. In fact, she wanted him.

She wanted Draco Malfoy.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Granger.“

Hermione heard Malfoy's voice echo through the Manor as the front door magically opened. She entered slowly. The Manor was large. Even the entrance hall was huge.

“Malfoy,“ Hermione replied with a smile on her lips. They got used to each other over the few days. It was almost like a game. First he said her name or she his and then the other one answered. Hermione had enjoyed those little things.

“Please go upstairs where my bedroom is. I'll follow you shortly,“ she heard his voice sounding through the halls again. But Hermione couldn‘t tell from where in the Manor his voice came.

Hermione looked over at the large stone staircase that led upstairs to the first floor. Slowly she made her way upstairs.

The door on the left side of the hallway was open. It was a large oak door with silver handles. Hermione slowly walked toward the room, still focused on all the sounds behind her. As Hermione entered, the door suddenly slammed shut behind her. She got a terrible shock.

“Malfoy?,“ she whispered into the empty room. He wasn't there. Hermione started to wonder if it had all been a mistake.

Did he just want to tease her?

She walked over to the window to look out. It was already getting dark outside. Hermione hadn't even noticed how quickly the time had flown by. She sighed and was about to lean on the window sill, when she suddenly heard the faint crackle of an apparation behind her.

Then, out of nowhere, someone had wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her back into his grip. Hermione squeaked in surprise, but quickly caught herself.

“Your thoughts are so loud in my head, I can't even think straight anymore.“

Draco Malfoy.

The cold metal of the mask pressed against the back of her neck, as his grip on her neck tightened.

“Come with me.“

He pulled her backwards, away from the window to the end of the bed.

“On your knees, Mudblood.“

Hermione's mind was suddenly blown blank. All her thoughts were gone with only this one word. If someone else had said it, it wouldn't have had the desired effect. Yes, she would even have just left.

But it was Malfoy who said it.

And fuck it, it turned her on.

So much, in fact, that just that word had her soaking her panties.

Hermione knelt down, palms up on her thighs. Yes, it wasn't the first time she had done that. She had her eyes on his mask which covering his face, and on his bulging eyes which seemed to jump at her through the mask.

Her gaze swept over his body. It was cloaked in black leather, buckles and fabric. Only his hands were visible, on which he was wearing all the rings he had worn during his school time. She also recognized the signet ring with the serpent on one of his fingers.

“Tell me what you want to happen,“ Malfoy growled. Hermione could hear how strained he was sounding.

“Fuck my brain out.“

Hermione had no idea how the words had come out of her mouth. The sight of him almost drove her insane.

“You forgot something.“

His voice sounded more demanding and somber than before. Hermione considered albeit a moment too long.

“I,“ she muttered. “Strike one,“ he answered.

“I don't know,“ she whispered again. “Strike two,“ he growled.

“Sir,“ she finally spat out.

“This will have consequences,“ Malfoy whispered and ran his fingers through her hair, “and now be a good fucktoy and say the whole sentence again.“

Hermione wanted to feel the consequences. She wanted the pain - but more than anything, she wanted this man.

“Please fuck my brain out, Sir,“ she said with a big grin on her lips.

Malfoy reached for her chin and let his hand wander down at her throat. Than he squeezed it tight.

“You will obey me. You will do everything I say. Do you understand?“

Hermione tried to swallow, but couldn't. He tightened his grip more and clawed his nails into her throat. Than he let go. “Use your words, Mudblood. I want to hear your voice.“

“I understand, Sir.“, Hermione whimpered, barely able to control herself anymore. She never thought, this would ever happen to her.

“Now be my good little whore and open my trousers.“

His voice made her feel even more edged on. Hermione tried to remember how to use her hands, but she was just staring at his whole formal Death Eater Uniform.

“Use your fucking hands, whore,“ Malfoy demanded. His voice sounded dangerous and made her almost flinch. She lifted her shaky hands slowly and pulled down the silver zipper of his leather trousers.

“Now take them off.“

Hermione didn't even hesitate. She grabbed his trousers and pulled them off his perfect body while staring at the mask. She felt butterflies rise up in her stomach and moaned silently, as he took his hand and put it on her head.

“Take my pants off, Mudblood.“, Malfoy said with a trembling voice. He struggled to control himself.

Hermione smiled, watching his mask. She put her fingers on the waistband and slowly pulled his pants down. Her eyes darted to his dick. She gasped in amazement.

“Open your mouth, my little whore. I'll rip up your throat now.“

Hermione thought she would faint. She was so horny that all she really could think about was letting him fuck her brain out. At least it was a good way to go stupid.

“Open up, or I will make you do it.“

She didn't. She was too curious what would happen next.

“A little brat you are, huh?,“ Malfoy growled, his teeth clenched behind the mask. “Open up immediately!“

His hand shot to her face and slapped her cheek. Hermione gasped, half in surprise, half in arousal. Then she grinned, but when she still didn't open up, he put his hand on her nose.

“That's the last time I'll say it. Do you understand, Mudblood? You open up immediately, or you will first be punished and then left alone and unsatisfied in this room.“

Hermione couldn't breathe and she loved that feeling. She didn't even have to touch herself to know that her whole knickers and more were soaked.

When she finally opened her mouth with a moan, he immediately grabbed her head and let his dick slide in her mouth. He didn't say a word, nor a sound, but she knew he loved it. She sucked his hard dick with pleasure, looking at his now closed eyes.

“Put your hands behind your back, Mudblood.“, Draco whispered, trying to oppress a moan. “Suck it faster.“

Hermione did what he wanted, letting her mouth slide up and down his cock. When she used her tongue, Malfoy finally let out a silent moan.

“Bloody hell, I should have used you as my toy earlier,“ he sighed, gripping her hair tighter. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. “You look pretty sucking my cock, Granger. Don't you care it's an Death Eater's one?,“ Draco moaned loudly, as she let him slide all the way into her throat and she could feel his pre cum on her tongue. “I bet you don't, and based on looking at you, I would say, you really enjoy it, too.“

Hermione smiled, her thoughts letting her go completely insane. “Fuck, Granger,“ Malfoy hissed suddenly, “You really want to taste loads of my good pureblood cum?“

Draco‘s eyes were glassy, watching at his dick disappearing in her mouth over and over again. “Don’t choke,“ he moaned whilepushing his dick even deeper, letting out a loud whimper.

Draco Malfoy fucking whimpered.

She felt his warm, sour cum squirt deep into her throat and swallowed every drop, before moaning and trying to control herself not to cum too. “Don’t,“ Malfoy simply moaned, grabbing her arm and pulling her up on her feet.

Hermione had trouble to stand. Her knees were weak.

“Undress yourself, little Mudblood,“ Malfoy whispered, still trying to control himself again. “Slowly.“

He went to the bed and sat down on the edge, right where the bed ended. Hermione went after him, heavily breathing. Her brain felt numb from his constant pushing her head onto his dick earlier.

Hermione looked at the Death Eater sitting on the edge of the bed and couldn’t be more aroused. Knowing it was Malfoy made it even better for her.

She slowly undressed her sweater and skirt, leaving her underwear on.

“Take it all off,“ Malfoy whispered, his cock visibly starting to harden again. “You’re such a good toy, Hermione. Look how much you turn me on.“

Hermione felt like being in a bubble of lust and overexcitement. She slipped out of her wet red knickers, pulled off her matching bra and went to the man, who owned her now. She felt her wetness run down between her thighs, while all she wanted was finally sit down on his perfect cock.

“Lay down on the bed, my little whore,“ Malfoy moaned silently, watching her immediately doing what he ordered her. “Slide to the edge.“

Hermione sat up and did as he said. “Watch me,“ Malfoy whispered and slowly unzipped his uniform jacket. “Look me in the eyes.“

He slowly undressed himself in front of her, sliding down his jacket from his arms and let it fall to the floor. Hermione felt like she couldn’t breathe. Loads of little moans escaped her lips, while Malfoy unbuttoned his black suit shirt. His eyes didn’t leave her face for a single moment. His suit shirt slid to the floor.

Hermione stared at his Death Eater Mark. All she could think was, how much Malfoy turned her on, too. It was him, she was longing for.

When he was standing there naked, he slowly approached Hermione. She was laying in bed, breathing heavily with her mouth wide open. She watched him coming closer, still looking at her.

“Take it off,“ Malfoy whispered, guiding Hermione’s hands to his mask. “Yes, Sir,“ Hermione moaned silently and slowly let his mask slide down his face. His beautiful features appeared from underneath it.

“Lay down, toy,“ Malfoy hissed now, his eyes full of lust. “Enjoy my tongue.“

With these words Draco parted her legs. He got on his knees directly in front of her and let his tongue slide over her swollen cunt. “You taste like heaven, litte Mudblood,“ he moaned loudly, his dick twitching.

“Taste,“ he said, sliding one finger inside her and pulling them out, before pushing it wide into Hermiones’s mouth. Hermione didn‘t even choke.

She sucked this finger clean. „So good, Sir.“, she whispered.

The prince of Slytherin really kneeled between her legs, desperate to eat her out.

Malfoy smiled, making her moan out loud, as he stuck his fingers inside her again, twitching and hitting her most sensitive spot. “Oh fuck,“ Hermione spit out between the electrifying shocks he gave her, “You’re so good.“

“Don’t cum, Mudblood,“ Malfoy moaned, his mouth vibrating against her cunt. He licked every single part of it, letting his tongue wander around her swollen button. “Please fuck me, Sir. Please,“ Hermione begged, almost blacking out from the pleasure he gave her.

He pulled his fingers out her and came up to her, looking her straight into the eyes. “You want to feel my big Death Eater’s cock, huh?,“ he smiled.

With one hand he grabbed her throat and squeezed it. Hermione moaned loudlessly. He lift up her butt und placed his dick at her cunt. Hermione felt like she would explode. “Beg for my dick,“ Malfoy demanded, loosening his grip around her throat.

