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notesapp-neurotic · 6 months

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The Narcissists Origin Story,

Vampires are one of the coolest mythological creatures to ever exist in any storybook.

As one knows, when bitten by a vampire, there are three things that could happen,

The first being death,

The second you become weak,

or the third you become a vampire yourself.

And who wouldn’t want to be a vampire? They're powerful, strong, immortal, persuasive, sexy, and I have often wondered what it would be like to be one… that is if i was lucky enough to get #3. But to have invincible confidence, and to have absolutely no limits?... Worth the risk, Sign me up!

If you know a little bit about the history of Dracula, you’ll know that Dracula was written and inspired by the governor of Romania (1431), Vlad the Impaler. Who killed a google search estimate of 80,000 people by torturing, and impaling the victims limbs. But why is he a vampire? Well, because he took away their lives. He drained them of their blood and their souls. He was a taker, with no giver in him.

He had to play God, to prove that he was one...

But when Jesus played god, all he had to do was turn water into wine…

…Listen, I am NOT a super heavy,” all sinners go to hell,” Christian, I'm just comparing the two.

And I do believe that some ‘evil’ deserves some sort of moral light shown on it, however, I can't imagine how much energy one has to use in order to kill 80,000 people. You have to be psychotic, I mean you have to be deranged! I can't even get out of bed in the morning on some days, how do you do that?

Anyway, I don't wanna know.

So if Vampires are inspired by real human events, and with Vladimir as the extreme, then Vampires can't be too mythical, right? I mean if all a vampire really is, is someone who makes you weak, then there are alot of vampires that exist in your very own reality. They either kill you while you still breathe, drain you of all the energy you have left, Or you become one of them… A subconscious, conducted machine.

A cycle of sucking you dry, while you respond with, “Sorry! I don't have any more!”

My ex was a Vampire, and like many, he was also a narcissist. A heavy one… as in..an infatuated, ill one. I loved him, he loved what he could get.

When I wouldn't react to him yelling at me, he’d call me robotic.

When he asked to sleep with other people,

When he took pictures of womens bodies in public,

When there were albums, and screenshots of naked women on his phone,

When he'd throw my things, throw tantrums, run out of the house, and slam doors. When my dad had to call me, and ask why he was yelling almost every night because he could he hear his yelling from the kitchen,

When my mother had to pull my arm away from the doorknob because i was running back to him after yet another fight,

When he lied to my face,

When he lied about her,

When he fucked her,

When he fell in love with her,

I was there, with a cup of tea and a “How does it taste?”

When we broke up, I was very confused. I went crazy. Checked his location, his messages, everything. I became delusional, although I was right in the end. Most embarrassing thing was that everyone else knew but me that I was beaten, and sucked straight from my own veins. My mom saw it, my father saw it, my friends, everyone knew. Like I had a sheet over my head, and seeing only darkness was normal. I still just didn't want to hear it. I don't like when people remind me, or tell me how to handle my business, so I tend to do the opposite. Again, I loved him…and love is unconditional, but he was the wrong one to show it to and I denied that. If I had loved myself, I would have never known him. I spent two months in the dark, and one at my grandmas. I wrote a book on how much I hated men, and the rest was an honest blur. Then my big brother passed away, and that honestly shattered reality for me. However, I immediately got over the attraction and emotional connection I had with my ex after my brother had ODed. Like “Wow, that was nothing!”

That week my brother had passed, my mom was also moving out of her house on a whim. My siblings and I all had to move everything out in five days to Texas. There was no time to sit around, and look through pictures or trophies, everything had to be done fast! We had to get out of the house ASAP. We got the call of his passing on the 4th day.

Everyone in the family was exhausted, and by the end it, just really fucking heartbroken. We all wanted to be was alone, but together. There were days of the week where we had to go to the funeral home and get things set up for the memorial, and to say bye one last time. Reminder after reminder that he was gone, It was too much for us. At some points I didn't feel the way I should have felt when my brother had passed. My body, my mind, everything was jumbled. At the same time though, It was bitter sweet. I felt confident, I felt good, I felt pretty, capable, and at ease… I was also smoking weed like a mf, and felt unstoppable. I felt coldhearted on some days, which fed into my guilt. I mean, I had just gotten out of one thing, and then into this. I shut down, and I didn't want to deal with it.

So I didnt, I smoked, spent my money on spray tans, got high with my friends every night. Watched TONS of Eris clips from the Legend of SinBad, (I just found it comforting idk.)

A month after his passing, I had just turned 20. My friends encouraged me to start working for the summer, so I applied to work at Victoria Secret. I got the job and when I did, I was then also encouraged to apply to this theatre conservatory in New York City. Happily, I got into the school as well. Still, everything was moving way too fast. The weed helped to slow things down for a month or two, …until one morning when I woke up in my teacup of a dorm from the sound of a car alarm going off in midtown. That alarm, however, became the “ping” of many new doors opening for me.

Applying to this school was one of the best decisions I had ever made. My classes consist of Acting, Movement, Alexander Technique, Voice/Speech and much, much more. Each one is a little like a mini therapy session. While acting you must have empathy, and in order to have empathy, you must be in touch with your own emotions. A class that helps you do that is my very own personal favorite, which is Movement. Movement helps the actor develop their instrument, and to also help unlock the past trauma hidden deep within the body. By moving your chakras, or circles of energy in a spiral motion, you can release, and learn to control your deep seated emotions. Now, before I go on to act, I HAVE to move my body. It has helped me tremendously with my anxiety. When depressed I always move my body as well, and dance stupid with my headphones on.

