#which is fuckin wild to me but anyway--

[zerodaryls]

hmm y’know what. i think i’m actually gonna go ahead and be obnoxiously kindhearted.

#i was teased for being a Goody Two Shoes & etc so much as a kid #this whole backwards idea that it's weird and uncool to be good?? #which is fuckin wild to me but anyway-- #Goodness is subjective and i don't believe Goodness is the same thing i was taught it was when i was a conservative christian #but i've realized i still carry a bit of that shame for being nice??? #as if being nice is in any way shameful shdjfhsjfhs #and maybe no one actually IS trying to shame me for it #but i still have that weird mentality that like. it's not Cool to be Kind #it's not Cool to work on yourself and work through your anger and fear so you can respond with love and kindness #and i don't wanna be holier than thou bc i'm fuckin NOT and holiness as a concept is dumb shdjfhsdjf #but like. imagine a world where we actually encouraged each other to grow and mature and be fucking nice #or kind. bc i know these days people like to differentiate between Nice and Kind #where Nice is like. being conflict avoidant and letting people be toxic so you can 'keep the peace' #i don't wanna do that. but i want to be fucking Kind. #i want to treat every goddamn person i encounter with Love as a basis for my side of the interaction #even if they're being shitty to me #like imagine how powerful it'd feel to meet someone's unkindness with kindness #every time i see strangers on the internet do that to their bullies i'm like. damn that's what it's all about isn't it. #wishing growth and joy and love on people who struggle to show the same to you #that's how i wanna fuckin be #and i can already hear the internal That's So Lame LMAO Fuckin Hippie rant in my head #because i've absorbed so much of that negativity both online and off #but like. i think i'm just gonna go ahead and reject that and embrace the hippie love shit. #because the angry scared trauma response isn't actually working for me so like. #i'mma try leaning into love. see how that goes. #<33333

[front-facing-pokemon]

#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this #also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background… #and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids #in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game #the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who #really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks #phantump #HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all #and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible #and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images #i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha #i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said #“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this #and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that #once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine #i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a #script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the #queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them #then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses #because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here #just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially #made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is) #so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened #i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now

[todayisafridaynight]

About Judgment: In short, I think RGGS was intending to continue the series. There were indeed rumors at one point that the series would end at Lost Judgment due to a disagreement with Kimura's agency, Johnny & Associates, about porting the games to PC--I'm unclear on why, there was speculation but I don't think it was ever stated. Obviously the PC ports are out now, so either that wasn't the issue or they moved past it. There's also just general disbelief around there being a third entry simply because there's this idea (joke?) that Kimura never does three of anything, which isn't true at this point. It is true RGGS historically hasn't done three of anything in terms of spinoff series (Kurohyou, Mobile+Kizuna, and arguably Kenzan+Ishin), but it's also true that none of their past spinoffs have been as successful as Judgment, and we're seeing a lot of "firsts" from the studio lately. The fact is that Yokoyama himself said something along the lines of "and of course, we won't forget about Judgment" (not literally, just the closest English expression I can think of that can be misinterpreted in the way I'm about to explain) while talking about future works. But for some reason, people took it as if he meant it "in mourning" rather than an obvious confirmation of more to come, I guess? A TV show was also announced, so I really don't get why they'd invest so much into a series they were going to end. I know Kurohyou got a show too, but this seems different. Anyway, that's the most recent information, but it's from some years ago. There is a major new development, however: J&A talents' contracts are being cancelled left and right as of the last couple of months due to the agency's dogshit handling of and response to an investigation into Johnny Kitagawa's serial abuse of allegedly hundreds of his talents. That's been going on since the man died in 2019, basically, but a lot's happened this year.

This has left the talents with the incredibly tough decision of either remaining at an agency that refuses to even change its name and is rapidly breaking down or leaving. It has historically been very difficult to do the latter. On top of what you'd expect, J&A controls their talents to an insane degree and has leveraged their control of the media to suppress the careers of those who leave.

Broadly, in terms of how media companies have responded so far, I understand not wanting to associate with J&A and that J&A would likely benefit from the contracts more than the talents, but it still feels like the talents are the ones being punished... I have to imagine at least some of them were victims, so to be victims of the blacklist on top of that... That, and some of these companies kept the truth from coming out for decades.

With J&A losing its foothold in the media, though, there may be no better time than now to leave the agency. I don't know if Kimura will--rumors have been circulating ever since his idol group were forced to break up years and years ago, but while they all went independent, he never has--especially because a lot of seniors like him feel a responsibility to stay and change the agency for the better. As of right now, I'm not aware of Kimura's contracts getting cancelled, so I can't say one way or another if that'd have an effect.

I don't know what happens from here. I'm not sure if RGGS will look at it as collaborating with J&A or with Kimura or both, and how they'll factor in what's going on right now into working with him. Hypothetically, it would be possible to continue the series even without Kimura (any of the other mains do or would make great protagonists), but at the same time, Judgment is hugely reliant on Kimura's charisma. That's why people who play the dub (or people who don't like Kimura) often come away with the impression Yagami's kind of a dick or doesn't stand out much.