“Please put it in there, Sir, please, please, please,“ Hermione moaned, looking at his dick at her cunt. Malfoy came over her, looking into her eyes. “You are so pretty begging for me to be fucking you,“ he whispered. His lips were caressing her throat, leaving little hickeys everywhere.

Marking her as his for everyone to see.

“Look me in the eyes, toy,“ Draco moaned while slowly sliding his cock in.

Than he finally kissed her.

His eyes didn’t leave her’s, as he slowly fucked her. His hand was still at her throat, her mouth wide open. Loud moans and pleads escaped her mouth with every thrust.

Hermione didn‘t even know what she was pleading for. She just wanted more.

He kissed her again, sucking on her lip, tasting his cum on her tongue. He felt her walls flutter around his cock, as she closed her eyes for a second. Her whole body was begging for release.

“I’m close,“ Draco moaned into her ear. “I’ll pump my hot pureblood cum into you.“ He tried to steady himself, as Hermione started yelling and moaning at the same time.

“You’re all mine now.“

He twisted her nipples, giving her the last sensation she needed. “Come for me,“ he demanded, thrusting into her harder with every push, “Now.“

She whimpered, pulling him closer.

“Draco,“ she finally moaned his name a few seconds after, “Oh Draco.“

She looked him straight into the eyes, as her body started shaking with force. Her pussy literally soaked his dick with her juices, while she was screaming his name, still being fucked by him.

“I’m cumming Hermione,“ Draco almost screamed too, pushing into her with a few more thrusts and finally squirting his cum deep inside her pussy..

#dracomalfoy #draco malfoy smut #hermione granger #dom!draco #sub!hermione #dramione #smut #sluttyslytherin

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neckromancy · 2 months

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Not self ship related.

I've barely told anyone but I've decided to fuck it all and book my dream vacation.

I've been saving up since I was 19 to go to New Zealand. I am 31 now. I've had enough savings for a while and it has actually caused me so much financial distress to have so much money in my bank account; any financial benefit was forfeit despite being low income. I've saved hard with the little that I've always had. Only since a year ago I became more financially stable, although old habits die hard, I am still quite scarce in what I spend on food, living etc... I've always prioritized my dream vacation. The thing to keep going for, the reason to live, etc etc.

I've not booked my holiday because I had fear of going alone. I have autism and I get stressed out easily, and when I get stressed, I basically blank out, nothing makes sense anymore, and I basically go crazy (not in an angry way, but just a very upset way).

However, I've been grinding my gears so hard over this. None of my friends shared this dream and only in recent years it had come to light that some are interested. Issue is that they never saved up for it, and I honestly felt my heart dropp when they told me they would be ready no sooner than 2029.

A lot can happen in those years. They can lose interest, they can fail to bring up their savings, any of us can get cancer and die - YES this is literally where my mind goes. I genuinely often think about getting some terminal disease before I can go. I'll also be closer to 40, I am overweight, will I be as capable of going? It brings a lot of anxiety. Heck, what if my financial situation turns around again and I have to go back the way I lived before? My savings started draining VERY hard because I had to find out I cannot work fulltime and I had to eat away at my New Zealand money, watching my dream falter slowly, because any financial benefit... I was just not eligible for unless my savings would lower drastically.

So I've been thinking for a couple months now, more than half a year actually... about going alone after all. I've had so many talks in therapy, with fellow colleagues, just... people, about the situation, and honestly... I've cut the tie.

I'm going to New Zealand. I'm like ... crying over how much stress it is giving me, yet also joy. I've booked a trip and paid for the deposit. To pay for the rest I am still managing bank administration.

It's just giving me SO much stress though.

I've had to do the one thing I hate: install a banking app on my phone. It is the only way for me to do a payment above the 5k threshold, they literally won't let me do it through the browser (I tried, I called them, and I hate phone calls). I had to order a credit card because it is the only way to get my e-visum, along with accidentally uploading the wrong photo which means that I have to re-do it after they find the mistake in a few days, which I also needed to install an app for... gods!

I never wanted my phone to be involved with any financial things, but I suppose it's worth it for my dream vacation.

But here's the thing.

I did not tell the friends yet. The ones I'd go with. I am still too heartbroken by the 2029 shocker. I don't know how to tell them I'm going by myself, that I said "fuck it, 2024 is my year" and went ahead with it.

It's why I am posting about it on this blog and not my personal one, one of them follows me there.

I don't really know how to deal well with this. I'll first focus on getting my administration sorted, because god damn.

A cancellation insurance costs another 500 euros, and for what? The small chance I end up hospitalized and cannot go anymore? I have 6 more days to pick it up... but for now I am too stressed. It's just so much to do all of this by myself.

Oh, and the only reason I am capable of doing this alone is because I am taking a guided tour. No way I could do without, I have no driver's license or anything. The tour includes the flight, the hotels, the travel... it's nice. I just need to do a separate booking to visit Hobbiton, obviously I am going to Hobbiton. For that I also need to wait for my credit card...

I'll be so relieved when all administration is done.

#mirika.txt #The biggest rant that has ever ranted.#I just needed to write tbh.

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forensicated · 3 months

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Smiffina Episodes - Episode 403

Smithy and Lewis are called to a break in where they find an assaulted male. As they move to check him over, they are ambushed and assaulted by the attackers. Lewis almost catches one of them but he receives a kick straight to the chest and falls down again. They return to the assaulted male to check him over and Smithy pulls a screwed up piece of paper from the mans mouth - it states that he is likely to be "Leo Cross" and that he's been accused of being a paedophile.

Zain is drafted in to work the case and Smithy explains the victim is an NHS worker who called the police 2 days previously as he was being harassed by two teens who were trying to get money out of him. Gina drops in as she's passing to see if everything is alright "Yeah, 2nd day back and it's already like I've never been away." He smiles. "... I meant have you got enough bodies?" Smithy smirks and explains that they've had some leads and then that he's going to check in on Morris later. Gina warns him not to hold his hand too long and has an unusual way of ending the conversation... 🤣

Later Smithy calls into the kebab shop where he got Morris a job - only Morris didn't turn up. As returns to Lewis to update him, Morris comes limping along the street. Smithy asks him what's wrong and Morris tells him that he fell - but Smithy doesn't believe him. He confesses there was a group of children on his estate that were smashing up a phone box. He intervened and then they started abusing and jostling him and then when they pushed him over they ran off. "And as usual there was never a copper around when you need one!" Smithy playfully rolls his eyes and hands him his old mobile phone, telling him to call his daughter who he hasn't spoken to since he went to prison. Morris refuses , telling him he doesn't know what he'd say to her and Smithy says if he doesn't ring her then he (Smithy) will and tells him the phone is a way that they can stay in touch themselves. Morris starts to tell him something but he stops before covering.

"I'll get a bad name standing out here talking to coppers."

Later, Lewis runs to find Smithy to tell him that there's been a call to CAD as "Morris is smashing up the kebab shop." "I don't believe this!" Smithy sighs, grabbing his stuff and heading out to the car with Lewis. When they get there the owner is upset and ranting in Greek, there's salad all over the floor and the shop is in a real mess but Morris has been able to slip out the back way and is long gone. Lewis tells him that the boss told him that Morris had a phone call with his daughter and... well, it didn't go well, and he locked himself in the toilet afterwards with a bottle of whiskey and he wants to press charges. "Course he does... how the hell am I going to talk him out of that?!" Smithy sighs.

Smithy and Lewis go to Morris' house, but he's nowhere to be seen. Lewis asks if he'd do something serious but Smithy assures him he's not worried about him harming someone... but then a call comes over the radio matching Morris' description and describing someone acting erratically under work-way on the Thames. Smithy tells Lewis to stay away and get back up but subtly so as not to spook Morris. He slowly approaches him, gently trying to find out what has happened to upset him so much.

Morris is in bits, telling him that his daughter has moved to New Zealand with her children 2 years ago. He didn't even know he was a grandad. He's had enough of being outside and says that he might as well have 'con' tattooed on his forehead and that he wants to go back inside prison.

Smithy sighs, telling him he's spent the last half hour talking to his boss getting him not to throw the book at him. "Please, Dale!" Morris begs. Smithy sighs and quietly adds. "I suppose I could get him to change his mind again." He reluctantly arrests him, adding "Are you happy now?" Morris is obviously made up. "Yeah!"

Gina tells him she's sorry about Morris and he just shakes his head, saying that in the nick Morris knew his place, everything was familiar and he felt safe. "And that's the important thing." he adds. "Knowing where you belong." As he walks off, Gina calls him back, winking affectionately at him and he grins at her before walking off.

#dale smith #alex walkinshaw #smithy #gina gold #roberta taylor #smiffina #smiffinalong #episode 403 #aml ameen #lewis hardy #morris leatherhead #bill treacher #the bill

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firespirited · 1 year

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Yesterday’s film was Avatar, the way of water.

I saw the first one ages ago and mostly forgot the details except “noble savages, white saviour” “guy in a wheelchair gets his wish to be an able-bodied blue sphinx catboy” “wonderbread!guy level deforestation kink”.

I’d seen reviewers i usually respect who found part 2 delightful and fun, ok so a JCameron sequel flips the script on the first (think Aliens and Terminator2) so we’ll get some sort of deeper exploration of the themes right? If it’s getting decent reviews, it can’t just be as clunky as Avatar 1? I decided to go in without researching anything or watching any trailers.

It’s bad. Sure it’s pretty but I’ve seen children’s tv offer more nuance on a topic.

Review: half a star out of 5 for the pretty nature graphics, the mixed emotion and action pacing and the single line indicating that the sentient whales used to be belligerent.

A lot of terrible choices were made here. You’d think there would be idk, consultants for the whale CGI who might also know a little about whale behaviours, a consultant for where to put the lit up parts on the brain scan CGI when you have epilepsy to give the basics. Maybe some language and accent consultants?

