#yet u still care for him and will avenge him and will carry the burden of his rage for as long as he needs u to 👍 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

melwilson · 3 years

Text

Breaking Point

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warnings: none

rating: angst, fluff

a/n: i just realized i haven’t written for steven yet so here u go ;) this has been in my drafts for awhile and i just finished. i really like this one.

Steven Grant Rogers. A name destined to be written down in history books forever. A name that changed the world and opened up its mind to new possibilities, new realities. The name of the man you had fallen in love with. The name of a man who had captured your heart before you had the chance to say no. He was a soldier. A leader. A national hero. To you, however, he was just Steve. A kind man with a good heart and an undeniable compassion for people. He was strong. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. It was damn near impossible to break Steve Rogers. And when he did break, no one saw and no one knew. No one except for you.

You, a former espionage agent for SHIELD. Someone who had unintentionally weaved there way into Steve’s heart. The first thing Steve noticed about you was your worth ethic. You were driven, determined, knew what you wanted, slightly intimidating too. Steve liked that. He admired your kindness and your love for all people. And that smile. God that smile was brighter than the sun and would always send a wave of warmth through him like a fresh cup of coffee. People thought you were hard. Glass shards and bloody knuckles. But if they knew you like Steve did, they’d see the real you. The woman who only liked her eggs scrambled and literally could not function without caffeine. The woman who laughed at dumb dad jokes and cried at the end of corny romance movies.

That was you and that was the you Steve loved. Although, he had never expressed his love for you out loud. You two were complicated. It was evident you wanted to be with each other, but work oftentimes got in the way of things. You didn’t get to spend as much time together as you wanted to and when you did, it was usually interrupted. So until the busyness of life settled down, you agreed that being friends- close friends, friends that loved each other- was good enough.

However, right now was one of the rare moments that you got to be alone. The rest of the team decided to go out for drinks leaving you and Steve together in the tower. You two made dinner together and watched the sunset while you ate. Steve didn’t talk much. He preferred to listen to you. He loved your voice. Some found it gruff, but Steve would say it was music to his ears. It was soft and honeyed and had the rare ability to calm him down at just the sound.

Right now you were telling him about the training exercises you and Maria were putting new candidates through. This year’s class was good, skilled, but only the top twenty would make it through, and you had fifty to choose from. The topic then bounced to how much paperwork you needed to get done and then about the last thing your mother had lectured you about on your last visit to see her.

Realizing you had been talking for far too long, you asked, “What about you, Rogers?”

The blonde raised an eyebrow. “What about me?”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “How are you?”

Steve couldn’t remember the last time someone had asked him how he was and had been genuine. Of course he got the, ‘hey, how are you, Cap?’ But that was just common courtesy. Yet, here you were before him, adoration shining in your eyes as you waited for him to respond. “I’m alright. I’m good.”

You cocked your head to the side, studying the man in front of you. His blonde hair sat in an organized mess on his head, just like you liked it. He was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and black tee that outlined every muscle in his upper body. There was a scratch on his cheek from a recent mission, but the bruises surrounding it were starting to fade. He looked like your Steve. “I don’t believe you.”

“Pardon?”

“Something’s wrong. Somethings off.”

“I’m fine, Y/n.”

You shook your head with a sigh. “Steve, you don’t have to hide anything. It’s just you and me. How are you? How are you...really?” Steve had the tendency to bottle things up and shove his feelings behind him just like you. He was stubborn and headstrong and sometimes it got the best of him. Especially when refusing to talk about his feelings. He preferred to deal with it on his own. His friends had their own baggage and emotions to deal with. He wasn’t going to burden them with his problems too. And that there was one of the many beautiful things about Steve Rogers. He always had the interests of others at heart. He would sit and listen to Nat, Sam, anyone who needed a shoulder to lean on. He would be there. He would always be there. He would carry the burdens of his friends with him to lighten the load on their back. And though he knew they would always do the same for him, he never asked them to. You knew that. Everyone did.

That’s why you were trying to pry your way in. You knew Steve needed to get some things off his chest, express his frustrations, and whatever was nagging at the back of his mind. You could tell. His eyes were an open book to you. The eyes that were usually a bright, ocean blue were dull, light seemingly far. There was a heavy weight behind them, a kind of exhaustion that told you Steve was close to his breaking point.

He glanced over at you holding your gaze. A moment passed before his shoulders slumped and he a ran a hand over his face. He sighed knowing that you weren’t going to give up and you would sit with him until he talked. All because you cared. You truly and deeply cared for the man in front of you. You would be there for him at his best and at his worst, through his highs and his lows and right now was no different. You wanted to be the shoulder for Steve to lean on. You wanted him to pour out his heart to you and carry his load with him. You wanted him. All of him.

