#which was pretty scary tbh

[neondiamond]

.

#i got up at 4 am to take noodle outside and when i did i noticed the electric post in my neighbour’s yard was trying to catch fire #like there were bright orange sparks #and it was doing this awful noise i can only describe as frying too #which was pretty scary tbh #and so i called the power company this morning #and the lady on the phone was trying to get me to tell her the name of the part that was making sparks… #like i’m meant to know that as like a normal person that doesn’t know shit about electricity #anyways i decribed it to the best of my very limited knowledge #and hopefully they’ll send someone to fix it before it actually catches fire properly #what a fun 4 am adventure 🙃

[sketching-shark]

You know, I feel like one important thing that’s barely ever mentioned about Sun Wukong is how while he very much is a murder monkey who intimidates people into giving him free stuff he also only rarely ever starts the fights he gets into. His battle prowess means that he’s pretty capable of escalating until his opponents either give up or end up dead, but he hardly goes out of his way to throw down. Like just to give a few examples:

His first murder of the Monstrous King of Havoc was committed because this guy was “brutally abusing” SWK’s family, including through kidnapping their children;

While he did indeed steal a lot of immortality-granting treats from heaven, he refused to go to war with heaven until the gods “had broken down the door [to the Mt. Huaguoshan cave], and are about to fight their way in.”

The two times when he encounters a band of robbers, he only kills them after they had repeatedly tried to kill him.

He kills the Six Eared Macaque because he had “dare[d] change into my appearance, take my descendants captive, [and] occupy my immortal cave.”

So the Monkey King is is many ways a selfish and impulsive monkey, but its good to remember that at least in the og classic he’s not going out of his way to start fights, even though he WILL do everything he can to end them in his favor. 

#xiyouji #journey to the west #jttw #sun wukong #monkey king #this is one aspect of swk's character that I really like for a number of reasons #though I do think it also makes him a bit more scary than many another version #because him pausing before going ultraviolent #suggests he thought it through and was then fully committed to said bloodshed #but that is another thing that's actually pretty neat about Xiyouji SWK #in that he seems to accept everything he did no matter how violent without trying to excuse it or blame someone else #which tbh in this current media environment makes that over 500 year old version of SWK a breath of fresh air lmao

[grimcatician]

Yoooo Happy Birthday to Kingdom Hearts and to the sweetest silliest goodest boy 🥺💖

Still a WIP but I really wanted to get something out for him! He deserves the world!!!

I only recently began playing KH. It was always on the list of “Things I Know I’ll LOVE to Bits Because It’s Got Everything I Love But I Am Putting Off Until I’m Ready To Commit™️” but thanks to needing to clean my room and some certain YouTube videos a couple weeks ago I finally started playing and I have noooooot stoped thinking about it!

#kingdom hearts #kh sora #sora #I’m still on kh1 right at the last save point bc I want to beat the scary ghost and I’ve titan but I am #Bad at Video Games so it’s taking a bit! #also work!! is keeping me from the fun things in life #I put on that 3hr long recap video of all the games while cleaning my room and I was only half paying attention #but right after it was the 6hr Riku is Gay and idc about spoiler tbh and I know it was a pretty fruity franchise like I had hs friends into #it back in the day so ya know #but HOO boy let me tell you it really was the final nail on the coffin for me and I finally but the bullet and bought it #I knew I’d love the damn Mickey Mouse ff game bc it always seemed so silly but so EARNEST and heartfelt which is my absolute SHIT #the lil “my friends r my power shit? #my absolute favorite trope ohh I knew the moment I saw the scene in hs but no means to play etc so #ANYWAYS! #I will eventually finish this but coloring hard 😣 #grim art

[lautakwah]

absolutely insane how arundhati roy is facing prosecution over a DECADE after she made statements about supporting kashmir's independence bc ppl had been digging into her past btw. literally hell world.