I mean yes this is Avatar2, the “dead dove” is right there so yeah what was I expecting? This is somehow more racist and ham-fisted 13 years after.

About four minutes in there’s a kid who hasn’t been taught how to brush his hair that’s hint 1, a minute later Zoe Saldaña is playing yet another grieving strong warrior woman: hint 2, a few minutes later marines think vengeance is a good tactic: hint 3, then you hear Sully’s Na’vi sons be like sir, yes sir... That is where my brain went from enjoying seeing non muted colours on screen for the first time in ages to “oh no. oh. no. this movie is going to be wrongTM on so many levels” and I think the fact that it’s colourful and we’ve missed that counts for so much. If they’d released GOTG with proper colour grading I’m pretty sure it’d get even better scores. Our eyeballs are hungry for anything but grey-blue.

It’s a film that makes you care about these caricatures and their caricature world while also repeatedly whacking you over the head with A Singular Message and I’m afraid that specific message is 35 years too late (yep once upon a time, people actually cared enough to ban CFCs) and too blunt and is used to hurt indigenous hunters. Analysing the ways this film is insulting to biology, ecology, sociology, pharmacology and our understanding of our relationship to the environment would take as long as the film and is not worth the effort of me ranting and you reading.

It’s insulting to many specific groups and to any viewer, including children, and it’s a waste of money (New Zealand’s money in particular) and time.

#saf #avatar #movie reviews

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gatheringfiki · 1 year

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The following ficlet was written by @2shuang based on this photoset.

Britchell, E.

You might also be able to read this story on AO3.

If you’ve enjoyed this story, please leave a comment either in replies or on AO3. :)

When you pinch up a little fox

---

It was a colder winter than usual.

George complained in Mitchell's cabin. Every full moon since winter had become more torturous, because no one, not even a werewolf, could stand to lie naked in the snow at -2℃.

"I'll have your paracetamol ready." said the vampire, taking two cans of beer from George's backpack.

"I knew you wouldn't give up your house." The werewolf rolled his eyes.

"Or else? Am I gonna sleep in a tree?" Mitchell shrugged.

"You can come back, with us," George said. "...sleep on the couch." George and Annie didn't leave his room when they moved into the new house, given that the brunet had decided to settle in New Zealand with his boyfriend a few years ago.

The vampire just shook his head. "It's not bad here."

George sighed. Two years ago, Mitchell suddenly moved back to Bristol, into an abandoned cabin in the mountain. From then on, the vampire was completely cut off from the human world and no longer talked about "being human". He would come every month to bring something to Mitchell and spend his night in the woods. Annie would come too, usually at a different time to him, but sometimes together.

When Mitchell first came back, he was so bad they were afraid to ask what had happened in New Zealand. It was about six months before they found out. Anders was dead.

After chatting until it was late, Mitchell abruptly got up and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Get a tree."

Mitchell, of course, didn't actually go look for a tree. Instead, under the moonlight, he walked aimlessly through the woods among the insects, soft snow and dry branches squeaking under his boots. Then, just as he was hesitating about whether he should stroll all night or find a place to rest, suddenly, a furry tail came into view.

It was a little fox sleeping in the dead grass against the roots of a tree. This season, foxes should have a cave to shelter them from the cold. Mitchell surmised that other animals had robbed it of its den and had had to improvise a place to rest. The fox was wrapped in its big golden red tail, with some snow on its fur, like a thin layer of icing on a cupcake. They were probably blown down from the trees by the night wind after it fell asleep.

Mitchell looked at it quizzically, wondering how the supposedly alert little creature could not even react when he walked in. But looking at its regularly undulating back, it was not dead, really sleeping.

Unable to say his motive, the vampire took his coat off and covered the little one's cold, damp fur——the vampire wouldn't have felt cold anyway. Before leaving, he even stroked its soft ears.

---

The little fox had a warm dream of sweet Christmas wine, gift boxes wrapped in coloured paper and cool hugs in the middle of summer. It twitched its ears and instinctively tucked the head under the warm jacket, which, from a distance, looked like a piece of clothing discarded to the roots of a tree. After a long wolf howl, at midnight, the small mass of clothing suddenly stirred, but the creature didn't even open its eyes; it just licked the tip of its tail half-asleep and went back to sleep.

---

When Mitchell returned to his cabin, George was cleaning up the mess he had left behind.

The vampire folded his arms and looked at his friend, who was trying to restore the bed to its original shape from shattered planks, frowning. "Is this really not a plot by you and Annie?" He knew they'd been trying to get him back to live with them.

"I swear, no." The werewolf looked a little guilty. Afterwards, as if something had occurred to him, he suddenly stepped out of the room and carried a huge package out of the trunk of the car parked outside. He set it down in front of the vampire and patted it, "At least, you'll have enough quilts to hit the floor until your bed is fixed."

Mitchell looked like he was about to bite him right off.

“And an air mattress?”

Before the vampire strode over to turn him into breakfast, George reached out and stopped him. "I'll fix it!" he said.

The vampire paused for a second and kept pressing closer.

"I'll buy you a new one! Delivery!" George shouted, and after a few quick taps on his phone, turned the screen towards Mitchell, "Er, in three days."

Mitchell rolled his eyes at him, then turned to rummage through the huge package and pulled out a cashmere blanket. Obviously, it was put by Annie. Even though a vampire didn't need it, she always prepared things for him as if he were a human.

As Mitchell headed out with the blanket, the werewolf called out from behind, "Aren't you going to help me clean up?"

“I saw a stray fox in the woods last night.”

"So?"

"Go make sure it survives this winter," Mitchell said, waving his blanket.

---

In the morning light, the golden fox slowly woke up, surrounded by a familiar smell that confused it as to where exactly it was. Then, suddenly, its tiny head out from the clothes, and then looked around in confusion——a lifeless woods.

Just when it thought the smell was only from its dream, the clothes sliding off its back made it freeze.

The little fox hastily pulled its tail out of the jacket and turned around to stare at it in disbelief. A long time later, it abruptly whimpered, arching its head against the edge of the shirt, trying to re-buried itself back into it.

Mitchell.

After several times failing, the little fox's bark became irritated. It pressed its nose to the coat and sniffed it again, and the paws scratched hard at the ground. Then it nipped at a corner of the clothes, trying to drag it away.

He had never been out of the woods before and was afraid to wander around. Because he had heard the hunter's gun, and the dying howls followed it. He had been waiting for his second birthday when a skinchanger could transform, so all he had to do until he was two was to protect himself in this forest. After all, who knows if he'll turn into a real fox or rabbit next life.

But the realisation that "Mitchell was nearby" made him lose all patience.

The little fox struggled to drag the coat, but after only two meters, he had to stop. The creature looked back at it in frustration, grumbling about why the vampire had bought such a heavy jacket! If he had kept dragging it like this, he might not have been able to get out of the woods until the winter was over.

With one last look at it, the little fox wagged his tail, turned, and ran ahead. He could bring Mitchell back to pick it up when he found him.

Although the it had never been out of the woods before, luckily, it was not far from the vampire's cabin. It ran as fast as it could along the footprints in the snow, leaving numerous tiny paw prints in the vampire's.

However, not long after the run, the snow on the ground gradually disappeared. Under the sunshine, it trampled on the muddy wet ground, looking around and finally picking a direction by intuition.

---

Mitchell had forgotten which road he had taken last night and could only go into the woods as he remembered it. In fact, he was not even sure if the pretty creature would still be where it was. It might have gone somewhere else after waking up, but he still had to look for, or at least get his clothes back.

And when the brunet finally took a few detours to find his clothes, the fox had long disappeared. Only his clothes were left alone.

Mitchell picked up the jacket and put the blanket down.

Hope the stray fox will be smart enough to pick it away instead of leaving the blanket that could keep it warm over the winter like a scrap.

Before leaving, the vampire noticed two rows of footprints in the other direction, one belonging to him—it was only then that Mitchell realised that he had taken a much longer route—and the other apparently belonging to a little fox.

Mitchell followed the overlapping footprints. He thought perhaps he could find the little fox with the pretty tail.

---

When a cabin finally came into view, the little creature excitedly chased its tail in two circles before continuing to run towards it. But it had not run to the front of the cabin; an unfamiliar figure appeared suddenly, walking towards the door. The little fox swished to the side of the wheel and peered out cautiously to observe.

The man wasn't Mitchell. And he didn't want to break into a hunter's house by mistake and then be shot and sold.

It waited for a long time before waiting for the man to come out of the house.

George?

He had seen him in Mitchell's Skype with him, and the vampire would always mention this friend, a werewolf. It occurred to the little fox that last night had been a full moon, and he did seem to have heard a wolf howling in his sleep.

So, this cabin was actually George’s place for the full moon. So maybe it’s George who took the clothes into the woods too... It ran back into the woods before the werewolves found him. Although he did not see his vampire, at least he found George! So, all he has to do now is retrieve Mitchell’s clothes first, then sneak into the cabin and wait for his transformation in half a month. Next, he can wait for the good-natured werewolf on the next full moon without worrying about...

A sudden sharp pain in its hind leg abruptly interrupted the little fox’s thoughts.

The little one looked at the trap on his hind legs and let out a desperate, mournful wail.

---

Mitchell looked at the disappearing footprints, then at the blinding sunlight overhead, and sighed.

Maybe he wouldn't be able to find that fox after all. He thought. He didn't know where his inexplicable obsession with it came from, maybe out of pity for a weak creature or just because it made him feel more "human" to care for another being.

Ever since he lost control and bit Anders to death, he hadn't thought about "being human". What kind of human would kill the person he loved most while making love?! When he finally came to his senses, his boyfriend was lying quietly in his arms, on the bloody bed. Then he realised that it was even too late to turn Anders.

