#which she should know i can’t do??

[fingertipsmp3]

One of the things no one really talks about irt injury rehabilitation is how the hell you keep track of all the exercises you have to do, and the persistent worry that you’ll forget to do one or do one slightly wrong and somehow fuck up your own recovery because you didn’t bounce your heel enough times

#i’ve ended up having to download a to do list app so i can create lists for the exercises i have to do in the morning; afternoon; evening #and night & just tick them off when i do them #there was an exercise diary in my pdf as well but it’s just boxes with the date and i have to presumably tick if i did them #but there’s no way to record how Many times i did something #and flipping back between pages to double check if i did something the correct number of times is just annoying to me #i have 6 exercises total and 2 need to be done twice a day; 1 needs to be done 3 times; 2 need to be done 4 times #and one needs to be done ‘as many times as possible’ but that one i can’t do yet because it has to be done standing on one leg #which she should know i can’t do?? #i try it daily at lunchtime and every time i fail and just put an X in the box to say ‘i tried and this was not happening’ #so yeah. the app is really the only way to keep track of this stuff #i probably need to learn the technical names of the exercises instead of just calling them ‘bouncy leg’ and ‘pilates ball’ #but i am doing my best okay. or someone’s best at least #what i fear is that i go back to my physio next week with this diary nicely filled in and she’s like ‘oh you did great with these! #way better than expected! here’s 6 more exercises all with different recommended sets & times to do them’ #the way i’d die #i mean it depends what it is tbh. there’s a couple i really like (all the ones that involve equipment tbh) #but if it’s anything like ‘bouncy leg’ or ‘knee extension on chair’ i will HAAATE it #maybe i’ll stay one step ahead of her and take up pilates. #sidenote but i really want to buy one of those big pilates balls. if i lived alone i definitely would #but i don’t think it would be well received in this household #personal

[aptericia]

maybe this a strange thing to get hung up on but like. I can’t be the only one who subconsciously texts my friends a bit more professionally after writing a long email to my professor. Or whose internal monologue temporarily changes to sound like that YouTuber I just binged for 3 hours. Or who acts a little more excited and dramatic after watching an action movie. It’s normal to pick up patterns from other people and situations, right?? Why do my friends act so surpised when I start acting more like them, or tell me I “shouldn’t change who I am”? Like buddy. In NO social interaction am I presenting the Real Me. And besides that, you’re an important part of my life—why would it be so weird to be influenced by you? I don’t like being thought of as Weird or Not Genuine just because I do something differently from your previous expectations of me.

#personal #tbh most of the comments I get abt this are observations (like “when did you pick up that phrase??”) not judgy #but what really got me into this line of thinking was a comment from a friend about a year-ish ago? #she told me “you act so weird when you’re around [mutual friend of ours]. It’s like your whole personality changes.” #and I said “haha yeah well you two are pretty different from each other and I guess I tend to subconsciously act like the people I’m around #and she was like “yeah ik what you mean. I try not to do that” #which now that I write it… she technically said nothing about me #anyway I just. idk. so much of my comfort in social situations stems from being able to act like a part of the community #which I assumed meant act similar to them. but after that exchange it felt like it was more about what they already expected of me #which is absolutely terrifying because I can’t read their minds and CANNOT KNOW what expectations they have #I should probably get over that convo from a year ago like ik most people don’t think that way #but it really worsened my anxiety #anyway thx for reading now please forget I ever posted this #ramblings

[dangerous-advantage]

thinking about how raph, april, and mikey are less focused on by the fandom than donnie and leo, the only two main characters in rottmnt with white voice actors

#to be clear this is not a “callout” nor am i trying to inspire discourse/attack anybody #it’s just something i’ve been thinking about for a while that i feel deserves more... ig recognition? by the fandom at large #like i know a part of it is definitely the shows’ fault and their own unspoken biases #but i can’t turn a blind eye when i see human versions of the turtles that consistently have see and lee be lighter skinned #even if they are all represented as poc #like to reiterate: this is not a call-out #it could absolutely just be the niche of the fandom that i find myself in (in which this is a massive self report) #and i absolutely need to do better as well!! #but i haven’t seen this talked about as much as i feel it should #esp with april— i mean i already am aware about the fandom bias toward male characters #but it makes it doubly hard for her character which is a shame seeing as she is a queen #+ my fav representation of april in the entirety of the tmnt canon so far #i understand with mikey that it could be excused due to the fact that his character was focused on less #but raph? he has sooo much good characterization that i often see given to leo in fic/fanart #like i said: this is a lot more nuanced than what i’ve talked about #and i am by no means perfect #i just think we as a fandom should at the very least recognize this aspect of ourselves #idk i’m definitely not the best person to be talking about this #but i’ve been turning it over in my head for a while so i figured i might as well just. say it #rottmnt #rottmnt meta #racism #tw racism #internal bias #if anybody has something to add feel free #just like. be civil please? like i don’t think anyone is doing it on purpose (obviously) #just something to be aware of

