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mythykl · 5 years

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The heartbreak. *Orange* pt.1

*with hiroto suwa*

Word count - 1074

First meet -

I knew him since kindergarten. At first, I thought he’s a pretty shy and timid kiddo but within a few weeks, he had become friends with most of the peps in ourbatch. Even me! He was so kind, yet humorous aka the oFficiAL freakin clown/PRANKSTER of the class.

In middle school –

- As the time passed, we drifted apart. Sometimes, I’d come across him while he used to play soccer with his friends. I pretty much assumed that he must’ve had forgotten you.

*but guess wut.*

In midst of my dumbass lost in dwan, the ball, which he kicked, just flew across the ground and hit your head. I thought that I’m dead for sure then; but ahhh. Suwa showed up from across the ground and pRooOLLyyYy carried me to the school infirmary.

- Later that day, I found myself lying on the bed. Recollecting the events took some time. I noticed the door swung open and see a few students enter, along with suwa, they had come to see me. They apologized a lot, though I said ‘it’s no big deal’ and it was my fault. They finally left after giving me sweets as a get-well-soon gift. Unexpectedly Suwa stayed behind.

- We end up talking fUckiNnng a lot. He started the convo tho, while my ass was just sittin’ there all awkward, about how less he scored in science *especially chemistry*. He told me why he doesn’t wanna go home, cuz’ he can’t show his broke ass marks to his parents. That’s how soccer came up. He told me about his dream of being the best at soccer and get into the national team; also that he made it into the U-12 team of the school. i of course was really happy for him and praised him. i still remember the smile he gave to me, the sweetest.

*that’s why, disregard of my fabulous headshot, i didn’t call my parents to get you, or asked one of my friends to wait for me.* ya.

“Y/N, wanna tell me about ya dreams?” he asked.

“Ah. Well I haven’t decided, but prolly a ___”

“That’s great! You always seemed into that stuff anyways, even in kindergarten!”

- Sure. we were both surprised and glad about how much he remembered of those days. His words were encouraging and even his lame jokes made me laugh my ass out. Though I was dizzy and needed sleep, i did continue to talk with him and didn’t want him to leave.

- He walked me home that evening and treated me with curry buns, as he apologized for hurting me like a millionth time *sry. too far*. i just smile it off, cuz’ at this point, my ass was annoyed and wants this guy to stop sayin sOrrY. But you loved the walk and all the time which my spent with him. It was beautiful.

- From that day onwards we did see each other around and smiled, had small talks at times, nothing big. Somehow, I used to stare at him pretty often. He was growing into a giant rapidly. Tf. I loved the way he used to lean against literally anything, with his long posture.

- but i started thinking that his gestures that day were just out of the guilt of hurting me.

- Soon the middle school comes to an end, with me realizing that i’ve started developing feelings for him!!

High School –

- i decide to move on from suwa and concentrate on my life ahead.

- i end up in class 6 as.. Azu *aka Azusa Murasaka* and Naho become your first friends in High School. we fail to get super close since, i spend most of your time with U-17 Soccer team as the manager.

- Suwa, a late admission, is in my class too now. I’m apparently the first person he started talking with. I helped him to get into the soccer team about which he’s super grateful to you.

- unsurprisingly, within one day, he’s friends with most of the people in class. i realize that I wasn’t over him yet, thus, i try to avoid him as much as possible. This also resulted in you drifting apart from Naho and Azu within a few months.

- You think that your life is anyways too busy to care about small heart breaks, but you do care. A lot.

After 21st Athletic Festival –

- being the class representative of the Event Management Committee, i congratulate the red team on their win, to everyone except suwa. my heart aches at the thought of being so ignorant towards him. i want him to smile, I WANT TO MAKE HIM SMILE; I’m thrilled at the win cuz’ it was Suwa’s win as well. But eventually, i shake off this thought.

- Suwa doesn’t care about me.

*Or that’s just you over thinking. Cuz guess wut.*

- As i walk outside the school the same day, like super late cuz’ I had to stay behind for some event work, i find hiroto suwa just standing there. AS IF HE WAS WAITING FOR YOU.

“hey.” He says as he slurps his orange juice.

*immediate panicking*

“Practice?” i immediately respond.

“Why’d I’ve a practice today?”

i feel embarrassed instantly and look away.

“I hope you’re still sane while doing all that hard work.. for us.” He continues after a long sigh. “Wanna walk home?”