Having this class after everything that had happened, cleansed the shit out of me. Everyone in the class had their own circumstance that they were struggling with. I would cry my eyes out in the chair, look over my shoulder, and see the girl behind me with puffy, red eyes, smile, and give me a thumbs up. Like… “Ya girl, same.”

I learned to not be afraid of my emotions, and to seek comfort in my sensitivity. I embraced this, and learned much about myself through connecting with my body…yet, this does not mean that I knew how to control my emotions entirely when they arose. I had never reacted before taking this class. I had never gotten mad, I had let people/family insult and disrespect me to my face, but didn't know how to be angry. I didn't mind a thing, because I didn't want to mind a thing. Before movement, I lived life completely dissociated, and for an incredibly valid reason, and for an incredibly long time. I should have been way more angry, rebellious, and brave, but I didn't know how to take a stand for myself. I didn't know

what it meant to be “angry” for I have always associated that word with violence, or revenge.

Movement is like shaking up a soda bottle, popping a mentos inside, and then letting the cap off. I’d be sitting alone in my room and then BAM! Suddenly, I feel irrationally angry for no reason. When I looked more into it, by journaling or moving, I found that there were reasons as to why I was feeling mad or sad. That I should have been way more aware about how I was being treated in the past. Of course it made me upset to remember the past. To sit in my room alone and to realize, “Holy shit, this wasn't a good person after all, why the fuck did I let this happen?” I started to remember memories that I thought were dreams. I had become sick of letting people put me in their box, I became sick of people putting words in my mouth when I was afraid to use my voice. I was afraid to go outside, I couldn't hold a conversation, and had more frequent panic attacks.

All of the feelings, all the emotions that I avoided during my brother's death, my breakup, and during that relationship. Events in high school and childhood, all of it built up. I kept hating myself, like why wasn't I more mad?? Why didn't I stop it sooner? Most people have this rebellious, revenge phase at 16 by dying their hair purple or sneaking a tattoo, or by doing the extreme like breaking into cars, I suddenly had this craving to do all of it. To do everything I was afraid to do. Like shoplifting, drugs, lashing out, and I didnt want to talk or be around anybody. Thank god I went to acting school during this because I had many opportunities to let it all out. If didn' have an outlet where I could express these feelings, I don't know if I would have survived alone.

And when all these emotions had surfaced, I didn't really have anyone to talk to. I had ended up getting into a fight with my friends which was rooted from miscommunication. Some things were said that made me think trauma dumping on them wasn't gonna get me any farther in my healing process. I rarely answered my parents phone calls, I didn't want genuine advice, or to actually help myself. I enjoyed feeling the pain, I enjoyed staying in this feeling because it meant I was in the right direction. It meant I was becoming my own person. Although brilliant to have actually felt anything, I didn't recognize this as depression at the time because I wasn't numb.

I always talked to my boyfriend though. I met him the summer after my brother passed through one of my close childhood friends. I didn't open up to him much at first though, which was always an issue with my past relationships. This one though, was new, and we became exclusive pretty quickly. I wasn't totally sure about the relationship either, I mean… I had just gotten out of a horrid one. I didn't really intend for it to be serious, but I actually ended up really getting along with him. His energy, his heart, he was different, and I felt different with him. Again, not so different enough to let my guard down. I knew better, and with everyone in my life ‘till right now, I only showed him what I wanted him to see.

As time went on, My boyfriend and I grew closer. I let down my guard, and together, we embarked on shrooms. Yes, shrooms. I let all that anger fester in me the night we tripped. My boyfriend described me as a ghost ,and said ( and I quote) “You were completely naked. You looked at me with your mouth open, and stared. I swear your heart wasn't beating, but then you lifted your arms, screamed, and locked yourself in the bathroom.”( End quote)This is hilarious, I know, and I do remember that.

My heart, contrary to my boyfriend's assumptions, was in fact beating. Not one cell in my body was dead, for I could feel… everything. I could feel the sensation of the trees, the radiation from the TV. Both were completely different energies. The radiation made me instantly sick, and the trees made me feel both joy and melancholy. I screamed at my boyfriend because I had never felt more alive. It was a burst, a rush, a WAVE of energy. I was seeing, feeling, and remembering so much all at once.

After the trip, I cried until I felt like the baddest bitch in all the universe. I felt like a goddess by the end of it. I also learned so much about energy after that trip, it was insane, but the reminder that popped up the most was that emotions are just energy in motion. I shed so much old energy that night, that I actually felt like a new person. I felt like my DNA changed. Reborn, like a vampire after it turns. I was ten times more sensitive after that, but also ten times a bit crazier. I started to get madder! Not the, “Maybe I should be mad,” mad, or a “Regret” kind of angry, It was, “Okay I am in the present, no longer mad about the past, I am actually mad, i am angry, and I do not want to ignore this.”