[sanchoyo]

haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞

#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can #barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty #I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such #bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry #he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭 #sanchoyorambles #I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN #GIRL MY PUBBY #if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now #he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑 #which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL #screaming. #and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects #im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault #I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away #they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!! #they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭 #remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧 #my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby #it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know

[steviescrystals]

i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn) #so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

[camgoloud]

i simply feel that if you burn shit in your roommate’s skillet you should then feel the obligation to be the one who scrapes it out and cleans up

#sometimes i think about the fact that i’m literally the only person who’s cleaned the kitchen in this place for the entire year and a half #i’ve lived here and i get. a little pissed off #i’ve tried being polite and bringing up the problem without explicitly pointing fingers by leaving cleaning products (which i bought) #out on the counters and sending a text in the group chat like ‘hey! 😊 i got these wipes for us! i think that all of us could #use these a little more often so that the kitchen doesn’t get so gross!’ but it seems that everyone either has no sense of shame or just #genuinely doesn’t mind living in filth for the periods between the marathon cleaning sessions i do every few weekends when i have the time #one of the guys who lives downstairs will just walk right by me cleaning up on his way to the fridge and pretend he can’t see me #which is still better than the other one (the one who just burned shit in my skillet) who once saw me cleaning and asked if he could help #and when i got all pleased and asked if he could maybe take the trash out for me while i was cleaning counters (a small and simple task! #when he’d literally asked me if there was anything he could do!) he visibly deflated. said ‘well i’m not really around here much [so it’s #not my trash in there etc.]’ and wandered off. without doing anything #like. HELLO???? you could have just been like the other guy and pretended you didn’t see me doing all the work if this was how you were #going to be about it #but i guess he wanted to feel good about himself having offered/expected me to just say ‘oh no thanks i love being your housekeeper 😊’ #tbh i really need to be more assertive and be like ‘hey guys i’m sick of this’ and maybe. bring up the Sexism of it all. because. #you know. the whole situation feels pretty gendered #was complaining about all this to an irl friend the other day and she said i should start a chore chart but i don’t want to be responsible #for maintaining the chore chart either! take on the mental load of managing the housework and also turning into Resident Bitch for asking #men to do things for me. you know. there is simply no way out here #there is another woman who lives here as well but unfortunately i don’t think she’ll be much help in forcing the issue because. she doesn’t #clean shit either! #actually in the days since she moved in the shower drain in our bathroom has become horrendously clogged which. well. i mean not to point #fingers but one of us has got about two inches of hair and the other has got a foot and a half. so #i also simply feel that if you clog a drain you should be the one to unclog it but i’ll probably do that as well #sorry for the massive tag rant by the way i really shouldn’t make myself out to be some kind of martyr because i’m not particularly neat #myself but…. ooooh god if the bar isn’t all the way down in hell #anyway i just did a whole bunch of dishes but i left that one skillet to soak passive-aggressively overnight #i don’t think the aggression will come across though because i think he genuinely won’t even pay attention to the fact that it’s still #dirty and i’ll end up being the one to clean it tomorrow #caseyposting

[jimgandolfini]

the old man retires April 1 which is appropriate because he has been acting so foolish.. anyway I’m tryna get that D by April 2

#ik this bc my director called me and was like I was indirectly given permission to talk to you about some things… #so he said this #and my director was already putting in for a promotion for me #but today the old man was like well she’s the only one who can do this other thing so she should get that too #which is a bad look with being on the verge of [redacted] his [redacted] #but here we are #it would happen anyway but like can’t have ppl know I’m tryna get the D no one would ever think it didn’t overlap with this or I wasn’t try #ing to ~~seduce~~ him to get it 😬😬 #my director was like man he was in a good mood today bc you know he hasn’t been on for two weeks #*in #I was like yes…. yes I know that……. #I mean it’s not good folks like I was gonna get this position anyway bc I am the person for it and my director knows that but like the old #man literally told me he had a dream about me two days ago…and stuff…. so like… #🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[starlooove]

“There is no fanfic on Stephs treatment I have checked” that’s like the whole point.