*adrenaline rushing at light speed.*

“Sure.”

At your words, he jumps off from his lazy standing posture, as he throws his juice pack in a trash can and follows behind you.

- Standing so close to him, I could smell him, HIS SWEAT, and I ain’t complaing, this mf sMELLS LIKE SUGAR/CARAMEL!!

- We start walking.

*Pretty much silent.*

He’s the one, again, to break the fuckin’ ice. We talk about the latest soccer season games coming up, discussing about preparations, practice matches and stuff. Everything goes too formal, until he says..

“I was so shocked when the new manager asked me out. She’s sweet but..”

“Not you’re type?” i interrupt.

“No Y/N.. well, I don’t know. I’m just curious of how people can fall for mere looks.” He chuckles.

*you’re heart skips a beat*

i stop walking, making him stop too. i look up in his eyes, he’s confused.

“What if it were me, what’d you say?” i finally utter with all my strength.

He’s shocked. i feel embarrassed and FELT unACCEPTED.

That’s when Kakeru appears behind him on his cycle. literally outta nowhere.

**went too far within the last 1000 words lmao**

Word count - 1074

all hail kakeru the wizard.

note - tried to write a ??headcanon?? i guess. For the first time. I’m not familiar with the correct term. There might be a lot of grammatical mistakes, pardon my ass lmao.

it seems fast paced but idk. the ending is gonna be wreckin tho

I’ll surely post pt.2 within a few days. tysm.

#orange #orange manga #orange anime #suwa x reader #orange oneshot #shojo #shojo oneshot

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ofphcenixes · 5 years

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✆ ⁇ ✿ & $♀ ✉️ ( PERISH )

“✆” for a MORNING text.

( 6:24am ) morning lib x

( 6:26am ) img_334.png

( 6:27am ) sunrise.🌞

( 6:27am ) one day we could go on a walk and watch it together maybe.. if u wanted. dont want to force u out of bed or anything kdgjf

( 6:28am ) then u could protect me from bus as well lol

( 6:29am ) but i think id love to see the sunrise with u tbh

“⁇” for a DRUNK text.

( 2:01am ) lib

( 2:02am ) li bb y

( 2:04am ) L LIB S TER

( 2:06am ) h i

( 2:06am ) u ssh oudlf co m eout wut h me

( 2:07am ) FU CKE THER PL AYING JSESE MCCAR TNEY

( 2:09am ) u shsould be heere. i want o dance wit u

( 2:10am ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek2PDE1cAyY

( 2:11am ) me a at u mbab y

“✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text.

( 9:52pm ) lib i wont lie to u

( 9:54pm ) ever since i found out bout ur... piercing

( 9:55pm ) i cant stop thinking about it lmao

( 9:56pm ) like i know u wanna take it slow and i understand that

( 9:57pm ) and fuck im trying to be good for u lib i really am

( 9:59pm ) but u make it v fucking difficult kdjfgdfdKJFDFGD

“&” for a LOVING text.

( 7:35pm ) hey LIBSTER

( 7:36pm ) i know ur sittin next to me rn

( 7:37pm ) and we r cuddled in ur bed watching netflix

( 7:38pm ) i just wanted to give u a heads up

( 7:38pm ) that

( 7:38pm ) i think ur really beautiful

( 7:38pm ) and

( 7:39pm ) im about to kiss you :)

( 7:39pm ) stop smiling at ur phone and look at me, lib. x

“$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

( 6:24pm ) yeah villa 2! her name’s libby kensington, and delivery at 7 sounds great! thanks man. :)

( 6:39pm ) FUCK

( 6:40pm ) FUCK FUCK FUCK

( 6:42pm ) well now its not a surprise anymore lol

( 6:43pm ) pls pretend like it is tho dkfjgdkk

( 6:45pm ) i promise we can hang after i get home from practice. enjoy the pizza, and hope ur studying is going well. ur gonna rock ur exams lib, i know it. x

“♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text.

february 15th, 2017

( 10:34am ) hope u got home alright last night.

( 10:38am ) im sorry i wasnt there this morning ):

( 10:39am ) holden wanted me to help clean up and shit and u know how he is. cant lift a fucking finger himself haha. plus i thought it might be better if he... didnt know what we did

( 10:40am ) hope ur head feels better than mine does lol

...