So... that's the state of Judgment right now. We won't know until we know, I guess.

OHHHHH OK saucy... sucks about J&A- it'd be cool if yk. they could face the consequences of their actions LMAO but that Could involve displacing hella workers now wouldnt it

#snap chats #well i hope something neat is done with judgement. again i have barely touched it but it does seem like a rad series.. #rgg #anyway... unrelated tag ramble time... i feel so ugly LMAO i just havent eaten yet. im makin rice now tho #Insane we had a roommate meeting x days ago and one of the agreed upon things was that we could use each others appliances #and one of my roommates brought a rice cooker but obvi i wanted to ask first but she said no so. gotta use a pot. of which ive never done #it shouldnt be hard tho... lol.. s'just rice.. #im technically supposed to be at class rn but im dropping it this week so id feel weird going to a three-hour class im not coming back to #heres to hoping my fuckin emails are answered or ill actually have to be an adult and do it myself LMAO #honestly i will later tonight if my email aint answered i hate waiting on stuff like this #after i Hopefully eat some fried rice balls i might doodle or i might practice some Y7 chapters #im still mad LMAO but im gonna make a ramble post in a sec bout that #ty for sharin the gossip with me thats wild.... agencies annoying as hell And Criminal Sometimes i SWEARR

[oflgtfol]

im happy to announce that my back does not hurt like it used to anymore. dare i say it even doesnt hurt at all anymore

#i seem to be more flexible now too? like more flexible than i have been for like. the past few years #like i can actually twist around to crack my back #i normally can barely twist my back before im in pain #cracking my back is 1. possible again and 2. actually feels good instead of feeling like im ripping my body apart lol #which is so fucking wild bc i expected my big ass fuckin round trip road trip upstate was gonna fuck my body up even more #everyone at my job was concerned about my back and i was like naur i'll go to the doctor after the eclipse trip #i dont want them telling me to not sit in a car for hours on end bc then i'll feel guilty for doing this #i want plausible deniability.. i'll go to the doctor AFTER the trip #but then i noticed halfway through the trip that actually i wasnt even in pain anymore #and now today i noticed how flexible i am suddenly #like what ?!??!?! #where did this improvement come from and why did it happen AFTER the event i thought would make it worse #brot posts #anyway bye im sick of being on tumblr again i miss only posting like once a day. i need to stop posting again i hate posting

[boyobjectifier]

everything i’ve learned about or seen of jerma has been against my own will

#this isn’t even meant in a derogatory or bad way! i just didn’t even know who the hell jerma was before i made this specific blog #like he’s funny? i’m just so confused about him as a person and as a concept #i genuinely feel like he just. popped up outta nowhere and now i keep seeing him everywhere and i can identify his face #which is WILD to me because i’m pretty fuckin faceblind. #i’ve never even seen any of this dude’s videos. only video clips and awful screencaps. how the fuck- #anyway…… #h.txt

[broke-on-books]

DAMN WHAT THE HELL BARIQHRIQRHAUSHASHW !?!?!?!!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!

#oh my god. anyways fun thing about college there are so many new ways that it can compliment you????? #anyways got the grade for my english paper back which like 💪💪💪💪 yeah i got the A. 😎😎😎 honestly i didnt i would have been pissed bc #that shit WAS brilliant actually but THEN my professor was like in the comments hey if you wanted you could edit this and submit it to this #fuckin. peer reviewed journal and shit like i thought it was really good“ like SIR?!?!?!?!?!? SIR!?!?!?!?!?! #its an undergrad one obviously but this is insane to me wth #he said submission closes next week but the site says thats when its opening so ill probably wait and #decide over break after talking to my parents #but thats absolutely wild #also the complements thing is crazy #like in hs its me: does smth smart someone: oh thats so smart #but then in COLLEGE i do smth smart and people start asking me to TA and submit to academic publications ahfiahdhahs #wild. anyways i need to turn in this other paper now which is what i was SUPPOSED TO BE DOING before i checked my email. anyways thats wild #i may honestly submit if i can becaused seeing if i could get published would be SICK #and would look fucking awesome on my resume. also bragging rights and the ego boost bc lets be real #esp at 18 thats wild teehee. anyways need to do real work not theoretical work atm so yeah ✌️ bye #blah

[realcowboysdrinkjuice]

barely anyone follows me so this will get zero notes but i do not care i am so excited and need to share this somewhere

I GOT MY FIRST COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE LETTER!!!!! FOR THE UK!!!!! SO NO MATTER WHAT THE OTHERS SAY I HAVE A YES!!! AND IM SO EXCITED HOLY SHIT!!!! ITS ALL I WANTED!!!!!!