#I’m not saying ur wrong bc it’s not canon #I’m saying ur wrong bc ur perpetuating the misogyny that got u there in the first place #and yeah imma take it there it IS that deep to me sorry #like this isn’t like a diff in opinion on an arc or smth #this is quite literally the bigotry that fandoms supposed to be an escape from manifesting itself again with a rainbow flag over it it’s so #like first of all not that serious but concerning to me is getting into smth without knowing the source material #u don’t need to know the exact timeline of events and which specific Batmobile Bruce had in every era duh #that’d be hypocritical to say I read character to character screw the timeline lmao #but it’s like. ur telling me u adore Dick Grayson and have never picked up NTT? #u wanna analyze the queer coding in Tim’s character but you’ve never read his og robin run? #u wanna talk about Damian’s character growth but you’ve only read Batman and Robin 2020s? #u ADORRRRE steph and cass and you haven’t even read batgirls #and that’s like nonissues #my issues are u wanna discuss how Barbara is actually so cold and cruel to dick for how she handled Catalina and you’ve never read birds of #prey and actually dick never cheated so (this isn’t me being hypocritical if you’ve seen that post I just lowk changed my mind) #or if he did it was justified or whatever #you wanna talk about how Jason and Roy are soulmates and you can’t tell me a single thing besides he’s an archer a father and an addict #it’s like ur putting shit out there about these characters and their relationships and you don’t know them #and more people who don’t know them see ur shit and do the same thing #and that’s mid level issue #the BIG issue is that y’all have not unpacked ur racism misogyny or classism enough to do this and then turn around and say ur fixing dc or #whatever. u have not done enough work to speak on Jason or Damian and say they deserve better whilst u water down their anger into smth #palatable and sweet on ur white faves. u don’t get to complain about how there’s not enough about steph and all u do is spread more made up #shit to infantilize tim. and I’m not saying I’ll never read a tim centric fic that’s ooc and stupid and have fun #I do that and I don’t talk about it bc that shit should not be the main writing you find when you look for BATMAN lmao #and even then they HIGHEST problem is that even when people make more content centering the woc poc and yes even WW it still doesn’t get any #traction bc y’all haven’t unpacked as much of ur racism and misogyny as u think u have #making hcs about tim being a Barbie and Jason being a feminist and dick painting his nails is not progressive when Steph and cass are #cardboard cutouts or the vehicles through which the white men discover feminity is ok actually and nothing else #and then Duke and Damian are the token straights or allies. like y’all are so sick lmao

[welcometotheravenclawcommonroom]

So in Hebrew, there’s a distinction between voiceless glottal fricative (h as English speakers know it) and the “כ” sound in Hebrew (voiceless uvular fricative, make sound further back in your throat). And my semantics professor is an Israeli immigrant whose name in English starts with H so on the first day of class yesterday I asked her if it was an “H” as in the H we use in English or an H/כ as in “Hanukkah” and this sweet older woman absolutely lit up and said that was an excellent way of asking that question, so yeah, my little Jewish linguist self is still being carried by that validation almost 24 hours later.

#mod des #Jewish stuff #linguistics #sometimes asking which fricative is just less satisfying than ‘H as in Hanukkah?’ #she already knows I’m a linguist #let’s reassert my Jewish identity!!! #also even though I speak next to no modern Hebrew I grew up hearing it and some basic Yiddish fairly frequently #so I should be able to say כ consistently and fluently #but alas. mouth too small tongue too big #i can’t even consistently say complicated vowel clusters in my native English lol #also consonant clusters with more than two C’s are a ‘good talk day’ only thing #why do you think I love my second language? rarely do I see a consonant cluster (if ever) and if two vowels #it’s usually either said as a diphthong or a glide

[enashinonome]

yesterday my classmate asked me if i knew what i wanted to do in the future because i seemed like someone who had a plan, and when i told her i had no idea she was surprised and asked me if i wanted to go to art school @_@ hell of a loaded question there!