( 7:21pm - undelivered ) im a fucking coward. im sorry for fucking up this friendship. i should not have done what i did. i took advantage of u. im so so fucking sorry libby... i dont know how ill ever be able to look at u again after what i did. u deserve so much fucking better than this. ill never forgive myself for fucking up this friendship.

#( blue & libby ! )#i #have no words #KJDGHKJGDF #ALSO CHOKE ON YOUR LAME ASS HEARTBREAKING TEXT #BE READY FOR REAL PAIN #libbykensington

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nyoomwhyoom · 7 years

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bbs without context

if u wanna know which vid a quote’s from, i remember (most) of them 👉😎👉 (or at least have a general idea) so don’t be afraid to ask ! “HE’S GOT LIKE ONE HEALTH, JUST POKE HIM. POKE HIM WITH A STICK AND HE’LL DIE” “So this goes on top,, and then you’re on top of me……… this is really gay” “This is so gay” Brian: I never thought I’d say this but,,,, we need to fuck 407 Craig: heya, don’t threaten me with a good time “See this C block? Ya know what it means?” “Uhhhhhh” “It means you’re a cunt”

“God dude your mom’s still probably really disappointed in you but she’s a little bit happier now” “The scout? Like I scouted out your momma’s ass before I- intense breathing "STUCK it in her” “COME ON EAT THOSE COINS YOU FLOWER FUCK” “Mario Kart nein” —————— “Oh a coin again SUCK MY TINY DICK” Ohm: “OH NO,,, Marcel you just ate my ass” Smii7y: sarcastically “Oh no what a terrible event to happen!” “Ahaha whose the little fat egg down the bottom left?” “FUCK YOU DICKHEAD” Ohm: “Oh fuck me” Mini: “I’d rather not” “I’m like in extended last place I don’t know what’s happening” “Son of a fucking shit my ass” “Nothing like a good pussy trumpet” “You may have to censor that part because I literally just got fucked” “Ayo it’s ya boy lubeless back in the building” ——————— (Nogla’s live stream 5/10/17)—– “Into ta HHHNNNNNNN” “Fuck my ass!” “Now Brian,, is that an offer?” “YOU’RE A CUNT. A BIG CUNT. C-U-N-T IN CASE YOU WERE ILLITERATE.” (mom mode activate) Brian swears Moo: “Watch your mouth young man!” ——————————– “I am the ghost of Christmas,,,, ass whoopin” “AH my pussy’s very,, smoist” “I’M NOT YOUR BABY, BABY” “Go mini you deserve it!!” “I’m going baby I’m going!” “Yeah I did what’s-wat-wut-what’s ya-what’s it to it” “Time to eat some ass!” Scotty: This is what daddy needed! Mini: Daddy Scotty: oOOOHH suck me daddyyy “What really happened to the dinosaurs?” “Now listen the dinosaurs are NOT extinct that’s a lie propagated by Fox News” ——Mini’s stream 6/8/17——— “Get away mini !! You and your golden dick mushroom tip.” “smitters” Mini singing:“Scotty like a melody” “It’s me, bald bitch” “How to get depressed in 10 minutes or less. That’s what I should name all my videos now” “BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE WHITE VANS” “Back at it again with the old memes” “Holy SHIT. Craig just turned into satan” “I am a bag of cunt” “How dare you call my memes shit” ———————————– Mini: I’m twizzling my stick! Scotty: Oh baby, talk dirty to me~ “You piece of shit Scott!!!” “I’ll hug you all day bb” Scotty talking about Marcel: He’s trying to blow me now ! Mini: Wouldn’t be the first time “You fucking died to chickens dude!” “I JUST GOT MOLESTED BY A JIGGLY PUFF” “I’ve got a whip attached to my ass!…… Its called a tail” “Sometimes they say less is more but in this case less is a disconnecting dick” “PUT YOUR DICKS ON THE TABLE WHOSE GONNA WIN” “It’s like an episode of the magic school bus!” “Come on kids! Come on and climb inside my ass!” “My space bar can only take so much abuse” “Anthony, eat a dick” “Noo I don’t wanna” “Eat a dick Anthony” “ITS NOT ON THE MENU” “Eat a fucking dick” “Ohm can we talk about the fucking ring right now. Th-the giant armor. The giant riot shield protecting everything that can come your way” “Jiggly is my guardian angel now, K? That’s one of his testicles.” Anthony starts singing opera “So first I put a ring on it, than I give you a banana-” “wOOOAAAAAHHHH MY NIPPLES ARE HARD” “Wanna know what else is in Canada? Naked panda men” Brock: Why don’t we look into each other’s eyes while we do it Brian: Ok Tyler: I bet you do look into each other’s eyes while you do it ;) Panda: Holy. Shit. I’m gonna suck my own dick right now John: I’m gonna suck your dick “I WENT IN MY HOLE” “I betcha did buddy” “I suffer from premature congratulations. I always tell people happy birthday one day too early” “WHY. WHY. MISS AMERICA PIE eat my ass” “I’m sick n tired of people. Theres too many in this world” “Evan, theres literally three” “Guys guys, your minimum wage pilot just jumped out of the plane” “OOOHH good NIGHT fucking sweet moon bitch boy” “Well there’s no need for profanity dude” “Shut up dude someone just got their dick sucked,, in a video,, ok? We are far past profanity” “You’re the one who spent 20 minutes putting make up on alright don’t give me that shit” smitty giggling “You’re the one who spent 20 minutes trying to get a blowjob” “I got pussy planted again iNTO A BANANA” “AAHHisuckdickforalivingbYE” Cartoonz doing a hotel room tour: “-It’s really big…. hAHA YEAH IT IS” “DONT TOUCH ME SMITTY” “I’m sorry…. Restraining order?” Law and order starts playing “DAMMIT ANTHONY. I SAW YOU GET FUCKED, WHY AREN’T YOU FUCKED?!?”

