#work sucks no matter what you do

[zlobonessa]

one aspect that always fascinates me about the witch cult is how much they are used-to-be humans-but-now-not-really-are. they were just people who sometimes were good in the way people are and sometimes were bad in the way people are. and then their lifes had been altered by powers so fundamentally that they just. lost touch with any humanity that they had. how do you comprehend being a hundreds years old? how do you comprehend being able to kill a human as simply as a mosquito? how do you comprehend being beyond time, beyond aging, beyond life and death, beyond your own body, beyond your own memories? it's a horror scenario accepted willingly, horror where instead of running from monster you shake its hand and convince yourself that that's all you ever wanted, because the alternative? the alternative is the existence so miserable you'd rather die than go back. the existence that may ask you to take responsibility for your actions, navigate your own life, change who you are as a person.

they cannot do that. they never could do that. they live for years and years, having powers to do literally anything and yet led by instructions in the book, further and further conservating in the state they were from a start, the moment they took a deal.

doomed from the beginning. never having a chance to escape. never wanting to escape, instead allowing your humanity to slowly seep away as a price for not bearing the weight of that it means to be human. damn.

#re zero #sorry for being barely comprehensible myself i just think about this. a lot. #like the sheer fact that all of them lived either literally or technically (lye) for thousands years #and yet they still hold grudges for stuff that happened lifetimes ago #never progressing never changing despite the fact that their whole life is now technically about Progression To The Goal #to do more work! (nobody except petelgeuse actually cares about the cult goals on the personal level) #to collect more names! (there are never gonna be enough names) to collect more wives! (same thing here) #to be loved by someone who could never love you back because he stucks in his own role and unreachable goal #to be loved by everybody even though you are completely disgusting by your own volition #none of this matters but hey if you convince yourself that it does it doesn't suck so bad! #and if you admit that it doesn't then the only option is to ask yourself what am i doing here actually! and you not gonna love the answer! #well i sure am talking A LOT about them. sorry. #also that's the part where i'm slowly pointing at regurein- [I'm shot at the back of the head] #[my bloodied hand still draws “I'm a monster who hunts monsters” in sand tho]

[un-local]

sure wish I had time to do things

#I have like a million swrd arts I wanna paint but no time #and writing i wanna do #No time! #Sucks man. Everyone else has time to be doing this #With the DLC coming there’s like a rogier fandom renaissance I won’t get to participate in at all #By the time I get to do the things I wanna do I’m pretty sure all my ideas are gonna be old news #Done better by other people who work faster. Again #Sigh. What’s it matter I suppose #Sad. I have it all mapped out too #but no points for that right. It’s what you post #:/ #TDLR: sucks to suck #hare posts #harebrained thought

[amokslime]

About the whole ADHD "finding a way to motivate yourself without using the stress of impending deadlines" thing:

I hate to say it, but learning to be nicer to myself changed a lot of that for me. I really truly hate to say it. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you gotta find a way to be nicer to yourself inside your own head, in whatever way works for you. I know it sucks so bad to hear.

The other thing is, if my brain is really refusing to tackle a task, often times the main thing I'm feeling is confused and understimulated. Which leads to me sitting there with the jeopardy theme song playing in my head, and then I unconsciously gravitate towards something that's more stimulating and therefore easier to wrap my head around. So overstimulating myself in some sensory way helps me be less confused about what I needed to do. Everybody's brain is different, though.

And uhh the other thing that helped is concerta, and listening to my body, and working on not being so ashamed when I failed. Which means you will probably have to fail a little bit unfortunately

#im so so so sorry #it sucks so bad because so much of what i found that works sounds so much like the trite advice we always get #you have to do it while being nice to yourself. if you try it while still motivating yourself through shame it won't workkkkkk #and the path to chipping away at all that learned shame is really individual and difficult #but the shame and stress are buddies that go hand in hand. they come from the same place #i had to make myself physically incapable of tolerating stress before i realized that it just doesn't matter #like you have responsibilities to your neighbors and loved ones and some of them are time sensitive. but HOW you complete them doesnt matte #and you just will mess up. there is nothing you can do about that. you have a disability. ADHD is a disability #''but if i mess up I'll face severe consequences. that's why i motivate myself through stress in the first place'' YEAH I KNOW IM SORRY MAN #it is still good to try and untangle the shame around doing tasks. it's still helpful. #even if it doesn't help you be more productive it will help your relationship with yourself and the world. #which is actually a really worthwhile and not at all selfish thing to prioritize. believe it or not. #anyway. love you!! sorry!! byeeee #personal #brain stuff