#i respect her immensely for the work she's done and i want to read more of her writings tbh #like most of it has been uni readings which was... pretty cherry picked unforch 😔 #ling.txt #also i know that we're (rightfully) focusing most/all of our attention on palestine rn #but this is actually also rly scary n important to take note of imo #like the struggle for liberation is not over until all of us are free etc etc etc and kashmiri independence is part of that

[guinevereslancelot]

please please please let me get the job that is 11 minutes away from me on quiet roads and not have to take the one with city traffic three traffic circles and a scary turn amen 🙏

#genuinely the job im interviewing for i would turn out of my driveway on a quiet rd turn onto the road my house is on the corner of #which is also pretty quiet #then go straight for ten minutes #the other one i have to choose between a scary turn or doing three rotaries 😬 #only one of the rotaries is bad but still #also!! my friend and mentor works at this other place and the ratio of kids to teachers is way better #pay would be about the same to start but im hoping they'll eventually be able to pay more #bc it seems like s pretty fancy school tbh #anywayyy #im really anxious abt the job i accepted so i hope i can switch to this other one #but even if they dont hire me i still have a job so its not the end of the world #im just such a terrible oblivious and nervous driver lol #and im lowkey worried ibcant handle the kods at the first job #some of them are very difficult and one of them has serious behavioral issues she should probably have an aide assigned to just her but ala #but the ratio of teachers to kids is 8 kids to 1 teacher which is really hard at that age #and i've never worked with such a large class before #i applaied for the baby/toddler teacher but they asked me to do prek instead which has more behavioral issues imo #but the other job w my friend is toddler #which is a fun age to work with #so hopefully i can do that #also im not totally sure but i think that I would literally be co teaching with my friend #which would be awesome bc she already thinks im the best lol and we work well together :) #and my co teacher at the other job seems kind of mean :(

[lynxalon]

HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT THAT CRITROLE EP WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! im SO glad we had the set up of the last one so we could have the big thrills of this!!!!!!!!! this had everything!! it had ira's bad (and good!) decisions! it had sam's out of pocket wacky can shenanigans!! it had deception and sneaking! it had badass plays and some.. eye-catching talents 👀 it had gross shit that's kinda actually sad if u think about it! it had walking (running) away from explosions (NOT a sunglasses moment this was a loserfail) it had .. terrifying parents. it had imodna momence !! :D it even had some unprecedented wins for our typically fighty/flighty adventurers!!! i will ABSOLUTELY be watching that again come monday!!!!!!!!!!

#lynx speaks #cr spoilers #now to expand upon these!!! i am THRILLED that there has been a more overt notice of orym's hex 😏 #thats what i've been excited for for aaaaaaages i adore orym esp when he gets a little more fucked up #what can i say im a bit of an angst fan myself :D #fcg gave ira SUCH a bad time tho like CMON BBYYYYY 1 MINUTE ?!?!?!?!?!! yall r LUCKY yalls r cool af #also tho.... ira actually saving fearne like 👀 i see it!!! i think simply everyone likes fearne and everyone would save her 😎 #and team infiltrate i loooved imogen's use of that damn .. what was it called ? the damn static bomb that was sick as hell!!! #and hey!! both teams got in and out without anyone catching on that it was bells hells helping! #is that a first for bh? cause it sure feels like it TBH like the feywild malleus key stunt did NAWT go this smoothly #even with the bumps they had they did terrific frfr #esp with imogen setting up oryms badass fighter play and launda and chet setting each other up for success #and it does FEEL like imogen is more powerful on ruidus just from the plays she makes like the static spell and how it set Everyone up #to protect them all and keep their enemies in bad positions so that bh had good positions #they barely got hits and orym and chet took the brunt of it #they got out everoa and themselves without too much hassle and i'd say team mcfuckin 'splosion did pretty fucken well too #more damage on their side but. thatssss not their fault thats mainly on ira (and fcg 😂) #gosh. goshhh. what a good fucking episode. and sorrowlord zathuda. and liliana. fuck bro. #zathuda is SCARY #and liliana i meaaaaaaan. hun what did u THINK 🧐 imogen meant when she told u to run?? 🤔 'did she know' u know the answer to that. #i was definitely excited cause. we knew the volition were gonna fail in killing liliana. but i felt in my heart that she was gonna #feel betrayed by imogen. despite creating the scenario in which imogen must 'betray' her. #i LOVE fucked up mothers cant waaaaait to see what happens next !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[badolmen]

Supermassive games made something that was almost perfect and then decided to make several much worse things before reeling it back to something decent that makes the same damn mistake the first game made without any of the first game’s charm and cleverness to make up for it. Like you’ve had the time to figure out this professional video game thing maybe you should start acting like it lol