and i was so fucking scared especially with covid making my gap year long and making everything scarier but i did it and no matter what happens i have a place to go and things are finally moving forward again and holy fuvk i’m going to study illustration overseas like i wanted to before shit went BAD because OOF CLASS OF 2021 NOT A GOOD YEAR especially not a good year in the united states of america where they didnt do jack all to try and prevent it DEAR GOD !!!! bUT OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

usually i’d yell to my family but everyone is asleep oops because it’s almost 6 am my sleep schedule is WRECKED RN so nobody is awake and i did. text anyway cause it was big enough to do it anyways but i was still just yelling into the void so i’m yelling into the void here too

#anyway that’s all now i’ll go back to not making my own posts ever #my post #i’m so fucking happy i opened my email cause ever since i applied in june i developed a subconscious habit of just opening my email and #refreshing it whenever i run out of things to do #so i just occasionally idly refresh my inbox without even thinking #and i did the same like thirty minutes ago not expecting anything cause i wasn’t even thinking #and i was like huh. an email from zoom. that’s annoying and oH MY GOD WHAT IS UNDERNEATH IT #but i know it’s imposter syndrome but i was genuinely so fucking terrified id get five nos and be stuck #because you can’t apply again on the website till the next school year #so if i got five nos i genuinely wouldn’t be able to apply again for the full year #and i already will be 21 when i start which feels fucked even though i know logically that’s okay like calm down aging isn’t bad it’s okay #it’s okay and it’s understandable there was a fucking pandemic ofc the gap year went off #still wild that my sister started college a year before me cause it’s her first year this year and my first will be next year #but yeah #but i know it was the imposter syndrome but i was still so fuckin scared #so getting my first response and it being a yes genuinely brought me to tears #i should have kept writing the post this is all just the same flavor as the post was just in the tags instead

[skapediem]

you will mention dog breeds i have never even heard of i think sometimes they dont exist until you say their name and now youve willed them into existence...

:D this might be one of my favourite things someones ever said about me..... im obviously a guy who was super normal about dogs in his childhood

#ask #lawyerkitty #^ my prep teacher came into my work at a few months ago and told me she still remembers a poster about dogs i made when i was like. 6 #which included very detailed descriptions of the fuckin. amniotic fluid theyre born into. obviously NORMAL !!! enough occurence to #remember for 13 years LOL #i genuinely didnt realise most people werent that into knowing dog breeds til a few years ago man... was sitting in a park with some of my #mates waiting for the rest of them to show up and i was just listing off all the breeds that went past n they seemed really surprised by it #wild times #anyway thank you rio im gonna hold this very close to my heart #what dogs have i been enjoying lately....... basenji puppies. have you seen them

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

'You Are Of Their Ilk' has just passed 30k hits. I would just like to take a moment to say, ahem:

HOW IN THE FUCK?!

Anyway now that that's out of the way uhhhhhhhhhh wow I feel like I should do something for this? I mean I'm working on a new chapter for it and I hope to wrap up the whole fic relatively soon, but like hot damn. It's already been almost four months since I last updated because I had an idea for where it was going next but I completely changed the next chapter up when I didn't like how it was going (story of the entire fic, tbh). Idk man I just. This fic is SUCH a struggle for me to write most of the time and it just blows me away that it's my most popular fic by MILES. It has a solid 10,000 hit lead on my second most popular fic (by hits) which is 'All Dreams Were Worth Keeping'. I don't know what it is about 'Ilk' that gets people's consistent attention when I barely ever update it and it's been going for like a year and a half at this point at a snail's pace but uhhhhh yeah. That's a Thing. That I'm very happy about and very confused by, simultaneously lol

#personal #You Are Of Their Ilk #It's still so strange to me sometimes what ends up being popular vs what I think is my best work #or what I'm most satisfied / happy with #And like how fics of similar lengths or that update much more regularly or whatever other criteria you can think of #get such different levels of attention #it's fuckin wild man #Another wangxian fic but with a bunch of world building and blending with another piece of media? (the BOTW AU) roughly 1/5th of Ilk's hits #'You Need Tending'? The first fic that Ilk is the sequel to? Just under half the hit count of Ilk #Like idk it's just WEIRD #And I wish I could ask everyone individually what it is specifically about Ilk that draws them in cuz I really can't tell #Other than my perpetual agenda to give people LQR feels and using adorable baby wangxian as my vehicle for it #which now that I think about it....yeah that would get me too lol that's why I'm writing it #ANYWAY sorry for the rambling I'm just flabbergasted #floored. flummoxed. Other good words

[gxlden-angels]

the only person who was actually right about the world and human nature was Max striner everyone else is a fucking moron

Striner? I hardly know 'er!