When I let myself get angry, I felt my power more than I ever have had before. I’d get mad like a man. I'd get mad at my boyfriend, “Why didn't you ever ask questions about me when we first got together? no wonder you don't know anything!” I'd get mad at my parents, “Why did you guys do this? Why didn't you do that?” Mad at my friends, my siblings, my ex, and myself. I was the angriest I had ever been. When I’d lash out, I would also feel their power, I felt like I was taking it. I turned inward. My perceptions shifted against everyone else. I was fierce, like I didn't need anyone.

I isolated myself from my peers at school even more so than I already did. I barely answered my boyfriends calls, was doing AMAZING in acting class, but was smoking practically every night, and every morning. I fought with my boyfriend so horribly one night that all I saw was red. My behavior only grew worse with everyone around me, and I started to skip classes. I felt that because I'm an adult, and that was the first time I didn't have someone's hand down my throat, or strings tied to my wrists, that I could do, and act however I pleased, because as a human being, that was my right. I deserved to let myself react however I wanted, because I never let myself have that freedom beforehand.

It wasn't until I made my boyfriend cry was when I felt like my ex. I snapped out of my God complex. “Oh my god, my boyfriend is me, and I am literally behaving just like my ex right now” Why on earth would he stay when my behavior should be scorned? Which is exactly what my ex asked me. “If I treat you so badly, then why are you still with me?” I started to reflect on my behavior from the past. I saw that I got out of a lot of things. I have had a good life. I have been surrounded by love, been shown love by imperfect people, who had only half of what they've given me. I have teachers who have lived LIVES, who invest in my time. My parents have GIVEN their lives to give me time to live my own.

How utterly selfish I had been.

My sensitivity was at a high, but I didn't realize that my humanity had turned off.

My perception began to alter again, and I saw all the sides. Each of my family members has had to learn to embrace life, no matter the hardships. We all deal with shit. No matter what it is, big or small, and if you're lucky, you pick your struggles. This whole time I thought I was living a new liberated life when really I was just grieving. Grieving my brother, my past,and my childhood. Pretending to be okay, and realizing that this had been my behavior for a while. However, one version of myself felt less and one felt everything.One was modest, the other was naked. I saw habits in the way I treated others. When I spoke I heard my ex’s voice, and I heard adults' voices from childhood. I saw the way I was spoken to growing up, and saw that I had accepted that as the norm. I had not only accepted it, but adopted into my own being.

After experiencing my own behavior and after comparing it to my ex’s, I now see how alike we actually were.I grew empathy for him, and I hated myself for it. He was terrible! If he really had loved me, if he saw how awful he treated me from a stranger's eyes, If he had known how hurt I was, if he saw with his own eyes as he was bringing down the whip, maybe he would have stopped before it burned my skin. If he had loved me at all, no matter the emotions that had risen within him, he could have changed. That was a choice he could have made. Would you like to know the excuse he made when I confronted him on this behavior? “What are you talking about? I fight with my mom all the time, and we are still really close. That's how it is in my family. That's how my dad was when they were married.” ` Perhaps not in order, but that was his response. Incredible isn't it? I don’t respect people who are okay with their negative attributes. Actually, I am okay with it. What I don't respect are the people who embrace them as if it is who they really are. As if it is only who they are. Like someone gets really pissed off, and they throw a chair out the window that ends up hitting a kid walking by, You're just going to let that happen? “Oh, it's just how I get!” or “OH! That's just Miranda!”

In order for me to feel better I could either shut down again and turn everything off. I could let them go, and remain alone. Or I could keep the ones I love in my life, take the harder way. Learn From them on how to be better. Follow their lead on life and on love. In order to do that I had to understand that nothing will be perfect. That there will always be an obstacle that is bound to show up. What's important is how you face them, and to be prepared. To walk with the intention of peace, while filled with humility. To learn that no one is perfect, and that the imperfect people who care about you, don't have to. They love as if they are abundant. No matter how much they give, it will always trickle back to them. I already knew before that I didn't know how to be angry, what surprised me the most was that I didn't know how to properly love either.

I could either let myself feed off my own anger for my entire life, bringing it to others out of spite, or I could learn from the people around me who know how to root anger out of pure love. To turn my anger into passion, and to transform it into that incredible, invincible confidence I always envied from those filthy vampires. I learned that instead of violence or vengeance, I could use my anger to manifest the life my parents worked for. To build a life with my boyfriend, to build him up. To support him through his dreams and be there for his accomplishments, To have his kids, and to hopefully teach them all we've learned as well. To live a peaceful, and joyful life.This is what I want.

And fuck anyone who tries to drain me of that energy.

Affirmation:

That pain you inflict on me, is not my pain, and never will be. The scars on my skin are from your lashes, held by your hands, supported by your arms, sent forth by your heart. Not once have I touched me the way you have. The baggage you throw at me is yours, and I suggest you pack it up. No matter how many times you try to hurt me I will always heal, but you will always hold the weapon in front of you while your back bleeds. It is hard to gain courage when you're always hiding behind something. It is hard to let someone in when your arms just can't seem to stop swinging. It's hard to stop swinging when there's nothing in your head but “woe is me”.

I am not you, nor will I ever be you. Your existence is an epidemic, and I will no longer spread it to try and get back to you. Instead, I send you love, and may you never hold onto it. May you keep a little for yourself and give the rest to another. If you can't, then I suggest you buy a stake, for this blood bank is closed.

xPixie

#encouragement #positive mental attitude #wholesome #motivation #inspiration #self improvement #self help

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emjiroki · 1 year

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I love your theme by the way and the header is so cute KJSDNgjer also I copied and pasted the whole list then erased some lmaooo so you have a bit to answer but I hope you don't mind <3

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

💞 Who's your comfort character?