Mitchell hung his head in frustration and clutched the clothes in his arms. Anders bought it.

But then, suddenly, he heard a faint howl.

---

The golden creature stared at the trap biting into its hind leg, its tail slapping the ground anxiously. Shivering, it tried to move the trapped left leg, but the excruciating pain caused it to moan again. The tiny creature gasped sharply for a moment but struggled to brace itself on front paws and turned with difficulty to crawl back to George's cabin.

It was close to the cabin, so he might return before the hunters found him.

Dragging its hurt leg and heavy trap, it had to stop for a while almost every meter it moved, leaving a sinuous trail of blood on the ground.

He remembered what the vampires always said: George was a nice guy. Although he would not take home a wild fox as a pet, he certainly would not turn a blind eye to a wounded creature. All he could hope for now was that George wouldn't leave too soon and that he wouldn't have to face an empty cabin.

However, the wound on its leg was still too much for the weak fox, and it had only crawled less than ten meters before collapsing from exhaustion, with his consciousness fading from the pain. Then, a sound of footsteps from far away to close to the little one suddenly snapped back to attention.

He wasn't willing to be taken away and sold! There's only half a month left!

The little fox struggled again to find a hiding place, even though it knew there was no way it could outrun the human race. And the colour of its fur was too obvious in the winter's dead leaves, so before it could find a place to hide, the little one had been picked up by a pair of hands.

It let out a shrill yelp in a split second and tried to jump out with the tiny paws, but the more it struggled, the more painful the wound on its leg became. Only when the little creature turned it over onto its back to lie in the man's arms, with the injured leg gently propped up after the trap had been removed, that the little fox, which had been making such a fuss, finally calmed down. However, it was only quiet for a few seconds before it once again pitifully and miserably arched its little head over the vampire's arms, whimpering.

The little one kept pawing at the vampire's clothes, and its moans sounded more and more pitiful. Mitchell looked into the blue eyes in his arms. It was the first time he had ever seen a fox in tears, and he even read hope and sadness in them. He held the fox as if it were a baby, let it grasp his clothes with the paws, with its little head against his chest.

"You recognise my clothes?" Mitchell thought for a moment, attributing its unusually clingy behaviour to the scent on his clothes.

The little fox purred, but pity the vampire couldn't understand what that meant.

"I'll take you home first." He lowered his head and nuzzled the pretty creature, causing the fox to purr again.

Before leaving, Mitchell looked back at the long trail of blood on the ground and held the golden one tighter.

---

Mitchell had always wondered what look Anders got when he bit him on the neck.

He didn't know and couldn't remember.

---

When he brought the hurt fox home, Mitchell had no idea that after its leg had healed, the little one would still roll in his bed and refuse to leave.

The vampire looked at the golden creature who continued to sleep with his little paws over its eyes and rubbed the round belly, then the furry head, and finally its pretty tail. Until the fox finally got so annoyed with him that it couldn't sleep anymore. It rolled over and bit him on the arm exasperatedly.

"Tomorrow is Christmas Eve," Mitchell said as the little fox cocked its little butt to stretch.

It stopped to look at him with a bit of anticipation. After all, he had never seen snow at Christmas before. But Mitchell's later words made the fox look forward to it less again.

"George and Annie will both come." The vampire teased its ears, "I wonder if you'll get to see Annie."

The little fox thought about it and couldn't come up with an answer. If it had been Anders, it might have been able to see her by Bragi's power. But it didn't have the mind to dwell on that; it just yawned and then found the sunniest place in the room and curled up with its eyes closed.

For him, a Christmas without sex, what's the difference between that and every other day?

Wait, Sex? !

As he was no longer in a hurry to find out after being picked up by Mitchell, he almost forgot that he could change into human form two days later.

"Andy?" the vampire called out suspiciously as he looked at the little fox who had suddenly lifted its head from its furry golden tail, while the pretty one didn't even give him a look before it buried its head back, comfortable to sleep up.

This year's Christmas Eve was more festive than Mitchell had imagined, due to a bow tie Annie brought.

The little fox went on alert the moment she took it out of her package, scurrying up behind the vampire at once and growling menacingly at Annie. Annie, however, looked as if her heart was melting because of its kitten-like voice.

"Mitchell, you must take him back!"

The little creature hated this physical 'cuteness'.

The vampire turned to look at the tiny one whose tail was raised high in anger, then at his friend, who was slowly approaching with the bow against his chest. Mitchell couldn't help but giggle, "Do you need my help?"

"Of course." Annie replied as a matter of fact, "And I have a gold one just for him."

No. NO. MITCHELL! DON'T DARE YOU!

Mitchell grabbed the fox as it tried to slip away, crouched down to whisper "I promise this is the only time". Then with one arm around the fox's belly and one hand on his butt, the vampire carried it with belly up and restrained it to the maximum. So that when Annie tied that bow onto the pretty tail that kept waving, the little one could only slap a paw in the vampire's face in annoyance.

Finally, the little fox was numbly put on a collar with a bell and a silly Christmas hat before being allowed to run off to the corner of the cabin to have a tantrum all to itself. It didn't take long, though, for Mitchell to apologise and remove the woolly hat from its ears before it took a bite out of his hand.

As he chatted with Annie and George, Mitchell held the little one on his lap at all times, stroking it from its back to the tail. When the tail was caught by the vampire, it always broke free quickly, but again the furry tail fell right into his palm each time when he turned it over.

However, the little fox was not as energetic as the other three and fell quietly asleep in Mitchell's arms before dinner. It wasn't until a small piece of gingerbread was passed under his nose that the fox suddenly sniffed and then, without opening his eyes, took it.

Perhaps due to exhaustion from pre-change, it had been sleeping sickly on Mitchell's lap. When it finally reluctantly opened the eyelids, it found that it and the vampire were the only ones left in the cabin.

Mitchell placed his palm under its head, and the little one, looking around, immediately leaned its head up, squinting and purring as the vampire tickled his chin. "Annie and George have gone back.

The little fox looked up at him, with the mini bell tinkling.

"George has a date with Nina tomorrow." The little head rested back on Mitchell's hand.

It really was one of the reasons George and Annie didn't stay, though not the most important one. The vampire thought. And, even though the little creature curled up in his lap was very human, he didn't want to re-tell what had happened in Christmases two years ago.

"Sleep." He petted the golden fox, whose eyes had closed again, and carried it back to bed—it had refused to sleep in the nest Mitchell had so lovingly laid out for him from the day it was brought home.

---

The following morning, Mitchell was awakened by the sound of a crisp bell and comfort between his legs. He grunted in his half-sleep and subconsciously held the cheeks pressed against his waist, punching himself into the warm, tight ring.

"Mmm..." The golden one suddenly pushed against the pleasure spot, went weak at the waist and almost fell on top of the vampire. Anders frowned as he stared at the brunette whose eyes hadn't even opened, slapping Mitchell across the face.

Not hard, but enough to wake the vampire up. Though what he didn't expect was for Mitchell to freeze for a few seconds, and then he suddenly rolled over and pinned him to the bed, pinching his thighs and fucking so hard. Anders' curses turned into soft whimpers before releasing, mingling with the uninterrupted ringing of his bell.

The blonde raised his neck and groaned loudly as the vampire thrust harder and faster. He put his arms around his lover's shoulder and tried to pull him into a kiss. But Mitchell avoided his lips and buried his face against his neck. This position made Anders almost completely fold. His legs were open to the point that they hurt, while the vampire did not care about these, just more and more mad to torture his prostate.

It took a few moments before Anders could distinguish the sobs belonging to the vampire from his own murmurs and rings. He clutched Mitchell's head, gasped increasingly rapidly and was even dizzied from lack of oxygen, nearly coming.

"Mitch...John...!" Anders shivered violently, finally coming on Mitchell's belly, crying his name.

The golden creature went limp on the bed and submissively allowed the vampire to cum deep in his passage.

When the crisp ringing of the bell finally stopped, the vampire's sobs became clearer and louder. Then, as his own breathing calmed, Anders grabbed Mitchell's curls and tugged hard, forcing the brunette to look into his eyes.

"Look at me, puppy." Anders stared into those wet puppy eyes, the vampire in front of him now not looking at all like the bastard who had just almost fucked him unconscious, "I'm not your sex dream."

Mitchell froze like a broken computer, giving no response. It wasn't until Anders lifted his left leg and kicked him, gesturing for the vampire to look at his leg, that Mitchell finally responded.

He pulled himself out of Anders and lifted his calf - a scar was plainly visible below the knee. Mitchell's wrist shook slightly, rubbing his thumb over the scar, and as he lowered his head and kissed it, his whole body shook uncontrollably.

It was only now that Mitchell eventually noticed that the sweet blonde with his legs spread had a gorgeous, fluffy tail and a pair of fluffy fox ears hidden between his golden hair.

"Aren't you?" the vampire put his leg down and rewrapped Anders into his arms, trying to come to terms with the fact that he'd picked Anders up from the woods. But, as he rejoiced, his chest once again ached like the heart had been squeezed tight. He couldn't stop imagining what if he hadn't found the little fox that day, what if his little fox had been taken by the hunter who had laid the trap... One horrible thought after another made him hold his baby, who was flapping the tip of his tail, close to him in fear.

"Or you can take a bite and have a taste, but I won't promise I'll taste the same as before..." He hadn't finished when Mitchell suddenly looked up and interrupted him in a loud voice as abruptly as he was stressed.

"DON'T JOKE WITH IT!" Then, staring at his stunning blonde, Mitchell rested his forehead against the little fox's, with his voice softening, "Please... don't joke with it...I won't hurt you again..."

While Anders was puzzled, he saw Mitchell's eyes turn dark unexpectedly, and when Mitchell took his finger against his teeth, he couldn't feel the vampire's sharp fangs.

"What have you done?!"