Anyways, I'm not a philosophy expert. I'm just some guy. I like the egoist belief that there isn't a universal moral truth. I like the absurdist belief that, because nothing matters, we should be radically sincere. I like the christian belief in a place without suffering after this life. I like the Universal Random Number Generator idea my therapist and I talk about

All of them have their flaws though. Egoism gets used to condemn social movements and civil rights advocacy. Absurdism and the RNG can create a sense of existential dread and a loss of motivation. Christianity encourages the loss of identity and free will

I'm just some psych student with a weird ass therapist that understands my weird ass brain. He encouraged me to look into absurdism since I took a class on absurdist literature my freshman year of college and he said I might enjoy looking into the actual philosophy. And I do! At least a lot of it! I like the idea of a chaotic universe and us humans trying our best to control it. I like the idea of letting that go and living authentically instead of with a direct purpose. There's chaos and mayhem and entropy and I'm just here to react to it. And I can react in ways that makes others happier if I wanted just because I can

Egoism/egotism feels too disconnected from the human need to connect to me. It traps me into that feeling that doing something good for someone is selfish if you're doing it to feel good. I'm actively working to get out of that spiral Christianity put me in now

I don't know, though, anon. I'm just some college student with an ex-christian tumblr blog and a lot of trauma. I like to believe there's some Universe-sized Abstract Computer with a random number generator that causes the chaos we call home. I skim wiki pages and reddit posts and decided if I want to engage any further/look for textbooks. I could possibly be looking at the wrong page about the wrong philosophy. I'm honestly just on this earthly plane for the bit

#if y'all are into philosophy I encourage y'all to look into it still just because it's interesting #As I understand it egoism/egotism is the belief that you only control one's own actions and awareness #and that all actions done by one's self is meant to benefit their own well-being #For me it sends me into a guilt spiral of worrying I'm not a good person because I feel good making others happy #because that would be selfish and that would make me bad actually #all of which I know if black and white thinking and we're all a little selfish sometimes. it's good for us #Im just not at a place where I can really dive into that #Im a fan of absurdism because of my commitment to the bit #It's essentially the idea that the universe is chaotic and life doesn't matter/there's no purpose to life #And you can respond by finding a higher power/religion/purpose. endgame. or live life pushing against the chaos #Modern absurdism gives further options but I haven't quite learned enough to fully explain them yet #And given the nature of my blog I obviously didn't like religion nor am I secretly a ghost #So I like the idea of having no actual purpose I have to follow (like being christ like) #but this belief is also not for everyone. it's known to cause existential dread and crises #I loved absurdist literature though. My favorite is Beckett's plays they're so fuckin funny in a dark way #I love finding humor and committing to the bit in times of stress. That's essentially what this blog is lol #also there's 750 of y'all now that's fucking wild #anyways I hope y'all enjoyed my ramblings about philosophy since it's been a bit of a growing hyperfixation lol #don't take this as a conversion attempt I actively am saying don't look into these things unless you enjoy philosophy #If y'all really like my absurdism rambles tho I'll write more about it but only if y'all ask. i'm not tryna influence y'all lol #ex christian #religious trauma #ask tag

[nothingweirdhere]

yesterday, for the first time in my life, i told people who had never met me pre-transition that i’m trans… kinda wild ngl

it’s very weird to be like “hey btw i’m trans, no i don’t mean i want you to start calling me a new name/pronouns, you’ve already been using the correct ones, i’m just letting you know”

#lol one of the people i told was like ‘wait so you’re a girl??? but in a man’s body??’ #and i’m like 😳 omg you really do think i’m amab #(she was so confused for a sec hsjsjsk) #(cuz i’m like ‘yeah he/him pronouns etc etc’) #(and she’s there like ‘wait wtf i thought ur trans????’) #(took us a minute to figure out where the miscommunication was xD) #(english isn’t her first language so that didn’t help lololol. we got there in the end tho!) #but yeah. wild! #they had no idea which makes me very happy ngl #i mean i knew i passed. but i kinda expected that people who i’d been around for a while would be like #‘ohhhhhh that makes sense. so that’s why you’re Like That’ #cuz i’m pretty fuckin fruity #but they did already know that i’m queer. just not that i’m trans #so anyway take that terfs xD #‘people can always tell’ my ass #jx.txt

[rivilu]

Also happy to report that i have found a way to split the azata / trickster paths into two timelines in a way that i can very easily justify both of them

#aka-> trickster is what Elluin WOULD choose if it was all up to him. because it's easier and familiar #azata is what would happen if it was mostly the power taking shape based on who HE is a person #Mulan intro guy voice: now all of china knows you have a freedom complex #tbh his backstory is very vague bc. fey shit is really vague #the gist of what i got is. since apparently that's possible according to the wiki. #he might've been an elf hunted by the wild hunt fey to join them. but maybe something fucked up in the process #and he got fucked up. #(who knows what the timeline for any of this is btw fey dont fuckin die) #so he may have gotten stuck in one of those pocket sized realms. Alone. For an untold amount of time #might've lost it a little bit #that's the rough draft anyway #honestly i just see comic pages in my head which would take me weeks to execute gfhkl #riv finds the path that sure is wrathfully righteous

[abyssalpriest]