#ra speaks #personal #sorry I’ve been in an until dawn mood lately and it’s like. gosh they were so close to making a game I could unironically say was amazing #their major flaw was the appropriation of Native American culture (like they could have been generic cannibal monsters you didn’t have to #call them that to make them scary that monster design was on point) #and then. in the quarry. which I dare to say is a decent sequel to until dawn. #MAKES THE SAME DAMN MISTAKE OF STEREOTYPING OOOO SPOOKY ROMANI TAROT MAGIC #like bruh do you. do you even call up somebody from the demographics you’re representing #and be like hey is this fucked up or nah? #like you’re a professional studio that’s a real thing you can do #and I don’t like the new cut scenes in until dawn they were PART of the story not some separate entity from it #anyways rant abt the bad stuff over gosh until dawn had such a fantastic story. the reveal and the twist are unparalleled. #literally my only issue is the monster cultural aspect like that’s such a solid game and story #and I guess the treatment of josh as a character but tbh the story of it seems fairly logical #these people got my sisters killed. I’m going to scare the hell out of them as revenge. no one will get physically hurt. #like yeah I would do that too dude. especially if I had a family background in film and practical effects. #and tbf his friends react pretty realistically for kids not knowing how to handle their friend having #a legitimate mental health crisis that stems from undiagnosed and erroneously medicated psychosis/schizophrenia #in addition to being hunted by literal monsters #the quarry was fun and campy the way until dawn was but there was no iconic bait and switch and also an antagonist uses the g slur so like #sorry it’s objectively not as good of a story

[screw-u-vaanu]

.

#not to be nuanced on the internet but #the war in gaza is scaring tf out of me both because of the increasing likelihood of genocide #of Palestinians i mean #and what this will mean for the people i love in israel #(many of whom are left wing and never wanted this in the first place) #i get being happy for israel to lose US support - tbh i’m happy about what biden is doing at the UN etc #but also like - israel failing is scary #israel voluntarily dissolving to make a binational or just multi-ethnic state would be awesome #but that doesn’t seem like it’s on the table atm #like i hate a colonial project as much as anyone else #but - maybe this is bc i live in the U.S. which is also a colonial state just an older one #most people in israel didn’t have tons of choice in being born there or even going there as refugees #like - european countries don’t want jews to move back #en masse #arab countries don’t want jews to move back en masse #etc etc #the us isn’t going to be like - sure millions of immigrants should move here #so yeah it’s all pretty fucked now #and this is why peace is the only real solution that won’t result in mass death #but the israeli right wing sure af doesn’t want it #and their actions in Gaza sure aren’t inspiring confidence among Palestinians that there’s a partner there #so it’s just all deeply sad

[running-in-the-dark]

so one thing I'm noticing after just three days on the new antidepressant is - once again I can't tell if a conversation really happened or if it was just a dream. I wake up but not fully, and either talk to someone or just dream it, and when I properly wake up I can't tell which it was.

I always have that a little bit, but not nearly as bad as it is (again) now (and was on the other antidepressant)

#like. full conversations either in person or on the phone or via text or even on here #there's just. literally no way to tell the difference #it's very unsettling. like it's already weird enough without the meds but with them it's. pretty scary tbh! #so I have to worry about posting half asleep again too I guess lol. that used to happen a lot. I'd write a whole damn post half asleep but #luckily I usually fell asleep before actually posting it #but. I did sleep for like 8 hours without waking up last night. that was amazing #still feel tired but not nearly as bad #so I'll take it... for now. maybe it'll get better. if not.. well I'll have to see which is worse #personal

[dahkis]

so beast tamer is getting replaced (lynched) by the new class 'lynn'

rip beast tamer 2023. couldn't make it to the end of the year LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

#me thoughts #maplestory #also apparently kms is getting lynn as well which is surprising to say the least. the first overseas class released in kms...i wonder #if there's potential for kanna and hayato's addition considering the interest kms players have for them #also also i wonder what her faction is #...whatever the fuck those horns on her head are??? since wonky was involved in the creation of lynn #i doubt they would add a whole new faction so i guess theyll just stick her in the anima BUT SHANGRI LA??????????????? #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #she's just a human is my final answer #cope #also pwease dont touch her already existing link skill and legion me would very much appreciate that *bats eyelashes* #chase and her critter crew are kinda lowkey hilarious in gameplay now that i think about it...most silliest class goes to her tbh #even have the whole circus LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO #i guess rhats one aspect ill miss about beast tamer if not for the game's earnest attempt at a unique gameplay #im curious about lynns support capabilities and whether it'll be on par (cope) or lesser bishop since lynn's main branches are split into #bossing mobbing and support. internally i want bishop to die in hard bossing parties if it werent for the fact that nexon sucks at balancin #their supports because like NO ONE compares to bishop. #so apparently beast tamer was nearly on the chopping block much like jett...pretty scary how straight up removing a class can be considered #a solution