“Oh wow, nice fucking hoowheel”

“When i’m sittin’ on the royal throne, just use a lotta lube” “………………………………………no”

“PAUL HAS FRIENDS OF COURSE PAUL HAS FRIENDS WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE HAVE FRIENDS FOR”

“FUCK ME IN MY PUSSY HOLE”

“How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could fuck you”

“Christmas isn’t about love it’s about materialism get that shit right”

‘Casper the friendly fuckboi’

“If a chic takes a pickle out of a jar, she a tot”

(playing kiss marry kill w/ marcel, tyler, and evan) Scotty: “I’d marry Marcel” blows kiss @ screen “love you Marcel….. Kill Tyler, cause he’s a fuckin asshole. What’s the last one? Kiss? Kiss Evan, cause he’s a beautiful man. A beautiful Asian man.” Panda: “I would, I’d probably kiss Evan too, I mean look at him,, he-he’s a beautiful man. I would marry Tyler, because-” deep sigh “I love that giant man. (scotty: "i don’t understand it”) And kill Marcel,, why?“ Scotty: laughs "Say it!!” Panda:“…. Black guy always dies first! Sorry man."

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yeehawlw · 7 years

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wut is the thing u sittin on made of?

its made of chair

#idk what my desk chair is made of #like 8 different tings #ask

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boystownbirdie · 7 years

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LMWTV4U: GOT S7E3

Welcome back! In case you’re new, this is LET ME WATCH TV 4 U (?), the blog where I watch tv so you don’t have to! If you missed it, I wrote a special mid-week post this past week which broke down the main characters called: new phone who dis? Check it out here.

Also reminder that I have a new feature called “Why does this scene even matter?” (WDTSEM) for those seemingly useless scenes which may or may not actually be important later.

Tonight’s episode featured the FIRST EVER meeting of Bae and Khaleesi, so let’s get into it!

************************SPOILER ALERT************************************

We start off on Dragonstone….

...which is the island where Khaleesi and co have posted up. Bae rows up with no-knuckles in a tiny rowboat and meets his old pal Tyrion on the sand. T is like remember when we met in season 1 and I peed off the edge of the wall that you were guarding lol jk lol jk? And Bae is like yep you were so wasted, bro. They also meet Khaleesi’s hottie translator with the good hair who’s like welcome, please hand over all of your weapons. And Bae’s like BUT I THOUGHT I HAD TSA- PRE CHECK! And T’s like naw, we’ve really had to tighten up our policies here. Some horse-dudes also take their little rowboat away.

As Bae and No-Knuckles (NK) are walking up to meet Khaleesi, her dragons do a quick perimeter sweep and really freak out poor little bae (see gif above). Watching all of this unfold from a creepy high-up-spying-spot is the Red Witch Lady who brought Bae back from the dead but then got kicked out and also Sleevey. The Red Witch is like I did my part, I brought Khaleesi and Bae together. And Sleevey’s like… don’t you want to see their first meeting? I think it might be like the Hamilton-Burr meeting in the musical Hamilton? And she’s like nope I got kicked out for burning a kid alive so not really welcome around him or NK. And he’s like ya you better get to steppin’ back East. And she’s like NO YOU better get to steppin’ back east.