Istfg, I know it should've been obvious, but Lev's so guarded about what the trident represents yet he constantly says it's (partly?) power and lightning. Fuckin. reading last night a symbolism book for unrelated reasons... more so he was flicking through in my body bc he was ("talking to Agni about ritual stuff") and. It was like. "Oh yeah Shiva's trident is (partly) supposed to represent lightning". And this section was right next to Rudra talking about him bringing storms and shit, which yeah I knew already, but it's all under a heading about weather gods and spirits and stuff and I'm like. God our group isn't wrong and he's not lying lmfao. Shiva really is the placated ascetic meditative aspect of the Earth Shaker (Rudra) (and Rudra an aspect of Shiva)

#Which is soooo fucking funny bc Placated Rudra is giving me such vibes of his female half which. Of course. But she's hfgdfhd #LMFAO à song called Bhairava starts paying #Playing*. Anyway. I'd you haven't noticed probably not but as much as I work w Lev as Shiva I have difficulty tying that name #sequentially to other names. Like. It seem(ed) so absent of his weather and water and wild and war aspects - BUT NO LIKE. IT REALLY ISNT #It really fucking isn't at all. The fact that he was Rudra first and THEN Shiva because people call upon (his) auspicious aspect.... #What (excerpt of a) book was I reading the other day where he plucks hair from his head and throws it to the ground in rage to create #a demon and then his people just. fucking. completely destroy shit. It's so. War. It's so raw and captures his aspects as a fuckin uh #what's his rank... Idk. Leader in war #What the fuck is his rank. Is it just king. English really doesn't... Have the words for what he is anyway huh #Anyway. It's so raw but also he sees his hair as an expression of his power and connection to the environment like yeah ofc it was his hair #ramblings // #It's like. God. I'm retracing my footsteps this life going back to him and hes just always been him lmfao

[byanyan]

ok I'm gonna finish the last verse update tomorrow... didn't have dinner until fuckin 10pm and now I'm a lil drunk playin some ow so. yeah lmao

#do some replies tomorrow too hopefully once that's done #man I discovered melon soju back in august and I haven't been the same since #I thought the pineapple was good but oh mannnn n #tbf tonight I had a melon AND and original which is stronger #tho even the flavoured ones are like. p strong as far as individual bottles drinks go #bottled* GOD ok I might be more drunk than I thought #sbeen a weird fuckin day tho #woke up with crazy inspo... had some like. almost manic energy goin on where I was just SO FOCUSED on those things I was real excited about #doing here (gifset + verse stuff).... then there was a twist of anxiety and then a sink into some depression...... #been wild lmao #idr where I was going with this. I got intwrrupted in the middle of writing these tags #thank god for spellcheck holy shit half of this wouldn't be legible #ANYWAY YEAH finish that last modern verse update tomorrow bc I got a good chunk of it started already #then probs back to some replies #love y'all idg why u put up with me ✌️💜💜💜 #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me. #tbd. #alcohol cw

[ri-a-rose]

Tmi

#vsgri #talkin bout bodies #specifically my body #first of all im nauseous af rn like i might loose my protein #fuckin better not or i will cry #im havin trouble eating bc im literally not hungry til its been 12 hours and my baby stomach is threatening to knock me out #or im absolutely disgusted by the idea of food in general and get nauseous trying to eat #its great im not getting enough protein so actually im having a hard time with thinking #like legit im forgetting what im doing as im doing it i feel crazy #actually im not as nauseous now that ive had a bm so uuuuh yeah i also need to eat enough to have bm bc that contributes to sick feeling #anyway bodies bro i can parts of me that i haven't seen since middle school like whaaaat #also i can feel things that i dont evwr remember feeling before like hips i have hips at least hip bones #i can feel my s1 joint which i dont ever remember feeling #its wild dude

[redstarwriting]

the clash | v. ever fallen in love

hobie brown x goth!reader

word count: 3.1k

genre: enemies to lovers

warnings: language, insults, hobie hating you, you hating hobie, mentions of death, demonic names, mentions of injuries, giving and receiving stitches, geniuses being dumbasses

a/n: these keep getting longer LMAO which is wild too bc i literally had an idea to make this chapter even longer, but i had to end up splitting it up. thank you to everyone who’s reading the series, i appreciate you all more than you will ever know. please enjoy this chapter, the next should be out either late tonight or tomorrow :)

previous chapter: iv. london calling

now reading: v. ever fallen in love

next chapter: vi. (with someone you shouldn’t’ve)

───────────────────────────────────

It’s been a few months since you’ve become a part of Spider Society, and much to everyone’s disappointment, you and Hobie still hate each other. Even though on any given day the two of you will be seen around each other, you’re always arguing. Yelling. There have been multiple times where the two of you almost fought, but someone always breaks it up before it gets to that point. “Ready to go, Hobie?” Gwen asks, and he scoffs. “Can’t believe ‘m bein’ forced to go to that dickhead’s world by you of all people,” he grumbles, and she rolls her eyes. “C’mon man, we all know that you’ve both been way more irritable towards everyone because you haven’t seen each other in what? Like two days?”