"It's the only way..." The vampire nuzzled him to fawn with his nose like a puppy who had upset his master. "The only way to ensure I will never hurt you again... you said you would come back to me." Before the door closed.

"What if I can't ?!"

"Don't know." Mitchell was extraordinarily honest about it. "I just want to protect you from a monster, when you get back."

"Egg..." Anders was so angry that he wanted to scold him all day, while Mitchell's poor expression prevented any of his expletives from coming out. Finally, he could only grab the vampire's collar and bring his lips to, "Now, FUCK me, hard, fierce, or I'll leave immediately and...Hum...!"

#Gathering 12 Days 2022 #Britchell #Anders/Mitchell #The Almighty Johnsons #Being Human (UK)

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blackbird-brewster · 1 year

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I turned 35 a week and a half ago and it's been a huge milestone to celebrate and to also allow space for myself to grieve. My life is nothing like I expected, but I'm so very happy with where I'm at now.

Ten years ago, I was 25 and the thing is, my entire life up to that point...I never believed I'd live past 25. Never imagined a future. Never understood how other people my ago could. I spent the last six months of age 25 doing my damndest to make sure I didn't live past 25.

I was living in my car, I was incredibly mentally unwell, I was lonely, I was trying to get sober, and I had just lost pretty much everyone I ever thought cared about me. My best friend since childhood died a handful of days after her 24th birthday. I spent pretty much all of 2014 and a stint of 2015 in and out of the revolving doors of psych hospitals. It was the worst year of my life. (I know a lot of you were following me then and probably remember all that)

The day I turned 26 was horrible, because it basically felt like 'well fuck....what now?? I never expected to get this far'

At age 26, I decided to make a drastic change and I bought a one-way ticket to Aotearoa New Zealand. I was already homeless, so I didn't have much to bring with me, just a suitcase and two plastic tubs were all the possessions I owned in the world.

I hit some incredible lows in those first couple of years here. I went through unspeakable trauma that will always haunt the recesses of my mind. But even through ALL of that, I never self-harmed, I never became suicidal. And THAT was progress. I pushed through all of it and on the other side, I met Doom Them.

They have been my best friend and partner and my entire everything for five years and we are so stupidly happy together. They have some similar history to me, and this weekend they also turned 35. We survived unfathomable trauma to get to 35 and I am so so glad we DID survive, because otherwise we wouldn't be able to celebrate together now.

If you're in a low spot, especially in your 20s, here is my message to you:

Things get better. They really, really, do. Maybe only marginally, a little bit at a time, but there will come a day when you don't think of self-harm or suicide as an option. There will come a point where you will begin to heal. PLEASE stick around to get to that point. The world is so much better with you in it, even if it's hard for you to see that.

If you ever need a sign, this is it. If you ever need a friend, send me an ask. If you ever need a reminder that life really is worth living, please, please hear me when I say: I love you SO SO SO much. You are SO important and if you are struggling, I am INFINITELY proud of you. Take it one day at a time, shit if you have to, take it one hour at a time. But keep going. The other side is worth surviving for. You have so much to give to the world and it would be a darker place without you.

I love you. I'm proud of you. I see you. I am always here for you.

#about me 2k22 #mental illness #depression #tw: suicide #tw: self harm #happy 35 to me #i'm your internet parent now #it gets better #reminders why living is worth it #Doom them #About me 2k15

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learningnewways · 2 years

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Feeling Down

Well howdy folks, time for another look into Kimberly’s inner thoughts... It does freak me out slightly that I have no idea who reads this blog of mine... But anyway, I am a firm believer in vulnerability and being the change you want to see in the world, hence I’m usually pretty open and honest in my posts.

I’ve been feeling pretty down for the last two weeks, as I approach the halfway point of my time in The Gambia. It feels like forever since I left New Zealand, even though it was less than three months ago. It honestly feels like it’s been over a year. I experienced so much in The Middle East and Scandinavia, that even that part of my trip feels like over half a year ago. I can’t tell why life feels like it’s moving so slowly here. Is it because I’m constantly alone and out of my normal routines? The only ‘normal’ part about my week is going to church on a Sunday.

I’m out of my normal Christian community routines of life group and youth group, of catching up with friends on the weekend and having deep chats with my co-workers about our morning tea devotionals. I’m out of my morning routine of snuggling up on the couch with my cat Charlie and a hot chocolate, doing my Bible reading. I’m out of my routine of praying while driving to and from work in the car, chatting away with God about anything and everything. And I know Christian faith is about so much more than routines, but boy do they help! I would’ve thought after being in The Gambia for six weeks that I would’ve figured it out by now, but I haven’t.

Unfortunately because of this lack of routine and familiarity in my life, my faith journey has suffered. I’ve felt distant from God, unable to find the motivation to open my Bible, and when I do, I end up getting distracted and not actually reading. I literally had one afternoon where my Bible sat open in front of my for three hours before I finally read it. I need some food... I need a drink... I just need to check this one thing online... I just need to message this one person... Finally I ran out of distractions and excuses and started reading, and it was great! Once I started I didn’t want to stop. It turned out that I was craving God’s Word. So why can’t I bring it back into my daily routine? Just because I’m far away from home? Is my self discipline and habits really that weak that they fall apart with change? Okay, so I’ve had a LOT of change, so I guess that’s fair, but I still don’t like it.

It’s the classic thing where if you don’t read your Bible and pray regularly, you’re going to feel distant from God. And that’s exactly what’s happening. My faith is the biggest thing in my life, the biggest rock in my sand jar of priorities. And thankfully, I have a lifetime of faith and Bible reading to fall back on in times of weakness like now. But at the same time, I know that I can’t rely on yesterday’s faith to get me through today’s battles. That my faith and out-workings of it must change and develop as I do. Maybe I had this big idea that if I went to the other side of the world, “Africa”, that I’d be able to hear and see God more clearly. That maybe in the struggle, poverty and hardship, I would see God show up more.

Well, He’s definitely here, but He has some strong opposition. The enemy is at work all around the world, it just looks different. I think maybe I’m under a spiritual attack. Now, that sounds super dramatic, I know, but I do know that when you step out and do something radical for God, you become a target. I feel like I’m being targeted. I’m usually a pretty bubbly person, but if you saw me here, you wouldn’t recognise me. I’m quiet, timid, tired, melancholy and apathetic. I know that you’re supposed to have joy regardless of circumstances, so where is it?

I think above all else, I just feel really lonely and isolated. If I had a friend from home, or even a new friend from another Western country living with me, experiencing the same things I am, maybe I wouldn’t feel so down? When I lived in the USA I had my roommate and exchange student bestie Johanne. When I lived in Singapore I had my ex. But here, I am all alone. Despite being in daily communication with friends and family back home, which I am so grateful for, when it comes down to it, I’m the only one here on the ground, experiencing what I’m experiencing, feeling what I’m feeling. I guess I thought that being alone would draw me closer to God, to be able to hear Him more clearly, like a really challenging and drawn out silent retreat or something, but I’m yet to experience that.

I’m not saying God hasn’t shown up or that He’s nowhere to be seen. I see Him in lots of small and big ways, and I still talk to Him and read the Bible, but perhaps compared to my experience and my expectations, I’m feeling a little disappointed. Okay, a lot disappointed. I’m also getting to the point in my trip where I feel super disgruntled about mission work and the difference we can or can’t make in people’s lives. I look around and I see so many issues and challenges, where do you even begin? Do you tackle hunger, water, poverty, sexual abuse, trafficking, education, orphans... The list goes on... And what about the Gospel? How do you bring that into it all? Jesus feed the 5,000 but He also shared the good news with them.

One of the ways I love connecting with God is through nature. I love sitting on top of a hill or walking along the beach, being in awe of His beautiful creation and just being with Him. My soul can breathe in nature and I can feel Him all around me. Ironically there’s a beach just across the road that I can go to whenever I want, which is usually my favourite thing in the world, but unfortunately here in The Gambia, a white woman can’t go to the beach without being harassed. Okay, harassed is a strong word, but that’s what it feels like. The local men see white women as rich, which isn’t incorrect, and they take any chance they can to try and woo them, to gain a relationship with them and get out of poverty. So I can’t walk down the street and definitely not the beach without constantly being approached and followed by men saying things like, “Hey sexy, where are you from?” “Hello beautiful lady, let me show you around.” “You, woman, what’s your name?” It is so uncomfortable and no matter what you say to them or whether you ignore them, they will continue. It makes me not want to go to the beach because it’s that frustrating and uncomfortable. So what used to be my place of refuge, now feels like somewhere I can’t even go. See, the enemy just loves doing this kind of stuff...

Another issue is that the organisation I’m working with is practically run by one local lady and myself as a volunteer. Working with her is great, but she has just left on a four week trip to the USA to attend a conference and get some training. Sooooo now it’s just me here, in The Gambia, in West Africa, alone, for four freaking weeks... Not ideal! I’m a pretty independent person with tones of initiative. I know how to do some things here, but really all I’m doing is holding down the fort while she is gone. I can’t speak the local language, I’m not part of their culture, I can’t ever fully understand what it’s like to be them. I can’t build relationships with these kids that will last, because I’m heading home at the end of next month. I feel like just another white person who they like for a short time, then I’ll be gone and replaced by another white person. So I start to feel pretty useless, like what I’m doing won’t matter in the long run.

I know that’s a terrible way to look at it, because every single life matters, so every person you influence, inspire or show love to matters. But it’s also hard not to feel overwhelmed, like what I’m doing is just a drop in the ocean. The issues and challenges they face here are so widespread and so hard to change. They have roots that run so deep into their culture, religion, politics, education... everything! How do you help make change when it would take decades of intentional work in so many different areas simultaneously for any real change to happen? How is talking to one class about sexual abuse for three sessions of one hour over the course of a month going to change lives, when their whole culture tells the boys that raping girls is okay and that girls should be quiet about it? How is spending time with four trafficked girls once a week for a month going to change lives when they will just be replaced by other innocent victims in the cycle of human trafficking across the world?