[feywhimsy]

thinking about halsin and his relation to trauma. how he was able to heal from the terrible thing that happened to him, how it doesn't control him, how he can acknowledge it but he doesn't hurt how he used to. how it doesn't consume his every waking thought. it's incredibly healing to be able to see a character who has immense grief and trauma still able to be hopeful, still able to make a change, and be able to interact with the things that hurt him in the first place.

#i'm lowkey sick so i'm sorry if this post doesn't make sense #the brain fog is real today #but do you get it?? do you see what i'm saying? #once i'm feeling better i'm gonna write more about everything i love about halsin bc there is a LOT #i saw some people saying in the poll that halsin lovers are just like “him Good :)” which i DO do #but it's mostly because i'm fucking exhausted from work literally all the time #and it's not worth trying to change the minds of people who are always going to disagree with me no matter what i say #however. halsin love blast #i swear it seems like some of these people are purposefully ignoring things that are clearly stated in the text #halsin #moxie.txt #btw i'm not saying that halsin isn't without flaws! literally the entire point of bg3 is that everyone has flaws! #but the blatant disregard for what's in the text sucks :) #also no hate to the orin lovers i respect you #it's the halsin haters that bother me! <3

[the-kestrels-feather]

D'you think Vampires have a favorite blood type like do you think they crack open a boy as a cold one and go "fuck man, it's a B+. I hate B+" or "FUCK YEAH AB MY FAVORITE", and also like, does blood type matter when sucking blood like if you drain an A+ person and then a B- one will you get sick? I need to know about vampire blood typing

#vampires #vampires please interact #i read dracula recently so this is what my brain is thinking about rn #dracula #bram stoker #where is my urban fantasy book about a newly made vampire learning the hard way that blood type matters #like he runs to his grizzled old vampire mentor and is like “dude what the fuck why does my stomach feel like theres a war going on in it” #“did you eat?” #“yeah” #“more than one victim.” #“yeah?” #“did you get their blood types?” “why the fuck would i do that?” “because steven you can't just suck blood willy nilly you gotta know type” #“im undead can turn into a bat can ride moonbeams etc. and you're telling me that drinking 2 different types of blood can knock me out?” #“sure am” #“WHAT THE FUCK” #anyways im very bored at work if you can't tell

[caffeinatedopossum]

I'm so emotionally exhausted

#being highly empathetic is so romanticized but it actually sucks so much #not just for me btw. like for everyone around me too #im great at supporting people short term but anytime you need me to reliably be there i just cant #because i feel so strongly anytime im around other people experiencing strong emotions that i burn through my emotional battery #in a matter of minutes #its also almost definitely a result of my trauma. so yeah definitely over-hyped #PLUS i hate being that person thats like 'sorry YOUR emotions are too painful for ME' like wtf #makes me sound like an ass #i think it cam definitely be phrased better while still saying the same thing (like 'sorry i dont really have the energy now. is that okay?) #but it still sucks. i want to be there for people. i dont know what to do with all these emotions that arent mine #like theres always 'work through the trauma' but how?? im emotionally exhausted! #plus i dont actually see any way to reassure what im scared about cause its not like a fear of being punished triggered by others emotions #its like. I was exposed to this thing a lot as a kid and now my brain responds to it really strongly #the thing itself wouldnt have been wrong in a different context but i was a child and couldnt process the things that i experienced #and i still dont know how to

[the-kipsabian]

so glad to just come home and immediately be like "okay its vent hour time" but like

dont fucking talk to me about being a writer and then tell me you use ai to write 3/4 of your text for you and top it off by BRAGGING how you "wrote" 50k words in two days