[yeonban]

"do forgive my reluctance to engage in, ah ... 'pda'. what a burden my ability is." lie; it doesn't work on those with gifts, but fyodor feels it simply will not do to have anyone know that. in truth, he is not against touch for the purpose of warming his ever-cold hands. still, he hands the paper over, having treated it with all due diligence.

Are you Nikolai's type?

❛ E~~eeh, are you saying you'd kill me if I touched you in public, Dostoy?! How scary! How ruthless! ...What about in private? ❜ Swaying akin to a leaf in the wind, the jester puts such a ridiculous amount of space between the two of them that any passerby may have wondered what scandalous secret he's been sworn off from ever talking about (if their road to work had included a trip through two terrorists' headquarters, that is) yet with the ease of a born actor, he switches to the role of the wind at the speed of teenagers lining up to a new gamestop opening its doors; and brings himself back to close quarters with his dear, beloved friend.

Nikolai encroaches dangerously close to Fyodor's skin as he does so, obnoxiously deep into his personal space as though stupid enough to test the other's insinuated claim by initiating skin contact right then and there. Why, their hands and faces are so close that a single wrong move could have them touching each other! Not that the clown seems to mind it one. bit. ❛ Three bingos without using the free space, five with it... a new record in our long-lasting relationship! Truly a moment worth celebrating!! Say, say, Dostoy, what do you think is the best way to commemorate our newfound drove of similarities? Hm... how about watching a play? Oh, oh! or how about going on an overnight trip together?! or ma~aybe a teensy tinge of bonding murder...? Ack!! Help me a bit out here, won't you!! ❜

#muse: nikolai gogol. #starspurn #* nikolai gogol. / ic. #AFDADJSADHSADJSAJ Fedya you deserve an award for dealing w this man on the daily FR fr #THE WAY KOLYA IS LIKE. PURPOSEFULLY A FEW MILIMETERS AWAY FROM TOUCHING FEDYA AS WE SPEAK ADGSADSJDJ #Kolya has crazy scary instincts tbh; he'd never do smth that'd get him killed so he's Pretty Dang Sure Fedya either won't OR can't kill him #However he's not at all sure which one it is LMAODSHDJJSH #Kolya vc: Suuurely THE demon Dostoevsky himself can at least control his ability! so I Should be safe even if I touch him~! #He IS very much intrigued by all the bingos Fedya managed to get btw!! Sad honking noises @ the bird one but loud cheers at everything else #Some of them Particularly touched his heart (going along w his antics; liking both his inner and outer personas; being interested in him)

[waywardsalt]

Hi! I hope you’re doing good in life! So it’s spooky season so I have an ask related to that. I don’t know if you play horror video games, watch horror movies/shows, or read horror books, but if you do, I have to ask: What is the most disturbing book, or video game or show/movie that you’ve played/watched/read? In my opinion, there is two types of horror: the ones that scare you, and the ones that traumatize you. If you can think of any book, movie, or game that really kind of fucked you up, I’m curious to know if you feel like answering. I hope you have a good day and a good life.

Hey, I’m doing good and I hope you are too!

the answer ended up being really long lol

Woof, this is honestly a pretty hard question, since I can't really name any horror (or otherwise) media that actually left me kind of fucked up for a bit, at least not to the degree where it affected me for a while. I probably haven't been really fucked up by anything since I was a kid, so I'll try and recall what a few things fucked me up back then...