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

I definitely don't mind!!! (Thank you for the compliment on my theme btw! I just LOVE valentines day and all it's pretty colors 🥰)

I'll put this under a cut so it doesn't get too long 💕

😅- well honestly I deleted my cringest story about a year ago and it is now archived somewhere deep in my Google docs. It was a Hawks x Reader x Endeavor fic that was three parts. The title was cringe and the whole thing just wasn't planned out very well

🦅- I try my best to outline! Trying to have some organization helps me keep things in line but most of the time the characters and scenes have a mind of their own, I'm just along for the ride.

🤗- advice I would give would be don't limit yourself! Write whatever you want and don't put yourself in a box. Writing something you enjoy truly is key to having a successful story because you put your all into it. And it's not all numbers, just because something you wrote and posted didn't get a lot of likes does not mean it wasn't good! Don't be discouraged!

💞- oh wow I have so many lol Shoto, Mikey, Enji, AngelDevil and Aki and lots and lots more. (Um also Simon "Ghost" Riley from COD but I don't talk about him that often)

😍- Favorite Character to write is probably Enji. I got labeled as a top Enji writer pretty quickly (and unexpectedly) and he's just fallen into the muse category. I feel alot of freedom writing his character and hopefully don't make him to ooc lol

🤲- Hmmmmm well I guess I could.... Knight Enji WIP it is

Enji had a direct view of the door to the chapel from where he stood posted to the King's left beside the window, and he thinks he might have been the first to see you in the doorway. It was suddenly very hot underneath his heavy armor and he was thankful that he didn’t need to wear the helmet because he might have fainted. Was that his heart hammering behind his eyes, through his fingers tips, and toes? He was sure he died and somehow made it to heaven, broke down the pearly gate, and clawed his way through the clouds to get a glimpse of the angels as you walked through the held-open doors and seemed to suck the air from the room. The closer you got to the alter the more dry his mouth grew, the more his big hands shook, the more his stomach knotted. The stained glass of the church windows glimmered against your skin. Red, Blue, Green, He traced your features in every color, etching your beauty into his memory as a keepsake forever. He would crave it into his flesh if he could, down to the bone so after he’s dead and gone even the worms would know his devotion.

🤯- Genre I struggle with is any sort of mystery. I really don't know why I can't think of good plot twists to save my life. I usually have to talk out my plots with my husband

💔- an old Levi fic I wrote that I never released and is still archived in my docs. It's bittersweet and I just love him so much it hurts (also Oni's Heart pt 3 after readers been taken and Enji is depressed for a bit. Sad.)

🤭- em writes ✍️ is my go to tag for my fics so I can organize and em talks 👄 is my most often used I think

🥰- I LOVE reader interaction!!!! It makes me so happy! And YES PLEASE ASK ME THINGS! I'm always open to questions! And love discussing characters and plots and stuff! MY INBOX IS ALWAYS OPEN 💕

#ask games ‼️#ATTENTION KNIGHT ENJI LOVERS THERE IS A WIP SNIPPET UNDER THE CUT #knight enji todoroki #enji todoroki #thank you for the questions!!!#em talks 👄

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dingobabywrites · 3 years

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so, in light of recent events, people have been discussing when they think Dean and Cas realized that they were in love with each other. While I 100% believe dean realized in purgatory, I dont think Castiel realized until Dean broke Naomi's connection.

BUT!!!!

I also think that is around the same time Sam realized it too. Obviously Charlie already knew ( " what about Castiel, he seems helpful and..Dreamy" she's a lesbian. That comment wasn't for Her!") I think Charlie was the one to point it out to sam and I think the two of them agreed to keep it to themselves since neither of those two would have been able to handle that information. So, I wrote a little thing about how I think it went down.

I also wanted to give myself an explanation for those wierd looks and mystery note from the end of the episode...so yeah...here's that.

Sam hobbled down the hall to the guest room, his hand still throbbing from knocking Dean unconcious . It was…worrisome, to say the least, that he was having this much trouble with healing from such a minor injury, not to mention the other things that were happening to his body; the fatigue, coughing up blood. Troubling, but, as much as he hated to admit it, worth it. Dean had been pissing him off more than usual lately anyway. It wasn't just the trials. Sure, he was frustrated with Dean for thinking he wasn't strong enough to handle them (he had fought against Lucifer in his own mind for christ's sake) but it was everything else too. His loyalty to Benny still didn't sit right with him. He had been so quick to kill Amy, just because she was a monster. He didn't care that she was just feeding her kid. She was just a monster to him. But for some reason, Benny got a pass. Sure, the guy saved both their asses, he was grateful for that, but even Bobby knew it was wrong.

And then there was Cas.

Sam wanted nothing more, than to tell Dean that he should have learned his lesson the first time with the Angel. It wasn't like he didn't like Castiel. Of course he did. He was appreciative of everything the guy had done for them. Dean was right that he had saved their asses more than once. It was just….at the end of the day, whether they liked him or not, Castiel had betrayed them. He understood that perfectly. What he couldn't understand, was why dean was so suprised by him doing it again. Hell, Dean had been the one to bring up that fact that the guy wasn't acting right since he got back and yet, there he was, praying to him, putting his trust in him again. It was maddening, to say the least. He had tried to talk to his brother about it, but Dean immediately shut down.