YOU DIDNT WRITE MOST OF THEM. THATS NOT WORTH BRAGGING ABOUT TO SOMEONE WHO PAINSTAKINGLY HANDCRAFTS ALL THEIR FICS FOR FUCKING DAYS FROM BEGINNING TO END AND EDITS ALL THEIR SHIT AS WELL

fucking hell im angry

#sure i dont tell these people im a writer cause then i would have to explain why i write gay fanfics about wrestlers #but like. thats not a fucking brag either way. saying that youre a writer and then saying most of your stuff is ai generated is not the flex #you think it is no matter what. youre making a mockery of the arts you fuckwad #the worst part? this was my own fucking brother. the one person i'd trust not to do this kind of shit #im just disappointed and angry and like. i dont know. ai fucking sucks if you use ai to create any supposed ''art'' leave me the fuck alone #im so mad rn. i feel like my work means jackshit. its already hard enough to make it with my stuff and rarepairs and shit and then just #seeing someone in my immediate orbit do this? idk im just mad #ugh. whatever. vent hour over im just. i wanna scream #im so fucking disappointed rn #night is an absolute mess on main

[victorluvsalice]

The "Valicer In The Dark Meets Baldur's Gate III" Not-Incorrect Quotes/Shitpost Collection

(Don't worry too much about spoilers -- most of this is early-game stuff, with just a couple of things relating to stuff in Act II)

--

Alice: [having just met Lae'zel on the Nautiloid and been informed of the situation with the parasites] And who are you, exactly?

Lae'zel: Who am I? Your only chance of survival.

[later, after the imps have been fought, and everyone's met back up and freed Shadowheart:]

Victor: [introducing himself as they get back on the move] I'm Victor.

Alice: I'm Alice. [pointing to Lae'zel] And this is Only.

Lae'zel: ?

Alice: Well, you've given me nothing else to call you.

--

Shadowheart: [after being informed the trio live in a world without a sun and that's why they're being so weird about the sky being blue] I -- are you Shar's Chosen? Is this some sort of test? Am I not supposed to believe you when you say you like sunlight? I can totally not believe you if that's the case!

Alice: ...I feel like we've missed something.

Smiler: [lying down and sunbathing] Yeah, it's in the sky above us.

--

Withers: What is the worth of a single mortal's life?

Victor: I -- I would say priceless. You can't put a value on life itself.

Alice: I say it's worth whatever you're willing to pay to defend it. Only the owner of said life can set the value.

Smiler: I'm pretty sure the standard rate of assassins in Duskwall is four Coin minimum -- not sure how that translates to your money.

Victor & Alice: [look at Smiler]

Smiler: What? It's a legitimate answer!

--

Withers: I shall be here, in thy camp, for whenever thou has need of my services.

Alice: Oh? What kind of services do you offer?

Withers: A mending of the threads between life and death. Should thou or any of thy compatriots perish, I will cleave soul to body once more.

Victor: Cleave soul to -- wait a minute, isn't that how you get vampires?

Astarion: [rearranging his tent, pauses and gives them a really weird look]

--

Alice: [during one of the meetings with Raphael] You do seem like a very powerful devil.

Raphael: [preening] I consider myself no slouch, yes.

Smiler: [cheerfully] I bet your blood could power an entire city block for a month!

Raphael: [blink blink] ...thank...you?

--

Strange Ox: Ah, you're addressing me. A humble ox. How...quaint.

Smiler: [tilting their head] What are you?

Strange Ox: As I said, a humble ox. I don't know why you're --

Smiler: No, I mean, what's an ox?

Strange Ox: ...

--

Smiler: [standing behind a table lined with eight samples of the same Potion Of Glorious Vaulting, with Victor, Alice, and the companions all gathered around the front of it] Thank you all for coming to this blind taste test, where we will be disproving the idiotic notion that you only need one specific ingredient per potion to create something that does what you want it to. In front of you are eight individual Potions of Glorious Vaulting, each made with a different type of Ashes -- I would like you each to drink one, test the effects, then rate it based on how strong the effects were, how long they lasted, and how tasty it was.

Wyll: You care about the taste?

Smiler: Of course! If we're going to be making potions, the least we could do is make them pleasant to consume! We're working toward maximum happiness here! Now everybody pick one and let's get jumping!

--

Gale: [realizing the trio isn't with them as they move through the mind flayer colony under Moonrise] Hold -- where's Victor, Alice, and Smiler?

Karlach: I think I saw them looking at a cage in the last room.