#bc she was like ‘ohh aya you’re so good you should apply to art school’ #and my sister says i should apply to art school as well #but i think i’m so out of shape artistically—does that make sense? #i don’t have the resources to be painting better things on bigger canvases #i can’t even draw digitally anymore because procreate crashes every time i open it #and i’m thinking about how much i drew when i was thirteen and how i’m failing chemistry and wasting all of my academic potential by #not taking any science class next year in favor of ap art history which i know my parents deem as worthless #and it’s not like i can DO anything in art history or conservation #so much of my school experience has been floundering about because i’m good at a lot of things but can’t decide what i want to do most. #and now im halfway through high school and i still don’t know what i want to do and it’s not like i have anything impressive to show either #UGHHHHH i hate how fast i’m supposed to figure these things out!!! i might as well become a nun and have my order pay for all my phds #so i can learn without any external pressures like i feel i was born to do!!!!! #🐰

[recallthename]

.

#I am so annoyed rn #and I’m trying to find the space between swallowing it and completely freaking out #the thing about being me is normally people ask things of me and my brain is like ‘it is my job now to do this thing’ #regardless of my actual feelings on the matter #and I’m trying hard lately to… not do that #but idk how without feeling like I’m going to another extreme #I just consider being generous and picking your battles very valuable? #but then I’m like ‘bitch why are you considering playing dnd with your friends a battle?’ #anyway I’ve died in every combat encounter we’ve had including twice in the most recent one #I’m playing a class that I already wasn’t interested in and only chose for party balance #and my dm put restrictions on which subclass I could pick cause she thought some were op #and is now reaching out saying she wants to nerf me cause she thinks I’m to op #yes the girl who was dead for literally the entirety of our last combat encounter is too op #playing one of the THREE subclasses she recommended #I just don’t even know what to say #it’s especially frustrating because she can’t 1) wait and see if it’s actually a problem #or 2) come to me and say ‘I’ve noticed this and I’m worried’ #she’s just like ‘this is what we should do is that cool’ #i love dnd but man I kinda wish I wasn’t playing dnd with these people

[hammondb3organcistern]

Don’t wanna be ‘friends’ (using this term extremely loosely) with this one girl i’m in the same cohort/course with…her belief system + the way she perceives other people and the world is so…i cannot think of a better word so: SHUDDERING. but she’s friends with my circle of cohort/friends so she’ll always be in my circle…?

#she cheated with her ex when her ex already had a new girlfriend and she didn’t feel any remorse at all #she justified her cheating by saying sex is just sex w/her ex & that she wanted her ex’s gf (which she hasn’t even met or known) to feel the #(same things she did hurt; betrayed; cheated on) and i’m like. you’re a fucking cheater? that’s so horrible for you to do? #you don’t even know this girl? she came to be with ur ex in an appropriate way? wdym she deserves to be cheated on because you did… #BY ANOTHER MAN? not even this specific ex? #literally so insane. and she’s like: im going to therapy blah blah blah but clearly you lack the respect and consciousness #me and my friend who listened to her said that she should confess that they cheated with each other to the poor girl but she’s like… #‘not my business’ uhm the fuck it is? you were a third party. and saying that the boy should be the one confessing…uhm WHY NOT U BOTH? #and their relationship (ex and girl) CONTINUED even after the fact and they broke up only recently (early march) and idk if the girl knew #like. truly. i’ve never met someone so incredibly…vile? i guess? what’s a better word for it 😭 #and what’s also so inappropriate about her is that she has like a bf and she keeps droning on about her ex like rent free in her mind #keeps flirting w other men; looking at them and saying she has crushes and all that and want to make a move. like. YOU HAVE A BF? #i don’t wanna be near someone like that. and what’s unfortunate is my close friend is close with her so i’m a ‘friend’ BY association #and that friend of mine also can’t disentangle herself from her bec she’s her first ever friend in uni lmao. so there’s sentimentality there #& we talked abt this w each other; how disappointing it was for her to be like that. and how my friend feels she’s complacent in being okay #with cheating (but she’s not) and i’m like…ugh. #probably one of the worst people i’ve ever met i’m so sorry to say that genuinely. when i’m with her in a grp (i NEVER hang out w her alone) #i feel like my principles r being hijacked and violated and being engulfed by something i’ve kept myself away from lol