“I’ll be a lot worse when I see them, I can promise ya that, mate,” he snaps and Miles shakes his head. “Yeah, sure. Whatever, Hobie,” he says as Gwen pulls up the portal to your world. “Are you excited to see them? I haven’t seen you two apart for this long ever, you’re always together,” Pavitr says, side-eying Hobie. He keeps trying to tell Gwen and Miles the two of you only hate each other because you have strong feelings for one another and don’t know how to face them.

“I’m telling you, they’re obsessed with each other,” Pavitr says as he, Gwen, and Miles sit in his home, sipping some chai. “Obsessed with wanting to kill each other maybe, but that’s about it,” Miles says, and Pavitr groans. “No! You’ve got it all wrong! Neither of them knows how to express their feelings and that’s the only reason they act the way they do!” he tries to convince them, but Gwen and Miles just glance at each other. “I don’t know, Pav,” Gwen says. “I picked up on the romantic tension between the two of you immediately, why are you doubting my genius social cue reading now?”

“You need to stop being such a romantic, Pav. The two of them would rather eat glass than be romantically involved in any way,” Gwen responded, but Pavitr was not convinced.

He still isn’t. Hobie laughs. “Excited? You must be mental to think I’d be chuffed to see them,” he responds, and Pavitr sighs. One day. One day he will get Hobie to admit he cares for you.

Gwen was honestly a little nervous for this little meet-up. The two of you had a really bad fight recently, and trying to get the two of you back to talking level seems a little ambitious.

“You what?” he yelled, causing you to roll your eyes. “I’m being mentored by Miguel.” Hobie stares at you, not saying anything, with his mouth slightly open before he shakes his head. He’s very angry, but you simply don’t care. “He’s helping me, Hobie. We both have the venomous bite thing, so he’s trying to help me out with it and helping me adjust to–”

“Don’t you dare say adjust to fuckin’ Spider Society like I ain’t been here the whole time.”

“You never necessarily helped, Hobie. Unless you count constantly insulting me and–”

“Nah, don’t gimme that fuckin’ rubbish, (Y/n),” he growls, and you cross your arms. “Why are you so mad about it anyway?” He laughs. “Why am I mad? Seriously?! You’re the right fuckin’ hand of the pitch and toss!”

“The what?” you ask and he groans. “The fuckin’ boss, (Y/n)! The man!”

“So what, Hobart?! In case you forgot you’re a part of this society, you listen to Miguel too!”

“I fuckin’ don’t!”

“You fucking do!” By this point, you’d pulled attention from several other spiders, not only because of the yelling but because their senses were going off. The two of you were too focused on each other to realize they were all ready to pounce on the two of you. “Fuckin’ piss off before I do somethin’ we both regret,” he growls, and you laugh. “Make me.”

The two of you were separated after that and haven’t talked to each other since. Granted, it’s only been two days, but that is long for the two of you, honestly. And it’s been making everyone a target of Hobie’s rude remarks and your cynicism. The two of you need to talk because clearly, not talking just makes the two of you feel worse.

Even though Hobie’s acting like this is the worst thing his friends could possibly do to him, he does kind of sort of miss you. Which he hates. It’s been two days and he’s already missing you? Disgusting. He can’t wait to yell at you about it. He’s able to keep his cool and pretend like he really doesn’t want to go, but in reality, he’s so anxious to see you. “Alright, come on,” Gwen says, motioning for Hobie to enter the portal. He glances around at them. “Makin’ me go first?”

“Can’t have you run off at the last minute,” Gwen says and he sighs. “Whatever,” he says, walking a little too fast into the portal. He only stops when he’s enveloped in a familiar darkness. He feels something brush up against his leg, and he lets go of a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. “Good seein’ ya, Shadow,” he says, bending down to give your cat some attention. Shadow headbutts him and he scratches between his ears. Your cat loves Hobie, much to your disdain.

“You hurt him, I kill you,” you said to him the second time he was at your place. He picked up Shadow while you were in your room, and when you came out and saw him holding your baby, you were ready to fight. But you were ready to fight him at any given moment anyways. “I won’t hurt him. He’s much cooler than his owner anyways,” Hobie says, petting his head. You roll your eyes. “Yeah well– wait is he purring?” you say, and Hobie smirks at you. “Looks like he likes me better than his owner too.”

“Shut the fuck up. Shadow!” you call your cat, your voice going from a tone that screams ‘I hate you’ to one that screams ‘I love you.’ Of course, Shadow’s ears perk up and he hops out of Hobie’s arms and right over to yours. You stick your tongue out at Hobie, who rolls his eyes and looks away to cover up the dusting of a smile on his face. “What are you, 12?” he asks, and you scoff. “Can I hold Shadow?” Pavitr asks, and you hand him to him without a second thought. But no matter who you passed him to, he’d either end up in yours or Hobie’s lap.