Off the top of my head I know that two different spongebob episodes got me bad, the first being one with that tunnel of love thing (tho tbh i havent seen it in a while so it might still spook me today) and the one where i'm pretty sure for whatever reason squidward gets locked in some small locker and has some kind of fucked up dream, whatever that was. I remember there was an eagle in that one. the eagle terrified me. (i looked them up, and the first episode is titled 'tunnel of glove' and the second is 'squidward in clarinetland'. with how badly that second one got to me, i'm surprised i ended up learning to play the clarinet at all)

other than that, i think the courage the cowardly dog episode 'the house of discontent' got me pretty bad, too, but i think everyone who saw any amount of that series as a kid has at least one episode that got them fucked up.

there's probably a handful of scooby-doo stuff that got to me when i was a kid, but i could not name any specifics (asides from charlie the robot's original episode, christ) because i think i managed to see just about every bit of available scooby media around that time.

nowadays stuff still does kinda fuck me up, but it's usually only for brief bits of time. the most recent example I can think of is cowboy bebop's 20's episode, pierrot le fou, which is honestly some great horror, especially how it uses the show's typical format and flips it on it's head, but i wouldn't necessarily say it got to me because of it being scary, more because of the way the ending disturbed me for a bit. it was the only episode that had me stop afterwards and really look into it for anything other than clarifying a character's gender, lol.

the endings of both neon genesis evangelion and end of evangelion had me shaken, the latter more so than the former, but not really due to horror aspects, though. i did have to take a walk after finishing end of evangelion. i don't really watch horror movies, i just... read the wikipedia plot descriptions of them.

honestly, i think some of the more popular youtube analogue horror series have gotten to me worse (likely due to the fact that they can get a bit more fucked up than, say, a tv show or movie), specifically the walten files (which i did watch) and the mandela catalogue (which i just watched wendigoon's vids on), and those two and mostly because facial distortion is generally just an incredibly effective form of horror imo. a lot of the time (esp with the childhood examples) the way i was 'fucked up' was that id be in be visualizing the stuff that scared me, and both the mandela catalogue and the walten files had me doing that for a bit.

now that i remember it, i was really scared of fnaf when it first came out. i first learned of it second-hand from seeing some other kids looking into it, and the bits and pieces i put together about it really scared me.

honestly, it's usually straight-up disturbing sequences or imagery that gets to me the most, and i know my limits well enough to generally identify and avoid that stuff, which is probably why i don't have too many recent examples. i've got one or two examples of non-horror movies that fucked me up as a kid, but that's mostly because they were wildly inappropriate for someone of my age (at the time) to be witnessing, so that's a different sort of topic.

i mean, i think i generally have a decent tolerance for fucked up stuff in media, anyways, i mean, i enjoy berserk and haven't really been too upset or disturbed by what happens in it (look theres some nasty shit in there im not saying its not that bad) so there's definitionally some kind of line that media needs to cross to really get to me nowadays, or it just needs to be a specific kind of fucked up. books generally don't do that for me so i don't have any book examples. no games, either, though shadow mario and the haunted house segments in super mario 3d world scared me so much that i had to make my mom do the levels for me, and i'm pretty sure scooby doo: first frights scared me a bit when i first played it on ds.

other than that, though, I just think that, in pokemon x, the story that an npc tells you during your first trip to route 14 and then the strange office building encounter with the animation-less hex maniac creeped me out pretty bad.

yeah, it's kind of hard for me to think of anything (recent) that actually really fucked me up or anything. most stuff just scared me, never really fucked me up or figuratively traumatized me in recent years.

#asks #zeldanamikaze #salty talks #i think for media to really fuck me up there has to be some kind of intense emotional aspect to it or have some specific visual stuff #my enjoying of berserk is proof that it takes specific stuff to really get to me. the way i tested if id be fine reading berserk is so #fucked in hindsight. i straight up looked up the two most infamous eclipse chapters online and read them to make sure id be fine #what the fuck. i just dove in head first fucking god #anyways yeah. like berserk is generally fine for me but cowboy bebop episode 20 did have me a lil fucked up. its so good #ive been looking more into horror stuff recently and i have a lot of respect for (well-executed) horror games like damn. i wanna play #silent hill 2 so bad. it's a really interesting genre when pulled off effectively on a level deeper than just 'oh look at this scary thing' #anyways. i recently watched mononoke and its not really horror just kinda unsettling. its so fucking good #tbh tho there are some fanfics ive read that did actually fuck me up (which is why i kinda have an aversion to angst) #but i didnt want to talk abt those bc i dont want to name names or anything. theyre good fics they just affected me pretty negatively #generally its more like. freaky irl things that fuck me up but thats not fun to talk about its just like. depressing #sorry it took so long to reply to this i hadnt really sat down to write it or anything an just. couldnt think of much lol #anyways ig bottom line is that its more likely for non-horror stuff to fuck me up? or its gotta be specific stuff idk #i played a few hours of portal 1 at a friends house years ago and for some reason it creeped me out a whole lot #strangely enough i dont think scooby doo mystery incorporated fucked me up when i first watched it #i think there was like 1 episode that scared me more than the rest but it was never too bad #and that show is regarded as likely the most actually scary scooby thing. its rlly good #im pretty sure scooby doo was my first (or one of my first) special interest #also (similarly) i dont really get nightmares too often my dreams are just kinda really weird most of the time #i did actually have like. a scary dream recently but i dont know if id fully call it a nightmare

[sateurn]

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

These sobs really limited my tags?????