So, yeah, his hand was still hurting, but it was damn worth it.

He turned the corner to find Charlie stuffing her things into her duffle. He knocked on the door frame with his uninjured hand. "Hey, there."

"Sam." She half smiled, when she turned around, her eyes still a little bleary from crying. "Hi, I'm just…just packing up to head out and…" she sniffled and plopped down on the bed, covering her face as she began crying anew.

Sam walked into the room and pulled up the desk chair, sitting down in front of her. "Dean told me what happened, while you two were under." He said. "I am so sorry about your mom, Charlie." He placed his hand on her shoulder as she began crying harder. "I know how hard it is to let go like that…"

"Dean was right," she sniffed. "I needed to stop holding on."

Sam let out a bitter scoff and pulled his hand back, squeezing both hands between his legs. "Yeah, Dean's always right, isn't he? Too bad he can't follow his own advice."

Charlie looked up, her eyes sad and confused. "Holding on to my mom was the reason I was stuck there. If he hadn't made me let go, I would have died.we both would have."

Sam shook his head at himself, trying his damndest to let go of his own bitterness to be there for his friend. "Ya, I know. I'm sorry…just…I know you're hurting right now, I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Charlie sniffed again, wiping her arm across her face to dry it before leaning back and staring at Sam. "I don't get it." She said, as firmly as possible.

Sam, leaned back and shrugged. "Me neither, really. I always thought all djinn fed off happiness. It's like every time we figure stuff out, something new comes along to throw us off our game."

"Not that." Charlie said, waving his statement off. Sam looked at her, confused, not sure what she was referring to. She took a breath and pulled a book out of her duffle throwing it on Sam's lap. 'Mystery Spot' By Carver Edlund. "You say these books happened in real life. That everything written in them actually went down…but the past two times I've been around you guys…you certainly dont act like you do in the books."

Sam skimmed the first page of the book and chuckled, tossing it back on the bed next to Charlie. "Yeah, well, things have just been different, I guess."

"So, you used to love and support each other, no matter what and now you just, what? Stopped?" She asked.

"It's…" Sam scoffed and shook his head. "things are just, more complicated now…"

"You maybe, wanna elaborate there buddy?" She asked. "I may be a genius, but a mind reader, I am not."

Sam let out a breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He figured it might feel better to at least get something off his chest. "To be honest Charlie, I dont think Dean is cut out for the job anymore."

"Why not?"

"His judgment, for one thing." Sam answered. "I don't know, just ever since he got back from purgatory… he's been…it's like he can't think straight anymore. He used to be no nonsense when it came to killing monsters and only trusting people he knew he could trust and now… I mean, I get it. Purgatory was rough on him, but the guy has literally been to Hell and back. I don't see why this time is any different."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked softly.

"I mean like, being friends with a freaking vamp." Sam answered, coldly. "Yeah, Benny wasn't like the others, and I get the whole 'brother's in arms' aspect, but it still doesn't make sense." He waved his hand, gesturing back at the book before letting it drop. "That Dean? That Dean would have never put his trust in a monster. That Dean wouldn't let people back into his life that had screwed him over, and now…I don't know, now it's like he just doesn't care about letting people in that who could hurt him, or…people who already have."

"So, it's not just about the vampire." Charlie said. "Who else has Dean been trusting that you don't think he should?"

Sam gritted his teeth and shook his head. "Cas really messed him up Charlie. I mean, the guy already turned his back on us once and Dean just let him back into our lives like nothing even happened."

"Ah." Charlie said, with complete understanding. "Okay, I get it now."

"Get what?" Sam asked.

"I get why Dean has been acting wierd, duh." She said, like it was obvious. Sam sat, staring at her, trying to peice together what puzzle she seemed to have completed. "Oh, my God. Do you really not see it?" Charlie laughed.

"Um, no?" Sam said, skeptically.

"Wow," she scoffed. "And here I thought you were the observant one." Sam waited for her to explain herself, still utterly lost on what she was talking about. "It's Castiel." She said, speaking to him as if he were a child.

"What about him?" Sam asked, hoping like hell that she wasn't talking about the angel brainwashing his brother or something.

"I've read the books, Sam." She said. "I know all about Dean's special Angel friend."

"No." Sam shook his head. "No, chuck stopped writing after Dean went to hell. There's no way you could have a read anything about Cas."

Charlie scrunched her face and bobbed her head back and forth. "Mmmm, not exactly." She reached into her bag and pulled put her laptop, turning it on. "Remember how I said the books were online now?" Sam nodded waiting for her to continue. "Okay, dont get mad," she said as she typed "but, he may have kept writing a little bit longer than you thought…."

"He what?!" Sam said, furious. They had told that dick to knock it off after that stupid convention."How long?"

"Relax." She said, scrolling through some page on her screen. "He stopped after you sacrifice yourself to Hell, actually. It was beautifully written by the way, super emotional, but no one has seen or heard from him since."

'Good!' Sam thought to himself. He felt a little bad for that thought, since Kevin was now the prophet it meant that the reason no one had heard from Chuck was likely because he was dead, but at least no one else could know more about their lives than they already did. "Okay, but what does any of this have to do with Dean? Why would Cas be the reason he's acting wierd?"

