#yes i cried WHAT ABT IT

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs #to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her #so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their #master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was #awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives. #everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor. #she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest #sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her. #and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism #y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit #was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then #everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite #her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for #them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor #bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired #i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do? #unrelated

[february-academia]

28.04.2023

So much happened this week. (In tags I'll rant about it)

N4 is coming and my prep is not at all good. Took a test today and i failed🥲. But i know my prep is soo bad,it was bound to happen. So have to study for that.

College exams are coming🥹 also have to study for that. The dissertation proposal is in the finalising stage,so that's good. But have to work on it properly imo.

Then i also proposed another research study to my professor and he has encouraged me to go for it. So,also have to work on it.

These very cutu plants in the scorching heat were a treat to eyes and mind.

Got this book from the library and I'm really enjoying reading the essays.

( correction in a tag- she scored less than me in class and she was all sad sad. With her i had to suppress my happiness at moments like these)

#here i go #so here in this clg i have 2 friends mainly they are my classmates and one is roomates also so thsi roomate is very toxic i kinda knew it #from the start but ignoted it bcs we became friends when we used to have online lectures and haven't met each other and somethings happened #in which she helped me so i was kinda obliged to stay w her. and after sometime i kinda strted feeling it. all the bad vibes #the toxicity she carry for other ppl judging them on their appearances and whenever i trued to correct her tries to manipulate things #like she jas all of the mean girl vibe but i the clown couldn't just had the courage or ways to not be w her i so wnated to but couldn't #it was all so fucked up and living w her. i changed i started judging ppl. this was so bad. she went through soem toughtimes and as i frien #friend i cared for her i was there for her almost all the times and most of the times whenever i needed her she was not. #tries to dominate always and the incident due to ehich I'm writing all this is - I'm not earing well properly well from past month she know #and last sunday i was very excited to this dish and i wanted to take more and she said very rudely how much more will you eat? i said i did #not had lunchand almost didn't eat the ehole day what's yhe nig deal abt it why tou saying and stopping me like that and she said i did not #say it she said again i did not say it with that rude voice like she can never be wrong and ppl wjom i rarely talk to have noticed that #I've lost weight but she who luves wirh me almost all the time do not know it whom I've talked to abt this don't knwo it . i didn't have #any appetite after that i just stuffed the food unsideand went outside wiyjout syaing anything 8 wanted ro puke so bad i controlled my #i couldn't beleive what just happened i didn't try to talk to her and she obviously wouldn't bcs of teh ego and then there's another friend #and classmate of us and she has a great bond w her then after taht incident she is also not talking ro me and. avoiding me in the corridor #making me feel like I'm the onw wrong here and thwse 2 ppl were not on talking term a week ago again ego calshes this other girl didn't #so yeah i got snakes here #now I'm all alone but this feels great literally like yes i cried and couldn't sleep bcs even tho i knew they are not always what they show #they were the only obes here i was able to form a bond with ( i hate this part so much now)and i care abt friendships alot but it ended #they are not talking to me I'm not talking to them. but thus whole thing made me free now I'm free i don't have to wait for them everytime #i want to go to library or to a class or to a walk bcs they wanted everything to be done in a grp #and I'm going everyday out to study to walk and to jyst peacefully live bcs now I don't have to deal with negativity and toxicity anymore #i feel myself again my trye self who was kind to ppl who wanted to just study quietly in evening who wanted to just go in class on time #i don't have to feel that if i di this will she judge me I'm feeling free with what I'm wearing I'll enjoy and celebrate all my wins #and achievements of the last year bcs i couldn't even enjoy those when i was with her just bcs she didn't got less tahn me #I'm smiling more nad I'm loving more myself to actually avle to come out of thsi spiral i didn't even know i could so yay #listening to you're on your own kid in loop and it made me so happy #that's it done. there was so much to say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hope you got some idea of what's happening in my life #sending you all love and light and if you find urslf in somesimilar situation or any difficulty rn hope you get out of it very soon<3

[cinnabeat]

i was reasonably certain the no one dies in this series bc its a dramedy at heart but damn im not so sure anymore