Even as I write this, I know that I can make a difference to their lives, be a positive person in their world who shows them God’s love, but I still feel useless overall. I feel like I can make so much more positive change in my own culture, in my hometown, with people who I know and understand. My youth group, my people. What they really need here is locals like M who are committed long term to seeing culture change. Yes, outsiders like myself can help by bringing fresh ideas, input and support, but unless they’re willing to dedicate their entire lives to the cause, it’s hard to make change. I can also donate funds, but sometimes I feel like that is not helpful in the long run, as it’s not sustainable and means they’re relying on outside support, instead of finding sustainable solutions locally.

I know I’m probably just at the “disgruntled missionary phase”, and that if I came home now I’d just be grumpy about everything, so it’s probably a good thing that I’m staying for another five weeks. But everything within me just wants to be home. Home where I feel safe and loved, where opportunities for impact are endless, where I have my nice spiritual routines and communities, where I won’t be so friggin alone. Maybe I’m also scared, as usual, that something bad out of my control will happen and I’ll be stuck here... Like nuclear war... Yikes, that does scare me. If world war three is going to break out, I’d much rather be in New Zealand than West Africa...

I feel so far away from home, which I literally am. If you got a world map or globe out, you’ll see that I’m literally on the other side of the world... So if I feel a little far from home, it’s because I am! The only familiarity is the ocean, which praise the Lord, I can see from my accomodation. While it is a different ocean on the edge of a different continent, it is a little reminder to me that the world is smaller than I think it is. When I look up at the moon, I know I’m looking at the same moon my friends and family are looking at from home... As cheesy as that sounds, it is another wee reminder to myself, in my completely unfamiliar setting.

But despite the little reminders that, “it’s a small world after all,” I still get very homesick. I actually wrote a blog post about being homesick after two weeks into my travels, but didn’t post it... It was as I was finishing my time in Israel and about to go to Jordan... Wow, that feels like a lifetime ago! Here it is below, a little bit of insight into how I was feeling two months ago and how I’m still feeling now.

I've lived overseas twice before and am pretty well traveled, but I've never before experienced this level of homesickness, particularly not so early on in my travel schedule. As I cry alone at night in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar location, I feel so far from home. My anxiety is always present, constant regardless of what I'm doing. At times I feel high levels of anxiety and can easily get worked up. I cried so much in the months leading up to this trip. Most people don't understand that, as they see it as exciting, which it is, but it's also scary and lonely and unknown. I'm a strong independent woman, don't get me wrong! But I love my people and I love the familiar.

Being away and having home be so far away, feels like lockdown all over again. Being alone, not knowing when you'll next get to see the people you love and return to normal life. I remember the first night of the 2021 lockdown, crying in my bed, physically in pain because I was so upset and alone, not understanding how I would make it through the coming days let alone weeks. I had to tell myself, one day at a time. You'll get through it one day at a time. And that's what I'm trying to tell myself now. It's a lot harder when you're on the other side of the planet though... I'm home in December, which isn't that far away, but it feels Ike a lifetime when it's only been two weeks and I feel this way.

I long to be back in New Zealand with the people I love. To come home to my flatmate Carla, with her cheeky smile and twinkling eyes. To give her the biggest hug ever and never let go. To sit in her doorway at night and discuss life's big questions. To snuggle in bed with my fluffy and adorable cat Charlie, to feel him purring as he lays on my chest. I long to be with my youth group, giggling and laughing, running around doing crazy activities, going on youth group camp, having deep chats, seeing lives changed. I long to go to young adults and house church, and see my friends and talk God stuff. To be vulnerable and experience the ups and downs of life together. I long to be back with my Bridge Valley Bubble, having singalongs in the kitchen with Hannah, watching Sam pulling pranks on Caitlin at morning tea, having deep chats by the fire with Q, telling inappropriate jokes with Dave, and watching Heidi role model being an amazing wife and mum. I long to hold my grandparents wrinkled hands as they say grace before breakfast. To listen as they faithfully pray for those they love each morning and night. I long to sit with my incredible friends around the country, Jess, Emily, Anna, Courtney, Lydia, Vittoria, Tiffany, Hannah, Georgia...To talk and laugh and cry and just be together. I long to see my family. To see my sister's baby bump grow and develop, to help her set up the baby room and attend her baby shower. To see my brother and his partner, to catch up on their time away in Canada visiting her family. To see my dad and dog Obi having quality time on the sofa at night. To catch up with my mum over coffee during a busy work week...

There are so many things I will miss out on, important milestones in people's lives that I care about deeply. But more than that, I'll miss out on the normal, the mundane, the small yet significant moments you can't plan for. The way life is beautiful and painful all at once. I cried so much before I left because I knew how great the life I was leaving was. Why would God ask me to leave? What does He have for me over here that I couldn't learn in New Zealand? It's probably not even about me at all, but the people I'm going to help. I just wish it wasn't so hard.

I know I'm not alone, that God is with me, but not having people physically with me is hard. I really don't like being alone for extended periods of time like this. A day or two is fine, but four months is like torture. My heart hurts because my heart is broken. Little pieces of my heart are scattered around New Zealand.

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years

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Accents I can at least sort of do:

- My own. I think of my own accent as just a generic North American one, which I realize is a problematic concept to begin with as it sets up this one as a default and the rest as the “other”. But to be fair, the global culture set things up that way; it wasn’t my idea. When I listen to people from the United States talk on TV or in real life, I don’t hear a difference between their accent and my own, unless they have a particular regional accent.

I know how people joke about the Canadian accent sounding, and the closest actual accent I’ve heard to that is a Newfoundland accent, or the regional accent you hear in some parts of rural Nova Scotia, particularly on the Eastern Shore. I’m pretty sure most Canadians sound no different from most United States-ians. I think I say “a-bout”, no matter how many times I hear people make the “a-boot” joke, which isn’t offensive or anything but it’s just weird because we don’t do that. Unless there’s some part of my pronunciation that I’m not hearing because it’s my own voice, we don’t do that. But even then, I talk to other Canadians all the time, hear their voices from an outside perspective, and I’m quite sure none of them say “a-boot”.

A few years ago I went to a wedding in New Zealand, in which a Kiwi man married an Aussie woman. We spent two weeks there, traveling around the South Island with guests from the wedding who were about half Kiwi and half Aussie. They all made jokes about each other’s accents, which I found funny because I could not hear the difference between the Kiwi and the Aussie accents. I said it was like Canada and the United States – different countries, same accent. They all informed me that they could tell from my accent that I was Canadian and not American. I thought they were messing with me at first, but they kept insisting that I sounded completely different from United States-ians and I clearly had a Canadian accent. To this day, I don’t know if they were serious or not.

- A Glaswegian accent, but the only things I can say in that accent are lines that Jamie MacDonald said in The Thick of It, all of which I have repeated so many times over the last 10+ years that I think I’ve gotten sort of okay at imitating him, despite my complete inability to do any other accent.

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runnersnz · 30 days

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“I run to engage with my past.

I first went for a run 22 years ago while on an exchange program in Germany. Running hadn’t been part of my life growing up in post-Communist Romania up to that point. The way a Bulgarian friend (also a runner) put it, if you were out running people would think you were being chased by someone. Besides, I was the opposite of a sporty kid — nerdy, plump, uncoordinated. Running somehow, barely stuck with me after that first run with my host family through cherry orchards on the Elbe. I would go for a run in my hometown in Romania about once a week throughout high school.

Life and a scholarship took me to an idyllic university, a liberal arts college in the Northeastern US. That’s where I first encountered running on trails – the paved, flat Norwottowuck Trail connecting Amherst, Massachusetts to Northampton. Running became a more common habit as the stress of university accumulated. It was also a way to deal with my coming out as a gay man and to make sense of what had been my past up to that point.

After university I ended up in graduate school in the San Francisco Bay Area, truly an ideal place for runners of all kinds. I picked up running again on the Stanford Dish trail, the first time I encountered any vert. I also ran my first half marathon then, with a magic crossing of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Running ceased for a while in graduate school. First the structure of the first years of graduate school gave way to a hectic interdisciplinary free-for-all in my research career. Then my father, living in Romania, was diagnosed with terminal stage lung cancer. I went back to Romania 13 times that year to witness his inexorable and unrelenting decline. After he passed I felt like an empty shell and running became my coping mechanism. For about 4 months I did a race every week in various parts of the Bay Area. This is when I ran my first trail half marathons, although I had no idea that’s what they were (I was still wearing road shoes and walking the uphills felt like cheating).

Running became an episodic thing throughout my 30s. I didn’t give it up entirely — even ran two road marathons in the process — but I also wasn’t consistent about it. I started running again when I moved to New Zealand a few years ago, but then the pandemic and its ensuing restrictions killed whatever motivation I had left.

Exactly a year ago, something happened. My partner and I moved back to Wellington, a town which we had missed dearly. I went for a run for the first time in months. Only 3k (or 2 miles — my preferred unit of running measurement) up to Mt Albert and back. I remembered then the long arc of running in my life, which I retold here. I was hooked again and it has stuck since.

Finding community is a big reason why running stuck with me this time. It started with the WoRM Tuesday Spectaculars up Mt Vic and then progressed to Big Sunday Runs. I have met tens of kind and resilient people, who are both encouraging and inspiring in their embrace of adversity. For there is adversity aplenty on trails in the lower North Island! This time I have not been running through perpetual Californian sunshine and on groomed pathways but through winter gloom, horizontal rain and knee deep mud. And despite this I have been at it for a year — the longest continuous bout of sustained physical activity I have ever done in my life.

