talk-to-me-void

[talk-to-me-void]

Autistic and struggling

At first it felt like a blessing to know that I'm autistic. Every single piece clicked into place and I finally had a glimpse of the whole picture. My whole.life I felt like I was an alien, parading around in a human suit. I had to go through the motion and blend in as best as I could. I'm so tired.

Now that I'm trying to unmask, I find myself depressed again. Where do I begin and my diagnosis end?

What do I like?

What do I want?

What do I want out of life?

WHO AM I?

I'm so tired. I'm so so tired. I'm back to parading around. What do I do now?

#autistic #Generation Lost girls #late diagnosed autistic #who am i #depression sucks

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Alright bitches, it's 2023. Who else finally realized all their quirks are just a touch of the tism? Cause I sure fucking did, at 30 years old. Better late then never I guess. Started with a self assessment, then did ALL the self assessments and finally went to the doctor who refuses to refer me because "i've went this long and i've turned out fine".

Except I'm not. I struggle every day to figure out how to fit in and figure out why I don't feel like a human but somebody parading around as a human and I'm also a double shot of depresso espresso with an shot of anxiety thrown in.

I always did get high scores, what made me think the RAADS would be any different? 😂

#touch of the tism #autistic #Self diagnosis is valid #Just don't hurt the community with harmful stereotypes #RAADS #Embrace autism dot com

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Quick! Hide this from Rhett and Link

*sends it to them*

Hacked Instacart to find the forbidden flavors

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OnlyMe. an app that's just you posting for yourself.

#didn't have to come at me like that but okay

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Hey void, I got another funny story for you.

Back in high school, I had a friend who was this tall goth chick. Her image really plays a role in how funny I find this story so let me describe her to you. She was naturally tall 5'11 without boots but she often wore 4-6 inch platform boots that went up to her knees. She had long straight jet black hair split down the middle and wore heavy eye make up. She often had chains and handcuffs hanging off of her belts. She was just this big bad ass girl.

Anyway, she would go to my house everyday before making the long ass walk home and our bus stop was right in front of the entrance to a store that sold chairs. Only chairs. Dinner chairs, salon chairs, recliner chairs. Only fucking chairs. So one day the bus had obviously broken down and we were just fucking around at the bus stop with our other friend when she just gets up and says I'll be back.

So we watch as she proceeds to walk into this store, look around for a second and starts sitting in every single chair. It takes me a second to realize what her plan was and when I finally figured it out, I started busting up. She wanted to see how many chairs she could sit in before they kicked her out. So she's like 15 chairs in before someone walks up to her and asks her something. I just seen her shake her head and say something back. They walked away and she continued on.

So after another few minutes the lady comes back with someone who was probably a manager and they watch as my friend goes from chair to chair. She was probably half way through the store at this point. They finally reapproach her and she keeps shaking her head no but they would stand in her way everytime she tries to go to another chair.

They kind of herded her to the door and she walks back over and just sits down at the bus stop. We had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard and we ask her what was being said. And this is what happened, word for word.

Store person: can I help you, do you need something?

Friend: no, I just like sitting in chairs.

SP: *stares in confusion* okay... *Walks away and came back with manager*

SM: hi, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Friend: shakes head

SM: Please leave.

Friend: shakes head and tries to sit in more chairs.

This keeps happening until they get her to the door and she finally wanders out.

I asked her why she decided to do that. She was obviously bored but her response was "Chairs are meant to be sat in so that's what I did" and a big ass smile spread across her face. "I wanted to see how many chairs I could sit in before they kicked me out." I don't remember how many exactly but I'm sure it was upwards of 40 chairs.

When we board the bus to leave she turns around with a big ass smile and waves to the ladies in the store. It's been over ten years and the image of this big bad goth chick sitting in a bunch of chairs while store workers look on in confusion still cracks me up. They had no idea how to get her to stop.

#void #void journal #funny memories #funny stories

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A bird explaining to a hedgehog crossing so it doesn’t die.

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You know what sucks is that when you're a teenager you can blame your life sucking on shit you can't control but as an adult you can control everything so you realize that you're just mentally fucked up? I promote mental health and push other people not to be embarrassed or put off but I am put off. Getting therapy just sounds like it takes a lot of fucking energy I don't have. So I'll just listen to my sad boi playlist and ignore it lingering in the shadows. 🙃

#mental health #therapy #energy i dont have

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Hey void, me again.

I'm sitting here struggling to get through the day, waiting for my baby to fall asleep when a memory popped into my head.

You know the dweebs that RUN to the lunch line? Well in high school I had made a friend who was very active in the thug life. Tatted up all over, even around the border of his face. Needless to say, people tended to steer clear of him but due to a story in itself, we became good school friends even though I was the complete opposite of him, being an emo skater kid and him, a tatted up cholo.

One time I happened to be out of class near the cafeteria and saw my very cholo, gangster of a friend booking it to the lunch line. He jumped and tried to hit a light in the hallway but ate shit. All I heard was "oh fuck!" In slow motion as I watched him tumble.

He didn't see me at first. I almost peed me pants because the thought of the big bad wolf running to lunch, killed me and than on top of that he fell and looked around to make sure nobody saw only to find me standing there like

He got super red and started laughing. "You saw nothing!" He yelled and then ran off to lunch. I saw him the next day and as soon as he made eye contact with me I started dying again and had to go stand in the hallway until I could stop laughing. When I came back in he playfully pushed my head and the laughter started all over again.