Charlie sighed, cringing to her self a little. "Well, as you already know, where there's a fandom, there's most likely fanfiction…"

"I'm aware." Sam said, peeved by the memory of stumbling upon the fanfiction written about him and Dean.

"Look, I'm not saying anything is definite, but alot of people who write fanfiction are really good at reading between the lines." She clicked her mouse a few times before closing her laptop and setting it back in her bag. "I mean, I've read all the books myself, and I totally know that you guys are real people and not some fictional characters, and it's completely not okay to speculate on your lives and feelings or whatever...but I mean, it's kinda hard not to see where they're all coming from."

"What are you talking about, Charlie?"

"Dean said that Benny helped him fight through purgatory, right?" She said. "He met him pretty early on in his time there, no?"

"Yeah," Sam said, still completely bemused, "I guess…Dean hasn't really talked a lot about what happened while he was there. He told me some things, but he never really went into detail."

Charlie nodded and shrugged sheepishly before continuing. "Okay, so he met Benny early on, and Benny told him he had a way to get back, right off the bat. So, why did it take them so long to get out of there?"

"Dean said he spent alot of his time searching for Cas." Sam answered.

"Exactly!" She exclaimed, like that should have been the answer.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I still don't understand what you're getting at here."

"Sam, he could've come back at any point after meeting Benny. They only spent as much time as they did together, because Dean wanted to bring Castiel back with him. Even after everything he did. Don't you think that's a little…suspicious?"

"That's exactly what I've been saying!" Sam said. "Why would he do that?!"

"Yeah, Sam, why?" She said, still trying to lead him. "Why would someone run back into a fire, when they have a way out? I mean, I think you, of all people, would know the answer to that."

Sam gaped at her in shock. It took a minute for him to register what she was implying, but once he did… "Charlie, that's…"

"Just a thought!" She defended before he finished. "I'm just saying that Dean doesn't normally put his trust in people. Except, maybe…the people he REALLY cares about and the people that protect them. Maybe there's more to the story when it comes to his trust in Benny than you thought. I definitely feel like there's more when it comes to Castiel."

"Charlie, come on." Sam laughed a little. " You know Dean. He's…"

"More complicated than people give him credit for." Charlie cut him off. "He also knows how hard it is to let go of the people he loves. He's actually really bad at it. Maybe, worse than you know."

"Charlie," Sam started, before being cut off once more.

"He's definitely more concerned about you than you think." Charlie said firmly, standing up as she did. She began packing once more, keeping her eyes averted from Sam's. "He's not trying to control you, you know. He raised you, Sam. You mean alot to him. You ever think for a moment that he's just really scared for you? Scared of losing you? I mean, back to my point, he is really bad at losing people."

Sam sat in silence, petulantly mulling over Charlie's words. She was right, probably. Dean may have been scared, but it was still possible that he just couldn't hack the life anymore. Sam wasn't some child. And the other stuff she was saying…she was way off base. There was a big difference between reading about someone's and living it.

"I sent you the link to the website I used to read the books." Charlie said as she zipped up her bags. She slung her backpack over her shoulder crossing her arms as she stared him down. "I know you lived through it all and everything, but not every part was about you. There's a few things you may have missed."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen." Sam shook his head.

"Just a suggestion." She shrugged. "It might open your eyes to a few things you don't understand. I get not wanting to relive those times but…if you ever decide that's something you might wanna do, hit me up. I can tell you what chapters to skip, or whatever. And, if your really curious about Dean's relationship to Castiel, 'On the Head of a Pin' is a good place to start. The torture chapters are pretty rough, and I know you'll want to skip over your parts…but the other stuff.…" she shrugged.

"Okay." He said, at a loss for more words than that.

"You ready to roll?" Dean said, from the doorway, knocking on the door frame before entering the room.

"Looks, like it." Charlie smiled up at him as he entered.

"I didn't interrupt anything did I?" Dean asked looking between her and Sam with concern written all over his face. "You guys look a little spooked."

"Ew, gross, no." Charlie said, scrunching her face at Dean's implications. "Sam, was just helping me with my bags. Right Sam?"

"Uh, yeah…" Sam said, standing up and grabbing her duffle off the bed.

"Eh, come on, you know I'm just teasin ya!" Dean chuckled, jabbing her on the shoulder playfully. "He may have the hair, but the body parts are all wrong, right?"

"Definitely." Charlie agreed.

"Come on." Dean said, tilting his head toward the door. He waited for Charlie to leave the room, then cast a skeptical glance at Sam before following after. Sam was sure he was in for an earful after she left. He began dreading it as he said his goodbyes, anticipating the lecture as he told Charlie she was welcome to comeback at anytime. But it wasn't the only thing on his mind now. After bidding Charlie farewell, he went inside, giving the two of them their time alone. He hesitated for a moment, convinced that the trials were seriously messing with his head if he was even considering this. Then again…

He headed to the library, grabbing a peice of paper and a pen on his way and sat down. 'This is just stupid.' He thought to himself as he wrote down the words 'On the Head of a Pin'. He heard the bunker door open. Dean walked up, the look on his face telling Sam that it was time for his ass- chewing, so he decided to cut it off before it could start.