[swordmaid]

am getting a lot of character inspo for shri’iia from amy gone girl. I don’t think she’s as smart nor calculated but she is similar to some degree in that she’s hyper aware of the current persona she’s presenting and how she’s appealing to the people. the masks and the mjndgames, that’s basically how shri’iia operated while she was still serving under her matriarch in menzoberranzan. she needed to play the roles the matriarch required of her and it was only when she was with her matriarch that she can be ‘Real Shri’iia’, and that’s how I imagined shri’iia to be esp in act 1 when she is so new and scared in the surface. she needed to work out who these people are (her companions) and what they liked, so her first persona - her blank one - the charming helpful paladin who got tadpoled and wants to go back home just like the rest of them (which was half true). she didn’t really argue and she generally agreed to what the group wanted. she was helpful and co-operative, ask her about her past and she will tell you something bland and generic- interesting enough to be ooh-ing about but not too interesting that they’ll delve deeper into it. then, when she got to know them a little more, she started crafting little personas adjacent to her first one ; she’s the girl who’s curious about magic but never had the chance to learn with gale, she’s a cool girl who likes mischief as debauchery with astarion, she’s the one who likes to take risks and live in the moment with karlach, the knight in silver armor who’s willing to help the tieflings with wyll, a disciplined fighter with lae’zel, someone who understands the depths of devotion with shadowheart - but none are really her, not really. ofc her own personality might slip in here and there but for the most part she’s appealing to them and what they’d like her to be but none of it is really genuine. shri’iia just needs to be on their good side to minimise the chances of them turning on her, and if they let her guard down it’ll be easier for her to get rid of them should the need arise. taking up all these different masks, collecting all these intel abt them to be used for later, slithering and making a place in their minds - it’s really how she operated back in menzoberranzan. I think the only one who catches on to her game is astarion but that’s bc he’s doing the same thing too, so it’s very game recognises game lmfao

it’s only when she breaks her oath and goes through her existential crisis that all of her masks drop and her real self comes out. she was never that kind of person lmfao ^, she’s greedy, selfish, paranoid and rather obsessive. she doesn’t care about a lot of things that doesn’t concern her, she has a cruel streak that she hasn’t shown before, and she hates doing anything that won’t really benefit her. but she’s fiercely loyal to anyone she likes, like a dog. and severely she craves validation and approval - also like a dog.

#like if shri’iia was smarter and wiser it’s really over for you hoes 😔 but she’s not lol #the matriarch also taught her how to deceive so she had good training lool like that’s coming from the master liar herself #and in game Shri’iia’s deception is p high so it tracks 👯‍♀️ #but anyway I finished reading gone girl and shri’iia would’ve turned out like amy in her vengeance ending #I think if her paranoia consumed her and an outside figure validated her way of faking herself #and generally moulded her back to being that overly obsessive paladin who lives to serve - which is what her matriarch made her to be #but obv she can’t be that girl in the surface .. they can’t know abt the Lolth worship! they’ll kill her! so she makes a new one … a #completely different one that’s so detached from her previous self … someone new and charming and fun and harmless and the kind of person #you’ll feel safe around and happy to travel with. she is that girl! and more! and she’s down for anything! and she loves to help! #but she forgets the goddess she worships is fickle and vengeful and proud so her favor drops and suddenly her real self is left #with nothing .. so she doesn’t know what to do anymore … she doesn’t know if she should keep up this fake one I mean what’s the point does #she even have it in her anymore?? how can she go back home when they don’t want you back #like who is SHE without lolth even … bc the girl that she has been playing is nothing but a blank image #and that’s NOT her .. never been her… so shri’iia is left bewildered confused and even more scared #like what do you do if you’ve been left behind in this new world?? and the purpose of your existence doesn’t want you anymore but the #thing is she knows where she went wrong.. but she didn’t have a choice - or did she?? shri’iia doesn’t know .. she’s not a planner #you don’t need to plan when your matriarch does all the thinking for you and you just do what ur told bc there is nothing better than to #serve and fulfill your oath …!!! so she ends up getting wasted in a party with the people she didn’t even care to save lmfao #and then she gets drunk and ends up fucking this one guy just bc she asked and she’s already hit rock bottom #lolth always says fuck elves anyway so she goes off and do just that 🤷‍♀️ #shut up abt bg3.