My teacher wasn't even mad about it. He just rolled his eyes at us and I think he was just honestly happy we found comradery in other.

I think about him often and hope he's doing well. I hope the thug life didn't catch up with him and that he's living a full and happy life.

#thug life #funny #dweeb #slow motion #high school #emo #embarrassing

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Guys, you know how I know I'm getting old? I watched Phineas and Ferb today and got anxiety when they went up the roller coaster and phin was standing on the seat to show how the belts worked and turned to get buckled. I had to actually catch my breath. 😂

#getting older #phineas and ferb #disney #anxiety

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This is just so peaceful.

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I think it’s always fun to remind the internet that Stephanie Meyer wanted Gerard Way to play Edward Cullen.

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From a dogs eyes

I am a dog and I love my human. She’s perfect. Sometimes she gets mad for little things like pulling on my leashes, or not listening. Sometimes I mess up and forget the rules and she tells me that I am being a bad boy and sends me to my bed. I still think shes perfect. I know shes trying to protect us from dangerous things. I know she doesn’t mean to yell but she can’t help herself, shes sad. For a moment I’m sad too but then I remember she came into my life and gave me love and care I never had before. I am 10 years old and for most of my life I was covered in fleas and bleeding because of all the scratching; I had an ear infection and my bones ached. I wasn’t feed properly or even daily but then she came along and gave us baths and love and patience. At first it was hard to get use to the rules and sometimes she’d get mad at me for eating to fast because I’d throw it up. We never knew when our next meal was going to be so I ate as much as I could but she was patient and never yelled at me for over eating. Instead she yelled at the people who made me this way. We started getting meals 3 times a day, we were bathed regularly, taken to the vet and I was given medicine for my ears and my bones. She calls for us as she walks through the door. She lets us sleep on the bed when we’re showered and she covers us at night when it’s cold, she bought us warm beds to lie in, she brings us toys, and she even bought us a night light and a heater! If you can believe it, I had never been on a walk with my human before… I would walk myself and I never knew how lonely it was until she started talking us on daily walks. She walks us no matter what! Even when she’s been gone for hours and she comes home limping or crying. I get sad when we don’t go but I know that she knows best and if she can still love me with all my faults and tell me I’m a good boy every night than I can love her even when she yells about little things and tells me to go to bed, even though I just wanna lay outside her door. She loves me and I love her and I am a happy dog.

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JUST LETTING Y'ALL KNOW WHERE THIS BLOG STANDS.

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There are so many unintended consequences to well-intentioned actions. It feels like a game you can’t win.

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Hey void, wanna know another super embarrassing story? Well right before middle school started, I moved to a new city. I started school and within a couple weeks this guy I had in a couple classes asked me out on a date. I figured, why not? He seems nice. So we went on a middle school date and while waiting for his dad to pick us up, everyone started giving me shit. They were calling me gold digger and other stuff.

I had no idea why until my friend pulled me aside and asked if I knew whose son her was. No? I've never met his parents before. So she goes on to inform me that his dad is a member of the black eyed peas and that's why everyone was calling me a gold digger.

Two things you have to know about me. I am face blind so if nobody told me who he was, I would have likely never recognized him and I wasn't good at keeping up with who sang what songs. So before I could bail, his dad pulls up and we hop in. Fast forward a few weeks and universal horror nights rolls around. His dad surprises our friend group with tickets and we are all super excited to go.

The night goes by with some awkward fan interruptions but mostly just fun and games. Hold on, I know you're thinking, okay but none of that is embarrassing op. Well here's were it gets embarrassing. Remember how I said I don't really keep up with who sings what songs? WELL WE'RE DRIVING HOME AND THE SONG WHERE IS THE LOVE COMES ON AND MY DUMBASS SAYS "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!" AND I START SINGING IT. HIS DAD WAS LIKE "YOU DO???" WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HIS FACE AND STARTS BLASTING THE SONG AND SINGING ALONG WITH ME.

The guy I was dating and all our friends are looking at me like I'm a dumbass and I have no idea why. So he drops me off first. The night ends good. I go inside and my mom's and sister ask how it was and how it felt to hang out with someone famous. I retell the night and they start cracking up when I tell them about the way home.

My sister was like, omg, are you stupid??

My mom was like, OP, his dad fucking sings that song you dumbass! That's his bands song.

I could have fucking dieddddddd. They probably all thought I was sucking up but I swear on my life that I had no idea they sang that song. As far as I was concerned, it was just one of the radio songs that was catchy and I loved it. So Monday comes and everyone gives me a bunch of shit for it and the guy I was dating asked me "did you really not know my dad sang that song?" No, no I did fucking not, good sir.

So as middle school relationships go, we broke up because he thought I liked someone else and never forgave me for breaking his heart and when I asked him to sign my 8th grade year book, he said "no, I'm good." and walked away. I never seen him after that because he changed school districts and it's been like 14 years? I have even tried to apologize since then for seeming like I was interested in someone else but he never replied.

So anyway, that's another embarrassing ass story I had to relive when that song came up on my Spotify playlist today (:

Thanks for listening void

#embarrassing #dumbass #black eyed peas #prosopagnosia #faceblind #im a jerk #if youre the guy that i dated and happen to read this #just know im sorry i was a jerkface #i hope youre doing good