#i seriously dont think anyones gonna die but you never fucking know #literally every bastard thats died has come back in some form #i mean they died in the past before the present in story timeline but without fail these fuckers keep coming back like cockroaches #reminds me of fairy tail although fairytail was wayyyyyyy worse abt it #will never forget my brother asking me if i recommended it and immediately i was like absolutely not #like yes i watched AND read it yes i was religioulsy reading the updates every week #yes i have lots of the anime ops and eds on spotify yes i have a keychain with the main fours guild marks #yes i absolutely cried when it ended but i wouldnt recommend it to anyone on pain of death #truly is not worth it like literaly bothing after the magic games arc matters #as far as im concerned it ended there with fairytail regaining their glory and absolutely nothing else world shaterring and apocalyptically #ending happened #couldmt even tell you what happens after the magic games arc like genuienly it was so nonsensical and just straight up bad that i perma eras #permanently erased it from my memory #anyways im reasonably sure no ones going to die but if they do i deeply deeply hope its not my fave he doesnt deserve that #his brother can go tho #michi tag

[woahajimes]

meaneaterism isnt fun anymore :(

#all i want are good grades and more friends #and to get this damn job #also i realized yes i have heavily romanticized the college experience but. i also heavily romanticized my summer and life is what you make #it baby. so my college will be fire wherever i go #i had a dream last night tho that i got rejected from ubc #and then i cried my eyes out bc that meant i wasnt into uoft #and then i got in uoft #and i just #oh oh oh im so #legit dont care abt waterloo i just want the city girl experience #waterloo may be pretty but the sask campus is also pretty but the city. is there a lot of people #i also want to take dance classes #also what if i try weed #i think i will like get edibles or sth bc small doses help with anxiety #im also curious #bu yeah maneaterism isnt cool anymore #also all the men in my life dont listen to me #like okay my ex didnt and that was one of the numerous why i ended things #adn then im just realizing #i have never actually held a conversation with a man #i mean obv not rlly but men rlly need me to explain myself again #like you have to be joking. the one boy that did fr listen to me is the biggest ick ever now so

[toastsnaffler]

homemade apple crumble (<- with fresh apples from my mums garden that she gave me to take back w me) + a smidge of pistachio ice cream (not homemade. sorry) yall wish u were me rn

#and yes..... it has cinnamon in it..... #i actually made it yesterday im just reheating the leftovers bc im sad but its ok apple crumble fixes everything 😌 #just aaaargh. feeling rl stupid abt smth i dont even wanna talk abt bc 😐 but ive dealt w it before and its not as bad this time but still #i haaaate having good gut instincts it doesnt pair well w being paranoid and insecure bc being right just reinforces it!! #but its ok. apple crumble baby. and im going to watch some more adventure time and then lie in bed thinking abt werewolves #ik im midway thru my cycle at the moment bc i had a Moment yesterday when i got so sad werewolves dont exist i cried real tears #and then i cried again bc someone was posting kitten pics and i want one to cuddle but we cant have cats here 😭😭😭😭 #i keep finding things hysterically funny to the point of tears and im extra sweaty and sooooo tired #and also not to be tmi but im STUPIDLY horny. what ovulation does to a mf. not complaining tho i can handle that one easy 🥴 #sometimes its kind of a relief to be so strongly influenced by my own hormones like at least theres usually an explanation #anyway. love using tumblr like a journal slash period tracker u guys r welcome lmao im gonna go EAT #.diaries

[moskaisley]

i love am but y’all they DO NOT belong on hobie brown playlists. may I offer little simz or IDLES or slowthai instead

#lots of feelings abt spiderverse music tastes fhhshfjs #arctic monkeys aren’t punk idk what to tell y’a #gwen and hobie listen to against me and riot grrl music 2gether #I saw someone say that miles intros reggaeton to hobie and I cried like yES I LITERALLY LOVE THAT #Miguel listens to ocean waves and radio static </3