He's so lost in the memory that he doesn’t even sense you approaching. “So, you decided to actually show up. I’m surprised,” he hears your voice and looks up at you. “Wasn’t exactly by choice, love. If I had it my way, I’d never be in this hellhole again,” he retorts, and you just shake your head and say nothing. That’s strange. You thought for sure you would mention something about him being forced to do something even though he always does what he wants. “What? Have you lost your spitfire after only two days of not talkin’ to me?” he asks, standing. You sigh. “I just… I don’t have the energy to fight today, Hobie. Okay?”

Don’t have the energy? You literally always have the energy to fight with him. Before he can say anything else, Pavitr comes through the portal.

“(Y/n)! How have you been?” he asks, excitedly, hugging you. Hobie doesn’t like that. But what he doesn’t like even more is the slight look of pain that spreads across your face for a split second. He observes silently as you play it off like nothing happened, and Pavitr is none the wiser to it. Gwen and Miles enter shortly after, and the dynamic you all had before yours and Hobie’s attempted murder of each other returns. Except for the constant bickering between you and Hobie. Instead, it’s just a lot of silent glaring, and subtle reactions. “Okay, hold on. What the hell is this?” Miles asks, and you both look at him. “What?” you say at the same time, ending in a side eye to each other. “That! That right there, why aren’t you two threatening to tear each other’s heads off because you said the same thing?” Miles asks, and Hobie shrugs. “I got nothin’ to say to them.”

“Ditto,” you say, and the three of them look at you two like your heads just got cut off. “Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m havin’ a laugh, mate?” Hobie snaps at Miles and he puts his hands up in surrender. “This… is odd. I can’t recall the last time it was quiet between you two.”

“Because it never was. They always went for each other’s throats like their own lives depended on it,” Pavitr says to Gwen, and you clear your throat. “We’re right here, you know,” you say with a forced grin. “Yeah, care to save the talkin’ bout us til we aren’t around?” Hobie grumbles and the three glance at each other before nodding. “Sorry, you two…” Gwen says, and you shrug. “It’s whatever. Dealt with worse,” you say, and Hobie nods. He glances over at you again. How is no one else noticing how weird you’re acting? Is he the only one who pays attention to you or some shit?

This isn’t the first time he’s picked up on your odd behaviors. Within the time he knew you, he was able to notice your behaviors unlike anyone else.

He wasn’t necessarily looking for you. He’d never go out of his way to look for you in a million years, yet here he was. In your world because you didn’t show up at the allotted time everyone was gonna meet up at in his world. He webbed up to the tallest building, the Ember Stake Building. It resembled that of a wooden stake, except all black and metal instead of wood. Sure enough, you were there. “You’re late.”

You turn and look at him, but don’t say anything. Instead, you just turn away. He frowns. “What’s that all about, then?” he asks, plopping next to you. You sigh. “I think I’m just gonna stay here tonight.”

“What? Why? Because you’re too borin’ to do anythin’ fun? Gotta work late tonight?”

“No. Personal reasons,” you say and he cocks his head to the side. “Such as?”

“Fuck off, Hobie. I’m not telling you.”

“Yes, you are. What’s goin’ on in that empty head of yours?” he asks and you give him an unamused look. “It’s the anniversary of my Uncle Belial’s death,” you mumble. He frowns. “Ah. I see.”

“...Yeah.” The two of you sit in silence, the wind the only noise happening before he sighs. “Well then, you’re definitely comin’ tonight.” He stands. You look at him. “I just said-”

“And I don’t give a shit. Come on, your friends are waitin’ for you. Besides, they can help ya get your mind off of it. Chop-chop.” You ended up going because you were forced to. But you did have a good time. Hobie was right, it helped you get your mind off of things. And maybe you were reading into it, but he seemed just a tad bit nicer to you that night than normal.

And you could tell his. 

“And what the hell is your problem today?” you appear behind Hobie who is angrily restringing his guitar in his common room at Spider Society. “Well now you’re a part of it,” he responds. You sit on the floor across from him. “As much as I’m happy just my presence can reduce you to a massive asshole, I don’t think I’m the only reason this time.”

“How could you even tell?”

You shrug. “You busy your mind and hands when you’ve got something on your mind,” you say, and he looks at you. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “Didn’t realize you were obsessed with me.”

“You wish,” you say. He sighs. “New group of fascist assholes showed up today,” he begrudgingly opens up and you nod. “Told you so.” He glares at you. “Had to say it,” you say, “But you’ll beat them. You always do.” He glances at you. “And if you can’t, I’ll just take care of it for you.” He laughs, unamused. “I’d like to see you try.”

He’s unsure why so many memories are flooding back to him at this moment in time. The answer is that he’s obsessed with you and Pavitr is right, but we don’t need to talk about that until he realizes it for himself. Maybe not seeing you has made him think about you more for some reason. He shakes his head, rejoining the conversation. Everything goes surprisingly well for the rest of the time you all are together. Unfortunately, Gwen gets a notice that something is happening in her world, and she has to go. Miles follows, and Pavitr is torn between going with them or staying with the two of you to make sure no one gets murdered. Or to see some romantic shit.