I have so many more thoughts this is so so much less than 1/2. Broski. Big dislike

#its ‘i watched a tv show and i need to talk about it in the tags of this site im not on anymore’ time #ty to the void for always accepting my thoughts <3 #so honestly its just me thinking about the andromeda tv show. i just finished it and it left me destitute bc i clung onto the first 2 season #s as a basis and had ten thousand questions i *assumed* would be resolved. spoiler alert: they were nto #not*. and the coda addition helps but like. not enough. it explains some of the #oh fyi if anyone is reading or cared there will be spoilers #anyways it explained some of them ex for the cosmic engine bit. seemed pretty relevant and then was never mentioned again #i also MUCH prefer that version of trance — i had speculation she was a sun avatar which i took as confirmation when i finally noticed her #tattoo when harper used it to remind himself he put that data in the sun etc etc but i much prefer the sun-as-consciousness-astral-poject- #ing-slash-dreamjng-itself-a-body / being a little devil. i think that feels much more true to what we got in worldbuilding early on and tbh #the bar is on the floor bc any explanation would be better than what we got. also im sorry but s5 i trusted SO hard that that whole virgil #vox bit in the finale was insulting. couldnt even tie up the loose end you invented at the last minute????? MY god. i understand getting you #r budget halved but like. broski. it would have been better to ignore it at that point imo. #anywhoodle. i also have just ISSUES w the lack of resolution & not doing justice to literally any character #listen. why would you sink SO much effort into tyr just to have honestly what i feel is a disrespectful end to that character. like #tyr required me to do a LOT of thinking bc i sympathized with his position in exile etc while thinking also bro thats real fucked up. bro #stop thats fuckinng e*genics again dude. tbh with the entire species (im not looking up how to spell that rn) bc like the foundation of #their entire race is e*ugenics. (sorry censoring bc im in the tags just venting about tv) which obviously is a terrible idea but i think the #so it was like i am fundamentally against the concept but in show universe theg obviously did it etc but for me provided such a huge like #context to the universe. i fundamentally am not on board with all the commonwealth stuff like yeah i get it the magog are bad and scary but #like the neitzcheans (sp??? idc) are also Right There bein scary. then theres the ‘enhanced’ debate re dylan beka etc that like. is the same #but ‘’different’’ i guess. 🙄 anyways that is just to point out like. the level of thinking this show put me through just to blindside me w/ #no resolution. i had SO much hope. tyr selling iut to the abyss is disrespectful to all of the established work the actor did for him and #to the character as well even if i think the ideology is icky. he was shown to be even less and less self-centric survival guy as it went on #and also tbh i didnt understand the him stealing his kids dna thing. i really thought that was gonna gi in a different less bs direction #okay also while im here can i just say. that tyr and dylan had THE most romantic tension to me. everyone else felt very friendshipy and i am #NOT one to usually fall into a ‘they obviously should be together’ pipeline that the writers dont make themselves. but the back and forth ( #and intense eye contact) had me sitting there like. it was made in 2000 i know they wont do it but for not doing it they sure did! not that #i think they’d make a good couple (they would not) but that there was definitely something there on the dl you know? something more than #‘mutual respect’ you feel? and tbh! they also ruined the tyr beka thing by making her the matriarch. big ew huge ick.