Lae'zel: Chk -- they should know by now that we cannot pause and look at every little thing that --

Smiler: [rejoining the group carrying a certain intellect devourer, beaming, as Victor and Alice come up behind them] Hey everyone!

Lae'zel: [stares at the brain] ...

Astarion: Why are you carrying an intellect --

Lae'zel: THAT. THING. SURVIVED?!

Us: Hello Angry Friend!

Lae'zel: I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND

--

Aylin: [after everyone's agreed to meet up with her and Isobel again later at the camp] Now -- you will leave us. We must take succour in one another's bodies and words.

Isobel: Aylin. We'll see you later.

Victor: [hiding a smile] Of course.

Alice: [biting back a chuckle] Later.

Smiler: [big beaming grin and a double thumbs up] Enjoy the hot lesbian sex!

Victor: Smiler!

Aylin: I intend to.

Isobel: AYLIN.

#valicer in the dark au #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #(very minor ones nothing for Act III but I guess there's a little bit for Act II here) #not incorrect quotes #had probably more fun with these than I should have #Lae'zel cracks and tells Alice her name when she tells 'Only' and Shadowheart not to fight before they reach the helm #Alice of courses persists in calling her 'Only' when she's annoyed with her #and Smiler is like 'VINDICATED' when Withers admits that resurrecting people is a matter of coin #'see I told you he might want the economics answer!' #also yes ghosts possessing soulless bodies is how you get vampires in Duskwall #not to mention most of them suck life straight out of other people #a blood-drinker like Astarion is unusual there #as for the 'blood could power a city block' #most of the electroplasmic power that helps light up Duskwall comes from leviathan blood #and leviathans are a large form of devil #so it really was meant as a compliment XD #and yes I looked at how alchemy worked in the game #and Smiler was immediately like 'what do you mean ANY SALT' #they take their craft seriously damn it XD #and also you should be allowed to hug Us #put that in the next patch Larian #queued

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

#luly talks #i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad #rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck #gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night.......... #actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles #(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something #so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it? #not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still #i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭'' #first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was #OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy. #anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence #dsaf #roger jones #dsaf roger #btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment #probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc #jake is so confrontational though #hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude #except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon. #hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff #because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen #not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway #yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact #im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Like all I want is someone to love and adore, but with the smallest inkling that they actually care about me as a person too and won't drop me the first time I'm an inconvenience. If I had that we'd fuck nasty every which way all the damn time and I'd send them cute nudes to fluster them when I was feeling flirty. It shouldn't be so damned hard to find that 😔

#some beautiful fool out there is missing out right now #dating nonsense #all the dating site idiots try to jump right to the fuck nasty part #you fools you absolute buffoons sex is so much better when you spend time with someone #figure out what they like and what works and how to enhance the dynamic #no I don't want to sing two karaoke songs then fuck in a car #no i don't want to just sext about your one or two repetitive fantasies #i wanna know how you day was and what fun stuff you've been doing #and THEN i wanna talk about how I'm gonna suck your soul out through your dick/clit #you got the order of things all backwards #and no matter what app I'm on it's so clear nobody reads the fucking bios and it's infuriating

[thueenz]

for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like

#thank god i finally found some friends who are like this too it was so rough before #it sucks tho bc ive been so tired lately its hard for me to live up to this #which i dont hate myself for its valid its just like waaah i wanna have the energy to really put my all in friendships again #for half my life my biggest want and goal in life has been to be someone approachable and who seems kind #even to people with anxiety and i think growing up with anxiety greatly shaped that #i value being kind and compassionate and understanding to such a degree that i spent and still spend time actively working #towards that goal and unlearning being judgemental and bitter #bc i want to be kind so badly and to put kindness in the world... #no but seirously why do people date ppl they dont like #wym you guys arent so unabashedly in love that you practically see hearts thinking of them #wym your entire chest doesnt fill with joy and the simple prospect of them experiencing lifes small joys no matter how little and mundane #to love so wholly that you strive to be a good person not out of guilt or feeling like you are bad but because you desire so deeply to be #good for them and put as much goodness in their life as you can because its what they deserve...💙💙 #ANYWAY LMFAO! im sappy asf as a person sorry everyone but also not sorry #pers