“We been behavin’, haven’t we?” Hobie says, a bit relieved they were leaving so he could find out what was up with you. You were close with the others, but even they’ve commented on you two only opening up with each other. “You actually have… and maybe it’d be good to leave them alone. Talk out whatever issues they’re having,” Miles says to Pavitr and Gwen, who look at each other but reluctantly agree. Miles and Pav rush into Gwen’s world before her. “I swear if you two kill each other I’m going to kill both of you,” Gwen says, walking backward into the portal to her world and pointing at the two of you. “We won’t.”

“Probably,” Hobie finishes, and Gwen rolls her eyes before disappearing. There’s a silent tension between the two of you before he speaks up. “What happened?”

“I don’t know what you’re–”

“Don’t play dumb with me, now. What happened?” he pushes, and you frown at him. Shadow leaps up into your lap and nuzzles you. You sigh and gently pet him. Hobie stays silent, watching and waiting. “Just… bad day,” you mumble. “Bad day, how?”

“Bad spider day.” He hums. “That why you looked like Pav stabbed ya after that hug?” You look at him, surprised. “You saw that?”

“Course I did. ‘m not fuckin’ daft,” he responds, and you look at Shadow. “Yeah… it’s nothing, though. Just a few scratches, typical Spider-Person shit,” you say, and he nods. “Let me see, then.”

“What?”

“Let me see.”

“Why?”

“Cause you’re lyin’,” he shrugs, and you glare at him. “Have I told you I hated you?”

“Not recently, but yeah.” You glare at him but sigh. “Fuck you, Hobie,” you mumble, but shrug off your oversized cardigan. His eyes widen as he sees deep lacerations and bruises spread across your shoulder and onto your back. He stands up and approaches you without even realizing it. You watch him as he studies your injuries. “Who did this?” His voice sounds darker than you’ve ever heard it. You look away from him. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” he responds immediately. You turn your head to look at him again, only to have him staring directly into your eyes. “Prowler,” you mumble, and he frowns. “The worst of the worst in your world,” he whispers to himself, recalling a conversation the two of you had months ago. He glances around. “Where’s your first aid kit?” he asks, and you look at him with a side-eye. “Why?”

“Cause I wanna get high off the painkillers in it, why do you think, you dolt?” he snaps, and you point to your bathroom. “Under the sink.” He gets up and walks into your bathroom, grabs the first aid kit, and walks back out to you on your couch. “Turn round and move a bit,” he says, and you do. He sits behind you, starting to clean and stitch to your injuries up. You wince slightly and he frowns. “Why haven’t you done this yet?”

“I can’t reach back there myself.”

“Then ask someone else to do it.”

“I don’t have anyone to ask anymore.”

“Yes, you do,” he says without missing a beat. You turn your head to say something snarky to him, but he looks at you at the same time. Your faces are closer than the two of you expected, causing you both to quickly look away. You can feel your face burning, and you’re grateful the injuries are mainly on your back and not close to your heart because you don’t want to hear his comments about how fast it’s beating. On an equal note, Hobie’s happy you aren’t looking at him because he has his jaw clenched and swallows hard. His heart is beating just as fast, but he pretends like it’s nothing, just like you. He finishes the stitches, placing bandages over top of them. “Done,” he says, and you mutter a quick ‘thank you’ as he tosses the first aid kit onto your coffee table. “Should be healed by tomorrow,” you mumble, and he nods. “When did that happen?”

“A few hours before you all got here,” you admit, and he frowns. “And you were just gonna pretend nothing happened?”

“Yes. I told you earlier, I’m too tired to deal with any bullshit today, okay?” you confess, and he frowns.

“He get ya that good cause you’re tired?”

“I guess.”

“When’s the last time you slept?”

“Dunno.”

“Stop lyin’ love,” he says, and the nickname you hate oh so much sounds just a little sweeter to you than it should. “Couple days ago.”

“You haven’t slept in two days?” You shake your head, and he sighs. “Go the fuck to sleep. Now.”

“But–”

“Go,” he demands, pointing to your bedroom. You groan, “You’re so fucking annoying,” you mumble, getting up and dragging yourself to your room. “Yeah, yeah whatever,” he says, following you. You flop onto your bed as he leans against the doorframe, arms crossed. “Come to tuck me in?”

“You wish,” he watches as Shadow hops up onto your bed, curling up against you. You immediately put your hand on him and pet him. Hobie frowns as he feels a pang of annoyance toward your cat. “Gonna stand there and watch me sleep or something?” your voice pulls him out of his ridiculous thoughts, and he scoffs. “Gonna stand here and make sure you don’t try to get up as soon as I go,” he says, and you sigh. “Fine,” you mutter, rolling away from him. He stands there until he’s sure you’re asleep. He glances at Shadow, who is still awake and staring at him. He puts his finger to his lips to say “shh” as he pulls his mask over his head.

He and the Prowler of this world need to have a bit of a chat.

───────────────────────────────

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