He clicked the pen closed and stood up, ready to defend his actions. "Okay, look you were right. I-I should laid low. I-I know." He said as Dean approached him."I should have hung back. I'm glad I was able.."

Then Dean grabbed him. Then Dean pulled him into a hug. It wasn't at all what he was expecting. He was lost, but relieved and hugged his brother back.

Dean chuckled and patted his back before pulling away. "What do you say we find our prophet?." Dean smiled, before smaking him in the chest and walking away.

Sam was left to himself, completely bewildered by what had just occurred. Dean had certainly not been acting like himself, but this was a whole new level. Maybe there was some truth to Charlie's words? Maybe he really was just scared? Maybe Sam really didn't know everything about his brother. Now, wasn't the time to think about that, though. Dean was right, the had to look for Kevin. They had work to do. Research.

But Dean had to sleep at some point. Maybe Sam could do a little light reading in that time.

If Charlie was right about Dean being scared for him, who knew what else she was right about?

#destiel #fanfic #destiel crack #crack post #this is not at all what happened #unless

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shinkookiefanfiction · 5 years

Text

SHE'S MY NOONA

Chapter 14

3 days passed

Shin min ah's p.o.v

I couldn't go back i was so scared. I couldn't meet up with Cha eun woo too why did he do that it was wrong just like me, i was wrong, it was all a misunderstanding.

Also i cried lately because of what Jungkook said to me. I never wanted to see him again hence i decided to quite my job soon.

Well enough my close manager offered me an apartment so i had to move in today. I found out the apartment i was living was very expensive at first i refused but hr didn't give in alloweded me to live there since he was very close to my grandmother.

I was able to arrive with my belongings with the help of the movers. The apartment looked gorgeous even i heard from the movers that you must be rich to move in there but it was all thanx to my uncle the manager they also said even some famous celebrities might live here.

I dragged my things upto my front door when i heard a bark from the next apartment wow i love dogs but i couldn't keep one because i didn't trust myself since my first dog died and it seems that i havemyself a neighbour, who might have maybe been here along a time. Should i knock and introduce myself? Aniyo maybe later perhaps they are busy.

I got in my apartment which left my mouth agape. It was very beautiful, clean and decorated lovely and decided to call the manager and thank him " are you sure it was once yours and you didn't buy it?"i asked him feeling abit uncomfortable about the big house. "Don't feel uneasy everything is okay just stay comfortable till you pay your debts at your old home arasso?" "Ne kumaoh manger Park but i w-" he cut me off before i asked him about resigning.

I went to my living room where i threw myself on the large comfortable bed i was so happy that i almost fell asleep.

I couldn't wait to tell my friends about my new apartment. I draged my phone going through the contacts till when his name caught my attention asking myself several times if i should call him. "Aniyo i should just forget him it was just the past by the way he won't even talk to me wae do i bother?"

I called my friends inviting them to my new apartment to celebrate.

Meanwhile

Bts were at the set filming for their music video when hyungs called him "yah Jungkook what you did yesterday isn't fair." Jin cried "what do you mean by that?" " i saw you the way you dissed Min ah like she was the one who dissed you." Jin cried

Flashback

She watched him leave for a distance with a random woman till thats when she catched up with him smiling towards him "Jungkook, what are trying to do? Can we talk." She asked gently but "oppa who is she, is she your girlfriend?" "Aniyo i don't no her, must be one of my fans." Those words which Min ah didn't expect came out from the guy Min ah has been trusting Jungkook.

"Is their anything you want? Or are you some kind of gold digger too?" Min ah suddenly slapped his cheeks which turned hot red as her eyes were teary, deep down she didn't expect this on her second meeting again.

The other woman tried to interfier but Min ah stoped her."you've grown alot Jungkook that you've forgotten the people who love you." She said realising the girls hand and left.

End of flashback

"I just saw her cry her heart out because of you, you are really a bad guy." Jin cried "how can you make a woman you love cry?i'm disappointed." Suga told him infront of the others.

Everyone left him as they were called on set. "Did i perhaps make everything worst?" Jungkook thought staring at the red rose he was holding till he decided to get back on set.

Meanwhile

Yoona managed to meet up with Cha eun woo as usual at the bar . "So i heard you haven't meet up with Min ah for days?" Asking Eun woo who was in deep thoughts.

"I'm scared that i ruined our friendship that's why i can't meet her." He gulped having his drink. "Yah! Eun woo can't you just give up stressing yourself this much it's bad for your health." Yoona cried angrily.

"I bet she hates me now for what i did." Eun woo complained getting drunk. "Cha eun woo you stop drinking you are someone big now." Yoona tried helping Eun woo to the car drunk unknowingly their being taken pictures.

Yoona's p.o.v

Don't worry oppa. I'll take care of you even if we are still friends i still love you. I'll do what it takes to be with you again and no one will stop us even her." I cried out of anger and jealous.

As i held his handsome face and kissed his lips slowly realising he was kissing back. The kiss then became intense till "Min ah saraghae." He cried from his sleep making me to stop. I was so angry on how he could still call after her even when i'm here for him.

I got out and the driver took him back home as i decided ti go back to mine "hey Yoona did you come from seeing Eun woo?" Omma kept asking me everyday i come home but ignored her and went to my room.