[deus-ex-mona]

not me projecting onto ken again at 3am g o o d b y e

#hm? the characters are ooc? that’s the joy of crackfics m’dude~~~~~~~ #aka ‘guess who got to have an hour long uninterrupted convo with their bro’s gf today—‘ #got to find out how they got together (which was. pretty a r i k e n -esque in a sense i was in t e a r s) #and i found out about their relationship tea™️ which was. wilder than i thought it’d be tbh #but more importantly… i found out that my bro actually found me scary??? which was funny bc i was afraid of *him* at the time too lmaoooo #g od the two of us are actually pretty similar when it comes down to it huh…… gross. #anyways i got to show the poor girl my bro’s baby pics which was fun~~~~~ #i should locate my carefully curated albums of my bro’s baby pics just in case— #it is suiyoubi my dudes #added to my personal cringefic compilation

[chemicaljacketslut]

how are you whatcha doiiiin? <3

i’m goodddd was practicing choir music bc we have a concert thursday that people are not ready for as per usual… my choir teacher announced she was pregnant today so i’m very happy for her and also happy that i get to be one of her seniors the year she has her baby god i remember being so jealous of the seniors the year she had her wedding some of them were INVITED. but also it is a weird night bc my grandmother is like. dying. soon. possibly tonight we do not know. so that is sad obviously although i’ve always had trouble really feeling as sad as i think i should be over death, at least for this set of grandparents (my grandpa died this past summer) (also i have not encountered that much death directly so i guess i shouldn’t make such a blanket statement). bc of course i’m vaguely sad but honestly i was more upset BEFORE they were close to dying because they were suffering and dementia-riddled and i hated seeing them like that. and so at this point i’ve kind of made peace with it like yeah it’s sad but it’s yk the circle of life and now they are not in pain. yk. i think i went through the stages of grief before they died. anyway now i am going to listen to lsoh the meek shall inherit bc it is stuck in my head and then maybe write some fic and then go to sleep?

#sorry for the rant OOPS #anyway i am genuinely okay. i know people get awkward around death which is understandable like. wtf are u supposed to say #but it really has never been like a scary thing to me even as a kid i was very morbid tbh #throwback to my 10 y/o yellow fever epidemic hyperfixation #so yeahh i’m doing pretty okay overall #tw death #asks

[aeide-thea]

i love and cherish my armpit hair (which i realize is like. Smacks of Hella Basic White Feminism, except, you know, possibly a little more complicated when it's for very extremely trans reasons), but the fact that it's so blond and wispy as to be almost invisible in photos is a serious disappointment to me every time

#if i could wave a wand and get fuzzier armpits i for sure would #non-vellus thigh/stomach hair ditto #chest hair is scarier but also pretty interesting #lotta uncertain confused feelings abt like. what changes i would and wouldn't want exactly #and of course the reality is that you can't really pick and choose #but like. being a fuzzier creature... wistful face #love my fuzzy calves a LOT. like. visually good‚ tactilely extremely good. comforting and satisfying to run my hands along. #like. idk. there's the piece of Gender that's abt perception and there's also the piece that's like. the body you wanna inhabit #i sort of feel like. i wanna be a boy in a girlbody and i wanna be a girl in a boybody #and like. you can't really do both those things simultaneously #(i mean like. you can if yr defining yr terms differently‚ which wld be valid) #(and i don't really totally endorse the way i'm using language here but like. ykwim) #anyway boy-in-girlbody mode is obvs easier to access given the givens‚ but #that mode has girl-in-boybody-mode body hair envy #anyway all of this is like. such rarefied world-of-pure-imagination stuff and it's like. is anyone even willing to meet me there tbh #maybe. outside chance of it. but am *i* willing to meet *them* there and to *ask* to be met there. ouf idk. scary scary scary vulnerable #and then of course i feel like feeling scared and shy is Intrinsically Feminine of me which is SO extremely bullshit #for so many reasons incl that every man i know and love is scared and shy sometimes if not often #(also incl. that plenty of women are confident and/or outgoing! which i feel like is more self-evident as an assertion but. #never hurts to both-sides yr objections to binarist stereotypes so yr not just centering men) #but it just feels like. do you remember those bodycon dresses years ago that had like. a smaller curvier silhouette on them #so there'd be like. the wearer's actual body & then the smaller curvier imagined body carved out of theirs by the colorblocking of the dress #and i feel like. there's whatever the essential 'me' is or was and then like. the more-feminine shape they got traumatically carved into #and now it's just like. any moves i might wanna make‚ i gotta make with the carved-up psyche that's the only psyche i've got #and it just immediately intrinsically undermines anything i might try #anyway. idk. these tags have gone a LOT of different places lol i just. mrrrh. #maybe the actual thing to do is worry less abt gender possibilities and more abt getting physically stronger. cultivate meatiness #good for all genders #anyway uh. apologies for the 4 AM spiral lol #embodiment (is violence)