[pepprs]

feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair

#purrs #delete later #basically i can’t internalize anything about myself. i can’t internalize that i am talented smart strong whatever and i can’t internalize #evidence that i matter and belong and am loved. i take in this evidence constsntly and it just evaporates. and then it’s like i have none of #it at all and im starving and shaking and dying and howling like a wretched little animal. and i live in this constant defaulstate of like.. #feeling worthless and alone and utterly empty and like everything in my life is a dream or something. and in feeling that way and being #quite literally incapable of having emotional object permanence.. i actually make that situation real for myself. i make myself alone and #wretched. i isolate myself and shut down and don’t let myself take up the space i can. and it’s just awful. it’s unfixabke. #i just suck it all dry. i deny myself to myself and to everyone else. and idk what made me like this bc i don’t think i always used to be #this way w depression and depersonalization or whatever the fuck dsm 6 type shit i have going on. but i can’t internalize anything about #myself and my life and have no desire / willpower to look back beyond a certain point and really analyze and probe to figure out what #happened to me to make me like this so i can heal the core wound. soim just constantly in wretched tortured panicking creature mode. awesome #this cry for help brought to you by: my sister guilt tripping me into doing her laundry + my brother showing me his beautiful music + #realizing that unlike redacted i have not documented every part of my life and have no access to early childhood artifacts that would reveal #anything about me and that it does n’t even matter / isn’t special anyway. i love being normal 😎🫶🏻‼️ #at least i haven’t been dissociating as badly about work stuff lately but. that’s definitely still a thing too so. what if my whole life is #just the wrong timeline i wasn’t supposed to be in and nothing is actually real. lawl 😳 #this is a ​really awesome time for my therapist to be going on a monthlong honeymoon btw 😍 she deserves it so much but omg im dying already

[parsleymusic]

the urge to respond to critique about portrayal of unpolitically correct attitudes or phrases or actions or whatever in regards to mental illness with "what if I told you that it's not my job to tell my readers that when my character says stuff like 'my binge eating disorder is not as bad as my brother's bipolar + PTSD combination; he has to win at something' that it's Bad and the Wrong Attitude to have when it's largely a tongue in cheek joke about living with mental illness and watching the people you love experience a different flavor that is also worse

#one of my characters tells another character that her grandmother committed suicide #and the critiquer said that I should have said died by suicide #because that is now the “correct” way to talk about suicide #and... I know that #I work in the psychology field #and i'm aware of how speech impacts perception #however #my character does not care about this distinction #and honestly neither do I #it doesn't matter to me whether or not you say “committed suicide” or “died by suicide” #and I have had someone close to me kill themselves #it fucking sucks but no amount of “died by suicide” takes away the reality of the action being performed by the person dying #imo it's a cheap trick that purports to discern the complexities of suicide in that people who do it aren't fully to blame for it #but it doesn't! that conversation needs to happen in full without shying away from the reality that the person did choose to die! #I just... I don't know #i want to portray life as it is not as we wish it to be and I'm not writing a message book about mental illness #also this critiquer comes from the YA space and this book is adult and I fear that the gearing towards YA generally meaning a more actively #condemning attitude towards “problematic” attitudes regarding characters that doesn't have to be present in adult fiction #dealing with someone else's mental illness for years and years is taxing and takes a toll on you and that's problematic sometimes #but you know what! everything is! #/this person had a lot of good things to say but there is something so blah about this in particular #“say die by suicide” #no #anyway

[allthings-acorn]

“R+ training business owners learn to apply their training philosophy to their staff” challenge

#I’m a year in to this job and it’s becoming toxic at #basically I feel like a dog that only ever gets corrected and I’m starting to shut down #I honestly feel like I can do nothing right anymore #and it’s not me! I swear it’s not me! #I feel sort of cursed because this is my second job in this industry to turn completely toxic #so I can understand the urge to go- maybe it IS you? #but it’s not! #I work really fucking hard! I make mistakes but I try! I’m constantly trying to apply the feedback and improve #but no matter what I do all I get is criticism #like today I was chewed out for overlooking some stuff the day before #when I pointed out that I’d worked 30mins overtime trying to get everything done I was basically blamed for the overtime in the first place #it’s completely untenable #I’m going to try talking to my boss next week and we’ll see what happens #but I’m not optimistic at this point #which sucks because I really wanted this to work #I really admire my boss and I wanted their approval very badly #but now I’m coming to terms that I may never get it