That night

Min ah and her friend were celebrating the moving to a new apartment for Min ah. "Kombe!!lets celebrate." Min ah cried wanting to get drunk and forget every thing in the past. "Guys what would you do if your friend likes you?" She cried "wae? Did Eun woo do it?" Shin hye cried "geesh he was so determined." Go ara cried

"Wait! you guys knew?" Min ah cried suprised to her two stupid friends. " yah! Min ah the problem is that you are too clueless, Eun woo liked you for a long time but we were suprised you didn't even realize it." Go ara cried

"Maybe..or perhaps Seung gi left me for that" she worried almost tearly after remembering how he and her went on their first trip together but they couldn't do it because of her. She started pouring alot of drink and drinking it at once.

"Yah! Min ah are you crazy?" Go ara cried stoping her. " you two knew but wouldn't tell me." "Ne we couldn't, if we would where could that lead you two?" Shin hye complained "the problem is not your relation with others you are just late to realize something infront of you. You just need to to embrace what comes in your mind i thought you were someone like that?" Shin hye continued drinking.

"I need to drink still." She said to herself shrugging her shoulder making her way to turn her radio. " soundp..roof..." she laughed drunkenly pointing at the wall and spinning.

"Min ah you seem crazy tonight." Shin hye cried louding up the music since the wall was soundproof.

"Guys i think we should go clubbing tonight we haven't gone for a long time." Shin hye cried "yeah!" They all agreed

"By the way Min ah who's your neighbour?have you meet up?" Go ara asked as they got out "aniyo doesn't matter to me, i don't even care anymore!" Min ah cried feeling overwhelmed "maybe you should what if he's a handsome man next door." Go ara cried

Shin min ah's p.o.v

At the club

I was busy having fun drinking and wildly dancing trying to forget everything even that jerk superstar. I just wish i never meet any stars. " i hate stars they are all betrayals with good looking faces but lies!" I tried to get it out with my friends who cheered at me supporting me or having no idea of what i was talking about.

"Hey guys I'm very angry." I cried "because the truth is that i met with idols among them we were really close, he comforted me, he was always there to cheer me up i really treated him nicely as my dongsae but i think i broke a promise with him and left.... now he's returned a..nd..he looks more cool and mature he treats me like garbage....while i was trying to be nice i really hate it! But is it my fault?does he hate me." I cried only seeing Go ara dozing off but shin hye seemed awake.

"Maybe...you should also consider that person's feelings." She said as everything started turning blur and black out.

Meanwhile

Jungkook's p.o.v

I returned to my apartment only to realise their was a new neighbour. It was okay not to have neighbour but it was manager Park's place "didn't he say he moved out?" I thought getting in ignoring all these thoughts.

I was so tired after all the shooting. My other hyungs also decided to live privately on their own but we may all visit each other if we wanted i decided to take a shower as i laid on the bathtub, i couldn't help but think of her.

Later

I lay myself on the sofa i was too tired to think but i couldn't forget the part that i made Min ah cry. I felt hurt how could i, she might be blaming herself. I thought as i went to my pet and fed her.

I was so worried, i even tried passing by her home but she wasn't there? It's 3 days now she hasn't come to work..what if...aniyo..

I made my way to my piano and sat there realising the song i wrote about her. I then decided to play it..i smiled to myself just remembering at her pretty smile and her warm shoulder she let me lean on.

I wanted to keep my mind off her as i did some exercises only to see her ilusions everywhere smiling at me "aniyo aniyo!, dont make me blame myself!" i cried, I'm about to go crazy..Just forget her all illusions." I drank my water and went to sleep.

End of p.o.v

The next day

Shin min ah's p.o.v

I was on my new comfortable bed. It felt really nice i could feel the warm sunlight shinning on my face. I didn't want to wake up from this bed it felt comfortable.

I reached my hand to find my pillow my eyes closed.. Atlast a new day..i smiled to mself. hey whats this?..i felt something warm beside me..it felt really warm...wait is this..a person..i felt an ear on that person's.

I slowly opened my eyes...what if it's a stranger or pervert? Was this some kind of night stand..i cried as i began to get clear image only to realise their was a man beside me...he was facing the other side still asleep.

I woke up only to realise that it was not my room but...i then knew since i have a bad memory when i get drunk that i must got drunk going back home and accidentally entered my neighbour's home mistakening it as mine.

Ooh God!ottokye what if he wakes up and calls the cops mistakening me as some pervert? I should leave...but he looks familiar quiet handsome and..aniyo i wasn't trying to be a pervert but i was being right now. I looked at myself realising i just had a vest on me.

I should hurriedly leave, i searched and spotted my blouse on his foot and slowely took it and wore it. I'm thankful he might be quiet a deepsleep.

I decided to leave when he suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me right back to his bed...i was busted...but not only that i was shocked to face the last idol i wanted to see. It was him "Jungkook?" i gulped suprised, crying inside out of all people why it had to be him? Destiny why play such a cruel game? I squeezed shut my eyes not wanting it to be true.

I got more suprised when he pulled me closer to him making me face his dazzling bare face realising how handsome he was this close.

I could feel his warm breath collide with mine making me all of a sudden sweaty and embarrassed as he chuckled "Did you really think you could get away after what we did last night?" His soft voice escaped his lips he was touching leaving my mouth agape, my soul and my body as he smirked at me "las..t ni.gh.t?" i stuttered.

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