WDTSEM? Truly no idea. I guess we’re supposed to be reminded that Sleevey hates religion because a religious zealot cut off his who-ha and ho-ho’s and therefore they do NOT get along?

Now, if you’ll recall Khaleesi is a pretty kewl lady. She campaigned on an anti-slavery platform back in the East and brought together a bunch of different groups of people all while keeping dat hair and dem outfits on point. And Bae is also a pretty kewl dude. He supports refugees and fights for the underserved and also looks fly as hell doing it. I know what you’re thinking, ARE THEY BOTH SINGLE? THEY SHOULD BONE? Well, unbeknownst to both of them, they’re actually related; she’s his aunt. But considering this episode featured a sex scene between a man and a woman who happen to be TWINS, I feel like aunt-nephew is not too weird for GoT-land. Back to the point, this is the first time Bae and Khaleesi are ever meeting and due to their similarities on paper, you’d think they’d get along. But turns out they do not.

Khaleesi is basically like #bowdownbitches and Bae is like naw dawg. They go back and forth for awhile, with Khaleesi explaining how/why she should overtake Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) and Bae basically agreeing but saying his real concern is the giant army of ice zombies. And she’s like lol wut? Ice zombies? Nice try, dude. Next thing you know, Sleevey rolls up and is like ruh-roh! Remember last episode when our pals Previously-Traumatized Theon (PTT), his sis Yara aka the Kween of the Iron Islands, and the Sand Queen lady sailed off to Southern shore to be mobilize our forces down South? Well PTT and Yara’s uncle, Uncle-Crazy-Pants (UCP) attacked them, burned most of their ships, and took Yara and the Sand-Queen lady hostage.

Next, we get a shot of PTT washing up and getting pulled into a boat where he reports that his sis was taken hostage and no, sorry, he wasn’t able to get her back. His peeps are like ugh what’s your deal, bro? But poor bb PTT has been through a lot so give him a break, ok?!?

WDTSEM? Well the Sand Queen and Yara were supposed to bring together all of Yara’s fleet of ships (which was approx. a buttload) and then head to Sand Queen’s home (Dorne) and bring together that whole army and then march up to King’s Landing, where QPC is sittin’ on dat throne. Now that they’re captured and their ships are burnt, this is a huge loss to Khaleesi.

Speaking of Uncle-Crazy-Pants, let’s check in on him in King’s Landing…

UCP is marching down the streets of King’s Landing doing a pretty good impression of Aladdin during the “Make Way for Prince Ali” scene. The difference here is that he is dragging along his niece, Yara, as well as the Sand Queen (SQ) lady and one her Sand Snake daughters. He struts up to QPC on his horse and “delivers” her the gift of SQ and her daughter. Now if you’ll recall, one of QPC’s kids, her daughter Myrcella, got kissed on the lips with poison by SQ a few seasons ago and proceeded to die on a lovely boat trip in which her dad/uncle (Jaime) confessed that he was her real dad. So needless to say, QPC and Jaime are NOT FANs of this lady.

UCP is like here, QPC, I brought you these prisoners, can we get married and/or bone now? And QPC is like yep, sure can! But first let’s beat Khaleesi in this giant, ongoing war. She tells him he’s in charge of her naval forces and that her bro is in charge of the Lannister army. And since UCP is cuckoo, he’s like hey Jaime, can you give me sex tips for when I do it with your sister (honestly, fair question) and obvi Jaime is like NOT KEWL BRO but he has to pretend to like this guy so he bites his tongue.

Then QPC makes a big deal of locking up SQ and her daughter and then kissing the daughter on the lips with poison to be like #reciprocity I guess? And she’s like SQ will have to watch her daughter die and then also hang out in this cave forever. I guess all this torture is really a turn-on because next thing we know, she’s making out with her brother and giving him a blowie right there.

The next morning, they’re all post-coital and he’s like I should...go? And she’s like naw, I’m the kween we can do whatever! And her maid sees them in their nudididity and is like eww?

Then QPC takes a meeting with an important banker who’s like…bitch...you broke. And she’s like gimme a minute, I got dis.