This kind of running feels less like athletics and more like the kind of tramping I grew up doing with my rock climbing-obsessed older brother and his friends. I can’t say I loved those trips — I was always the slow and uncoordinated one, but after the WUU2k half I finally understood why my brother had himself gotten into trail running, to the point of organizing events. I have run many races since, including several ultras. After the Tarawera 50k I was able to join my brother and nephew on the UTMB index, which now serves as a kind of friendly family league tables, connecting our achievements on opposite sides of the Earth.

Running provides a metaphorical trail through a hectic personal history. It connects me to people and places that are part of who I am. Every time I get out I get to explore this trail a bit further.” Bogdan @bogdanstate (Wellington) Photo taken on the Kepler Track, Te Anau – Portraits of Runners + their stories @RunnersNZ

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allovertheworldblog · 2 months

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New Zealand

I spent two months travelling all over New Zealand, the youngest country on earth, during their winter.

I call them the youngest country as it was the last of the big islands on earth to be inhabited by humans.

Once upon a time the landmass on the earth was one.

Over time it separated.

New Zealand just kept going and ended up at the bottom of the world.

It took until about 800 years ago for the first inhabitants, the Maori, to land up in their canoes and establish colonies there.

I didn’t know what to expect from the New Zealand winter or from the county itself.

I didn’t know much about the country, what it was all about, the difficulties they face, the lives they lead.

It turned out that New Zealand is much like anywhere else in the world, in many respects, people getting on with their own lives.

But in other ways they’re out on their own.

The first hint I got of this was in the airport.

I hung around the airport for an hour and a half.

Sometimes even the most uncomfortable airport can be more comfortable than the unknown-ness of a new city.

I was trying to access the internet and find out if a CouchSurfing request I’d made had come through, it hadn’t.

I’d said to myself that I’d try to use CouchSurfing because I’d only heard positive things about it from other travellers and because New Zealand would be the ideal place because there’d be no language difficulties.

Anyway the request didn’t come through because the host was away on business and couldn’t access the internet.

The lack of free wifi in the airport surprised me a bit, as did the airport.

For a city of a similar size to my home town, Dublin, I expected Auckland airport to be a big affair, it wasn’t.

It all seemed very temporary, insubstantial.

Off I went to the city to find a hostel by bus transfer.

No city bus goes to the airport for whatever reason and the city isn’t reachable by train from the airport.

At the hostel they told me that I’d have to pay for wifi, by the minute. Even in some of the poorest counties in South America hostels provide free wifi, not so in New Zealand. Many provide a free towel, some even provide a free breakfast, not so in New Zealand.

New Zealand is out on it’s own, geographically.

This isolation shapes their economy and the services available.

Prior to the accession of their former masters, the United Kingdom, into the European family, they were closely linked economically to the small island on the other side of the world.

They drove British cars and sold their wool, lamb and butter to the British.

This all changed in 1973 when the UK joined the European Economic Community.

New Zealand thought they’d be ok.

They borrowed a lot and built up their indigenous industries but they couldn’t find new markets.

They were too small to compete and too far away.

Then in 1984 the newly elected Labour government opened the books and saw what was wrong, they were headed for the poorhouse.

Against their political tradition the Labour government set about major right wing reforms.

Their reforms dubbed ‘Rogernomics’ ,named after the finance minister Roger Douglas, mirrored Reganomics, which were in full swing in the US at the time.

Since then it seems that everything in New Zealand has to run at a profit and everything has to be paid for, hence no free wifi.

In this sense the Kiwis have a very US minded attitude to their economic thought.

It would probably be the only way though that they follow the Americans, other than their love of fast food.

The Kiwis are a modest people, they don’t have to pride that you find in formerly dominant nations, the vanity of parvenu nations.

They’re happy that they know who they are.

New Zealand is the type of country where children, by and large, say 'please’ and 'thank you’ without being prompted.

#travel #culture

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everythingbap · 4 months

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🎤 Interview: ‘Alien warrior’ B.A.P “Blonde, it doesn’t suit…”

“Warrior gives courage as a highlight of the song. It gives courage to the one in their 10′s and 20′s.”

Tough rookie group B.A.P has arrived with six members, Bang Yongguk (22), ZELO (16), Himchan (22), Daehyun (19), Youngjae (18), Jongup (17).

Their first single album ‘워리어(Warrior)’ was released on the 26th last month sold out 10,000 copies two days after release. Hitting the World Billboard chart at number 10, having a crowd of 3,000 for their debut showcase stage and broadcasted for 1 hour on a cable show. Fan-cafe has exceeded 20,000 members just 3 weeks after debuting.

Deserved to be called ‘Super Rookies’. Group name stands for 베스트(Best)-앱솔루트(Absolute)-퍼펙트(Perfect).

▶ Underground Hip Hop Musician, Traditional Music… all joined together

“Hello. I am Bang Yongguk. I participated in making the lyrics for this album.” and the other members introduced themselves after that.

“My hobbies are rap beat-boxing, and I like to go skateboarding as well. I think that it will give strength to your thighs.” (ZELO)

“Majoring in traditional music. Knows how to play the guitar, piano and drum. Into korean traditional music(恨). But I like both traditional music and African-American music.” (Himchan)

“Is from Busan. Trying a lot to fix my accent. It was hard at first but at the end, getting used to the Seoul dialect.” (Daehyun)

“I’m going to show an impersonation. I will follow what appeared in Gag Concert by Choi HyoJong-ssi. Ae-mae-hab-ni-da-ing~!” (Youngjae)

“I like to dance and, my hobby is listening to music. My favorite type of dancing is street dancing. Among them, I like b-boy. Have been dancing since first year of middle school.” (Jongup)

Bang Yongguk was part of a famous hiphop musician in Hongdae. Was the first B.A.P member introduced through Untouchable sunbae a year and a half ago. Then was joined by traditional music and model Himchan, Daehyun from Busan, dancer Jongup, Emotional vocalist Youngjae and maknae ZELO. B.A.P practiced together for about a year. They’ve been practicing 16 hours in a day prior to their debut.

This album’s title track ‘Warrior’ has an intense beat and talking about social criticism in their lyric. Bang Yongguk’s bass rap that blends in with ZELO’s high-speed rap, Jongup’s splendid dance, vocalist Daehyun and Youngjae and Himchan’s unexpected level of vocal ability.

Reminding us of 1990′s popular group H.O.T.’s ‘Warrior’s Descendant’. Kangta, Moon Heejun, Jang Woohyeok, Tony Ahn, Lee Jaewon who were representating the Korean wave.

“It’s an honor to be compared with H.O.T. Idols nowadays have a sweet-boyfriend images. We want to be different from other group and not include ourselves in the same plot.” (Yongguk)

When asked if they can go beyond H.O.T., Himchan said “It would be more than enough to go beyond them”. Bang Yongguk added “So we want to work harder”.

▶ The stage collapsing incident, “Come one more time”

In the chorus part ‘Warrior’ there is a part where they stomp. Once during a music program pre-recording, the stage floor could not handle the dance and collapsed.

“The sound of the foot was like the New Zealand Maori warrior. It was really powerful and I would like the stage to collapse once more in the future. I didn’t mean to do it but the dance is meant to have a powerful strength in it.” (Yongguk)

The secret to the powerful dance is “bapsim (A traditional Korean meal which consists of rice and side dishes),” said Youngjae.

“We practiced for the showcase at 4:00AM the day before it. The boss gave us meat and rice to eat then went to sleep till the morning. It’s not that we don’t want to eat the meat but, since it came from the boss it’s precious.” (Youngjae), “A person eats in about 2-3 minutes.” (Yongguk)

Called the ‘Big Rookies’ as soon as you debuted. Do you feel pressured?

“At first, it was the burden to think of how the 3,000 seats to be filled for the showcase.” (Daehyun)

“I was surprised. I was touched to see that there was that much people who wanted to see us. We felt good after knowing that all our efforts would be put into a good use. We will show you a better image from us. The press have also showed interest in our efforts” (Yongguk)

Right now we have successfully got through our debut stage safely but, a singer has gone through a tough road and obstacles.

“At first, I went to a local broadcasting talent show (Jeollanam-do, Mokpo). I formed a team with my friends and we wanted to do both rapping and dancing. We joined in as the Game Item. It was in my 4th year of elementary school. The stage literally exploded. My parents was against it at first but they saw the passion in me later on.” (ZELO)

“I wanted to join Music Academy but they needed a 30 point average grade or more. I had a bet with my mom about the test scores. In my 3rd year of Middle School, I scored 43 points for my mid-term and 80 points for my finals.” (Youngjae)

“I am a part of a Hongdae Club since my 3rd year of Middle School, performing hip hop in the streets. I went from being a hip hop artist to being an idol singer, I was determined to take up such a sight. Even if I change little by little, I will prove to you.” (Yongguk)

“Right now near the company in Hannam-dong a ‘luxurious’ 4-floor villa is where we live.” (Himchan), “On the 4 floor villa we used to live in the basement, I was glad that we live on the 4th floor. That’s why it’s luxurious.” (Yongguk), “Living underground was fun. All of it was good memories.” (Himchan)

▶ Fashion of the alien warrior…“The face is too dark showing sadness”

B.A.P’s blonde hair is the focus, and wore army suits as they go on stage. They look like they’ve come out from a Japanese manga Dragonball with an alien warrior atmosphere. They’ve showed a concept of an alien ready to conquer the earth through their showcase.

“For a cable program, we appear as aliens. Our hairs are dyed to give a more alien look.” (Youngjae)

“As rookies, our hairs were dyed blonde to show an atmosphere that we are one team.” (Daehyun)

But with ‘Power of Blonde’, the members of the team feels like they don’t have an individual personality.

