#wish so much stock wasnt placed on romantic relationships and shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

this-blog-should-not-exist · 6 years

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Recent life updates

What even is this blog anymore really lol. It started out as my side blog from my personal one where I could thirst over boys. Over time I gained like two handfuls of followers that have mostly all left now probably. Im just this sad little gay blog where I post and rant about my relationships with people and be depressed. It does help to get it all out though, thanks for those who have stuck around I guess.

Its been about a week, Im not house sitting for my friend anymore but thankfully mom was able to get the wifi turned back on at home after months of being in the dark so that’s nice that I can still do this on my laptop. Idk if I would be able to get as much out if I was doing this on my phone. Halloween was kind of shit this year. Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday, I was going to go as like a sexy kind of Harley Quinn with a crop top half red and half black shirt, black and red net stockings, and a pair of short black shorts but it was too cold out so I had a back up of the Suicide Squad Harley which I still pulled off well, I just wish I had more time to put into the makeup but it looked nice. BUT of course SH couldn’t go with me down to Athens because her boyfriend had previously said they would go to I guess his little cousins birthday party which alright I was kinda bummed but I still had C and JO to go down to Athens with, we had planned about a month or half a month in advance to go down together. Well the day of I text them asking if we were all riding down together. Well C was just planning on following another one of his friends around like he usually did when he went down to Athens, JO was going to follow C around so I figured Id just tag along in general because I knew the friend C was going to hangout with as well. Well then C says that he didn't know if I should go to the party with them because he didn’t know how many people were going to be at his friends and didn’t want me to show up and there be too many people, which on one hand I mean alright, I understand that but on the other hand we planned this like a month or half a month in advance he didn’t tell her that I was coming with them??? So I ended up walking around alone at Athens for about 2 hours until I just left because I couldn't find anyone I knew or any parties going on.

Then actual Halloween came and I had J come down, I mean he didn’t have to be he chose to which was nice but he seemed less than enthused to do anything. I hadn't carved pumpkins yet and damn it I was going to carve a pumpkin and watch Nightmare Before Christmas like I have every year. Well I guess he had only agreed to come down at all or even get the pumpkins was so he could have the seeds. He wanted interested in seeing family or anyone he just wanted his pumpkin seeds. So I carved my pumpkin gave him all the insides and he picked out the seeds. We watched Nightmare Before Christmas and Sweeney Todd and cuddled on the couch while he cooked his seeds. But idk it just wasnt that great of a night. Friday night I was told by my friend I’ll call P from work was that C was having the guy that he’s been talking to come down to JO’s for dinner. I wasn’t told until maybe a few hours before hand so that kinda hurt, like had I made them mad somehow? What did I do? So I stop by JO’s that night for a bit to meet him and he’s pretty cute to be honest, VERY thin as well its kind of concerning but still. But so then last night I had gone to JO’s because me, P a friend from high school and C were going to watch some scary movies on my projector around the fire. Well C brought his guy as well so that was kinda interesting. Ive been feeling kinda eh this past week with guys it just a mess. Plus last night I had told J that we should see other people and move on so that kinda sucked. Then to see C and his boy all over each other tenderly was kind of upsetting, frustrating, I was a little jealous as well but still it was a good night I guess. We watched the Scream movies, I had never seen them before but the first one was pretty good.

But now Im at this situation. Ive still been casually talking to G ever since we had our first date and just I made a mistake choosing J. The more I talk to G the more I like him, he reminds me of SH and if there’s anything Ive learned its that I should never let go of anyone who reminds me of SH. On the first date with G I said I didn’t feel a spark or anything. We did however talk the whole time, about so many things, so many similar interests, ideas, books, games, memes it was a fun time. And I’m beginning to think if I keep talking to him for another month or so I can start to move in the more romantic stuff with him. If he doesn’t drop ME in that that. These past few days he’s seemed less talkative which makes me think that maybe he’s found another boy that would be better than me since I turned him away the first time. I feel bad but I want to ask him if I could get a second chance. If not though I understand as well, I had my opportunity and i said no. I’ll just have to see what happens. If I get a chance when talking to him again I’ll ask, plus I want to say to him like “hey if you want, here’s my number as well if you ever just wanted to text” and see what happens. He may say sure for the night then never text me again. Im afraid that this will seem like just rebound. I just “broke up” with J and now Im taking second best which is not what it is! I realize I made a mistake, I felt it was a mistake when I started talking to J in the first place I just dealt with it to see what would happen before I started to talk with G. And isn't that the point of dating? To DATE people to see whether they are a good match or not, when you realize that it won’t work out you politely tell the other person with no hard feelings and move on to the next person when you feel ready. Now when I say move on that could mean many things, I still talk to everyone I have had a romantic interest with because I got so close to them idk how I could just turn my back on them once I realized they were not the right one for me. I know so much about them and have gotten close to them that I still care about them enough to have a happy life outside of what we had. Sometimes I just want to check up on them to see if they are happy, how they are doing. If they are ok just because I still care in that sense like a friend would. Im a very patient person when I still thought I was straight I always told myself that I would wait for SH if the day ever came where her and JO broke up, and it did! But if I have to wait for G or something happens along the way where I discover that we just weren’t supposed to be then so be it.

#me #blog writing #relationship #boyfriend #gay #personal #Halloween #relationship advice #tinder

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