[whoviandoodler]

petition to stop making fun of people who like those pinterest-esque posts with sad quotes and whatever bcs to you they may be edgy and cringy but to someone out there it might be the first time that they are seeing someone put into words the confusing experience of being Human. same goes with those bad ya books like. yes they are objectively, technically bad and most times just badly mimic something someone else did but someone will see deep ideas explored in them for the first time and marvel. and maybe instead of going lmao dumb kids we should go 'hey if you liked that book you might like [a book that was much better at exploring trope from that angle'. peace on planet earth or whatever

#dan talks #or like idk. just have a bit of respect and sympathy for ppl who have never seen something #for the human experience of being in that place #thinking abt this book i read at 13 or whatever that touched me sso much i nearly cried in class once quoting it #the quote was something like 'if u are never sad u cant know what happy means' #like lit some pinterest/ig deep quote TM shit #is the book good in retrospect? no. is it unique and interesting? not really no #but it mattered to me then and it made me think and feel and maybe we should respect that a bit #we all must go thru the first time of seeing Deep thoughts and thing x and thing y and yes they become routine after a while #and it becomes much much harder to be satisfied bcs ur standards are higher #but they matter in some way #like make fun of deep quotes and stuff im not saying thats Bad or something #but ive seen relentless ragging on these ppl. usually younger teens. and no one ever acknowledges how important that experience is #and how valuable when being lived #i just get tired sometimes of this apparent need to burn bridges w ur past self and never sympathize #like yes he had no taste but in order to get taste you might see something good #and then learn what better means #idk im still sickblogging

[vampireloverz]

the way johnny silverhand says “cunt” like…. shut up or i am going to fuck you

#yes i started replaying cyberpunk for the 6383929379162829th time and what #yknow that trope of shutting someone up with a kiss? yea that + johnny and i but i use my ***** #idk whats wrong with me im going insane thinking abt him #i need to ride him until he loses that rockerboy veneer and cries LOL

[zoldyckd]

started watching tybw :p

#I love ichigo sm I’m soooo normal abt this #and it’s fun some parts r brilliant but some parts r way too goofy it sometimes feels fanmade #yes yes sometimes fanmade can be better but yk what I mean #they gave him the best ducking entrance yes I almost cried 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

[chanyoungies]

its so funny how much i dislike visiting doctors when thats my moms like. fave thing to do

#i also am oddly. like. not distrustful bc like i am not one of those ppl who like. dont believe in medicine or whatever?? but like #i do tend to b like i dont need <3 a doctor <3 ever <3 #which is funny bc i also think im p bad with pain #but i also believe that i could be actively dying and still wld choose not to visit a doctor probably . #i stopped going to whoever was in charge of my migraines bc the first meds he gave me werent working and i absolutely hated having to take t #time to visit him n do all he asked for so i was just like nvm mom actually my migraines r better now dw <3 so we'd stop going . although ik #ik the reason why he cldnt help me was bc i prob didnt say enough etc but like yeah idk im living well now ig #i remember learning at some point that the person we were going to for my (n my brothers) braces actually fucked up and the braces werent p #properly measured (or whatever) for our teeth n thats prob why it was so painful so i think that was fucked up i never agreed to braces ever #ever since* even though i absolutely hate the way my teeth look #i dont like checking my eyesight because thats . well first of all time consuming to take the time to arrange n go to an appointment but mos #most importantly its embarrassing as fuck why is it so embarrassing . for real why #if i wasnt a litte crybaby i probably wldnt have gone to the er when i broke my foot bc i honestly was convinced that i was relatively fine #n didnt wanna go but i cried to my parents abt what happened when they got home so they were good parents n took me to the hospital . but ye #no one asked for my medical history im sorry guys

[usersasaki]

bsd s4 spoilers ahead, proceed with caution !!

so i watched ep 10 yesterday and i just randomly thought to myself midway the episode that it'd be funny if tachihara was actually the brother of the guy who gave that butterfly to yosano, all based on them looking similar (i'm not a manga reader, yet) and then. it actually came true. and i was like :X wtf erez

#— personal ☆ #when i say i'm the worst person to watch a horror movie with #because i'll literally guess what happens next and like 95% of the time it comes true #anyway i rushed to watch ep 11 today and i cried with ango's painful look when he talked abt oda #when i saw teen oda towards the beginning of this season i was tearing up so bad yes it's cuz he's my fav #i'm leaning towards reading the manga but also AAAAAAA i think it'll hurt too much :") #also fingers crossed yosano didn't die plsplsplspls