“Sometimes fans cant tell who is who. Music broadcast camera director also gets confused.” (Youngjae), “I knew I was supposed to dye my hair. Looking in the mirror, I wanted to say ‘This dye doesn’t suit me. There is also a black Korean!’.” (Himchan)

Because of the blonde color it makes the skin looks darker to the hyungs and unlike ZELO who is smiling brightly. “Everyone says it is me who suits the blonde. I believe I do too.” (ZELO), “Back then, I don’t see it suits anyone.” (Himchan)

To give a feeling of warrior, your eyes are covered in dark make up. “It’s hard to wash away the eye-make up. I’m learning how to erase them.” (Himchan)

Members who wants the group to specialize in music, fashion and dance.

“Our dream is to be a global group. There is where we came out with ‘Conquer the Earth’, so we are going to work hard. In 2012, our wish is to win the Rookie Award in the Award Ceremony. Please cheer on us.” (All)

#120217 #interview #yongguk #daehyun #youngjae #jongup #zelo #b.a.p

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the-firebird69 · 1 year

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It's a massive show no it's a few morons wandering around him thinking moronic s*** doing moronic s*** and boy do they look and sound really really horrendously stupid. It is probably the worst act of the year and it's the worst day to have it truthfully they don't understand the time it is they're saying The world Is ours some of these gifted for. And they just lost half their army and territory it's more than half they were doing better over there and right now their numbers are dwindling here in the Western hemisphere. Because they're fighting the people that run the third of the fleet over there and that detachment is returning shortly part of it's here and they feel ballsy and they're going to start hitting you stupid circus freaks is what they say because you're ruin their gay and you're ruin your time and they're going to make it stand because they want to try for Tommy f

Thor Freya

I have sunsets the max let him try for Tommy f and they say you don't know what they're doing I'll say well that would have to be another negotiation. Don't think about it but then he says it looks like you get in trouble so he wants to abstain but we know is that's a still a good chunk it's probably 10% of the fleet if you include all of them because of sweet grew tremendously and is the gigantic fleet right now. The 10% is locked that's one out of 10 ships it's enough to really cause a lot of problems and it is an idea because it probably run in there like the button heads. And that is Paul and he was black a minute ago has the same shirt on and trunk really fast what I know is it's probably not possible and it's true. So he's saying he's shrugging It off and as in the revolution is still go so they're going to go to Australia New Zealand and they'll be past. And they're going to lose badly. And right now it looks really bad it's an ugly situation for them.

And it's good to know that we were separate people talking and then they started talking about negotiations and it's going well better than we thought and it was strenuous and really they should be negotiated with because they have firepower and they have skill and they toasted these assholes like they hate him because they do the other ones are the same cloth and it got right in there and invest them up expose them everyday and you're so dumb they just keep doing it. So they will be opportunity but our friend says he'll probably just run in there and that's no place to run into might even go to Australia to try and take over so that's kind of what's going on. Good morning that's awful it's like a sudden power loss. And our friend says scary monster movie and when you lose power and it turns his fat ass weird people and so it's kind of funny because they don't want to do that but they have a way of saying it it might do the movie just to do that cuz it'll be in Australia and think everyone will have to bow to them

Mac

So garth's not laughing. And you say he's more immune to the scans but the amount was messing me up so he's up there all jazzed up trying to get a little tired but he felt pretty good on the way down he's scaring his family is nothing this guy is pretty strong okay I've seen him in action going down there and we'll probably do this movie cuz because it's kind of funny and it means our end and nobody really gets it and that's also funny everything's so cool and stuff cuz they're changing so fast really people are digging around with us and they don't know it they just completely clueless and it'll be nice for them to know okay and holy s*** it's kind of funny it went in there for 5 seconds and it's Tommy f we came out with this big fat ass you're supposed to have a ton of power so we have to like look into that our friend says it's because he's engaged it doesn't mean he's lost he's having trouble with the power and it's quite different than what's happening to us

Garth

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lindsaystravelblogs1 · 1 year

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Days 55 to 57 - En Route to NZ

Day 55, Thursday, 9 February 2023

We are now really just filling in time until we get to New Zealand and head for home. Life on board is pretty routine, punctuated by set times for meals and a couple of lectures each day.

It is actually quite comfortable just sailing along, occasionally rolling a little, but often quite smooth. It is surprising how quickly the sea conditions change. Within ten or fifteen minutes, it can go from quite choppy to a millpond – or the reverse – but I have not needed any mal-de-mer medications for the whole trip. I took a Quells twice early in the trip just in case I got sick, but never needed them even when the sea was most excited – and exciting. I really revelled in the rougher weather and we had quite a bit. It has been surprisingly sunny day after day when the expectation was wet and gloomy, but we also had a few wonderful storms and a great deal of snow from time to time – much more than I have seen before. And the temperatures are now consistently above zero, although the ‘feels like’ rating is still in the low minuses – 3 to 5 mainly.

We had another general knowledge quiz in which Heather came second and pipped me by one point, but George beat her by three. He is a very smart cookie. That was followed by the Captain spending 70-odd minutes of his allocated 55 explaining why this ship is the best ever built and that it includes a dozen or more first-in-the-world innovations. Sounded very impressive even if I only understood half of it.

They have been running daily dance classes and craft workshops in the past week or so but we are not really interested – but Heather enjoys the cooking classes although most things are a bit elaborate and often too rich for our palate. W have not used either pool, the spa, sauna or Snow Room and we have avoided the gym quite assiduously. There have also been a couple of cocktail-making sessions and we have participated in them – and their product. There are always a couple of other food and drink opportunities during the afternoon as well as the three bars and one Detox bar (that doesn’t get a lot of patronage!).

There was a second caviar-tasting session during the afternoon and a lecture about the French Dumont d’Urville Station and its first overwintering.

After dinner there was a Cabaret – very slick and professional with amazing lighting and effects. There are a few musicians a singer and a couple of other ‘gymnast/acrobats’ on the ship (under contract) and they put on a great show for us. We hadn’t intended going, but did so at the last minute – so glad we did. It was a great performance, particularly the musician and the athletic dancing.

Day 56, Friday, 10 February 2023

Mum’s birthday today – she would be 108 if she was still with us. Sadly……. But I still think of her most days.

Another day at sea and it held the promise of the best birding day as we approached Campbell Island. The Captain had promised to call us early so we could see the Island (although for some reason, he said we could not approach closer than two-and-a-half-miles – we landed and walked across the island three years ago!) but he failed to keep his promise. He later said it was a bit foggy so he decided that we wouldn’t want to see it or its birds!

I went out on deck for an hour or so and explored numerous observation points, but it was pretty cold and drizzling so I eventually retreated indoors – and then they locked us in completely because it was a bit rough outside. They really are ultra-cautious and seem to think that zero risk is more important than client experience – but at least this time, we could get out on our balcony for a while until they came around and locked them too. As it happened, there were very few birds anyway in what was the bird-richest area on our last trip down here.

I was out on deck while Heather went to a session about the results of the science undertaken on board this trip. We toured the laboratories a couple of weeks ago and they were quite impressive – as were the scientists and the projects they are working on.

Heather went to another cooking class while I tried to identify some of the birds I had photographed before they locked us in.

After lunch, there was a lecture about a French Explorer that few Aussies have heard about despite a French Station being named for him almost due south from Australia. He is Jules Dumont d’Urville and he put France on the Antarctic map – a very impressive leader and explorer.

Late in the afternoon, we had a presentation by the helicopter pilot about NZ Flight 901 that crashed on Mt Erebus in 1979. He gave us a lot of information about the plane, the flight, the ground support, and the Government Enquiries in the aftermath. He had obviously done quite a bit of research, but equally obviously, he believes he knows better than the enquiries and sheets the blame on everyone except the pilots. As outsiders, we don’t have an opinion, but 237 people died as a result of numerous human errors – we are just not quite sure which humans were most to blame.

Day 57, Saturday, 11 February 2023

It was another day at sea with just one lecture in the morning. It was about Mawson and it was possibly something the Aussies were waiting for. It was a good lecture and although we knew the story, there were lots of snippets we didn’t know and it put more of it into perspective for us.

During the afternoon, there was a briefing about tomorrow’s land tours and final disembarkation early on Monday. It seems they just want us off the ship and left to our own devices as soon as possible with no assistance in getting to the airport. There were a couple of options where they would help if we topped up their coffers – about $AU600 per person for a private ride, but a combined maximum of three items of luggage (we have six) or a group transfer for about $AU400 per person with the same luggage restrictions – and neither options load your baggage for you. You have to do it yourself. We have opted for a shuttle into the city where we can get a cab to the airport – there are apparently no cabs at the port!

Then they drew a raffle to which we had not contributed – a good job we saved our money because we didn’t win anyway! That was followed by the announcement of the winners of the Photo Competition. There were four categories – Blue, Wildlife, the Ship and Landscape. There were some great photos but none of mine got anywhere. One guy won in two categories – but I wasn’t particularly rapt in his Wildlife pic – I reckon several others were better than his. He was just lucky that he hit the shutter while a penguin was still in the air hopping onto an icefloe.

There was then a long final recap – over two hours – but it was quite brilliant. Most of the Expedition Team gave a little summary of their aspect of the trip, often adding a bit more, including several video clips. One was from WIFFA 2022 – the Winter International Film Festival of Antarctica – an annual film festival of films made entirely during the dark months by people overwintering in Antarctica. It is open to all Antarctic Stations and is a really big event with some absolutely brilliant films – look them up and watch on the web. There was also an amazingly creative short video made by one of our on-board naturalists. It is hard to describe but it traced a strange wriggly line around the screen, that eventually transformed into the outline of a photo she had taken during the voyage. All the images were then linked into a powerful conservation message – strong and creative. No idea how it was done but quite brilliant.

And after dinner, the crew put on an absolutely inspiring show that they had created together during the voyage. There was some very energetic dancing, several instrumental and vocal musical performances and some funny skits. The one that really got to me was a superb rendition of Ave Maria by one of the male scientist – in the most fantastic high falsetto. He could put Ivan Rebroff, maybe even Kiri, to shame. I reckon he could go professional tomorrow – absolutely beautiful.

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