[sunuism]

having social anxiety at the ripe old age of 24 is actually so embarrassing 😭😭😭

#we had a break in class today and some of the people went to smoke which they always do #and i went to the bathroom first but then was also gonna go have a ciggie and i saw them standing outside and i was conflicted if i should #go join them or go outside on the other side of the building #and guess what i ended up doing….. #i went to the other side and sat alone like a loser #anyways then when i went in again they also came in and a girl complimented my outfit #and said she has the same leg warmers as me and we talked about how they can’t stay up #and she gave me the tip to put a hair elastic at the top so they stay up better #and anyways i felt so silly for not being able to just go up to these people who i’ve been in the same class as for 3 semesters now 👹 #but anyways it’s also embarrassing bc i only started smoking recently and no one irl knows it #and i’ve never smokes in front of anyone so i’m scared i’m gonna look stupid hahahagga #and anyways this is the last week of classes and after this semester i won’t see these people again bc they’re japanese majors while it’s #just a minor for me #so it also feels unecessary to try and befriend anyone in this class now

[scionshtola]

i started writing a whole thing about mir and her mom and then i realized i accidentally gave the briadis family the perfect set up for a tragic family empire tv show

#her mom is a powerful merchant who wants to pass the business on to her kids #her oldest brother is being groomed for the job but he’s better at and prefers life as a ship captain #no matter how hard they try to bring him home! #her oldest sister wants the job TOO MUCH and tries to hard but it’s not good at it #and their mom kind of disdains her for it. lol #elaine is smart enough and good enough with people to do it but she’s too soft #and wants to burn the whole thing down bc they sold mir to the order and stopped her sending letters to her #mir’s younger siblings are enjoying traveling as part of a ships crew while they work their way up but i don’t think their mom #has high hopes for them. #ironically given mir’s personality she might have been good at it if she’d been trained!! #and their mom knows this and knew it before she sold mir to the order but she was never going to let a magianis have control of it #which brings me back to the thing that started this: mir’s mom genuinely thought it was best to sell her to the order bc she couldn’t #protect mir from the consequences of being magianis and thought being trained by the order was the best way to keep her safe #and that if they paid for her they would think of her as an investment (merchant brain logic that was also just her pacifiying herself into #thinking it was right. did she actually believe this?? would it have mattered?? well. who can say!) #they do all have names i just can’t off the top of my head remember ahdhdjsk #oc: mirren sero #i need a text post tag #when was the last time i wrote a wall of tags about her…i miss her #i should add. her mom thought it would keep mir safe but also it was a convenient way to get her out of the way. so

[fingertipsmp3]

Selling stuff on vinted makes me so anxious for no legitimate reason I swear

#i literally just listed two of my tarot decks and i’m already nervous #like what if my photos aren’t good? what if the price is too high? #i listed these two just to test it out honestly. i still have the original boxes and guidebooks for both of these so i figured it’d be fine #i did put the price for each one as £10 because i mean.. they have a really nice sturdy box and full-colour guidebook arriving with them #and are in perfect condition. they’re not indie decks but also probably not super well known i think #i’m willing to come down to probably like £5 on each one tbh. i just want to see realistically: do i get any interest #and what can these sell for. and are my photos okay #for each one i just took pictures of the box; guidebook; the back of the cards (with the cards all piled up as a full deck) #and then i picked about 5 random cards and just took a photo face up in an attempt to show the artwork and what a spread would look like #my background was just my duvet colour which is currently white #i think the photos are fairly clear. they’re not like horrendous #i’m not in any of them and neither is my laundry that was also on my bed at the time #i just hope this goes well. i would love to get some serious decluttering done #honestly i want to pare my deck collection right down to the point where the entirety of it can just fit on my nightstand #because realistically i only use like the wild unknown; the linestrider tarot and a couple others #i’m torn about keeping indie decks that i don’t really use like the prisma visions tarot and moonchild tarot… on the one hand they are so so #beautiful and i probably wouldn’t manage to sell them for anywhere near what i got them for #but i really just don’t use them #like i’d feel bad selling the silhouettes tarot considering i literally wanted it for years and it was a grail deck but i don’t USE IT #i read with it once and the reading was about as clear as mud #and THEN there’s all the decks i don’t have boxes for because they came in a crappy cardboard box that wouldn’t have lasted two seconds #i used to knit little pouches for all my decks. most of the decks that are like this are still in those pouches #i feel like i can’t send somebody a bunch of loose cards but i also don’t have a deck to put them in. but would people want my crappy #pouches?? one of my friends said she thought people would be willing to buy the pouches even without the deck #but i have doubts. it’s literally a piece of acrylic that’s been sat on somebody else’s shelf for five years #would you rather receive a deck of boxless cards held together by a bunch of elastic bands or would you rather receive them in a pouch #or is it fine to just leave them loose in the envelope and hope they don’t bend? should i bubble wrap them?? #am i overthinking this???? let me know #personal