[xfindingtrouble]

thinking very specifically about the phrase ' the scar orthax left on your [percy's] mind' & then the following line ' percy's hate lives'

#ooc. #i am watching c1e68 right now #and i am crying into my hands about it #what about it who can stop me #no one thats who #i will have a meta about this arc eventually #as well as percy navigating his fear of ripley & rebranding it as rage #bcs he cannot afford to be scared even as his hands shake #yes i am thining abt taliesin's hand shaking while he pantomimed taking aim as well #puts my head in my hands #cries more #tbd. #because percy choosing forgiveness does not erase the years he poured into his hate #the parts of himself he lost to revenge #there is growth afterwards of course but it is not so simple #puts my fucking fist through the goddamn wall #i hate ripley #i will eat her #simply

[penrose-quinn]

My boy you deserve better :')

#pen rambles #did i reread the chapter after the episode? yes and this chapter still fucks me up :') #what always gets me is how hakkai is shocked of mitsuya's kindness #what makes this better is how he acknowledges the difference in their circumstances and grows to admire mitsuya #what i find endearing is the small comment abt 'the soup being so salty' after he admitted he didn't know why he cried #and i'm here sobbing everytime i come back to this scene bc it really hurts (but there's hope too :') ) #i blame the episode for not doing well so i had to be annoying and reread this chapter #it's heavy and it hits the same like the first time and i love it so much #tw: abuse

[chrisbangs]

just watched the first ep of chainsaw man...

#yes i cried . WHAT ABT IT.!!!! #i'll keep up with it... #it seems really interesting 🫡 #i was gonna read it originally but i have adhd so that never happened 🫂 #well i'm excited it's finally coming out #also i miss jjk so much..

[wren-is-here]

Rengoku Kyojuro solos ur fav

Rengoku Kyojuro beats goku

Rengoku Kyojuro did not die to akaza that is fake news

Rengoku Kyojuro is my bf

Rengoku Kyojuro is perfect

Rengoku Kyojuro haters go away

Rengoku Kyojuro <3

#rengoku things i own: #2 shirts with him on them #keychain of senjuro because hes adorable #a skrunkly little scrimbo if u will #perhaps sen is a little meepy or blorbo #the volume of kny with his face on it #a rengoku skrunchie #a rengoku bracelet (that i made) #rengoku plushie #a painting of him (that i made) #anyways i love him very much #yes i did write x reader fanfiction of him what abt it #will i ever post it? #no #dont come at me with your husbando shrines and body pillows im still developing the collection #oh i also have a pin of him and a figurine #and i main him in hinokami chronicles #i cried watching mugen train in theaters #i also cried fighting him in hinokami chronicles #do u get the point

[sweetsweetloverlover]

also the thing abt that play is that i didnt want to go see it at all. like it was late, far from my house in a part of the city thats known for being unsafe and i hadnt read the book bc it was fucking big and everyone else in my class had said it was boring and it was going to last three fucking hours and i was PISSED OFF ok!! all that for me to leave bawling my eyes out like fuck. that was good

#and then we had to talk abt it in class and everyone was like 'lol the main character was sooo pathetic' and i was fucking furious bc NONE #OF THEM got how the whole adaptation and fourth wall breakings are about EMPATHY like Yes he is a fuckin asshole but the point is that hes #miserable and they are all miserable and you were supposed to acknowledge that! acknowledge the tragedy of it all that he is aware hes #making the wrong choices and doomed to be killed for this and he cant help but do it anyway and he KNOWS hes gonna die but theres no point #in fighting fate its a fucking TRAGEDY like. and i Know im right bc the director came to see us a week later and she told exactlyyy what i #was thinking and i couldnt even share it bc i wasnt gonna tell a whole bunch of pretentious theater students id cried and anyway im still #mad this was so good and they didnt get it and chekhov i. love u #im not rereading all of that idk if it makes any sense anyway. <3theater<3 #txt #theatre