“I’m supposed to be strong,” Steve started, “That’s who I am. That’s Captain America. A symbol that is the literal embodiment of strength and courage, but Steve? Steve is weak and broken and so damn tired. And honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Y/n. I can’t keep up with this life anymore. The missions, the fighting, all of it. Not to mention all the drama. I carry the weight of this team on my shoulders and they talk about me behind my back. And I act like it doesn’t bother me, but it does. It does because I feel like I deserve a little bit more respect.” He paused for a moment, hands balled into fists, eyes searching your own. “I’m exhausted, Y/n. I just got back from a two week long mission and Fury just got new intel. A new mission is being planned as we speak. I’ll be gone for only God knows how long just to come back and be sent off again. It doesn’t feel like I’m in control of my own life anymore. And that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that you’re here and I’m not with you. This is the longest we’ve been alone together in months. I’ve got a girl that I really like and I don’t even have enough time to take her out on a proper date. And I ask myself everyday if it’s worth it. And I think ‘of course it is. Why would you ask that kind of question? You get to make the world a safer place. Save lives,’ but how can I save lives when I can barely will myself to get out of bed in the morning? I never thought I’d say this, but I want to give it up. I’m ready to throw in the towel. I can’t do this anymore.”

Your heart was heavy as you caught Steve’s eye again. Not once had you seen him so broken, but you should have expected as such from a man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was a protector, maybe even a savior to some, and he was a placed on a pedestal and given a crown and he was deemed the golden boy. The fearless warrior. A man of war. A lion. A leader. An Avenger. Captain America. Regardless of his title, he still had a heavy load to bear and he bore it alone so that no one else had to. And every day it became a little harder to conceal. A little harder to hold to back. But he did it anyway. He knew he would reach his breaking point, it was just a matter of time...but if he could hold it off for a little longer. However, right now, in front of you, the time had come. Steve Rogers was completely and utterly broken before you. He was weak and he was worn.

You stood up from your seat slowly, moving to crouch down in front of the blonde so you were looking up to him. Your hands rested on the side of his jean clad thighs, a sympathetic smile tugging at your lips. ‘I’m proud of you,” you mumbled, “for opening up. I know it wasn’t easy, but you needed to. Can I be honest with you though?”

Steve nodded as you began to rub circles on his thighs with your thumbs.

“I-I don’t believe you. I don’t think you’re ready to give this up quite yet. There’s no one who loves this job as much as you do. I’ve seen it. I see the way your eyes light up when you get off the jet after a successful mission. I know you love saving the lives of innocent people and getting them the justice they deserve. I know that you love your team, even if they do irritate you. I know that the world needs Captain America. Of course, Tony and Nat and Clint and the rest of the team can get the job done, but you hold that team together. They would be lost with you, Steve. You know that. You and I both do. And yeah, one day it will be too much and one day, you’ll be ready to retire, but you would beat yourself up if you left now. You’re overwhelmed and tired and exhausted. I get it, but you can’t keep holding it in. It’s not selfish to talk about what’s going on, Steve. You can ask for help, you can lean on someone else’s shoulder. You can lean on my shoulder.”

The blonde took your hands tugging you to your feet before wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you down onto his lap. Immediately, you wrapped an arm around his shoulders, fingers fiddling with a loose thread. The way Steve was gazing at you made you nervous. He looked at you as if you were the moon. A light in the darkness. An enforcer of wonder, beauty, love, and amazement. Just when he thought the sunset was the most beautiful part, he saw you and your fresh, new perspective. In a matter of minutes, you were able to lift a part of the burden off of his shoulders, relieving him of his pain and exhaustion even if it was only temporary.

“You’re too good for me,” Steve said softly, letting his free hand run the length of your thigh. “Thank you for being here.”

Your fingers dance through his hair as you nodded. “There’s no other place I’d rather be.”

Adoration could be seen in Steve’s eyes from a mile away. Hesitantly, he leaned up lips brushing yours before pressing to them fully. You hummed into the kiss savoring the feeling of Steve’s lips on yours. This was the first real kiss exchanged between the two of you. There had been attempts, yes, but there had also been interruptions and inconvenient timing. Right now, though, the wait seemed to be worth it. Steve’s hands tugged at your hips, fingers digging into the exposed skin. The moment seemed to last forever, until it didn’t, and you pulled away, lips swollen and panting. Steve let his head fall to your shoulder where his lips peppered soft kissed to the base of your neck and collarbone. The feeling sent a shiver down your spine, eyes fluttering shut.

“What would I do without you?” Steve asked, voice deeper than usual.

“Quit, I guess,” you teased, pulling back to see his face fully.

His demeanor switched to serious, a hint of brokenness in his eyes. “I can’t do this without you.”

You leaned down placing a lingering kiss to the soldier’s forehead. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

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