We stop back by Dragonstone to catch Bae bein’ Bae…

By which I mean he’s brooding by a cliff. And Tyrion is like damn I was trying to brood but you look hawter doing it, which is v. true really. They chat about what went wrong back at that meeting between Khaleesi and Bae. Tyrion tells Bae to take a chill pill and think about how crazy he sounds talkin’ bout ice zombies and whatnot. He also tells Bae about all the good things Khaleesi has done and how she’s actually a pretty cool lady. Then he goes and does the same with Khaleesi, basically. He’s like Bae’s a cool guy and all he wants from you are these rocks that you have under your castle that you’re NOT EVEN USING so just let him do that. And she’s like ok fine.

So then we get to Bae-Khaleesi-meeting 2.0 where it’s just the 2 of them, standing on this cliff chatting kween-to-king. She agrees to let him mine the “dragonglass” (rocks that kill ice zombies) under her castle and he kind of agrees to support her in her campaign against QPC? Well mostly he agrees that QPC is no good and Khaleesi would be a better kween. Then Bae’s like… does this mean you believe me re: ice zombies? And Khaleesi is like… no comment.

We head North to Winterfell, where Bae’s sis Sansa was left in charge

And boy is she doing a good job! Which is kind of surprising, only because we’ve never seen her utilize these skills before. She’s walking around telling people to start storing their barley for winter and telling the metal-workers to line their breastplates with leather and generally being a BOSS. Littlefinger, AS ALWAYS, is creeping around behind her doing nothing helpful. He stops to give her some advice about imagining every possible scenario at all times which is like, sure, a good idea in theory but who has time for that?!?

Suddenly her little bro, Bran, who she was told was maybe dead, shows up in Winterfell. She’s like OMG YASS KWEEN YOU’RE ALIVE! And Bran is just sitting there (to be fair he is paraplegic so he couldn’t get up) staring straight ahead and is acting all robotic. I guess it’s because he’s been through some trauma but at this point so has almost every character on GoT and they still manage to register human emotion.

They proceed to have a heart-2-heart by the old-family-magic-face-tree and she’s like so...what’s been going on in the last 6 seasons? And he’s like I am the three-eyed-raven now I can see the past and the present and all scenarios at all times (hmm interesting that this is exactly what littlefinger just advised her to do...) And she’s like cool….so….do you want to be in charge now since you are the oldest living official Stark male and gender roles are apparently still a BFD up North? And he’s like can’t… I have to prophesize. Btw where’s Bae? We know as savvy viewers that he’s looking for Bae because he needs to tell him about the paternity results.

And then he vividly describes the night she was married off to her psychopath-ex-husband who then proceeded to rape her. He keeps talking about it, too, which I guess is to prove that he can see the past but also NOT trauma-informed and not a welcome conversation. It’s weird.

We stop by Old Town which is more and more like Hogwarts every day…

Mostly because Jim Broadbent is there and because people are getting miraculously cured from turning-to-stone-diseases. Sam, Bae’s bestie, is still interning at the “maester” academy, learning to be a doctor/librarian and you’ll recall that last week he did some under-the-radar experimental surgery to treat Stoney, who happens to be one of Khaleesi’s besties. Now get this, STONEY IS CURED! The artist-formerly-known-as-Stoney is like thanks, Sam, I gotta get back to Khaleesi! And Sam’s boss is like I know you did that amateur surgery and you’re in big trouble but also good job I’m proud of you.

Our last scene is really a montage of scenes so let’s get into it…

I have to admit that even I, GoT-viewing-expert (lol), was confused and overwhelmed by this last scene. So I’ll try to break it down as clearly as I can, but bear with me. We start with Tyrion laying out the current battle plan. Since Khaleesi is pretty ticked that their ships (well technically Yara’s ships but under her direction) were all destroyed by UCP, she mentions finding UCP’s ships and burning them up. How? Well duh, she got dem dragons! It’s strange because I’m pretty sure she’s talking about riding them and commanding them while at the helm, but she never really says this clearly. And Tyrion is like no that’s too dangerous, someone else should do it. Does he mean himself? MAYBE? TBD...