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

When British writers come up with an American character’s dialogue and give them the most painfully British things to say with their American accent and inflection and it makes the actor come off as stiff. :P

#The Oxford Murders (2008) #I mean it was a very well-done movie visually (that flowy choreographed camera work in the beginning WOW) #The plot was apparently hard to follow and it’s not just my lack of spoken dialogue comprehension and attention working against me #I always have to check reviews to make sure I’m not the only person having a hard time following a story #because I’ve been trained through life not to trust my own mind due to its faultiness… #Anyway: When Seldom said something like “…only mathematics can be proven. Basic statements like two plus two equals four #are the only things sure in this world” I— 💀 HELP no no no… one of the previous characters you played #would like to kiss this new character of yours on the mouth for what he just said— ashsisksnsksjjsjdjdmsksk #That is until you elaborated on it and then basically took the side of his persecutor… THAT sucked #And I know my speech right now does not come off as naturally as it once did (or is it) I have no idea #if this is my real voice or the absorption’s afterglow causing me to speak in such an uptight manner #but I don’t mind it #but I do mind it #because no matter what combination of words I use it doesn’t sound or feel as if I am the one speaking — I stitch together what I hear #or have I only been conditioned to think the way I speak isn’t natural because nobody in my immediate life speaks like this #Who says stitching together words into a gigantic quilt isn’t natural for me? #But that still leaves me with no soul. I’m Pete the Parrot. Or Bumblebee. #Maybe I shouldn’t speak or write; maybe I need to master visual telepathy #or a language comprised entirely of touch and eye movement #I always feel the need to create languages so I can express myself without falling into cliches and dialects #I want to be free of stereotypes #I’m tired of speaking this language… EXHAUSTED #I speak in predictable patterns and when I think I’m not using a pattern by being unpredictable; the unpredictability becomes a trend

[rubberbandballqueen]

the best part abt being enrolled in a calculus iii course is that it means i finally passed calculus ii. i have been enrolled in no less than FOUR different calculus ii courses, three of which failed to work out for various reasons, and literally NONE of this (calculus ii being a necessary course for me to take in college) would have happened had it not been for NUMEROUS FACTORS beyond my control but it's fine it's cool i'm learning NEW MATH for the FIRST TIME in FOUR YEARS and i am LIVING

#(i'd have taken calculus bc in high school thereby allowing me to take calc iii right off the bat in college had it not been for y'know.) #(The Numerous Factors Beyond My Control Which I Am Still Extensively Salty About To This Day) #like i don't even use the word salty like that very often anymore n i guess it's bc the slang fell out of use + i'm not as salty a person #as i used to be? idk BUT I AM STILL VERY SALTY ABT MANY FACETS OF MY MANDATORY EDUCATION AND THE DECISIONS OF SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION #i hate school admin sooooo much but Anyway #the first calc ii course i failed bc the prof sucked ass #the second calc ii course i failed bc of quarantine hitting. i'd have totally passed otherwise i'm pretty sure #the third calc ii course i withdrew from bc i didn't vibe w the prof n also it was in the evening #then the fourth one was last winter n i was convinced i got a D or smth but i guess the prof had mercy n gave me a C or smth #WHAT MATTERS IS THAT MY SISYPHEAN HELL OF NEVER KNOWING IF I WILL PROGRESS IN THE ACADEMIC BRANCHES I WANT #IS NOW OFFICIALLY OVER AND I AM FINALLY TAKING CLASSES I'D HAVE OTHERWISE TAKEN THREE YEARS AGO but it is okay #bc life keeps moving forward n i will keep moving with it #in other news my boss asked me if i'd like to basically take the lead on our afterschool programs n like. #if it keeps me from having to train for sports good lord i might as well even tho i can see like. #so much more work coming out of this bc if i'm gonna run smth or make anything out of anything i Need it to be Excellent #but what do you DO with a bunch of kids in an afterschool program???? my coworkers are like 'play sports outside' #and also i have many questions and requests to make to my boss when i see her next but it's cool i'm writing them all down #the worm speaks