But for now, let’s get into the current battle zones:

Greyworm (fresh off his recent sex scene from last week) and the rest of the “unsullied” army, were sent by Khaleesi and Tyrion to overtake T’s family home, Casterly Rock. There’s this whole montage that Tyrion helpfully narrates about how if the unsullied were to attack Casterly Rock by just popping up on the fortress, they’d be crushed since it was built so well. BUT since Tyrion used to sneak in his sex ladies and booze and other “unsavory” things through the sewer system, he knows it very well. So he instructs Greyworm and a small group to come in through the back and engage in sneak-attack-warfare. They successfully take Casterly Rock, but they’re like...that’s funny...there were supposed to be a lot more people here? And they look out to the sea where it looks like UCP’s ships are burning up all of the ships they rode in on. Which is a real bummer.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Lannister army (all the people who were missing when Greyworm and co. attacked) led by Jaime, is shown marching on “Highgarden” which is where Grandma Tyrell (Gma) lives, apparently completely alone. Remember that Gma’s son and grandkids all got burned up in that church-explosion by QPC last season and then she decided to back Khaleesi? She also told Khaleesi not to trust Tyrion and to “be a dragon.” Gma is looking out at this whole army of Lannister dudes and is like well...IDGAF at this point, really. Important to note that Sam’s Dad (who is a major dick) and Sam’s bro (who’s actual name is Dickon) as well as Tyrion’s old pal Bronn are on the front lines with Jaime, even though last week Sam’s dad was like I could NEVER betray Gma Tyrell.

WDTSEM? Remember when QPC said she’d pay back all of her debts to the banker? Well Highgarden is famously wealthy and has lots of important exports (like grains, for example). So with Jaime and QPC in possession of all of that, as well the coffers of Casterly Rock which he says he cleared out, they can now pay them back, theoretically. Also, Highgarden is down South so now QPC and co have a stronghold down there.

Jaime meets Gma in her study for some light refreshments and death threats. Gma is like well… shoulda seen this coming. Also, did you know your sister/lover is the worst human ever? Like seriously a sociopath? And Jaime is like, oh you think she’s so bad? Well how about this? She is going to let you die from poison rather than torture- isn’t that sweet?!? And gma is like ugh whatever give me the poison, put it in my wine plz. She drinks it in one gulp and then she’s like oh, BTW, I know that Joffrey (the evil little prince dude who was poisoned and killed at his wedding to Gma’s granddaughter, Queen Makeunder) is your son cuz of incest and also, I’m the one who poisoned him. And Jaime is like maybe mad or maybe not? Maybe just surprised? Gma is like tell QPC that it was me who killed Joffrey, k? Ps I hate QPC ok bai, time to die.

WDTSEM? For so long QPC’s only redeeming quality (as told by all of the other characters) was her love for her children. After all 3 had died, she took over the throne and started in on this crazy reign of terror. Now she has SQ captive and is torturing her for killing her daughter and with this admission, she’s also killed the person responsible for one of her son’s deaths. Will ticking off those responsible for killing her main motivation in life help her find closure or make her more of a monster? I’d guess the latter.

Now let’s break it down:

Biggest surprise this ep: The attack on Highgarden! I did not see that coming and also did not fully understand at first. The way the scene was shot, it seemed like gma was in on this invasion, but obviously she was not, as she was later killed by said invaders.

Biggest letdown: Bran was so lackluster and un-enthuz’ed about finally seeing his sister and his hometown again. It’s like we get that you have magic powers now but could you show some effort here?

Important fashion moments: Bae’s meeting-the-kween-but-I-also-have-armor-on look was pretty fly and even though she is THE WORST, I was feeling the red-witch-lady’s linen-y red scarf/cape

Who died this ep? The Sand Queen’s daughter (the last of the “Sand Snakes”), a bunch of unsullied soldiers out at sea, and Olenna Tyrell (aka gma Tyrell) RIP.

Check in this time next week for more LMWTV4U and thanks for reading. Tell your friends!

Correction: I’ve recently discovered that I’ve been spelling Jaime Lannister’s name wrong for my entire blog-writing career. My apologies.

Also, you might IDGAF this but just to lay it out there, I purposefully avoid all other recaps/reviews/think-pieces about the latest episode in the time between watching the ep and writing this recap. Sometimes I will hop on to the GoT wiki page to find out a character’s name or check a fact but mostly it’s just my own notes that I reference.

WHY AM I EVEN SAYING THIS? I often will read other recaps/reviews after writing and posting this one and I’m like OMG WE HAD THE SAME REACTION/ SAID THE SAME THING about a scene or a character. So I guess I just wanted to say that any similarities between this recap and any other recap are unintentional and coincidental.

I know what you’re thinking: PROVE IT. Well, much like Bae trying to prove the ice zombies are real, I can’t prove it, I can only state the facts and hope that my time-worn face and honest peepers will be enough :)

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